Woman: EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MR. MILES HOLLING.
NO, I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.
YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE. NO ONE GETS IN WITHOUT A PASS.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I WAS PROMISED I COULD --
CALL YOUR OFFICE. CLEAR.
Woman: WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
SAME AS YOU. WORKING HERE.
WHAT?
DIDN'T YOU HEAR? WE ALL HAVE TO WORK.
THEY JUST POSTED IT. WHY?
YOU KNOW WHY. IT'S THE OLD MAN'S BIRTHDAY.
OH, AND DON'T YOU FORGET YOUR I.D.,
OR THEY WILL NOT LET YOU IN.
SO SOME GEEZER HAS A BIRTHDAY,
AND MY WHOLE WEEKEND'S SHOT.
MILES HOLLING IS NOT JUST ANOTHER GEEZER.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD HERE.
IT'S BIG NEWS.
DIDN'T YOU SEE ALL THOSE REPORTERS OUT THERE?
WELL, IT'S NOT BIG NEWS TO ME. I MADE PLANS.
MY WHOLE FAMILY'S COMING OVER.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL GET LUCKY AND HE WON'T WAKE UP.
AH, WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT?
[ JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING ]
HELLO?
WHO ARE YOU?
YOU'RE NOT GEORGE.
WHERE'S GEORGE?
FELLA, YOU'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING --
AAH! TURN LOOSE, YOU SON OF --
[ STRUGGLING ]
* IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE
* DISORDER AND CONFUSION EVERYWHERE *
* NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE
* WELL, I DO
* HEY, WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?
* IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE
* POISON IN THE VERY AIR WE BREATHE *
* DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THE WATER THAT YOU DRINK? *
* WELL, I DO, AND IT'S AMAZING *
* PEOPLE THINK I'M CRAZY 'CAUSE I WORRY ALL THE TIME *
* IF YOU PAID ATTENTION, YOU'D BE WORRIED, TOO *
* YOU BETTER PAY ATTENTION, ALL THIS WORLD WE LOVE SO MUCH *
* MIGHT JUST KILL YOU
* I COULD BE WRONG NOW
* BUT I DON'T THINK SO
* 'CAUSE IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE *
MA'AM, EVEN IF I AGREED WITH YOU,
I DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO TAKE THE BILLBOARD DOWN.
LOOK, HAVE YOU CONSIDERED TAKING A DIFFERENT ROAD HOME?
YOU HAVE A NICE DAY, TOO.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] CAPTAIN?
LIEUTENANT, WHY AM I FIELDING CALLS ABOUT ZONING REGULATIONS?
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING THE QUARTERBACK?
YOUR WIFE'S HERE.
OKAY.
UH, LOOK, I NEED A FEW MINUTES.
COULD YOU STALL HER? WHAT SHOULD I DO?
UH, TALK TO HER.
ABOUT WHAT?
I MEAN, WHAT DOES SHE LIKE TO TALK ABOUT?
HOW I RUINED HER LIFE.
CIGARS...
HE'LL JUST BE A MINUTE. HE'S ON A CALL.
OH.
SO, UH, YOU WORKING ON A NEW SCRIPT?
I MAKE DOCUMENTARY FILMS, I DON'T USE SCRIPTS. THE WORLD IS MY SCRIPT.
NEAT.
BIG SPECIAL CRYSTAL
AND THE MAGIC DREAMCATCHER.
THERE WE GO.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
THEY JUST ISSUED THESE.
[ GASPS ]
IT'S A BERETTA -- 9-MILLIMETER CENTURION.
IT HOLDS 15 IN THE MAG, ONE IN THE CHAMBER.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT GUNS.
I KNOW YOU HAVE STRONG FEELINGS.
I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT THEY ARE.
I'M AGAINST THEM, LIEUTENANT.
MY HUSBAND DOESN'T CARRY A WEAPON. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU NEED TO.
WHAT'S HE DOING IN THERE?
HE'LL JUST BE ONE MORE MINUTE.
THERE WE GO. WONDERFUL.
THE HOLSTER -- IT'S CALFSKIN.
IT'S NICE.
WATER.
I'M GOING IN.
YES, MA'AM. LET ME JUST GET THE DOOR FOR YOU.
[ HUMS ]
THAT'S IT.
HI. COME ON IN.
HI. WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.
OH!
THE WATERFALL.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
IT'S GREAT. I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU AGAIN.
IS IT CALMING YOU DOWN? YES.
IS THAT COFFEE?
YES. YES, IT IS.
IT'S A COFFEEFALL.
HOW WAS ART THERAPY?
ART THERAPY IS ON WEDNESDAY.
YES, I KNEW THAT. UH...
HOW IS, UH...
LELAND, DO YOU REMEMBER MILES HOLLING?
YES. NO.
THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD?
I MADE A FILM ABOUT HIM.
IT WON HONORABLE MENTION AT THE MONTEREY FESTIVAL.
OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T REMEMBER.
YOU DIDN'T GO!
ANYWAY, HE DIED LAST NIGHT.
OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY.
IS THAT WHY YOU'RE HERE?
IN A WAY.
YOU SEE, I THINK HE WAS MURDERED.
OKAY.
NOW, I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT I WENT
TO THE NURSING HOME THIS MORNING
TO WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
AND THEY HAD JUST FOUND HIM.
UH-HUH. THE CORONER WAS THERE.
THERE WAS SOMETHING... WRONG.
UH-HUH.
