1
00:02:20,329 --> 00:02:22,049
Good morning, Daddy.

2
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,129
Hey, Ben, how you doing, man?

3
00:02:28,609 --> 00:02:29,809
Oh, God.

4
00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:33,689
Daddy's got to get ready for work.

5
00:02:33,729 --> 00:02:35,449
Can't you stay home?

6
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,409
No. I got a real big day at work today.

7
00:02:40,609 --> 00:02:41,609
Kim.

8
00:02:42,489 --> 00:02:43,809
Where's my cell phone?

9
00:02:43,889 --> 00:02:45,329
It's with my crayons.

10
00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:47,849
It's not supposed to be with the crayons.

11
00:02:51,969 --> 00:02:53,169
There you go, sweetie.

12
00:02:53,249 --> 00:02:55,569
Okay, has anybody seen my beeper?

13
00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:06,449
Here it is.

14
00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:09,849
Right by the grape juice.
I wonder how it got there.

15
00:03:09,929 --> 00:03:13,369
Are those my note cards
that I've been working all night on?

16
00:03:13,449 --> 00:03:16,569
I've been up all night
and now they're all sticky.

17
00:03:17,449 --> 00:03:19,449
- Sorry, baby.
- Yeah.

18
00:03:19,849 --> 00:03:21,049
- Sorry.
- Yeah.

19
00:03:21,129 --> 00:03:23,569
- Bye-bye.
- Yeah, I'll see you later.

20
00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:28,009
- Don't forget about the orientation today.
- The what?

21
00:03:28,089 --> 00:03:30,369
Chapman Academy? The preschool?

22
00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:33,969
Okay. Right.
Is there any way we could reschedule that?

23
00:03:36,129 --> 00:03:37,489
Maybe we shouldn't.

24
00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:40,609
Maybe we should take care of business
and be responsible parents.

25
00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:41,929
Don't worry.

26
00:03:42,009 --> 00:03:43,849
- Don't be late.
- I will not be late.

27
00:03:43,929 --> 00:03:45,049
Promise?

28
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,169
I won't be late.

29
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,129
See you later.

30
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,729
- Did he promise?
- He sure did.

31
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,209
What's going on?

32
00:03:58,289 --> 00:04:00,009
Your worst nightmare.

33
00:04:00,129 --> 00:04:01,129
What?

34
00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:03,209
Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.

35
00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:06,089
He got a call-back
on a potato chip commercial.

36
00:04:06,209 --> 00:04:09,489
- These snack foods are killing us!
- Yeah, I know.

37
00:04:09,969 --> 00:04:11,049
Marvin!

38
00:04:11,129 --> 00:04:12,169
Yeah?

39
00:04:13,409 --> 00:04:15,129
The guy who smells the mail?

40
00:04:15,849 --> 00:04:18,329
We need a guy to wear a broccoli suit,
not a normal guy.

41
00:04:18,409 --> 00:04:19,609
Marvin, my man!

42
00:04:19,649 --> 00:04:23,209
My friend, Marvin. What's going on today?
Listen, I need a favor.

43
00:04:23,289 --> 00:04:26,009
We're having a focus group
and the broccoli guy left.

44
00:04:26,049 --> 00:04:29,049
I was wondering if you'd put the suit on
and cover for us?

45
00:04:29,089 --> 00:04:30,049
No.

46
00:04:31,649 --> 00:04:35,009
I can't do the broccoli
because it's just not me. Sorry.

47
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,449
Can I be the carrot, though?

48
00:04:38,969 --> 00:04:40,649
Yeah, you could be the carrot.

49
00:04:40,729 --> 00:04:42,209
- Let him try your carrot on.
- No.

50
00:04:42,289 --> 00:04:44,529
- You'll be the broccoli.
- I don't want to be a bush.

51
00:04:44,609 --> 00:04:48,089
It's not a bush, it's a stalk.
A strong stalk of broccoli.

52
00:04:48,169 --> 00:04:50,529
- I'm pretty strong.
- You can make that work.

53
00:04:50,609 --> 00:04:53,289
Let's switch this suit and get the broccoli.

54
00:04:53,369 --> 00:04:54,929
Trust me on this. Let's go.

55
00:04:55,449 --> 00:04:58,009
<i>B- R-O-C-C-O-L-I!</i>

56
00:04:58,289 --> 00:05:00,889
<i>I am the broccoli and don't know why!</i>

57
00:05:01,089 --> 00:05:03,649
<i>C- A-R-R-O and a T!</i>

58
00:05:03,729 --> 00:05:06,609
<i>Carrots are healthy for you and me!</i>

59
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:19,049
<i>You want to do the dance?
Go Broccoli, it's your birthday!</i>

60
00:05:19,129 --> 00:05:21,929
<i>- Go Carrot, go Carrot, go!
- No, I don't want to.</i>

61
00:05:22,009 --> 00:05:24,209
Hello, boys and girls!

62
00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:27,409
Zowie! Do we have
a special treat for you today!

63
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,649
"Hey! We have a brand-new cereal!

64
00:05:31,969 --> 00:05:33,849
"You're the first kid..."

65
00:05:34,369 --> 00:05:35,449
Help!

66
00:05:36,929 --> 00:05:38,489
It's super yummy.

67
00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:40,569
- And loaded...
- Phil, help me.

68
00:05:40,689 --> 00:05:43,249
...with all sorts of stuff that's good for you.

69
00:05:43,329 --> 00:05:45,089
And do you know what we call it?

70
00:05:45,169 --> 00:05:47,489
Veggie-Os!

71
00:05:50,209 --> 00:05:52,129
This cereal sucks!

72
00:05:52,329 --> 00:05:53,489
They're turning on us.

73
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:57,449
Give it a chance. Let it get in their mouth.
They got to taste it.

74
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,049
Take that!

75
00:06:03,249 --> 00:06:04,729
Help me, Charlie!

76
00:06:04,769 --> 00:06:07,289
Not in the face! Save yourself, Carrot!

77
00:06:07,649 --> 00:06:10,129
Call security now. Stop that!

78
00:06:13,569 --> 00:06:17,569
I guess we better go in, Pooch.
Your Daddy will come a little later.

79
00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:19,489
Come here, let me see you.

80
00:06:27,369 --> 00:06:29,089
I am so sorry, baby.

81
00:06:29,169 --> 00:06:32,129
Things got crazy at work.
What's going on, man?

82
00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:35,009
Look at this place.
It's Princeton for preschoolers.

83
00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:37,529
Let's hurry up
so we won't be late for the orientation.

84
00:06:37,609 --> 00:06:39,009
What's the orientation about?

85
00:06:39,089 --> 00:06:41,929
It's a preschool,
they'll be playing with blocks, right?

86
00:06:49,889 --> 00:06:51,289
Unbelievable.

87
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:55,089
Language skills are a critical component
here at Chapman.

88
00:06:55,169 --> 00:06:57,129
They're part of our core curriculum.

89
00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:58,609
You must be Charles.

90
00:06:58,689 --> 00:07:00,969
- Call me Charlie. Nice to meet you.
- How do you do?

91
00:07:01,049 --> 00:07:02,369
- This is my wife, Kim.
- Hi.

92
00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:05,329
Kimberly. I'm Miss Harridan,
the headmistress.

93
00:07:05,409 --> 00:07:06,849
And this is Ben.

94
00:07:06,929 --> 00:07:08,849
How do you do, Benjamin?

95
00:07:09,449 --> 00:07:12,569
- Come on, little man.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

96
00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:14,489
Shall we begin?

97
00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:17,329
- Look at their outfits. I like that.
- They're cute.

98
00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:21,489
We find uniforms reinforce
the sense of structure.

99
00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:23,729
Structure's good.

100
00:07:24,169 --> 00:07:27,529
Our philosophy is that
a child is like a climbing vine.

101
00:07:27,649 --> 00:07:31,169
With structure to cling to,
and the right gardener to tend them...

102
00:07:31,249 --> 00:07:33,009
they'll grow to the sky.

103
00:07:35,249 --> 00:07:37,209
- Sorry.
- So, Mrs. Hinton...

104
00:07:37,489 --> 00:07:39,409
you're returning to work?

105
00:07:39,849 --> 00:07:42,009
Lawyer, I believe your file said.

106
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,649
Actually, I haven't practiced yet.

107
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:47,489
We just had Ben when I finished law school.

108
00:07:47,769 --> 00:07:49,849
Still a little nervous about leaving him.

109
00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,969
All mothers are. But you needn't worry.

110
00:07:53,249 --> 00:07:56,129
Our little seedlings are in very good hands.

111
00:07:57,209 --> 00:07:59,369
- Turn the darn phone off.
- It's off.

112
00:07:59,449 --> 00:08:00,889
And attack!

113
00:08:01,329 --> 00:08:03,049
Now mark your books, number five.

114
00:08:03,129 --> 00:08:06,129
Cat is to mouse as frog is to...

115
00:08:06,209 --> 00:08:08,249
Are they doing SAT prep?

116
00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:10,329
It's never too early to start.

117
00:08:11,129 --> 00:08:13,089
- Nest.
- That's right. Nest.

118
00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:19,689
- I thought you turned your phone off.
- It's not my phone, it's my two-way.

119
00:08:22,089 --> 00:08:23,569
This is bad.

120
00:08:25,449 --> 00:08:26,689
Go ahead.

121
00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:28,649
Okay. Thank you, baby.

122
00:08:29,169 --> 00:08:32,489
I am terribly sorry.
I have an emergency at work. I gotta go.

123
00:08:32,569 --> 00:08:34,489
- I understand.
- I'm sorry.

124
00:08:34,809 --> 00:08:36,089
Hey, little man.

125
00:08:36,129 --> 00:08:39,049
Daddy's got to get going,
but I'll see you later on, okay?

126
00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:40,489
You want to do the rocket ship?

127
00:08:40,569 --> 00:08:42,329
Let's do the rocket ship.

128
00:08:53,209 --> 00:08:54,609
Sorry about all the noise.

129
00:08:54,689 --> 00:08:56,409
Here you go. Go to Mommy.

130
00:08:56,449 --> 00:08:59,289
I'll see you later. Thank you for your time.

131
00:09:00,089 --> 00:09:03,129
I'm so sorry.
He's trying out a new product at work.

132
00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:07,689
No need to apologize.
Diligence always sets a fine example.

133
00:09:08,009 --> 00:09:10,209
Jenny. Just in time.

134
00:09:10,769 --> 00:09:13,089
Here's a copy of our curriculum...

135
00:09:13,129 --> 00:09:15,809
and a list of your financial obligations.

136
00:09:16,329 --> 00:09:17,969
This is the price per year?

137
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:19,249
Per month.

138
00:09:22,249 --> 00:09:24,889
- Ben is starting preschool today.
- Where at?

139
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:26,409
Over at that Chapman Academy.

140
00:09:26,489 --> 00:09:29,249
The Marine Corps of day care.
Max goes there.

141
00:09:30,009 --> 00:09:32,049
Really? What do you think of that place?

142
00:09:32,129 --> 00:09:35,169
There isn't much choice.
You got Harridan and her merry fembots...

143
00:09:35,249 --> 00:09:38,689
or Idiot von Idiot and their School
for Children Who Like Accidents.

144
00:09:38,769 --> 00:09:41,769
Numbers just came in
for Chocolatey Chocolate Balls.

145
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,129
Through the roof!

146
00:09:43,169 --> 00:09:45,809
That's a surprise. You hear that?
Kids like chocolate.

147
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:46,969
Ice cream, too.

148
00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:51,009
I forgot I was talking to the granola-heads
from the natural food division.

149
00:09:51,089 --> 00:09:52,889
What was the stinker you got saddled with?

150
00:09:52,929 --> 00:09:56,329
It's not a stinker.
It's Veggie-Os, the cereal of the future.

151
00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,969
Right, Veggie-blows.
I thought they were killing that.

152
00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:00,969
Jerry!

153
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,809
The numbers on the Chocolatey Chocolate
Balls are through the roof!

154
00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:06,489
What does he mean, "killing that"?

155
00:10:06,569 --> 00:10:10,129
Why you listening to Bruce?
Nothing's being killed. He's a clown.

156
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,249
If something was going down, we'd know.

157
00:10:12,649 --> 00:10:13,809
We're killing it.

158
00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:17,489
Come on, Jim. We had one bad test.
It's a hard nut to crack.

159
00:10:17,569 --> 00:10:20,449
Any fool can sell
Chocolatey Chocolate Balls...

160
00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:22,849
and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids.

161
00:10:22,929 --> 00:10:25,569
Cotton candy. That's not bad.

162
00:10:26,329 --> 00:10:29,529
Guys, look. I'm sorry, but it was a dog.

163
00:10:29,609 --> 00:10:32,969
Kids just don't want to eat vegetables
for breakfast. Who knew?

164
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,209
I told you that six months ago
when you put us on this project.

165
00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,249
You did?

166
00:10:38,329 --> 00:10:40,609
It's not just Veggie-Os.

167
00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:43,249
We're shutting down
the whole health division.

168
00:10:43,329 --> 00:10:44,689
That's like 300 people.

169
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,569
It's not a business we want to be in.

170
00:10:46,649 --> 00:10:48,569
Where are we being reassigned?

171
00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:56,009
Pooch, how was your first day at school?

172
00:10:56,769 --> 00:10:57,849
Okay.

173
00:10:58,209 --> 00:10:59,449
Just okay?

174
00:10:59,489 --> 00:11:01,529
I don't know anybody there.

175
00:11:01,689 --> 00:11:04,809
Give it some time. You'll make some friends.

176
00:11:05,649 --> 00:11:07,169
How was your day, baby?

177
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,889
I lost my J-O-B.

178
00:11:09,409 --> 00:11:11,089
You lost your J-O-B?

179
00:11:11,329 --> 00:11:13,209
I got F-l-R-E-D.

180
00:11:13,609 --> 00:11:15,009
Me and 300 other people.

181
00:11:15,089 --> 00:11:16,489
They cannot do that!

182
00:11:16,569 --> 00:11:20,409
- Can't Jim Fields do something?
- He's the one that pulled the trigger.

183
00:11:20,449 --> 00:11:21,769
He's not gonna do anything.

184
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:24,369
When I found out it was him,
I told him to take a flying...

185
00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:25,529
Charlie!

186
00:11:28,369 --> 00:11:30,329
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P.

187
00:11:32,409 --> 00:11:33,489
Don't worry about this.

188
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:36,529
I'm in demand,
and I'll have a new job in a week.

189
00:11:42,809 --> 00:11:45,129
What if we use the emergency fund?

190
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:49,089
We can't.
We already used it on the car payment.

191
00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:54,329
There's no way around it.

192
00:11:54,369 --> 00:11:56,849
We gotta pull Ben out of Chapman.
It's too much money.

