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{\an7}[touch tones beeping]
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[phones ringing]
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[upbeat music]
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[children singing]
Come one, come all
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'Cause we're having a ball
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We're just making
some calls to strangers
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We're back on the cell
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And the world's
gone to hell
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But you're gonna
feel swell
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When they pick up
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From New York to Alabammer
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They'll probably wanna
throw our ass in the slammer
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'Cause we're disturbing others
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Maybe even your mother
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Won't you join
the Crank Yankers tonight?
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- "Crank Yankers."
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{\an7}[upbeat music]
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{\an7}- Tight little aisles and shit
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{\an7}where yolk can get
all over the place.
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{\an7}[phone line trilling]
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{\an7}- Grocery, how can I help you?
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{\an7}- Hey, who am I speaking to?
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{\an7}\h\h\h- Javier.
- Hey, Javier?
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{\an7}Javier. Good talking to you.
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{\an7}How’s your day going?
\h\hYou staying safe?
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{\an7}\h\h\h- Yeah, for sure.
It’s going pretty well.
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{\an7}What can I do for you?
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{\an7}\h\h- I’m from the National
Association of Egg Farmers,
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{\an7}\h\h\hwhat we do is we send
a representative out there,
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{\an7}\h\h\hthe mascot Eggy over
to your place of business,
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{\an7}we set up a little table.
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{\an7}And we just welcome people
\h\h\h\h\hto buy more eggs,
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{\an7}and eat more eggs.
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{\an7}We are taking photos
\h\h\h\hwith the kids
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{\an7}and you know--you know,
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{\an7}I tell jokes about
\hbeing scrambled,
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{\an7}\h\h\hor say, "When I’m upset,
I turn into a hardboiled egg."
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYou know,
all that kinda stuff--
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah.
- So, what I normally do
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\his I set up in one
of the egg aisles, you know,
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{\an7}but, you know, some places
put me in a chicken aisle.
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{\an7}\hI don’t know why,
I guess, you know?
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Mm-hmm.
- As long as I have a 12-foot
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{\an7}area for rolling around,
\h\h\h\hI’m pretty good.
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{\an7}\hYou know, I took a vow
to never break character
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{\an7}or get out of my costume
\honce I’m in the store.
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{\an7}\hSo, if you have any questions
for me, you need to ask me now.
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRight now,
’cause once I become Eggy,
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{\an7}I’m Eggy, you know what I mean?
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{\an7}’Cause that gets messy
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{\an7}and I had to pull my pants
\h\h\h\h\h\hdown one time.
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{\an7}\h\hAnd that got me in a little
trouble, but I got my job back.
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{\an7}\h\h\hAnd I feel like the world
is going vegan and vegetarian.
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{\an7}They ain’t showing the egg
\h\h\h\h\hno love, Javier.
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{\an7}They ain’t showing the egg
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hno love.
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{\an7}\h- Um, let me grab
one of my managers.
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{\an7}- Have you ever had
\h\h\han egg cream?
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{\an7}- No, sir.
\h\h- Whoo!
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{\an7}They showed that a lot in those
\h\hold movies with Cary Grant
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{\an7}\h\hand stuff, he’d sit
at the little counter,
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{\an7}\hand say, "I’ll have an egg
cream," you know what I mean?
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{\an7}So, you will have to provide me
\h\h\h\h\h\hwith lunch, though.
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{\an7}That’s in my contract.
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{\an7}\h\hAnd I might be
givin’ out samples,
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou know,
just a raw egg in a cup.
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{\an7}\h\hKinda like with those
athletes do when they uh,
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{\an7}to gain their endurance back
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{\an7}when they’re tired from runnin’
\h\h\h\hin a marathon or tri--
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\htriathlete
or something like that.
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{\an7}What they do, they take
like five or six eggs,
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{\an7}and they put ’em in a cup,
\h\h\h\hand they drink it.
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{\an7}They drink the eggs
with nothing in it.
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{\an7}Just straight.
Just straight.
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{\an7}\h\h\hYou know what I mean?
That makes me so damn mad.
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{\an7}I feel like they drinking me.
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{\an7}I feel like a drinking
\h\h\h\hmy ass, Javier.
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{\an7}\hYou know what I am saying?
I feel like what the [bleep]
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{\an7}is going on here?
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{\an7}They’re drinking me.
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{\an7}[laughs]
\h- Yeah.
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{\an7}- So, I’m gonna need you
\h\hto fan me constantly
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{\an7}’cause once I get overheated,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou know,
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{\an7}\hI start to settle, you know,
and the body odor is terrible.
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{\an7}I promise you.
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{\an7}So I don’t know what you keep
\h\h\h\hthe temperature at--
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{\an7}what’s the temperature
\h\h\h\h\haround there?
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{\an7}You keep it what, 72?
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hLike, on average 72?
Is it cold out there right now?
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{\an7}- Uh, we keep it fairly warm.
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{\an7}- Whoo! How warm? How warm?
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{\an7}Room temperature?
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{\an7}- Uh, little above.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- Whoo!
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{\an7}\h\hI dunno, I might
start sweating, man.
