1 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:21,010 Everybody asks why I started at the end and worked back to the beginning. 2 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,376 The reason is simple. 3 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:27,816 I couldn't understand the beginning until I had reached the end. 4 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:33,053 There were too many pieces of the puzzle missing. 5 00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:36,161 Too much she would never tell. 6 00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:42,326 I could sell these things. People want to buy them. 7 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,970 But I'd set all this on fire first. 8 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:48,369 She'd like that. That's what she would do. 9 00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:51,339 She'd make it just to burn it. 10 00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:58,310 I couldn't afford this one, but the beginning deserved something special. 11 00:01:58,484 --> 00:02:02,079 But how do I show that nothing, not a taste... 12 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:05,952 ... not a smell, not even the color of the sky... 13 00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:11,563 ... has ever been as clear and sharp as it was when I belonged to her. 14 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:16,134 I don't know how to express that being with someone so dangerous... 15 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,964 ... was the last time that I felt safe. 16 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:59,305 The Santa Anas blew in hot from the desert that fall. 17 00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:02,812 Only the oleanders thrived. 18 00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:09,883 Maybe the wind was the reason my mother did what she did. 19 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:15,961 If it was, I wouldn't have known. I lived in her shadow then. 20 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:21,194 She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. 21 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:24,165 Everybody thinks that when they're small... 22 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:29,070 ... but she was the most beautiful woman most people had ever seen. 23 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:34,213 He came into our lives without warning. 24 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:37,872 She ignored him at first. He wasn't her type. 25 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,282 We laughed about him, his persistence. 26 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:47,916 "Never let a man spend the night," she said. Never apologize, never explain. 27 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:55,126 She was breaking all her rules. And it would change everything. 28 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,803 What are you doing up here? 29 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,210 Come sit next to me. 30 00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:10,309 It's the best place to feel the wind. 31 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,550 I can feel it from here. 32 00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,948 No, you can't. 33 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,523 It's okay. 34 00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,030 You should get some sleep. 35 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,535 I never sleep. I've been up here for hours. 36 00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:38,337 I had the most amazing idea for how to use my Polaroids in the Newport show. 37 00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:42,971 I'm gonna skip work today. Keep going until I finish. 38 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:47,047 You're still coming to parents' night, aren't you? 39 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:50,617 Oh, God, I forgot. 40 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:55,385 I made plans to go to Greta's opening. 41 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,320 All the other parents go. 42 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,968 What can they tell me about you that I don't already know? 43 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:09,540 Time's up! Pencils down. Papers, please. Thank you. 44 00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:13,971 Thank you. Time, Astrid. 45 00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:16,642 Thank you. 46 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,852 Is your mother coming tonight? 47 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,187 No. She has other plans. 48 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,791 More important than parents' night? 49 00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:32,221 She's an artist. She doesn't care about things like parents' night. 50 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:38,098 Right. And don't forget, you guys, chapters 17 and 18 for tomorrow. 51 00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,864 Finished my mug shots. 52 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,701 What do you think? 53 00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:45,035 They're great. 54 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:48,806 No. You're not looking. 55 00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:53,748 You can't be an artist if you don't see. Why do you think they're great? 56 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,620 I don't know. 57 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,932 They're lonely. 58 00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,838 It's me in the center. 59 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:18,033 It's our secret. You can't tell anybody. 60 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:22,773 I won't. I never tell our secrets. 61 00:06:26,752 --> 00:06:29,880 It's the deer-in-the-headlights look. Hilarious. 62 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,355 - How long has this been going on? - Couple months. 63 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:37,428 - His wife's gonna figure it out. - She's an idiot. 64 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,393 Cinema Scene. 65 00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,362 It's Barry Kolker again. 66 00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:52,874 Tell him I was killed in a climbing accident in the Himalayas. 67 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:56,338 Barry, she's still out of town. 68 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,559 We don't have any eggs. 69 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,258 We never have any eggs. 70 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,272 Barry can take us out to breakfast. 71 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,341 Barry spent the night? 72 00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,276 Yeah. 73 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,915 Excuse me. 74 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,195 I bet he's still out of town. 75 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:22,162 I called the magazine. He got back three days ago. 76 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,435 He's probably working. He doesn't call then. 77 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:30,042 He doesn't call when he's getting what he wants from somebody else. 78 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,163 I don't think you should do this. 79 00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:53,662 He'll get mad. 80 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:58,896 - I'll just say we were in the neighborhood. - He won't believe us. 81 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,115 You're not my type. 82 00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,092 You're not my type. 83 00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:47,342 What happened? 84 00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:50,438 He has a date. 85 00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:54,981 He made love to me and then said I had to leave... 86 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,644 ...because he has a date. 87 00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:08,295 - No! Get away from me. - Get her out! 88 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,630 - You have no right! - You're under arrest... 89 00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:15,296 ...for the murder of Barry Kolker. - They can't keep me! 90 00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,704 I'll be back in an hour! 91 00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:55,970 You must be Astrid? I'm Miss Martinez from Children's Services to pick you up. 92 00:11:56,148 --> 00:12:00,517 If you need more time, I can give you 15 minutes, but that's it. 93 00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:04,486 I'm not going. I'm waiting for my mother to come home. 94 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:10,323 Your mother won't be coming home. At least not for a while. 95 00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:31,138 - Any legal cause why sentence of judgment should not now be imposed? 96 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:35,378 Therefore, in accordance with the laws of California... 97 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:40,150 ...I sentence you to the term prescribed by law for murder. 98 00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:45,195 Not less than 35 years to life in a maximum-security prison. 99 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,612 - Hey! - Hello, Starr. How are you? 100 00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:41,514 Well, I'm fine! How are you? 101 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:44,589 - Good to see you. - You too. 102 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:48,693 Y'all must be starving. I hope you like olive loaf. 103 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,523 - I made enough to feed an army. - Astrid? 