1 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,159 Okay, you ready for this? 2 00:00:48,243 --> 00:00:50,201 - As ever. - Let's do it. 3 00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:53,324 Let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? 4 00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:58,251 Who wrote the phrase ''No man is an island''? 5 00:00:59,671 --> 00:01:02,377 John Donne? John Milton? 6 00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:04,710 John F. Kennedy? 7 00:01:05,177 --> 00:01:07,253 Jon Bon Jovi? 8 00:01:07,846 --> 00:01:10,089 Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy. 9 00:01:11,058 --> 00:01:14,392 And, if I may say so, a complete load of bollocks. 10 00:01:15,479 --> 00:01:18,017 In my opinion, all men are islands. 11 00:01:19,399 --> 00:01:22,318 And what's more, now's the time to be one. 12 00:01:22,402 --> 00:01:24,312 This is an island age. 13 00:01:24,405 --> 00:01:27,441 A hundred years ago, you had to depend on other people. 14 00:01:27,533 --> 00:01:30,534 No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos... 15 00:01:30,619 --> 00:01:32,328 ...or home espresso makers. 16 00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,323 Actually, they didn't have anything cool. 17 00:01:34,415 --> 00:01:35,411 Whereas now, you see... 18 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:38,037 ...you can make yourself a little island paradise. 19 00:01:38,127 --> 00:01:40,962 With the right supplies and the right attitude... 20 00:01:41,046 --> 00:01:43,964 ...you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet... 21 00:01:44,050 --> 00:01:46,458 ...for young Swedish tourists. 22 00:01:46,553 --> 00:01:49,755 Hi, it's Kristina. I haven't heard from you. 23 00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:53,715 I had a great time last weekend. So give me a call, okay? 'Bye. 24 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:57,938 And I like to think that perhaps I am that kind of island. 25 00:01:58,273 --> 00:02:00,846 I like to think I'm pretty cool. 26 00:02:01,526 --> 00:02:03,648 I like to think I'm Ibiza. 27 00:02:11,911 --> 00:02:14,782 There were people who had a good time in life. 28 00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:17,909 I was beginning to realize I wasn't one of them. 29 00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:19,745 I just didn't fit. 30 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,669 I didn't fit at my old school. 31 00:02:21,754 --> 00:02:24,507 I definitely didn't fit at my new one. 32 00:02:25,842 --> 00:02:28,796 I heard that some kids got taught by their parents at home. 33 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:31,460 Mum couldn't do that, unless I paid her to teach me. 34 00:02:31,556 --> 00:02:34,641 Because it was just her and me. And she went to work. 35 00:02:34,810 --> 00:02:36,719 She made £400 a week. 36 00:02:36,812 --> 00:02:38,970 Where was I gonna get that kind of money from? 37 00:02:39,064 --> 00:02:42,100 Maybe if I was like that movie kid, Haley Joel Osment... 38 00:02:42,192 --> 00:02:43,817 ...I could pay her that much. 39 00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:46,440 But if that meant being good at drama, forget it. 40 00:02:46,530 --> 00:02:47,774 I was crap at drama. 41 00:02:47,864 --> 00:02:50,237 'Cause I hated standing up in front of people. 42 00:02:50,326 --> 00:02:52,947 So, basically, I had to go to school. 43 00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:10,339 The sad fact is that, like any island dweller... 44 00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:14,261 ...from time to time I had to visit the mainland. 45 00:03:22,733 --> 00:03:25,983 This is Imogene. You can hold her if you like. 46 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,819 That's.... Well, okay. 47 00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:35,110 Yeah. Got her. Lovely. 48 00:03:36,664 --> 00:03:41,160 Yeah, she's delightful, isn't she? 49 00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:43,502 I know. Isn't she? 50 00:03:47,049 --> 00:03:49,126 To tell the truth, I'm being crap with her. 51 00:03:49,218 --> 00:03:51,460 You better take her back. 52 00:03:53,389 --> 00:03:56,473 She could've been yours if you got your act together. 53 00:03:56,559 --> 00:03:58,635 Just think of that, yeah. 54 00:03:59,019 --> 00:04:02,720 So, the place is looking really nice. 55 00:04:02,899 --> 00:04:04,856 Barney, Barney, Barney. 56 00:04:04,942 --> 00:04:07,149 Say hello to Will, Barney. 57 00:04:07,987 --> 00:04:10,110 Here we go. It's the Antichrist. 58 00:04:10,198 --> 00:04:12,735 Hello, Barney. How are you? 59 00:04:14,535 --> 00:04:16,659 -He's lovely. -Yeah. 60 00:04:17,455 --> 00:04:20,741 And what about you, Will? Any desire for a family of your own yet? 61 00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:22,577 I'd rather eat Barney's nappies. 62 00:04:22,669 --> 00:04:24,957 Not really. I'm sort of all right as I am. 63 00:04:25,046 --> 00:04:26,624 Please, Will. 64 00:04:26,714 --> 00:04:29,335 What does that mean? "Please" what? 65 00:04:29,425 --> 00:04:30,671 Look at yourself. 66 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:34,259 You're 38 and you've never had a job... 67 00:04:34,347 --> 00:04:37,348 ...or a relationship that lasted longer than two months. 68 00:04:37,434 --> 00:04:39,177 I wouldn't exactly say you were okay. 69 00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:42,555 I mean, I would say you were a disaster. 70 00:04:43,064 --> 00:04:46,065 I mean, what is the point of your life? 71 00:04:46,317 --> 00:04:47,397 Bloody hell. 72 00:04:47,485 --> 00:04:50,155 You're right. There's probably no point to my life... 73 00:04:50,239 --> 00:04:52,480 ...but thank you for bringing it up. 74 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,827 The reason we wanted you to come here today was we wanted to ask you... 75 00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:02,535 ...how would you like to be Imogene's godfather? 76 00:05:04,252 --> 00:05:06,245 - Seriously? - Seriously. 77 00:05:07,631 --> 00:05:10,300 Listen, I'm really, really touched. 78 00:05:10,383 --> 00:05:12,460 But you must be joking. 79 00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:16,630 I couldn't possibly think of a worse godfather for Imogene. 80 00:05:16,723 --> 00:05:19,297 You know me. I'll drop her at her christening. 81 00:05:19,392 --> 00:05:23,723 I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th, when I'll take her out and get her drunk... 82 00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:27,183 ...and possibly, let's face it, you know, try and shag her. 83 00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:32,862 I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice. 84 00:05:32,949 --> 00:05:36,115 We know, I just thought you had hidden depths. 85 00:05:36,285 --> 00:05:39,239 No. No. You've always had that wrong. 86 00:05:39,329 --> 00:05:41,073 I really am this shallow. 87 00:05:43,334 --> 00:05:45,410 Here we are. 88 00:05:46,337 --> 00:05:50,251 You know you don't have to walk me to school anymore now, Mum. 89 00:05:50,341 --> 00:05:52,132 I know the way now. 90 00:05:52,468 --> 00:05:55,339 But what if I like walking you to school? 91 00:06:00,684 --> 00:06:01,883 Right. 92 00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:04,010 Who are you? 93 00:06:04,105 --> 00:06:05,184 I'm me. 94 00:06:05,272 --> 00:06:07,146 And what are you not? 95 00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:08,230 A sheep. 96 00:06:08,317 --> 00:06:10,441 Right. And what does a sheep go? 97 00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:21,909 Marcus? 98 00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:26,787 I love you. 99 00:06:28,212 --> 00:06:29,291 Look. 100 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,418 I love you, too. 101 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,176 "I love you, Marcus!" 102 00:06:45,856 --> 00:06:46,970 "Love you!" 103 00:06:47,899 --> 00:06:49,393 Look at him! 104 00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:56,236 While I couldn't accept the offer... 105 00:06:56,325 --> 00:06:58,317 ...to become their child's godfather... 106 00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:03,202 ...I did allow them to set me up with Angie, a rather beautiful coworker of Christine's. 107 00:07:03,373 --> 00:07:06,908 They had, however, being them, neglected to tell me one thing. 108 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:10,461 There's something you don't know about me. 109 00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:12,377 Yeah? 110 00:07:13,675 --> 00:07:16,759 Something exciting? 111 00:07:19,056 --> 00:07:20,716 I think so, yes. 112 00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:23,890 I have a 3-year-old boy. 113 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,811 I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor, push over the table and run. 114 00:07:29,984 --> 00:07:32,689 Brilliant. I love kids. 115 00:07:33,612 --> 00:07:37,112 Yeah. I like messing about with them. 116 00:07:37,241 --> 00:07:38,949 Doing kid things. 117 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:42,279 I'd have been disappointed if you didn't have a child. 118 00:07:42,412 --> 00:07:44,240 Why do you say that? 119 00:07:44,457 --> 00:07:46,034 God knows. 120 00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:49,585 Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning. 121 00:07:50,129 --> 00:07:55,171 Because I love kids so much. They're so lovely. 122 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,428 What in God's name are you saying, you idiot? 123 00:08:00,181 --> 00:08:02,672 She can't be buying this rubbish. 124 00:08:05,728 --> 00:08:07,638 But she did buy my rubbish. 125 00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:11,348 And for the next few weeks I was suddenly Will the Good Guy. 126 00:08:11,442 --> 00:08:14,443 Her kid took to me, mainly because on our first meeting... 127 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,945 ...I took him to the zoo and held him upside down by his ankles. 128 00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:20,570 I wish relationships with proper humans were that easy. 129 00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:22,403 You know, you are brilliant. 130 00:08:22,495 --> 00:08:24,783 I came to realize that with single mums... 131 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,031 ...particularly ones who'd been badly treated... 132 00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:32,830 ...and eventually abandoned by the father of their children, you became by comparison.... 133 00:08:32,922 --> 00:08:35,165 You are a wonderful person. 134 00:08:35,424 --> 00:08:38,095 No, I'm not. 135 00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:40,710 But it was hard to be wonderful all the time. 136 00:08:40,805 --> 00:08:45,432 Eventually I began to wonder whether Angie was exactly what I was looking for. 137 00:08:45,644 --> 00:08:50,140 For instance, she was late for the new IMAX movie because the babysitter hadn't turned up. 138 00:08:50,232 --> 00:08:52,390 - I'm so sorry. - It's all right. 139 00:08:52,484 --> 00:08:53,728 That pissed me off. 140 00:08:53,818 --> 00:08:54,815 -You okay? -Yes. 141 00:08:55,111 --> 00:08:56,938 And there were deeper problems. 142 00:08:57,030 --> 00:09:01,241 She couldn't stay at my place, and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite or cable. 143 00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:05,656 So we were always stuck watching some crap made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia. 144 00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:08,417 I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. 145 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,833 God! No! Please, please, no! 146 00:09:12,421 --> 00:09:14,129 I was going to have to end it. 147 00:09:14,214 --> 00:09:15,839 But having been Will the Good Guy... 148 00:09:15,924 --> 00:09:20,752 ...I didn't relish going back to my role of Will the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole. 149 00:09:20,846 --> 00:09:21,961 I'm sorry? 150 00:09:22,181 --> 00:09:25,182 You're breaking up with me? You... 151 00:09:25,267 --> 00:09:27,675 ...self-centered bastard. 152 00:09:28,229 --> 00:09:32,096 I can't believe I've wasted all this time with you! 153 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:36,735 You useless, superficial loser. 154 00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:43,941 Will... 155 00:09:44,036 --> 00:09:45,910 Then something magical happened. 156 00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:47,241 I'm sorry. 157 00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:52,075 I'm not sure this is working out. It's not you. 158 00:09:52,878 --> 00:09:56,496 You've been great. It's me. 159 00:09:57,382 --> 00:10:00,918 Well, my situation with Louie and his dad. 160 00:10:01,178 --> 00:10:05,128 I'm not ready to launch into a relationship with anybody new. 161 00:10:12,857 --> 00:10:14,896 Yeah. 162 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,854 I'm so sorry. 163 00:10:20,115 --> 00:10:21,988 I think I understand. 164 00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:25,909 You're a wonderful man, Will. 165 00:10:28,873 --> 00:10:32,538 I'd never watched a woman cry without feeling responsible before. 166 00:10:32,668 --> 00:10:36,085 She even wanted me to forgive her. It felt amazing. 167 00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:40,122 Listen, you don't have anything to feel sorry about. Really. 