[MUSIC PLAYS]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
LOOK AT ME, MOTHER. I'M READING MY PAPER.
THAT'S NICE, DEAR.
NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT WHAT I'VE JUST READ.
OK, TIME TO READ SOME MORE.
HA, ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?
WHAT'S THAT?
THE MOTHER SHIP IS MAKING ITS THOUSAND-YEAR VISIT
TO OUR PLANET TO SELECT...
THE LUCKY ONE.
Brak: THE LUCKY ONE?
WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH THE LUCKY ONE, DAD?
WELL, I ASSUME THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE HIM AWAY,
MAKE HIM THEIR KING OR EMPEROR OR SOMETHING.
WHY ELSE WOULD THEY GO TO ALL THE TROUBLE?
WOW! WHO DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GOING TO PICK?
RIGHT HERE, BUDDY.
PUT YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.
OH, REALLY?
AND WHY DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GOING TO PICK YOU?
WELL, BECAUSE I'M SUPER SPECIAL, MOTHER.
I'M SURE THE ALIENS HAVE EQUIPMENT
TO DETECT SUPER-SPECIALITY.
I MEAN, THEY CAN FLY THEIR FANCY SPACESHIPS THROUGH SPACE, RIGHT?
WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY WON'T SELECT BRAK?
OR ME?
WHAT ARE YOU JERKS TALKING ABOUT?
THE MOTHER SHIP.
OH, YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
PRETTY LAME.
NOT IF YOU'RE THE ONE THEY PICK, IT ISN'T.
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY WON'T PICK ME, DADDY?
WHY?
BRAK, I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER,
BUT YOU'RE CRAZY, MAN.
THEY DON'T PICK UP PEOPLE LIKE YOU,
THEY DROP THEM OFF.
AH, POOP.
AND WHY WOULDN'T THEY PICK ME?
YOU? HA HA! SORRY, YOU'RE A WOMAN.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT WOMEN ARE NOT EQUIPPED
FOR GOLF OR SPACE TRAVEL.
SPACE IS A VACUUM, BUTTERCUP,
NOT A PLACE THAT NEEDS TO BE VACUUMED.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HOPE THEY DO PICK YOU.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO PICK ANY OF YOU LOSERS.
LOOK AT YOU.
'CAUSE I'M LOOKING AT YOU,
AND I'M LAUGHING.
MOO-HA! HA HA HA!
OH, LAUGH WHILE YOU CAN, YOU WALKING STINK WAGON.
PHEH. I HEAR THESE MOTHER SHIPS
ARE NOTHING BUT GIANT LUNCH WAGONS, ANYWAY.
I'LL BET YOU 50 BUCKS YOU GET FED TO SOME SLIMY-TALKING WORM.
HEH HEH HA HA HA!
HO HO HO HO!
YOUR SCARE TACTICS DO NOT FRIGHTEN THE LUCKY ONE.
DO YOU THINK MY ALIEN BROTHERS WOULD CHOOSE
A COWARD AS THEIR NEW LEADER?
NO, BECAUSE THEN YOU'D BE GOING.
BUT YOU'RE NOT, ARE YOU?
YOU'RE STUCK DOWN HERE WITH YOUR STINK BOMBS
AND MUSTACHE-DRAWING MARKERS.
REMIND ME TO LAUGH AT YOUR PATHETIC LIFE
FROM MY GLORIOUS KINGDOM IN OUTER SPACE.
BUT, DAD, I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR A DAD IF YOU LEAVE?
OH, I'M SURE THE MOTHER-SHIPPERS WILL LEAVE YOU
WITH A SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE.
Echo: SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE, SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE...
CAN I BORROW THE CAR, GUM-BALL DAD?
I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LET BRAK
TAKE THE CAR, GUM-BALL DEAR.
HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.
BUT HE KNOWS HOW TO EAT GUM BALLS.
THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
GEE, THANKS, GUM-BALL DAD.
HEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT STAYING OUT
ALL NIGHT WITH THE WILD CROWD.