104 00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,562 - How was traffic? - Bad downtown... 105 00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:56,633 ...but it cleared up pretty fast. - Oh, good. 106 00:13:57,803 --> 00:14:01,899 There you go. Astrid Magnussen, this is Starr Thomas. 107 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,372 It is so nice to meet you, Astrid. 108 00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:08,809 Come on in! Here, let me help you with that. Was it a long drive? 109 00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:10,175 - Yeah. - Yeah? 110 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:15,412 I hope you didn't bring a ton of stuff. You'll share a room with my daughter. 111 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,751 This is our home. This is where we have company. 112 00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,825 Then in here is the kitchen and whatnot. 113 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:25,088 The boys sleep here. We don't have enough bedrooms. 114 00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,824 That's Davey in the glasses, and Owen. 115 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,696 This is Astrid. Boys, you say hi? 116 00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:34,999 Carolee? I said, get out here right now. 117 00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,438 Let's just go in there. 118 00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:43,476 This is Carolee, my daughter. 119 00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,340 Make some room, okay? 120 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:50,181 This is where you'll sleep. She'll clean up. Don't worry. 121 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:55,919 Just don't mind her. She's hormonal. The problem is she hasn't been saved. 122 00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,187 What about you? 123 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:58,352 What? 124 00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:02,125 Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? 125 00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,563 I don't know. 126 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,136 When you do, he'll be waiting. Okay? 127 00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:09,900 This is where Ray and I sleep, and the bathroom's here. 128 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,202 Let's go back in here. 129 00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:18,375 Ray's home late tonight. It's poker night. Don't talk to him about Jesus. 130 00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:23,180 He acts like he's the repo man or something, not a carpenter like him. 131 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,368 You must be the new addition. 132 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,638 I'm Ray. 133 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:50,072 Or Uncle Ray, but that's Starr's idea. 134 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,217 Not mine. 135 00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:56,412 I'm Astrid. 136 00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:59,148 It's nice to meet you, Astrid. 137 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,189 You coming in? 138 00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,166 Well, how come? 139 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,296 I'm thinking. 140 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:14,830 Oh, what about? 141 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,203 My mother. 142 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:29,046 Starr was telling me about her. She's doing time for killing her boyfriend, right? 143 00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:34,984 Yeah, well, those things happen. 144 00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,698 You come in when you're ready, okay? 145 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:54,769 That slut said I was grounded, like she's the mother in The Brady Bunch. 146 00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:57,749 Listen to that. 147 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:03,578 Saved by Jesus. She's such a hypocrite. 148 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:07,248 They shouldn't be doing it. They're not even married. 149 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:11,055 Reverend Daniels always blah-blahing about Jesus. 150 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:14,199 All he really wants to do is look at her ass. 151 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,264 Don't forget to leave the window open. 152 00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,230 Don't look at me like that. 153 00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:26,639 You're no different than I am. You just don't know it yet. 154 00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:52,929 I'm gonna kill you, Ingrid! 155 00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:55,897 I'm gonna strangle you, bitch! 156 00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,439 You bloody bitch! 157 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,517 Sin is a virus. That's what Reverend Thomas says. 158 00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:12,418 It's infecting the whole country like the clap. 159 00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:15,053 We've got every excuse. 160 00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:21,188 What's wrong if I shovel coke up my nose or want to feel good? Who does it hurt? 161 00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:26,998 Well, it hurts us. And it hurts Jesus. Because it's wrong. 162 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:30,230 I don't know how you swallow that. 163 00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:36,746 "He who believeth in me, though he was dead, yet will he live." Don't forget it. 164 00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:38,679 Here we are. 165 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:44,585 It's a miracle I'm not dead. They took my kids away. I was an alcoholic... 166 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:48,886 ...a cokehead. I was dancing topless. - People are staring. 167 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,325 Oh, Astrid, look! 168 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:56,867 Look at that. That is gonna go perfect with your new shoes. 169 00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:58,662 I mean, I thought: 170 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:03,774 "Who cares if I hang my tits in a stranger's face? It's nobody's business." 171 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:06,911 You know what? This is gonna be good on you. 172 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:12,016 Astrid, those are ugly shoes. 173 00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:14,618 Snakes don't bite above the ankle. 174 00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:19,621 You're better off being bitten by snakes than dressing for them. 175 00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:26,289 We need to get her a bra. Carolee had her first bra when she was 9. 176 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:31,164 You don't want them hanging to your knees when you're 30. Try it on. 177 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:38,470 Carolee, will Ray love that? Look at that. That is so nice! 178 00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:41,341 Hurry, Astrid, it's here! 179 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,038 I told you you were gonna miss it. 180 00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:47,982 Astrid. This one's for you. 181 00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:52,153 Who's it from? 182 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,224 My mother. 183 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:57,458 I didn't think she knew where I was. 184 00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:02,962 Dear Astrid, have you been getting my letters? 185 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:07,162 It's been six months. Why don't you write? 186 00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:11,105 It's only a few minutes before they turn out the lights. 187 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:15,042 I can hear the women screaming in their cells. 188 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:21,044 We're both in prison, you and I, punished for our strength and our independence. 189 00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:23,414 Don't forget who you are. 190 00:20:23,588 --> 00:20:28,025 The best part of me is well-hidden and you have to do the same. 191 00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:31,890 Remember it all, every insult, every tear. 192 00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,340 What are you doing? 193 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:49,246 I'm writing a letter to my mother. 194 00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:52,442 You ever write your dad? 195 00:20:52,617 --> 00:20:54,847 I don't know where he is. 196 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,950 I never met him. 197 00:20:57,522 --> 00:20:59,319 He left when I was 2. 198 00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:03,291 - Your mother tell you much about him? - No. 199 00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:08,199 - Well, aren't you curious? - I think about what he would think of me. 200 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:13,168 He probably thinks you're still 2. That's how I remember my son, Seth. 201 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,932 - You have a son? - Yeah. 202 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:20,067 - Hey, Ray. - Hey, Patty. 