1
00:00:01,330 --> 00:00:03,028
COMPUTER VOICE:
K-B-S-C.
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,532
RADIO PLUG:
99.9.
3
00:00:06,657 --> 00:00:08,033
[COMPUTER VOICE]
K-B-S-C.
4
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Jiggle me timbers.
5
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You...
6
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are gorgeous!
7
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[WOLF WHISTLE]
8
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And you got a movie opening
up on Friday.
9
00:00:16,125 --> 00:00:16,875
Mm-hmm.
10
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:18,377
And, by the way,
I saw it last night.
11
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:20,087
Jiggle me timbers!
12
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That was a long
2 1/2 hours, boy.
13
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I'm sorry.
14
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Hey, Max, you've been
sayin' that all morning.
15
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Jiggle me timbers--
where'd you get that.
16
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Well, maybe it'll be
my new catch phrase.
17
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I didn't know I had to clear
everything with the Lollipop Guild.
18
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Whoa! Whoa!
Careful, boss.
19
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Willie'll beat the crap out
of your kneecaps.
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- Or higher, even.
- KIMBERLY: You guys...
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No. I think
it'll catch on.
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Jiggle meeeee timbers!!
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Whoo!
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You're listening
to "Mad Max In The Morning."
25
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And we're talking
with Kimberly Dennaman,
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whose new movie
is opening everywhere on Friday.
27
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WILLY [OVER RADIO]:
And closing everywhere on Saturday!
28
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[LAUGHS]
29
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Gas leak.
30
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I can smell it.
31
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Yeah, shut off the main valve,
32
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but we gotta check inside
just to make sure.
33
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All right.
34
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[ALARM BEEPING]
35
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MAX [ON RADIO]:
If--If--If I wasn't married...
36
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,858
would you take a bath with me...
37
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right now in the back room?
38
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J.J. [ON RADIO]:
Oh, yeah!
39
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[ALARM BEEPING]
40
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Is that coming from upstairs?
41
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- I hear voices.
- Sounds like a radio.
42
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KIMBERLY: Max, seriously,
You shouldn't joke about that.
43
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- MAX: It's true.
- Hello?
44
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- KIMBERLY: It's bad karma.
- It's true.
45
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- She just told me last night...
- Hello?
46
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:45,797
to start looking
for wife number two.
47
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- It's her dying wish...
- Better check upstairs.
48
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Oh, my God.
49
00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:51,595
That's what's-his-name
from the radio. [LAUGHS]
50
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Max Hudson.
51
00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,057
A gas leak
at Max Hudson's house?
52
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,017
Oh, he's gonna
have a field day with this!
53
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Yeah.
54
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MAX [OVER RADIO]:
Whoa!
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Whooo-whooo!
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00:02:02,773 --> 00:02:05,275
MAX: Tell me, Kimberly,
that you actually believe
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00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:06,652
in the sanctity of marriage.
58
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:07,986
- KIMBERLY: I do.
- [COUGHING]
59
00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:09,613
MAX: Kimberly can't
even spell "sanctity."
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GAS MAN:
I'll turn the gas off.
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WILLY [OVER RADIO]:
Say sanctity.
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KIMBERLY:
Santity.
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- MAX: Close enough!
- [LAUGHTER]
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Close enough!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
65
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We have a winner!
66
00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:21,375
[WHIRRING OVER RADIO]
67
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RADIO PLUG:
We'll be right back.
68
00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:24,253
Hey, Max.
69
00:02:24,419 --> 00:02:25,671
There's a cop on line one.
70
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,130
He says it's important.
71
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,383
Okay, uh...
72
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I'll just take it
in the back, all right?
73
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Anybody you know?
74
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,762
No, man.
75
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[QUIETLY]
My God, is she all right?
76
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,145
[CLEARS THROAT]
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[MORE DRAMATICALLY]
Oh, my God...
78
00:02:43,522 --> 00:02:45,190
Is she all right?
Oh, my God.
79
00:02:47,442 --> 00:02:48,777
Hello.
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Speaking.
81
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My wife...?
82
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Oh, my God, is she all right?
83
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,247
Yes, sir.
84
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I-I understand.
85
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I'll be right there.
86
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,800
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
87
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♪ It's a jungle out there ♪
88
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♪ Disorder and confusion
everywhere ♪
89
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♪ No one seems to care ♪
90
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♪ Well, I do ♪
91
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,315
♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪
92
00:03:26,398 --> 00:03:28,609
♪ It's a jungle out there ♪
93
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:33,071
♪ Poison in the very air
we breathe ♪
94
00:03:33,572 --> 00:03:35,824
♪ Do you know what's
in the water that you drink? ♪
95
00:03:35,907 --> 00:03:40,078
♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪
96
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:43,415
♪ People think I'm crazy
'cause I worry all the time ♪
97
00:03:43,498 --> 00:03:45,584
♪ If you paid attention,
you'd be worried, too ♪
98
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:50,756
♪ You better pay attention,
or this world we love so much ♪
99
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♪ Might just kill you ♪
100
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,470
♪ I could be wrong now ♪
101
00:03:56,928 --> 00:03:58,805
♪ But I don't think so ♪
102
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♪ 'Cause it's a jungle
out there ♪
103
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,769
♪ It's a jungle out there ♪
104
00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,775
You put the blades up?
105
00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,652
That is really interesting.
106
00:04:11,777 --> 00:04:13,737
I'm always afraid
I'll cut myself.
107
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,530
Yeah, I'm a "blade-down" man.
108
00:04:15,614 --> 00:04:18,325
But that's what makes
horse races, am I right?
109
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:19,868
Doesn't mean we still
can't be friends.
110
00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:21,745
Actually, I run them twice.
111
00:04:21,787 --> 00:04:23,622
Blades up and then blades down.
112
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That's fascinating.
113
00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:26,583
Ooh!
Is this dishwasher safe?
114
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Let me just--
115
00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:29,127
Yes, it is.
116
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Funny story:
I have a casserole dish.
117
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It was a gift from my sister.
118
00:04:32,964 --> 00:04:34,466
Not the sister you met.
119
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:35,926
The one who used
to live in Milwaukee
120
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but moved to St. Paul
last summer.
121
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,180
- Well, not summer, per say.
- Okay, yeah.
122
00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:42,182
K-Kevin...
It doesn't matter.
123
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Anyway, the dish
didn't say "dishwasher safe,"
124
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but, you know what?
125
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I took a chance.
126
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,692
'Cause you only go around
once in this life.
127
00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:53,527
That's the best news
I've heard all day.
128
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:54,986
[DOORBELL RINGS]
129
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Mmm.
I'll finish up.
130
00:04:56,738 --> 00:04:58,740
You get the door.
How's that sound?
131
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[DISHES CRASH]
132
00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:07,124
Mr. Monk?
133
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,500
Yeah?
134
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:09,751
I'm sorry to bother you at home,
135
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,129
I read about you
on the internet.
136
00:05:12,162 --> 00:05:14,548
And I looked up
your address. I just...
137
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I don't know where else to go.
138
00:05:19,302 --> 00:05:21,054
I'm on the internet?
139
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:26,101
Um, uh...
140
00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,019
Uh, thank you.
141
00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:32,190
Thank you.
142
00:05:32,983 --> 00:05:34,484
[BLOWING]
143
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:40,115
If you could wait
until my assistant gets here.
144
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,076
She's in charge
of saying the right things.
145
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,328
KEVIN: Adrian, I'm putting
the tablespoons in front
146
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:47,622
and the serving spoons in back.
Any objections?
147
00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:49,708
Kevin, it doesn't matter.
148
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Okay.
149
00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:55,130
My sister, Jeanette,
died four weeks ago.
150
00:05:55,213 --> 00:05:57,299
- There was a gas fireplace in--
- Excuse me.
151
00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,969
Actually, I do prefer
152
00:06:01,178 --> 00:06:02,846
the serving spoons in the front.
153
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,140
Really?
In the front?
154
00:06:05,223 --> 00:06:07,726
Okay, you're the boss.
155
00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:10,854
Sorry.
156
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,481
There was a fireplace...?
157
00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:14,983
There was a gas fireplace
in the bedroom.
158
00:06:15,025 --> 00:06:19,196
It was turned on,
and she was asphyxiated.
159
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:24,409
This is a copy
of the coroner's inquest.
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00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,369
- They said it was an accident.
- [DISHES CLATTER]
161
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,789
But, Mr. Monk, Jeanette
never used that fireplace.
162
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957
I know he killed her.
163
00:06:31,082 --> 00:06:32,292
Who?
164
00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:33,543
Her husband -- Max.
165
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:36,171
Getting a divorce would
have cost him $30 million.
166
00:06:36,254 --> 00:06:37,756
I'm sorry.
Could I have another?
167
00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:39,216
[SNIFFLES]
168
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,592
Here's the thing.
169
00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:41,843
Uh...
170
00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:44,846
I buy ten boxes at a time,
171
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,390
And they have to last me
the whole month.
172
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:50,185
Oh.
173
00:06:52,938 --> 00:06:54,314
Uh, so... okay.
174
00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:55,899
Okay, okay, okay.
175
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,162
Thanks.
176
00:07:09,371 --> 00:07:11,373
KEVIN: Okay, I'm
pouring the detergent.
177
00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:13,750
- You're missing it.
- Kevin, please.
178
00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,253
Please, I'm trying to talk to--
I'm sorry.
