1
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<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[touch tones beeping]</i></font>

2
00:00:05,497 --> 00:00:07,099
<i>[phones ringing]</i>

3
00:00:07,099 --> 00:00:10,502
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

4
00:00:10,502 --> 00:00:12,071
<i>[children singing]</i>
<i>Come one, come all</i>

5
00:00:12,071 --> 00:00:13,839
<i>'Cause we're having a ball</i>

6
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:17,676
<i>We're just making</i>
<i>some calls to strangers</i>

7
00:00:17,676 --> 00:00:19,178
<i>We're back on the cell</i>

8
00:00:19,178 --> 00:00:21,013
<i>And the world's</i>
<i>gone to hell</i>

9
00:00:21,013 --> 00:00:22,815
<i>But you're gonna</i>
<i>feel swell</i>

10
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:25,517
<i>When they pick up</i>

11
00:00:25,517 --> 00:00:28,787
<i>From New York to Alabammer</i>

12
00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:31,724
<i>They'll probably wanna</i>
<i>throw our ass in the slammer</i>

13
00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:33,525
<i>'Cause we're disturbing others</i>

14
00:00:33,525 --> 00:00:35,361
<i>Maybe even your mother</i>

15
00:00:35,361 --> 00:00:37,896
<i>Won't you join</i>
<i>the Crank Yankers tonight?</i>

16
00:00:37,896 --> 00:00:38,897
<i>- "Crank Yankers."</i>

17
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:40,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[upbeat music]</i></font>

18
00:00:43,517 --> 00:00:46,121
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[line trilling]</i></font>

19
00:00:46,649 --> 00:00:49,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- [bleep] Gym.
- Hi, who am I speaking with?</font>

20
00:00:49,913 --> 00:00:53,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- Who’s this?
- This is Craig.</font>

21
00:00:53,088 --> 00:00:54,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Craig,
how can I help you, man?</font>

22
00:00:54,649 --> 00:00:55,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Hey, man, I’m just calling</font>

23
00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:58,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\hbecause I met a guy
at the gym the other day,</font>

24
00:00:58,352 --> 00:01:01,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and I’m wondering if you
\h\hcan help me find him?</font>

25
00:01:01,055 --> 00:01:02,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Possibly.</font>

26
00:01:02,319 --> 00:01:03,781
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Okay. He was real built</font>

27
00:01:03,781 --> 00:01:06,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hlike a real like
muscular, strong dude</font>

28
00:01:06,715 --> 00:01:09,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hwith like the neck things,
like the slumps on the neck.</font>

29
00:01:09,451 --> 00:01:13,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Do you guys have any regulars
\h\hthat come in with those?</font>

30
00:01:13,154 --> 00:01:14,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Lumps on the neck?</font>

31
00:01:14,715 --> 00:01:16,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h- Uh, you know,
like when your neck--</font>

32
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<font face="Monospace">{\an7}when your neck’s so muscular</font>

33
00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:18,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}that it looks like
you have two necks.</font>

34
00:01:18,385 --> 00:01:19,616
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Like, you know what
I’m talking about?</font>

35
00:01:19,616 --> 00:01:22,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- He had some traps?
\h<i>\h- Yeah [chuckles].</i></font>

36
00:01:22,055 --> 00:01:24,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Yeah, that’s probably what
\h\h\h\hit’s called, sorry.</font>

37
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Do you guys have any guys
\hwith big ones of those?</font>

38
00:01:26,715 --> 00:01:29,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I mean, probably, yeah,
\h\h\h\h\hthere’s a few.</font>

39
00:01:29,385 --> 00:01:32,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I’m asking ’cause I was in
\hthere, uh, like a week ago</font>

40
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,748
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and this guy I met he--
\hhe had his--his neck</font>

41
00:01:35,748 --> 00:01:37,418
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}was as thick as probably
\h\h\h\h\hmy whole chest.</font>

42
00:01:37,418 --> 00:01:39,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And I’m not a small guy.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Uh-huh.</font>

43
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:40,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- And we got to talking,
and he didn’t--he didn’t</font>

44
00:01:40,814 --> 00:01:43,286
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}wipe down the machine before me
\hso I was gonna get on to him.</font>

45
00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:45,484
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}But then we got to talking,
and we had a lot in common</font>

46
00:01:45,484 --> 00:01:46,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and I feel like we kind of
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hhit it off,</font>

47
00:01:46,913 --> 00:01:48,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hbut I didn’t get
his name or number.</font>

48
00:01:48,451 --> 00:01:51,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- White guy? Black guy?
\h\h\h\h\hHispanic guy?</font>

49
00:01:51,550 --> 00:01:53,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- He was like white
\h\h\hor Hispanic.</font>

50
00:01:53,451 --> 00:01:55,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOr like
real light-skinned Black guy.</font>

51
00:01:55,319 --> 00:01:57,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I mean, he just--he was
\h\h\h\hvery ambiguous.</font>

52
00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:59,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- I don’t know, I hon--
I honestly don’t know, man.</font>

53
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,616
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\hYou know, I mean,
there’s a bunch of dudes</font>

54
00:02:01,616 --> 00:02:03,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hin here with
some traps and stuff--</font>

55
00:02:03,187 --> 00:02:05,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- He had like
a big head of hair, too.</font>

56
00:02:05,352 --> 00:02:07,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Long hair? Big hair?</font>

57
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:10,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I don’t know man, I hon--
\hI honestly don’t know.</font>

58
00:02:10,253 --> 00:02:11,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I-I honestly don’t, man.</font>

59
00:02:11,253 --> 00:02:13,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- I’m sorry, dude--is there
just anybody you can think of?</font>

60
00:02:13,187 --> 00:02:15,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}’Cause I’m just worried
\hI’m not gonna be able</font>

61
00:02:15,088 --> 00:02:15,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}to find him again.</font>

62
00:02:15,913 --> 00:02:18,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}He was wearing those like
\h\h\h\h’80s gym shorts,</font>

63
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hand there was kind of a
flopping around going on.</font>

64
00:02:20,319 --> 00:02:21,484
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]
If you know what I mean.</font>

65
00:02:21,484 --> 00:02:23,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- ’80s gym shorts.
\h\h\h\h\h<i>\h- Yeah.</i></font>

