Monk 701 Mr. Monk Buys a House.
He started his new medication this morning
and it's already made a big difference.
He can't wait to see you too.
Yeah, he's having a very good day.
You mean today?
No, no, that's fine. That'd be great.
Well, yeah, I always say family's the best medicine.
40 minutes?
Okay, we'll see you then.
Joseph, that was your niece. They're gonna be here any minute.
You know, I had a neighbor once, and his last name was Neighbor.
- he had a crap apple tree in the bag. - Joseph,
They're gonna be here soon, we don't have much time.
I need you to remember,
what happened in 1968.
You were talking about it this morning.
The hampton street depository.
Crabapple, but you couldn't eat the fruit. It was no good.
I need you to focus. You said it was a big, big, big secret.
- Remember, I shouldn't... - You know, my first car was a desoto.
Beautiful machine. It was as big as a boat.
Well, Joseph, you had your chance.
I can't find my hat.
I don't know where it is. Gregory Peck always wore a hat.
What was that movie Gregory Peck was in?
It was Gregory Peck, and then there was a hat.
It was a gift from my neighbor, my other neighbor.
- That's fascinating. - Well, guess how tall she was.
Five foot tall in her bare feet. And guess if she knew karate.
- Yes, she did. - Nobody cares, Joseph.
Hey, wh... why are we going upstairs?
I never go upstairs. It's way too dangerous.
Just can't take that risk, you understand?
- I want my hat. - You probably don't.
You don't understand anything, do you, Joseph?
What are you doing? Get my hat, get my hat.
- We're going to get your hat. - Wait a minute. Are you crazy?
What are you doing?
Wait a minute! Where the hell is my hat?
It's a jungle out there
disorder and confusion everywhere
no one seems to care
well, I do hey, who's in charge here?
It's a jungle out there
poison in the very air we breathe
do you know what's in the water that you drink?
Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing
people think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time
if you paid attention, you'd be worried too
you'd better pay attention or this world we love so much
might just kill you
I could be wrong now
but I don't think so
'cause it's a jungle out there
it's a jungle out there.
Don't stop, honey. You sound great.
No slouching.
- I don't believe it. - Sorry to bother you, ma'am.
- We had another noise complaint. - You've got to be kidding.
- From who? - He wouldn't give his name.
We think it's the same guy.
- They're leaving. - Finally.
- Is she in handcuffs? - I don't see her.
What? Why aren't they arresting her?
The justice system in this country is a joke.
God... there she goes again.
Natalie, you gotta make her stop.
I can't stand it. I can't.
I still don't hear it.
You don't hear that?! Are you kidding me?
She was practicing all night.
I couldn't sleep.
I kept reaching for the phone to call...
Dr. Kroger?
I know. I Miss him too.
I actually...
Left him two messages. I just...
I just still can't believe it.
A heart attack.
I saw him the day before.
He looked fine. He looked...
We'll find a new therapist. There has to be somebody out there.
No...
Never be anybody else.
The man saved my life.
You didn't know me before Dr. Kroger. I mean, I was a little messed up.
You know? He wasn't just a therapist.
He was...
He was Dr. Kroger.
We'll keep looking. What about the
the one that my brother recommended? Dr. Beechum?
The chairs in his waiting room were too low.
How about the man you met yesterday? He seemed nice.
Natalie, eye patch!
Listen. Come on, listen. Now...
you can hear that. It's even louder now!
By all that's holy, give us a break!
Here's one.
Before adding fuel to the primary tank...
You turn the fuel selector switch to reserve.
Correct.
Okay, what about this one? Here? Yeah?
Monk, those are all closed.
What do you want to do? Do you want to solve 'em again?
You okay?
- Just... i'm just tired. I'm tired. - Why don't you go home?
Can't. Beethoven junior is still at it.
Come on. Give me another one.
Safe water markers are traditionally...
- Green and red horizontal stripes. - Nice.
- What are you doing? - I'm buying a boat next week
if my loan comes through. Randy's helping me study for the maritime exam.
Here's one.