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hI might start--
hey, you wanna mess around
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{\an7}and make some deviled eggs
\h\h\h\h\h\hout of my ass--
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{\an7}\h\h\hYou ever have
deviled eggs, huh?
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{\an7}- Yeah.
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{\an7}- Yeah, that’s what’s gonna
\h\hhappen if it’s too hot,
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{\an7}in there, I’ma turn into
\h\h\h\h\ha deviled egg.
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{\an7}\h\hYou gonna be serving me
to some of your customers.
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{\an7}\h- Hey, man, um--
- Oh, hey, Javier.
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{\an7}I gotta get going, man.
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{\an7}\hI got the National
Egg Association guys
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{\an7}on my back, man.
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{\an7}So, you take care, man.
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{\an7}I’ll see you soon.
I’ll see you soon.
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{\an7}- [laughs]
[hangs up]
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{\an7}[upbeat music]
\h- [laughs]
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{\an7}Damn! What?
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{\an7}- I’m looking for a carpenter.
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{\an7}[line trilling]
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{\an7}- Hi, this is Garnet.
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{\an7}- Garnet? Name’s Birchum.
\h\h\h\hYou a carpenter?
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{\an7}- Uh, yes.
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{\an7}- So, uh, I’m a carpenter
as well, pretty skilled.
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{\an7}Uh, don’t have use
my hands right now.
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{\an7}And I’d like a carpenter
\h\h\hcome by help me out
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{\an7}with some crown molding.
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{\an7}Do you do crown molding?
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{\an7}\h\h- Well, I can.
- Can you do bass?
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{\an7}- Oh, yeah, I can--
\h\h\h\h\hyou know,
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{\an7}I’ve been a carpenter
\h\hfor 30 some years
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{\an7}\hand, you know,
it’s been a while
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{\an7}since I did some crown mold
\h\h\h\h\h’cause, you know,
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{\an7}all the cuts are--
\h\h\h\h\hare, uh--
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{\an7}- I gotta say, I’m not brimming
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwith confidence.
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{\an7}- [laughs]
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{\an7}Well, it’s been--like I said,
\h\h\h\hit’s been a few years
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{\an7}since I did crown molding.
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{\an7}\h\hThe last crown mold
I did was all in metal.
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00:04:58,583 --> 00:05:02,418
{\an7}- What is your field expertise?
\h\h\h\h\h\hYou do rough stuff?
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00:05:02,418 --> 00:05:03,847
{\an7}- No, I’m trim, mostly.
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{\an7}- You got a sliding
compound miter saw?
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00:05:07,451 --> 00:05:08,748
{\an7}- Yes, of course.
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{\an7}- 10 inch?
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00:05:09,956 --> 00:05:11,352
{\an7}- 12 inch.
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{\an7}- Oh, nice.
138
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{\an7}60 tooth carbide?
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00:05:14,517 --> 00:05:15,682
{\an7}- I think that’s
what’s on there.
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00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:16,989
{\an7}\h\hIt might even be
an 80 tooth I can’t--
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00:05:16,989 --> 00:05:19,055
{\an7}\h- 80 toother?
- I don’t know.
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00:05:19,055 --> 00:05:19,880
{\an7}I can’t remember.
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00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,616
{\an7}I’d have to look at my saw,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hDarn it.
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{\an7}What’s your name again?
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00:05:22,748 --> 00:05:23,956
{\an7}- Geez. Name’s Birchum, man.
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00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:26,781
{\an7}\h\h\h\hI’m impressed
at 80 tooth carbide.
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00:05:26,781 --> 00:05:29,385
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- Birchum?
- You do chair molding?
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00:05:29,385 --> 00:05:31,880
{\an7}- Yeah, I’ve done
all kinds of it.
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00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,418
{\an7}- Wainscot?
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00:05:33,418 --> 00:05:34,022
{\an7}- Yeah.
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00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:36,913
{\an7}\h- Base shoe?
- Face shield.
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00:05:36,913 --> 00:05:39,847
{\an7}\h\h- Base shoe.
- Oh, base shoe.
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00:05:39,847 --> 00:05:40,715
{\an7}Yeah, of course.
154
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,649
{\an7}- You’re not one of these ass
wipes that uses quarter round
155
00:05:43,649 --> 00:05:45,715
{\an7}instead of base shoes, are you?
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00:05:45,715 --> 00:05:46,682
{\an7}- Um--
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{\an7}\h\h\h- I see quarter round
where base shoe should be,
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00:05:49,088 --> 00:05:52,616
{\an7}\h\hI shout, "Bush league,"
I’ll turn around and leave.
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00:05:52,616 --> 00:05:55,550
{\an7}\h- You know it all depends
on what the customer wants.
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00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:58,352
{\an7}- All right, you startin’
to worry me a little bit
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00:05:58,352 --> 00:06:00,319
{\an7}with this quarter
\hround business.
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00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:03,847
{\an7}\h\hYou say you’re--you say
you’re finished carpenter?
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00:06:03,847 --> 00:06:04,748
{\an7}- Pretty much. Yeah.
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00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:06,187
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- All right.
