1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,891 {\an7}[touch tones beeping] 2 00:00:00,891 --> 00:00:01,792 {\an7}[line trills] 3 00:00:01,792 --> 00:00:03,429 {\an7}[phones ringing] 4 00:00:03,429 --> 00:00:04,759 {\an7}[upbeat music] 5 00:00:04,759 --> 00:00:06,759 {\an7}[children singing] Come one, come all 6 00:00:06,759 --> 00:00:08,099 {\an7}’Cause we’re having a ball 7 00:00:08,099 --> 00:00:12,396 {\an7}\h\h\hWe’re just making some calls to strangers 8 00:00:12,396 --> 00:00:13,660 {\an7}We’re back on the cell 9 00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:15,528 {\an7}And the world’s \h\hgone to hell 10 00:00:15,528 --> 00:00:17,594 {\an7}But you’re gonna \h\h\hfeel swell 11 00:00:17,594 --> 00:00:20,165 {\an7}When they pick up 12 00:00:20,165 --> 00:00:22,825 {\an7}From New York to Alabammer 13 00:00:22,825 --> 00:00:26,330 {\an7}\h\h\hThey’ll probably wanna throw our ass in the slammer 14 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,264 {\an7}’Cause we’re disturbing others 15 00:00:28,264 --> 00:00:29,594 {\an7}Maybe even your mother 16 00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:32,693 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hWon’t you join the Crank Yankers tonight? 17 00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:38,363 - Yeah, yeah. Let's do one more, for sure. 18 00:00:38,430 --> 00:00:40,365 [line trills] 19 00:00:40,432 --> 00:00:42,300 - [bleep] Seafood. 20 00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,870 - Hi. Um, I'm calling 21 00:00:44,936 --> 00:00:48,440 with a quite a peculiar question in request for you. 22 00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,308 - Okay. - I was just curious 23 00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:53,945 as to what do you all do with the fish 24 00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:57,015 after it stops being so delicious? 25 00:00:57,082 --> 00:00:58,583 And when it goes bad? 26 00:00:58,650 --> 00:01:02,120 Do you throw it away or--or what? 27 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,723 - Yes. If it goes bad, we have to throw it out. 28 00:01:04,789 --> 00:01:07,926 - Right. I'm--long story short, 29 00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:11,396 there's a guy at work who's just--he won't get off my tail. 30 00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:13,999 And I've talked to him time and time again 31 00:01:14,065 --> 00:01:16,234 to just stay out of my cubicle and he won't. 32 00:01:16,301 --> 00:01:19,571 And I've--I've kinda exhausted all of my options. 33 00:01:19,638 --> 00:01:21,139 I'm at my wits end. 34 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:25,710 And I think that the only reasonable and practical thing 35 00:01:25,777 --> 00:01:30,916 to do at this point is to douse myself in fish. 36 00:01:30,982 --> 00:01:33,585 As crazy as that might seem, I feel like, you know, 37 00:01:33,652 --> 00:01:36,254 the stench of fish might be the only thing 38 00:01:36,321 --> 00:01:39,291 that will stop this guy's advances. 39 00:01:39,357 --> 00:01:41,059 - Honestly, you're not the first person to call 40 00:01:41,092 --> 00:01:43,295 and ask for fish for that kinda reason. 41 00:01:43,361 --> 00:01:45,130 - Well-- - So, it's not that weird. 42 00:01:45,197 --> 00:01:47,132 And we would be more than happy to give you some. 43 00:01:47,199 --> 00:01:48,800 - Can you tell me their story at all? 44 00:01:48,867 --> 00:01:51,336 Or, I mean, I didn't realize that there would be 45 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,138 another person in my circumstance. 46 00:01:53,205 --> 00:01:55,540 This is actually quite uplifting. 47 00:01:55,607 --> 00:01:57,843 - Well, one person just wanted it to like, 48 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:02,280 play a prank on his roommate for just not being good to him. 49 00:02:02,347 --> 00:02:05,317 I haven't had anybody call about deterring 50 00:02:05,383 --> 00:02:07,819 a guy making unwanted advances 51 00:02:07,886 --> 00:02:10,789 but as a girl who has been in that situation, 52 00:02:10,856 --> 00:02:13,091 I would be happy to give you fish for it. 53 00:02:13,124 --> 00:02:17,729 - You are a feminist hero. Let me tell you right now. 54 00:02:17,796 --> 00:02:19,998 You are my new idol. 55 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:23,502 And I am so greatly appreciative. 56 00:02:23,568 --> 00:02:25,704 I mean, we wouldn't even have to meet. 57 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:26,838 You can just kinda like, 58 00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:28,673 toss the bag through my moon roof 59 00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:32,844 or I could kinda pretend to look for a contact outside 60 00:02:32,911 --> 00:02:35,480 and you know, rustle around on the ground 61 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,148 until I find the bag that you left for me. 62 00:02:37,215 --> 00:02:38,450 Just whichever--whatever would be 63 00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:41,353 the best--the best situation for you. 64 00:02:41,419 --> 00:02:44,389 I'd pleased to accommodate. 