193
00:11:56,929 --> 00:11:58,929
What will we do for child-care?

194
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:03,249
- Are you gonna stay home with him?
- No, I'm not gonna stay home with him.

195
00:12:03,329 --> 00:12:06,169
We just gotta find something
more affordable, that's all.

196
00:12:06,849 --> 00:12:09,569
- This is the right address.
- You gotta be kidding me.

197
00:12:09,649 --> 00:12:13,009
- We can at least check it out.
- Ben is not going here.

198
00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:14,889
Looks can be deceiving. I'll go look.

199
00:12:14,969 --> 00:12:17,849
Looks can be deceiving?
We're in a trailer park!

200
00:12:20,329 --> 00:12:22,209
I'm looking for the preschool.

201
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,089
Yes, it is.

202
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,449
Welcome to the...

203
00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:31,609
Sorry.

204
00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:34,249
Welcome to the Touch of Eden Preschool.

205
00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:37,209
- Can I help you?
- No, thank you.

206
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:43,569
- Is this the right address, here?
- I think so.

207
00:12:45,889 --> 00:12:48,889
We keep the children right around here.

208
00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:57,329
Go ahead. After you, ma'am.

209
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:58,449
Okay.

210
00:13:01,569 --> 00:13:04,249
- Where'd you get this address?
- You picked this place.

211
00:13:04,289 --> 00:13:05,849
We should report this to somebody.

212
00:13:09,169 --> 00:13:11,129
That's what I'm talking about.

213
00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:14,009
I knew there had to be
at least one decent place.

214
00:13:14,089 --> 00:13:15,769
It looks all right.

215
00:13:18,369 --> 00:13:19,729
<i>This is the police.</i>

216
00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:21,609
<i>We have you surrounded.</i>

217
00:13:27,329 --> 00:13:29,849
All right, Charlie. Give up the keys.

218
00:13:30,569 --> 00:13:31,969
I don't know where the keys are.

219
00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:33,649
Don't even try it.

220
00:13:34,609 --> 00:13:38,089
- Why don't you drive the minivan?
- No. We talked about this last night.

221
00:13:38,169 --> 00:13:41,089
You're staying home with Ben.
I'm driving the Mercedes.

222
00:13:42,049 --> 00:13:46,049
You have me driving around town
in the dumb minivan all day.

223
00:13:46,249 --> 00:13:47,689
Is the top down?

224
00:13:48,129 --> 00:13:49,849
You know what, Kim?

225
00:13:51,009 --> 00:13:53,529
Be careful. Don't just park it anyplace.

226
00:13:53,569 --> 00:13:57,169
Be careful getting in and out of the car.
Don't get any dings in the door.

227
00:13:57,249 --> 00:13:58,329
Come here.

228
00:13:58,369 --> 00:14:01,689
Make sure you put good gas in there.
If you put in the cheap stuff...

229
00:14:01,729 --> 00:14:04,289
the engine will start knocking,
and I don't want that.

230
00:14:04,369 --> 00:14:07,289
You don't leave milk in the car
with the windows rolled up.

231
00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:08,889
Always buckle up the car seat.

232
00:14:08,929 --> 00:14:11,529
Don't park in the sun
or the seats will get too hot.

233
00:14:11,609 --> 00:14:13,649
And no juice unless it's in a sippy cup.

234
00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:15,009
Bye, baby.

235
00:14:15,649 --> 00:14:18,849
Can you give a call,
tell us what time you'll be back?

236
00:14:19,729 --> 00:14:22,409
Because we'll be here waiting,
just the two of us.

237
00:14:22,489 --> 00:14:24,609
Bye, Mom.

238
00:14:25,569 --> 00:14:26,969
Not too fast!

239
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,609
See you later.

240
00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:33,649
When's Mommy coming back?

241
00:14:33,889 --> 00:14:36,569
She'll be back around dinnertime, Mommy.

242
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,729
Is dinnertime soon?

243
00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:43,729
No, but don't you worry.
We're going to have a lot of fun.

244
00:14:44,329 --> 00:14:47,289
But we need Mommy to have fun.

245
00:14:51,169 --> 00:14:53,649
Are you trying
to just break me down in the driveway?

246
00:14:53,729 --> 00:14:56,409
- Why you want to break your father down?
- I'm sorry.

247
00:14:56,489 --> 00:14:58,689
That's better. You broke me down smooth.

248
00:14:58,769 --> 00:15:00,489
- My eyes welled up.
- I'm sorry.

249
00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:02,329
- You made my eyes well up.
- Okay, let's...

250
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,689
- Look at my eyes.
- I see your eye twitching.

251
00:15:04,769 --> 00:15:06,449
We're going to have fun!

252
00:15:24,169 --> 00:15:25,689
Do you know how to change a diaper?

253
00:15:25,929 --> 00:15:28,489
Yes, but I thought Max was potty-trained.

254
00:15:29,569 --> 00:15:30,689
Believe me, so did I.

255
00:15:30,769 --> 00:15:32,849
<i>Don't do that to me! What are you...</i>

256
00:15:32,929 --> 00:15:35,089
He's throwing things at me, and it smells.

257
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,769
<i>I really need your help!</i>

258
00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:41,769
- Are you potty-trained?
- Yes.

259
00:15:44,129 --> 00:15:45,529
You got to go stinky?

260
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:46,529
Yes.

261
00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:48,729
Then, go on. Go stinky, then.

262
00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:57,489
You have a nauseous ache in your stomach
that you're a worthless failure?

263
00:15:58,929 --> 00:16:00,889
We are worthless failures.

264
00:16:01,249 --> 00:16:02,329
Hey, guys.

265
00:16:02,369 --> 00:16:04,289
- Hey, Peggy. How you doing?
- Good.

266
00:16:04,369 --> 00:16:05,929
What's going on, Nicky?

267
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:11,049
He can be a little hard
to understand sometimes.

268
00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:13,929
Honey, go play. Have a good time, have fun.

269
00:16:14,009 --> 00:16:16,129
Stay away from that cat poop.

270
00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:19,329
- "Hija"? What'd he just say?
- God, I haven't a clue.

271
00:16:19,409 --> 00:16:22,009
The doctor says it's just a phase, but...

272
00:16:22,089 --> 00:16:24,089
It kept him out of Chapman.

273
00:16:24,169 --> 00:16:25,329
Jerks.

274
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,289
Put that mouse down!

275
00:16:31,329 --> 00:16:32,569
Give it to me!

276
00:16:33,449 --> 00:16:34,969
What are you...

277
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:39,449
Charlie, I think it's great,
you guys being full-time dads.

278
00:16:39,489 --> 00:16:41,689
We're real giants among men.

279
00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:45,729
You are. You should be proud.
Most guys don't know who their kids are.

280
00:16:46,209 --> 00:16:47,729
Joe still hasn't found anything?

281
00:16:47,809 --> 00:16:49,649
No, and he's driving me crazy.

282
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,569
I should go back to work,
but what about Nicky?

283
00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:54,009
Dead mouse.

284
00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:56,249
There's no good alternative to Chapman.

285
00:17:09,889 --> 00:17:13,649
If someone opened a decent day care
program here, they'd make a killing.

286
00:17:13,729 --> 00:17:16,409
Nicky, what did I say about the cat poop?

287
00:17:40,249 --> 00:17:41,329
What?

288
00:17:41,729 --> 00:17:43,209
A day care center? You and me?

289
00:17:43,289 --> 00:17:47,609
It's a completely underserved market.
Harridan has a monopoly on this suburb.

290
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,449
All we have to do is come in...

291
00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:52,609
establish ourselves as the value alternative,
and we'll clean up!

292
00:17:52,689 --> 00:17:55,369
- You think I'd be good at child-care?
- Absolutely.

293
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,689
Excuse me? Are these your kids?

294
00:17:59,009 --> 00:17:59,929
No.

295
00:18:01,729 --> 00:18:05,289
- Remember when you broke my yo-yo?
- I did not break your yo-yo.

296
00:18:05,369 --> 00:18:07,609
- Yes, you did.
- I did not break your yo-yo.

297
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:09,089
Your yo-yo was broke.

298
00:18:09,169 --> 00:18:12,569
You're killing me. You're really killing me.

299
00:18:19,329 --> 00:18:20,609
I'm home!

300
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,729
- You said let's do this together.
- No, Daddy!

301
00:18:34,929 --> 00:18:36,529
What's going on here?

302
00:18:42,369 --> 00:18:44,769
A day care center. In our house?

303
00:18:44,809 --> 00:18:47,729
Yes, Phil's apartment's only
a two-bedroom place.

304
00:18:47,809 --> 00:18:50,169
This is crazy on 10 different levels.

305
00:18:50,209 --> 00:18:52,249
What do you both know about
running a day care?

306
00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:53,769
It's not rocket science.

307
00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:56,569
We applied for a license.
It couldn't be any more simple.

308
00:18:56,609 --> 00:18:59,569
- Daddy.
- What you want? The rocket ship?

309
00:19:02,889 --> 00:19:04,849
- That's what you wanted, right?
- Milk.

310
00:19:04,929 --> 00:19:07,529
You wanted milk? I'm sorry. He wanted milk.

311
00:19:07,609 --> 00:19:12,089
Rocket man needs milk when he's flying.
It's for strong bones, in case you crash.

312
00:19:12,129 --> 00:19:14,929
We understand each other.
What you think about this?

313
00:19:15,329 --> 00:19:19,689
We're talking about other people's kids.
Do you understand that responsibility?

314
00:19:19,769 --> 00:19:22,729
I'll be just as careful with them
as I am with Ben.

315
00:19:22,809 --> 00:19:26,689
Don't be rubbing your head into stuff.
Watch where you're walking.

316
00:19:26,889 --> 00:19:30,129
What about when you get a real job?
Just leave the parents hanging?

317
00:19:30,209 --> 00:19:32,889
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

318
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,609
It won't be permanent.

319
00:19:35,689 --> 00:19:38,929
We won't get rich from this,
but it might keep us out of bankruptcy.

320
00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:41,369
- I don't know, Charlie.
- Come on, Kim.

321
00:19:41,409 --> 00:19:44,089
I can't just sit around here.
I got to try to do something.

322
00:19:44,129 --> 00:19:46,129
Come on. I need this.

323
00:19:48,289 --> 00:19:51,009
I guess you better start
handing out those fliers.

324
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,209
All right.

325
00:19:52,529 --> 00:19:54,489
- It makes much more sense...
- Me, too.

326
00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,049
Okay, you want me to give you a hug?

327
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,289
Here's a big hug. Group hug.

328
00:20:06,889 --> 00:20:09,249
Excuse me. When you get a chance...

329
00:20:30,369 --> 00:20:32,169
Here you go, Daddy Day Care.

330
00:20:32,249 --> 00:20:35,369
Hey, little karate guy.
Daddy Day Care, karate girl.

331
00:20:35,529 --> 00:20:37,529
Hello! Daddy Day Care.

332
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,289
Hello, how are you?

333
00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:49,329
Here you go. If you get a chance...

334
00:20:58,249 --> 00:21:01,209
When you get a chance,
have a look at that. Thank you.

335
00:21:01,289 --> 00:21:04,249
If it's not too much trouble,
when you get a chance...

336
00:21:13,409 --> 00:21:15,889
"Warm, nurturing, experienced parents...

337
00:21:15,969 --> 00:21:20,009
"providing exceptional child-care
at affordable prices."

338
00:21:21,169 --> 00:21:24,209
The "experienced" part
is what I have to take issue with.

339
00:21:29,529 --> 00:21:30,649
I give it three days.

340
00:21:31,849 --> 00:21:34,489
You two guys are running
a day care center?

341
00:21:34,529 --> 00:21:37,849
You're signing up people
at a lemonade stand on the front lawn?

342
00:21:39,489 --> 00:21:41,689
Good luck with that. Come on, Paul.

343
00:21:42,529 --> 00:21:45,529
Wait. Don't you believe in equality
amongst the sexes?

344
00:21:45,569 --> 00:21:47,769
Can't men do everything women can do?

345
00:21:48,409 --> 00:21:50,649
No, we can't. It's unnatural.

346
00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:53,529
Little bit eeky.

347
00:21:53,809 --> 00:21:54,969
You're guys?

348
00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,969
What did you think Daddy Day Care meant?

349
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,529
I thought maybe one guy. Not only guys.

350
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,129
I just thought it was a clever name.

351
00:22:01,209 --> 00:22:03,809
- Is this the day care place?
- They're all guys.

352
00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:04,929
They're what?

353
00:22:05,009 --> 00:22:08,809
Excuse me. Listen.
We are two loving, caring parents.

354
00:22:08,889 --> 00:22:10,249
We run a day care center.

355
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,209
You're a couple of sickos!

356
00:22:12,289 --> 00:22:14,569
How about a free trial offer?

357
00:22:14,929 --> 00:22:16,049
Sickos!

358
00:22:17,329 --> 00:22:19,609
- Oh, dear.
- Come on!

359
00:22:21,129 --> 00:22:23,489
Hi, Peggy! Hi, Nicky. How you doing?

360
00:22:23,529 --> 00:22:25,889
Nicky is so excited for his big day.

361
00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:28,609
- How old are you? Oh, yeah, five.
- I got it.

362
00:22:28,689 --> 00:22:31,449
Wait. You're leaving Nicky here
with these guys?

363
00:22:32,209 --> 00:22:35,169
You have trouble with them being guys?
Are you from the Dark Ages?

364
00:22:35,249 --> 00:22:37,569
Aren't you for gender equality
and all that jazz?

365
00:22:37,609 --> 00:22:39,969
Peggy, come on. Of course we are.

366
00:22:40,049 --> 00:22:42,689
So can't women do what men do
and men do what women do?

367
00:22:42,769 --> 00:22:44,369
These guys can do the job.

368
00:22:44,449 --> 00:22:47,929
- You'll vouch for these two?
- Yeah, I'll vouch for them.

369
00:22:50,049 --> 00:22:51,609
- I'll try it.
- You're doing it?

370
00:22:51,649 --> 00:22:53,489
They'll have a great time.

371
00:22:53,569 --> 00:22:54,649
- Okay.
- Right, kids?

372
00:22:54,689 --> 00:22:56,329
You're a real lifesaver.

373
00:22:56,649 --> 00:22:59,769
You screw this up,
I'll kill you with my bare hands.

374
00:23:00,809 --> 00:23:04,049
- Here, now, go to Phil.
- No, I don't want to go.

375
00:23:04,129 --> 00:23:06,089
- Come on. Let go.
- I don't want to go!

376
00:23:06,169 --> 00:23:08,969
He's got a little bit of separation anxiety.

377
00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:12,289
- Dylan!
- I don't want to go!