YOU SEE, THEY SAID HE DIED IN BED,
BUT, LELAND, HE NEVER USED THE BED. HE SLEPT IN A CHAIR.
HE TOLD ME WAS AFRAID THAT IF HE EVER LAID DOWN,
HE WOULD NEVER GET UP AGAIN.
WELL, KAREN --
ALSO, THEY FOUND A BOOK ON HIS CHEST,
LIKE HE'D BEEN READING,
BUT HE COULDN'T READ, BECAUSE HE WAS NEARLY BLIND.
SO, I TOLD THE HEAD NURSE TO LOCK DOWN THAT ROOM.
YOU WHAT? SO THAT YOU CAN INVESTIGATE.
KAREN, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU, A HOMICIDE DETECTIVE?
I MEAN, HOW OLD WAS THIS GUY?
115.
115!
PEOPLE THAT OLD, THEY DIE. IT'S LIKE THEIR JOB.
NOW BE REASONABLE.
WHO WOULD KILL THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD?
I MEAN, WHY WOULD THEY BOTHER?
IT'S A HUNCH. YOU GET HUNCHES ALL THE TIME.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S MY JOB.
I'M A PROFESSIONAL.
SO YOU'RE NOT GOING TO INVESTIGATE?
LOOK, HONEY, I DON'T --
ONCE AGAIN I'M ASKING TOO MUCH, IS THAT IT?
I DON'T TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE YOUR LITTLE MOVIES.
THEY'RE DOCUMENTARIES, LELAND.
IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT WHEN YOU TOLD DR. MOSELY
YOU WERE GOING TO BE MORE SUPPORTIVE?
YOU PROMISED. YOU SWORE YOU WERE GOING TO TRY.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
LOOK... I'LL CALL MONK.
HE'S THE BEST DETECTIVE I KNOW,
AND IF MONK THINKS THERE'S BEEN FOUL PLAY,
I'LL LOOK INTO IT.
PROMISE? YES, I PROMISE.
YES, HONEY, WE'RE AT THE NURSING HOME.
[ Whispers ] MONK!
I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS.
IT'S NO PROBLEM. GLAD TO DO IT.
YES, MONK'S HERE.
LOOK, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, HERE.
HERE'S SHARONA.
HEY, KAREN, HOW YOU DOING?
THE ROOM HASN'T BEEN TOUCHED?
NO, SIR.
AND YOU WERE THE LAST NURSE TO SEE HIM?
YES, SIR, I WAS.
WAS THE WALKER RIGHT HERE?
YES. YEAH?
HOW TALL WOULD YOU SAY HE WAS?
UM, ABOUT 5'1".
Sharona: OKAY, NOW HE'S LOOKING AROUND THE BED.
LOOKING AT THE PILLOWCASE...
DID YOU LOWER THOSE SHADES?
NO, MR. HOLLING NEVER LIKED THEM DOWN.
GIVE ME THE PHONE.
OKAY, WAIT. HOLD ON. HERE'S YOUR HUSBAND.
HONEY, OKAY, LOOK, THE NEXT VOICE YOU HEAR
IS GOING TO BE ADRIAN MONK'S, OKAY?
AND WHATEVER HE SAYS, WE'RE GOING TO ACCEPT IT, RIGHT?
NO QUESTIONS ASKED. OKAY.
ADRIAN MONK, HAVE YOU STUDIED THE ROOM?
YES, I HAVE.
HAVE YOU FORMED AN OPINION
ABOUT THE CAUSE OF MILES HOLLING'S DEATH?
YES, I HAVE.
AND WHAT IS YOUR OPINION, ADRIAN MONK?
HE...
WAS MURDERED.
HE WAS MURDERED, KAREN. Karen: I KNEW IT!
THE WALKER IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
HOW COULD MR. HOLLING HAVE MADE IT TO THE BED?
PLUS, THERE'S NO WAY
A MAN OF HIS HEIGHT
COULD HAVE REACHED OVER THE DRESSER TO PULL DOWN THOSE SHADES.
SWEETHEART, I'M GONNA STRANGLE MONK,
AND THEN I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
WELCOME TO MALDEN.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
MR. MAYOR, THE REASON --
EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY. COULD WE SWITCH CHAIRS?
UH, IT'S THE TASSELS.
MY CHAIR HAS TASSELS.
THERE ARE A LOT OF TASSELS HERE.
WILL YOU STOP SAYING "TASSELS"?
DENNIS GAMMILL, MY DEPUTY MAYOR,
HAS JUST BEEN FILLING ME IN.
ARE YOU, UH, SERIOUSLY ASKING US TO EXHUME MILES HOLLING?
WE'D LIKE THEM TO DO AN AUTOPSY.
MR. MAYOR, UM, I WOULDN'T BE HERE
IF, UH, IF SOME OF US DIDN'T FEEL
THAT THERE WAS A STRONG CASE FOR PROBABLE CAUSE.
EXCUSE ME. WHAT?
I'M SO SORRY. COULD YOU SWITCH WITH SHARONA?
WHY?
THEN SHE'D BE NEXT TO ME,
AND THEN... THANK YOU.
HE WANTS TO SWITCH CHAIRS.
I'M SORRY. IT'S OKAY.
JUST SIT DOWN.
NOW, MR. MAYOR, THE LETTER THAT I WROTE --
WHICH -- WHICH, BY THE WAY, MR. MAYOR,
IS NOT A COURT ORDER. IT'S AN UNOFFICIAL REQUEST.