What does this mean? Dot-dot-dash...
Morse code. You can skip that.
- You know morse code? - My boys were both cub scouts.
Yeah? I was an eagle scout.
Hey, what am I saying?
What about this one? Here, look.
Joseph moody. This one's still open.
No. Not anymore, actually. The me just called on this.
It's officially an accident.
His private nurse found him yesterday.
He was 89 years old, fell down a flight of stairs.
Stairs. Sounds suspicious.
What's suspicious about it?
Are you kidding? Nine decades, perfect health?
Guy just up and dies? I think we should check it out.
- Are you really that bored? - Yes, I am.
I'm sorry. I'm a little confused. You're from homicide?
Yes, ma'am. Our office has to sign off
on the coroner's report. It's just a formality.
I know this is a difficult time,
ms. Moody. It'll just take a couple of minutes.
Real estate agents? Are you selling the house?
We don't have a choice. There's no other family.
Do you know anyone who's interested?
It's a wonderful house, and we're flexible on the price.
We just want to sell it.
Your uncle had a private nurse named Miss Drake?
That's right. We were lucky to find her. She was wonderful.
Excuse me. Are these floors douglas fir?
I think so.
I have her, statement right here.
She said the accident occurred at around 10:30?
That's right, we were driving up to visit, and it must've happened
just before we arrived.
Excuse me, sorry. Does the fireplace work?
As far as I know.
Do you work?
- It's so clean. - I know.
My uncle was compulsive about all that stuff.
Before his stroke, he was always dusting and cleaning.
- Polishing everything. - Polishing everything.
According to Miss drake,
your uncle was taking a new medication, tribiteral.
She said it made him disoriented. She said she went to the kitchen.
When she came back, your uncle was upstairs on the landing?
- I thought he couldn't walk. - Well, he could walk some.
Short distances.
Before she could reach him, he... he must've...
Lost his balance.
They found him right there.
His neck was broken.
Here, have a seat. Sit down.
You're okay.
Okay.
Do you know if the roof is new?
Ma'am?
Ma'am, just nod your head.
Roof? Roof new?
Why?
- What about the roof? - I might be interested.
- In the house. I might want to buy it. - You what?
Just have... I just have one question.
Do any of the neighbors play piano?
I wouldn't know.
The walls are so thick you can't really hear anything.
Really.
Monk, come here.
You are tired.
You're not thinking straight. You're between shrinks.
You can't be making any big decisions right now.
You can't hear anything.
Monk, look.
We all miss dr. Kroger.
Go home.
Get some sleep.
You... you can't just buy a house on some crazy impulse.
I'll take it.
I can't believe you bought a house without telling me.
You would've said no.
Well, let's see what Dr. Bell has to say about it.
Why should I care what this clown thinks?
He's a therapist. He's supposed to be brilliant.
He's written five books and he teaches at stanford.
One minute to go. If he's late, we're leaving.
Look. His first name is neven.
N-E-V-E-N.
- It's a palindrome. That's a good sign. - It's not a perfect palindrome.
The first "N" is capitalized.
Dr. Kroger's name was Charles.
- That wasn't a palindrome. - Was to me.
Mr. Monk.
Neven bell.
I've been looking forward to this.
Wipe?
Summit creek.
That's your brand, isn't it?
Yeah.
Glass exactly...
There you go.
Half filled.
Or would you call it half empty?
Where did you get that painting?
I love that piece.
It's from charles kroger's office.
I asked madeline if I could have it.
It doesn't look right in here.
I Miss him too.
Are you okay?
Just tired.
I haven't been sleeping.
All right, then. Why...
Why don't we start right there, then?
- Why haven't you been sleeping? - No big mystery.
This girl who lives across the street plays piano.
Same song.
Doesn't matter, really. Doesn't...
doesn't matter. I'm outta there. I'm moving.
I just... I just bought a house.
- Well, congratulations. - Yeah.
So when did it start?
The piano playing?
I don't know. About a year ago.
But it's only been bothering you for what?
Five weeks?
