Woman: 8:30, "BIOGRAPHY" --
OH, THEY'RE DOING GEORGE CLOONEY.
IF I WERE 10 YEARS YOUNGER, I'D BE ALL OVER THAT MAN.
HA HA.
OH, UH, "SEX AND THE CITY"...
I DON'T THINK SO, NO.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE WATCHING THAT ONE.
I THINK.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE. HA HA.
IF NOBODY CLAIMS YOU BY NEXT WEEK,
I'M ADOPTING YOU.
[ MEOWS ] WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? HMM?
[ MUFFLED SCREAMING ]
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Man: THROW THAT OVER HER.
HEY! HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NANA! NANA?! BE CAREFUL!
NANA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HEY, STOP! NANA! WHAT--
HELP, SOMEBODY!
* IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE
* DISORDER AND CONFUSION EVERYWHERE *
* NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE
* WELL, I DO, HEY!
* WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?
* IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE
* POISON IN THE VERY AIR WE BREATHE *
* DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THE WATER THAT YOU DRINK? *
* WELL, I DO, AND IT'S AMAZING *
* PEOPLE THINK I'M CRAZY 'CAUSE I WORRY ALL THE TIME *
* IF YOU PAID ATTENTION, YOU'D BE WORRIED, TOO *
* YOU BETTER PAY ATTENTION, ALL THIS WORLD WE LOVE SO MUCH *
* MIGHT JUST KILL YOU
* I COULD BE WRONG NOW
* BUT I DON'T THINK SO
* 'CAUSE IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE *
* IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE
Stottlemeyer: A LIGHTNING BOLT.
WELL, WE THINK IT'S A CALLING CARD.
THERE WAS A RADICAL GROUP IN THE EARLY '70s --
THE LIGHTNING BRIGADE.
THEY WERE INVOLVED IN SOME ROTC BOMBINGS --
I KNOW WHO THE LIGHTNING BRIGADE WAS, LIEUTENANT.
I REMEMBER THE '70s...
AT LEAST SOME OF IT.
AH-CHOO!
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, THE CAT. I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS.
OKAY, WE'VE GOT TWO SHORT HOURS BEFORE THIS PHONE CALL.
ARE WE READY?
YEAH, WE'RE ALL SET, CAPTAIN.
WE GOT TWO RECORDERS READY TO ROLL,
AND THE PHONE COMPANY'S ON-LINE
FOR AN IMMEDIATE TRAP AND TRACE.
HOW LONG DO WE NEED?
WELL, IF IT'S A LAND LINE, WE GOT 'EM. IF IT'S A CELL PHONE...
WHICH IT WILL BE...
WE'LL NEED 45 SECONDS.
EXCUSE ME, CAPTAIN STOTTLEMEYER?
HELLO, I'M JULIE PARLO.
UH, WHERE IS THE FBI? THIS IS A KIDNAPPING.
I HAPPEN TO BE A LAWYER, SO I KNOW
IN A KIDNAPPING SITUATION, THE FBI HAS JURIS PRUDENCE.
THAT'S ONLY TRUE IF YOUR GRANDMOTHER
HAS BEEN TAKEN ACROSS STATE LINES.
OR IF SHE'S BEEN HELD FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS,
AND I THINK YOU MEANT TO SAY "JURISDICTION," RIGHT?
WHAT KIND OF LAWYER ARE YOU?
OH, WELL, UH, I-I NEVER SAID I WAS A LAWYER.
YES, YOU DID.
I-I'M A LAW STUDENT AT GARLAND COLLEGE,
AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE CERTAIN RIGHTS,
AND IF YOU DON'T DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN
TO GET MY GRANDMOTHER BACK,
I COULD SUE YOU ALL FOR MALPRACTICE.
NO, YOU CAN'T.
I-I CAN'T?
NO.
MISS PARLO, YOU LIVE HERE WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER, RIGHT?
YEAH, I-I MOVED IN AFTER BOTH MY PARENTS DIED.
THAT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO.
SO IT'S JUST THE TWO OF YOU?
YES, SIR... WELL, AND THE CAT.
AH-CHOO!
YEAH, I KNOW ABOUT THE CAT.
WAS YOUR GRANDMOTHER WEALTHY?
NO, THAT'S WHY THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
WHY NANA? SHE-- SHE'S 76 YEARS OLD,
SHE'S NOT RICH, SHE DOESN'T HAVE AN ENEMY IN THE WORLD,
AND SHE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW
SCARED TO DEATH.
CAPTAIN, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
OH, WHAT ABOUT, UM, THAT DETECTIVE
I WAS READING ABOUT -- UH, THE -- THE MONK?
MONK. HIS NAME IS MONK.
YEAH, I-I READ AN ARTICLE ABOUT HIM.
THEY QUOTED YOU. YOU SAID HE WAS BRILLIANT.
YEAH, UM...
ADRIAN MONK IS A FORMER HOMICIDE DETECTIVE
WHO WE USE ON A CONSULTING BASIS FROM TIME TO TIME
ONCE WE'VE HIT A WALL,
BUT WE HAVEN'T HIT A WALL, MISS PARLO.
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.
AH-CHOO!
SORRY.
[ SIGHS ]
CONCENTRATE.
BE THE DOTTED LINE.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
[ GROANS ]
[ RING ]
COME IN. IT'S OPEN.