65 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,858 - You can just come inside and ask for it. 66 00:02:46,925 --> 00:02:48,560 - Yeah, the guy--the guy's coming right now. 67 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,595 I'm just gonna pretend you're my boyfriend. 68 00:02:50,662 --> 00:02:55,100 Oh, Steve, you big boy. I love being with you, Steve. 69 00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:57,202 Alright, thank you. Sorry. That was-- 70 00:02:57,269 --> 00:02:58,370 - You're welcome. 71 00:02:58,436 --> 00:03:00,405 Yeah, anytime you wanna come by. 72 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,806 - Okay and maybe--I mean, 73 00:03:01,873 --> 00:03:03,475 we wouldn't even have to waste plastic. 74 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:06,077 I could maybe just come in and roll around on the floor 75 00:03:06,077 --> 00:03:08,346 in the back or something. 76 00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:11,349 Is there a particular kinda very stinky fish 77 00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:13,885 that would be extra kinda potent? 78 00:03:13,952 --> 00:03:16,254 - I wish we had some dead crabs right now 79 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,090 because they are the absolute worst. 80 00:03:19,090 --> 00:03:22,227 But we do have some trout that's gonna go bad soon. 81 00:03:22,294 --> 00:03:23,395 That would definitely-- 82 00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:25,530 - Oh, that sounds brilliant to me. 83 00:03:25,597 --> 00:03:29,201 And you know what? This guy probably already has crabs. 84 00:03:29,267 --> 00:03:32,771 So--so, the trout will be perfect. 85 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,105 [laughter] 86 00:03:34,105 --> 00:03:35,240 - Sounds good. 87 00:03:35,307 --> 00:03:36,708 - This is gonna sound crazy. 88 00:03:36,775 --> 00:03:40,712 Do you enjoy coffee or walks in the park? 89 00:03:40,779 --> 00:03:42,514 - Yeah, I do. 90 00:03:42,581 --> 00:03:46,785 - Would you perhaps care to go for a coffee 91 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,421 or a walk in the park at one point? 92 00:03:49,487 --> 00:03:52,257 - To give you this fish or just like, as friends? 93 00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:54,559 - It could be to give me the fish 94 00:03:54,626 --> 00:03:57,596 or it could be as friends or--or you know, either or. 95 00:03:57,662 --> 00:04:00,165 Whatever you're comfortable with. Really. 96 00:04:00,232 --> 00:04:01,967 - Yeah, that would be great. 97 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:06,638 - I'm gonna tell everyone that you're the fish gut savior. 98 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,940 - I like that. - I like that too. 99 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:12,644 I'd love to roll around in fish with you one day. 100 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,946 - Well, I have to get back to work soon 101 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,517 but I guess I will see you sometime this weekend. 102 00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:20,185 That's when I'm working usually. 103 00:04:20,252 --> 00:04:22,153 But if I'm not here, you can definitely just ask 104 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:25,457 somebody else a bag of fish gut. 105 00:04:25,524 --> 00:04:28,159 - I wouldn't want a bag of fish gut from anyone but you. 106 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,427 My fish queen. 107 00:04:29,494 --> 00:04:30,929 - Okay. 108 00:04:30,996 --> 00:04:35,066 - Okay, Callie. It's been a swimming good time. 109 00:04:35,133 --> 00:04:38,036 - It has. - Bye-bye. 110 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,405 I need to write an apology letter. 111 00:04:40,472 --> 00:04:44,075 I need to send garlands of flowers. 112 00:04:44,142 --> 00:04:46,945 I need to go on a date with Callie now. 113 00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:48,780 Guys, [bleep]! 114 00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:55,353 [line trills] 115 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,721 - Hi, this is Jasmine. 116 00:04:56,788 --> 00:04:58,557 - Hi, Jasmine. How are you? 117 00:04:58,623 --> 00:04:59,891 - Good. How are you? 118 00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:02,460 - I'm great. So, here's the thing. 119 00:05:02,527 --> 00:05:03,829 My guy and I, 120 00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:07,299 we are interested in doing tennis lessons together. 121 00:05:07,365 --> 00:05:08,767 Do you do that? 122 00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:10,969 - Yes, absolutely. We do have some private lessons. 