1
00:02:36,502 --> 00:02:37,833
I was dreamin'
2
00:02:39,171 --> 00:02:41,503
Dreamin' my dick was out
and I was checking to see
3
00:02:41,574 --> 00:02:44,907
if that infected bump on the head
of it had filled with pus again
4
00:02:44,977 --> 00:02:47,741
If it had. I was gonna name
that bump after my ex-wife Priscilla
5
00:02:47,813 --> 00:02:49,906
and bust it by jackin' off
6
00:02:49,982 --> 00:02:51,040
Oh, man.
7
00:02:51,116 --> 00:02:52,947
Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do
8
00:02:53,853 --> 00:02:56,117
Dreams let you think like that
9
00:02:56,188 --> 00:03:00,648
Truth was. I hadn't had
a hard-on in years
10
00:03:23,549 --> 00:03:25,039
Oh, man.
11
00:03:57,016 --> 00:04:00,508
My God. Man
How long have I been here?
12
00:04:00,586 --> 00:04:04,078
Am I really awake now.
Or am I just dreamin' I'm awake?
13
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:07,319
How could my plans
have gone so wrong?
14
00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:09,554
When the hell are they
gonna serve lunch?
15
00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:12,358
Considerin' what they serve.
Why the hell do I care?
16
00:04:13,999 --> 00:04:17,833
If Priscilla discovered I was alive.
Would she come and see me?
17
00:04:17,903 --> 00:04:22,169
Would we still wanna fuck?
Or would we merely have to talk about it?
18
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:23,970
Is there. Finally and really.
19
00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:27,376
Anything to life other than
food. Shit. And sex?
20
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,781
We, goddamn t
21
00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:42,788
How could I have gone from
the "King of rock and roll" to this?
22
00:04:43,495 --> 00:04:47,158
Old guy in a rest home in East Texas
with a growth on his pecker
23
00:05:04,850 --> 00:05:07,375
And what is that growth. Man?
24
00:05:07,453 --> 00:05:10,183
Cancer? Nobody's talkin'
25
00:05:10,789 --> 00:05:13,781
No one seems to know
or wants to
26
00:06:17,022 --> 00:06:19,684
Makes you wonder, doesn't it,
what kind of life this old guy had?
27
00:06:20,826 --> 00:06:24,660
What kind of life he had, you know.
His kids, his grandkids, his legacy.
28
00:06:24,730 --> 00:06:25,890
Look at him now.
29
00:06:25,964 --> 00:06:27,625
Oh, who gives a shit?
30
00:07:09,675 --> 00:07:11,006
Well...
31
00:07:21,887 --> 00:07:23,548
Make you comfortable.
32
00:07:28,927 --> 00:07:30,224
No.
33
00:09:12,331 --> 00:09:14,891
I'm gonna squish you, cockroach!
34
00:10:19,097 --> 00:10:20,587
Help me.
35
00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:13,781
You know, I was thinkin'...
36
00:11:13,852 --> 00:11:17,015
What? You gonna get
all weepy on me again?
37
00:11:17,089 --> 00:11:21,082
No. I was merely gonna suggest that you
use some of this here deodorizer
38
00:11:21,159 --> 00:11:24,651
and spray it on that corpse
because she's smellin' pretty ripe.
39
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:29,698
Good idea.
40
00:12:41,573 --> 00:12:42,870
Excuse me, miss?
41
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:45,604
You gonna throw all that stuff out?
42
00:12:46,611 --> 00:12:47,669
Yeah.
43
00:12:47,746 --> 00:12:50,579
Could I have one
of them pictures of Bull?
44
00:12:51,083 --> 00:12:53,415
Maybe his... his Purple Heart?
45
00:12:54,286 --> 00:12:56,948
I mean,
he was pretty proud of that.
46
00:12:57,022 --> 00:13:00,719
And maybe that... that tin
of chocolates there?
47
00:13:02,794 --> 00:13:04,125
I suppose.
48
00:13:09,267 --> 00:13:13,431
The revealin' of her panties
wasn't intentional or unintentional
49
00:13:13,505 --> 00:13:14,995
She just didn't give a damn
50
00:13:15,073 --> 00:13:18,133
She saw me as so physically
and sexually non-threatenin'.
51
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:21,475
She didn't mind if I got
a bird's-eye view of her love nest
52
00:13:21,546 --> 00:13:24,276
It was the same to her
as a house cat sneakin' a peek
53
00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:29,184
I felt my pecker flutteronce like
a pigeon havin' a heart attack
54
00:13:29,921 --> 00:13:32,515
then it laid back down
and remained limp and still
55
00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:36,251
'Course. These days. Even a flutter
was kind of reassurin'
56
00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:40,361
- Here.
- Thank you.
57
00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:42,093
Say...
58
00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:44,163
Bull your kin?
59
00:13:44,236 --> 00:13:45,396
My daddy
60
00:13:47,806 --> 00:13:49,603
Never seen you here before.
61
00:13:50,408 --> 00:13:54,003
I've only been here once before.
When I checked him in.
62
00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:56,877
That's three years ago, wasn't it?
63
00:13:58,350 --> 00:13:59,681
You and him friends?
64
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,948
No, we just roommates. I mean,
he never felt good enough to say much.
65
00:14:03,588 --> 00:14:06,751
I just hated to see what
was left of him go away so easy.
66
00:14:09,161 --> 00:14:11,493
Seemed like an all right guy.
67
00:14:11,563 --> 00:14:15,499
Mentioned you a lot.
You're... you're Callie, right?
68
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:17,057
Yeah.
69
00:14:17,135 --> 00:14:19,467
Well... he was all right.
70
00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:22,600
But not enough so you'd
come and see him, though.
71
00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:26,933
Don't lay some guilt trip on me, mister.
I did what I could.
72
00:14:27,012 --> 00:14:30,675
I mean, if it hadn't been for Medicaid
or Medicare... whatever that stuff was...
73
00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:32,649
he'd have been
in some ditch somewhere.
74
00:14:35,153 --> 00:14:37,644
And I sure didn't have the money
to take care of him.
75
00:14:41,459 --> 00:14:42,790
My own daughter
76
00:14:43,461 --> 00:14:45,895
lost long ago to me
77
00:14:45,964 --> 00:14:48,899
if she knew I lived.
Would she come and see me?
78
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,366
Woud she even ccae?
79
00:14:51,336 --> 00:14:54,828
You could've come and seen him.
They don't charge you for that.
80
00:14:55,540 --> 00:14:56,939
Mind your own business.
81
00:14:58,376 --> 00:14:59,866
I was busy.
82
00:15:14,893 --> 00:15:18,590
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my favorite patient.
83
00:15:18,663 --> 00:15:20,654
How are you this morning, Mr. Haff?
84
00:15:20,732 --> 00:15:22,393
I'm all right.
85
00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:25,868
But I prefer Mr. Presley or Elvis.
I keep tellin' you that.
86
00:15:25,937 --> 00:15:28,428
I don't go by
Sebastian Haff anymore, okay?
87
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,769
I'm not tryin' to hide anymore.
88
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,777
Well, of course I knew that.
I forgot.
89
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,177
Good morning, Elvis.
90
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:41,814
Did you know we have
a celebrity here, Miss Thomas?
91
00:15:41,886 --> 00:15:45,014
Elvis Presley. You know,
the rock and roll singer.
