1 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,976 May we help you? 2 00:00:15,042 --> 00:00:16,351 Where's Andy? 3 00:00:16,419 --> 00:00:19,167 Right here, man. Always right here. 4 00:00:19,192 --> 00:00:21,450 Jessica, hello. 5 00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:24,567 And over there, man. Always over there. 6 00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,042 Wait. 7 00:00:27,067 --> 00:00:28,450 Don't go. 8 00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:35,740 Oh... I had way too much to drink 9 00:00:35,765 --> 00:00:38,507 at that executive office party last night. 10 00:00:38,544 --> 00:00:39,742 Ooh. 11 00:00:39,879 --> 00:00:43,914 So, after I had a run-in with that jerk Frank Winters, 12 00:00:43,939 --> 00:00:45,654 I e-mailed him an essay 13 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,335 on the hundred funniest ways 14 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,723 for him to be killed by his own diarrhea. 15 00:00:51,214 --> 00:00:52,377 Well, don't worry. 16 00:00:52,514 --> 00:00:55,070 Winters won't get his e-mail until Monday 17 00:00:55,179 --> 00:00:56,651 and we can ask my neighbors Teak and Phil, 18 00:00:56,709 --> 00:00:58,596 if they can wipe it out for you. 19 00:00:58,663 --> 00:01:00,445 Those guys I was just talking to? 20 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:03,262 I've smoked joints smarter than them. 21 00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:04,504 [Andy] Later, Jessica told me 22 00:01:04,570 --> 00:01:06,953 how wrong it was to use drugs. 23 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,448 No, no, they're computer geniuses. 24 00:01:09,507 --> 00:01:11,206 Last year they hacked into Citibank, 25 00:01:11,265 --> 00:01:13,343 and for one day it was legally known 26 00:01:13,410 --> 00:01:15,781 as "Big Floppin' Boobs Bank." 27 00:01:15,847 --> 00:01:17,112 Do you think they'll help me? 28 00:01:17,186 --> 00:01:19,132 No, but they'll help me. 29 00:01:19,192 --> 00:01:21,109 They worship me. 30 00:01:22,763 --> 00:01:25,014 Teak and Phil belonged to the same frat I had been in 31 00:01:25,039 --> 00:01:26,585 when I was at Northwestern. 32 00:01:26,610 --> 00:01:28,656 I'm kind of a legend there, which basically means 33 00:01:28,681 --> 00:01:31,568 I did an unusual amount of stuff drunk and naked. 34 00:01:31,593 --> 00:01:32,994 [whispering] And now... 35 00:01:33,019 --> 00:01:34,968 the moment you've all been waiting for. 36 00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,566 Behold... Andy. 37 00:01:48,674 --> 00:01:53,235 Oh, you guys, I told you not on weeknights! 38 00:01:57,944 --> 00:02:00,003 This e-mail you sent is super funny. 39 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,406 This Winters guy sounds like a real rod. 40 00:02:02,431 --> 00:02:04,402 My favorite is death number 43: 41 00:02:04,427 --> 00:02:06,752 stabbed in the eye with a diarrhea icicle. 42 00:02:06,777 --> 00:02:08,195 Yeah, yeah, that's a special one. 43 00:02:08,243 --> 00:02:09,648 Just get rid of it. 44 00:02:09,747 --> 00:02:11,945 Initiating obliteration sequence. 45 00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:14,093 There. 46 00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:15,580 So it's gone, right? 47 00:02:15,648 --> 00:02:17,351 - Abso-- - Pletely. 48 00:02:17,376 --> 00:02:18,382 Oh! 49 00:02:18,407 --> 00:02:21,437 I am forever in your debt. 50 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,156 And yours. 51 00:02:23,288 --> 00:02:25,695 Now I have to get up to Winters' office. 52 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,882 I hid a bunch of lunch meat in his sofa. 53 00:02:31,046 --> 00:02:33,715 She hid lunch meat in a sofa. 54 00:02:33,781 --> 00:02:36,272 Is there anything she can't do? 55 00:02:36,443 --> 00:02:38,015 I could love a woman like that. 56 00:02:38,176 --> 00:02:40,312 I do love a woman like that. 57 00:02:40,337 --> 00:02:41,750 Exactly like that. 58 00:02:41,775 --> 00:02:43,757 Her, Jessica... 59 00:02:44,044 --> 00:02:45,658 the woman who just left... 60 00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:47,236 I love her. 61 00:02:47,325 --> 00:02:50,395 Guys, you're getting in way over your heads 62 00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:52,929 and it's going to end badly. 