1 00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:03,370 [touch tones beeping] 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,071 [line trills] 3 00:00:05,498 --> 00:00:07,033 [phones ringing] 4 00:00:07,099 --> 00:00:10,436 [upbeat music] 5 00:00:10,503 --> 00:00:12,004 [children singing] Come one, come all 6 00:00:12,071 --> 00:00:13,773 'Cause we're having a ball 7 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,610 We're just making some calls to strangers 8 00:00:17,677 --> 00:00:19,111 We're back on the cell 9 00:00:19,178 --> 00:00:20,947 And the world's gone to hell 10 00:00:21,013 --> 00:00:22,748 But you're gonna feel swell 11 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:25,451 When they pick up 12 00:00:25,518 --> 00:00:28,721 From New York to Alabammer 13 00:00:28,788 --> 00:00:31,657 They'll probably wanna throw our ass in the slammer 14 00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:33,459 'Cause we're disturbing others 15 00:00:33,526 --> 00:00:35,294 Maybe even your mother 16 00:00:35,361 --> 00:00:37,830 Won't you join the Crank Yankers tonight? 17 00:00:37,897 --> 00:00:38,598 - "Crank Yankers." 18 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,913 {\an7}[upbeat music] 19 00:00:41,913 --> 00:00:45,583 {\an7}- It is what it is. \h\h\h[line trills] 20 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:48,748 {\an7}- Hello. [bleep]. This is [bleep]. 21 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:49,484 {\an7}How can I help? 22 00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:52,187 {\an7}\h\h- I’m calling about the truck driving job. 23 00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:53,748 {\an7}- Okay. What’s your name? 24 00:00:53,748 --> 00:00:56,616 {\an7}- Uh, Bri-Dog. Brian. 25 00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:58,319 {\an7}- Bri-Dog. \h\h- Yes. 26 00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,121 {\an7}- Nice to meet you, bud. 27 00:00:59,121 --> 00:01:00,715 {\an7}\hSo where are you-- it said no caller ID. 28 00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:02,286 {\an7}Where are you calling from? 29 00:01:02,286 --> 00:01:03,319 {\an7}- I’m out of Memphis. 30 00:01:03,319 --> 00:01:06,253 {\an7}Um, a couple things, \hyou know, about me. 31 00:01:06,253 --> 00:01:07,814 {\an7}Uh, extremely hard worker. 32 00:01:07,814 --> 00:01:10,418 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI’m in a truck, so it shouldn’t be a big issue, 33 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:11,682 {\an7}\h’cause I’m mostly gonna be by myself, 34 00:01:11,682 --> 00:01:16,088 {\an7}but just, uh, some of the guys \hmight bust my balls over it. 35 00:01:16,088 --> 00:01:18,055 {\an7}Uh, I kind of have \ha medical thing. 36 00:01:18,055 --> 00:01:21,451 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- Okay, I’ll tell you right up front, medical-wise, 37 00:01:21,451 --> 00:01:24,352 {\an7}as long as you got a valid CDL license 38 00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:28,187 {\an7}\hand a valid medical card, I have no issue whatsoever. 39 00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:29,451 {\an7}- Check and check. 40 00:01:29,451 --> 00:01:32,682 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- Okay, cool. - Yeah. Hard worker. 41 00:01:32,682 --> 00:01:33,418 {\an7}- Now, I will-- 42 00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:35,220 {\an7}\h\h\h- Huge loads of great references 43 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,286 {\an7}and--you know. \h\h- Awesome. 44 00:01:37,286 --> 00:01:38,220 {\an7}I had a buddy that drove. 45 00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:41,550 {\an7}\h\hHe lived in Alabama, and he could only see out of one eye. 46 00:01:41,550 --> 00:01:44,187 {\an7}And for a while, he was able \h\h\h\hto drive everywhere, 47 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,385 {\an7}but then they said, "Okay, no." 48 00:01:45,385 --> 00:01:47,187 {\an7}They changed the law, \h\hand he couldn’t-- 49 00:01:47,187 --> 00:01:49,154 {\an7}- They don’t even know yet \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\habout it. 50 00:01:49,154 --> 00:01:50,286 {\an7}Uh, it’s-- \h\h\h- Oh. 51 00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:52,352 {\an7}- It’s more, uh, you know, \h\h\hI was using a flatbed 52 00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:55,088 {\an7}went it lifted up and I lost \h\h\han important appendage. 53 00:01:55,088 --> 00:01:59,088 {\an7}And, uh, so it’s more of a personal thing. 54 00:01:59,088 --> 00:02:00,748 {\an7}I’ve been trying to keep it \h\h\h\h\hon the down low, 55 00:02:00,748 --> 00:02:03,550 {\an7}but I just--if I’m working \h\h\h\h\h\haround people, 56 00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:04,989 {\an7}they’re gonna see it. 57 00:02:04,989 --> 00:02:06,649 {\an7}Uh, my penis was removed, 58 00:02:06,649 --> 00:02:09,517 {\an7}and--and I’m regrowing it \h\h\h\h\h\h\hon my arm. 59 00:02:09,517 --> 00:02:12,055 {\an7}\h\h\h\hAnd, uh, you know, I wear long-sleeve shirts, 60 00:02:12,055 --> 00:02:13,088 {\an7}so you just see the tip, 61 00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:14,956 {\an7}and it’s growing back, \h\hand it’s all good. 62 00:02:14,956 --> 00:02:17,088 {\an7}Now, I’m--I’m super, \h\h\hyou know, uh-- 63 00:02:17,088 --> 00:02:18,286 {\an7}I just can’t wait \hto get it back 64 00:02:18,286 --> 00:02:19,880 {\an7}where it’s supposed \h\h\h\h\h\hto be, 65 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,649 {\an7}on top of my balls, you know. 66 00:02:21,649 --> 00:02:22,484 {\an7}- Yeah. Well, understand. 67 00:02:22,484 --> 00:02:23,814 {\an7}I’m sorry you had to go \h\hthrough that, man. 68 00:02:23,814 --> 00:02:25,550 {\an7}That’s tough. - Yeah. Yeah. 69 00:02:25,550 --> 00:02:28,352 {\an7}I, uh--I wasn’t the most \h\hpopular guy at work, 70 00:02:28,352 --> 00:02:30,055 {\an7}\h\h\h’cause the guys would start laughing. 