92
00:15:46,524 --> 00:15:48,185
I thought he was dead.
93
00:15:49,527 --> 00:15:53,190
Well, actually, Elvis is dead.
Mr. Haff knows that. Don't you, Mr. Haff?
94
00:15:53,265 --> 00:15:56,530
Hell, no. I'm right here.
I ain't dead.
95
00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:58,398
Yet.
96
00:15:58,470 --> 00:16:01,303
Now, Mr. Haff!
97
00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:04,035
I don't mind calling you "Elvis."
98
00:16:04,109 --> 00:16:06,942
But you're a little confused
and you like to play sometimes.
99
00:16:07,012 --> 00:16:11,881
You were an
Elvis impersonator, remember?
100
00:16:13,918 --> 00:16:16,887
You fell off the stage
and broke your hip... when was it?
101
00:16:16,955 --> 00:16:18,445
Twenty years ago.
102
00:16:18,523 --> 00:16:22,357
It got infected and you were
in a coma for quite a while.
103
00:16:22,427 --> 00:16:26,761
You came out with a few...
problems.
104
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:32,798
Look, I was just impersonatin' myself.
I couldn't do nothin' else.
105
00:16:32,871 --> 00:16:34,202
I don't have any problems.
106
00:16:34,272 --> 00:16:36,365
You're tryin' to say
my brain's messed up, aren't you?
107
00:16:36,441 --> 00:16:38,932
Why would you
wanna be somebody else?
108
00:16:39,944 --> 00:16:41,104
I got tired of it.
109
00:16:42,013 --> 00:16:44,004
I was hooked on pills, you know.
110
00:16:44,082 --> 00:16:45,674
I wanted out.
111
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:48,480
And this boy Sebastian Haff...
he was an Elvis imitator.
112
00:16:48,553 --> 00:16:51,386
He was the best of 'em.
He took my place.
113
00:16:52,123 --> 00:16:53,852
Problem is, he had a bad heart.
114
00:16:54,693 --> 00:16:57,025
He liked drugs, too.
Liked them more than I did.
115
00:16:57,095 --> 00:17:01,122
So it was him that died, not me.
I just took his place.
116
00:17:01,666 --> 00:17:05,067
But why would you want
to leave all that fame. Mr Presley?
117
00:17:05,737 --> 00:17:07,728
All that money?
118
00:17:07,806 --> 00:17:10,138
I don't know
'Cause they got old
119
00:17:13,745 --> 00:17:18,239
The woman I loved... Priscilla...
she was gone
120
00:17:18,316 --> 00:17:20,978
The rest of the women
were just women
121
00:17:22,587 --> 00:17:25,147
I mean. The music
wasn't mine anymore
122
00:17:25,223 --> 00:17:28,215
I wasn't even me anymore
Just this thing they made up
123
00:17:30,895 --> 00:17:32,226
And my friends
124
00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:36,664
We, they wwee succk n' moe d y
125
00:17:41,373 --> 00:17:44,035
So I took a little road trip
down to Nacogdoches
126
00:17:45,043 --> 00:17:49,036
to check out this Sebastian Haff
127
00:18:36,094 --> 00:18:37,755
It's all right, boys.
Just wait here.
128
00:19:01,753 --> 00:19:02,913
Oh, my God.
129
00:19:07,559 --> 00:19:09,390
I didn't think you'd really...
130
00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:34,816
It's all right, boys.
Just another freak.
131
00:19:36,321 --> 00:19:37,481
Let's split.
132
00:19:50,368 --> 00:19:52,768
- Sorry, man.
- King, I got it. I got it.
133
00:19:52,837 --> 00:19:54,168
It's all yours, baby.
134
00:20:03,081 --> 00:20:05,948
So I signed everything
over to Sebastian
135
00:20:06,017 --> 00:20:09,509
Except for enough money
to sustain me if things got bad
136
00:20:09,587 --> 00:20:12,613
I was determined
to make myself a new life
137
00:20:12,690 --> 00:20:14,021
A better one
138
00:20:16,361 --> 00:20:19,023
But me and Sebastian.
We had us a deal
139
00:20:21,099 --> 00:20:23,090
If I wanted to trade back. He'd let me
140
00:20:24,335 --> 00:20:26,326
It was all written up in the contract
141
00:20:27,405 --> 00:20:28,997
The thing was
142
00:20:29,073 --> 00:20:31,564
I lost my copy
in a barbeque accident
143
00:20:32,877 --> 00:20:34,469
But that wasn't so bad. Either
144
00:20:34,546 --> 00:20:37,709
I was makin' new friends
and enjoyin' myself
145
00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:41,445
Cheers!
146
00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:55,090
Oh, my God.
Did you see that thing?
147
00:20:58,536 --> 00:21:00,026
It just went up like that.
148
00:21:00,972 --> 00:21:04,169
- Now. Elvis
- Yes?
149
00:21:06,377 --> 00:21:08,436
Don't carry it too far.
150
00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:12,506
You may just get way out there
and not come back.
151
00:21:13,651 --> 00:21:15,141
Oh, fuck you.
152
00:21:17,155 --> 00:21:18,645
Shit.
153
00:21:18,723 --> 00:21:22,215
Get old, you can't even cuss
someone and have it bother 'em.
154
00:21:22,293 --> 00:21:26,286
Everything you do is either
worthless or sadly amusing.
155
00:21:27,031 --> 00:21:28,498
Well...
156
00:21:28,566 --> 00:21:30,397
I've got what I want.
157
00:21:31,269 --> 00:21:34,102
The clothes can go
to Goodwill or Salvation Army.
158
00:21:34,172 --> 00:21:38,802
Very well. And I'm sorry about
your father. He was a nice man.
159
00:21:38,876 --> 00:21:40,343
Yeah.
160
00:21:41,112 --> 00:21:43,103
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Presley.
161
00:21:43,181 --> 00:21:45,376
- Get the hell out.
- Now, now.
162
00:21:46,718 --> 00:21:52,588
I'll be back later to do that little... thing
that has to be done. You know.
163
00:21:57,228 --> 00:21:58,286
Elvis!
164
00:22:08,973 --> 00:22:10,133
Poor Bull.
165
00:22:12,143 --> 00:22:16,307
In the end...
does anything really matter?
166
00:22:20,485 --> 00:22:22,476
No one here ever listened to me
167
00:22:23,154 --> 00:22:27,557
Except this one guy
only. He was certifiable
168
00:22:27,625 --> 00:22:29,820
That's where they took
a piece of my brain.
169
00:22:29,894 --> 00:22:33,352
They got it back in D.C.
In that goddamn jar.
170
00:22:35,299 --> 00:22:38,359
I got a little bag of sand
up there now.
171
00:22:39,437 --> 00:22:41,928
Jack... no offense, but...
172
00:22:43,007 --> 00:22:44,941
President Kennedy was a white man.
173
00:22:45,009 --> 00:22:47,000
That's how clever they are!
174
00:22:47,078 --> 00:22:50,070
They dyed me this color.
All over!
175
00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:53,549
Can you think of a better way
to hide the truth than that?
176
00:23:52,009 --> 00:23:53,670
I was livin' simple
177
00:23:54,879 --> 00:23:56,574
The way Haff had been
178
00:23:56,647 --> 00:23:59,639
Going from town to town
doin' the Elvis act
179
00:24:00,551 --> 00:24:02,951
Only. I felt like I
was really me again
180
00:24:03,020 --> 00:24:04,351
Can you dig that?