Tell me the difference
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00:06:06,187 --> 00:06:08,913
{\an7}between a rabbet joint
\h\h\h\h\h\hand a dado.
166
00:06:08,913 --> 00:06:10,484
{\an7}- Well, let’s see a rabbet--
167
00:06:10,484 --> 00:06:13,286
{\an7}Well, dado is, you gotta use
\h\h\hdado base to set it up,
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00:06:13,286 --> 00:06:16,385
{\an7}\hand a rabbet you can just use
a regular blade on a table saw
169
00:06:16,385 --> 00:06:18,220
{\an7}\h\hand cut it out,
it’s like a notch.
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00:06:18,220 --> 00:06:22,154
{\an7}\h\h- Mm-hmm. What letters
are they both shaped like?
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00:06:22,154 --> 00:06:22,847
{\an7}- You know what?
172
00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:24,989
{\an7}Sorry. I’m really busy
\h\hright now, and uh--
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00:06:24,989 --> 00:06:28,517
{\an7}- Yeah, you’re busy playing
\h"Connect 4" online buddy.
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00:06:28,517 --> 00:06:30,253
{\an7}You sound like a hack
\h\hcarpenter to me.
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00:06:30,253 --> 00:06:32,649
{\an7}You don’t know the difference
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbetween a dado
176
00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:33,989
{\an7}and a rabbet joint?
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00:06:33,989 --> 00:06:35,121
{\an7}- I don’t--I don’t have time
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{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto answer
a million questions here.
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00:06:36,715 --> 00:06:39,022
{\an7}I’m doing my exhaust
\hfor my Indian and--
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00:06:39,022 --> 00:06:41,022
{\an7}- Where are you doing
\h\h\hto the exhaust?
181
00:06:41,022 --> 00:06:42,583
{\an7}- Getting it powder coated.
182
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:45,022
{\an7}- Mm-hmm. We going with black?
183
00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:47,583
{\an7}\h\h\h\h- Yes.
- Satin? Flat?
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00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:49,682
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHigh gloss?
What are we talking about?
185
00:06:49,682 --> 00:06:50,517
{\an7}- High gloss. High gloss.
186
00:06:50,517 --> 00:06:53,319
{\an7}The same as--same as my motor
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hand handlebars
187
00:06:53,319 --> 00:06:54,748
{\an7}and all the other stuff on it.
188
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,286
{\an7}- How many cubic inches
\h\h\h\h\h\hin a liter?
189
00:06:58,286 --> 00:07:01,187
{\an7}- I don’t know. [laughs]
\h\h\h- One liter engine
190
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:03,187
{\an7}is 60 cubic inches.
191
00:07:03,187 --> 00:07:05,814
{\an7}\h- I’m not a mechanic.
- All right, so Garnet.
192
00:07:05,814 --> 00:07:07,220
{\an7}Let’s try to figure out
\h\h\h\hwhat you know.
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00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:08,956
{\an7}\h\h\hYou don’t know
what a dado joint is.
194
00:07:08,956 --> 00:07:10,187
{\an7}\hYou don’t know
what a rabbet is.
195
00:07:10,187 --> 00:07:12,748
{\an7}\hYou don’t know how many
cubic inches in a liter.
196
00:07:12,748 --> 00:07:13,649
{\an7}The hell do you know, boy?
197
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{\an7}- I told you. I don’t have time
\h\h\h\h\h\hfor this right now.
198
00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:17,220
{\an7}- Jesus Christ.
199
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:20,956
{\an7}Couldn’t find your dick
\hwith a divining rod.
200
00:07:20,956 --> 00:07:21,649
{\an7}- Well.
201
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,022
{\an7}- Maybe we got off
on the wrong foot.
202
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{\an7}\h\h\hLet’s get back
to the crown molding.
203
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,814
{\an7}\h- Whatever. You know,
I know how to do stuff.
204
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,814
{\an7}And I you know, I don’t know
what the terms are sometimes,
205
00:07:29,814 --> 00:07:31,956
{\an7}but I’ve been in carpentry
\h\h\h\hfor a lot of years.
206
00:07:31,956 --> 00:07:35,385
{\an7}\h\h\h- Yeah. All right.
You got a mortising jig?
207
00:07:35,385 --> 00:07:36,847
{\an7}- I have one. Yes.
208
00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,484
{\an7}- All right. Who makes it?
209
00:07:39,682 --> 00:07:42,550
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Porter-Cable.
- All right. It’s a good jig.
210
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,418
{\an7}What kind of router do you use?
211
00:07:44,418 --> 00:07:48,022
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Oh, I just use
a little handheld trim router.
212
00:07:48,022 --> 00:07:51,748
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- All right.
And you gotta door plane?
213
00:07:51,748 --> 00:07:53,682
{\an7}- I have a door plane.
\h\h\h\h\h\h- Did we--
214
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:57,055
{\an7}did we talk quarter round
\h\h\h\hversus base shoe?
215
00:07:57,055 --> 00:07:59,517
{\an7}- Yes. I’m really busy
\h\h\h\h\h\hright now.
216
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:01,583
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- All right.