378
00:23:13,849 --> 00:23:16,569
- I just stopped breastfeeding.
- I'd freak out, too.

379
00:23:16,609 --> 00:23:18,969
- If you could grab a leg.
- I don't want to go.

380
00:23:19,009 --> 00:23:20,569
- All right.
- Here we go.

381
00:23:21,009 --> 00:23:22,849
- Here we go.
- Come on, Dylan.

382
00:23:22,929 --> 00:23:25,209
- All right, sweetie.
- I don't want to go.

383
00:23:27,009 --> 00:23:29,489
Come on. Let go of Mom!

384
00:23:31,729 --> 00:23:33,729
Thank you. Oh, man.

385
00:23:33,809 --> 00:23:37,569
- No lactose, no peanuts, no shellfish.
- Nothing high in fructose.

386
00:23:37,609 --> 00:23:41,129
- Or sucrose or dextrose.
- Or maltodextrose.

387
00:23:41,209 --> 00:23:44,409
- Nothing with red dye number six.
- Or number four.

388
00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:47,249
Or yellow dye number two.

389
00:23:47,329 --> 00:23:50,449
Will you say "maltodextrose" for me again?
So cute.

390
00:23:50,529 --> 00:23:52,289
Maltodextrose.

391
00:23:54,249 --> 00:23:57,289
- Or yellow dye number two.
- Two, right.

392
00:23:57,369 --> 00:23:58,729
His name's Crispin.

393
00:23:58,809 --> 00:24:00,129
My man, Crispin!

394
00:24:00,209 --> 00:24:01,849
How's it going, big guy?

395
00:24:05,609 --> 00:24:07,049
What time's pickup?

396
00:24:07,129 --> 00:24:08,569
At 5:00.

397
00:24:09,169 --> 00:24:11,409
I have laser treatment. Make it 6:00.

398
00:24:11,489 --> 00:24:13,809
Sorry about the outfit. He won't take it off.

399
00:24:13,889 --> 00:24:15,529
How long has he been wearing that?

400
00:24:15,609 --> 00:24:16,889
Couple of weeks.

401
00:24:17,609 --> 00:24:20,089
Who will you call if there are any problems?

402
00:24:20,129 --> 00:24:21,489
911, Mommy.

403
00:24:21,649 --> 00:24:23,609
That's such a good girl.

404
00:24:24,609 --> 00:24:27,569
Come on. I'll let you hold my keys.

405
00:24:27,649 --> 00:24:29,969
How about a Life Saver?
You like Life Savers?

406
00:24:30,049 --> 00:24:32,369
How about money? A dollar?

407
00:24:36,049 --> 00:24:37,289
A dollar.

408
00:24:37,769 --> 00:24:40,849
You are a smart man. That is yours.
All right.

409
00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:44,129
Welcome to Daddy Day Care.

410
00:24:44,169 --> 00:24:47,609
We're your team facilitators.
My name is Charlie and this is Phil.

411
00:24:48,089 --> 00:24:50,529
Anybody ever seen
a mission statement before?

412
00:24:50,609 --> 00:24:54,289
Here. Everybody take one.
Take a mission statement.

413
00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:56,769
Here we go. One for everybody. Slow down.

414
00:24:56,849 --> 00:24:58,489
All right. Okay.

415
00:24:58,809 --> 00:25:02,049
Who wants to be first one
to read the first sentence...

416
00:25:02,129 --> 00:25:04,049
on the mission statement?

417
00:25:04,769 --> 00:25:06,369
Okay, how about you?

418
00:25:06,449 --> 00:25:08,089
I don't read yet.

419
00:25:08,489 --> 00:25:10,169
I'm looking for someone who can read.

420
00:25:10,249 --> 00:25:14,009
By a show of hands,
how many of you can already read?

421
00:25:15,809 --> 00:25:19,249
Raise your hand
if you don't know how to read.

422
00:25:20,849 --> 00:25:22,689
Here's what we'll do.

423
00:25:22,769 --> 00:25:24,929
I'll read the mission statement aloud...

424
00:25:25,009 --> 00:25:28,889
and what I want you guys to do
is just follow along as I read it.

425
00:25:29,849 --> 00:25:32,609
Doesn't that sound like interesting fun?
Here we go.

426
00:25:32,689 --> 00:25:36,889
"As the members and facilitators
of the Daddy Day Care team...

427
00:25:37,089 --> 00:25:39,849
"we will collectively strive to provide..."

428
00:25:39,929 --> 00:25:43,849
Sean, don't eat the mission statement.
Get that out of your mouth.

429
00:25:43,929 --> 00:25:45,889
"...will collectively strive to..."

430
00:25:45,969 --> 00:25:50,289
Don't rip the mission statement, Little Flash.
It's an important document.

431
00:25:52,609 --> 00:25:54,009
Come back here!

432
00:25:55,649 --> 00:25:57,889
What he's really trying to say is...

433
00:26:05,529 --> 00:26:06,889
Stop running!

434
00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:08,929
Come here.

435
00:26:11,209 --> 00:26:12,889
You want the rocket ship?

436
00:26:14,369 --> 00:26:16,889
- One more?
- Rocket ship!

437
00:26:17,729 --> 00:26:21,049
Everybody'll get the rocket ship.
Slow down, everybody.

438
00:26:22,929 --> 00:26:26,489
- I thought you said this would be easy.
- You know what I'm thinking now?

439
00:26:26,529 --> 00:26:28,449
This was a huge mistake.

440
00:26:28,529 --> 00:26:32,809
I never quit anything in life,
but I'm not sure if I can take this.

441
00:26:33,529 --> 00:26:35,609
- I'll be right back.
- Where you going?

442
00:26:35,689 --> 00:26:38,209
- Help me do the rocket ship.
- Trust me.

443
00:26:44,449 --> 00:26:47,609
Four absent children. No explanation.

444
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:49,529
Maybe it's just a coincidence.

445
00:26:49,569 --> 00:26:53,609
In a group this size,
three absent children is a coincidence.

446
00:26:53,809 --> 00:26:55,969
Four is a statistical anomaly.

447
00:26:59,329 --> 00:26:59,889
Hello, Santa Luma!

448
00:26:59,889 --> 00:27:00,889
Hello, Santa Luma!

449
00:27:02,449 --> 00:27:05,449
Everybody! It's Big Phil with a guitar!

450
00:27:05,529 --> 00:27:08,929
Why don't you guys enjoy Big Phil
while I rest my spine?

451
00:27:09,489 --> 00:27:11,489
Max, bring your dad a chair.

452
00:27:13,769 --> 00:27:15,449
They really like that rocket ship.

453
00:27:15,489 --> 00:27:17,529
<i>When I was a small boy</i>

454
00:27:18,929 --> 00:27:20,649
<i>at the age of five</i>

455
00:27:22,009 --> 00:27:23,449
<i>my mama said</i>

456
00:27:25,249 --> 00:27:27,169
<i>I'd be the greatest man alive</i>

457
00:27:28,129 --> 00:27:29,369
<i>I'm a man</i>

458
00:27:31,489 --> 00:27:33,209
<i>I'm a full-grown man</i>

459
00:27:34,769 --> 00:27:36,209
<i>I'm a fat man</i>

460
00:27:38,809 --> 00:27:40,849
Hey, come on into the kitchen.

461
00:27:40,929 --> 00:27:44,089
<i>Put the lime in the coconut
and drink 'em all up</i>

462
00:27:44,169 --> 00:27:47,289
<i>Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em all up</i>

463
00:27:47,369 --> 00:27:50,489
<i>Put the lime in the coconut
you drink 'em all up</i>

464
00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:54,329
<i>I say, "Doctor,
ain't there nothing I can take?"</i>

465
00:27:54,409 --> 00:27:57,169
<i>I say, "Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"</i>

466
00:27:57,409 --> 00:27:58,929
<i>I say, "Doctor..."</i>

467
00:27:59,009 --> 00:28:01,809
<i>Like a rhinestone cowboy</i>

468
00:28:03,649 --> 00:28:05,569
<i>Riding out on a horse</i>

469
00:28:05,609 --> 00:28:08,769
<i>in a star-spangled rodeo</i>

470
00:28:10,209 --> 00:28:13,289
<i>Hava nagila, hava nagila</i>

471
00:28:13,369 --> 00:28:15,129
<i>Hava nagila</i>

472
00:28:17,769 --> 00:28:20,329
I am definitely out of songs.

473
00:28:20,769 --> 00:28:22,289
Lunchtime.

474
00:28:29,409 --> 00:28:31,809
I don't know
if we should be feeding them this stuff.

475
00:28:31,849 --> 00:28:34,009
Why not? Look at them. They love it.

476
00:28:38,529 --> 00:28:40,129
Yeah, but I'm a little worried.

477
00:28:40,209 --> 00:28:41,529
About what?

478
00:28:47,449 --> 00:28:48,449
911.

479
00:28:49,249 --> 00:28:50,729
He tore off his head!

480
00:28:51,489 --> 00:28:54,089
Crispin stole my doll. I need help.

481
00:28:57,289 --> 00:28:58,729
Come on!

482
00:28:59,009 --> 00:29:01,929
You know how old this piano is?
Keep your feet off the piano.

483
00:29:02,009 --> 00:29:04,889
Get your shoes off the couch.
Get them off the couch!

484
00:29:08,169 --> 00:29:09,689
Crispin. Please!

485
00:29:10,569 --> 00:29:12,089
Give me the...

486
00:29:12,769 --> 00:29:15,169
<i>The meat ain't the only fresh thing
around here.</i>

487
00:29:15,209 --> 00:29:17,329
Don't play with that. Give me this.

488
00:29:22,689 --> 00:29:24,409
Leave it alone, okay?

489
00:29:29,129 --> 00:29:30,689
All right.

490
00:29:31,489 --> 00:29:33,369
You get off those drapes.

491
00:29:34,249 --> 00:29:36,769
Stop climbing the drapes. You stop it.

492
00:29:36,889 --> 00:29:38,329
You come here!

493
00:29:41,009 --> 00:29:42,369
Give me the vase!

494
00:29:42,449 --> 00:29:44,049
Put down the vase!

495
00:29:49,729 --> 00:29:52,289
Tomorrow, we give them all organic.

496
00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:54,849
Don't worry, it'll be okay.

497
00:29:54,889 --> 00:29:56,849
How can you say that? Look at this.

498
00:29:56,929 --> 00:29:58,449
What goes up...

499
00:30:18,929 --> 00:30:20,249
You guys are good.

500
00:30:20,329 --> 00:30:23,369
What do you expect?
You left your kids with professionals.

501
00:30:26,449 --> 00:30:28,369
Sorry to leave you hanging.

502
00:30:28,449 --> 00:30:31,049
Since we got laid off,
Sheila's made me make dinner.

503
00:30:31,129 --> 00:30:32,769
Really? How's that going?

504
00:30:33,769 --> 00:30:35,129
It ain't napping.

505
00:30:35,209 --> 00:30:38,049
- Can I take these snack cakes home?
- Go ahead.

506
00:30:40,489 --> 00:30:42,449
How you doing, little man?

507
00:30:43,049 --> 00:30:44,769
That's how you doing?

508
00:30:45,369 --> 00:30:46,929
Excuse me a second.

509
00:30:50,249 --> 00:30:52,169
Give me that. That's too loud.

510
00:30:52,249 --> 00:30:53,929
Let go, it's too loud.

511
00:30:54,009 --> 00:30:55,689
I'm serious. Let go.

512
00:30:59,929 --> 00:31:01,649
It's late. Where's your mom?

513
00:31:01,729 --> 00:31:03,009
Shut up, butthead.

514
00:31:03,089 --> 00:31:05,689
Shut... You stop that.
You know something?

515
00:31:05,769 --> 00:31:09,129
Your mommy and daddy
would not like you talking like that.

516
00:31:09,209 --> 00:31:11,369
When your mommy comes,
I'll tell her that you...

517
00:31:11,449 --> 00:31:12,929
Let's go. Motor's running.

518
00:31:13,009 --> 00:31:16,449
- Get out of here. Hey, I wish you would.
- Stop, Crispin!

519
00:31:16,609 --> 00:31:18,689
- Don't make that face.
- What?

520
00:31:18,969 --> 00:31:21,249
Don't make lines. Quiet the face.

521
00:31:21,449 --> 00:31:23,849
Relax the face. Quiet the face.

522
00:31:23,929 --> 00:31:26,729
Yes, calm your face.
Show no lines, you know.

523
00:31:28,569 --> 00:31:29,569
You got early drop-off?

524
00:31:29,649 --> 00:31:31,769
No, we don't have anything...

525
00:31:31,849 --> 00:31:34,009
I'm going to see you tomorrow.

526
00:31:34,089 --> 00:31:36,289
I'll see you tomorrow, Crispin.

527
00:31:37,289 --> 00:31:38,929
You'll be just like your father.

528
00:31:39,009 --> 00:31:42,329
Look at him.
Hanging off of him, his skin. Hanging off.

529
00:31:43,609 --> 00:31:45,769
- Hey, little man.
- Hey, Dad.

530
00:31:46,249 --> 00:31:47,889
What are you up to?

531
00:31:50,689 --> 00:31:52,729
Just trying to read a story.

532
00:31:53,769 --> 00:31:55,209
Listen, man...

533
00:31:55,489 --> 00:31:58,969
I know I was really busy today
taking care of those other kids.

534
00:31:59,049 --> 00:32:02,289
I know it probably wasn't easy for you
sharing your toys...

535
00:32:02,369 --> 00:32:05,769
and watching Daddy
do rocket ship with everybody, but...

536
00:32:05,969 --> 00:32:08,489
Now it's just us,
we can do whatever you want to do.

537
00:32:08,569 --> 00:32:12,329
- Can we read this story?
- We sure can read this story.

538
00:32:12,489 --> 00:32:13,729
All right.

539
00:32:13,929 --> 00:32:16,609
"There once was a herd of elephants.

540
00:32:16,769 --> 00:32:20,969
"Elephants young, elephants old,
elephants tall and short, fat and thin.

541
00:32:21,929 --> 00:32:26,129
"All were different, but all were happy,
and almost all were the same color.

542
00:32:26,209 --> 00:32:29,329
"And they all made the elephant sound."
They all said...

543
00:32:31,529 --> 00:32:33,449
Let me hear you make that sound.

544
00:32:35,809 --> 00:32:36,889
Do it again?

545
00:32:36,969 --> 00:32:40,649
No, I can't do it again,
because Daddy might have an aneurysm.

546
00:32:47,049 --> 00:32:49,009
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

547
00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,129
I'm not cleaning this up.

548
00:33:15,849 --> 00:33:18,369
Hey, take this in there. Go sit down.

549
00:33:19,049 --> 00:33:22,929
Maybe I haven't had my coffee yet,
but it seems like these kids are multiplying.

