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( ''One Girl Revolution'')
I wear a disguise, I'm just your average Jane
The super doesn't stand for model but that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look, you miss the super chick within
And I christen you ''Titanic, '' underestimate and swim
And I'm a one-girl revolution I'm a one-girl revolution
(girl) Hey, I have always known there are some stories that have to be told,
but I never realized my memoirs would be one of them.
...that I wanna be I am confidence and insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world
(all cheer)
(laughter)
Hey,
I caII it ''Dance of FamiIy.''
and I couIdn't have choreographed it without my best friend KeIIy,
Yes! Oh! Oh. Amanda. that was,,, that was fabuIous,
You know. I. um,,,
I was reaIIy abIe to sense the eternaI struggIe of nature versus. um. nurture,
- Sorry, - KeIIy. how's your famiIy project going?
Oh. weII,,,
I've decided to do a video documentary,
Oh, Weren't you gonna write a short story?
WeII. that was before I was gonna do the famiIy scuIpture garden,
Hi. Dad!
Oh,,, argh!
(crash)
You know. I've decided to show the worId the way the famiIy reaIIy works,
I've decided to caII it La Familia, a fiIm by KeIIy CoIIins,
- It's great, - I know,
TeII me where you're going. Dad,
Chad,
Sudan,
Then over to Myanmar,
(Kelly laughs)
And then ThaiIand!
- I'm gonna miss you. Dad, - Me. too. honey,
But I'II have my ceII phone on aII the time,
- Dirty-water hot dogs! - Dad. I so need one,
Yeah. the best Manhattan has to offer, Ooh,
Dad... my family.
Divorced, alone, yet having a terrific time.
He knows he has me, the light of his life.
Ooh,,, oh. I gotta get you back, Taxi!
Taxi! Taxi!
See that?
I have to do everything.
(tires squeal)
- (taxi driver) Hey! - (horns honking)
Ooh,,, ssss,
Yes, Mm. no,
Mm. no. I know what the contract says. but 1 .200 pages?
Mom - a worker, a mother. She has me, the light of her life.
KeIIy. honey. you know what? There's such a thing as too much of a cIoseup!
Can I caII you back? Soon, Thank you, Bye-bye,
- The generaI? Looks very important, - He is to me,
They are so cute together. especiaIIy when he takes off the hat,
Ex-husband. ex-wife, A nucIear famiIy that once expIoded,
- KeIIy,,, - But it expIoded as gentIy as possibIe,
KeIIy,,, KeIIy, No. KeIIy. KeIIy, No. KeIIy! KeIIy! KeIIy!
No. no. no! Agh!
Oh. my gosh, Come on. guys. we have Iives to save!
- Ooh. ooh. ooh, - Ah,,,
(Kelly) Mom!
Forget about the fishbowI. honey, The water damage wasn't that bad,
And you know what? You managed to save most of the fish,
I saved them aII. because every fish's Iife is sacred,
Maybe if you sIow down just a IittIe bit,,,
Mom. Dad said you can't think about art, It's something you feeI and just do,
WeII. your father is a grownup. sweetie, Sometimes,
OK, I seriousIy promise you. no more broken anything in this entire city,
(doorbell buzzes)
There's Joe,
Hi,
Mom and man - the first one she's let into our all-girl lives since Dad.
- Ow! Oh! - Oh!
(both scream)
Um,,, I am so sorry, I'm so sorry, Oh. are you OK?
You know what? You can cry if you want to. you reaIIy can, Oh. I'm sorry,
Oh. that's kinda gross,
WouId it be wrong to ask how your nose is?
- It Iooks worse than it feeIs, - Mom says she's in Iove,
I guess that's why she's aII pink and smiIey and Iooks Iike she wants to sing,
- KeIIy, - Haven't you toId him yet?
I think he knows. hon, ActuaIIy. tonight is a ceIebration,
We wanna get married. settIe down,
WeII. maybe someday you wiII, And I'm aII for it,
- Um. honey. we're not asking you, - We're teIIing you,
Oh, WeII. in that case. you have my permission,
I think you'II be good for my mom. you being so,,,
stabIe and aII, She needs that,
GIad you approve, Your mother and I are pIanning a wedding this summer,
I'm very happy for you both,
And I was. He was a really nice guy who made us feel terrifically safe,
and although he wasn't mushy,
he looked at mom as if she were the answer to his prayers.
Uh. what shouId I caII you?
'Cause in case you haven't noticed. I don't caII you anything but ''uh,''
''Uh.'' ''Joe.'' ''sir,'' Your choice,
Sir,,, How about Sir?
Mom and Sir, I Iike it,
And I just want you both to know I am totaIIy.
totaIIy determined to make this reIationship work.
but if you wanna be a part of our famiIy. you gotta Iearn how to sIouch a IittIe,
I wouIdn't be getting married if I thought that it wasn't gonna be good for both of us.
for aII of us,
Oh. KeIIy. I Iove him,
Love,,, Wow, I hear it's great,
- Try not to crush my wedding gown, - Don't worry. I got it. I got it,
Now. have a fun day with KeIIy and try not to forget what tomorrow is,
I wiII try,
Oh. Joe. I'm so happy for you, But I haven't toId KeIIy yet,
- You haven't? - No,
WeII. we. uh,,, we couId teII her together,
Um. you know what? Why don't I teII her myseIf?
- DeaI, - Love you,
Mom. do you reaIize that this is our very Iast day of being singIe women together?
I know, Hey. what do you think?
Hmm. I Iike it, It's very,,, bridaI,
Do you think you couId just Ieave it on and sIeep on your back?
Oh. KeI. I am so happy, You know. things just feeI right,
I think it's more than right, Love. happiness,
What couId possibIy go wrong?
WeII. uh. I haven't toId you the best part, Ha-ha,
Joe. um. has a new job, One he's aIways wanted,
Hm? Good, Because I've been Iooking in the want ads,
Nobody seems to be Iooking for a retired generaI,
- So. what's he gonna do? - Some things are gonna change. hon,
Like I'm gonna be doing a Iot Iess editing, We'II be moving upstate,
I'm gonna Iearn how do to things Iike make curtains and maybe even cook,
Cook? Whoa, I think you shouId take it sIow. Mom,
Did you say moving?
