>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"!"
TONIGHT, KRISTEN STEWART. JOSH DUHAMEL.
BENNETT FROM "THE BACHELORETTE." AND MUSIC FROM JAMES TAYLOR.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> HI, I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST.
THANKS FOR WATCHING. IT'S A HALF HOLIDAY WORK.
WE'RE HALF AT WORK. OUR PRESIDENT WAS HALF AT WORK.
"PUNXSUDONNY PHIL" EMERGED FROM HIS HOLE FOR NOT ONE, BUT TWO
PUBLIC APPEARANCES TODAY. TRUMP GAVE A 64 SECOND‐LONG
PRESS CONFERENCE. CAME IN, BRAGGED ABOUT THE STOCK
MARKET, GOT RIGHT OUT OF THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEY SAY ‐‐ THIS WAS TRUMP'S SHORTEST APPEARANCE IN THE
BRIEFING ROOM EVER. HE DIDN'T TAKE QUESTIONS FROM
THE REPORTERS. BUT HE DID DO HIS CEREMONIAL
DUTY IN THE ROSE GARDEN, THAT'S RIGHT, FOR THE ANNUAL PARDON OF
THE WHITE HOUSE TURKEY.
>> I HEREBY GRANT YOU A FULL AND
COMPLETE PARDON.
>> WOW! ALL THE NETWORKS! WE HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT THE LAW!
JUDGES DON'T COUNT!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: ENJOY YOUR NIGHTMARES. IT'S THE FIRST TURKEY BALESED
WITH GRECIAN FORMULA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TRUMP DID THINGS A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR.
INSTEAD OF THE USUAL PARDON, THEY DID A PRISONER EXCHANGE.
WE PARDONED TWO OF THEIRS, THEY SENT US TWO OF OURS. SMART.
WHY LET THE TURKEYS GO FOR NOTHING?
JUST SO THE VICE PRESIDENT DIDN'T FEEL LEFT OUT THIS
MORNING THEY LET MIKE PENCE PARDON A BOWL OF STUFFING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY CANCELED THEIR TRIP TO
MAR‐A‐LAGO THIS WEEK. THEY'RE PLANNING TO SPEND
THANKSGIVING AT THE WHITE HOUSE. WHAT IS THAT DINNER GOING TO BE
LIKE? WHEN THEY GO AROUND THE TABLE
AND ASK WHAT YOU'RE THANKFUL FOR, EVERYONE HAS TO SAY HIM,
RIGHT? IT'S MORE OF A THANKS‐TAKING AT
THE TRUMP HOUSE. YESTERDAY THE GSA PAVED THE WAY
FOR WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED TRANSITION
SINCE CAITLYN JENNER, I GUESS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TEAM BIDEN IS NOW OFFICIALLY IN CONTACT WITH MEMBERS OF THE
OUTGOING ADMINISTRATION. BUT TRUMP STILL REFUSES TO
IDENTIFY HIMSELF AT OUTGOING. HE HAS NOT CONCEDED.
THIS IS DAY 21 OF SQUATTERGATE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND HE IS READY TO EAT HIS OWN. HE IS NOT HAPPY WITH FOX NEWS OR
SOME OF HIS FELLOW REPUBLICANS. THIS MORNING HE EXPRESSED THAT
DISPLEASURE BY RETWEETING ACTOR RANDY QUAID.
HE WROTE, ARE YOU LISTENING, REPUBLICANS?
HE RETWEETED RANDY QUAID FIVE TIMES INCLUDING THIS VIDEO
ATTACK ON FOX NEWS.
>> FOX NEWS DAYTIME RATINGS HAVE
COMPLETELY COLLAPSED.
WEEKEND DAYTIME EVEN WORSE. VERY SAD TO WATCH THIS HAPPEN.
TSK‐TSK.
>> Jimmy: LOOK OUT, KIDS, SANTA'S BEEN EATING BATH SALTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: RANDY QUAID. LET'S JUST SAY HE MAKES GARY
BUSEY LOOK LIKE DR. FAUCI, RANDY QUAID.
[ LAUGHTER ]
FOR THOSE WHO REMEMBER RANDY QUAID AS COUSIN EDDIE FROM THE
"VACATION" MOVIES, HE HAS A LONG LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS OUTSIDE
ACTING. HE'S BEEN ARRESTED A FEW TIMES.
HE TRIED TO GET ASYLUM IN CANADA. HE BELIEVES THERE'S A GROUP
CALLED THE HOLLYWOOD STAR WHACKERS THAT IS PLOTTING TO
KILL HIM. AND OUR PRESIDENT RETWEETED THAT
PERSON FIVE TIMES TODAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS INTERESTING. 54% OF REPUBLICANS SAY THEY'D
VOTE FOR TRUMP IF HE RAN AGAIN IN 2024.
WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A LOT UNTIL YOU CONSIDER THE FACT THAT THREE
WEEKS AGO, 94% OF REPUBLICANS VOTED FOR HIM.
IN THREE WEEKS HE LOST 40%. THEY KNOW HE'S NOT THE ONLY
CHOICE, RIGHT? THERE ARE OTHER REALITY SHOW
STARS. WHAT'S WRONG WITH PRESIDENT DOG
THE BOUNTY HUNTER FOR A WHILE?
[ LAUGHTER ]
VOTING FOR TRUMP IN 2024 WOULD REQUIRE HIM TO LEAVE, AND HE
STILL HASN'T CONCEDED. YOU KNOW, TALKING TO SOME OF MY
THEATER FRIENDS TODAY. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH
THIS REMINDS US OF THE ACT I FINALE OF "DREAMGIRLS."
>> Guillermo: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: REMEMBER?
>> Guillermo: ROE OH, YES.
>> Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENS?
>> Guillermo: OH, MY GOD, IT WAS A GREAT SHOW. OH MY GOD, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> Guillermo: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ANYWAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Guillermo: YEAH, KEEP GOING.
>> Jimmy: WE TOOK THE MUSIC FROM "DREAMGIRLS" AND WE MATCHED THE
PRESIDENT TO IT. AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, HIM NOT
GOING SOUNDS A LOT BETTER WHEN YOU SING IT.
>> THE FOX NEWS DECISION DESK CAN NOW PROJECT THAT FORMER VICE
PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN WILL BECOME THE 46th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES.
>> DONALD TRUMP, THE 45th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
WHETHER HE CHOOSES TO CONCEDE, IS YET TO BE SEEN.
