Captions by VITAC...
www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
CARTOON NETWORK
IT'S A CRAZY WORLD.
I THOUGHT I'D SEEN IT ALL... ALL
THE GROSS, YUCKY STUFF THAT
PEOPLE DO.
THAT'S MY JOB.
I'M A PRIVATE EYE.
I SEE THINGS.
BUT I WAS BLIND... BLIND TO THE
TRUTH.
AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO
SWEET.
THIS MORNING SEEMED LIKE A LONG
TIME AGO.
IT STARTED OUT LIKE ANY OTHER.
I WAS IN MY OFFICE, ENJOYING A
DELICIOUS SLICE OF
NURSE CLAIBORNE'S APPLE
CRUMBLE, WHEN SHE CAME IN.
HER VOICE WAS LIKE A THOUSAND
VIOLINS...
HOAGIE GILLIGAN!!
BEING PLAYED BY A MONKEY.
HER NAME WAS FANNY, BUT IF YOU
WERE SMART, YOU'D CALL HER
NUMBAH 86.
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN
MATH CLASS.
WHY ARE YOU IN THE JANITOR'S
CLOSET?
LET'S JUST CALL IT "MY
OFFICE," AND DETECTIVES ARE
ALWAYS DOING THE MATH IN THEIR
HEADS.
UGH!
YOU ARE NOT A DETECTIVE.
ARE TOO!
ARE NOT!
ARE TOO!
ARE NOT!
ARE... TOO.
ARE... NOT!
WHATEVER YOU SAY, BUT YOU
CAME IN HERE FOR A REASON.
A LOT OF KIDS OUT IN THE
HALLWAYS HAVEN'T MADE IT BACK TO
- THEIR CLASSROOMS, IF YOU CATCH - MY DRIFT.
- GIRL LIKE YOU MIGHT NEED MY - HELP.
WHAT I NEED IS PAPER TOWELS
FOR THE GIRLS' BATHROOM!
SURE YOU DO, TOOTS.
TOOTS!?
UH, I-I MEAN MA'AM...
UH, SIR... AAH!
[ PUNCHES CONNECTING ]
[ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ]
TOOTS...
[ HUFFS ] I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM
CALL ME THAT AGAIN.
FUNNY GIRL, THAT FANNY.
SHE TREATED ME LIKE GARBAGE, BUT
SHE DIDN'T FOOL ME.
SHE CAME IN HERE FOR A REASON.
WAS IT A CRY FOR HELP?
HE-E-E-E-E-LP!
MAYBE NOT, BUT THAT WAS.
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY GET BACK TO YOUR
CLASSES... NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
THE BIG-SHOT HALL MONITOR IS
JOE BALOOKA.
HE'S BEEN ON THE FORCE AS LONG
AS ANYONE CAN REMEMBER.
- JOE'S A BAD COP AND A WORSE - FRIEND.
I SHOULD KNOW.
I WAS HIS PARTNER BEFORE I
SIGNED UP WITH THE KIDS NEXT
DOOR.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW, JOE?
HOAGIE GILLIGAN?
I THOUGHT I TOLD ALL CIVILIANS
TO GO BACK TO CLASS.
THAT MEANS YOU.
JUST THOUGHT I'D KEEP YOU
COMPANY.
YOU KNOW, FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE.
[ CHOMPING ] HMM.
- SUIT YOURSELF, BUT IT AIN'T - PRETTY.
A COUPLE OF KIDS HEARD THE
SCREAM AND ALERTED THE OFFICE.
THIS IS WHAT WE FOUND.
PINKEYE.
YEP.
SOMEBODY'S BEEN LOADING THEIR
WATER BALLOONS WITH THE STUFF.
POOR NUMBAH 86.
YOU KNOW THE VICTIM?
SHE WAS IN MY OFFICE FIVE
MINUTES AGO.
WAS SHE, NOW?
LISTEN, JOE, DON'T TRY
PINNING THIS ON ME.
GANGWAY!
YOW!
OH, MY.
WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THAT?
POOR DEAR'S CASE IS SPREADING.
NOW, DON'T YOU WORRY,
LITTLE MISSY, NURSE CLAIBORNE
KNOWS JUST WHAT TO DO WITH YOU.
HIYA, MISS CLAIBORNE... GOOD
BATCH OF CRUMBLE THIS WEEK.
WELL, HEY THERE, HOAGIE.
- I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BACK ON - THE FORCE.
JUST DOING SOME PRIVATE EYE
WORK.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU, BUT YOU
BETTER BE CAREFUL NOW.