63 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,000 Remember that time that you tried to get rich 64 00:02:55,025 --> 00:02:57,109 by breeding wolves in your apartment? 65 00:02:57,457 --> 00:03:00,171 It would have worked if not for the government. 66 00:03:00,196 --> 00:03:03,225 Yeah, and all the wolves. 67 00:03:07,028 --> 00:03:09,616 ♪ You never know just what's around the bend ♪ 68 00:03:09,641 --> 00:03:11,500 ♪ Where to go and where you've been ♪ 69 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,590 ♪ Just see the world through my eyes ♪ 70 00:03:13,615 --> 00:03:16,744 ♪ And I think you'd be surprised ♪ 71 00:03:21,839 --> 00:03:23,102 Hey. 72 00:03:23,343 --> 00:03:24,443 {\an8}You guys like 73 00:03:24,468 --> 00:03:27,242 {\an8}dancing and hanging out with rock stars, right? 74 00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:28,327 - Sure. - Wow. - Yeah. 75 00:03:28,399 --> 00:03:30,109 Excellent. What are you doing tomorrow night 76 00:03:30,134 --> 00:03:31,266 between 8:00 and 11:00? 77 00:03:31,329 --> 00:03:32,559 - Nothing. - Nothing. - I'm free. 78 00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:33,890 {\an8}You want to help me move my grandma 79 00:03:33,915 --> 00:03:36,085 {\an8}into her new assisted living facility? 80 00:03:36,253 --> 00:03:39,281 {\an8}Afterward, we can go dancing and look for rock stars. 81 00:03:39,381 --> 00:03:42,112 {\an8}If there's time. There probably won't be. 82 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,703 Oh, the old bait and switch-- I get it. 83 00:03:44,728 --> 00:03:46,156 Sure, Andy, I'll help you. 84 00:03:46,187 --> 00:03:47,317 No, I won't. 85 00:03:47,342 --> 00:03:49,241 Yeah, it sounds like fun. 86 00:03:49,549 --> 00:03:50,682 No, it doesn't. 87 00:03:50,707 --> 00:03:52,656 I'll bring coffee. No, I won't. 88 00:03:52,801 --> 00:03:54,820 I'll bring doughnuts. 89 00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,315 Wait, how do you play this? 90 00:03:57,435 --> 00:04:00,175 {\an8}Come on, I need you guys there as a buffer. 91 00:04:00,176 --> 00:04:03,409 {\an8}My grandma always makes me feel bad about myself, you know, 92 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,331 {\an8}which isn't hard, because I suck. 93 00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:10,221 {\an8}See, I just talked to her a little while ago, 94 00:04:10,246 --> 00:04:12,910 {\an8}so now I think I suck. 95 00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:16,384 You don't suck, Andy. 96 00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:18,082 {\an8}You're great. 97 00:04:18,585 --> 00:04:20,429 {\an8}Thanks, guys. 98 00:04:21,253 --> 00:04:23,294 [Andy] Hey, Jessica, what are you doing 99 00:04:23,319 --> 00:04:23,900 tomorrow night? 100 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,507 You want to help me move my grandma? 101 00:04:25,573 --> 00:04:27,670 {\an8}Oh, I'm sorry, I'm working. 102 00:04:27,695 --> 00:04:29,193 {\an8}But I'll help you next time. 103 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:30,300 {\an8}Nah, that's okay. 104 00:04:30,359 --> 00:04:31,628 {\an8}Next time I move my grandma, 105 00:04:31,695 --> 00:04:33,354 {\an8}there's only going to be one box. 106 00:04:36,585 --> 00:04:39,468 I get it-- a coffin, 'cause she's gonna be dead. 107 00:04:41,610 --> 00:04:44,265 Okay, they didn't think it was quite that funny. 108 00:04:45,046 --> 00:04:45,816 Andy. 109 00:04:45,889 --> 00:04:47,501 - That's awful. - Yuck. 110 00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:48,458 Jackass. 111 00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:55,600 Hey, guys. 112 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,211 What are you doing here? 113 00:04:57,301 --> 00:05:00,062 {\an8}That e-mail's still erased forever. 114 00:05:01,171 --> 00:05:03,715 I hope you're just showing me your shirt. 115 00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:06,124 {\an8}As you know, we met you a few days ago. 116 00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,764 {\an8}- Those days have been filled-- - We love you. 117 00:05:09,531 --> 00:05:11,534 {\an8}Filled with special... 118 00:05:11,601 --> 00:05:13,549 Now my stuff doesn't work. 119 00:05:13,615 --> 00:05:16,705 {\an8}Listen, guys, I got the Metallica CD's 120 00:05:16,781 --> 00:05:20,715 {\an8}and the case of "Tequiza" you sent and I'm flattered... 121 00:05:20,774 --> 00:05:23,204 Shh. No more words. 