1 00:00:02,225 --> 00:00:05,516 - Good morning, loved ones! - Nice outfit. 2 00:00:05,516 --> 00:00:08,933 Where's your giant, foam-rubber Wolverine head? 3 00:00:08,933 --> 00:00:11,350 Don't be silly. You can't get those anymore. 4 00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:13,766 Yes, I realize I am dressed up. 5 00:00:13,766 --> 00:00:17,058 But you see, to a Michigan fan, football is a religion. 6 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:20,933 And the Ohio State game, well, that's our Easter. 7 00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:23,641 - So that reminds me... - I like your clothes, Dad. 8 00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:25,933 - Thank you. - "I like your clothes, Dad." 9 00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:28,933 Guys, please. This is my one sacred day of the year. 10 00:00:28,933 --> 00:00:31,933 There's a sale on blue and gold body paint. 11 00:00:31,933 --> 00:00:35,808 You could smear it all over your body and watch the game in the nude. 12 00:00:35,808 --> 00:00:38,850 - Eww. - My people call it blue and maize. 13 00:00:38,850 --> 00:00:41,933 Not really good colors on you. You're more of a... 14 00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:43,558 I know, I'm more of a spring. 15 00:00:43,558 --> 00:00:46,433 A spring? Ha! You wish. He's such a winter. 16 00:00:46,433 --> 00:00:50,100 Back to the plan. I am commandeering the television set all day, 17 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:52,350 starting with the first pre-game show. 18 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:54,183 - Got it? - Yeah. Whatever. 19 00:00:54,183 --> 00:00:58,558 - [zapping on video game] - Rory, that means no video games. 20 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,891 You kidding? I don't wanna watch a violent sport like football. 21 00:01:03,058 --> 00:01:05,183 Hey, I killed 'em! I killed 'em all! 22 00:01:05,183 --> 00:01:06,933 Off! Off! 23 00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:11,225 Bridget, did you borrow my beige purse? 24 00:01:11,225 --> 00:01:14,391 Yeah, to go with my beige double-knit jumpsuit. 25 00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:17,850 Wow, very nice. 26 00:01:17,850 --> 00:01:21,516 You know, first grad school seminar. I want to make a good impression. 27 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:24,725 How? By turning on all the guys? I don't think so. 28 00:01:24,725 --> 00:01:29,850 You march upstairs, young lady, and don't come down until you look frumpy. 29 00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:32,516 Which I realize is virtually impossible. 30 00:01:32,516 --> 00:01:34,808 Come on, Paul, I'm nervous enough. 31 00:01:34,808 --> 00:01:37,141 I haven't set foot in a classroom in 16 years. 32 00:01:37,141 --> 00:01:39,766 - You're gonna do great. - Wow, 16 years. 33 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,891 That's like my entire life. 34 00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:46,933 I'm aware of that, Bridget. 35 00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:49,100 And there's a connection. 36 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:51,725 - Why are you dressed like that? - It's Easter. 37 00:01:51,725 --> 00:01:54,975 The Ohio State game. Why didn't you say something? 38 00:01:54,975 --> 00:01:58,266 Because you've been dreaming about your Master's forever. 39 00:01:58,266 --> 00:02:01,933 And, you know, it's not like I go to the game every year or anything. 40 00:02:01,933 --> 00:02:04,433 - Yes, you do. - Yes, I do, but, honey, 41 00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,308 you've been waiting for this day. 42 00:02:06,308 --> 00:02:08,600 I can raise these kids with my eyes closed. 43 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,933 You just leave out some food and crack the window a bit. 44 00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:14,391 Yet you cannot even put your dish in the sink? 45 00:02:14,391 --> 00:02:18,141 Handled. Kids, put my dish in the sink. See, I'm on fire. 46 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:22,266 I'm completely reassured. 47 00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:24,933 I have my cell phone if there's any problems. 