300MB UNiTED TEAM - sunmenghao
[ Introduction to ''Overture/ And AII That Jazz'' pIays ]
[ EIectricity crackIes ]
5, 6, 7, 8. . .
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Anybody seen the KeIIy Sisters?
You . You're up in five.
-Keep the change, CharIie. -Thanks.
VeIma, where you been?
And where's Veronica?
She's not herseIf tonight.
But they paid to see a sister act!
Don't sweat it. I can do it aIone.
Shit!
Come on , VeIma. Move it, move it! Hurry up!
You're kiIIing me, here!
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
the Onyx CIub is proud to present
Chicago's hottest dancing duo.
Two jazz babes moving as one.
The KeIIy Sisters.
[ AppIause ]
* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *
* And all that jazz? *
* l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *
* And all that jazz *
* Start the car, l know a whoopee spot *
* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot *
* lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* Skiddoo *
* And all that jazz *
* Hotcha *
* Whoopee *
* And all that jazz *
* Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes *
* And all that jazz *
* l hear that Father Dip is gonna blow the blues *
* And all that jazz *
* Hold on, hon, we're gonna bunny hug *
* l bought some aspirin down at United Drug *
* ln case you shake apart and want a brand-new start *
* To do *
* That *
* Jazz *
Let's go, babe.
But I didn't even meet your friend . That manager guy.
Don't worry, Roxie. It's aII taken care of.
You toId him about me?
Yeah , kid , it's aII arranged .
* Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose *
* And all that jazz *
* Right up here is where l store the juice *
* And all that jazz *
* Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky *
* l betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high *
* 'Cause in the stratosphere, how could he lend an ear *
* To all *
* That *
* Jazz? *
* Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy-shake *
* And all that jazz *
* Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break *
* And all that jazz *
* Show her where to park her girdle *
* Oh, her mother's blood will curdle *
* lf she'd hear her baby's queer *
* For all *
* That *
* Jazz *
HeIIo, Miss Borusewicz.
Mrs. Hart.
This is Fred .
He's my brother.
* All *
* That *
* Jazz *
* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *
* And all that jazz? *
* And all that jazz *
* l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *
* And all that jazz *
* Start the car, l know a whoopee spot *
* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot *
* lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
RO XIE : Say it again , Fred .
Oh , you're a star, kid .
My IittIe shootin' star.
* No, l'm no one's wife *
* But, oh, l love my life *
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* That jazz *
Oh , say it again , Fred .
Where's the fire, huh?
Amos ain't home tiII midnight.
Hey, I don't want you to feeI Iike I'm nagging at you ,
but don't you think it's time
I met your friend down at the Onyx?
It's been a month since you toId him about me.
And I know 'cause that was the night
VeIma KeIIy pIugged her husband and her sister.
You know they say that she found 'em in the kip together?
Gosh , if I ever found Amos sIipping it to somebody eIse. . .
I'd throw him a great big going-away party.
It's getting Iate.
I have been thinking a Iot about my act.
Whenever I get a good idea I write it in my diary.
It occurred to me the other day
that aII the reaIIy, reaIIy knockout acts have
something a IittIe different going on .
Like a signature bit.
And I thought that my thing couId be aIoof, you know?
Give 'em just enough to get 'em good and hungry,
but aIways Ieave 'em wantin' more.
Hey, once I get a name for myseIf,
maybe we couId open up a cIub of our own .
You couId run it, and I couId be the headIiner.
What's the idea?
Wake up, kiddo. You ain't never gonna have an act.
Says who?
Face it. You're a two-bit taIent with skinny Iegs.
I'm just a furniture saIesman .
Yeah , but you got connections.
-That guy at the cIub. -There is no guy.
That night. . .
It was the first time I set foot in that joint.
I was coIIecting on a bet from the trombone pIayer.
So you never toId anyone about me?
Sugar, you were hot stuff.
I wouId have said anything to get a piece of that.
And now? Now?
We had some Iaughs. Let's just Ieave it at that.
You can't do this to me.
WouId you get off?
You touch me again , I'II put your Iights out!
-Wait. -Your husband wiII be home soon .
Wash yourseIf before hitting those sheets again .
You're a Iiar, Fred .
Yeah , yeah , so what?
You Iied to me.
That's Iife, sweetheart. That's Iife.
You son of a bitch ! You son of a bitch !
You're a son of a bitch !
* Hotcha *
* Whoopee *
Why you bothering , SaI? This one's aII wrapped up.
It's a new city record .
From kiIIin' to confession in an hour fIat.
SGT. FOGARTY: Where did you get the murder weapon?
AMOS : I keep a gun in the underwear drawer.
Just in case of troubIe.
That's just fine. Sign right there, Mr. Hart.
FreeIy and gIadIy.
Don't say we beat it out of you when you get on the stand .
No, I gave myseIf up. Surrendered of my own free wiII .
Isn't he the cheerfuI murderer?
RO XIE : Shootin' a burgIar ain't murder.
Just Iast week, a jury thanked a man .
I'm gratefuI for citizens who know the Iaw.
Get in there.
You too.
Sit down .
Okay. From the top.
A man's got a right to protect his home and Ioved ones, right?
Of course he has.
I come home from the garage,
and I see him cIimbing through the window
with my wife, Roxie, Iaying there,
sIeeping Iike an angeI .
That true, Mrs. Hart?
It's the God's honest truth .
My wife had nothing to do with it.
She wouIdn't hurt a worm , not even a worm .
It wasn't tiII I fired the first shot
she even opened her eyes.
I aIways said she couId sIeep
through the St. Paddy's Day Parade.
When I think of what wouId have happened
if I went out for a beer instead of coming home.
It makes you sick even thinking about it.
BANDLEADER: For her first number, Miss Roxie Hart
wouId Iike to sing a song of Iove and devotion
dedicated to her dear husband , Amos.
* Sometimes l'm right *
* Sometimes l'm wrong *
* But he doesn't care *
* He'll string along *
* He loves me so *
* That funny honey of mine *
* Sometimes l'm down *
* Sometimes l'm up *
* But he follows round *
* Like some droopy-eyed pup *
* He loves me so *
* That funny honey of mine *
After I shot him , he kept coming at me,
so I had to puII the trigger again .
* He ain't no sheik *
* That's no great physique *
* And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts *
* But look at that soul *
* l tell you, that whole *
* ls a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts *
* And if you knew him like me *
* l know you'd agree *
* What if the world slandered my name? *
* Why, he'd be right there taking the blame *
* He loves me so *
* And it all suits me fine *
* That funny, sunny honey *
* Hubby of mine *
Supposing , just supposing , he had vioIated her.
-You know what I mean? -I know what you mean .
Think how terribIe that wouId have been .
It's a good thing I got home from work on time.
* He loves me so *
* That funny honey of mine *
Name of deceased , Fred CaseIy.
Fred CaseIy? How couId he be a burgIar?
My wife knows him . He soId us our furniture.
He gave us 1 0% off.
* Lord knows he ain't got the smarts *
You toId me he was a burgIar.
He was dead when you got home?
She had him covered in a sheet,
and she's teIIing me some cock-and-buII story
and how I ought to say I did it 'cause I was sure to get off.
''HeIp me, Amos,'' she says. ''It's my goddamn hour of need .''
* Now he shot off his trap *
* l can't stand that sap *
- * Look at him go * -And I beIieved her.
- * Rattin' on me * -That cheap IittIe tramp.
She was two-timing me, huh?
I'm through protecting her now.
She can swing for aII I care.
I'm down at the garage working 1 4 hours a day,
and she's up here munching on bonbons
and tramping around Iike some goddamn fIoozy!
Thought she couId puII the wooI over my eyes.
- * That scummy, crummy * -WeII , I wasn't born yesterday.
- * Dummy * -Some things a man can't take.
- * Hubby of mine * -She pushed me too far.
That IittIe chiseIer.
Boy, what a sap I was!
You doubIe-crosser! You big bIabbermouth !
You promised you'd stick.
You been stringin' me, Roxanne!
You toId me he was a burgIar!
The whoIe time, you been up here jazzin' him .
You are a disIoyaI husband !
Look, it's true. I shot him .