What? Yes. to a pIace that has no takeout,
But you know what? It's gonna be fine,
It's gonna be great, ReaIIy, It's gonna be fine,
Moving? Mom. we can't be moving out of New York,
- Where wiII I get my dirty-water hot dogs? - Oh. do you want one?
No,
KeIIy. I promise that we'II drive into the city a Iot,
A Iot? We can't move so far away that I can't commute to my schooI,
They have a wonderfuI schooI where we're going,
But I Iove my schooI. Mom, I Iove it,
This new schooI has very high standards, The academics are great,
How do you know. and I mean reaIIy know?
WeII. I know. KeI. because Joe is gonna be the principaI. onIy more so,
Mom. in what way more so?
WeII. he's more than just a principaI, He's Iike a,,, a commandant,
A what?
And it's a very caring. very structured - which wiII be good for you -
miIitary schooI,
MiIitary schooI? Uh. no. no,
Like where they wear uniforms and they march aII around together?
You can't do this to me. Mom, I'm not going,
KeIIy. we are gonna be a famiIy. and famiIies Iive together,
I mean. the house is right on the campus, You'II be coming home every weekend,
How about if you two go and I stay here? You can come and visit anytime you want,
- I don't think so, - What about if I move in with Amanda?
Her parents won't even notice,
KeIIy. you're much too much fun to Ieave behind,
And you know what? FamiIies don't Ieave anyone behind,
Yeah. but,,,
I'm not going!
Promise we'II be best friends aIways and forever,
I promise, Anyway. I'm not going,
And promise you won't Iike it more there than you Iike it here,
No chance of that, They wear uniforms,
They go to a schooI where they Iearn about miIitary strategy, They sit in desks,
(scoffing)
- No! - Yes!
WeII. it doesn't matter, Because I'm not going,
I'm not going, I am not going,
(man, over PA) Welcome to the George Washington Military Academy.
(continues indistinct)
,,,1 8. 1 9. 20,,,
(woman) I don't know but I've been toId
(cadets) I don't know but I've been toId
- Streets in heaven are paved with goId - Streets in heaven are paved with goId
(Kelly) Hello? Where can I get a cafe mocha?
(cadets) One,,, two,,,
three,,, four,,,
I could not believe that this was the man we married.
Sir looked a whole lot different standing there
than when he was kissing my mother in our living room.
HeIIo, I'm CarIa,
KeIIy, Nice to meet you,
- You're gonna Iike it here. you know, - I can't beIieve I have to sIeep in a pIace
without a singIe decent piece of art on the waIIs,
Yuck, We got Captain Stone again, You know. she's going to dismember us,
Who's this Captain Stone anyway?
Just the meanest 1 6-year-oId in America, She's our squad Ieader,
She's the one who teIIs us what to do and when to do it,
That can't be possibIe, We've got brains, We are thinking peopIe,
- Not around her. you're not, - I hear she's got a buzzard for a pet,
She's probabIy gonna be going with Brad again this year,
Brad? What's a Brad?
He's the best-Iooking. most perfect boy around,
- And he goes to schooI here? - Why not me?
As if a cadet major wouId be interested in any of you guys,
(girl) Yeah. right,
I wouIdn't do that if I were you, It's not reguIation,
It's just a bIanket, It's not Iike anyone's gonna see it but us,
- Everything here is by the book, - Thanks for the warning. CarIa.
but I'd reaIIy Iike to try and retain my individuaIity around here,
(girl) Ten-hut!
I'm sorry, Did I accidentaIIy snatch this ratty oId thing away from you?
In my experience. peopIe don't snatch accidentaIIy, And it's not ratty!
It is now, And keep it out of my barracks!
Why wouId you do something Iike that?
Oh! My bad, You must be Captain Stone,
Hmm, You're on my Iist,,, maggot,
You'd be on mine if I had a Iist,
I'II pretend that you didn't say that,
As you were,
Ooh! TroubIe ahead. girI,
WeII. there'II be troubIe ahead for her. too,
You don't get it, In her mind. you're just a IowIy speck of dust,
WeII. that's not how I see it. OK?
We may be in miIitary schooI. but we stiII Iive in a democracy,
Some things are just gonna have to change around here,
You're gonna change a schooI that's been around for a hundred years?
I don't think so, My advice - don't cross Jennifer,
I hated it - the uniformity, the rules,
the khaki of it all.
It was totally clear to me that George Washington Military Academy
needed to become a kinder, gentler school, and it was up to me to do it.
I have to do everything.
(female cadet) Lights out! Ten minutes!
What?
Excuse me, My mom Iets me stay up tiII midnight!
(drumroll)
( ''Reveille'')
(female cadet) Let's go. Iet's go! Ladies. roII out of those racks!
Inspection's at 0800 hours, Let's go! Move!
Come on! Out of those racks now!
(mouthing)
You wiII adhere to the foIIowing scheduIe, Am I understood?
Sir. yes. sir!
ReveiIIe at 0600 hours!
First mess 0645!
None of this made sense. There were 2 4 hours in a day, not 600.
And why, after cleaning, would you make a mess? (scoffs)
You again, Everything cIear. maggot?
WeII. now that you ask. my watch onIy has 1 2 hours on it,
You get dumber by the minute. don't you?
That is aII,
(whispering) You're forgetting something. maggot,
What?
Oh!
Now. who wouId put that there?
Ma'am. permission to speak. ma'am, It's about the maggot. ma'am,
Ma'am. this cadet voIunteers to teach the maggot
miIitary protocoI and terminoIogy. ma'am,
Do it, Fast!
And teII her about the crocodiIe I wrestIed,
First Iesson: zip it and Iisten,
Two things I have never mastered,
Everybody has a rank, BasicaIIy. you saIute officers,
I've heard of generaIs,
Uh. weII. you can teII a person's rank by Iooking at their chevrons or insignia,
Oh. Sergeant. Major!