179
00:07:16,461 --> 00:07:17,754
Linda Riggs.
180
00:07:17,921 --> 00:07:19,506
Jeanette Hudson was my sister.
181
00:07:19,562 --> 00:07:21,069
Jeanette Hudson?
182
00:07:21,132 --> 00:07:23,385
Max Hudson's wife?
183
00:07:24,302 --> 00:07:26,680
Yeah, everyone thinks
he's so funny.
184
00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:28,515
Jeanette was terrified of him.
185
00:07:28,890 --> 00:07:31,643
You know, he once got arrested
for assault.
186
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,311
He has a terrible temper.
187
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,355
- So you've actually met him?
- Kevin.
188
00:07:35,564 --> 00:07:38,191
Yes I've met him.
I think he killed my sister.
189
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:39,609
What's he like?
190
00:07:39,985 --> 00:07:41,403
He's a monster!
191
00:07:41,611 --> 00:07:42,863
Kevin.
192
00:07:42,946 --> 00:07:44,948
Forget it.
Withdrawn.
193
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,116
Never said it.
194
00:07:46,783 --> 00:07:48,618
Excuse me.
I have dishes to do.
195
00:07:53,915 --> 00:07:55,834
Well, I don't
like that guy either.
196
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,961
He's such a bully.
Have you ever heard his show?
197
00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,170
I don't think so.
198
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,464
- What station is he on?
- 99.9.
199
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,258
Ahhh... so close.
200
00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:04,843
I just don't see
how he could have done it.
201
00:08:04,926 --> 00:08:06,553
- Have you looked at this?
- Mm-mm.
202
00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:08,221
So when Jeanette died,
203
00:08:08,263 --> 00:08:10,390
Max was on the radio
doing a live show.
204
00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,726
And the night before,
he's in Los Angeles at a party.
205
00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:14,227
He hasn't been home in two days.
206
00:08:14,311 --> 00:08:16,104
I promised her sister
I'd look into it.
207
00:08:16,146 --> 00:08:18,690
I had to.
She was using up all my Kleenex.
208
00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:19,941
Hi.
209
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,443
I don't think he's home.
210
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:25,030
Did you tell him I was coming?
211
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,865
NATALIE: No, Mr. Monk,
That's not for you.
212
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,366
That's a joke.
213
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,868
It's a joke?
214
00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:32,162
How--How is--
How is that funny?
215
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,331
Um, well, I guess it's funny
216
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,916
because it says the opposite
217
00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:38,376
of what a Welcome Mat
would normally say.
218
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:41,212
So it's an opposite joke.
219
00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:43,089
Yeah, that's right.
220
00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:45,008
He's not home.
221
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,426
I live right there.
222
00:08:46,468 --> 00:08:48,303
I saw him leave
about two hours ago.
223
00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:49,596
Okay.
224
00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,723
- That's a nice dog.
- MAN: Well, thank you.
225
00:08:51,806 --> 00:08:53,141
That's a nice cat.
226
00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:54,643
[GIGGLING]
227
00:08:54,726 --> 00:08:55,894
Come on.
Let's go.
228
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:58,021
Phew!
229
00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,189
That's it.
230
00:08:59,397 --> 00:09:01,942
This is still my sister's home.
I'm going in.
231
00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:16,081
LINDA: This is
where she was found.
232
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,165
On the bed.
233
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,377
This morning, I heard him
joking about it on his show.
234
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,921
I don't know how somebody can
joke about something like that?
235
00:09:23,046 --> 00:09:24,297
I don't know.
236
00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,049
Anytime I'm at a restaurant
or a store
237
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,635
and he's on the radio,
I just have to leave.
238
00:09:28,843 --> 00:09:30,261
According to the police,
239
00:09:30,512 --> 00:09:32,138
Jeanette turned on the gas,
240
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,558
then forgot that it was on
and just went to sleep.
241
00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:36,935
Uh-oh.
242
00:09:37,936 --> 00:09:39,187
What?
243
00:09:39,296 --> 00:09:42,524
There's only 39 shoes here.
There's one missing.
244
00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:44,359
NATALIE: Mr. Monk, is
that important right now?
245
00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:46,820
It looks like
a dark-brown Ramato loafer.
246
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,990
It's about a size 10 1/2
or 11, I guess.
247
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:51,533
Okay, okay.
248
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,785
- That's a 10 1/2.
- Okay.
249
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:57,122
So, Mr. Monk,
Jeanette was found here.
250
00:09:57,414 --> 00:09:58,790
Okay.
251
00:10:03,795 --> 00:10:05,672
So she turned it...
252
00:10:05,797 --> 00:10:07,132
like this?
253
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:08,800
[HISSING]
254
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,428
And then forgot it was on?
255
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:13,763
No.
256
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,686
[GROANS]
257
00:10:19,936 --> 00:10:21,021
Eh!
258
00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:22,689
NATALIE:
Mr. Monk, are you okay?
259
00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:24,524
- Oh! Yeah.
- That's gas.
260
00:10:24,649 --> 00:10:26,735
Yeah, I'm--I'm fine.
I'm fine.
261
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:29,571
It's just a little--
a little gas.
262
00:10:29,821 --> 00:10:31,906
MONK: According
to the police report,
263
00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:34,492
the flue was-- was--was closed?
264
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,618
Right.
265
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,120
Right.
266
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,788
It's closed.
267
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,670
- Look at this.
- Hmm.
268
00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:47,047
It's just...
269
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,967
dried out--
270
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,053
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
271
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,721
Dried...
272
00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:56,639
Dried leaves.
273
00:10:57,515 --> 00:11:00,518
Fire would have burned them
or charred them.
274
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,354
No, no. This thing
hasn't been used in months,
275
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,556
if ever.
276
00:11:04,647 --> 00:11:07,400
LINDA: That's what I was saying.
It couldn't have been an accident.
277
00:11:07,609 --> 00:11:09,194
MONK:
Oh.
278
00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:10,403
Oh, oh, oh.
279
00:11:10,487 --> 00:11:11,738
Oh.
280
00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,077
- You have the inventory there?
- Yes.
281
00:11:17,452 --> 00:11:20,705
Are there any matches
or cigarette lighters
282
00:11:20,789 --> 00:11:22,332
in the room?
283
00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:23,750
Um... no.
284
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:27,045
No--no-- no matches anywhere.
285
00:11:27,128 --> 00:11:28,421
That makes no sense.
286
00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:40,600
She died on the 15th?
287
00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:41,810
Yeah, that's right.
288
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,312
Two days before
her tenth wedding anniversary.
289
00:11:44,395 --> 00:11:45,772
They always
did something special.
290
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,517
Go on a big trip.
Last year they went to Cabo.
291
00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,026
Not this year.
292
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,238
Look, July 17th,
293
00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:54,989
"Tenth anniversary".
294
00:11:55,073 --> 00:11:56,324
Natalie, Nothing's written.
295
00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:57,867
Nothing planned.
296
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,536
Nothing erased.
297
00:12:00,537 --> 00:12:02,664
He knew she wouldn't be around.
298
00:12:04,165 --> 00:12:06,000
Linda, I think you're right.
299
00:12:06,543 --> 00:12:08,128
I think he killed her.
300
00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:16,803
I'm going to be down
at the Book Barn
301
00:12:16,886 --> 00:12:18,471
on Market Street tomorrow,
302
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:22,225
signing copies of my new book
"Sex, Lies, and Radio."
303
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,185
So come on down.
But get there early.
304
00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:26,104
I was at a book signing
in Dallas last week.
305
00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:28,064
And, I mean,
it was freakin' insane.
306
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,357
It was a riot.
307
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,692
It was on the news
and everything.
308
00:12:30,859 --> 00:12:32,068
It's an amazing book.
309
00:12:32,194 --> 00:12:33,444
Like you know.
You can't even read!
310
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,741
You didn't read it.
311
00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:36,273
That's true.
I'm waiting for the movie.
312
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,158
- J.J.: I read it, boss. Twice.
- Kiss ass.
313
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:39,868
All right, Mr. Monk,
when you question him,
314
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:41,911
you have to be very careful.
He's very quick.
315
00:12:41,953 --> 00:12:43,037
I'm quick.
316
00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:44,122
No, Mr. Monk.
You're not quick.
317
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,416
You have to focus.
He'll try to make fun of you.
318
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,543
Why would he make fun of me?
He doesn't even know me.
319
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,794
Howard Stern,
if you're listening--
320
00:12:49,878 --> 00:12:51,504
and I know you are--
you're going down.
321
00:12:51,588 --> 00:12:52,755
[SHOOTING NOISE]
Goin' down.
322
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:57,635
MAX: So, uh...
let's take some calls.
323
00:12:57,802 --> 00:12:59,721
Bill, from San Diego,
you're on the air.
324
00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:02,175
Mr. Monk, Please don't do that.
No. No, no, no.
325
00:13:02,307 --> 00:13:04,184
MAN OVER PHONE]: It was amazing.
It changed my life.
326
00:13:04,309 --> 00:13:06,477
MAX: Uh, yeah, thanks.
Micky?
327
00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:07,896
Micky, who the hell is that?
328
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,607
His name is Adrian Monk.
He says you invited him down.
329
00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:12,817
Oh! Yeah.
The private dick.
330
00:13:12,984 --> 00:13:14,068
WILLY:
Ouch.
331
00:13:14,144 --> 00:13:16,188
My sister-in-law
hired a private detective.