66
00:02:23,550 --> 00:02:25,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And he was hanging loose
\h\h\h\hin those things.</font>

67
00:02:25,253 --> 00:02:27,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h- I--well, most guys
I’ll tell ya, to be honest,</font>

68
00:02:27,352 --> 00:02:28,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}most guys come in
at the same time.</font>

69
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:31,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\hSo I mean, you know, if
you’re here during that time,</font>

70
00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:33,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}you’re bound to run into
\h\h\h\h\hhim again, man.</font>

71
00:02:33,913 --> 00:02:35,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Yeah, I just got a lot
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hgoing on.</font>

72
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:37,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- I can’t think of--I can’t
think of who it would’ve been.</font>

73
00:02:37,154 --> 00:02:39,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Honestly, I mean, there’s
a lot of dudes in here--</font>

74
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:42,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}you know that are--
- Like hot. Built.</font>

75
00:02:42,088 --> 00:02:44,121
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- That are that way,
you know what I mean?</font>

76
00:02:44,121 --> 00:02:46,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hThere’s just a lot.
- But he was giving out</font>

77
00:02:46,055 --> 00:02:48,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hfree headlocks, though.
That might be something.</font>

78
00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:50,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- He was giving out
\h\hfree headlocks?</font>

79
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Yeah, he was saying anyone
\h\h\h\hwho wants a headlock</font>

80
00:02:52,847 --> 00:02:54,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\hget on up here.
- Head locking people?</font>

81
00:02:54,088 --> 00:02:55,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- And then he was
giving out headlocks.</font>

82
00:02:55,319 --> 00:02:58,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- No, but I remember some--
\h\hI remember--I remember</font>

83
00:02:58,649 --> 00:03:00,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}hearing something about
\h\h\h\h\h\hheadlocks.</font>

84
00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:02,748
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hI do remember, ’cause I was
downstairs and I was doin’--</font>

85
00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:04,616
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hI was downstairs.
- Is there any guys</font>

86
00:03:04,616 --> 00:03:05,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}that come in regularly
\h\h\h\h\h\hthat like--</font>

87
00:03:05,814 --> 00:03:07,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}’cause I remember another
\h\h\hthing about him is</font>

88
00:03:07,682 --> 00:03:09,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}before he got off
\h\hthe machine,</font>

89
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:10,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I was watching him bench,
\hand he was killing it.</font>

90
00:03:10,989 --> 00:03:13,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}But he was--every time
he pushed up, he’d go--</font>

91
00:03:13,814 --> 00:03:15,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}he’d go, "Aaaaaah!"</font>

92
00:03:15,715 --> 00:03:16,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}You know what I mean?</font>

93
00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:19,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hHe’d just really like
let it out with the push.</font>

94
00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:22,781
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Jeez, man, honestly, that
\hwould’ve stood out to me,</font>

95
00:03:22,781 --> 00:03:26,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}because I don’t really like
\h\h\h\hpeople doing that,</font>

96
00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:28,781
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and I still can’t think of
\h\hwho that would’ve been.</font>

97
00:03:28,781 --> 00:03:32,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Wait a second, I’m--
\h\h\h\h- Oh, hold on.</font>

98
00:03:32,451 --> 00:03:34,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}He has a lot of hair,
\h\h\h\h\hthis dude.</font>

99
00:03:34,550 --> 00:03:35,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}He’s got a lot of hair.</font>

100
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,121
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}He’s got long hair like--
\h\h\h\h\hlike long hair.</font>

101
00:03:39,121 --> 00:03:41,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Yes. Yeah like down--
\h\hdown his back, yes.</font>

102
00:03:41,649 --> 00:03:44,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- [exhales] He’s a regular,
and I don’t know his name.</font>

103
00:03:44,385 --> 00:03:46,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I honestly do not know
\h\h\h\hthe guy’s name.</font>

104
00:03:46,649 --> 00:03:47,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Can you take down a note
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor me</font>

105
00:03:47,847 --> 00:03:49,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}just to leave for someone else
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hat the desk</font>

106
00:03:49,451 --> 00:03:51,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}so they could maybe
\h\h\hidentify him?</font>

107
00:03:51,055 --> 00:03:52,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Sure.
- So if you see him,</font>

108
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}give him this note, okay?
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHey, you...</font>

109
00:03:56,187 --> 00:03:58,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Did you get that?
\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.</font>

110
00:03:58,550 --> 00:04:00,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- It’s me.</font>

111
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:01,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Uh-huh.</font>

112
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:02,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- ’Sup?</font>

113
00:04:02,989 --> 00:04:04,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- ’Sup. Okay.
\h[laughing]</font>

114
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:06,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>- And then put a question mark
</i>\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h<i>\hon it.</i></font>

115
00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,484
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- No problem man.
\h\h\h\h\h\hHuh?</font>

116
00:04:08,484 --> 00:04:09,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- He might meet a lot of guys
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hin there,</font>

117
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:11,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\hso I’m just wondering--
I’m sorry to be so annoying,</font>

118
00:04:11,913 --> 00:04:12,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}but you’ve been so helpful--</font>

119
00:04:12,847 --> 00:04:14,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}would you mind drawing
\h\h\h\ha picture of me</font>

120
00:04:14,451 --> 00:04:16,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}if I just described myself
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hto you?</font>

121
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:18,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Dude, I can’t draw a picture.
\h\h\h\h\hI got--I got someone</font>

122
00:04:18,154 --> 00:04:20,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hsitting here waiting
to get a membership, man.</font>

123
00:04:20,352 --> 00:04:22,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Well, I mean, they can wait.</font>

124
00:04:22,055 --> 00:04:23,286
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}We’re doing something
\h\h\himportant here.</font>

125
00:04:23,286 --> 00:04:25,748
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- No, I’m not--
They’re not gonna--[chuckles]</font>

126
00:04:25,748 --> 00:04:28,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hSorry. You can send me
a picture, I don’t care,</font>

127
00:04:28,517 --> 00:04:29,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}but you know, whatever.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h<i>\h- Okay.</i></font>

128
00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:31,121
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Send me a picture
through your email.</font>

129
00:04:31,121 --> 00:04:33,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- And then you’ll print it
\h\h\h\hand give it to him?</font>