181
00:24:04,422 --> 00:24:07,687
We're diggin' it, Mr. Haff...
Mr. Presley.
182
00:24:45,696 --> 00:24:47,186
Women were
throwin' themselves at me
183
00:24:47,265 --> 00:24:49,199
'cause they could imagine I was Elvis
184
00:24:49,267 --> 00:24:53,135
Only. I was Elvis playing
Sebastian Haff playing Elvis
185
00:24:53,204 --> 00:24:54,694
It was all pretty good
186
00:24:54,772 --> 00:24:56,865
I didn't mind the contract
being burned up
187
00:24:56,941 --> 00:24:59,102
Didn't even try to go back
and convince anybody
188
00:25:01,312 --> 00:25:02,939
Then I had the accident
189
00:25:03,014 --> 00:25:06,245
I was gyratin'. See. Takin' care business.
And then my hip went out
190
00:25:07,885 --> 00:25:09,614
I'd been havin' trouble with it
191
00:25:26,470 --> 00:25:28,267
Damn. It's cold in here tonight.
192
00:25:39,150 --> 00:25:42,313
No way. That's it.
This time, I make it.
193
00:25:43,421 --> 00:25:45,821
No more piss or crap
in the bed.
194
00:26:11,482 --> 00:26:12,813
Shake it out...
195
00:26:22,727 --> 00:26:24,058
There we go.
196
00:26:57,995 --> 00:27:02,193
Man... that is one
big bitch cockroach.
197
00:27:34,899 --> 00:27:36,161
All right, man. Let's go.
198
00:27:45,176 --> 00:27:46,666
Damn.
199
00:27:50,715 --> 00:27:52,444
Hot damn!
200
00:28:21,512 --> 00:28:23,844
Got you, you six-legged bastard.
201
00:29:04,822 --> 00:29:08,485
Even a big bitch cockroach
like you should know...
202
00:29:09,860 --> 00:29:14,354
Never... but never fuck with the King.
203
00:29:32,583 --> 00:29:35,746
Hey! Is anybody out here?
204
00:29:40,524 --> 00:29:43,357
I think we got some major
bug problems in this place, man!
205
00:30:50,661 --> 00:30:52,595
Oh, man...
206
00:30:54,165 --> 00:30:55,223
Hey, Jack?
207
00:31:07,044 --> 00:31:08,375
Hey, man, you okay?
208
00:31:15,386 --> 00:31:17,877
What the Sam Hill is that?
209
00:31:21,292 --> 00:31:22,452
Mr. Kennedy?
210
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,763
Hey, man...
you're on the floor.
211
00:31:34,171 --> 00:31:35,399
No shit.
212
00:31:36,740 --> 00:31:37,968
Who are you?
213
00:31:38,976 --> 00:31:40,136
Look, I'm...
214
00:31:41,512 --> 00:31:44,572
Sebastian. Sebastian Haff.
215
00:31:45,382 --> 00:31:47,976
Did you see him go by in the hall?
216
00:31:49,286 --> 00:31:51,447
He scuttled like.
217
00:31:52,256 --> 00:31:54,918
- Who, man?
- The one they sent.
218
00:31:55,859 --> 00:31:59,317
- Who's "they"?
- Oh, you know who.
219
00:31:59,396 --> 00:32:01,125
No, Jack, I don't.
Come on, man.
220
00:32:03,100 --> 00:32:04,931
Lyndon Johnson.
221
00:32:05,002 --> 00:32:06,492
Castro, maybe.
222
00:32:06,570 --> 00:32:09,562
They sent somebody to finish me off.
223
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,803
I think maybe it was Johnson himself.
224
00:32:12,876 --> 00:32:16,903
Real ugly.
Real goddamn ugly!
225
00:32:16,981 --> 00:32:19,245
Look, man,
President Johnson's dead.
226
00:32:19,316 --> 00:32:22,808
Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.
227
00:32:28,025 --> 00:32:29,185
Get his feet.
228
00:32:35,199 --> 00:32:37,258
So, you say you heard a... a noise?
229
00:32:38,369 --> 00:32:41,202
Well, a sound's a sound, you know?
I mean, I heard something.
230
00:32:41,272 --> 00:32:45,675
It was like a... I don't know.
Like a... like a scuttling.
231
00:32:45,743 --> 00:32:48,268
- A scuttling sound?
- Yes, sir.
232
00:32:49,179 --> 00:32:53,172
Were you awake or were you
in bed when you heard this noise?
233
00:32:53,250 --> 00:32:57,084
I was in bed first, then I was awake
'cause the damn bugs woke me up.
234
00:32:57,154 --> 00:32:58,985
You got bugs all over this place.
235
00:33:00,157 --> 00:33:04,856
Bugs... well, Mr. Haff, what kind
of bugs have you been seeing?
236
00:33:04,928 --> 00:33:07,328
Look, do I look like
an ichthyologist to you?
237
00:33:07,398 --> 00:33:08,558
Big damn bugs, all right?
238
00:33:08,632 --> 00:33:11,795
The size of my fist. The size
of a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
239
00:33:11,869 --> 00:33:14,201
What do I care?
I got a growth on my pecker.
240
00:33:14,271 --> 00:33:16,432
Okay, Mr. Haff.
Don't worry about a thing.
241
00:33:16,507 --> 00:33:19,943
We'll call the exterminator tomorrow
and we'll take care of the problem.
242
00:33:20,010 --> 00:33:21,841
Good. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
243
00:33:43,367 --> 00:33:45,597
It's time for that little thing again.
244
00:34:14,865 --> 00:34:18,426
A doll like this handlin' me
without warmth or emotion
245
00:34:18,502 --> 00:34:20,493
Twenty years ago
Just twenty. Man
246
00:34:20,571 --> 00:34:24,234
I could've made with the curly-lip smile
and had here atin' out of my asshole
247
00:34:24,842 --> 00:34:29,575
Doctor says this cream
ought to do the trick.
248
00:34:29,646 --> 00:34:31,807
Corticosteroids.
249
00:34:31,882 --> 00:34:35,613
Should heal the inflammation,
stop the pus.
250
00:34:37,154 --> 00:34:38,712
Whee'd my youth go?
251
00:34:40,057 --> 00:34:42,992
Why didn't fame
hold off old age and death?
252
00:34:43,060 --> 00:34:45,722
Why the hell did I leave
the fame in the first place?
253
00:34:45,796 --> 00:34:47,457
Do I want it back?
Could I have it back?
254
00:34:47,531 --> 00:34:51,023
And if I could
would it make any damn difference?
255
00:35:12,689 --> 00:35:15,180
Mr. Haff!
256
00:35:21,899 --> 00:35:23,764
Lord almighty
257
00:35:25,002 --> 00:35:28,096
You old rascal.
258
00:35:30,374 --> 00:35:33,832
I think you better take
a cold shower, Mr. Haff.
259
00:35:34,611 --> 00:35:38,411
There'd been two presidential elections
since I had a boner like that one
260
00:35:38,482 --> 00:35:39,972
WWhat ga ve hee?
261
00:35:40,050 --> 00:35:41,950
Then I realized what gave
262
00:35:42,019 --> 00:35:44,214
I was thinkin' about something
that interested me
263
00:35:44,288 --> 00:35:46,347
Not my next meal
orgoin' to the crapper
264
00:35:47,124 --> 00:35:49,456
I'd been given a dose of life again
265
00:35:54,064 --> 00:35:56,430
You get in there with me,
I'll take that shower.