123 00:05:11,069 --> 00:05:12,537 - Okay. Do you have like, 124 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:16,608 strong female instructors that like, throw really hard? 125 00:05:16,675 --> 00:05:19,477 - We--we do. We got some. We have Olivia. 126 00:05:19,544 --> 00:05:22,080 She is new. She has great power actually. 127 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,181 And then we have [...], 128 00:05:23,248 --> 00:05:24,482 and he's been teaching for years. 129 00:05:24,549 --> 00:05:26,084 And he's really, really good. 130 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,819 - Is it possible to talk to either one of them? 131 00:05:27,886 --> 00:05:29,154 Like-- - Yeah. 132 00:05:29,221 --> 00:05:31,156 Olivia is right here. You wanna talk to her? 133 00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:33,091 - Yes. I would love to talk to Olivia. 134 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,693 - Hello. This is Olivia. 135 00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:36,528 - I just wanted to know a little bit more 136 00:05:36,595 --> 00:05:38,230 about the curriculum. 137 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:41,399 I'm like, 27 and my guy, he's a little older. 138 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,468 He's like, 20 years older than me. 139 00:05:43,535 --> 00:05:45,237 And I was just wondering like, 140 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,239 would you be throwing the balls at us 141 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,307 or is it like, one of those tennis ball machines? 142 00:05:49,374 --> 00:05:51,943 'Cause I saw that on TV once and I'm like, "Yes. 143 00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:54,112 I think that's gonna be the thing for me." 144 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:58,049 - So, have you guys played tennis before? 145 00:05:58,116 --> 00:06:01,119 - Can I just be like, super like, honest with you? 146 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:03,555 - Yeah, of course. - Like, how old are you? 147 00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:05,557 - I'm--I just turned 23. 148 00:06:05,624 --> 00:06:07,359 - Okay. I think you would understand this. 149 00:06:07,425 --> 00:06:11,196 So, I've been dating this guy for like, a year and a half now 150 00:06:11,263 --> 00:06:13,565 and he just started talking about having kids. 151 00:06:13,632 --> 00:06:16,835 And I feel like, oh, my God, he's too old, right? 152 00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:18,170 He's totally got grandpa D. 153 00:06:18,236 --> 00:06:20,305 I don't wanna have any babies with him. 154 00:06:20,372 --> 00:06:21,706 - Right. I understand. 155 00:06:21,773 --> 00:06:27,312 - And so, I'm willing to pay you, Olivia, triple 156 00:06:27,379 --> 00:06:30,815 the price of the lessons if you can help me 157 00:06:30,882 --> 00:06:32,217 make sure he gets hit in the balls 158 00:06:32,284 --> 00:06:34,085 at least four times every lesson. 159 00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:35,887 - Okay. I can do that. 160 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,223 - Like, if we can get him just straight in the dick. 161 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:41,026 Like, and I'll be like, "Oh my God, babe. 162 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,928 Let me suck it. I'll make it better for you." 163 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:46,264 Whatever. And then, I'm gonna pay you so well. 164 00:06:46,331 --> 00:06:48,033 - Girl, I understand. 165 00:06:48,099 --> 00:06:50,101 - So, when can we come? Can we come tomorrow? 166 00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,937 - Can you guys come in like, earlier in the day? 167 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,538 - Yes, girl. 168 00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:55,841 The earlier you break that dick for me, that would be great. 169 00:06:55,907 --> 00:06:57,242 - Okay. 170 00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:59,277 - 'Cause I am not trying to get pregnant by grandpa. 171 00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:01,246 I mean, I'm just trying to, you know, pay off 172 00:07:01,313 --> 00:07:04,049 all my little student loan debts and shit like that. 173 00:07:04,082 --> 00:07:06,618 And just, you know, enjoy life right now. 174 00:07:06,685 --> 00:07:09,287 Not trying to have babies. I wanna travel. 175 00:07:09,354 --> 00:07:13,725 - I can do--I can do Monday. Would two-three work? 176 00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,161 - I'm not gonna lie to you. I was like, hoping the morning. 177 00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,562 'Cause that's when he's like, 178 00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:19,664 usually the hardest but it's okay. 179 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:22,801 When those tennis balls hit him at [bleep] full power, 180 00:07:22,868 --> 00:07:27,105 you sound like you're strong, bust those balls, girl. 181 00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:28,440 - Okay. I mean, I'll try 182 00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:30,642 but I can't-- I can't make any promises. 