168 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,508 So that was the end of Angie, but the beginning of a whole new thing. 169 00:10:44,597 --> 00:10:45,629 Single mums. 170 00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:48,179 Why hadn't anyone told me about them before? 171 00:10:48,268 --> 00:10:52,265 Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage and a guilt-free parting. 172 00:10:52,355 --> 00:10:56,649 There must be thousands, just waiting for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with. 173 00:10:56,734 --> 00:10:59,771 Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums. 174 00:11:02,782 --> 00:11:04,691 Can I have Cocoa Puffs? 175 00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:06,528 No, it's not Sunday. 176 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:09,740 The crying had started again. And it scared me... 177 00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:12,868 ...'cause now it was in the mornings. 178 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,916 She'd never done that before. 179 00:11:18,131 --> 00:11:21,048 I couldn't figure it out. Nobody was dead. 180 00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:25,763 She had a job as a music therapist, which is kind of a teacher for sick kids. 181 00:11:26,056 --> 00:11:28,464 So there was enough money for food and everything. 182 00:11:28,558 --> 00:11:30,266 Should I get my own breakfast? 183 00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:32,143 No, I'm doing it. 184 00:11:40,821 --> 00:11:43,822 So, you looking forward to school today? 185 00:11:47,286 --> 00:11:49,243 Today, you'll need to effect... 186 00:11:49,372 --> 00:11:52,289 ...the decimal point when you multiply it by 10... 187 00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:54,663 ...100 and 1000. 188 00:11:56,712 --> 00:11:59,547 "Nothing to do but frown 189 00:11:59,924 --> 00:12:05,048 "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down" 190 00:12:09,725 --> 00:12:11,967 Thank you very much, Marcus. 191 00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:24,156 Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark. 192 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,774 -Are you going to Computer Club later? -I don't know. Marcus... 193 00:12:28,661 --> 00:12:30,949 Madonna! Go on, give us a song! 194 00:12:31,038 --> 00:12:32,532 You'd like that, wouldn't you? 195 00:12:32,623 --> 00:12:34,533 Spice Girls or something. Three of them. 196 00:12:34,626 --> 00:12:35,954 Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls. 197 00:12:39,714 --> 00:12:41,671 You made me lose my football. 198 00:12:42,884 --> 00:12:47,096 Marcus, we don't really want you hanging around with us anymore. 199 00:12:47,431 --> 00:12:49,672 -Why not? -Well, it's because of them. 200 00:12:49,766 --> 00:12:52,054 -They've got nothing to do with me. -Yes, they do. 201 00:12:52,143 --> 00:12:55,642 We never had trouble with them before we started hanging out with you. 202 00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:58,103 Now we get it every single day. 203 00:12:58,399 --> 00:13:00,725 Besides, everyone thinks you're weird. 204 00:13:00,819 --> 00:13:02,563 Only a bit, though. 205 00:13:04,948 --> 00:13:06,193 Okay. 206 00:13:08,952 --> 00:13:10,067 'Bye. 207 00:13:16,876 --> 00:13:18,039 There you have it. 208 00:13:18,336 --> 00:13:22,416 I was having a shit time at home and a shit time at school. 209 00:13:26,136 --> 00:13:29,053 It was fine deciding single mums were the future... 210 00:13:29,139 --> 00:13:32,140 ...but the frustrating truth was I didn't have their numbers. 211 00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:34,432 -Hi, Dad. -Hey. 212 00:13:37,523 --> 00:13:39,349 Where did they hang out? 213 00:14:01,631 --> 00:14:04,382 I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy. 214 00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,673 I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy. 215 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,003 I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy. 216 00:14:09,096 --> 00:14:11,848 I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy. 217 00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:13,589 SPAT. 218 00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:15,138 This was exciting. 219 00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:17,979 A potential gold mine of single mums. 220 00:14:18,064 --> 00:14:21,148 I could see the beautiful creatures now, getting roaring drunk... 221 00:14:21,234 --> 00:14:24,188 ...forgetting their troubles, ready to rock and roll. 222 00:14:24,278 --> 00:14:26,686 That was when I was 7 months pregnant. 223 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:31,158 By the time I had the baby, he was in Majorca with another woman. 224 00:14:32,078 --> 00:14:35,660 Not even the one he cheated on me with the first time. 225 00:14:36,165 --> 00:14:39,617 Well, with me, it was the week before the birth. 226 00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:42,835 He said I'd got too fat. 227 00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:46,790 Mine was shagging his secretary. 228 00:14:47,427 --> 00:14:48,969 Such a cliché. 229 00:14:49,387 --> 00:14:52,304 Men are bastards. 230 00:14:52,598 --> 00:14:53,713 After about 10 minutes... 231 00:14:53,808 --> 00:14:57,094 ...I wanted to cut my own penis off with a kitchen knife. 232 00:15:00,189 --> 00:15:01,268 Me. 233 00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:02,223 Yes. 234 00:15:04,277 --> 00:15:06,400 I have a 2-year-old. Ned. 235 00:15:10,491 --> 00:15:13,611 He's got blue eyes and sort of sandy-colored hair... 236 00:15:13,703 --> 00:15:15,910 ...and he's about 2'3''. 237 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,332 And his mum left. 238 00:15:19,876 --> 00:15:22,497 -Really? -Yeah. 239 00:15:23,129 --> 00:15:26,463 Yeah, I mean, obviously it was a very big shock... 240 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,166 ...because we were so happy, you know? 241 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,844 Sandra's neurology practice was just up and running... 242 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:38,058 ...and then one day her bags were packed, and my best friend was waiting outside... 243 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,603 ...in his Ferrari. 244 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,396 Yeah. You know, the Modena? 245 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:46,559 The one with the supercharged engine, where you can see it through the back window? 246 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:51,155 -You got dumped then? -Yeah. 247 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,247 May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all? 248 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,784 Sorry, I didn't catch your name. 249 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,202 Suzie. 250 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,745 Suzie. 251 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,796 She doesn't see much of him, no. 252 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,334 How does he cope with that? 253 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,255 He's a very good little boy. 254 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,588 Very, very brave. 255 00:16:15,682 --> 00:16:18,008 They've got amazing resources, don't they? 256 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:20,723 Just the other day I was thinking about my ex. 257 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:25,391 He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms around my neck, and he said: 258 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,519 "You hang in there, Dad." 259 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,437 God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old! 260 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,813 Is it? 261 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,287 Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special. 262 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,327 Sometimes I think, you know, he's the one taking care of me. 263 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,955 Teaching me the ways of the world. 264 00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:47,542 Sorry. 265 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:52,716 Thank you. 266 00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:55,924 My God, what a performance! I was even fooling myself. 267 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,977 There you go. You okay? 268 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,441 Yeah. Perfect, thanks. 269 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,020 -Trust me? -Of course. 270 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,815 By the end of the evening, I had a date lined up. 271 00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,897 Single parents alone together! 272 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:16,320 Single parents alone together! All for one and one for all! 273 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:22,660 The problem was I also had an imaginary 2-year-old son. 274 00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:57,528 The date was a SPATpicnic in Regent's Park, with everyone bringing their kids. 275 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,489 Sadly, Ned couldn't be there. 276 00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:02,249 His mum had come and picked him up at the last second. 277 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,957 -What a shame. -Yeah. 278 00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,240 I'm sorry. 279 00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:08,669 -Got it. -This is Megan, by the way. 280 00:18:08,923 --> 00:18:10,298 Hello, Megan. 281 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,247 Yeah. 282 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,750 A friend of mine from SPAT isn't feeling so great... 283 00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:16,549 ...so I said that we'd take her kid to the picnic, too. 284 00:18:16,639 --> 00:18:18,761 -Is that all right? -Yeah. 285 00:18:18,849 --> 00:18:21,257 The more the merrier. Right. 286 00:18:21,352 --> 00:18:23,144 Come on, slowcoach! 287 00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:28,107 I hated that SPATlot. 288 00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:33,567 Mum's friend Suzie was fine, but now there was that wally who wanted to get off with her. 289 00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:35,565 Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus. 290 00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:37,320 Hi there. 291 00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:39,906 Right. 292 00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:45,037 Pile in, everyone. Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat. 293 00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:48,580 What a shame he can't come. 294 00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:50,796 So, what do you do? 295 00:18:51,591 --> 00:18:52,504 Me? 296 00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:57,294 There were too many lies to keep track of so I told the truth. 297 00:18:57,388 --> 00:19:00,840 -Nothing. -Well, before then. 298 00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:04,304 -What do you mean, before I did nothing? -Yeah. 299 00:19:04,437 --> 00:19:06,311 I did nothing. 300 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:09,395 You've never worked? 301 00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:14,194 I've done the odd day here and there, but, no. 302 00:19:15,657 --> 00:19:17,234 Crazy, isn't it? 303 00:19:17,617 --> 00:19:18,613 It's... 304 00:19:22,997 --> 00:19:24,028 Brilliant. 305 00:19:25,417 --> 00:19:28,122 My God, I was going to have to tell her. 306 00:19:28,211 --> 00:19:33,004 What happened, in fact, was that my dad wrote a song... 307 00:19:33,091 --> 00:19:37,006 ...in 1958, and it's quite a famous song... 308 00:19:37,095 --> 00:19:40,465 ...and I basically live off the royalties of that. 309 00:19:40,557 --> 00:19:41,933 You know Michael Jackson? 310 00:19:42,017 --> 00:19:43,890 He makes a £1,000,000 a minute. 311 00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:46,219 That's £60,000,000 an hour. 312 00:19:46,313 --> 00:19:48,105 I don't make a £1,000,000 a minute. 313 00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:50,016 -Nothing like, sadly. -How much then? 314 00:19:50,108 --> 00:19:51,271 Marcus! 315 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:55,310 I was beginning to wonder if we'd be stuck with this weird kid all day. 316 00:19:55,406 --> 00:19:57,528 So, what's this song then? 317 00:19:58,283 --> 00:20:01,368 If you can live off it, we must've heard of it. 318 00:20:01,704 --> 00:20:03,945 It's Santa's Super Sleigh. 319 00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:06,281 God, please don't sing it. 320 00:20:06,499 --> 00:20:11,921 "Look who's coming round the bend It's Santa and his reindeer friends 321 00:20:12,006 --> 00:20:16,834 "With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey, It's Santa's super sleigh" 322 00:20:17,803 --> 00:20:20,129 I expect people do that all the time. 323 00:20:20,639 --> 00:20:22,965 No, I think you two are the first. 