71 00:02:30,055 --> 00:02:31,847 {\an7}They’d call me "Dick Wrist," \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hand, uh-- 72 00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:32,880 {\an7}and then they’d go, \h\h\h\h\hyou know, 73 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:36,748 {\an7}"I don’t have time to hang"-- \h\h\h\hwas a--was a big one. 74 00:02:36,748 --> 00:02:37,814 {\an7}- Damn, dude. That’s tough. 75 00:02:37,814 --> 00:02:40,418 {\an7}\h\h\h- This one dude was a real smartass. 76 00:02:40,418 --> 00:02:41,682 {\an7}He asked me what time it was, 77 00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:43,352 {\an7}\h\h\h\hand I--before I could even answer, 78 00:02:43,352 --> 00:02:46,880 {\an7}he’d go, "Dick o’clock," \hwhich I guess is funny. 79 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,715 {\an7}\hBut the way it hangs, it’s more like dick 30. 80 00:02:49,715 --> 00:02:52,055 {\an7}\h\h- Okay. I mean, that-- like I said, unfortunately, 81 00:02:52,055 --> 00:02:53,484 {\an7}\hI’m sorry you had to go through that. 82 00:02:53,484 --> 00:02:54,517 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- Cool. - But with us, 83 00:02:54,517 --> 00:02:55,451 {\an7}you’d be an owner-operator. 84 00:02:55,451 --> 00:02:56,649 {\an7}You don’t have to deal \h\h\h\h\hwith anybody. 85 00:02:56,649 --> 00:02:59,022 {\an7}- As long as you guys are cool. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah. 86 00:02:59,022 --> 00:03:00,187 {\an7}- I’m so into it. 87 00:03:00,187 --> 00:03:01,418 {\an7}I’m just not cool with high fives. 88 00:03:01,418 --> 00:03:05,055 {\an7}\hWell, high fives are good, but no handshakes, ’cause... 89 00:03:05,055 --> 00:03:06,055 {\an7}- Yeah, I gotcha. 90 00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,956 {\an7}- You know, it gets weird. 91 00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:08,847 {\an7}- No problem, man. 92 00:03:08,847 --> 00:03:10,121 {\an7}- The other choice was, \h\h\h\hthey were gonna 93 00:03:10,121 --> 00:03:13,715 {\an7}\h\h\h\hdraw it out of my neck, was gonna do a carotid artery, 94 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,880 {\an7}you know, and have the dick \h\h\hhang out of my neck. 95 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:20,616 {\an7}But, uh, I don’t like \h\hwearing scarves. 96 00:03:20,616 --> 00:03:21,352 {\an7}- Damn. 97 00:03:21,352 --> 00:03:23,649 {\an7}- I call it my funny boner. \h\h\h\hI think it’s cool. 98 00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:25,814 {\an7}\h\h\hI’m actually getting used to it. 99 00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:28,989 {\an7}"Balls to the wall on the road" \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\his my motto. 100 00:03:28,989 --> 00:03:31,418 {\an7}- Yeah. Got a lot of ’em, man. 101 00:03:31,418 --> 00:03:33,220 {\an7}- Yeah, I have several mottos. 102 00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:35,022 {\an7}"Two hands on the wheel \h\h\h\h\hand a dick." 103 00:03:35,022 --> 00:03:38,088 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- Man. Well, you got a good attitude about it, bud, 104 00:03:38,088 --> 00:03:39,913 {\an7}so you got that going for you. 105 00:03:39,913 --> 00:03:43,517 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- So do you. You have a fantastic attitude. 106 00:03:43,517 --> 00:03:44,187 {\an7}- I--yeah. 107 00:03:44,187 --> 00:03:45,781 {\an7}\h\h\h- I would try to eat in the break room at my old job, 108 00:03:45,781 --> 00:03:49,649 {\an7}\hbut they’d always tell me to pass the balsamic vinaigrette, 109 00:03:49,649 --> 00:03:51,682 {\an7}and then I would cry alone \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hat my desk. 110 00:03:51,682 --> 00:03:55,055 {\an7}- I thought you drove. Why do you have a desk? 111 00:03:55,055 --> 00:03:56,748 {\an7}- Oh. 112 00:03:56,748 --> 00:03:58,154 {\an7}I don’t know. [snickers] 113 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:01,319 {\an7}\h\h- All right, well, if you’d like, I could send you an app. 114 00:04:01,319 --> 00:04:04,022 {\an7}\hUm... - Yeah. 115 00:04:04,022 --> 00:04:07,187 {\an7}Thanks for your time. [laughs] 116 00:04:07,187 --> 00:04:08,814 {\an7}- Wow. 117 00:04:08,814 --> 00:04:09,649 {\an7}[line clicks] 118 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:12,451 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- He was so good, but I didn’t know where to go. 119 00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:15,385 {\an7}Like, he was, like, "Yes, and"-ing me, 120 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:19,715 {\an7}and I-I got all the jokes out. 121 00:04:19,715 --> 00:04:23,682 {\an7}- I get so nervous. [laughs] 122 00:04:23,682 --> 00:04:25,286 {\an7}I hate messing with people. 123 00:04:25,286 --> 00:04:27,583 {\an7}[line trills] 124 00:04:27,583 --> 00:04:29,385 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- This is Legal Notary Services. 125 00:04:29,385 --> 00:04:30,583 {\an7}How can I help you? 126 00:04:30,583 --> 00:04:32,517 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- Hi there. I’m trying to, um-- 127 00:04:32,517 --> 00:04:33,814 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI just wonder if I can get, uh, a notary 128 00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:38,781 {\an7}\hto come out to my house and, uh, notarize something for me. 129 00:04:38,781 --> 00:04:42,220 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay. Certainly, we can do that. 130 00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:43,352 {\an7}- Okay, um-- 131 00:04:43,352 --> 00:04:45,583 {\an7}- Uh, where are you, \h\h\h\huh, located? 132 00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:49,748 {\an7}- I’m, uh, in Bend. \hIs that too far? 133 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:50,583 {\an7}- You said Bend? 134 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:53,451 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah. In Oregon. You guys are in Oregon, right? 135 00:04:53,451 --> 00:04:56,253 {\an7}- We are in Oregon, but we’re in, uh-- 136 00:04:56,253 --> 00:04:58,913 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hour office is located in Hillsboro. 137 00:04:58,913 --> 00:05:01,814 {\an7}- I’m in Hillsboro too. I can go to Hillsboro. 138 00:05:01,814 --> 00:05:02,682 {\an7}Uh, here’s my question. 