IS THAT ALL RIGHT?
MMM, THAT SOUNDS DANGEROUS.
AND WHAT GOES BETTER WITH DANGER THAN GUM BALLS!
[ALL LAUGH]
ALL THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW!
WHEE!
OH, I LOVE YOU, GUM-BALL DAD.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Zorak: WHO CARES WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT?
WHO CARES ABOUT ANY OF THIS CRAP?
COME ON, DORK, WE'RE GOING TO THE MOVIES.
OH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
ASS DISASTER 4.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO SEE
A MOVIE WITH THAT TITLE.
NO, SIR.
ACTUALLY, THE TITLE IS A BIT MISLEADING, BRAK'S MOM.
THE FILM, IN FACT, IS ABOUT, UM...
DONKEYS?
YEAH, DONKEYS. THERE YOU GO.
HEH HEH HEH. DONKEYS.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
AW, COME ON, MOTHER.
WHAT CAN GO WRONG WHEN DONKEYS ARE AROUND?
NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT.
YOU SEE, IN THE FILM, A SCHOOL BUS IS ON FIRE.
THE KIDS ARE COOKING, AND THE DONKEYS JUST BLOW IN THERE--
AAH! NO SPOILERS!
OH, THERE'S MORE.
[QUIETLY] TRUST ME, PAL, YOU'LL SEE SOME THINGS
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SUPER DONKEYS?
'CAUSE I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
HEH HEH. YOU'RE IN FOR A SURPRISE, CHIEF.
WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU BOYS CAN GO, THEN.
LET'S HIT IT. THANKS, MOM.
NOW, YOU'RE SURE THESE ARE SUPER DONKEYS, RIGHT, ZORAK?
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE NO MOVIE ABOUT NO REGULAR DONKEY,
NOT WHEN SUPER DONKEYS ARE ON THE TABLE.
NO, SIR.
OH, LOOK, THERE'S MR. THUNDERCLEESE.
I WONDER WHO HE'S TALKING TO.
Brak: HOWDY-DO THERE, MR. THUNDERCLEESE!
WHO'S THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO?
I WASN'T TALKING, I WAS LISTENING.
EARLIER IN THE CONVERSATION I WAS TALKING,
BUT YOU WEREN'T HERE, SO HOW DID YOU KNOW?
ARE YOU SPYING ON ME?
NO, SIR, I WAS JUST--
SEE TO IT THAT YOU DON'T. MY PRIVACY IS SACRED.
THOSE WHO VIOLATE IT WILL BE INCINERATED.
HEE-YAH!
HELLO, GENTLEMEN. MY NAME IS PEPPER.
OH, HI, PEPPER. MY NAME IS SALTY DOG.
I'M A FISHERMAN.
HIS NAME IS BRAK, AND HE'S A FOOL.
I THINK HE'S PERFECTLY CHARMING.
SAY, BRAK, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND THERE?
THE NAME'S ZORAK, WITH A "Z,"
THE SEXIEST LETTER IN THE ALPHABET.
THE MANTIS IS TROUBLE. STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
OH, I LIKE TROUBLE. IT INTERESTS ME.
OH, REALLY?
THEN I MUST INTEREST YOU.
WELL, IT'S EARLY IN THE GAME YET,
BUT WE'LL SEE HOW IT SHAKES OUT.
OH, IT'LL SHAKE OUT.
THIS I CAN ASSURE YOU.
STUPID ROBOT NOT SO TOUGH.
TELL ME WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
UH, AAH, UH!
[MAN GIGGLES]
YOU WILL DIE! HOO-HAH!
EXCUSE ME, BUT BRAK HAS A QUESTION FOR PEPPER.
PEPPER, YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU, PEPPER?
NO, BRAK.
I'M IN TOWN DOING SOME CONSULTING FOR A LARGE FIRM.
I KNOW A LARGE FIRM YOU CAN CONSULT WITH ANY TIME, BABY.