203 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,548 So you're going to the Jesus show? 204 00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:29,983 - Aren't you coming? - To Bible study? No. 205 00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:34,888 In my opinion, if there's a God, he sure as hell ain't worth praying to. 206 00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:39,259 That sounds like something my mother would say. 207 00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:42,400 She wouldn't take me to the Christmas pageant. 208 00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:46,230 She made me beg a ride off another kid. 209 00:21:47,672 --> 00:21:49,264 Hey, Ray. 210 00:21:49,441 --> 00:21:51,341 Leanne, hi! 211 00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:56,174 How you doing, Reverend? I don't think he likes me very much. 212 00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:02,083 Why don't you and Starr get married? 213 00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:04,415 'Cause I'm already married. 214 00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:08,457 - Astrid, come on in. We're starting. - Okay, I'm coming. 215 00:22:09,461 --> 00:22:11,656 Where's your wife? 216 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:14,089 Who knows? 217 00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:18,032 I haven't seen her or my son in over five years. 218 00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:37,880 I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 219 00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:40,581 Amen. 220 00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:53,902 Do you believe in God now? 221 00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:59,366 Maybe it's not such a bad thing to believe in something. 222 00:23:01,012 --> 00:23:04,448 - It's better to know things. - Why? 223 00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:10,179 What does it get you? Does it tell you the difference between right or wrong? 224 00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:16,326 She didn't kill that guy alone. 225 00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:20,794 I knew what my mother was doing, you know? 226 00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:26,663 I could've saved his life, but I didn't. 227 00:23:54,332 --> 00:23:55,993 Come on. 228 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:12,242 I'm gonna kill you, Ingrid! Open the door! 229 00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:15,875 Think there was something valuable on that hard disk? 230 00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:21,356 Maybe a collection of essays due at the publisher's this fall. 231 00:24:23,161 --> 00:24:26,096 You bloody bitch! You can't do this to me! 232 00:24:26,264 --> 00:24:28,596 You don't know what I can do. 233 00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:36,570 Fill out your registration slips. Know your inmate's number. 234 00:24:37,943 --> 00:24:41,276 No number, no visit. 235 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:43,346 Hey, baby. 236 00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:03,993 Astrid Magnussen? 237 00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:07,869 Astrid? 238 00:25:08,406 --> 00:25:10,169 Follow me. 239 00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:31,552 Mama! 240 00:25:36,601 --> 00:25:39,570 No, no, no, no, no. 241 00:25:39,738 --> 00:25:41,706 Don't cry. 242 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:45,172 We're not like that. We're the Vikings. Remember? 243 00:25:51,416 --> 00:25:53,907 You're so beautiful. 244 00:25:54,619 --> 00:25:56,519 Prison agrees with me. 245 00:25:56,688 --> 00:25:58,588 There's no hypocrisy here. 246 00:25:58,757 --> 00:26:02,887 Kill or be killed, and everybody knows it. 247 00:26:04,296 --> 00:26:06,127 Do they hurt you? 248 00:26:07,299 --> 00:26:09,529 Not as much as I hurt them. 249 00:26:12,504 --> 00:26:16,634 I won't be in here forever. I promise you that. 250 00:26:16,808 --> 00:26:20,608 One day you'll look out your window and I'll be there. 251 00:26:22,947 --> 00:26:25,814 Your hair smells like clover. 252 00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:34,014 I wanna remember you just like this, in that sadly hopeful pink dress. 253 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:39,193 - Starr picked it out. - Of course she did. 254 00:26:42,867 --> 00:26:44,425 What's that? 255 00:26:46,237 --> 00:26:49,434 Nothing. It's just a cross. 256 00:26:49,607 --> 00:26:51,973 I know it's a cross. 257 00:26:54,412 --> 00:26:56,937 Why are you wearing it? 258 00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:01,576 It's a present from Starr. 259 00:27:01,886 --> 00:27:03,911 She force you to go to church? 260 00:27:04,089 --> 00:27:08,082 They're really nice people. It's called the Assembly of God. 261 00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:13,959 To join you have to accept Christ as your personal savior. And you're baptized. 262 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:19,661 They call it being washed in the blood of the Lamb. But really, it's just water. 263 00:27:21,239 --> 00:27:25,198 Have you accepted Christ as your personal savior? 264 00:27:25,377 --> 00:27:30,212 - There's nothing wrong with Christians. - Are you out of your mind? 265 00:27:31,716 --> 00:27:36,585 How did this happen? I raised you, not Bible-thumping trailer trash. 266 00:27:36,755 --> 00:27:39,383 I raised you to think for yourself. 267 00:27:39,557 --> 00:27:41,821 No, you didn't. 268 00:27:45,397 --> 00:27:47,831 You raised me to think like you. 269 00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:53,960 Maybe thinking for yourself isn't so great. Reverend Daniels says it's evil. 270 00:27:54,139 --> 00:27:59,975 Evil? If thinking for yourself is evil, then every artist is evil. 271 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:05,583 Is that what you believe, now that you're washed in the blood of the Lamb? 272 00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:10,210 - Man's ability to reason is evil? Am I evil? - No. 273 00:28:12,056 --> 00:28:13,921 No. 274 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:18,828 But killing people who don't want you is evil. 275 00:28:18,997 --> 00:28:20,965 We pray for your redemption. 276 00:28:21,132 --> 00:28:25,068 Fuck my redemption. I don't want it. I regret nothing. 277 00:28:25,236 --> 00:28:31,038 Attention. Visiting hours are over. Visitors, return to the holding area. 278 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:35,038 It's good that you're trying to identify evil, Astrid. 279 00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:37,873 But evil is tricky. 280 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:43,009 Just when you think you know what it is, it changes its form. 281 00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:46,749 Learning its nature takes a lifetime of study. 282 00:28:47,358 --> 00:28:51,988 I will not lose you. Not to them. 283 00:28:53,031 --> 00:28:55,795 Those people are the enemy, Astrid. 284 00:28:55,967 --> 00:28:58,902 - Visiting hours are over. - Write to me. 285 00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,799 - Time's up. - Write to me... 286 00:29:00,972 --> 00:29:03,668 ...at least once a week. - I love you. 287 00:29:03,842 --> 00:29:09,041 I'm the only person you know who can keep you honest. 288 00:29:09,214 --> 00:29:11,739 - Okay? - Okay. 289 00:29:14,352 --> 00:29:18,482 Don't forget who you are, Astrid. 290 00:29:19,057 --> 00:29:23,084 You're my daughter and you're perfect, remember? 291 00:29:55,593 --> 00:29:57,527 How far away is it? 292 00:29:57,695 --> 00:30:01,028 About a mile. Maybe two. 293 00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,464 Shouldn't we pack up and go? 294 00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:07,571 No, not yet. The wind's still in our favor. 295 00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:13,867 My mother used to love fire season. 296 00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:19,614 She made me decide what I'd take if we had to go. 297 00:30:20,285 --> 00:30:23,743 She said if I was brave, I wouldn't take anything. 298 00:30:25,223 --> 00:30:27,418 Your mother sounds tough. 299 00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:28,820 Not like you. 300 00:30:30,828 --> 00:30:32,887 What am I like? 301 00:30:33,631 --> 00:30:37,032 You? You're a sweetheart. 302 00:30:45,043 --> 00:30:47,034 Astrid, honey? 303 00:30:47,812 --> 00:30:49,609 Astrid? 304 00:30:51,082 --> 00:30:53,209 You come on in here a minute? 305 00:31:00,658 --> 00:31:03,092 Well, sit down. I won't bite. 306 00:31:08,099 --> 00:31:13,731 You having fun here, aren't you? Making yourself at home, getting comfortable? 307 00:31:16,207 --> 00:31:18,767 Little too comfortable, I'd say. 308 00:31:19,811 --> 00:31:24,805 I might not be a genius, but I get your game. And it takes one to know one. 309 00:31:24,983 --> 00:31:27,884 - One what? - Always hanging around... 310 00:31:28,052 --> 00:31:32,216 ...handling his tools. "What's this for, Ray? Can I help you?" 311 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:34,824 We're not doing anything. 312 00:31:35,426 --> 00:31:37,690 I'm calling Children's Services. 313 00:31:37,862 --> 00:31:39,659 - It's all over. - But... 314 00:31:39,831 --> 00:31:41,822 Don't "but" me. 315 00:31:43,067 --> 00:31:47,697 He is a man. And he sees what he sees, and he does what he can. 316 00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:50,102 I've got a nice thing going here. 317 00:31:50,274 --> 00:31:52,299 Ray's the best man I ever had. 318 00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:56,174 And I've lived too long and come too far to blow it now. 319 00:31:58,082 --> 00:32:00,516 I never had a father... 320 00:32:00,685 --> 00:32:02,346 Don't. 321 00:32:03,488 --> 00:32:08,152 I've got myself and my kids to worry about. We hardly know each other. 322 00:32:08,326 --> 00:32:10,658 I don't owe you a thing. 323 00:32:13,031 --> 00:32:18,867 - Jesus would give me a chance. - Well, I'm not Jesus. Not even close. 324 00:32:23,841 --> 00:32:26,275 He might be mad... 325 00:32:26,511 --> 00:32:30,447 ...if he knew you sent me away because you were jealous. 