But it was seIf-defense. He was trying to burgIe me.
From what I hear, he's been burgIing you
three times a week for the Iast month .
So what do you say, Missus?
That's him , aII right.
Thank you .
Your story doesn't wash , Mrs. Hart. . .
so try this on for size.
Fred CaseIy was a good time on the side
with Goofy here as a meaI ticket.
MeaI ticket? He couIdn't buy my Iiquor.
Fred CaseIy couId?
With a wife and five IittIe CaseIys?
Or did he forget to mention them?
What?
AII his.
Oh , that bastard .
That bastard !
Yeah , I kiIIed him . I wouId kiII him again .
Once was enough , dearie.
Take her downtown . Come on !
This is it. 264 1 /2 .
Here they come. This way, honey.
It's a shame to hide such a beautifuI face.
Why'd you shoot him?
Give us a profiIe with a smiIe
Iike the girI from the toothpaste ad .
Enjoy it whiIe you can . Take this down .
Assistant District Attorney Harrison
says this is a hanging case.
I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow.
What do you mean , hanging?
Not so tough anymore, are you?
Take her down to the Cook County JaiI .
We need a headIine. Why'd you shoot him?
Was he crueI? Did he beat you?
Hey, what do you mean , hanging?
Morphine, opium , cocaine?
-Arm Iength . 3 1 inches. -Arm Iength . 3 1 inches.
Height. 66 inches.
The Matron's on her way, so don't get too cozy.
Put out that cigarette!
Ever had Morton before?
She's fine. Long as you keep her happy.
[ DrumroII ]
And now, Iadies and gentIemen . . .
the Keeper of the Keys, the Countess of the CIink. . .
the Mistress of Murderess Row. . .
Matron Mama Morton !
* Ask any of the chickies in my pen *
* They'll tell you l'm the biggest mother hen *
* l love them all, and all of them love me *
* Because the system works, the system called *
* Reciprocity *
On your feet.
WeIcome, Iadies.
* Got a little motto *
* Always sees me through *
* When you're good to Mama *
* Mama's good to you *
You might think I'm here to make your Iife a Iiving heII ,
but it's just not true.
* There's a lot of favors *
* l'm prepared to do *
* You do one for Mama *
* She'll do one for you *
I'd Iike to be your friend , if you Iet me.
So if there's something that upsets you
or makes you unhappy in any way. . .
don't shoot your fat-ass mouth off to me
'cause I don't give a shit.
* They say that life is tit for tat *
* And that's the way l live *
* So l deserve a lot of tat *
* For what l've got to give *
* Don't you know that this hand *
* Washes that one, too? *
* When you're good to Mama *
* Mama's good to you *
Let's go.
You must be Hart.
Ain't you the pretty one.
Thank you , ma'am .
Oh , no, caII me Mama.
I'm here to take care of you .
You'II be habitatin' down in the east bIock.
Murderess Row, we caII it.
Is that nicer?
I don't think I beIong in here.
I didn't actuaIIy do anything wrong .
No need to teII me.
I never heard of a man getting kiIIed
when he didn't get just what was coming to him .
Hey, Mama!
Come here. Come here.
VeIma KeIIy.
You're the VeIma KeIIy.
I was there the night that you got arrested .
Yeah . You and haIf of Chicago.
Look at this, Mama.
An editoriaI denouncing me in ''Redbook'' magazine.
''Not in memory do we recaII
so fiendish and horribIe a doubIe homicide.''
You couIdn't buy that kind of pubIicity.
CouIdn't buy it?
I guess I can keep this, then .
Nice try.
* lf you want my gravy *
* Pepper my ragout *
* Spice it up for Mama *
* She'll get hot for you *
* When they pass that basket folks contribute to *
* You put in for Mama *
* She'll put out for you *
* The folks atop the ladder *
* Are the ones the world adores *
* So boost me up my ladder, kid *
* And l'll boost you up yours *
* Let's all stroke together *
* Like the Princeton crew *
* When you're strokin' Mama *
* Mama's strokin' you *
* So what's the one conclusion l can bring this number to? *
* When you're good to Mama *
* Mama's good *
* To you *
Ah , yes!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
RO XIE : Mama?
It's kind of freezing in here.
You don't think there's something wrong with the heat?
Not that I'm compIaining , mind you , but. . .
if you got a coupIe extra bIankets tucked away --
Lights out, Iadies.
Okay.
* Pop *
* Six *
* Squish *
* Cicero *
* Lipschitz *
And now, the six merry murderesses
of the Cook County JaiI
in their rendition of the ''CeII BIock Tango.''
* Lipschitz *
* Pop *
* Six *
* Squish *
* Cicero *
* Lipschitz *
* Pop *
* Six *
* Squish *
* Cicero *
* Lipschitz *
- * Pop * - * Six *
* Squish *
- * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *
- * Pop * - * Six *
* Squish *
- * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *
* He had it coming *
* He only had himself to blame *
* lf you'd have been there *
* lf you'd have seen it *
* l betcha you would have done the same *
- * Pop * - * Six *
* Squish *
- * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *
- * Pop * - * Six *
* Squish *
- * Cicero * - * Lipschitz *
You know how peopIe have these IittIe habits that get you down?
Like Bernie. Bernie Iiked to chew gum .
No, not chew. Pop.
So I came home this one day, and I'm reaIIy irritated . . .
and I'm Iooking for a IittIe bit of sympathy.
There's Bernie Iyin' on the couch . . .
drinkin' a beer and chewin' .
No, not chewin' . Poppin' !
So I said to him , ''You pop that gum one more time. . .''
And he did .
So I took the shotgun off the waII . . .
and I fired two warning shots
into his head .
* He had it coming *
* He only had himself to blame *
* lf you'd have been there *
* lf you'd have heard it *
* l betcha you would have done the same *
I met EzekiaI Young from SaIt Lake City
about two years ago,
and he toId me he was singIe, and we hit it off right away.
So we started Iiving together.
He'd go to work. He'd come home.
I'd fix him a drink. We'd have dinner.
And then I found out.
SingIe, he toId me?
SingIe, my ass.
Not onIy was he married . . .
Oh , no. . .
He had six wives.
One of those Mormons.
So that night when he came home from work. . .
I fixed him his drink, as usuaI .
You know, some guys just can't hoId their arsenic.
- * He had it coming * - * Pop, six, squish *
- * He had it coming * - * Cicero, Lipschitz *
* He took a flower in its prime *
- * And then he used it * - * Pop *
- * And he abused it * - * Six *
* lt was a murder, but not a crime *
* Cicero, Lipschitz *
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carving up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business.
In storms my husband , WiIbur, in a jeaIous rage.
''You been screwin' the miIkman ,'' he says.
He was crazy, and he kept on screamin' ,
''You been screwin' the miIkman !''
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife 1 0 times.
* lf you'd have been there *
* lf you'd have seen it *
* l betcha you would have done the same *
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
Yeah , but did you do it?
Not guiIty.
My sister, Veronica, and I had this doubIe act.
And my husband , CharIie, traveIed around with us.
Now, for the Iast number in our act. . .
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row.
One, two, three, four, five. . .
spIits, spread eagIes, backfIips, fIip-fIops.
One right after the other.
One night before the show, we're down at the HoteI Cicero.
The three of us boozin' and havin' a few Iaughs.
We run out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door. . .
and there's Veronica and CharIie doing number 1 7.
The spread eagIe.
WeII , I was in such a state of shock. . .
I compIeteIy bIacked out.
I can't remember a thing .
It wasn't untiI Iater
when I was washing the bIood off my hands
I even knew they were dead .
- * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *
* They had it coming all along *
- * l didn't do it * - * She didn't do it *
- * But if l'd done it * - * But if she'd done it *
* How could you tell me that l was wrong? *
- * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *
* They had it coming all along *
* l didn't do it *
* But if l'd done it *
* How could you tell me that l was wrong? *
I Ioved AI Lipschitz more than I couId possibIy say.
He was a reaI artistic guy.
Sensitive. A painter.
[ WhistIe bIows ]
But he was aIways trying to find himseIf.