550
00:33:23,009 --> 00:33:25,569
- Yeah, we got two new kids.
- Oh, come on!

551
00:33:25,649 --> 00:33:28,929
We'll have to up our game.
We need structure and planned activities.

552
00:33:28,969 --> 00:33:31,809
No, we need Ritalin and leashes,
that's what we need.

553
00:33:31,849 --> 00:33:33,489
All we'll need is this.

554
00:33:35,849 --> 00:33:37,249
Everybody, let's do this.

555
00:33:37,289 --> 00:33:39,129
Everybody, come in here.

556
00:33:39,209 --> 00:33:41,729
Okay, let's try another play. Let's try this.

557
00:33:41,809 --> 00:33:43,609
Let's try this. Here's what we'll do.

558
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:46,129
This new play's called the Baby Blitz.

559
00:33:46,209 --> 00:33:48,449
I want you to hang back and do a lateral.

560
00:33:48,489 --> 00:33:51,049
I want you to go down the middle
for a buttonhook.

561
00:33:51,129 --> 00:33:52,889
I want you to be my blocker.

562
00:33:52,969 --> 00:33:55,569
How about we just run in a circle?

563
00:33:55,689 --> 00:33:59,289
We can do that. That's an even better play.
Everybody run in a circle.

564
00:33:59,369 --> 00:34:03,129
Yes? All right, let's run in a circle.
Come on, run in a circle.

565
00:34:03,249 --> 00:34:06,209
Tony, you'll see the ball a lot better
if you take your mask off.

566
00:34:06,289 --> 00:34:08,209
I'm not Tony, I'm Flash.

567
00:34:18,969 --> 00:34:21,569
How come you're not playing, little man?

568
00:34:22,089 --> 00:34:24,809
Come on, it's football. You love football.

569
00:34:25,049 --> 00:34:26,129
Help!

570
00:34:27,049 --> 00:34:28,609
Help! Stuck!

571
00:34:32,929 --> 00:34:34,689
I live in California.

572
00:34:34,849 --> 00:34:36,889
<i>- Where do you live?
- I am in Hong Kong.</i>

573
00:34:36,969 --> 00:34:38,649
Where's Hong Kong?

574
00:34:41,289 --> 00:34:43,969
<i>- Can you hear me now?
- I can't hear you.</i>

575
00:34:45,809 --> 00:34:47,529
Can you hear me now?

576
00:34:47,689 --> 00:34:49,009
What is it?

577
00:34:49,169 --> 00:34:52,769
I thought you liked football.
You're telling me you don't like...

578
00:34:59,409 --> 00:35:02,369
I'll be right back, little man. I got to go...

579
00:35:07,049 --> 00:35:09,609
You got a little problem over there with Max.

580
00:35:09,689 --> 00:35:11,969
- It's happening.
- What's happening? What is it?

581
00:35:12,009 --> 00:35:15,449
It! It's happening.
He hasn't gone for a week. That's it.

582
00:35:15,769 --> 00:35:18,569
Oh, no. That's... It's happening?

583
00:35:18,649 --> 00:35:20,849
It's happening. I know the face. Look.

584
00:35:23,689 --> 00:35:26,489
- You got to go and deal with that.
- I can't.

585
00:35:26,769 --> 00:35:28,369
- What do you mean, you can't?
- I can't.

586
00:35:28,449 --> 00:35:30,569
- Come on, you have to do it.
- I can't.

587
00:35:30,649 --> 00:35:32,369
- Yes, you can.
- I can't.

588
00:35:32,449 --> 00:35:33,769
- Yes, you can.
- All right, I will!

589
00:35:33,849 --> 00:35:34,849
Good. Come on.

590
00:35:55,049 --> 00:35:56,289
I can't.

591
00:35:56,569 --> 00:35:59,169
Listen. I see you got issues about this...

592
00:35:59,209 --> 00:36:01,569
so I'll take care of it this time, all right?

593
00:36:02,129 --> 00:36:05,409
- In the future, you got to work it out.
- I got to work it out.

594
00:36:05,449 --> 00:36:08,769
That's your son. God willing,
when you get older, he'll do this for you.

595
00:36:08,809 --> 00:36:11,049
So you want to know he owes that to you.

596
00:36:11,129 --> 00:36:13,049
- He owes me.
- He owes you.

597
00:36:15,369 --> 00:36:18,969
- Don't get cute with the thing.
- I'm not assuming you're doing it.

598
00:36:19,049 --> 00:36:22,489
- So how you want to do this?
- I can do this myself.

599
00:36:22,569 --> 00:36:23,929
- You sure?
- Yes.

600
00:36:24,009 --> 00:36:28,089
Okay, well, you go and do it
with your bad self. You go and do it now.

601
00:36:28,249 --> 00:36:31,049
All right. You need anything,
I'm right out here.

602
00:36:42,769 --> 00:36:45,209
Hey, big guy, how'd it go in there?

603
00:36:45,489 --> 00:36:46,689
I missed.

604
00:36:46,729 --> 00:36:47,969
What does that mean?

605
00:36:48,009 --> 00:36:49,249
I missed.

606
00:36:50,409 --> 00:36:51,529
Oh, hell, no.

607
00:37:27,049 --> 00:37:28,489
- Come on!
- No.

608
00:37:30,089 --> 00:37:33,089
Come on. Put this down.
You don't play with this.

609
00:37:33,129 --> 00:37:35,289
And you ripped up my wife's flowers.

610
00:37:35,369 --> 00:37:38,889
Give me this. You're not supposed to.
Go play with something else.

611
00:37:38,969 --> 00:37:41,729
- What's going on here?
- It's spiraling out of control.

612
00:37:41,769 --> 00:37:44,369
Don't panic. They're like animals.
They can smell fear.

613
00:37:44,449 --> 00:37:46,449
I don't know what to do.
I've run out of ideas.

614
00:37:46,529 --> 00:37:48,289
I'll tell you what...

615
00:37:52,809 --> 00:37:54,889
Quietly, children. Follow me.

616
00:37:55,409 --> 00:37:56,889
Six absences.

617
00:37:58,609 --> 00:37:59,969
Single file.

618
00:38:00,649 --> 00:38:02,849
I have to go make a phone call.

619
00:38:05,409 --> 00:38:06,889
Let's get ready...

620
00:38:06,969 --> 00:38:09,529
to rumble!

621
00:38:11,449 --> 00:38:13,889
Let me tell you something,
I have never liked carrots.

622
00:38:13,969 --> 00:38:16,609
And today as I stand here
and look at you before me...

623
00:38:16,649 --> 00:38:19,809
having the audacity to think
that you can defeat me...

624
00:38:19,929 --> 00:38:24,129
let me tell you something, brother,
I am about to kick your carrot butt!

625
00:38:24,209 --> 00:38:26,489
Let me tell you something, Mr. Broccoli.

626
00:38:26,569 --> 00:38:30,729
When The Carrot is done with you,
you will be nothing but a kumquat!

627
00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:34,049
I will destroy everything in this world
that is broccoli.

628
00:38:34,129 --> 00:38:36,569
The carrot is the lowest form of vegetable!

629
00:38:37,769 --> 00:38:38,849
What about me?

630
00:38:38,929 --> 00:38:40,129
Nobody likes broccoli.

631
00:38:40,209 --> 00:38:43,289
Really? Well, Ben likes broccoli, don't you?

632
00:38:44,249 --> 00:38:45,249
No.

633
00:38:46,129 --> 00:38:49,689
You turned my own sprout against me?
Now you're gonna die!

634
00:39:07,049 --> 00:39:09,049
Okay, come on. I felt that.

635
00:39:09,169 --> 00:39:10,369
Come on.

636
00:39:14,489 --> 00:39:15,809
Will you stop it?

637
00:39:17,889 --> 00:39:19,009
That's it.

638
00:39:23,569 --> 00:39:25,529
- What's that about?
- I'm sorry.

639
00:39:25,609 --> 00:39:27,649
- You made me crazy!
- You little maniac!

640
00:39:27,729 --> 00:39:30,049
You're wrecking my wife's tables.

641
00:39:30,889 --> 00:39:32,169
Somebody's at the door.

642
00:39:32,249 --> 00:39:33,449
My back.

643
00:39:39,369 --> 00:39:42,249
Is this the Hinton residence?

644
00:39:43,129 --> 00:39:45,169
I'm Dan Kubitz, Child Services.

645
00:39:45,249 --> 00:39:48,249
I'm here to conduct
a compliance inspection.

646
00:39:48,329 --> 00:39:50,449
No one said anything about any inspection.

647
00:39:50,529 --> 00:39:52,529
We only do it if we receive a complaint.

648
00:39:52,609 --> 00:39:54,769
A complaint?
Somebody complained about...

649
00:39:54,849 --> 00:39:57,729
Come on in. You can inspect us.
We have nothing to hide.

650
00:39:57,809 --> 00:40:00,649
You caught us at a crazy time.
We're playing with the kids.

651
00:40:00,729 --> 00:40:02,849
Somebody complained about us?

652
00:40:04,929 --> 00:40:07,089
So, where is the nap area?

653
00:40:08,009 --> 00:40:09,729
- The nap area?
- Right.

654
00:40:09,929 --> 00:40:11,489
We don't have a nap area.

655
00:40:11,529 --> 00:40:14,409
We just let them fall asleep
wherever they drop.

656
00:40:14,489 --> 00:40:18,209
"Sleep where they drop."
Well, I think that should just about do it.

657
00:40:18,849 --> 00:40:20,009
What's the bottom line?

658
00:40:20,089 --> 00:40:24,249
Well, you need to correct
the deficiencies on this form.

659
00:40:25,449 --> 00:40:26,689
And also...

660
00:40:26,729 --> 00:40:30,449
you need to fill out
these compliance certification documents.

661
00:40:30,729 --> 00:40:32,729
Who wants these, the carrot or the broccoli?

662
00:40:32,809 --> 00:40:34,049
Carrot.

663
00:40:34,609 --> 00:40:36,569
There's a lot of stuff on here.

664
00:40:36,969 --> 00:40:38,169
So we can stay open, right?

665
00:40:38,249 --> 00:40:40,689
As long you've done that by 9:00 a.m.
Tomorrow morning.

666
00:40:40,769 --> 00:40:41,969
9:00 a.m.

667
00:40:42,729 --> 00:40:45,409
Good luck with this.
I like what you're doing.

668
00:40:45,449 --> 00:40:47,249
I'd hate to be the guy to shut you down.

669
00:40:47,329 --> 00:40:49,329
We'd hate for you to be that guy.

670
00:40:49,409 --> 00:40:51,449
I will be. Don't want to be.

671
00:40:52,369 --> 00:40:55,169
Okay. Safety gates
at the bottom of the stairs...

672
00:40:55,209 --> 00:40:58,049
top of the stairs, bedrooms, bathrooms.

673
00:40:58,089 --> 00:41:00,169
I've gone safety gate crazy.

674
00:41:01,009 --> 00:41:02,569
How many kids have we got?

675
00:41:02,649 --> 00:41:04,809
I've lost track, they run so fast.

676
00:41:04,889 --> 00:41:07,529
You can get started on this batch over here.

677
00:41:07,609 --> 00:41:11,409
- It's getting late. Let's just call it a night.
- We can't call it a night.

678
00:41:11,489 --> 00:41:13,529
We got a bunch of kids coming
in five hours.

679
00:41:13,609 --> 00:41:16,529
I'm serious. We know nothing
about running a day care center.

680
00:41:16,609 --> 00:41:18,929
We don't know anything.
We're not even good parents!

681
00:41:19,009 --> 00:41:20,609
I'm a good parent.

682
00:41:22,249 --> 00:41:23,609
- What does that mean?
- What?

683
00:41:23,689 --> 00:41:25,609
That thing. What is that?

684
00:41:26,449 --> 00:41:30,409
You know that rocket ship thing you do?
Ben doesn't even like that.

685
00:41:30,569 --> 00:41:33,409
That just happens to be Ben's favorite thing.

686
00:41:33,489 --> 00:41:38,129
He lets you do it because you like it.
It's the one time you pay him attention.

687
00:41:38,209 --> 00:41:40,889
- You don't change your kid's diapers.
- I don't like diapers.

688
00:41:40,969 --> 00:41:43,649
You should teach your kid
how to go to the toilet and aim...

689
00:41:43,729 --> 00:41:46,089
so we don't have to redecorate the place
when he goes.

690
00:41:46,169 --> 00:41:47,329
You're right.

691
00:41:47,369 --> 00:41:48,449
Let me tell you something.

692
00:41:48,529 --> 00:41:50,889
My kid is 4 years old,
and for the first time today...

693
00:41:50,969 --> 00:41:54,049
I saw him playing with the other kids,
just being a normal kid.

694
00:41:54,129 --> 00:41:56,449
It felt great knowing
I had something to do with it.

695
00:41:56,529 --> 00:41:57,529
We did that!

696
00:41:57,609 --> 00:42:01,289
If we can do that, we can definitely
get this place up to code by dawn.

697
00:42:02,689 --> 00:42:04,409
Let's go safety gate crazy.

698
00:42:04,809 --> 00:42:06,609
Don't worry, he'll be fine.

699
00:42:06,769 --> 00:42:08,129
It's all right.

700
00:42:12,329 --> 00:42:14,889
- All I got is $5.
- I can break that.

701
00:42:16,089 --> 00:42:19,969
Listen, I left the paperwork
on the kitchen table. It's not there.

702
00:42:20,049 --> 00:42:21,529
Please tell me you have it.

703
00:42:21,609 --> 00:42:22,849
I don't have it.

704
00:42:32,169 --> 00:42:34,369
- Hey, guys.
- Marvin, what are you doing here?

705
00:42:34,409 --> 00:42:37,769
The door was unlocked.
I got your final paychecks here.

706
00:42:38,049 --> 00:42:39,209
Thanks.

707
00:42:40,249 --> 00:42:41,889
So, what's going on here?

708
00:42:44,529 --> 00:42:46,009
Don't even ask.

709
00:42:59,849 --> 00:43:01,409
You can understand him?

710
00:43:01,489 --> 00:43:03,329
Yeah, he's speaking Klingon.

711
00:43:03,369 --> 00:43:06,009
That's Klingon.
I thought the kid was an idiot.

712
00:43:06,089 --> 00:43:08,609
God, how much "Star Trek"
does that kid watch?

713
00:43:08,689 --> 00:43:11,689
- Too much.
- The guy from Child Services is here.

714
00:43:12,769 --> 00:43:14,929
- Sorry.
- No, listen. Why don't you do me a favor?

715
00:43:15,009 --> 00:43:17,609
Why don't you take the kids in the back
and play with them?

716
00:43:17,689 --> 00:43:20,529
Keep their attention for a while,
while I talk to this guy.