THAT'S TRUE. IT'S AN UNOFFICIAL REQUEST.
WE'VE BEEN TALKING TO THE CORONER'S OFFICE
FOR THREE DAYS NOW, AND THEY WON'T ISSUE US A SUBPOENA.
THEY SAID IT WAS UP TO YOU.
IN OTHER WORDS, YOU CAN SAY NO,
AND I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU DO.
STEVE, IF THEY'RE WRONG ABOUT THIS,
WHEN THE NEXT ELECTION ROLLS AROUND,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE A PUNCHLINE AROUND HERE.
MR. MAYOR, I'D CONSIDER IT A PERSONAL FAVOR.
MY WIFE, AS YOU KNOW, KNEW MR. HOLLING,
AND SHE GREW VERY FOND OF HIM
DURING THE COURSE OF THE DOCUMENTARY --
EXCUSE ME. I AM -- I'M SO SORRY.
THIS ONE IS SO SLIPPERY. YOU KNOW -- WHOOSH.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAND UP? JUST...
STAND UP.
IT'S A TOUGH CALL. CAPTAIN, I'M GOING TO GRANT YOUR REQUEST.
JUST ONE FAVOR -- DON'T BE WRONG.
CAPTAIN?
YEAH.
WE'RE ABOUT FINISHED.
YOU WANT TO ACCOMPANY THE BODY?
I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE.
I REMEMBER THAT CASE.
IT WAS A HIT-AND-RUN, RIGHT?
YEAH. 17 YEARS OLD.
HE'D BEEN ACCEPTED TO PRINCETON.
I DUG THAT HOLE.
I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
THE GROUND WAS FROZEN SOLID.
IT WAS LIKE THE EARTH DIDN'T WANT HIM.
THEY EVER CATCH THE SON OF A BITCH?
NO, I NEVER DID.
IT WAS YOUR CASE?
IT STILL IS.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
CAPTAIN. YOU ALL RIGHT?
MILES HOLLING WAS MURDERED. HE WAS SUFFOCATED.
IT'S ON THE "A" LIST. I MADE YOU A COPY
OF THE MEDICAL EXAMINER'S REPORT.
KAREN KICKED YOU OUT?
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU DIDN'T EAT DINNER AT HOME.
THERE'S A RECEIPT HERE FROM THE HAPPY BURGER.
YEAH. WE'RE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS.
I'M GONNA CRASH DOWN THE STREET AT THE RED ROOF INN AGAIN.
WHY DON'T YOU... STAY HERE?
HA HA!
LOOK, YOU WERE THERE FOR ME
WHEN I WENT THROUGH MY ROUGH PATCH, REMEMBER?
YEAH. YEAH, I REMEMBER YOUR ROUGH PATCH.
IT LASTED 3 1/2 YEARS.
I WOULDN'T MIND THE COMPANY.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
I INSIST.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS.
UH, COME HELP ME WITH MY BAGS.
BAGS? YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE?
YEAH, I GOT A SUIT BAG AND A FEW THINGS IN THE CAR.
SHOULDN'T BE MORE THAN A FEW WEEKS.
IT'LL BE FUN. WE'LL BE ROOMMATES.
I ALWAYS HAVE A GLASS OF MILK BEFORE BED.
BUT THAT'S NOT --
SHUT UP.
HELL OF A THING, THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
RANDY HAD A THEORY.
HE THINKS MAYBE THE SECOND OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD
DID IT -- YOU KNOW, TO CLAIM THE TITLE.
HE ACTUALLY LOOKED INTO IT.
HOW DID THE KILLER GET IN?
THERE'S ONLY ONE ENTRANCE.
YOU NEED A VALID I.D. TO GET IN.
MAYBE SOMEBODY ON STAFF...
PSYCHO NURSE.
DID THE OLD MAN HAVE ANY MONEY?
UH, YEAH, THERE WAS A SMALL INSURANCE POLICY --
UNDER 10 GRAND. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I HAVE A COASTER.
I ALWAYS PUT ANOTHER ONE UNDERNEATH.
IT'S, UH, IT'S LIKE A BACKUP.
OH. THANK YOU.
WHO WAS THE BENEFICIARY?
THE OLD MAN'S SON -- HIRAM HOLLING. WE'RE GOING TO TALK TO HIM TOMORROW.
SO...WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WELL, WHY ASK ME?
MY HIPPIE WIFE'S A BETTER COP THAN ME.
DON'T SAY THAT.
LOOK, I DON'T MIND LIVING IN YOUR SHADOW, MONK.
YOU'RE A FREAK OF NATURE. THANK YOU.
BUT WHEN KAREN SEES THINGS THAT I MISS,
I MIGHT AS WELL JUST HANG IT UP.
GUESS WHERE I WAS TODAY.
I WAS AT THE LEVERONI GRAVE SITE.
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
OH, IT WAS A HIT-AND-RUN FIVE YEARS AGO.
17 YEARS OLD, VALEDICTORIAN,
KILLED THREE BLOCKS FROM HIS HOUSE.
I ALWAYS FIGURED SOMEBODY WOULD CONFESS.
YEAH. ME TOO.
I MEAN, HOW -- HOW --
HOW CAN SOMEBODY LIVE WITH THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, YOU GOT TO TELL SOMEBODY.
THE URGE TO CONFESS.
IT'S A COP'S BEST FRIEND.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I LIKE IT LIKE THIS.
IT'S CROOKED. I KNOW.