- And I told you this earlier.
217
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:02,418
{\an7}- What is the difference
218
00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:04,583
{\an7}between paint grade
\hand stain grade?
219
00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:05,682
{\an7}- Shit, I don’t know.
220
00:08:05,682 --> 00:08:08,616
{\an7}- You don’t know the difference
\h\h\h\h\h\hbetween stain grade
221
00:08:08,616 --> 00:08:09,286
{\an7}and paint grade?
222
00:08:09,286 --> 00:08:11,682
{\an7}\h\h\h\hThe answer’s in
the question you moron.
223
00:08:11,682 --> 00:08:14,616
{\an7}- I don’t deal with somebody
that calls me names, goodbye.
224
00:08:14,616 --> 00:08:17,616
{\an7}- All right. Listen, listen,
we got off on the wrong foot.
225
00:08:17,616 --> 00:08:20,682
{\an7}[hangs up]
\h\hGarnet?
226
00:08:20,682 --> 00:08:22,748
{\an7}- Jesus Christ.
227
00:08:22,748 --> 00:08:25,847
{\an7}Let me call him back.
\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]
228
00:08:25,847 --> 00:08:29,682
{\an7}- Tell her to ask for Celeste.
\hI’ll be up here at the front.
229
00:08:29,682 --> 00:08:30,517
{\an7}- She doesn’t weigh much.
230
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:33,022
{\an7}\hYou think you can carry her
around like horseback style?
231
00:08:33,022 --> 00:08:35,418
{\an7}- Yeah, yeah, we could totally
\h\h\h\h\h\hwork something out
232
00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:36,286
{\an7}where we could do that.
233
00:08:36,286 --> 00:08:39,682
{\an7}- Be careful picking her up.
\hHer bones are like KitKats.
234
00:08:39,682 --> 00:08:41,352
{\an7}- Yeah.
235
00:08:42,628 --> 00:08:45,222
{\an7}[phone line trilling]
236
00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:51,486
{\an7}- Where the hell is she?
237
00:08:51,486 --> 00:08:52,694
{\an7}- This is Celest.
238
00:08:52,694 --> 00:08:53,826
{\an7}- Yeah, this is Anthony.
239
00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:55,562
{\an7}I come into your store
\h\h\h\h\ha lot there.
240
00:08:55,562 --> 00:08:58,991
{\an7}And I come in with my mom.
And she’s a very old lady.
241
00:08:58,991 --> 00:09:04,354
{\an7}And she can’t reach the things,
you know, they’re all too high.
242
00:09:04,354 --> 00:09:06,024
{\an7}\h- Oh.
- Yeah.
243
00:09:06,024 --> 00:09:07,057
{\an7}- Yeah, yeah.
244
00:09:07,057 --> 00:09:09,562
{\an7}- What’s your name, sweetheart?
245
00:09:09,562 --> 00:09:10,595
{\an7}- My name’s Celeste.
246
00:09:10,595 --> 00:09:11,991
{\an7}- That’s a beautiful name,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hCeleste.
247
00:09:11,991 --> 00:09:15,420
{\an7}- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- That means out of space.
248
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:16,991
{\an7}Ain’t that right?
\h\h\h\h\h\hYeah.
249
00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:18,255
{\an7}\h\h\h- Uh-huh.
- Well, listen.
250
00:09:18,255 --> 00:09:21,595
{\an7}\hI want my ma to feel,
you know, that she, uh,
251
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:22,661
{\an7}she’s still independent.
252
00:09:22,661 --> 00:09:24,123
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hYou know,
she’s getting’ up there.
253
00:09:24,123 --> 00:09:26,826
{\an7}She 90 years old, this lady.
254
00:09:26,826 --> 00:09:27,760
{\an7}- Yeah, right.
255
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,321
{\an7}- Yeah, she’s got
the osteoporosis.
256
00:09:29,321 --> 00:09:33,387
{\an7}- Oh, yeah. That’s what happens
\h\hwhen you get older. Right?
257
00:09:33,387 --> 00:09:35,288
{\an7}- She’s got it bad, Celeste.
258
00:09:35,288 --> 00:09:36,727
{\an7}\h- Well, if she--
if she comes on in,
259
00:09:36,727 --> 00:09:40,123
{\an7}we can totally have someone
help her grab some things.
260
00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:41,892
{\an7}- That’d be so sweet.
\h\h\hThat’d be nice.
261
00:09:41,892 --> 00:09:45,727
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hBut the thing is,
she’s got that ego about her.
262
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:47,321
{\an7}She wants to do it herself.
263
00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:49,354
{\an7}Hey, ma, get down from there.
264
00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:50,420
{\an7}Look, she’s climbing up.
265
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:53,519
{\an7}We’re in the house right now,
she’s up on the counter. Ma.
266
00:09:53,519 --> 00:09:55,562
{\an7}What--I’ll get that for you.
267
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,826
{\an7}\hMy God, Jesus,
Mary and Joseph,
268
00:09:57,826 --> 00:10:01,628
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hMatthew, Luke,
John the Baptist over here.