[ DOOR OPENS ]
ADRIAN MONK?
YOU'RE NOT SHARONA.
NO, SIR.
UM, MY NAME'S JULIE PARLO.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
UH...
IT'S MY GRANDMOTHER.
SHE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED.
[ SNIFFLES ]
THANK YOU.
UM...
THERE.
OKAY, WE'LL JUST KEEP IT RIGHT THERE
IF YOU NEED IT AGAIN.
UM...
MR. MONK, YOU'RE --
YOU'RE A PRIVATE CONSULTANT NOW, RIGHT?
OKAY.
I WANT TO HIRE YOU.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING.
UM, I CAN'T PAY YOU.
WELL, THAT'S -- THAT'S A PROBLEM.
MY ASSISTANT SHARONA
WON'T LET ME TAKE ANY MORE CASES FOR FREE.
DOESN'T SHE WORK FOR YOU?
WELL...
IT'S COMPLICATED.
HERE'S THE THING -- I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY,
BUT I CAN PAY YOU IN TRADE.
UH, IF YOU HELP ME, I CAN HELP YOU.
WHAT ARE WE -- WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
I CAN GET YOU REINSTATED.
I KNOW YOU WANT YOUR BADGE BACK MORE THAN ANYTHING,
AND I ALREADY TALKED TO PROFESSOR EMERY
ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.
PROFESS-- EM-- EUGENE EMERY?
AT GARLAND COLLEGE?
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M IN HIS CLASS.
OH, MY GOD.
I JUST READ HIS BOOK.
OH, YEAH. WE HAVE A TEST ON THAT NEXT WEEK.
IT'S -- IT'S WONDERFUL.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
WELL --
WELL, IT'S AN ARGUMENT FOR TORT REFORM.
PROFESSOR EMERY FEELS THAT WE COULD ELIMINATE
ALL SUPERFLUOUS LITIGATION IF WE CAP PUNITIVE DAMAGES
AND HOLD THE PLAINTIFF LIABLE FOR ANY COURT EXPENSES.
WELL, I'M SURE
YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE TEST
'CAUSE OF YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
RIGHT.
WHEW.
BUT YOU --
YOU DID TALK TO PROFESSOR EMERY --
TO EUGENE EMERY ABOUT ME?
YEAH, HE SAID HE COULD DEFINITELY GET YOU REINSTATED.
HE GUARANTEED IT.
HOW?
I'LL TELL YOU
WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOME SAFE AND SOUND.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
WELL...
I-I COULD ALWAYS
CALL PROFESSOR EMERY MYSELF.
BUT I WON'T.
SHE CAN GET YOU REINSTATED?
SHE TALKED TO EUGENE EMERY --
THE PULITZER PRIZE WINNER.
THERE'S SOME SORT OF LOOPHOLE IN THE LAW.
I-IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
EXACTLY.
AH-CHOO!
ARE YOU OKAY?
SHE HAS A CAT.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL HER TO BRING IT UPSTAIRS?
NO, NO.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IF A CAT'S BEEN IN A HOUSE IN THE LAST YEAR,
I CAN'T STOP SNEEZING.
REALLY?
REMIND ME TO BUY A CAT.
AH-CHOO!
WELL, AT LEAST YOU WON'T BE ALONE ON SATURDAY NIGHTS.
Julie: IS ANYBODY HUNGRY?
I, UH, I MADE THESE PASTRIES WHILE WE'RE WAITING,
JUST TO KEEP MY MIND OFF THINGS.
OH, THANKS.
NO.
MMM.
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.
DELICIOUS. YOU COULD SELL THESE.
ACTUALLY, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM
TO OPEN UP MY OWN BAKERY.
SO WHY ARE YOU IN LAW SCHOOL?
OH, WELL, THAT'S WHAT MY PARENTS ALWAYS WANTED.
I, UH, I USED THEIR LIFE INSURANCE MONEY
TO PAY FOR THE TUITION.
BUT IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY --
WELL, YOU DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOUR PARENTS,
EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT HERE.
WELL, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE NOT HERE. I UNDERSTAND.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
NOT A WORD.
SHE'S ALONE IN THE HOUSE. NOW...
[ RING ]
NOBODY IS IN THE ROOM BUT HER.
JULIE, WE NEED 45 SECONDS, OKAY? YOU CAN DO IT.
OKAY.
HELLO?
Man: [ Distorted voice ] THIS IS THE LIGHTNING BRIGADE.
ALL THE POWER TO THE PEOPLE.
O-OKAY.
WE HAVE YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
IS SHE ALL RIGHT? SHE'S FINE.
IF YOU WANT HER TO STAY THAT WAY, DO EXACTLY WHAT WE SAY,
AND DON'T TRY TO KEEP US ON THE PHONE, JULIE. WE'RE NOT STUPID.
UH, WELL, OKAY, BUT CAN I -- CAN I TALK TO HER?
I SAID SHE'S FINE. DON'T YOU TRUST ME?
YEAH, BUT SHE HAS A -- A HEART CONDITION.
UM, SHE -- SHE NEEDS HER MEDICATION.
THEN YOU BETTER LISTEN CAREFULLY.
HERE'S WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO.
[ Whispers ] WHAT? DO YOU WANT ME TO HANG UP?
IS THAT -- IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
WHO'S THERE? YOU BLEW IT, HONEY.