- How did you know that? - Well,
the girl's been playing piano for a year.
And it's only been bothering you since charles kroger passed.
What? No.
The music she's playing is Chopin. Charles loved Chopin.
He played it in his waiting room all the time.
Maybe the music is reminding you of... of your friend, and it's...
It's been affecting you.
No.
Nah, nah, nah.
No. That's... Maybe. That's not... that's just...
- Crazy. It's crazy talk. - I mean...
Adrian, I know we've just met.
But for what it's worth,
I don't think you should be buying a house right now.
- I can't believe this. - Maybe you're buying
this property to avoid dealing with the loss of your friend.
Okay.
What's the rush? Wait a few weeks.
- Maybe a year. - Yeah.
My... my second wife, she was in real estate.
- You know, lots of her clients... - Can I tell you what I think?
- Please. - I don't think this is working out.
I'm sorry.
I just don't feel comfortable.
And...
I'm gonna be looking for a different therapist.
So...
Well.
I'm really sorry to hear that, Adrian.
- I really am. - Yeah.
I thought you were leaving.
I can't leave early.
Natalie would kill me.
All right. Well then, I guess
then we'll just sit?
All right.
93, 94,
95, 96, 97, 98.
Do you... you have any with 100?
I don't know. Whatever's there.
Here's the thing. I'm buying a new house.
And I just came from a therapist who didn't think I could handle it.
- No kidding. - Get this.
He said I was moving because the girl
across the street reminded me of my old therapist,
because they both liked Chopin.
I know, crazy, right?
His name was Dr. Kroger. Charles Kroger.
Chuck, some people called him chuck. I didn't. I had a lot of respect...
Too much respect for him.
- Well, he passed about five... - I'm sorry.
I've gotta go...
Be... somewhere else.
Good luck.
Hey, congratulations. Yeah, I couldn't help overhearing.
You got yourself a house?
- Yeah. - It's a great feeling.
- Pride of ownership. - Right.
You know, if you want, I could drill a couple more holes into that for you.
- Really? - It'd just take a couple seconds.
I'm the same way about my shower. Very particular.
Right. My girlfriend says i'm obsessive about it.
- I get that all the time. - Do you?
Here, let me give you this.
Jake Phillips, handyman.
Answer to a homeowner's prayers, right there.
"Honest'Jake, No Job Too Small Or Too Dirty."
That's right. Now hang on to that. Because you're moving in to a new place.
And if something's creakin'or bulgin'
or leakin'or crackin', who you gonna call?
Who ya gonna call?
Honest Jake.
That's me!
Okay.
Be careful with that.
Sir... sir! Sir, use both hands.
Don't make me pull out the contract... two hands.
And use care.
Care. Okay. Care... carefully!
Watch your step. Watch your step.
And the next step. Carefully, carefully.
That one has to... That one has to stay level. You can use the horizon.
But level. Get... put...
- That one says "fragile." - They all say "fragile."
But that's underlined. That means really fragile. And if it's underlined twice,
it means very, very, extremely...
Hello?
Extremely fragile.
Okay...
Yeah, that one you want to be careful with.
Easy.
Easy. Where's the fire?
Where's the fire?
Okay.
You wanna...
Wanna take a break? Should we take a break?
Let's take five.
And
here...
Is another bathroom.
For a total of
two bathrooms.
That is a claw foot bathtub, which is something I've always wanted.
- It is? - Yeah.
- I just didn't know it. - I love all the woodwork.
- Don't touch that. - What, wet paint?
Just don't touch it. Another wall.
Hallway.
More walls.
Another wall.
And we're back in the living room.
I can't believe it.
- You actually did it! - That's a new rug.
Don't just stand on it.
You have to keep moving.
Moving?
So it doesn't wear out in one place.
You mean like this?
- Maybe wider circles. - Okay, I'm just gonna stand over here.
So?
What do you think?
I like it. I do.
I think you're gonna be really hap...
You're gonna be...
- Happy! - Happy.
I already am. I shoulda done this years ago.
