Captions by VITAC...
www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
CARTOON NETWORK
- AS YOU ALL KNOW, THE
DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN FROM DOWN
- THE LANE'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING - UP.
- All: BLAGH! BOO!
- AND THAT MEANS THEY'LL HAVE A
BIRTHDAY CAKE THAT'S EVEN MORE
- TASTYLICIOUS THAN THE LAST - ONE...
- YEAH! WHOO!
- WHICH THEY WON'T SHARE
WITH ANYONE.
- BLAGH! BOO!
- BUT THE KIDS NEXT DOOR ARE
GOING TO STOP THEM.
- YEAH! WHOO-HOO!
- AND THAT'S WHY TOMORROW,
WE'RE GOING TO USE OUR SUPER,
ULTIMATE, BEST PLAN EVER TO GET
THAT CAKE!
- UM, DID YOU SAY TOMORROW?
- YES.
TOMORROW'S THE DELIGHTFUL
CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY, SO TOMORROW
WE HAVE TO GET THAT CAKE.
- UH, CAN'T... TOMORROW'S
TOOBATHON.
- YEAH! WHOO!
- YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
YOU'D RATHER GO ON THAT STUPID
INNER TUBE RIVER RACE THAN ON A
MISSION?
- WELL, DUH!
THIS IS THE YEAR THAT ME AND
BETSY TAKE HOME FIRST PLACE!
- BETSY?
- ARE YOU STILL USING THAT OLD - PATCHED-UP EXCUSE FOR AN INNER
TUBE?
- IT WOULD BE WISE NOT TO MAKE
FUN OF BETSY.
- [ LAUGHS ]
IT'D BE WISE FOR YOU TO GET A
REAL TUBE, SO YOU DON'T COME IN
DEAD-LAST PLACE LIKE YOU DO
EVERY YEAR! [ LAUGHS ]
IN FACT, IT'D BE WISE FOR ALL OF
YOU TO KEEP OUT OF ME AND
TUBEZILLA'S WAY THIS YEAR!
- EXCUSE ME.
AND HOW ARE YOU GONNA BEAT ME?
- YOU!?
YOU COULDN'T TUBE YOUR WAY
ACROSS A BATHTUB!
- OH, YEAH, MISTER CONCRETE
SHORTS?
YOU CAN BARELY EVEN SWIM.
- YOU WANT TO SEE TUBING?
I'LL SHOW YOU TUBING!
[ ALL ARGUING ]
- STOP IT!
YOU GUYS SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF
YOURSELVES, FIGHTING LIKE THAT.
THAT'S NOT WHAT TOOBATHON IS
ABOUT.
IT'S ABOUT THE LOVE OF THE
SPORT.
IT'S ABOUT THE SACRED TRADITIONS
OF SUMMERTIME.
IT'S ABOUT ME LEAVING YOU
SLOW-POKE LOSERS IN THE DUST!
- WOULD YOU GUYS...
[ BEEPING ]
- WARNING... INCOMING
PROJECTILE.
- LOOK OUT!
- Together: [Monotone] HELLO,
KIDS NEXT DOOR.
I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL VERY BUSY
PLANNING A MISSION TO STEAL OUR
UNBELIEVABLY DELICIOUS BIRTHDAY
CAKE.
WELL, FORGET IT!
THIS YEAR, WE'RE GIVING IT AWAY.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
WHAT DID YOU DO, LICK IT FIRST?
- NOT A BAD IDEA.
BUT WE ASSURE YOU, THIS YEAR'S
CAKE WILL BE THE MOST
YUMMYLICIOUS EVER.
AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET
IT IS WIN TOOBATHON.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING,
DELIGHTFUL DRIPS!
WE'LL WIN THAT CAKE AND MAKE
SURE EVERYONE GETS A PIECE
EXCEPT YOU.
- SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
WHEN I WIN TOOBATHON, I'M
GONNA EAT THE WHOLE CAKE IN ONE
BITE.
- THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GONNA
BE EATING IS NUMBUH 5'S WAKE.
[ ALL ARGUING ]
- GOOD LUCK, KIDS NEXT DUMB.