>> AND I AM TELLING YOU, I'M NOT GOING.
I'M THE BEST. WINNER OF THE ELECTION.
THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN. THERE'S NO WAY I CAN EVER GO.
NO, NO, NO, NO. THERE'S NO WAY. NO, NO, NO. NO WAY.
I'M LIVING WITHOUT YOU.
I'M NOT LIVING WITHOUT YOU. I DON'T WANT TO BE FREE!
I'M STAYING. I'M STAYING. AND YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU,
YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE MEEEEE!
♪
TEAR DOWN THE MOUNTAINS AND SHOUT.
SAY WHAT YOU WANT BUT I'M NOT WALKING OUT.
STOP ALL THE RIVERS AND KILL, I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU,
THERE'S NO WAY I WILL. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF I LOSE?
I WILL HAVE LOST TO THE WORST CANDIDATE, THE WORST CANDIDATE
IN THE HISTORY OF PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS. IF I LOSE WHAT DO I DO?
AND I AM TELLING YOU, I AM NOT GOING.
♪
I'M THE BEST PRESIDENT THAT GOD EVER CREATED. REMEMBER THAT.
AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME LOVE ME
LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME. BYE‐BYE!
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: GIVE THAT MAN A SKIN TONING.
NOW YOU SEE WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?
>> Guillermo: YEAH, RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: "DREAMGIRLS."
>> Guillermo: YEAH, "DREAMGIRLS," YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. BY THE WAY, THERE WILL BE NO
BLACK FRIDAY THIS YEAR, NOT IN THE USUAL SENSE.
THERE WILL BE NO DOOR BUSTER SALES OR PEOPLE LINED UP OUTSIDE
BEST BUY FOR A $12 TV SET. MOST STORES ARE OBSERVING COVID
PROTOCOLS. IF YOU WANT TO GET THE FEELING
OF BLACK FRIDAY, IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
JUST BUY SOMETHING ONLINE. WHEN THE AMAZON GUY SHOWS UP,
KNOCK HIM DOWN AND WRESTLE IT OUT OF HIS HANDS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M GOING TO GIVE ALL MY VIEWERS A GIFT RIGHT NOW.
GUILLERMO, YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THIS TOO.
I WANT EVERYONE AT HOME TO TAKE OUT YOUR PHONES AND OPEN THE
CAMERA. I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO TAKE A
SHOT OF YOUR SCREEN. IF YOU HAVE A THANKSGIVING ZOOM
SCHEDULED WITH YOUR FAMILY, MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A
THANKSGIVING ZOOM WITH YOUR FAMILY.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS START A GROUP TEXT AND SEND THEM A
PICTURE OF THIS. IT'S A FAKE TIME WARNER CABLE
ALERT THAT SAYS, WE'RE EXPERIENCING INTERNET SERVICE
ISSUES IN YOUR AREA, THIS COULD TAKE DAYS, WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS
TO FIX, SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
THEN TEXT THEM, SORRY, AUNT SISSY, WE'LL TRY AGAIN NEXT YEAR.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT THANKFUL ENOUGH, BUT YOU WILL BE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE HAVE A NEW EPISODE OF "THE BACHELORETTE" TO BE THANKFUL FOR.
FOUR CONTESTANTS WERE VOTED OUT TONIGHT.
ONCE THE RESULTS ARE CERTIFIED, THEY WILL BE SENT TO THEIR HOMES.
ON LAST WEEK'S EPISODE, ONE OF THE GROUP DATES LAST WEEK
INVOLVED A BUNCH OF THE GUYS PARTICIPATING IN SOMETHING THEY
CALLED THE GROWN‐ASS MAN CHALLENGE.
WHICH WAS, "A," STUPID. ALSO AN ATHLETIC, ROMANTIC, AND
MENTAL CHALLENGE. THE MENTAL PART OF WHICH QUICKLY
CLAIMED A VICTIM NAMED BENNETT.
>> HOW MANY ROSES DOES TAYSHIA HAVE LEFT?
>> THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS 15.
>> BENNETT GOT IT WRONG.
>> SPELL LIMOUSINE.
>> THREE, TWO, ONE ‐‐ OH, BENNETT FORGET THE "U."
>> WAIT, WHO WENT TO HARVARD?
>> Jimmy: BENNETT MISSED A FEW EASY QUESTIONS, WHICH IS HARD
FOR SOMEONE WHO WENT TO HARVARD UNIVERSITY TO SHAKE OFF.
SO WE DECIDED TO GIVE BENNETT A SECOND CHANCE AT SMART, HE IS
WITH US LIVE. HELLO, BENNETT, HOW ARE YOU?
>> GREAT, HOW ARE YOU, GYJIMMY?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. HAVE YOU BEEN GETTING A LOT OF
FEEDBACK FROM YOUR IN THE QUIZ?
>> I'D SAY THAT'S FAIR. I'VE BEEN HEARING FROM PEOPLE
FROM HARVARD AND ACROSS THE BOARD HATING ON IT.
I'M HERE TO REDEEM MYSELF TONIGHT.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU GO THE HARVARD? IT'S LIKE THE ONE ‐‐ THE
UNIVERSITY, RIGHT? NOT THE SCHOOL OF COSMETOLOGY OR
ANYTHING?
>> NOT THE EXTENSION SCHOOL. THE ONE AND ONLY, IN FACT, YES.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WAS YOUR MAJOR AT HARVARD?
>> GOVERNMENT.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU READY TO PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT YOU ARE NOT
THE WEAK‐BRAINED IMPOSTER MANY NOW BELIEVE YOU TO BE?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK ‐‐ YEAH, THERE'S ONE, YOU KNOW, STUPID
HARVARD GUY ON THE JIMMY KIMMEL SHOW AND WOULD LOVE TO LEAVE
THAT MATT DAMON'S ROLE, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YES, VERY WELL SAID, SEE? YOU'RE SMART ALL RIGHT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I WANT TO SAY BENNETT DOESN'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THESE
QUESTIONS, IT'S NOT FIXED. IF YOU KNOW THEM, YOU KNOW THEM.
IF YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T. I ONLY PICK QUESTIONS THAT A
BACHELOR SHOULD KNOW, OKAY? LET'S BEGIN.