- And you don't miss your old apartment? - Why should i?
Because trudy was there.
And this house is not the same. And you're not a big fan of not the same.
Well,
maybe I've matured.
I said, maybe I've matured.
Mr. Monk, I was raised in an older house.
There are going to be problems.
There always are. And you just can't call the super.
You know? You're it.
- You're... you're responsible. - That's what I love about it.
I have never been responsible for anything.
- I want to be responsible. - You do?
I want to be part of something. Something real.
Something permanent.
I'm...
i'm home.
You're right. It's wonderful!
Okay, let's celebrate. I'm gonna open up some of that sparkling cider.
So I would like to make a toast.
Here you go. To your house.
No... to your home.
- May it finally bring you the peace... - Shut up, shut up, shut, shut it.
What?
That light fixture.
It's off-center.
What? No, no, no. Come on, Mr. Monk, come on.
3 inches, maybe 31/2.
It's no big deal. I didn't even notice it.
Closer to 4.
Okay, here.
Hold this. Why don't we just... look. Just gonna move the table.
How's that?
You're right. That's it. That's much better. Thank you.
All right. So, to you...
Now the table's not centered on the rug.
Okay, that's it.
I'm outta here. I'll see you tomorrow.
I really appreciate this. I mean, on such short notice.
I appreciate the business.
Well, you see,
it's not quite centered.
Absolutely. That would drive anybody crazy.
All right.
Let's take a look at this puppy, shall we?
All right.
This is gonna be easy. Piece of cake.
A little walk in the park here.
You know what we're gonna do, we're gonna reattach this fixture
to a parallel support beam.
- It's gonna be good as new. - I hope so. Be careful.
All right. You're a little bit of a nervous Nellie, are you?
I got a cousin like you.
He makes coffee nervous.
All right. Hold this. You got it?
Okay.
All righty.
You got another one coming here.
Okay, there we go.
- Heads up. - Got it.
What... what... what?
Your wires are all frayed. The connection is rusted.
What does it mean?
It means you're not up to code, my friend. This is a fire trap.
Okay, we're gonna have to run a new line to here.
We're gonna have to go through that wall. Feed it up over here...
Wait, wait. I love that wall.
That's... That's my third favorite wall.
Adrian, I'm a surgeon.
Just gonna be like taking out an appendix. Little incision. Snip, snip.
Pop over with the wire and the fixture.
Little spackle. Little paint.
Is it... is it going to be, you know, like...
Messy?
No way.
Won't even know I was here.
Uh-oh? Again uh-oh?
I do not like the look of this.
All right, we got a little prob-la-reeno.
It's what we call a glitch.
Okay.
See this pipe?
Right there?
It's a primary water line. It's corroded.
- Of course it is. - Almost all the way through.
Could burst any time. I thought you got this place inspected.
- I did, I did. - Was the guy blind in both eyes?
All right, listen to me, Adrian.
I gotta be honest with you. Because I respect you very much.
- This whole section has to go. - No!
Right here, which means this wall,
that wall,
and this half of the floor.
- What about that half? - That's gonna have to come up too.
But I know a great plumber. His name is Ramone.
- They call him Honest Ramone. - Of course they do.
Careful.
You okay?
You didn't really have a choice. I mean, the pipes were corroded.
Oh Gosh. You know, I've been through lots of renovations.
It's always like this. I could tell you some real stories.
Please... please don't.
- Do you want to stay at my place? - No.
They're almost done.
No good.
Nope.
What?
Gotta find out what these are to.
They... Probably go up over there.
- On the other side? - Yeah, the other side. Go ahead.
Yeah.
- A little drill, no? - Yeah, go ahead.
- No Prob. - Excuse us.
- Right through here, no? - Just watch the molding.
Attaboy.
See me?
Stand up.
So you are like a detective?
- He's the best detective in the world. - Maybe not the world.
Well, who's to say?
So what's going on, Columbo?
This is Joseph Moody's wheelchair. It was still in the garage.
Who?
The old man who used to live here. He fell down these stairs.