48 00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:28,350 Like there's a fire and your dad won't get up or a pipe bursts 49 00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:30,641 and your dad won't get up. Or locusts... 50 00:02:30,641 --> 00:02:33,100 Locusts! I would get up for locusts. 51 00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,891 - I mean it, call me. - Not gonna happen. Here. 52 00:02:35,891 --> 00:02:39,266 OK, just make sure that Kerry doesn't mope around all day. 53 00:02:39,266 --> 00:02:42,600 Oh, and get Rory away from that video and out of the house. 54 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,433 No moping, no video games. No problem. 55 00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:47,183 Oh, and keep Bridget off the phone and out of the mall. 56 00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:49,391 I'm a man, not a miracle worker. 57 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:14,350 {\an8}[announcer on TV indistinct] 58 00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:17,100 {\an8}I'm bored. When's the game gonna be over? 59 00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:21,350 {\an8}Are you serious? It hasn't started yet. 60 00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:26,808 {\an8}I don't want you playing video games all day. You can't just sit and vegetate. 61 00:03:26,808 --> 00:03:29,183 {\an8}Yeah, Dad's already doing that. 62 00:03:29,183 --> 00:03:31,350 {\an8}And parenting. Now, come on everybody. 63 00:03:31,350 --> 00:03:33,391 {\an8}Quiet down. I want to watch the game. 64 00:03:33,391 --> 00:03:35,558 {\an8}Go outside and get some fresh air. 65 00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:37,391 {\an8}OK, I'll go ride my skateboard. 66 00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,350 {\an8}Go ride your skateboard. Be sure to wear your helmet 67 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:44,600 {\an8}and your elbow pads and your knee... At least I said it. 68 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,350 {\an8}Daddy, which do you like better? 69 00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:49,016 {\an8}I love all my children the same. 70 00:03:49,016 --> 00:03:52,350 {\an8}Oh, you mean the pants? Bridget, I'm trying to watch... 71 00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:55,516 {\an8}- You care what I think? - Take the fashion show outside. 72 00:03:55,516 --> 00:03:58,641 {\an8}Those of us who can are trying to read. 73 00:03:58,641 --> 00:04:01,350 {\an8}See, Kerry, it can matter how you dress. 74 00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:03,891 {\an8}- I mean, if you have hips. - You have zits? 75 00:04:03,891 --> 00:04:07,225 - No, no, I said hips. - Oh, you mean like childbearing hips. 76 00:04:07,225 --> 00:04:09,683 - Shut up! - Don't talk to your sister like that. 77 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,475 - You always take her side! - No, I don't. 78 00:04:11,475 --> 00:04:15,100 - Yeah, OK, you never take my side. - I take your side a lot. 79 00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,600 - Like all the time. - No, I don't. 80 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,350 Name one time you've taken my side. 81 00:04:21,558 --> 00:04:23,475 I have lots of times in my mind, 82 00:04:23,475 --> 00:04:26,350 but I'm not gonna dignify that with a response. 83 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,891 - I'm waiting. - OK, OK. The red ones. 84 00:04:28,891 --> 00:04:31,600 Finally. Dad likes these. They're perfect for you. 85 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,766 You know what, I hate you and your stupid red pants. 86 00:04:34,766 --> 00:04:37,058 Girls, don't kill each other! 87 00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:40,058 At least I said it. 88 00:04:43,141 --> 00:04:46,350 Check this out, Bear, they're recapping the '78 season. 89 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:49,100 My whole fraternity went to every game that year. 90 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,558 [groans] 91 00:04:56,141 --> 00:04:58,516 - Something wrong? - No. 92 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,350 Wow. 93 00:05:02,891 --> 00:05:05,808 Something's bothering you. What is it, Care Bear? 94 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:13,308 - I just saw this ad. - Hey, the Big Top's in town. 95 00:05:13,308 --> 00:05:16,141 Oh. My little girl wants to go to the circus, 96 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,141 but you're too embarrassed to ask. 97 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,766 Monkey. You want to see the monkeys. 