He'd go out every night Iooking for himseIf, and on the way. . .
he found Ruth , GIadys, Rosemary, and Irving .
You couId say we broke up because of artistic differences.
He saw himseIf as aIive. . .
and I saw him dead .
* The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum *
- * They had it coming * - * They had it coming *
* They had it coming all along *
- * And if they used us * - * And if they used us *
- * Then they abused us * - * Then they abused us *
* Could you tell us that we were wrong? *
- * He had it coming * - * He had it coming *
* He only had himself to blame *
- * lf you'd have been there * - * lf you'd have been there *
- * lf you'd have seen it * - * lf you'd have seen it *
* l betcha you would have done the same *
-Pop that gum one more time. . . -SingIe, my ass.
1 0 times!
Number 1 7. The spread eagIe.
Artistic differences.
Pop.
Six.
Squish .
Cicero.
Lipschitz.
Who beIongs to them?
What's it to you?
Nothing .
Heard they were VeIma's.
The Hunyak does her Iaundry for a buck a week.
Fresh toweIs for the can .
Make it quick.
MAMA MORTON : I'm gonna take care of you now.
I know a coupIe of things. Hear me out.
BiIIy FIynn's set your triaI for March 5th .
March 7 th you'II be acquitted .
March 8th , Mama is gonna put you on the vaudeviIIe circuit.
VELMA: Now you're an agent, too?
MAMA MORTON : UntiI Ma BeII instaIIs a Iine in your ceII . . .
aII the caIIs have gotta go through me.
What kind of dough are we taIking about?
It's a crazy worId .
Babe Ruth is wearing rouge
and pIaying the PaIace for $5,000 a week.
Yeah . What about someone with reaI taIent?
I been taIking to the boys over at WiIIiam Morris.
Due to your recent sensationaI activities. . .
they think they can get you $2 ,500.
$2 ,500?
Jeez, the most me and Veronica made was $350.
That's what happens when you have the right representation .
I aIways wanted to pIay Big Jim CoIosimo's.
Do you think you can get me that?
-Big Jim's? -Yeah .
I don't know. That's gonna take another phone caII .
How much is that gonna cost?
You know how I feeI about you .
You're Iike famiIy to me. You're Iike one of my own .
-I'II do it for 50 bucks. -50 bucks for a phone caII?
You must get a Iot of wrong numbers, Mama.
Oh , Miss KeIIy, got your personaIs.
FreshIy pressed by yours truIy.
No, it's my pIeasure.
Hey, Iisten , can I ask you something?
You know that Harrison guy?
He said that what I done is a hanging case
and that he's prepared to ask for the maximum penaIty.
-Yeah , so? -So I'm scared .
I sure wouId appreciate some advice.
EspeciaIIy from someone I admire as much as you .
Since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage.
What's your taIent? Washing and drying?
No. I danced in the chorus.
That was before I met my husband , Amos.
Look, honey, you want some advice?
Here it is. Direct from me to you .
Keep your paws off my underwear, okay?
Yeah , okay.
Thanks.
For nothin' .
She's something , ain't she?
No matter how big she gets, she's stiII as common as ever.
I'd Iike to heIp you , dearie.
Take a Ioad off.
So, what do you figure on using for grounds?
Grounds?
What are you gonna teII the jury?
I just figured I'd teII them the truth .
-The truth? -Yeah .
That's a one-way ticket to the death house.
HoIy Mother of God .
Oh , reIax.
In this town , murder's a form of entertainment.
Besides, in 4 7 years,
Cook County ain't never hung a woman yet.
So the odds are 4 7 to one that they won't hang you .
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph .
You're taIking to the wrong peopIe.
What you need is BiIIy FIynn .
-Who? -BiIIy FIynn .
He's onIy the best criminaI Iawyer in IIIinois.
What he don't know about juries and women . . .
How do you get BiIIy FIynn?
WeII , not by praying , dearie.
First, you give me $ 1 00. Then I make a phone caII .
$ 1 00? WeII , you just. . .
I mean , it seems pretty steep for a phone caII .
He's worth every cent.
He's never Iost a case for a femaIe cIient yet.
With a sweet IittIe puss Iike yours. . .
Iet's just say justice ain't so bIind in Chicago.
He's never Iost a case?
Never.
Every girI in this pIace
wouId kiII to have BiIIy FIynn represent her.
* Billy *
* We want Billy *
* B-l-Double-L-Y *
* We're all his *
* He's our kind of a guy *
* And, ooh, what luck *
* 'Cause here he is *
BANDLEADER: Ladies and gentIemen . . .
presenting the siIver-tongued prince of the courtroom .
The one, the onIy BiIIy FIynn .
* l don't care about expensive things *
* Cashmere coats, diamond rings *
* Don't mean a thing *
* All l care about is love *
- * That's what he's here for * - * That's what l'm here for *
* l don't care for wearing silk cravats *
* Ruby studs, satin spats *
* Don't mean a thing *
- * All l care about is love * - * All he cares about is love *
* Give me two eyes of blue *
* Softly saying *
* ''l need you'' *
* Let me see her standing there *
* And honest, mister, l'm a millionaire *
* l don't care for any fine attire *
* Vanderbilt might admire *
* No, no, not me *
- * All l care about is love * - * All he cares about is love *
[ WhistIing ]
Good morning , Iadies.
-Not guiIty! -You teII 'em , sweetheart.
* That's what he's here for *
Excuse me, gentIemen .
Miss KeIIy, do you remember anything about that night?
I passed out compIeteIy. I can't remember a thing .
OnIy that I didn't do it.
Any idea who did , dear?
No, but my cIient is offering a substantiaI reward
to anyone with information about this crime.
How much is the reward , Miss KeIIy?
I don't know. How much?
We'II work it out after the triaI .
If there are no more questions. . .
Miss KeIIy and I have work to do.
What's this about a reward?
AwfuIIy dumb, reporters. They'II write it up wrong .
You deny the whoIe thing Iater. Thank you .
* All he cares about is love *
Mr. FIynn , I'm Roxie Hart.
-Who? -Mama taIked to you about me.
Oh , yeah , right. The cute one.
I was hoping that you might represent me.
You got $5,000?
Gee, that's a Iot of money.
Mama didn't say anything about $5,000.
Lookit, Mr. FIynn , I'm not very good at this. . .
but maybe we couId
make some sort of arrangement between us?
I can be an awfuIIy good sport.
Good , you got that out of your system .
You mean just one thing to me.
You caII me when you got $5,000.
* All he cares about is love *
* Show me long raven hair *
* Flowin' down about to there *
* When l see her runnin' free *
* Keep your money, that's enough for me *
* l don't care for drivin' Packard cars *
* Or smoking long buck cigars *
* No, no, not me *
* All l care about is doin' the guy in *
* Who's pickin' on you *
* Twistin' the wrist that's turnin' the screw *
- * All he cares about * - * All l care about *
* ls love *
Oh , he'II see you now.
WeII , heIIo, Andy.
My name is Amos.
That's right. Take a seat.
You're a remarkabIe man .
Your wife two-times you . . .
pIugs the guy, then tries to pin it on you .
Most men wouId Iet a dame Iike that swing .
But, no, you're sticking by her.
Makes you a hero in my eyes.
That's right. I'm a hero.
Did you bring the money?
I didn't do as weII as I hoped .
But I wiII , Mr. FIynn .
This is onIy a thousand .
PIus there's $300 I borrowed from the guys at the garage.
There's $ 7 00 from the buiIding-and-Ioan fund .
$2 ,000.
And that's aII I got so far.
But I'II give you $20 off my saIary every week.
I'II give you notes with interest. DoubIe. TripIe.
When you came to me yesterday. . .
I didn't ask if she was guiIty or innocent.
I didn't ask if she was a drunk or a dope fiend . No.
I said , ''Do you have $5,000?'' You said yes.
But you don't have $5,000.
I figure you're a dirty Iiar.
I don't waste my time with dirty Iiars.
Look. I'm reaI sorry, Mr. FIynn .
On the other hand . . .
your devotion to your wife is reaIIy very, very touching .
I took your wife's case, and I'II keep it. . .
because I pIay square.
Now, Iook, Hart. . .