[ DIAL TONE ]
41 SECONDS. WE MISSED HIM.
SHE HAD SOMETHING ON HER CHEEK.
DO YOU THINK THEY'LL CALL AGAIN?
I DON'T THINK SO.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
SHARONA, WATCH HIM.
[ RING ]
UM, THAT -- THAT WASN'T THE POLICE.
I'M JUST REALLY NERVOUS, OKAY? I SWEAR.
Man: DON'T BE NERVOUS.
HERE'S WHAT WE NEED YOU TO DO.
THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF HOMELESS PEOPLE
IN THE MISSION DISTRICT.
THEY SUFFER NEEDLESSLY WHILE JUST BLOCKS AWAY,
THE RICH STUFF THEIR FAT FACES IN FANCY RESTAURANTS.
HEY, WE'RE -- WE'RE NOT RICH.
SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
TONIGHT, WE'RE REDISTRIBUTING A LITTLE WEALTH.
I WANT YOU TO BUY EVERY HOMELESS PERSON
IN THE MISSION DISTRICT A TURKEY DINNER.
T-TURKEY DINNER?
JUST DO IT, AND GRANDMA WILL BE HOME BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
OKAY, WELL, WHAT TIME DO --
[ DIAL TONE ]
Man: DIDN'T GET IT.
THEY WANT TURKEY DINNERS
FOR ALL THE HOMELESS PEOPLE IN THE MISSION DISTRICT.
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
AH-CHOO!
THIS IS CRAZY. WHAT KIND OF RANSOM DEMAND IS THIS?
[ Coughs ] I KNOW. THE KIDNAPPERS ARE RISKING LIFE IN PRISON
FOR, WHAT, $500 WORTH OF FOOD.
I MEAN, THE SHELTER ON THIRD --
IT'S SERVING TURKEY TONIGHT ANYWAY.
WELL, WE CAN'T STAND AROUND HERE LIKE THIS.
WE DON'T EXACTLY BLEND IN.
DO YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION?
THIS IS CRAZY.
IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'M GETTING MY BADGE BACK.
I'LL BELIEVE THAT WHEN I SEE IT.
JULIE PARLO DIDN'T EXACTLY SEEM
LIKE SUPREME COURT MATERIAL.
GRAVY?
NO THANKS.
EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING GRAVY.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE GRAVY?
HE DOESN'T WANT ANY GRAVY.
I THINK THE GENTLEMAN CAN SPEAK FOR HIMSELF. SIR?
I DON'T WANT ANY GRAVY.
OKAY, SURE.
ENJOY YOUR MEAL.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
I'M UNDERCOVER. I'M HOMELESS.
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR FACE?
DIRT.
GIVE THE LADY SOME GRAVY.
HERE IT IS.
HERE WHAT IS?
DIDN'T YOU JUST ASK FOR GRAVY?
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
OH.
WELL, HERE IT IS.
I TOLD YOU,
I DON'T WANT IT.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
YOU HAVE SOME GRAVY...
AND?
THAT'S IT.
WE GOT HER. WE GOT HER BACK.
THEY DROPPED HER OFF TWO BLOCKS AWAY.
CALL EMS.
IT'S ME.
Sharona: HOW'S GRANDMA PARLO DOING?
SHE'S A TOUGH OLD BIRD.
BUT SHE CAN'T I.D. THE KIDNAPPERS?
BLINDFOLDED THE WHOLE TIME.
BUT SHE THINKS SHE'S HEARD THEIR VOICES BEFORE.
SHE JUST CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE.
WELL, AT LEAST THEY DIDN'T HURT HER.
NO, SHE WAS TREATED PRETTY WELL, CONSIDERING.
THEY EVEN KEPT SAYING "BE CAREFUL"
WHEN THEY CARRIED HER OUT OF THE HOUSE.
YEAH, THEY FED HER PIZZA -- ALL THE PIZZA SHE COULD EAT.
I CAN'T EVEN GET PIZZA AT MY HOUSE.
AND GET THIS -- THEY PLAYED OPERA.
THE OLD LADY SAID SHE COULD HEAR IT THROUGH THE DOOR.
THE KIDNAPPERS ARE INTO OPERA?
WHAT KIND OF REVOLUTION IS THIS?
WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
WE PICKED UP RON ABRASH THIS MORNING.
HE WAS THE LEADER OF THE LIGHTNING BRIGADE
30 YEARS AGO.
Disher: HE'S IN THE BOX NOW.
YOU WANT TO SIT IN?
YOU'RE ASKING ME TO SIT IN?
YEAH.
I HEARD YOU MIGHT BE GETTING YOUR BADGE BACK. BE GOOD PRACTICE FOR YOU.
THANKS.
I'M GOING IN.
OKAY. COOL. IT'LL BE THE THREE OF US.
WE CAN DO GOOD COP, BAD COP, WORSE COP.
RANDY, IT'S A 2-MAN JOB.
JUST WAIT HERE.
OH, OKAY, I'LL -- I'LL JUST WAIT HERE AND...
WEEP OPENLY.
DO SOME PAPERWORK.
WHILE YOU WEEP OPENLY.
DON'T YOU PEOPLE READ THE PAPERS?
THE BRIGADE IS ANCIENT HISTORY.
WE BROKE UP, LIKE, 25 YEARS AGO.