183 00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,210 - Come on. 184 00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:34,646 Just make sure that [bleep] machine is hitting towards it 185 00:07:34,713 --> 00:07:37,782 or bat that ball right to it. Like, you know what I'm saying? 186 00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:39,184 - Yeah, I know what you're saying. 187 00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:40,619 So, I'll give you back to Jasmine. 188 00:07:40,685 --> 00:07:42,120 She'll take care of you. 189 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:45,023 - Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to this. 190 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,424 - Hello. - Jasmine? 191 00:07:46,491 --> 00:07:47,759 - Yes. 192 00:07:47,826 --> 00:07:49,928 - She told me she's available on the 22nd. 193 00:07:50,028 --> 00:07:52,531 - Okay, perfect. - Yes. This is gonna be like, 194 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,799 a--it's gonna be like a neutering. 195 00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,401 It's great. - Got you. Perfect. 196 00:07:56,468 --> 00:07:58,537 Okay. What's your first and last name? 197 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,071 - Tammy Jones. 198 00:08:00,138 --> 00:08:02,641 - And what is your boyfriend's first and last name? 199 00:08:02,707 --> 00:08:06,511 - His name is Jonathan Kimarla. 200 00:08:06,578 --> 00:08:12,951 K-I-M-A-R-L-A 201 00:08:13,051 --> 00:08:16,121 - Kimarla. - Kimarla. Perfect. 202 00:08:16,188 --> 00:08:18,323 - Please tell Olivia to do her pushups. 203 00:08:18,390 --> 00:08:20,892 - [laughing] Absolutely. 204 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,361 - Thank you so much, Jasmine. Whoo! 205 00:08:23,428 --> 00:08:25,330 - You're welcome. See you Monday. 206 00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,766 - Alright. We're busting balls. Yeah. 207 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:30,702 [laughing] 208 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,439 - Oh, you have lots of beautiful things 209 00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:39,444 about how much she liked to cook and dance and soda. 210 00:08:39,511 --> 00:08:43,081 - What about the lovemaking? - I've got it all down. 211 00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,416 And your phone number and everything. 212 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,352 - You have lovemaking? - Yes, sir. 213 00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:51,690 - Wonderful. Are you single? 214 00:08:54,090 --> 00:08:57,394 [line trills] 215 00:08:57,460 --> 00:09:00,397 - [bleep]. This is Michelle. How can I help you? 216 00:09:00,463 --> 00:09:01,931 - Hello, darling. 217 00:09:01,998 --> 00:09:06,903 I'm calling to make a obituary for my wife. 218 00:09:06,970 --> 00:09:09,439 - For your wife? - Yeah. 219 00:09:09,506 --> 00:09:13,743 - Oh, well, what is your wife's first and last name? 220 00:09:13,810 --> 00:09:20,250 - My wife's name is Helen. Her maiden name was Weiner. 221 00:09:20,316 --> 00:09:22,686 Which is one of the reasons why she married. 222 00:09:22,752 --> 00:09:26,256 We got married and she didn't wanna be a Weiner no more. 223 00:09:26,323 --> 00:09:28,958 - [laughs] All right. 224 00:09:29,025 --> 00:09:32,362 And how do you spell her current last name? 225 00:09:32,429 --> 00:09:36,499 - H-I-G-G-I-N-S. 226 00:09:36,566 --> 00:09:39,569 And she was Helen Higgins. - All right. 227 00:09:39,636 --> 00:09:41,871 And what are you wanting to put in the newspaper? 228 00:09:41,938 --> 00:09:43,340 How do you wanna word it? 229 00:09:43,406 --> 00:09:44,741 - A couple of things here. 230 00:09:44,808 --> 00:09:49,546 She was born on February 17, 1922. 231 00:09:49,612 --> 00:09:54,884 - February 1992. - She died on December 8th. 232 00:09:54,951 --> 00:09:57,687 Born in Brooklyn, New York. 233 00:09:57,754 --> 00:10:03,360 Helen died peacefully, surrounded by family. 234 00:10:03,426 --> 00:10:06,262 She loved Broadway musicals. 235 00:10:08,398 --> 00:10:11,468 And she never stopped talking about them. 236 00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:12,569 - Okay. 237 00:10:12,635 --> 00:10:14,537 - Even when I would say, 238 00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:17,974 "Please stop talking about them." 239 00:10:18,041 --> 00:10:20,043 She was a loud woman. 240 00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:23,313 Woke up at 4:00 in the morning. 