[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND
INNER TUBE ENTHUSIASTS
EVERYWHERE... IT HAPPENS ONCE A
YEAR.
THE CHANCE FOR ONE KID, ONE
TUBER, ONE TRUE COMPETITOR TO
WIN THE TUBE RACE THAT ALL OTHER
TUBE RACES ASPIRE TO BE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT TOOBATHON,
AN ANYTHING-GOES RACE MADE ALL
THE SWEETER THIS YEAR BY THE
DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN'S OFFERING
OF THEIR SUPERLICIOUS BIRTHDAY
CAKE AS FIRST PRIZE.
A RACE THAT ANYONE CAN WIN.
ANYONE EXCEPT
HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN.
- HEY!
LISTEN, YOU.
MY DAD TAUGHT ME A WORD THAT THE
GERMANS USE THAT DESCRIBES JUST
WHAT THIS RACE IS ABOUT.
NO FANCY TRICKS, NO GIMMICKS,
JUST THE PERFECT MELDING BETWEEN
KID AND TUBE, INTO ONE PERFECT
RACING MACHINE.
AND THAT WORD IS...
FARFEGTUBING!
SO, SET THE TABLE AT THE FINISH
LINE, CHUMP, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE
YOU'LL BE EATING YOUR WORDS!
- FARFEGTUBING, INDEED.
INSPIRING WORDS FROM A KID WHO
HASN'T A CLUE.
- MAN, LET'S GET THIS TUBE
STARTED!
- GREETINGS, FELLOW
COMPETITORS... AH!
- LOOK AT THAT THING.
YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SMELL HOW
BAD IT IS.
- [ LAUGHS ] I DON'T GET YOU,
NUMBUH 2.
YOU COULD BUILD THE COOLEST,
FASTEST TUBE EVER.
BUT YOU JUST KEEP USING THAT OLD
THING.
- YEAH, YOU'LL NEVER WIN THE
CAKE RIDING THAT.
- I TOLD YOU, IT'S NOT ABOUT
THE CAKE.
MY DAD WON THE VERY FIRST
TOOBATHON AND EVERY SINGLE RACE
AFTER IT, USING BETSY.
HE PROVED THAT REAL TUBING IS
ABOUT THE TRUST BETWEEN YOU AND
YOUR TUBE.
- IT'S ABOUT... - ATTENTION, ALL TOOBATHON
TUBERS!
PLEASE, APPROACH THE STARTING
LINE.
- NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
BETSY AND I HAVE A DATE
WITH DESTINY.
ALL RIGHT, BETSY, LET'S DO THIS
THING.
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT A PATHETIC PIECE OF FLABBY
GARBAGE THAT IS.
- YOU WON'T BE LAUGHING AT MY
TUBE AT THE VICTORY PARTY,
DELIGHTFUL DORKS.
- TUBE?
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU!
[ ALL LAUGH ]
- TUBERS AND COMPETITORS,
ARE YOU READY TO RACE?
- All: YEAH!
- THEN, ON YOUR MARKS...
GET SET...
AND...
- HEY!
THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED TO START
.0347 SECONDS EARLY.
- OH, WE'RE SORRY.
LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN.
ON YOUR MARKS...
GET SET...
BYE-BYE!
- OH!
- FARFEGTUBING!
- [ ALL CHEERING ]
- WHOO-HOO!
YEE HAW!
AHH!
OH, SURE.
I COULD'VE BUILT ONE THAT FLIES,
BUT I'VE GOT SOMETHING BETTER.
I'VE GOT FARFEG...
[ SPUTTERING ]
WHOA!
HA HA!
VICTORY, HERE WE COME!
- [ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
MAKE WAY FOR TUBEZILLA, LOSERS!
HEY, EGG BOY, YOUR THREE MINUTES
ARE UP!
[ LAUGHS ]
♪ LA LA LA LA-LA LA LA
♪ LA LA-LA LA LA
HUH?
- OUT OF THE WAY, GIRLY GIRL!
'CAUSE TUBEZILLA'S ON THE
RAMPAGE!