269
00:10:01,628 --> 00:10:04,519
{\an7}Santa Maria, Nina, Pinta.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMadone!
270
00:10:04,519 --> 00:10:05,354
{\an7}Can you imagine this?
271
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,222
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah.
- So, I was thinking, you know,
272
00:10:07,222 --> 00:10:10,727
{\an7}I’m not a, you know Einstein
over here, but I had an idea.
273
00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:14,288
{\an7}\h\h\h\hHow about you guys put
the things in the bottom shelf?
274
00:10:14,288 --> 00:10:16,453
{\an7}You know, the things
\h\hold ladies need,
275
00:10:16,453 --> 00:10:18,892
{\an7}you put in the bottom
\hshelves, you know?
276
00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:19,694
{\an7}- Right.
277
00:10:19,694 --> 00:10:22,255
{\an7}\h\hWhat are the things that
she tries and gets normally?
278
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,562
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- What, you know,
she’s got the pasta sauces,
279
00:10:25,562 --> 00:10:27,859
{\an7}the tomato sauce,
the tomato paste.
280
00:10:27,859 --> 00:10:29,321
{\an7}The heavy stuff, you know?
281
00:10:29,321 --> 00:10:31,354
{\an7}- Yeah, a lot of that’s
\h\h\h\hhard to carry.
282
00:10:31,354 --> 00:10:33,420
{\an7}- She tries to climb up
\h\h\h\h\hthe shelves.
283
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,562
{\an7}I told her, I said Ma!
284
00:10:34,562 --> 00:10:35,562
{\an7}- Oh, no. Yeah.
285
00:10:35,562 --> 00:10:38,354
{\an7}- What are you, Spider-Man?
\h\h\hGet down from there.
286
00:10:38,354 --> 00:10:40,189
{\an7}You know, what are doing?
\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah, right.
287
00:10:40,189 --> 00:10:41,628
{\an7}\h- But there’s no
telling this lady.
288
00:10:41,628 --> 00:10:42,562
{\an7}And you should see her back.
289
00:10:42,562 --> 00:10:45,519
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hIt’s like a noodle.
It curved over like a macaroni.
290
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,793
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Oh, no.
- She’s facing the ground.
291
00:10:47,793 --> 00:10:51,420
{\an7}So, she bumps into things
\h\h\h\h\hlike a Roomba.
292
00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:52,387
{\an7}Ever see a Roomba?
293
00:10:52,387 --> 00:10:53,991
{\an7}That’s how she finds out
\h\h\h\h\h\hwhere to go.
294
00:10:53,991 --> 00:10:55,486
{\an7}She’ll bump into a wall
\h\hand then she’ll go
295
00:10:55,486 --> 00:10:57,562
{\an7}\h\h\h"I shouldn’t go there."
I mean, can you imagine this?
296
00:10:57,562 --> 00:10:59,859
{\an7}\h\h\h- Oh, right.
- Oh, pasta fazool!
297
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,090
{\an7}\h\hShe’s gonna get
into the dog food.
298
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:04,628
{\an7}Ma, that’s not human food.
299
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:06,288
{\an7}Maddona mi!
300
00:11:06,288 --> 00:11:07,519
{\an7}- Yeah, if she ever comes
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hon in,
301
00:11:07,519 --> 00:11:10,189
{\an7}\hwe try make everything
as accessible as we can.
302
00:11:10,189 --> 00:11:13,826
{\an7}\hBut if she does come on in,
anyone will be happy to help,
303
00:11:13,826 --> 00:11:15,156
{\an7}if she doesn’t feel like that.
304
00:11:15,156 --> 00:11:16,595
{\an7}- I would like you
\hto help, Celest.
305
00:11:16,595 --> 00:11:18,991
{\an7}\h\h\h\hYou seem like
a very sweet person.
306
00:11:18,991 --> 00:11:21,156
{\an7}\h- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, very nice.
307
00:11:21,156 --> 00:11:24,892
{\an7}You got a beautiful voice too.
\h\h\h\h\hAnd that’s very rare.
308
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,354
{\an7}\h\h\h\h- Thank you.
- You get, you know,
309
00:11:26,354 --> 00:11:28,057
{\an7}You know, make her think
\h\hshe’s picking it up.
310
00:11:28,057 --> 00:11:30,925
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Oh, yeah.
So take it off the top shelf,
311
00:11:30,925 --> 00:11:32,255
{\an7}and then you bring it down.
312
00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:35,595
{\an7}And then she makes her feel
\h\h\h\h\hlike she got it.
313
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,123
{\an7}Does that make sense?
314
00:11:37,123 --> 00:11:38,519
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Right.
- Hey Celest you are the best.
315
00:11:38,519 --> 00:11:40,453
{\an7}You gonna help me out here.
\h\hSo, when she comes in,
316
00:11:40,453 --> 00:11:43,024
{\an7}\h\h\hI’ll give you a call
that she’s gonna be there.
317
00:11:43,024 --> 00:11:45,255
{\an7}And then you follow her around?
318
00:11:45,255 --> 00:11:46,123
{\an7}- Okay, yeah.