YOU HAVE A DRY ERASE BOARD? OKAY GREAT.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> Jimmy: FIRST UP, SPELL CHLAMYDIA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS, IT'S ON THE SHOW.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: GIVE IT A RUN.
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
YOU'RE IN YOUR MOM'S BEDROOM?
>> I AM IN MY MOM'S BEDROOM.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. VERY GOOD, THAT IS EXACTLY
RIGHT, BENNETT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
EXACTLY RIGHT. QUESTION NUMBER TWO IS A MATH
PROBLEM. LISTEN VERY CLOSELY, BENNETT.
CLARE HAS 20 ROSES. IF SHE GIVES THREE‐QUARTERS OF
THEM TO DALE AND ONE TO CHRIS HARRISON AS A TIP, HOW MANY
ROSES DOES SHE HAVE LEFT? SHE GIVES ‐‐
>> 4.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, BENNETT, THAT'S 4!
[ APPLAUSE ]
NEXT, VOCABULARY QUESTION. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS A
SYNONYM FOR THE WORD FALLACIOUS? DECEITFUL, AWKWARD, SEXUAL,
IMPAIRED?
FALLACIOUS.
>> CAN YOU GIVE ME THE FOUR OPTIONS AGAIN?
>> Jimmy: DECEITFUL, AWKWARD, SEXUAL, IMPAIRED.
>> CAN YOU USE IT IN A SENTENCE?
>> Jimmy: WELL, THAT WOULD KIND OF DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
>> SORRY, THAT'S AN OLD SPELLING BEE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT, THIS IS NOT SPELLING.
>> GOT IT, OKAY. DECEITFUL ‐‐ SAY THE OTHER ONES?
>> Jimmy: AWKWARD, SEXUAL, IMPAIRED.
>> I'M GOING TO SAY DECEITFUL.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS RIGHT, BENNETT, IT IS DECEITFUL.
>> IMPAIRED COULD HAVE GONE EITHER WAY THERE.
THAT'S SORT OF AN AMBIGUOUS ‐‐ YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT ANY
DIRECTION. I'M GLAD I GOT THAT WORKED OUT.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, NO NEED TO ARGUE, YOU GOT IT RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. BENNETT, YOU HAVE 15 SECONDS.
LET'S PUT THE TIMER UP. TO UNSCRAMBLE THIS FIVE‐LEARN
WORD.
>> Jimmy: TIME IS UP. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR US,
BENNETT?
>> LET'S SAY ‐‐ SHOOT. I'M STRUGGLING ON THIS ONE.
BONER?
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> NAILED IT.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. WINN LAST BONUS QUESTION.
ARE YOU READY?
>> AWESOME, LET'S DO IT.
>> Jimmy: SPELL "TAYSHIA."
>> OH, GOT IT.
♪
>> Jimmy: IS THAT CORRECT, BENNETT! CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU GET TO DEEP YOUR DIPLOMA.
>> THANK GOODNESS, THANK GOODNESS.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, BENNETT, I APPRECIATE YOUR DOING THAT.
I HOPE THAT GETS THAT MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK, YOU KNOW?
>> I NEEDED THAT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I APPRECIATE IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, BENNETT. "THE BACHELOR," TUESDAY NIGHTS
ON ABC. WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. JOSH DUHAMEL IS HERE. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM JAMES TAYLOR.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH KRISTEN STEWART!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW. TONIGHT FROM THE NEW MOVIE
"BUDDY GAMES" WHICH IS BASED ON A COMPETITION HE HOLDS WITH HIS
FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE, JOSH DUHAMEL IS HERE TONIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEN LATER, ONE OF THE ALL‐TIME GREATS, HIS NEW ONE IS CALL IDEA
OVER THE RAINBOW, THE AMERICAN STANDARD EP," MUSIC FROM JAMES
TAYLOR, WHO IS FANTASTIC.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
12 YEARS AGO OUR FIRST GUEST HELPED SPAWN A FRENZY FOR
SPARKLY VAMPIRES AND WEREWOLVES WITHOUT SHIRTS.
HER NEW CHRISTMAS MOVIE HAS NATHER OF THOSE THINGS WHICH IS
PERFECT FOR THIS TIME OF YEAR," HAPPIEST SEASON" PREMIERES ON
HULU TOMORROW. PLEASE WELCOME KRISTEN STEWART!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> GOOD, REALLY GOOD.
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR COMING IN PERSON AND BEING HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WE WERE LONELY.
>> I KNOW, I FEEL THE SAME WAY, I JUMPED AT THIS.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU BEEN INSIDE A LOT?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF IT?
>> YEAH, I MISS PEOPLE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT I HAVE THIS SORT OF
LIKE LONER, SEXY SORT OF THING GOING ON, BUT ACTUALLY I'M LIKE
DESPERATE TO BE AROUND LOTS MORE PEOPLE. WHERE'S EVERYONE?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I THINK WE HAVE ANOTHER 4 1/2 MONTHS OF THIS.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO KEEP BUSY?
HAVE YOU BEEN ‐‐ I KNOW YOU LIKE TO COOK, RIGHT?
>> I DO.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO, YEAH. WHAT KIND OF THINGS DO YOU COOK?
>> IT'S FUNNY. WHENEVER ANYONE ASKS ME THAT I'M
ALWAYS LIKE, I MEAN, EVERYTHING. THEN IT SUDDENLY TURNS INTO,
NAME IT. I CAN DO THAT, WHAT ELSE?
I CAN DO THAT.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ABOUT ‐‐ SO DO YOU COOK FROM A COOK WOULD
INCOME OR MAKE THINGS UP?
>> I TEND TO BE A LITTLE ‐‐ YEAH A LITTLE BIT MORE INSTINCTIVE.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE A CHALLENGE?
IT'S 11:00, WE HAVE NOTHING PLANNED TO EAT, I'M GOING TO GO
IN THE PANTRY AND SEE WHAT I CAN COME UP WITH?
>> I DO.
>> Jimmy: BRING OUT THE PANTRY! NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I LIKE THAT TOO, THAT'S MY FAVORITE THING.
SOMEBODY'S HUNGRY, IT'S LATE, YOU JUST GO THROUGH THE STUFF
AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING. THEN IF IT'S GREAT, YOU CAN'T
REMEMBER HOW YOU DID IT.
>> I KNOW. GOD, THAT HAPPENS OFTEN.