130
00:04:33,352 --> 00:04:36,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Sure. [laughs] I’ll put
your note on the picture</font>

131
00:04:36,187 --> 00:04:37,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and hand it to him, okay?</font>

132
00:04:37,022 --> 00:04:38,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h- You gotta promise me
you’re not gonna also stop him</font>

133
00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:40,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}from yelling, ’cause I feel
\hlike now I ratted him out</font>

134
00:04:40,956 --> 00:04:42,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hon the grunting
while he does that.</font>

135
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:43,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- [laughs] No, no I wou--
\h- And it’s really hot.</font>

136
00:04:43,989 --> 00:04:45,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}It kinda turns me on.
You know what I mean?</font>

137
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Seriously I got some--
I got someone here, man.</font>

138
00:04:47,451 --> 00:04:49,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I gotta get off the phone.
\hI gotta sign someone up.</font>

139
00:04:49,847 --> 00:04:51,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Totally understand.
\h\h\hBefore you do,</font>

140
00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:53,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}can I just ask you one more
\h\h\hthing before you go?</font>

141
00:04:53,913 --> 00:04:54,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- What?</font>

142
00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:56,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Cou--would you mind grunting
\h\h\h\h\hfor me a little bit?</font>

143
00:04:56,913 --> 00:04:59,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- No. I’m not doing that, no.
\h\h- ’Cause it could be you.</font>

144
00:04:59,956 --> 00:05:02,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I’m gonna get off the phone.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOkay. Bye.</font>

145
00:05:02,517 --> 00:05:04,616
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[line clicks]</i></font>

146
00:05:04,616 --> 00:05:07,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[upbeat music]</i></font>

147
00:05:07,550 --> 00:05:13,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- He was sweet. He was sweet.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h[laughs]</font>

148
00:05:13,989 --> 00:05:16,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Ready to prank.
\h\h\h[chuckles]</font>

149
00:05:16,319 --> 00:05:18,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h<i>\h[line trills]
</i>- Let’s enter the prank zone.</font>

150
00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:22,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Hello, Everything Bagels.
- Do you do custom orders?</font>

151
00:05:22,550 --> 00:05:25,781
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I’m sorry, uh, I’m not sure
\h\h\h\h\h\hwhat that means.</font>

152
00:05:25,781 --> 00:05:28,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Catering.
- Uh, yes.</font>

153
00:05:28,385 --> 00:05:30,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Great. Let me put you on
\h\hwith my brother, Mork.</font>

154
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h- Hi. Mimi Mork.
We have a very special</font>

155
00:05:34,187 --> 00:05:38,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hsurprise bar mitzvah we’re
doing for Daddy next weekend,</font>

156
00:05:38,715 --> 00:05:40,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and we want to make it
\h\ha wonderful event.</font>

157
00:05:40,847 --> 00:05:45,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And we want to do something
\h\hlike the Michelin woman</font>

158
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}out of bagels.</font>

159
00:05:46,550 --> 00:05:49,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}So you’ve heard of
\h\hthe naked women</font>

160
00:05:49,055 --> 00:05:50,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}with the sushi eating off--</font>

161
00:05:50,154 --> 00:05:52,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hwe want to do something
a little bit more wholesome</font>

162
00:05:52,451 --> 00:05:54,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h<i>\hand buy a bunch
of your beautiful bagels,</i></font>

163
00:05:54,451 --> 00:06:00,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hput them around a lady,
and serve that to our Daddy</font>

164
00:06:00,088 --> 00:06:01,484
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}for his first bar mitzvah.</font>

165
00:06:01,484 --> 00:06:05,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h- Now, needless to say,
that’s gonna be a big bagel.</font>

166
00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:06,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Yeah. Ha ha.</font>

167
00:06:06,385 --> 00:06:10,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And we’d want to do something
\h\h\h\h\h\hlike long bagels</font>

168
00:06:10,352 --> 00:06:13,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hand a little scallion
cream cheese in between</font>

169
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,484
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and then some lox
so it looks like</font>

170
00:06:15,484 --> 00:06:18,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}a really wonderful feast
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hfor Daddy.</font>

171
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:19,286
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I see.</font>

172
00:06:19,286 --> 00:06:21,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h- It’s gonna end up
being a dozen bagels</font>

173
00:06:21,253 --> 00:06:22,286
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}for this big bagels.</font>

174
00:06:22,286 --> 00:06:23,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- When would you need this by?</font>

175
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,418
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- Next weekend
is the bar mitzvah.</font>

176
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:29,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- All right, ’cause I would
recommend calling back tomorrow</font>

177
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:33,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\hwhen a manager
or supervisor is here.</font>

178
00:06:33,022 --> 00:06:34,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Right.
<i>- So then they would know</i></font>

179
00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:38,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hmore details, and when it
comes to like customizing,</font>

180
00:06:38,319 --> 00:06:39,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}like they’re in charge of
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthat stuff.</font>

181
00:06:39,913 --> 00:06:42,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- One--yeah one of the most
\h\h\himportant things is,</font>

182
00:06:42,682 --> 00:06:44,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}uh, Daddy’s bar mitzvah
\h\h\his Smurf-themed.</font>

183
00:06:44,847 --> 00:06:47,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}So we’re wondering if you could
\hadd a little bit of blue dye</font>

184
00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:50,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hto the bagels to make
the Michelin bagel woman</font>

185
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:54,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}kind of this blue experience.
- It’s an adult bar mitzvah,</font>

186
00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:56,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}so it’s not going to be
\h\hsomething anyone’s</font>

187
00:06:56,319 --> 00:06:59,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}going to judge too harshly on
\h\h\h\hif it’s not perfect.</font>

188
00:06:59,956 --> 00:07:01,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Sounds...unique.</font>

189
00:07:01,451 --> 00:07:03,781
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h- And the way that we’re
planning it is I’m gonna--</font>

190
00:07:03,781 --> 00:07:06,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Mork is gonna dress up
\h\h\h\hlike Gargamel,</font>

191
00:07:06,055 --> 00:07:07,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and I’m gonna come in
\hand it’s gonna be,</font>

192
00:07:07,715 --> 00:07:09,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}"Oh, no, the bar mitzvah
\h\h\h\h\h\h\his ruined.</font>