324 00:20:23,059 --> 00:20:26,973 Sorry. I don't understand. How does that make you money? 325 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,519 Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent? 326 00:20:29,606 --> 00:20:33,106 They should, but you can't always catch the little bastards. 327 00:20:33,194 --> 00:20:36,361 So, how often do you look after him? Marcus. 328 00:20:36,447 --> 00:20:38,570 Every once in a while. 329 00:20:39,367 --> 00:20:41,655 His mum's a little off-color sometimes. 330 00:20:41,744 --> 00:20:44,200 You call it off-color, I call it nuts. 331 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:47,746 She's not nuts, Marcus. She just needs a weekend taking it easy. 332 00:20:47,833 --> 00:20:51,701 We'll have a nice picnic, and when you get home, she'll be all rested up. 333 00:20:51,796 --> 00:20:54,667 My God! What the hell is that? 334 00:20:54,757 --> 00:20:56,501 My mum's homemade bread. 335 00:20:58,385 --> 00:21:00,592 It looks pretty good. 336 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,802 No, it isn't. It's healthy. 337 00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,054 light, cheerful instrumental music] 338 00:21:41,930 --> 00:21:43,969 You miss him, don't you? 339 00:21:45,892 --> 00:21:46,757 Who? 340 00:21:49,104 --> 00:21:50,135 Ned! 341 00:21:50,939 --> 00:21:51,970 Yeah. 342 00:21:52,691 --> 00:21:54,897 Yeah, very much. 343 00:21:54,985 --> 00:21:56,728 He'd have loved this. 344 00:21:59,531 --> 00:22:01,440 I think I killed a duck. 345 00:22:05,078 --> 00:22:07,035 I was only trying to feed it. 346 00:22:07,790 --> 00:22:10,197 What's that floating in the water next to it? 347 00:22:10,292 --> 00:22:12,249 Is that your mum's bread? 348 00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:15,960 You didn't have to throw the whole loaf. That would've killed me. 349 00:22:16,674 --> 00:22:20,007 You the one who was throwing bloody great loaves at the ducks? 350 00:22:20,176 --> 00:22:23,095 Yeah, he was, but I've stopped him now. 351 00:22:23,181 --> 00:22:25,588 You know, boys will be boys, and all that. 352 00:22:25,683 --> 00:22:26,678 So he killed it. 353 00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:29,851 No. Sorry, I misunderstood you. The duck was dead already. 354 00:22:29,937 --> 00:22:32,724 He was throwing bread to try and sink the body... 355 00:22:32,815 --> 00:22:35,306 ...because Megan here was getting upset. 356 00:22:37,903 --> 00:22:41,023 Marcus wouldn't kill a duck. Would you, Marcus? 357 00:22:41,115 --> 00:22:44,982 No. I love ducks. They're my second favorite animal after dolphins. 358 00:22:45,077 --> 00:22:47,829 They can kill sharks with their noses. 359 00:22:50,208 --> 00:22:52,615 I'll have to wade in and get it. 360 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,080 Listen, I hope it's not some sort of epidemic. 361 00:22:57,507 --> 00:23:00,461 I think we beat the rap there, mate. 362 00:23:01,176 --> 00:23:02,884 Yeah. Well. 363 00:23:05,598 --> 00:23:06,843 Marcus? 364 00:23:12,355 --> 00:23:13,469 Mum. 365 00:23:23,909 --> 00:23:28,238 That day, the Dead Duck Day, was when it all began. 366 00:23:28,997 --> 00:23:33,243 That bloke Will just followed us in and I didn't tell him not to. 367 00:23:33,418 --> 00:23:37,664 Afterwards, I realized that there was no way I could have been nervous just then... 368 00:23:37,755 --> 00:23:41,706 ...because just then I didn't know there was anything to be nervous about. 369 00:23:41,802 --> 00:23:44,756 But then I put the key in the lock, opened the door.... 370 00:23:44,846 --> 00:23:46,044 Are you decent? 371 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,131 And a new part of my life started. 372 00:23:49,226 --> 00:23:50,388 Bang! 373 00:23:56,191 --> 00:23:57,685 Jesus Christ. 374 00:23:57,859 --> 00:23:58,856 Oh, my God. 375 00:23:59,695 --> 00:24:02,779 -Will, call an ambulance. -Marcus, where's the phone? 376 00:24:03,823 --> 00:24:06,066 Where's the phone, mate? 377 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,799 It was horrible. Horrible. 378 00:24:25,512 --> 00:24:28,846 But driving fast behind the ambulance was fantastic. 379 00:24:29,683 --> 00:24:30,715 She's conscious. 380 00:24:31,018 --> 00:24:32,975 She was okay in the ambulance. 381 00:24:33,062 --> 00:24:34,556 She was asking after you, Marcus. 382 00:24:34,647 --> 00:24:36,438 That's nice of her. 383 00:24:37,566 --> 00:24:41,351 Listen, you know this has nothing to do with you, don't you? 384 00:24:41,945 --> 00:24:44,615 I mean, you're not the reason that she... 385 00:24:44,948 --> 00:24:48,733 You're not the reason that she's here. Isn't that right, Will? 386 00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:53,489 Yeah, that's right. 387 00:24:55,043 --> 00:24:56,833 I'll go get you some water. 388 00:24:57,044 --> 00:25:00,080 -I can get that. -No, you're okay. 389 00:25:07,805 --> 00:25:09,632 Your mum's going to be okay. 390 00:25:09,724 --> 00:25:11,099 Yeah, I suppose. 391 00:25:11,726 --> 00:25:14,347 That's not the point, though, is it? 392 00:25:14,437 --> 00:25:17,522 Right, you mean you're afraid she might try again? 393 00:25:17,607 --> 00:25:19,516 Just shut up, all right? 394 00:25:21,319 --> 00:25:23,442 There you go, warm and flat. 395 00:25:23,655 --> 00:25:25,149 Are you with Fiona Brewer? 396 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:26,651 Yes, I'm her friend Suzie. 397 00:25:26,741 --> 00:25:29,528 This is Marcus and Will. 398 00:25:29,619 --> 00:25:32,288 She's recovering well, but we'll keep her overnight. 399 00:25:32,372 --> 00:25:37,283 I'm going to get a consent form for Ms. Brewer so the boy can stay with you two tonight. 400 00:25:37,544 --> 00:25:38,742 Right. 401 00:25:41,297 --> 00:25:43,456 So, my place or yours? 402 00:25:43,966 --> 00:25:45,130 Sorry. 403 00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,519 Okay. 404 00:25:59,608 --> 00:26:02,277 -I should get back to Ned, I think. -I'll take that. 405 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,688 All right. 406 00:26:03,778 --> 00:26:05,855 All in all, this was very interesting. 407 00:26:05,948 --> 00:26:08,070 So I'll call. 408 00:26:08,158 --> 00:26:10,649 But I wouldn't want to do it every night. 409 00:26:10,744 --> 00:26:11,823 See you soon. 410 00:26:11,912 --> 00:26:14,996 The thing is, a person's life is like a TVshow. 411 00:26:15,124 --> 00:26:17,448 I was the star of The Will Show. 412 00:26:17,584 --> 00:26:20,751 And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama. 413 00:26:20,921 --> 00:26:23,459 Guests came and went, but I was the regular. 414 00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:25,957 It came down to me, and me alone. 415 00:26:26,384 --> 00:26:29,385 If Marcus' mum couldn't manage her own show... 416 00:26:29,471 --> 00:26:33,516 ...if her ratings were falling, it was sad, but that was her problem. 417 00:26:33,684 --> 00:26:38,761 Ultimately, the whole single-mum plot line was a bit complicated for me. 418 00:28:11,491 --> 00:28:14,445 I got the letter. Thanks. 419 00:28:17,497 --> 00:28:20,617 Oh, my God. I'd forgotten. 420 00:28:21,835 --> 00:28:23,210 You forgot? 421 00:28:23,294 --> 00:28:24,919 You forgot a suicide letter? 422 00:28:25,005 --> 00:28:28,456 I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did l? 423 00:28:32,679 --> 00:28:35,680 Did you read the part where I said I'd always love you? 424 00:28:35,766 --> 00:28:38,850 It's a bit hard for you to love me when you're dead, isn't it? 425 00:28:38,936 --> 00:28:40,311 I'm sorry. 426 00:28:47,652 --> 00:28:51,698 I can understand why you're angry, Marcus. 427 00:28:57,121 --> 00:29:00,490 I don't feel the same as I did yesterday, if that's any help. 428 00:29:00,583 --> 00:29:01,531 What? 429 00:29:02,001 --> 00:29:03,828 It's all just gone away? All that? 430 00:29:04,336 --> 00:29:05,368 No, but... 431 00:29:06,714 --> 00:29:09,964 ...at the moment, I feel better. 432 00:29:10,300 --> 00:29:12,210 "At the moment" is no good to me. 433 00:29:12,303 --> 00:29:16,004 I can see you feel better at the moment. You just put the kettle on. 434 00:29:16,099 --> 00:29:20,179 But what happens when you finish your tea? What happens when I go back to school? 435 00:29:20,269 --> 00:29:23,769 -I can't be here to watch you all the time. -I know. 436 00:29:25,066 --> 00:29:28,933 We have to look after each other. The two of us. 437 00:29:29,863 --> 00:29:33,694 Suddenly I realized two people isn't enough. 438 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:35,445 You need a backup. 439 00:29:35,535 --> 00:29:38,785 If you're only two people, and someone drops off the edge... 440 00:29:38,872 --> 00:29:40,449 ...then you're on your own. 441 00:29:40,540 --> 00:29:42,247 Two isn't a large enough number. 442 00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:44,290 You need three, at least. 443 00:29:44,669 --> 00:29:47,338 -Three what? -Nothing. 444 00:29:47,881 --> 00:29:49,624 But I'd had a great idea. 445 00:29:50,759 --> 00:29:54,341 The important thing in island living is to be your own activities director. 446 00:29:54,428 --> 00:29:57,181 I find the key is to think of a day as units of time... 447 00:29:57,265 --> 00:30:00,681 ...each unit consisting of no more than 30 minutes. 448 00:30:00,768 --> 00:30:03,141 Full hours can be a little bit intimidating... 449 00:30:03,230 --> 00:30:05,685 ...and most activities take about half an hour. 450 00:30:05,774 --> 00:30:07,517 One unit. 451 00:30:08,109 --> 00:30:09,485 Watching Countdown: 452 00:30:09,569 --> 00:30:10,945 Okay.... 453 00:30:11,279 --> 00:30:12,359 One unit. 454 00:30:13,323 --> 00:30:15,363 Web-based research: 455 00:30:17,036 --> 00:30:18,031 Two units. 456 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,619 Three units. 457 00:30:22,499 --> 00:30:25,286 Four units. 458 00:30:25,377 --> 00:30:27,536 It's amazing how the day fills up. 459 00:30:27,630 --> 00:30:29,752 I often wonder, to be absolutely honest... 460 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,509 ...if I'd ever really have time for a job. 461 00:30:33,427 --> 00:30:35,466 How do people cram them in? 462 00:30:40,851 --> 00:30:42,226 Yeah, Will here. 463 00:30:42,519 --> 00:30:44,642 - It's Marcus. - Pardon? 464 00:30:44,813 --> 00:30:46,058 It's Marcus. 465 00:30:46,147 --> 00:30:47,311 Marcus? 466 00:30:47,983 --> 00:30:50,391 Marcus. Hi. 467 00:30:51,445 --> 00:30:53,272 How'd you get my number? 468 00:30:53,489 --> 00:30:54,438 From Suzie. 469 00:30:54,532 --> 00:30:57,449 I thought you'd like to take me out for the day on Saturday. 470 00:30:57,535 --> 00:30:59,409 And why did you think that, Marcus? 471 00:30:59,495 --> 00:31:01,202 Suzie said we hit it off. 472 00:31:01,288 --> 00:31:03,079 - Did she? - Yeah. 473 00:31:03,207 --> 00:31:06,124 -And you said, "See you soon." -I said what? 474 00:31:06,210 --> 00:31:07,242 ''See you soon.'' 475 00:31:07,336 --> 00:31:11,085 The night you dropped us off. Remember? You said, "See you soon." 476 00:31:11,257 --> 00:31:15,206 This is soon, all right, Marcus. 477 00:31:15,469 --> 00:31:18,755 The thing is, mate, my life is kind of hectic at the moment. 478 00:31:18,848 --> 00:31:20,924 Why? I thought you did nothing. 479 00:31:22,018 --> 00:31:25,967 I've got Ned and stuff to look after. 480 00:31:26,355 --> 00:31:29,855 Matter of fact, I should be on the way to preschool right now. 481 00:31:29,943 --> 00:31:31,188 What's that noise? 482 00:31:31,277 --> 00:31:32,819 That's a lawn mower. 483 00:31:32,904 --> 00:31:35,691 So, you know, just time-wise it's not.... 484 00:31:37,283 --> 00:31:40,450 Tell you what, just hold the line one sec. 485 00:31:40,537 --> 00:31:42,363 Hold on, one sec. Thanks. 486 00:31:42,455 --> 00:31:44,495 But then I thought, ''Why not?'' 487 00:31:44,582 --> 00:31:47,334 Why shouldn't I take the poor little sod out for a meal? 488 00:31:47,418 --> 00:31:50,704 I could be Uncle Will. Cool Uncle Will, King of the Kids. 489 00:31:52,340 --> 00:31:54,333 Okay, Marcus. You're on. 490 00:31:54,425 --> 00:31:56,418 I'll come if you take my mum, too. 491 00:31:56,511 --> 00:32:00,508 She has no money, so we'll have to go somewhere cheap or you'll have to treat us. 492 00:32:00,598 --> 00:32:03,006 Listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus. 493 00:32:03,101 --> 00:32:06,102 Why should l? We're poor. You're rich. You pay. 494 00:32:06,188 --> 00:32:08,015 Bring your little boy, I don't mind. 495 00:32:08,105 --> 00:32:09,435 That's really big of you. 496 00:32:09,525 --> 00:32:11,647 Fine. Come round at 12:30 or something. 497 00:32:11,735 --> 00:32:12,979 Remember where we live? 498 00:32:13,069 --> 00:32:17,398 Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road, Islington, London, N12SF. 499 00:32:17,490 --> 00:32:19,068 England, the world, the universe. 500 00:32:19,159 --> 00:32:21,780 - Yeah. - Marcus? 501 00:32:26,833 --> 00:32:30,083 So, Fiona, how are you? 502 00:32:31,463 --> 00:32:36,041 -I mean, how are you feeling? -My stomach's fine. 503 00:32:37,135 --> 00:32:38,334 Great. 504 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,301 I must still be a bit barmy, though. 505 00:32:42,391 --> 00:32:45,511 This kind of thing doesn't go away overnight, does it? 506 00:32:46,478 --> 00:32:47,510 No. 507 00:32:50,107 --> 00:32:54,235 If Mum was going to get Will to marry her, she'd have to quit making jokes. 508 00:32:54,319 --> 00:32:55,434 At least she looked good. 509 00:32:55,529 --> 00:32:57,237 I had her put on that nice hairy jumper... 510 00:32:57,322 --> 00:33:00,359 ...and the earrings she got from her friend that went to Zimbabwe. 511 00:33:00,451 --> 00:33:02,739 The kid seemed to think this was a date. 512 00:33:02,828 --> 00:33:05,117 As for his mum, she was clearly insane... 