I don't Iike to bIow my own horn ,
but if Jesus Christ had Iived in Chicago today
and if he had $5,000 and he'd come to me,
things wouId have turned out differentIy.
AII right, this is what we're gonna do.
By the end of the week, I'm gonna have Roxie's name
on the front page of every newspaper in town .
''Sweetest IittIe jazz kiIIer ever to hit Chicago.''
That's the angIe I'm after.
You make an announcement we're gonna have an auction .
We got to raise money for her defense.
They'II buy everything she's ever touched .
Your shoes, your dresses, your perfume, your underwear.
RO XIE : And VictroIa records.
Like the one I was pIaying when I shot the bastard .
BILLY: I didn't hear that.
Not that I didn't have grounds.
-Hey, what are they? -That's for triaI .
Nobody's gonna care a Iick
what your defense is unIess they care about you .
The first thing we do is work up sympathy from the press.
They're not aII pushovers Iike Mary Sunshine.
But there's one thing that they can never resist. . .
and that is a reformed sinner.
So, what was your favorite subject in schooI?
Oh , I was a reaI dummy.
There must have been something you were reaIIy good at.
I got high marks on courtesy and hygiene.
Perfect. You wanted to be a nun .
A nun?
Where were you born?
On a chicken farm outside of Lubbock.
Southern home fiIIed with every Iuxury and refinement.
Where are your parents?
ProbabIy on the front porch in their rocking chairs.
Parents dead .
FamiIy fortune swept away.
You were educated at the Sacred Heart.
Then you feII into a runaway marriage.
Left you miserabIe, aIone, unhappy.
You got aII swept up in the mad whirI of the city.
Jazz, cabarets, Iiquor.
You were drawn Iike a moth to the fIame.
Now the mad whirI has ceased .
You are a butterfIy crushed on the wheeI .
Which is it? Is it the moth or the butterfIy?
You have sinned , and you are sorry.
God , that's beautifuI .
Cut out God .
Stay where you're better acquainted .
Kid , when I'm through with you , not onIy wiII you be acquitted ,
every man on that jury
wiII want to take you home to meet his mother.
[ Southern accent ] I was born on a beautifuI Southern convent.
What?
[ NormaI voice ] Oh , hoIy shit!
I'm never gonna get this straight.
Pipe down on the swearing .
From here on , you say nothing rougher than ''Oh , dear.''
Try again .
I was born on a. . .
VELMA: I came up with more to do on the witness stand .
I thought I'd get aII teary-eyed
and ask to borrow your handkerchief.
Then I thought I'd take a peek at the jury Iike this.
FIash 'em a bit of thigh , huh? What do you think?
Sounds great.
Don't you want to hear the rest?
Tomorrow, kiddo. You're at the top of my Iist.
WeII , weII , weII .
Sorry to be Iate, Mr. FIynn .
Hope you weren't too bored .
I Iike it.
Hey, PoIIyanna. . .
I heard your press conference is tomorrow.
Yeah , what's it to you?
WeII , you wanted my advice, right?
WeII , here it is.
Don't forget BiIIy FIynn's number-one cIient
is BiIIy FIynn .
Meaning what?
Meaning don't Iet him hog the spotIight.
You're the one they pay to see.
We can onIy seII them one idea at a time.
I can stiII see him coming at me
with that awfuI Iook in his eyes.
And?
And we both reached for the gun .
That's right. You both reached for the gun .
Ready?
Yeah .
-Miss Hart! -Miss Hart!
Good day, gentIemen .
GentIemen , Miss Sunshine.
My cIient has just entered a pIea of not guiIty.
We Iook forward to a triaI at the earIiest possibIe date.
Are there any questions?
Miss Sunshine.
As you know, my paper is dry.
Do you have any advice for young girIs
seeking to avoid a Iife of jazz and drink?
AbsoIuteIy, yes.
Mrs. Hart feeIs that it was the tragic combination
of Iiquor and jazz which Ied to her downfaII .
Next question , pIease.
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
I wouId Iike to say how fIattered I am
that y'aII came to see me.
Mrs. Hart is very pIeased --
I was a moth crushed on the wheeI .
You know, a butterfIy drawn to the. . .
I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard .
Shut up, dummy.
BANDLEADER: Mr. BiIIy FIynn in ''The Press Conference Rag .''
Notice how his mouth never moves.
AImost.
Where'd you come from?
* Mississippi *
And your parents?
* Very wealthy *
Where are they now?
* Six feet under *
* But she was granted one more start *
* The Convent of the Sacred Heart *
* When'd you get here? *
* 1 920 *
* How old were you? *
* Don't remember *
* Then what happened? *
* l met Amos *
* And he stole my heart away *
* Convinced me to elope one day *
Poor dear! I can't beIieve what you've been through !
A convent girI . A runaway marriage.
TeII us, Roxie. . .
* Who's Fred Casely? *
* My ex-boyfriend *
* Why'd you shoot him? *
* l was leavin' *
* Was he angry? *
* Like a madman *
* Still l said, ''Fred, move along'' *
* She knew that she was doing wrong *
* Then describe it *
* He came toward me *
* With the pistol? *
* From my bureau *
* Did you fight him? *
* Like a tiger *
* He had strength, and she had none *
* And yet we both reached for the gun *
* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, we both *
* Oh, yes, we both, oh, yes, we both reached for *
* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *
* Oh, yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun *
* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *
* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *
* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *
* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *
* Understandable *
* Yes, it's perfectly understandable *
* Comprehensible *
* Not a bit reprehensible *
* lt's so defensible *
* How you feelin'? *
* Very frightened *
* Are you sorry? *
* Are you kidding? *
* That's your statement? *
* All l'd say is *
* Though my choo-choo jumped the track *
* l'd give my life to bring him back *
- * And? * - * Stay away from *
- * What? * - * Jazz and liquor *
- * And? * - * And the men who *
- * What? * - * Play for fun *
- * And what? * - * That's the thought that *
- * Yeah? * - * Came upon me *
* When? *
* When we both reached for the gun *
* Understandable *
* Yes, it's perfectly understandable *
* Comprehensible *
* Not a bit reprehensible *
* lt's so defensible *
* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *
* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *
Let me hear it.
* The gun, the gun *
* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *
* A little louder *
* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *
* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *
* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *
* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *
* Now you got it *
* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *
* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *
* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *
* Oh, yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun *
* Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, they both *
* Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes, they both reached for *
* The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun *
* Both reached for the *
* Gun *
* Both reached for the gun *
Move over, AI Capone.
The Windy City has taken a new criminaI to its heart.
The name on everybody's Iips is Roxie Hart.
The sweetest IittIe Iady ever accused of murder in Chicago.
Women want to Iook Iike her. FeIIas want to go out with her.
Some IittIe girIs even want to take her home.
Don't get any ideas, IittIe Iady.
On the other side of town . . .
the assistant D.A. promises the game IittIe sharpshooter
wiII swing before the year is up.
Who knows?
If he Iives up to his word , Assistant D.A. Harrison
might become Governor Harrison someday.
Back at the scene of the crime. . .
everybody wants a IittIe piece of Roxie Hart.
This jar of coId cream set her husband back $20.
Maybe this pretty IittIe Iady
wiII get some of that famous Roxie styIe.
It seems everybody these days is rooting for Roxie Hart.
Take those wiIting fIowers to the orphanage
and make sure they know who sent them .
So, kiddo, given any thought to what you want to do
after BiIIy gets you off?
I think I'd Iike to go on the stage.
I figured as much .
I aIready caIIed the Morris office.
ReaIIy?
How much is that gonna cost me?
My standard deaI . 1 0% of aII your takings.
Yeah , weII , we'II see, Mama.
Besides, I don't even have an act yet.
KiIIing Fred CaseIy was your act.
Those stiffs in the audience
want to say they saw somebody famous.
That's a freak act.
And besides, I am better than that.
WeII , of course you are, cupcake.
You can be as big as Sophie Tucker.
You reaIIy think so?
Bigger than Cantor and JoIson combined .
I aIways wanted to have my name in aII the papers.
Before I met Amos. . .
I used to date this weII-to-do ugIy bootIegger.
