AND FROM THEN ON, THOSE DAYS
WERE CALLED "THE DARK AGES"
BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY
"KNIGHTS!"
- [ CHILDREN GROAN ] - HA, HA, HA!
AND DO YOU KNOW WHERE ALL THOSE
KNIGHTS WENT TO EAT?
TO AN "ALL-KNIGHT DINER!"
THE KING TOLD HIM ABOUT A GREAT
ONE HE SAW ON THE "KNIGHTLY"
NEWS!
[ LAUGHS ]
OH!
- AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THE KING - WENT TO SCHOOL?
DON'T SAY IT!
- BECAUSE THEY NEEDED A - "RULER!"
[ LAUGHS ]
ARGH!
AND GUESS WHY KING ARTHUR HAD
A ROUND TABLE?
YES, WE KNOW, HOAGIE... SO HE
WOULDN'T GET "CORNERED."
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT I THINK
IT'S TIME TO LET SOMEONE ELSE
READ THEIR REPORT.
EGGBERT! HOW ABOUT YOU?
QUICKLY, PLEASE.
SORRY YOU GOT TO FOLLOW AN
ACT LIKE THAT, EGGY, OLD BOY.
I TRIED TO GO "OVER EASY" ON YOU
WITH THE "YOLKS," BUT TRY TO
KNOCK THEM DEAD ANYWAY.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I'LL BE IN CLASS ALL WEEK.
OW!
WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?
FOR MAKING ME LISTEN TO THOSE
LAME JOKES EVERY DAY.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THE
SCHOOL PAPER CALLS THIS CLASS
THE "COMIC, BUST-A-GUT, 5-STAR
COMEDY OF THE ENTIRE FOURTH
GRADE."
THAT'S A QUOTE FROM YOU!
GOOD ONE, HUH?
YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN
HIM MORE STARS?
ONE MORE JOKE OUT OF YOU, AND
I'LL MAKE SURE YOU'RE SEEING
STARS!
WELL, AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE IN
THIS CLASS HAVE A SENSE OF
HUMOR.
[ BELL RINGS ]
REMEMBER, CLASS, AFTER LUNCH,
WE'LL BE TALKING ABOUT THE
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
HEY, NUMBUH 5, WHERE WAS THE
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
SIGNED?
OH, THAT'S EASY.
PHILADELPHIA.
NO, IT WAS SIGNED AT THE
BOTTOM!
OW!
WHAT?
HEY, YOU.
WHO, ME?
YEAH, YOU.
- YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY FUNNY, - DON'T YOU, BUB?
WELL, I DON'T LIKE TO BRAG,
BUT I'VE BEEN CALLED THE
FUNNIEST THING TO HAPPEN TO
GALLAGHER ELEMENTARY SINCE
POLLY MARCUS THREW UP ON
MR. FRYDINGLE'S NEW SHOES.
WELL, KNOCK IT OFF!
OW!
KNOCK WHAT OFF?
THE JOKES, THE GAGS, THE
PUNS.
THE CLOWNARELLI FAMILY RUNS THE
FUNNY BUSINESS IN THIS SCHOOL.
GET ME?
NO JOKES?
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
I'M A CLOWN!
DO I LOOK LIKE I KID?
WELL, YEAH, SINCE YOU GOT THE
NOSE AND THE BIG SHOES AND ALL.
GRR!
JUST A PUT A LID ON THE FUNNY
STUFF OR YOU'LL BE ANSWERING TO
TONY "THE NOSE" CLOWNARELLI.
WELL, THAT CLOWN GOT UP ON
THE WRONG SIDE OF THE CIRCUS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
CLOWN... CIRCUS... BRILLIANT.
HEY, HOAGIE.
WHAT TIME DOES YOUR WATCH SAY?
MY WATCH DOESN'T SAY
ANYTHING.
YOU GOT TO LOOK AT IT FIRST.
- [ LAUGHS ] - HA HA HA.
THANKS, LOSER.
- DON'T FORGET TO CREDIT ME IF - YOU USE THAT ONE ON YOUR
FRIENDS.
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO CAN
THE FUNNY STUFF.