332
00:13:16,613 --> 00:13:18,531
J.J.: What's he
doing to Mr. Limpey?
333
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,283
MAX:
Uh, excuse me, Monk?
334
00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:22,368
- Monk.
- [CUCKOO CUCKOO]
335
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:23,661
Please, don't.
336
00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,288
[BELL DINGS]
337
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,582
Whoa! A little freak's show
in our control room.
338
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:29,167
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
339
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:30,501
J.J.:
A left, a right.
340
00:13:30,627 --> 00:13:31,628
Oh! Oh! Oh!
341
00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:35,131
Oh my God!
He killed Mr. Limpey!
342
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,090
Monk.
343
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,542
MAX:
Get in here!
344
00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,344
- J.J.: What is that?
- He's a maniac.
345
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,721
- Do not go in there.
- Monk, get in here, buddy.
346
00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:42,931
Come on, Monk.
347
00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,432
Hey, Detective,
you want to talk to me?
348
00:13:44,474 --> 00:13:46,309
Now's your chance, okay?
It's now or never.
349
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:48,061
Don't be afraid of me.
I won't bite ya.
350
00:13:48,144 --> 00:13:50,521
I'm the one that bites!
Rawwrr rawwrr rawwrr!
351
00:13:51,105 --> 00:13:53,483
- [DOG BARKING]
- Come on. That's it.
352
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,860
I'm just gonna talk to him.
I talk to people all the time.
353
00:13:55,944 --> 00:13:57,528
Yeah, yeah.
But these aren't people.
354
00:13:57,695 --> 00:13:59,030
- Okay, here he comes, eventually.
- The sleeves.
355
00:13:59,197 --> 00:14:00,615
Look at the sleeves.
[LAUGHS]
356
00:14:00,698 --> 00:14:02,075
- Come on.
- [WILLY BARKS]
357
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,785
MAX:
Here they come.
358
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,245
Oh. Ooh, hello.
359
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:06,537
Hello, there.
Hello.
360
00:14:06,704 --> 00:14:07,789
MAX:
Who is this?
361
00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:09,289
This is Natalie.
She's my assistant.
362
00:14:09,374 --> 00:14:10,917
- MAX: Ooh, Natalie.
- Ooh, hello.
363
00:14:11,626 --> 00:14:12,752
Ooh, nice.
364
00:14:12,961 --> 00:14:13,836
Ha ha ha.
365
00:14:14,045 --> 00:14:15,088
Do a little twirl, Natalie.
366
00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:16,464
- No, thank you.
- MAX: "No, thank you."
367
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:18,091
Okay, she's feisty.
Ha ha!
368
00:14:18,299 --> 00:14:20,551
She's brassy. She's sassy.
She's got gusto!
369
00:14:20,718 --> 00:14:22,637
Sassy, brassy,
but she won't show her assy.
370
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:23,888
I like it.
371
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,431
Doin' a neck crank.
372
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,100
You can't see it,
ladies and gentlemen.
373
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:28,601
Yeah, I talked
to this guy last night.
374
00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:30,853
He wants to talk to me
about what happened to Jeanette.
375
00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:33,022
Why don't we talk about that
after the show?
376
00:14:33,231 --> 00:14:35,233
You don't get it, sugar bumps.
He is the show!
377
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,110
My life is the show.
378
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,403
Detective, why don't you
have a seat, please?
379
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:39,937
Somebody give him
some headphones, please.
380
00:14:40,029 --> 00:14:40,822
There you go, buddy.
381
00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:43,116
- Please don't do this.
- It's okay.
382
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,784
Please be careful.
383
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:47,203
MAX:
This looks exciting.
384
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:48,871
Wipe.
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
385
00:14:49,372 --> 00:14:50,957
MONK [ON RECORDING]:
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
386
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,500
- Ha ha!
- [LAUGHING]
387
00:14:52,583 --> 00:14:54,043
MAX:
Okay, folks.
388
00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,503
Uh, folks,
you gotta see this.
389
00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:57,755
First of all, his shirt
is buttoned up to his eyeballs.
390
00:14:57,922 --> 00:15:00,967
And he's swabbing at his
headphones with a baby wipe.
391
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,760
This is not a baby wipe.
392
00:15:02,844 --> 00:15:04,929
This is-- This is an adult wipe.
393
00:15:05,096 --> 00:15:06,597
I stand corrected.
394
00:15:06,723 --> 00:15:08,099
You gotta know the difference.
395
00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:09,392
MAX:
Sorry about that.
396
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,019
Hey, Adrian,
let me ask you something.
397
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,562
When you go to a crime scene,
398
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,856
do you take a police car
or a short yellow bus?
399
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:16,357
Mr. Monk, you don't
have to answer that.
400
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,692
No.
I'll be happy to--
401
00:15:17,775 --> 00:15:19,610
I'll be happy to answer that.
402
00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:21,070
Natalie drives me.
403
00:15:21,112 --> 00:15:22,322
MAX:
I bet she does.
404
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:24,073
She's drivin' me, baby.
405
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,908
- Who's drivin' Natalie?
- I wanna change your tires.
406
00:15:26,117 --> 00:15:27,910
- Natalie!
- [SCRATCHES MIC]
407
00:15:28,036 --> 00:15:29,037
Ooh! Ow! Ah!
408
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:30,455
You're hurting me.
409
00:15:31,122 --> 00:15:32,749
Ow! Ooh!
This guy is great.
410
00:15:32,957 --> 00:15:33,958
He's--He's possessed.
411
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,710
J.J.:
"Yo! Adrian!"
412
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:37,837
Yo.
413
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,255
Ha ha!
[LAUGHING]
414
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,340
Yehh!
What?
415
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:42,383
Okay, we just lost a third
of our audience.
416
00:15:42,592 --> 00:15:43,801
All rightee, then.
417
00:15:43,885 --> 00:15:46,637
So, uh, just for the record, you're
here because of my sister-in-law--
418
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,264
- "Loony Linda."
- MAX: That's right.
419
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,141
Loony Linda, who thinks
420
00:15:50,308 --> 00:15:52,143
I murdered my wife.
Isn't that charming?
421
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,145
So what do you think,
Mr. Monk?
422
00:15:55,063 --> 00:15:56,731
Are we on the air?
423
00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:58,358
Yeah, we're on the air, buddy.
424
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,860
It's okay.
I have no secrets from my fans.
425
00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:02,570
Oh, I think you do.
426
00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:03,571
- Ooh.
- Ooh!
427
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,198
Cool, okay.
428
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,282
So you think
429
00:16:06,407 --> 00:16:07,909
I murdered my wife,
430
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:13,331
even though I was right here,
on the air, live, when she died?
431
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,458
Well, I do have a few questions.
432
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,293
- Oh, of course.
- 'Cause from what I've seen,
433
00:16:17,502 --> 00:16:20,213
it seems unlikely
that that bedroom fireplace
434
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,631
was ever used.
435
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,257
According
to the crime scene photos,
436
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:24,967
the fireplace flue was closed,
437
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:26,135
and there
were no matches anywhere.
438
00:16:26,344 --> 00:16:27,428
Okay, that's great.
439
00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:29,514
That's very compelling,
compelling cross-examination.
440
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:30,807
Uh, how's this?
441
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,267
Uh... you can
ask me three questions,
442
00:16:33,518 --> 00:16:35,269
which I will answer right here
443
00:16:35,353 --> 00:16:37,063
in front of 4 million witnesses,
444
00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:40,149
if Natalie sits on Willie's lap.
445
00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:41,776
- LITTLE WILLIE: Oh!
- [J.J. LAUGHS]
446
00:16:41,984 --> 00:16:43,361
Please.
447
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,321
Don't do it, Natalie.
It's a trick.
448
00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:46,364
Do it.
449
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:47,782
Adrian. I thought
you'd like to know
450
00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:50,002
that the last guy who wore
those headphones had head lice.
451
00:16:50,118 --> 00:16:51,869
Ooh! Wipe! Wipe!
452
00:16:52,036 --> 00:16:53,079
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
Wipe!
453
00:16:53,287 --> 00:16:54,414
Wipe, wipe.
454
00:16:54,497 --> 00:16:55,581
Gimme.
455
00:16:56,791 --> 00:16:58,876
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
456
00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:00,711
I agree.
I should be.
457
00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:02,213
- But I'm not.
- Oh!
458
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,507
LITTLE WILLIE:
And there we got the view.
459
00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:05,550
She gave us a twirl.
460
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:06,717
I think he's the guy.
461
00:17:06,801 --> 00:17:08,428
I do too.
At least I hope he is.
462
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:09,971
Max Hudson,
the jerk on the radio?
463
00:17:10,054 --> 00:17:11,431
According to her sister,
464
00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:13,975
his wife had recently
started taking sleeping pills,
465
00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:15,017
30 milligrams.
466
00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:16,519
NATALIE: Which is
the maximum dosage...
467
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,979
MONK: And it was
Max's suggestion.
468
00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:20,148
He called the doctor personally
to get the prescription.
469
00:17:20,231 --> 00:17:22,024
Here's what happened:
Max is out of town.
470
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:23,317
It's a perfect alibi.
471
00:17:23,401 --> 00:17:25,570
He knows his wife
is gonna take those pills,
472
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,196
so she's out cold--
473
00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:28,239
Something funny?
474
00:17:28,573 --> 00:17:30,032
Uh, no.