MONK?
THE WHOLE HOUSE IS LAID OUT AT RIGHT ANGLES --
EVERYTHING EXCEPT THIS TABLE.
YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHY?
UNH-UNH.
HERE.
I FOUND AN ALARM CLOCK, CAPTAIN.
YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME CAPTAIN.
YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED I'M OUT OF UNIFORM.
OKAY, UH...
LELAND.
DO YOU, LELAND, NEED ANYTHING ELSE?
NO. I'M FINE.
THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT.
7:53? UH-HUH.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY 8:00?
8:00 IS TOO LATE.
BUT IT'S A NICE ROUND NUMBER.
8-0-0.
MONK, HOW IMPORTANT IS THIS TO YOU?
I MEAN, ON A SCALE FROM 1 TO 10?
I'D SAY IT'S ABOUT AN 8.
8-0-0.
HOW ABOUT 7:00? 7:00.
7-0-0.
7:00 IS TOO EARLY.
YOU COULD USE THE SNOOZE ALARM SIX TIMES.
OKAY, THIS ISN'T WORKING. I'M GOING TO GO TO THE MOTEL.
NO! NO, NO, NO. LOOK, JUST -- YOU CAN'T GO.
YOU WERE THERE FOR ME. I OWE YOU. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.
OKAY, 7:53. ODD NUMBER. NO PROBLEM.
OKAY, I'M AN ADULT, ALL RIGHT? ODD NUMBER.
GOOD NIGHT. NO BIG DEAL. GOOD NIGHT.
MM...
[ FLOOR CREAKS ]
OKAY. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
I'M SETTING THE ALARM TO 8:00.
8-0-0. ARE YOU HAPPY?
YEAH.
NOW, I'M SETTING THE CLOCK
AHEAD SEVEN MINUTES,
SO REALLY I'LL BE GETTING UP AT 7:53.
NOW WE'RE BOTH HAPPY.
YEAH, BUT --
YOU COME IN HERE AGAIN, MONK,
AND I'LL SHOOT YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
DID LELAND SEND YOU?
NO.
I SWEAR.
I DIDN'T EVEN TELL ADRIAN I WAS COMING.
AHH...
YOU OKAY?
[ GASPS ]
IT'S CALLED BIKRAM YOGA. YOU SHOULD TRY IT.
LOOKS PRETTY PAINFUL.
[ Groans ] IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
NO PAIN, NO GAIN.
I HAVE A DIFFERENT MOTTO --
NO PAIN, WHAT'S THE CATCH?
UM, YOU KNOW, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
THAT I CAME OVER HERE,
BUT YOUR HUSBAND IS STAYING OVER AT ADRIAN'S HOUSE,
AND THEY'RE DRIVING EACH OTHER CRAZY.
WELL, TELL ADRIAN MONK "WELCOME TO MY WORLD."
YOU KNOW, NEITHER ONE OF THEM GOT ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
ADRIAN'S BACK AT MY PLACE TAKING A NAP.
SHARONA, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY HERE.
I MEAN, LELAND IS IMPOSSIBLE. NOBODY COULD LIVE WITH HIM.
YOU KNOW, THE DEPARTMENT HAS COUNSELING SERVICES.
WELL, WE TRIED THERAPY. IT LASTED FOR THREE WEEKS.
YOU SEE, LELAND DOES NOT RESPECT THE PROCESS.
HE DOESN'T RESPECT ME. THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.
KAREN, THAT IS NOT TRUE. HE IS SO PROUD OF YOU.
HE TALKS ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.
DO YOU KNOW THAT HE STILL HAS NOT SEEN MY MOVIE?
THE ONE THAT I MADE ABOUT MILES HOLLING,
AND IT WON BEST DOCUMENTARY, HONORABLE MENTION.
WELL, HE'S BUSY.
IT'S 65 MINUTES LONG. HOW BUSY COULD HE BE?
HERE.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?
SURE.
AND I PROMISE YOU, HE'S GONNA SEE IT, TOO.
LAST NIGHT, MIDNIGHT,
I GET UP AND USE THE BATHROOM.
FIVE MINUTES LATER, I HEAR HIM.
HE'S IN THERE CLEANING.
AN HOUR AND A HALF.
JEEZ.
IT KIND OF MAKES A GUY SELF-CONSCIOUS.
WELL, YOU COULD STAY WITH ME, SIR.
I HAVE TiVo.
NO. NO, I COULDN'T LEAVE NOW.
IT'D HURT HIS FEELINGS.
HE THINKS HE OWES ME BECAUSE I HELD HIS HAND WHEN TRUDY DIED.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
THAT'S MY NEW FULL-TIME JOB --
NOT HURTING PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.
MY FATHER WAS 114.
NOW, THAT IS OLD,
BUT IT IS STILL TOO YOUNG.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
YES, SIR.
IF YOU FIND THAT BASTARD, DO ME ONE FAVOR.
I WANT FIVE MINUTES ALONE WITH HIM IN THE ROOM.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR FATHER?
TWO MONTHS. UNLESS YOU MEAN ON THE TV.
OH, THEY USED HIM A LOT ON THE TV.
HE WROTE A BOOK. THEY EVEN PUT IT IN A TIME CAPSULE.
DID YOUR FATHER HAVE ANY ENEMIES?
OH, NO, NOT UNLESS YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT THE PHONE CALLS.
THE PHONE CALLS?
YEAH, THEY STARTED ABOUT A FEW WEEKS AGO.