CRANKY FLATFOOT,
BOZO BAGGYPANTS, TAKE THE KID
OUTSIDE AND SHOW HIM WHAT WE DO
TO COMEDIANS AROUND HERE.
UGH!
[ GASPS ] PLEASE, NO!
NO, ANYTHING BUT RHUBARB PIE!
I HATE RHUBARB!
I'M... I'M SORRY.
I'LL NEVER TELL ANOTHER JOKE
AGAIN.
AND THE KANGAROO SAYS, "COLE
SLAW?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID CHAIN SAW."
[LAUGHS] WHOA!
AAAAH!
IS THIS THE BATHROOM, OR AM I
IN FRANCE?
OOH! AAAAH!
AND THAT'S WHY HIPPOS CAN'T
MAMBO.
[ SCREAMING ]
WITH A MELON...
OH, AAH!
IT'S ONLY MAYONN... UGHH!
NOT IN MY WOOD SHED, YOU DON'T.
JUICE BOX?
WELL, I... WHOA!
CONSTANTINOPLE?
FARTS?
EH! UGH! WHAAA!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
LUNCHTIME'S ALMOST OVER.
[ SNIFFS ]
I THOUGHT YOU HATED RHUBARB.
I DO, BUT A COUPLE OF CLOWNS
MADE ME A PIE I COULDN'T REFUSE.
WELL, RHUBARB'S GOT TO BE
BETTER THAN THIS JUNK.
AND WHAT'S THIS FLY DOING IN MY
SOUP?
THE BAC... OOH!
EEE... UH... EEE... UH...
UH, THE... THE BACTERIA LEVELS
MUST BE AWFUL IN YOUR SOUP
BE-BECAUSE THE FLY... OH!
[ CRYING ]
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S GO TO THE PLAYGROUND.
THE BACKSTROKE!
THE FLY WAS DOING THE
BACKSTROKE!
IT'S THE OLDEST JOKE IN THE
BOOK!
BE SURE TO TELL NUMBUH 1 I
HAVE TO GO OUT WITH MY DADDY
TONIGHT, SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO
GO ON THE BIG MISSION.
WHOA!
LOOK AT THAT CHICKEN OVER THERE.
[ CLUCKING ]
NOW, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT
CHICKEN IS CROSSING THE ROAD?
[ GASPS ]
I MEAN, WHY WOULD A CHICKEN
BE CROSSING A BUSY ROAD?
WELL, BETTER GET BACK TO CLASS.
I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHY
THAT CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD.
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!
THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD TO
GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!
NO, PLEASE!
SHE TAUNTED ME WITH THAT ONE!
I'VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE
TO BE SET UP FOR THE CHICKEN
JOKE!
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
PLEASE, NO!
I SWEAR, NO MORE JOKES.
DRY AND HUMORLESS FROM HERE ON
OUT.
SO, THIS IS THE CLASS CLOWN
YOU BEEN TELLING ME ABOUT, TONY?
YES, CLOWNFATHER, HE, UH...
HE DID THE CHICKEN JOKE, SIR.
THE CHICKEN JOKE, HUH?
I THOUGHT I SAID I DIDN'T WANT
ANY JOKES ON MY TURF.
WHAT KIND OF CLOWNS ARE YOU?
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?
THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT
BEING A CLOWN!
JUST LOOK AT ME.
I COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEONE.
I COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER
FOR CLOWN OF THE YEAR, BUT THEN
ONE DAY, MY PARTNER CHUNKO AND I
WERE DOING A KID'S PARTY.
WE HAD THEM ROLLING IN THE
AISLES.
AND THEN CHUNKO SET ME UP FOR A
PATENTED GRAND FINALE... THE
FUNNIEST JOKE OF THEM ALL.
BUT WHEN I WENT TO DELIVER THE
PUNCH LINE, I... I... I...
[ CRYING ]
WHAT HAPPENED?
I FORGOT THE PUNCH LINE!
THE KIDS, THEY WENT NUTS!
THEY THREW STUFF... BIG, PAINFUL
STUFF!