717
00:43:20,609 --> 00:43:24,569
Whatever you do, don't let this big bruiser
get near the lawnmower. Thanks.

718
00:43:26,049 --> 00:43:28,529
- Mr. Kubitz. Hi.
- I thought I was early, but...

719
00:43:28,609 --> 00:43:31,769
- I was just getting the paperwork.
- Great.

720
00:43:32,649 --> 00:43:34,809
- You dropped something.
- Yeah.

721
00:43:36,489 --> 00:43:39,169
- The kids wanted to help out.
- That's sweet.

722
00:43:39,249 --> 00:43:41,249
So here's everything for you.

723
00:43:41,329 --> 00:43:44,769
What I'll need is your signature
on the back of her head.

724
00:43:45,409 --> 00:43:47,529
And on the elbow of this kid.

725
00:43:47,609 --> 00:43:50,009
- Do you have a pen?
- I do have a pen.

726
00:43:50,929 --> 00:43:53,249
- This is my lucky pen.
- Thank you.

727
00:43:53,769 --> 00:43:56,649
- And where's on the...
- Initial the elbow.

728
00:43:57,449 --> 00:43:59,769
- Sign the back of her head.
- On her neck?

729
00:44:00,649 --> 00:44:03,169
- Great. That should just about do it.
- Here we go.

730
00:44:03,249 --> 00:44:06,409
- You're ready to roll.
- Let's go in and get started.

731
00:44:07,769 --> 00:44:10,889
Well, you know,
everything looks okay here...

732
00:44:11,009 --> 00:44:13,929
but it says here
that you now have 11 children.

733
00:44:14,409 --> 00:44:15,729
That's correct.

734
00:44:15,809 --> 00:44:18,969
So I assume that you've hired
a third care provider.

735
00:44:20,209 --> 00:44:21,569
Why would you just assume that?

736
00:44:21,609 --> 00:44:25,649
Well, section 768 of the Child Welfare Code
specifically states...

737
00:44:25,929 --> 00:44:29,689
that the ratio of children to care providers
cannot exceed 5:1.

738
00:44:30,169 --> 00:44:32,009
- The 768.04.
- 768.04.

739
00:44:32,089 --> 00:44:35,649
The ratio thingy.
We resolved that this morning.

740
00:44:35,729 --> 00:44:36,809
- Good.
- Yes.

741
00:44:36,889 --> 00:44:39,529
We hired someone. We hired Marvin.

742
00:44:41,769 --> 00:44:46,289
- Marvin was hired! He's with the kids.
- He's an excellent child-care worker.

743
00:44:46,369 --> 00:44:49,209
I'd love to take a look,
if that's okay with you.

744
00:44:49,289 --> 00:44:52,929
- You want to go out there?
- It'll be good for me to see for myself.

745
00:44:53,009 --> 00:44:55,089
Let's go and have a look at Marvin.

746
00:45:00,689 --> 00:45:03,289
Now, put your hands up. Now, wave them.

747
00:45:06,009 --> 00:45:09,009
He certainly seems like
he knows what he's doing.

748
00:45:09,089 --> 00:45:10,209
Of course.

749
00:45:10,289 --> 00:45:13,649
- I've got to say that.
- Yeah, we interviewed a lot of people.

750
00:45:13,729 --> 00:45:17,249
Yeah, it was a really long, grueling
singling-out process.

751
00:45:22,769 --> 00:45:24,449
And now, I'm a chicken.

752
00:45:24,489 --> 00:45:27,289
I'm a bird. Look, I'm a bird.

753
00:45:28,129 --> 00:45:31,209
You can never be too careful
when it comes to kids.

754
00:45:31,289 --> 00:45:35,609
And here at Daddy Day Care we'll only work
with the best, so we got Marvin.

755
00:45:38,249 --> 00:45:39,329
Sorry.

756
00:45:42,009 --> 00:45:44,169
- What did you do to these kids?
- What?

757
00:45:44,249 --> 00:45:47,569
- Are they on drugs?
- Well, there's this one kid, maybe.

758
00:45:47,649 --> 00:45:49,889
How'd you get them to behave like this?

759
00:45:49,929 --> 00:45:52,889
- Got to know how to handle them.
- How do you know that?

760
00:45:52,969 --> 00:45:55,769
I read
"Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care" book.

761
00:45:57,369 --> 00:45:59,289
It's not about "Star Trek".

762
00:46:01,689 --> 00:46:03,129
- Finish.
- Yeah.

763
00:46:06,929 --> 00:46:09,169
You know, when I was in the back...

764
00:46:09,249 --> 00:46:12,529
I spotted, under the eaves of the porch...

765
00:46:12,609 --> 00:46:14,409
what looked like a beehive.

766
00:46:14,489 --> 00:46:17,209
- A big one.
- Don't worry. All taken care of.

767
00:46:17,289 --> 00:46:19,569
- I don't want anybody getting hurt.
- No hurt. Gone.

768
00:46:19,649 --> 00:46:23,169
- You really have turned this around.
- Thank you very much.

769
00:46:23,209 --> 00:46:25,409
- I'm impressed. I really am.
- Thank you.

770
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:26,929
For our own curiosity...

771
00:46:27,009 --> 00:46:30,209
any chance you could
tell us where the complaint came from?

772
00:46:30,289 --> 00:46:34,689
I really would love to,
but I have a relationship with the state.

773
00:46:34,729 --> 00:46:37,969
- Just for our own curiosity.
- That was Miss Harridan.

774
00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:41,049
- I'm sure she'll see us.
- We need to talk to you.

775
00:46:41,129 --> 00:46:45,009
- Sorry. They just barged right in.
- That's quite all right, Jenny.

776
00:46:45,129 --> 00:46:47,129
Gentlemen, please sit down.

777
00:46:50,649 --> 00:46:52,769
Now, what can I do for you?

778
00:46:53,209 --> 00:46:57,369
We wanted to thank you for helping
to expedite our accreditation process.

779
00:46:57,449 --> 00:47:00,529
Thanks to your tip, somebody
from child services came to see us.

780
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:03,929
I had heard you opened
some sort of day care program...

781
00:47:04,329 --> 00:47:06,049
and I was concerned.

782
00:47:06,089 --> 00:47:08,769
That's nice of you.
You don't have to be concerned about us.

783
00:47:08,849 --> 00:47:12,609
It's not you I'm concerned about.
It's the children you're looking after.

784
00:47:12,649 --> 00:47:16,689
- Wait a minute. We're parents. That's a start.
- Any boob can be a parent.

785
00:47:16,769 --> 00:47:19,329
If you want to screw up your own child,
that's your right.

786
00:47:19,409 --> 00:47:23,369
But when it comes to other people's kids,
there's a higher standard to answer to.

787
00:47:23,449 --> 00:47:27,489
Mr. Kubitz seems to think that we met
that standard. Show her the thing.

788
00:47:27,569 --> 00:47:30,169
That piece of paper doesn't impress me.

789
00:47:30,769 --> 00:47:32,729
We're getting it laminated.

790
00:47:32,809 --> 00:47:36,809
You two are just some fly-by-night
operation looking to make a fast buck.

791
00:47:36,889 --> 00:47:39,449
You're just afraid of the competition.
Let's go.

792
00:47:39,529 --> 00:47:42,049
Competition? Don't flatter yourselves.

793
00:47:42,369 --> 00:47:46,369
Daddy Day Care will never be
in the same league as this institution.

794
00:47:47,449 --> 00:47:48,729
Laminated!

795
00:47:49,929 --> 00:47:52,409
That wasn't as satisfying as I thought.

796
00:47:52,489 --> 00:47:56,089
I think we can take her. All we need
is some garlic and a wooden stake.

797
00:47:56,169 --> 00:47:58,409
You know what she said that was right?

798
00:47:58,489 --> 00:48:01,689
These kids need more than watching.
Tomorrow we'll take it up a notch.

799
00:48:01,769 --> 00:48:03,969
We got to start stimulating their minds.

800
00:48:06,769 --> 00:48:09,089
- But I'm not a daddy.
- You don't have to be a daddy.

801
00:48:09,129 --> 00:48:12,609
You're a male-type humanoid.
That fits in with the philosophy of the place.

802
00:48:12,689 --> 00:48:15,969
I don't know, guys. I mean,
I guess I like hanging out with the kids.

803
00:48:16,049 --> 00:48:17,249
It's kind of cool.

804
00:48:17,329 --> 00:48:20,529
But I guess child-care wasn't necessarily...

805
00:48:20,609 --> 00:48:23,609
an avenue that I felt professionally
I was headed towards.

806
00:48:23,689 --> 00:48:26,129
- That's exactly what I said.
- Excuse me.

807
00:48:26,209 --> 00:48:27,489
Yes, come on in!

808
00:48:29,649 --> 00:48:31,689
- How are you?
- Hey, guys.

809
00:48:31,769 --> 00:48:34,689
I am so sorry.
I forgot to write you a check this week.

810
00:48:34,769 --> 00:48:37,809
Ever since the divorce,
my head's just been like...

811
00:48:42,889 --> 00:48:45,489
- Are you the new daddy?
- I'm your daddy.

812
00:48:48,369 --> 00:48:50,049
I'm not your daddy.

813
00:48:50,769 --> 00:48:53,289
Well, I'm your baby's daddy. I'm not...

814
00:48:53,849 --> 00:48:57,169
I'm not your baby's daddy.
I'm going to be...

815
00:48:59,849 --> 00:49:01,249
You're Marvin.

816
00:49:04,609 --> 00:49:08,329
Well, it's nice to meet you, Marvin. I'm Kelli.

817
00:49:09,129 --> 00:49:10,489
Dylan's mom.

818
00:49:15,689 --> 00:49:17,329
- I got to run.
- Thank you.

819
00:49:17,409 --> 00:49:19,569
- All right. Bye, guys.
- Have a good one.

820
00:49:19,649 --> 00:49:21,409
- Thanks.
- Bye.

821
00:49:21,449 --> 00:49:23,809
I'm in. Do you have a dental plan?

822
00:49:24,689 --> 00:49:25,889
All right.

823
00:49:26,169 --> 00:49:29,409
Your first assignment is to show us
how you handle kids the way you do.

824
00:49:29,489 --> 00:49:30,489
Teach us.

825
00:49:30,569 --> 00:49:33,009
If this were a business,
and they were customers...

826
00:49:33,089 --> 00:49:34,569
how do you find out what they want?

827
00:49:34,649 --> 00:49:37,609
- I'd put together a focus group.
- All right, let's do it.

828
00:49:37,689 --> 00:49:37,729
We'd like you to tell us what you'd like
to get out of Daddy Day Care.

829
00:49:37,729 --> 00:49:41,209
We'd like you to tell us what you'd like
to get out of Daddy Day Care.

830
00:49:41,289 --> 00:49:43,929
Help us to help you.

831
00:49:44,329 --> 00:49:46,009
Who'd like to start?

832
00:49:47,889 --> 00:49:50,289
We need more learning about things.

833
00:49:50,569 --> 00:49:53,289
- More learning about things?
- Yes.

834
00:49:53,369 --> 00:49:55,969
We're at a very critical age.

835
00:49:56,049 --> 00:50:00,489
- You have to feed our minds.
- All right. You want to write that down?

836
00:50:00,569 --> 00:50:03,289
"Feed our minds."

837
00:50:03,489 --> 00:50:06,209
Great. Okay, what else?

838
00:50:07,169 --> 00:50:10,129
Dolphins. Dolphins are good.

839
00:50:10,249 --> 00:50:12,609
- Dolphins are fish.
- No, they're not.

840
00:50:12,649 --> 00:50:15,689
- They live in water.
- That doesn't mean they're fish.

841
00:50:15,769 --> 00:50:20,049
Calm down and talk about something else.
What else would you like to talk about?

842
00:50:20,129 --> 00:50:22,049
Where do babies come from?

843
00:50:23,489 --> 00:50:26,209
Let's go back to the dolphin subject
and discuss dolphins...

844
00:50:26,289 --> 00:50:29,329
or if there's anything else
on someone's mind we can talk about...

845
00:50:29,409 --> 00:50:32,009
- other than that.
- Write that down.

846
00:50:32,649 --> 00:50:35,169
- Okay, what else?
- Could we...

847
00:50:36,489 --> 00:50:38,689
What were you going to say, Ben?

848
00:50:39,129 --> 00:50:42,209
I can see you were going to say something.
What is it, son?

849
00:50:42,329 --> 00:50:43,489
More...

850
00:50:45,129 --> 00:50:47,329
- drawing?
- More drawings?

851
00:50:47,409 --> 00:50:51,449
Yeah! Like pictures and stuff. It's really fun.

852
00:50:53,209 --> 00:50:57,089
- Okay, yeah, great. More drawings.
- Yeah!

853
00:50:57,169 --> 00:51:00,289
- More chasing bad guys.
- Excellent idea.

854
00:51:00,329 --> 00:51:01,729
We can chase Joker.

855
00:51:01,809 --> 00:51:04,329
Well, wait a second, buddy.
That's Batman's bad guy.

856
00:51:04,409 --> 00:51:07,169
You're Flash,
so you want to be chasing...

857
00:51:07,209 --> 00:51:10,289
- Lex Luthor?
- No. That's Superman.

858
00:51:10,369 --> 00:51:14,609
You want to be chasing Captain Boomerang,
Gorilla Grodd, Reverse Flash.

859
00:51:14,689 --> 00:51:16,009
The Riddler?

860
00:51:17,169 --> 00:51:18,889
What have you been doing to these kids?

861
00:53:16,369 --> 00:53:20,969
Starting tomorrow, Phil will be hosting
a Three Stooges film festival in the TV room.

862
00:53:21,049 --> 00:53:23,329
I know everybody's looking forward
to that, right?

863
00:53:23,369 --> 00:53:24,369
Thanks, Daddy!

864
00:53:24,449 --> 00:53:27,769
Last but not least, the Thumb Suckers
Support Group will have a meeting...

865
00:53:27,849 --> 00:53:29,729
under the tree after nap time...

866
00:53:29,809 --> 00:53:31,969
which starts right after
you finish your snack.

867
00:53:32,009 --> 00:53:35,809
So after you finish, grab a blanket,
get a spot, and we have that.

868
00:53:35,849 --> 00:53:38,529
Also, next week is going
to be Alpha Girls Group.

869
00:53:38,649 --> 00:53:41,409
And we're going to have
Tai Chi under the tree.

870
00:53:41,489 --> 00:53:44,649
And we're going to also have pet day,
so you bring your pets in.

871
00:53:44,729 --> 00:53:46,129
We'll have pet show-and-tell.

872
00:53:47,169 --> 00:53:50,489
This is my bunny. His name is Tiny.