- [ GASPS ]
- [ LAUGHS ]
- AAAAH!
OOH!
- NO!
- WAAAHH!
AAH! [ GASPING ]
OH, NO!
NO!
- BYE!
- NOOOOO!
- TARGET ACQUIRED.
PULL CANON.
LOCKED ON TARGET.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
LOCK ON ME.
HUH.
UH!
HYAH!
BETTER DUCK.
HYAH!
AND THAT IS HOW YOU...
WHOA! [ COUGHS ]
HEY!
- YOU GONNA STAND THERE DOING
NOTHING, OR YOU WANT TO WIN SOME
CAKE?
[ LAUGHS ]
- OH.
- WOW! WEE! [ LAUGHS ]
- NUMBUH 3, OVER HERE.
HELP!
YOU'VE GOT TO SAVE ME!
- I CAN'T SHAVE YOU RIGHT NOW,
MISTER OLD MAN.
I'M RACING.
- KUKI!
IT'S ME, NUMBUH 4!
- NICE TUBE.
- [ GIGGLES ] I DECORATED IT
MYSELF.
- REALLY?
MAYBE YOU AND I COULD GET
TOGETHER AFTER THE RACE AND
SHARE SOME DECORATING TIPS.
- HEY!
- THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
- HEY, YOU GET AWAY FROM HER,
YOU FLY BOY!
- WALLABE BEETLES, STRANDED ON
AN ISLAND CALLED "HEARTACHE."
A LOSER IN TUBING, AND A LOSER
IN LOVE.
- LOVE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HEY! COME BACK HERE!
GET ME OFF THIS ISLAND!
[ Crying ] DON'T MAKE ME SWIM!
- AND WHAT OF THE DELIGHTFUL
CHILDREN FROM DOWN THE LANE?
WITH THEIR BATTLESHIP LOST,
ALONG WITH MOST OF THEIR HAIR,
HOW CAN THEY EVER HOPE TO WIN
THIS RACE?
- WE'RE OUT OF THE RACE.
- EXCELLENT.
THEN I'LL START WHIPPING UP YOUR
BIRTHDAY CAKE.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
- NIGEL UNO AND
ABIGAIL LINCOLN, YOU HAVE COME
VERY FAR IN THIS RACE.
BUT NOW, IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO
FACE THE ONE...
NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO FACE
THE ONLY...
NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO
FACE...
THE TOMMY!
- THE... THE...
- HUH, ANOTHER MORTAL STRUCK
SPEECHLESS BY THE TOMMY.
- NOT YOU, FOOL.
THAT!
- WHAT COULD BE MORE SCARY THAN
THE...
[ ALL SCREAM ]
- COME ON, BETSY.
LET'S MOVE, GIRL.
- COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME - ON, COME ON, COME ON!
COME ON... LET'S GO!
LET'S GO!
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
OH, IT'S NO USE.
I'M NEVER GONNA WIN THIS RACE.
I'M NEVER GONNA WIN ANYTHING.
- FARFEGTUBING, SON.
THAT'S HOW YOU WIN TOOBATHON.
YOU DON'T NEED SOUPED-UP ENGINES
OR DIRTY TRICKS.
A REAL WINNER, A REAL GILLIGAN
TRUSTS HIS TUBE.
DO YOU TRUST BETSY, HOAGIE?
- YEAH, DAD, I TRUST HER.
COME ON, OLD GIRL, THIS RACE
ISN'T OVER YET!
WHOA! WHOO-HOO!
ALL RIGHT!
WHOO-HOO!
GO, BETSY, GO!
YEE HAW!
- YOU KNOW, THE SPANISH WORD
FOR TUBE IS EL TUBE.
HEY!
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE TUBING!
- HEY, NUMBUH 2, YOU'RE DOING
PRETTY GOOD THIS YEAR!
- IT'S CALLED FARFEGTUBING,
NUMBUH 3, AND ME AND BETSY GOT
IT.
- HUH?
- FARFEGTUBING!
- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
- I SAID... FAR-FEG-TUB...
AAAH!
OH, NO!
EVERYBODY, GET OUT OF THE WATER!