122 00:05:23,789 --> 00:05:25,601 {\an8}No, I'm going to keep talking. 123 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,695 {\an8}I'm not interested in either of you. 124 00:05:28,914 --> 00:05:30,970 But also, there's another problem 125 00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,737 {\an8}which I'm curious if you've picked up on. 126 00:05:33,812 --> 00:05:35,655 {\an8}We have a car now. 127 00:05:35,976 --> 00:05:38,257 {\an8}Good, but that's not it. 128 00:05:38,664 --> 00:05:40,070 {\an8}There are two of you. 129 00:05:40,164 --> 00:05:43,039 How exactly did you see this playing out? 130 00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:46,546 {\an8}Yeah, I see what you're saying. 131 00:05:48,484 --> 00:05:49,648 - Dibs. - Dibs. 132 00:05:49,812 --> 00:05:50,965 - Double dibs. - Double dibs. 133 00:05:51,132 --> 00:05:52,296 - Shotgun! - Shotgun! 134 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:53,859 - Blah! - Blah! 135 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,195 Andy... 136 00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:06,586 here's the article 137 00:06:06,653 --> 00:06:07,632 on Michael Crichton 138 00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:09,440 I've been saving for you. 139 00:06:09,514 --> 00:06:11,538 Now, he's very successful. 140 00:06:11,598 --> 00:06:13,769 You should do something like that. 141 00:06:13,843 --> 00:06:15,273 Like what? 142 00:06:15,332 --> 00:06:17,347 You know, ever since Andy was a little boy, 143 00:06:17,414 --> 00:06:19,921 he has wanted to be a writer. 144 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:22,929 And now he sort of is. 145 00:06:23,256 --> 00:06:25,648 It is so nice how supportive you are. 146 00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:26,937 When I told my grandmother 147 00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,921 I wanted to be an artist, she slapped me 148 00:06:28,946 --> 00:06:31,407 and told me to draw my own dinner that night. 149 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,370 Oh, Byron, that's terrible. 150 00:06:35,093 --> 00:06:37,796 Would you like a coupon for some paper towels? 151 00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:42,421 Yeah. You know, this is going to encourage me to try a new brand. 152 00:06:42,622 --> 00:06:45,087 Look at all these vintage postcards, 153 00:06:45,119 --> 00:06:47,539 and all these incredible antique bottles. 154 00:06:47,564 --> 00:06:49,631 Darling, why don't you just take them all. 155 00:06:49,671 --> 00:06:52,233 I have no room for any of that stuff here. 156 00:06:52,315 --> 00:06:54,460 Wow, we're really making a killing. 157 00:06:54,929 --> 00:06:57,584 I can't wait to go home and put on seven aprons and a couple of wigs 158 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:58,366 and enjoy a highball 159 00:06:58,429 --> 00:07:00,624 out of a chipped state bird glass. 160 00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:04,125 Oh, you are a gorgeous man. 161 00:07:05,761 --> 00:07:08,724 Andy, can you imagine looking like that. 162 00:07:09,979 --> 00:07:13,429 Oh, look, here's that sweater I was knitting for you. 163 00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:17,750 You know, everything you say to me is some kind of put-down. 164 00:07:17,775 --> 00:07:20,039 I'm offering you a sweater. 165 00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:23,242 Right. Okay, not that. That was fine. 166 00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:25,390 But pretty much everything else. 167 00:07:25,415 --> 00:07:29,148 - Well, if you don't want the sweater-- - It's not about the sweater. 168 00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:33,015 Byron, would you be insulted if I offered you this sweater? 169 00:07:33,159 --> 00:07:33,859 Not at all. 170 00:07:33,884 --> 00:07:35,382 I'd be honored. 171 00:07:35,465 --> 00:07:38,851 Oh, and I bet you like lemon cookies, too. 172 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:41,773 Like? Try love. 173 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,256 You're witty. 174 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,698 Here. 175 00:07:44,907 --> 00:07:47,492 You should be the writer. 176 00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,914 The advantage of the autonomous subdivision is increased-- 177 00:07:57,390 --> 00:07:58,681 This is Jessica. 