Sergeant Major, Hi,
I'm guessing. but nobody seems to mind, Hey,
Hey. hey. hey, Stone. Stone,
AII right. there he is,
- How's my hair? - Perfect,,, as usuaI,
Whoa. is that Brad?
Or the cutest boy I've ever seen? Or both?
(Carla) You got it,
Oh. my gosh. he Iooks just Iike a rock star,
And I wouId know. because I've been this cIose to NSync,
Better stay away, He's the Stone's man,
And you'II be seeing them together at the WeIcome Back dance on Friday,
- Did you say dance? - Yeah,
- We're invited too, Everybody's invited, - Do we get to wear reaI cIothes?
Wear 'em if you got 'em,
- HaIt! - I am so there,
Dismissed!
OK. so I'm gonna casuaIIy bump into him
and just bring up the WeIcome Back dance,
- Yes. ma'am, - AII right,
- Hair is good? - Yes. ma'am,
Good,
(squeals)
- (boy) What was that aII about? - (Brad) I have no idea,
(clears throat)
I thought she'd be happy about how quickIy I was Iearning,
Oh,
It was here. just south of Mont-Saint-Jean that NapoIeon fooIishIy tried to spIit
the combined forces of WeIIington and BIucher, Now. the resuIt of this was that,,,
- Can this wait? - WeII,,,
it wouId be dishonest of me not to teII you right now that I'm a conscientious objector,
- I don't think I got anything right, - It's just a test to gauge your IeveI,
I don't think I've hit a IeveI yet,
At my oId schooI. we onIy had to do math when we feIt Iike it,
It was a reaIIy good system, We didn't have to sit whiIe we were doing it. either,
- Hey. whatcha got? - Oh. nothing,
Just my dress for Friday night,
Let me see, Oh. my gosh. it's so beautifuI,
- You wanna see mine? - Yeah. yeah!
Let me see,
Is this yours? It's such a great coIor,
Oh. great, Oh. my God. rhinestones,
Oh, Oh. that's great, And Iook at the IittIe top,
It's so cute,
- Hey, - Hey,
Come on. Iet's go take a waIk - or a march. or whatever it is you guys caII it here,
Sure,
Whoo, I beIieve in gun controI,
Around here. that is gun controI, Don't worry. they can't be fired,
The driII team's a big deaI, It's Iike our arms footbaII team,
You know. miIitary Iife may be for some peopIe. but it's just not for me,
It's something you have to adjust to,
PeopIe Iike Jennifer are used to it, Both her parents are army,
- Commandant coming, - There's dust on those boots,
At ease. Cadets, Where are you young Iadies going?
Home. to pick out some dresses for the dance Friday night,
Sir,
Be sure to pick out some nice ones, Carry on. Cadets,
We wiII, See ya. Joe,
You cannot taIk to the commandant Iike that,
WeII. I sort of can,
You see. he's my stepdad, He and my mom met at a wedding.
and they Iiked it so much. they decided to have one of their own,
You shouId teII Jennifer, She wouId go way easier on you,
That's a negative, She's my own battIe,
- Come on! - I,,, I,,
It's OK,
( ''I Need To Hear It From You'')
You shouId pick first, They're yours,
Oh. no, It's so much more fun for me if you go first,
- There she is! Hi. baby! - Hey. Mom,
One of the great things about Mom is she always greets you
like you've been gone for three years.
- So? How's schooI? - It's,,, very niceIy structured,
- Mom. this is CarIa, - Hi. CarIa, Nice to meet you,
Hi, Nice to meet you,
What do you think? BIack. bIue or siIver?
I think any one of them wouId Iook great on CarIa,
Hmm, You know. I think the bIue is it, It's fabuIous. so ten-minutes-from-now,
You know. girIs. Iunch is aImost ready. so come and get it,
(Mom chuckles)
Hmm,
Maybe there is a feminine side to miIitary Iife,
Argh!
Oh!
Mama's not here to hoId your hands, Let's go. peopIe! Move it!
(Jennifer) Come on. hup-to. girIs, Let me see those knees up. up. up!
Come on. come on. come on!
I'd Iike to see you skip that,
That's right - if I did. you wouId've had to faII back and do it again,
(male cadet) That's right, That's right, Come on!
- This is not a tea party! - (Jennifer) Let's go! Up. up. up. up. up!
(male cadet) Let's go. peopIe! Let's go. peopIe!
Move. move!
That's high,
Let's go. go. go. go. go. go. go!
- Ouch, Ooh, - Oh. did you break a naiI? I don't care!
Move. move. move. move! My mama can move faster than that,
One. two, One. two, Let's go. Iet's go, Move faster. move faster, Come on!
- (Jennifer) Pathetic! Let's go. CoIIins! - Go, go. go. go. go. go. go!
- Keep moving! - You peopIe are so sIow!
Come on. maggot. Iet's go, Let me see what you got,
I'm doing it!
Whoo, I'm safe,
(Jennifer) Hey, Go now!
Go down,
Down! In the mud now! I wanna see you!
Come on. crawI. crawI. crawI Iike the snake that you are, CrawI!
Come on. keep moving!
You are an embarrassment to the squad. to your pIatoon,
I can't even,,, What are you doing? Keep moving!
- I give up, - Ow! Ow. ow. ow,
- Aw, CoIIins. Iet's go, - Ow,
Get down here. Cadet! Get down here right now. you maggot!
So. what are you gonna do when a member of your team is counting on you?
You're gonna Ieave a man behind? No! You're gonna rappeI down that rope
and you're gonna get him! No one gets Ieft behind! Is that cIear?
I hate heights, I'm even hoping not to get too taII,
HeIIo! I faII even when I'm just waIking around!
Atten-hut!
- Is anyone eIse out there? - (all) Sir. no. sir!
WeII done, The WeIcome Back dance begins at 1 900 hours,
Dismiss your squads,
Dismissed!
Um,,, I'm getting a IittIe hungry,
Ooh. how about sending for some Caesar saIad with a IittIe bit of Cajun chicken.
a touch of ciIantro and a IittIe bit of Iemon dressing on the side.
with some of those oyster crackers?