BESIDES, ALL WE CARED ABOUT WAS THE WAR.
REMEMBER THE WAR?
YEAH, I REMEMBER THE WAR.
I HAD A BROTHER OVER THERE.
SO YOU'RE DENYING ANY INVOLVEMENT
IN THE KIDNAPPING OF MRS. PARLO.
OF COURSE I DENY IT.
DEMANDING FREE TURKEY DINNERS -- THAT'S INSANE.
BESIDES, I'M A VEGAN.
ALL RIGHT, RONNY, WHERE WERE YOU YESTERDAY
AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING?
I WAS IN MY CLASSROOM.
I TEACH GRADUATE LEVEL ENGLISH AND SCREENWRITING AT BERKELEY.
CALL THEM. CHECK IT OUT.
THE MOST RADICAL THING I DO THESE DAYS
IS GIVE THE FINGER TO JERKS DRIVING SUVs.
ALL RIGHT, MAYBE IT WASN'T YOU.
MAYBE IT WAS SOME OF YOUR OLD PLAYMATES
TRYING TO RELIVE THEIR GLORY DAYS.
MAYBE THEY MISSED THE BUZZ.
YOU LOOK FAMILIAR, RONNY.
DIDN'T I SEE YOU LAST WEEK
AT THE OPERA?
THE OPERA?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING?
I'VE BEEN SMOKING THE TRUTH, MAN!
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING -- GOOD COP, CRAZY COP?
RONNY, COULD YOU ROLL UP YOUR LEFT SLEEVE?
ALL RIGHT, SO I STILL HAVE THE TATTOO.
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
IT'S LIKE HAVING AN OLD GIRLFRIEND'S NAME
ON YOUR ARM -- IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU STILL LOVE HER.
THAT LIGHTNING BOLT HAS THREE JAGS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
RESIST, REVOLT, REFORM.
THAT WAS OUR MOTTO.
[ Whispers ] CAPTAIN...
MAY I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
CAPTAIN...
I DON'T THINK IT WAS HIM OR ANYBODY IN HIS GROUP.
YOU HEARD HIM -- EACH OF THOSE THREE JAGS MEANS SOMETHING.
ANY REAL MEMBER OF THE BRIGADE
WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT, BUT...
LOOK --
LOOK WHAT WAS PAINTED ON MRS. PARLO'S WALL.
TWO JAGS.
HOW'D YOU KNOW HE HAD A TATTOO ON HIS ARM?
OH, I-I DIDN'T.
HIS OTHER SLEEVE WAS ROLLED UP.
IT WASN'T EVEN.
EXACTLY.
I DON'T THINK THIS WAS ABOUT POLITICS AT ALL.
THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON HERE.
WELL, YOU KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, MONK.
AS FAR AS WE'RE CONCERNED,
THIS IS ON THE BACK BURNER.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY.
TURKEY FOR THE PEOPLE. RIGHT ON.
OKAY.
THEY'RE BRINGING THE CAR AROUND NOW.
YOU'LL BE HOME IN HALF AN HOUR.
JULIE. JULIE, WHAT IS IT?
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
AW, HONEY.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I SHOULD HAVE STABBED HIM
IN HIS PARTICULARS WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
WHAT WOULD I DO IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
YOU WOULD HAVE HAD A BRILLIANT, RICH,
FULL LIFE.
YOU WOULD HAVE MET A MAN,
HAD CHILDREN,
AND YOU'D NAME ONE AFTER ME.
AND THEN OPEN UP THAT BAKERY
YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING ON ABOUT.
THAT'S ALL I WAS THINKING ABOUT
WHEN I WAS LOCKED UP IN THAT HORRIBLE ROOM.
SO YOU GOTTA BE HOME BY 5:00, OKAY? HI, JULIE.
OH, HEY. OH, NANA, THIS IS SHARONA FLEMING.
SHE WORKS FOR ADRIAN MONK,
THE DETECTIVE I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
YES. OH, HI, MRS. PARLO. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
OH, A LOT BETTER. TELL ME, IS IT TRUE --
THEY SAID THAT THEY'D ARRESTED A HIPPIE
THAT BELONGED TO THAT GROUP THE, UH, LIGHTNING RODS.
UH, YEAH, THE -- THE LIGHTNING BRIGADE.
I SHOULD HAVE STABBED HIM IN HIS PARTICULARS.
YEAH, WELL, ACTUALLY, MY BOSS DOESN'T THINK THEY WERE INVOLVED AT ALL.
HE THINKS SOMEBODY WAS FRAMING THEM.
YEAH, UM, JUL--
JULIE, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC?
OH, YEAH. NANA, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
UM...
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU REMEMBER
WHAT YOU PROMISED ADRIAN.
YOU KNOW, THAT IF HE HELPED YOU...
OOH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, ABOUT GETTING HIM REINSTATED.
OH, YEAH, JUST, UM, COME BY THE LAW SCHOOL LIBRARY TONIGHT.
I'LL BE THERE WITH MY WHOLE STUDY GROUP.
GREAT, GREAT.
I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT --
THAT HE'S REALLY COUNTING ON THIS.
IT -- IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO HIM, YOU KNOW?
LOOK, I UNDERSTAND. A DEAL'S A DEAL.
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE WE HAVE A VERBAL --
UH, WHAT'S THE WORD? VERBAL -- UGH.
