CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
- HMM. WHAT'S THIS?
THE RISIA PROFIT CORPORATION HAS NOW BECOME THE RICHEST COMPANY
ON THE FACE OF THIS GLOBE.
WHY DO I KEEP READING ABOUT PEOPLE WHOSE DREAMS OF INSTANT WEALTH COME TRUE
WHO ARE NOT ME?
I HATE THIS FRIGGIN' RAG!
- HELLO, DEAR. WE'RE BACK.
- I JUST KILLED THE NEWSPAPER.
- HEY, PAPA, LOOK AT MY NEW CEREAL.
IT'S CALLED RISIA PROFIT FROSTED HAPPY MORNING
SUPER CRUNCHY ACTION GO! FOOD TIME BREAKFAST GO.
IT GOES CRACKY CRACKY CLICK CLICK!
OOH! BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!
BOOM BOOM BOOM!
OOH! CLICKY CLICKY CLICKY CLICKY!
GO, CLICKY, GO!
- RISIA PROFIT, EH?
I THINK I REMEMBER READING ABOUT THEM IN MY PAPER...
BACK WHEN I GAVE A DAMN!
- LOOK HERE, FAMILY.
THE REAR OF THE BOX SAYS I CAN STAR IN MY OWN TV SHOW.
ALL I GOTTA DO IS OPEN THE BOX.
DAD, CAN I OPEN THE BOX
EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT A RECOGNIZED MEAL TIME?
CAN I? CAN I? HUH? CAN I?
- ASK YOUR MOTHER. - MOM, CAN I OPEN THE BOX?
- ASK YOUR FATHER. - DAD, CAN I OPEN THE BOX?
- ASK YOUR FATHER. - DAD, HOW ABOUT THAT BOX?
- SAY IT LIKE A PRINCESS. - FATHER, MAY I OPEN THE BOX?
- NO, NO, NO. PRINCESS THE CAT.
- I DON'T DO HER.
- THEN YOU DON'T OPEN THE BOX,
BUT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
- LOVE DON'T MEAN CRAP, DAD, IF I CAN'T OPEN MY CEREAL.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS OPEN THE BOX
AND YOU WON'T LET ME OPEN THE BOX.
- GO AHEAD AND OPEN IT, HONEY.
- THANKS, MOM. YOU'RE A PAL.
- KONNICHIWA.
MY NAME IS MR. KIORI.
I REPRESENT RISIA PROFIT CORPORATION.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOUNG CATLIKE CREATURE,
YOU ARE NOW THE STAR OF YOUR OWN TELEVISION PROGRAM.
- WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
- IN A NUTSHELL, TO CONSERVE PRECIOUS TIME,
CONGRATULATIONS, STAR, TV.
- FAN-FRICKIN'-TASTIC.
CAN I EAT THE CEREAL NOW?
- EXCUSE ME, MY NAME IS DAD,
AND I REPRESENT THIS BLOSSOMING TEENAGE CASH COW.
WHAT KIND OF MONEY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
LET'S WORK A DEAL.
- NO, NO, TINY DOLL MAN.
THE DEAL HAS ALREADY BEEN WORKED.
THE ACT OF OPENING THE BOX CONSTITUTES A PERPETUAL
AND LEGALLY BINDING AGREEMENT
BETWEEN THE OPENER AND RISIA PROFIT CORPORATION.
RISIA PROFIT RETAINS OWNERSHIP OF THE PROGRAM,
ANYTHING RELATED TO THE PROGRAM IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER,
AND ALL REVENUE PRODUCED BY THE PROGRAM
THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE FOR ALL ETERNITY.
LITIGATION WILL ENSUE BASED ON SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION.
- AS LONG AS WE GET SOMETHING.
EH, BY THE WAY, I'VE FORGIVEN MY NEWSPAPER.
I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU, BABY.
- YOUNG MAN, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE PHRASES
PRODUCT PLACEMENT, MEDIA SATURATION,
AND SHAMELESS INVASIVE MARKETING AND BRANDING TACTICS
DISGUISED AS MASS ENTERTAINMENT?
- NO...
BUT I SWALLOWED A HOUSE KEY ONCE
AND WE HAD TO CAMP OUT IN THE YARD
TILL IT CAME OUT THE OTHER END.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
A-HA HA HA HA!
- HA HA.
PUT THAT IN YOUR TELEVISION SHOW, TOUGH GUY.
- YES, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.
YOU ARE BOTH CHARMING BUT ASTOUNDINGLY IMBECILIC.
THAT IS KNOWN AS "STAR QUALITY."
- COOL.
HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA FOR MY SHOW.
YOU WANT TO HEAR IT?
- I AM PRETENDING TO LISTEN TO YOU.
- OK, WELL, IT'S ALL ABOUT A FAMILY OF STREETWISE BLACK PEOPLE
LIVING TOGETHER IN DINOSAUR TIMES.
WHO KNOWS HOW THEY GOT THERE? WHO CARES?