139 00:05:02,682 --> 00:05:06,616 {\an7}Um, do you guys notarize, \hlike, apology letters? 140 00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:08,418 {\an7}Like, if I need it, like, \h\h\h\hlegally binding, 141 00:05:08,418 --> 00:05:10,286 {\an7}\hthat’s the point of a notary, right? 142 00:05:10,286 --> 00:05:13,715 {\an7}\h\h\h- Yeah, so, uh, the duty of a notary 143 00:05:13,715 --> 00:05:15,352 {\an7}is acknowledging the signature 144 00:05:15,352 --> 00:05:17,913 {\an7}\h\h\h\hof the person signing the document. 145 00:05:17,913 --> 00:05:22,121 {\an7}So whatever’s on the letter, \h\h\hit’s out of our hands. 146 00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:23,055 {\an7}- Okay. - So... 147 00:05:23,055 --> 00:05:24,517 {\an7}- I was gonna get \hmy boyfriend-- 148 00:05:24,517 --> 00:05:25,517 {\an7}he’s a real dumb shit, 149 00:05:25,517 --> 00:05:27,847 {\an7}\h\hand, uh, I want him to write me an apology. 150 00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:29,418 {\an7}You’re a woman. You understand. 151 00:05:29,418 --> 00:05:31,385 {\an7}\h\hAnd, uh, I want him to write me an apology 152 00:05:31,385 --> 00:05:33,154 {\an7}’cause he always apologizes, \h\h\h\hit’s not holding up, 153 00:05:33,154 --> 00:05:36,781 {\an7}\h\hand I was like, "Well, let’s get it legally bound. 154 00:05:36,781 --> 00:05:37,913 {\an7}Let’s get it notarized." 155 00:05:37,913 --> 00:05:39,385 {\an7}So I can put whatever \h\h\hI want in there 156 00:05:39,385 --> 00:05:41,715 {\an7}\h\hand you guys will just sign off on it? 157 00:05:41,715 --> 00:05:42,956 {\an7}- So who’s gonna sign it, 158 00:05:42,956 --> 00:05:46,121 {\an7}both of you or just you \h\h\h\h\hor just him? 159 00:05:46,121 --> 00:05:47,220 {\an7}- I want everyone signing it. 160 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,913 {\an7}I want everyone to bear witness 161 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,319 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hto the fact that he’s apologizing 162 00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:53,847 {\an7}and--and it’s go time for the relationship. 163 00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:56,550 {\an7}\h\hAnd that’ll hold up, according to notary law? 164 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:58,649 {\an7}- Yeah, so whoever-- whoever’s gonna need 165 00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:01,418 {\an7}\hto sign that letter needs to be present. 166 00:06:01,418 --> 00:06:02,550 {\an7}- Let me ask you a question. 167 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:04,781 {\an7}’Cause--’cause some people say \h\h\h\h\h\hI’m being too hard. 168 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:08,253 {\an7}He hums that song "Breakfast \hat Tiffany’s" when he eats, 169 00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:09,451 {\an7}\hand it’s really [bleep] annoying. 170 00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:11,715 {\an7}And I don’t want to hear that. \h\h\h\h\hIt makes me nauseous. 171 00:06:11,715 --> 00:06:14,913 {\an7}So I’m gonna put that \h\hin the criteria, 172 00:06:14,913 --> 00:06:16,682 {\an7}that he can’t do that no more. 173 00:06:16,682 --> 00:06:17,484 {\an7}- Yeah, I mean, uh, 174 00:06:17,484 --> 00:06:21,715 {\an7}we can’t give you any advice on what to put on the letter. 175 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,715 {\an7}- But you could. What’s your name? 176 00:06:23,715 --> 00:06:25,880 {\an7}- No, I can’t give you any, uh, legal advice. 177 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,319 {\an7}I’m not an attorney. \hMy name is Cecilia. 178 00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:33,319 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- Cecilia. Can I call you CeeCee? 179 00:06:34,022 --> 00:06:34,880 {\an7}- Sure. 180 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,055 {\an7}- Should I bring my own paper? 181 00:06:37,055 --> 00:06:38,088 {\an7}- Yeah. Sure. 182 00:06:38,088 --> 00:06:40,154 {\an7}\h- I bring my own paper, and then you guys just-- 183 00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:42,286 {\an7}so what am I paying for, \h\h\h\h\hjust the stamp? 184 00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:43,220 {\an7}Do I bring my own ink? 185 00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:46,989 {\an7}\h- Just your document that you want signed... 186 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,956 {\an7}- And the boyfriend. \h- And notarized. 187 00:06:48,956 --> 00:06:51,550 {\an7}- Let’s not forget that idiot. \h\h\h\h\h\hHere’s a question. 188 00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:52,913 {\an7}Okay, my birthday’s coming up. 189 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:56,220 {\an7}\h\h’Cause he’s real committed to me, even though he’s stupid. 190 00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:58,814 {\an7}Could we get a notary tattooed on his ass? 191 00:06:58,814 --> 00:07:03,187 {\an7}Like, "I’m sorry," stamp it, \hCeeCee’s stamp of approval, 192 00:07:03,187 --> 00:07:04,550 {\an7}it’s on him permanently, 193 00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:07,583 {\an7}\h\h\hand he’s not messing up no more. 194 00:07:07,781 --> 00:07:10,121 {\an7}- Where--where do you \h\h\h\h\hwant this? 195 00:07:10,121 --> 00:07:11,748 {\an7}- Make--and the no-- \h\hright on his ass 196 00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:15,088 {\an7}\hso every time--every time he gets out of the shower, 197 00:07:15,088 --> 00:07:17,451 {\an7}\hhe can reflect on past mistakes. 198 00:07:17,451 --> 00:07:22,385 {\an7}- Eh, the better idea is just \hto get everything on paper. 199 00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:23,484 {\an7}\h- No tattoos? You don’t do-- 200 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,352 {\an7}\heven if I brought in everything, no tattoo? 201 00:07:26,352 --> 00:07:29,913 {\an7}- Yeah, we’re--we’re not tattoo artists. [laughs] 202 00:07:29,913 --> 00:07:32,781 {\an7}\h- What if I just made a list of all the dumb shit he’s done 203 00:07:32,781 --> 00:07:35,418 {\an7}\h\h\hand I don’t bring him and I have you notarize it 204 00:07:35,418 --> 00:07:38,715 {\an7}just so we have a legal record \h\h\h\h\h\h\hof the stupidity? 