I'M DRAWING A BLANK.
EXCUSE ME, MISS PARLO!
CONTRACT. OH. THAT'S IT.
MISS PARLO, EXCUSE ME, MISS PARLO.
WHY DO YOU THINK THE LIGHTNING BRIGADE TARGETED YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
OH, WE HAVE NO IDEA.
IS SHE A POLITICAL ACTIVIST?
AN ACTIVIST? NO, NO, NO. MY GRANDMOTHER DOESN'T EVEN VOTE.
[ OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ] BESIDES, ADRIAN MONK,
THE MOST RESPECTED DETECTIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO,
DOESN'T EVEN THINK THE BRIGADE IS INVOLVED AT ALL.
THE POLICE DON'T SEEM TO CARE ABOUT THE CASE AT ALL.
THEY'RE CALLING IT A HARMLESS PRANK. ANY COMMENT?
WELL, ADRIAN MONK CARES, AND HE IS NOT GOING TO QUIT
UNTIL HE FINDS THE PEOPLE OR PEOPLES
RESPONSIBLE FOR COMMITTING THIS HORRIBLE CRIME.
THANK YOU, MISS PARLO.
[ Whispering ] HEY, GUYS.
UH, ADRIAN MONK,
UM, SHARONA FLEMING,
THIS IS MY STUDY GROUP.
EDIE RUSHER... HI.
TOM BURTON AND SASHA GORDON.
HI.
OH, ARE YOU STUDYING IN SPANISH?
OH, YEAH, I'M TAKING MY NEXT BAR EXAM IN PERU.
IT'S ALL TRUE AND FALSE DOWN THERE.
DOESN'T THAT MEAN
YOU'LL ONLY BE ABLE TO PRACTICE IN PERU?
OH, JEEZ.
DO ANY OF YOU HAVE
ANY PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE YET?
OH, WELL, UM, WE'VE DONE A LOT OF PRO BONO WORK.
LAST YEAR WE ASSISTED IN TWO DEATH PENALTY CASES --
SAL DICKERSON AND BILL JANSEN.
DICKERSON AND JANSEN?
WE-WEREN'T THEY...
I MISS THEM EVERY DAY.
THAT'S HOW YOU LEARN -- BY MAKING MISTAKES.
NOW WE KNOW. IF YOU'RE FILING A STAY OF EXECUTION,
YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME.
THE LAW IS HARD, MR. MONK.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS.
HMM? AND THERE ARE MORE UPSTAIRS.
UH, ABOUT MY REINSTATEMENT --
YOU GUYS DEFINITELY TALKED IN PERSON
TO -- TO PROFESSOR EMERY -- EUGENE EMERY?
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
THESE ARE HIS NOTES RIGHT HERE.
PROFESSOR EMERY SAID IT CAN'T FAIL.
OKAY, SO HERE IS THE PLAN.
WE SUE THE POLICE DEPARTMENT
UNDER TITLE I, SECTION 102-B.
"THE A.D.A. PROHIBITS DISCRIMINATION
"AGAINST A QUALIFIED INDIVIDUAL
"IN REGARD TO HIRING, ADVANCEMENT,
OR DISCHARGE OF EMPLOYEES."
THE A.D.A.?
THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT.
IT'S BEEN THE LAW SINCE 1990.
DISABILITIES? WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU,
ALL YOUR PHOBIAS AND OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR HAVE BEEN WELL-DOCUMENTED,
SO YOU COULD HAVE YOUR BADGE BACK AS EARLY AS NEXT WEEK.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TAKE A TEST.
NO BIGGIE.
JUST 20 OR 30 QUESTIONS ABOUT DEPARTMENT PROTOCOL.
A MERE FORMALITY.
IT'S UP TO YOU.
SHOULD I FILE THIS OR NOT?
AM I...
DISABLED?
WELL, IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
RIGHT?
OKAY.
DO IT.
EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU ADRIAN MONK?
A MAN JUST GAVE ME THIS NOTE FOR YOU.
[ FOOTSTEPS ]
OH. I THOUGHT YOU WERE...
THE NOTE SAID TO COME ALONE.
WELL, THIS IS AS ALONE AS YOU'RE GOING TO GET.
WHERE IS HE?
I DON'T KNOW.
GOD, THIS PLACE IS CREEPING ME OUT.
LET'S GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS, HMM?
HOLD ON.
WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT THE BOOK?
THEY HAVE LIBRARIANS FOR THAT.
JUST TAKE A SECOND.
AAH! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD.
ADRIAN?
OH, MY GOD.
A LITTLE HELP?
[ Gasps ] OH, MY GOD. ADRIAN, DON'T LET GO.
"DON'T LET GO."
THAT'S GOOD ADVICE.
I BETTER WRITE THAT DOWN, OR I'M GOING TO FORGET IT.
Sharona: DON'T WORRY. THEY'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE.
OKAY, HERE'S ANOTHER QUESTION.
Sharona: "A MAN IS BLOCKING THE MAIN ENTRANCE OF A STORE.
WHAT IS THE CHARGE?"
OBSTRUCTING THE PUBLIC ACCESS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
"THE TEST USED TO DETERMINE
WHETHER A HANDGUN HAS RECENTLY" --
THE PARAFFIN- DIPHENYLAMINE TEST.