241 00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:27,484 And she banged the cabinets. She'd wake me up. 242 00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:31,054 I'd yell, "Helen, I'm trying to sleep here." 243 00:10:31,121 --> 00:10:32,555 She didn't care. 244 00:10:32,622 --> 00:10:37,360 She would go about her day making bread and what not. 245 00:10:37,427 --> 00:10:41,564 She loved moist toilettes and soda. 246 00:10:41,631 --> 00:10:44,901 She drank 14 cans of soda every day. 247 00:10:44,968 --> 00:10:46,903 - Okay. 248 00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:48,738 - And black licorice. 249 00:10:48,805 --> 00:10:53,643 And word searches and croutons. [cat yowls] 250 00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:57,047 And buttons and dancing. 251 00:10:57,113 --> 00:10:59,416 She spent a lot of time in the bathroom. 252 00:10:59,482 --> 00:11:01,217 It was the only peace I got. 253 00:11:01,251 --> 00:11:03,787 - You--you want me to include all of this? 254 00:11:03,853 --> 00:11:06,790 - Oh, no. No. Only the nice stuff. 255 00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:11,227 - All right. And what else do you want to say? 256 00:11:11,261 --> 00:11:14,631 - And she loved her husband, Elma. 257 00:11:14,698 --> 00:11:16,032 - Okay. 258 00:11:16,099 --> 00:11:20,003 - Who she called a tender and dedicated lover. 259 00:11:21,237 --> 00:11:23,239 - Okay. - Elma gave Helen 260 00:11:23,273 --> 00:11:25,775 all the pleasures a woman could dream of. 261 00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:27,110 - Okay. 262 00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:30,246 - She had very larges bosoms. [cat yowls] 263 00:11:31,948 --> 00:11:33,249 - Okay. 264 00:11:33,249 --> 00:11:38,388 - They remained active sexually for many years. 265 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,659 And then she died. 266 00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:43,927 - Okay. 267 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:48,164 - For inquiries about lovemaking, 268 00:11:48,264 --> 00:11:51,267 please contact Elma Higgins. 269 00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:52,702 Can you read back 270 00:11:52,769 --> 00:11:56,106 what you have there right now? 'Cause I'm confused. 271 00:11:56,206 --> 00:11:59,542 - Oh, you have lots of beautiful things about how much 272 00:11:59,609 --> 00:12:04,914 she liked to cook and dance and soda and to cook 273 00:12:04,981 --> 00:12:07,217 and she loved you very much. 274 00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:10,487 - What about the lovemaking? - I've got it all down. 275 00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:11,988 And your phone number and everything. 276 00:12:12,055 --> 00:12:14,824 - You have lovemaking? - Yes, sir. 277 00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:17,227 - Wonderful. 278 00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:19,963 Are you single? 279 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,232 - No, sir. 280 00:12:22,232 --> 00:12:25,135 - Okay. You have a mother? 281 00:12:25,235 --> 00:12:27,871 - Yes, sir. Also not single. 282 00:12:27,937 --> 00:12:30,473 - Okay, darling. 'Cause I'm hoping 283 00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:35,912 I get some companionship out of this obituary. 284 00:12:35,979 --> 00:12:37,747 - Well, yes, sir. 285 00:12:37,814 --> 00:12:39,749 And if I can get your credit card information 286 00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:41,384 then I can get that published for you. 287 00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:44,721 - You take Diner's Club? - No, sir. 288 00:12:44,788 --> 00:12:47,657 - I have to go get my wife's purse and I'll call you back. 289 00:12:47,724 --> 00:12:50,260 Okay, darling? - That sounds like a plan. 290 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:52,329 Thank you very much, Mr. Elma. You have a good day. 291 00:12:52,395 --> 00:12:55,031 - Okay. Don't forget the lovemaking part. 292 00:12:55,098 --> 00:12:56,700 - No, sir. You have a good day. 293 00:12:56,766 --> 00:12:58,401 - I will. - Bye-bye. 294 00:12:58,468 --> 00:12:59,869 - Goodbye. [dog barks] 295 00:12:59,936 --> 00:13:01,771 [chuckles] 296 00:13:01,838 --> 00:13:04,441 She was nice. [laughs] 297 00:13:04,507 --> 00:13:05,975 - If I mess up on the canvas, 298 00:13:06,042 --> 00:13:07,711 I could just like, turn it around. 299 00:13:07,777 --> 00:13:09,679 'Cause they didn't tell us that the others sip and paint. 300 00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,214 - Yeah. - You can't really turn them 301 00:13:11,247 --> 00:13:14,050 around cause the other side isn't like, paintable. 302 00:13:14,117 --> 00:13:16,319 - Why would they make canvases like that? 303 00:13:16,386 --> 00:13:18,755 - I guess just so you can frame them easier. 304 00:13:18,822 --> 00:13:19,856 - What? 305 00:13:21,832 --> 00:13:23,934 - Is this a prank call? [laughs] 306 00:13:24,001 --> 00:13:27,004 [line trilling] 307 00:13:27,070 --> 00:13:28,505 - [bleep]. Can I help you? 308 00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:30,140 - Who am I speaking to? 309 00:13:30,207 --> 00:13:31,642 - This is Joanie. 