178 00:07:58,706 --> 00:08:00,242 Jessica, this is Teak. 179 00:08:00,324 --> 00:08:02,507 I just called to tell you I'm a total jerk 180 00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:04,570 and you should definitely go out with Phil-- 181 00:08:04,602 --> 00:08:06,358 because he's your kind of man. 182 00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:07,562 And strong. 183 00:08:07,664 --> 00:08:08,992 Phil, you bastard. 184 00:08:09,017 --> 00:08:10,982 Jessica, it's me, Teak. 185 00:08:11,223 --> 00:08:14,124 No, wait, I'm Phil, and you're fat. 186 00:08:14,157 --> 00:08:16,122 Did you hear that? Phil just called you fat. 187 00:08:16,802 --> 00:08:18,200 Wait, I'm Phil. 188 00:08:18,328 --> 00:08:19,367 - What? - Huh? 189 00:08:19,392 --> 00:08:21,664 Hello, this is Teak. 190 00:08:21,807 --> 00:08:23,106 What? Who is this? 191 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,872 Phil-- I think that somebody else is on the line. 192 00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:27,894 What? 193 00:08:28,012 --> 00:08:28,648 What? 194 00:08:28,673 --> 00:08:30,004 Are you Teak or Phil? 195 00:08:30,359 --> 00:08:32,921 I'm in the house. 196 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:36,376 Dude, run! Hang up! Run! 197 00:08:40,957 --> 00:08:42,820 The advantages increase productivity 198 00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:44,476 by up to a factor of ten. 199 00:08:47,884 --> 00:08:51,406 I had the best time with your grandmother yesterday. 200 00:08:51,774 --> 00:08:53,335 Wait, didn't you just play bingo with her 201 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,585 like, three days ago? 202 00:08:54,629 --> 00:08:56,392 Yeah. Man, she's a riot. 203 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,992 Okay, first we drove to the pharmacy, 204 00:08:59,017 --> 00:09:02,647 where we had our blood pressure taken-- for free. 205 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:06,718 Then, at the post office, this clerk spoke to us abruptly, 206 00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:09,391 so we wrote a letter to the Tribune. 207 00:09:10,005 --> 00:09:12,968 Huh. I didn't want to spend time with my grandmother, 208 00:09:13,068 --> 00:09:15,098 so why was this bothering me? 209 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,287 And Evelyn has a lot of really interesting people 210 00:09:17,312 --> 00:09:18,484 in her family. 211 00:09:18,509 --> 00:09:22,992 Okay, did you know she has a grandson who has a boat? 212 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,265 Yes. He's my cousin. So what? 213 00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:30,518 So, I'm just saying, maybe you should do something like that. 214 00:09:31,328 --> 00:09:33,703 Like what? Be a boat? 215 00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:35,730 All right, what do I know? 216 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,569 You know all those old bottles we got from Andy's grandmother? 217 00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:44,737 Who can forget old bottles? 218 00:09:44,804 --> 00:09:46,515 Well, last night, I had a horrible headache 219 00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,367 and I decided to drink from one of them. 220 00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:49,921 Good thinking, honey. 221 00:09:49,946 --> 00:09:51,367 No, it was sealed. 222 00:09:51,392 --> 00:09:53,622 "Dr. Spooner's Herbal Health Tonic 223 00:09:53,647 --> 00:09:55,781 "for Vim, Vigor and Vitality. 224 00:09:56,476 --> 00:09:58,050 "It's good for joint pain 225 00:09:58,109 --> 00:10:00,812 headache, gout... even woman's time." 226 00:10:01,195 --> 00:10:03,062 It made me feel great. 227 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:04,736 I think you should try this. 228 00:10:04,811 --> 00:10:06,722 As much as I trust any 90-year-old medication, 229 00:10:06,789 --> 00:10:08,113 I don't have any problems. 230 00:10:08,179 --> 00:10:09,382 Well, that's all right. 231 00:10:09,407 --> 00:10:10,806 It keeps problems away. 232 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,749 And it's licorice-y. 233 00:10:12,936 --> 00:10:14,933 I do like licorice. 234 00:10:18,437 --> 00:10:19,705 Plus... 235 00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:22,507 it makes colors really vibrant. 