266
00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:58,991
You silly thing.
267
00:35:59,069 --> 00:36:01,629
Come on, now.
Why don't you pull on it a little?
268
00:36:03,407 --> 00:36:05,671
You ought to be ashamed.
269
00:36:39,676 --> 00:36:43,874
Where at? Where at?
270
00:36:43,947 --> 00:36:45,175
I haven't seen my kids.
271
00:36:45,249 --> 00:36:46,409
It's an ambush!
272
00:36:48,886 --> 00:36:52,014
Under the bridge.
I saw him under the bridge.
273
00:36:53,257 --> 00:36:56,124
It's an ambush!
Tonto, my boots, Tonto!
274
00:36:56,193 --> 00:36:59,924
That's my friend Kemosabe
We used to play cards together
275
00:36:59,997 --> 00:37:02,989
- My boots!
- Now he doesn't even know who I am
276
00:38:01,358 --> 00:38:02,518
Daddy.
277
00:38:07,631 --> 00:38:08,791
Baby?
278
00:38:15,906 --> 00:38:19,740
Sebastian. Sebastian! It's loose!
279
00:38:19,810 --> 00:38:20,970
What's loose?
280
00:38:21,044 --> 00:38:22,636
Lt. Listen.
281
00:38:33,090 --> 00:38:35,684
Jesus Christ. What's that?
282
00:38:35,759 --> 00:38:38,728
I thought it was Lyndon Johnson,
but I was wrong.
283
00:38:38,795 --> 00:38:42,356
I've come across new evidence
to suggest another assassin.
284
00:38:44,001 --> 00:38:45,161
Assassin?
285
00:38:45,235 --> 00:38:47,829
He's after another target tonight.
286
00:38:47,904 --> 00:38:49,804
Come on, I wanna show you something.
287
00:38:49,873 --> 00:38:52,341
I don't think it's safe
if you go back to sleeping.
288
00:38:52,409 --> 00:38:55,037
For chrissake, man.
Just tell the administrators.
289
00:38:56,613 --> 00:38:59,707
Suits and white starches?
No, thank you!
290
00:38:59,783 --> 00:39:04,083
I trusted them when I was back in Dallas,
and look where they got my brain and me.
291
00:39:04,154 --> 00:39:07,146
I'm thinkin' with sand here.
292
00:39:07,224 --> 00:39:10,387
I mean, I pick up some waves,
maybe, from my brain,
293
00:39:10,460 --> 00:39:12,291
but somheday, who khows
294
00:39:12,362 --> 00:39:15,525
Somebody might just disconnect
the battery at the White House.
295
00:39:15,599 --> 00:39:18,762
Oh, yeah. That's something
to worry about, all right.
296
00:39:21,471 --> 00:39:23,701
Listen here. Listen.
297
00:39:23,774 --> 00:39:25,605
I know you're Elvis.
298
00:39:33,150 --> 00:39:37,814
There was a rumor, you know,
that you hated me.
299
00:39:37,888 --> 00:39:39,287
But I thought about that.
300
00:39:41,825 --> 00:39:44,817
If you hated me, you could've
finished me off the other night.
301
00:39:46,663 --> 00:39:50,497
What I want from you is
that you look me straight in the eye
302
00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:55,732
and assure me you had nothing
at all to do with that day in Dallas,
303
00:39:55,806 --> 00:39:59,867
and that you did not know
Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby.
304
00:40:07,684 --> 00:40:09,345
Look, man...
305
00:40:09,419 --> 00:40:11,580
I had nothing to do with Dallas.
306
00:40:11,655 --> 00:40:15,216
And I knew neither
Lee Harvey Oswald nor Jack Ruby.
307
00:40:16,059 --> 00:40:20,792
Good. May I call you Elvis
instead of Sebastian?
308
00:40:21,465 --> 00:40:22,659
You may.
309
00:40:22,733 --> 00:40:24,223
Excellent.
310
00:40:24,301 --> 00:40:25,962
You wear glasses to read?
311
00:40:26,036 --> 00:40:28,527
Well, I wear glasses
when I really want to see.
312
00:40:28,605 --> 00:40:30,596
Get them. Come on.
313
00:40:35,712 --> 00:40:38,203
Come on.
Right down the hall.
314
00:40:40,784 --> 00:40:43,252
The walker was
swingin' along easier now
315
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:44,651
Not even like I needed it
316
00:40:45,455 --> 00:40:47,616
Damn. This here Jack was a nut
317
00:40:48,358 --> 00:40:50,349
Maybe I was nuts. Too
318
00:40:50,427 --> 00:40:52,657
but there was
an adventure goin' on
319
00:40:52,729 --> 00:40:53,821
It's in here.
320
00:41:00,504 --> 00:41:01,562
In here.
321
00:41:13,283 --> 00:41:14,614
That's it?
322
00:41:14,684 --> 00:41:18,245
We're investigating a scuttling in the hall,
trying to figure out who attacked you,
323
00:41:18,321 --> 00:41:21,154
and you bring me here to look
at stick pictures on the shit house wall?
324
00:41:21,224 --> 00:41:22,748
Look close.
325
00:41:42,245 --> 00:41:43,405
It's Egyptian.
326
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:44,879
Right-a-reen-o.
327
00:41:44,948 --> 00:41:48,884
Hey, you're not as stupid
as some folks made you out.
328
00:41:48,952 --> 00:41:53,912
- Thank you.
- Now, I copied this down yesterday.
329
00:41:53,990 --> 00:41:58,518
I came in here to take a shit because
they hadn't cleaned up my bathroom.
330
00:41:58,595 --> 00:42:01,928
Saw that on the wall,
took it back to my room,
331
00:42:01,998 --> 00:42:04,694
looked it up in my books,
and I wrote it all down.
332
00:42:04,768 --> 00:42:10,764
Now, this top line
translates roughly into,
333
00:42:10,841 --> 00:42:14,675
"Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers."
334
00:42:14,744 --> 00:42:19,238
And the bottom line,
"Cleopatra does the nasty."
335
00:42:19,316 --> 00:42:20,374
Say what?
336
00:42:20,450 --> 00:42:23,180
Well, pretty much.
That's the best I can translate it.
337
00:42:24,287 --> 00:42:27,779
All right, so, one of the nuts in here...
present company excluded...
338
00:42:27,858 --> 00:42:30,691
thinks he's Tutankhamen,
comes in here, writes hieroglyphics.
339
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:33,854
Big deal! What's the connection?
Why are we standin' here in the toilet?
340
00:42:33,930 --> 00:42:37,331
Well, I don't know what
the connection is, exactly... not yet.
341
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,995
But that thing
caught me asleep last night.
342
00:42:41,071 --> 00:42:43,562
And I came awake just in time.
343
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,369
He had me on the floor.
344
00:42:45,442 --> 00:42:49,139
I had his mouth over my asshole.
345
00:42:49,212 --> 00:42:50,372
A shit-eater?
346
00:42:50,447 --> 00:42:51,937
I don't think so.
347
00:42:52,015 --> 00:42:54,745
He was after my soul.
348
00:42:54,818 --> 00:42:58,686
Now, you can get that out of any
major orifice of a person's body.