Sorry.
475
00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:32,452
He knows his wife
won't be waking up.
476
00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:34,162
So he has one of his guys--
477
00:17:34,245 --> 00:17:35,580
Randy?
478
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,415
Do you want to share it
with the rest of the class?
479
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,543
I'm sorry. I--
I heard you on the show.
480
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:41,794
You really got zung.
481
00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:43,671
Oh, my God,
you listen to that creep?
482
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:45,089
I think he's great...
483
00:17:45,173 --> 00:17:46,215
ting.
484
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,341
It's grating.
485
00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:48,259
De-grating.
486
00:17:48,426 --> 00:17:49,927
Degrading to women.
487
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,721
Yeah, I keep listening,
hoping he'll grow up,
488
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,431
but he never does.
489
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,308
Anyway, one of his guys--
490
00:17:55,391 --> 00:17:56,809
Goons.
They're called Goons.
491
00:17:56,893 --> 00:17:58,728
- The Goon Platoon.
- Goons.
492
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,229
One of his Goons -- thank you --
493
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,314
snuck into the house,
494
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,732
turns on the gas--
495
00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:04,066
It could have been J.J.
496
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,359
The guy's a joke machine.
497
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:06,819
He's been with Max for 15 years.
498
00:18:06,903 --> 00:18:07,904
Since Philadelphia.
499
00:18:07,945 --> 00:18:09,155
Whoever it was,
500
00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:11,365
turned on the gas,
closed the bedroom door.
501
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:12,742
She never woke up.
502
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:14,368
All right.
How did they get in the house?
503
00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:15,828
Max made an extra key.
504
00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:17,705
It sounds good,
but it doesn't track.
505
00:18:17,788 --> 00:18:19,123
This is new.
506
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,335
It's from the security company.
That house is wired.
507
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:24,253
It's monitored 24-7,
508
00:18:24,295 --> 00:18:25,588
sealed tight.
509
00:18:25,755 --> 00:18:27,882
No door or window
was opened all night long.
510
00:18:28,049 --> 00:18:30,551
No one -- no thing --
came in or out.
511
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,428
What about that window?
It says "open".
512
00:18:33,304 --> 00:18:35,681
LELAND: That is a
ventilation window to the basement.
513
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,558
It only opens 8 inches.
514
00:18:37,642 --> 00:18:38,809
Little Willie!
515
00:18:38,893 --> 00:18:39,852
Who?
516
00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:41,145
Little Willie-- He's a...
517
00:18:41,229 --> 00:18:42,563
little person.
518
00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:44,148
He'd do anything for Max.
519
00:18:44,232 --> 00:18:45,983
Last week, he ate
his own weight in bologna.
520
00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:49,946
Jiggle me timbers!
521
00:18:50,571 --> 00:18:52,031
I think I just solved the case!
522
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,407
"Jiggle me timbers"?
523
00:18:53,574 --> 00:18:55,409
Yeah, that's something that Ma--
524
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:57,787
I heard on the radio.
I don't remember who says it.
525
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,080
LELAND:
I don't know.
526
00:18:59,163 --> 00:19:01,123
I mean, we don't even know
if a little person
527
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,792
can get
through an 8-inch window.
528
00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:03,960
Sure they could.
529
00:19:04,418 --> 00:19:05,836
It's awful small.
530
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,672
Monk, Could a little person
fit through an 8-inch window?
531
00:19:07,838 --> 00:19:09,674
I am proud to say I don't know.
532
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,134
LELAND: Look, we don't even
know where this Little Willie person was
533
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,219
the night she died.
534
00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:14,845
Wait a minute.
We can settle it right now.
535
00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,472
They're all downtown
at a book signing.
536
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,474
We go down, we talk
to Little Willie.
537
00:19:18,599 --> 00:19:20,393
If we get a chance --
if it happens to come up --
538
00:19:20,476 --> 00:19:22,562
we measure the circumference
of his head.
539
00:19:22,812 --> 00:19:24,105
Then divide it by pi.
540
00:19:24,188 --> 00:19:25,147
Or something.
541
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:28,568
What do you think?
542
00:19:31,195 --> 00:19:33,072
I think we have to check it out.
543
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:43,082
[BELCHING LOUDLY]
544
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,333
RANDY:
See that guy over there?
545
00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:45,793
He's on the show all the time.
546
00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:47,086
They call him
"The Burpinator."
547
00:19:47,169 --> 00:19:48,879
Really?
The Burpinator is here?
548
00:19:48,963 --> 00:19:50,006
Is he single?
549
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,632
Do you think you
could introduce me?
550
00:19:51,716 --> 00:19:53,551
Yeah...
Sure, come on.
551
00:19:53,676 --> 00:19:55,469
I was kidding.
552
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,555
You knew that, right --
I was kidding?
553
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,015
Come on, Randy.
554
00:19:59,056 --> 00:20:00,808
Let's get this over with.
555
00:20:02,893 --> 00:20:04,854
- William Karelli?
- That's me.
556
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,148
Hey. Word with you?
557
00:20:09,692 --> 00:20:11,402
I'm Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.
558
00:20:11,485 --> 00:20:13,863
- This is Lieutenant Disher.
- We're big fans.
559
00:20:14,739 --> 00:20:16,824
Not--Not "big" height.
560
00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,534
Just I love the show.
561
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,038
We are looking into the death
of Jeanette Hudson.
562
00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:23,748
Why?
There was an inquest.
563
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:24,790
It was an accident.
564
00:20:24,874 --> 00:20:26,208
Don't you guys talk
to each other?
565
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:27,501
You're probably right.
566
00:20:27,585 --> 00:20:29,211
There's just a few loose ends
that, uh...
567
00:20:29,587 --> 00:20:30,963
we want look into.
568
00:20:31,047 --> 00:20:32,006
Um...
569
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,758
Where were you
the night she died?
570
00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:35,718
Where was I?
I was on the air.
571
00:20:35,926 --> 00:20:38,387
No. I mean before that,
the, uh, the night before.
572
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,556
I know Max was in Los Angeles.
573
00:20:40,765 --> 00:20:41,766
But you didn't go with him.
574
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:42,767
That's true.
575
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:44,685
I was with my wife and kid.
576
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,312
I got nothing more to say
to you guys.
577
00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:47,980
You want to talk,
talk to my lawyer.
578
00:20:48,189 --> 00:20:50,066
Hey, I'm not done
talkin' to you yet.
579
00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:55,488
Thank you very much.
Thank you, man.
580
00:20:55,571 --> 00:20:57,406
I'm a big fan.
I just--
581
00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:59,033
Nice to meet you.
582
00:21:02,536 --> 00:21:03,913
RANDY:
Tape measure.
583
00:21:03,954 --> 00:21:05,164
NATALIE: Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
584
00:21:05,373 --> 00:21:06,791
It was right here.
Hold on. Hold on.
585
00:21:06,911 --> 00:21:08,334
- Hurry up!
- It was right here.
586
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:10,878
- You're moving your hands.
- I'm not.
587
00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:12,963
I don't know what the hell this is,
but it isn't police work.
588
00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:14,423
"10 1/2 inches."
589
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:15,591
What?
590
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,385
He's not the guy.
591
00:21:17,468 --> 00:21:18,969
And we're all going to Hell.
592
00:21:19,073 --> 00:21:21,075
Just... wait here.
593
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,225
Do it again.
594
00:21:24,308 --> 00:21:26,102
[SLAPS TAPE MEASURER,
RATTLING]
595
00:21:28,104 --> 00:21:29,939
MAX:
Oh, well, well, well.
596
00:21:30,106 --> 00:21:31,565
The Defective Detective.
597
00:21:31,649 --> 00:21:33,401
[LAUGHING]
598
00:21:35,069 --> 00:21:36,237
You're not gonna like it.
599
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,072
I know.
I read a couple of pages.
600
00:21:38,155 --> 00:21:41,283
It's nothing but toilet talk
and opposite jokes, right?
601
00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:42,430
- [LAUGHING]
- Uh-huh.
602
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:43,786
So how would you
like me to sign it?
603
00:21:43,994 --> 00:21:46,414
How about "I confess"?
604
00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:51,544
I'll be taking a little break.
605
00:21:52,128 --> 00:21:53,045
Come with me.
606
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,972
You don't think what happened to
Jeanette was an accident, do you?
607
00:22:03,514 --> 00:22:04,682
Uh...
608
00:22:04,765 --> 00:22:05,725
Yeah.
609
00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,059
Well, I'm gonna tell you
something.
610
00:22:07,268 --> 00:22:09,703
Just between us,
man to... man,
611
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,732
I loved Jeanette...
612
00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:14,734
but she was sick.
613
00:22:14,859 --> 00:22:16,861
She was clinically depressed.
614
00:22:17,361 --> 00:22:19,196
- Depressed?
- Yeah.
615
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,031
Her own family didn't even know.
616
00:22:21,198 --> 00:22:23,534
She turned on the gas,
and closed the door, and--
617
00:22:23,701 --> 00:22:24,744
Suicide.
618
00:22:24,869 --> 00:22:26,495
I tried everything.
[SCOFFS]
619
00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:28,664
See? You happy now?
620
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,709
Was she seeing a doctor,
a psychiatrist?
621
00:22:31,792 --> 00:22:34,086
Nah. She never went.
She wouldn't go.
622
00:22:34,712 --> 00:22:37,047
And she didn't
even tell her sister?