HMM, DOES THAT PATTER USUALLY WORK FOR YOU?
'CAUSE IT'S WORKING ON ME.
OH, THERE'S A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
[QUIETLY] AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE I KEEP IT.
HEY, ZORAK, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR THE PICTURE.
SHUT UP. I'M MAKING TIME HERE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DONKEYS?
[ROARS]
AAAH!
COME ON, SUGAR LEGS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO FOG UP SOME WINDOWS?
HMM, THAT SOUNDS NICE, BUT I REALLY HAVE A LOT TO DO.
YEAH, YOU DO,
'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF ME TO HANDLE.
RUFF.
OH, YOU DIRTY LITTLE BABY.
OOH, YOU THINK I NEED A SCRUBBIN'?
COME ON, SCRUB ME DOWN.
ACTUALLY, I WOULDN'T MIND GETTING A BITE TO EAT.
OH, OK, OK, YOUR PLAY, BABY.
FIRST WE DINE, THEN YOU'RE MINE.
[LAUGHS DEVILISHLY]
Man, on TV: WELL, FOLKS, TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY.
THE MOTHER SHIP WILL ARRIVE TO SELECT THE LUCKY ONE.
EVERYONE IS WONDERING WHO IT WILL BE.
WELL, THEY CAN STOP WONDERING,
BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY BEEN SETTLED.
I'M THE ONE THEY'RE TAKING,
THIS SWEET, LITTLE PACKAGE RIGHT HERE.
SAY, HONEY, WHY ARE YOU SO ANXIOUS TO LEAVE US?
MOTHER, IT'S NOT SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO LEAVE,
IT'S THAT I AM LEAVING.
IT IS DESTINY,
AND DESTINY IS A DEMANDING MISTRESS.
WHEN SHE CALLS YOU, YOU CAN'T SAY,
"OOH, IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I SOAK IN THE TUB FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES?"
OR, "I'M NOT READY.
I HAVEN'T COMBED MY HAIR YET. OOH!"
DESTINY WON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT HOOEY, NO SIR.
SHE WANTS YOU DRESSED AND READY
IN YOUR SPACE CAPTAIN ROCKET SUIT BY 7:00 SHARP.
SO YOU SEE, MOTHER,
I MUST DO WHAT FATE HAS DEMANDED OF ME...
NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT WILL BE FOR BOTH OF US.
[SNORES]
YES, YOU REST, MY SWEET.
TOMORROW, YOUR CANDY MAN IS OFF TO THE STARS.
TOOT, TOOT! AHOY, MATEYS!
BRAK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I WAS AT THE MOVIES, MOM.
FOR 36 HOURS?
I MUST HAVE LOST TRACK OF TIME.
ALL THE HYPE WAS TRUE, MOM.
IF YOU SEE ONE FILM IN YOUR LIFE,
MAKE SURE IT'S ASS DISASTER 4.
WELL, I'M JUST GLAD YOU'RE HOME SAFE.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
BRAK, WHERE THE HECK DID YOU PUT
MY NIGHT VISION PARTY GOGGLES?
I NEED THEM FOR MY MISSION.
HEY, I NEED SOME COLOGNE, A SLEDGEHAMMER,
AND A RAINCOAT--NOW!
OOH, SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S GOT HIMSELF A DATE.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
ZORAK HAS A LOVER.
[KISSING SOUNDS]
OH, BABE, I LOVE YOU. THIS IS GOOD STUFF.
[KISSING SOUNDS]
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I LOVE YOU, TOO, ZORAK.
[SMACK]
DOLT!
I GUESS I HAD THAT COMING.
OH, IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO BE IN LOVE,
ISN'T IT, DARLING?
YEAH, JUST DON'T PROCREATE.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET.
HEY, ZORAK, WHAT'S THAT THING ON YOUR ARM?
OH, THAT'S MY NEW TAT. CHECK IT OUT.
Brak: "PEPPER-- MY SPICY BABY."
THAT'S PRETTY CLEVER. WHO MADE THAT UP?