193
00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:11,484
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hGargamel’s here!"
My brother Brad says,</font>

194
00:07:11,484 --> 00:07:13,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h"Don’t worry,
we have the bagel woman."</font>

195
00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:16,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- And then we’ll roll her out--
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hwhether it’s you</font>

196
00:07:16,055 --> 00:07:17,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}or somebody else, an actress--</font>

197
00:07:17,022 --> 00:07:19,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and they will be surrounded
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hin bagels,</font>

198
00:07:19,847 --> 00:07:22,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}poppy seed and whatnot.</font>

199
00:07:22,682 --> 00:07:23,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And hopefully if--if we can</font>

200
00:07:23,847 --> 00:07:25,748
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\htoast them
at the right temperature,</font>

201
00:07:25,748 --> 00:07:27,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}it’s not gonna singe anyone.</font>

202
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- No. And Gargamel will jump</font>

203
00:07:28,319 --> 00:07:31,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}right on top of the bagel woman
\h\h\h\hand say, "Let’s feast!"</font>

204
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:32,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And Daddy and all his friends</font>

205
00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:34,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h- [giggling]
<i>- Will come and nibble</i></font>

206
00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:35,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}on the bagel woman’s...</font>

207
00:07:35,814 --> 00:07:37,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\hslowly revealing
the blue cream cheese.</font>

208
00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:40,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- We can’t have any hair
on anybody involved, though.</font>

209
00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:43,880
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}That’s why, uh, Mork and I are
\h\hgetting completely shaved,</font>

210
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,121
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}uh, for the occasion.</font>

211
00:07:45,121 --> 00:07:46,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I’m sorry, what was that?</font>

212
00:07:46,352 --> 00:07:48,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I’m just worried anyone
\hthere is going to be--</font>

213
00:07:48,682 --> 00:07:50,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}if you have people with hair,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hlike eyebrows</font>

214
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:54,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}or even hair on their heads
or their back or anywhere,</font>

215
00:07:54,385 --> 00:07:56,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}we just--I know that’s
something that Daddy’s</font>

216
00:07:56,682 --> 00:07:58,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}not gonna want to see.</font>

217
00:07:58,055 --> 00:08:00,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And if we could do bialys
\h\h\h\h\hat some point,</font>

218
00:08:00,055 --> 00:08:02,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I think that would be fun
\h\h\h\h\h\hto munch on.</font>

219
00:08:02,088 --> 00:08:05,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Um, I’m not sure
\h\h\hwe have that.</font>

220
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- And one of the fun parts
\h\h\h\hthat’s gonna happen</font>

221
00:08:07,451 --> 00:08:10,418
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}after the ceremony
\his gonna be, uh,</font>

222
00:08:10,418 --> 00:08:11,418
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Smurfs vs Transformers.</font>

223
00:08:11,418 --> 00:08:14,055
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}So we have some of my dad’s--
\h\hDaddy’s friends from work</font>

224
00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:16,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\hare dressing up
as the Transformers.</font>

225
00:08:16,088 --> 00:08:19,286
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And they’re gonna come in
\h\hand scare the Smurfs.</font>

226
00:08:19,286 --> 00:08:20,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And we’ve never seen
\h\hanything like it.</font>

227
00:08:20,913 --> 00:08:23,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- We want, you know,
we want this bar mitzvah,</font>

228
00:08:23,989 --> 00:08:25,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}since he didn’t have it
\h\h\h\h\h\h\has a kid,</font>

229
00:08:25,253 --> 00:08:29,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}just to be his dream party
\h\hand to see all of his--</font>

230
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hall those old-timers
that spend so much time</font>

231
00:08:32,022 --> 00:08:35,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}making those Transformer
\h\hsuits--Optimus Prime.</font>

232
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:37,616
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- His friend Joe is gonna
\hdress up as Bumblebee.</font>

233
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:38,418
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}We hope.
\h- Yeah.</font>

234
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:41,154
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- So when--when it
comes to like catering,</font>

235
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:44,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hlike, we’ll only do like--
you guys will just pick it up?</font>

236
00:08:44,814 --> 00:08:46,451
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Like, we won’t go there.</font>

237
00:08:46,451 --> 00:08:47,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- But who would be in the--</font>

238
00:08:47,517 --> 00:08:48,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}yeah, I’m sure Mork
\h\his going here--</font>

239
00:08:48,814 --> 00:08:52,682
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hbut who would be in
the bagel costume then?</font>

240
00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:55,220
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- We can’t do any bagel people</font>

241
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:58,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hor help you with costumes
at all or anything like that.</font>

242
00:08:58,814 --> 00:09:01,319
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h- Well, uh,
that’s a little weird.</font>

243
00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:04,913
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I mean, we have--we budgeted
\h\h\h\h\hfor the bagel costume</font>

244
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:08,418
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and for someone--and we can
\h\h\heven offer it to you.</font>

245
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:10,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}We have $35...</font>

246
00:09:10,022 --> 00:09:12,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hyou know, if you’re
comfortable with that</font>

247
00:09:12,583 --> 00:09:13,814
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}for a two-day commitment.</font>

248
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Can you picture how cute it is</font>

249
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hfor mimi Mork to be
in the Gargamel costume</font>

250
00:09:17,989 --> 00:09:21,286
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and roleplaying with all
\h\hmy Daddy’s old-timers</font>

251
00:09:21,286 --> 00:09:22,847
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hin their
Transformer outfits.</font>

252
00:09:22,847 --> 00:09:26,022
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- And I’m gonna be
Gargamel’s cat, on all fours,</font>

253
00:09:26,022 --> 00:09:27,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}dressed up as a cat.</font>

254
00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:29,583
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Nope. No, thank you.</font>

255
00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:30,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}We’re not doing that.</font>

256
00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:33,517
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- And I’ll be petting the cat
\hand I’ll be tossing the cat</font>

257
00:09:33,517 --> 00:09:35,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}onto--onto the bagel sculpture,</font>

258
00:09:35,649 --> 00:09:38,715
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and Brad’ll be licking
\hthe cream cheese up.</font>

259
00:09:38,715 --> 00:09:39,385
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}[slurping]</font>

260
00:09:39,385 --> 00:09:42,649
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}It’ll be a wonderful day
\hof this 12-hour party.</font>