349
00:42:58,755 --> 00:42:59,813
I read about it.
350
00:42:59,890 --> 00:43:01,949
Yeah? Where, man? Hustler?
351
00:43:02,025 --> 00:43:05,961
The Everyday Man Or Woman's
Book of the Soul by David Webb.
352
00:43:06,029 --> 00:43:08,259
And they got pretty good
movie reviews in there
353
00:43:08,331 --> 00:43:11,266
about stolen soul movies
in the back.
354
00:43:11,334 --> 00:43:13,359
Come on. I'll show you.
355
00:44:12,662 --> 00:44:17,224
I think that there might be some sort
of electrical problem in the gardener's shed.
356
00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:20,235
That light...
looks like it's shortin' out.
357
00:44:20,303 --> 00:44:22,897
This whole damn place is fallin' apart.
358
00:44:22,973 --> 00:44:25,134
But you don't have to think about that.
359
00:44:25,208 --> 00:44:28,200
Mrs. Biddlestein is waitin'
on her enema.
360
00:44:29,245 --> 00:44:32,146
All right. All right. I'm comin'.
361
00:44:34,184 --> 00:44:37,244
Just let me finish my cigarette, first.
362
00:44:38,188 --> 00:44:39,348
God.
363
00:45:31,274 --> 00:45:32,969
Here's an ugly son of a bitch.
364
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,313
Damn! Hey, Jack.
365
00:45:45,388 --> 00:45:48,551
What it says here
is that you can bury some dude,
366
00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:53,619
and if he gets the right tanna leaves
and spells said over him and such bullshit,
367
00:45:53,696 --> 00:45:57,029
that he can come back to life
thousands of years later, man.
368
00:45:57,767 --> 00:45:58,825
But hold on, now.
369
00:45:58,902 --> 00:46:02,668
To stay alive, he has to suck
on the souls of the livin',
370
00:46:02,739 --> 00:46:06,402
and that if the souls are small,
his life force doesn't last long.
371
00:46:07,177 --> 00:46:09,338
Small.
What's that mean?
372
00:46:09,412 --> 00:46:11,903
Read on.
No, never mind.
373
00:46:11,981 --> 00:46:13,642
I'll tell you myself.
374
00:46:14,384 --> 00:46:17,182
But first,
would you like a Ding Dong?
375
00:46:18,588 --> 00:46:20,078
I don't mean mine.
376
00:46:20,957 --> 00:46:22,618
I mean a chocolate Ding Dong.
377
00:46:23,493 --> 00:46:26,951
Of course, mine would be chocolate
now that I have been dyed.
378
00:46:27,030 --> 00:46:28,554
You got Ding Dongs, man?
379
00:46:29,699 --> 00:46:32,691
I got Paydays
and I got a box of Baby Ruths.
380
00:46:32,769 --> 00:46:34,100
Oh, mama!
381
00:46:35,939 --> 00:46:39,534
Which will it be?
Let's get decadent.
382
00:46:40,543 --> 00:46:41,805
I'll take a Baby Ruth.
383
00:46:44,547 --> 00:46:46,014
All right.
384
00:46:47,851 --> 00:46:51,218
Now... small souls...
385
00:46:52,255 --> 00:46:55,918
are those that don't have
much fire for life.
386
00:46:55,992 --> 00:46:57,459
You know a place like that?
387
00:46:57,527 --> 00:47:01,520
Man, if souls were fires,
they couldn't burn much lower than in here.
388
00:47:01,598 --> 00:47:03,361
Exactamundo.
389
00:47:03,433 --> 00:47:08,769
What we have here at Shady Rest
is an Egyptian soul sucker of some sort.
390
00:47:08,838 --> 00:47:11,329
You know, a mummy hiding out.
391
00:47:11,407 --> 00:47:14,899
Coming in here,
feeding on the sleeping.
392
00:47:14,978 --> 00:47:17,139
It's perfect, you see?
393
00:47:17,213 --> 00:47:20,876
We're small souls,
so we can't provide him much.
394
00:47:21,551 --> 00:47:25,954
But if that thing comes back
two or three times in a row
395
00:47:26,022 --> 00:47:30,721
and wraps his lips
around some elder's asshole,
396
00:47:30,793 --> 00:47:34,524
that elder is going to die pretty soon.
397
00:47:34,597 --> 00:47:36,963
And who would be the wiser?
398
00:47:56,953 --> 00:47:58,284
Asshole.
399
00:48:00,323 --> 00:48:03,690
A mummy can't be getting
too much energy from all this...
400
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,890
not like with big souls...
but the prey is easy.
401
00:48:08,431 --> 00:48:12,925
With new people comin' all the time, he can
keep this up forever... this soul robbin'.
402
00:48:13,002 --> 00:48:14,731
That's what they
brought us here for...
403
00:48:14,804 --> 00:48:17,398
to get us out of the way
until we die.
404
00:48:17,473 --> 00:48:23,309
And those who don't die first from
disease or just plain being old, he gets.
405
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:27,714
Look, that's all well and good, Jack,
but there's one thing that still throws me.
406
00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:32,914
How does an ancient Egyptian
wind up in an East Texas rest home,
407
00:48:32,989 --> 00:48:36,220
and why is he writin'
on the shit house walls, man?
408
00:48:36,292 --> 00:48:38,783
Well, he went in to take a crap,
409
00:48:38,861 --> 00:48:41,728
got bored,
started writing on the walls.
410
00:48:41,798 --> 00:48:45,199
He probably wrote
on pyramid walls centuries ago.
411
00:48:45,268 --> 00:48:48,237
Come on. What would he crap?
It's not like he'd eat.
412
00:48:48,304 --> 00:48:50,465
Well, he eats souls.
413
00:48:50,540 --> 00:48:54,306
So, I assume
that he would crap soul residue.
414
00:48:54,377 --> 00:48:58,279
By that, I would mean
that if you die from his mouth,
415
00:48:58,348 --> 00:49:01,340
you don't go to the other side
where the souls go.
416
00:49:01,417 --> 00:49:06,514
He digests souls
until they don't exist anymore.
417
00:49:06,589 --> 00:49:10,423
And you're just so much
toilet water decoration.
418
00:49:10,493 --> 00:49:12,859
And speaking of toilets...
419
00:49:12,929 --> 00:49:16,387
This is how I figured
that whole thing out.
420
00:49:17,267 --> 00:49:20,498
He's just like anybody else
when it comes to taking a dump.
421
00:49:20,570 --> 00:49:23,061
He wants a nice,
clean place with a flush.
422
00:49:23,139 --> 00:49:24,970
They didn't have that in his time.
423
00:49:48,865 --> 00:49:50,924
No, no.
Don't go out in the hall.
424
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,800
- That's all right. I'm not asleep.
- That don't mean he won't hurt you.
425
00:49:54,871 --> 00:49:58,432
"He" my ass. There isn't
any mummy from Egypt.
426
00:50:02,478 --> 00:50:04,537
Nice knowin' you, Elvis.
427
00:52:26,556 --> 00:52:27,716
Asshole.
428
00:53:35,124 --> 00:53:38,457
Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart
before he hit the floor
429
00:53:41,264 --> 00:53:43,755
Gone down and out
with both guns blazing
430
00:53:44,467 --> 00:53:46,867
Soul intact
431
00:53:50,973 --> 00:53:53,237
Once again. We got scolded
432
00:53:55,311 --> 00:53:58,246
This time. We got quizzed about
what had happened to Kemosabe.