YOU DON'T WANT YOUR P.I. TO TURN
INTO PINKEYE.
[ GIGGLES ]
[ GIGGLES ] GOOD ONE, MISS C.
WELL, YOU BOYS HAVE A GOOD
DAY.
I'VE GOT TO SEE TO FANNY HERE.
THIS MUST BE THE THIRTEENTH CASE
THIS WEEK.
A BAKER'S DOZEN OF VICTIMS,
EH?
DEPARTMENT'S SLIPPING, JOE.
YOU STOW IT, GILLIGAN.
- I'VE ALREADY RESCINDED ALL HALL - PASSES.
NO ONE'S ALLOWED IN THE HALL
EXCEPT ME.
IS THAT SO, JOE?
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE,
GILLIGAN.
YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON TO SEE
THE VICTIM, WHICH MAKES YOU THE
PRIME SUSPECT.
MAKE ME ANGRY, AND I'LL TOSS YOU
INTO DETENTION SO HARD, YOU'RE
GOGGLES WILL SPIN.
[ CHOMPS ]
[ GIGGLES ]
SEE YOU AROUND, JOE.
I RATTLED JOE'S CAGE, NOW I HAD
TO GO BACK AND DO THE MATH.
WHO WAS WATER-BALLOONING KIDS
WITH PINKEYE?
HOW'D THEY GET THEIR MITTS ON
PINKEYE MUCUS?
THAT STUFF'S NOT EASY TO COME
BY.
WHAT WAS THE CONNECTION BETWEEN
THE VICTIMS AND WHY... WHY WAS I
ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?
IT WAS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
HUH!?
MY OFFICE!
MY CRUMBLES!
NOW IT WAS MY BUSINESS.
THERE IS A CONNECTION BETWEEN
THE VICTIMS.
THEY'D ALL BEEN IN THE HALLS
WITHOUT A PASS.
BUT THE PERPS ALWAYS ELUDED JOE.
NOW, JOE'S A JERK, BUT HE'S NOT
THAT BAD OF A COP.
THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME.
UGH!
THAT WAS LIKE HAVING
MUFFY JENKINS AS A LAB
PARTNER...
TOO CLOSE.
[ PANTING ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ PANTING CONTINUES ]
LOST HIM.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW, JOE?
UH, HOAGIE [ CHUCKLES ]...
I-I-I WAS JUST, UH...
I'M LOOKING FOR THE GUY THAT
SHOT AT YOU.
YOU'VE BEEN EATING TOO MANY
CRUMBLES, JOE.
YOUR AIM IS SLIPPING.
YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND,
HOAGIE...
OH, I UNDERSTAND, ALL RIGHT.
I WAS NOSING AROUND, AND YOU
THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME THE EYE.
YOU'RE MORE CROOKED THAN A FRONT
TOOTH WITHOUT BRACES.
I HAD NO CHOICE.
THIS IS BIGGER THAN YOU KNOW.
IT'S BIGGER THAN ME.
IT'S... WELL, IT'S NOT AS BIG AS
YOU, BUT IT'S BIG.
JOE, JOE, JOE...
YOU'RE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO YOUR
HALL-MONITOR UNIFORM.
NOW, SPILL IT!
OKAY, OKAY, I'LL SING.
IT'S... AAH!
[ GASPS ]
FREEZE!
JOE, SPEAK TO ME.
BLECH!
HOLD ON, JOE.
I'LL GET YOU TO THE NURSE'S
OFFICE.
EASY, JOE, EASY.
DON'T WORRY, PAL.
I WON'T LEAVE A FRIEND IN THE
LURCH.
YEAH, CALL ME A SOFTIE, BUT I
GUESS JOE AND ME WOULD ALWAYS BE
FRIENDS.
NURSE CLAIBORNE!
WE GOT ONE HECK OF A CASE HERE!
OH, ME-OH-MI!
POOR JOEY.
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT AN EPIDEMIC ON
OUR HANDS.
HOAGIE, DEAR, WHY DON'T YOU HELP
YOURSELF TO A CRUMBLE WHILE I
DEAL WITH JOEY?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
SO, WHAT'S THE DIAGNOSIS, DOC?
CAN YOU DO ANYTHING FOR HIM?
OH, NOW, I WOULDN'T WORRY.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO WITH
HIM.
HEY... WHERE'S FANNY, AND
WHERE ARE THE OTHER PINKEYE
CASES?
OH, UM... WELL...
TH-TH-THEY'RE IN THE OTHER ROOM.
BUT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE
THEM, DEARIE.
YOU MIGHT GET INFEC..TUCATED.