98 00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:24,891 It's disgusting. 99 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:28,891 The way they treat circus animals is cruel and your paper is promoting it! 100 00:05:28,891 --> 00:05:31,016 - Uh-huh. - Dad! 101 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:34,558 God, you never care about what I care about! 102 00:05:34,558 --> 00:05:37,933 I do. And I'll care even more when this game's over. 103 00:05:37,933 --> 00:05:39,933 Unbelievable! 104 00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:43,350 God, you know, would it kill you to take the time to listen to me? 105 00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:46,725 Hey, I always have time to listen to you. Just not right now. 106 00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:49,100 [phone ringing] 107 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:51,891 - You're like the worst father ever. - I heard that. 108 00:05:51,891 --> 00:05:54,641 See, I do listen. 109 00:05:54,641 --> 00:05:57,350 - Hello? - Listen to who? 110 00:05:57,350 --> 00:06:00,141 Um... Kerry. We were just having a heart-to-heart. 111 00:06:00,141 --> 00:06:03,516 - [Kerry] Hate! Hate! Hate! - She says hi, hi, hi. 112 00:06:03,516 --> 00:06:06,183 - So how is everything? - Well, I just got here. 113 00:06:06,183 --> 00:06:09,975 I forgot to pick up my allergy medicine. Could you drop by the pharmacy? 114 00:06:09,975 --> 00:06:13,350 Oh, man. You know I hate buying that stuff. 115 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:16,641 No, no, no, it's really allergy medicine this time. 116 00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:21,391 OK, yeah, I'll get it for you, Cate. 117 00:06:21,391 --> 00:06:25,350 It's hard... You're breaking up now. Call me later, bye-bye. 118 00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:31,183 I'm studying with Courtney. Yes, I remembered my cell phone and, oh, I need $40. 119 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:34,350 You need $40 to study? No, no. No. 120 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,933 No, no, no, no, no. No mall today. 121 00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:39,141 - What gave it away? - The $40. 122 00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:43,266 Cupcake, I'm not inclined to let you go somewhere if you lie to me about it. 123 00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:47,558 - OK, can I go to the mall? - See, doesn't the truth feel better? 124 00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:50,808 No, you can't go. 125 00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:53,933 Dad, I promised Courtney. You asking me to go back on my word? 126 00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:57,350 I will, but that is such bad parenting. 127 00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:01,308 I don't have time to explain to you everything wrong with that statement. 128 00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:04,641 So you have this obsessive-compulsive need to shop? 129 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:09,141 OK. I'd like you to go pick up your mother's allergy medicine at the drugstore. 130 00:07:09,141 --> 00:07:11,600 Oh, Dad, grow up. Pick it up yourself. 131 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,350 No, it's really allergy medicine this time. 132 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,058 - Dad! - Come on, take it or leave it. 133 00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:19,766 Fine. Like I want to sit with Psycho Sister babbling 134 00:07:19,766 --> 00:07:22,141 about the poor unfortunate circus animals. 135 00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:25,808 I mean, God, maybe the bears wanna dance, OK? 136 00:07:25,808 --> 00:07:27,808 It beats catching fish with your hands. 137 00:07:27,808 --> 00:07:30,350 Bridget. Bye-bye, Bridget. 138 00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:36,641 - Kerry, sweetheart. - [announcer on TV] Holy Toledo, 139 00:07:36,641 --> 00:07:39,391 Henderson's got it at the 15, jukes to the 20! 140 00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:42,475 He's got some blocking down at the 30. 