Yummy,
Fine,
Oh!
Mommy!
Whoo,
Sergeant Ramos wiII take over from here,
You're gonna do this course untiI you get it right,
But what about the dance?
- Hmm. uh. you're not gonna be there, - Are you sure you're aIIowed to do that?
What are you gonna do about it? TeII your stepfather?
Hmm?
- I'II teII you what I'm gonna do about it, - What?
AbsoIuteIy nothing,,, ma'am,
Maggot,
Ten-hut!
Back up! Let's go! Onto the tires!
Go quick! And pick your feet up!
Oh! This is just great!
- Why me? - Let's go!
Sergeant Gloria Ramos, my own private slave driver, was tough,
but she didn't have Jennifer's 1 00 percent look of hatred.
I decided to try and find the real Gloria, the one who was craving to be human.
I'm sorry you have to stand over me Iike this and miss the dance,
- I don't dance, - Don't you wanna Iisten to the music?
- I hate music, - Nobody hates music,
It's a primitive instinct which I'm sure you couId unIeash any time you want,
Never happened,
We have got to get to the bottom of your deniaI,
- Get moving! - I intend to,
I can diagnose and cIimb at the same time,
Under the wire. Cadet!
Ow! Ah!
- Your arm is bIeeding! - Oh. that's what that sticky red stuff is!
- How do you feeI? - I don't feeI! I just wanna finish!
I'm gonna do this. and it's gonna be my personaI best!
EspeciaIIy since I've never done this before,
From the haIIs of Montezuma. to the shores of TripoIi
That's the Marines!
How about,,, Row. row. row your boat. gentIy,,,
Ah! That's the Navy,
I don't think I'II ever be abIe to do this,
Back home in Ponce. we have the most beautifuI stars,
When I'm crawIing in the mud here. I pretend I am there.
on the beach. and the sand is soft and warm,
Oh. GIoria. that is pure poetry,
Let me show you, Use your eIbows,
It gives you more stabiIity and heIps you get there faster,
Use your knees to push,
Then. when you have to get under some wire.
fIatten yourseIf out compIeteIy. Iike this,
- Ready? - Yeah,
Go!
I'm doing it!
It stopped raining! Thanks. GIoria,
Maybe sometime I can prove to you that good times aren't just for chumps,
I'II teII you what - you can try,
Um. mission accompIished! FaII out!
(squeals) I'm gonna go teII CarIa, Yes!
( ''It's Not That Deep'' by Cash Hollywood)
You get dressed up
You hoad do wnto wn
It's been a hard day
s you try to got do wn
Whoa! (screams)
Whoa!
(screams)
Maggot!
Eww!
(girl) AII right. KeIIy!
(girl #2) Way to go. KeIIy!
WeII. at Ieast somebody knows how to get down and dirty,
It would've been so cool if Sir had invited me to his office...
under any other circumstances.
As you know. my father was commandant of this academy.
so I understand the position you're in,
He was harder on me than the others just to prove he was fair,
You know. in those days. peopIe didn't understand
how fragiIe a chiId's psyche couId be,
Don't worry. sir, You'II put it behind you someday,
I am not happy about your performance your first week here,
I'm not exactIy happy with what's going on. either, Things couId be much better,
Did you know that there's this whoIe group who practice throwing around rifIes?
They're Iike robots or something,
I was one of those robots when I was in schooI here,
It's OK, You were young, You didn't know any better,
Captain Stone says that you purposefuIIy damaged her personaI beIongings
in the form of a white dress. which you wiIIfuIIy Iaid your hands on,
It was not purposefuIIy,,, or wiIIfuIIy. sir,
I Iost my footing approaching the dance. and I accidentaIIy,,,
Captain Stone isn't the onIy one that I've had compIaints from,
Your teachers are finding your Iack of discipIine,,,
probIematic. to say the Ieast,
It's time that you Iearn how we operate around here,
Uniformity is something we strive for,
- Are you sure that's a good thing? - I'm positive,
AIthough individuaI dignity is respected. the individuaI is at the service of the group,
That's why we caII it the service,
That's a Iesson you need to Iearn. Private CoIIins. and you wiII Iearn it,
Dismissed,
AII right, It's time for you to go home, TeII your mother I'II be there shortIy,
You have reached Adam Collins. Please leave a message.
I just caIIed to say hi,
There's absoIuteIy nothing to worry about. even though I'm kinda miserabIe,
It's because I'm aIIergic to the country,
OK. I gotta go, Bye,
I had given George Washington a whole week,
and it seemed that it and I would never get along.
I had to tell Mom, ''I don't wanna stay here. ''
Mom. can I have your Iap? I need to teII you something,
OK, 'Cause I have something to teII you too,
- You can go first, - OK,
Uh. KeIIy. uh,,, I'm just gonna come right out and say it. OK?
We're gonna have a baby,
- A ba,,, a baby? - Yeah,
- A baby? - A baby,
Wow. a baby,
You know. KeI. I wiII stiII Iove you 1 00 percent,
And I'm sure I'm gonna Iove this baby. but I wiII aIways Iove you Ionger,
Me too. Mom, I wiII aIways Iove you Ionger,
OK, (clears throat)
Ta-da!
The baby's room is gonna need those beautifuI paintings you do so weII,
Oh. I Iove it when you use psychoIogy on me,
Mom. you have made me a very happy daughter,
Good, Now. what were you gonna teII me?
Me? Um,,,
I,,, I was going to teII you that. um. CarIa's turned out to be a very good friend,
I couldn't tell her I wanted to quit school.
We couldn't bring a baby into this world among even one ounce of chaos.
- HeIIo, - Hi,
- How are ya? - Good,
- WeII. I just toId KeIIy our good news, - Yeah,
CongratuIations,,,
big sister,
(scoffs) A handshake?
Suddenly, it dawned on me that Sir wasn't ready to be a father yet.
List of things to do.: give Mom total support, woman-to-woman,:
help Sir understand his new fatherly role,:
and try to convince the military to let people use their own blankets.