513 00:33:05,206 --> 00:33:08,372 ...and appeared to be wearing some kind of Yeti costume. 514 00:33:08,459 --> 00:33:11,662 This had better be quick. We were definitely not ordering starters. 515 00:33:11,754 --> 00:33:13,378 I'll start with the artichoke, please. 516 00:33:13,463 --> 00:33:16,583 Then I'll have a mushroom omelet with fries and a Coke. 517 00:33:16,675 --> 00:33:19,676 -I'll have the vegetable platter. -We're vegetarians. 518 00:33:19,970 --> 00:33:21,001 I'd never have guessed. 519 00:33:21,096 --> 00:33:23,469 Steak sandwich, please, mate. Thanks. 520 00:33:27,353 --> 00:33:29,310 This was going really well. 521 00:33:29,397 --> 00:33:33,441 I wondered if we were going to move into Will's place or move into someplace new. 522 00:33:35,611 --> 00:33:39,858 "I heard he sang a good song 523 00:33:40,533 --> 00:33:43,534 "I heard he had a style" 524 00:33:45,205 --> 00:33:47,992 I knew, of course, the song couldn't last forever... 525 00:33:48,083 --> 00:33:50,656 ...that I'd soon be at home, tucked up in bed. 526 00:33:50,752 --> 00:33:53,242 I knew it, but I couldn't feel it. 527 00:33:54,714 --> 00:33:57,999 "And there he was, this young boy" 528 00:33:58,301 --> 00:34:01,504 I must've been insane. All I'd wanted was a date with Suzie. 529 00:34:01,596 --> 00:34:03,055 This was my punishment. 530 00:34:03,139 --> 00:34:07,433 "Strumming my pain with his fingers" 531 00:34:08,978 --> 00:34:11,730 The worst part was when they closed their eyes. 532 00:34:11,940 --> 00:34:14,810 "Killing me softly with his song 533 00:34:14,901 --> 00:34:16,728 "Killing me softly" 534 00:34:17,403 --> 00:34:19,111 Come sing with us, Will. 535 00:34:19,573 --> 00:34:22,146 I should really get going. Thanks. 536 00:34:23,785 --> 00:34:26,620 That's the problem with charity. You must mean it. 537 00:34:26,704 --> 00:34:28,496 You have to mean things to help people. 538 00:34:28,582 --> 00:34:32,330 Like the time I volunteered to help out at a soup kitchen... 539 00:34:32,418 --> 00:34:34,744 ...and very nearly made it. 540 00:34:34,838 --> 00:34:36,878 Or the time at Amnesty International. 541 00:34:36,965 --> 00:34:40,833 Did you know in Burma you get seven years in prison for telling jokes? 542 00:34:40,928 --> 00:34:44,463 Next time you laugh, think of Pa Pa Lay, the Burmese standup comedian. 543 00:34:44,556 --> 00:34:47,592 We're at a crucial stage in our struggle for human rights... 544 00:34:47,684 --> 00:34:50,520 ...which have been grossly abused by the ruling junta. 545 00:34:50,603 --> 00:34:52,181 We need your support more than ever. 546 00:34:52,272 --> 00:34:54,181 Together we can make a difference... 547 00:34:54,274 --> 00:34:57,560 You're kidding. And what's your boyfriend say about that? 548 00:34:57,903 --> 00:35:01,154 Wait a minute. You say you haven't got a boyfriend? 549 00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,813 Talk about human rights violations. 550 00:35:09,039 --> 00:35:11,613 Is that right? You're in the bath now? 551 00:35:12,918 --> 00:35:15,076 You have to mean things to help people. 552 00:35:15,170 --> 00:35:16,914 Fiona meant Killing Me Softly. 553 00:35:17,006 --> 00:35:21,584 Killing Me Softly meant something to her and look where she ended up. 554 00:35:23,554 --> 00:35:27,634 Me, I didn't mean anything, about anything, to anyone. 555 00:35:27,933 --> 00:35:31,633 I knew that guaranteed me a long, depression-free life. 556 00:36:00,925 --> 00:36:04,341 Yet over the next few days, I did have a strange feeling. 557 00:36:04,429 --> 00:36:07,050 Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind. 558 00:36:07,140 --> 00:36:08,883 And I didn't like it. 559 00:36:22,405 --> 00:36:24,694 You don't have a kid, do you? 560 00:36:26,034 --> 00:36:26,899 What? 561 00:36:26,993 --> 00:36:29,282 You don't have a kid, do you? 562 00:36:29,370 --> 00:36:31,410 Of course I do! What are you on about? 563 00:36:31,498 --> 00:36:32,577 No, you don't. 564 00:36:32,665 --> 00:36:35,951 I've been watching you, and you don't have a kid. 565 00:36:37,420 --> 00:36:40,374 - What is it to you, anyway? - Nothing. 566 00:36:40,632 --> 00:36:44,795 Except you've been lying to me, my mum and my mum's friend. 567 00:36:45,470 --> 00:36:47,048 -Can I come in? -No. 568 00:36:47,139 --> 00:36:48,253 Why? 569 00:36:48,348 --> 00:36:49,344 'Cause I'm busy. 570 00:36:49,558 --> 00:36:53,685 -What are you doing? -I'm watching TV. 571 00:36:54,605 --> 00:36:57,012 I could watch it with you, if you like. 572 00:36:57,149 --> 00:36:58,477 That's very nice of you... 573 00:36:58,567 --> 00:37:00,809 ...but I usually manage on my own, thanks. 574 00:37:03,739 --> 00:37:06,064 Don't you have homework to do, or something? 575 00:37:06,158 --> 00:37:08,115 -Want to help? -No, that's not what I meant. 576 00:37:08,202 --> 00:37:10,360 I meant, why don't you go home and do your homework? 577 00:37:10,453 --> 00:37:11,996 I'll do you a deal. 578 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:16,375 I won't tell anyone you don't have a kid if you go out with my mum. 579 00:37:20,589 --> 00:37:23,045 You'd want your mum to go out with someone like me? 580 00:37:23,133 --> 00:37:24,592 You're not too bad. 581 00:37:24,677 --> 00:37:27,880 I mean, you told lies, but apart from that you seem okay. 582 00:37:28,722 --> 00:37:31,428 And she's sad. I think she'd like a boyfriend. 583 00:37:32,768 --> 00:37:34,760 I can't just go out with someone... 584 00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:38,305 ...because you want me to. I'd have to like the person, as well. 585 00:37:38,399 --> 00:37:42,017 -What's wrong with her? -Nothing's wrong with her, it's just the system. 586 00:37:42,111 --> 00:37:44,982 That's how it... I'm not talking about this with you. 587 00:37:45,073 --> 00:37:46,353 Just go. 588 00:37:46,449 --> 00:37:48,357 Okay. But I'll be back. 589 00:37:48,450 --> 00:37:50,443 I'm really scared! 590 00:37:52,079 --> 00:37:55,828 That's the best I could come up with, ''I'm scared.'' 591 00:37:56,083 --> 00:37:59,167 But as a matter of fact, I was. 592 00:39:05,446 --> 00:39:06,940 Okay, that's it. Tim, goodbye. 593 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,445 -Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye. -Goodbye. 594 00:39:09,533 --> 00:39:13,400 And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye. 595 00:39:22,254 --> 00:39:24,127 Thanks. See you. 596 00:39:39,813 --> 00:39:42,767 Hello, everybody. Welcome to the game of Countdown. 597 00:39:42,858 --> 00:39:45,978 You remember yesterday, Carol, I revealed to a grateful nation... 598 00:39:46,070 --> 00:39:47,897 ...that our guest, Tom O'Connell-- 599 00:39:47,989 --> 00:39:50,943 - Yes. - He, like all of us, changes for each show. 600 00:39:51,034 --> 00:39:52,409 But he is such a-- 601 00:39:56,038 --> 00:39:57,616 - Is that right? - Yeah. 602 00:39:57,706 --> 00:40:00,910 Another term for Hosta, I think. 603 00:40:01,210 --> 00:40:02,206 Yes, well. 604 00:40:02,294 --> 00:40:06,588 Named after Heinrich Christian Funck, who also invented disco dancing. 605 00:40:09,551 --> 00:40:11,924 Yes. I've got all his audios. 606 00:40:49,968 --> 00:40:53,882 Mum, did you always know I was going to be a vegetarian? 607 00:40:54,556 --> 00:40:55,836 Yeah, of course I did. 608 00:40:55,932 --> 00:40:59,515 I didn't decide on the spur of the moment 'cause we ran out of sausages. 609 00:40:59,603 --> 00:41:01,975 Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian? 610 00:41:02,064 --> 00:41:03,938 What, when you were born? 611 00:41:04,108 --> 00:41:06,349 I do the cooking and I don't want to cook meat. 612 00:41:06,443 --> 00:41:08,934 You have to eat what I eat. 613 00:41:10,197 --> 00:41:12,866 But you don't let me go to McDonald's, either. 614 00:41:13,366 --> 00:41:15,988 Is this premature teenage rebellion? 615 00:41:16,620 --> 00:41:18,909 I can't stop you from going to McDonald's. 616 00:41:18,998 --> 00:41:21,619 I'd just be disappointed if you did. 617 00:41:24,544 --> 00:41:27,830 Don't worry, Mum. I won't go to McDonald's. 618 00:41:31,510 --> 00:41:35,923 After a few visits, Will seemed to think he had to ask me serious questions. 619 00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:40,095 But I knew he really wanted to watch Warrior Princess. 620 00:41:40,186 --> 00:41:42,060 So, how's it going at home then? 621 00:41:42,146 --> 00:41:44,851 -You mean my mum? -Yeah. 622 00:41:45,273 --> 00:41:47,313 She's all right, thanks. 623 00:41:50,529 --> 00:41:52,984 I mean, you know, she's... 624 00:41:54,658 --> 00:41:58,407 Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that. 625 00:42:02,249 --> 00:42:04,373 Does it still bother you, then? 626 00:42:05,461 --> 00:42:06,920 Does it bother me? 627 00:42:08,798 --> 00:42:10,375 Are you decent? 628 00:42:14,929 --> 00:42:16,637 Every single day. 629 00:42:16,848 --> 00:42:19,339 That's why I come here, instead of going home. 630 00:42:19,434 --> 00:42:22,103 A bit. When I think about it. 631 00:42:24,648 --> 00:42:26,390 Fucking hell. 632 00:42:29,694 --> 00:42:33,562 I don't know why he swore like that, but it made me feel better. 633 00:42:34,490 --> 00:42:38,026 It made me feel like I wasn't being pathetic to get so scared. 634 00:42:41,539 --> 00:42:44,493 I wouldn't make the mistake of asking about Fiona again. 635 00:42:44,584 --> 00:42:46,375 Marcus was clearly screwed up about it... 636 00:42:46,461 --> 00:42:50,411 ...and unfortunately I couldn't think of anything to say that'd be of any value. 637 00:42:50,507 --> 00:42:53,080 Next time he could talk to Suzie, or a counselor... 638 00:42:53,176 --> 00:42:56,296 ...or anybody capable of something more than an obscenity. 639 00:42:56,388 --> 00:42:58,594 Shit! It can't be. 640 00:43:01,893 --> 00:43:04,017 November-the-sodding-19. 641 00:43:04,104 --> 00:43:08,268 Six weeks before Christmas and already they were playing the bloody thing. 642 00:43:08,942 --> 00:43:10,105 Dad? 643 00:43:17,909 --> 00:43:19,902 What was your dad like? 644 00:43:20,704 --> 00:43:22,199 A bit sad, really. 645 00:43:22,706 --> 00:43:26,324 You know, he wrote one crap song that turned out to be a massive hit... 646 00:43:26,418 --> 00:43:30,202 ...and then spent the rest of his life trying to write a better one. 647 00:43:30,297 --> 00:43:32,254 Do you ever want to write songs like him? 648 00:43:32,341 --> 00:43:34,548 Is that what the guitar's for? 649 00:43:36,053 --> 00:43:37,132 No. 650 00:43:38,514 --> 00:43:41,004 So, that's just there to look cool. 651 00:43:41,684 --> 00:43:42,597 Yeah. 652 00:43:46,272 --> 00:43:48,596 I like Santa's Super Sleigh. 653 00:44:05,624 --> 00:44:08,709 - Madonna! Come here! - We've got something. 654 00:44:09,003 --> 00:44:11,410 - He's getting away, look! - Hurry up! 655 00:44:11,505 --> 00:44:15,088 On Pet Rescue today, the clever stoat keeps everyone... 656 00:44:15,176 --> 00:44:17,464 ...on their toes in Somerset. 657 00:44:43,246 --> 00:44:44,621 Hey! 658 00:44:44,831 --> 00:44:46,788 - What are you doing? - Who are you? 659 00:44:46,875 --> 00:44:48,073 Who am I? 660 00:44:48,167 --> 00:44:52,379 Bugger off, that's who I am! Go on, piss off! 661 00:44:54,340 --> 00:44:55,918 Who were they, then? 662 00:44:56,009 --> 00:44:57,254 Who? 663 00:44:57,343 --> 00:44:58,422 What do you mean, "Who?" 664 00:44:58,511 --> 00:45:01,382 The ones trying to embed sweets into your skull. 665 00:45:01,472 --> 00:45:02,552 Oh, them. 666 00:45:02,641 --> 00:45:06,555 They're just a couple of older kids. They started following me after school. 667 00:45:06,645 --> 00:45:08,305 Does this happen often? 668 00:45:08,397 --> 00:45:11,101 They never chucked sweets before, they just thought of that. 669 00:45:11,191 --> 00:45:14,726 I'm not talking about the sweets. The kids trying to kill you. 670 00:45:14,820 --> 00:45:17,145 Yeah, they give me a hard time. 671 00:45:17,364 --> 00:45:20,864 You know, about my hair, and my clothes and singing and stuff. 672 00:45:20,992 --> 00:45:22,452 And what? And singing? 673 00:45:23,913 --> 00:45:26,783 Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing. 674 00:45:27,541 --> 00:45:29,118 That's not a brilliant idea, is it? 675 00:45:29,209 --> 00:45:33,253 I said I did it without noticing, didn't l? It just happens! 676 00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:37,379 I'm not going to do it on purpose, am l? I'm not stupid, you know. 677 00:45:37,510 --> 00:45:41,673 My advice is to keep out of people's way. Try to make yourself invisible. 678 00:45:41,764 --> 00:45:43,174 How can I be invisible? 679 00:45:43,265 --> 00:45:45,553 One machine in your kitchen is an invisible machine? 680 00:45:45,642 --> 00:45:47,350 I don't think so. 681 00:45:49,563 --> 00:45:52,434 I just try not to think of it, that's all. 682 00:45:53,651 --> 00:45:57,102 It happens, and I wish it didn't, but that's life, isn't it? 683 00:45:59,323 --> 00:46:01,861 There's nothing I can do about it. 684 00:46:05,287 --> 00:46:06,367 No. 685 00:46:08,248 --> 00:46:11,368 There is something we can do about it, Marcus. 686 00:46:12,128 --> 00:46:13,670 You're coming with me. 687 00:46:13,755 --> 00:46:17,372 I was worried he was going to take me to the headmistress' office. 688 00:46:18,926 --> 00:46:20,800 But instead he took me shopping. 689 00:46:20,886 --> 00:46:22,131 I don't get it. 690 00:46:22,221 --> 00:46:23,881 We're starting with your feet. 691 00:46:23,973 --> 00:46:27,970 I can't make you invisible, but I can make you blend in with the crowd. 692 00:46:28,811 --> 00:46:32,263 I don't know how to tie them. They've got these funny strappy things. 693 00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:33,602 It's called Velcro. 694 00:46:33,692 --> 00:46:36,099 It's a revolutionary new technology. 