326 00:32:31,949 --> 00:32:35,749 You're trying to make him a prisoner. He's gonna hate you. 327 00:32:38,389 --> 00:32:39,651 What do you know? 328 00:32:39,824 --> 00:32:43,316 I know that men don't like women who try to own them. 329 00:32:44,095 --> 00:32:49,727 I like you. I like the kids. I would never do anything to screw it up. 330 00:32:52,203 --> 00:32:55,297 You swear you're not interested in him? 331 00:32:55,473 --> 00:32:57,600 I swear to God. 332 00:33:02,613 --> 00:33:06,845 - There. Did you see it? - I'm not sure. 333 00:33:07,418 --> 00:33:09,943 - See anything yet? - It's just starting. 334 00:33:10,121 --> 00:33:12,817 But we should be getting 40 an hour soon. 335 00:33:12,990 --> 00:33:16,949 The Quadrantid is the shortest meteorite shower, but the densest. 336 00:33:17,128 --> 00:33:19,289 Except for the Perseids. 337 00:33:28,773 --> 00:33:31,367 You and Starr, you having a beef? 338 00:33:34,045 --> 00:33:35,569 No. 339 00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:38,239 Why? 340 00:33:40,284 --> 00:33:42,775 Just something she said. 341 00:33:47,925 --> 00:33:50,519 I guess it's hard getting older... 342 00:33:51,429 --> 00:33:54,557 ...pretty girl coming up in the house. 343 00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:59,632 Ray, honey? What are you doing out here? 344 00:33:59,804 --> 00:34:02,796 Nothing, baby. Just having a smoke. 345 00:34:10,948 --> 00:34:13,143 Looking at the stars. 346 00:34:21,125 --> 00:34:23,593 And this is $40, not even $40 a month. 347 00:34:23,761 --> 00:34:27,128 - Forty dollars is $40. - You waste $200 in one night. 348 00:34:27,298 --> 00:34:30,426 - You've been doing it weekly. - I won last week. 349 00:34:30,601 --> 00:34:33,468 What else are you doing with the money, Ray? 350 00:34:33,638 --> 00:34:36,903 - You can't even look at me. - I'm looking right at you. 351 00:34:37,074 --> 00:34:40,669 You weren't. And you've got your car out there. 352 00:34:40,845 --> 00:34:43,336 God knows what you spend on that. 353 00:34:43,514 --> 00:34:45,379 That comes out of my pocket. 354 00:34:45,716 --> 00:34:48,116 - Don't ruin this. - Ruin what? 355 00:34:48,286 --> 00:34:50,186 You didn't come in till 3:00 in the morning. 356 00:34:50,354 --> 00:34:54,017 - I was with John. - She's drinking again. 357 00:34:54,192 --> 00:34:56,717 And who else? I saw you eyeing her. 358 00:35:14,478 --> 00:35:16,912 Thought you all were going to a movie. 359 00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:19,174 I had a lot of homework. 360 00:35:21,018 --> 00:35:26,046 - How come you aren't playing poker? - The game got cancelled. 361 00:35:28,593 --> 00:35:33,053 - They coming home soon? - Not too long. 362 00:35:35,900 --> 00:35:39,233 Well, there's plenty of food if you want. 363 00:35:40,071 --> 00:35:41,902 Thanks. 364 00:36:22,179 --> 00:36:24,340 This isn't right. 365 00:37:14,966 --> 00:37:16,866 Is everyone gone? 366 00:37:20,604 --> 00:37:24,563 - It is my business! This is my house! - It is not! 367 00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:28,337 - Get out of my room! - You abide by the laws I put down! 368 00:37:28,512 --> 00:37:33,609 I am not gonna get out! I waited up for you. I want to know who you were with! 369 00:37:33,784 --> 00:37:36,878 Don't give me your shit. You stayed up to drink. 370 00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:40,820 - I stayed up to catch you, you whore! - You should know. 371 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:46,530 Try it again, I'll take you out, bitch. 372 00:37:47,999 --> 00:37:52,698 Carolee! You walk out that door, don't you bother coming back. 373 00:37:52,870 --> 00:37:58,274 Why the hell would I want to? I've been down this road with you before, Mom. 374 00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:02,802 Sorry, Davey. I can't go through this again. 375 00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:06,578 Carolee. 376 00:38:17,328 --> 00:38:22,197 You used to like it before you started doing that bitch. Admit it, bastard! 377 00:38:22,566 --> 00:38:24,591 - You're screwing her! - You need to call your sponsor. 378 00:38:24,769 --> 00:38:27,704 - Screw my sponsor! - Go back to bed. 379 00:38:27,872 --> 00:38:31,364 I should've gotten rid of her. Know what I'm gonna do? 380 00:38:31,842 --> 00:38:34,208 I'm gonna go in there and cash her check. 381 00:38:34,378 --> 00:38:39,213 Hey, Starr. Starr. Hey! Starr! Give me that gun. 382 00:38:40,217 --> 00:38:43,015 - What the hell is wrong with you? - Get off! 383 00:38:45,589 --> 00:38:48,319 Starr! Starr! 384 00:38:50,394 --> 00:38:53,488 Get off of me, goddamn it! Get off of me! 385 00:38:53,664 --> 00:38:58,397 No, Ray! Goddamn it, Ray. Get off of me! 386 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:20,749 No, don't cry. We're not like that. We're the Vikings, remember? 387 00:39:20,958 --> 00:39:25,827 Astrid? Can you talk to me? Astrid? 388 00:39:25,996 --> 00:39:31,525 Astrid? Can you talk to me? Astrid. Talk to me. Can you talk to me? 389 00:39:31,702 --> 00:39:36,503 She's coming around. This boy saved your life. If he hadn't called 911... 390 00:39:36,674 --> 00:39:39,768 ...you'd be dead. - Who did this to you, Astrid? 391 00:39:39,944 --> 00:39:42,606 - Who shot you? - I don't know. 392 00:39:43,581 --> 00:39:45,549 Hey, watch your feet. 393 00:39:45,716 --> 00:39:47,445 - Okay, rug. - Got it. 394 00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:55,389 - Where's Ray, Davey? - He's gone. They're both gone. 395 00:39:57,061 --> 00:40:01,293 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ruined it. 396 00:40:01,465 --> 00:40:04,559 Doesn't matter. Something would have. 397 00:40:04,869 --> 00:40:06,928 Bye, Astrid. 398 00:40:07,104 --> 00:40:08,162 Okay. One step. 399 00:40:08,339 --> 00:40:10,807 - Davey. - We got you, Astrid. 400 00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:13,643 Okay, step. 401 00:40:18,749 --> 00:40:20,478 We got her. 402 00:40:23,554 --> 00:40:26,853 It's okay. We got you. 403 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:07,327 We'd prefer to find a permanent place, but we have so many children right now. 404 00:41:07,498 --> 00:41:11,093 You need special attention, which you'll get at McKinney Hall. 405 00:41:11,268 --> 00:41:13,964 They have all sorts of activities for kids. 406 00:41:22,580 --> 00:41:26,311 You're dead, bitch! You hear me? You're dead. 407 00:41:27,251 --> 00:41:31,381 Don't ever look at my boyfriend again. You hear me? 408 00:41:31,555 --> 00:41:33,819 You look at my boyfriend, you're dead! 409 00:42:48,098 --> 00:42:53,661 Next time you and your friends jump me, I'll cut your throats when you're sleeping. 410 00:43:10,187 --> 00:43:15,215 - What do you want? - I was looking at your picture. 411 00:43:16,794 --> 00:43:18,159 It's good. 412 00:43:20,397 --> 00:43:21,830 Who is it? 413 00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:32,435 - How come you chopped off your hair? - None of your business. 414 00:43:36,213 --> 00:43:39,512 - You're still beautiful. - Looks don't interest me. 415 00:43:40,551 --> 00:43:44,078 That's easy for you to say. You've never been ugly. 416 00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:15,543 Look. It's the puta. She's so ugly now. 417 00:44:53,657 --> 00:44:55,557 You're not ugly. 418 00:45:04,101 --> 00:45:08,367 You write as if you're surprised to find me still beautiful even here. 419 00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:11,804 Our beauty is our power, our strength. 420 00:45:11,975 --> 00:45:15,843 We can't allow them to change us, to lessen us. 421 00:45:16,013 --> 00:45:22,316 I will never grant them that satisfaction and neither should you. 422 00:45:30,994 --> 00:45:34,452 So is this your first time in Mac? 423 00:45:35,933 --> 00:45:39,334 Figured. You're so unfriendly. 424 00:45:40,070 --> 00:45:44,871 - Life's easier without friends. - Maybe. I like it here. 425 00:45:45,042 --> 00:45:50,708 It's better than being in a foster home. It's the floor you can't fall below. 426 00:45:56,887 --> 00:45:59,879 - What's that? - A letter. 427 00:46:00,057 --> 00:46:03,788 - From who? - My mother. 428 00:46:04,828 --> 00:46:08,423 - And where is she? - In prison. For murder. 429 00:46:09,633 --> 00:46:12,864 - And your father? - Don't know the guy. 430 00:46:16,006 --> 00:46:17,871 How about you? 431 00:46:18,308 --> 00:46:19,900 They were junkies. 432 00:46:20,077 --> 00:46:23,604 She OD'd when I was 6. He disappeared a couple years later. 433 00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:27,341 - I was born addicted to heroin. - Really? What was that like? 434 00:46:27,518 --> 00:46:31,352 I don't know. I was out of rehab by the time I was six months old. 435 00:46:34,725 --> 00:46:36,249 So... 436 00:46:38,662 --> 00:46:41,631 - What's the deal? Are you gay? - What? 437 00:46:41,798 --> 00:46:47,896 I don't know. I get this feeling from you, like you're not interested in guys. 438 00:46:49,873 --> 00:46:51,966 You're right. I'm not. 439 00:46:52,242 --> 00:46:56,941 You think that's funny? I'm sick of this. I'm not gonna let you do this again. 440 00:46:57,114 --> 00:47:00,174 Why don't you shut up? You're not even in this. 441 00:47:00,350 --> 00:47:02,682 - Cut it out. - She does this shit. 442 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:06,651 I'll beat your ass. Wait until we get off the van. 443 00:47:06,823 --> 00:47:09,348 - Back off. - I'm gonna push you farther. 444 00:47:13,630 --> 00:47:17,259 - What if they catch us? - They'd put us in McKinney Hall. 445 00:47:17,434 --> 00:47:19,561 - Hurry. - Come on. 446 00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:22,033 Come on, come on. 447 00:47:24,408 --> 00:47:26,467 The guy's a genius. 448 00:47:27,010 --> 00:47:31,276 I started out copying his stuff, but no... 449 00:47:31,448 --> 00:47:33,609 I could never touch him. 450 00:47:35,319 --> 00:47:39,688 He's great. But you're better. 451 00:47:42,593 --> 00:47:44,424 You're insane. 452 00:47:48,198 --> 00:47:53,329 No, I'm not. I mean, he's a great cartoonist, but you're an artist. 453 00:47:54,271 --> 00:47:56,762 What's the difference? 454 00:47:56,940 --> 00:48:01,536 Well, that's like asking why a joke is funny. 