310 00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:34,111 - Naomi, great to meet you. 311 00:13:34,178 --> 00:13:36,513 So, me and my bros, we have like, 312 00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:38,715 we did this thing like, called a sip and paint. 313 00:13:38,782 --> 00:13:41,385 I know--I don't know if you've ever heard of them? 314 00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:43,053 - Oh, yeah. Like, the wine kinda paint? 315 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,189 - Yeah. Like, so, me and like, a couple of my bros, 316 00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:46,690 we went and we did one 317 00:13:46,757 --> 00:13:48,425 but like, this was like, a while ago. 318 00:13:48,492 --> 00:13:50,694 So, now we wanna do one ourselves, right? 319 00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:52,663 But like, we don't know like, where to start. 320 00:13:52,729 --> 00:13:53,864 - Oh, cool. 321 00:13:53,931 --> 00:13:55,833 - Yeah, we wanna host it. - Yeah? 322 00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:58,569 - Yeah, but like, we just wanna know like, 323 00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:00,571 what we need to do it. 324 00:14:00,637 --> 00:14:02,673 'Cause like, we have like, 10 boxes of wine. 325 00:14:02,739 --> 00:14:04,107 Other than that, we got nothing. 326 00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:05,442 Like, do we need like-- 327 00:14:05,509 --> 00:14:07,544 - Okay. So, you need paint and paintbrushes. 328 00:14:07,611 --> 00:14:11,048 And right now, we have a deal going that if you buy 329 00:14:11,114 --> 00:14:13,484 some paint, some brushes, and like, a surface, 330 00:14:13,550 --> 00:14:16,253 like a canvas or whatever, we give you 20% off. 331 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,822 The canvases are 50% off right now. 332 00:14:18,889 --> 00:14:20,491 - That's a good deal. 333 00:14:20,557 --> 00:14:24,862 I'm gonna be honest, Megan, we drank a lot of the wine. 334 00:14:24,928 --> 00:14:26,697 So, is there any like, 335 00:14:26,763 --> 00:14:32,002 do you also maybe like, host these things? 336 00:14:32,069 --> 00:14:34,571 - I'm not sure if we do right now. 337 00:14:34,638 --> 00:14:36,440 - No, I mean like, I mean like you. 338 00:14:36,507 --> 00:14:38,242 Like, we could pay you like-- 339 00:14:38,375 --> 00:14:39,710 - So, I don't do anything like that. 340 00:14:39,776 --> 00:14:42,946 I don't know if anybody around here would. 341 00:14:43,013 --> 00:14:46,283 I'm here by myself right now so I don't--I can't ask anybody. 342 00:14:46,383 --> 00:14:47,784 - Yeah. We were just trying like, 343 00:14:47,851 --> 00:14:50,921 do like, just a close friends kinda thing. 344 00:14:50,988 --> 00:14:52,055 Like, you know. 345 00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:53,557 - Wait, not to cut you off, bro. 346 00:14:53,624 --> 00:14:56,560 She said it's 20% off on the paint, right? 347 00:14:56,627 --> 00:14:59,463 - And then 50% off canvas. 348 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:00,831 - If I mess up on the canvas, 349 00:15:00,898 --> 00:15:02,599 I can just like, turn it around. 350 00:15:02,666 --> 00:15:04,635 'Cause they didn't tell us that the other sip and paint. 351 00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:06,303 - Yeah. - Well-- 352 00:15:06,403 --> 00:15:08,839 - The lady was just like, "There's no mistakes in art." 353 00:15:08,906 --> 00:15:11,775 And I was like, "Bro, that's not a tree anymore." 354 00:15:11,842 --> 00:15:13,210 But, you know? - That's not nice to say 355 00:15:13,277 --> 00:15:15,112 anyway, but you can't really turn it around 356 00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:17,781 'cause the other side isn't like, paintable. 357 00:15:17,848 --> 00:15:20,050 - Why would they make canvases like that? 358 00:15:20,117 --> 00:15:21,985 - I guess so that you can frame them easier. 359 00:15:22,052 --> 00:15:25,355 - What? - So that you can hang them up. 360 00:15:25,389 --> 00:15:27,124 - Oh. Bro, bro, bro. 361 00:15:27,191 --> 00:15:28,625 There's no two-side canvas. 362 00:15:28,692 --> 00:15:30,928 We should like, make two-side canvases and like, 363 00:15:30,994 --> 00:15:32,930 we can sell them, dude. 364 00:15:32,996 --> 00:15:34,998 - Wow, bro. We can go on Shark Tank. 365 00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:37,000 - That would actually be a really good idea. 366 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,570 - Oh, you want in? 'Cause like, 367 00:15:39,636 --> 00:15:41,805 you heard our idea now so now we have to make you a co-owner. 368 00:15:41,872 --> 00:15:43,140 You might sue. 369 00:15:43,207 --> 00:15:45,108 - No, it's okay. I won't say anything. 370 00:15:45,175 --> 00:15:47,544 Maybe we could sell them for you sometime. 371 00:15:47,611 --> 00:15:50,147 - My cousin--my cousin does stuff like that. 372 00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:54,952 But he said like, you need to sign a A-N-D like, paper. 