YEAH, WELL, I WOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT ME.
OH, UM...
HOAGIE!
UH...
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE ALL
THOSE CRUMBLES OVER THERE AND
JUST GO?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
WHY, SURE, NURSE CLAIBORNE,
AFTER I SEE YOUR PATIENTS.
NO!
HUH?
YOU... YOU'RE USING EYE CRUST...
AS A TOPPING FOR MY
WORLD-FAMOUS CRUMBLE SURPRISE!
SO THAT MEANS I'VE BEEN
EATING...
EWWWW!!
BLECH!
OHH!
BLEGH!
AH!
EW, EW, EW!
[ SHUDDERS ]
BLEGH!
THAT IS SERIOUSLY GROSS, LADY!
MAYBE, BUT IT'S ALSO
BRILLIANT!
I HAVE MADE MILLIONS IN BAKE
SALES, AND I DON'T INTEND TO
STOP NOW, WHICH BRINGS UP THE
QUESTION OF HOW TO DISPOSE OF
YOU.
CAN WE JUST GO BACK TO HOW
TOTALLY DISGUSTING THIS IS?!
I MEAN, I'M LUCKY I DIDN'T JUST
HAVE LUNCH!
EWW!
SHUT UP!
JUST TAKE YOUR WATER-BALLOON
PISTOL OUT OF YOUR HOLSTER...
YIEEE!
HUH?
[ MOANS ]
WAY TO GO, JOE!
YOU!
I'LL FINISH YOU ONCE AND FOR
ALL!
AAH!
IT'S OVER, LADY.
- I JUST CALLED THE KIDS NEXT - DOOR.
THEY'LL BE HERE ANY SECOND TO
CLEAN UP YOUR WHOLE SUPERGROSS
OPERATION.
YOU...
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME!
[ GASPS ]
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE...
NO!
ME!
[ MOANS ]
WHOA.
[ CACKLES ] YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
THE LAST OF ME, YOU BRAT!
WHOO-HOO!
[ LAUGHS ]
SO THAT WAS THAT.
NURSE CLAIBORNE ESCAPED.
THE KIDS NEXT DOOR RELEASED THE
VICTIMS AND CURED THEM OF THEIR
PINKEYE.
JOE HAD BEEN GETTING HIS CRUMBLE
FREE IN EXCHANGE FOR SUPPLYING
THE NURSE WITH A STEADY STREAM
OF INFECTED KIDS.
JOE CLAIMED HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
THEY WERE BEING USED FOR, AND I
BELIEVE HIM.
JOE'S NOT THAT SMART.
KIDS NEXT DOOR GLOBAL COMMAND
ASSIGNED NUMBAHS 41 AND 43 TO
TRACK DOWN NURSE CLAIBORNE.
THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD...
THEY'LL NEED TO BE TO CATCH HER.
THAT LEFT JUST ONE QUESTION...
WHAT TO DO WITH THESE CRUMBLES.
LIKE IS SAID, IT'S A CRAZY
WORLD.
SO, IF THE CRUMBLE TOPPING
WAS EYE CRUST, WHAT WAS THE
FILLING?
AH-CHOO!
KIDS NEXT DOOR
R.O.L.L.A.S.K.A.T.E....
ROLLING OBJECT LAUNCHES LARD AND
SLIMY KETCHUP AROUND, TOTALLY
EXCESSIVELY.
Both: HUH?
UGH!
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
[ MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY ]
HI-YA!
THE KIDS NEXT DOOR EMERGENCY
ASSAULT SQUAD HAS ARRIVED.
WHAT IS THE NATURE OF YOUR
EMERGENCY?
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
THE RIDE'S ABOUT TO START.
All: RIDE?
Both: THE BEST RIDE IN
RAINBOW MONKEY HAPPY SUGAR LAND!
HEY!
YOU KIDS HAVE TO BUY TICKETS IF
YOU WANNA ENTER THE AMUSEMENT...
PARK.
OW!
YOU USED THE KIDS NEXT DOOR
EXTRA PRIORITY SUPER ALERT TO
GET US TO GO ON A STUPID RIDE
WITH YOU AND YOUR SISTER?
IT'S NOT A STUPID RIDE!
IT'S THE RAINBOW MONKEY
SUGARCOATED KASTLE OF LOVE...
RIDE.
AND IT COSTS TWO TICKETS TO
R...
OW!
THE KIDS NEXT DOOR SUPER
ALERT IS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY,
NOT WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON A
KIDDIE RIDE, SO GET OUT OF THAT
STUPID BOAT, AND LET'S GET BACK
TO THE TREEHOUSE, NUMBAH 3.