ARE ALL THE QUESTIONS GOING TO BE THIS EASY?
I THINK SO.
THIS IS THE OFFICIAL PRACTICE BOOK.
THEN I AM IN, BABY.
ALREADY HAD MY OLD UNIFORM CLEANED AND PRESSED.
ADRIAN, DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE PREMATURE?
IT'S NOT PREMATURE. IT IS PERFECTLY MATURE.
SHARONA...
I'M BACK.
LOOK WHO'S AWAKE.
ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR TEST?
PIECE OF CAKE.
MRS. PARLO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU
IN THE LIBRARY.
IT JUST MEANS WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.
SOMEBODY'S GETTING NERVOUS.
MRS. PARLO, SO NOW I WANT TO TRY AND FIND OUT
EXACTLY WHERE THEY TOOK YOU.
SHARONA, DO YOU HAVE THAT MAP?
ALL RIGHT, BUT I TOLD THE CHIEF OF POLICE,
I-I COULDN'T HELP HIM.
I HAD AN AFGHAN OVER MY HEAD.
MAYBE WE'LL BE ABLE TO FIGURE IT OUT ANYWAY.
WE'RE HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST -- JUST SMOOTHING IT OUT.
WHAT ELSE DO YOU REMEMBER ABOUT THE TRIP?
WELL, LIKE I SAID, I DIDN'T SEE A THING.
DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING?
NO, I'M SORRY.
DID YOU SMELL ANYTHING?
YOU KNOW, AS A --
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I DID.
I SMELLED FRESH BREAD.
BREAD.
OH, MY GOD.
THERE'S A BIG BAKERY ON CLARKSON BOULEVARD.
YOU CAN SMELL IT WHEN YOU DRIVE PAST.
AND THEN WE STOPPED FOR FOUR OR...
MAYBE FIVE MINUTES.
WHY SO LONG? WERE THEY GETTING GAS?
NO.
COULD HAVE BEEN A DRAWBRIDGE.
OH, MY GOD.
THIRD STREET DRAWBRIDGE ACROSS THE CHANNEL.
THEN JUST A FEW MINUTES LATER WE GOT TO THEIR HOUSE,
AND IT WAS EXACTLY 8:00.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
MY WATCH WAS BEEPING.
YOU SEE, I-I SET IT SO THAT I DON'T FORGET
TO TAKE MY TICKER PILLS.
AND --
AND IT WAS RAINING.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT WASN'T RAINING ALL WEEK.
LISTEN, MISSY,
I THINK I KNOW WHAT RAIN FEELS LIKE,
AND THAT'S WHAT I FELT WHEN THEY CARRIED ME
FROM THE VAN INTO THE HOUSE.
AND, YOU KNOW, THAT WASN'T ALL.
COUGH DROPS.
COUGH DROPS?
I DISTINCTLY SMELLED COUGH DROPS.
EUCALYPTUS TREES.
THEY SMELL LIKE COUGH DROPS.
Monk: THERE'S THE BIG BAKERY.
TURN HERE. YOU GOTTA TURN. TURN HERE.
WILL YOU RELAX, I'M TURNING?
OKAY, THERE'S THE DRAWBRIDGE. STOP THE CAR.
BRIDGE IS UP.
YOU WANNA DRIVE?
NO, YOU'RE DOING FINE.
THIS HAS TO BE THE BLOCK.
I CAN SMELL THE EUCALYPTUS FROM HERE.
BUT WHICH HOUSE?
WE'LL KNOW IN A FEW SECONDS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
MRS. PARLO SAID IT WAS RAINING AT EXACTLY 8:00,
BUT WHAT SHE FELT WASN'T RAIN.
[ CLATTERING ]
AUTOMATIC SPRINKLER SYSTEM.
THAT'S OUR HOUSE.
[ SHARONA SIGHS ]
WHICH ONE IS IT?
OH, GREAT.
THAT ONE.
THEY FED HER PIZZA, REMEMBER?
YOU'RE GOING TO BE A PRETTY GOOD COP.
NOW WHAT?
NOW --
NOW WE TAKE A PICTURE
OF WHOEVER COMES OUT OF THE HOUSE.
MRS. PARLO SAID SHE RECOGNIZED THEIR VOICES.
MAYBE SHE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THEIR PICTURE?
I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU THINK OF SOMETHING?
I DID THE SPRINKLER THING. IT'S YOUR TURN.
OH, SO NOW WE'RE TAKING TURNS?
YES, NOW WE'RE TAKING TURNS.
SINCE WHEN?
IT'S OUR NEW POLICY. DIDN'T YOU GET MY MEMO?
[ Sighs ] STAY HERE.
I'D LIKE TO SEND YOU A MEMO.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
NOTHING.
I HEARD THE WORD "MEMO."
JUST STAY HERE AND STUDY FOR YOUR TEST.
[ CAR ALARM WAILING ]
GET THE CAMERA READY.
Woman: HAROLD, WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING. CARS HAVE A MIND OF THEIR OWN.
GERMAN ENGINEERING, MY ASS.
I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.
LET'S GO.
WELL, STRIKE ME PRETTY.
YOU DO RECOGNIZE THEM.
OH, YES.
THEY WERE HERE JUST LAST WEEK, REMEMBER?
THEY CAME ABOUT THE CAT.