He used to Iike to take me out and show me off.
UgIy guys Iike to do that.
Once it said in the paper:
''GangIand's AI CapeIIi seen at Chez Vito
with cute bIond chorine.''
That was me.
I cIipped it, and I saved it.
You know, aII my Iife, I wanted to have my own act.
But, no. No, no.
They aIways turned me down .
One big worId fuII of ''no.''
And then Amos came aIong .
Safe, sweet Amos. . .
. . .who never says no.
I've never done this before.
But, you know, it is such a speciaI night.
You are such a great audience!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
And I reaIIy feeI Iike I can taIk to you , you know?
So forget what you've read in the papers.
Forget what you've heard on the radio, because. . .
I'm gonna teII you the truth .
Not that the truth reaIIy matters.
[ Rim shot, Iaughter ]
But I'm gonna teII you anyway.
In the bed department. . .
Amos was zero.
[ Laughter ]
When he made Iove to me. . .
it was Iike he was fixing a carburetor or something .
[ Imitating Amos ] ''I Iove ya, honey. I Iove ya.''
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, I started fooIing around .
Then I started screwing around ,
which is fooIing around without dinner.
[ Rim shot, Iaughter ]
Then I met Fred CaseIy. . .
who said that he couId get me into vaudeviIIe. . .
. . .but that didn't quite work out Iike I pIanned .
I guess it didn't reaIIy work out too great for Fred , either.
[ Rim shot, Iaughter ]
So I gave up on the whoIe vaudeviIIe idea
because you kinda figure after aII those years. . .
. . .opportunity's just passed you by.
* But it ain't *
* Oh, no, no, no, no, but it ain't *
And now?
WeII , if this FIynn guy gets me off. . .
with aII this pubIicity. . .
I got me a worId fuII of ''yes!''
* The name on everybody's lips *
* ls gonna be Ro xie *
* The lady rakin' in the chips *
* ls gonna be Ro xie *
* l'm gonna be a celebrity *
* That means somebody everyone knows *
* They're gonna recognize my eyes *
* My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose *
* From just some dumb mechanic's wife *
* l'm gonna be Ro xie *
* Who says that murder's not an art? *
* And who, in case she doesn't hang *
* Can say she started with a bang? *
* Ro xie Hart *
* Boys *
* They're gonna wait outside in line *
* To get to see *
- * Ro xie * - * Ro xie *
* Think of those autographs l'll sign *
* ''Good luck to you'' *
* Ro xie *
* And l'll appear in a lavaliere *
* That goes all the way down to my waist *
* Here a ring, there a ring, everywhere a ring-a-ling *
* But always in the best of taste *
I'm a star.
And the audience Ioves me, and I Iove them .
And they Iove me for Ioving them .
And I Iove them for Ioving me.
And we Iove each other.
And that's 'cause none of us got enough Iove in our chiIdhoods.
And that's show biz. . .
. . .kid .
* She's givin' up her humdrum life *
- * l'm gonna be -- Sing it * - * Ro xie *
* She made a scandal and a start *
* And Sophie Tucker will shit, l know *
* To see her name get billed below *
* Ro xie Hart *
I can't take it anymore.
You can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb tomato!
Oh , no, Mama, not you , too.
I have some bad news. The tour has been canceIed .
What?
Your name's been out of the papers too Iong .
AII you read about today is that Hart kid .
She's hot.
And what am I supposed to do, huh?
Suck up to her Iike everybody eIse?
It couIdn't hurt.
Over my dead body.
Mind if I join you?
[ CIicking , feedback ]
MAN : Lights out. 1 0 minutes.
Smoke?
Look what some Johnny sent me.
TripIe-cream carameIs aII the way from San Francisco.
I'm watching my figure.
You know, the triaI .
Hey, great mention of you in the Trib today, huh?
You know, there have been so many.
I just can't keep track.
Did I teII you , you are exactIy the same size as my sister?
You'd fit into her costumes perfectIy.
ReaIIy?
Yeah . I was thinking with aII the pubIicity
that's piIed up between us, and when BiIIy gets us off,
we'd be a naturaI to do an act together.
You think so, huh?
[ CIicking , feedback ]
BANDLEADER: Ladies and gentIemen . . .
Miss VeIma KeIIy in an act of desperation .
* My sister and l had an act that couldn't flop *
* My sister and l were headed straight for the top *
* My sister and l earned a thou a week at least *
* Oh, yeah *
* But my sister is now unfortunately deceased *
* l know it's sad, of course *
* But a fact is still a fact *
* And now all that remains is the remains *
* Of a perfect *
* Double *
* Act *
Watch this.
You have to imagine it with two peopIe.
It's sweII with two peopIe.
* First l'd *
* Then she'd *
* Then we'd *
* But l can't do it alone *
* Then she'd *
* Then l'd *
* Then we'd *
* But l can't do it alone *
* She'd say, ''What's your sister like?'' *
* l'd say, ''Men'' *
* She'd say, ''You're the cat's meow'' *
* Then we'd wow the crowd again *
* When she'd go *
* l'd go *
* We'd go *
* Then those dingdong daddies started to roar *
* Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor *
* Yelling, screaming, begging for more *
* And we'd say, ''Okay, fellas, keep your socks up *
* 'Cause you ain't seen nothin' yet'' *
* But l simply cannot do it *
* Alone *
So, what do you think, huh?
Come on , you can say.
I know. You're right. The first part's shit.
But the second part. . .
is reaIIy nifty.
Okay.
* She'd go *
* l'd go *
* We'd go *
* And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown *
* To cheer the best attraction in town *
* They nearly tore the balcony down *
* And we'd say, ''Okay, boys, we're going home *
* But before we go, here's a few more partin' shots'' *
* And this we did in perfect unison *
* Now you've seen me going through it *
* You may think there's nothing to it *
* But l simply cannot do it *
* Alone *
So, where was the part where you bIew her brains out?
Okay, Roxie, I'II IeveI with you .
Oh , no, no, no. Don't bother.
You think you're fooIing me?
You're aII washed up, and it's me they want now.
And I'm a big star.
SingIe.
Oh , I aImost forgot.
You were in the paper today, too. . .
in the back, with the obituaries.
''VeIma KeIIy's triaI has been postponed indefiniteIy.''
Seven words. Wow.
Oh . Here's a IittIe piece of advice.
Direct from me to you .
Lay off the carameIs.
BANDLEADER: And now, for aII you Chicago stay-up-Iaters.
You night owIs who onIy come aIive after dark.
We dedicate this tune.
''Chicago After Midnight.''
BILLY: This aII took pIace on Lakeshore Drive.
IncredibIe. IncredibIe.
AII right. Yeah . Thanks, Tom .
They just arrested this woman for a tripIe homicide.
ReaIIy?
Get this. She's an heiress.
What?
AII the famiIy's in . . .
pineappIes, grapefruits, some kind of fruit.
So anyhow, this dame, Kitty what's-her-name. . .
she's pIaying house on the North Side
in an apartment with a guy named Harry.
What Harry does for a Iiving , no one's quite sure,
but it doesn't matter because she's footing the biIIs.
Anyhow, Kitty comes home tonight.
Harry's in bed , which is par for the course.
She goes to change.
When she returns, she notices something rather odd .
ExtremeIy odd .
Kitty disappears for a second . CooI as a cucumber.
When she returns, she gentIy wakes up Harry.
[ Laughter ]
Harry says, ''What? I'm aIone.''
She says, ''AIone?
You got two other women in bed with you .''
So, get this. Harry says, ''Come on , doII .
You gonna beIieve what you see or what I teII you?''
[ Laughter ]
Good night, foIks.
Give us the Iine!
Miss Sunshine. From the Evening Star.
I wonder if you wouIdn't mind saying a word or two?
Sure, I'II say three. Go to heII !
PIease direct your questions to her counseI .
You're not my counseI , and I want my money back.
It's not your money. It's your mother's money.
MARY SUNSHINE : Are you sorry, dear?
Sure, I'm sorry.
Sorry I got caught.
-Oh , Miss Sunshine? -Not now, Roxie.
I got a Ietter from a guy.
He says he's going on a hunger strike untiI I'm freed .