433
00:53:58,314 --> 00:54:00,714
But neitherof us told the truth
434
00:54:02,318 --> 00:54:04,479
I mean. Who was gonna believe
a couple of nuts?
435
00:54:05,755 --> 00:54:07,586
Elvis and Jack Kennedy explaining
436
00:54:07,657 --> 00:54:10,717
that Kemosabe was gunning
fora mummy in cowboy duds?
437
00:54:10,793 --> 00:54:13,455
Some kind of Bubba Ho-Tep?
438
00:54:14,730 --> 00:54:16,129
So. What we did was
439
00:54:17,667 --> 00:54:18,827
we lied
440
00:55:03,279 --> 00:55:05,110
Life sure is fleetin', you know?
441
00:55:05,181 --> 00:55:08,514
- What?
- Life. I'm saying it's fleetin'.
442
00:55:08,584 --> 00:55:11,246
One minute you're here,
and the next minute you're gone...
443
00:55:13,122 --> 00:55:15,283
Shit! Shit! Come on!
444
00:55:17,226 --> 00:55:19,558
Come on. Move it!
Come on. Get it!
445
00:55:23,766 --> 00:55:25,427
Nonchalant. Nonchalant.
446
00:55:25,501 --> 00:55:26,559
Nonchalant.
447
00:55:27,603 --> 00:55:28,763
Get it in there.
448
00:55:31,107 --> 00:55:32,938
You are one fuckin' idiot.
449
00:56:01,137 --> 00:56:02,297
Mr. Haff?
450
00:56:04,974 --> 00:56:06,703
Mr. Presley?
451
00:56:11,147 --> 00:56:14,480
Now, how, Mr Pres ey
452
00:56:14,550 --> 00:56:19,283
You are looking much stronger,
but you shouldn't be out here too long.
453
00:56:19,355 --> 00:56:21,118
It's time for your nap.
454
00:56:21,190 --> 00:56:25,718
And it's also time for us to do
that little... you know.
455
00:56:25,795 --> 00:56:27,922
You fuck off,
you patronizing bitch!
456
00:56:29,665 --> 00:56:33,658
I'm sick of your shit! I'll lube
my own crankshaft from now on.
457
00:56:36,038 --> 00:56:37,528
You treat me like a baby again,
458
00:56:37,606 --> 00:56:40,268
I'll wrap this goddamn walker
right around your head!
459
00:57:14,243 --> 00:57:16,177
How in the hell
did that mummy do that?
460
00:57:46,008 --> 00:57:49,341
Well... what the hell.
461
00:58:36,025 --> 00:58:37,959
Where did old Bubba Ho-Tep go?
462
00:58:39,595 --> 00:58:41,085
Where did he come from?
463
00:58:43,032 --> 00:58:44,761
How the hell did he get here?
464
00:58:48,704 --> 00:58:50,035
Wait a minute.
465
00:59:10,492 --> 00:59:12,983
Under the bridge
I saw him under the bridge
466
00:59:47,029 --> 00:59:48,189
Come on, mama.
467
01:00:20,562 --> 01:00:21,722
It's a cancer
468
01:00:22,598 --> 01:00:26,034
They're keepin' it from me 'cause I'm old.
And to them. It don't matter
469
01:00:26,101 --> 01:00:28,763
They think age will kill me first.
And they're probably right
470
01:00:28,837 --> 01:00:29,997
We, succk them
471
01:00:31,006 --> 01:00:33,065
I know what it is.
And if it isn't
472
01:00:33,142 --> 01:00:34,473
it might as well be
473
01:01:32,434 --> 01:01:38,430
Station KROP is proud to present
the Elvis Presley movie marathon
474
01:01:42,344 --> 01:01:46,838
It's 24 hours of Elvis
in the roles he made famous
475
01:01:46,915 --> 01:01:51,181
Watch that two-fisted Hound Dog
out-strum. Outrace.
476
01:01:51,253 --> 01:01:54,586
Out-fight. And outwit the bad guys
477
01:01:55,824 --> 01:02:01,091
And at the same time.
Watch the King slay the girls
478
01:02:04,466 --> 01:02:05,865
Shitty pictures, man.
479
01:02:06,935 --> 01:02:08,266
Every single one.
480
01:02:11,306 --> 01:02:14,798
Here I was complainin' about
loss of pride and how life had treated me.
481
01:02:14,877 --> 01:02:18,313
And now I realized
I never had any pride
482
01:02:18,380 --> 01:02:20,712
And much of how life
had treated me had been good
483
01:02:20,783 --> 01:02:23,115
The bulk of the bad
was my own damn fault
484
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:27,853
Should've fired Colonel Parker
by the time I got in the pictures
485
01:02:27,923 --> 01:02:29,652
Old fart had been a shark and a fool.
486
01:02:29,725 --> 01:02:32,057
And I was an even bigger fool
for following him
487
01:02:33,429 --> 01:02:35,420
If only I'd treated Priscilla right
488
01:02:36,899 --> 01:02:39,026
If I could've told
my daughter I loved her
489
01:02:40,502 --> 01:02:43,335
Always the questions
Never the answers
490
01:02:43,405 --> 01:02:46,897
Always the hopes
never the fulfillments
491
01:02:53,849 --> 01:02:57,580
I had the woman who calls herself
my niece come get me.
492
01:02:57,653 --> 01:03:00,816
She took me downtown this morning
to the newspaper morgue.
493
01:03:00,889 --> 01:03:03,357
She's been helping me
to do some research.
494
01:03:04,293 --> 01:03:07,126
- Research on what, man?
- On our mummy.
495
01:03:07,196 --> 01:03:08,857
You know somethin' about him?
496
01:03:08,931 --> 01:03:10,990
I know plenty.
497
01:03:13,402 --> 01:03:16,803
Now, one of the lesser mummies,
498
01:03:16,872 --> 01:03:19,466
on loan from the Egyptian government,
499
01:03:19,541 --> 01:03:22,601
was being circulated
all over the United States.
500
01:03:22,678 --> 01:03:24,236
You know, museums,
stuff like that.
501
01:03:24,313 --> 01:03:26,338
What do you mean?
Like King Tut or whatever?
502
01:03:26,415 --> 01:03:28,212
No, more like King Tut's brother.
503
01:03:28,283 --> 01:03:32,652
His mummy was flown or carried
by the train from state to state.
504
01:03:32,721 --> 01:03:35,315
When it got to Texas,
it was stolen.
505
01:03:35,390 --> 01:03:36,379
Stolen?
506
01:03:36,458 --> 01:03:41,225
Evidence points to it being stolen at night
by a couple of guys in a silver bus.
507
01:03:41,296 --> 01:03:44,026
Bus? Hey, I've seen that!
508
01:03:44,099 --> 01:03:46,329
Anyway, the thieves
broke into the museum,
509
01:03:46,401 --> 01:03:49,336
stole it in hopes of a ransom,
510
01:03:49,404 --> 01:03:54,273
when in comes the worst storm
in East Texas history.
511
01:03:55,244 --> 01:03:56,336
Let me guess.
512
01:03:57,312 --> 01:03:59,303
The bus was washed away, see?
513
01:03:59,381 --> 01:04:02,544
'Cause I think I saw it today.
It was way back in the creek.