873
00:53:51,049 --> 00:53:54,169
I feed him a lot. Five times a day.

874
00:53:54,249 --> 00:53:57,369
He poops a lot, too. Six times a day.

875
00:53:57,649 --> 00:53:59,329
It's like little marbles.

876
00:53:59,729 --> 00:54:01,689
This is my turtle, Sparks.

877
00:54:01,889 --> 00:54:05,809
He's fast. He's the fastest turtle in the world.

878
00:54:09,409 --> 00:54:12,089
Go! Go, Sparks!

879
00:54:15,609 --> 00:54:19,649
This is my parrot, Paulie.
I'm teaching him to talk. Talk.

880
00:54:19,729 --> 00:54:21,329
Shut up, butthead.

881
00:54:28,729 --> 00:54:30,169
Okay, Becca, where's your pet?

882
00:54:30,249 --> 00:54:33,209
I had a tarantula,
but I don't know where he is.

883
00:54:34,089 --> 00:54:37,049
Okay, all right, don't panic.

884
00:54:37,129 --> 00:54:39,929
What do you mean, don't panic?
There's a big spider in here.

885
00:54:40,009 --> 00:54:41,649
I got a spider on my head!

886
00:54:45,169 --> 00:54:49,009
- So what are we betting on today?
- I'm going to do a diaper stroke, okay?

887
00:54:49,089 --> 00:54:50,369
All right.

888
00:54:50,529 --> 00:54:54,329
Well, if it isn't the geniuses
that brought the world Veggie-Os.

889
00:54:55,449 --> 00:54:59,489
- So, how's unemployment?
- Actually, I've got the best job I've ever had.

890
00:54:59,529 --> 00:55:01,289
Yeah, it's a start-up.

891
00:55:01,369 --> 00:55:05,529
We offer time-management facilitation
to mostly working professionals.

892
00:55:05,609 --> 00:55:08,169
That's a tough market.
Sounds pretty cutthroat.

893
00:55:08,249 --> 00:55:11,449
- Yeah. It's a real blood sport.
- What's the money like?

894
00:55:11,529 --> 00:55:13,729
Bruce! Let's go, I got Botox.

895
00:55:14,569 --> 00:55:16,449
Hi, Charlie. Hi, Phil.

896
00:55:16,929 --> 00:55:19,169
- Hey, Crispin.
- What's up, little man?

897
00:55:19,249 --> 00:55:20,409
How do you know my kid?

898
00:55:20,489 --> 00:55:23,489
They're his day care teachers,
what do you think?

899
00:55:24,289 --> 00:55:26,889
Day care? That's what it is?

900
00:55:26,969 --> 00:55:30,489
Oh, my God.
You're wiping boogers for a living.

901
00:55:33,409 --> 00:55:34,569
Losers.

902
00:55:36,449 --> 00:55:39,049
You're paying us to do it, too, you know.

903
00:55:40,209 --> 00:55:41,409
Losers.

904
00:55:43,329 --> 00:55:45,289
"Do you like green eggs and ham?

905
00:55:47,369 --> 00:55:51,969
"I do not like them, Sam-l-Am.
I do not like green eggs and ham.

906
00:55:52,569 --> 00:55:54,969
"Would you like to eat them here or there?

907
00:55:56,849 --> 00:56:00,609
"I would not like to eat them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.

908
00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:03,849
"I do not like them, Sam-l-Am." Okay?

909
00:56:04,849 --> 00:56:07,689
Now see, he was going to punch Sam-l-Am,
but he walked away.

910
00:56:07,769 --> 00:56:09,889
You don't punch, see?
He walked away with it.

911
00:56:12,969 --> 00:56:14,369
Where's Mommy?

912
00:56:15,649 --> 00:56:17,569
Mommy had to work today.

913
00:56:19,329 --> 00:56:21,889
Remember when you used
to work all the times?

914
00:56:21,929 --> 00:56:24,249
Yeah, back when I had a real job.

915
00:56:24,769 --> 00:56:26,329
Do you miss work?

916
00:56:28,129 --> 00:56:30,409
I guess. I suppose so. I miss it.

917
00:56:31,329 --> 00:56:34,849
But don't get me wrong. It's not like
I don't like hanging out with you guys.

918
00:56:34,889 --> 00:56:38,289
It's just that Daddy used to be
a big shot down at work.

919
00:56:38,889 --> 00:56:43,569
I had my own office and a big, pretty view.
Remember that big, pretty view Daddy had?

920
00:56:43,649 --> 00:56:46,529
I like it when you spin me around
in that cool chair.

921
00:56:46,609 --> 00:56:48,569
Yeah, that's a cool chair.

922
00:56:48,809 --> 00:56:52,489
A lot of cool things about that job.
Cool chair...

923
00:56:53,249 --> 00:56:55,609
I had people working underneath me...

924
00:56:55,689 --> 00:56:59,249
and, just between you and I,
the pay wasn't that bad either.

925
00:57:00,129 --> 00:57:03,449
- Put that down. What do you think of that?
- What is it?

926
00:57:03,569 --> 00:57:05,969
What do you mean?
It's a dog in the sunshine.

927
00:57:06,049 --> 00:57:08,729
- It doesn't look like one.
- That's because it's abstract.

928
00:57:08,809 --> 00:57:11,369
You have to squint when you look at it.

929
00:57:11,849 --> 00:57:14,449
And when you see it like this,
that's abstract.

930
00:57:14,529 --> 00:57:16,089
Yeah? You see it?

931
00:57:17,049 --> 00:57:19,489
How about if you tilt your head to the side?

932
00:57:19,569 --> 00:57:22,289
- No, the other way.
- Still doesn't look like one.

933
00:57:22,369 --> 00:57:25,409
Okay, well, what are you over there
working on, Michelangelo?

934
00:57:25,449 --> 00:57:26,849
What is that?

935
00:57:34,689 --> 00:57:37,249
There's nothing abstract
about that now, is it?

936
00:57:38,009 --> 00:57:39,169
Thanks.

937
00:57:40,129 --> 00:57:41,729
That's pretty good.

938
00:57:41,769 --> 00:57:44,089
You got Daddy's head
looking kind of round, though.

939
00:57:44,129 --> 00:57:45,689
Is my head that round?

940
00:57:45,769 --> 00:57:49,929
- No. But I got your mustache.
- Yeah, I see. A nice green mustache.

941
00:57:50,449 --> 00:57:52,249
That's all right, son.

942
00:57:52,729 --> 00:57:55,849
I just paid the mortgage,
the car loan and the electric bill.

943
00:57:55,929 --> 00:57:58,329
Look at the balance
in the checking account.

944
00:57:58,529 --> 00:58:02,209
- 74 cents.
- Yeah. That's right, 74 cents.

945
00:58:02,249 --> 00:58:04,929
- You are my Superman.
- You got that right.

946
00:58:05,009 --> 00:58:09,009
I've worked hard, and I think
it's time to let off a little of my frustration.

947
00:58:09,089 --> 00:58:11,409
It's time for you
to take care of your Superman.

948
00:58:11,489 --> 00:58:13,849
- My Superman. Come here, baby.
- That's right.

949
00:58:13,889 --> 00:58:16,809
No! The monster's going to get me!

950
00:58:19,329 --> 00:58:21,249
It's probably a nightmare.

951
00:58:22,249 --> 00:58:25,209
- Be right back.
- Okay, hurry up. Mommy's coming!

952
00:58:25,489 --> 00:58:27,049
No, I want Daddy.

953
00:58:28,849 --> 00:58:32,169
- Did everything go okay?
- Yeah, everything's just fine.

954
00:58:37,769 --> 00:58:39,489
What's that face for?

955
00:58:39,729 --> 00:58:42,169
Since when does he like you
better than he likes me?

956
00:58:42,249 --> 00:58:44,009
No, don't even trip. It's not like that.

957
00:58:44,089 --> 00:58:47,649
I've just been spending more time with him,
so he wanted me.

958
00:58:48,049 --> 00:58:49,489
He's getting much more confident.

959
00:58:49,569 --> 00:58:52,009
Remember how he wouldn't play
with anyone else at first?

960
00:58:52,089 --> 00:58:55,009
Now, he's even playing with
that kid, Crispin.

961
00:58:55,089 --> 00:58:58,689
Crispin happened to say "thank you"
at lunch today without being told.

962
00:58:58,769 --> 00:59:01,449
And that little girl Becca, she can read.
She's just a baby.

963
00:59:01,529 --> 00:59:05,929
I seen her pick up a "Curious George" book,
sit down and read like a grownup.

964
00:59:06,129 --> 00:59:07,689
What's that face?

965
00:59:09,089 --> 00:59:12,809
I haven't seen you this excited
about something in a long time.

966
00:59:14,209 --> 00:59:16,449
Yeah, I ain't going to front.

967
00:59:16,529 --> 00:59:19,049
Them little crumb snatchers
got under my skin.

968
00:59:19,689 --> 00:59:23,529
Mrs. Plager, I cannot continue
to expose the other children...

969
00:59:23,689 --> 00:59:26,969
to such dangerous, self-destructive,
highly addictive behavior.

970
00:59:27,049 --> 00:59:29,129
So either Juliette stops the thumb sucking...

971
00:59:29,209 --> 00:59:32,529
or you'll just have to find
yourself another preschool.

972
00:59:39,609 --> 00:59:40,649
Are you busy?

973
00:59:40,729 --> 00:59:43,969
Just pruning a few weeds from the garden.
What is it?

974
00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:46,809
Okay, I just thought you should know...

975
00:59:47,609 --> 00:59:49,889
we've lost three more students.

976
00:59:50,089 --> 00:59:52,929
Are you seriously suggesting
you don't know where they are?

977
00:59:52,969 --> 00:59:54,009
No, ma'am.

978
00:59:54,729 --> 00:59:57,289
- I know where they are.
- So do I.

979
01:00:00,009 --> 01:00:01,489
Daddy Day Care.

980
01:00:02,049 --> 01:00:03,849
First, it was amusing.

981
01:00:04,489 --> 01:00:06,209
Then it was annoying.

982
01:00:06,849 --> 01:00:09,449
Now it's really starting to tick me off.

983
01:00:10,609 --> 01:00:13,569
Get me a copy of
"Child Day Care Services Regulations".

984
01:00:29,009 --> 01:00:30,409
Phil, get the door.

985
01:00:31,329 --> 01:00:32,769
Get the door!

986
01:00:34,409 --> 01:00:36,289
All right, I got it.

987
01:00:40,769 --> 01:00:43,209
Mr. Kubitz. What are you doing here?

988
01:00:43,369 --> 01:00:46,169
- Is this a bad time?
- No, it's a great time.

989
01:00:46,529 --> 01:00:49,689
Is the man of the house at home?

990
01:00:49,849 --> 01:00:51,489
"Man of the house."

991
01:00:52,129 --> 01:00:55,529
Charlie! Mr. Kubitz is here
from Child Services!

992
01:00:55,729 --> 01:00:57,409
I'll be right there.

993
01:00:57,489 --> 01:01:00,569
So, let me ask you. Where are the kids?

994
01:01:00,609 --> 01:01:02,849
Outside. Marvin's giving them
a puppet show.

995
01:01:02,889 --> 01:01:05,769
Nice. What's on the program? "Pinocchio"?
"Little Red Riding Hood"?

996
01:01:05,849 --> 01:01:07,809
No, "Wrath of Khan".

997
01:01:07,969 --> 01:01:09,569
- Mr. Kubitz. Hi!
- Hi.

998
01:01:09,609 --> 01:01:12,409
- Wait! What are you doing?
- What?

999
01:01:12,689 --> 01:01:14,809
- What's wrong with your face?
- My face?

1000
01:01:14,889 --> 01:01:18,649
What's all that stuff, man? Come on.
What's the matter with you?

1001
01:01:19,809 --> 01:01:21,369
Becca and Jamie.

1002
01:01:22,209 --> 01:01:25,809
If you'll excuse me,
I have to see two little girls...

1003
01:01:25,889 --> 01:01:27,289
because now I'm a big girl.

1004
01:01:27,369 --> 01:01:31,329
He's having fun with...
Mr. Kubitz, so what brings you here today?

1005
01:01:31,409 --> 01:01:36,049
- I've received another complaint...
- I guess we know who that came from.

1006
01:01:37,129 --> 01:01:41,009
I understand that you've acquired
three more children since my last visit.

1007
01:01:41,089 --> 01:01:42,849
Yes. We're 14 altogether now.

1008
01:01:42,889 --> 01:01:45,569
It's still three adults,
so we're still under the 5:1 ratio.

1009
01:01:45,609 --> 01:01:48,409
Right. But you see,
it's a totally different issue this time.

1010
01:01:48,489 --> 01:01:50,329
Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?

1011
01:01:50,409 --> 01:01:53,729
Mr. Kubitz, excuse me a second.
I'm going to go handle this.

1012
01:01:53,809 --> 01:01:55,129
- Have a cookie.
- Sure. Thanks.

1013
01:01:55,209 --> 01:01:56,729
What's going on?

1014
01:02:04,289 --> 01:02:05,929
- What's up?
- Flash is gone.

1015
01:02:06,009 --> 01:02:08,729
- What do you mean, gone? Gone where?
- I can't find him.

1016
01:02:08,769 --> 01:02:11,729
- You looked everywhere? In the garage?
- Everywhere.

1017
01:02:12,209 --> 01:02:13,209
What we going to do?

1018
01:02:13,289 --> 01:02:16,289
- Is there some kind of problem out here?
- Not at all, Mr. Kubitz.

1019
01:02:16,369 --> 01:02:18,729
We're just having a little conversation
about the...

1020
01:02:18,809 --> 01:02:21,729
- Okay, because if it's...
- No problem at all. Why don't you...

1021
01:02:21,809 --> 01:02:24,649
Kids! Why don't you meet
our good friend, Mr. Kubitz.

1022
01:02:24,729 --> 01:02:27,409
- Say hi.
- Hi, Mr. Kubitz.

1023
01:02:27,489 --> 01:02:28,689
Hi, guys.

1024
01:02:28,849 --> 01:02:31,329
Wouldn't it be nice
if Mr. Kubitz played with you guys...

1025
01:02:31,409 --> 01:02:33,449
while we had an important conversation?

1026
01:02:33,529 --> 01:02:35,569
- Would you be so kind?
- Is that a good idea?

1027
01:02:35,649 --> 01:02:38,809
We're having a grown-up conversation
the kids shouldn't be privy to.

1028
01:02:38,849 --> 01:02:41,809
- So just for a second. Please.
- Sure. That's different.

1029
01:02:43,529 --> 01:02:45,409
- I'll check the back yard.
- I'll go upstairs.

1030
01:02:45,489 --> 01:02:47,369
I'll check the basement.