IF IT'S TERRIBLE, YOU JUST GO, LOOK, IT'S NOT MY FAULT, I
DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING, YOU'RE LUCKY THAT I COOKED FOR
YOU.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT. YOU ARE SPENDING THANKSGIVING
WITH YOUR PARENTS OR WHAT?
>> YEAH, WE ACTUALLY ALREADY DID IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID?
>> YEAH. SO WE DID A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO,
WE MADE TACOS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MY MOM DOESN'T LIKE TURKEY. OF COURSE.
SHE'S, YOU KNOW ‐‐ SHE GOES AGAINST THE GRAIN.
SHE'S A BIT OF A CONTRARIAN. SHE'S LIKE, I DON'T LIKE TURKEY.
I LOVE IT, SO I'M GOING TO DO THAT ON A DIFFERENT DAY, SO WE
HUNG OUT AND DID TACOS.
>> Jimmy: HAS THAT BEEN A THING SINCE YOU WERE A KID, NOT DOING
TURKEY?
>> NOT DOING TURKEY BUT NOT TACOS.
JUST ANY ‐‐ HANG OUT IN THE KITCHEN AND BICKER.
WE MADE SOMETHING, WE'RE GOING TO EAT IT.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT WHY ‐‐ DO YOU THINK THAT'S WHY YOU COOK?
IS IT LIKE, OH, MY MOM DIDN'T COOK SO MY REBELLION WILL BE TO
GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE STUFF?
>> NO, NOT SO MUCH. I GUESS MY DAD, HE COOKS.
MOM DOES COOK, JUST NOT TURKEY ON THAT DAY.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> SHE MAKES TURKEY ON OTHER DAYS. JUST NOT ON THANKSGIVING.
>> Jimmy: DOES SHE DO THAT WITH OTHER HOLIDAYS?
LIKE FOURTH OF JULY, WILL SHE ORDER A PIZZA OR SOMETHING LIKE
THAT?
>> WE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ORDER PIZZA IN MY HOUSE, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: INTERESTING. YOU BROUGHT SOME PHOTOGRAPHS OF
SOME OF THE FOOD YOU'VE BEEN MAKING.
AND I COULD ‐‐ THIS IS MY THING. NOW THAT'S A GOOD‐LOOKING ‐‐
FIRST, YOU'VE GOT A CHINESE PLATE THERE WITH ‐‐
>> DUDE, HOW SICK ARE THOSE PLATES?
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE GREAT PLATES.
>> LOVE THEM.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT A BOLONGNASE
SAUCE?
>> I IT IS.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT A CACCIO PEPE?
>> IT IS.
>> Jimmy: I'M ‐‐ THIS MIGHT BE A
SICILIAN, VENETIAN, RATHER, DISH. SPAGHETTI ‐‐ NOT SPAGHETTI.
IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER CUT OF PASTA. MAYBE A FAT FETTUCINI OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> I LOVE THAT. FAT FETTUCINI.
>> Jimmy: IS IT A VENETIAN STYLE PASTA?
>> GOSH, I GUESS SO. YES, YES, IT'S VENETIAN.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE HUMORING ME NOW.
>> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT'S CALLED.
>> YOU MADE IT UP?
>> I MADE IT UP.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. WERE THOSE EGG IN THIS.
>> LITTLE EGGIES. ISN'T IT ORANGE? IT.
>> CAN GO BOTH WAYS.
>> GOTCHA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SO WHAT DID I PUT IN THAT PASTA?
THERE'S LANGOSTINES. I THINK THIS WAS AROUND THE TIME
OF THE VERY LONG AND EXTENDED ELECTION AND WE WERE LIKE, WE
NEED CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER!
THEN I WAS LIKE DRINKING LOTS OF CHAMPAGNE.
BEING LIKE, I CAN'T EAT ANY MORE CAVIAR.
WE HAD A LITTLE BIT LEFT, I MADE A PASTA.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU MAKE THE PASTA YOURSELF?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU CRANK IT OUT? OR GO THROUGH A MACHINE?
>> SO I CRANKED IT OUT.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> THEN ALSO ‐‐ BUT THAT'S A MACHINE.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH.
>> YOU COULD DO IT ALL BY HAND BUT I USE THE LITTLE THING ‐‐
THERE IS A MORE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S THE ‐‐ THAT'S DOING IT BY HAND, REALLY.
I MEAN, YOU COULD CUT IT WITH A KNIFE, BUT NOBODY REALLY DOES
THAT.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: NO, YOU'RE DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY.
>> RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: I APPROVE OF ALL YOUR DECISIONS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DID NO KNEADING. THANKS, I'M GLAD.
WASN'T REALLY LOOKING FOR YOUR ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I KNOW. BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THAT I
GIVE IT THE STAMP OF APPROVAL. YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?
>> OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
>> Jimmy: I ‐‐
>> I LOVE PROVING THING.
>> I ENJOYED YOUR MOVIE, BY THE WAY. THIS IS ‐‐ YOU GOT A LOT OF
FUNNY PEOPLE IN THIS MOVIE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHICH MAKES IT MORE FUN TO DO.
WHEN DID YOU SHOOT THIS FILM?
>> RIGHT BEFORE WE ALL WENT INSIDE FOR OUR LONG REPRIEVE.
IT WAS IN JANUARY.
>> Jimmy: IN JANUARY. YOU GOT IT DONE IN TIME FOR THE
PLAGUE, THE APOCALYPSE?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ALTHOUGH AT THAT TIME YOU HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE RACING
AGAINST THE CLOCK.
>> NO, AND IT'S FUNNY. YEAH, IN RETROSPECT, WE ALL HAD
THE MOST COZY, WARM, KIND OF TOGETHER, BIG ENSEMBLE
EXPERIENCE, WHICH IS RARE. WE ALL REALLY DID LIKE EACH
OTHER. GOING IN I WAS LIKE, OKAY, SO
THAT'S DEFINITELY FOREVER HOW YOU DO IT.
I JUST AM SO, LIKE ‐‐ I FEEL SO LUCKY THAT I HAVE SUCH A SORT OF
LIKE GROUP‐ORIENTED MOVIE RIGHT BEFORE BY ALL WENT INSIDE.
IN THE MOMENT I WAS TOTALLY TAKING IT FOR GRANTED, LIKE THIS
IS GREAT! NOW I'M LIKE, WHOA, THAT WAS
REALLY INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCE.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU GUYS ALREADY TALKED ABOUT DOING A SEQUEL TO
THE MOVIE, JUST TO GET THE GROUP TOGETHER AGAIN?
