♪ BA DA BA BA DA BA BA DA BA
♪ JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE
BACK AT HOME!
>> Jimmy: HELLO AND THANKS FOR WATCHING.
I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. GENTLEMEN AND YES WOMEN,
WHEREVER YOU ARE, AND I NOW YIELD THE FLOOR TO MYSELF.
IT WAS A DAY OF RECKONING IN WASHINGTON, AS THE HOUSE OF
REPRESENTATIVES VOTED TO IMPEACH DONALD TRUMP. AGAIN.
THIS WAS THE SCENE INSIDE THE CAPITOL, AHEAD OF TODAY'S VOTE.
MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL GUARD GETTING SOME REST UNDER THE
WATCHFUL EYE OF PRESIDENT LINCOLN. LOOK AT THIS.
TRUMP HAS TURNED THIS COUNTRY INTO A BANKSY PAINTING.
UNLIKE THE FIRST ONE, THIS WAS A BIPARTISAN IMPEACHMENT.
EVERY DEMOCRAT, AND A HANDFUL OF REPUBLICANS, TEN OF THEM, VOTED
TO THROW TRUMP OUT, IN PROTEST FOR HIS ROLE ORGANIZING,
MOBILIZING, AND INCITING THE VIOLENT ATTACK ON THEM LAST WEEK.
THESE PEOPLE ATTACKED THEM! THEY TRIED TO GET THE VICE
PRESIDENT. THEY TRIED TO STOP OUR ELECTION.
AND THESE JACKHOLES TODAY WERE LIKE, "THIS IS ANOTHER POLITICAL
ATTACK ON OUR PRESIDENT." YOUR PRESIDENT GAVE A BIG, I
MEAN LITTLE, THUMBS UP TO AN ARMY OF MORONS MARCHING DOWN THE
STREET, KICKING IN THE DOORS, KILLING A POLICE OFFICER, AND
SMEARING THEIR FECES ALL OVER YOUR OFFICE.
AND MOST OF THESE REPUBLICANS ARE LIKE, "WELL, YOU KNOW, THE
OFFICE DID NEED SOME FRESHENING UP."
SOME COLOR ON THE WALLS IS NICE. BUT AS A RESULT OF THAT ACTION,
DONALD TRUMP BECOMES THE FIRST U.S. PRESIDENT TO BE IMPEACHED
TWICE. I WONDER IF HE'S TIRED OF ALL
THE WINNING YET? WHATEVER THEY'VE SAID AND DONE
TO SUPPORT HIM IN THE PAST, I DO WANT TO COMMEND THOSE
REPUBLICANS IN THE HOUSE WHO VOTED TO HOLD TRUMP ACCOUNTABLE.
THAT'S A REAL ACT OF COURAGE AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.
IT'S NOT JUST A POLITICAL RISK. THESE TRUMP NUTS WILL COME TO
THEIR HOUSE. BUT THE REST OF THEM, IT'S
ALWAYS A SURPRISE TO SEE HOW CRAZY SOME OF OUR ELECTED
OFFICIALS ARE.
AND THAT WAS FULLY ON DISPLAY TODAY AS THEY SUPPORTED THEIR
SAD ORANGE MAN.
>> THIS IS MERELY THE CULMINATION OF A FOUR‐YEAR
EFFORT TO OVERTURN THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE AND THE RESULTS OF
THE 2016 ELECTION.
>> ROBERT DE NIRO SAID THAT HE WANTED TO PUNCH THE PRESIDENT IN
THE FACE.
>> HE SPECIFICALLY TOLD THE CROWD TO PROTEST PEACEFULLY AND
PATRIOTIC. AND THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM
DID.
>> SOME HAVE CITED THE METAPHOR THAT THE PRESIDENT LIT THE FLAME?
WELL, THEY LIT ACTUAL FLAMES. ACTUAL FIRES.
>> MADONNA THOUGHT ABOUT BLOWING UP THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> I CALL BULL CRAP.
>> HE DID SAY HE WANTED PEOPLE TO FIGHT LIKE HELL OR WE'RE NOT
GOING TO HAVE A COUNTRY ANYMORE, BUT THAT'S OBVIOUSLY STANDARD
HYPERBOLE.
>> KATHY GRIFFIN HELD UP A LIKENESS OF THE PRESIDENT'S
BEHEADED HEAD.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS HELD OVER 600 RALLIES IN THE LAST FOUR
YEARS, NONE OF THEM INCLUDED ASSAULTING POLICE, DESTROYING
BUSINESSES, OR BURNING DOWN CITIES.
>> Jimmy: WELL, ONE OF THEM DID. ON WEDNESDAY.
AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. PUSHING THIS IDEA THAT THE
ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL LAST WEEK BORE ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE
BLACK LIVES MATTERS PROTESTS OVER THE SUMMER, IT'S NOT JUST
DUMB, IT'S DISGUSTING. STOP COMPARING PROTESTERS
MARCHING TO PROTECT THEIR RIGHTS WITH ANARCHISTS STORMING AN
ELECTION TO STRIP US OF OURS. STOP IT. YOU SOUND STUPID.
"TANNIBAL LECTER" HIMSELF WEIGHED IN TODAY.
NOT ON TWITTER, BECAUSE HE IS NOT ALLOWED ON TWITTER
ANYMORE. HE DID IT THE OLD‐FASHIONED WAY.
WHILE THE HOUSE WAS DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT HE SHOULD FINISH
OUT THE WEEK, TRUMP ISSUED A
CAREFULLY WORDED BY SOMEONE ELSE STATEMENT THAT SAYS, "IN LIGHT
OF REPORTS OF MORE DEMONSTRATIONS, I URGE THAT
THERE MUST BE NO VIOLENCE NO LAWBREAKING, NO VANDALISM OF ANY
KIND. THIS IS NOT WHAT WE STAND FOR,
THIS IS NOT WHAT AMERICA STANDS FOR.
I CALL ON ALL AMERICANS TO HELP EASE TENSIONS AND CALM TEMPERS.