1031
01:02:48,209 --> 01:02:50,009
Do we have a basement?

1032
01:03:14,329 --> 01:03:16,529
We have to do the laundry. God!

1033
01:03:30,849 --> 01:03:33,089
Oh, my God! They vaporized him!

1034
01:03:34,929 --> 01:03:37,009
He couldn't have got far. I'll call the police.

1035
01:03:37,089 --> 01:03:41,169
- I'll call his parents.
- If only I were a Betazoid, I could sense him.

1036
01:03:43,489 --> 01:03:46,689
- Which kid is this?
- I don't know. What's your name?

1037
01:03:47,569 --> 01:03:48,649
Tony.

1038
01:03:50,889 --> 01:03:54,569
- Flash's name is Tony.
- Actually, Flash's name is Wally West...

1039
01:04:00,969 --> 01:04:05,249
- Why aren't you wearing your Flash suit?
- I don't want to be Flash anymore.

1040
01:04:05,329 --> 01:04:08,449
- You don't? Who you want to be?
- Tony.

1041
01:04:08,489 --> 01:04:11,169
- Hear that? He wants to be Tony.
- He wants to be Tony.

1042
01:04:11,249 --> 01:04:14,769
That's nice. You want to be Tony.
That's great.

1043
01:04:14,849 --> 01:04:16,929
Tony, have a cookie. Have a fresh one.

1044
01:04:17,089 --> 01:04:17,209
What are you talking about? I do love you.
I'm just not in love with you.

1045
01:04:17,209 --> 01:04:21,729
What are you talking about? I do love you.
I'm just not in love with you.

1046
01:04:21,929 --> 01:04:24,409
Fifteen months of therapy,
that's the best you can do?

1047
01:04:24,449 --> 01:04:27,249
That is the dumbest line I have ever heard.

1048
01:04:28,689 --> 01:04:30,849
My mother was right about you.

1049
01:04:33,369 --> 01:04:34,409
Wait.

1050
01:04:34,889 --> 01:04:37,729
For what? You think this will change?
You think I'll change?

1051
01:04:37,809 --> 01:04:39,849
You think this is what I had in mind?

1052
01:04:39,929 --> 01:04:42,129
Being a 55-year-old man,
living with his mother?

1053
01:04:42,209 --> 01:04:44,769
You think that's my idea of a good time?

1054
01:04:44,849 --> 01:04:46,969
I love passive-aggressive losers.

1055
01:04:50,409 --> 01:04:54,649
According to state regulations,
a child-care center in a family home...

1056
01:04:54,729 --> 01:04:57,649
is limited to a maximum of 12 children.

1057
01:04:58,249 --> 01:05:02,649
- We have plenty of room here for these kids.
- I don't make the rules, I enforce them.

1058
01:05:02,689 --> 01:05:05,809
You can't have more than 12 kids
at this kind of location.

1059
01:05:05,889 --> 01:05:08,809
So if we want to stay in business,
we have to fire two kids.

1060
01:05:08,889 --> 01:05:13,129
Unless you want to move to a permanent
facility somewhere else, then yes.

1061
01:05:19,209 --> 01:05:21,329
So, who do we cut loose?

1062
01:05:21,689 --> 01:05:23,609
How about Becca and Jamie?

1063
01:05:24,729 --> 01:05:26,169
I can't do it.

1064
01:05:27,049 --> 01:05:28,929
We got to do something.

1065
01:05:29,609 --> 01:05:31,849
Why don't we get a bigger space?

1066
01:05:32,289 --> 01:05:35,369
"Space. The Final Frontier."

1067
01:05:35,449 --> 01:05:38,049
I'm serious. Harridan said we're not real.
Let's get real.

1068
01:05:38,129 --> 01:05:40,729
Let's get a bigger space, more kids,
hire more people...

1069
01:05:40,769 --> 01:05:42,529
and give this woman a run for her money.

1070
01:05:42,569 --> 01:05:45,369
- Great. Let's get a new space.
- Yeah, Final Frontier!

1071
01:05:45,409 --> 01:05:49,209
If you don't stop with that "Star Trek",
I'll push you in that sticker bush. Stop!

1072
01:05:49,249 --> 01:05:53,529
No! I'm saying that there is a space available
called "The Final Frontier."

1073
01:05:54,249 --> 01:05:56,569
This used to be my home away from home.

1074
01:05:56,889 --> 01:06:01,449
Jerry, the guy who owned this place,
had the ultimate collection of memorabilia.

1075
01:06:02,209 --> 01:06:04,449
You know what he had? Tricorder.

1076
01:06:04,969 --> 01:06:07,889
That Ensign Riley wore
in "The Doomsday Machine".

1077
01:06:08,009 --> 01:06:10,209
Yeah. I never saw that episode.

1078
01:06:10,969 --> 01:06:13,249
I was with him, not watching also.

1079
01:06:15,929 --> 01:06:17,369
Needs a lot of work.

1080
01:06:17,449 --> 01:06:20,289
That just means we can fix it up
how we want to fix it up.

1081
01:06:20,329 --> 01:06:22,809
But we'll need some money to do that.

1082
01:06:23,609 --> 01:06:25,529
To make money, you got to spend money.

1083
01:06:25,609 --> 01:06:28,169
To spend money, you got to have money.

1084
01:06:29,089 --> 01:06:31,089
"Rock for Daddy Day Care.

1085
01:06:31,489 --> 01:06:34,329
"Help us finance our new permanent home."

1086
01:06:34,889 --> 01:06:36,929
Do you know what this means?

1087
01:06:37,609 --> 01:06:40,929
It's a chance to improve ourselves
through a little healthy competition?

1088
01:06:41,009 --> 01:06:44,209
No, you bubbleheaded idiot.
It's a death sentence.

1089
01:06:44,529 --> 01:06:47,449
If they get their hands
on a big enough space, they'll ruin me.

1090
01:06:47,529 --> 01:06:50,489
They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun.

1091
01:06:53,369 --> 01:06:56,369
I should've crushed them
in the beginning when they were weak.

1092
01:06:56,449 --> 01:07:00,249
It'll be harder now, but I have no choice.
I've got to stop them.

1093
01:07:01,729 --> 01:07:03,689
How are you gonna do that?

1094
01:07:04,489 --> 01:07:06,249
By any means necessary.

1095
01:07:22,849 --> 01:07:24,529
Yeah, ride the pony.

1096
01:07:25,729 --> 01:07:27,169
Pet the goat.

1097
01:07:28,089 --> 01:07:30,569
Get a T-shirt made. Something to eat.

1098
01:07:31,169 --> 01:07:32,489
Enjoy the music!

1099
01:08:20,929 --> 01:08:24,609
- They're showing "Logan's Run", Friday...
- Friday night at 8:00.

1100
01:08:26,689 --> 01:08:28,729
If you're not busy Friday nights...

1101
01:08:29,729 --> 01:08:32,569
- maybe you'd like to...
- Yeah, sure.

1102
01:08:33,129 --> 01:08:34,169
Great.

1103
01:08:34,209 --> 01:08:37,089
So we're talking, like,
just dinner, bath, bed?

1104
01:08:37,129 --> 01:08:39,369
- The works?
- What?

1105
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:42,449
You want me to baby-sit
so you can go to the movie, right?

1106
01:08:42,529 --> 01:08:45,089
Marvin, I want you to go with me.

1107
01:08:48,289 --> 01:08:49,369
Okay.

1108
01:08:50,129 --> 01:08:53,889
- Okay. Great.
- All right. Here's your thing.

1109
01:08:59,929 --> 01:09:03,289
Thank you very much. Okay. There you go.

1110
01:09:12,329 --> 01:09:13,729
I don't think we should do this.

1111
01:09:13,809 --> 01:09:17,129
Jennifer, my dear, in life there are
winners and there are losers.

1112
01:09:17,209 --> 01:09:20,209
And if you want to be a winner,
sometimes you have to play dirty.

1113
01:09:43,649 --> 01:09:47,729
I'll show you. I'll paint my face first.
And then you paint yourself.

1114
01:09:47,849 --> 01:09:50,849
See? Put a little paint.
And I'm just going to...

1115
01:09:51,289 --> 01:09:52,769
What's wrong?

1116
01:09:54,369 --> 01:09:57,009
That's not paint! It's glue!

1117
01:10:16,929 --> 01:10:19,489
Could I have some more
of this delicious potato salad?

1118
01:10:19,569 --> 01:10:22,409
Have you tried it? Really. It is so good.

1119
01:10:25,169 --> 01:10:27,609
- What's up?
- Look.

1120
01:10:27,809 --> 01:10:30,569
And they got into everything
except for the pies.

1121
01:10:30,689 --> 01:10:34,209
Okay, but don't panic.
We'll just sell the people pies, that's all.

1122
01:10:36,329 --> 01:10:38,369
Wow. Goats really love pie.

1123
01:10:43,729 --> 01:10:45,769
Leave them on for two hours.

1124
01:10:46,129 --> 01:10:47,449
You got it.

1125
01:10:49,049 --> 01:10:52,929
Everybody just take a deep breath
and let's go back to having fun.

1126
01:10:53,569 --> 01:10:54,649
Okay?

1127
01:11:08,729 --> 01:11:12,289
- How'd we do?
- We haven't even put a dent in it.

1128
01:11:18,129 --> 01:11:20,569
- Hello?
- Charlie, Jim Fields.

1129
01:11:20,689 --> 01:11:23,609
How's your vacation going?
No, I'm just pulling your leg.

1130
01:11:23,649 --> 01:11:26,289
Listen, buddy,
are you still looking for work?

1131
01:11:26,369 --> 01:11:29,089
<i>I've got a job for you,
unless you've got other offers.</i>

1132
01:11:29,129 --> 01:11:32,209
No, that's really interesting.

1133
01:11:32,289 --> 01:11:34,249
But I've got something going on right now.

1134
01:11:34,409 --> 01:11:36,769
Before you say no,
let me fax you over the proposal.

1135
01:11:36,809 --> 01:11:39,569
You can take a look at the numbers,
you think about it...

1136
01:11:39,649 --> 01:11:41,169
then you get back to me.

1137
01:11:41,249 --> 01:11:43,529
<i>- Yeah.
- Okay. Great.</i>

1138
01:11:43,729 --> 01:11:46,529
You say hi to the wife and daughter... Son.

1139
01:11:59,769 --> 01:12:02,529
Let me guess. You couldn't get
child services to come back...

1140
01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:03,809
so you're doing the inspection.

1141
01:12:03,889 --> 01:12:06,489
I apologize. I don't like to be sneaky.

1142
01:12:06,689 --> 01:12:08,489
Still, rules are rules.

1143
01:12:08,689 --> 01:12:12,649
- May I come in? I've a proposition for you.
- Yeah, please do.

1144
01:12:14,249 --> 01:12:18,529
Can I get you some coffee or tea or water...

1145
01:12:19,369 --> 01:12:21,529
- or eye of newt, maybe?
- Water would be lovely.

1146
01:12:21,569 --> 01:12:24,129
- Thank you.
- Water. That's an easy one.

1147
01:12:24,409 --> 01:12:28,529
You don't mind tap water, do you?
We're out of the bottled water.

1148
01:12:34,009 --> 01:12:36,409
So, Miss Harridan, why are you here?

1149
01:12:37,529 --> 01:12:41,249
You seem smart, talented, highly ambitious.

1150
01:12:41,569 --> 01:12:44,049
What on earth are you doing
running a day care center?

1151
01:12:44,129 --> 01:12:46,449
Maybe I enjoy running a day care center.

1152
01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:50,209
Obviously. But is this really how you want
to spend the rest of your life?

1153
01:12:50,289 --> 01:12:53,889
As a businessman,
you'd have money, power, respect.

1154
01:12:54,369 --> 01:12:57,569
You going to throw that all away
to baby-sit a bunch of 3-year-olds?

1155
01:12:57,649 --> 01:13:01,489
I said I'd listen to your proposition.
I'm all ears, and I got other things to do.

1156
01:13:01,569 --> 01:13:04,449
- So if you'd be so kind...
- All right. Here it is:

1157
01:13:04,889 --> 01:13:08,169
If Daddy Day Care should close,
for whatever reason...

1158
01:13:08,529 --> 01:13:11,769
I'll take all your children
for the price you charge.

1159
01:13:11,849 --> 01:13:15,009
Topflight education at rock-bottom prices.

1160
01:13:15,449 --> 01:13:16,889
Think about it.

1161
01:13:20,649 --> 01:13:22,249
Now wait a minute.

1162
01:13:22,849 --> 01:13:25,409
You're blowing us off
for Cottony Cotton Balls?

1163
01:13:25,489 --> 01:13:29,609
No, Cotton Candy Puffs.
Apparently the whole thing was my idea.

1164
01:13:29,689 --> 01:13:32,089
They'll double my salary
and let me run the division.

1165
01:13:32,129 --> 01:13:34,049
So, yes, I am taking myself back.

1166
01:13:34,129 --> 01:13:36,929
Go ahead,
if that's what's important to you. I mean...

1167
01:13:37,009 --> 01:13:40,609
Phil and I can manage.
We'll just find somebody else. Right?

1168
01:13:41,089 --> 01:13:42,489
I'm going, too.

1169
01:13:43,729 --> 01:13:47,809
This is worse than
when Spock betrayed Kirk...

1170
01:13:47,849 --> 01:13:50,409
- on "Star Trek V".
- It's not like that.

1171
01:13:50,489 --> 01:13:54,329
Come back with us. Not in the mailroom,
but to be part of our team.

1172
01:13:54,369 --> 01:13:57,249
I don't want to be on that team.
I want to be on this team.

1173
01:13:57,329 --> 01:14:00,729
We thought a lot about this, man.
It's a great opportunity.

1174
01:14:00,809 --> 01:14:03,689
No, this right here is a great opportunity.

1175
01:14:03,769 --> 01:14:07,929
This business is the one that has limits.
And we've reached them, okay?

1176
01:14:07,969 --> 01:14:10,209
Me and Phil,
we got responsibilities to think about.

1177
01:14:10,289 --> 01:14:14,969
- We got futures to take into consideration.
- What about now? What about the kids?

1178
01:14:16,289 --> 01:14:18,169
These kids were fine before Daddy Day Care.

1179
01:14:18,249 --> 01:14:22,169
- They'll be fine when it's over.
- You tell yourself that, Charlie.

1180
01:14:22,809 --> 01:14:25,329
I finally found a place where I fit in...

1181
01:14:25,409 --> 01:14:28,569
where I feel like I'm doing something good,
and you guys just...

1182
01:14:28,609 --> 01:14:30,409
You just spoil it all.

1183
01:14:36,929 --> 01:14:38,809
That couldn't have gone worse.

1184
01:14:38,849 --> 01:14:41,929
If you think that went bad,
wait till we tell the kids.