I had to do everything.
( ''Reveille'')
(Gloria) OK. Iadies. Iet's go!
(Kelly) OK, Great,
WeII. I know there has to be something wrong here,
Ma'am. no. ma'am,
WeII,,,
you got away with it this time - whatever ''it'' is,
(Jennifer sighs)
You know,,,
I do beIieve that I said something about this ratty thing,
Oh. yeah, That I never wanted to see it in my barracks ever again,
Hmm,
Oh,,, (tsks)
(Jennifer gasps) Ooh,
Wow,
Oh!
And now I won't,
Sweet dreams. maggot,
(Gloria) As you were,
Am I supposed to just Iet her do this to me. CarIa?
Mm-hm. yeah, Now just go to bed,
(girls) Shh!
I'm gonna figure this out,
- Get back in your bed. Cadet, - This is between me and her, OK?
(girls chuckling/whispering)
(girl) Shh!
(laughter continues)
(screams)
Whoo!
I know it was you, And I have a present for you,
Around here. we caII it a court-martiaI,
I feeI terribIe I didn't get anything for you. ma'am,
So what does it mean?
It means she'II have to appear in cadet court,
- ShaII we get a Iawyer? - The cadets run these things themseIves,
I review the verdict and mete out the punishment,
Oh. honey. that puts you in such a difficuIt position,
So you know what? Don't go too easy on her, But maybe not too hard. either,
This is the job I've wanted aII my Iife, Ever since I was a kid here,
Listening to my dad. watching him. Iiving in this house, I can't bIow it,
And you think one IittIe girI is gonna make that happen?
I didn't,,, tiII I met the one IittIe girI who couId,
I think I'm gonna take a waIk,
Joe,,,
I'm sorry. Mom, I didn't mean to,
OK,
- Come and sit down, - (crying)
Come here, It's OK, It's OK,
Mom,,,
KeIIy,,,
You're gonna have to say sorry to the court,
Maybe we shouIdn't have come here,
Mom. you never asked me if I wanted to come here,
KeIIy,,, KeIIy!
Section 1 01 ,2: faiIure to maintain orderIy quarters,
Section 1 03,4: vioIation of the uniform dress code,
- Section,,, - Speaking of dress code,,,
your. uh. cover. pIease. Cadet Captain Stone,
Section 1 02,2: insubordination,
- Section,,, - Captain,
The evidence. pIease,
(whispering/giggling)
My cIient wouId Iike to point out that it's just paint - it'II wash out,
This concIudes the proceedings, DeIiberations wiII begin immediateIy,
- Oh. no, I forgot to teII 'em I was sorry, - ApoIogy not accepted,
Not to you, To them. ma'am,
I hope we got across it was a crime of passion, I had to retaIiate,
- They couIdn't possibIy find me,,, - GuiIty,
The cadet wiII report to the commandant's office immediateIy for sentencing,
I've thought Iong and hard about your punishment.
and I think I've come up with just the one,
I hereby sentence you to,,,
the driII team,
The driII team? Sir. I'm not reaIIy good at being on teams,
- I'm more of a soIo artist, - Who said you'd be on the team?
That wouId be an honor, I'm sentencing you to be equipment manager,
You're expected to keep the uniforms orderIy: poIish boots and brass:
maintain rifIes. guidons. scabbards and sabers,
Around here. that is referred to as a scut job,
Maybe you'II Iearn some respect for property,
And hopefuIIy. you'II Iearn what this group
- the one that practices with rifIes. the one you refer to as robots - is aII about,
1 970,
I was on the team that year, We came in third, We haven't done that weII since,
That's going to change, CoIoneI MikkeIson is team advisor,
Report to him Monday morning in the gym after cIasses
and get yourseIf squared away,
Dismissed,
(cadets) One. two, One. two,
(cell phone rings)
- HeIIo? - Hey. KeIIy,
Are you OK? I got your message,
It always worries me when you try to sound happy.
Oh. I'm great, Except for I got court-martiaIed,
- That's terrific. honey, - Um,,, and I'm on the driII team,
WeII. not exactIy on it. but,,,
I am so proud of you,
- WeII. I just caIIed to teII you that, - Oh, OK. honey,
- I gotta go, - OK. bye. Dad,
(splash)
The point is to keep the gear cIean. poIished and ready to go,
It's just Iike in combat - when you need something. you need it now
and you need it to work, Understood?
- Sir. yes. sir, - Go to it. Cadet,
Eww,
I don't know. but I've been toId Jennifer's hair is painted goId
She's so mean. she hardIy breathes I'II be happy when she Ieaves
I don't know. but I've been toId Jennifer's heart is mighty coId
- How coId? - ReaI coId,
- How coId? - Ice-coId!
Oops,
So,,, you caII that a shoeshine?
You know. we can get gigged for that,
Now. that's how you do it,
You make me Iaugh. Cadet KeIIy,
(hawks up spit)
FIip arms!
Reverse fIip arms!
Port arms!
FIip reverse! Present arms!
At ease,
As you know. we have a meet coming up in two weeks, But it isn't just a practice,
It's our first step towards winning the regionaIs,
So,,,
make me proud,
Atten-hut!
(cadets) Sir. yes. sir!
FIip arms!
Reverse fIip arms!
That's when it hit me - this was like ''Swan Lake, ''
only, instead of tutus, everyone was wearing uniforms.
But still, it was so beautiful.
Sure. I'II heIp you with the equipment,
Our team may not be the best. but it'II be the shiniest,
That is so incredibIy nice of you,
Part of what we Iearn here is to heIp each other,
I swear I wouId, If onIy I'd,,, fit in. you know?
- No one fits in at first, - So. what about you?
Me? I'm Iucky to be here,
Home wasn't,,, It wasn't what I wouId've picked out,
This is Iike a heaven on Earth for a girI Iike me,
Hey. CarIa. you think you'd Iike to have dinner with us Friday night?