319
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:49,562
{\an7}Tell her to ask for Celeste.
I’ll be up here at the front.
320
00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:50,387
{\an7}- She doesn’t weigh much.
321
00:11:50,387 --> 00:11:52,694
{\an7}You think you can carry around
\h\h\h\h\hlike horseback style?
322
00:11:52,694 --> 00:11:54,793
{\an7}- Yeah, yeah, we could totally
\h\h\h\h\h\hwork something out
323
00:11:54,793 --> 00:11:57,595
{\an7}\h\h\h\hwhere we can do that.
- Be careful picking her up.
324
00:11:57,595 --> 00:11:59,189
{\an7}Her bones are like KitKats.
325
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:03,255
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah.
- I would like to sing to you.
326
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:06,090
{\an7}A little song of love.
327
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:06,958
{\an7}To you, Celeste.
328
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:09,354
{\an7}- We’ll, see your mom
\h\h\hthis afternoon.
329
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,090
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- Thank you
for your kind heart,
330
00:12:11,090 --> 00:12:16,321
{\an7}\h\h\h\hand for helping my ma
pick up things at the store.
331
00:12:16,321 --> 00:12:17,453
{\an7}- Of course.
\h\h- Oh, no.
332
00:12:17,453 --> 00:12:20,760
{\an7}While I’ve been singing, my ma
\h\h\h\h\hsneaked out the door.
333
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:21,760
{\an7}I think she’s on her way.
334
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,925
{\an7}\h\h\hShe took the Buick.
Look out for her Celest!
335
00:12:24,925 --> 00:12:27,892
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- Bye!
- Oh, maddona mi!
336
00:12:29,859 --> 00:12:34,760
{\an7}Is that something?
\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]
337
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,793
{\an7}- Do you want to come
\h\htomorrow morning
338
00:12:37,793 --> 00:12:42,057
{\an7}\h\hand I can teach you
some of those phrases?
339
00:12:42,057 --> 00:12:44,760
{\an7}- Like, I just need to tell
\h\h\h\h\hwhat look--look.
340
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,826
{\an7}There she is. There she is.
\h\h\h\h\h\hThere she goes.
341
00:12:46,826 --> 00:12:50,189
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hThere’s my neighbor,
with her little bitch ass dog.
342
00:12:50,189 --> 00:12:51,727
{\an7}And she let the dog
\hright on my yard.
343
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:55,057
{\an7}\h\hHow do you say I will have
punt the shit out of your Corgi
344
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,580
- Gladys is calling
the Language Center.
345
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,918
[phone line trilling]
346
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:07,486
- Hello.
347
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:11,857
- Hello. This is the place
to learn some French?
348
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:16,395
- Yes.
- Oh good. Oh oui, oui.
349
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,931
- Oui. Oui, oui.
350
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,099
- Uh, oui.
351
00:13:20,165 --> 00:13:22,968
I would like to learn
some French
352
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:26,271
because I have some new
neighbors, and they are French.
353
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:29,408
So, I would like to learn
some little phrases
354
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,443
or things
that I can say to them.
355
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,712
Is that something
that you can help me with?
356
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,115
- Oh, yes, sure.
I would love to.
357
00:13:36,181 --> 00:13:39,251
So, I give classes at my house.
358
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,954
So, would you be willing
to come
359
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:45,190
or were you looking for classes
at your place? Or--
360
00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:47,826
- Well, actually, it's not
necessarily I want
361
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:49,762
to become fluent in French.
362
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,530
I just need, like,
some phrases.
363
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:54,500
- Sure.
- Just some things that I wanna
364
00:13:54,566 --> 00:13:56,802
communicate with my neighbor,
365
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,504
you know, like, uh--
- Yes, sure. Yes.
366
00:13:58,570 --> 00:13:59,972
- Like, how would you say,
367
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:03,542
"This is my side
of the property line, idiot."
368
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:06,946
How do I say something
like that? Just keep it simple.
369
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,481
Like, "Get your shit
off my yard?"
370
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:12,851
- So, you'd say--
[speaking French]
371
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,020
- [speaking French]
372
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,189
- [speaking French]
Yes.
373
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:19,925
- I didn't hear "shit"
in there.
374
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:25,197
Was there--say--so is
[speaking French] shit?
375
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,266
How do you say "shit"
in French?
376
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,768
- Shit?
- Uh-huh.
377
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,637
- Merde!
- Merde, okay.
378
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,206
So I didn't hear "merde"
in that phrase.
379
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,508
- [laughs] Yeah.
- I want him to--
380
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:39,712
I want to tell him to keep
his shit off of my yard.
381
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:43,983
Out of my yard.
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
382
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:48,053
So, would day you be--which day
would you be interested?
383
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,323
Oh, okay, what you're doing
later today?
384
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:54,927
'Cause I really need him
to get his shit off my yard.
385
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,762
- Oh, you want
to tell him today?
386
00:14:56,829 --> 00:15:00,366
- Yes.
- Talk today.
387
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,267
- Let's--let's just do it
over the phone then.
388
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:06,939
Let's just do--and I'll, you
know, Venmo, PayPal you.