261
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Oh, Jesus.
<i>[line clicks]</i></font>

262
00:09:45,088 --> 00:09:50,781
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}[laughter]</font>

263
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:53,187
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Such a good place to hang up.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- I know.</font>

264
00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:54,956
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Such a good place to hang up.</font>

265
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:57,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h- Hey, do you know who
Caitlyn Jenner is, baby?</font>

266
00:09:57,352 --> 00:10:00,121
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Yeah.
- Yeah, that’s me, baby.</font>

267
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,253
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Listen, we need a few supplies
\h\h\h\hto win this challenge.</font>

268
00:10:03,253 --> 00:10:04,550
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}You want to help?</font>

269
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:06,352
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I don’t know if I do or not.</font>

270
00:10:06,352 --> 00:10:07,088
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}[chuckling]</font>

271
00:10:07,088 --> 00:10:09,989
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Let’s just hang up
\h\hon these people.</font>

272
00:10:11,493 --> 00:10:13,095
- [chuckles]

273
00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,396
<i>[line trills]</i>

274
00:10:16,898 --> 00:10:17,899
<i>[line trilling]</i>

275
00:10:17,899 --> 00:10:19,234
<i>[click, beep]</i>

276
00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:22,370
- Hello, uh, this is, uh,

277
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:24,506
gonna be a weird call, okay?

278
00:10:24,506 --> 00:10:26,241
Do you know who Bill Maher is?

279
00:10:26,241 --> 00:10:27,776
- No. Mm-mm.

280
00:10:27,776 --> 00:10:30,212
- Okay, well, that's me,
and I'm a celebrity.

281
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,180
I'm surprised
you don't know who I am.

282
00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:34,382
I'm part of
a reality show and--

283
00:10:34,382 --> 00:10:36,985
- Uh-huh.
- We have to call people

284
00:10:36,985 --> 00:10:39,321
and get supplies.
It's part of the challenge.

285
00:10:39,321 --> 00:10:41,656
It's a stupid challenge,
but I'm doing the show

286
00:10:41,656 --> 00:10:43,925
because it's for charity.
Okay?

287
00:10:43,925 --> 00:10:46,728
- Okay.
- We have Jeff Goldblum here

288
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:48,430
and Caitlyn Jenner,

289
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,965
so I'm gonna
put some of them on.

290
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:52,501
This is rid--Caitlyn,
what do you want?

291
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:54,669
- Hey, do you know who
Caitlyn Jenner is, baby?

292
00:10:54,669 --> 00:10:56,271
- Yeah.

293
00:10:56,271 --> 00:10:57,739
- Yeah, that's me, baby.

294
00:10:57,739 --> 00:11:00,175
Listen, we need a few supplies
to win this challenge.

295
00:11:00,175 --> 00:11:01,643
You want to help?

296
00:11:01,643 --> 00:11:03,478
- Well, I don't know if I do
or not.

297
00:11:03,478 --> 00:11:04,746
- Yeah, yeah.

298
00:11:04,746 --> 00:11:07,082
It's for charity.
We need four hammers

299
00:11:07,082 --> 00:11:09,417
and six packs of nails.

300
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:12,587
- Uh, yes, yes, also uh,
Jeff Goldblum here.

301
00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:16,091
Uh, we also need to
get some of the tarps, uh,

302
00:11:16,091 --> 00:11:17,259
for the supplies.

303
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,493
Do you have tarps there?

304
00:11:18,493 --> 00:11:21,429
Yes, yes?
- Okay, you said four hammers--

305
00:11:21,429 --> 00:11:23,565
- Uh, yes, yes, four hammers.

306
00:11:23,565 --> 00:11:26,234
- And we sell nails
by the pound.

307
00:11:26,234 --> 00:11:28,470
- Let's just hang up
on these people.

308
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,172
- Uh, no, we're not hanging up
on you.

309
00:11:30,172 --> 00:11:32,607
Uh, yes, we need four hammers,
some supplies,

310
00:11:32,607 --> 00:11:34,176
and some tarps.

311
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,445
Have you seen "Jurassic Park"?
Yes, yes?

312
00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:39,214
- No.

313
00:11:39,214 --> 00:11:40,782
- What? I--ha...

314
00:11:40,782 --> 00:11:42,217
- Ma'am, you haven't--

315
00:11:42,217 --> 00:11:43,885
You don't know
any celebrities, huh?

316
00:11:43,885 --> 00:11:45,654
- I don't.

317
00:11:45,654 --> 00:11:48,223
- Everyone knows who we are.
We're famous.

318
00:11:48,223 --> 00:11:50,725
You must live in
Podunk, Nowhere, ma'am.

319
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:51,993
- Ha ha.

320
00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:53,495
- Just kidding.

321
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:56,631
- You're blue-collar people?
I love blue-collar people.

322
00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:58,733
- Good.
<i>- All right so can you--</i>

323
00:11:58,733 --> 00:12:00,168
You're gonna have to
just give us

324
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:02,304
these hammers and some nails,
all right?

325
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:06,575
- Now, are you asking them
to--to be donated?

326
00:12:06,575 --> 00:12:10,111
- Uh, yes, yes, donated nails
and hammers.

327
00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:11,847
- Yeah, if you could just give
that to us, that'd be great.

328
00:12:11,847 --> 00:12:13,515
- Okay.

329
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:16,518
- Uh, yes, ma'am,
thank you so much for your, uh,

330
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:19,788
wonderful, uh, patience
with these, uh, lunatics.

331
00:12:19,788 --> 00:12:21,490
Uh, we're gonna need
the hammers.

332
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,725
I thought I could persuade
some nails,

333
00:12:23,725 --> 00:12:26,862
take them off the walls
with my sultry voice.

334
00:12:26,862 --> 00:12:29,064
Do you like my voice? Yes?

335
00:12:29,064 --> 00:12:31,533
- I can't do that
because the--the boss,

336
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,568
the owner is not here today,

337
00:12:33,568 --> 00:12:36,504
so you would have to call back
Monday and talk to her.

338
00:12:36,504 --> 00:12:39,307
- Oh, great. We gotta call back
and do this? Great.

339
00:12:39,307 --> 00:12:41,176
Ugh, what is it with you
people?

340
00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,544
- Okay, we'll call back.