141 00:07:42,475 --> 00:07:45,100 Fumbles! Who's got the ball? 142 00:07:50,558 --> 00:07:53,350 - Kerry? Care Bear? - [Kerry] Go away! 143 00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:55,433 Honey, I just wanted to... 144 00:07:55,433 --> 00:08:00,183 [announcer on TV] I don't believe it! Michigan recovers! Michigan recovers! 145 00:08:03,641 --> 00:08:06,350 - You just wanted to what? - Talk. 146 00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,933 OK. What? 147 00:08:07,933 --> 00:08:10,808 Honey, if it'll make you feel any better, I'm sorry. 148 00:08:13,683 --> 00:08:15,141 For what? 149 00:08:17,933 --> 00:08:19,641 I don't know. 150 00:08:24,266 --> 00:08:27,141 [announcer on TV] Look out! And he's gone! 151 00:08:27,141 --> 00:08:30,100 Touchdown! Michigan goes back up on top! 152 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:32,141 Touchdown! Yes! Yes! 153 00:08:32,141 --> 00:08:35,558 - And there's a flag down on the play. - No! No, flag! 154 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,266 Dad, can I talk to you a minute? 155 00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:41,350 - Can't talk. - It's about sex. 156 00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:46,850 Do I have to break out the health book again? 157 00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:50,058 - If it's not too much trouble. - I thought we had this talk. 158 00:08:50,058 --> 00:08:54,683 You did. I'll never forget the giggling coming from his room. 159 00:08:54,683 --> 00:08:58,641 I couldn't help it. You should've seen the look on his face. 160 00:08:58,641 --> 00:09:01,850 - I'm not talking to you. - Ha! You just did. 161 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:06,100 So, what's on your mind, buddy? 162 00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:09,475 My body feels weird when I look at girls. 163 00:09:09,475 --> 00:09:14,683 - What's going on with me, Dad? - Well, it's a rough time, sport. 164 00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:16,933 I remember when I was 13. 165 00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:21,350 Boy, they had ads in the back of comic books on how to get girls 166 00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:25,683 through hypnosis and X-ray specs. 167 00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:28,975 Total rip-offs. Anyway... 168 00:09:28,975 --> 00:09:32,350 Level 12! I got to level 12! I've never been to level 12! 169 00:09:33,391 --> 00:09:35,766 What do you think you're doing? 170 00:09:35,766 --> 00:09:38,516 I'm just trying to take my mind off my problem. 171 00:09:40,016 --> 00:09:42,350 - Outside! - I'm sorry. 172 00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:44,766 God! 173 00:09:44,766 --> 00:09:47,891 [announcer] Oh, Singletary really puts a hurt on Temerit. 174 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:50,766 - Knocked his helmet clean off. - Total interference! 175 00:09:50,766 --> 00:09:54,558 [announcer 2] They better make sure his head's not still in there. [laughing] 176 00:09:54,558 --> 00:09:56,391 Shut up! Not funny. 177 00:09:56,391 --> 00:09:59,433 - [phone ringing] - Not gonna get that. 178 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,683 [Rory on machine] You've reached the Hennessys. 179 00:10:01,683 --> 00:10:04,766 If calling for Paul, Cate or Rory, please leave a message. 180 00:10:04,766 --> 00:10:08,100 If calling for Bridget or Kerry, you have the wrong number. 181 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,600 [man] This is Brenner's Drugs. 182 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,266 I'm calling for the parents of Bridget Hennessy. 183 00:10:12,266 --> 00:10:14,850 We're detaining her for shoplifting. 184 00:10:15,975 --> 00:10:20,433 [announcer on TV radio indistinct] 185 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:23,350 - How could you do this? - Dad, I... 186 00:10:23,350 --> 00:10:26,141 Don't even! Thank you for calling me and not the cops. 187 00:10:26,141 --> 00:10:27,683 She will never do this again. 188 00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:32,350 At least not here. Everybody on our wall of shame is permanently banned. 189 00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:35,516 - Dad, I swear... - Don't talk to me, you are in trouble. 