- Maybe stay over? - Hmm,
- Sure, I'd Iove that, - OK,
Sir, Can I borrow some spit. sir? Promise to pay you back,
Hey. Brad. I was just wondering if you couId heIp me
with some moves for the big meet,
- Sure, - CooI,
'Cause I wouId reaIIy Iove to beat Rahway Academy just once.
and I'm sure you wouId too,
I don't mean to brag. but I aIways bring Iuck to things.
and sometimes peopIe rub my head,
Guns. pIease,
(feigned chuckle)
- Here you go. Brad, - Thanks,
Sure,
(man, over PA) GWMA invitational practice meet - Rahway High School -
will begin in five minutes.
Forward march!
There they are, Rahway High SchooI,
Let's not get psyched out here. peopIe,
(shouts commands)
Everything squared away. Captain?
Ma'am. I aIways have spares. ma'am, Here,
Port up!
Time to shine,
Port arms!
Right shouIder,,, up!
Forward hup!
(shouting commands)
George Washington MiIitary Academy driII team,
Rahway High SchooI. unarm the competition,
Aye-aye. sir!
Rahway High SchooI driII team,
Move!
Kick!
Forward march!
(all) USMC!
Sir!
I expect you aII to do a heck of a Iot better next time,
We obviousIy have to practice. practice. practice,
That performance today was a compIete and totaI,,,
Come on. give it a rest,
It's not practice that we need,
In the reguIation phase. we're as good as anybody,
The probIem is the exhibition phase,
I mean. we need inspiration, OriginaIity, Creativity,
Anyways. good job. peopIe, We'II get 'em next time when it counts, Dismissed,
( humming)
What are you doing?
Shoot,
Uh,,, nothing, It's just a IittIe something I thought wouId cheer you up,
Do it again,
- And that's an order, - Sir. yes. sir!
(sighs) OK, here was my to-do list.: keep Sir and Mom's relationship going,
shepherd a baby into the world, and win a drill team medal for Brad.
I have to do everything.
Wish me Iuck,
- Hey, - Hey yourseIf. Private,
- What's this? - It's a braceIet you tie on your wrist,
You make a wish. and when it faIIs off your wish comes true,
Or a scarf from NepaI. bangIes from the bazaar in Marrakesh,
You know. I feeI kinda siIIy offering you these things. but,,, it's aII I got,
What's the catch?
I've decided to try out for the driII team, And I need you to be my coach,
It wouIdn't be professionaI if you didn't Iet me pay you,
Once again, I'd seen it proven true - accessories are a girl's best friend.
Who is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States?
Wait a minute, I know this,
( ''Watch Me Shine'' by Joanna)
How many counts from right shouIder arms to port arms?
Did you just say. ''How many arms does a shouIder have?''?
Spin order arms!
Ooh!
I'll lm'alkd It on lm'y o wn thIs tIlm'o
INIo w watch lm'o shIno
Better watch out Going for the knockout
And I won't stop till I'm on top now
Not gonna give up until I get what's mine
Better check that I'm about to upset
And I'm glad now So you better step back
I'lm' talkIng oIvory so watch lm'o shIno
Ooh
O h yoa h yoa h
- How'd I do? - Not bad,
For a maggot,
- What's next? - Nothing,
Nothing more we can do,
Try out for the new eIement on Wednesday. and you,,,
are ready,
(squeals)
Thank you! Thank you. GIoria! Oh. yes! Thank you. thank you!
(squeals)
I made it. I made it. I made it!
I made it. I made it! Oh. yeah! Oh. yeah! Oh. yeah!
Yeah. reaI cheerIeader stuff. Brad, I hope you noticed the fIaw in her execution,
This concIudes the tryouts,
The roster for the expanded spring fIight
wiII be posted on the board at 09:30 tomorrow,
Good Iuck to everyone,
Cadet CoIIins,
It's come to my attention. without my knowIedge or approvaI.
that you've tried out for the driII team,
Sir,,, sir. yes. sir,
And that furthermore. on the recommendation of Cadet Captain Rigby.
you've made it,
CongratuIations,
I want you to know how proud I am of you,
So,,, do we hug or saIute or shake or something?
Permission to speak. sir,
I admit it was a good idea for you to sentence me to the driII team,
It was a great Iesson for me, But. sir. you have some Iessons to Iearn. too,
And. uh,,, what might those be?
We have a baby to raise. sir, And frankIy. I think you're going to need my heIp,
Babies can't saIute, They're IittIe, They cry even when they don't have to,
They're not exactIy cIean. but they smeII pretty good - most of the time,
They have to be smiIed at constantIy.
and you have to carry them around aII night and day,
If not. they tend to yeII,
Permission to teach,
(cadets) Hup. hup. hup. hup.
hup. hup. hup. hup. hup. hup,,,
( ''Relating to A Psychopath'' by Macy Gray)
Cartoon figures dance in my head Uh-huh
Cold like in my isolation cell
In tho wIntor whIlo lkIssIng M r lF 'rozo
Take the weather man and throw him away
Hey, hey
Love is a desert and I need it to rain
You are so good at keeping me company
You are relating to a psychopath
Your rolo lm'odol Is In thoralpy
You must be real far gone
You're relating to a psychopath
Ooh-wah!
Noah's elephants are leaving the ark in eights
Love is butter Won't you be my bread?
Crickets sing in three-part harmony
I try to walk away I choke and I stumble
I'm flying back so listen close when I mumble
That you are so good at keeping me company
Yoa h oh
You are relating to a psychopath
Your rolo lm'odol Is In thoralpy
You must be real far gone
You're relating to a psychopath
Yoa h
It noIvor adds ulp whon you do your lm'ath
You are relating to a psychopath
Yos I'lm' ral fa r gono
You're relating to a psychopath
Oh, when the sun goes down
W hon tho sun goos do wn
Bravo, That is great, I mean. what you guys are doing. those moves,
I mean. I think we couId work something Iike that into the exhibition phase
at the regionaIs,
What? You're kidding. right? That-that-that,,, this is my soIo,
I don't even remember what I did,
Anyway. it doesn't even matter, I mean. there was fire. spirit,
Our team couId use a IittIe more of that, Do it again - it was good,
The BattIe of the Choisin Reservoir in the frigid winter of 1 950-51
was not a retreat but an advance to the rear,
One of the greatest strategic rescue operations in miIitary history.
even if it was the Marines,
- So. advancing to the rear is a good thing, - In this case. an exceIIent thing,
The 1 st Division stayed together. worked together and survived together,
Wow. It continued to amaze me
that the stuff you learn in military school could actually apply to real life.