205 00:07:38,715 --> 00:07:42,550 {\an7}- We can notarize whatever form \h\hyou would like to notarize. 206 00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:45,748 {\an7}Like I say, we don’t really \h\hgo through the document 207 00:07:45,748 --> 00:07:48,088 {\an7}as long as there’s \hno blank spaces. 208 00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:50,385 {\an7}- Okay, last question, \hbecause I don’t know 209 00:07:50,385 --> 00:07:52,121 {\an7}if I can get over there today. 210 00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:53,319 {\an7}\hDo you think you could do me a favor 211 00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,847 {\an7}and just maybe send him \h\h\ha text that says, 212 00:07:55,847 --> 00:07:56,748 {\an7}"Hey, it’s me, CeeCee. 213 00:07:56,748 --> 00:07:59,088 {\an7}\h\h"I’m a public notary, and this is your warning 214 00:07:59,088 --> 00:08:02,715 {\an7}not to be a piece of shit, and this text is binding." 215 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,484 {\an7}And my boyfriend’s name \h\h\h\h\h\his Stuart. 216 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,484 {\an7}And he’s a [bleep] idiot. 217 00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:09,956 {\an7}\h- Well, give me a call when you guys are ready. 218 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,748 {\an7}We’ll, uh, make sure \h\h\h\hto, uh, have 219 00:08:11,748 --> 00:08:13,781 {\an7}a notary available for you. 220 00:08:13,781 --> 00:08:15,715 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- All right. Thank you so much, CeeCee. 221 00:08:15,715 --> 00:08:16,956 {\an7}I’ll see-see you later. 222 00:08:16,956 --> 00:08:18,583 {\an7}- Have a great day. 223 00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:19,715 {\an7}[line clicks] 224 00:08:19,715 --> 00:08:21,517 {\an7}- I hate messing with people. 225 00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:24,715 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hI don’t know why I signed up for this. 226 00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:28,022 {\an7}\h\h\hShe was so nice. She didn’t miss a beat. 227 00:08:28,022 --> 00:08:31,451 {\an7}\h\h\h\hShe’s like, "Again, just bring your own paper." 228 00:08:31,451 --> 00:08:33,154 {\an7}- You cannot work \hunder one name. 229 00:08:33,154 --> 00:08:35,088 {\an7}You have to work \hunder yourself. 230 00:08:35,088 --> 00:08:37,121 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- It’s 50-50. Now, if you do the top 50 231 00:08:37,121 --> 00:08:39,088 {\an7}and I do the bottom 50, \h\h\h\h\hthat’s 100%. 232 00:08:39,088 --> 00:08:40,154 {\an7}That’s a whole person. 233 00:08:40,154 --> 00:08:43,880 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Now, see, that--that doesn’t work at all. 234 00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:46,446 {\an7}- Yeah, bro. We need jobs. 235 00:08:46,446 --> 00:08:48,205 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hTwo for the price of one. 236 00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:49,809 {\an7}Y’all hiring? 237 00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:54,743 {\an7}[line trilling] 238 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,677 {\an7}- Hello, this is Dan. 239 00:08:56,677 --> 00:08:58,941 {\an7}- Hey, Dan. How you doing? 240 00:08:58,941 --> 00:08:59,743 {\an7}- Good. Good. 241 00:08:59,743 --> 00:09:01,545 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- Great, uh, I’m calling in regards 242 00:09:01,545 --> 00:09:07,040 {\an7}to the, uh, help wanted, uh, \h\huh, for cashier position. 243 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,644 {\an7}\h- Yes, sir. - All right. 244 00:09:09,644 --> 00:09:11,380 {\an7}- I’m sorry, what’s your name? 245 00:09:11,380 --> 00:09:13,974 {\an7}- Uh, my name is John McKenzie. 246 00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:15,842 {\an7}\h\h- My name’s Mike. I’m his brother here. 247 00:09:15,842 --> 00:09:18,238 {\an7}\h- My brother Mike is on here as well. 248 00:09:18,238 --> 00:09:19,644 {\an7}- Yeah. - Okay. 249 00:09:19,644 --> 00:09:22,040 {\an7}- We’re trying to apply \h\h\hfor the position 250 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,413 {\an7}together, as a unit. 251 00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,413 {\an7}Uh, we’ll divide the hours. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah. 252 00:09:25,413 --> 00:09:28,139 {\an7}- We--we’ll--we’ll divide-- \h\h\hwe’ll split the pay. 253 00:09:28,139 --> 00:09:30,644 {\an7}- It’s two for one. \hIt’s a good deal. 254 00:09:30,644 --> 00:09:33,413 {\an7}- Now, guys, tell me, what’s going on here? 255 00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:36,040 {\an7}\h\h\hWhy are y’all applying together? 256 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,545 {\an7}- It sounds weird, \h\hbut, you know, 257 00:09:37,545 --> 00:09:38,380 {\an7}we work good together. 258 00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:39,677 {\an7}He’s my older brother. \h\hHe’s like the head. 259 00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:41,677 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hI’m the heart. Wherever he goes is where I go. 260 00:09:41,677 --> 00:09:43,809 {\an7}So, you know, if he shows up \h\h\hat work, I’m there too. 261 00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,875 {\an7}You know, you get--it’s two \h\h\hfor the price of one, 262 00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:48,073 {\an7}but you get one solid employee. 263 00:09:48,073 --> 00:09:50,106 {\an7}- Yeah. And he can read. 264 00:09:50,106 --> 00:09:51,743 {\an7}- Well, y’all wouldn’t, 265 00:09:51,743 --> 00:09:54,974 {\an7}\h\h\h\hmost likely, be working together. 266 00:09:54,974 --> 00:09:57,413 {\an7}- Oh, man, no, but that-- \hthat’s--that’s kind of 267 00:09:57,413 --> 00:09:58,974 {\an7}what we wanted to do \his kind of, like-- 268 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,139 {\an7}- Yeah, ’cause then, \h\h\h\hI mean, like, 269 00:10:00,139 --> 00:10:02,974 {\an7}he could go on a smoking break, and I’ll stay on the register. 