PEPPER DID.
SHE'S GOT BRAINS AND A BODY
THAT DOESN'T STOP TILL IT GETS TO THE LAST STOP.
HMM, PEPPER.
SAY, HONEY, ISN'T THAT THE NAME OF THE YOUNG LADY
WHO STOPPED BY THIS MORNING
ASKING THOSE SURVEY QUESTIONS?
OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE THAT DIDN'T LIKE MY HAPPY DANCE?
I DON'T REMEMBER.
[RUMBLING]
AAH! THE MOTHER SHIP HAS ARRIVED!
MY PEOPLE HAVE COME FOR ME!
WHOO-HOO!
I'M RIGHT HERE, MOTHER SHIP!
HELLO TO YOU!
Brak: HEY, LOOK, ZORAK. THERE'S YOUR LOVER.
[BRAK GROWLS]
Voice: GREETINGS, SPECIAL AGENT PEPPER.
GREETINGS, COMMODORE.
OH, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
PEPPER WORKS FOR THE MOTHER SHIP.
Zorak: WHAT?
PEPPER, HAVE YOU COMPLETED THE SELECTION PROCESS?
YES, COMMODORE.
I HAVE CHOSEN THE LUCKY ONE.
EXCELLENT.
GIVE US THE COORDINATES.
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
WAIT, I'M RIGHT HERE!
WHOO-HOO! YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE.
[MOTHER GASPS] SISTO!
[FARTS]
Father: WHO'S SISTO?
Commodore: THE LUCKY ONE IS ON BOARD.
FIRST-RATE WORK, PEPPER. YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.
WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHEN SHE SAID "MAN" JUST NOW,
SHE DIDN'T MEAN MAN-MAN,
SHE MEANT WO-MAN...
RIGHT?
WELL, I REALLY, UH...
Commodore: COME, PEPPER.
IT IS TIME YOU RETURNED TO YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN.
[GASPS]
DID YOU HEAR THAT, ZORAK?
SHE'S MARRIED!
YOU'VE GIVEN YOUR HEART
TO A MARRIED WOMAN.
SHE'S NOT A WOMAN, YOU IDIOT.
SHE'S A DUDE.
PEPPER, YOU'RE A DUDE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
IT'S NOT SOMETHING I USUALLY FEEL I HAVE TO EXPLAIN.
YOU DON'T GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE WHAT GENDER YOU ARE,
YOU JUST KIND OF ASSUME THAT THEY KNOW.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HIGH VOICE?
WE ALL TALK THIS WAY.
HE'S RIGHT.
ECCHH. YOU DUPED ME, YOU FRIGGIN' DUPER.
YOU? WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE, LITTLE MAN.
[GIGGLES]
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO, ANYWAY.
I COULD NEVER LEAVE MY PRECIOUS FAMILY.
OH, PLEASE.
IT IS TIME TO DEPART. COME ALONG, PEPPER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR THIS.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW?
UH, HEY, BUDDY, LET'S JUST KEEP OUR LITTLE BUSINESS
BETWEEN US, OK?
I WAS EXPERIMENTING. IT GETS LONELY ON THE ROAD.
SEE YOU LATER, CHUM.
Commodore: AND NOW, WE BID YOU FAREWELL.
BUT FIRST, A QUESTION:
HOW LONG DO YOU GENERALLY COOK YOURSELVES
BEFORE YOU'RE READY TO BE EATEN
BY A SHIP FULL OF VERY HUNGRY SPACE TRAVELERS?
I FOUND THE RECIPE, SIR.
NEVER MIND. NICE WORK, COOKIE. GET A ROPE.
[BRAK LAUGHING]
OH, LOOK AT THOSE DONKEYS.
Zorak: WHAT A FRIGGIN' GYP.
LOOK AT THEM. OH!
[LAUGHING HEARTILY]
OH, BOY! IT GETS ME EVERY TIME!
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID IT!
OH, NO, HERE COMES THE GOOD PART...
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--