SOMEBODY STARTED CALLING MY DADDY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AT ALL HOURS.
WHAT DID THEY SAY?
"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU."
PULL THE PHONE RECORDS.
OH, I DO HOPE YOU FIND THAT BASTARD.
114.
NOW, THAT'S OLD, BUT IT'S STILL TOO YOUNG,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
HE WAS STILL MY DADDY,
AND I WAS STILL HIS BABY!
[ SNIFFLES ]
Monk: CAPTAIN, I'M HOME.
HI.
I WAS JUST CLEANING UP.
I-I'LL DO THAT.
I GOT IT.
PLEASE, PLEASE. LET -- UH, I'LL DO IT.
I GOT IT.
NO, PLEASE. PLEASE.
OKAY.
THANKS.
HOW WAS YOUR DAY? MY DAY WAS GOOD.
I PICKED THE BOYS UP FROM SCHOOL, BOUGHT THEM SOME PIZZA.
OH. GOOD. HOW ARE THEY?
THEY'RE DOING GREAT. THANK YOU.
GOOD.
RANDY AND I TRACKED DOWN HIRAM HOLLING,
THE OLD MAN'S 83-YEAR-OLD BABY BOY.
YEAH? ANYTHING THERE?
APPARENTLY MILES HOLLING
WAS RECEIVING PHONE CALLS LAST WEEK.
LATE AT NIGHT. SOMEBODY WAS TRYING TO SCARE HIM.
WOW.
WHAT'S THAT?
NEW SHOWER HEAD.
THIS WAY WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN.
OH, AND, UM, SHARONA GAVE ME THIS.
KAREN'S MOVIE.
SHARONA SAYS YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT.
I'VE TRIED. THREE TIMES.
WHEN I WATCH IT, ALL I CAN THINK OF IS
IT COST 45 GRAND.
IT WAS EITHER THIS, OR A CABIN CRUISER --
32-FOOT. FIBERGLASS. 150 HORSEPOWER.
THANK YOU.
WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT IT,
AND WE DECIDED TO MAKE THE MOVIE.
YEAH. THE TABLE.
WHAT IS WITH YOU AND THAT TABLE?
IT HAS TO BE LIKE THIS.
THESE ARE THE PHONE RECORDS?
YEAH. YEAH, WE TRACED THOSE.
THEY WERE MADE FROM A PHONE BOOTH AT THE AMTRAK STATION.
IT'S A BUST. WHAT ABOUT THESE?
THEY JUST SENT THOSE OVER. EMPLOYMENT RECORDS FROM THE NURSING HOME.
WE GOT TIME CARDS AND SIGN-IN SHEETS.
THAT'S STRANGE. WHAT IS?
THIS SECURITY GUARD -- GEORGE ROWE.
LOOK AT THE SIGNATURES.
THIS IS MONDAY, THE DAY OF THE MURDER.
THESE TWO ARE FROM LAST WEEK.
YEAH, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD MATCH.
NOT THE HANDWRITING.
LOOK AT MONDAY. HE MISSPELLED HIS NAME.
SON OF A BITCH.
HOW DID I MISS THAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I SHOULD JUST QUIT.
I WONDER IF HOME DEPOT IS HIRING.
IT'S JUST A SLUMP. IT HAPPENS.
NOT TO YOU.
I DIDN'T LEAVE MY HOUSE FOR 3 1/2 YEARS --
THE SLUMP OF THE CENTURY.
YOU KNOW WHEN IT STARTED?
THAT HIT-AND-RUN. THE LEVERONI KID.
THAT WAS THE CASE.
THAT'S WHEN I WENT OFF THE TRACKS.
AFTER THAT, I WAS NEVER REALLY ABLE TO FOCUS AGAIN.
YOU KNOW IT?
OF COURSE YOU KNOW IT. YOU KNOW EVERY DAMN THING.
MR. ROWE, OPEN UP. IT'S THE POLICE.
IT'S KIND OF MESSY IN THERE. IT COULD'VE BEEN A FIGHT.
IS THAT PROBABLE CAUSE? PROBABLY.
PROBABLY PROBABLE CAUSE?
THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
GEORGE ROWE?
HELLO?
POLICE.
MR. ROWE?
MONK, DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. THIS ISN'T OUR HOUSE.
JESUS, DID I JUST SAY "OUR HOUSE"?
OH! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
SNAKE! SNAKE, SNAKE, SNAKE ON THE LOOSE.
SNAKE. OVER THERE. SNAKE.
OKAY, EASY. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
SNAKE ON THE LOOSE. OUT OF THE BOX. OUT OF THE BOX.
HE'S ON THE PROWL.
IT'S ALL RIGHT. COME ON, BUDDY.
THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO!
HE'S HEADING UPTOWN. HE'S HEADING UPTOWN!
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
YOU'RE LOSING HIM.
IN YOU GO. WHOA! YOU'RE LOSING HIM.
SHUT IT, SHUT IT, SHUT IT. JUST SHUT IT, SHUT IT.
SHUT.
SHUT, SHUT, SHUT!
MAN, DON'T SOIL YOUR PANTS.
IF YOU DO, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
LOOK AT THIS. WHAT?
FEEDING SCHEDULE.
"CURLY, LARRY, MOE."
CLEVER.
THERE'S CURLY...
LARRY, AND...
AAH!
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHERE'S MOE? WHO'S MOE?