373 00:15:55,018 --> 00:15:57,855 So, you like, that you don't take our idea. 374 00:15:57,921 --> 00:15:59,857 - Oh, yeah. I wouldn't anyway. 375 00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:03,160 - I will honest with you, Megan. I'm ripped right now. 376 00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:06,129 And like, we're just trying to get this done for tonight 377 00:16:06,196 --> 00:16:08,532 and like, I can't even--like, 378 00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:12,803 I'm--I'm--I'm talking with my eyes closed. 379 00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:14,171 - It's okay. 380 00:16:14,238 --> 00:16:16,607 - I mean, I'm so sorry about everything 381 00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:19,143 that I've done to you. I'm so sorry. 382 00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:22,846 I didn't mean--I didn't mean to get--I got so drunk. 383 00:16:22,913 --> 00:16:24,214 Bro, I'm so sorry. 384 00:16:24,348 --> 00:16:26,350 I'll never get this drunk again, bro. 385 00:16:26,416 --> 00:16:27,651 - Bro, stop. Bro, stop. 386 00:16:27,718 --> 00:16:30,220 - Bro, I'm being so disrespectful to-- 387 00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:31,855 - You're fine. Don't worry about it. 388 00:16:31,922 --> 00:16:33,357 - Bro. - Man, I'm sorry. 389 00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:35,392 - You're fine. Don't even worry about it. 390 00:16:35,459 --> 00:16:39,363 - Megan, can you DJ the party? 391 00:16:39,396 --> 00:16:41,131 - No, stop painting the lizard. 392 00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:43,801 Stop painting the lizard. What are you doing? 393 00:16:43,867 --> 00:16:45,536 - It's my lizard, bro. 394 00:16:45,602 --> 00:16:47,037 - You can paint a lizard. 395 00:16:47,104 --> 00:16:49,206 - Megan, you're the [bleep]. You're the best. 396 00:16:49,273 --> 00:16:51,508 - Megan, you wanna come to--Megan, come to our party. 397 00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,743 Come to our paint and sip. 398 00:16:52,810 --> 00:16:54,111 - We wanna paint you. 399 00:16:54,178 --> 00:16:55,479 - No, I can't come tonight 400 00:16:55,546 --> 00:16:57,181 'cause I have a family at home waiting for me. 401 00:16:57,247 --> 00:16:59,683 - Tell 'em--they can--bring-- they can come! 402 00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,752 - Yeah, we got-- - We got pizza. 403 00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:05,222 - We're--we're-- [imitates retching] 404 00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,624 - Oh, God. He threw up on the lizard. 405 00:17:07,691 --> 00:17:10,694 - I'm sorry. Megan, can we paint your family? 406 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:13,697 - Um, no but I have to go help another customer right now. 407 00:17:13,764 --> 00:17:14,965 So, I was just gonna say 408 00:17:15,032 --> 00:17:16,767 that we'll be open until 6:00 tonight. 409 00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:18,535 - All right, Megan. We'll be there in a bit. 410 00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,737 We're gonna take a nap and sleep some of this Moscato off. 411 00:17:20,804 --> 00:17:23,440 - Okay. - 11:00 p.m. We'll be there. 412 00:17:23,507 --> 00:17:25,342 - Okay. Sounds good. - 11, okay! 413 00:17:25,342 --> 00:17:26,577 - All right. 414 00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:29,379 I'm just--I'm just gonna paint myself, [bleep]. 415 00:17:29,446 --> 00:17:31,348 [receiver clicks] - That poor lady. 416 00:17:31,415 --> 00:17:34,918 - [laughing] 417 00:17:34,985 --> 00:17:36,753 - Ever since I started cornhole, 418 00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:38,922 my whole life has changed. All of a sudden, 419 00:17:38,989 --> 00:17:42,125 I wear docker shorts and socks up till my knees. 420 00:17:42,192 --> 00:17:44,528 - [laughing] - I don't get it. 421 00:17:44,595 --> 00:17:46,697 Why do I wear polo shirts? I'm a hefty boy. 422 00:17:49,032 --> 00:17:50,500 - Explain to me why sometimes I feel the weight 423 00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:53,303 of the beanbags in my hand as I'm drifting off to sleep. 424 00:17:53,369 --> 00:17:56,005 [line trills] 425 00:17:56,072 --> 00:17:57,173 - Big J's Cornhole. 426 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:59,809 This is Jessica. How may I help you? 427 00:17:59,876 --> 00:18:02,178 - Hi, Jessica. I came into your store 428 00:18:02,245 --> 00:18:03,980 because I played cornhole over the weekend 429 00:18:04,047 --> 00:18:08,885 and now, like, I'm all involved in this cornhole life. 430 00:18:08,952 --> 00:18:10,487 - Yeah? - And I don't understand 431 00:18:10,553 --> 00:18:12,021 because it just seems so fun to me. 432 00:18:12,088 --> 00:18:13,823 And I just wanted to get to know more about it 433 00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:16,659 and kinda just see my options for cornhole in the future. 