623
00:22:37,465 --> 00:22:39,967
And you dealt
with this clinical depression
624
00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:42,094
by mocking her on the air
625
00:22:42,178 --> 00:22:46,182
and not making any plans
for your anniversary?
626
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,225
I'm not buying it.
627
00:22:49,769 --> 00:22:51,395
You killed her.
628
00:22:51,812 --> 00:22:52,938
How?
629
00:22:53,022 --> 00:22:54,148
Hmm?
630
00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:56,275
How could I possibly
have killed her?
631
00:22:56,317 --> 00:22:58,360
The house was locked.
I was on the radio.
632
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,155
I don't know... yet.
633
00:23:01,363 --> 00:23:02,740
According to your publicist--
634
00:23:02,823 --> 00:23:04,158
No, no. That's it.
That's it.
635
00:23:04,241 --> 00:23:06,577
You have any questions for me,
you talk to my lawyer.
636
00:23:07,828 --> 00:23:09,789
Unless...
637
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,707
you want to come back
on the show.
638
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:13,626
On the show?
639
00:23:13,751 --> 00:23:16,504
I'll talk to you anytime
about anything on the air.
640
00:23:16,587 --> 00:23:18,088
What about Monday morning?
641
00:23:22,676 --> 00:23:24,136
[CHUCKLES]
642
00:23:24,428 --> 00:23:25,971
I didn't think so.
643
00:23:28,432 --> 00:23:29,767
Na-Natalie.
644
00:23:29,850 --> 00:23:31,143
Wipe, wipe!
645
00:23:31,227 --> 00:23:32,311
Wipe.
Hey!
646
00:23:32,478 --> 00:23:33,896
Here's the Wipe Guy!
647
00:23:33,979 --> 00:23:35,481
Wipe! Wipe!
648
00:23:35,689 --> 00:23:37,900
ALL:
Wipe! Wipe...
649
00:23:38,108 --> 00:23:40,277
Well, I think our work here
is done.
650
00:23:40,361 --> 00:23:42,071
Wipe! Wipe!
651
00:23:42,112 --> 00:23:44,573
Wipe! Wipe! Wipe!
652
00:23:45,616 --> 00:23:47,660
- NATALIE: Mr. Monk!
- [VACUUM WHIRRING]
653
00:23:47,743 --> 00:23:49,119
Mr. Monk!
654
00:23:49,203 --> 00:23:50,579
Mr. Monk, come on.
655
00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:51,956
You have to call the captain.
656
00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:53,374
I can't hear you.
657
00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:55,209
[UNPLUGS VACUUM]
658
00:23:55,292 --> 00:23:56,252
You heard me.
659
00:23:56,293 --> 00:23:57,920
If you think Max Hudson
killed his wife,
660
00:23:57,962 --> 00:23:59,380
then we need to
call the captain.
661
00:23:59,547 --> 00:24:00,840
And tell him what?
662
00:24:00,881 --> 00:24:02,216
I have no proof.
663
00:24:02,258 --> 00:24:03,968
Okay, let me see
if I understand.
664
00:24:04,051 --> 00:24:05,636
One: you need proof.
665
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:08,138
One-A: to get this proof,
666
00:24:08,222 --> 00:24:09,890
you need to talk
to your suspect.
667
00:24:09,974 --> 00:24:10,975
One-B:
668
00:24:11,183 --> 00:24:13,644
your suspect won't talk to you
unless you go on his show.
669
00:24:13,686 --> 00:24:15,521
One-C: omitted.
670
00:24:17,064 --> 00:24:19,608
Two -- you're afraid
to go back on the show
671
00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:21,485
because you think
he might embarrass you.
672
00:24:21,569 --> 00:24:22,736
No, no.
673
00:24:22,778 --> 00:24:23,988
I'm not afraid.
674
00:24:24,071 --> 00:24:25,990
I'm terrified.
There's a big difference.
675
00:24:26,073 --> 00:24:27,700
You heard what happened.
676
00:24:27,783 --> 00:24:29,034
It was a massacre.
677
00:24:29,118 --> 00:24:31,120
They ripped me apart in there.
678
00:24:31,287 --> 00:24:33,247
I felt like I was back
in seventh grade.
679
00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:34,874
Okay, then the next time
you go on,
680
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,166
you'll know what to expect.
681
00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:37,418
No. It won't help
682
00:24:37,626 --> 00:24:39,211
because I can't fight back.
683
00:24:39,295 --> 00:24:41,422
I'm just... not funny.
684
00:24:41,505 --> 00:24:42,590
I'm not funny.
685
00:24:42,631 --> 00:24:43,799
Mr. Monk, that is not true.
686
00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:45,301
Natalie, you've known me
for three years.
687
00:24:45,384 --> 00:24:46,886
Have I ever said anything funny?
688
00:24:47,094 --> 00:24:48,554
Yeah--
[SCOFFS]
689
00:24:49,513 --> 00:24:50,990
Um...
690
00:24:52,766 --> 00:24:54,977
Kevin, have I ever
said anything funny?
691
00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:57,104
That's a good question.
Okay. Let's see.
692
00:24:57,187 --> 00:25:00,733
I met you in October, 1998.
693
00:25:00,816 --> 00:25:02,526
First week... No.
694
00:25:02,610 --> 00:25:04,570
You were kind of a Gloomy Gus.
695
00:25:04,778 --> 00:25:06,280
Second week...
696
00:25:13,871 --> 00:25:14,830
No.
697
00:25:15,539 --> 00:25:16,832
Third week...
698
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:17,958
[LAUGHS]
699
00:25:18,542 --> 00:25:20,169
[LAUGHS]
What?
700
00:25:20,377 --> 00:25:21,170
Yes!
701
00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:22,755
[LAUGHS] The-- Wait.
702
00:25:22,963 --> 00:25:24,590
Sorry.
No, that wasn't you.
703
00:25:24,673 --> 00:25:25,966
It was Arsenio Hall.
704
00:25:26,342 --> 00:25:27,760
He's hilarious.
705
00:25:27,843 --> 00:25:29,428
It's like a blind spot.
706
00:25:29,511 --> 00:25:32,222
It's like everybody else
in the world
707
00:25:32,389 --> 00:25:34,266
can speak another language
708
00:25:34,391 --> 00:25:35,851
that I can't learn.
709
00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:37,436
Maybe it's genetic.
710
00:25:37,519 --> 00:25:40,105
I don't remember my parents
ever laughing.
711
00:25:40,189 --> 00:25:42,358
Okay, Mr. Monk,
that is not possible.
712
00:25:42,524 --> 00:25:43,776
Everybody laughs.
713
00:25:43,859 --> 00:25:45,778
You're just blocking it out.
714
00:25:47,613 --> 00:25:48,906
Sit down.
715
00:25:48,989 --> 00:25:50,699
Sit down.
I want to show you something.
716
00:25:52,785 --> 00:25:53,786
Sit down.
717
00:25:55,079 --> 00:25:56,789
These...
718
00:25:56,956 --> 00:26:00,167
are home movies
my brother Ambrose
719
00:26:00,376 --> 00:26:01,752
edited together for me.
720
00:26:01,794 --> 00:26:03,253
KEVIN:
Oh, what a treat.
721
00:26:03,337 --> 00:26:05,130
Mr. Monk,
I love home movies.
722
00:26:05,339 --> 00:26:08,467
They always make me feel better
about my own family.
723
00:26:08,550 --> 00:26:10,511
[LAUGHS]
724
00:26:12,888 --> 00:26:13,973
KEVIN:
Oh.
725
00:26:14,014 --> 00:26:15,474
[NATALIE LAUGHS]
726
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:17,184
Is that you?
727
00:26:17,267 --> 00:26:18,852
- Adorable.
- Look at you!
728
00:26:19,019 --> 00:26:20,604
That's my Aunt Clara.
729
00:26:23,649 --> 00:26:24,942
NATALIE:
Ahem.
730
00:26:28,237 --> 00:26:29,780
NATALIE:
Did somebody die?
731
00:26:30,447 --> 00:26:32,282
Christmas morning.
732
00:26:35,703 --> 00:26:38,789
Oh, that's me playing Hide.
733
00:26:38,914 --> 00:26:40,708
You mean Hide-and-Seek?
734
00:26:42,418 --> 00:26:44,336
You still don't get it, do you?
735
00:26:46,046 --> 00:26:49,425
Oh, this--this one
736
00:26:49,591 --> 00:26:51,218
is my cousin's birthday party.
737
00:26:51,969 --> 00:26:54,763
And... there's me.
738
00:26:57,141 --> 00:26:58,767
Got a balloon there.
739
00:27:04,189 --> 00:27:05,983
[MONK SIGHS]
740
00:27:06,984 --> 00:27:08,861
MONK:
I don't remember his name.
741
00:27:10,738 --> 00:27:12,031
KEVIN:
Huh.
742
00:27:16,368 --> 00:27:17,828
Oh, and...
743
00:27:18,078 --> 00:27:19,747
family picnic.
744
00:27:20,664 --> 00:27:22,249
There's Ambrose.
745
00:27:28,839 --> 00:27:31,383
Oh, there's more.
There's--There's a lot more.
746
00:27:31,425 --> 00:27:34,053
Mr. Monk, that's the
saddest movie I've ever seen.
747
00:27:38,182 --> 00:27:39,683
I'm not hugging you.