389
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:09,074
- Okay, well--
- How do you say,
390
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:11,243
"Which one of your little
bastard kids
391
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:15,414
broke my garden gnome?"
How do I say that?
392
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,916
- The problem is
I cannot right now
393
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,319
because I have some
coming in.
394
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:22,187
I have lunch
with someone today.
395
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,424
Do you want to come
tomorrow morning?
396
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:29,762
And I can teach you
some of those phrases.
397
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:32,998
- Okay, just--just give me
like--like, I just need two.
398
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,034
'Cause look, there she is,
there she is
399
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,869
with her little bitch ass dog.
400
00:15:36,935 --> 00:15:38,771
And she let the dog
right on my yard.
401
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,774
How do you say I will "Punt
the shit out of your Corgi
402
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,776
if he shifts
in my driveway again."?
403
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:45,611
- Oh.
- Just tell me real quick
404
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:49,214
so I can get that to her.
- [laughs]
405
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:52,885
- Hey Cecile? Cecile?
How do you say that?
406
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,586
How do you say that?
407
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:56,922
[speaking French], jackass!
408
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,391
[speaking French]
Yes.
409
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,160
Oh, she understood that.
410
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:03,295
- [speaks French] Yes, yes.
411
00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:05,664
- [speaking French]
- [laughs]
412
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,733
[speaking French]
413
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,935
- [speaking French]
414
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:13,639
- [speaking French]
- [speaking French]
415
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:19,278
- Yes. Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry,
because I have to, um--
416
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,380
I have someone
that wants to have lunch.
417
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:24,750
But if you want tomorrow
morning, we could meet.
418
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,052
- Okay.
- You can call me back
419
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,221
and let me know
what time is good for you.
420
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,256
I would love to teach you
some French.
421
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,058
- That would be great.
422
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,627
'Cause I need more stuff
like that.
423
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,261
- Okay.
- That would be--
424
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:40,299
- Thank you. Have a nice day.
- Merci.
425
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:43,902
- Merci.
- [speaking French]
426
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:45,371
Bitch, you hear me?
427
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:52,478
- She was so nice.
He was so nice.
428
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,682
- I have been so nervous
to get a wax,
429
00:16:56,749 --> 00:17:01,153
but I've never done it before.
[laughs]
430
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,989
I'm trying to do
my research here.
431
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:07,793
How, how much does it hurt?
Be honest with me.
432
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,328
- It's nothing that bad.
433
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,297
It's not anything
that traumatic.
434
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,332
- Do you offer an epidural?
435
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,733
[both laugh]
436
00:17:15,651 --> 00:17:18,321
{\an7}- She was understated
\h\hto say the least.
437
00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:21,057
{\an7}[phone line trilling]
438
00:17:23,222 --> 00:17:26,255
{\an7}- Thank you for calling
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[bleep].
439
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:29,783
{\an7}\h\h\h- Hi! Oh my gosh!
I have been so nervous
440
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:32,991
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto get a wax,
but I’ve never done it before.
441
00:17:32,991 --> 00:17:38,156
{\an7}Um. I’m trying to do
\h\hmy research here.
442
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:41,849
{\an7}How, how much does it hurt?
\h\h\h\hBe honest with me.
443
00:17:41,849 --> 00:17:45,255
{\an7}- It’s absolutely doable.
\h\h\h\hYou could do it.
444
00:17:45,255 --> 00:17:48,024
{\an7}I promise you it’s not gonna be
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe worst thing
445
00:17:48,024 --> 00:17:49,288
{\an7}that you’ve ever done and ever.
446
00:17:49,288 --> 00:17:53,189
{\an7}\h\h\hIt’s nothing that bad.
It’s not anything traumatic.
447
00:17:53,189 --> 00:17:58,024
{\an7}- Uh-huh, I’m so scared.
\hI just I have to do it.
448
00:17:58,024 --> 00:18:01,057
{\an7}It’s unmanageable.
\h\hBut I’m scared.
449
00:18:01,057 --> 00:18:06,991
{\an7}\h\h\hYou know, I chap easily
and do you offer an epidural?
450
00:18:06,991 --> 00:18:08,387
{\an7}[both laugh]
451
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,156
{\an7}- You won’t need anything
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hlike that.
452
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:12,420
{\an7}You’re gonna be fine.
\h\h\hI promise you.
453
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:14,948
{\an7}- That is comforting.
\hThat is comforting.
454
00:18:14,948 --> 00:18:17,948
{\an7}- Is there any--is there
\h\h\hany reason why you,
455
00:18:17,948 --> 00:18:18,750
{\an7}you have to do this
456
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,618
{\an7}\h\h\h\hor you just--
you just wanting to--
457
00:18:21,618 --> 00:18:27,123
{\an7}- I have hair to my knees.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]
458
00:18:27,123 --> 00:18:29,057
{\an7}- Okay, not a problem.
459
00:18:29,057 --> 00:18:32,585
{\an7}Definitely would want you
\h\h\h\h\hto come in and,
460
00:18:32,585 --> 00:18:35,684
{\an7}\hand we can take a look
at what you got going on
461
00:18:35,684 --> 00:18:36,618
{\an7}and we can go from there.