236 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,312 And it makes things funnier. 237 00:10:30,757 --> 00:10:34,062 I couldn't just let Byron take my place in Nana's life. 238 00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:37,237 After all, you only have one grandmother. 239 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,358 Well, two. 240 00:10:38,433 --> 00:10:39,765 You only have two grandmothers. 241 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:43,375 Actually, my mother's father remarried, so I have three. 242 00:10:43,441 --> 00:10:45,491 Maybe I could let Byron have one. 243 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:46,816 No. 244 00:10:48,156 --> 00:10:49,218 Andy! 245 00:10:49,243 --> 00:10:51,101 What are you doing here so early? 246 00:10:51,126 --> 00:10:52,593 I just wanted to say hello. 247 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,847 I brought you some strudel. 248 00:10:58,773 --> 00:11:00,828 Why is Byron here? 249 00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:04,132 Andy, I thought it was time I took a lover. 250 00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:09,140 But why is Byron here? 251 00:11:09,165 --> 00:11:11,796 Andy, I have taken a lover. 252 00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,898 Yes, but why is Byron here? 253 00:11:14,243 --> 00:11:16,406 And why isn't he wearing any clothes? 254 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,843 Won't the lover see? 255 00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:24,239 Where's the lover? Where's the lover? 256 00:11:25,335 --> 00:11:27,320 Oh, my God. 257 00:11:39,511 --> 00:11:42,607 So, Byron was having sex with my nana. 258 00:11:42,690 --> 00:11:44,392 Later that day, I calmed down 259 00:11:44,424 --> 00:11:46,561 and Byron and I talked about it. 260 00:11:48,681 --> 00:11:49,646 I know. 261 00:11:49,671 --> 00:11:51,671 You've been saying that all day. 262 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:54,226 She is my grandmother! 263 00:11:54,251 --> 00:11:56,914 And she will always be your grandmother. 264 00:11:56,939 --> 00:11:58,781 I'm not trying to replace you. 265 00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:00,104 Evelyn and my relationship 266 00:12:00,129 --> 00:12:02,127 isn't about a grandmother and grandson. 267 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,284 It's about intense and frequent sex. 268 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:07,687 Ew! 269 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:11,515 My grandmother is not supposed to be having sex! 270 00:12:11,645 --> 00:12:13,376 Oh, yes, she is. 271 00:12:14,657 --> 00:12:17,851 She is so supposed to be having sex. 272 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,579 I can't feel my legs. 273 00:12:24,106 --> 00:12:26,335 Okay, okay, maybe I'm overreacting. 274 00:12:26,461 --> 00:12:28,359 I needed another opinion. 275 00:12:28,963 --> 00:12:30,250 Ew! 276 00:12:30,335 --> 00:12:31,562 Thank you. 277 00:12:31,696 --> 00:12:33,437 Okay, I'm not overreacting. 278 00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:36,648 I have to break this thing up, but how? 279 00:12:36,845 --> 00:12:42,312 Blackmail is such an ugly word; ugly and inapplicable. 280 00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:44,079 I'll just go talk to my grandmother. 281 00:12:44,419 --> 00:12:47,515 But Byron's, like, half a century younger than you. 282 00:12:48,105 --> 00:12:51,179 Andy, Byron is good for me. 283 00:12:51,358 --> 00:12:54,587 I haven't been with a man since your grandfather died. 284 00:12:55,135 --> 00:12:56,899 He makes me feel alive. 285 00:12:57,771 --> 00:12:59,502 And he's a man. 286 00:13:00,608 --> 00:13:01,940 A real man. 287 00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:04,945 And then she told me how Byron had won her heart, 288 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,063 her old, recently refurbished heart. 289 00:13:07,088 --> 00:13:08,890 Oh, ducks are great. 290 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,557 - They are! [laughing] - Just the best. 291 00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,274 Oh, hey, Evey, when are you going to come over 292 00:13:13,299 --> 00:13:15,861 and see my etchings? 