695 00:46:38,821 --> 00:46:41,941 For Christ's sake. It's not hard. 696 00:46:44,244 --> 00:46:46,236 All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard. 697 00:46:46,329 --> 00:46:49,283 -Everything all right? -Yeah, thanks. 698 00:46:50,708 --> 00:46:53,461 Pretty trendy, your old man, isn't he? 699 00:46:57,006 --> 00:46:59,046 There. You think you look cool, don't you? 700 00:46:59,134 --> 00:47:00,296 Don't know. 701 00:47:00,468 --> 00:47:04,335 -Do you think I look cool? -Yeah, Marcus. 702 00:47:05,390 --> 00:47:08,225 -I think you look cool. -Yeah. 703 00:47:10,854 --> 00:47:14,104 That's it, you got the walk. That's really cool. 704 00:47:15,650 --> 00:47:18,854 Brilliant. High five. Yeah. 705 00:47:19,279 --> 00:47:22,446 I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary rush of well-being. 706 00:47:22,532 --> 00:47:25,368 So this is what people meant by a natural high. 707 00:47:25,452 --> 00:47:27,694 And it only cost £60. 708 00:47:27,788 --> 00:47:30,789 I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy. 709 00:47:30,958 --> 00:47:33,115 And there wasn't anything in it for me at all. 710 00:47:33,209 --> 00:47:35,286 I didn't even want to shag his mum. 711 00:47:46,557 --> 00:47:49,344 Marcus! What happened to your shoes? 712 00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,220 They stole them. 713 00:48:01,322 --> 00:48:03,315 Why would anyone want to steal your shoes? 714 00:48:03,407 --> 00:48:05,613 I could see I had to tell the truth. 715 00:48:05,701 --> 00:48:08,737 The problem was, the truth would lead to a lot more questions. 716 00:48:08,829 --> 00:48:10,407 They were nice ones. 717 00:48:10,498 --> 00:48:12,869 They were just ordinary brown lace-ups. 718 00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:16,125 No, they weren't. They were cool new trainers. 719 00:48:16,295 --> 00:48:18,621 Where did you get cool new trainers? 720 00:48:18,714 --> 00:48:20,457 She had loads more questions. 721 00:48:20,549 --> 00:48:22,341 Will bought them for me. 722 00:48:23,969 --> 00:48:25,000 Will? 723 00:48:26,222 --> 00:48:28,843 -The guy who took us to lunch? -Yeah. 724 00:48:29,184 --> 00:48:31,140 He's sort of become my friend. 725 00:48:31,727 --> 00:48:33,436 He's sort of become your friend? 726 00:48:33,521 --> 00:48:36,012 She kept repeating the last thing I said. 727 00:48:36,107 --> 00:48:37,767 Except she shouted it. 728 00:48:38,067 --> 00:48:40,356 I go round to his place after school. 729 00:48:40,444 --> 00:48:43,113 You go round to his place after school! 730 00:48:43,197 --> 00:48:46,981 -You see, he doesn't really have a kid. -He doesn't really have a kid? 731 00:48:47,076 --> 00:48:49,199 Can I play computer games now? 732 00:48:49,412 --> 00:48:50,492 Where does he live? 733 00:48:50,579 --> 00:48:53,415 He's not there at the moment. He's out to dinner. 734 00:48:55,501 --> 00:48:58,502 Christine had asked me to dinner for a pep talk. 735 00:48:58,588 --> 00:49:02,004 You will end up childless and alone. 736 00:49:02,092 --> 00:49:04,131 Both fingers crossed, yeah. 737 00:49:06,053 --> 00:49:07,548 You must have a lot of courage. 738 00:49:07,638 --> 00:49:09,631 Why is that, Christine? 739 00:49:10,309 --> 00:49:13,759 Most people need something in their lives to keep them afloat... 740 00:49:13,853 --> 00:49:16,890 ...and you have absolutely nothing. 741 00:49:17,649 --> 00:49:19,558 Doesn't that scare you? 742 00:49:20,277 --> 00:49:22,234 Do you know what you want? 743 00:49:23,822 --> 00:49:25,400 Yes, I do. I'll have the steak-- 744 00:49:25,491 --> 00:49:29,025 What the hell are these little after-school tea parties about? 745 00:49:29,536 --> 00:49:31,494 Hi. Sorry? What did you say? 746 00:49:31,580 --> 00:49:35,708 I was just wondering why a single, childless man would want to hang out... 747 00:49:35,793 --> 00:49:38,283 ...with a 12-year-old boy every day? 748 00:49:38,378 --> 00:49:41,415 You didn't tell your mum that you've been coming round? 749 00:49:41,506 --> 00:49:43,914 -I think I forgot. -Tell me what? 750 00:49:44,593 --> 00:49:46,420 What are you doing with my son? 751 00:49:46,512 --> 00:49:48,837 Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here? 752 00:49:48,930 --> 00:49:51,173 -I'm not suggesting anything. -I think you are. 753 00:49:51,267 --> 00:49:54,849 You were suggesting that I've been interfering with your son. 754 00:49:54,937 --> 00:49:59,397 I'm simply asking you why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat. 755 00:49:59,483 --> 00:50:01,973 -My God! -Oh, my God! 756 00:50:02,903 --> 00:50:05,904 What do you have to say for yourself? 757 00:50:06,531 --> 00:50:07,695 Well? 758 00:50:07,783 --> 00:50:09,527 Don't "well" me! 759 00:50:09,618 --> 00:50:11,242 Don't "well" me about this! 760 00:50:11,328 --> 00:50:14,034 He comes over uninvited every night! Do you know why? 761 00:50:14,122 --> 00:50:17,955 He's having the shit bullied out of him at school! And you haven't got a clue. 762 00:50:18,043 --> 00:50:20,083 You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter! 763 00:50:20,171 --> 00:50:23,789 He's been taken to pieces every day of the week, you daft, fucking hippie! 764 00:50:23,883 --> 00:50:26,587 I think you're being a bit melodramatic. Marcus is fine. 765 00:50:26,677 --> 00:50:30,806 Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't. It should be the other way around. 766 00:50:30,889 --> 00:50:32,799 You haven't had much contact with kids. 767 00:50:32,892 --> 00:50:35,643 I used to be a bloody kid! I went to a bloody school. 768 00:50:35,728 --> 00:50:39,179 I know when kids can't settle down and when kids are miserable! 769 00:50:39,273 --> 00:50:42,892 Look at him, for Christ's sake! Don't accuse me of being melodramatic. 770 00:50:42,985 --> 00:50:46,520 -This coming from a woman who tried to-- -Cowabunga! 771 00:50:47,698 --> 00:50:50,404 -What's the matter with you? -Nothing. 772 00:50:50,577 --> 00:50:52,200 I just felt like a shout. 773 00:50:52,286 --> 00:50:53,567 Jesus, what a family. 774 00:50:53,662 --> 00:50:57,162 Will, you're disturbing the other customers. 775 00:50:57,250 --> 00:50:58,827 It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done. 776 00:50:58,918 --> 00:51:01,491 -Okay, so, you're not... -What? 777 00:51:02,380 --> 00:51:04,503 No, I'm not! No, I'm not. 778 00:51:05,175 --> 00:51:06,835 Listen, don't worry about it. 779 00:51:06,927 --> 00:51:09,132 I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay? 780 00:51:09,220 --> 00:51:11,593 I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly. 781 00:51:11,681 --> 00:51:13,424 Go on. Bugger off. 782 00:51:15,936 --> 00:51:17,050 Sorry. 783 00:51:26,363 --> 00:51:27,857 So that's it, is it? 784 00:51:27,948 --> 00:51:30,735 You're just out of his life, like that. 785 00:51:30,909 --> 00:51:31,738 Excuse me? 786 00:51:31,826 --> 00:51:34,068 Let's say you're right and I'm wrong. 787 00:51:34,162 --> 00:51:36,072 Let's say there's this whole world... 788 00:51:36,164 --> 00:51:39,663 ...that I don't understand, and somehow, miraculously, you do. 789 00:51:39,751 --> 00:51:41,874 What are you going to do about it? 790 00:51:41,962 --> 00:51:44,916 I'm not going to do anything. He's none of my business. 791 00:51:45,007 --> 00:51:47,711 -You're a selfish bastard. -That's what I tell him. 792 00:51:47,801 --> 00:51:51,419 -He always puts himself first. -But I'm on my own. 793 00:51:51,805 --> 00:51:52,801 It's just me. 794 00:51:52,889 --> 00:51:55,642 I'm not putting myself first. There's nobody else. 795 00:51:55,726 --> 00:51:56,757 Yes, there is! 796 00:51:56,852 --> 00:51:59,259 There's Marcus. You're involved now. 797 00:51:59,354 --> 00:52:01,561 He keeps coming around your bloody house. 798 00:52:01,649 --> 00:52:04,104 You've come into his life for a reason. 799 00:52:04,193 --> 00:52:05,817 You can't just shut him out. 800 00:52:05,903 --> 00:52:08,987 You can't shut life out. ''No man is an island." 801 00:52:09,073 --> 00:52:11,030 -She's right, you know. -Yeah, she is. 802 00:52:11,116 --> 00:52:12,658 No, she's not! She's wrong! 803 00:52:12,742 --> 00:52:14,652 Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island! 804 00:52:14,745 --> 00:52:16,156 I'm bloody lbiza! 805 00:52:17,581 --> 00:52:19,621 What are you talking about? 806 00:52:20,375 --> 00:52:22,783 Do you want to come over for Christmas? 807 00:52:25,381 --> 00:52:28,666 No, Marcus, I do not want to come over for bloody Christmas. 808 00:52:28,884 --> 00:52:33,096 I do not want to spend Christmas with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn. 809 00:52:34,765 --> 00:52:37,007 I'd always thought what you did with Christmas... 810 00:52:37,101 --> 00:52:40,434 ...was sort of a statement about where you stood in life. 811 00:52:40,980 --> 00:52:44,314 I was going to spend this Christmas the way I usually did. 812 00:52:44,566 --> 00:52:47,651 Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned. 813 00:53:00,458 --> 00:53:03,708 Before you came, I was all alone. 814 00:53:04,129 --> 00:53:06,037 It is bad to be alone. 815 00:53:06,506 --> 00:53:09,542 Alone, bad. 816 00:53:10,342 --> 00:53:12,300 Friend, good. 817 00:53:12,846 --> 00:53:16,179 Friend, good! 818 00:53:17,975 --> 00:53:19,517 Now come here. 819 00:53:19,978 --> 00:53:23,097 The good news was it wasn't just me and Fiona and Marcus. 820 00:53:23,189 --> 00:53:25,941 The bad news was, well.... 821 00:53:26,151 --> 00:53:29,935 So, you're Marcus' dad. 822 00:53:30,405 --> 00:53:35,945 Yeah, I guess so. And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey. 823 00:53:39,789 --> 00:53:41,248 And Lindsey's mum. 824 00:53:44,461 --> 00:53:45,920 Hi there. 825 00:53:54,763 --> 00:53:57,633 -Thanks, Dad. -That's okay. 826 00:53:58,100 --> 00:53:59,760 I had to hand it to the kid. 827 00:53:59,852 --> 00:54:03,268 He could be enthusiastic about some truly crap present. 828 00:54:03,772 --> 00:54:06,310 Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum. 829 00:54:07,109 --> 00:54:08,389 Isn't that cool, Will? 830 00:54:08,485 --> 00:54:11,106 Yeah, that'll come in handy. 831 00:54:11,196 --> 00:54:13,319 I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect." 832 00:54:13,407 --> 00:54:18,318 Maybe you can perform at that school concert. Get a pop group together. Make some friends. 833 00:54:18,870 --> 00:54:20,281 Maybe, Mum. 834 00:54:22,332 --> 00:54:26,282 When you sing, it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart. 835 00:54:27,421 --> 00:54:28,880 Thanks, Mum. 836 00:54:33,845 --> 00:54:36,514 This one's from me. 837 00:54:44,147 --> 00:54:47,017 Brilliant! What is it? 838 00:54:47,317 --> 00:54:48,775 It's a CD, Marcus. 839 00:54:49,234 --> 00:54:51,987 By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them. 840 00:54:52,071 --> 00:54:54,360 And what kind of music is Mystikal? 841 00:54:54,657 --> 00:54:57,575 It's sort of world music. 842 00:54:58,285 --> 00:54:59,863 ''Shake Ya Ass.'' 843 00:55:00,288 --> 00:55:02,079 Slash rap type thing. 844 00:55:02,998 --> 00:55:04,872 Shake Ya Ass? 845 00:55:04,959 --> 00:55:06,287 Is he Moroccan? 846 00:55:06,377 --> 00:55:08,335 I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player. 847 00:55:08,421 --> 00:55:09,417 It's great anyway. 848 00:55:09,505 --> 00:55:13,966 I know you haven't got a CD player, so, I got you one of them as well. 849 00:55:14,260 --> 00:55:16,218 What a lucky boy. 850 00:55:17,472 --> 00:55:18,847 Look, Mum. 851 00:55:19,349 --> 00:55:22,018 -Open yours, Will. -All right. Thanks a lot. 852 00:55:27,024 --> 00:55:29,811 -Marcus, is this a joke? -Yeah. 853 00:55:31,486 --> 00:55:32,731 It's not bad. 854 00:55:33,154 --> 00:55:36,109 Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late! 855 00:55:36,365 --> 00:55:38,358 -Have I missed anything? -No, come on in. 856 00:55:38,451 --> 00:55:41,024 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas! 857 00:55:41,788 --> 00:55:43,247 Hey! 858 00:55:44,624 --> 00:55:46,332 Long time no see. 859 00:55:47,919 --> 00:55:49,117 Where's Megan? 860 00:55:49,212 --> 00:55:53,625 At her dad's. Where's Ned? At his mum's for Christmas? 861 00:56:00,724 --> 00:56:01,755 Yeah. 862 00:56:01,892 --> 00:56:05,141 No. I should probably go, shouldn't I? 863 00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:09,394 You could go pose as Santa, try and shag some carol singers. 864 00:56:09,483 --> 00:56:11,440 Are you a professional Santa? 865 00:56:11,526 --> 00:56:12,771 How lovely! 866 00:56:12,861 --> 00:56:15,353 Right. That's it. I'm off. 867 00:56:15,447 --> 00:56:17,190 Thank you very much. It was great. 868 00:56:17,282 --> 00:56:19,952 Suzie has every right to express her anger. 869 00:56:20,077 --> 00:56:21,655 Yes, and she's expressed it. 870 00:56:21,745 --> 00:56:24,034 Now I have a right to bugger off. 871 00:56:24,123 --> 00:56:26,199 Thanks a lot. 'Bye. 872 00:56:26,291 --> 00:56:27,454 Wait! 873 00:56:28,001 --> 00:56:29,793 He's my friend. I invited him. 874 00:56:29,878 --> 00:56:31,871 I should be able to tell him when to go home. 875 00:56:31,964 --> 00:56:34,336 I haven't told Will to go, Marcus. 876 00:56:34,425 --> 00:56:37,675 Suzie's angry and has every right to be, and she's telling him so. 877 00:56:37,761 --> 00:56:38,876 She's right, Marcus. 878 00:56:38,971 --> 00:56:40,798 Just leave it, okay? 879 00:56:41,473 --> 00:56:43,846 All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks. 880 00:56:43,934 --> 00:56:46,472 God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares? 881 00:56:46,562 --> 00:56:48,602 Kids at school do worse than that every day! 882 00:56:48,689 --> 00:56:51,607 The point is, Marcus, Will left school a long time ago. 883 00:56:51,692 --> 00:56:53,934 He should've grown out of making people up by now. 884 00:56:54,028 --> 00:56:56,353 -That's for sure. -It's not fair to gang up on him. 885 00:56:56,447 --> 00:56:58,190 He's been better behaved since then. 886 00:56:58,282 --> 00:57:03,573 He bought me trainers, he lets me go round to his house and he knows what kids need. 887 00:57:03,663 --> 00:57:06,699 What? Expensive footwear and obscene music? 