>> WOUI WOULD LOVE THAT SO MUCH
>> Jimmy: WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE PERSON ON THE MOVIE?
>> OH, BOY. OH ‐‐
>> Jimmy: REMEMBER, A LOT OF FEELINGS ARE RIDING ON THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I KNOW. I'M PROJECTING THAT THIS MATTERS
TO ALL THESE PEOPLE. THEY DON'T CARE.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT LET'S TAKE A BREAK, YOU CAN THINK
ABOUT IT. WHEN WE COME BACK, YOU WILL
DECLARE THE WINNER. YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE MOVIE
"HAPPIEST SEASON." KRISTEN STEWART IS HERE, WE'LL
BE RIGHT BACK!
>>> HARPER ISN'T OUT, HER PARENT DON'T KNOW WE'RE TOGETHER.
>> I ALWAYS FELT LIKE SOMETHING WAS OFF.
YOU CAN'T GO A YEAR WITHOUT MEETING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER'S
PARENTS, TRUST ME, I HAVE TRIED.
>> SHE DOES PLAN ON TELLING THEM IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.
>> THEIR PARENTS ARE BELIEVING THEIR STRAIGHT DAUGHTER BROUGHT
HOME HER LESBIAN FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS?
>> NO, THEY ALSO THINK THAT I'M ‐‐ THAT I'M STRAIGHT.
>> HAVE THEY EVER MET A LESBIAN?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS KRISTEN STEWART AND DAN LEVY IN
"HAPPIEST SEASON" WHICH PREMIERES TOMORROW ON HULU.
HE'S A FUNNY GUY, DAN.
>> HE'S SO FUNNY, I CAN'T BE AROUND HIM AND NOT BE CONSTANTLY
LIT UP.
>> Jimmy: WAS HE YOUR FAVORITE? IS HE THE ONE YOU WERE THINKING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SOMETIMES. ASK ME IN FIVE MINUTES. BUT YES.
>> Jimmy: NOW HE'S ON THE PHONE. YOU GUYS HAVE A COUPLE OF SCENES
TOGETHER BUT HE'S ON THE PHONE WITH YOU A LOT.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU WERE IN DIFFERENT CITIES?
OR WERE YOU ON ONE SET NEXT TO THE OTHER ONE?
>> WE ACTUALLY DID ALWAYS SHOOT NOT SIMULTANEOUSLY, BUT WE
DID ‐‐ LIKE WE WEREN'T HAVING ANOTHER PERSON READ OUR OFF
CAMERA, HE WAS PROBABLY IN HIS HOLT ROOM WITH HIS FEET UP WHILE
I WAS SHOOTING THAT AND VICE VERSA.
>> Jimmy: INTERESTING. SO YOU SHOT ‐‐ WELL, I GUESS IT
DOESN'T MATTER.
>> LET ME LEAD YOU THROUGH THAT AGAIN.
SO WHAT PROBABLY HAPPENED WAS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: SO THIS IS A MOVIE WHAT IS YOU'RE SAYING.
THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AUBREY PLAZA, ANNA GAS, ALISON BRIE, MARY ST
STEENBURGEN IS IN THE MOVIE, A GOOD GROUP.
MARY STEINSTEENBURGEN, SHE'S BE SO MANY GREAT MOVIES.
TO WORK WITH SOMEBODY LIKE THAT HAS GOT TO BE ‐‐
>> I LOVE HER SO MUCH. WHEN I MET HER I THINK I WAS
ALREADY ‐‐ JUST STARTED LAUGHING. BECAUSE I JUST HAVE SENSE
MEMORY. I HAVE A PHYSICAL REACTION TO
EVEN SEEING HER FACE. I WAS LIKE, HI, OH MY GOD, IT'S
YOU. LIKE HERE, ONE OF MY FAVORITE
ACTORS. I HAVEN'T DONE ANY COMEDIES,
REALLY. THERE HAVE BEEN ELEMENTS OF
COMEDY IN MOVIES I'VE DONE. TO WATCH HER TAKE ONE JOKE AND
MULTIPLY IT INTO 50 IN THE COURSE OF 30 SECONDS AND GO ON
THESE TEARS? MY JAW WOULD START HANGING OPEN,
I WOULD FORGET TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SCENE.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE ALSO PLAYING PRINCESS DIANA, WHICH IS A ROLE
THAT I WAS BEING CONSIDERED FOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE AWARE OF THAT.
>> I AM NOT.
>> Jimmy: AND I'M NOT BITTER ABOUT IT, BUT CONGRATULATIONS.
IT'S REALLY GREAT FOR YOU.
>> I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU TOO.
>> Jimmy: I DIDN'T GET IT, SO DON'T BE HAPPY FOR ME.
>> I COULDN'T DO YOUR JOB.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S ‐‐ BY THE WAY, THAT HAS GOT TO BE A TOUGH ‐‐
BECAUSE YOU GOT TO ‐‐ WHEN YOU GET HANDED A ROLE LIKE THAT,
WHERE EVERYBODY ‐‐ NOT ONLY DOES EVERYBODY, AT LEAST OF MY AGE,
KNOW WHAT PRINCESS DIANA WAS LIKE, AT LEAST FROM TELEVISION,
BUT ONE OF THE MOST BELOVED FIGURES IN THE HISTORY OF THE
WORLD. I'M NOT LOOKING TO GIVE YOU ‐‐
ADD PRESSURE TO YOUR LIFE.
>> YEAH. NO, IT'S GOOD. IT MAKES ME STAND AT ATTENTION
THE BEST I CAN.
>> Jimmy: YOU, DO THAT ACTUALLY HELPS YOU, GETS YOU MORE
PREPARED FOR THE ROLE?
>> YEAH. YEAH, OF COURSE. I FEEL SORT OF THE SAME WAY
ABOUT HER. IT HAPPENED REALLY QUICKLY.
I DIDN'T GROW UP WITH HER MAYBE IN THE SAME WAY.
I WAS REALLY YOUNG WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY.
I REMEMBER THIS ‐‐ I REMEMBER THE FLOWERS.