341
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,412
Don't listen to that
old stick in the mud.

342
00:12:44,412 --> 00:12:45,780
Total ass.

343
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:48,183
You don't know Bill Maher?
He's a pompous ass!

344
00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:50,218
- Oh, shut up, Caitlyn.
- You shut up.

345
00:12:50,218 --> 00:12:52,721
I'll kick your ass.
I'm an Olympic champion, baby.

346
00:12:52,721 --> 00:12:54,522
- [laughs]
<i>- Won 14 gold medals.</i>

347
00:12:54,522 --> 00:12:55,757
- Thank you.

348
00:12:55,757 --> 00:12:58,126
- Size 16 Jimmy Choos, baby.

349
00:12:58,126 --> 00:12:59,427
<i>[line clicks]</i>

350
00:12:59,427 --> 00:13:01,796
- Hello? Oh crap.

351
00:13:01,796 --> 00:13:03,665
I think she hung up on us.

352
00:13:04,633 --> 00:13:06,635
- My brother. All right, man.

353
00:13:06,635 --> 00:13:07,869
- I can tell you a New Yorker,
Victor.

354
00:13:07,869 --> 00:13:08,870
You a New Yorker.

355
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,206
- Yes, yes, all the way, baby.

356
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:13,174
- You guys got any desserts
right now?

357
00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:15,777
- Uh, I got cheesecake
with raspberry on top.

358
00:13:15,777 --> 00:13:18,246
- Oh, I don't--I'm allergic
to [bleep] cheesecake.

359
00:13:18,246 --> 00:13:20,615
You trying to kill me out
there, Victor?

360
00:13:20,615 --> 00:13:21,783
- [laughs]

361
00:13:23,576 --> 00:13:25,511
- I'd like to see the menu.

362
00:13:26,646 --> 00:13:29,148
<i>[line trills]</i>

363
00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:33,586
<i>[line trilling]</i>

364
00:13:33,586 --> 00:13:34,887
<i>[click, beep]</i>

365
00:13:34,887 --> 00:13:37,290
- Hey, this is Ron.
Who am I speaking to?

366
00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:38,991
- Uh, this is Victor.
Who's this?

367
00:13:38,991 --> 00:13:40,626
- Hey, this is Ron, Victor.
I just want to see

368
00:13:40,626 --> 00:13:42,628
if I could place
an order to pick up.

369
00:13:42,628 --> 00:13:45,064
- Oh, yeah, what can I get
for you, sir?

370
00:13:45,064 --> 00:13:47,733
- I want to get
a salami and provolone.

371
00:13:47,733 --> 00:13:51,504
I'm also gonna get a grilled
chicken wrap, um, and also--

372
00:13:51,504 --> 00:13:53,172
- Wait one second, one second,
one second, buddy, one second.

373
00:13:53,172 --> 00:13:54,740
What's the first thing
you want?

374
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,475
- See, now you I like, Victor.

375
00:13:56,475 --> 00:13:58,477
This is what I like
about you.

376
00:13:58,477 --> 00:14:00,813
- [laughs]
- That's what I like, man.

377
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,015
I called the other day,
I talked to somebody.

378
00:14:03,015 --> 00:14:05,384
I was a little bit rude to them
and they just took it, man.

379
00:14:05,384 --> 00:14:08,087
I was like, you know, if
I'm rude, call me an asshole.

380
00:14:08,087 --> 00:14:09,689
Call me a [bleep] dick,
you know?

381
00:14:09,689 --> 00:14:11,390
That's what I want
in New York City.

382
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:12,725
You know I can't just be--

383
00:14:12,725 --> 00:14:17,163
- Oh shit, oh shit, okay, okay.
[laughs]

384
00:14:17,163 --> 00:14:19,298
- Yeah, you get it.
You get it.

385
00:14:19,298 --> 00:14:21,867
So if I get rude, you put me
in my [bleep] place.

386
00:14:21,867 --> 00:14:24,637
All right, brother?
[laughs]

387
00:14:24,637 --> 00:14:26,372
- All right, let's start
it again.

388
00:14:26,372 --> 00:14:27,640
All right salami, provolone--

389
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,241
- Oh, you starting from
the beginning?

390
00:14:29,241 --> 00:14:31,010
Now, okay,
now this I don't like.

391
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:33,479
Okay, you got it, you got it
the salami and provolone.

392
00:14:33,479 --> 00:14:36,649
You got it, I'm sorry.
I apologize again.

393
00:14:36,649 --> 00:14:38,751
- Uh, well, what is that
a roll, a hero?

394
00:14:38,751 --> 00:14:40,353
- I'm sorry, Victor, I know--
I don't want to bulls--

395
00:14:40,353 --> 00:14:41,687
I don't want to waste
your time.

396
00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,656
I know there ain't no
bullshitting with Victor.

397
00:14:43,656 --> 00:14:45,124
I apologize. Let me shut up.

398
00:14:45,124 --> 00:14:47,126
- No, it's good. You good.
Don't worry about it.

399
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:48,527
You good. You good, man.

400
00:14:48,527 --> 00:14:50,062
- I appreciate you, bro.
I appreciate you.

401
00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:51,797
'Cause you gotta teach some of
them other workers there

402
00:14:51,797 --> 00:14:53,265
to stick up for themselves.

403
00:14:53,265 --> 00:14:54,700
They need
some type of training....

404
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:57,236
- Yeah.
<i>- To deal with New York City.</i>

405
00:14:57,236 --> 00:14:59,238
If like my mom come in there--

406
00:14:59,238 --> 00:15:01,040
- Got to get it together,
right?

407
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:02,875
- You gotta get it together,
Victor.

408
00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:04,377
You know if I tell you,

409
00:15:04,377 --> 00:15:06,245
"Hey, your [bleep] sandwiches
ain't shit,"

410
00:15:06,245 --> 00:15:09,115
you gotta come at me and go,
"Yo mama ain't shit!"

411
00:15:09,115 --> 00:15:11,317
You know, Victor?
[laughs]

412
00:15:11,317 --> 00:15:13,419
- My brother, all right, man.

413
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:15,254
- I can tell you a New Yorker,
Victor.

414
00:15:15,254 --> 00:15:17,957
You a New Yorker.
- Yes, yes, all the way, baby.