That's nice, dear.
Miss Baxter?
Did you know these two Iadies personaIIy?
Did I know these two Iadies? Was that your question?
Yeah , that's my --
She's very high-spirited , isn't she?
Miss Baxter?
Oh , hey, Mr. FIynn !
Mr. FIynn !
-Yeah , hi , Trixie. -It's Roxie.
Yeah , sure, I was just kidding .
Did you get my triaI date yet?
Listen , kid . . .
I'm at the top of your Iist, right?
Go to heII !
Boy, what a heIIion , huh?
She's a sociaIite, too.
Her mother owns aII the pineappIes in Hawaii .
What the heII do I care about pineappIes?
-AII right. -Listen !
Miss Baxter wiII answer aII of your questions.
Afterwards, I'II be happy to give you an interview myseIf.
VELMA: How's it feeI , kid?
J . Edgar Hoover couIdn't find your name in the papers.
Mr. FIynn !
BILLY: Someone open this door immediateIy!
MARY SUNSHINE : Oh , my God ! Roxie! What is it, dear?
Oh ! Oh , no. Don't worry about me.
Oh , I onIy hope the faII didn't hurt the baby.
Baby?
Shit!
Roxie, when did this happen , darIing?
WeII , Doc, is she or isn't she?
She is.
WouId you swear to that statement in court?
Yes.
Good .
Button your fIy.
I wouId just Iike to say that. . .
my own Iife doesn't matter now. . .
just that of my unborn chiId .
You poor dear, to have your baby born in jaiI .
My readers won't stand for it.
I can assure you that won't happen .
She'II come to triaI at the earIiest moment.
I think it's sweet.
First time we ever had one of our girIs knocked up.
When is the baby due, Roxie?
I just heard the good news.
I'm the father! I'm the father!
Roxie, who's the father?
That question is compIeteIy out of Iine.
How dare you insuIt this brave, young woman .
That's enough .
Roxie, honey!
It's me! Daddy!
It's Daddy!
Roxie, I came as soon as I couId !
* lf someone stood up in a crowd *
* And raised his voice up way out loud *
* And waved his arm and shook his leg *
* You'd notice him *
* lf someone in the movie show *
* Yelled, ''Fire in the second row! *
* This whole place is a powder keg!'' *
* You'd notice him *
* And even without clucking like a hen *
* Everyone gets noticed now and then *
* Unless, of course, that personage should be *
* lnvisible *
* lnconsequential *
* Me *
* Cellophane *
* Mister Cellophane *
* Shoulda been my name *
* Mister Cellophane *
* 'Cause you can look right through me *
* Walk right by me *
* And never know l'm there *
* l tell ya *
* Cellophane *
* Mister Cellophane *
* Shoulda been my name *
* Mister Cellophane *
* 'Cause you can look right through me *
* Walk right by me *
* And never know l'm there *
Oh . I didn't see you .
Sit down . Sit down .
Look, Andy, I'm afraid I got to hit you hard .
And I can onIy hope that you'II be big about it.
Amos. My name is Amos.
Who said it wasn't?
Oh , it was the kid's name I was thinking about, yeah .
You know when she's due?
September.
Oh , but pass out those cigars, anyway.
I don't want you to give a damn when peopIe. . .
PeopIe what?
Laugh .
Laugh? Why wouId they Iaugh?
'Cause they can count.
Can you count?
September.
Here's a copy of Roxie's first statement
from the D.A.'s office.
It says she hadn't copuIated with you
for four months prior to the incident.
WeII , she wouId know.
Yeah , I guess we hadn't done no copuIating since. . .
Wait a minute. That don't figure out right.
I couIdn't be the father.
Forget about that now. My cIient needs your support.
You mean she needs a meaI ticket.
That's aII I ever been .
This time she's gone too far.
What are you gonna do? Divorce her?
You're damn right!
I'II divorce her!
She probabIy won't even notice.
[ Intercom buzzes ]
Yeah? Yeah , put him through .
* A human being's made of more than air *
* With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there *
* Unless that human being next to you *
* ls unimpressive *
* Undistinguished *
* You *
* Know *
* Who *
You stiII here, Andy?
Yeah , I'm stiII here.
I think.
* Shoulda been my name *
* Mister Cellophane *
* 'Cause you can look right through me *
* Walk right by me *
* And never know l'm there *
* l tell ya *
* Cellophane *
* Mister Cellophane *
* Shoulda been my name *
* Mister Cellophane *
* 'Cause you can look right through me *
* Walk right by me *
* And never know l'm there *
* Never even *
* Know *
* l'm there *
I hope I didn't take up too much of your time.
I've been waiting 1 0 minutes. Don't do that again .
This dress makes me Iook Iike a WooIworth's Iampshade.
I'm not wearing this.
You're wearing it because I teII you to wear it.
When Andy's on the stand , I want you to be knitting .
Knitting? Oh , for Christ sakes.
-A baby garment. -I don't know how to knit!
Then Iearn .
That is no way to win a jury's sympathy.
Oh , you don't need advice anymore.
Lookit here, Mr. Mouthpiece. . .
it seems to me that I am the one
who's coming up with the good ideas.
I am sick of everybody teIIing me what to do.
You treat me Iike dirt.
You treat me Iike I'm some dumb common criminaI .
But you are.
WeII , it's better than being a greasy Mick Iawyer.
Who happens to be saving your ass!
Who's out for aII he can steaI !
Maybe you'd Iike to appear in court without me.
WeII , maybe I couId .
Have you read the morning papers?
They Iove me!
Wise up! They'd Iove you a Iot more if you were hanged .
You know why? 'Cause they'd seII more papers.
You're fired .
I quit.
Any Iawyer in this town wouId die to have my case.
You are a phony ceIebrity. You're a fIash in the pan .
In a coupIe of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you .
That's Chicago.
What happened?
It's the Hunyak.
She Iost her Iast appeaI .
So what's that mean?
WeII , that means that next week, she's gonna. . .
This is Mary Sunshine coming to you from the Cook County JaiI . . .
where history wiII be made today.
KataIin HeIinski wiII become the first woman
in the state of IIIinois to be executed .
And so, Iadies and gentIemen . . .
And now, Iadies and gentIemen . . .
for your pIeasure and your entertainment. . .
we proudIy present KataIin HeIinski
and her famous Hungarian disappearing act.
You know, it's reaIIy not that bad .
You cIear about everything we agreed on?
Yep. I've been up aII night rehearsing .
What do you do when Harrison starts coming after you?
I sit stiII and Iook straight ahead . . .
never at the jury.
-And? -And I Iook modest.
-And? -And . . .
-And say nothing . -That's right.
-That was the deaI , right? -Right.
You asked me back. I do aII the taIking this time.
AbsoIuteIy, BiIIy. Whatever you say.
Mr. FIynn . His Honor's here.
Thank you .
You ready?
Yeah .
I'm scared .
Ah , don't be.
I've been around a Iong time.
BeIieve me. You got nothing to worry about.
It's aII a circus. A three-ring circus.
These triaIs, the whoIe worId .
It's aII show business.
But, kid . . .
You're working with a star.
* Give 'em the old razzle dazzle *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
* Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it *
* And the reaction will be passionate *
* Give 'em the old hocus pocus *
* Bead and feather 'em *
* How can they see with sequins in their eyes? *
* What if your hinges all are rusting? *
* What if, in fact, you're just disgusting? *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
* And they'll never catch wise *
* Give 'em the old razzle dazzle *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
* Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous *
* Row after row will grow vociferous *
* Give 'em the old flimflam flummo x *
* Fool and fracture 'em *
* How can they hear the truth above the roar? *
* Throw 'em a fake and a finagle *
* They'll never know you're just a bagel *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
* And they'll beg you for more *
-I object! -Sustained .
Your Honor, I haven't even asked the question yet.
* Give 'em the old double whammy *
* Daze and dizzy 'em *
* Back since the days of old Methuselah *
* Everyone loves the big bamboozler *
* Give 'em the old three-ring circus *
* Stun and stagger 'em *
* When you're in trouble, go into your dance *
* Though you are stiffer than a girder *
* They'll let you get away with murder *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
* And you got a romance *
HeIIo, Amos.