ALL'S I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT THEY SHOW THOSE DINOSAURS
HOW TO PUT IT OVER ON THE CAVEMAN.
- SORRY, THE FORMAT HAS BEEN PREAPPROVED.
THE SHOW WILL BE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY LIVING HAPPILY
AS YOU ENJOY OUR CHARMINGLY UBIQUITOUS PRODUCTS.
CHODROMS, DRESS THE SET.
OK, WE'RE READY TO GO.
JUST ACT NATURALLY AND SAY AND DO EVERYTHING I ORDER YOU TO SAY AND DO.
- I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE SCRIPT, PLEASE.
- THAT'S NOT A SCRIPT, DEAR.
THAT'S THEIR MAIL-ORDER CATALOG.
- RIGHT, BUT SHOULDN'T THERE BE MORE LINES IN HERE FOR ME?
- OK, FOLKS, LET'S HAVE SOME SHINY FUN TODAY,
AND REMEMBER TO LOOK PLEASURABLE
AS YOU DISCUSS OUR WONDERFUL PRODUCTS.
- HEY, EVERYBODY!
I SWALLOWED THE KEYS AGAIN!
HA HA HA HA!
- WE'RE NOT DOING THAT GAG.
- I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE DIGGING THE KEY BIT.
- NO, IT TESTED VELLY POORLY AT FOCUS GROUP.
- WHAT? - HA HA HA HA.
I WAS EVOKING A TIRED AND OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT.
THANKS FOR INDULGING ME.
OK, HERE WE GO.
ROLLING CAMERAS AND... ACTION!
AGAIN, I SAY, ACTION!
- WHAT'S MY LINE AGAIN?
- HEY, EVERYBODY!
- CUT! - WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
I'M NOT PERFECT. I'M A CATBOY!
- INDEED. THAT IS YOUR APPEAL.
BUT I'M THINKING MAYBE THE LINE NEEDS SOME WORK.
LET'S TRY, "HEY, RISIA PROFIT PREFERRED CUSTOMERS!"
OK, GREAT. HERE WE GO.
- BUT THAT'S ONE OF MY CATCHPHRASES.
YOU KNOW, "HEY, EVERYBODY!"
"YEAH, BUDDY!"
"HOW YOU DOIN', BUDDY?"
MY AUDIENCE IS GONNA EXPECT ONE OF THOSE.
- THEY WILL LIKE THIS NEW LINE BETTER.
IT IS DESIGNED TO AROUSE DEEP FEELINGS OF SPENDING.
- OK.
UH, HEY, RISIA PROFIT CUSTOMERS--
- PREFERRED CUSTOMERS. - PREFERRED CUSTOMER.
- HEY, SON, WHY AREN'T YOU OUTSIDE
PLAYING WITH A RISIA PROFIT LUCKY FUN SPORT TASTY FORTUNE LATEX GLOW BALL
WITH YOUR FRIENDS IN A LUCRATIVE, YOUNG, ACTIVE MALE DEMOGRAPHIC?
- FANTASTIC, DAD.
- I THINK THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. - CUT!
- I'LL SAY. I CAN'T CARRY ALL OF US.
- I THINK I KNOW THE PROBLEM.
IT'S YOUR EYES.
THEY'RE NOT RIGHT FOR TELEVISION.
- BUT I LIKE MY EYES.
- YOU'LL LIKE THE NEW ONES BETTER.
SURGEONS!
EXCELLENT.
YOU NOW HAVE THE PROFIT-INDUCING EYES
OF A LARGE CARTOON HAMSTER.
- I DON'T THINK MINE WORK.
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
- THAT IS NOT A WORRY TO ME AS YOU HAVE NO LINES.
ACTION!
- WHO'S THIRSTY FOR SOME RISIA PROFIT ACIDIC FIZZING SEXY GOOD LIME DRINK?
- CUT! - WHAT?
- BRAINSTORM!
- WE WILL NOW HEAR A SONG FROM DAD
AND DELICIOUS RISIA PROFIT ACIDIC FIZZING SEXY GOOD LIME DRINK.
- I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
- YOU WANT US TO JUST MAKE UP THE WORDS?
- THE WORDS ARE ON THE MONITOR SCREEN BEFORE YOU.
I ALSO ENCOURAGE THOSE IN THE AUDIENCE TO JOIN IN.
- DO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS CAN?
- YES, SEXY GOOD LIME DRINK.
NOW YOU WILL KARAOKE!
- ♪ RISIA PRODUCTS
- ♪ NUMBER ONE
- ♪ SUPER PARTY
- ♪ LOTS OF FUN
- ♪ YOU LIKE THE GIRLS?
- ♪ THEY LIKE YOU, TOO
♪ OH, YEAH
- ♪ WHEN RISIA
- ♪ GOES OUT WITH YOU
- ♪ YOU'RE SURE TO BE THE ONE WITH ALL THE HAIR ON HIS CHEST ♪
♪ OH, YEAH
- ♪ I GOT A SODA, MAN
♪ YOU LIKE THE GIRLS?