415
00:15:17,957 --> 00:15:20,192
- You guys got any desserts
right now?

416
00:15:20,192 --> 00:15:23,362
- Oh, sure, I got a cheesecake
with raspberry on top.

417
00:15:23,362 --> 00:15:25,798
- Oh, I don't--I'm allergic
to [bleep] cheesecake.

418
00:15:25,798 --> 00:15:28,401
You trying to
kill me out there, Victor?

419
00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:29,869
- The what--
the cheese?

420
00:15:29,869 --> 00:15:31,437
- No, I mean,
I can have cheese,

421
00:15:31,437 --> 00:15:33,639
but I'd be overloaded
with that cheesecake.

422
00:15:33,639 --> 00:15:36,275
I can't breathe, Victor.

423
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:40,046
- Yeah, yeah, I got a--man, you
should take the apple, uh,

424
00:15:40,046 --> 00:15:42,648
banana, blueberry cake.
Good, man.

425
00:15:42,648 --> 00:15:45,985
- That's the one, that's the
one you recommend? Because--

426
00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:48,120
- Yeah, man, it's so good, man.

427
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,655
- All right, that's what
I like about you, man.

428
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:52,425
See, you everything for me.
You put me in my place.

429
00:15:52,425 --> 00:15:54,193
You my life coach.

430
00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:57,129
You keep me away from
eating food that'll kill me.

431
00:15:57,129 --> 00:15:59,765
I love--man you the best.
You the best.

432
00:15:59,765 --> 00:16:02,168
Everybody need a Victor,
especially that bitch Sampson

433
00:16:02,168 --> 00:16:03,769
down in 17th Street Market.

434
00:16:03,769 --> 00:16:05,805
They don't know what they
doing over there.

435
00:16:05,805 --> 00:16:07,306
<i>Ha ha ha.</i>
<i>[line clicks]</i>

436
00:16:07,306 --> 00:16:08,307
<i>Victor?</i>

437
00:16:08,307 --> 00:16:10,309
You gotta call me a bitch

438
00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:12,178
before you hang up on me,
Victor.

439
00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:17,483
<i>[line trilling]</i>

440
00:16:17,483 --> 00:16:19,585
[click, beep]
- Can I help you?

441
00:16:19,585 --> 00:16:22,188
- Hey, I was just talking with
Victor and, uh,

442
00:16:22,188 --> 00:16:23,522
we got disconnected.
I was trying

443
00:16:23,522 --> 00:16:25,691
to finish my order with him.

444
00:16:25,691 --> 00:16:29,829
- Oh, sure. You left off
with the cake, correct?

445
00:16:29,829 --> 00:16:32,765
- Yes, yes, you got it.
You got it, I appreciate that.

446
00:16:32,765 --> 00:16:36,502
I just wanted to get that
Bernie Madoff meatball sandwich

447
00:16:36,502 --> 00:16:38,537
and then Victor promised
he'd tell me

448
00:16:38,537 --> 00:16:40,139
to go [bleep] myself
when he hung up.

449
00:16:40,139 --> 00:16:41,340
And it was our inside joke.

450
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:42,942
Don't think
that he was being rude.

451
00:16:42,942 --> 00:16:46,312
- Is this a delivery or pickup?
- This'll be pickup, pickup.

452
00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:48,180
- Okay.
I'll see you here then.

453
00:16:48,180 --> 00:16:50,049
- Okay, could you tell me
to go [bleep] myself?

454
00:16:50,049 --> 00:16:53,519
I don't care go ahead.
- No, no. No, not at all.

455
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:57,389
You're more than welcome to
come sooner, anytime you want.

456
00:16:57,389 --> 00:16:58,824
- You know me long enough,

457
00:16:58,824 --> 00:17:01,193
you'll tell me to go
[bleep] myself.

458
00:17:01,193 --> 00:17:02,895
- All right, I'll see ya here.

459
00:17:02,895 --> 00:17:05,264
- See you soon. [Bleep] now.
[laughs]

460
00:17:05,264 --> 00:17:08,534
- Buh-bye.
<i>[line clicks]</i>

461
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:12,271
She didn't have
the same energy as Victor.

462
00:17:12,271 --> 00:17:14,440
- You can either seat
eight people in there

463
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,276
or you can put down all
the backseats and have

464
00:17:17,276 --> 00:17:19,945
plenty of space in the back.
- Oh, wow.

465
00:17:19,945 --> 00:17:21,914
You know about them backseats,
huh?

466
00:17:21,914 --> 00:17:25,851
- Well, I've--I've definitely
traveled all over Alaska,

467
00:17:25,851 --> 00:17:27,153
and, uh--
- And you definitely

468
00:17:27,153 --> 00:17:29,021
let some backseats down.

469
00:17:29,021 --> 00:17:31,190
You had sex with girls
in backseats before, man.

470
00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:34,093
Come on, man. You sound
like a freak just like me.

471
00:17:35,128 --> 00:17:37,831
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h- Let’s go to Al--They don’t
know who Spoonie is in Alaska.</font>

472
00:17:37,831 --> 00:17:40,732
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[line trills]</i></font>

473
00:17:41,425 --> 00:17:43,897
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[trilling]</i></font>

474
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,831
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Hello, this is [bleep]
\h\hreturning your call.</font>

475
00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:47,633
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}How may I help you?</font>

476
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,600
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Uh, yes, me and my wife
\h\h\h\h\hjust got here.</font>

477
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,699
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}We are two Black people
\h\h\h\hfrom Brooklyn.</font>

478
00:17:53,699 --> 00:17:57,260
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\hAnd we just got to this
beautiful place in Alaska.</font>

479
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:01,633
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\hIt is incredible.
We got here yesterday.</font>

480
00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:03,359
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}So we want to rent a car.</font>

481
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,260
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hWe want to
make a baby in Alaska.</font>

482
00:18:05,260 --> 00:18:07,326
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.
- We probably gonna have to</font>

483
00:18:07,326 --> 00:18:10,831
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}do it in the car, ’cause we
want to do it in the woods.</font>

484
00:18:10,831 --> 00:18:14,468
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h- So if you’re looking at
having enough space in the back</font>

485
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,534
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h<i>\hto sleep--
</i>- Oh, yeah, you got my--</font>