514
01:04:02,618 --> 01:04:05,451
The mummy was imprisoned
by the debris.
515
01:04:06,355 --> 01:04:08,414
Look here...
how'd it come back to life?
516
01:04:08,490 --> 01:04:10,890
And how did I end up
inside its memories?
517
01:04:10,959 --> 01:04:13,792
Speculation broadens here,
but from what I've read,
518
01:04:13,862 --> 01:04:16,695
some mummies get buried
without their names...
519
01:04:16,765 --> 01:04:19,063
a curse put on their sarcophagus.
520
01:04:20,369 --> 01:04:23,429
Hey, now, maybe our boy's
one of them.
521
01:04:23,505 --> 01:04:27,669
I mean, when he's in the coffin,
he's just a dried-up old corpse,
522
01:04:27,743 --> 01:04:30,974
but when the bus got washed away,
maybe it overturned or broke open,
523
01:04:31,046 --> 01:04:33,037
and now he's free of coffin and curse.
524
01:04:33,115 --> 01:04:37,484
He's free from imprisonment,
but he still needs souls.
525
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:39,451
Now he's free to have them.
526
01:04:39,521 --> 01:04:43,719
He can just keep on feedin'
unless he's finally destroyed.
527
01:04:46,562 --> 01:04:48,052
So, what do we do, Jack?
528
01:04:49,398 --> 01:04:52,196
Changing rest homes
might be a good idea.
529
01:04:52,267 --> 01:04:53,894
I can't think of much else.
530
01:04:53,969 --> 01:04:55,960
But I will say this...
531
01:04:56,038 --> 01:04:59,701
Our mummy is
a nighttime kind of guy.
532
01:04:59,775 --> 01:05:02,972
So, I'm gonna go and sleep now.
533
01:05:03,045 --> 01:05:05,411
I'll set my alarm
for just before dark,
534
01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:08,108
then I can get myself
a couple of cups of coffee.
535
01:05:08,784 --> 01:05:10,046
Damn straight.
536
01:05:10,118 --> 01:05:13,849
If he comes in here tonight, I don't
want him slappin' his lips on my asshole.
537
01:05:13,922 --> 01:05:16,288
Yes. Consider it.
538
01:05:17,292 --> 01:05:22,025
He's got the proverbial
bird's nest on the ground here.
539
01:05:40,749 --> 01:05:43,684
What do I really have
left in life but this place?
540
01:05:48,257 --> 01:05:49,986
It ain't much of a home
541
01:05:51,159 --> 01:05:52,717
but it's all I got
542
01:05:58,066 --> 01:05:59,465
Well, goddamnit.
543
01:06:00,802 --> 01:06:05,865
I'll be damned if I let some foreign,
graffiti-writin', soul-suckin',
544
01:06:05,941 --> 01:06:09,274
son of a bitch in an oversized
cowboy hat and boots
545
01:06:09,344 --> 01:06:13,178
take my friends' souls and shit 'em
down the visitors toilet!
546
01:06:19,288 --> 01:06:22,121
In the movies.
I always played heroic types
547
01:06:22,190 --> 01:06:23,623
But when the stage lights went out.
548
01:06:23,692 --> 01:06:27,355
It was time fordrugs and stupidity
and the coveting of women
549
01:06:28,130 --> 01:06:29,893
Now it's time
550
01:06:29,965 --> 01:06:33,696
Time to be a little of what I
had always fantasized bein'...
551
01:06:33,769 --> 01:06:35,100
a hero
552
01:06:47,516 --> 01:06:48,574
Hello?
553
01:06:49,318 --> 01:06:51,286
Mr. Kennedy?
554
01:06:51,353 --> 01:06:53,617
Ask not what your rest home
can do for you.
555
01:06:54,656 --> 01:06:57,022
Ask what you can do
for your rest home.
556
01:06:57,092 --> 01:07:00,755
Hey, you're copying my best lines.
557
01:07:00,829 --> 01:07:03,093
Then let me paraphrase
one of my own.
558
01:07:04,032 --> 01:07:06,023
Let's take care of business.
559
01:07:06,568 --> 01:07:09,435
Just what are you
getting at, Elvis?
560
01:07:09,504 --> 01:07:11,699
I think you know
what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President.
561
01:07:13,241 --> 01:07:14,731
We're gonna kill us a mummy.
562
01:07:27,656 --> 01:07:30,056
Two bottles of rubbing alcohol.
563
01:07:31,193 --> 01:07:33,821
Check.
Don't even have to toss 'em.
564
01:07:33,895 --> 01:07:35,385
Look here.
565
01:07:35,464 --> 01:07:37,898
Found this in the storage room.
566
01:07:38,667 --> 01:07:39,998
I thought they kept it locked.
567
01:07:40,068 --> 01:07:42,866
They do. I stole a hairpin
and picked the lock, baby.
568
01:07:42,938 --> 01:07:44,235
Great.
569
01:07:44,306 --> 01:07:45,398
Matches.
570
01:07:46,174 --> 01:07:48,836
Check. Even scrounged up
a cigarette lighter.
571
01:07:49,945 --> 01:07:52,413
Good. Uniform.
572
01:07:57,185 --> 01:07:59,016
Big check on that, baby.
573
01:08:00,455 --> 01:08:05,620
Well, I got a nice pair of shoes
to go with this.
574
01:08:05,694 --> 01:08:06,752
Check.
575
01:08:08,797 --> 01:08:09,957
Scissors.
576
01:08:10,031 --> 01:08:11,259
Check.
577
01:08:12,467 --> 01:08:13,525
All right.
578
01:08:13,602 --> 01:08:16,969
Now, I got my chair
oiled and ready to roll.
579
01:08:17,572 --> 01:08:19,597
That's good, man.
We could use some wheels.
580
01:08:19,674 --> 01:08:23,508
And I picked some words of power
from my book of magic.
581
01:08:23,578 --> 01:08:25,307
I don't know
if they'll stop a mummy,
582
01:08:25,380 --> 01:08:27,712
but they're supposed
to ward off evil.
583
01:08:28,383 --> 01:08:31,284
I wrote them down.
One for each of us.
584
01:08:31,353 --> 01:08:33,344
Well, we'll use what we got, baby.
585
01:08:34,222 --> 01:08:36,690
All right, 2:45 a.m.,
we hook up right back here.
586
01:08:36,758 --> 01:08:41,024
No, at the rate we travel,
maybe we ought to start at 2:30.
587
01:08:43,832 --> 01:08:44,890
Say, Jack?
588
01:08:47,002 --> 01:08:48,663
Do we know
what the hell we're doin', man?
589
01:08:49,838 --> 01:08:54,707
No. But they say
that fire cleanses evil.
590
01:08:54,776 --> 01:08:58,371
Let's just hope that they...
whoever they are... is right.
591
01:08:58,447 --> 01:09:00,005
Check on that, too.
592
01:09:00,081 --> 01:09:01,639
All right, synchronize watches.
593
01:09:01,716 --> 01:09:04,947
And... mark.
594
01:09:05,921 --> 01:09:10,756
Now, the two key words for tonight
are "caution" and "flammable."
595
01:09:10,826 --> 01:09:14,318
And also...
"watch your ass."
596
01:10:23,231 --> 01:10:25,131
What's that you got
hanging around your neck?
597
01:10:26,401 --> 01:10:28,164
That's my medicine bag.
598
01:10:28,236 --> 01:10:30,170
Indians used to wear 'em into battle.