I REMEMBER BEING LIKE WHAT ARE ALL OF THOSE ‐‐ I'VE NEVER SEEN
SO MANY IN ONE PLACE. I WAS REALLY YOUNG, DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT WAS GOING ON. BUT NOW ‐‐ IT'S HARD NOT TO FEEL
PROTECTIVE OVER HER. SHE WAS LIKE SO YOUNG AND
OBVIOUSLY ‐‐ SHE COMES OUT TO HERE.
I MEAN, EVERYONE'S PERSPECTIVE IS DIFFERENT AND THERE'S NO WAY
TO GET ANYTHING RIGHT BECAUSE OF WHAT IS FACT IN RELATION TO
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. MY MOVIE TAKES PLACE OVER THREE
DAYS AND IT'S THIS REALLY POETIC INTERNAL IMAGINING WHAT WAS THAT
MIGHT HAVE FELT LIKE, RATHER THAN GIVING YOU INFORMATION.
SO WE KIND OF DON'T HAVE A MARK TO HIT, WE JUST ALL SO LOVE HER.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU WATCHING VIDEOS OF HER, LISTENING TO HER
VOICE ON TAPE?
>> I FALL ASLEEP WITH THAT IN MY HEAD YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WILL YOU GROW YOUR OWN HAIR OUT, OR WILL YOU BE AFFIXED
WITH A WIG ON WIG YOU USE YOUR PASTA MAKE TORE COME UP WITH
SOMETHING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WELL, I GUESS ‐‐
>> WE KEEP THESE CLOSE TO THE CHEST.
NO PROBABLY ‐‐ SHE HAS VERY ARCHITECTURAL HAIR.
>> Jimmy: I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S LIKE BUILDINGS. WE'RE GOING TO BUILD IT.
IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE DIFFERENT EVERY DAY.
THERE'S LIKE ‐‐ IT GETS DECONSTRUCTED SOMETIMES.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE LIKE REINFORCEMENTS.
I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT SOLELY WITH MY OWN HAIR.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
>> I'M GOING TO HAVE A COUPLE OF EXTRA HAIRS.
>> Jimmy: IT WILL BE A COMBINATION OF DIFFERENT THINGS.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THAT.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A FUN, FUNNY HOLIDAY MOVIE," HAPPIEST
SEASON" PREMIERES TOMORROW ON HULU. KRISTEN STEWART, EVERYBODY.
BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOSH DUHAMEL!
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. THE HOLIDAYS ARE APPROACHING
FAST AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
>> Guillermo: I HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH MY MOTHER‐IN‐LAW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YES, IT ALSO MEANS BAILEY'S RED VELVET IS BACK.
RIGHT NOW YOU CAN GRAB A BOTTLE OF BAILEY'S RED VELVET FOR A
LIMITED TIME THROUGH DECEMBER. TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO LEARN HOW
TO MAKE CUPCAKES FROM GEORGETOWN CUPCAKE'S OWN KATHERINE BERMAN.
HELLO, CASS RIN, THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US.
SHOW US HOW TO DO IT.
>> PREHEAT OUR OVEN TO 350 DEGREES.
WE'RE GOING TO ADD 1 1/2 STICKS OF UNSALTED BUTTER.
1 3/4 CUPS OF GRANULATED SUGAR. WHILE MIXING CRACK TWO LARGE
EGGS.
>> Jimmy: THESE ARE MEDIUM EGGS, IS THAT OKAY?
>> THEN TAKE 2 1/2 TABLESPOONS OF COCOA POWDER.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
>> THEN YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE 4 TABLESPOONS OF RED FOOD COLOR.
IN THIS MIXTURE ADD 1 TEASPOON OF VANILLA.
>> Jimmy: AND VANILLA, WHICH YOU CALL WHAT?
>> Guillermo: MANIA.
>> TAKE YOUR WHIP AND GIVE IT A NICE WHISK.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT ‐‐ WE PUT IT IN THE WRONG
THING. ALL RIGHT.
>> MIX IT UP. YOU'RE GOING TO ADD THIS INTO
YOUR BATTER. WE ARE NOW GOING TO SIFT 3 1/4
CUPS OF FLOUR. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SIFTER, USE
A WHISK.
>> Jimmy: MY WHISK IS DIRTY. OKAY.
>> ADD 1 TEASPOON OF SALT INTO THE FLOUR.
>> Guillermo: SALT IS RIGHT HERE. WE FORGOT THAT. RIGHT HERE.
>> ADD THE FLOUR.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> A THIRD OF THE FLOUR, THEN A THIRD OF THE MILK.
>> Jimmy: WAY AHEAD OF YOU ON THAT, WAY AHEAD.
>> MEASURE A QUARTER CUP OF BAILEY'S RED VELVET, POUR THIS
INTO OUR RED VELVET BATTER. TAKE AN ICE CREAM SCOOP AND
SCOOP YOUR BATTER INTO YOUR TRAY. THIS MAKES SURE EVERY CUPCAKE
COMES OUT THE SAME SIZE.
>> Guillermo: WOW.
>> Jimmy: SO THIS IS ICE CREAM?
>> IT'S LIKE ICE CREAM. BUT GOT RAW EGGS SO DON'T EAT
THIS UNTIL IT'S BAKED.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ONCE YOU HAVE THEM ALL IN YOUR TRAY, THEY'RE GOING TO GO
INTO THE OVEN AT 350 FOR 15 TO 18 MINUTES.
>> Jimmy: LET'S TAKE THEM OUT OF THE OVEN.
AND THEY LOOK LIKE ‐‐ OH, THEY'RE HOT, OH MY GOD!
NO, THEY'RE NOT HOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'RE NOT EVEN REAL.
>> THIS IS A BAILEY'S RED VELVET CREAM CHEESE COSTING.
WE ADDED A QUARTER CUP OF BAILEY'S INTO THE FROSTING AS
WELL.
>> Jimmy: IT'S VERY GOOD.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO START IN THE CENTER OF THE CUPCAKE.
GO AROUND IN A CIRCLE. COME BACK DOWN IN THE CENTER.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DID YOU JUST MAKE A BIG BLOB?
>> THEN FOR THE FINAL PIECE WE HAVE THESE BEAUTIFUL LITTLE RED
VELVET FONDANT PIECES AND TOP EACH CUP TAKE.
>> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT ADORABLE? THEY LOOK AMAZING.
CAN WE EAT THEM NOW?
>> YES, YOU CAN.
>> Jimmy: MM, THESE ARE REALLY TASTY. THESE ARE DELICIOUS.