455 00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:06,376 Either it's funny or it's not. You're either an artist or you're not. 456 00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,177 You are. 457 00:48:32,342 --> 00:48:37,075 It's hard because they keep moving. That's good. 458 00:48:38,248 --> 00:48:40,182 Don't look. I'm not done. 459 00:49:47,184 --> 00:49:50,779 - There's another one. Do you see it? - Yeah. 460 00:49:58,729 --> 00:50:02,460 The Lyrids shower is visible most of the night. 461 00:50:02,632 --> 00:50:05,226 The brightest star is Vega. 462 00:50:05,635 --> 00:50:09,765 But you can't look right at it or you'll miss the fainter meteors. 463 00:50:09,940 --> 00:50:12,374 You can trace them back to Lyra. 464 00:50:14,778 --> 00:50:17,110 How do you know all that? 465 00:50:20,350 --> 00:50:22,614 A kid I used to know. 466 00:50:34,297 --> 00:50:37,858 I used to have a foster home right over there. 467 00:50:43,607 --> 00:50:45,939 It's nice living on the beach. 468 00:50:52,949 --> 00:50:55,645 Do you ever think about your father? 469 00:50:58,688 --> 00:51:01,282 Not really. He was an asshole. 470 00:51:05,829 --> 00:51:08,593 I think about mine sometimes. 471 00:51:10,433 --> 00:51:12,799 That when I'm an artist... 472 00:51:12,969 --> 00:51:17,406 ...he'll read about me in the papers and he'll want to meet me. 473 00:51:25,949 --> 00:51:27,883 I'm not gay. 474 00:51:30,787 --> 00:51:32,220 I know that. 475 00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:01,282 I'll show you the one that he did of me. 476 00:52:08,592 --> 00:52:11,789 It's right here. 477 00:52:12,329 --> 00:52:15,196 They're not bad, for what they are. 478 00:52:16,366 --> 00:52:19,961 For what they are? What are they? 479 00:52:20,670 --> 00:52:22,797 Cartoons. 480 00:52:23,340 --> 00:52:24,830 No, they're not. 481 00:52:25,008 --> 00:52:29,274 They're so much more than that. I mean, he's really talented. 482 00:52:29,579 --> 00:52:32,343 - Don't do it again, Astrid. - Do what? 483 00:52:32,949 --> 00:52:37,443 Attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention... 484 00:52:37,621 --> 00:52:39,521 ...because you're lonely. 485 00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:46,287 Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. 486 00:52:46,463 --> 00:52:50,991 The best you can do is know yourself. Know what you want. 487 00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:54,227 And don't let the cattle get in the way. 488 00:52:54,638 --> 00:52:58,904 You're not talking about me. You're talking about yourself. 489 00:52:59,309 --> 00:53:03,507 Sometimes I get the feeling you don't even want me to be happy. 490 00:53:04,814 --> 00:53:07,374 Why wouldn't I want you to be happy? 491 00:53:17,327 --> 00:53:21,286 - Where are they sending you? - I don't know. 492 00:53:24,901 --> 00:53:26,425 Look. 493 00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:33,342 The comic book store will hold letters for me. 494 00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:36,968 Wherever they take you, keep checking there. 495 00:54:38,808 --> 00:54:42,107 Why do we have to go to Mexico to buy this stuff? 496 00:54:42,278 --> 00:54:44,712 It isn't FDA approved. 497 00:54:46,683 --> 00:54:50,585 - What's it called? - DMSO. 498 00:54:51,821 --> 00:54:57,384 - What's it for? - All sorts of things. 499 00:55:01,865 --> 00:55:07,997 You'll like these people. She's an actress and he does something with television. 500 00:55:09,039 --> 00:55:14,102 - Do they have any kids? - No. They're looking to adopt. 501 00:56:05,895 --> 00:56:08,489 She's had an incredibly hard time. 502 00:56:08,665 --> 00:56:12,897 She's very smart. She's just missed a lot of school. 503 00:56:13,736 --> 00:56:17,399 - You don't have to decide immediately. - Okay. 504 00:56:17,574 --> 00:56:20,042 Just talk to her. 505 00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:23,668 If you're uncomfortable in any way, just let me know. 506 00:56:38,093 --> 00:56:40,084 There you are. 507 00:56:41,930 --> 00:56:48,130 I'm really sorry Mark couldn't be here to meet you. He's filming in Nova Scotia. 508 00:56:48,970 --> 00:56:52,371 Well, this is it. I left it plain on purpose... 509 00:56:52,541 --> 00:56:57,376 ...because I thought that way, you know, you could put your own things up. 510 00:56:58,780 --> 00:57:02,773 - I like the Dürer watercolor. - You know who Dürer is? 511 00:57:03,285 --> 00:57:07,244 - My mother's an artist. - Oh, that's right. Of course. 512 00:57:07,422 --> 00:57:13,224 Of course. They said that. Hey, listen. Do you want some tea or something? 513 00:57:13,395 --> 00:57:18,992 Or Pepsi. I bought Pepsi. I didn't know what you'd drink. We have juice. 514 00:57:19,167 --> 00:57:23,467 I could make you a smoothie, if you like. Would you like a smoothie? 515 00:57:23,638 --> 00:57:25,003 Tea is fine. 516 00:57:29,811 --> 00:57:34,805 Okay. I look, I look. Stop. Look... 517 00:57:37,619 --> 00:57:39,348 And now I die. 518 00:57:44,926 --> 00:57:48,828 - You were really good. - Do you know what a nightmare it is? 519 00:57:48,997 --> 00:57:53,434 I mean, you spend all this time getting ready, ages getting ready... 520 00:57:53,602 --> 00:57:57,538 ...drag yourself to this audition. They look at you for two seconds... 521 00:57:57,739 --> 00:58:03,439 ...and tell you that you're too ethnic, or too classic, too something. 522 00:58:03,645 --> 00:58:05,545 Too ethnic? 523 00:58:06,181 --> 00:58:11,050 It means brunette. And too classic means old. 524 00:58:11,219 --> 00:58:15,747 And too small, breasts. 525 00:58:17,392 --> 00:58:22,056 - Why do you do it, then? - What? Give up show business? 526 00:58:38,780 --> 00:58:40,077 Come on! 527 00:58:50,725 --> 00:58:55,822 - Well, here. To your first run at the beach. - Never again. 528 00:58:56,531 --> 00:59:00,262 - How's your shoulder? You okay? - Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. 529 00:59:00,435 --> 00:59:04,371 No, you did really well. You did really, really well. 530 00:59:18,687 --> 00:59:20,382 What was... 531 00:59:20,655 --> 00:59:24,352 ...the best day of your life? 532 00:59:29,931 --> 00:59:31,523 Today. 533 00:59:34,102 --> 00:59:38,766 - What should we do later? - I don't know. What do you want to do? 534 00:59:39,441 --> 00:59:40,874 Swim? 535 00:59:41,309 --> 00:59:42,867 Okay. 536 00:59:44,779 --> 00:59:46,610 Oh, my God! 537 00:59:47,248 --> 00:59:49,580 He's back early. 538 00:59:55,090 --> 00:59:56,489 Mark. 539 00:59:57,192 --> 00:59:58,250 Hey. 540 01:00:00,495 --> 01:00:02,190 Hi. 541 01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:14,372 You must be Astrid. 542 01:00:15,410 --> 01:00:17,970 It took us three hours to get him back. 543 01:00:18,146 --> 01:00:22,640 The whole film crew's in there. He still almost chickens out. 544 01:00:22,817 --> 01:00:27,015 I think he thought it was gonna come back and finish him off. 545 01:00:27,188 --> 01:00:30,157 - What would you have done if it had? - Ducked. 546 01:00:30,325 --> 01:00:32,020 Come on. 547 01:00:33,561 --> 01:00:36,189 Okay, here we go. 548 01:00:36,364 --> 01:00:40,095 Perfect. Just, just right there. Thanks. 549 01:00:48,143 --> 01:00:50,134 - Well, cheers. - Cheers. 550 01:00:50,311 --> 01:00:52,336 Cheers, Astrid. 551 01:00:53,481 --> 01:00:56,644 So we've got some catching up to do. 552 01:00:56,818 --> 01:00:59,378 Claire tells me you're quite an artist. 553 01:00:59,954 --> 01:01:02,548 - Not really... - She's wonderful. 554 01:01:02,724 --> 01:01:07,218 In fact, Tricia Day accepted Astrid for one of her watercolor classes. 555 01:01:07,395 --> 01:01:10,193 - At the museum? - She loves Astrid's work. 556 01:01:10,365 --> 01:01:13,061 You should show him. 557 01:01:19,641 --> 01:01:22,007 They're really, really beautiful. 558 01:01:22,177 --> 01:01:25,044 She's never even studied. She's self-taught. 559 01:01:25,213 --> 01:01:27,113 Is that right? 560 01:01:34,489 --> 01:01:35,649 Is she all right? 561 01:01:41,996 --> 01:01:44,726 - I know you're perfect. - I'm not perfect. 562 01:01:44,899 --> 01:01:47,265 Of course you are. You're my daughter. 563 01:01:47,435 --> 01:01:48,993 Hey. 564 01:01:50,004 --> 01:01:53,770 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Just thinking. 565 01:01:58,313 --> 01:02:01,976 - Are you getting my letters? - Yes. 566 01:02:02,150 --> 01:02:05,278 - I can never be sure. - I get them. 567 01:02:09,090 --> 01:02:12,116 Why doesn't she have any children? 568 01:02:12,293 --> 01:02:14,761 She can't have them. 569 01:02:15,797 --> 01:02:17,355 You dress like her now. 570 01:02:21,135 --> 01:02:23,603 She takes me shopping. 571 01:02:26,274 --> 01:02:28,674 What's her husband like? 572 01:02:30,645 --> 01:02:32,579 He's nice. 573 01:02:32,747 --> 01:02:35,215 He's gone a lot. 574 01:02:36,851 --> 01:02:40,218 So you spend most of your time with Claire? 575 01:02:41,823 --> 01:02:43,313 Yeah. 576 01:02:44,592 --> 01:02:46,150 I'd like to meet her. 577 01:02:47,095 --> 01:02:48,392 Why? 578 01:02:49,564 --> 01:02:52,158 Because you don't want me to. 579 01:02:57,739 --> 01:03:00,333 Who did this belong to? 580 01:03:00,842 --> 01:03:05,211 That was my great aunt's on my father's side. 581 01:03:05,380 --> 01:03:09,510 She was a field nurse at Ypres. Very, very brave woman. 582 01:03:10,018 --> 01:03:12,486 It's pretty, isn't it? 583 01:03:15,990 --> 01:03:19,255 - And whose was this? - It was my mother's. 584 01:03:19,427 --> 01:03:24,922 My father gave it to her. My parents were completely inseparable. 585 01:03:25,366 --> 01:03:27,596 Not at all like Mark and I. 586 01:03:30,171 --> 01:03:33,629 I hate it when he has to go away for so long. 587 01:03:35,543 --> 01:03:39,479 - Why don't you go with him? - He says it slows him down. 588 01:03:44,586 --> 01:03:49,489 - I think it's because he's having an affair. - He wouldn't have an affair. 589 01:03:49,657 --> 01:03:51,955 He loves you. 590 01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:57,325 Yeah, I know. If he did, I would never know about it. 591 01:03:57,498 --> 01:03:59,489 You're just being paranoid. 592 01:03:59,667 --> 01:04:05,367 Yeah, that's what he says. That can be very negative. 593 01:04:18,820 --> 01:04:21,914 - Should I put this here? - Yeah, perfect. 594 01:04:22,090 --> 01:04:24,456 Everything ready inside? 595 01:04:30,999 --> 01:04:34,833 - You're leaving tomorrow? - In the morning. 596 01:04:36,170 --> 01:04:39,469 I bet Claire would love to go with you. 597 01:04:40,108 --> 01:04:44,135 Coordinating our schedules is difficult. 