270 00:10:02,974 --> 00:10:03,941 {\an7}I mean, it’s two for one. 271 00:10:03,941 --> 00:10:06,809 {\an7}And then it’d make it \h\hmore convenient. 272 00:10:06,809 --> 00:10:10,106 {\an7}\h\h\h- I am so not concerned about y’all’s smoking break. 273 00:10:10,106 --> 00:10:13,007 {\an7}That’s the last thing I’m concerned about. 274 00:10:13,007 --> 00:10:16,040 {\an7}- We could share a uniform and a name tag or whatever. 275 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,644 {\an7}Listen, we just want \h\hto work, brother. 276 00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:19,578 {\an7}- Yeah, it--it can be just \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hone guy. 277 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:22,271 {\an7}\hWe--we’re--actually, we’re fraternal twins, 278 00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:23,545 {\an7}so we kind of look the same. 279 00:10:23,545 --> 00:10:25,347 {\an7}We can--we can share a tag \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hand a name. 280 00:10:25,347 --> 00:10:26,941 {\an7}- You wouldn’t even know \h\hwhich one was which. 281 00:10:26,941 --> 00:10:29,106 {\an7}Hell, our girlfriends can’t tell us apart. 282 00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:31,578 {\an7}- [laughing] Yeah, I know, \h\h\h\hbut it sounds like 283 00:10:31,578 --> 00:10:35,611 {\an7}y’all can’t do--y’all can’t do \h\h\h\hone without the other. 284 00:10:35,611 --> 00:10:36,941 {\an7}So I mean-- 285 00:10:36,941 --> 00:10:38,347 {\an7}- You know what it is? \h\hWe’re really close. 286 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:41,106 {\an7}We spend so much time together \h\h\hthat now it’s just, like, 287 00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:43,941 {\an7}we--he’s my right-hand man, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hyou know? 288 00:10:43,941 --> 00:10:46,007 {\an7}Like, he finishes my... \h\h\h\h\h- Sentences. 289 00:10:46,007 --> 00:10:48,479 {\an7}It’s--it’s--it’s incredible. 290 00:10:48,479 --> 00:10:52,578 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- The arrangement is, you cannot work under one name. 291 00:10:52,578 --> 00:10:55,380 {\an7}You have to work \hunder yourself. 292 00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:57,172 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Right. So-- - All right, we can do that. 293 00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:59,040 {\an7}- So the--so the work \h\hwould be under-- 294 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,205 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe work would be under my name. 295 00:11:01,205 --> 00:11:04,941 {\an7}I would just split the time \h\hwith--with my brother. 296 00:11:04,941 --> 00:11:08,908 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- No, no, no, no. That doesn’t work at all. 297 00:11:08,908 --> 00:11:10,875 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- It’s 50-50. Now, if you do the top 50 298 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,677 {\an7}and I do the bottom 50, \h\h\h\h\hthat’s 100%. 299 00:11:12,677 --> 00:11:13,842 {\an7}That’s a whole person. 300 00:11:13,842 --> 00:11:17,238 {\an7}\h\h\h- I would not work y’all together. You’re-- 301 00:11:17,238 --> 00:11:18,073 {\an7}- No, no, no, not at all. 302 00:11:18,073 --> 00:11:19,479 {\an7}No, we wouldn’t be on the floor \h\h\h\h\h\h\hat the same time. 303 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,809 {\an7}- No, you wouldn’t have \hto work us together. 304 00:11:20,809 --> 00:11:22,842 {\an7}We work together on-- \h\huh, voluntarily. 305 00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:24,172 {\an7}You wouldn’t even have \hto worry about that. 306 00:11:24,172 --> 00:11:25,974 {\an7}Like, if you just him \h\hon the schedule, 307 00:11:25,974 --> 00:11:28,238 {\an7}then I’m on the schedule. 308 00:11:28,238 --> 00:11:29,677 {\an7}- You guys are a mess. 309 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:31,271 {\an7}\h\h\hYou would work different schedules. 310 00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:35,106 {\an7}Like, one of y’all might work \hMonday, Tuesday, Wednesday. 311 00:11:35,106 --> 00:11:37,271 {\an7}The other one might work, \h\h\h\hyou know, Friday, 312 00:11:37,271 --> 00:11:38,875 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hSaturday, Sunday. You know, that’s the idea. 313 00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,677 {\an7}\h\h- But see, we’re trying to cut down your paperwork. 314 00:11:40,677 --> 00:11:42,908 {\an7}’Cause if you have both of us \h\hworking at the same time, 315 00:11:42,908 --> 00:11:43,842 {\an7}that’s half the productivity 316 00:11:43,842 --> 00:11:45,314 {\an7}and twice the problems \h\h\hof one employee. 317 00:11:45,314 --> 00:11:46,238 {\an7}But then you get two of us. 318 00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:48,380 {\an7}- But that’s--but, you guys, \h\h\h\h\h\h\hthat’s illegal. 319 00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:51,578 {\an7}That’s not--I can’t do that \h\h\h\h\h\has an employer. 320 00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:52,941 {\an7}- What if you hire one of us 321 00:11:52,941 --> 00:11:57,106 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hand we--can we park in the parking lot and then... 322 00:11:57,106 --> 00:11:58,314 {\an7}\h\h\h- Oh. - Swap out? 323 00:11:58,314 --> 00:11:59,776 {\an7}- Then we’d switch out. \h\h\hThat makes sense. 324 00:11:59,776 --> 00:12:02,743 {\an7}- Are you--you guys-- what y’all are asking 325 00:12:02,743 --> 00:12:05,007 {\an7}\h\h\h\his things that-- that employers can’t do. 326 00:12:05,007 --> 00:12:07,644 {\an7}- Dan, are you prepared for us to make your dreams come true? 327 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,347 {\an7}\h\h- If your dream is to have two guys 328 00:12:09,347 --> 00:12:11,172 {\an7}\h\h\hworking one job, that’s what we can do. 329 00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:12,842 {\an7}\h\h\h- We gon’ change--we gon’ change the way you do business. 