486
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:19,699
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}You reading my mind, man.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- [laughs]</font>

487
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,732
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}So I have a premium SUV.</font>

488
00:18:21,732 --> 00:18:23,996
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Well, I’m a--I’m
a well-endowed guy</font>

489
00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:26,699
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}so I’m gonna need some space.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Okay.</font>

490
00:18:26,699 --> 00:18:28,534
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}So yes, I have a premium SUV.</font>

491
00:18:28,534 --> 00:18:31,567
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}And you can either seat
\height people in there</font>

492
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:33,666
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}or you can put down
\hall the backseats</font>

493
00:18:33,666 --> 00:18:35,798
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and have plenty of space
\h\h\h\h\h\hin the back.</font>

494
00:18:35,798 --> 00:18:39,095
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Oh wow. You know about them
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbackseats, huh?</font>

495
00:18:39,095 --> 00:18:42,798
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Well, I’ve--I’ve definitely
\h\htraveled all over Alaska.</font>

496
00:18:42,798 --> 00:18:44,996
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hAnd, uh--
- And you definitely</font>

497
00:18:44,996 --> 00:18:46,633
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}let some backseats down.</font>

498
00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:49,194
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hYou had sex with girls
in backseats before, man.</font>

499
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:49,897
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Come on, man.</font>

500
00:18:49,897 --> 00:18:51,633
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}You sound like a freak,
\h\h\h\h\hjust like me.</font>

501
00:18:51,633 --> 00:18:54,831
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- So how long were you looking
\h\h\h\hat renting the vehicle?</font>

502
00:18:54,831 --> 00:18:56,930
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}You just need it
for one day or--</font>

503
00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:58,963
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h- A few hours?
A couple of minutes.</font>

504
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:02,326
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I’m--I--I--I’m not ashamed
\hto say I’m a minute man.</font>

505
00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:04,468
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Ten minutes, a minute,
\h\hshe still love me.</font>

506
00:19:04,468 --> 00:19:06,798
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h- So you want to rent
the vehicle for one day,</font>

507
00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:08,600
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and the vehicle does
\h\h\h\h\hcome with--</font>

508
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,534
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Can I tell you something?</font>

509
00:19:09,534 --> 00:19:13,963
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I was actually born in the same
\hcar that I was conceived in.</font>

510
00:19:13,963 --> 00:19:18,359
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h- That’s impressive.
- That’s crazy, right?</font>

511
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:19,425
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Oh, yeah, that’s--</font>

512
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,699
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- My father didn’t
get rid of the car.</font>

513
00:19:21,699 --> 00:19:24,062
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}Still had the stains
all over the backseat</font>

514
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,128
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}and everything, man.</font>

515
00:19:25,128 --> 00:19:29,062
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hYou know something else?
My cousin, my first cousin,</font>

516
00:19:29,062 --> 00:19:32,666
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hhis name is Anthony,
he was born in a tank.</font>

517
00:19:32,666 --> 00:19:34,930
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\hA army tank.
- That’s pretty crazy.</font>

518
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:38,425
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- My whole family was born
and conceived in vehicles.</font>

519
00:19:38,425 --> 00:19:42,425
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Uh, that sounds pretty,
\h\h\h\h\h\hpretty epic.</font>

520
00:19:42,425 --> 00:19:43,897
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Hey, could I ask you
\h\h\h\h\h\ha question?</font>

521
00:19:43,897 --> 00:19:46,062
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h- Yes, sir.
- If y’all find like</font>

522
00:19:46,062 --> 00:19:48,326
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}used condoms and stuff
\h\hall over the place,</font>

523
00:19:48,326 --> 00:19:49,227
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}I won’t get sued, do I?</font>

524
00:19:49,227 --> 00:19:53,534
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Uh, you shouldn’t get sued.
\hUm, I recommend taking out,</font>

525
00:19:53,534 --> 00:19:56,699
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}uh, the trash if there’s any
\hextra trash in the vehicle.</font>

526
00:19:56,699 --> 00:19:57,897
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Could I ask you
another question?</font>

527
00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:01,666
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}What is the shape of the gear
\hshift, ’cause she’s freaky.</font>

528
00:20:01,666 --> 00:20:02,765
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}She gets very freaky.</font>

529
00:20:02,765 --> 00:20:05,161
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Sir, I can definitely
\hrent you the vehicle,</font>

530
00:20:05,161 --> 00:20:08,468
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}um, but I won’t be able to
\hcontinue the conversation</font>

531
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:11,798
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\hif it keeps going--
- You know something?</font>

532
00:20:11,798 --> 00:20:12,897
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}You know something?</font>

533
00:20:12,897 --> 00:20:17,392
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}My great-great grandfather
\h\h\hwas born in a blimp.</font>

534
00:20:17,392 --> 00:20:19,567
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}He died ’cause he fell out
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe blimp.</font>

535
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:23,095
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h- Um--
- Do you have tinted windows?</font>

536
00:20:23,095 --> 00:20:25,732
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- The ones in the back of
\h\h\h\hthe premium SUV?</font>

537
00:20:25,732 --> 00:20:28,534
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- I don’t want the tinted
\hwindows, ’cause I want</font>

538
00:20:28,534 --> 00:20:33,029
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}hitchhikers and animals
\h\h\h\h\hto watch us.</font>

539
00:20:33,029 --> 00:20:36,161
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Okay, um, sir,
\hI won’t be able</font>

540
00:20:36,161 --> 00:20:37,359
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}to continue the conversation</font>

541
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,293
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}if it keeps going
\hthis direction.</font>

542
00:20:39,293 --> 00:20:41,095
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- D y’all have a unicycle?</font>

543
00:20:41,095 --> 00:20:43,600
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- Uh, we do not currently
\h\h\h\h\hrent unicycles.</font>

544
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:47,732
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}- My aunt was born on
\h\h\h\h\ha unicycle.</font>

545
00:20:47,732 --> 00:20:49,095
<font face="Monospace">{\an7}<i>[line clicks]</i></font>

546
00:20:54,816 --> 00:21:01,623
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

547
00:21:16,972 --> 00:21:18,606
<i>- Look at that.</i>

548
00:21:20,575 --> 00:21:23,178
<i>[singing]</i>
<i>MTV</i>