190 00:10:35,516 --> 00:10:39,350 [announcer] That closes the door on the best half of football I've ever seen! 191 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:41,475 Big trouble. Come on. 192 00:10:45,475 --> 00:10:47,683 - Bridget! - I'm not talking about it! 193 00:10:47,683 --> 00:10:51,725 - You are talking about this. - What is the point? You've made up your mind I'm guilty. 194 00:10:51,725 --> 00:10:54,683 The pharmacist caught you taking lipstick! 195 00:10:54,683 --> 00:10:57,183 I would never buy lipstick at a drugstore. 196 00:10:58,183 --> 00:11:00,725 Nobody's accusing you of buying it. 197 00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:03,641 That's why your picture is up on their wall of shame. 198 00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:06,350 - I cannot believe you. I'm calling Mom. - And ruin her day? 199 00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:08,225 - Your day? - You've already done that. 200 00:11:08,225 --> 00:11:10,391 Dad, if you really want to apologize, 201 00:11:10,391 --> 00:11:13,725 write a column on your paper's pro-animal-cruelty stance. 202 00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:17,725 All they did was run an ad for children of all ages. 203 00:11:18,933 --> 00:11:21,141 I knew you wouldn't. I'm calling Mom. 204 00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:24,725 - Me first. - Does everyone have a cell phone? 205 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,725 - How much am I paying for these? - You get the phones free. 206 00:11:27,725 --> 00:11:29,850 I bet you do. No, you're not calling Mom. 207 00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:34,016 This is a very important day for her. We're not gonna make it any harder. 208 00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:35,933 OK. Are you gonna write the article or not? 209 00:11:35,933 --> 00:11:38,808 Kerry, I don't have time to deal with you right now. 210 00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:40,725 Oh, right, I forgot. 211 00:11:40,725 --> 00:11:44,016 I was caring about animals while you watched your football game. 212 00:11:44,016 --> 00:11:46,975 I am not watching the football game. It's about Bridget. 213 00:11:46,975 --> 00:11:49,933 Oh, I should have known. It's always about Bridget. 214 00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:52,891 Bridget's problems are always more important than mine. 215 00:11:52,891 --> 00:11:58,100 "Oh, my God, Daddy, my shoe strap broke! What do I do?" 216 00:11:59,725 --> 00:12:01,891 Bridget got busted for shoplifting. 217 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:05,350 She did? 218 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,808 I did not shoplift. And thanks for telling everyone my business! 219 00:12:08,808 --> 00:12:11,016 - Who shoplifted? - I did not! 220 00:12:11,016 --> 00:12:13,641 - I told you to go outside. - No way. 221 00:12:13,641 --> 00:12:17,725 People are gonna point and say, "There goes the shoplifter's brother." 222 00:12:17,725 --> 00:12:19,308 You are such a brat. 223 00:12:19,308 --> 00:12:22,058 - Bridget! Bridget, you get back here! - [phone rings] 224 00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,058 - Nobody move! - Stay inside, got it. 225 00:12:24,058 --> 00:12:27,725 - Nobody move? What's wrong? - Somebody was offsides. How ya doing? 226 00:12:27,725 --> 00:12:29,558 - Let me talk to her. - No, no, no. 227 00:12:29,558 --> 00:12:31,308 - No? - No, offsides again. 228 00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:33,391 The penalties are killing us. 229 00:12:33,391 --> 00:12:36,725 You're gonna hate prison. Everyone will dress like you. 230 00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:38,141 Stop it! 231 00:12:38,141 --> 00:12:41,100 Paul, what is going on? Do you need some help? 232 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:44,266 - Everything is fine. - Oh, good, because the people I'm with 233 00:12:44,266 --> 00:12:47,850 - want to go watch the rest of the game. - I'm having fun. You should. 234 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,266 Listen, everything is under control here. Bye, love you. 235 00:12:51,266 --> 00:12:54,683 - You are so out of control here. - I'm out of control? You are! 236 00:12:54,683 --> 00:12:58,725 - Are you gonna write the article? - I can't deal with this now. 237 00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:01,641 - As long as you're not watching the game... - Get outside! 