- ♪ RISIA PRODUCTS GIVE YOU ALL THE SEXY PLEASURE BEST ♪
- ♪ OH, YEAH
♪ I BLOW SODA ON ME
- OUCH.
ARE YOUR PEEPERS STILL NOT WORKING, MAMA?
- IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I DON'T NEED HAMSTER'S EYES
TO SEE THAT WE'RE BEING EXPLOITED
FOR COMMERCIAL GAIN.
- HMM... ONE ADJUSTMENT TO MAKE.
- SON, WHY DON'T YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER
HOW MUCH YOU LIKE MOWING LAWNS WITH THE RISIA PROFIT MOTORIZED
SUPER SEXY CHOP-AND-GO BLADE GRASSY YARD REPURPOSER?
- THAT'S NOT MY MOM. THAT'S A BOTTLE.
- DON'T YOU TALK TO YOUR RISIA PROFIT FRESH SMELL
FANCY DUTY JOY SCRUB SHOWER CLEANSER LIKE THAT.
- CUT! - NO, YOU CUT.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY MOM?
- FORGET ABOUT OLD MOM.
NEW MOM NOW CONTAINS 20% MORE POWERFUL SCRUBBING ACTION PARTICLES.
GOOD FOR WHOLE HOUSE.
- WHO'S THIS CLOWN?
- CLOWN? OH, NO.
THIS IS MARUMATU,
TERRIFYING STAR OF NEW RISIA PROFIT CORPORATION
MASS MOVIE AUDIENCE ACTION PRODUCTION,
"MARUMATU VERSUS KAGICHI SWAMP TIGERS--
RISIA SPONSORED BASEBALL PLAYING TEAM."
- MARUMATU!
IT'S MARUMATU!
RUN--
TO YOUR LOCAL RISIA PROFIT MULTIPLEX.
MARUMATU!
- OUT OF THE WAY, NUMB NUTS.
A-HA HA HA HA!
WHO WAS THAT?
- THAT WAS FAMOUS RISIA PROFIT SPOKESMAN
AND ACTIVE MUSICIAN CHEAP TRICK.
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, I WANT YOU TO WANT THIS.
A-HA HA HA HA!
- AAH!
- SAYONARA, SACK-SMACKERS.
- OH, HEY, ZORAK.
YOU HAVE A NEW SQUIRT GUN, TOO.
LET'S HAVE A SQUIRT GUN WAR.
- I GOT YOU! HA HA HA!
NOW SQUIRT ME AS I RUN AWAY.
♪ LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA ♪
AAH! AAH!
AAH!
- HUH. KIORI, BABY, I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS.
- I UNDERSTAND.
THIS IS A HEARTBREAKING TRAGEDY OF FINANCIAL PROPORTIONS,
BUT WE MUST GO ON.
MONEY DOESN'T SLEEP AND WE HAVE ONLY ONE MORE SHOT.
- SIR, I DON'T THINK I CAN CONTINUE.
I JUST SAW A PERFECTLY CHARMING MOVIE MONSTER MURDERED BY MY BEST FRIEND.
I MUST NOW TAKE MY LEAVE.
- SO YOU SEE, BRAK, RISIA PROFIT CORPORATION PRODUCTS MAKE LIFE BETTER
IN EVERY WAY.
WHAT'S THAT, MOTHER?
OH, YES, RISIA CORPORATION HAS DEFEATED ITS IMPOTENT WESTERN COMPETITORS
BY EXPOSING THEIR INFERIOR TECHNOLOGIES AND DISGRACEFUL WORK ETHIC.
HA HA HA HA!
LONG LIVE RISIA!
- CUT! AND THAT'S A WRAP.
- YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT CHANNEL IT'S ON
IF YOU KEEP SWITCHING CHANNELS.
- NO, NO. YOU HAVE TO KEEP MOVING--
TAKE THESE BASTARDS BY SURPRISE.
EH, THIS LOOKS INTRIGUING.
- OH, YEAH.
THE SURGERY IS A SUCCESS.
- OOH, I'VE SEEN THIS. THIS IS HOT.
- MMM. BABY.
- OH, DOCTOR!
- OH, NURSE.
- COME ON, DAD. FIND THE SHOW.
- RISIA! SUPER COOL!
...COOL. RISIA!
- HA HA HA HA!
- DANCE, ROBOTS! WOO!
DANCE, DANCE, DANCE. DANCE, DANCE, DANCE.
HO HO HO HO!
- THAT'S A GOOD BRAK SHOW.
- WHO WANTS TO TRADE FOR A ZORAK DESTROYER CARD?
- WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
- I'VE GOT A SUPER GO CLARENCE,
AND A SCRATCH 'N SNIFF SISTO FROM SEASON ONE.
- THROW IN AMERICAN VOICE MOM AND YOU'VE GOT A DEAL.
LET IT GO, DAD.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--