598 01:04:44,312 --> 01:04:47,770 She's not working. I mean, she could fit into yours. 599 01:04:47,949 --> 01:04:52,386 What about you? Doesn't she need to be here for you? 600 01:04:53,187 --> 01:04:54,449 Yeah. 601 01:04:56,257 --> 01:05:01,354 How is she these days, when I'm gone? She okay? 602 01:05:01,529 --> 01:05:03,121 She's fine. 603 01:05:03,297 --> 01:05:05,788 - Why do you ask? - No reason. 604 01:05:27,422 --> 01:05:29,890 You're back early. 605 01:05:31,993 --> 01:05:35,053 How long has my mother been writing you? 606 01:05:35,229 --> 01:05:40,292 Not long. We've only written to each other a couple of times. 607 01:05:40,468 --> 01:05:43,733 - Why didn't you tell me? - She asked me not to. 608 01:05:45,106 --> 01:05:48,701 Well, she thought that you wouldn't like it. 609 01:05:51,879 --> 01:05:56,407 Her letter was so powerful. 610 01:05:56,584 --> 01:05:58,552 She's so strong. 611 01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:02,952 And God, she's talented. 612 01:06:05,893 --> 01:06:07,485 We'd like to meet. 613 01:06:10,431 --> 01:06:12,592 Whose idea was that? 614 01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:14,262 Mine. 615 01:06:16,003 --> 01:06:18,198 I bet. 616 01:06:20,441 --> 01:06:23,968 - You know, I really love your work. - What have you seen? 617 01:06:24,312 --> 01:06:26,644 Astrid showed me the collages... 618 01:06:26,814 --> 01:06:30,045 ...and some of your earlier work in the catalogues. 619 01:06:30,218 --> 01:06:33,312 Oh, I love the Polaroid installation. 620 01:06:33,488 --> 01:06:35,353 Really? Why? 621 01:06:37,992 --> 01:06:39,323 I don't know. 622 01:06:40,261 --> 01:06:42,161 Well, because... 623 01:06:42,330 --> 01:06:44,628 Well, because it's great. 624 01:06:46,501 --> 01:06:52,337 - I'm actually very visual myself. - A kindred spirit. 625 01:06:54,008 --> 01:06:57,307 It must be difficult for you to work here. 626 01:06:58,479 --> 01:07:02,540 It is. I spend so much time fighting off sexual advances... 627 01:07:02,717 --> 01:07:04,844 ...I hardly have time to think. 628 01:07:07,688 --> 01:07:09,315 That was a joke. 629 01:07:13,127 --> 01:07:17,791 - Jailbird humor is hard to get sometimes. - Sorry. 630 01:07:18,533 --> 01:07:21,195 So, you're an actress. 631 01:07:21,569 --> 01:07:26,404 - So glamorous. - No, my career is a disaster. 632 01:07:26,974 --> 01:07:31,377 I think it's the process. It, you know, may be too painful for me. 633 01:07:31,546 --> 01:07:34,140 You're such a sensitive person, it's... 634 01:07:34,315 --> 01:07:38,149 All that rejection has gotta be hard on your self-esteem. 635 01:07:38,319 --> 01:07:43,450 I'm a typical Pisces, but that's why Astrid and I get on so well. 636 01:07:43,758 --> 01:07:47,250 Scorpio and Pisces understand each other. 637 01:07:47,428 --> 01:07:49,362 You're into astrology? 638 01:07:49,530 --> 01:07:54,331 She's not into astrology just because she knows our signs. 639 01:07:55,803 --> 01:07:59,569 Astrid and I used to understand each other. 640 01:07:59,907 --> 01:08:02,671 But she's become so secretive. 641 01:08:02,844 --> 01:08:08,544 Astrid isn't secretive at all. We talk about everything, all the time. 642 01:08:10,117 --> 01:08:12,483 We just love her. 643 01:08:12,653 --> 01:08:15,019 She's doing so well. 644 01:08:15,189 --> 01:08:17,054 She's on the honor roll... 645 01:08:17,225 --> 01:08:21,889 ...and we're just working to keep that old grade point average up. 646 01:08:22,063 --> 01:08:25,260 Put a pyramid over her desk. It improves memory. 647 01:08:25,433 --> 01:08:29,665 - My memory's fine. - A pyramid? I hadn't thought of that. 648 01:08:29,837 --> 01:08:32,635 I do practice feng shui, though. 649 01:08:33,074 --> 01:08:35,736 You never mentioned that in your letters. 650 01:08:35,910 --> 01:08:40,040 How about your husband? Is he into feng shui as well? 651 01:08:41,182 --> 01:08:44,208 No, he's into frequent flier miles. 652 01:08:44,385 --> 01:08:47,320 He's gone half the time. 653 01:08:47,655 --> 01:08:52,183 That's not so bad, you know? And now that I have Astrid... 654 01:08:54,095 --> 01:08:56,928 She must be a great comfort to you... 655 01:08:57,098 --> 01:09:00,625 ...not being able to have children of your own. 656 01:09:02,036 --> 01:09:05,301 Yeah. Yeah. She is. 657 01:09:10,578 --> 01:09:15,606 Would you mind letting us talk alone, sweetie? 658 01:09:16,050 --> 01:09:18,541 Grown-up things. 659 01:09:19,420 --> 01:09:23,618 - Don't we have to go? - No, it's okay. 660 01:09:24,058 --> 01:09:25,525 We have time. 661 01:09:44,779 --> 01:09:47,213 Love humiliates you. 662 01:09:47,381 --> 01:09:49,747 Hatred cradles you. 663 01:09:50,551 --> 01:09:52,314 It's soothing. 664 01:09:54,422 --> 01:09:56,322 What did you say to her? 665 01:09:57,224 --> 01:10:00,489 She's having trouble with her husband. 666 01:10:00,695 --> 01:10:04,961 It's not you, is it? I know you have an attraction for older men. 667 01:10:05,132 --> 01:10:07,726 No, it's not me. 668 01:10:07,902 --> 01:10:10,530 - You leave her alone. - But it's such fun. 669 01:10:11,105 --> 01:10:12,834 Easy, but fun. 670 01:10:13,007 --> 01:10:16,443 In my present situation I have to get fun where I can. 671 01:10:18,079 --> 01:10:21,173 God, how can you stand to live with poor Claire? 672 01:10:21,349 --> 01:10:25,479 Did you know there's an entire order called the Poor Clares? 673 01:10:25,653 --> 01:10:28,383 She is a genuinely nice person. 674 01:10:31,225 --> 01:10:34,058 You don't know what it's been like. 675 01:10:34,228 --> 01:10:37,356 - If you love me, you'll help me. - Help you? 676 01:10:41,202 --> 01:10:46,970 I would rather see you in the worst kind of foster hell than living with that woman. 677 01:10:47,541 --> 01:10:50,101 What can you possibly learn from her? 678 01:10:50,544 --> 01:10:52,478 How to pine artistically? 679 01:10:53,814 --> 01:10:57,580 Twenty-seven names for tears? 680 01:10:59,954 --> 01:11:02,855 All I can say is... 681 01:11:04,492 --> 01:11:07,461 ...keep your bags packed. 682 01:11:09,030 --> 01:11:12,522 I don't feel like it. I'm a stranger in my own house. 683 01:11:12,700 --> 01:11:15,726 You live here and I stay here once in a while. 684 01:11:15,903 --> 01:11:18,633 - Maybe if you gave a little bit. - I give. 685 01:11:18,806 --> 01:11:22,242 Why can't I give to her, why can't I be here? 686 01:11:22,410 --> 01:11:26,642 - Because I work! Because I have a job. - That's not fair. 687 01:11:26,881 --> 01:11:30,146 I give you everything you ask for and it's not enough. 688 01:11:30,317 --> 01:11:33,809 No, not everything. Not everything. 689 01:11:33,988 --> 01:11:36,650 You promised things would change. 690 01:11:36,824 --> 01:11:41,784 - Mark, I'm trying, you know I'm trying. - Trying's not good enough. 691 01:11:41,962 --> 01:11:45,193 You're falling apart. We are back to where we started. 692 01:11:45,366 --> 01:11:50,463 It is not working out and I think we should send her back. 693 01:11:50,738 --> 01:11:52,899 You can't just send her back. 694 01:11:53,074 --> 01:11:56,043 - Where's she gonna go? - They'll find someplace. 695 01:11:56,210 --> 01:12:00,442 You're gonna send her away? You take everything away, don't you? 696 01:12:00,614 --> 01:12:05,415 - You just leave me with nothing. - Jesus Christ, you are such a bad actress. 697 01:12:05,586 --> 01:12:08,316 I really almost forgot. 698 01:12:09,423 --> 01:12:12,358 Okay, okay. 699 01:12:12,726 --> 01:12:16,321 All right, I'll send her back, okay? We can try that. 700 01:12:16,497 --> 01:12:19,660 Just don't go, okay? Just don't leave me. 701 01:12:20,234 --> 01:12:23,795 Unlike you, Claire, I work. Remember? 702 01:12:24,238 --> 01:12:27,901 And she going with you, your girlfriend? 703 01:12:28,809 --> 01:12:31,334 I've had it with this, Claire. 704 01:12:32,146 --> 01:12:34,239 I've really had it. 705 01:12:38,752 --> 01:12:40,686 Astrid? 706 01:13:00,407 --> 01:13:01,533 Astrid. 707 01:13:06,881 --> 01:13:09,543 Astrid, please. 708 01:13:44,952 --> 01:13:46,647 Claire? 709 01:13:48,789 --> 01:13:51,087 Are you awake? 710 01:14:04,905 --> 01:14:06,497 I'm sorry. 711 01:14:08,108 --> 01:14:09,575 Are you all right? 712 01:14:11,645 --> 01:14:13,203 Yeah. 713 01:14:15,015 --> 01:14:20,112 Take my advice. Stay away from broken people. 714 01:14:22,256 --> 01:14:23,917 You can't send me back. 715 01:14:25,226 --> 01:14:27,421 He's not coming back, Astrid. 716 01:14:29,730 --> 01:14:32,597 He's gonna divorce me. 717 01:14:32,766 --> 01:14:37,135 You know, Claire, it wouldn't be the worst thing. 718 01:14:44,311 --> 01:14:46,905 I'm cold. 719 01:14:48,549 --> 01:14:50,813 Real cold. 720 01:14:52,553 --> 01:14:54,953 Here. Get in here with me. 721 01:14:55,122 --> 01:14:57,420 Come on. 722 01:15:04,765 --> 01:15:06,096 Okay. 723 01:15:07,401 --> 01:15:10,336 Stay with me, okay? 724 01:15:14,508 --> 01:15:17,773 Stay with me, please. 725 01:15:31,692 --> 01:15:33,159 Claire. 726 01:15:36,897 --> 01:15:38,592 Claire. 727 01:15:59,653 --> 01:16:01,951 Claire, wake up! Claire! 728 01:16:04,858 --> 01:16:06,450 God! 729 01:16:13,934 --> 01:16:16,562 Claire, please. 730 01:16:19,573 --> 01:16:21,905 No! 731 01:16:43,497 --> 01:16:45,089 Astrid. 732 01:17:10,491 --> 01:17:12,152 What is it? 733 01:17:12,359 --> 01:17:13,849 I'm back in Mac. 734 01:17:14,027 --> 01:17:16,587 - Didn't they tell you? - No. 735 01:17:17,131 --> 01:17:19,031 Claire's dead. 736 01:17:19,199 --> 01:17:21,793 She killed herself. 737 01:17:22,236 --> 01:17:24,864 - I'm sorry. - No, you're not. 738 01:17:26,740 --> 01:17:31,871 - You poisoned her too, but with words. - I told her what she already knew. 739 01:17:32,212 --> 01:17:34,271 You were just jealous. 740 01:17:34,448 --> 01:17:38,976 Of course I was jealous. I live in a cell with a woman... 741 01:17:39,153 --> 01:17:43,522 ...who has a vocabulary of 25 words. 742 01:17:44,091 --> 01:17:46,116 Why do you think they got you? 743 01:17:46,527 --> 01:17:50,122 To create a perfect family? People get babies for that. 744 01:17:50,297 --> 01:17:52,788 Not teenagers recovering from bullet wounds. 745 01:17:52,966 --> 01:17:56,697 You were on suicide watch. Don't think it's the first time she tried it. 746 01:17:57,104 --> 01:18:00,073 It's just the first time she pulled it off. 747 01:18:01,442 --> 01:18:04,343 I'm not coming back. 748 01:18:04,511 --> 01:18:07,173 I wanted to tell you that in person. 749 01:18:07,347 --> 01:18:09,577 I'm gonna leave you here, alone. 750 01:18:13,854 --> 01:18:15,913 I know you think I'm cruel. 