THANK YOU." WINK WINK. SEEMS LIKE IVANKA MANAGED TO
SLIP AN AMBIEN INTO HIS McFLURRY. BECAUSE HE PUT OUT ANOTHER ONE
OF THE STILTED HOSTAGE VIDEOS THEY FORCE HIM TO MAKE, TOO,
CALLING FOR CALM IN THE MOST SCRIPTED WAY POSSIBLE, A WEEK
AFTER HE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT. ACCORDING TO CNN, ONE OF TRUMP'S
ADVISORS SAYS THAT HE IS "CLUELESS TO WHAT ANY OF THIS
MEANS INTERNATIONALLY OR HISTORICALLY."
BUT HE IS APPARENTLY WORRIED ABOUT HOW IT COULD AFFECT THE
TRUMP BRAND, AND FROM THAT STANDPOINT, HE IS AIR FORCE DONE.
THE PIZZA HUT ENDORSEMENT DEALS ARE GONE.
THERE WILL BE RAMIFICATIONS FOR DONALD TRUMP IN THE FUTURE, AND
THERE WILL BE RAMIFICATIONS FOR THOSE WHO STORMED THE CAPITOL
TOO. THERE HAVE BEEN MORE THAN 70 ARRESTS SO FAR, HUNDREDS ARE
EXPECTED. AS PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT THE
PHOTOS AND VIDEO AND GOING, HEY, I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH THAT GUY,
THEN THEY CALL THE FBI TO TURN THEM IN.
THIS WAS ONE OF THE ODDER THINGS TO COME OUT OF THIS.
THERE WERE MANY BIZARRE CHARACTERS WHO TOOK PART IN THE
SIEGE, WITH GOAT HORNS AND FLAG JACKETS AND WHATNOT.
THERE WERE EVEN SOME CELEBRITY LOOK‐ALIKES TOO.
>> CHUCK NORRIS, NOW SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT, HE SAYS HE WAS
NOT AT THE DEADLY CAPITOL RIOTS LAST WEEK.
AN ATTENDEE YOU CAN SEE HERE POSTED A PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM.
SOME PEOPLE SAY IT LOOKS JUST LIKE CHUCK NORRIS.
>> Jimmy: AND THEY ARE RIGHT. IT DOES LOOK LIKE CHUCK NORRIS,
EXCEPT THE FACT THAT CHUCK NORRIS IS 80 YEARS OLD NOW.
THE ONLY THING CHUCK NORRIS IS STORMING NOWADAYS, IS THE
BATHROOM AT 4:00 A. M. SO WALKER, TEXAS RANGER WAS NOT
THERE, BUT THIS FORMER OLYMPIAN WAS.
>> ALSO ALLEGEDLY SEEN IN THE CROWD INSIDE THE CAPITOL,
FIVE‐TIME OLYMPIC MEDALIST CLETE KELLER WHO APPEARED TO BE
WEARING A TEAM USA JACKET.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SWALLOW A GALLON OF
CHLORINE A WEEK SINCE YOU WERE 6. THIS GUY, WHO STOLE NANCY
PELOSI'S LECTERN, ALLEGEDLY, WAS RELEASED THIS WEEK ON $25,000
BAIL. AND THE LECTERN WAS RELEASED TOO.
CAMERAS CAUGHT A PELOSI STAFFER WHEELING IT HOME.
THE LECTERN RETURNS. TOOK THEM A COUPLE DAYS TO SCRUB
ALL THE FLORIDA OFF OF IT, BUT IT SHOULD BE GOOD TO GO.
THE OTHER THING REPUBLICANS WERE POPPING OFF ABOUT TODAY WAS THE
METAL DETECTOR. THEY BEEFED UP THE SECURITY AT
THE CAPITOL TODAY, BECAUSE OF THAT WHOLE ANGRY MOB THING, SO
NOW LAWMAKERS HAVE TO GO THROUGH A METAL DETECTOR ON THE WAY IN.
AND SOME OF THEM ARE PRETTY MAD ABOUT IT.
JIM JORDAN WAS WHINING IT VIOLATED HIS CONSTITUTIONAL
RIGHTS. HEY, JIM, JUST DO WHAT YOU
NORMALLY DO WHEN SOMETHING'S BEING VIOLATED, LOOK THE OTHER
WAY. "MOLESTED? ALL I SAW WAS AN INVERTED
LEGLOCK!" NOT TO MENTION THE IRONY THAT
AMERICAN SCHOOLKIDS HAVE TO DO THIS EVERY DAY BECAUSE THEY
REFUSE TO ACT ON GUN CONTROL. BUT THAT WAS LOST ENTIRELY ON
THE HUMAN BEDBUG SLASH CONGRESSMAN, DEVIN NUNES.
>> I'M NOT JOKING, WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE FALL OF THE SOVIET
UNION, WHAT DID THEY START TO DO?
THEY STARTED TO CRACK DOWN, THEY STARTED TO CRACK DOWN ON PEOPLE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU SEE HERE. THEY'RE NOT ALLOWING REPUBLICANS
TO OFFER AMENDMENTS. WE HAVE TO GO TOING ME NOT TOM
TEARS TO GET CHECKED BEFORE WE GO ON THE HOUSE FLOOR, THAT WAS
NEW TONIGHT, AS IF WE'RE CRIMINALS.
>> Jimmy: AS IF YOU ARE NOT. WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT
MAGNETOMETERS? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SNEAK IN?
ARE YOU WORRIED WE'LL FIND OUT YOU EAT PENNIES?
>> PEOPLE AREN'T HEARING THE TRUTH, THEY GET ON SOCIAL MEDIA
AND THEY'RE NOT ABLE TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS.
YOU HAVE THE REST OF THE CLOWNS OUT PUTTING THIS POISON OUT TO
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHEN YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT.
LOOK, THE PRESIDENT MAKES A LOT OF MISTAKES.
ALL PRESIDENTS MAKE MISTAKES.
>> Jimmy: HONK, HONK. SELTZER BOTTLE.
THE REASON THE HOUSE VOTED TO IMPEACH TODAY, WAS BECAUSE THE
VICE POODLE DECIDED NOT TO INVOKE THE 25th AMENDMENT.