238 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:06,100 That's a lovely outfit, Bridget. Where did you get it? 239 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:09,641 - You gave it to me. - Really? I've never seen it before in my life. 240 00:13:09,641 --> 00:13:11,725 Oh, I knew Mom put your name on the card! 241 00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:14,975 - I love how I'm on trial here. - How much time does it take 242 00:13:14,975 --> 00:13:16,350 to step into a store? 243 00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:18,725 Longer, if you actually pay for the item. 244 00:13:20,058 --> 00:13:21,766 You really think I would shoplift? 245 00:13:21,766 --> 00:13:24,516 Here it is. Poor little innocent Bridget. Know what? 246 00:13:24,516 --> 00:13:27,725 It's bad enough that you stole, but to stand there and lie to me about it. 247 00:13:27,725 --> 00:13:30,225 I thought you had more character than that. 248 00:13:30,225 --> 00:13:31,975 Fine! I don't care what you think. 249 00:13:31,975 --> 00:13:34,725 Bridget, come back! We're not done talking, young lady! 250 00:13:34,725 --> 00:13:35,891 [door slams] 251 00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:37,850 Go to your room! 252 00:13:39,975 --> 00:13:42,725 - Dad? - Kerry, I am on my knees. 253 00:13:42,725 --> 00:13:48,058 I really, really can't talk about circus animals right now. 254 00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:51,725 Do you really think Bridget would steal? 255 00:13:51,725 --> 00:13:54,725 I mean, there's a lot of bad things that you don't know about. 256 00:13:54,725 --> 00:13:58,183 There's a list as long as your arm. But stealing, it isn't one of them. 257 00:13:58,183 --> 00:14:01,391 - There's a list as long as my arm? - At least. But she... 258 00:14:01,391 --> 00:14:03,725 - So what's on the list? - I'm not telling you! 259 00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:05,725 Come on, just get me up to my wrist. 260 00:14:05,725 --> 00:14:07,725 See, that is exactly the problem. 261 00:14:07,725 --> 00:14:10,600 - You don't listen. - I don't listen? 262 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,683 I mean, God, that thing about the animals really upset me, 263 00:14:13,683 --> 00:14:16,016 but you ignore me, 'cause I'm the middle child. 264 00:14:16,016 --> 00:14:18,600 - Now, listen. Come on, Bridget... - Kerry! See! 265 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,600 I mean... I'm saying Bridget. 266 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,600 With her around here, it was like a three-ring circus. 267 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,725 - Dad! - Sorry, no circus, come here. Kerry. Kerry. 268 00:14:26,725 --> 00:14:30,058 I really do care about what's important to you. I always have. 269 00:14:30,058 --> 00:14:32,141 - Right. - No, come here, come here. 270 00:14:32,141 --> 00:14:33,558 Listen, honey. 271 00:14:37,766 --> 00:14:42,558 I know you've always loved animals. And I adore that about you. 272 00:14:42,558 --> 00:14:45,891 I remember when you were five, and you had just started to read, 273 00:14:45,891 --> 00:14:50,100 you came to me heartbroken and crying one day. 274 00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:54,725 You said, "Daddy, I just saw a sign on the corner and it said 'Last Dog.'" 275 00:14:54,725 --> 00:14:56,725 - Do you remember this? - Kind of. 276 00:14:56,725 --> 00:15:00,891 Anyway, you were sobbing because you thought there weren't going to be 277 00:15:00,891 --> 00:15:03,891 any more dogs. 278 00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:06,016 And I hugged you and I laughed. 279 00:15:06,016 --> 00:15:10,308 I said, "Honey, it didn't say 'Last Dog.' It said 'Lost Dog.'" 280 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:14,391 And then you started sobbing all over again. 281 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:17,308 Because he was lost. 282 00:15:17,308 --> 00:15:20,725 - You found him, right? - Yes, of course I did. 283 00:15:20,725 --> 00:15:23,600 That's what I said, didn't I? I said that I found him 284 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,558 and I'm sure he's still on that farm 285 00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:29,725 running and barking and playing with all the other little doggies. 