NO!
I WANNA GO ON THE SUGARCOATED
CASTLE OF LOVE WITH MY SISTER!
AND IF YOU DON'T WANNA GO, THEN
WHO NEEDS YOU?
HMM!
- WHATEVER, JUST DON'T CALL US - AGAIN.
NOW, WHICH WAY IS THE EXIT IN
THIS BLASTED PLACE?
SERIOUSLY, GUYS, I'M REALLY
GONNA NEED T...
OW!
OW, I BIT MY CHEEK.
Both: WHA...
WHOA!
OOH!
AH!
ROMEO, ROMEO, WHERE ART
THOU LOVE AND KISSES,
RAINBOW-MONKEY ROMEO?
Both: YAY!
WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER
WINDOW BREAKS.
WHY, IF IT ISN'T PRETTY PRINCESS
RAINBOW-MONKEY JULIET.
Both: AW.
BUT I CANST NOT MARRY THEE,
FOR THINE FATHER IS THE
COUNT DO-NOT-VERY-NICE, WHO
HATES ALL PRETTY PRINCESS
RAINBOW MONKEYS.
Both: WAAAAAA!
BUT THE COUNT IS NOT MY
FATHER.
HE IS MY THIRD UNCLE'S THIRD
COUSIN AND THRICE REMOVED.
Both: THEN THAT MEANS...
♪ RAINBOW MONKEYS
♪ THERE'S WEDDING BELLS NOW, AND
THAT'S SO LOVELY ♪
- ♪ FILLED WITH LOVE THE REST OF - THEIR LIVES ♪
♪ THEY'LL BE MONKEY MAN AND
RAINBOW WIFE ♪
♪ OH, RED AND YELLOW
♪ AND GREEN AND BLUE
♪ RAINBOW MONKEYS
♪ SAY "I DO"
IT'S LIKE A DREAM DIPPED IN
SPARKLES COME TRUE.
[ SIGHS ] IT'S MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN LOVE AND RAINBOWS AND...
AAH!
WELL, DUCKS ARE CUTE, BUT I
DON'T...
AAH!
[ GASPS ]
WE MEET AGAIN, FAIR PRINCESS.
KING SANDY HAS BEEN SEARCHING
EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, AND HE
COMMANDS THAT YE AND HE BE
MARRIED.
YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?
NO!
BUT THAT KNIGHT SAID...
IT'S A LONG STORY, OKAY?
AAH!
Both: WHOA!
AFTER THE PRINCESS!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE
GETTING MARRIED TO A REAL KING!
SANDY'S NOT A REAL KING.
HE'S JUST A CRAZY KID WHO'S
ALWAYS TRYING TO MARRY ME.
HOW ROMANTIC!
I'VE GOT TO CALL THE OTHERS
FOR HELP.
LOOK... WE'VE PASSED
CARING-AND-SHARING MOUNTAIN
THREE TIMES NOW.
THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO THE EXIT!
WELL, WHEN WE WENT YOUR WAY,
WE ENDED UP WALKING THROUGH THE
PRETTY-PILE-OF-PUPPIES'-POO-POO
PAGODA.
- [ BEEPING ] - HUH?
IT'S THE KIDS NEXT DOOR SUPER
ALERT.
GUYS, YOU GOTTA GET OVER HERE
QUICK!
YEAH, THERE'S GONNA BE A
WEDDING IN THE CASTLE OF LOVE!
NUMBAH 3, I TOLD YOU THAT
SUPER ALERT IS FOR EMERGENCIES
ONLY!
BUT...
END TRANSMISSION, NUMBAH 3.
NUMBAH 1?
OH, NO!
HI, ROMANTIC GUY!
MUSHI, YOU'VE GOT TO FIND THE
OTHERS AND TELL THEM I NEED
HELP!
GOOD IDEA... A WEDDING
DOESN'T PLAN ITSELF, YOU KNOW.
JUST GET THEM!
WHOO!
PBHT!
NOW, DON'T YOU LOVEBIRDS RUN OFF
AND ELOPE!
[ GIGGLES ]
SHEESH... WHAT AN AIRHEAD!
WHOA!
AAAAAAAAAHH!
[ GROANING ]
AAH!
TEEN-DREAM-FASHION...
RAINBOW MONKEY!?
[ GASPS ]
SPRINKLE-KISSES-BACON-BONANZA
RAINBOW MONKEY!?
AAH!
POSSUM-CHASING-MAULING-FUN
RAINBOW MONKEY!?
[ SOBBING LOUDLY ]
HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO CRUEL?