748
00:27:39,767 --> 00:27:42,061
I'm hugging the little boy
in that movie.
749
00:27:46,441 --> 00:27:48,317
I am so sorry.
750
00:27:53,030 --> 00:27:53,947
Enh.
751
00:27:54,156 --> 00:27:55,991
[KNOCKING]
752
00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:03,207
[KNOCKING]
753
00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:07,544
Kevin.
754
00:28:07,628 --> 00:28:08,837
What time is it?
755
00:28:08,921 --> 00:28:10,964
Did I ever tell you
about my uncle?
756
00:28:11,632 --> 00:28:12,758
No.
757
00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:14,635
Sy Dorfman?
758
00:28:15,636 --> 00:28:17,179
The comedian?
759
00:28:17,304 --> 00:28:18,931
Sy Dorfman?
760
00:28:19,181 --> 00:28:20,265
Uh...
761
00:28:20,349 --> 00:28:21,850
You've heard of Milton Berle,
right?
762
00:28:22,017 --> 00:28:24,144
- Uncle Miltie?
- Uh, yeah.
763
00:28:24,228 --> 00:28:26,271
Well, they were contemporaries!
764
00:28:26,355 --> 00:28:28,065
Worked a lot of the same venues,
765
00:28:28,190 --> 00:28:29,900
had a lot of friends in common.
766
00:28:29,983 --> 00:28:31,235
Take a seat.
767
00:28:31,568 --> 00:28:32,945
Come on.
768
00:28:39,076 --> 00:28:42,704
When I think about all
the great Milton Berle stories
769
00:28:42,830 --> 00:28:45,082
they would tell Uncle Sy
770
00:28:45,165 --> 00:28:46,959
and then he would relay to me.
771
00:28:48,418 --> 00:28:50,337
And when he died...
772
00:28:50,754 --> 00:28:52,756
he left me this.
773
00:28:56,802 --> 00:28:58,554
It's his joke file.
774
00:29:01,932 --> 00:29:03,392
Professional jokes?
775
00:29:04,393 --> 00:29:06,061
Field-tested.
776
00:29:06,145 --> 00:29:07,479
Guaranteed.
777
00:29:07,604 --> 00:29:09,690
You want to go back
on the Max Hudson show, right?
778
00:29:09,898 --> 00:29:11,316
Well, here's your chance
779
00:29:11,525 --> 00:29:13,402
to give him a taste
of the medicine
780
00:29:13,485 --> 00:29:14,736
that he prescribes.
781
00:29:17,698 --> 00:29:19,575
"For the first year
of my marriage,
782
00:29:19,658 --> 00:29:22,119
I thought the only flavor
was charcoal."
783
00:29:22,286 --> 00:29:23,912
[SNICKERS]
784
00:29:24,371 --> 00:29:26,540
Uh... uh.
785
00:29:27,624 --> 00:29:29,710
Yeah, 'cause she was a bad cook.
786
00:29:29,835 --> 00:29:31,044
She burnt everything.
787
00:29:32,004 --> 00:29:33,297
You see?
788
00:29:33,422 --> 00:29:35,340
That's good.
789
00:29:35,549 --> 00:29:39,303
Oh, wow.
That's... powerful.
790
00:29:40,137 --> 00:29:41,805
Are they all that good?
791
00:29:41,930 --> 00:29:44,516
Well, he performed a lot
of them at my Bar Mitzvah.
792
00:29:45,309 --> 00:29:46,727
And he killed.
793
00:29:46,810 --> 00:29:48,145
[LAUGHS]
794
00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:50,063
Oh, thank you, Kevin.
795
00:29:50,189 --> 00:29:51,481
Wow.
796
00:29:51,607 --> 00:29:52,900
All right, let's see.
797
00:29:53,025 --> 00:29:54,193
I'll...
798
00:29:54,610 --> 00:29:56,695
I'll take
some "Mother-In-Laws."
799
00:29:56,778 --> 00:29:57,779
Splendid.
800
00:29:58,030 --> 00:29:59,698
Oh, "Hippy jokes."
801
00:29:59,781 --> 00:30:02,159
- I bet those are good.
- Those are good.
802
00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:04,995
And what are these red ones?
803
00:30:05,454 --> 00:30:07,497
Those are his dirty jokes.
804
00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:10,417
He only used those when he
was in real trouble.
805
00:30:14,796 --> 00:30:16,798
I'll just take one
of those, okay?
806
00:30:16,882 --> 00:30:18,091
Take it.
807
00:30:19,885 --> 00:30:21,887
I think I'm going to
change that to "B.M."
808
00:30:21,929 --> 00:30:23,722
Yeah, that still-- still works.
809
00:30:23,931 --> 00:30:26,016
Hey, Max, guess who's back.
810
00:30:26,099 --> 00:30:28,060
The psycho wipey detective.
811
00:30:28,268 --> 00:30:29,228
MAX:
Monk?
812
00:30:29,311 --> 00:30:30,562
Spunky monkey is here?
813
00:30:30,771 --> 00:30:32,731
I didn't think he had the nerve,
the way he skedaddled
814
00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:34,066
outta here last time.
815
00:30:34,149 --> 00:30:35,275
Is the blonde with him?
816
00:30:35,359 --> 00:30:37,527
Natalie, I love you.
[MOANING]
817
00:30:37,736 --> 00:30:38,654
That's disgusting.
818
00:30:38,737 --> 00:30:40,530
Hey, well, let's bring him
on inside here.
819
00:30:40,614 --> 00:30:42,574
Let's hear what's
on his so-called mind.
820
00:30:42,783 --> 00:30:44,493
Mr. Monk, maybe we
should wait for the captain.
821
00:30:44,568 --> 00:30:46,453
No, no, no, no.
Look.
822
00:30:46,536 --> 00:30:47,704
[FLICKS CARD]
823
00:30:47,788 --> 00:30:49,039
What are those?
824
00:30:49,248 --> 00:30:51,625
Those are golden bullets.
825
00:30:51,667 --> 00:30:52,918
What are you talking about?
826
00:30:53,001 --> 00:30:54,503
What are those cards?
What are you doing?
827
00:30:54,544 --> 00:30:57,005
Don't worry.
It's in the bag.
828
00:30:57,547 --> 00:30:59,258
- He's scared.
- Whup!
829
00:30:59,633 --> 00:31:01,802
- And the sleeve.
- [APPLAUDS]
830
00:31:01,927 --> 00:31:03,053
Yay.
831
00:31:03,262 --> 00:31:05,847
Hi, Max,
J.J., Willie.
832
00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:07,224
Did you guys miss me?
833
00:31:07,307 --> 00:31:08,850
MONK [ON RECORDING]:
Wipe. Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
834
00:31:08,934 --> 00:31:10,560
[ALL LAUGHING]
835
00:31:10,789 --> 00:31:12,040
Well, well, well.
Look who's back.
836
00:31:12,187 --> 00:31:15,107
- Surprised?
- More like annoyed, actually.
837
00:31:15,148 --> 00:31:16,984
For those of you
who missed it last week,
838
00:31:17,192 --> 00:31:19,278
Adrian Monk
is a private detective
839
00:31:19,403 --> 00:31:21,488
who was hired by
my ex-sister-in law
840
00:31:21,697 --> 00:31:25,242
who's delusional 'cause she
thinks I killed my...
841
00:31:25,450 --> 00:31:26,952
my wife.
842
00:31:27,077 --> 00:31:30,163
So what can we do for you
today, Mr. Mo-o-onk?
843
00:31:30,247 --> 00:31:31,873
Well, ahem,
844
00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:35,377
for three weeks
before Jeanette died,
845
00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:38,588
you left the house
at 2:00 every afternoon.
846
00:31:38,797 --> 00:31:40,465
- Yes.
- According to her sister,
847
00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:43,719
you said you
were going to the gym.
848
00:31:43,927 --> 00:31:45,637
- That's right.
- Well, I went to your gym.
849
00:31:45,846 --> 00:31:47,472
And they said
that you haven't been there
850
00:31:47,556 --> 00:31:48,598
in six months.
851
00:31:48,807 --> 00:31:50,475
So my first question is:
852
00:31:51,184 --> 00:31:54,187
what were you doing
at 2:00 every day?
853
00:31:55,147 --> 00:31:57,858
Well, uh, that's really none
of your business,
854
00:31:57,941 --> 00:31:59,860
but, uh, I'm gonna tell you
anyway.
855
00:32:00,485 --> 00:32:03,780
It's no secret Jeanette and I
had an understanding.
856
00:32:03,864 --> 00:32:06,533
We had what some people
would call an "open marriage".
857
00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:08,618
In my house it's called,
"The Impossible Dream."
858
00:32:09,536 --> 00:32:11,079
So you're absolutely right.
859
00:32:11,121 --> 00:32:12,414
I did not go to the gym.
860
00:32:12,622 --> 00:32:14,916
I was getting a different kind
of workout.
861
00:32:15,125 --> 00:32:16,293
- J.J.: Yeah, baby!
- [BELL RINGS]
862
00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:18,211
- B-b-b-b-b-wah!
- J.J.: Hey!
863
00:32:18,462 --> 00:32:20,714
And for those of you
keeping score at home,
864
00:32:20,922 --> 00:32:22,466
that's Max one,
Monk nothing.
865
00:32:23,133 --> 00:32:24,593
You wanna play?
866
00:32:24,718 --> 00:32:26,219
Okay.