TWO WEEKS AGO, NANA TOOK IN THIS STRAY CAT.
IT DIDN'T HAVE A COLLAR.
WE DIDN'T KNOW WHO IT BELONGED TO.
WE WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
I RAN OFF SOME FLIERS AND PUT THEM UP,
AND THE NEXT DAY, THIS COUPLE CALLED US.
Monk: HAROLD AND CAROL MALONEY.
THEY OWN AN ANTIQUE STORE ON GRANNIS BOULEVARD.
Sharona: IT'S FIVE BLOCKS AWAY.
Nana: I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SNEAKY ABOUT THEM.
YOU KNOW WHERE I SHOULD HAVE STABBED THEM?
YEAH, I-I THINK WE DO.
THEIR CAT HAD RUN AWAY A FEW DAYS AGO,
SO THEY CAME OVER, BUT IT WASN'T THEIRS.
Monk: IS THAT IT? THEY JUST LOOKED AT THE CAT.
DID THEY SAY OR DO ANYTHING UNUSUAL?
NO. THEY WERE JUST HERE A FEW MINUTES.
Nana: I NEVER SAW THEM AGAIN.
MR. MONK, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THEY'RE ANTIQUE DEALERS.
WHAT DO THEY WANT WITH NANA?
AND WHAT'S ALL THIS CRAP ABOUT TURKEY DINNERS?
I DON'T KNOW -- YET.
WHY DON'T WE CALL THE CAPTAIN?
LET'S WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW.
I SHOULD HAVE MORE CLOUT BY THEN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, THANKS TO YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER,
BY THIS TIME TOMORROW...
I'LL BE BACK ON THE FORCE.
HAVE A SEAT RIGHT HERE.
YOU WILL HAVE 30 MINUTES TO ANSWER ALL 50 QUESTIONS.
MAKE SURE YOU FILL IN THE LITTLE CIRCLES COMPLETELY
SO THE COMPUTER CAN READ THEM.
WHAT IF I FINISH EARLY?
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR WORK.
HA HA.
I DON'T THINK THAT'LL BE NECESSARY.
ARE YOU READY?
GO. GOOD LUCK.
YES?
COULD YOU TAKE ONE OF THESE OFF THE TABLE?
WHY?
I CAN'T HAVE TWO.
UH, I GET CONFUSED.
WHICH ONE?
THIS ONE.
NO, WAIT. UH...
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT ONE.
WAIT.
YOU -- YOU BETTER CHOOSE.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY?
THANKS.
UH, I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU SOMETIME.
MM.
YOU, UH...
HAVE A HALF-HOUR.
NO PROBLEM.
OH, YOU'RE FINISHED?
I NEED A NEW SHEET.
GOT A LITTLE HOLE.
NOW, WHERE IS HE?
HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN.
IN MY OFFICE? I DON'T THINK SO.
HEY, MONK, OPEN THE DOOR.
LET ME GUESS.
HE DIDN'T PASS THE TEST.
HE DIDN'T QUITE FINISH.
HOW FAR DID HE GET?
HE DID ONE QUESTION...
OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
WHAT'S THAT?
HIS PENCIL.
ADRIAN, YOU CAN RETAKE THE TEST!
Monk: I'LL NEVER PASS!
HEY, MONK?
GO FIND A KEY.
MONK, LISTEN TO ME.
LISTEN -- I THINK THAT YOU --
YOU FAILED THAT TEST ON PURPOSE.
YOU -- YOU DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR BADGE BACK
ON A TECHNICALITY, RIGHT?
YOU WANT TO EARN IT.
AND YOU WILL.
ADRIAN, YOU WILL.
YOU'LL -- YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GREAT COP AGAIN.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY,
AND I-I RESPECT YOU FOR THAT.
NOW OPEN THE DOOR.
MONK!
OPEN THAT DAMN DOOR.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU UNTIL 3.
A.M. OR P.M.?
NOT 3:00, YOU FOOL. I --
1...
2...
WAIT, WHAT THE --
WHAT IS THAT?
MONK?
THAT'S YOUR CHAIR.
MONK, THAT'S MY FATHER'S CHAIR!
IF YOU -- IF YOU PUT ONE SCRATCH ON THAT CHAIR,
I WILL -- I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!
MONK, BE CAREFUL WITH THAT CHAIR.
MOVE THE CHAIR, MONK.
MONK, MOVE THE CHAIR.
ARE YOU OKAY?
YOU SAID "BE CAREFUL"
BECAUSE YOU LOVE THAT CHAIR.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THE KIDNAPPERS SAID "BE CAREFUL"
WHEN THEY CARRIED MRS. PARLO OUT OF THE HOUSE.
THEY WEREN'T WORRIED ABOUT HER.
THEY WERE WORRIED ABOUT THAT CHAIR.
WHAT CHAIR? THE CHAIR SHE WAS TIED TO.
THAT'S WHAT THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN ABOUT.
[ OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ]
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER'S CHAIR. I RECOGNIZE IT.
SHE'S LYING. PEOPLE MAKE FALSE CLAIMS
ABOUT PIECES LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.
YOU LIKE OPERA?
YES, WE LOVE IT. IS THAT A CRIME?
IT SHOULD BE.
OOH, CAPTAIN, PLEASE -- UHH!
TELL ME ABOUT THE CHAIR, MR. MALONEY.