HUH?
AH, PRINCESS, I HOPE YOUR
ACCOMMODATIONS ARE TO YOUR
LIKING.
WHY, SANDY?!
WHY ARE YOU...
TORTURING THESE INNOCENT RAINBOW
MONKEYS?
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
I NEED TO INSURE THAT MY
MOST PERFECT WEDDING TO THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS IN THE ENTIRE
KINGDOM GOES UNINTERRUPTED THIS
TIME.
AW, THAT'S SO SWEET.
BUT I'M NOT MARRYING YOU,
MR. "I'M PRETENDING TO BE A KING
BUT I'M REALLY A BIG STUPID
HEAD"!
I TOLD YOU THE KING DOES NOT
PRETEND!
AND YOU WILL MARRY ME OR...
YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO "PRETEND"
THESE RAINBOW MONKEYS NEVER GOT
DIPPED IN SCALDING-HOT NACHO
CHEESE!
[ GASPS ] YOU WOULDN'T!
I WOULD!
YOU CAN'T.
I CAN.
[ SNIFFLES AND SOBS ]
YOU...
OH...
YOU WIN.
JUST PROMISE ME YOU'LL LET THEM
GO.
ANYTHING FOR MY RAVISHING
FIANCéE.
PREPARE THE PRINCESS FOR THE
ROYAL WEDDING!
All: PREPARE THE PRINCESS!
[ GROWL ]
BUT KUKI SAID YOU HA-A-VE TO
CO-O-O-O-ME!
OR WHAT... WE'LL MISS BEING
HUGGED TO DEATH IN MISS PEACHY'S
PANDA PARLOR?
[ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA
COME SEE KUKI GET MARRIED TO
KING SANDY, THEN I'LL JUST GO
ALL BY MYSELF!
WHATEVER!
All: KING SANDY!?
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE LIKE,
TOTALLY GATHERED HERE TODAY TO
JOIN THIS LITTLE DUDE AND THIS
PRINCESS DUDETTE IN TOTAL,
PERMANENT MARRIEDNESS.
IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO DOES NOT
THINK THAT THIS ISN'T, LIKE, THE
RADDEST THING EVER, LET THEM
SPEAK NOW OR...
[ MUSHI CRYING ]
WHAT NOW!?
SHE CAN'T MARRY YOU BECAUSE
YOUR FATHER IS THE
COUNT DO-NOT-VERY-NICE, WHO
HATES ALL PRETTY PRINCESS
RAINBOW MONKEYS...
JUST LIKE IN THE PRETEND STORY.
THE KING DOES NOT PRETEND!!
WHAT TO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT
PRETENDING?
YOU CAN'T REALLY MARRY HER.
SHE'S, LIKE, 10 YEARS OLD!
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S
IT!
THROW THIS WEDDING CRASHER IN
THE DUNGEON FOREVER!
[ ALL GROWL ]
EEK!
KUKI, COME ON!
WHAA!
AAH!
KUKI... [ GIGGLES ] THAT WAS
EVEN BETTER THAN THE PRETEND
STORY!
[ GROWLS ]
OKAY, YOU FIANCéE-NAPPER, YOU
ARE...
[ BREATHES HEAVILY ]
BEAU-TI-FUL!
REALLY?
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS
IN THE KINGDOM!
WELL, I AM A LOT CUTER THAN
MY SISTER.
HEY!
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO...
AH, PIPE DOWN, GRANNY.
UHH!
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, BUB.
I'M NOT... WHOA!
- [ SCREAMING ] - UGH!
YAA!
STEP AWAY FROM THE GIRL.
THAT WAS SO ROMANTIC!
MY LADY...
- [ GROWLS ] - WHOA!
UGH!
[ GRUMBLING ]
HEY... DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME?
I SAID...
SANDY, IT'S LUNCHTIME!
CAN I BRING MY NEW PRETTY
GIRLFRIEND?
UHH!
OKAY, BUT DON'T FORGET YOUR
COUSINS.
All: ALL RIGHT! YEAH!
[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]
MAN, THAT SANDY'S GOT WEIRD
TASTE IN GIRLS.
[ GRUNTS ]
UH-OH.
OW!
WHAT DID YOU HIT ME FOR?
NOTHIN'.
5... 4... 3... 2... 1.
♪ KIDS NEXT DOOR
[ ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO ]
♪ KIDS NEXT DOOR
5...
4...
3...
2...
1.
♪ KIDS NEXT DOOR
[ ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO ]
♪ KIDS NEXT DOOR
5... 4... 3... 2... 1.