867
00:32:26,470 --> 00:32:27,888
Let's--Let's play.
868
00:32:29,389 --> 00:32:31,725
Oh... here we go!
869
00:32:31,933 --> 00:32:33,518
[CUCKOO CUCKOO]
870
00:32:33,602 --> 00:32:34,936
You know, Max.
871
00:32:35,020 --> 00:32:36,980
You look like
you're out of shape.
872
00:32:37,064 --> 00:32:39,107
When you go to a restaurant,
873
00:32:39,232 --> 00:32:41,068
you don't use a fork.
874
00:32:41,193 --> 00:32:43,445
You use a harpoon.
875
00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:46,698
MAX:
Uh...
876
00:32:46,907 --> 00:32:47,783
What?
877
00:32:47,991 --> 00:32:49,201
You heard me.
878
00:32:49,409 --> 00:32:51,286
When you took your dog
to the dog show,
879
00:32:51,370 --> 00:32:53,663
you won first prize,
not your dog.
880
00:32:54,247 --> 00:32:55,999
[CRICKETS CHIRP]
881
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,543
Yeah, that's, uh...
882
00:32:58,627 --> 00:32:59,669
that's not funny.
883
00:32:59,878 --> 00:33:01,963
[WOLF HOWLS]
884
00:33:02,923 --> 00:33:04,841
- Yes, it is.
- No. No, it's not.
885
00:33:05,008 --> 00:33:07,344
Yes, it is.
You know who you remind me of?
886
00:33:08,261 --> 00:33:12,265
The hippie who came home
and gave his dog fleas.
887
00:33:12,516 --> 00:33:13,850
"Hippie?"
What year is this?
888
00:33:14,059 --> 00:33:14,935
[CHUCKLING]
889
00:33:15,102 --> 00:33:18,730
Actually, you remind me
of several different hippies.
890
00:33:18,939 --> 00:33:21,608
Like the hippie
who moved into a new apartment
891
00:33:21,691 --> 00:33:22,943
and it was six months
892
00:33:22,984 --> 00:33:25,779
before he realized
there was no hot water.
893
00:33:26,613 --> 00:33:28,240
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
894
00:33:29,491 --> 00:33:32,160
I'm sorry,
but you had that coming.
895
00:33:32,369 --> 00:33:33,453
Yeah, um...
896
00:33:33,537 --> 00:33:36,540
Adrian, uh, are you
telling jokes, buddy?
897
00:33:36,748 --> 00:33:37,958
Max, you've got a caller.
898
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:39,042
Thank God.
899
00:33:39,126 --> 00:33:40,585
KEVIN [OVER PHONE]:
Hello, Mr. Hudson.
900
00:33:40,669 --> 00:33:42,212
Long-time listener,
first-time caller.
901
00:33:42,295 --> 00:33:44,089
- I love the show.
- Thank you.
902
00:33:44,297 --> 00:33:46,049
I can't believe I got through.
903
00:33:46,133 --> 00:33:49,594
Listen, I just got back
from Los Angeles
904
00:33:49,803 --> 00:33:51,888
and the smog was terrible.
905
00:33:52,097 --> 00:33:55,642
I was wondering if anyone
there has any thoughts
906
00:33:55,851 --> 00:33:57,060
on the subject.
907
00:33:57,227 --> 00:33:58,979
Max, I'll take this one.
908
00:33:59,062 --> 00:34:00,605
I know what he means.
909
00:34:01,523 --> 00:34:02,858
The smog was so bad,
910
00:34:02,941 --> 00:34:07,028
one time I shot an arrow
into the air, and it stuck.
911
00:34:07,237 --> 00:34:08,321
[SNICKERING]
912
00:34:10,282 --> 00:34:11,783
In the a--air.
913
00:34:15,203 --> 00:34:16,705
just stuck.
914
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,582
From the smog.
915
00:34:19,249 --> 00:34:21,376
[DUNKING,
FARTING]
916
00:34:21,460 --> 00:34:23,253
Yeah. Yeah, J.J.,
that sound-effect
917
00:34:23,336 --> 00:34:25,130
is about as funny
as my wife's cooking.
918
00:34:25,714 --> 00:34:27,424
Do you know what she
made every night?
919
00:34:27,591 --> 00:34:28,550
A noose?
920
00:34:28,758 --> 00:34:31,470
[J.J. AND LITTLE WILLIE LAUGH]
921
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:33,180
No.
No, not a noose.
922
00:34:33,263 --> 00:34:34,389
Leftovers.
923
00:34:34,473 --> 00:34:36,266
- Why would she make a noose?
- Yeah, seriously, though.
924
00:34:36,475 --> 00:34:37,809
Are--are you married?
925
00:34:37,893 --> 00:34:41,271
Because that's a woman
I would love to meet.
926
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,148
[LAUGHTER]
927
00:34:43,231 --> 00:34:44,816
I was married.
928
00:34:45,317 --> 00:34:46,943
Her name was Trudy.
929
00:34:47,027 --> 00:34:48,361
She died.
930
00:34:49,321 --> 00:34:50,947
She was murdered.
931
00:34:51,490 --> 00:34:53,116
It was a car bomb.
932
00:34:55,494 --> 00:34:56,661
Aw, man, that sucks.
933
00:34:56,745 --> 00:34:57,746
May she rest in peace.
934
00:34:57,913 --> 00:34:59,831
Well... rest in pieces.
935
00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,918
I mean, at least my wife
was buried in a coffin.
936
00:35:03,168 --> 00:35:05,754
What was Trudy buried in,
a bunch of little snack bags?
937
00:35:06,004 --> 00:35:07,422
Oh, God.
Let me in there!
938
00:35:08,465 --> 00:35:10,091
- Whoa, whoa. Max, take it easy.
- No, no, seriously.
939
00:35:10,300 --> 00:35:12,052
You should have called me in.
I could've helped you with the case.
940
00:35:12,135 --> 00:35:14,930
I'm great with jigsaw puzzles.
941
00:35:15,138 --> 00:35:17,265
Are you joking about Trudy?
942
00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:19,559
[MAX WITH GIRLY VOICE]
"Adrian, I'm wanna use the car now.
943
00:35:19,726 --> 00:35:21,353
Go for a drive.
What's this button do?"
944
00:35:21,436 --> 00:35:23,605
Ka-booom!
945
00:35:24,397 --> 00:35:27,234
I bet you needed a whole
buncha wipes that day, huh?
946
00:35:27,642 --> 00:35:30,403
By the way, you know the last thing
that went through your wife's mind--
947
00:35:30,487 --> 00:35:31,404
the steering wheel.
948
00:35:32,322 --> 00:35:33,365
NATALIE:
Mr. Monk!
949
00:35:34,115 --> 00:35:35,033
Mr. Monk!
950
00:35:38,036 --> 00:35:38,828
Mr. Monk!
951
00:35:39,037 --> 00:35:40,330
Oh, my God!
952
00:35:45,126 --> 00:35:47,128
Thanks for stopping by, Adrian.
953
00:35:47,212 --> 00:35:48,505
Come by anytime.
954
00:35:49,130 --> 00:35:50,840
We'll be right back.
955
00:35:56,054 --> 00:35:57,389
RANDY:
Here.
956
00:35:57,514 --> 00:35:58,848
MONK:
Did you hear him?
957
00:35:58,932 --> 00:36:00,475
Did you hear what he said
about Trudy?
958
00:36:00,517 --> 00:36:02,185
RANDY: Yeah, we were in the car.
We had to pull over.
959
00:36:02,269 --> 00:36:04,521
- I couldn't even drive.
- That wasn't funny, was it?
960
00:36:04,604 --> 00:36:06,231
No, Mr. Monk.
It was unspeakable.
961
00:36:06,314 --> 00:36:07,566
Here's what I was thinking:
962
00:36:07,649 --> 00:36:09,734
Number one, sounded like you got
a couple good shots in.
963
00:36:09,943 --> 00:36:11,111
I was proud of you.
964
00:36:11,236 --> 00:36:12,862
And two, he sounded scared.
965
00:36:13,071 --> 00:36:14,239
Scared and guilty.
966
00:36:14,281 --> 00:36:15,699
He is guilty.
967
00:36:15,907 --> 00:36:19,286
25 years to life.
That's the best revenge.
968
00:36:19,411 --> 00:36:21,621
So let's just
take a deep breath.
969
00:36:21,788 --> 00:36:23,456
Let's focus.
970
00:36:23,582 --> 00:36:25,417
And let's figure out
how he did this.
971
00:36:29,212 --> 00:36:30,463
Okay.
972
00:36:31,923 --> 00:36:33,174
Okay.
973
00:36:36,636 --> 00:36:39,681
Okay, he was on... on the radio.
974
00:36:40,515 --> 00:36:42,976
Doing his show
and the house was locked.
975
00:36:43,101 --> 00:36:45,270
Locked and bolted
from the inside.
976
00:36:45,353 --> 00:36:47,230
The little window
in the back was open
977
00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:49,274
but only eight inches.
978
00:36:49,357 --> 00:36:51,192
Not big enough
for a little person.
979
00:36:51,276 --> 00:36:53,987
which has already
been established scientifically.
980
00:36:54,237 --> 00:36:56,239
[DOG BARKING]
981
00:36:58,450 --> 00:37:00,201
[DOG CONTINUES TO BARK]
982
00:37:07,167 --> 00:37:08,627
MAN:
Ooh, yeah, you got it!