THANK YOU, KATHERINE, AND CHEERS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Dicky: TO ORDER YOUR NONALCOHOLIC BAILEY'S RED VELVET
CUPCAKES TODAY, TREAT YOURSELF WITH A GIFT FARE YOUR LOVED ONES
THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HI, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
MUSIC FROM JAMES TAYLOR IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE COWRITER, DIRECTOR, AND STAR OF A NEW
MOVIE THAT WAS INSPIRED BY THE EVENTS OF HIS REAL LIFE.
IT'S CALLED "BUDDY GAMES."
>> THE BUDDY GAMES ARE BACK, BABY!
>> WHOO!
>> DUDE!
>> KICKING ON OF THIS YEAR'S EVENT, KONG'S CRUCIBLE, A GIANT
OBSTACLE COURSE COMPLETE WITH CORN DOGS, BUBBA BALLS,
WATERMELONS, ELECTRIC EEL HRS.
>> WAIT, HOLD ON, WHAT'S THAT?
>> DON'T ASK.
>> Jimmy: "BUDDY GAMES" IS IN THEATERS AND AT HOME NOW TOO.
PLEASE WELCOME JOSH DUHAMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME, WELCOME. NOW THAT'S CLEVER MARKETING YOU
GOT THERE.
>> I'M NOT SHAMELESSLY PROMOTING MY MOVIE. I'M BEING SAFE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO YOU ALL KNOW.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU, LIKE BUDDY GAMES IS ON THE
SHOW TONIGHT.
>> THEY DARE MED TO DO IT BACKSTAGE, I HAD TO DO IT.
>> Jimmy: CAN I TELL YOU I FEEL I HAD A PART IN THIS MOVIE, AND
I DIDN'T. I'LL TELL YOU WHY ‐‐
>> KIND OF DID, THOUGH.
>> Jimmy: I'M KIND OF OBSESSED WITH THIS THING YOU DO, THIS
BUDDY GAMES WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: JEALOUS OF IT AS WELL. WHERE IT'S ‐‐ WELL, YOU TELL THE
STORY, WHAT IT IS.
>> THIS HAS REALLY COME FULL CIRCLE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR MANY YEARS.
>> Jimmy: I BRING IT UP EVERY TIME I SEE YOU.
>> IT MUST HAVE BEEN AT LEAST FIVE YEARS AGO.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS EXACT THING. IT'S BASED ON THIS THING MY
BUDDIES AND I DO, I DON'T KNOW, THE LAST 20 YEARS OR SO.
AND IT'S MORE OR LESS AN EXCUSE FOR THE GUYS TO GET TOGETHER,
BUT WHAT WE DO IS IT'S A WEEKEND OF COMPETITIONS.
FROM PING‐PONG TO WIFFLEBALL TO NAKED PAINT BALL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IS IT THE SAME ‐‐
>> NOT NAKED, WE DO WEAR UNDERWEAR AND A HELMET.
>> Jimmy: ARE THE EVENTS ‐‐ DO THEY VARY AT ALL?
DO YOU ADD EVENTS, SUBTRACT, ET CETERA?
>> THERE'S ALWAYS SORT OF THE STAPLES.
THERE'S ALWAYS WIFFLEBALL. THAT'S KIND OF THE FAVORITE ONE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> EVERY YEAR BOB, THE BOBFATHER WHO I PLAY IN THE MOVIE, COMES
UP WITH SOMETHING CRAZY. WHETHER HUMAN BOWLING, ADVICE
QUEENING DOWN THE HILL, HOWEVER MANY GARBAGE CANS YOU CAN KNOCK
OVER WINS. STUPID STUFF. BUT IT'S LIKE WE REVERT BACK TO
OUR 16‐YEAR‐OLD SELVES.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> AS SOON AS WE GET TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I THINK IT'S OKAY TO KEEP THAT KID ALIVE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO KEEP THAT KID.
AND OF COURSE, YOU GUYS GET DRUNK DURING THE WHOLE THING AS
WELL.
>> WELL, OF COURSE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WOULDN'T BE ANY FUN IF WE DIDN'T.
>> Jimmy: YOUR REAL FRIENDS, THE FRIENDS WHO ARE PORTRAYED BY THE
ACTORS IN THE MOVIE, WHICH IS A VERY FUNNY GROUP OF GUYS, THE
ACTORS YOU HAVE IN THE MOVIE, THEY'RE ALSO IN THE MOVIE, RIGHT?
>> THE REAL GUY IN THIS.
>> Jimmy: YES, THE REAL GUYS.
>> THEY SHOWED UP.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
>> THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE SURE TO COME AND AT LEAST SEE SOME OF
THE PRODUCTION. THEY SHOW UP. AND OF COURSE THEY'VE ALL HAD A
FEW BY THE TIME THEY GET THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S A SCENE IN THE MOVIE WHERE WE'RE IN A BAR, AND THE
COMPETITION IS YOU'VE GOT TO DOWN THIS LAXATIVE, YOU'VE GOT
TO GET A GIRL TO BUY YOU A DRINK, YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE HER ON
THE DANCE FLOOR, YOU'VE GOT TO GET HER TO GIVE YOU A KISS ON
THE LIPS. THAT TOOK ALL NIGHT TO SHOOT.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S GOT TO BUY YOU A DRINK?
>> SHE'S GOT TO BUY YOU A DRINK, DANCE, KISS ON THE LIPS.
IF YOU DON'T LET LOOSE BEFORE, YOU WIN THAT COMPETITION.
IT'S HIGHBROW STUFF.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT THAT
SOUNDS RIDICULOUS, AND IT IS RIDICULOUS ‐‐
>> BUT YOU WOULD DO IT.
>> Jimmy: IT'S ALSO SUPER FUNNY, YES, I DEFINITELY WOULD DO IT.
FOR $150,000. ALSO THE PRIDE OF WINNING.
>> THAT'S REALLY WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
WE DON'T PLAY FOR ANY MONEY. IN THIS CASE WE KIND OF HAD TO.
OR FOR CINEMATIC PURPOSES.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> WE WANTED TO RAISE THE STAKES.
BUT ALSO THE STORY IS ABOUT A GUY WHO DIDN'T WANT ONE OF THE
GUYS TO COME BECAUSE HE GOT HURT A COUPLE OF YEARS EARLIER
BECAUSE OF THAT GUY.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> SO I MADE UP AN EXCUSE THAT WE'RE GOING TO PLAY FOR MONEY,
WELL, HE THOUGHT I WAS SERIOUS, WENT OUT AND DID SOME HEINOUS
STUFF.