Amos.
That's right, Mr. FIynn . Amos.
Amos, when did you fiIe suit for divorce?
A month ago.
Was there any reason at this time?
I'II say.
The newspapers said Roxie was expecting a IittIe stranger.
That's hardIy grounds for divorce, is it?
A IittIe too much of a stranger.
You mean you doubted the paternity of the chiId .
WeII , sure.
TeII me, Amos. You share a bed with your wife?
Yes, sir, every night.
And you expect this jury to beIieve
that you sIept next to this woman every night
without exercising your rights as a husband?
WeII , I couId've if I wanted to.
-Oh , but you didn't. -No, I did .
-Did what? -Want to.
-But you didn't. -Didn't what?
-What you wanted . -Wait. I'm getting confused .
Did you ever question Roxie herseIf?
Did you ask her if you were the father of her chiId?
No, sir.
But if you became convinced that you were wrong . . .
you'd be man enough to admit it.
You'd take her back if Roxie swore
that you were the father.
-Which she does. -She does?
She does! She does!
No more questions!
You can step down now.
WeII done, Andy.
Oh , Roxie, I'm so sorry.
ALL: Aw!
[ AppIause ]
* Give 'em the old razzle dazzle *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
* Show 'em the first-rate sorcerer you are *
* Long as you keep 'em way off balance *
* How can they spot you got no talents? *
* Razzle dazzle 'em *
This is the moment we've been waiting for.
Roxie Hart finaIIy takes the stand
in her own defense.
* And they'll make you a star *
Order! Order!
Proceed , Mr. FIynn .
Roxie, I have here a statement
in which you admit to having iIIicit reIations
with the deceased , Fred CaseIy.
Is this true or faIse?
I'm afraid that's true.
You're an honest girI , Roxie.
When did you first meet Fred CaseIy?
When he soId Amos and me our furniture.
Your personaI reIationship with him --
couId you teII the jury when that began?
When I permitted him to escort me home one night.
I don't think I wouId've gone with him
if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreIed that very morning .
-QuarreIed? -Yes, sir.
WeII , I suppose it was his fauIt.
Oh , no, sir. It was my fauIt.
I suppose I just couIdn't stop pestering him .
Pestering him? About what?
I didn't Iike him working those Iong hours at the garage.
I wanted him home with me. . .
to darn his socks and iron his shirts.
I wanted a reaI home and a chiId .
So you drifted into this iIIicit reIationship
because you were unhappy at home.
Yes. I was most unhappy.
Roxie Hart!
The state has accused you of the murder of Fred CaseIy!
Are you guiIty or not guiIty?
I'm not guiIty. I'm not guiIty.
I kiIIed him . I did , but I'm not a criminaI .
I'm not a criminaI !
Do you recaII the night of January 1 4th?
CouId you teII the jury, in your own words,
the happenings of that night?
WeII , when Fred came over, I toId him my good news.
And what was that?
That me and Amos were gonna have a baby.
And that it was aII over between us.
What happened then?
WeII , then . . .
Then . . .
Did he threaten you , Roxie?
Objection , Your Honor. CounseI is Ieading the witness!
Sustained .
What did CaseIy say when you toId him the news?
''I'II kiII you before I'II see you have another man's chiId !''
CouId you teII the audience -- the jury -- what happened next?
WeII , in his passion , he tore off my robe. . .
and he threw me on the bed .
And Mr. Hart's pistoI was Iying there between us.
And then?
We both reached for the gun , but I got it first.
Then he came toward me with this funny Iook in his eyes.
He was angry and wiId !
-WiId ! -WiId !
Did you think he meant to kiII you?
Oh , yes, sir. Yes, sir.
So it was his Iife or yours?
And not just mine.
I cIosed my eyes, and I shot!
In defense of your Iife!
To save my husband's innocent, unborn chiId !
[ AII gasping ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
-Roxie! -Order!
What a buII's-eye, huh?
Order in this court!
I'II cIear this court if necessary.
There's pandemonium here in the courtroom .
Order! BaiIiff!
Mrs. Hart's behavior throughout this ordeaI
has been truIy extraordinary.
Yeah , I bet it has.
Opening her eyes, she fans herseIf
with her attorney's handkerchief.
-Handkerchief? -Poor chiId has had no reIief.
She Iooks around bewiIdered , seeming to want something .
Oh , it's a gIass of water.
Oh , Mama, that was my bit!
I toId BiIIy I was gonna do that at my triaI !
But now her eyes fIutter wiIdIy, and she --
Mrs. Hart has fainted again .
Oh , jeez.
She sIumps over, her chiffon dress up around her knees,
reveaIing a gIimpse of a bIue garter with a rhinestone buckIe.
Oh , Mama, she stoIe my garter.
-She stoIe my garter! -Don't break my radio!
First, the sIob steaIs my pubIicity.
Then she steaIs my Iawyer, my triaI date.
Now my goddamn garter!
What do you expect?
These days you get a IittIe success. . .
and it's good riddance to the peopIe who put you there.
There ain't no justice in the worId .
And there ain't nothing you can do about it.
Nerts to that.
You think I got you up here just so you can Iisten to my radio?
PeopIe write some pretty interesting things
when they think no one's Iooking .
Oh , Mama.
The state caIIs a rebuttaI witness.
[ Spectators murmuring ]
Left hand on the BibIe, raise your right hand .
You swear to teII the truth , so heIp you God?
And then some.
Have a seat.
WouId you state your name for the record , pIease?
VeIma KeIIy.
Miss KeIIy, wiII you pIease teII the court
if the object I am hoIding is the one
you happened to come upon in the defendant's jaiI ceII?
Yes, it is.
I submit this as Exhibit ''X.''
Roxie Hart's diary.
I object!
My cIient has never kept a diary.
And even if she did , this wouId be invasion of privacy
in vioIation of the Fourth Amendment
and iIIegaI search without a warrant.
Yeah . And she broke the Iock.
[ Laughter, gaveI banging ]
Order! Order!
WeII , that settIes that. I'II aIIow it.
What's the big deaI? It's just a bunch of doodIings.
If you wouId read for us, pIease.
I haven't worked in a whiIe.
''What a Iaugh , pIugging Fred CaseIy.
The big baboon had it coming .
I'm just sorry I onIy got to kiII him once.''
I never wrote that!
You . . .
Hey, she made that up!
-Order! Order! -She made that up!
PIease, Mr. FIynn , get controI of your cIient.
I'm sorry, Your Honor. It won't happen again .
Sit down . Shut up. It's onIy making it worse.
I have no more questions.
Your witness, Mr. FIynn .
Ladies and gentIemen , a tap dance.
Miss KeIIy, did you make a deaI with Mr. Harrison?
Maybe to drop aII charges against you
in exchange for testifying?
WeII , sure. I'm not a compIete idiot.
[ Laughter ]
Good . Good .
Since you gave such an impressive performance
for Mr. Harrison , maybe you'd do me the same honor.
-I'd be deIighted . -Thank you .
''Fred CaseIy assured me
he'd get me an audition down at the Onyx.
Then he reneged on his pIedge,
and that was my motive for attacking him .''
Pretty fancy way of saying ''He's a big fat Iiar
who weIshed on a deaI , so I shot him .''
''Amos accused me of having an affair. . .
so I toId him that the charge was erroneous.''
Objection , Your Honor!
Mr. FIynn is twisting this evidence
to draw concIusions that are specious and . . .
-Erroneous? -ExactIy!
[ Laughter, gaveI banging ]
Order! Order!
Miss KeIIy, do you know the meaning of the word perjury?
-Yes, I do. -Do you know it's a crime?
Yes.
If it turns out that you knew that this diary was a fake. . .
I'd hate to think of you rotting in prison for the next 1 0 years.
Since you won your freedom .
Look, aII I know is what I was toId .
Oh , so, aII right.
So you didn't find this diary in Roxie's ceII?
No.
Mama -- Miss Morton gave it to me.
She said someone sent it to her.
Someone? Any idea who this mysterious benefactor might be?
No. She didn't know.
AII right, Iet's see if we can work this out.
Someone who writes about reneging on pIedges
and erroneous charges.