He had a private nurse who said he walked up
to that landing.
But look.
Here, here, here.
Tire tracks.
They're a perfect match. And this.
Wallpaper.
Look.
You can see where it was ripped away.
No, no, I think...
I think she wheeled him up these stairs.
So you just put that together?
Just like that?
Fantastic.
And this.
Tribiteral.
It's a new prescription.
This is the stuff she said made him disoriented.
It's never been opened.
- You think she killed him? - She lied about it.
There must be a reason.
Hey, Cassie.
Jake.
You scared me to death.
Got you working the night shift again?
- Yeah. - That sucks.
Throws off the whole internal clock.
Gets it all out of whack.
How did you get in?
Sliding door.
It's broken.
- No, it's not. - No.
It is.
So, how's it going?
When am I gonna see my share?
See, buttercup,
that's why I'm here. We ran into a little
bump in the road today.
Guess who bought the house?
Adrian Monk.
I don't know him.
He's onto you, Cassie.
Jake,
it wasn't my fault. I didn't want to kill him.
He would've told everyone.
- I really didn't have a choice. - I know.
- So how's the new house? - I don't want to talk about it.
Don't want to think about it.
Every 20 minutes it's something else. Something is rusted or corroded
or falling apart or about to fall apart.
I can't wait to see it.
It's like nightmare except for the part where you wake up and it's all over.
- Why didn't you warn me? - I did. I tried to. I think we all did.
Why didn't you tie me down and shoot me in the leg?
What's the good of having a gun if you don't shoot your friend in the leg
- when he's about to buy an old house? - Next time I will, I promise.
Hello?
Hey, did you hear the one about the...
That's not the way I heard it.
My husband was in the navy, remember?
Miss Drake.
- My god! - Stay there.
- Call the medics! - Stay there.
Still no murder weapon. Doc says knitting needle.
What do you think?
He was tossing the place, she walked in?
I don't think so.
Look at the drawers.
They were pulled out and flipped over,
but everything's just piled up.
He didn't really rifle through it.
- He was here for her. - Captain. Check this out.
Found it in her closet.
Four grand, maybe more. In 20s and 50s.
Jeez, I should've gone to nursing school.
1967, 1966.
These are 40 years old. Some of the
serial numbers are sequential.
I'll call treasury. Maybe they can trace'em.
- Wanna come? - I can't.
I should go home.
See if it's still there.
Hi. Mr. M.
Are you ready for some good news?
Yes, please. Thank you.
Ramone is getting married. His old lady said yes.
Ramone?
No... what about the house?
You know, i'm glad you mentioned it.
Ramone. Ramone. Ramone!
Siesta. Sientate.
We found some mold.
- Mold? - It probably started in the bathroom
and spread from there.
So what we gotta do is we gotta go in and we gotta get the mold out.
No, no, no. Please,
Honest Jake. I am begging you...
Okay, okay. Don't... it's fine.
If you wanna live, you know, with the spores.
The fungus.
The bacteria living. Spreading.
Eating your house from the inside out.
It's your decision.
It's your house.
Go put this back.
Just remind me.
Why did you move again?
Yeah, that's right. Your last place was too noisy.
I found this in the attic. Where you want it?
You can just leave it here.
"Fire hydrants to be painted."
Look at this.
"More rain expected thursday."
"Garden club to meet."
It's so boring. Why would you save all this?
Well, maybe...
I have no idea.
It was before my time, but my father told me all about it.
He was in his office right up there when it happened. 1968,
the day before Christmas.
Yeah, I was just a kid, but I remember everybody talking about that.
- Is that the gate? - Yes, sir.
Three gunmen. Stolen milk truck.
Rammed it through that gate.
They shot two guards and walked away with $4 million.
This was back when $4 million was considered a lot of money.
Just go on.
All I know is, we never recovered a nickel.
Until today.
- From the robbery? - Yep. Serial numbers match.
- We got $4,200. - A woman named Cassie Drake
was murdered last night. We found this in her closet. Where's the rest of it?
We're working on that. I was reading the file.