WHEN I FINALLY WOKE UP DAYS
LATER, EVERYONE WAS GONE,
INCLUDING CHUNKO.
OH, CHUNKO.
TO THIS DAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED TO YOU.
SINCE THAT DAY, I VOW THAT NO
ONE WILL TELL A JOKE, UNLESS I
SAID SO!
BUT YOU'RE NOT LETTING ANYONE
TELL JOKES.
EXACTLY!
THAT'S WHY NO ONE CAN GET HURT
LIKE CHUNKO AND I DID.
BOYS, FEED THIS KID TO THE LIONS
AND SEE IF THEY THINK HE TASTES
FUNNY!
UH, CAN I JUST SAY ONE THING?
WHAT?!
UH... KNOCK, KNOCK.
OH. UH, OKAY.
WHO'S THERE?
NOT ME!
[ LAUGHTER ]
QUIT CLOWNING AROUND AND GET
HIM!
ISN'T THIS GREAT?
GOING TO THE CIRCUS WITH MY
DAUGHTER AND THE LIONS AND THE
TIGERS AND THE BEARS... OH, MY!
THIS IS PRETTY FUN, DAD.
HEY, LOOK!
THEY'RE SENDING IN THE CLOWNS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHOA!
AAAAAAAH!
UH, DAD, COULD YOU GET US
SOME MORE POPCORN, PLEASE?
SURE.
BUT COME FIND ME IF THEY BRING
OUT THE FAT LADY WITH THE BEARD
AND THE TATTOOS AND ALL THE
LITTLE JINGLY THINGS.
YOU OKAY, NUMBUH 2?
JUST HANGING OUT.
THAT'S IT, KID!
YOUR STAGE TIME'S UP, AND THAT
JOKE WAS YOUR FINAL PERFORMANCE.
NUMBUH 5!
HANG TIGHT TO THAT ROPE,
NUMBUH 2.
HANG TIGHT TO THE TIGHTROPE?
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE FINALLY
GETTING A SENSE OF... WHOA!
WHAT ARE YOU...
AAAAAAAAH!
COME ON!
NOT SO FAST, KIDDIES.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
CREAM PUFFS... GET DOWN!
OHHHH!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
AAAAAAAH!
NOT SO FUNNY NOW, HUH?
I THINK IT'S TIME TO CLOSE
THIS LITTLE JOKE BOOK... FOR
GOOD!
EXCUSE ME, FELLAS.
I'M JUST GONNA GET SOME POPCORN.
HEY!
IF IT ISN'T BUNKO THE CLOWN!
> CH-CHUNKO?
YOU'RE ALIVE.
W-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THESE
YEARS?
WELL, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO
CALL YOU, BUT, YOU KNOW, AFTER
THE PARTY, I DECIDED THAT BEING
A CLOWN WAS KIND OF... YOU KNOW,
STUPID.
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOURSELVES.
UH, THESE PANTS DO MAKE MY
BUTT LOOK BIG.
STUPID, YOU LOVED BEING A
CLOWN!
YEAH, BUT BEING A DOCTOR, I
MAKE A LOT MORE MONEY, WITH
THE GOLF CLUBS AND THE DECK
CHAIRS ON THE BOAT AND...
HEY, I COULD PROBABLY GET YOU
GUYS SOME JOBS CLEANING BEDPANS
AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU WANT.
REALLY?
HEY, CAN I WEAR ONE OF THOSE
STETHOMOSCOPE THINGIES?
SURE!
COME IN ON THURSDAY.
HERE, KID.
YOU TAKE OVER THE FUNNY
BUSINESS FROM HERE ON.
I'M GETTING A REAL JOB.
WOW!
HEY, NUMBUH 5, I DIDN'T NOSE
YOUR DAD USED TO BE A CLOWN.
OH!
MAYBE WE SHOULD SHOW THE KID
HOW IT'S DONE, BUNKO.
YOU BETCHA!
SAY, CHUNKO, DO YOU KNOW WHY THE
CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD?
WHY, NO, BUNKO.
I DO NOT KNOW WHY THE CHICKEN
CROSSED THE ROAD WITH THE
DRIVING AND THE CARBON MONOXIDE
AND THE BREEZES...