330 00:12:12,842 --> 00:12:15,710 {\an7}\hAfter this, you’re only gonna hire brother teams from now on, 331 00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:16,743 {\an7}I’ll tell you what. 332 00:12:16,743 --> 00:12:17,908 {\an7}- No, thank you, guys. 333 00:12:17,908 --> 00:12:19,007 {\an7}I appreciate y’all calling, 334 00:12:19,007 --> 00:12:20,908 {\an7}but, uh, it just doesn’t \h\h\h\h\h\hwork for me. 335 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,172 {\an7}- We’ll work for free \h\h\h\h\hfor a week, 336 00:12:22,172 --> 00:12:24,446 {\an7}just to prove-- \h\h- Guys, no. 337 00:12:24,446 --> 00:12:27,677 {\an7}\hGuys, there’s lots of places that would hire both of y’all. 338 00:12:27,677 --> 00:12:29,314 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- We’ll work for two weeks for free. 339 00:12:29,314 --> 00:12:32,776 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- Matter of fact, we’ll pay you to let us work. 340 00:12:32,776 --> 00:12:33,479 {\an7}- No. 341 00:12:33,479 --> 00:12:35,809 {\an7}I gotta let you go. I got another call. 342 00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:37,842 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Dan, we in the parking lot right now. 343 00:12:37,842 --> 00:12:38,875 {\an7}\hHello? - Please? 344 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:40,974 {\an7}Can--can I go inside and pee? 345 00:12:40,974 --> 00:12:41,809 {\an7}- No. 346 00:12:41,809 --> 00:12:42,941 {\an7}[line clicks] 347 00:12:42,941 --> 00:12:44,238 {\an7}[hip-hop music] 348 00:12:44,238 --> 00:12:47,743 {\an7}[laughter] 349 00:12:47,743 --> 00:12:49,941 {\an7}- So you’re calling us \h\h\h\h\h\h\hto report 350 00:12:49,941 --> 00:12:54,172 {\an7}\h\hthat there was a lady driving one of our cars. 351 00:12:54,172 --> 00:12:55,007 {\an7}- That’s right. 352 00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:58,073 {\an7}\h- There was no incident. You just wanted to report-- 353 00:12:58,073 --> 00:13:00,139 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- I didn’t say there was no incident. 354 00:13:00,139 --> 00:13:03,413 {\an7}I said that this was the incident. 355 00:13:04,195 --> 00:13:05,624 {\an7}- [laughs] 356 00:13:05,624 --> 00:13:08,591 {\an7}[line trills] 357 00:13:09,228 --> 00:13:12,030 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- [clears throat] Thank you for calling [bleep]. 358 00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:13,997 {\an7}- Hello, who’s this? 359 00:13:13,997 --> 00:13:16,690 {\an7}- This is [bleep], \hDriver Education. 360 00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:17,690 {\an7}- Okay, beautiful. 361 00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:22,261 {\an7}I’m calling to report, \h\h\h\h\huh, a driver. 362 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:23,865 {\an7}- Okay. What driver? 363 00:13:23,865 --> 00:13:27,558 {\an7}- A female driver, uh, \h\h\h\h\hon the road. 364 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,525 {\an7}- Okay. Um, right now? 365 00:13:29,525 --> 00:13:31,822 {\an7}- It just happened a few minutes ago. 366 00:13:31,822 --> 00:13:35,964 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay. Um, and then what happened? 367 00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:38,426 {\an7}- She was behind the wheel \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hof the car. 368 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:41,393 {\an7}\h- But what happened? Was there an incident? 369 00:13:41,393 --> 00:13:42,525 {\an7}- Yeah, there was an incident. 370 00:13:42,525 --> 00:13:45,898 {\an7}There was a lady driving, \h\huh, one of the cars. 371 00:13:45,898 --> 00:13:49,261 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yes, I know she was driving the car, 372 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,393 {\an7}but what happened? 373 00:13:50,393 --> 00:13:54,327 {\an7}\h\h\h- That’s what happened. And I’m calling to report it. 374 00:13:54,327 --> 00:13:55,360 {\an7}- You’re calling to report 375 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,360 {\an7}that there was a lady \h\hdriving the car? 376 00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:59,492 {\an7}- That’s right, darling. 377 00:13:59,492 --> 00:14:01,756 {\an7}Because I never seen \h\h\h\hsuch a thing. 378 00:14:01,756 --> 00:14:05,723 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hAnd in my day, that was not acceptable. 379 00:14:05,723 --> 00:14:07,756 {\an7}- So you’re calling us \h\h\h\h\h\h\hto report 380 00:14:07,756 --> 00:14:11,997 {\an7}\h\hthat there was a lady driving one of our cars. 381 00:14:11,997 --> 00:14:12,822 {\an7}- That’s right. 382 00:14:12,822 --> 00:14:15,898 {\an7}\h- There was no incident. You just wanted to report-- 383 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,030 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- I didn’t say there was no incident. 384 00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:20,228 {\an7}I said that this was the incident 385 00:14:20,228 --> 00:14:25,459 {\an7}and that this lady was driving \h\hand, uh, I became alarmed. 386 00:14:25,459 --> 00:14:28,931 {\an7}\hAnd so I wrote down the information here, 387 00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:30,756 {\an7}and I’m reporting it to you. 388 00:14:30,756 --> 00:14:33,393 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay. Well, I mean, you do know 389 00:14:33,393 --> 00:14:37,822 {\an7}that females are allowed to drive cars now, right? 390 00:14:37,822 --> 00:14:42,096 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- What? What are you talking about? 391 00:14:42,096 --> 00:14:44,228 {\an7}- It’s 2021. 392 00:14:44,228 --> 00:14:46,195 {\an7}- I don’t care what time it is. 393 00:14:46,195 --> 00:14:49,195 {\an7}My wife, we’re married \h\h\h\h\hfor 45 years. 394 00:14:49,195 --> 00:14:53,096 {\an7}\hShe never drove the car. I always drove her around. 395 00:14:53,096 --> 00:14:55,964 {\an7}And it’s disrespectful \h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor a man 396 00:14:55,964 --> 00:14:57,822 {\an7}to make a woman drive the car. 397 00:14:57,822 --> 00:15:01,096 {\an7}\h\h\hThe female body wasn’t built for that. 398 00:15:01,096 --> 00:15:02,459 {\an7}- So the female body wasn’t-- 399 00:15:02,459 --> 00:15:04,723 {\an7}- Where could they be \hdriving to anyway? 