434 00:18:16,726 --> 00:18:18,061 You know? 435 00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:20,497 - Yeah, I get it. I get it. How can I help you? 436 00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:22,298 - Ever since I started cornholin', 437 00:18:22,365 --> 00:18:23,833 my whole life has changed. 438 00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:27,404 I go to Starbucks and they write Harry on my cappuccinos. 439 00:18:27,470 --> 00:18:29,839 Guess I look like a Harry now. All of a sudden, 440 00:18:29,906 --> 00:18:33,042 I wear docker shorts and socks up till my knees. 441 00:18:33,109 --> 00:18:35,245 - [laughing] - I got Crocs for days. 442 00:18:35,311 --> 00:18:38,181 Like a mother[bleep]. I don't get it. 443 00:18:38,248 --> 00:18:40,683 Why do I wear polo shirts? I'm a hefty boy. 444 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,318 - Oh. Uh-huh. 445 00:18:42,385 --> 00:18:45,021 - The alligator looks all stretched out on my tit-tay. 446 00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:46,356 - Yeah. 447 00:18:46,423 --> 00:18:49,459 - I eat corn for breakfast. 448 00:18:49,526 --> 00:18:53,563 I wake up, corn. Snack time, corn. 449 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:57,434 Lunch time, corn. Dinner time, corn. 450 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,469 Late night snack, you guessed it. 451 00:18:59,536 --> 00:19:00,770 - Corn? 452 00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:03,807 - Snickers. Do you play cornhole? 453 00:19:03,873 --> 00:19:05,909 - Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do. 454 00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:08,545 - You do? Are you good? 455 00:19:08,611 --> 00:19:11,114 - No. - Mm. 456 00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:13,983 That's upsetting because it's just throwing a bag in a hole. 457 00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:17,420 - I--you know what I'm good at? I make cornhole-- 458 00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:19,856 I make good pictures that go on the cornhole board. 459 00:19:19,923 --> 00:19:21,124 - Could I get one? 460 00:19:21,191 --> 00:19:23,326 Could I get one with Bib Fortuna? 461 00:19:23,326 --> 00:19:25,361 The translator from the Jedi-- 462 00:19:25,428 --> 00:19:28,865 "Return of the 'Jeddi'" scene. In "Return of the 'Jeddi.'" 463 00:19:28,932 --> 00:19:32,769 - Just about anything you want. - Shut up. 464 00:19:32,836 --> 00:19:34,237 When I die, 465 00:19:34,337 --> 00:19:38,575 I want my ashes to be put inside of a cornhole bag. 466 00:19:38,641 --> 00:19:42,112 And at my funeral, I want people to take turns 467 00:19:42,178 --> 00:19:47,584 throwing my ashes in a hole in a wood plank. 468 00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:50,320 - Not just a piece of wood with a hole in it. 469 00:19:50,386 --> 00:19:51,621 - I got a pet groundhog 470 00:19:51,688 --> 00:19:53,823 I trained to pop up out of a cornhole. 471 00:19:53,890 --> 00:19:57,961 Can I--is that--is that good cornhole etiquette? 472 00:19:58,728 --> 00:20:00,196 - I don't know. 473 00:20:00,296 --> 00:20:01,831 - His name's Billy, and he's a little groundhog 474 00:20:01,898 --> 00:20:03,032 and I trained him how to pop out 475 00:20:03,099 --> 00:20:04,367 of a cornhole and go, "Wa." 476 00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:05,769 And he makes a little sound every time. 477 00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:08,838 He goes, "Wa." - [laughs] 478 00:20:08,905 --> 00:20:10,206 - And that's how you know it's him. 479 00:20:10,306 --> 00:20:11,941 When you hear that, "Wa." 480 00:20:12,008 --> 00:20:13,543 You like, "Oh, Billy's here. I must've hit a cornhole." 481 00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:14,844 And every once in a while, 482 00:20:14,911 --> 00:20:16,780 he'll steal the bag and [bleep] it. 483 00:20:16,846 --> 00:20:18,081 - Oh. 484 00:20:18,148 --> 00:20:20,016 - I've won him in a cornhole match against, 485 00:20:20,083 --> 00:20:21,451 you're not gonna believe this, 486 00:20:21,518 --> 00:20:23,420 Whoopi mother[bleep] Goldberg. 487 00:20:23,486 --> 00:20:25,088 You're damn right. 488 00:20:25,155 --> 00:20:26,423 [Billy chittering] Oh, hold on. 489 00:20:26,489 --> 00:20:28,425 Billy. Billy, get down from there. 490 00:20:28,491 --> 00:20:30,827 Sorry. Billy's eating my wife's toes. 491 00:20:30,894 --> 00:20:34,330 - What? - Billy, get down from there. 492 00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:37,333 My wife's on the ceiling and Billy's eating her toes. 493 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,335 Billy. - No. 494 00:20:39,335 --> 00:20:40,336 [receiver clicks] 495 00:20:40,336 --> 00:20:42,772 - Oh, she hung up. [laughs] 496 00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:12,468 - Look at that. 497 00:21:14,437 --> 00:21:16,873 - [singing] MTV