MIKE PENCE IS LIKE ONE OF THOSE WOMEN WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER
KIDNAPPER. WE DID LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT
WENT DOWN LAST WEEK, WHEN PENCE TOLD TRUMP THAT HE WOULD NOT
OVERTURN THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION BECAUSE IT WAS ILLEGAL
TO DO THAT. TRUMP REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO
MIKE PENCE. HE DELIVERED A THREAT THAT WAS
SO VULGAR, DON LEMON OF CNN COULD BARELY EVEN SAY IT.
>> I DEBATED ABOUT SAYING THIS, BUT I HAVE TO. I HAVE TO.
THIS IS THE NEWS. OKAY? I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LANGUAGE
HERE. BUT THIS IS A QUOTE. "YOU EITHER GO DOWN IN HISTORY
AS A PATRIOT OR YOU CAN GO DOWN
IN HISTORY AS A PUSSY."
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO MIKE PENCE.
PENCE CHOSE THE LATTER. MAYBE IN HOPES THAT THE
PRESIDENT WOULD GRAB HIM! I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE SEEN MIKE
PENCE REACT TO TRUMP CALLING HIM A PUSSY.
I BET HE BURST INTO TEARS AND GOT SEXUALLY EXCITED AT THE SAME
TIME. BUT WHATEVER THE GREAT NEGOTIATOR SAID, IT DIDN'T WORK.
YOU CAN ONLY PUSH MIKE PENCE SO FAR, UNTIL HE SNAPS AND DOES
NOTHING. EVEN THOUGH TRUMP WAS IMPEACHED,
HE WILL SERVE OUT THE REST OF HIS TERM.
THERE WILL BE A TRIAL IN THE SENATE, EVENTUALLY.
MAJORITY LEADER MITCH McCONNELL ANNOUNCED TODAY HE WILL NOT
BRING THE SENATE BACK EARLY TO START AN IMPEACHMENT TRIAL,
MEANING THE SOONEST IT COULD START WOULD BE AFTER TRUMP IS
OUT OF OFFICE. McCONNELL IS REPORTED TO BE
HAPPY THE IMPEACHMENT IS HAPPENING, BECAUSE HE THINKS
IT'LL BE A GOOD WAY FOR REPUBLICANS TO GET TRUMP OUT OF
THEIR HAIRPIECES. I'VE SEEN SOME LIBERALS PRAISING
MITCH McCONNELL FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING HERE, BUT THAT, I
DON'T KNOW, THAT'S NONSENSE TO ME.
MITCH McCONNELL HAS KNOWN TRUMP WAS A DANGEROUS IDIOT SINCE DAY
ONE. DONALD TRUMP SIDED WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN OVER OUR OWN
INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES, HE SAID HE WAS "IN LOVE" WITH
KIM JONG‐UN, GASSED A CROWD OF PEACEFUL PROTESTERS SO HE COULD
TAKE A PICTURE WITH AN UPSIDE‐DOWN BIBLE, HE WITHHELD
MILITARY AID FROM AN ALLY NATION IN EXCHANGE FOR IMAGINARY DIRT
ON JOE BIDEN'S SON, HE DREW ON A MAP WITH A SHARPIE, TO LIE ABOUT
A HURRICANE. HE CLAIMED THE PANDEMIC, THE
REASON WE'RE ALL STILL IN OUR HOUSES AFTER 10 MONTHS, WOULD
MAGICALLY GO AWAY AND BE CURED BY DRINKING BLEACH.
AND DURING ALL THAT AND MORE, MITCH McCONNELL STOOD BY,
QUIETLY. HE WAS FINE WITH ALL OF THAT,
BECAUSE IT MEANT HE COULD GET WHAT HE WANTED.
HE SQUEEZED TRUMP FOR EVERY LITTLE DROPLET OF SELF‐TANNER HE
COULD. NOW ONCE THE GUY'S OUT OF OFFICE, SUDDENLY IT'S TOO MUCH.
SO BEFORE WE PAT THAT LITTLE MITCH ON HIS DORSAL FIN, LET'S
REMEMBER THAT THIS PRESIDENT IS DANGEROUS BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER
CHECKED OR BALANCED BY CONGRESS. MITCH McCONNELL IS 100%
COMPLICIT IN THE VIOLENCE AND CHAOS HE HAD THE TEMERITY TO
DENOUNCE THIS WEEK. AND YES, I DID SAY TEMERITY.
AND I DON'T REGRET IT. I'LL PROBABLY SAY IT AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT. I THINK WE NEED A PALATE
CLEANSER. I NEED A PALACE CLEANSER,
ANYWAY, BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN A DIFFICULT COUPLE OF WEEKS.
I WANT TO REVISIT SOMETHING WONDERFUL.
ABOUT A YEAR AGO WE GOT HOLD OF A LOCAL NEWS CLIP FROM MICHIGAN
OF A DELIGHTFUL MAN NAMED FREDDIE, FREDERICK MILLER, IN
LINE ARE FOR THE GRAND OPENING OF A NEW CANNABIS DISPENSARY,
CANNABIS WAS LEGALIZED AND FREDDIE WAS READY FOR IT.
>> I WANT TO TRY SOME EDIBLES. I'M REALLY INTERESTED IN THAT.
MY EXPERIENCE, I'VE ONLY EVER HAD LIKE MAYBE HOME BAKED, I
GUESS. YEAH I'M PROBABLY GOING TO SIT
ON THE COUCH AND SMOKE A BOWL. AND I DON'T KNOW, CHECK OUT,
LIKE, THE NEW DRACULA ON NETFLIX.
I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS, MAN, I'M EXCITED.
>> Jimmy: NATURALLY I SET OUT TO FIND THIS MAGICAL CREATURE AND
WELCOME HIM INTO MY LIFE. EVERYONE LOVED HIM.
AND IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE THEN. WE WANT TO CATCH UP WITH
FREDDIE. WITH US NOW FROM HIS NEW JOB AT
CANNABIS TO WELLNESS IN BUCHANAN, MICHIGAN, IS OOED
FREDDIE MILLER. HOW ARE YOU?
>> HEY, JIMMY, MAN. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, DUDE.
>> Jimmy: FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN 30 YEARS SINCE I SAW YOU LAST.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE JOB.