They caught two of the three.
Career bad guys.
They died in prison without ratting out their partner.
- I guess he wasn't a big spender. - Or he was scared or dead.
Well, the woman who died,
she was a private nurse. Her last patient was a man named Joseph Moody.
Ring a bell?
I can check him out. The employment records are in the basement.
- Take me ten minutes. - Good deal.
Mr. Monk.
I got a confession to make.
They really don't call me honest jake.
They're looking for the money, aren't they?
The old man robbed those armored cars.
He hid the money somewhere in this house.
40 years later, he's older. Dementia sets in.
He starts babbling about it to his private nurse.
She killed him
before he could start blabbing about it to somebody else.
And she tells her friend, not-so-Honest Jake.
Yeah. They were probably more than friends. They were probably sex lovers.
That's what he's been doing here the whole time,
- looking for the money. - You're not gonna believe this.
He's still not the worst contractor I've ever seen.
Natalie.
Can you... Can you reach that hammer?
I'll try.
All right,
now pull. Come on! Pull!
There. Okay.
Now what?
Nothing.
That nail was driving me crazy.
- God. - What?
He still hasn't fixed that light.
Oh, my god.
What?
Oh, my
god.
"Oh, my god," what?
What do you see?
What do you see?!
Something in here?
This is a false wall.
There's a reason that light wasn't centered.
Because this is a false wall!
Come on. Move the furniture. Move this furniture. Move it.
It's in here.
Here?
Yup. Take it down.
Jake, jake.
What are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Same thing I'm gonna do with your share.
Spend it.
What? What?
This way.
Almost. Easy.
Is he dead?
- Are you dead? - He's not dead.
- He's not dead. He's still breathing. - God.
- He's gonna wake up any minute. - Help!
- Somebody help us! - Forget it, forget it. It's no use.
Nobody's gonna hear you.
The door. The front door.
Go. Go, go!
Go. Pull. Just pull.
Okay.
Yeah. Go pull.
Good. We got it. We got it.
Pull!
Yes. Once more.
Nice.
God, this rug. We're never gonna make it up those stairs.
You're right. It's too heavy.
- Follow me. - Follow you? Okay, pull.
Good, we got it. We got it.
Again.
Keep it coming.
Okay, got it. I got it.
Hand me those rags. Right there.
What... what for?
Calling for help.
Pull. Pull the tub closer.
Pull it.
Pull.
What... what are you...
Come on, come on, come on.
You were right.
Joseph Moody.
Worked here nine years.
Retired six weeks after the robbery.
What a surprise.
Actually, he lived right around the corner on beech street.
Yeah, we know. A friend of ours just bought that house.
What the hell?
Looks like a signal.
Dot, dot,
- dot... - "S."
Is that a dash?
"O." S-O.
Soda! Somebody's selling soda.
It's Natalie. She's in trouble.
Come on.
If you like my work,
tell your friends.
All about word of mouth, my business.
On second thought...
Gonna retire.
Drop the gun!
On the ground. On the ground.
Hands.
Let me see your hands. Take it easy.
You okay?
Get up. Get up.
Good luck, okay?
Got it?
Holy moly, what happened here?
I should never have bought this house.
I should've waited for something better to come along.
Like death.
What about your father?
What's... what's your happiest memory of him?
My father...
Well, he took me to a football game once.
- Sounds like fun. - Well,
every time the team went into a huddle,
he turned to me and said,
- "they're talking about you." - Talking about you?
They weren't. Were they?
No, that seems pretty unlikely. I don't know why
he would say that.
Because one player kept looking up at me and I thought I saw him laughing.
I'm pretty sure they were talking about the game and what play to run next.
He was looking right at me.
- Well... - I meanrightat me.
Our time is up.
Next session, let's pick it up right here, all right?
What's...
What's good for you?
How's 3:00?
All right, 3:00. What day?
You know, today.
Today? That's...
That's in two hours. You mean
- you want to come back? - Unless you have something sooner.
No, it's completely booked up.
What's tomorrow look like?