WELL, CHUNKO, THE CHICKEN
CROSSED THE ROAD BECAUSE...
UH, HE CROSSED THE...
[ AUDIENCE BOOING ]
NO, NOT AGAIN!
AAAAAH!
THE CHICKEN JOKE... HA!
CLASSIC.
RAINBOW MONKEYS... SOME SAY
THEY'RE FILLED WITH LOVE.
OTHERS SAY THAT EVERY ONE IS
MADE FROM A GREAT BIG RAINBOW,
BUT I SAY THEY'RE NOTHING BUT
TROUBLE.
FOR INSTANCE, I WAS ONCE AT A
DINNER PARTY WHERE A LITTLE GIRL
DECIDED THAT IF SHE COULDN'T
HAVE HER SISTER'S POSH PARTY
- RAINBOW MONKEY, THEN NO ONE - WOULD.
AND WHEN A CERTAIN DETECTIVE
CAUGHT HER DOING THE DEED, SHE
PAID THE PRICE... GROUNDED FOR
LIFE WITH NO HOPE FOR TV.
EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT WAS THE
END OF THE STORY, BUT NOT ME.
SOME KIDS JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN
TO LEAVE THINGS BURIED.
SOME KIDS WANT REVENGE.
THOSE WHO FORK THEIR SISTER'S
RAINBOW MONKEY IN THE BACK ARE
BAD AND MUST BE PUNISHED,
MUSHI SANBAN!
PREPARE TO FEEL THE PADDLESOME
POWER OF COUNT SPANKULOT!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
COME IN.
AAAAH!
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU... AAAH!
YOU... AAH!
NO, NO!
GET AWAY FROM ME!
AAAAAH!
MUSHI!
ENOUGH WITH ALL THE RACKET UP
THERE, OR YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR
DOUBLE LIFE!
NOW, CONNIE, RELAX.
THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS LET HER
PLAY IN HER ROOM WHILE SHE'S
GROUNDED.
I AM JUST TRYING TO MAKE THE
PERFECT DESSERT FOR OUR DINNER
GUESTS, AND MAKING ICE CREAM
SUNDAE TAKES CONCENTRATION!
YOU MUST HAVE THE RIGHT ICE
CREAM, THE BEST BANANAS, AND THE
RICHEST CHOCOLATE SAUCE... OH!
I FORGOT THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE!
NOOOOOO!
AND WHEN I WAS A CHILD, ALL
WE COULD AFFORD FOR DESSERT WERE
THOSE STYROFOAM PACKING PEANUTS,
WHICH WEREN'T SO BAD, YOU KNOW,
- IF YOU PUT SOME BRACKISH WATER - ON THEM.
[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]
I'M AFRAID THE SUNDAES AREN'T
READY YET.
All: OHH!
BUT WE DO NEED SOMEBODY TO
RUN OUT AND GET SOME CHOCOLATE
SAUCE.
All: ME!
LET ME SEE...
ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!
ME, ME!
HOAGIE.
UH, NOT ME.
I, UH, I GOT THIS THING WITH
CHOCOLATE SAUCE.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!
YOU GET GOING BEFORE I MAKE YOU,
YOU LITTLE...
OKAY, OKAY.
JEEZ.
NOW, AS I WAS SAYING, THERE
WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN ALL WE
HAD FOR DESSERT WAS METAL
SHAVINGS... HARD TO SWALLOW.
[ ELECTRICITY ZAPPING ]
P-PLEASE, LITTLE GIRL, I
PROMISE NOT TO SPANK ANOTHER
CHILD EVER AGAIN!
OH, IT WON'T BE YOU SPANKING
CHILDREN ANYMORE.
ONCE MY PIZATRONIC
DEFIBRILLATIONER POWER SWITCHER
GOES INTO EFFECT, YOU WON'T BE
SPANKING ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!
AAAAAAAH!
ICE CREAM SUNDAES... THEY
HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE.
BUT WHAT MAKES THEM SO GOOD?
IS THE THE WHIPPED CREAM OR THE
NUTS?