I'D BE HAPPY TO.
IT IS A FAN-BACK WINDSOR IN ORIGINAL FINISH,
BUILT IN 1774. DEALERS LIKE US
WAIT OUR WHOLE LIVES FOR A PIECE LIKE THIS.
NOTE THE ENGRAVING ON THE BACK IN THE SHAPE OF MONTICELLO.
MM-HMM. THIS CHAIR WAS PERSONALLY HANDCRAFTED
BY THOMAS JEFFERSON.
IN FACT, THERE IS SOME EVIDENCE
TO SUPPORT THE FACT
THAT HE SAT IN THIS VERY CHAIR
WHILE HE DRAFTED THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
DOES IT SWIVEL?
HOW MUCH IS IT WORTH?
2, MAYBE 2.5.
MILLION?
HA HA. YES, LIEUTENANT -- MILLION.
ACTUALLY, WE'LL FIND OUT FOR SURE NEXT WEEK.
WE'RE AUCTIONING IT OFF.
I DON'T IMAGINE ANY OF YOU
WILL BE BIDDING ON IT.
WELL, WHERE DID YOU GET IT?
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THEY GOT IT.
THEY STOLE IT FROM MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE.
Monk: SHE'S RIGHT.
YOUR CAT RAN AWAY.
YOU SAW THE FLYER,
AND YOU WENT TO THEIR HOUSE LOOKING FOR IT,
AND THAT'S WHERE YOU SAW THE CHAIR.
YOU MUST HAVE RECOGNIZED IT RIGHT AWAY,
BUT WHAT COULD YOU DO?
YOU COULDN'T OFFER TO BUY IT.
THEY MIGHT HAVE HAD IT APPRAISED,
AND THAT WOULD HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING.
Sharona: YOU COULDN'T STEAL IT.
THE COPS WOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT.
YOU'D NEVER BE ABLE TO SELL IT.
THEN YOU HAD AN IDEA.
IT WAS BRILLIANT, REALLY.
YOU KIDNAPPED MRS. PARLO
AND CARRIED HER OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH THE CHAIR,
MADE SOME RIDICULOUS RANSOM DEMAND,
AND THEN LET HER GO.
YOU FIGURED ANYONE WOULD BE SO RELIEVED
TO HAVE THEIR NANA BACK
THAT THEY WOULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE MISSING CHAIR.
PREPARE TO BE DISAPPOINTED, MR. MONK.
I CAN PROVE PROVENANCE.
I HAVE A RECEIPT.
WE BOUGHT THE CHAIR FROM A DEALER IN BATON ROUGE FOUR YEARS AGO.
THE POOR SAP -- HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS SITTING ON.
LITERALLY.
I BET IT'S A FORGERY.
FORGERY IS A SERIOUS OFFENSE.
IT IS A CLASS "C" FELONY. OR "B."
"B" OR "C," BUT --
THE RECEIPT WILL HAVE TO SPEAK FOR ITSELF, UNFORTUNATELY.
THE DEALER HAS SINCE PASSED ON.
OH, HOW CONVENIENT.
SO CAN YOU PROVE THAT THE CHAIR BELONGS TO YOU, HMM?
NO, INTERESTING. HUH.
OKAY, WELL, UNTIL YOU CAN,
I SUGGEST YOU ALL LEAVE. IT'S MY DINNERTIME.
WELL, THAT COULD HAVE GONE BETTER.
CAN'T WE DO ANYTHING?
I CANNOT QUESTION THEM OFFICIALLY
UNLESS YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING -- ANYTHING --
TO PROVE THAT YOU OWNED THAT CHAIR.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON PAPER?
NO. NANA BOUGHT IT AT A FLEA MARKET
20 YEARS AGO. SHE CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE.
DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF IT?
I CHECKED ALL OUR PHOTO ALBUMS -- NOTHING.
WAIT A MINUTE.
LISTEN. LISTEN TO WHAT?
LISTEN TO YOU.
YOU'RE NOT SNEEZING.
YOU HAVEN'T SNEEZED AT ALL SINCE WE GOT HERE.
THAT'S TRUE.
THE MALONEYS SAID THEY HAD A CAT THAT RAN AWAY.
THAT'S WHY THEY WENT TO JULIE'S HOUSE.
RIGHT.
THEY LIED. THEY NEVER HAD A CAT.
OTHERWISE, YOU'D BE SNEEZING YOUR HEAD OFF.
YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT.
I'M LOST, AS USUAL.
IF THE MALONEYS NEVER HAD A CAT,
WHY DID THEY GO TO YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
THEY MUST HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THE CHAIR SOMEHOW.
DO YOU STILL HAVE A COPY OF THAT FLYER?
UH, I THINK SO.
OH, GOOD.
HA HA. THAT'S THE PRETTIEST PICTURE I'VE EVER SEEN.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HI, FOLKS, REMEMBER US?
I WAS WONDERING IF WE COULD BOTHER YOU AGAIN.
THANK YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU SOLVED THE CASE.
WELL, I HAD A LITTLE HELP.
HI, NANA, GUESS WHAT.
I'M QUITTING LAW SCHOOL.
I'M BUYING MY OWN BAKERY.
YES, WE CAN AFFORD IT.
WE CAN AFFORD ANYTHING WE WANT.
I LOVE YOU, NANA.