983
00:37:08,835 --> 00:37:10,712
Ooh, here he comes.
Here he comes.
984
00:37:10,962 --> 00:37:12,047
Oh, he's got it.
985
00:37:12,172 --> 00:37:13,548
Is that... a loafer?
986
00:37:14,132 --> 00:37:15,467
Yeah, I think so.
987
00:37:15,634 --> 00:37:16,968
MONK:
A brown,
988
00:37:17,135 --> 00:37:19,721
Ramato loafer, size 10 1/2.
989
00:37:19,763 --> 00:37:20,930
How do you know that?
990
00:37:21,139 --> 00:37:22,932
Oh, uh, hello again.
991
00:37:23,016 --> 00:37:24,893
Uh, he's not bothering you,
is he?
992
00:37:25,060 --> 00:37:26,770
No, no, no.
Just curious...
993
00:37:26,895 --> 00:37:28,563
Where did he get that shoe?
994
00:37:28,647 --> 00:37:29,564
Oh, hell.
995
00:37:29,773 --> 00:37:31,316
It's not yours, is it?
996
00:37:31,441 --> 00:37:33,234
I am so sorry.
997
00:37:33,318 --> 00:37:35,403
He has a thing for shoes.
998
00:37:35,528 --> 00:37:37,572
I don't know
where he got this shoe.
999
00:37:37,656 --> 00:37:40,575
He, uh, just had it when I
got back from our vacation.
1000
00:37:40,659 --> 00:37:42,118
You were on vacation?
1001
00:37:42,243 --> 00:37:44,496
Hawaii.
We go every July.
1002
00:37:44,621 --> 00:37:46,414
Who was watching the dog?
1003
00:37:46,623 --> 00:37:48,375
Oh, you're not gonna believe it.
1004
00:37:48,458 --> 00:37:49,834
I still can't believe it.
1005
00:37:49,918 --> 00:37:51,127
Max Hudson.
1006
00:37:51,336 --> 00:37:52,921
He just volunteered.
1007
00:37:53,171 --> 00:37:56,299
I mean, you think a guy like that
would have better things to do.
1008
00:38:09,396 --> 00:38:10,772
What, uh...?
1009
00:38:12,273 --> 00:38:13,400
What's going on?
1010
00:38:13,483 --> 00:38:14,943
Well, I could tell you,
1011
00:38:14,984 --> 00:38:17,237
but Adrian Monk wants
to tell you himself.
1012
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:18,822
He's upstairs.
1013
00:38:19,406 --> 00:38:20,865
After you.
1014
00:38:23,451 --> 00:38:25,578
[SCOFFS]
Linda. Uh-huh.
1015
00:38:25,662 --> 00:38:27,872
Uh, I don't know the legal
definition of harassment,
1016
00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:29,749
but, uh, this is pretty close.
1017
00:38:29,817 --> 00:38:32,043
LELAND: Mr. Hudson,
that's a search warrant.
1018
00:38:32,127 --> 00:38:34,170
You've been duly served.
1019
00:38:34,796 --> 00:38:37,716
Uh, sure, okay.
Knock yourself out.
1020
00:38:37,841 --> 00:38:40,260
You'll just
embarrass yourselves again.
1021
00:38:40,301 --> 00:38:41,678
It's over, Max.
1022
00:38:41,761 --> 00:38:43,096
We know how you did it.
1023
00:38:43,179 --> 00:38:45,098
We know what you were doing
everyday at 2:00.
1024
00:38:45,223 --> 00:38:46,391
You were next door
1025
00:38:46,558 --> 00:38:47,767
That's right.
I was.
1026
00:38:47,851 --> 00:38:50,353
I was house-sitting.
I was watering their plants.
1027
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,480
Nah, you were training
their dog.
1028
00:38:52,564 --> 00:38:53,982
LELAND:
We replayed a tape
1029
00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:56,401
of the show you made
the morning your wife died.
1030
00:38:56,526 --> 00:38:59,821
That was the day you introduced
your new catchphrase:
1031
00:38:59,904 --> 00:39:01,531
"Jangle my tenders."
1032
00:39:01,656 --> 00:39:02,991
[WHISPERS]
"Jiggle me timbers," sir.
1033
00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:04,409
"Jiggle me timbers."
1034
00:39:04,492 --> 00:39:05,994
You never said it
before that day.
1035
00:39:06,077 --> 00:39:06,953
or since.
1036
00:39:07,495 --> 00:39:08,955
I'm a big fan.
1037
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,665
Well, I was.
1038
00:39:10,790 --> 00:39:12,292
Unless you're not guilty.
1039
00:39:12,459 --> 00:39:15,420
In which case, we're all
really sorry about all of this.
1040
00:39:15,503 --> 00:39:17,464
Although, I'm pretty sure
you're guilty.
1041
00:39:17,547 --> 00:39:18,965
[WHISPERS]
But, if you're not, I'm sorry.
1042
00:39:20,008 --> 00:39:21,217
This is insane.
1043
00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:23,595
LELAND:
Well, it's easy enough to prove.
1044
00:39:26,014 --> 00:39:27,348
Let's do it.
1045
00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:30,018
[RECORDING OF MAX]
...out on Friday
1046
00:39:30,101 --> 00:39:31,060
I saw it last night.
1047
00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:33,021
Jiggle me timbers!
1048
00:39:36,107 --> 00:39:38,485
LITTLE WILLIE: Hey, Max, where'd
you get that -- "Jiggle me timbers?"
1049
00:39:38,568 --> 00:39:39,986
You've been saying that
all morning.
1050
00:39:40,153 --> 00:39:43,281
MONK: The new catchphrase.
That was your command.
1051
00:39:43,364 --> 00:39:46,242
That dog was your accomplice.
1052
00:39:46,326 --> 00:39:48,745
You worked with him everyday
for a month.
1053
00:39:48,828 --> 00:39:51,498
You trained him
to murder your wife.
1054
00:39:51,664 --> 00:39:54,083
That morning, you could have
been a hundred miles away.
1055
00:39:54,292 --> 00:39:57,504
You left his cage open
and a radio on.
1056
00:39:57,587 --> 00:40:01,132
All you had to do was go
on the air and give the command.
1057
00:40:01,341 --> 00:40:02,634
You knew Jeanette
would be fast asleep.
1058
00:40:02,801 --> 00:40:04,302
You knew she'd never wake up.
1059
00:40:05,345 --> 00:40:06,763
NATALIE:
Oh, here he comes.
1060
00:40:24,113 --> 00:40:26,032
LELAND:
You made one big mistake.
1061
00:40:26,282 --> 00:40:28,243
Your partner, your accomplice.
1062
00:40:28,326 --> 00:40:30,161
He's got a thing for shoes.
1063
00:40:30,245 --> 00:40:32,205
He stole one of yours
and brought it home.
1064
00:40:34,290 --> 00:40:35,375
So is he under arrest?
1065
00:40:35,583 --> 00:40:36,543
Yes, he is.
1066
00:40:37,252 --> 00:40:38,545
Thank you, Mr. Monk.
1067
00:40:38,670 --> 00:40:40,505
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
1068
00:40:40,588 --> 00:40:42,090
RANDY:
You heard the lady, Max.
1069
00:40:42,423 --> 00:40:43,967
You're under arrest.
1070
00:40:44,050 --> 00:40:45,468
Gimme your hands.
1071
00:40:50,181 --> 00:40:52,767
You're not laughing now.
1072
00:40:53,643 --> 00:40:54,978
Are you?
1073
00:40:56,396 --> 00:40:57,605
Are you?
1074
00:40:58,773 --> 00:41:00,066
No.
1075
00:41:00,733 --> 00:41:02,193
I'm not laughing.
1076
00:41:04,153 --> 00:41:06,072
Join the club.
1077
00:41:06,322 --> 00:41:07,574
Let's go.
1078
00:41:14,247 --> 00:41:16,583
MONK:
Oh, here we go.
1079
00:41:17,292 --> 00:41:20,253
TRUDY:
Mmm, that looks good!
1080
00:41:20,503 --> 00:41:21,754
[LAUGHTER]
1081
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,964
WEDDING GUESTS:
Aww.
1082
00:41:23,256 --> 00:41:24,799
[APPLAUSE]
1083
00:41:27,635 --> 00:41:28,720
Ooh!
1084
00:41:28,761 --> 00:41:30,179
[LAUGHTER]
1085
00:41:30,305 --> 00:41:31,681
You are so silly.
1086
00:41:31,764 --> 00:41:33,099
All right, you ready?
1087
00:41:33,266 --> 00:41:35,101
MONK: Okay, don't forget,
I have the knife.
1088
00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,603
TRUDY: I know.
[LAUGHS]
1089
00:41:36,686 --> 00:41:38,605
You think that's funny?
Whoo!
1090
00:41:38,646 --> 00:41:40,106
[MONK AND TRUDY LAUGHING]
1091
00:41:43,276 --> 00:41:44,903
I love how you laugh.
1092
00:41:44,986 --> 00:41:46,279
Mwah!
1093
00:41:46,946 --> 00:41:48,072
WEDDING GUESTS:
Aww.
1094
00:41:50,015 --> 00:41:51,164
TRUDY:
Mwah!
1095
00:41:51,242 --> 00:41:52,869
[MONK GIGGLING]
1096
00:41:53,940 --> 00:41:56,940
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]