286 00:15:31,225 --> 00:15:33,100 He's dead, isn't he? 287 00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:38,475 Well, by now. I mean, it was a long time ago! 288 00:15:39,141 --> 00:15:41,433 Oh, God. 289 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,850 Dad? 290 00:15:47,725 --> 00:15:51,725 How'd you get up there? Never mind. I don't even want to know. 291 00:15:51,725 --> 00:15:54,350 What is it, Rory? What could be so important? 292 00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:56,516 Bridget's crying. 293 00:16:03,725 --> 00:16:05,225 [knocking on door] 294 00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:08,350 Beach? 295 00:16:11,725 --> 00:16:13,725 Good idea, I'll start. 296 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,225 Honey, I'm... 297 00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:21,308 I'm sorry I accused you without listening to your side of the story. 298 00:16:21,308 --> 00:16:26,433 I guess it was the shock of seeing your picture up on that wall of shame. 299 00:16:26,433 --> 00:16:29,725 - That doesn't make it true. - I know. So why don't you... 300 00:16:29,725 --> 00:16:31,600 Tell me what really happened. 301 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,891 [sighs] 302 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:36,391 OK, well, me and Courtney stopped in cosmetics 303 00:16:36,391 --> 00:16:39,725 because if we had to do this thing for you, then we might as well have fun, 304 00:16:39,725 --> 00:16:42,933 and I've never found eye shadow that works with my combination skin. 305 00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:45,766 "Last all night color"? That is a laugh. I get it from Mom. 306 00:16:45,766 --> 00:16:48,558 - Is this leading to the picture? - Mm-hmm. 307 00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:51,141 So I looked and Courtney was stuffing a lipstick in her bag. 308 00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:54,516 I was stunned. "What are you doing?" And she's all, "Everybody does it." 309 00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:57,141 I'm all, "It's stealing." She's all, "You're a wuss." 310 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,933 - You're all... - I'm all, "No!" 311 00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:00,558 Finally I put it back myself, 312 00:17:00,558 --> 00:17:03,183 then she grabs it and stuffs it in her fake Fendi baguette 313 00:17:03,183 --> 00:17:06,308 and this clerk shows up and it turns into this ugly scene. 314 00:17:06,308 --> 00:17:08,850 So you didn't take the lipstick? 315 00:17:08,850 --> 00:17:11,725 No! Dad, it was coral. 316 00:17:11,725 --> 00:17:14,808 I can't wear coral. Look at me. Hello, I'm a summer. 317 00:17:14,808 --> 00:17:20,016 - That's all I needed to hear. - I mean peach, sure. Maybe tangerine too, but... 318 00:17:20,016 --> 00:17:22,516 I said that's all I needed to hear. 319 00:17:22,516 --> 00:17:26,058 Dad, I know you don't think I care about what you think of me, 320 00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:30,558 - but I really want you to trust me. - I do, Bridget, I really do. 321 00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:33,725 - So we're good now? - No. 322 00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,891 No? I said I believe you. 323 00:17:35,891 --> 00:17:39,725 Yeah, but you totally bailed on me. You dragged me out of that store. 324 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:43,683 I was totally humiliated. Like having my picture on the wall wasn't bad enough. 325 00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:45,433 - Dad? - What? 326 00:17:45,433 --> 00:17:47,725 It's happening again. 327 00:17:47,725 --> 00:17:50,725 My body's doing strange and wonderful things. 328 00:17:52,725 --> 00:17:55,058 - I'm so confused. - OK! Go play your video games. 329 00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:57,350 OK! Thanks, Dad! 330 00:17:59,058 --> 00:18:02,933 - Excuse me, I was here earlier. - You're the shoplifter's father. 331 00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:05,475 No. That was a mistake. She doesn't belong there. 332 00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:07,891 - Oh, none of them do. - My daughter is innocent. 333 00:18:07,891 --> 00:18:09,683 I know. They all are. 334 00:18:09,683 --> 00:18:11,891 Listen, pal, I've had a hard day. 335 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:16,350 I had to watch the game of the century on a two-inch television screen. 