293 00:13:16,525 --> 00:13:19,545 Stan, you know I don't like that kind of talk. 294 00:13:19,577 --> 00:13:20,675 Oh, come on. 295 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,082 I'm having prostate surgery next week, 296 00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:25,766 and the window's closing. 297 00:13:26,187 --> 00:13:28,998 Look, buddy, the lady's not interested. 298 00:13:29,023 --> 00:13:31,953 Yeah, well, this is none of your business, pretty boy! 299 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,595 Well, I'm making it my business. 300 00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,518 Oh, yeah? 301 00:13:35,543 --> 00:13:37,108 Well, why don't you make this your business?! 302 00:13:37,795 --> 00:13:39,708 Oh! Oh! 303 00:13:40,337 --> 00:13:41,666 I'm sorry! 304 00:13:41,691 --> 00:13:43,622 Call him off me! 305 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,407 I better not catch you around here again. 306 00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:49,849 Now let's get you inside. 307 00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:53,342 You need to be kissed. 308 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,599 Oh! 309 00:14:01,139 --> 00:14:03,061 You'll get used to Byron and your grandmother, 310 00:14:03,086 --> 00:14:05,007 and then it won't freak you out so much. 311 00:14:05,638 --> 00:14:06,736 You think? 312 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:09,318 You just need to let it go, let it all go. 313 00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:10,930 Ahh... 314 00:14:12,215 --> 00:14:14,062 Are you okay? 315 00:14:14,172 --> 00:14:16,086 I think I may be coming down with something. 316 00:14:16,111 --> 00:14:18,160 I should take some more medicine. 317 00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,795 Guys, I need you to hide me! 318 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:23,082 Phil's chasing me with-- [slam] Aah! 319 00:14:23,593 --> 00:14:25,610 There, I hit you with a garbage can. 320 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,173 Teak! Phil! 321 00:14:27,753 --> 00:14:29,105 [Andy] Hey! 322 00:14:29,824 --> 00:14:31,207 Come on! Is this Jessica thing 323 00:14:31,232 --> 00:14:33,792 really worth ruining your friendship over? 324 00:14:38,224 --> 00:14:40,241 The answer is no. 325 00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:41,995 No, it's not. 326 00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:44,382 Just let it go. 327 00:14:44,407 --> 00:14:47,070 Let it all go. Ahh... 328 00:14:47,193 --> 00:14:48,426 Isn't that right, Keith? 329 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,696 Dude, look how much hair I have on my arm. 330 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,890 I decided that I'd take Keith's advice 331 00:14:57,915 --> 00:15:00,378 and just let it go, let it all go. Ahh... 332 00:15:00,947 --> 00:15:02,579 Maybe I could learn to see Byron 333 00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:05,149 and my grandma's relationship the way they do: 334 00:15:05,174 --> 00:15:07,171 As something beautiful and giving, 335 00:15:07,196 --> 00:15:11,657 rather than an unholy mix of old flesh and Byron. 336 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,317 So we all went out to dinner. 337 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,038 Unfortunately, they thought it would be fun 338 00:15:16,063 --> 00:15:18,046 if they brought a date for me. 339 00:15:18,406 --> 00:15:19,870 This is Marge. 340 00:15:20,057 --> 00:15:21,456 Here's what I look like to her: 341 00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:25,352 Karr fer larb Roosevelt hoop? 342 00:15:25,385 --> 00:15:27,862 I asked if she was enjoying her soup. 343 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,225 Oh, you know, Andy, 344 00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:31,960 Byron just loves my lemon cookies. 345 00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:34,082 Oh, they're the best. 346 00:15:34,665 --> 00:15:35,863 This isn't so bad. 347 00:15:35,888 --> 00:15:37,457 We're talking about lemon cookies. 