599
01:10:31,306 --> 01:10:33,274
Full of all kinds of lucky stuff.
600
01:10:34,409 --> 01:10:37,469
See here?
Mucho mojo.
601
01:10:45,420 --> 01:10:46,580
That's my daughter.
602
01:10:49,858 --> 01:10:51,257
I know.
603
01:10:53,929 --> 01:10:57,490
We weren't there for our kids
when they needed us, were we?
604
01:11:00,735 --> 01:11:02,726
Man, if I could just talk to her again...
605
01:11:04,005 --> 01:11:05,165
tell her I love her...
606
01:11:06,608 --> 01:11:08,667
try and make things right somehow.
607
01:11:09,911 --> 01:11:11,902
No time for regrets, Elvis.
608
01:11:11,980 --> 01:11:15,177
We were the best fathers we could be
under the circumstances.
609
01:11:17,419 --> 01:11:19,580
Yeah, I guess,
no time for regrets.
610
01:11:20,922 --> 01:11:22,583
We got business to take care of.
611
01:11:22,657 --> 01:11:25,353
Look here.
Top it off with this.
612
01:11:25,427 --> 01:11:27,759
I stole it from the gardener
when he wasn't lookin'.
613
01:11:32,701 --> 01:11:35,465
It's gonna be
one hell of a barbeque.
614
01:11:45,347 --> 01:11:46,746
Let's do it, amigo.
615
01:11:51,519 --> 01:11:52,577
Hey, Jack?
616
01:11:56,625 --> 01:11:58,183
I just got one last question.
617
01:12:00,462 --> 01:12:01,520
Marilyn.
618
01:12:04,699 --> 01:12:07,031
Come on, man.
Marilyn Monroe?
619
01:12:07,936 --> 01:12:09,927
What was she like in the sack?
620
01:12:10,905 --> 01:12:14,068
That is classified information.
Top secret!
621
01:12:15,644 --> 01:12:17,305
But between you and me...
622
01:12:18,380 --> 01:12:19,540
Wow!
623
01:12:23,818 --> 01:12:25,911
You old dog.
Watch your back, Jack.
624
01:12:31,626 --> 01:12:32,786
Gotta hump it.
625
01:13:24,079 --> 01:13:27,947
Shitwhen Bubba Ho-Tep
comes out of that creek bed.
626
01:13:28,016 --> 01:13:30,075
He's gonna come out
hungry and pissed
627
01:13:30,151 --> 01:13:32,813
When I try and stop him. He's gonna
jam this paint can up my ass
628
01:13:32,887 --> 01:13:35,219
and jam me and that wheelchair
up Jack's ass
629
01:14:19,334 --> 01:14:20,892
Shit.
630
01:14:28,777 --> 01:14:29,971
Hey, Jack.
631
01:15:44,719 --> 01:15:46,550
Don't make me use
my stuff on you, baby.
632
01:16:30,131 --> 01:16:32,691
Damn!
Where did he go to?
633
01:16:35,470 --> 01:16:37,267
Hey! You stay put!
634
01:16:37,972 --> 01:16:39,303
I'll flush him out!
635
01:16:42,043 --> 01:16:43,635
You be careful, man.
636
01:16:52,186 --> 01:16:53,175
No, Jack!
637
01:17:25,420 --> 01:17:26,478
Oh, man.
638
01:18:03,257 --> 01:18:06,920
Come and get it,
you undead sack of shit.
639
01:18:32,453 --> 01:18:33,613
Sorry, man.
640
01:19:02,550 --> 01:19:03,710
Mr. Kennedy?
641
01:19:10,224 --> 01:19:14,661
The President is soon dead.
642
01:19:19,200 --> 01:19:24,900
So, now...
it's up to you, Elvis.
643
01:19:24,972 --> 01:19:27,406
You got to get him.
644
01:19:27,475 --> 01:19:31,707
You... got to...
645
01:19:31,779 --> 01:19:33,610
take care of business.
646
01:19:50,531 --> 01:19:51,691
That's right, man.
647
01:19:53,501 --> 01:19:54,991
T.C. B...
648
01:19:57,271 --> 01:19:58,602
It's just you and me.
649
01:20:17,592 --> 01:20:18,752
Mr. President.
650
01:20:39,680 --> 01:20:43,081
"You nasty thing
from beyond the dead...
651
01:20:44,252 --> 01:20:49,417
"No matter what you think or do,
good things will never come to you.
652
01:20:52,727 --> 01:20:55,924
"And if evil
is your black design,
653
01:20:55,997 --> 01:21:00,661
"you can bet the goodness
of the Light Ones...
654
01:21:00,735 --> 01:21:03,863
will kick your bad behind"?
655
01:21:04,906 --> 01:21:06,567
For chrissake...
656
01:21:06,641 --> 01:21:07,801
That's it?
657
01:21:09,877 --> 01:21:12,778
That's the chant against evil
from the Book Of Souls?
658
01:21:12,847 --> 01:21:14,109
Yeah, right, boss.
659
01:21:14,182 --> 01:21:16,673
And what kind of decoder ring
comes with that, man?
660
01:21:16,751 --> 01:21:19,049
Shit, it doesn't even nyme well!
661
01:21:46,814 --> 01:21:48,213
This is dog shit.
662
01:21:53,087 --> 01:21:55,817
It's time for A-C-T-l-O-N.
663
01:21:58,025 --> 01:22:00,186
Come on, baby.
Here we go.
664
01:23:18,539 --> 01:23:19,938
I was goin' out
665
01:23:20,708 --> 01:23:23,643
And if I did. Rhot only would I be
one dead son of a bitch.
666
01:23:23,711 --> 01:23:24,871
But so would my soul
667
01:23:25,880 --> 01:23:27,711
I'd be just so much crap
668
01:23:29,050 --> 01:23:32,315
No afterlife. Rho reincarnation.
Rho angels with harps
669
01:23:33,054 --> 01:23:35,614
Whatever lay beyond
would not be known to me
670
01:23:36,290 --> 01:23:39,020
It would all end right here
for Elvis Aaron Presley
671
01:23:39,694 --> 01:23:41,753
Nothin' left but a quick flush
672
01:23:45,966 --> 01:23:47,456
T.C.B., baby.
673
01:23:56,744 --> 01:23:59,872
Your soul-suckin' days
are over, amigo.
674
01:24:57,204 --> 01:25:00,605
I felt somethin' inside
gratin' against somethin' soft
675
01:25:01,642 --> 01:25:04,577
I felt like a water balloon
with a hole poked in it
676
01:25:07,381 --> 01:25:09,542
I was goin' down for the last count
677
01:25:10,651 --> 01:25:11,811
And I knew it
678
01:25:14,255 --> 01:25:16,086
But I still have my soul.
679
01:25:18,259 --> 01:25:19,658
It's still mine.
680
01:25:21,195 --> 01:25:22,594
All mine.
681
01:25:27,134 --> 01:25:30,399
And the folks up there
at Shady Rest...
682
01:25:32,440 --> 01:25:33,930
they have theirs, too.
683
01:25:35,576 --> 01:25:37,066
And they're gonna keep 'em.
684
01:25:38,946 --> 01:25:40,436
Every single one.
685
01:26:09,210 --> 01:26:10,370
Thank you.
686
01:26:13,147 --> 01:26:14,978
Thank you very much.