MAYBE THE CHERRY ON TOP?
NOPE.
IT'S THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE.
BACK THEN, I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH
OF THE STUFF.
I WAS HITTING THE SAUCE FOR
BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER.
IT WAS LIKE EVERY MEAL WAS
DESSERT FOR ME.
SO I HAD TO DROP IT, DROP IT
LIKE A PAIR OF DIRTY UNDERWEAR
INTO THE HAMPER.
[ METAL RATTLING ]
HELLO!
ANYBODY HOME?
ANYBODY?
OKAY, THEN.
I'LL JUST LEAVE THIS MONEY HERE
FOR THE SAUCE, OKAY?
HUH.
[ SIREN WAILS ]
WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
JOE BALOOKA.
HE USED TO BE ON THE SCHOOL
SAFETY PATROL UNTIL I FINGERED
HIM FOR HELPING NURSE CLAIBORNE
MAKE APPLE CRUMBLE USING KIDS'
PINK-EYE CRUST AS TOPPING.
SINCE THEN, THE ONLY WORK HE CAN
GET HAS BEEN PATROLLING THE
PARKING LOT OF HIS DAD'S STORE.
AND GUESS WHO HE BLAMES FOR
THAT.
HOAGIE GILLIGAN, WHAT BRINGS
YOU TO MY FATHER'S STORE WHEN
THE POWER'S OUT?
ASIDE FROM HITTING THE SAUCE,
THAT IS.
KNOCK IT OFF, JOE.
YOU KNOW I'M OFF THAT STUFF.
ARE YOU, NOW?
AS I RECALL, YOU USED TO HAVE A
REAL PROBLEM WITH CHOCOLATE
SAUCE WHEN WE WERE ON THE SAFETY
PATROL TOGETHER.
YOU'D DO ANYTHING TO GET SOME.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'D EVEN RESORT TO
STEALING IT.
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO,
JOE, AND I DIDN'T STEAL IT.
THERE'S MONEY ON THE COUNTER.
SEE FOR YOURSELF.
MAYBE I WILL.
STEWIE, TAKE A LOOK INSIDE.
B-BUT IT'S DARK IN THERE,
JOEY.
JUST DO IT!
AAAAAAH!
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT AN
ACCOMPLICE.
HUH?
FROLICKING RAINBOW MONKEYS!
OH, MY ARM... I THINK IT'S
BROKEN!
NOOOOOO!
STEWIE!
EAT BALLOON, YOU
GROCERY-STEALING GORILLA!
[ GROWLS ]
UH-OH... YEOW!
OH, PLEASE, NO, NO, NO!
OW, OW!
AAAAAAH!
OHH.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
FIND HOAGIE GILLIGAN.
FIND HIM AND SPANK HIM!
[ GROWLING ]
HUH? WHOA!
[ PANTING ]
AAAAAH!
WAIT... I KNOW YOU.
YOU'RE NUMBUH 3'S POSH PARTY
RAINBOW MONKEY.
AM I?
YEAH.
YOU WERE SPECIALLY DESIGNED TO
LOVE PARTIES AND SOCIAL
GATHERINGS.
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?
[ SIGHS ]
THAT'S RIGHT.
THE POSH PARTY RAINBOW MONKEY I
KNEW HAD REAL CARE-'N-SHARE
SIGHING ACTION.
COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU.
[ GRUNTS ]
IT'S OKAY.
COME TO HOAGIE!
AHH!
NOW, THAT'S THE POSH PARTY
RAINBOW MONKEY I KNOW.
TAKE THIS, YOU
CHOCOLATE-SAUCE-STEALING,
HUGGING IN THE MIDDLE OF AN
ELECTRICAL SUBSTATION COUPLE
OF WEIRDOS!
NO!
[ GROANING ]
POSH PARTY RAINBOW MONKEY!
- GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE YOU... - OH, I'M GETTING WORRIED.
- HOAGIE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BACK BY - NOW.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
DID YOU GET THE SAUCE?
FORGET THE SAUCE.
I NEED TO TALK TO MUSHI.
WHAT'S THIS?!