MOE THE SNAKE. HE'S LOOSE. HE'S MISSING.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S MOE? IT MIGHT BE CURLY.
FINE, IT'S CURLY! WHERE THE HELL IS CURLY?
MAYBE CURLY'S DEAD. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, THE FEEDING SCHEDULE GOES UP TO LAST FRIDAY.
HE'S -- HE'S LOOSE. HE'S SOMEWHERE IN THE HOUSE.
COME -- C-COME ON UP HERE. IT'S PLENTY STRONG.
I'M NOT GETTING ON THE TABLE WITH YOU, MONK.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.
SNAKES TRUMP HEIGHTS.
IT GOES GERMS, NEEDLES, MILK, DEATH, SNAKES,
MUSHROOMS, HEIGHTS, CROWDS, ELEVATORS.
OKAY, I DON'T NEED THE ENTIRE LIST.
WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUTSIDE? COME ON.
CARRY ME.
WHAT?
CARRY ME. PLEASE?
NO. PLEASE.
MONK, I'M NOT GONNA CARRY YOU.
OKAY. I'LL STAY HERE. I'M FINE.
CAN I HAVE YOUR GUN?
NO. NOT UNLESS YOU PLAN ON USING IT ON YOURSELF.
MAYBE I WILL.
OH! I FOUND HIM.
KILL IT! SHOOT IT!
KILL! SHOOT! KILL IT!
IT'S NOT THE SNAKE.
I FOUND GEORGE ROWE.
ADRIAN, YOU CAN'T JUST SIT IN HERE.
YOU'RE ON THE JOB.
THE CRIME SCENE'S INSIDE.
YEAH, SO'S CURLY.
WHO'S CURLY?
THE SNAKE. CURLY OR MOE...
WE'RE NOT SURE.
HEY, THERE'S YOUR ROOMMATE. YEAH.
HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT?
I'M NOT SLEEPING. I'M ALL STRESSED OUT.
I'M THINKING ABOUT GOING TO A HOTEL.
WHY DON'T YOU?
I DON'T WANT TO HURT HIS FEELINGS.
HEY, MONK. WE GOT HIM. HE WAS UNDER THE COUCH.
COME ON, I NEED YOU IN THERE. I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
IF THE PERP AND THE VICTIM KNEW EACH OTHER OR NOT.
SHOW ME THE SNAKE. WHAT?
THE BAG'S EMPTY. NO, IT'S NOT.
SHOW ME THE SNAKE.
ALL RIGHT, THE BAG'S EMPTY.
COME ON, I NEED YOU IN THERE.
YOU DON'T NEED ME INSIDE.
THE KILLER WAS A STRANGER.
HE'D NEVER BEEN IN THIS HOUSE BEFORE.
Disher: YOU CAN TELL THAT FROM HERE?
HE BROKE THREE PANELS IN THAT DOOR.
THEN HE REACHED IN AND OPENED THE LOCK. WHAT DOES THAT PROVE?
BUT HE BROKE THREE PANELS.
HE WASN'T SURE WHERE THE LOCK WAS.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A STRANGER. PASS IT ON.
YES, SIR.
WHAT TIME WILL YOU BE HOME? HUH?
WHAT TIME DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE HOME?
I DON'T KNOW.
BECAUSE I WAS THINKING OF MAKING A POT ROAST,
BUT I NEED AN APPROXIMATE TIME.
I DON'T KNOW, MONK. I'LL CALL YOU.
OKAY, BUT DON'T FORGET. I WON'T FORGET.
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID YESTERDAY.
[ STIFLED CHUCKLE ]
SHUT UP.
GOOD MORNING.
SIR, ARE YOU OKAY?
HE WAS CLEANING AGAIN.
UNTIL 3:00 A.M. JESUS.
I LOVE MY WIFE.
I HAVE NEVER LOVED HER OR MISSED HER MORE.
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
MAYBE THIS IS A BAD TIME.
OH, NO. NO, NO. I NEED TO WORK.
IT'S ALL I HAVE. WHAT DO YOU GOT?
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE QUESTION.
WHO WOULD MURDER THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD?
I KNOW WHAT THE QUESTION IS, RANDY.
OKAY, LOOK AT THIS.
BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS.
ENRICO PALAMO.
HE WAS ITALIAN. HE COLLECTED YARN.
HE MADE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST BALL OF YARN.
HE WAS MURDERED THREE YEARS AGO. STILL UNSOLVED.
WELL, MAYBE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST KITTY CAT DID THAT.
I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A SERIAL KILLER ON OUR HANDS.
OH, GOD.
SOMEBODY IS KILLING WORLD RECORD HOLDERS ONE AT A TIME.
YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO WARN THE FAT TWINS
ON THE MOTORCYCLES?
MAYBE WE OUGHT TO PUT A 24-HOUR GUARD
ON THE GUY WITH THE BEARD OF BEES.
I CAN NEVER TELL WHEN YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC.
I'M BEING SARCASTIC, RANDY. GET THE BOOK OUTTA HERE.
YES, SIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MONK!
I JUST VACUUMED THAT.
I KNOW.
I'M TRYING TO HELP OUT. I'M TRYING TO DO MY SHARE.
I KNOW. NO PROBLEM.
JUST FINISHING UP.
IT'S FINISHED! THE RUG IS CLEAN.
I KNOW.
THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
THE LINES IN THE CARPET.
SEE?
YOU WENT ON A DIAGONAL.
I LIKE TO MAKE A GRID.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
YOU WIN.