1185
01:14:57,529 --> 01:14:59,249
Can I go to work with you?

1186
01:14:59,329 --> 01:15:02,649
No, you can't go to work with me,
but you can come visit me at work.

1187
01:15:02,729 --> 01:15:05,329
And Daddy will be home at night
and on the weekends.

1188
01:15:05,409 --> 01:15:09,809
- We'll still have lots of fun together.
- Will Phil and Marvin still be here?

1189
01:15:09,929 --> 01:15:13,329
No, I'm sorry, little man.
They won't be around anymore.

1190
01:15:14,129 --> 01:15:16,649
It's just for a while, right?

1191
01:15:16,729 --> 01:15:20,289
Then you're going to come back
and do Daddy Day Care again.

1192
01:15:21,649 --> 01:15:24,009
No, this is from now on.

1193
01:15:24,089 --> 01:15:27,169
Daddy Day Care,
we're not doing that anymore, Ben.

1194
01:15:29,169 --> 01:15:31,009
Let me explain it to you like this:

1195
01:15:31,049 --> 01:15:34,089
If Daddy does this, I can get money for us.

1196
01:15:34,329 --> 01:15:38,089
And I can use that money
to take care of the house and to buy food...

1197
01:15:38,169 --> 01:15:40,889
and clothes and toys for you to play with.

1198
01:15:41,249 --> 01:15:43,529
I'll sell all my toys.

1199
01:15:43,969 --> 01:15:46,369
Why you want to sell all your toys?

1200
01:15:46,529 --> 01:15:51,169
If I don't have toys, we don't need money,
and you can stay with me.

1201
01:15:54,249 --> 01:15:56,449
I wish it was that simple, Ben.

1202
01:15:59,809 --> 01:16:03,289
The development department will have
the first samples ready by next week.

1203
01:16:03,369 --> 01:16:05,369
Okay, let's kick it around.

1204
01:16:05,689 --> 01:16:08,529
What do you think of
when you think of cotton candy?

1205
01:16:08,609 --> 01:16:10,529
- Clowns.
- Chocolate.

1206
01:16:12,009 --> 01:16:13,249
Cavities.

1207
01:16:14,649 --> 01:16:17,449
Hyperactivity, cavities, and dentist bills.
That's what I...

1208
01:16:17,529 --> 01:16:20,129
I've been to the other side
and I've seen firsthand.

1209
01:16:20,209 --> 01:16:24,049
When kids eat this stuff, they crash down
so hard they need an air bag.

1210
01:16:24,129 --> 01:16:26,409
You know what
the ingredients are to these balls?

1211
01:16:26,489 --> 01:16:28,409
- Puffs.
- They're "puffs." I'm sorry.

1212
01:16:28,449 --> 01:16:30,969
You know what's in here?
Red dye number four and sugar.

1213
01:16:31,049 --> 01:16:34,449
You know what? Charlie is absolutely right.
You can't ignore the reality.

1214
01:16:34,529 --> 01:16:37,529
Parents are not going to want to buy
this product for their kids.

1215
01:16:37,569 --> 01:16:40,609
Not unless those kids stomp and scream...

1216
01:16:40,769 --> 01:16:45,209
and bang their little heads on the floor
till blood comes out of their ears.

1217
01:16:45,289 --> 01:16:47,489
Charlie, you got those figures
that I gave you?

1218
01:16:47,569 --> 01:16:50,609
Yeah, I got them right here.
Just give me a second to...

1219
01:16:51,449 --> 01:16:54,809
We had an independent marketing firm
do some preliminary research...

1220
01:16:54,849 --> 01:16:57,729
to sort out the core value of this product.

1221
01:16:58,249 --> 01:17:00,929
The subjects that were tested,
aged two to six...

1222
01:17:01,009 --> 01:17:03,169
which are key branding years...

1223
01:17:04,569 --> 01:17:08,649
- Charlie, you want to join us?
- I'm sorry about that, Jim. Yeah.

1224
01:17:09,609 --> 01:17:12,969
Why don't you tell everybody
what the core value is?

1225
01:17:13,169 --> 01:17:15,409
What's the most important thing?

1226
01:17:18,969 --> 01:17:20,129
My kid.

1227
01:17:25,289 --> 01:17:28,169
My kid, Jim, that's the most important thing.

1228
01:17:28,969 --> 01:17:31,809
And I think I've made a tremendous mistake.

1229
01:17:32,289 --> 01:17:35,249
And so, I quit.

1230
01:17:39,369 --> 01:17:41,729
What are you doing to me? You scared me.

1231
01:17:41,809 --> 01:17:44,409
- How was the marketing meeting?
- I quit.

1232
01:17:45,409 --> 01:17:46,809
- What?
- I quit.

1233
01:17:47,249 --> 01:17:48,969
- You quit?
- I quit and I feel great.

1234
01:17:49,049 --> 01:17:50,889
- You should quit with me.
- I should quit?

1235
01:17:50,969 --> 01:17:52,969
- You should quit right now.
- We just got here.

1236
01:17:53,049 --> 01:17:55,449
You want to feel how I'm feeling?
Quit. Come on.

1237
01:17:55,529 --> 01:17:57,929
- Quit!
- Quit with me.

1238
01:18:05,929 --> 01:18:09,249
You weren't going to sell the carrot suit,
were you? The kids love that.

1239
01:18:20,049 --> 01:18:21,449
This stuff...

1240
01:18:22,689 --> 01:18:24,729
is not for sale!

1241
01:18:25,809 --> 01:18:25,849
A literal reader of the text might say...

1242
01:18:25,849 --> 01:18:28,529
A literal reader of the text might say...

1243
01:18:28,609 --> 01:18:31,729
that Goldilocks ate the "porridge"...

1244
01:18:31,809 --> 01:18:34,489
because she was "hungry."

1245
01:18:35,129 --> 01:18:37,049
But what would Freud say?

1246
01:18:37,689 --> 01:18:41,569
Language skills are a critical component
of childhood development.

1247
01:18:41,649 --> 01:18:44,409
They're part of the core curriculum
here at Chapman.

1248
01:18:44,449 --> 01:18:46,289
If you'll follow me this way.

1249
01:18:47,369 --> 01:18:51,249
On the path of life,
the proper first steps are essential.

1250
01:18:51,809 --> 01:18:54,769
With our firm guidance, your children...

1251
01:18:55,049 --> 01:18:57,889
will take those steps right here at Chapman.

1252
01:18:58,169 --> 01:19:01,689
Our philosophy is that
a child is like a climbing vine.

1253
01:19:02,209 --> 01:19:05,289
With structure to cling to,
and the right gardener to tend them...

1254
01:19:05,369 --> 01:19:09,209
- they'll grow to the sky.
- That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

1255
01:19:10,169 --> 01:19:12,769
We're not talking about plants,
we're talking about kids.

1256
01:19:12,809 --> 01:19:16,809
I know you don't want this woman pruning
and cutting and weeding your 3-year-olds.

1257
01:19:16,889 --> 01:19:19,249
Some people are uncomfortable
with achievement.

1258
01:19:19,329 --> 01:19:23,729
No, what I'm uncomfortable with
is treating a little kid like it's an adult.

1259
01:19:23,929 --> 01:19:27,369
If your kids come here, they'll be
miserable in four different languages.

1260
01:19:27,449 --> 01:19:30,209
Five. We start Portuguese in the fall.

1261
01:19:32,009 --> 01:19:34,129
How many languages
do you listen to them in?

1262
01:19:34,209 --> 01:19:37,889
You ever stop trying to shove knowledge
down their throat and just talk to them?

1263
01:19:37,929 --> 01:19:39,409
Listen to what they want.

1264
01:19:39,489 --> 01:19:41,609
They're children,
they don't know what they want.

1265
01:19:41,689 --> 01:19:45,369
Yes, they do know what they want.
All of them. And they're all different.

1266
01:19:45,409 --> 01:19:48,249
We took some time, talked to the kids,
got to know them a bit.

1267
01:19:48,289 --> 01:19:52,249
- It made a difference. It helped them.
- Please. Share your success.

1268
01:19:52,329 --> 01:19:56,329
Why don't you tell these people exactly
how you help their children?

1269
01:20:01,409 --> 01:20:04,489
Max over here is potty-trained now, okay?

1270
01:20:04,569 --> 01:20:05,769
- I don't miss.
- That's right.

1271
01:20:05,849 --> 01:20:09,209
- And Becca learned how to read.
- Yes, I did.

1272
01:20:09,569 --> 01:20:13,169
And Crispin is the most polite kid
you'd ever want to meet.

1273
01:20:13,409 --> 01:20:16,729
- Thank you, Charlie.
- You are most welcome, Crispin.

1274
01:20:17,089 --> 01:20:19,329
And I made friends.

1275
01:20:21,649 --> 01:20:24,649
That's right, little man,
you made some friends.

1276
01:20:25,409 --> 01:20:30,009
As of this moment Daddy Day Care
is back in business.

1277
01:20:32,929 --> 01:20:37,609
- Don't be a fool. You won't make a nickel.
- We might not get rich, but we'll manage.

1278
01:20:37,689 --> 01:20:39,569
Excuse me. All right.

1279
01:20:40,089 --> 01:20:41,529
How about that?

1280
01:20:46,889 --> 01:20:51,289
Any boob can run a child-care center.
It takes a family to raise some children.

1281
01:20:51,369 --> 01:20:55,889
- We're going to be a family from now on.
- Family? What a laughable concept!

1282
01:20:56,289 --> 01:20:58,249
We'll just laugh our way down the driveway.

1283
01:20:58,329 --> 01:21:00,689
- Have a pleasant day.
- Bye, Miss Harridan.

1284
01:21:17,209 --> 01:21:18,849
Come on! Let's go!

1285
01:21:19,489 --> 01:21:21,969
Get in there! Come on! Let's go!

1286
01:21:25,089 --> 01:21:26,649
Come on! Hold up!

1287
01:21:31,009 --> 01:21:32,969
- Everybody's holding hands, right?
- Right.

1288
01:21:37,489 --> 01:21:38,569
Let's go.

1289
01:21:43,009 --> 01:21:44,569
"Daddy Day Care."

1290
01:21:45,249 --> 01:21:47,569
Jennifer, how could you?

1291
01:21:47,929 --> 01:21:51,169
It's a really great place to work.
You should apply there.

1292
01:21:52,769 --> 01:21:53,969
Or not.

1293
01:21:57,329 --> 01:22:00,409
- Have a nice day, Miss Harridan.
- That's nice.

1294
01:22:09,409 --> 01:22:10,369
Stop!

1295
01:23:04,209 --> 01:23:05,209
Help!

1296
01:23:05,609 --> 01:23:06,729
Help! Stuck!

1297
01:23:13,169 --> 01:23:15,449
All right, here I come.
What's going on here?

1298
01:23:15,489 --> 01:23:16,489
Help!

1299
01:23:17,929 --> 01:23:19,209
I'm stuck!

1300
01:23:19,649 --> 01:23:21,089
Loser.

1301
01:23:28,369 --> 01:23:29,449
Loser.

1302
01:23:34,609 --> 01:23:35,929
Little man.

1303
01:23:38,609 --> 01:23:40,689
I'd say this wasn't a bad tradeoff.

1304
01:23:41,129 --> 01:23:42,409
Yeah, Dad.

1305
01:24:18,449 --> 01:24:21,089
<i>And, action.</i>

1306
01:24:22,049 --> 01:24:25,449
We can spend... You know, we can't spend
money without having it.

1307
01:24:26,089 --> 01:24:27,489
Hold on one second.

1308
01:24:28,169 --> 01:24:30,049
What, are you being beamed up?

1309
01:24:30,169 --> 01:24:31,809
- It's Captain Kirk.
- It is!

1310
01:24:34,449 --> 01:24:35,449
<i>Action.</i>

1311
01:24:35,689 --> 01:24:38,289
- What are you doing to me?
- Pudding on my hand.

1312
01:24:41,529 --> 01:24:42,969
Okay, wait a minute.

1313
01:24:47,569 --> 01:24:50,889
- I would never push you in a sticker bush.
- You couldn't push me.

1314
01:24:50,969 --> 01:24:52,729
No, I'd use a shovel on you.

1315
01:24:55,889 --> 01:24:56,849
Busy.

1316
01:24:56,929 --> 01:24:59,929
Some other kids around here
hanging out with you. How that sound?

1317
01:24:59,969 --> 01:25:03,129
- See, you going to have to work on it.
- "Mazel tov".

1318
01:25:03,609 --> 01:25:05,849
Remember when you broke my yo-yo?

1319
01:25:06,249 --> 01:25:08,729
- I broke...
- And you never gave me a new one.

1320
01:25:08,809 --> 01:25:11,369
That's why you sent me to bed.

1321
01:25:11,489 --> 01:25:12,889
You've been writing.

1322
01:25:13,249 --> 01:25:16,969
No, I can't even write my letters.

1323
01:25:17,089 --> 01:25:18,529
<i>What's going on here?</i>

1324
01:25:22,369 --> 01:25:25,889
You're killing me. You're really killing me.

1325
01:25:26,489 --> 01:25:28,689
Joe Frazier's Smokin' Skillets!

1326
01:25:31,489 --> 01:25:34,849
These skillets were made
in the City of Brotherly Love.

1327
01:25:35,809 --> 01:25:38,609
- That's a good thing.
- Okay, Eddie.

1328
01:25:39,169 --> 01:25:42,089
They gave you
a little too much direction, didn't they?

1329
01:25:49,089 --> 01:25:50,969
Okay, stop before you pee on yourself.

1330
01:25:51,049 --> 01:25:53,009
- What is my line?
- "I'll sell all my toys."

1331
01:25:53,089 --> 01:25:55,129
I'll sell all my toys.

1332
01:25:55,329 --> 01:25:59,129
I'll say my other line over again,
because I messed it up. I say, "You..."

1333
01:25:59,329 --> 01:26:01,529
- Action!
- Okay, thank you.

1334
01:26:03,009 --> 01:26:05,369
<i>- Let it go for a second. There.
- Thank you.</i>

1335
01:26:07,809 --> 01:26:10,329
That's why I know
we haven't been to the moon.

1336
01:26:12,329 --> 01:26:15,769
Miss Harridan says
it's preparing me for my future.

1337
01:26:20,289 --> 01:26:21,929
- You hungry?
- Yeah.

1338
01:26:23,729 --> 01:26:27,009
- What do you feel like eating?
- A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

1339
01:26:27,049 --> 01:26:29,049
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

1340
01:26:29,209 --> 01:26:31,289
- I don't know.
- After this scene.

1341
01:26:31,329 --> 01:26:32,609
If I give you...

1342
01:26:33,769 --> 01:26:35,289
What's so funny?