888 00:57:06,791 --> 00:57:09,875 If there's something you really need then we can talk about it. 889 00:57:09,961 --> 00:57:13,579 No, we can't. It's not a discussion, it's an argument, and you always win. 890 00:57:13,672 --> 00:57:16,626 -Why not just tell me what to do? -I want you to think for yourself! 891 00:57:16,717 --> 00:57:19,256 I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay! 892 00:57:19,346 --> 00:57:21,836 He's not the only one who ever did anything wrong! 893 00:57:21,931 --> 00:57:24,137 Remember how we met? Remember why? Because you-- 894 00:57:24,225 --> 00:57:28,851 Because you threw a loaf of bread at a duck's head and killed it, basically. 895 00:57:33,317 --> 00:57:35,607 Excuse me? What's this about a duck? 896 00:57:35,695 --> 00:57:38,150 Are we having duck? Delicious! 897 00:57:40,783 --> 00:57:42,823 Of course we were not having duck. 898 00:57:42,911 --> 00:57:45,865 Instead we had nut loaf with parsnip gravy. 899 00:57:47,666 --> 00:57:50,453 As I sat there, I had a strange feeling. 900 00:57:51,169 --> 00:57:53,078 I was enjoying myself. 901 00:57:53,797 --> 00:57:56,370 I'd never really enjoyed Christmas before. 902 00:57:56,549 --> 00:57:58,839 My mother used to make me sing Santa's Super Sleigh... 903 00:57:58,927 --> 00:58:01,383 ...in front of my inebriated uncles and aunts... 904 00:58:01,471 --> 00:58:03,879 ...just to get at my dad, I think. 905 00:58:04,266 --> 00:58:07,931 But Christmas at Marcus', I'm ashamed to say it, gave me... 906 00:58:08,020 --> 00:58:09,763 ...a warm, fuzzy feeling. 907 00:58:10,230 --> 00:58:13,730 I held that feeling responsible for the strange events that followed. 908 00:58:17,612 --> 00:58:20,317 First of all, Marcus got a crush on a girl. 909 00:58:20,407 --> 00:58:22,483 - Hello. - Piss off. 910 00:58:24,411 --> 00:58:28,409 And then, even stranger, so did I. 911 00:58:29,541 --> 00:58:31,119 It was all Marcus' fault, really... 912 00:58:31,209 --> 00:58:35,503 ...because once you open your door to one person, anyone can come in. 913 00:58:36,256 --> 00:58:38,380 On New Year's Eve, I met Rachel. 914 00:58:38,466 --> 00:58:41,172 She was interesting, smart and attractive. 915 00:58:41,304 --> 00:58:44,886 And for about five minutes, I had her convinced that I was, too. 916 00:58:44,973 --> 00:58:47,097 ...things like political events. 917 00:58:47,184 --> 00:58:48,049 Okay. 918 00:58:48,143 --> 00:58:49,602 You in television? 919 00:58:49,937 --> 00:58:53,271 Am I in television? No. 920 00:58:53,357 --> 00:58:55,563 -Everyone else is in television. -Yeah. 921 00:58:55,651 --> 00:58:56,813 I watch television. 922 00:58:56,902 --> 00:58:59,986 Right, right. So you're more in front of it than in it. 923 00:59:00,072 --> 00:59:02,029 -In it, yeah. -Yes, I get it, yeah. 924 00:59:02,116 --> 00:59:03,361 It was torture. 925 00:59:03,451 --> 00:59:07,863 For five minutes I realized what life would be like if I were, in any way, interesting. 926 00:59:07,955 --> 00:59:11,490 If I had anything to say for myself, if I did anything. 927 00:59:11,584 --> 00:59:13,328 But I didn't do anything. 928 00:59:14,003 --> 00:59:18,047 And in about 30 seconds she'd know and she'd be gone like a shot. 929 00:59:18,257 --> 00:59:20,749 So what do you do? 930 00:59:22,970 --> 00:59:26,470 I'm sort of taking a bit of time off at the moment. 931 00:59:26,558 --> 00:59:28,965 -Sounds good, yeah. -Yeah. 932 00:59:29,811 --> 00:59:31,603 Time off from what? 933 00:59:32,146 --> 00:59:38,399 To be absolutely honest, time off from time off, in fact. 934 00:59:38,570 --> 00:59:43,446 The interesting thing about me is I don't actually do anything. 935 00:59:46,703 --> 00:59:49,621 -You don't do anything? -Actually, no. 936 00:59:52,208 --> 00:59:54,664 -Nothing. -Nope. 937 00:59:55,378 --> 00:59:56,374 Wow. 938 00:59:57,797 --> 00:59:58,913 That's... 939 01:00:00,466 --> 01:00:02,091 Now, Rachel, darling. 940 01:00:03,345 --> 01:00:06,512 East Coast or West Coast rap? 941 01:00:06,597 --> 01:00:07,879 I have absolutely no... 942 01:00:07,975 --> 01:00:12,186 There. She was gone. There was no more to say. 943 01:00:13,104 --> 01:00:15,430 All rap music sounds exactly the same to me. 944 01:00:15,524 --> 01:00:16,473 Or was there? 945 01:00:16,566 --> 01:00:20,350 I tell you what. I know a 12-year-old who'd kill you for saying that. 946 01:00:20,445 --> 01:00:22,189 -Really? -Yes. 947 01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,901 -So do l, come to that. -Yeah? 948 01:00:25,325 --> 01:00:27,994 -Yeah. What's yours called? -Mine? 949 01:00:29,704 --> 01:00:33,204 He's called Marcus. 950 01:00:34,292 --> 01:00:36,784 Mine's Ali. Alistair. 951 01:00:37,379 --> 01:00:38,921 And there it was. 952 01:00:39,006 --> 01:00:42,042 It wasn't a lie. It was 100 percent her assumption. 953 01:00:42,593 --> 01:00:44,834 Well, 50 percent, at the very least. 954 01:00:47,806 --> 01:00:51,591 I was in fantasyland again. But this time it was different. 955 01:00:51,936 --> 01:00:57,096 SPAT was for fun. This was serious. I acted in self-defense. 956 01:01:05,491 --> 01:01:07,567 We arranged to get our lads together. 957 01:01:07,660 --> 01:01:10,696 Which means we arranged for us to get together. 958 01:01:10,913 --> 01:01:13,486 Single parents, alone together. 959 01:01:14,876 --> 01:01:17,082 Happy New Year! 960 01:01:18,170 --> 01:01:20,080 I was in deep trouble. 961 01:01:21,674 --> 01:01:24,710 And there was only one person who could help me out. 962 01:01:34,645 --> 01:01:39,354 "Shake ya ass, but watch ya self Shake ya ass, show me what you workin' with 963 01:01:39,525 --> 01:01:41,352 "Shake ya ass, watch ya self 964 01:01:43,488 --> 01:01:47,486 -"Show me what you workin' with" -What did you just say to me? 965 01:01:48,659 --> 01:01:51,744 You heard me, squitty little shitty snot-nosed bastard! 966 01:01:51,829 --> 01:01:52,908 Sorry. 967 01:01:53,122 --> 01:01:55,530 I was singing along to this song by Mystikal. 968 01:01:55,625 --> 01:01:57,036 It's a rap. 969 01:01:57,169 --> 01:01:58,663 You like rap? 970 01:01:58,879 --> 01:01:59,744 A little. 971 01:01:59,838 --> 01:02:03,088 It's by black people, mostly. They're angry most of the time. 972 01:02:03,175 --> 01:02:05,665 But sometimes they just want to have sex. 973 01:02:06,803 --> 01:02:08,002 You taking a piss? 974 01:02:08,096 --> 01:02:09,839 'Cause if you are, you'll get a slap. 975 01:02:09,931 --> 01:02:11,425 I'm not taking a piss. 976 01:02:11,516 --> 01:02:14,303 I don't even know how to take a piss. 977 01:02:14,728 --> 01:02:16,851 -What's your name? -Marcus. 978 01:02:19,357 --> 01:02:20,733 I'm Ellie. 979 01:02:20,984 --> 01:02:22,692 Hi, Ellie. Nice to meet you. 980 01:02:22,778 --> 01:02:27,274 Not so fast. I'm not ready for physical contact. Next thing you know, we'll be having sex. 981 01:02:27,366 --> 01:02:29,323 And where will that get us? 982 01:02:29,492 --> 01:02:32,659 And stop telling strangers to shake their ass. 983 01:02:33,497 --> 01:02:35,489 Okay, Ellie. See you! 984 01:02:46,301 --> 01:02:47,795 Hello, mate. 985 01:02:48,929 --> 01:02:51,503 Listen, I need your help. 986 01:02:53,850 --> 01:02:56,140 Why did you tell this lady I was your son? 987 01:02:56,228 --> 01:02:57,509 No, I didn't tell her. 988 01:02:57,605 --> 01:03:00,522 I told you, she just got the wrong end of the stick. 989 01:03:00,608 --> 01:03:01,936 So just tell her. 990 01:03:02,026 --> 01:03:04,102 -No. Can't do that. -Why not? 991 01:03:04,195 --> 01:03:08,524 We're really going around in circles here. Just accept the facts, okay? 992 01:03:08,741 --> 01:03:10,235 You're my son. 993 01:03:10,326 --> 01:03:12,283 I'll tell her, if you like. I don't mind. 994 01:03:12,369 --> 01:03:14,742 That's very kind of you, Marcus, but no. 995 01:03:14,831 --> 01:03:17,119 -Why not? -For Christ's sake! 996 01:03:17,208 --> 01:03:20,873 She's got a rare disease and if she believes something that's not right... 997 01:03:20,962 --> 01:03:25,375 ...then hears the truth, her brain will boil in her head and she'll die, okay? 998 01:03:25,925 --> 01:03:27,834 That's a load of shit. 999 01:03:28,635 --> 01:03:32,420 I'm really interested in this woman. 1000 01:03:32,724 --> 01:03:34,965 What do you mean, interested? 1001 01:03:35,351 --> 01:03:37,225 What's so interesting about her? 1002 01:03:37,312 --> 01:03:39,103 Okay, Marcus, here. 1003 01:03:39,438 --> 01:03:42,309 Here's my last scrap of dignity. Enjoy it. 1004 01:03:42,692 --> 01:03:45,100 I want to go out with her. Okay? 1005 01:03:45,195 --> 01:03:47,567 I'd like her to be my girlfriend. There, I said it. 1006 01:03:47,655 --> 01:03:50,324 Brilliant! Why didn't you just say that? 1007 01:03:50,742 --> 01:03:52,651 I don't know. 1008 01:03:53,035 --> 01:03:56,202 I was embarrassed or something, 'cause this is a bit new for me. 1009 01:03:56,289 --> 01:03:58,863 I just met her, her name's Rachel. She's sort of-- 1010 01:03:58,958 --> 01:04:00,749 There's this girl at school. Ellie. 1011 01:04:00,835 --> 01:04:02,709 I kind of want her to be my girlfriend. 1012 01:04:02,796 --> 01:04:04,587 I'm not exactly sure. 1013 01:04:04,798 --> 01:04:06,423 I've been meaning to ask you. 1014 01:04:06,508 --> 01:04:10,506 What's the difference between a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend? 1015 01:04:10,595 --> 01:04:14,095 Well, I don't know. 1016 01:04:14,557 --> 01:04:16,883 Do you want to touch her? 1017 01:04:16,977 --> 01:04:18,222 Is that so important? 1018 01:04:18,312 --> 01:04:19,972 Yeah, you've heard about sex, right? 1019 01:04:20,063 --> 01:04:21,688 It is kind of a big deal. 1020 01:04:21,773 --> 01:04:23,813 I know. I'm not stupid. 1021 01:04:24,485 --> 01:04:26,940 I just can't believe there's nothing more to it. 1022 01:04:27,028 --> 01:04:31,192 I mean, like, I want to be with her more. I want to be with her all the time. 1023 01:04:31,283 --> 01:04:34,153 And I want to tell her things I don't even tell you or Mum. 1024 01:04:34,244 --> 01:04:36,736 And I don't want her to have another boyfriend. 1025 01:04:36,830 --> 01:04:38,869 If I could have all those things... 1026 01:04:38,957 --> 01:04:42,291 ...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not. 1027 01:04:43,128 --> 01:04:45,168 Well, you'll learn, Marcus. 1028 01:04:45,547 --> 01:04:47,705 You won't feel like that forever. 1029 01:04:51,929 --> 01:04:53,637 Okay, how do I look? 1030 01:04:53,722 --> 01:04:55,549 Good. How do I look? 1031 01:04:57,768 --> 01:05:00,769 Just be as normal as you can, okay? 1032 01:05:01,772 --> 01:05:03,480 Good advice for Marcus. 1033 01:05:03,565 --> 01:05:05,274 I wish I could have followed it. 1034 01:05:05,359 --> 01:05:07,103 I'm sorry it's such a mess. 1035 01:05:07,195 --> 01:05:09,233 That's where I work. 1036 01:05:10,990 --> 01:05:13,611 My mouth was dry and my palms sweating. 1037 01:05:13,700 --> 01:05:16,157 I didn't know what the hell was happening to me. 1038 01:05:16,287 --> 01:05:19,074 ...manage to tidy up. Ali? 1039 01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:22,082 All I could do was stand there, grinning like an idiot. 1040 01:05:22,168 --> 01:05:25,038 -Should we just go upstairs? -Sure. Okay. 1041 01:05:27,798 --> 01:05:28,913 Ali. 1042 01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:30,331 Marcus. 1043 01:05:31,302 --> 01:05:32,333 Marcus. 1044 01:05:33,137 --> 01:05:34,169 Ali. 1045 01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:38,099 You're in my year at school. 1046 01:05:38,392 --> 01:05:41,144 Really? Yeah, I think I've seen you around. 1047 01:05:41,228 --> 01:05:42,094 Great! 1048 01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:44,430 Then you guys'll have a lot to talk about. 1049 01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:46,351 Will, this is Ali. 1050 01:05:46,609 --> 01:05:48,270 Ali, this is Will. 1051 01:05:48,611 --> 01:05:51,067 -All right. -All right. 1052 01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:55,984 Do you guys want to hang up here for a while? 1053 01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:59,075 -Yeah, sounds good, right? -Yeah. Okay. 1054 01:05:59,163 --> 01:06:01,037 For a moment, I loved him. 1055 01:06:01,124 --> 01:06:02,582 Really loved him. 1056 01:06:02,667 --> 01:06:04,909 You can show him your new computer games. 1057 01:06:05,003 --> 01:06:06,912 Good. Okay, catch you later. 1058 01:06:07,004 --> 01:06:09,044 Let's leave them to it. 1059 01:06:18,266 --> 01:06:21,184 If your dad goes out with my mum, then you're dead. 1060 01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,728 Really dead. 1061 01:06:23,271 --> 01:06:26,391 -Don't worry. He's all right. -I don't care if he's all right! 1062 01:06:26,482 --> 01:06:28,392 I don't want him going out with my mum! 1063 01:06:28,485 --> 01:06:32,186 I don't want to see him or you around here ever again, okay? 1064 01:06:32,281 --> 01:06:34,154 I'm not really sure it's up to me. 1065 01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:37,325 Well, it better be! Or you're going to die. 1066 01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:41,325 I was getting the feeling that maybe this kid Ali was a serial killer. 