I GIVE UP. EXCUSE ME?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
I'M GOING TO CALL THE VATICAN,
AND I'M GOING TO NOMINATE YOUR LATE WIFE TRUDY FOR SAINTHOOD!
BECAUSE YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE!
THE LINES...
THEY'RE ALL DIAGONAL!
I HAVE TO LIVE HERE!
FORGET ABOUT THE RUG!
THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE RUG!
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
YOU'RE THE WORLD'S BEST MARRIAGE COUNSELOR.
YOU COULD SAVE EVERY MARRIAGE IN CALIFORNIA.
ALL PEOPLE HAVE TO DO IS LIVE WITH YOU FOR TWO DAYS.
TWO DAYS!
AND THEY'D NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR SPOUSE AGAIN.
WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I AM GOING HOME.
I'M GOING TO BEG KAREN TO TAKE ME BACK.
I'M GOING TO BEG HER TO TAKE ME BACK.
I AM GOING TO TELL HER I AM A DIFFERENT MAN, AND I WILL NOT BE LYING.
SHE WON'T TAKE YOU BACK.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER MOVIE YET.
Karen: WHEN I AM DEAD, MY DEAREST...
SING NO SAD SONGS FOR ME.
PLANT THOU NO ROSES AT MY HEAD.
AND IF THOU WILT, REMEMBER...
AND IF THOU WILT, FORGET.
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
[ HARMONICA PLAYING ]
Karen: HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY, MILES?
NOT BAD FOR AN OLD BASTARD.
NEXT WEEK, I'LL BE 110 YEARS OLD.
I'M THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
THAT MEANS I WIN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WIN,
BUT I WIN.
HA HA HA HA.
Mayor: THIS TIME CAPSULE IS A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE --
A BIG METALLIC VACUUM-PACKED BOTTLE --
FOR OUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN'S CHILDREN.
AH, I SEE OUR GUEST OF HONOR IS ARRIVING.
100 YEARS FROM NOW,
FUTURE GENERATIONS CAN READ COPIES OF THE "MALDEN GAZETTE."
OH!
OH, WAIT.
I'VE WRITTEN A LETTER TO FUTURE GENERATIONS,
AND I'VE ASKED MY FAMILY AND STAFF TO DO THE SAME.
WHY DON'T WE DROP THEM IN NOW?
AND FINALLY, I HAVE ASKED...
GIVE ME THAT.
...MILES HOLLING TO WRITE HIS LIFE STORY.
WE'RE GOING TO INCLUDE A COPY OF IT.
AND I MAKE YOU THIS PROMISE --
IF YOU LIVE ANOTHER FIVE YEARS AND I'M STILL IN OFFICE,
WE'RE GOING TO DIG THIS BABY UP
AND ADD ANOTHER CHAPTER TO YOUR BOOK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK -- SEE YOU IN FIVE YEARS?
IT'S A DATE!
[ BAND PLAYING ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU'RE REWINDING? WE WERE ALMOST DONE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK -- SEE YOU IN FIVE YEARS?
IT'S A DATE!
MONK, I'M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING
I'VE WANTED TO SAY FOR A LONG TIME.
WHAT IS IT?
I JUST SOLVED THE CASE.
HI, HELLO AGAIN. THE MAYOR WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
ACTUALLY, DENNIS, WE CAME TO TALK TO YOU.
OH?
ON DECEMBER 10, 1998,
THE DAY THAT THEY BURIED THE TIME CAPSULE,
YOU WERE DRIVING A RENTAL CAR, WEREN'T YOU?
MM-HMM. I THINK THAT'S STRANGE,
YOU DRIVING A RENTAL CAR IN YOUR OWN TOWN.
OH, WELL, IT WAS A SPECIAL OCCASION.
I WANTED TO ARRIVE IN SOMETHING NICE. WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
IT'S ABOUT DARREN LEVERONI. DO YOU REMEMBER HIM?
OH. OH, YEAH. OF COURSE I DO.
YOUR CAR -- THE ONE YOU DIDN'T DRIVE THAT DAY --
WAS IT A SKY-BLUE OLDSMOBILE CUTLASS SEDAN?
OH, WELL, THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
UM, I THINK SO.
A WITNESS SAW A BLUE OLDSMOBILE
LEAVING THE SCENE OF THE HIT-AND-RUN.
NOW, I REMEMBER I REQUESTED A LIST
OF REGISTERED OWNERS FROM THE DMV.
THAT LIST CAME THROUGH YOUR OFFICE,
BUT YOUR NAME WASN'T ON IT.
CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT, SIR?
I DON'T KNOW. OVERSIGHT, CLERICAL ERROR?
WHERE IS THAT CAR TODAY, MR. GAMMILL?
IT WAS STOLEN. I REPORTED IT.
PRETTY CONVENIENT.
A SHORT TIME LATER, YOU JOINED ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, DIDN'T YOU?
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, EITHER.
DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT? NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO. YOU CAN'T PROVE ANY OF THIS, CAN YOU?
I'M NOT SAYING ANOTHER WORD. HERE...
MY LAWYER. TALK TO HIM.
SORRY I'M LATE. WHAT DID I MISS?
NOTHING. NOTHING. THEY WERE JUST LEAVING.
THIS ISN'T OVER.
BYE-BYE.
WHAT?
HI. UH, EXCUSE ME.
UH, YOU REMEMBER US?
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING?
YES, I DID. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR WRIST?
WHAT?