WHEN WE MET YOU, YOU WERE IN LINE AT A DISPENSARY, NOW YOU'RE
WORKING AT ONE. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
>> I HAVE NO IDEA, MAN, YOU TELL ME.
NO, I WENT ON YOUR SHOW, MAN. AND JUST ‐‐ NEXT THING I KNOW,
DUDE, I'M GETTING CALLS LIKE LEFT AND RIGHT FROM DISPENSARIES.
I MEAN, JIMMY, I WAS LIKE UNEMPLOYED, LIVING WITH MY MOM,
GOD BLESS HER. NOW I'VE BEEN OFFERED SOME OF
THESE JOBS. AND I METRIC FROM CANNABIS TO
WELLNESS, BECAUSE HE INVITED ME OUT TO BE HIS ‐‐ HIS FIRST
RECREATIONAL CUSTOMER, RIGHT? AND MAN, I JUST LOVE ‐‐ I FELL
IN LOVE WITH HIM. HE OWNS HIS OWN POT STORE, HE'S
THE NICEST GUY IN THE WORLD. GEEZ, MAN. I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: HOW'S YOUR MOM? ARE YOU STILL LIVING WITH YOUR
MOM OR DID YOU MOVE OUT?
>> OH ‐‐ OH, NO, I MOVED OUT, YEP.
>> Jimmy: MOVED OUT, YEAH. WAS SHE HAPPY?
>> 30 YEARS OLD, MAYBE. SHE'S SUPER HAPPY FOR ME, MAN.
SHE'S STOKED, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S YOUR JOB TITLE THERE AT THE STORE?
WHAT DO YOU DO SPECIFICALLY?
>> OKAY, SO ‐‐ I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A BUDTENDER.
BUT MY BOSS CALLS ME A WEED AMBASSADOR, WHICH I THINK IS WAY
MORE AT THIS TIME FITTING.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TOUCHING THE CASH
REGISTER? WHY ARE YOU NOT A BUDTENDER?
>> OH, NO, NO. NO, I BUDTEND TOO.
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
>> IT'S A TITLE, YEAH. YOU KNOW, WITH THE ‐‐ GO AHEAD.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU GET AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT AT THE STORE?
>> OH, YEAH, MAN. CHRISTMAS TIME, HE GAVE US 50%
OFF.
>> Jimmy: OH! OH, RICK SOUNDS LIKE A REAL
SANTA CLAUS.
>> AND TIME OFF, TOO.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THE HOT STRAIN RIGHT NOW?
WHAT ARE YOU RECOMMENDING FOR PEOPLE RIGHT NOW?
>> OH, MAN. WELL, OH, GEE. YOU KNOW, WE JUST USED TO BE
WEED, YOU KNOW. THEN I GOT AT A DISPENSARY.
I FALL IN LOVE WITH A COUPLE OF ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW, I GOT THIS
INDICA CALLED GRIM BASTARD, I LIKE IT, IT'S A REAL PARALYZER,
MAN. IN FACT, JIMMY, I ‐‐ RICK LETS
ME WRITE A NEWSLETTER. I GET TO DO A PIECE OF A
NEWSLETTER WHERE I REVIEW STRAINS AND PAIR THEM WITH
HORROR MOVIES. FITTINGLY, THE GRIM BASTARD WENT
RIGHT ALONG WITH "THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD."
ALSO INSATIABLE, MUNCHIES, MAN. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THE ONLY
ONE EATING, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, YOU'VE GOT A GOOD POINT THERE.
YOU MADE THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE. WE HAVE THE COVER HERE, I
BELIEVE.
>> OH, YOU GOT IT, YEAH? "SENSI" MAGAZINE, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: "SENSI," YEAH.
>> I MET THE PUBLISHER THROUGH YOUR LITTLE CLIP, MAN.
SHE INVITED ME UP TO A COUPLE OF EVENTS UP IN MICHIGAN.
IT'S PRETTY AWESOME. JANIE COOPER IS HER NAME.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND OR A BOYFRIEND OR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND?
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> OH, MAN. DUDE, I'VE BEEN SINGLE FOR LIKE
EIGHT YEARS, BRO.
>> Jimmy: WAS THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE LIVING WITH YOUR MOM AND IT
WAS WEIRD TO BRING PEOPLE HOME?
>> YEAH MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT, MAYBE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW ‐‐ MY MOM'S REALLY SWEET.
I'D BRING ANYONE TO COME HOME TO MEET MY MOM.
>> Jimmy: I SURE WOULD WISH YOU WOULD BE THE BACHELOR NEXT TIME
AROUND, I THINK THAT WOULD BE A LOT OF FUN.
I'M GOING TO SPEAK TO ABC ABOUT THAT. WELL, I HAVE TO SAY I JUST
WANTED TO CHECK IN. BECAUSE I NEEDED A DOSE OF
POSITIVE ENERGY. AND ONCE AGAIN, YOU DELIVERED,
FREDDIE. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> THANK YOU, MAN.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> REAL QUICK I GOT A JOKE FOR YOU.
>> Jimmy: OH, GREAT, OKAY.
>> INSURRECTION, RIGHT, COOL. I HAD THIS BRILLIANT IDEA.
I WAS SPEAKING AND I THOUGHT, MAN, IF I WOULD INSURRECT THE
INSURRECTION, GET IN THERE MAYBE SMOKE A LOT OF WEED, TALK TO A
LOT OF DISGRUNTLED PEOPLE. THEN YOU COULD STOP THE
INSURRECTION BEFORE IT EVER EVEN STARTED.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
>> Jimmy: WELL ‐‐ I THINK IT NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF REFINING.
YEAH. I THINK YOU NEED TO SLEEP ON IT.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, FREDDY. BE SAFE, DON'T FORGET TO
SANITIZE YOUR BONG, OKAY?
>> YEAH, OKAY, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S FREDDIE. THANKS, FREDDIE.
WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. CARRIE COON IS WITH US.
MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY. BE RIGHT BACK WITH BRYAN
CRANSTON!
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, HER LATEST MOVIE IS
"THE NEST." CARRIE COON IS WITH US.
LATER, THEIR EP IS CALLED "BLAME GAME." IT'S OUT THIS FRIDAY.
MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY. TOMORROW NIGHT, KATE WINSLET AND
JAVICIA LESLIE WILL JOIN US, WITH MUSIC FROM FOO FIGHTERS.
PLEASE JOIN US TOO. OUR FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE
MOST TALENTED ACTORS EVER. HE'S WON SO MANY AWARDS HE TIPS
POSTMATES WITH THEM. HIS LATEST IS THE VERY INTENSE
SERIES, "YOUR HONOR."
>> DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THIS HAS BEEN?
EVERY PRINCIPLE ‐‐
>> WHEN YOU LEFT MY SON DYING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, YOU LOST
THAT. PRINCIPLE? NO.
>> I CAN STILL MAKE THIS WORK.
>> HOW? YOU'RE OUT OF TIME. GIVE ME THE ANSWER TO MY
QUESTION NOW.
>> DESIRE. I'LL KILL HIM. CARLO GOES DOWN FOR THIS, HE'LL
NEVER COME OUT. AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TWO ‐‐
YOU'LL HAVE ‐‐ TWO DEAD SONS.
>> Jimmy: "YOUR HONOR" IS SUNDAY NIGHTS ON SHOWTIME.
SAY HELLO TO BRYAN CRANSTON. HI, BRYAN.
>> HEY, JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M GOOD. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT
SHOW OF YOURS. YOU ARE SO FANTASTIC IN IT.
IT ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK LAST WEEKEND. I'M NOT KIDDING.
I WAS WATCHING IT LIKE, I THINK I MIGHT DIE AS A RESULT OF
WATCHING THIS SHOW.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? I JUST ‐‐ I JUST DIDN'T THINK
THERE WAS ENOUGH ANXIETY IN OUR LIVES.
SO I THOUGHT, LET'S DO THIS SHOW, AND EVERYBODY WILL BE
ANXIOUS AS HELL.
>> Jimmy: I NEEDED SOME GRIM BASTARD AFTER WATCHING THAT IS
WHAT I NEEDED. IS IT FUN TO PLAY A JUDGE, BY
THE WAY? JUDGE SEEMS LIKE A FUN ACTOR
THING TO PLAY.
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT.
I WAS DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS WHERE WE SHOT THE SHOW.
AND ABOUT TWO WEEKS BEFORE WE ACTUALLY STARTED SHOOTING, I DID
SOME RESEARCH AT THE COURTHOUSE THERE.
AND YOU SEE VERY DIFFERENT KINDS OF PERSONALITIES.
SOME LIKE TO STAY IN THE BACKGROUND LIKE A GOOD UMPIRE OR
REFEREE. SOME USE IT AS A STAGE. OTHERS WILL USE IT AS A BULLY
PULPIT TO ADMONISH PEOPLE. IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.
AND THEN YOU SEE, YOU KNOW, JURY SELECTION AND YOU ‐‐
ARRAIGNMENTS. AND SOMETIMES ‐‐ I WAS DOWN
THERE ONCE AND I SAW A DOCTOR WHO WAS GIVING EXPERT TESTIMONY
ON MURDER AND WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS A MURDER WEAPON AND SUCH.
AND THIS IS INTENSE, EMOTIONAL, LIFE‐CHANGING INFORMATION THAT
HE WAS DISPENSING. AND YET HE WAS STANDING THERE
GOING, THERE'S A POSSIBILITY THAT BLUNT FORCE COULD HAVE
CAUSED THE TRAUMA TO THE VICTIM, BUT IT'S UNSURE HOW MANY
TIMES ‐‐ AND I WENT ‐‐ I STOOD UP IN THE COURTROOM AND I SAID,
OKAY, I GET IT, LET'S TAKE IT BACK AND JUST GIVE IT A LITTLE
MORE OOMPH, GIVE SUBMIT ENERGY, COME ON, GUY.
YOU COULD BE EXECUTED IF YOU DON'T GIVE THE JOB RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT MIGHT BE THE PROFESSION.
THE LEGAL PROFESSION MIGHT BE THE PROFESSION THAT IS LEAST
LIKE IT IS PORTRAYED IN TELEVISION AND FILM.
BECAUSE MOST LAWYERS I KNOW SAY IT'S JUST BORING ALL THE TIME.
>> BORING ALL THE TIME. THEN YOU SEE HEIGHTENED
SITUATIONS WHERE THE DEFENDANTS AND THE FAMILIES OF VICTIMS AND
THINGS LIKE THAT, JUXTAPOSED WITH BAILIFFS AND SECRETARIES
TALKING ABOUT, HEY, HAPPY HOUR'S IN ABOUT 20, DO YOU WANT TO GO
DOWN HERE AND HAVE A SHOOTER? IT'S JUST A NORMAL THURSDAY FOR
THEM. IT'S REALLY AN INTERESTING ENVIRONMENT.
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU WERE IN NEW ORLEANS, THIS WAS DURING COVID,
RIGHT? THIS IS WHERE YOU COULDN'T PROBABLY DO THINGS?
>> WELL, WE STARTED THE SERIES "YOUR HONOR" LAST YEAR, IN
SEPTEMBER OF LAST YEAR. THERE'S 10 EPISODES, SO YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> IT'S GETTING JUICY. AND WE CAME RIGHT UP TO MARCH,
AND WE HAD TWO MORE EPISODES TO SHOOT.
AND THEY HAD TO SHUT US DOWN. SO WE ALL WENT AWAY, AS EVERYONE
DID, IN LOCKDOWN, AND DID YOUR COVID INTERACTIONS.
AND SEVEN MONTHS LATER, WE RECONVENED IN NEW ORLEANS, AND
THEN WE SHOT THE LAST TWO EPISODES.
BUT UNDER COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SITUATIONS.
WE WERE MASKED AND SHIELDED AND REHEARSING.
WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED? IS AT 64, ALMOST 65 NOW, I'VE
BEEN TO MY FAIR SHARE OF ROCK CONCERTS.
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I DEPENDED UPON LIP READING TO
HEAR PEOPLE'S COMMENTS.
>> Jimmy: SAME HERE.
>> I'M TELLING YOU.
>> Jimmy: SAME HERE.