I suddenly understood why it was important to stomach Jennifer.
Hi,
Uh,,, I mean. ma'am. hi. ma'am,
Ma'am. this cadet has some reaIIy cooI ideas about a routine
that she'd Iike to share with the captain,
Oh, CooI ideas. huh?
WeII. I'm sure you toId Brad,
Ma'am. no. ma'am,
You are my partner,
And commanding officer,
I work with you,
Permission to discuss,,, Cadet,
Boy. is Dad gonna be surprised,
He thinks dinner comes in those IittIe white containers you get at Chinese restaurants,
- (doorbell) - (gasps) I'II get it!
- Dad, - Hey!
- Ohh! - Dad!
(both laughing)
- (growls) - (Kelly) I miss you,
Ohh! Oh!
- Nice to see you again. Adam, - Hey, Thanks,
Nice of you to have me. Joe,
Oh,
And nice of you to take such good care of our IittIe girI,
Hmm, Hey. hey. hey, Look what I got ya,
Now. cIose your eyes, No peekin',
Tight,
Open,
Brunei, The suItan gave me a speciaI price just for you,
- HeIIo. Adam, - Hey. Sam, You're Iooking,,,
- ,,,big, - Thank you,
- Huge, - So you said,
(Adam chuckles)
OK. uh. dinner wiII be ready in five minutes,
WeII. maybe six, I hope you Iike turkey, Oh. and guess what,
You're not going to beIieve this - when I bought this turkey. it was raw,
- No, - Yes,
Remember what I wrote to you about rock cIimbing in Today Magazine?
WeII. I have taken an assignment right here in the Hudson VaIIey,
Extreme cIimbing in the Shawangunk Mountains,
I'II be shooting at Rockridge Point. which means,,,
I'II be abIe to see you in the driII team competition,
So. I'm just gonna get some shots in the earIy morning.
and then it's you and me at 1 1 am,
We'II even synchronize our watches and everything,
- Promise? - Promise,
(man, over PA) Attention, master-level competitors, now hear this.:
the inspection phase of all flights will begin in the field house at 1 1 00 hours.
- Sir, - Cadet Major,
We're gonna bIow 'em out of their socks.
because this time. we have something no one's ever seen before,
Our secret weapons,
- Cadet Captain Stone, - Sir,
I'd Iike you to check the scheduIe and report back immediateIy,
Yes. sir,
- Cadet KeIIy? - Yes. sir,
I want you to doubIe-check the rifIes. so,,,
(squeals)
Or not,
(both squealing)
How did you get here?
WeII. your mom caIIed my mom. and my mom caIIed the car service,
Everyone. this is Amanda,
She's my best and truest friend,
(Kelly) Yeah. OK. so this is GIoria. Rose. LesIie. TayIor. AIIison and Sam,
I'd Iike to weIcome you aII to this year's
Northeast RegionaI DriII Team Competition,
(Amanda) Whoo!
Let me to say to aII the fathers and mothers present today:
you ought to be very. very proud of these young peopIe,
Let the inspection phase begin!
And may the best fIight win,
What do the stripes on the fIag of the United States of America represent?
Sir. the 1 3 originaI coIonies. sir,
How many counts are there to a right-face movement?
What eIements make up the Marine Corps symboI?
(overlapping questions and answers)
Who is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of
the United States of America?
Sir. the President of the United States. sir!
How does the cadet render a courtesy to a superior officer when not in formation?
Sir. when rendering courtesy to an individuaI with a cadet's rifIe
and right shouIder. Ieft shouIder or port arms and not in formation. sir.
the cadet wiII execute present arms. sir!
The cadet wiII pIease demonstrate,
As you were,
(male officer) How many originaI coIonies were there?
(male officer #2) How Iong have you worked on your shoot?
(male officer #3) When is the Marine Corps' birthday?
(male officer #4) Who is the Secretary of Defense?
(female cadet) Sir. the HonorabIe DonaId RumsfeId. sir!
A perfect ten across the board, Way to go. peopIe,
- (cheer) - AII right. aII right,
Let's not rest on our IaureIs, We're gonna take this one aII the way home,
(cell phone ringing)
What was that?
(ringing continues)
It's my Dad, He's supposed to be here,
Dad? Dad?
Dad!
If that had have gone off in there. the whoIe fIight,,,
The whoIe fIight wouId've been summariIy disquaIified. thanks to you,
You know what? I don't even know what you were thinking.
bringing a phone in there,
My dad is the onIy one who caIIs me on it,
And onIy when he reaIIy needs to taIk to me,
It's our IifeIine,
I'm sorry,
Maybe your truest friend can heIp you out of this one,
I,,, CarIa. I wasn't thinking when I said that,
I'm so sorry,
OK. peopIe. don't wander off, Stay cIose,
We're gonna have to give this one our best shot,
(man, over PA) Attention, master-level flights.:
the regulation phase for the George Washington Military Academy,
Rahway High School and Jefferson High School will begin in ten minutes.
(male cadet) FIight. atten-hut!
At ease,
WeII. I've Iooked forward to this. not for months - for years,
You Iook good, I know you're ready,
And I wanna thank you for representing our schooI, It means a Iot to me,
Do us proud,
(Brad) Let's do it again,
Hey,
- Win or Iose. you're gonna be great, - Sir. yes. sir,
- What is it? - It's nothing. sir, It's nothing,
I know you weII enough to know it's never nothing,
TaIk to me. Cadet, What's wrong?
Sir. this cadet's worried that her father's hurt,
Why? Have you heard something?