Monk: LOOKS LIKE A SNAKE BITE.
THERE WAS A SNAKE LOOSE WHEN THE SECURITY GUARD WAS KILLED.
GOOD OLD CURLY.
OR MOE -- IT COULD HAVE BEEN MOE.
OH, THIS -- THIS IS INSANE.
FIRST YOU ACCUSE ME OF A 5-YEAR-OLD HIT-AND-RUN,
NOW I GATHER YOU'RE SAYING I KILLED SOME SECURITY GUARD.
WELL, MAKE UP YOUR MIND, BOYS. WHICH IS IT?
BOTH, ACTUALLY. MR. MAYOR, UH, WE --
WE WOULD LIKE YOUR PERMISSION TO DIG UP THE TIME CAPSULE.
DIG UP THE WHAT?
THE -- THE TIME CAPSULE THAT YOU BURIED FIVE YEARS AGO.
WE NEED TO TAKE A LOOK INSIDE.
OH, JESUS. WHY?
WHAT, FIRST THE OLD MAN, NOW THE TIME CAPSULE?
WHAT, YOU -- YOU PLAN ON DIGGING UP THE WHOLE COUNTY?
STEVE, THEY DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY.
THAT'S TRUE, BUT I DO.
THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT MILES HOLLING BEING MURDERED.
I'M INCLINED TO GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
THANK YOU, MR. MAYOR. THANK YOU.
Gammill: YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE.
Disher: YOU'RE THE PRIMARY SUSPECT IN TWO HOMICIDES.
WE CAN DETAIN YOU BRIEFLY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO PROVE?
FIRST WE'RE GOING TO PROVE THAT YOU KILLED GEORGE ROWE
TO GET HIS SECURITY PASS.
HIS SECURITY PASS?
YOU NEEDED IT TO GET INTO THE NURSING HOME TO KILL MILES HOLLING.
STEVE -- NO. CARE TO TELL ME WHY?
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU SAID, MR. MAYOR,
FIVE YEARS AGO.
IT WAS IN KAREN STOTTLEMEYER'S MOVIE,
WHICH -- WHICH I-I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED, BY THE WAY.
YEAH, ME TOO.
I WATCHED THE WHOLE THING.
WHEN YOU BURIED THE CAPSULE,
YOU MADE A PROMISE TO MILES HOLLING. REMEMBER?
YOU SAID THAT IF HE LIVED ANOTHER FIVE YEARS
THAT YOU'D DIG IT UP AGAIN SO THAT HE COULD ADD
A FINAL CHAPTER TO HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.
IF MILES TURNED 115, THEY WOULD HAVE DUG IT UP,
AND IN YOUR PARANOIA,
YOU COULDN'T RISK THAT HAPPENING, COULD YOU?
SO YOU TRIED TO SCARE THE OLD MAN TO DEATH --
LATE-NIGHT PHONE CALLS, DEATH THREATS.
WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK,
YOU REALIZED YOU HAD NO CHOICE -- YOU HAD TO KILL HIM.
THERE'S SOMETHING IN THERE --
SOMETHING YOU THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD SEE FOR 100 YEARS.
I'VE WRITTEN A LETTER TO FUTURE GENERATIONS,
AND I'VE ASKED MY FAMILY AND STAFF TO DO THE SAME.
WHY DON'T WE DROP THEM IN NOW?
Monk: THE MAYOR INVITED HIS FAMILY AND STAFF MEMBERS
TO ADD A PERSONAL NOTE.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK...
WHAT MR. GAMMILL WROTE.
CAPTAIN, DO YOU MIND READING IT?
"ON DECEMBER 2, 1998,
"I KILLED DARREN LEVERONI WITH MY CAR.
"MAY GOD FORGIVE ME,
"BECAUSE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.
SIGNED, DENNIS GAMMILL."
THE URGE TO CONFESS.
IT'S A COP'S BEST FRIEND.
STEVE, PLEASE. HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME?
I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I SWEAR.
I WAS DRINKING.
I DON'T REMEMBER HITTING ANYBODY.
I WOKE UP,
AND THE -- THE FENDER WAS DENTED,
AND THERE WAS SOME BLOOD AND SOME HAIR AND --
I THOUGHT I HIT AN ANIMAL.
I PRAYED TO GOD I HIT AN ANIMAL.
LIEUTENANT, TAKE HIM AWAY.
YES, SIR.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT...
CAPTAIN, CAPTAIN...
THIS WAS IN THERE, TOO.
DID YOU WRITE THAT?
WELL...
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO READ IT,
AT LEAST, NOT FOR 100 YEARS.
WAS IT ABOUT ME?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DID YOU REALLY LIKE MY MOVIE?
YEAH.
TWO THUMBS UP.
HA HA HA.
THOUGH I'M NOT AN OBJECTIVE CRITIC...
BECAUSE I'M INSANELY IN LOVE WITH THE FILMMAKER.
HEY, MONK, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN AGAIN.
GLAD TO HEAR IT.
THANK YOU FOR LOOKING AFTER HIM, AND THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. IT WAS MY PLEASURE.
NO, IT WASN'T. NO, IT WASN'T.
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF PACKING UP YOUR THINGS,
PUTTING THEM IN YOUR CAR.
LET'S NOT DO THIS AGAIN REAL SOON, OKAY?
YOU GOT IT.
THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S GREAT.
ARE YOU TIRED?
MM-HMM. COME HERE.
( theme music playing )