>> IT'S LIKE, MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
>> Jimmy: BETWEEN THE SHIELDS AND THE MOUTH BEING COVERED, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYONE IS SAYING EVER. I MIGHT AS WELL BE A SCUBA
DIVER. IT'S CRAZY.
>> I'VE GOTTEN USED TO JUST DOING LIKE, "OH, HM, OH?"
>> Jimmy: I THINK THEY CALL THAT
[ BLEEP ].
RIGHT? BRYAN, SO YOU TAKE THIS JOB,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHOOTING IN NEW ORLEANS, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE
FUN. THEN YOU'RE IN NEW ORLEANS, AND
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY FUN AT ALL. WHAT DO YOU DO?
DO YOU JUST SIT IN THE HOTEL ROOM THERE?
>> WELL, WHAT'S SO INTERESTING IS BEFORE WE GOT CLOSED DOWN, AT
THE VERY END, DURING MARDI GRAS THIS LAST YEAR, I WAS THE
EMPEROR OF ORPHEUS.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
>> I WAS IN THE PARADE AND THROWING THE BEADS OUT.
AND EVERYBODY WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME.
IT WAS A HUGE SUPERSPREADER. IT WAS THE SUPERSPREADER OF ALL,
THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT AT THE TIME, IT WAS LIKE FEBRUARY.
PEOPLE ARE GASSED ON THE SIDE OF THE STREET. BUT IT WAS A BLAST.
NEW ORLEANS, THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO THROW A PARTY, AND IT WAS
GREAT. AND THEN NOT TWO WEEKS LATER,
EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN. SO NOW WHEN WE WENT BACK TO
SHOOT THE LAST COUPLE EPISODES, WE WERE TOLD, YOU REALLY JUST
HAVE TO GO TO WORK AND GO HOME. GO TO WORK, GO HOME.
THERE IS NO SOCIALIZING. WE'RE WEARING MASKS AND SHIELDS
WHEN WE'RE REHEARSING. AND ONLY WHEN ‐‐ OKAY, ROLL
SOUND, YOU TAKE THAT STUFF OFF, DO THE SCENE, AND CUT.
AND YOU PUT IT BACK ON. AND EVERYBODY STAYS AWAY.
IT WAS TRYING. IT WAS, YOU KNOW ‐‐ I DON'T WANT
TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH. IT'S A NUISANCE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, THOUGH.
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING. BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT.
I KNOW YOU'RE A BIG DODGERS FAN. TOMMY LASORDA PASSED AWAY ON
FRIDAY. YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS DOING "THE
MAN SHOW," ADAM CAROLLA AND I, WE GOT A CALL, DO YOU WANT TO BE
THE GRAND MARSHALS IN OUR MARDI GRAS PARADE?
OF COURSE WE SAY YES, WE WOULD LOVE TO.
WE GET THERE ‐‐ IT WAS KIND OF A LAST‐MINUTE THING.
WE GET THERE, WE GET ON THE FLOAT, WE'RE THROWING THESE
BEADS OR MEDALLIONS AT THE END. ON EACH MEDALLION IS TOMMY
LASORDA'S FACE. AND LIKE, WHY ARE WE THROWING
TOMMY LASORDA MEDALLIONS OUT TO THE CROWD?
THEY GO, OH, YEAH, TOMMY CANCELED, THAT'S WHY WE ASKED
YOU GUYS TO DO IT. I GOT TO FIND ONE OF THOSE
MEDALLIONS. BRYAN CRANSTON IS WITH US, THE
SHOW IS "YOUR HONOR." IT'S ON SHOWTIME.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪
>> Jimmy: CARRIE COON AND BEACH BUNNY ARE STILL TO COME.
WE ARE BACK WITH BRYAN CRANSTON. HIS SHOW IS CALLED "YOUR HONOR."
WATCH IT SUNDAYS AT 10:00 ON SHOWTIME IF YOU DARE.
IT REALLY IS SOME SHOW. BRYAN, YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING VERY
BUSY IN A WAY I DID NOT EXPECT OVER THE COVID LOCKDOWN.
YOU'VE BEEN BAKING BREAD.
>> I ‐‐ YES. GOING BACK TO MY GRANDFATHER WAS
A PROFESSIONAL BAKER.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> I WENT BACK TO MY ROOTS AND GOT A STARTER FROM A FRIEND, AND
I MADE SOME REALLY ATTRACTIVE LOAVES OF SOURDOUGH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A WHOLE THING, THE STARTER, RIGHT?
IT'S LIKE A ‐‐ YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP IT ALIVE, YOU HAVE TO FEED
IT. ARE YOU STILL FEEDING IT OR DID
YOU GIVE UP?
>> YOU HAVE TO KEEP FEEDING THE STARTER.
THE STARTER GOT SO BIG, IT ATE MY REFRIGERATOR, SO I HAD TO GET
RID OF IT. YOU START ALL OVER AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE RESULTS OF BRYAN'S BREAD
BAKING. BEAUTIFULLY DONE. I THINK YOUR GRANDFATHER WOULD
BE QUITE CROWD AND IMPRESSED.
>> THERE WAS A LITTLE BIT OF PRESSURE TO MAKE SURE THAT I
DIDN'T MESS THAT UP, TOO, YEAH. AND IT TASTES FANTASTIC.
BY THE WAY, THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING THAT I PICKED UP DURING
THE COVID LOCKDOWN. I WANT YOU TO ‐‐ HERE, I'M GOING
TO DO THIS. BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO MEET A
FRIEND OF MINE.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> AND HIS NAME IS GERALD.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> SAY HI, GERALD.
>> Jimmy: NICE TO MEET YOU, GERALD.
>> HEY, WHO THE HELL ROSE ME OUT OF MY NAP, HUH? WHO'S THAT?
GEE, I THOUGHT TOM DeLUISE WAS DEAD.
>> WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? THAT'S JIMMY KIMMEL.
>> YEAH, I KNOW, I'VE SEEN HIM. BORING!
>> COME ON.
>> Jimmy: GERALD! THIS IS WONDERFUL, BRYAN.
BUT CAN WE ‐‐ YOU KNOW, I JUST ‐‐ IF I HAVE ONE
SUGGESTION, COULD WE SEE YOU DO IT WITHOUT THE MASK?