348 00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:38,838 I can handle this. 349 00:15:38,863 --> 00:15:39,808 No, I mean it. 350 00:15:39,833 --> 00:15:41,363 He really loves them. 351 00:15:41,534 --> 00:15:43,598 He'll do anything for them. 352 00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,069 Won't you, dear? 353 00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:46,022 Hmm. 354 00:15:46,314 --> 00:15:49,069 Oh... yes. 355 00:15:49,094 --> 00:15:50,292 Sweet man. 356 00:15:52,068 --> 00:15:53,263 Oh... 357 00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,680 I feel so vital. 358 00:16:15,705 --> 00:16:16,905 Whoa! 359 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,115 How long have you been there? 360 00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,207 I don't know. 361 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,785 Just don't step on my face. 362 00:16:25,615 --> 00:16:26,250 Hey. 363 00:16:26,368 --> 00:16:26,934 Hey. 364 00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:27,607 Hey. 365 00:16:27,673 --> 00:16:28,306 Hey. 366 00:16:28,373 --> 00:16:29,138 Hey! 367 00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:29,829 Hey. 368 00:16:29,918 --> 00:16:30,551 Hey. 369 00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:32,301 Hey. 370 00:16:33,053 --> 00:16:34,797 We're going to Jessica's office. 371 00:16:34,921 --> 00:16:35,631 Cool. 372 00:16:35,752 --> 00:16:36,296 Cool. 373 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:37,295 Cool. 374 00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,183 Hey. 375 00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:45,119 Do you think we have a problem? 376 00:16:45,411 --> 00:16:47,617 Yeah, we have a problem. 377 00:16:48,117 --> 00:16:49,221 We're out. 378 00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:51,477 What? 379 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,332 There's a few drops left. 380 00:16:54,538 --> 00:16:56,931 Let's take it to the lab, make them duplicate it. 381 00:16:57,343 --> 00:17:00,101 Yeah, then we can have as much as we want 382 00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:02,471 for the rest of our lives. 383 00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:08,394 Oh, no. 384 00:17:09,243 --> 00:17:11,307 Look what happened. 385 00:17:17,386 --> 00:17:18,612 We're through with you. 386 00:17:18,679 --> 00:17:19,777 That's terrible. 387 00:17:19,844 --> 00:17:21,214 Ooh, I'm over it. 388 00:17:21,463 --> 00:17:24,005 You came between us like a wedge, you wedge woman. 389 00:17:24,161 --> 00:17:26,111 Whatever. Just give me your parking thingy 390 00:17:26,184 --> 00:17:27,517 and we'll get you out of here. 391 00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:30,049 You used your powers of sexual hotness 392 00:17:30,144 --> 00:17:31,225 to ruin our friendship. 393 00:17:31,264 --> 00:17:34,227 Yeah, like a succubus or a type-five demon. 394 00:17:34,294 --> 00:17:35,447 Okay, that's enough. 395 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,549 I didn't do anything. 396 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,396 I certainly didn't lead you on. 397 00:17:39,509 --> 00:17:41,960 This whole thing has been in your heads! 398 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,495 You love me, you hate me. Who cares? 399 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,654 Why don't you go find something 400 00:17:45,686 --> 00:17:48,622 to pierce or tattoo or inhale from a bag, 401 00:17:48,732 --> 00:17:50,963 but just leave me alone. 402 00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:56,995 That was so hot. 403 00:17:57,350 --> 00:17:59,030 I want her so bad again. 404 00:17:59,097 --> 00:18:00,752 Hey, didn't you hear what she said? 405 00:18:00,777 --> 00:18:02,755 She's not interested in you. 406 00:18:05,923 --> 00:18:08,751 Grandmothers should not be fornicating. 407 00:18:09,159 --> 00:18:10,091 Exactly. 408 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,879 The ancient pharaohs had it right. 409 00:18:12,954 --> 00:18:13,826 When they died, 410 00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:16,150 their wives were buried alive with them. 411 00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:17,641 The perfect answer 412 00:18:17,708 --> 00:18:20,248 for "You never take me anywhere." 413 00:18:20,625 --> 00:18:23,634 Okay, now you lost me, 'cause that's horrible. 414 00:18:23,955 --> 00:18:25,742 God didn't intend for women 415 00:18:25,809 --> 00:18:28,062 to enjoy physical pleasure, anyway. 416 00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:31,092 The female orgasm is a myth 417 00:18:31,159 --> 00:18:36,718 created by Marconi to sell his pocket vibrating machine. 