1067 01:06:41,415 --> 01:06:44,499 Can I have a go on your computer? What games you got? 1068 01:06:44,667 --> 01:06:46,376 Are you listening to me? 1069 01:06:46,837 --> 01:06:50,087 Yeah, it's just that I can't really do much at the moment, can l? 1070 01:06:50,174 --> 01:06:53,377 I mean, Will, that's my dad... 1071 01:06:54,553 --> 01:06:57,423 ...he likes your mum, and I think she's keen on him. 1072 01:06:57,514 --> 01:06:59,139 She's not keen on him! 1073 01:06:59,308 --> 01:07:01,100 She's only keen on me! 1074 01:07:03,312 --> 01:07:05,055 One amazing thing about Rachel... 1075 01:07:05,147 --> 01:07:08,895 ...was that I wanted to kiss her every time she said something interesting. 1076 01:07:09,401 --> 01:07:11,109 Which was all the time. 1077 01:07:11,403 --> 01:07:14,239 It was sexy. It was weird. 1078 01:07:15,365 --> 01:07:18,901 I use Bristol boards, India ink and... 1079 01:07:20,162 --> 01:07:21,573 Am I boring you? 1080 01:07:21,831 --> 01:07:23,289 No, no. No. 1081 01:07:24,667 --> 01:07:26,707 -What? -Nothing. 1082 01:07:27,085 --> 01:07:29,659 It's just you looked like Marcus just then. 1083 01:07:30,714 --> 01:07:31,545 Did I? 1084 01:07:31,632 --> 01:07:35,131 I think it's sweet how much he seems to take after you... 1085 01:07:35,386 --> 01:07:38,470 ...and the way he dresses like you, as well. 1086 01:07:39,057 --> 01:07:42,757 I don't think I dress like Marcus, really. 1087 01:07:46,356 --> 01:07:47,386 Marcus? 1088 01:07:51,236 --> 01:07:54,320 Wait! Hang on. Hang on. Come on, we're going back. 1089 01:07:54,405 --> 01:07:56,943 -He's off his head. -No, he's not. 1090 01:07:57,033 --> 01:08:01,280 He said he'd cut me up into little pieces and hide me under the floorboards. 1091 01:08:01,496 --> 01:08:04,331 -He did? -No. 1092 01:08:04,415 --> 01:08:06,289 But I'm sure he's capable of it. 1093 01:08:06,376 --> 01:08:08,415 It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise. 1094 01:08:08,503 --> 01:08:11,706 Marcus, Ali has something to say to you. 1095 01:08:14,134 --> 01:08:15,545 Doesn't he? 1096 01:08:17,054 --> 01:08:18,382 Sorry, Marcus. 1097 01:08:19,723 --> 01:08:22,047 I didn't mean to say those things. 1098 01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:23,976 It's okay, Ali. 1099 01:08:25,896 --> 01:08:28,351 Ali finds all this very difficult. 1100 01:08:28,732 --> 01:08:30,855 Yeah, so does Marcus. 1101 01:08:32,902 --> 01:08:34,562 Don't you, mate? 1102 01:08:35,239 --> 01:08:37,231 You know, I mean, divorced parents... 1103 01:08:37,323 --> 01:08:40,574 ...and not knowing how to feel about new people. 1104 01:08:42,579 --> 01:08:45,830 Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel. 1105 01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:48,954 Ali didn't get along with the last bloke I went out with. 1106 01:08:49,044 --> 01:08:51,250 -He was a liar! -All right, darling. 1107 01:08:52,172 --> 01:08:54,330 He wasn't 100 percent good news. 1108 01:08:54,842 --> 01:08:58,756 -I'm not saying that you and I are. -That's okay. 1109 01:08:59,012 --> 01:09:01,420 He fancies you. He told me. 1110 01:09:04,810 --> 01:09:07,135 -Thanks a lot, mate. -Oh, dear. 1111 01:09:07,229 --> 01:09:08,724 Cheers, mate. 1112 01:09:12,275 --> 01:09:14,767 Don't look so worried, sweetheart. 1113 01:09:16,655 --> 01:09:17,521 Ellie! 1114 01:09:17,615 --> 01:09:20,105 -Marcus? What, are you stalking me? -No. 1115 01:09:20,200 --> 01:09:22,359 Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity. 1116 01:09:22,453 --> 01:09:25,702 Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did l, sexy? 1117 01:09:27,541 --> 01:09:29,664 All I'm saying is, you know, watch out. 1118 01:09:29,752 --> 01:09:33,796 It just looks a bit more like owner and pet than boyfriend and girlfriend. 1119 01:09:33,881 --> 01:09:35,708 At least I'm honest. 1120 01:09:35,842 --> 01:09:36,920 What does that mean? 1121 01:09:37,009 --> 01:09:39,334 It's just that you and Rachel... 1122 01:09:40,263 --> 01:09:43,133 What? What does that mean? 1123 01:09:43,558 --> 01:09:46,678 I don't know, I think there's a problem with you and Rachel. 1124 01:09:46,769 --> 01:09:50,601 I mean, like, you want to be with her but she thinks you have a son. 1125 01:09:50,815 --> 01:09:51,846 And you don't. 1126 01:09:51,941 --> 01:09:53,981 If you're going to be with someone... 1127 01:09:54,068 --> 01:09:56,689 ...shouldn't you tell them things like that? 1128 01:09:57,488 --> 01:09:58,568 No. 1129 01:09:58,907 --> 01:10:01,397 I mean, you know, like the truth. 1130 01:10:03,036 --> 01:10:04,779 What's wrong with you? 1131 01:10:05,538 --> 01:10:08,622 But later that night, when I was on my own... 1132 01:10:08,833 --> 01:10:12,000 ...I remembered the deal Marcus was prepared to strike. 1133 01:10:13,254 --> 01:10:15,580 Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel. 1134 01:10:16,174 --> 01:10:19,091 But at this moment, if I had the choice... 1135 01:10:19,469 --> 01:10:22,885 ...I'd settle for the less and the more that Marcus wanted. 1136 01:10:23,598 --> 01:10:25,887 Jesus, was I turning into Marcus? 1137 01:10:25,976 --> 01:10:28,466 Would he be buying me shoes soon? 1138 01:10:29,687 --> 01:10:32,973 I took his advice and told Rachel the truth. 1139 01:10:34,025 --> 01:10:36,101 Or very nearly the truth. 1140 01:10:36,236 --> 01:10:38,987 That I wasn't Marcus' natural father. 1141 01:10:40,239 --> 01:10:41,983 And that is not natural seaweed. 1142 01:10:42,075 --> 01:10:46,025 The problem was, once I told the truth, I knew there'd be more questions. 1143 01:10:46,120 --> 01:10:48,694 I don't get it. If you're not his natural father... 1144 01:10:48,790 --> 01:10:52,954 ...and you don't live with him, then how is he your son? 1145 01:10:53,337 --> 01:10:54,499 Yeah, I see. 1146 01:10:54,797 --> 01:10:58,082 It must look very confusing from the outside. 1147 01:10:58,175 --> 01:11:00,582 Tell me how it is on the inside. 1148 01:11:01,302 --> 01:11:03,973 It's just one of those long, boring stories. 1149 01:11:04,056 --> 01:11:06,463 Look, do you want to move on to wine? 1150 01:11:06,558 --> 01:11:08,551 You want some Chinese rice wine, miss? 1151 01:11:08,644 --> 01:11:13,768 You would like to try, I suspect, the Panang Paneng. 1152 01:11:15,066 --> 01:11:15,932 Yeah? 1153 01:11:16,568 --> 01:11:17,648 No. 1154 01:11:19,447 --> 01:11:21,772 Tell me about your relationship with Ali. 1155 01:11:21,865 --> 01:11:25,565 -Is that as complicated as mine and Marcus'? -No. 1156 01:11:25,660 --> 01:11:29,361 I slept with his father, and then nine months later I gave birth. 1157 01:11:29,456 --> 01:11:30,487 Pretty straightforward. 1158 01:11:30,582 --> 01:11:32,991 Yeah. I envy you that. 1159 01:11:34,253 --> 01:11:38,547 I'm really sorry to harp on about this but I haven't got it all worked out yet. 1160 01:11:38,632 --> 01:11:43,045 You are Marcus' stepfather, but you don't live with him or with his mother. 1161 01:11:45,181 --> 01:11:48,099 No, you see, wait. 1162 01:11:59,403 --> 01:12:02,321 I never said he was my son. 1163 01:12:02,657 --> 01:12:03,487 Did I? 1164 01:12:03,574 --> 01:12:06,860 The words "I have a son called Marcus," never escaped my lips. 1165 01:12:06,952 --> 01:12:09,195 It's what you chose to believe. 1166 01:12:09,289 --> 01:12:11,080 Yeah. Right. 1167 01:12:11,457 --> 01:12:13,580 It's me that's the fantasist. 1168 01:12:13,710 --> 01:12:17,541 I wanted to believe that you had a son, so I let my imagination run riot. 1169 01:12:17,630 --> 01:12:19,789 Obviously I played a part, I can see that. 1170 01:12:19,883 --> 01:12:23,666 No! Not at all. I met you and I thought, "Cute guy. 1171 01:12:23,761 --> 01:12:27,047 "God, if only he had a son. A geeky, teenage kid, if possible." 1172 01:12:27,140 --> 01:12:29,975 Then you turned up at my house with Marcus, and bingo! 1173 01:12:30,059 --> 01:12:34,638 Now I made this crazy link 'cause of some deep psychological need in me. 1174 01:12:35,523 --> 01:12:38,228 You shouldn't beat yourself up about it. 1175 01:12:39,486 --> 01:12:41,644 It could have happened to anyone. 1176 01:12:44,991 --> 01:12:50,116 The first time I met you I thought you were a bit blank. 1177 01:12:52,624 --> 01:12:54,913 But then you changed my mind. 1178 01:12:56,378 --> 01:12:58,287 Maybe I was right. 1179 01:12:58,797 --> 01:13:00,671 -Rachel, listen. -Yes? 1180 01:13:11,435 --> 01:13:13,474 I'm sorry, you're right. 1181 01:13:17,190 --> 01:13:21,484 I am a blank. 1182 01:13:23,113 --> 01:13:27,064 I'm really nothing. 1183 01:13:31,497 --> 01:13:35,162 I don't know what the hell I was thinking of, I'm sorry. 1184 01:13:56,355 --> 01:13:57,387 'Bye, Ellie. 1185 01:13:57,481 --> 01:13:59,141 Marcus! My man! 1186 01:14:00,318 --> 01:14:01,313 'Bye, Marcus! 1187 01:14:01,402 --> 01:14:03,062 See you, Marcus! 1188 01:14:22,340 --> 01:14:23,454 Mum? 1189 01:14:48,825 --> 01:14:53,736 So, if z = 17, does x > 2? 1190 01:14:54,122 --> 01:14:55,497 Marcus? 1191 01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:59,242 I didn't know what the answer was. 1192 01:14:59,336 --> 01:15:01,494 I didn't know what ''x'' equaled. 1193 01:15:01,588 --> 01:15:03,913 And I didn't know how to help my mum. 1194 01:15:14,017 --> 01:15:15,677 And then I realized. 1195 01:15:15,769 --> 01:15:18,604 There was something she said I could do for her. 1196 01:15:18,689 --> 01:15:23,434 -I'm thinking of singing at the school concert. -You? At the rock concert? 1197 01:15:24,152 --> 01:15:27,604 I don't think that would be a very good idea, Marcus. 1198 01:15:27,698 --> 01:15:29,073 Will you accompany me? 1199 01:15:29,157 --> 01:15:31,115 All I've got is a tambourine. 1200 01:15:31,743 --> 01:15:35,077 No, I'm sorry. It's suicide. 1201 01:15:36,623 --> 01:15:39,115 I mean, they'll crucify you. 1202 01:16:03,984 --> 01:16:05,728 Mum's at it again. 1203 01:16:09,031 --> 01:16:11,949 -At what? Sorry. -What do you mean, what? 1204 01:16:13,077 --> 01:16:14,322 The crying. 1205 01:16:14,411 --> 01:16:16,950 She sits in the house all day, crying. 1206 01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:19,530 She does it in the mornings, too. 1207 01:16:22,545 --> 01:16:27,088 It's as bad now as it was before the Dead Duck Day. 1208 01:16:32,805 --> 01:16:35,676 Marcus, I'm sorry, mate... 1209 01:16:38,019 --> 01:16:39,846 ...I'm a bit busy at the moment. 1210 01:16:39,938 --> 01:16:42,974 You're busy? Doing what? 1211 01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:47,850 -Didn't you hear me? -I heard you. 1212 01:16:48,029 --> 01:16:51,315 -What do you want me to do about it? -I don't know. 1213 01:16:51,408 --> 01:16:53,981 -You could talk to her. -Yeah? And what would I say? 1214 01:16:54,077 --> 01:16:56,236 -I don't know! -Why would she listen to me? 1215 01:16:56,329 --> 01:16:57,990 Who am I to her? 1216 01:16:58,706 --> 01:17:00,498 -I'm nobody. -You're not nobody. 1217 01:17:00,584 --> 01:17:02,908 -You're-- -Who? Who do you think I am? 1218 01:17:04,046 --> 01:17:05,421 Who do you think you are? 1219 01:17:05,505 --> 01:17:09,455 You come here uninvited, you disrupt my life, you screw things up. 1220 01:17:10,010 --> 01:17:12,583 What do you want from me? This isn't my problem. 1221 01:17:12,679 --> 01:17:15,550 I'm not your family, mate. I'm not. I'm not your uncle. 1222 01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:16,885 I'm not your big brother. 1223 01:17:16,975 --> 01:17:20,427 We've established pretty firmly that I'm not your father, either, am l? 1224 01:17:20,521 --> 01:17:21,386 But... 1225 01:17:21,479 --> 01:17:22,808 I'll tell you what I am. 1226 01:17:22,897 --> 01:17:27,275 I'm the guy who's really good at choosing trainers or records, okay? 1227 01:17:27,360 --> 01:17:30,030 That's it. I can't help you with real things. 1228 01:17:30,196 --> 01:17:33,613 I can't help you with anything that means anything. 1229 01:17:35,995 --> 01:17:37,703 You could try. 1230 01:17:47,256 --> 01:17:48,500 You're right. 1231 01:17:49,216 --> 01:17:50,710 You can't help me. 1232 01:17:50,801 --> 01:17:52,212 How could you? 1233 01:17:52,303 --> 01:17:55,007 You're a stupid person who watches TV all day... 1234 01:17:55,097 --> 01:17:56,092 ...and buys things. 1235 01:17:56,181 --> 01:18:00,677 You don't give a shit about anybody, and nobody gives a shit about you! 1236 01:18:31,384 --> 01:18:34,468 Mum said my singing brought sunshine and happiness... 1237 01:18:34,554 --> 01:18:36,012 ...into her life. 1238 01:18:36,264 --> 01:18:39,514 So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over. 1239 01:19:09,380 --> 01:19:10,495 Look, Mum. 1240 01:19:53,216 --> 01:19:58,377 - My life is made up of units of time. - Two units. 1241 01:20:00,057 --> 01:20:02,726 Three units. 1242 01:20:04,896 --> 01:20:08,145 Two units. 1243 01:20:10,609 --> 01:20:13,231 All in all, I had a very full life. 1244 01:20:23,122 --> 01:20:27,286 It's just that it didn't mean anything. 1245 01:20:40,306 --> 01:20:46,012 ''Look who's coming round the bend'' 1246 01:20:54,237 --> 01:20:58,365 The fact was there was only one thing that meant something to me: 1247 01:21:10,378 --> 01:21:14,162 Marcus. He was the only thing that meant something to me. 1248 01:21:14,675 --> 01:21:17,675 And Fiona was the only thing that meant something to him. 1249 01:21:17,761 --> 01:21:20,168 And she was about to fall off the edge. 1250 01:21:38,907 --> 01:21:41,113 Single parents alone together! 1251 01:21:41,201 --> 01:21:43,194 Single parents alone together! 1252 01:21:43,287 --> 01:21:47,664 Single parents alone together! All for one and one for all! 1253 01:21:49,959 --> 01:21:53,163 -Fiona! -Will, we haven't seen you for a while. 1254 01:21:53,296 --> 01:21:54,672 How's Ned? 1255 01:21:55,174 --> 01:21:59,586 Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist. 1256 01:22:00,762 --> 01:22:02,173 Yeah, I made him up. 1257 01:22:02,264 --> 01:22:03,722 -You made him up? -Yeah. 1258 01:22:03,807 --> 01:22:06,346 -To meet women. -You're sick. 1259 01:22:07,269 --> 01:22:09,595 -Fiona, I've got to talk to you. -Go ahead. 1260 01:22:09,688 --> 01:22:12,524 No, you know, properly talk to you, privately. 