>> WITHOUT THE MASK?
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> WELL ‐‐
>> Jimmy: MASK OFF.
>> YEAH ‐‐ WELL ‐‐ OKAY. YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THE MASK OFF?
I MEAN, I JUST ‐‐ I THINK IT'S SAFER TO WEAR THE MASK, AND THIS
IS HOW I LEARNED HOW TO DO IT.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WITH HIS HAND UP MY ASS, AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!
>> JUST CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN, WE'RE OKAY, GERALD.
>> WHO IS THIS ANYWAY? I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.
HE SURE AS HELL AIN'T NO CARSON.
>> I KNOW, BUT THIS IS HIS ‐‐ BE KIND.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
>> Jimmy: YEAH I DON'T KNOW. I THINK WE'RE MISSING SOME OF
THE VENTRILOQUISM MAGIC WITH THE MASK, YOU KNOW?
>> OH, OKAY. I SEE. I SEE WHAT YOU WANT.
SO IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT GERALD IS 81 YEARS OLD AND COULD BE
EXPOSED, AND HE'S CANTANKEROUS, BUT OKAY, JIMMY, IT'S YOUR SHOW.
WHY DON'T WE TAKE OFF THE MASK. THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH ‐‐ YEAH, OKAY.
NOT EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING. BUT, YOU KNOW ‐‐ DO YOU HAVE AN
ACT? WHAT DO YOU DO, EXACTLY?
>> IF WE COULD JUST STOP INTERRUPTING?
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY.
>> GERALD WAS GOING TO TELL US ABOUT HIS TRIP THAT HE JUST TOOK.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST TOOK A TRIP.
>> OKAY, GERALD. AND WHERE DID YOU GO?
>> I WENT TO WASHINGTON, D. C.
>> OH.
>> JUST NOW. JUST GOT BACK.
>> OH. WELL. LAST WEEK? DURING ALL THE ‐‐ WHAT WERE YOU
DOING THERE?
>> UHH ‐‐ A PARADE?
>> ALL RIGHT. NO MORE NEWSMAX FOR YOU.
I'D LIKE TO NOW DRINK A GLASS OF WATER.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, OKAY, GREAT. ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT, THIS WILL BE GREAT. WAIT.
ISN'T GERALD SUPPOSED TO SING OR SOMETHING WHILE YOU DRINK THE
GLASS OF WATER?
>> OH. OKAY, SO I GUESS YOU'RE THE
VENTRILOQUIST NOW? NOT ME?
>> Jimmy: NO, I'M NOT, I'M NOT.
>> WHO IS THIS GUY? HE COULDN'T [ BLEEP ] CARSON'S
HAT!
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
>> YOU ‐‐ THAT'S AWFUL!
>> Jimmy: BRYAN CRANSTON AND GERALD, EVERYBODY, THEY'RE
WONDERFUL.
>> WAKE ME UP WHEN THERE'S SOMETHING DECENT AND SOMEONE HAS
A PIECE OF PIE.
>> Jimmy: WATCH "YOUR HONOR" ON SHOWTIME.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CARRIE COON.
>> I'M SO SORRY.
>> Jimmy: IT'S FINE.
>> Dicky: NEXT WEEK ON "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" ‐‐
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY IS ON THE
WAY. YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM "THE LEFTOVERS," FROM "FARGO,"
FROM THINGS, A LOT OF THINGS. HER MOVIE IS CALLED, "THE NEST,"
IT'S AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL AND VOD.
NOW PLEASE SAY HELLO TO CARRIE COON AT YOUR HOMES.
HI, CARRIE, HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GREAT, JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I REALIZED
THIS WAS YOUR FIRST TIME ON THE SHOW.
I WAS SURPRISED BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BEEN ON BEFORE.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE "THE LEFTOVERS." WE DID ONE OF THESE BIG EMMY
Q&As FOR "THE LEFTOVERS."
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE TO SAY ‐‐
>> I REMEMBER.
>> Jimmy: I WAS SURPRISED AT HOW NORMAL AND UPBEAT AND FRIENDLY
YOU WERE. I HAVE TO SAY. BECAUSE YOU PLAY SOME INTENSE
CHARACTERS, TYPICALLY.
>> I DO, YEAH. THANK YOU FOR THAT.
YEAH MY FAMILY IS REALLY MIST TIED BY MY CAREER THAT I'M
ALWAYS CRYING AND YELLING AND BREAKING THING IS.
BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY QUITE EASY‐GOING.
DIRECTORS ARE ALWAYS REALLY SURPRISED WHEN THEY MEET ME.
IN FACT, BRYAN CRANSTON STOLE MY BIT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU AND BRYAN CRANSTON ARE KIND OF A LOT ALIKE.
YEAH, YOU'D THINK WALTER WHITE, "YOUR HONOR."
>> BAKING BREAD.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A BREAD BAKER, WOW. YOU'RE IN "THE GHOSTBUSTERS"
MOVIE, WHAT IS IT, "GHOSTBUSTERS AFTER LIFE" THAT'S COMING OUT AS
WELL.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, YES. IT'S PRETTY SURREAL.
I GREW UP WITH THAT SHOW PLAYING ON MY TV IN THE '80s.
AND NOW I'M GOING TO HEAR THAT MUSIC FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU REVEALING SOMETHING THAT PERHAPS YOU ARE
NOT SUPPOSED TO?
>> I HOPE NOT.
>> Jimmy: IS RAY PARKER JR. INCLUDED IN THIS NEW
"GHOSTBUSTERS" FILM?
>> HOW COULD HE NOT BE?
>> I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. A LOT OF THE ORIGINAL CAST IS IN
IT. I ASSUME YOU WORKED WITH BILL MURRAY WHICH IS ALWAYS ‐‐
EVERYBODY ‐‐ THAT'S AN EXPERIENCE FOR PEOPLE.
>> IT IS INDEED. AND HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT, I
MUST SAY. YOU KNOW, ON BILL'S BIRTHDAY
THEY HAD THE CALGARY CHEERLEADERS COME IN.