751 01:18:16,089 --> 01:18:18,819 I'm trying to protect you from those people. 752 01:18:18,992 --> 01:18:23,486 Those people are not the enemy, Mother. We are. You and me. 753 01:18:24,131 --> 01:18:27,157 They don't hurt us. We hurt them. 754 01:18:44,251 --> 01:18:46,845 You still ignoring me? 755 01:18:52,292 --> 01:18:56,023 I turn 18 Saturday. I'm going to New York. 756 01:18:56,396 --> 01:18:58,830 I want you to come with me. 757 01:18:58,999 --> 01:19:00,864 I can't. 758 01:19:01,034 --> 01:19:05,095 Sure you can. Just leave. 759 01:19:18,352 --> 01:19:20,752 Is it your mother? 760 01:19:28,996 --> 01:19:30,657 Come on. 761 01:19:30,831 --> 01:19:35,234 I'll get a job. We'll find a place to live. We'll be like we always talked about. 762 01:19:35,402 --> 01:19:40,840 I don't wanna go to New York. I don't wanna be with you. 763 01:20:13,607 --> 01:20:17,543 She was with us for three years. Her parents took her back. 764 01:20:18,045 --> 01:20:20,570 We think you'd really like it with us. 765 01:20:20,747 --> 01:20:24,183 There are lots of kids your age in our neighborhood. 766 01:20:28,855 --> 01:20:30,652 Excuse me. 767 01:20:34,728 --> 01:20:39,893 Look. Don't worry about it. She's had a very hard time recently. 768 01:20:40,067 --> 01:20:43,662 Let me just go talk to her, okay? You're doing fine. 769 01:20:48,809 --> 01:20:51,039 So, what's wrong this time? 770 01:20:51,211 --> 01:20:53,805 I'm too old for them. 771 01:20:58,418 --> 01:21:00,716 Look, the Greenways are great. 772 01:21:01,655 --> 01:21:05,887 They've got a nice house with an extra bedroom for you. 773 01:21:06,360 --> 01:21:08,794 They go to church. 774 01:21:08,962 --> 01:21:10,520 Schools are good. 775 01:21:10,697 --> 01:21:15,191 They don't smoke. He makes his own beer. 776 01:21:17,104 --> 01:21:18,435 I want her. 777 01:21:29,516 --> 01:21:32,952 Workers of the world, arise. 778 01:21:35,122 --> 01:21:41,550 You've got nothing to lose but Visa card, Happy Meal, and Kotex with wings. 779 01:21:44,398 --> 01:21:46,298 Christ, Thursday. 780 01:21:54,875 --> 01:21:59,608 - Hey, lazy cows, you want smoke? - I quit for the baby, Rena. 781 01:21:59,780 --> 01:22:03,079 Why? You don't keep it, thank God. 782 01:22:04,818 --> 01:22:07,616 Hey, you, cheerleader. You want smoke? 783 01:22:07,788 --> 01:22:10,621 Russian cigarettes. No cancer. 784 01:22:31,311 --> 01:22:32,573 Clothes. 785 01:22:35,248 --> 01:22:39,776 - That really is a nice color. - It's gorgeous. 786 01:22:42,456 --> 01:22:46,256 - What's it made of? - I don't know. 787 01:22:46,426 --> 01:22:49,657 Why don't you just try it on and see how you look? 788 01:22:50,063 --> 01:22:53,032 - It's really nice. - Okay, thank you. 789 01:22:53,567 --> 01:22:57,526 Hey, that's my dress. These are all mine. 790 01:22:57,704 --> 01:23:02,835 So? You get good price for them. What do you need expensive clothes for? 791 01:23:03,009 --> 01:23:06,877 - Melrose Place call you to be a star? - Someone gave them to me. 792 01:23:07,047 --> 01:23:10,505 Even better. All profit. That's why I love this country. 793 01:23:10,951 --> 01:23:13,647 Because it loves money like I love money. 794 01:23:13,820 --> 01:23:17,813 - Hey. You make a price, I take 25%. - No. 795 01:23:19,259 --> 01:23:22,717 What, you think you're gonna sell it all by yourself? 796 01:23:22,896 --> 01:23:29,301 I pay for stall, storage, gas. They pay you, you pay me. You still make profit. 797 01:23:30,070 --> 01:23:31,594 Hey. 798 01:23:32,239 --> 01:23:36,573 Dead person who give you thing don't care. The past is gone. 799 01:23:36,743 --> 01:23:40,736 Sentimental is stupid. It's smart to make money. 800 01:23:42,048 --> 01:23:45,540 There's no price. How about $20? 801 01:23:45,719 --> 01:23:48,916 It's a Marc Jacobs dress. It's been worn once. 802 01:23:49,890 --> 01:23:52,552 - Fifty? - A hundred. 803 01:23:56,663 --> 01:24:00,099 Thank you. Let's go. 804 01:24:02,803 --> 01:24:04,794 - How was last night? - It was fun. 805 01:24:04,971 --> 01:24:06,461 - Yeah? - What'd you do? 806 01:24:06,640 --> 01:24:09,973 - Watched TV. - Who were you with last night? 807 01:24:10,143 --> 01:24:11,804 - You know who I saw? - Who? 808 01:24:11,978 --> 01:24:13,946 I saw Danny. 809 01:24:14,114 --> 01:24:17,140 - Don't you think Astrid would like him? - No. 810 01:24:17,317 --> 01:24:19,114 Astrid? 811 01:24:21,321 --> 01:24:24,722 - I'm Hannah. This is Julie. - Hi. 812 01:24:24,891 --> 01:24:28,691 We went to your house. The lady said you'd be here, so... 813 01:24:28,862 --> 01:24:30,887 We visit your mother. 814 01:24:31,064 --> 01:24:34,431 She's our project in Women's Studies. 815 01:24:35,635 --> 01:24:38,627 - What does she want? - She didn't send us. 816 01:24:38,805 --> 01:24:40,238 We came on our own. 817 01:24:40,407 --> 01:24:44,639 She asked us to mail you the interview, her show at Bergamot. 818 01:24:45,178 --> 01:24:48,238 We thought we could deliver it and see if maybe... 819 01:24:48,415 --> 01:24:51,441 - Is that it? - Yeah. 820 01:24:54,487 --> 01:24:56,352 Excuse me. 821 01:24:58,758 --> 01:25:02,922 - What do you talk about? - All kinds of things. Art, music... 822 01:25:03,563 --> 01:25:05,531 She talks about you. 823 01:25:05,699 --> 01:25:07,098 Really? 824 01:25:08,902 --> 01:25:10,631 What does she say? 825 01:25:11,338 --> 01:25:13,431 Well, that you're in a... 826 01:25:13,607 --> 01:25:16,576 You know, fostered. 827 01:25:17,911 --> 01:25:21,403 Look, she feels really terrible about what's happened. 828 01:25:21,581 --> 01:25:24,982 So you thought you'd come out and what? Adopt me? 829 01:25:27,888 --> 01:25:30,982 You don't think she killed him, do you? 830 01:25:32,192 --> 01:25:34,422 Something you should know. 831 01:25:34,594 --> 01:25:37,324 She did. I was there. 832 01:25:40,533 --> 01:25:44,025 Oleander's poisonous. I don't know why people grow it. 833 01:25:44,404 --> 01:25:47,635 - Open the door! - How dare you? You have no right! 834 01:25:47,807 --> 01:25:51,834 They can't keep me. Don't worry, I'll be back in an hour! 835 01:26:38,325 --> 01:26:40,384 Who is that? 836 01:26:41,995 --> 01:26:43,656 I don't know. 837 01:26:43,830 --> 01:26:47,459 - You draw her all the time. - I think her name was Annie. 838 01:26:47,634 --> 01:26:51,968 She's someone I remember. I don't know who she was. 839 01:26:55,442 --> 01:26:57,967 Check it out, you guys. 840 01:26:58,144 --> 01:27:00,669 Rodeo Drive refugee. 841 01:27:00,947 --> 01:27:03,313 Excuse me, are you Rena Gruschenko? 842 01:27:03,483 --> 01:27:06,941 Gruschenka. If you come from INS, I have a green card. 843 01:27:07,120 --> 01:27:10,647 I have been all over this junkyard looking for you. 844 01:27:12,959 --> 01:27:17,419 You must be Astrid. I'm Susan Valeris, your mother's lawyer. 845 01:27:21,101 --> 01:27:22,625 Cigarette? 846 01:27:25,872 --> 01:27:28,432 - Don't know why I never quit. - I do. 847 01:27:28,742 --> 01:27:32,075 All the prisoners smoke. You can offer them one. 848 01:27:32,245 --> 01:27:35,271 Your mother's proud of you for not quitting school. 849 01:27:35,448 --> 01:27:39,885 You graduate soon. Are you making any plans for your future? 850 01:27:40,053 --> 01:27:43,750 Yeah. I thought I'd be a criminal lawyer. 851 01:27:44,224 --> 01:27:45,248 Really? 852 01:27:45,425 --> 01:27:49,589 Either that or a hooker or garbage collector. 853 01:27:50,463 --> 01:27:52,988 Your mother said you'd be difficult. 854 01:27:53,166 --> 01:27:57,728 - Mother knows best. - You've been through a terrible ordeal. 855 01:27:57,904 --> 01:28:02,671 Three foster homes, the shooting, the suicide of a foster mother. 856 01:28:02,842 --> 01:28:04,833 I understand you were close. 857 01:28:05,011 --> 01:28:08,708 Did you ask your client about her involvement with that? 858 01:28:08,882 --> 01:28:12,943 You can't blame her for the death of a woman she met once. 859 01:28:13,119 --> 01:28:15,553 But I do blame her, Susan. 860 01:28:15,722 --> 01:28:18,555 That's pretty cynical, Astrid. 861 01:28:18,992 --> 01:28:22,359 You want me to lie for her in court, is that it? 862 01:28:23,363 --> 01:28:26,196 Why do you hate her, Astrid? 863 01:28:27,534 --> 01:28:30,059 Because you think she committed murder? 864 01:28:30,236 --> 01:28:32,227 Or because you feel abandoned? 865 01:28:32,872 --> 01:28:35,340 Talk to her. People do change. 866 01:28:37,277 --> 01:28:42,442 You should hear the way she talks about you. She worries about you. 867 01:28:43,183 --> 01:28:45,947 She asked me to find out if there's anything you need. 868 01:28:46,119 --> 01:28:48,917 Money for college? Car? 869 01:28:49,589 --> 01:28:53,116 There's money behind her. Just tell me what you want. 870 01:29:26,092 --> 01:29:28,390 You are stupid girl. 871 01:29:29,829 --> 01:29:33,765 You walk away from money to punish mother. 872 01:29:34,234 --> 01:29:35,531 You want car? 873 01:29:37,070 --> 01:29:39,937 You want art college? All costs money. 874 01:29:42,709 --> 01:29:47,043 You don't know anything about this, Rena, so just stay out of it. 875 01:29:51,484 --> 01:29:55,921 - I have plan for you, anyway. - Yeah? What's that? 876 01:29:56,089 --> 01:29:58,421 Niki leave soon. 877 01:29:59,225 --> 01:30:01,659 And Yvonne is stupid girl. 878 01:30:01,828 --> 01:30:03,955 Making third baby. 879 01:30:04,130 --> 01:30:08,464 Every time she look at the window to see baby's face, baby gone. 880 01:30:08,635 --> 01:30:12,196 Then she cries like it's a big surprise. 881 01:30:13,039 --> 01:30:16,566 But you, you're a special girl. 882 01:30:19,746 --> 01:30:22,977 You stay, I make you partner. 883 01:30:24,450 --> 01:30:26,680 Stay here? 884 01:30:27,620 --> 01:30:30,453 What, you got better place to go? 885 01:30:36,496 --> 01:30:38,259 Then go see mother. 886 01:30:38,431 --> 01:30:41,730 She need something from you, you need something from her. 887 01:30:41,901 --> 01:30:43,630 Go get it. 888 01:30:49,042 --> 01:30:51,010 Here she comes. 889 01:30:59,686 --> 01:31:01,517 Astrid, my God! 890 01:31:01,688 --> 01:31:05,454 What's wrong, Mom? You don't like my outfit? 891 01:31:07,060 --> 01:31:10,029 I'll leave you two alone for a while. 892 01:31:22,809 --> 01:31:28,145 So, what's the story? We didn't go to Mexico to buy DMSO? 893 01:31:28,314 --> 01:31:30,475 Barry beat you? He raped me? 894 01:31:30,650 --> 01:31:34,552 How bad does he have to be to get you out of jail? 895 01:31:34,721 --> 01:31:39,522 I can't believe what's happened to you. When I get out, I'll make it up. 896 01:31:39,692 --> 01:31:42,456 Who said you're getting out? 897 01:31:42,629 --> 01:31:46,827 I said I'd talk to you. I didn't say I'd do it. 898 01:31:47,533 --> 01:31:49,592 Then what do you want? 899 01:31:49,769 --> 01:31:53,705 I have a deal to make. A trade. 