418 00:18:37,336 --> 00:18:38,203 Look it up. 419 00:18:39,339 --> 00:18:41,022 Okay, that's just stupid. 420 00:18:41,131 --> 00:18:42,627 But is that what I sound like? 421 00:18:42,652 --> 00:18:44,675 Am I being that insensitive? 422 00:18:44,742 --> 00:18:48,671 Was Byron and my grandmother's relationship a beautiful thing? 423 00:18:48,738 --> 00:18:51,157 Once again, I needed another opinion. 424 00:18:51,647 --> 00:18:52,563 Ew! 425 00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:53,828 Thank you. 426 00:18:53,853 --> 00:18:54,936 Wait. 427 00:18:55,504 --> 00:18:58,059 This is the second time you've come into my office, 428 00:18:58,146 --> 00:19:00,091 asked my opinion, and then run away 429 00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:01,222 as soon as I've said "Ew." 430 00:19:01,455 --> 00:19:02,294 Thank you. 431 00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:03,628 Andy... 432 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,682 just because you and I find it hugely off-putting 433 00:19:06,763 --> 00:19:08,261 doesn't mean it's wrong. 434 00:19:08,437 --> 00:19:11,277 Your grandmother's having fun and that's her right. 435 00:19:11,590 --> 00:19:12,421 When I'm her age, 436 00:19:12,488 --> 00:19:15,538 I hope I can find somebody who will climb on board, 437 00:19:15,604 --> 00:19:18,002 take a look around, see if he recognizes anything, 438 00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:19,438 then start the ignition 439 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:22,450 and do me like the filthy little car I hope I am. 440 00:19:23,053 --> 00:19:23,849 Wow. 441 00:19:24,218 --> 00:19:25,951 What's with Jessica and cars? 442 00:19:26,846 --> 00:19:29,467 But maybe she did have a point about my grandmother-- 443 00:19:29,492 --> 00:19:31,704 Nana should have the right to do what she wants, 444 00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:34,474 because this is America, and America stands 445 00:19:34,499 --> 00:19:36,768 for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, 446 00:19:36,953 --> 00:19:39,715 and that means old ladies doing it. 447 00:19:42,656 --> 00:19:43,852 Okay, Byron, 448 00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,818 my grandma has a right to be happy, 449 00:19:45,843 --> 00:19:48,507 so I give you my blessing. 450 00:19:48,884 --> 00:19:51,366 Just... don't get her pregnant. 451 00:19:51,574 --> 00:19:53,906 I don't need another mom. 452 00:19:56,548 --> 00:19:58,508 Evelyn broke up with me. 453 00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,772 Yeah! 454 00:20:00,592 --> 00:20:01,931 I'm so sorry. 455 00:20:03,721 --> 00:20:05,965 What are my arms doing? 456 00:20:06,512 --> 00:20:11,534 Evelyn left me for that old guy I fought with across the hall. 457 00:20:12,151 --> 00:20:15,222 I can't compete with someone who has a guaranteed income 458 00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:17,078 for the rest of his life. 459 00:20:17,365 --> 00:20:18,726 Wow, poor Byron. 460 00:20:18,934 --> 00:20:19,959 What do you say 461 00:20:20,005 --> 00:20:22,279 when your friend's girlfriend leaves him for another guy? 462 00:20:22,549 --> 00:20:24,501 What a slut. 463 00:20:26,044 --> 00:20:29,365 Look, Byron, I want you to know 464 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,725 that I appreciate what you did for her. 465 00:20:32,205 --> 00:20:34,161 You got her to start living again. 466 00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:35,873 You got her out into the world. 467 00:20:36,008 --> 00:20:40,838 You know, she's a great gal, and we had a lot of fun. 468 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,502 Well, I know she had feelings for you, too. 469 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:48,296 Maybe she's just a woman who can't be tied down. 470 00:20:48,792 --> 00:20:52,187 Oh... I wouldn't say that. 471 00:20:55,632 --> 00:20:58,208 And so Byron and I worked out our differences. 472 00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,742 You don't need to see the details. 473 00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:02,795 Ah, what the hell? I'll show you. 474 00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:04,183 Oh... 475 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,699 I'm sorry!