YOU DARE RETURN TO THIS HOUSE
WITHOUT CHOC... AAH!
QUIET.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
SORRY TO DROP BY SO LATE,
MR. SANBAN, BUT I JUST WANTED TO
APOLOGIZE TO HOAGIE GILLIGAN FOR
ACCUSING HIM OF STEALING
CHOCOLATE SAUCE FROM MY DAD'S
STORE.
- YOU SEE, I FOUND THE MONEY HE - LEFT ON THE COUNTER, AND...
SO, IF YOU COULD GIVE THIS...
FINALLY, MY SUNDAES WILL BE
COMPLETE!
[ LAUGHS ]
WHATCHA DOING, MUSHI?
WHY'D YOU BRING POSH PARTY
RAINBOW MONKEY BACK TO SPANK ME?
REVENGE!
BUT I GUESS YOU CAN'T TRUST A
RAINBOW MONKEY TO DO A
KINDERGARTNER'S JOB!
JEEZ, MUSHI, I'M NOT GOING TO
FIGHT YOU.
YOU'RE LIKE 5 YEARS... OOH!
WELL, MAYBE I'LL FIGHT YOU JUST
THIS ONCE.
BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE.
HYAH!
THOUSAND-COLOR SHOWER OF DOOM!
YIKES!
IT LOOKED LIKE I WAS TRAPPED,
TRAPPED LIKE A BOY FORCED TO GO
DRESS SHOPPING WITH HIS MOM.
UNTIL...
THAT RAINBOW MONKEY... I CAN
FEEL MY SPANKULOT SPIRIT
COURSING THROUGH IT!
YES!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
COME ON OUT, HOAGIE!
YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM MY
ELEVENTY-BILLION COLOR SHOWER OF
DOOM!
ALL WHO STEAL THE POWER OF
SPANKINESS AND COMBINE IT WITH
FLUFFY STUFFED ANIMALS SHALL
FEEL THE STINGING WRATH OF...
COUNT SPANKULOT!
AAAAAAAH!
[ SPANKING ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
MM, HMM HMM HMM!
AND NOW, HOAGIE GILLIGAN, IT
IS TIME... FOR DESSERT!
BOY, DID I EVER TELL YOU HOW
WHEN I WAS YOUNG, ALL WE COULD
AFFORD TO EAT FOR DESSERT WERE
TADPOLES?
TADPOLES?!
I WOULD HAVE GIVEN MY LEFT
PANCREAS TO EVEN HAVE TADPOLES.
WE USED TOENAILS.
I KNOW, RIGHT!
SO THAT WAS THAT.
MUSHI GOT FIVE CONSECUTIVE
GROUNDINGS FOR LIFE AND WAS SENT
TO HER ROOM WITHOUT DESSERT.
BUT YOU KNOW ME.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN OLD SOFTIE.
HEY, MUSHI, I SNUCK YOU A
SUNDAE.
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
MUSHI?
PBHT!
I'LL GET YOU, GILLIGAN!
I'LL GET YOU IF IT'S THE LAST
THING I DO!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
KINDERGARTNERS... THEY'RE
ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU HIT THE
SAUCE.
IN MY DAY, ALL WE HAD FOR
DESSERT WAS SAND.
IF WE WANTED SAND, WE HAD TO
GRIND UP ROCKS WITH OUR TEETH!
YEAH, WELL, WE HAD TO
DISCOVER FIRE BEFORE WE COULD
EVER ROAST MARSHMALLOWS.
WHEN WE WERE YOUNG, OUR
ANIMAL CRACKERS HADN'T EVEN
EVOLVED YET!
OUR CANDY STORE HAD ONLY ONE
BUTTERSCOTCH, AND WE HAD TO TAKE
A NUMBER JUST TO GET A LICK!
WELL, INSTEAD OF ICE-CREAM
SANDWICHES, WE PUT A BAR OF SOAP
BETWEEN SAND PAPER!
BACK IN OUR DAY, A JAWBREAKER
USED TO BE A CARAMEL AND A PUNCH
IN THE FACE!
JUST A PUNCH?
STOP IT!
SO, SPANKULOT, YOU MARRIED?