900 01:31:55,174 --> 01:31:59,304 You tell me the truth, I'll lie for you in court. 901 01:32:01,648 --> 01:32:05,379 - The truth about what? - Everything you kept from me. 902 01:32:05,551 --> 01:32:09,749 - And if I don't? - Then you can rot in here. 903 01:32:10,590 --> 01:32:13,218 I hate this look, by the way. 904 01:32:13,393 --> 01:32:18,922 You're a Sunset Boulevard motel, a $20 hooker in the back of a car. 905 01:32:23,169 --> 01:32:25,660 Why did you murder Barry? 906 01:32:27,573 --> 01:32:30,599 If I submit to this, you'll testify? 907 01:32:30,777 --> 01:32:32,574 Yes. 908 01:32:35,481 --> 01:32:38,609 Self-defense. He was killing me. 909 01:32:40,353 --> 01:32:43,914 Claire did nothing to you. Why'd you go after her? 910 01:32:44,090 --> 01:32:48,356 Claire went after herself. I just showed her how to do it. 911 01:32:51,064 --> 01:32:52,793 Who was my father? 912 01:32:54,901 --> 01:32:58,302 Why do you always ask that? It's ancient history. 913 01:32:58,471 --> 01:33:01,304 It's my ancient history. Who was he? 914 01:33:02,475 --> 01:33:04,943 His name was Klaus Anders. 915 01:33:05,111 --> 01:33:08,046 - What'd he do? - He was an artist. 916 01:33:10,717 --> 01:33:12,582 How did you meet? 917 01:33:12,752 --> 01:33:16,711 At Venice Beach, at a party. He had the drugs. 918 01:33:18,558 --> 01:33:20,719 Did you love him? 919 01:33:21,361 --> 01:33:24,626 It was a long time ago. I'm not the same person. 920 01:33:24,797 --> 01:33:29,291 Liar. You're exactly the same. Answer the question. 921 01:33:29,469 --> 01:33:32,961 You're such a child, taking my propaganda for truth. 922 01:33:33,139 --> 01:33:36,006 So set me straight. Did you love him? 923 01:33:39,045 --> 01:33:43,379 We had a very sexual relationship. One overlooks many things. 924 01:33:43,549 --> 01:33:46,518 You worshipped him. I read it in your journal. 925 01:33:46,686 --> 01:33:51,453 "Worship" isn't exactly the word we're looking for here. 926 01:33:52,091 --> 01:33:54,150 Who is Annie? 927 01:33:55,595 --> 01:33:56,619 What? 928 01:33:56,796 --> 01:33:59,424 Who is Annie, Mother? 929 01:34:04,537 --> 01:34:08,598 She was a neighbor who took in kids, did people's laundry. 930 01:34:08,908 --> 01:34:15,211 - What did she look like? - Dark, curly hair, freckles. 931 01:34:16,616 --> 01:34:19,210 Did she take care of me? 932 01:34:25,691 --> 01:34:28,990 How can you possibly have remembered this? 933 01:34:35,935 --> 01:34:38,665 It will only hurt you. 934 01:34:43,609 --> 01:34:46,840 Imagine my life for a moment. 935 01:34:47,013 --> 01:34:53,077 How unprepared I was to be the mother of a small child. 936 01:34:53,519 --> 01:34:59,219 I was used to having time to think and you just wanted, wanted, wanted. 937 01:35:00,660 --> 01:35:03,288 I felt like a hostage. 938 01:35:03,463 --> 01:35:06,694 Can you understand how desperate I was? 939 01:35:20,546 --> 01:35:24,175 I dropped you off at her house one afternoon... 940 01:35:24,350 --> 01:35:28,013 ...to go to the beach with some friends. 941 01:35:28,955 --> 01:35:31,924 And one thing led to another. 942 01:35:33,559 --> 01:35:36,323 They had a place in Ensenada. 943 01:35:37,263 --> 01:35:39,458 It was wonderful. 944 01:35:39,966 --> 01:35:41,661 You can't imagine. 945 01:35:41,834 --> 01:35:44,200 To take a nap in the afternoon... 946 01:35:44,370 --> 01:35:48,773 ...to make love all day if I wanted and not have to think: 947 01:35:48,941 --> 01:35:52,707 What's Astrid doing? Where's Astrid? Mommy, Mommy... 948 01:35:52,879 --> 01:35:55,177 ...clinging to me like a spider. 949 01:35:55,348 --> 01:36:00,081 At the end, I just wanted to throw you against a wall. 950 01:36:05,625 --> 01:36:07,991 How long were you gone? 951 01:36:10,663 --> 01:36:12,893 About a year. 952 01:36:13,699 --> 01:36:16,327 Give or take a few months. 953 01:36:17,537 --> 01:36:21,132 - My God. - You're not asking the right question. 954 01:36:21,307 --> 01:36:25,971 Don't ask me why I left. Ask me why I came back. 955 01:36:26,145 --> 01:36:28,136 You should've been sterilized. 956 01:36:28,314 --> 01:36:31,306 I could've left you there but I didn't. 957 01:36:31,484 --> 01:36:35,614 Don't you understand? For once, I did the right thing. 958 01:36:36,856 --> 01:36:39,518 When I came back, you knew me. 959 01:36:39,692 --> 01:36:44,994 You were sitting by the door. You looked up and you reached for me. 960 01:36:45,164 --> 01:36:48,395 It was as if you'd been waiting for me all along. 961 01:36:48,568 --> 01:36:52,561 I was always waiting for you. That's the constant in my life. 962 01:36:52,738 --> 01:36:55,206 Waiting for you. Will you come back? 963 01:36:55,374 --> 01:37:00,539 Will you forget that you tied me up in front of a store or left me on a bus? 964 01:37:00,713 --> 01:37:03,477 - Are you still waiting? - No. 965 01:37:04,150 --> 01:37:08,883 I stopped when Claire showed me what it felt like to be loved. 966 01:37:09,589 --> 01:37:12,820 What did you think? That I would amuse you? 967 01:37:12,992 --> 01:37:15,392 That's what babies are like, Mother. 968 01:37:15,561 --> 01:37:18,553 Did you think we'd talk about Joseph Brodsky? 969 01:37:18,731 --> 01:37:22,292 I thought Klaus and I would live happily ever after. 970 01:37:22,468 --> 01:37:25,801 Adam and Eve in a vine-covered shack. I was crazy. 971 01:37:25,972 --> 01:37:28,964 - You were in love with him. - I was, all right? 972 01:37:29,141 --> 01:37:32,474 I was in love with him, baby makes three and all that crap. 973 01:37:32,645 --> 01:37:34,977 Then why did you leave him? 974 01:37:35,147 --> 01:37:39,982 - Why did you leave him? - I didn't leave him. He left me. 975 01:37:42,722 --> 01:37:45,282 You wanna know about your father? 976 01:37:45,458 --> 01:37:48,894 He left us when you were six months old for another woman. 977 01:37:49,061 --> 01:37:53,862 I never saw him again until he came looking for you when you were 8. 978 01:37:54,033 --> 01:37:56,297 - He came to see me? - Yes, he did. 979 01:37:56,469 --> 01:38:01,930 But it was too late. Why should I let him see you after what he did to me? 980 01:38:02,108 --> 01:38:06,704 It wasn't about you! It was about me and I wanted to see him! 981 01:38:06,879 --> 01:38:12,112 My whole life I've wanted to see him. That decision was mine, not yours! 982 01:38:12,284 --> 01:38:16,414 Everything's always been about you, never about me. 983 01:38:17,823 --> 01:38:22,226 I knew you were gonna kill Barry, but you didn't even care. 984 01:38:22,395 --> 01:38:26,195 You didn't give a damn about what that would do to me. 985 01:38:27,199 --> 01:38:30,191 I'll say whatever Susan wants, but I gotta go. 986 01:38:30,369 --> 01:38:35,204 You don't just walk away from me. I made you. I'm in your blood. 987 01:38:35,374 --> 01:38:39,140 You don't go anywhere until I let you go. 988 01:38:39,311 --> 01:38:41,711 Then let me go. 989 01:38:46,318 --> 01:38:51,312 You look at me and you don't like what you see. 990 01:38:52,158 --> 01:38:57,323 But this is the price, Mother. The price of belonging to you. 991 01:38:57,830 --> 01:39:00,822 If I could, I'd take it all back. 992 01:39:02,368 --> 01:39:04,302 I would. 993 01:39:06,272 --> 01:39:09,935 Then tell me you don't want me to testify. 994 01:39:10,810 --> 01:39:14,302 Tell me you don't want me like this. 995 01:39:18,818 --> 01:39:22,254 Tell me you would sacrifice the rest of your life... 996 01:39:22,421 --> 01:39:25,481 ...to have me back the way I was. 997 01:39:37,303 --> 01:39:40,329 Listen, forget it. A deal's a deal. 998 01:39:42,441 --> 01:39:44,534 Let's just leave it at that. 999 01:40:06,365 --> 01:40:09,823 Excuse me. It's probably a waste of time... 1000 01:40:10,002 --> 01:40:15,133 ...but I'm looking for someone who used to come here. His name's Paul Trout. 1001 01:40:15,307 --> 01:40:17,673 - You Astrid? - Yeah. 1002 01:40:26,986 --> 01:40:29,250 He said you'd turn up. 1003 01:40:33,559 --> 01:40:35,527 Thanks. 1004 01:42:05,117 --> 01:42:08,086 - What's going on? - I don't know. 1005 01:42:13,959 --> 01:42:18,328 - Excuse me. Is it a recess? - No. Jury's out. 1006 01:42:33,445 --> 01:42:36,380 Don't you need me to testify? 1007 01:42:37,449 --> 01:42:40,384 Your mother told me to leave you alone. 1008 01:43:30,903 --> 01:43:32,768 What happened? 1009 01:43:35,941 --> 01:43:38,409 She let me go. 1010 01:43:56,095 --> 01:43:58,928 Two years after Paul and I moved to New York... 1011 01:43:59,098 --> 01:44:01,862 ... I received a letter from my mother. 1012 01:44:02,034 --> 01:44:08,405 In it was the Los Angeles Times Magazine, my mother on the cover. 1013 01:44:08,574 --> 01:44:12,340 A Santa Monica gallery had mounted a showing of her work. 1014 01:44:12,511 --> 01:44:14,672 The Times included seven pages... 1015 01:44:14,847 --> 01:44:18,681 ... of her hauntingly distant prison collages. 1016 01:44:20,019 --> 01:44:26,390 She stares out from the cover, the bars of her cell behind her. 1017 01:44:26,892 --> 01:44:28,655 Beautiful. 1018 01:44:28,827 --> 01:44:30,920 Dangerous. 1019 01:44:31,163 --> 01:44:33,097 Proud. 1020 01:44:34,266 --> 01:44:39,761 The Times said she was close to winning a retrial after a first failed appeal. 1021 01:44:39,938 --> 01:44:43,203 They called her show a triumph. 1022 01:44:46,678 --> 01:44:52,139 It's too much to imagine her tempering her joy with a moment of grief... 1023 01:44:52,317 --> 01:44:55,912 ... a moment for what that triumph had cost. 1024 01:44:56,755 --> 01:45:01,124 These suitcases are a map of that country... 1025 01:45:01,293 --> 01:45:05,161 ... a terrible country I will never revisit. 1026 01:45:09,401 --> 01:45:11,369 Even so... 1027 01:45:12,571 --> 01:45:15,734 ... I find myself thinking of her... 1028 01:45:16,408 --> 01:45:19,844 ... wanting to feel that wind. 1029 01:45:21,346 --> 01:45:23,906 It's a secret wanting... 1030 01:45:24,183 --> 01:45:27,084 ...like a song I can't stop humming... 1031 01:45:27,252 --> 01:45:30,710 ... or loving someone you can never have. 1032 01:45:34,893 --> 01:45:38,659 No matter how much she's damaged me... 1033 01:45:39,731 --> 01:45:42,791 ... no matter how flawed she is... 1034 01:45:43,669 --> 01:45:47,002 ... I know my mother loves me. 1035 01:49:22,487 --> 01:49:23,476 [ENGLISH]