400 00:15:04,723 --> 00:15:08,195 {\an7}- So you’re calling to report \h\h\hthat it’s disrespectful 401 00:15:08,195 --> 00:15:10,129 {\an7}for a woman to drive a car? 402 00:15:10,129 --> 00:15:11,591 {\an7}- I’m not saying that. 403 00:15:11,591 --> 00:15:14,063 {\an7}I’m saying it’s disrespectful \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto the woman 404 00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:15,624 {\an7}to make her drive the car 405 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:19,657 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hand then also that they’re not good at it. 406 00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:22,261 {\an7}- Oh. [sighs] 407 00:15:22,261 --> 00:15:23,657 {\an7}- You don’t drive, right? 408 00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:27,898 {\an7}- I mean, yes, I-I drive. \hI drive myself to work. 409 00:15:27,898 --> 00:15:30,558 {\an7}I drive myself to the store. 410 00:15:30,558 --> 00:15:31,964 {\an7}- Oh, you’re kidding me. 411 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:35,129 {\an7}\h\h- Yeah. Okay, well, I will pass this along. 412 00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:37,063 {\an7}- You have a man in there \h\h\hguiding you, right, 413 00:15:37,063 --> 00:15:41,162 {\an7}when you’re driving \hto these places? 414 00:15:41,162 --> 00:15:43,525 {\an7}- Yes, but it is 2021... \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yes. 415 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,931 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- And women are allowed to drive. 416 00:15:45,931 --> 00:15:48,690 {\an7}\h\h\h- I’m just saying that I don’t think this is right, 417 00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:52,063 {\an7}and I--you know, I don’t want \h\h\h\h\hto call the police, 418 00:15:52,063 --> 00:15:53,393 {\an7}but I might have to. 419 00:15:53,393 --> 00:15:55,898 {\an7}\h\h- So there’s no incident? You’re just calling to report 420 00:15:55,898 --> 00:15:58,898 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthat a woman was driving one of our cars. 421 00:15:58,898 --> 00:16:00,789 {\an7}- Oh, there’s an incident. 422 00:16:00,789 --> 00:16:02,591 {\an7}- Well, I will go ahead 423 00:16:02,591 --> 00:16:05,690 {\an7}\hand tell the owner about your complaint. 424 00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,228 {\an7}- The owner’s a man, right? 425 00:16:07,228 --> 00:16:08,865 {\an7}- The owner is a man, yes. 426 00:16:08,865 --> 00:16:11,360 {\an7}- I figured that, right? \h\h\hLet me talk to him. 427 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,898 {\an7}\h- Uh, he’s not actually here, ’cause I’m the office manager, 428 00:16:14,898 --> 00:16:18,789 {\an7}and I kind of run the office \h\h\h\h\hwhen he’s not here. 429 00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:21,964 {\an7}- You run the office? \h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yes. 430 00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:23,459 {\an7}- Oh. Well, God bless you, 431 00:16:23,459 --> 00:16:26,690 {\an7}but I don’t know what kind of an office that must be. 432 00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:29,492 {\an7}\h\h- I’m gonna have to let you go, okay? 433 00:16:29,492 --> 00:16:30,162 {\an7}- Okay, darling. 434 00:16:30,162 --> 00:16:32,931 {\an7}\hAnd let’s just agree that you made a mistake 435 00:16:32,931 --> 00:16:36,723 {\an7}\h\h\h\hand hope that this never happens again, okay? 436 00:16:36,723 --> 00:16:37,327 {\an7}- Okay. 437 00:16:37,327 --> 00:16:39,360 {\an7}\h\h\h- If you want, I’ll come pick you up 438 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,525 {\an7}and drive you home. 439 00:16:40,525 --> 00:16:43,063 {\an7}\h\h- Thank you. - You’re welcome. 440 00:16:43,063 --> 00:16:45,756 {\an7}[line clicks] \h\h[laughs] 441 00:16:46,327 --> 00:16:47,723 {\an7}\h\h\h\h- Do you know what the tradition is 442 00:16:47,723 --> 00:16:48,558 {\an7}for these reveal parties? 443 00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:50,624 {\an7}\h\hLike, the balloons come out of my vagina? 444 00:16:50,624 --> 00:16:53,129 {\an7}\h\h\h\hOr what do they-- what do they do exactly? 445 00:16:53,129 --> 00:16:55,096 {\an7}- Generally come out of a box. 446 00:16:55,096 --> 00:16:56,931 {\an7}- But I don’t think I can get \h\h\hmore than ten balloons 447 00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:59,931 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hin my vagina, or my box, as you call it. 448 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,459 {\an7}[laughs] 449 00:17:03,579 --> 00:17:05,414 - And this is basically a party store we're calling? 450 00:17:05,481 --> 00:17:08,717 [laughs] 451 00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:10,919 [line trills] 452 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,955 - [bleep]. How can I help you? 453 00:17:13,021 --> 00:17:16,225 - Hey, I'm planning a party for my new baby. 454 00:17:16,291 --> 00:17:18,093 Uh, it's a race reveal party. 455 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,229 And I just need some different balloons 456 00:17:20,295 --> 00:17:22,130 that represent all the different races 457 00:17:22,197 --> 00:17:24,233 he could be--or she. 458 00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:26,068 - Uh...[laughs] Okay. 459 00:17:26,134 --> 00:17:28,370 What colors are you looking for? 460 00:17:28,437 --> 00:17:31,607 - Well, I need colors that would match a dude who is 461 00:17:31,673 --> 00:17:34,443 Native American, white, 462 00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:38,113 uh, Asian, and then two mixed-race. 463 00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:40,082 - I have white. I have black. 464 00:17:40,149 --> 00:17:41,650 - Basically, I'm trying to do one balloon 465 00:17:41,717 --> 00:17:43,719 for each guy I slept with. 466 00:17:43,785 --> 00:17:45,587 - Okay. - What color do you think, 467 00:17:45,654 --> 00:17:48,657 like, a--what's, like, a Spanish color? 