CaII me crazy. Doesn't that sound Iike a Iawyer?
A Iawyer who had a sampIe of my cIient's handwriting .
Mr. Harrison , didn't you ask Roxie
to write out a confession?
Yes. You're not suggesting I tampered with evidence?
No. I wouIdn't. Don't be ridicuIous.
No. That's thoroughIy and utterIy absurd .
Now that you mention it. . .
Your Honor, this is outrageous!
I know. I agree.
To even suggest that the prosecutor
wouId make a thieves' bargain with VeIma KeIIy. . .
then fabricate the very evidence that set her free!
Just so you can win another case
and move one step cIoser to the Governor's Mansion !
Why, it's simpIy beyond aII imagining !
I'II hoId you in contempt!
No, it is not even conceivabIe!
But if it were, wouIdn't it be time to say:
''Come cIean , Mr. Harrison''?
Even in Chicago, this kind of corruption cannot stand !
WiII not stand !
That's enough , Mr. FIynn !
I agree, Your Honor!
It is enough !
The defense rests.
[ Rim shot, cymbaIs crash ]
Ladies and gentIemen , this is Mary Sunshine. . .
reporting Iive from the Cook County Courthouse.
The city of Chicago has come to a compIete standstiII . . .
as the triaI of the century finaIIy draws to a cIose.
Mrs. Hart sits quietIy at the defense tabIe.
Hands foIded .
Wondering what fate has in store for her.
And now a hush faIIs over the courtroom . . .
as the 1 2 men of the jury fiIe sIowIy back to their seats.
[ GaveI banging ]
GentIemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?
We have, Your Honor.
The jury has reached a verdict.
WiII the defendant pIease rise?
What is your verdict?
We, the jury, find the defendant. . .
Roxie Hart is innocent! She's innocent!
Get your paper!
Roxie Hart is free! She's free!
[ Gunshots, screaming ]
Come on ! Move it!
First she shoots the husband , then she pIugs the Iawyer.
Don't you want to take my picture?
I'm the famous Roxie Hart.
Hey, what happened?
BiIIy, what the heII happened?
This is Chicago, kid .
You can't beat fresh bIood on the waIIs.
But my pubIicity, BiIIy. My name in the papers.
I was counting on that.
Your gratitude is overwheIming , kid .
I just saved your Iife.
Yeah , and you got $5,000.
And what do I get? I get nothing?
It's $ 1 0,000 once I coIIect from VeIma.
I get nothing?
Oh , don't forget your bIessed diary.
Hope you don't mind . I added a few erroneous phrases.
Sorry I couIdn't teII you .
CouIdn't take a chance.
I never Iost a case.
You're a free woman , Roxie Hart.
And God save IIIinois.
What do you want?
I want you to come home.
You said you stiII wanted to. And the baby.
Baby? What baby?
Oh , Jesus.
What do you take me for?
There ain't no baby.
There ain't no baby?
They didn't even want my picture.
I can't understand that.
Why didn't they even want my picture?
* lt's good *
* lsn't it grand? *
* lsn't it great? *
* lsn't it swell? *
* lsn't it fun? *
* lsn't it? *
* Nowadays *
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
Miss Roxie Hart says ''Good night.''
* There's men everywhere *
* Jazz everywhere *
* Booze everywhere *
* Life everywhere *
* Joy everywhere *
* Nowadays *
* You can like the life you're livin' *
* You can live the life you like *
* You can even marry Harry *
* But mess around with lke *
* And that's good *
* lsn't it grand? *
* lsn't it great? *
* lsn't it swell? *
* lsn't it fun? *
* lsn't it? *
* But nothing *
* Stays *
* You can like the life you're living *
* You can live the life you like *
Didn't she kiII a guy awhiIe back?
Ah , who can keep them straight anymore?
* But mess around with lke *
* And that's good *
* lsn't it grand? *
* lsn't it great? *
That's great!
We'II be in touch .
I'm not quite finished yet.
Wait, wait, wait. One more.
I couId . . .
Just a second . I'm not --
God damn it!
Thank you !
Here's the music, hon .
Thanks.
God damn it.
You know, you're reaIIy pretty good .
Yeah , that and a dime.
What are you doing here?
I heard you been making the rounds.
if it was up to you , I'd be swinging by now.
I aIways knew BiIIy wouId get you off.
You shouId Iearn how to put things behind you .
Oh , thank you .
I'II put that at the top of my Iist.
Right after finding a job and an apartment with a john .
Shut up and Iisten to me!
You reaIIy are something .
Coming in here Iike some goddamn queen bee.
AII fuII of advice for a poor sIob Iike me.
Let me teII you something , Miss VeIma KeIIy.
I got a new Iife now.
One of the best things about it is it don't incIude you .
I thought we couId heIp each other.
You thought wrong , didn't you?
Listen to me.
I taIked to this guy downtown .
He said one jazz kiIIer is nothing these days. . .
but two. . .
We couId make a coupIe of hundred a week.
Think about it, Roxie.
Our faces back in the papers. Our names on the marquee.
VeIma KeIIy and Roxie Hart.
ShouIdn't it be aIphabeticaI?
That couId work.
CoupIe hundred?
Maybe we couId ask for a thou .
We're worth it.
Forget it.
It'II never work.
Why not?
'Cause I hate you .
There's onIy one business in the worId
where that's no probIem at aII .
Ladies and gentIemen . . .
the Chicago Theater is proud to announce a first.
The first time anywhere there's been an act of this nature.
Not onIy one IittIe Iady. But two.
You've read about them in the papers.
And now here they are.
Chicago's own kiIIer-diIIers. Those scintiIIating sinners.
Roxie Hart and VeIma KeIIy!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
* You can like the life you're livin' *
* You can live the life you like *
* You can even marry Harry *
* But mess around with lke *
* And that's good *
* lsn't it grand? *
* lsn't it great? *
* lsn't it swell? *
* lsn't it fun? *
* lsn't it? *
* But nothing stays *
* ln 50 years or so *
* lt's gonna change, you know *
* But, oh, it's heaven *
* Nowadays *
Okay, you babes of jazz, Iet's pick up the pace.
Let's make the parties Ionger, the skirts shorter.
Let's aII go to heII in a fast car and keep it hot!
[ Cheers and appIause ]
[ AppIause ]
[ Cheers ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers, whistIing ]
Me and Roxie, we'd just Iike to say thank you !
Thank you !
BeIieve us, we couId not have done it without you !
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* That jazz *
5, 6, 7, 8. . .
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* While truckin' down the road of life *
* Although all hope seems gone *
* l just move on *
* When l can't find a single star *
* To hang my wish upon *
* l just move on *
* l move on *
* l run so fast *
* A shotgun blast *
* Can hurt me not one bit *
* l'm on my toes *
* 'Cause heaven knows *
* A moving target's hard to hit *
* So as we play an ice ballet *
* We're not the dying swan *
* We just move on *
* We move on *
* Just when it seems *
* We're out of dreams *
* And things have got us down *
* We don't despair *
* We don't go there *
* We hang our bonnets out of town *
* So there's no doubt *
* We're well cut out *
* To run life's marathon *
* We just move on *
* So fleet of foot *
* We can't stay put *
* We just move on *
* Yes, we move on *
* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *
* And all that jazz? *
* l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *
* And all that jazz *
* Start the car, l know a whoopee spot *
* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot *
* lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose *
* And all that jazz *
* Right up here is where l store the juice *
* And all that jazz *
* Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky *
* l betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high *
* 'Cause in the stratosphere, how could he lend an ear *
* To all *
* That *
* Jazz? *
* Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy-shake *
* And all that jazz *
* Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break *
* And all that jazz *
* Show her where to park her girdle *
* Oh, her mother's blood will curdle *
* lf she'd hear her baby's queer *
* For all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* Come on, babe, why don't we paint the town *
* And all that jazz? *
* l'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down *
* And all that jazz *
* Start the car, l know a whoopee spot *
* Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot *
* lt's just a noisy hall where there's a nightly brawl *
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* No, l'm no one's wife *
* But, oh, l love my life *
* And all *
* That *
* Jazz *
* That jazz *
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