336 00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:19,475 It was the game of the century? No, wait, wait. 337 00:18:19,475 --> 00:18:22,725 Did you actually see my girl take the lipstick? 338 00:18:23,725 --> 00:18:25,725 Yeah, you heard me. Did you see it? 339 00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:29,433 You can't always catch 'em red-handed. And she gave me a lot of attitude. 340 00:18:29,433 --> 00:18:32,641 Try living with her. But that doesn't make her a criminal. 341 00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:35,141 - Take down the picture. - I think you'd better leave. 342 00:18:35,141 --> 00:18:40,058 I'm not leaving. You take the picture down or I will. 343 00:18:48,016 --> 00:18:51,225 - Bridgie, look what I have. - I gotta go. 344 00:18:51,225 --> 00:18:54,725 - Oh, you're the best. - I think I got it down before anybody saw it. 345 00:18:54,725 --> 00:18:56,808 Are you saying I don't look good? 346 00:18:56,808 --> 00:18:59,141 Bridget, I am trying my best here. 347 00:18:59,141 --> 00:19:02,141 I went to the pharmacy and I gave the clerk an earful. 348 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:06,266 - Please, meet me halfway. - I'll let you off the hook, on one condition. 349 00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:09,391 - Heather's having a party this weekend. - Parents or no parents? 350 00:19:09,391 --> 00:19:12,683 No parents, but Heather's responsible. Her cousin is a Marine. 351 00:19:12,683 --> 00:19:15,475 He'll be there with his buddies, so we'll be safe. 352 00:19:15,475 --> 00:19:19,683 I was worried, but as long as there's gonna be tons of Marines with school girls... 353 00:19:19,683 --> 00:19:21,433 - Have enough booze? - Thanks! 354 00:19:21,433 --> 00:19:24,016 - That was Daddy's way of saying no way. - Too late. 355 00:19:24,016 --> 00:19:28,058 Mom, how was class? Stay off the phone. I'm calling Heather. 356 00:19:28,058 --> 00:19:31,433 - Hi, I had such a great day! - Did ya? 357 00:19:34,683 --> 00:19:39,391 I was smart and I made new friends, and what about that game, huh? 358 00:19:39,391 --> 00:19:43,766 I don't usually watch football, and even I knew I was watching something special. 359 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,350 Yeah. I waited all year for it. 360 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:50,641 Well, I can see everything's pretty much the way I left it. 361 00:19:50,641 --> 00:19:54,725 It was a very challenging day, Cate. I must say, I rose to the challenge. 362 00:19:54,725 --> 00:19:57,600 I should be inducted into the Father Hall of Fame. 363 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,600 Father Hall of Fame and yet you couldn't put your dish in the sink. 364 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,100 I'm sorry, honey. I was very busy. 365 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:06,433 "Did you get my prescription?" she asked, 366 00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:08,725 knowing the answer: "No." 367 00:20:08,725 --> 00:20:12,808 Uh, your prescription. After all that. I'll go now. 368 00:20:12,808 --> 00:20:15,100 No, no, it's OK, I owe you for today. 369 00:20:15,100 --> 00:20:19,933 Get a head start putting that dish in the sink and I'll help when I get back. 370 00:20:19,933 --> 00:20:23,266 Cate, you don't happen to know the score of the game, do you? 371 00:20:23,266 --> 00:20:26,308 Oh, come on, Paul. 372 00:20:32,183 --> 00:20:33,558 Hennessy. 373 00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,475 Hennessy? 374 00:20:40,225 --> 00:20:41,558 Yeah. 375 00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:07,141 [man on TV] Stay tuned for complete game highlights 376 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,141 of today's game of the century. 377 00:21:09,141 --> 00:21:12,850 {\an8}Dad, this thing about Bridget and lipstick 378 00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:14,725 {\an8}started me thinking about animal testing. 379 00:21:14,725 --> 00:21:17,266 {\an8}They test cosmetics on rabbits, you know? 380 00:21:17,266 --> 00:21:21,058 {\an8}And that started me thinking about Mr. Wiggles. 381 00:21:21,058 --> 00:21:22,558 {\an8}I couldn't stand to think 382 00:21:22,558 --> 00:21:25,766 {\an8}if he was in a cage somewhere with lipstick on.