>> Jimmy: BY GOT HURT, YOU MEAN WHAT, EXACTLY?
>> NO ‐‐
>> Jimmy: IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT DOESN'T SOUND
AS GOOD WHEN YOU EXPLAIN IT.
>> WHEN I START EXPLAINING THIS STUFF IT SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE
COMPLETE IDIOTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I GUESS WE KIND OF ARE. BUT LIKE I SAID, IT'S LOOSELY
BASED ON MY GROUP OF FRIENDS. WE DON'T DO THE PINA COLADA
THING, WE DON'T EAT THE CORN DOGS, THERE'S NO KOMODO DRAGONS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT ONE OF THE GUYS, AND I CAN'T SAY WHICH BECAUSE HE WOULD
LITERALLY PROBABLY MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP.
IS THAT HE LIKES TO [ BLEEP ] PEOPLE ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR NOT ‐‐
>> Jimmy: EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS.
>> CAN I SAY THAT?
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN SAY IT. WE ALL HAVE THAT FRIEND.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHEN SOMEBODY'S PASSED OUT, THAT'S WHAT HE USED TO BE KNOWN
FOR. THAT'S WHERE THE IDEA CAME. AND ONE OF THE GUYS IS ‐‐ HE'S
MAD AT HIM BECAUSE HE'S BEEN ACTING LIKE A BUFFOON AFTER HE
WINS THE EVENT. HE DECIDES HE'S GOING TO PULL A
PRANK AND SHOOT HIM WITH A PAINT BALL GUN IN THE BUTT, BUT MISSES
AND HITS HIS TESTICULAR REGION. THE REPERCUSSIONS, HE ENDED UP
HAVING ONE OF THEM REMOVED, THE OTHER GETS INFECTED AND HAD TO
BE REMOVED.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, YEAH.
>> SO HIS LIFE HAS BEEN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL EVER SINCE.
SO THE IDEA IS, YOU KNOW, AS GOOD FRIENDS, WE PULL HIM BACK
UP. NO MAN LEFT BEHIND, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: HE'S ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S EVEN TECHNICALLY A MAN
ANYMORE, REALLY.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, I THINK, YEAH, WHO'S A EUNUCH NOW IS WHAT HE
IS.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. SO YEAH, WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
AND YOU CAN'T NAME THAT GUY?
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DOES HE DO FOR A LIVING?
>> I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER. DOESN'T MATTER.
>> Jimmy: WOW, YEAH, HE MUST HAVE GOT YOU PRETTY GOOD, I
GUESS, HUH?
>> NO, I DON'T ‐‐ I NEVER ‐‐ NO, NO. HE NEVER GOT ME.
>> Jimmy: JOSH, YOU ‐‐ THIS IS AN ONGOING THEME WITH YOU.
IN 2013, I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER THIS.
IN 2013 THIS WAS A SHOW ON TLC, IT WAS A SPECIAL, "THE MAN WITH
THE 132‐POUND SCROTUM."
>> YES, PERFECT SEGUE.
>> Jimmy: YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE TURNED THAT INTO A FEATURE FILM HERE ON OUR SHOW.
IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT. AND YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO STAR
IN THAT FILM. AND I BELIEVE WE HAVE A CLIP
FROM THAT FILM RIGHT HERE.
>> HELP, MY BABY, SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE! HELP, HELP, MY BABY!
>> HELP!
>> SOMEBODY HELP ME!
>> HELP! GIVE ME THE BABY, I'LL CATCH IT!
>> WHY DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN YOUR TESTICLES?
>> IT'S A MEDICAL THING, JUST THROW ME THE BABY! COME ON!
GO!
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: JOSH DUHAMEL, TO HONOR YOUR TALENT, YOUR COURAGE, AND
YOUR COMMITMENT TO TESTICLES IN FILM, GUILLERMO, GIVE JOSH ‐‐
THIS IS THE FIRST‐EVER "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" LIFETIME
ACHIEVEMENT AWARD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OH! HOW ARE YOU, MY MAN.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE THE ONLY RECIPIENT.
>> THIS IS TRULY, TRULY AN HONOR. THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: IT DOESN'T TAKE A GENIUS TO SEE WHAT THAT
REPRESENTS. BUT PLEASE CHERISH THAT AND PUT
IT IN YOUR HOME.
>> THIS IS TRULY AN HONOR, JIMMY, I APPRECIATE THAT.
AND THIS IS GOING TO GO RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ‐‐
MY TROPHY MANTEL.
>> Jimmy: I'M PROUD THAT IT WILL BE THERE. I DO WANT TO SAY,
CONGRATULATIONS ON TURNING THIS DUMB THING YOU DO WITH YOUR
FRIENDS INTO A VERY FUNNY MOVIE. THE MOVIE'S CALLED "BUDDY
GAMES."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IN THEATERS, IN DIGITAL, ON DEMAND RIGHT NOW.
JOSH DUHAMEL, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES
TAYLOR!
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO KRISTEN STEWART AND JOSH DUHAMEL.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DIMON. KRPS "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT
FIRST, THIS IS HIS GRAMMY‐NOMINATED
ALBUM "AMERICAN STANDARD," WITH THE SONG "YOU'VE GOT TO BE
CAREFULLY TAUGHT," JAMES TAYLOR!
♪
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO BE TAUGHT TO
HATE AND FEAR YOU'VE GOT TO BE TAUGHT ♪
♪ FROM YEAR TO YEAR IT'S GOT TO
BE DRUMMED IN YOUR DEAR LITTLE EAR ♪
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFULLY
TAUGHT ♪
♪
YOU'VE GOT TO BE TAUGHT TO BE AFRAID OF PEOPLE WHOSE EYES ARE
ODDLY MADE ♪
♪ AND PEOPLE WHOSE SKIN IS A
DIFFERENT SHADE YOU'VE GOT TO
BE CAREFULLY TAUGHT ♪
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO BE TAUGHT BEFORE
IT'S TOO LATE ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU ARE 6 OR 7 OR 8
♪ TO HATE ALL THE PEOPLE YOUR
RELATIVES HATE YOU'VE GOT TO
BE CAREFULLY TAUGHT ♪
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFULLY
TAUGHT ♪
♪