GET OUT NOW!
AAH!
GOT TO HOLD ON!
AAAAH!
- [ ALL ] AAH!
- LOOKS LIKE OUR RACE IS TAKING
A BIT OF A DETOUR.
- YEAH, AND I'VE GOT A FEELING
IT'S NO ACCIDENT.
- I'VE GOT A FEELING I'M GONNA
HURL!
- DO IT ON THE CHAIR, AND
YOU'RE SWIMMING HOME, KID.
- AAAAAH!
WHOA, WHOA!
AAAAH!
PLEASE, CAN WE PULL OVER AT
REST STOP?
THAT'S IT.
I'M TOTALLY GONNA...
- HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S UP?
- YOUR KID BROTHER'S ABOUT TO
PUKE.
THAT'S WHAT'S UP.
- TOMMY, GET OFF!
- HEY, I DON'T WANT
MISTER PUKEY-PANTS IN MY TUBE.
- CUT IT OUT.
- YOU TAKE HIM.
- NO WAY!
- TOMMY!
- THIS ISN'T HELPING!
AAAAH!
- BYE, NUMBUH 2!
WE'LL BE AT THE NEW SKATE PARK
AFTER THE RACE, OKAY?
- All: SKATE PARK?
- WHOA!
I'M TRUSTING YOU, BETSY!
I KNOW YOU'LL GET US TO THE
FINISH LINE!
GO, BETSY, GO!
WHOA!
AAAH!
NO! NO!
- EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING
TO PLAN.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
THE FINAL INGREDIENT SHOULD
ARRIVE ANY SECOND NOW.
AND THEN, THE PARTY BEGINS!
- UH, DUDE?
IS THE SKATE PARK, LIKE, READY
YET?
HEY!
WOAH!
- FOOL! WHY WOULD I BUILD
A SKATE PARK FOR YOU INFERNAL
CHILDREN?
I'VE BEEN BUILDING A PAN FOR THE
LARGEST BIRTHDAY CAKE EVER...
ALL FOR MY DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN.
AND ALL I NEED TO FINISH MY
DELICIOUSLY EVIL RECIPE IS SOME
WATER AND A FULL SERVING OF
BRATTY CHILDREN.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
BATTER UP, KIDS!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
- AAH!
WHA... HUH?
THE FINISH LINE!
[ SMOOCHES ]
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, BETSY!
- HEY, SOMEBODY'S COMING.
IT'S...
HOAGIE GILLIGAN?!
- THAT'S MY SON!
NOT IN LAST PLACE!
- All: YAY!
- THIS IS TRULY A SIGHT TO
BEHOLD.
HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN, THE LORD OF
THE LOSERS, ON THE CUSP OF A
TOOBATHON VICTORY.
- AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO
FARFEGTUBING!
- A MOST IMPRESSIVE VICTORY...
IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT
ALL THE OTHER CONTESTANTS ARE
ABOUT TO BE BAKED INTO A
GINORMOUS CAKE BY THE EVIL
FATHER AS WE SPEAK.
- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN, THE LORD
OF THE LOSERS...
- NOT THAT... THE OTHER THING!
- THE OTHER CONTESTANTS...
FATHER DUMPED THEM INTO A GIANT
CAKE PAN, AND HE'S GOING TO BAKE
THEM INTO A HUGE, TASTY CAKE!
LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN ALL THAT
STUFF I SAID ABOUT YOU BEFORE.
SO AFTER YOU WIN, YOU THINK I
COULD GET A TASTE OF THAT CAKE?
HEY!
THE FINISH LINE IS THAT WAY.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT ABOUT TOOBATHON?
- THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.
- NEXT YEAR.
TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN
SPOKEN BY SUCH A LOSER.
- [ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
WELL, THAT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF
THE MIXING.
SO I'D SAY, IT'S ABOUT TIME WE
GET COOKING!
YOU KNOW, I LOVE BAKING.
WHY, IT'S MORE THAN A HOBBY,
ACTUALLY.
- YEEEE-HAW!
UH!
[ INNER TUBE POPS ]
- BETSY!
OH, BETSY, NO!
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T
HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN.
AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, THE
SAME FLABBY, PATHETIC INNER TUBE
THAT YOUR LOSER FATHER USED TO
RACE WITH.
- YOU SHUT UP ABOUT BETSY.
MY DAD WON TOOBATHON EVERY YEAR
WITH HER.
- HA! IS THAT WHAT HE TOLD YOU?
WHY, YOUR DAD CAME IN LAST PLACE
EVERY YEAR.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
MY DAD WAS A WINNER.
- [ LAUGHS ] I SUPPOSE HE
FILLED YOUR TINY HEAD WITH ALL
THAT FARFEGTUBING NONSENSE,
TOO.
- SHUT UP!
HE DID HAVE FARFEGTUBING, AND
SO DO I!
- FOOL! THERE IS NO SUCH
THING AS FARFEGTUBING.
YOUR FATHER LIED TO YOU.
YOUR FATHER WAS A LOSER, JUST
LIKE YOU!
JUST LIKE THAT LOUSY INNER TUBE!
- NO.
I BELIEVE IN YOU, BETSY.
I BELIEVE MY DAD.
I BELIEVE... AAH!
[ GRUNTS ]
- [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
UH OH. UH!
WHY, YOU MISERABLE...
WHAT?
WELL, THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.
- IT'S A SAD DAY INDEED FOR
TOOBATHON, AS IT SEEMS THERE
WILL BE NO WINNER.
NO CHAMPION TO CLAIM THE
DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN'S CAKE.
NO...
- WAIT!
I THINK I SEE SOMETHING.
- IS IT MY HOAGIE?
- IT LOOKS LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF
CAKE BATTER!
- [ ALL ] YAY!
- IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS,
FOLKS.
IT'S NIGEL UNO IN FIRST PLACE,
FOLLOWED BY FANNY FULBRIGHT.
NO... FROM BEHIND COMES THAT
KID.
BUT WAIT, ABIGAIL LINCOLN HAS
MOVED INTO THE LEAD.
NO, IT'S KUKI SANBAN.
BUT HERE COMES MUFFY JENKINS IN
THE FINAL STRETCH, AND THE
WINNER IS...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN ALL MY
YEARS OF TUBING I HAVE NEVER
SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TOOBATHON
HISTORY, WE HAVE A 634-WAY TIE
FOR FIRST PLACE.
THIS HAS TRULY BEEN A RACE THAT
NOT ONLY ANYONE COULD WIN, BUT
EVERYONE DID WIN.
EVERYONE, EXCEPT
HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN.
- HOAGIE!
CAN YOU BELIEVE TOMMY ACTUALLY
CAME IN FIRST PLACE?
- THAT'S THE TOMMY.
- FINALLY, A GILLIGAN HAS WON
TOOBATHON!
- BUT, MOM, DAD ALWAYS TOLD ME
HE WON TOOBATHON EVERY YEAR.
- OH, HOAGIE, YOU SHOULD KNOW
BETTER THAN TO BELIEVE
EVERYTHING YOUR FATHER SAYS.
OH, THE IMAGINATION ON THAT MAN.
DID YOU KNOW THAT HE SWORE THAT
ONE DAY, THAT RAGGEDY OLD TUBE
WOULD SAVE ALL THE CHILDREN IN
TOWN?
[ LAUGHS ] AS IF!
WHAT THAT MAN SAW IN THAT THING,
I'LL NEVER KNOW.
- IT'S CALLED FARFEGTUBING,
MOM.
- OH, NOT YOU, TOO!
- YOU KNOW, IT'S ALMOST TOO BAD
THE DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN'S CAKE
DIDN'T GET MADE THIS YEAR.
MM, THE BATTER IS AMAZING.
- I FEEL BAD FOR NUMBUH 2.
HE REALLY WANTED TO WIN
TOOBATHON.
- AT LEAST THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME HE DIDN'T COME IN LAST
PLACE.
- HELLO!
COAST GUARD?
HOMING PIGEONS?
IS THERE A BOTTLE I COULD WRITE
A MESSAGE IN MAYBE?
SPY SATELLITES?
HEEEELP!