1261 01:22:12,608 --> 01:22:15,692 No, this is a circle of truth. 1262 01:22:15,777 --> 01:22:19,360 Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of everybody. 1263 01:22:20,365 --> 01:22:24,696 Okay. Please don't try and commit suicide again. 1264 01:22:27,415 --> 01:22:30,665 I can't believe you just said that. That is my private experience. 1265 01:22:30,752 --> 01:22:33,503 Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not. 1266 01:22:33,588 --> 01:22:35,165 Marcus is worried about you. 1267 01:22:35,256 --> 01:22:37,295 I'm worried because he's worried about you. 1268 01:22:37,383 --> 01:22:40,503 Will, I don't have plans to commit suicide. 1269 01:22:40,594 --> 01:22:41,590 You don't? 1270 01:22:41,679 --> 01:22:43,339 Not at the moment, no. 1271 01:22:44,098 --> 01:22:46,506 Great. Great! 1272 01:22:46,600 --> 01:22:48,724 Good. 1273 01:22:48,812 --> 01:22:51,682 You know I'm not attracted to you, right? 1274 01:22:53,400 --> 01:22:56,768 What are you on about? No. What are you, nuts? 1275 01:22:57,528 --> 01:22:59,735 Right. Wrong word completely. 1276 01:22:59,989 --> 01:23:04,984 But that's something that we should, you know, talk about a bit. 1277 01:23:05,078 --> 01:23:07,403 The crying in the morning thing, the depression. 1278 01:23:07,496 --> 01:23:09,822 Let's get that fixed. 1279 01:23:09,916 --> 01:23:13,001 - That's what men think, isn't it? - What? 1280 01:23:13,544 --> 01:23:16,629 That unless you've got the answer, unless you can say: 1281 01:23:16,714 --> 01:23:20,879 "I know a bloke in the Essex Road who can fix that," then there's no point bothering. 1282 01:23:20,969 --> 01:23:21,965 No. 1283 01:23:23,388 --> 01:23:25,215 Well, yeah, okay. I would. 1284 01:23:25,307 --> 01:23:28,343 I'd love to know the name of the bloke in the Essex Road... 1285 01:23:28,435 --> 01:23:30,760 ...because I've got a feeling I'd be useless. 1286 01:23:30,854 --> 01:23:32,847 Will, you're not useless. 1287 01:23:34,149 --> 01:23:37,565 You're here. And that matters. 1288 01:23:38,528 --> 01:23:39,726 Right. 1289 01:23:39,821 --> 01:23:42,194 -Now, can we... Do you mind? -What? 1290 01:23:42,490 --> 01:23:46,025 -Marcus is singing at the school concert. -Marcus is singing? 1291 01:23:46,119 --> 01:23:47,530 -Yeah, singing. -At school? 1292 01:23:47,621 --> 01:23:49,245 It's a pop concert. He's so excited. 1293 01:23:49,331 --> 01:23:52,534 -I want to get there on time. -Wait, wait. What's he singing? 1294 01:23:52,626 --> 01:23:57,039 "Killing me softly with his song 1295 01:23:57,339 --> 01:23:59,877 "Telling my whole life" 1296 01:24:02,093 --> 01:24:05,878 -What time does this thing start? -What have you got against Marcus singing? 1297 01:24:05,973 --> 01:24:10,469 You know the dream where you're at school without your trousers on and everyone laughs? 1298 01:24:10,561 --> 01:24:13,728 -What's the connection? -That will be Marcus, but for real. 1299 01:24:13,814 --> 01:24:16,519 If he sings that song in front of those kids... 1300 01:24:16,609 --> 01:24:18,897 ...you can just write him off until university. 1301 01:24:18,986 --> 01:24:22,189 If he reaches university, 'cause he's going to get torn to shreds. 1302 01:24:22,281 --> 01:24:24,902 You cannot stop someone from expressing themselves. 1303 01:24:24,992 --> 01:24:28,824 He's not expressing himself! He's expressing you, okay? 1304 01:24:30,331 --> 01:24:31,445 Oh, God. 1305 01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:36,118 What? Jesus Christ. 1306 01:24:36,420 --> 01:24:40,085 You're right. Will, am I a bad mother? 1307 01:24:40,508 --> 01:24:45,004 No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic. 1308 01:24:45,179 --> 01:24:46,887 No, I am. I am a bad mother. 1309 01:24:46,973 --> 01:24:50,342 I've let things slide and I haven't been noticing properly. 1310 01:24:50,435 --> 01:24:52,926 He's a special, very special boy. 1311 01:24:53,020 --> 01:24:55,511 And he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it! 1312 01:24:55,606 --> 01:24:58,477 Please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul. 1313 01:25:26,680 --> 01:25:29,005 - Okay, you park it. - What? 1314 01:26:16,981 --> 01:26:18,060 Hi. 1315 01:26:19,358 --> 01:26:20,733 What are you doing here? 1316 01:26:20,818 --> 01:26:22,645 That's Ali up there. 1317 01:26:28,534 --> 01:26:32,318 He's talented. 1318 01:26:57,062 --> 01:27:02,223 Now that was the Def Penalty Kru with Murder Fo' Life. 1319 01:27:02,943 --> 01:27:05,980 Our next big act is Marcus Brewer... 1320 01:27:06,071 --> 01:27:09,441 ...singing Roberta Flack's beloved Killing Me Softly. 1321 01:27:12,036 --> 01:27:15,654 He'll be accompanied by Simon Cosgrove on the recorder. 1322 01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:19,625 Marcus, I can't do this. 1323 01:27:19,710 --> 01:27:22,463 -That lot's going to shit all over us. -But you said... 1324 01:27:22,546 --> 01:27:26,212 I'm sorry. Here's your £5 back. 1325 01:27:28,553 --> 01:27:30,096 Any moment now. 1326 01:27:44,402 --> 01:27:47,023 Come on, Marcus, you wally! 1327 01:27:51,243 --> 01:27:52,322 Wait! Wait! 1328 01:27:52,411 --> 01:27:54,818 Excuse me. What is going on here? 1329 01:27:54,996 --> 01:27:58,579 Nothing. Everything's under control. I'm just his voice coach. 1330 01:27:58,834 --> 01:28:00,328 What are you doing here? 1331 01:28:00,419 --> 01:28:04,880 I heard you were about to commit social suicide, so I dropped by. 1332 01:28:04,965 --> 01:28:06,672 -My accompanist left! -Brilliant. 1333 01:28:06,758 --> 01:28:08,632 -You don't have to do it. -I can't do that. 1334 01:28:08,719 --> 01:28:11,589 - Yeah, you can. - Artistic differences. 1335 01:28:11,680 --> 01:28:14,253 You can't work without him. He had a drug problem. 1336 01:28:14,349 --> 01:28:16,638 My mum wants me to sing it. lt'll make her happy. 1337 01:28:16,727 --> 01:28:21,887 Look, mate, nothing you do can make your mum happy, all right? 1338 01:28:22,399 --> 01:28:26,065 Not in the long term. She has to do that for herself. 1339 01:28:26,153 --> 01:28:29,818 -Get over here right now! -Just bugger off, will you! 1340 01:28:29,948 --> 01:28:33,448 What I'm saying is, the important thing is to make yourself feel happy. 1341 01:28:33,536 --> 01:28:37,450 I've tried just making myself happy. She's tried making herself happy. 1342 01:28:37,623 --> 01:28:40,244 It doesn't work. You need other people to make you happy. 1343 01:28:40,334 --> 01:28:41,709 But that's just it. 1344 01:28:41,793 --> 01:28:45,958 If other people can make you happy then they can also make you unhappy. 1345 01:28:46,049 --> 01:28:49,666 What, you think those people out there are going to make you happy? 1346 01:28:49,760 --> 01:28:51,552 Hang on. Wait. Marcus, don't. 1347 01:28:51,637 --> 01:28:53,962 Marcus! Bollocks. 1348 01:29:11,533 --> 01:29:13,241 Come on, Britney! 1349 01:29:13,410 --> 01:29:15,568 Yeah, give us a song, then. 1350 01:29:22,752 --> 01:29:24,495 This is for my mum. 1351 01:29:30,384 --> 01:29:34,714 "I heard he sang a good song 1352 01:29:35,765 --> 01:29:39,347 "I heard he had a style 1353 01:29:40,811 --> 01:29:44,679 "And so I came to see him 1354 01:29:44,858 --> 01:29:48,558 "to listen for a while 1355 01:29:50,280 --> 01:29:54,230 "And there he was this young boy 1356 01:29:55,076 --> 01:29:58,777 "a stranger to my eyes" 1357 01:29:58,872 --> 01:30:00,745 You're rubbish, mate! 1358 01:30:06,380 --> 01:30:11,207 "Strumming my pain with his fingers 1359 01:30:14,054 --> 01:30:18,266 "Singing my life with his words 1360 01:30:31,906 --> 01:30:35,523 "Killing me softly with his song 1361 01:30:35,701 --> 01:30:37,444 ''Killing me softly'' 1362 01:30:37,578 --> 01:30:39,986 Who the hell is that? 1363 01:30:40,539 --> 01:30:45,118 "Telling my whole life with his words 1364 01:30:45,252 --> 01:30:51,456 "Killing me softly with his song 1365 01:30:55,721 --> 01:30:59,090 "I felt all flushed with fever 1366 01:30:59,183 --> 01:31:02,848 "embarrassed by the crowd 1367 01:31:02,978 --> 01:31:08,483 "I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud 1368 01:31:10,361 --> 01:31:13,979 "I prayed that he would finish 1369 01:31:14,490 --> 01:31:17,408 "but he just kept right on 1370 01:31:17,493 --> 01:31:21,277 "Strumming my pain with his fingers 1371 01:31:21,372 --> 01:31:24,408 "Singing my life with his words 1372 01:31:25,043 --> 01:31:26,074 ''Killing me softly'' 1373 01:31:26,210 --> 01:31:27,669 Give it a rest. 1374 01:31:27,962 --> 01:31:31,662 "Killing me softly with his song 1375 01:31:31,757 --> 01:31:37,262 "Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly 1376 01:31:39,265 --> 01:31:42,053 "With his song 1377 01:31:48,733 --> 01:31:51,022 "He sang as if he knew me" 1378 01:31:51,111 --> 01:31:52,024 Will. 1379 01:31:52,112 --> 01:31:54,567 "ln all my dark despair" 1380 01:31:54,655 --> 01:31:55,687 We're finished. 1381 01:31:55,782 --> 01:32:00,574 "And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there" 1382 01:32:00,662 --> 01:32:02,120 Will, come on. 1383 01:32:07,794 --> 01:32:09,253 Will, we're finished. 1384 01:32:18,013 --> 01:32:21,299 So there I was, killing them softly with my song. 1385 01:32:21,392 --> 01:32:24,725 Or rather, being killed. And not that softly, either. 1386 01:32:24,978 --> 01:32:27,552 I was singing with my eyes closed. 1387 01:32:27,981 --> 01:32:29,357 Was I frightened? 1388 01:32:29,441 --> 01:32:31,101 I was petrified. 1389 01:32:31,526 --> 01:32:33,519 This was definitely not island living. 1390 01:32:33,612 --> 01:32:37,360 "Killing me softly 1391 01:32:37,866 --> 01:32:41,152 "With his song" 1392 01:32:50,712 --> 01:32:52,622 Thank you, Finsbury. 1393 01:32:54,049 --> 01:32:56,754 I'd like to introduce one or two members of the band. 1394 01:32:56,843 --> 01:32:59,631 Marcus Brewer on vocals and tambourine. 1395 01:33:02,224 --> 01:33:03,933 And that's about it. 1396 01:33:04,018 --> 01:33:06,343 Let's get off quick. Get off. 1397 01:33:07,105 --> 01:33:10,853 Marcus, thank you. For the song. 1398 01:33:11,317 --> 01:33:12,431 You were terrific. 1399 01:33:12,526 --> 01:33:14,021 -You think so? -Yeah. 1400 01:33:15,488 --> 01:33:18,025 As a matter of fact, I think we should celebrate. 1401 01:33:18,115 --> 01:33:19,278 Okay. 1402 01:33:19,783 --> 01:33:23,485 How about McDonald's? 1403 01:33:23,830 --> 01:33:25,822 -McDonald's? -Yeah. 1404 01:33:25,915 --> 01:33:27,373 Thanks, Mum, but it's okay. 1405 01:33:27,458 --> 01:33:30,032 No, really. I want to go to McDonald's. 1406 01:33:30,128 --> 01:33:31,835 You know, I'm not really hungry. 1407 01:33:31,921 --> 01:33:35,836 Come on. Are you telling me you couldn't murder a Big Mac? 1408 01:33:35,925 --> 01:33:37,040 Mum! 1409 01:33:38,720 --> 01:33:40,677 Okay, another time. 1410 01:33:43,558 --> 01:33:44,589 Any time. 1411 01:33:47,228 --> 01:33:49,897 I'll be around a while, you know. 1412 01:33:58,490 --> 01:34:02,534 By the following Christmas things were back to normal. 1413 01:34:03,745 --> 01:34:05,026 Before you came-- 1414 01:34:05,288 --> 01:34:08,657 Every man is an island. And I stand by that. 1415 01:34:10,418 --> 01:34:14,997 But clearly, some men are part of island chains. 1416 01:34:16,174 --> 01:34:19,460 Below the surface of the ocean they're actually connected. 1417 01:34:19,553 --> 01:34:22,304 So you're going to marry my mum, then? 1418 01:34:22,639 --> 01:34:23,802 Don't know. 1419 01:34:23,890 --> 01:34:25,005 Why? 1420 01:34:25,475 --> 01:34:26,886 You think she's up for it? 1421 01:34:26,977 --> 01:34:29,550 -I used to want him to marry my mum. -You serious? 1422 01:34:29,646 --> 01:34:33,015 Yeah. But that was when she was depressed and I was desperate. 1423 01:34:33,108 --> 01:34:34,982 Thanks, mate. Cheers. 1424 01:34:35,277 --> 01:34:38,646 - How do you use this blender-thing? - You don't. 1425 01:34:38,989 --> 01:34:41,610 - I used to think two wasn't enough. - Christ. 1426 01:34:41,700 --> 01:34:43,574 Now there were loads of people. 1427 01:34:43,660 --> 01:34:45,950 And that was great. Mostly. 1428 01:34:47,789 --> 01:34:51,455 Are you two lazy bastards gonna get up and help, or what? 1429 01:34:52,878 --> 01:34:55,795 So how do you know Will? 1430 01:34:55,881 --> 01:34:59,795 We volunteered together at Amnesty International a couple years ago. 1431 01:34:59,885 --> 01:35:03,219 Yeah, that's right. How is the Burmese situation, Tom? Better? 1432 01:35:03,305 --> 01:35:04,764 I mean good? 1433 01:35:05,433 --> 01:35:08,517 Yeah, and he called me up out of the blue for Christmas lunch. 1434 01:35:08,603 --> 01:35:10,145 So, here I am. 1435 01:35:10,229 --> 01:35:11,558 Really? 1436 01:35:19,571 --> 01:35:22,193 So, listen, what's the deal with you and Ellie now? 1437 01:35:22,283 --> 01:35:25,698 Is she your girlfriend? 1438 01:35:25,869 --> 01:35:27,613 Are you insane? 1439 01:35:29,791 --> 01:35:32,116 Where did you get those trainers? 1440 01:35:32,209 --> 01:35:34,961 -Why? What's wrong with them? -Nothing. 1441 01:35:35,129 --> 01:35:36,291 What? 1442 01:35:37,006 --> 01:35:39,793 By the way, I do think you and Rachel have a shot. 1443 01:35:39,884 --> 01:35:43,004 -I mean, if you don't screw it up. -Thank you. 1444 01:35:45,640 --> 01:35:47,549 I'd created a monster. 1445 01:35:47,851 --> 01:35:49,844 Or maybe he created me. 1446 01:35:52,731 --> 01:35:55,566 I don't know what Will was so upset about. 1447 01:35:56,234 --> 01:35:59,935 All I meant was I don't think couples are the future. 1448 01:36:00,280 --> 01:36:03,151 You need more than that. You need backup. 1449 01:36:03,825 --> 01:36:06,991 The way I saw it, Will and I both had backup now. 1450 01:36:09,247 --> 01:36:12,533 It's like that thing he told me Jon Bon Jovi said: 1451 01:36:12,626 --> 01:36:14,534 ''No man is an island.'' 1452 01:36:14,535 --> 01:36:24,535 subtitle by PINOYPIRATE