462
00:18:36,618 --> 00:18:40,255
{\an7}- Hey, listen, if I wear shorts
\h\h\h\h\hyou can take a look.
463
00:18:40,255 --> 00:18:44,387
{\an7}It’s coming out of the--
\h\h\h\h\hby my kneecaps.
464
00:18:44,387 --> 00:18:47,552
{\an7}\h\h\h\h- Oh my goodness.
- Oh, it’s embarrassing.
465
00:18:47,552 --> 00:18:48,486
{\an7}I’m ashamed of myself.
466
00:18:48,486 --> 00:18:50,717
{\an7}- Would you like to get
\h\h\hsomething booked?
467
00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:53,222
{\an7}- I would, but I’m so scared.
468
00:18:53,222 --> 00:18:55,783
{\an7}Can we start with a trim?
469
00:18:55,783 --> 00:18:59,123
{\an7}\h\h\h\h- We can absolutely do
a trim before your appointment.
470
00:18:59,123 --> 00:19:00,189
{\an7}\hYeah.
- Okay.
471
00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:02,519
{\an7}And then ease--ease my way in,
472
00:19:02,519 --> 00:19:03,453
{\an7}we take a couple inches off,
473
00:19:03,453 --> 00:19:06,387
{\an7}and then we come back and we do
\h\h\hthe next a couple inches,
474
00:19:06,387 --> 00:19:10,519
{\an7}and we do that for eight weeks
\h\hand then we go for the wax.
475
00:19:10,519 --> 00:19:13,915
{\an7}\h\hAhh!
[laughs]
476
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,717
{\an7}- Wow.
477
00:19:15,717 --> 00:19:17,684
{\an7}Okay, well, when you’re ready--
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yes.
478
00:19:17,684 --> 00:19:21,057
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- Give me a call back
and we’ll get you booked. Okay?
479
00:19:21,057 --> 00:19:23,684
{\an7}- Oh, you are too nice.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]
480
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:26,420
{\an7}You are too--thanks,
\h\hyou’re so sweet.
481
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,882
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- I know.
Was there anything more?
482
00:19:28,882 --> 00:19:30,783
{\an7}I’m just--I’m just
\h\h\hsitting here.
483
00:19:30,783 --> 00:19:32,090
{\an7}I’m just waiting on you.
484
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:34,024
{\an7}You tell me what else
\hyou’d like to say?
485
00:19:34,024 --> 00:19:37,288
{\an7}- Do you hold people’s hands
\h\h\h\hor is that too much?
486
00:19:37,288 --> 00:19:39,189
{\an7}Is that a bridge too far?
487
00:19:39,189 --> 00:19:41,057
{\an7}- If you need someone
\hto hold your hand,
488
00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:44,156
{\an7}\h\hthen I don’t know that
you’ll be able to do that.
489
00:19:44,156 --> 00:19:49,321
{\an7}\h- Hold my feet, hold my hands
or anything you can grab onto.
490
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:50,585
{\an7}I’m scared.
491
00:19:50,585 --> 00:19:53,057
{\an7}[dog barking]
\h\h\h\hOhh!
492
00:19:53,057 --> 00:19:54,618
{\an7}My doggie is scared.
493
00:19:54,618 --> 00:19:57,684
{\an7}He picks up on my feelings.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]
494
00:19:57,684 --> 00:19:59,816
{\an7}- I’m dying.
\h- You know.
495
00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:01,321
{\an7}Ahh!
496
00:20:01,321 --> 00:20:02,519
{\an7}Ohh, Yuri, Yuri.
497
00:20:02,519 --> 00:20:06,519
{\an7}Ahh! He’s afraid of my bush.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs] Ahh!
498
00:20:06,519 --> 00:20:10,057
{\an7}\h\h- Okay, so this is
definitely interesting
499
00:20:10,057 --> 00:20:12,991
{\an7}and I appreciate you taking
\h\h\hyour time to call me
500
00:20:12,991 --> 00:20:16,453
{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hand--and share
this experience with me.
501
00:20:16,453 --> 00:20:17,849
{\an7}\h\hYou’re welcome
to call back again
502
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,288
{\an7}if we need to go
through it again.
503
00:20:19,288 --> 00:20:20,354
{\an7}- I’ll call in two minutes.
504
00:20:20,354 --> 00:20:21,750
{\an7}\h\h\h\hI’m gonna try
to calm the dog down.
505
00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:24,486
{\an7}You are so wonderful.
\h\h\hOh, thank you.
506
00:20:24,486 --> 00:20:28,387
{\an7}- Fantastic. Thank you.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hBye-bye.
507
00:20:28,387 --> 00:20:29,288
{\an7}- Thank you. [laughs]
508
00:20:29,288 --> 00:20:32,882
{\an7}Sorry for the chaos.
\h\h\h\h\h- [laughs]
509
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:37,267
[upbeat music]
510
00:20:57,487 --> 00:20:58,555
- Look at that.
511
00:21:00,523 --> 00:21:02,892
- MTV