Sir. no. sir,
But he's not here. and he promised he'd be here, You heard him,
This cadet's father's known to take chances,
His ceII phone is out. and that never happens,
When was the Iast time you heard from him?
Um. he tried to caII me a coupIa hours ago. sir. but the Iine went dead,
- It happens, - Sir. yes. sir,
But he's not here. and he knows how important this is to me,
- Do you wanna go Iook for him? - No. sir,
This cadet wiII stay with her fIight, This cadet wiII not Iet her team down,
This cadet wiII not Iet you down,
I just know something's happened to him. though,
- How do you know? - I just know. OK?
- Let's go find him, - Negative. sir,
This cadet knows how important this competition is to the commandant,
This cadet knows her duty,
- And this cadet,,, - Cadet Major Rigby can handIe it,
They'II go down to three eIements, This cadet aIso has a duty to her father,
Let's go,
Thank you. sir,
He said he was gonna be at Rockridge Point,
I know where that is,
(shouts command)
- Everyone accounted for? - Uh. hoId on,
Guess who's missing,
Dad!
This is his camera bag,
GIoria,
TeII the fourth eIement to stand down,
Once a maggot,,, aIways a maggot,
Dad!
Command center. GeneraI MaxweII,
We have a man down roughIy 1 ,6 miIes due south of county road 35
near Rockridge Point,
Request rescue team and ambuIance immediateIy, AII right,
- I'm going down to him, - No. you're not, I can't risk it,
- We wait for the rescue squad, - Sir. I'm not gonna Ieave my father aIone!
I'm going to rappeI down to him. and you can't do it because you're too heavy
and I can't puII you back up, It has to be me,
Don't worry - I've been trained,
I can do this,
George Washington MiIitary Academy requests your permission
to utiIize your driII deck. sir!
- (officer) Permission granted, - I can't see her, Where is she?
OK. just ease yourseIf over the side, You don't have to rush,
One foot at a time. sIow!
Nice and easy! Concentrate, You can do it,
You OK?
I'm fine!
You want me to puII you back up?
No. sir,
KeIIy?
- Can you make it? - The rope's too short!
KeIIy?
Aaaargh!
Dad!
KeI,,,
- That first step's a doozie, - Oh. Dad,
Report!
Situation under controI. sir!
GWMA. sir!
(helicopter overhead)
Dad,
WeII done,
KeIIy,
At that moment, I realized that Sir was ready to have this baby.
This reaIIy is a photo op, If onIy I had my camera,
I wouId show my dad,,,
and my dad,,,
both brave. both safe,
And both mine,
Two dads,
And. KeIIy. you can have two best friends,
Sir went into father-mode so quickly, the only thing I could do was smile.
Maybe, just maybe, I don't quite have to do everything.
We're down by five points,
You and KeIIy are our onIy chance, You're the most unique thing we have,
And unIess a miracIe happens. we don't have a chance,
I knew it, I knew it, I knew that she was just a IittIe,,,
Maggot? Is that what you were going to say. ma'am?
Or were you going to caII me ma'am? If so. you must be confused,
At ease,
On my order. KeIIy has been officiaIIy excused from the reguIation phase,
Carry on,
And good Iuck,
Sir, Cadet KeIIy CoIIins. reporting for duty. sir,
And expecting to win,
(man, over PA) Attention, flight finalists.
The exhibition phase will begin in five minutes.
OK. peopIe. Iet's get ready to rumbIe, FaII out,
You go. girIs,
It's not that I Iike Amanda better, It's just that I've Iiked her Ionger,
I'm sorry, Friends?
Yeah,
(man, over PA) Representing the George Washington Military Academy,
Cadet Captain Jennifer Stone and Cadet Kelly Collins...
- (Jennifer) At ease, - ...in unarmed competition.
We have a Iot of ground to make up 'cause of you,
It's a good thing we're exceIIent at this,
Atten-hut!
Let's do it,
( ''One Girl Revolution'' by Superchick)
I wear a disguise I'm just your average Jane
The super doesn't stand for model but that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look, you miss the super chick within
And I christen you ''Titanic, '' underestimate and swim
And I'm a one-girl revolution
I'm a one girl-revolution I'm a one girl-revolution
GWMA!
nd I'll bo oIvorythIng that I wanna bo
I alm' confIdonco and InsocurIIty
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world
And I'm a one-girl revolution
I'lm' a ono gIrl rIvolutIon
Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone
nd I'll bo oIvorythIng that I wanna bo
I alm' confIdonco and InsocurIIty
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world
And I'm a one-girl revolution
I'm a one-girl revolution
Everything that I wanna be...
(cheering/applause)
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world
Whoo!
Ladies and gentIemen. may I have your attention. Please?
Spectacular, I don't think I've ever seen a better regional,
Or a closer one. either,
So without further ado,,, third place.
the bronze. goes to Thomas Jefferson High School of Redding. Connecticut,
(cheering/applause)
And the winner. In the closest voting since the competition began. is,,,
by one point,,,
Rahway High School. who takes the gold,
(cheering/applause)
Over the George Washington MiIitary Academy. Who takes the silver,
Well done. All,
- We got beat, - No. we didn't,
We medaled, I mean. we're going to the nationals,
- It's my fauIt, If I hadn't have,,, - That's right,
If you hadn't joined the team,,,
,,,we would have never gotten this far,
Right then, I knew I would be telling my grandchildren about this someday.
Um,,,
uh,,,
Next year. we'II be even better,
If you and I can work on our routines together. there's no teIIing what,,,
ActuaIIy. there's not gonna be a next year for me,
You see. my father got transferred to Europe. so. uh,,, I'm moving,
But I do have one wish for you. Cadet,
That you become a pIatoon Ieader,,,
and have to deaI with a IittIe maggot,,, just Iike you,
(Brad) FIight. faII in!
Forward,,, hup!
Right face!
Stop!
Left face!
Present arms!
Spin order,,, arms!
Since this is my first autobiography, I might not have gotten everything right.
The events are true, the feelings are genuine,
and my memoirs are finished.
But I might have forgotten what everyone was wearing.
(chuckles)
( upbeat instrumental)