468 00:17:48,724 --> 00:17:50,159 - I have no idea. 469 00:17:50,225 --> 00:17:52,961 I mean, you could do colors of the Mexican flag. 470 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,496 You could do-- - Ooh! 471 00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:56,798 That's so creative. I love that. 472 00:17:56,865 --> 00:18:02,037 Or--or maybe you could write the races on a balloon 473 00:18:02,104 --> 00:18:03,505 in--with a Sharpie. 474 00:18:03,572 --> 00:18:04,940 - Yeah. 475 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,308 - Or do you have something that could print--yeah? 476 00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:08,177 - I mean, you could just do all white balloons 477 00:18:08,243 --> 00:18:10,846 and just write on them with Sharpies, yeah. 478 00:18:10,913 --> 00:18:12,881 - I think that this could work. 479 00:18:12,948 --> 00:18:14,783 I mean--wait, let me-- I'm trying to-- 480 00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:16,118 I'm trying to remember everybody. 481 00:18:16,185 --> 00:18:18,120 I did date an Italian guy. 482 00:18:18,187 --> 00:18:21,557 Maybe we could do, like, a spray tan on a white balloon. 483 00:18:21,623 --> 00:18:24,860 - Do a what? Spray tan? - And then do--do you know 484 00:18:24,927 --> 00:18:26,662 what the tradition is for these reveal parties? 485 00:18:26,728 --> 00:18:28,864 Like, the balloons come out of my vagina? 486 00:18:28,931 --> 00:18:32,134 Or what do they-- what do they do exactly? 487 00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:34,770 - Generally come out of a box. 488 00:18:34,837 --> 00:18:36,271 - But I don't think I can get more than ten balloons 489 00:18:36,338 --> 00:18:38,640 in my vagina, or my box, as you call it. 490 00:18:38,707 --> 00:18:40,342 [laughs] - [chuckles] 491 00:18:40,409 --> 00:18:41,677 - Oh, [bleep], I just remembered 492 00:18:41,743 --> 00:18:43,712 there was a cruise magician too. 493 00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,380 What--what color would you say 494 00:18:45,447 --> 00:18:48,183 would represent international waters? 495 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:49,885 - Blue. - Well, I want the balloons 496 00:18:49,952 --> 00:18:51,553 to be non-gendered. 497 00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,722 - Yeah, they're not. They're just balloons. 498 00:18:53,789 --> 00:18:56,425 - I just want to make sure it feels very PC. 499 00:18:56,492 --> 00:18:58,827 But I still want you to be able to write, with a Sharpie, 500 00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:01,096 the race of all the different people. 501 00:19:01,129 --> 00:19:03,432 - Oh, yeah, you can write on any balloon with a Sharpie. 502 00:19:03,499 --> 00:19:04,933 It's not a problem. 503 00:19:05,033 --> 00:19:07,736 - Oh, I almost forgot-- three Armenian balloons. 504 00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,505 - Okay, what color do you want for that? 505 00:19:09,571 --> 00:19:10,939 - Okay, well, they can be white, 506 00:19:11,039 --> 00:19:12,741 but just, like-- we could just, like, 507 00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:15,110 maybe draw some hair on it or something. 508 00:19:15,177 --> 00:19:16,445 - I mean, that'll be stuff you're doing. 509 00:19:16,512 --> 00:19:18,847 We're not drawing on balloons and all that. 510 00:19:18,914 --> 00:19:21,116 - Have you done any race reveals? 511 00:19:21,183 --> 00:19:22,451 - Never even heard of it. 512 00:19:22,518 --> 00:19:23,552 - What do you think? 513 00:19:23,619 --> 00:19:24,853 - Go for it. Do you. 514 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,221 - Hey, I like that. That's, like-- 515 00:19:26,288 --> 00:19:27,656 You know, I really-- as a woman, 516 00:19:27,723 --> 00:19:29,825 I really sometimes do feel like I need a pep talk, 517 00:19:29,892 --> 00:19:32,060 even if it's from a guy, you know. 518 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,529 - Fair enough. 519 00:19:33,595 --> 00:19:38,066 So I got four black, two white, one blue, three red. 520 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:41,537 Did you want three more white, or do you just want to use 521 00:19:41,603 --> 00:19:43,705 some of the just two whites? 522 00:19:43,772 --> 00:19:45,140 - I think white, and then I'll put-- 523 00:19:45,207 --> 00:19:47,276 - 'Cause you got three red, three white, three green. 524 00:19:47,342 --> 00:19:49,878 - I think just white, and then I'll put a fur trim 525 00:19:49,945 --> 00:19:52,080 on the bottom for the Armenians. 526 00:19:52,114 --> 00:19:53,182 - Okay. 527 00:19:53,248 --> 00:19:55,517 - And are you at all interested 528 00:19:55,584 --> 00:19:57,853 in having sex with a pregnant woman? 529 00:19:58,821 --> 00:20:01,290 - Uh, I don't think my wife would approve. 530 00:20:01,356 --> 00:20:04,660 - I just--I just feel like I-I want someone else there 531 00:20:04,726 --> 00:20:07,029 who isn't connected to everybody, 532 00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:10,132 in case all these dads take it badly. 533 00:20:10,199 --> 00:20:11,567 - I will be working. 534 00:20:11,633 --> 00:20:13,569 So I got four black, two white, one blue, 535 00:20:13,635 --> 00:20:16,471 three red, three white, three green? 536 00:20:16,538 --> 00:20:17,606 - Now, do you think that all these 537 00:20:17,673 --> 00:20:19,107 are gonna fit in my vagina? 538 00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:22,511 - I highly doubt it. - It is pretty big. [laughs] 539 00:20:22,578 --> 00:20:23,912 But what I love about it is, 540 00:20:24,046 --> 00:20:26,648 it always kind of, like, stretches back to tiny, 541 00:20:26,715 --> 00:20:30,953 which is probably why I get so much action, you know. 542 00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:33,055 - Oh, I gotta go. I got people coming in. 543 00:20:33,121 --> 00:20:34,289 [line clicks] 544 00:20:34,356 --> 00:20:36,792 [explosion] 545 00:20:36,859 --> 00:20:39,895 - [laughs] 546 00:21:04,074 --> 00:21:05,810 {\an7}- Look at that. 547 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:10,305 {\an7}- [singing] \h\h\h\hMTV