BUT HE HAD ALREADY MADE PLANS. HE BROUGHT HIS OWN BAGPIPER AND
SANG US A FUNERAL DIRGE WHICH WAS VERY ENTERTAINING.
GENEROUSLY, HE ALSO GOT THESE THAI MASSEUSES ON THE SET SO THE
CREW COULD POP IN AND HAVE A MASSAGE.
HE IS UNFAILINGLY HIMSELF. IT SEEMS KIND OF EXHAUSTING BUT
I THINK HE'S STILL ENJOYING IT.
>> Jimmy: AT ANY POINT DID YOU KIND OF ‐‐ I DON'T WANT TO PUT
THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD, BUT DID YOU JUST GO, WOW, HERE I AM
WORKING WITH BILL MURRAY. YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF
PEOPLE I'M SURE YOU HAVE THAT THOUGHT ABOUT.
TO ME THERE'S NO ‐‐ I MEAN, THAT'S ‐‐ AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, THAT'S THE TOP OF THE HEAP.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, HE AND I ARE BOTH CUBS FANS.
HE INVITED ME TO WATCH THE GAME. AND KNOWING BILL MURRAY AND
HAROLD RAMIS ARE FROM CHICAGO, WHICH IS A PLACE WHERE I LIVE, I
JUST KIND OF CAN'T BELIEVE WHERE I AM NOW COMPARED TO WHERE I
STARTED. I ACTUALLY AUDITIONED FOR
GRADUATE SCHOOL IN CHICAGO, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I CAME TO THE
SEE. MY MOM AND AUNTS AND GRANDMA
CAME WITH ME TO CHEER ME ON, GOT DRUNK ON MARTINIS IN THE
BASEMENT OF THE PALMER HOUSE. I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, CAN'T
BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE. WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT NIGHT, I
WAS IN THE HOTEL ROOM WITH MY GRANDMA.
WE HEARD BANGING AND SHE SAID, I THINK THOSE PEOPLE ARE HAVING
SEX. AND NOW HERE I AM,
"GHOSTB"GOES HOOHOST AFTERLIFE," WHICH WILL BE THE
HEADLINE OF MY OBITUARY.
>> Jimmy: AND THOSE PEOPLE WOULD GROW UP TO BE DONALD TRUMP AND
STORMY DANIELS. I LOVE THE IDEA OF ALL THESE
PEOPLE COMING TO AN AUDITION FOR YOU.
>> THEY WERE THERE FOR THE DRINKS.
THEY HAD ME SINGING WITH THE PIANO PLAYER IN THE HOTEL BAR TO
PRACTICE MY MONOLOGUE. THEY'RE A GOOD TIME, A LOT OF
FUN. VERY CRITICAL, THOUGH.
>> Jimmy: ARE THEY REALLY? REALLY?
>> YES, YES, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: OF YOU?
>> WELL, I MEAN, THEY'RE VERY SUPPORTIVE, BUT ‐‐ FOR EXAMPLE,
IN MY FILM "THE NEST," I DO A LOT OF SMOKING.
AND, YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS MADE FUN OF ME ON STAGE FOR SMOKING
POORLY, NOT BEING GOOD AT IT, BECAUSE THEY WERE SMOKERS
GROWING UP.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> THEY DEFINITELY KEEP ME GROUNDED, PUT THAT IT WAY.
>> Jimmy: YOU'D THINK AFTER "THE LEFTOVERS" YOU'D KNOW YOUR WAY
AROUND A CIGARETTE.
>> THEY THOUGHT MY SMOKING WAS TERRIBLE IN "THE LEFTOVERS."
>> Jimmy: OH, REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE YOU NEED TO SMOKE MORE IS THE MESSAGE
YOUR FAMILY IS SENDING YOU.
>> MY MOM HAS ALWAYS RECOMMENDED I TAKE UP SMOKING TO HELP ME
RELAX.
>> Jimmy: "THE NEST" IS NOT ABOUT ONE OF THE THERMOSTATS
PEOPLE PUT ON THE WALL, I'M ASSUMING? MAYBE IT IS.
>> NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S NOT A CLIMATE‐CONTROL
HAUNTING, NO.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. THE SMOKE DETECTOR DOESN'T GO
OFF EVERY TIME YOU LIGHT UP?
>> NOT IN THIS PARTICULAR FILM. IT IS THE '80s SO IT'S PRE‐NEST.
NO, IT'S ABOUT A MARRIED COUPLE, ABOUT THE TACIT AGREEMENTS WE
MAKE THAT MAKE UP A MARRIAGE. YOU KNOW, WHETHER OR NOT THOSE
MARRIAGES CAN SURVIVE WHEN WE LET GO OF OUR DELUSIONS, JUST
LIKE AMERICA.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?
DONALD TRUMP GOT IMPEACHED, AGAIN.
>> AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: KEEPS HAPPENING. IT KEEPS HAPPENING TO HIM OVER
AND OVER AGAIN, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS.
>> HE LOVES TO BE THE FIRST PERSON TO DO THINGS, HE SHOULD
BE THRILLED.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, HE'S GOT A RECORD NOW.
IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH ONE TO TOP.
THIS IS LIKE ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW, I THINK HE'S GOING TO ‐‐ IT'S LIKE
HE'S THE CAL RIPKEN OF IMPEACHMENTS NOW.
>> WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: ARE PEOPLE WATCHING "THE LEFTOVERS"?
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A SHOW THAT IS ONE OF, TO ME, THE BEST SHOWS
EVER. AND NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE WATCHED IT
WHEN IT WAS OUT. ARE PEOPLE NOW WATCHING IT AGAIN?
>> WELL, NOW WITH QUARANTINE, THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO
WATCH. ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY
WERE GOING TO FOUND THEIR WAY TO WATCHING IT.
YEAH, IT'S UNFORTUNATELY VERY TIMELY, ABOUT THE COLLECTIVE
GRIEVING IN SOCIETY. NO ONE RECOGNIZES ME EXCEPT FOR
"LEFTOVERS" FANS. MY EXPERIENCES WITH THOSE PEOPLE
ARE ALWAYS SATISFYING. NEVER TRITE.
THEY ALWAYS HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT WHY THEY CONNECTED WITH
THE SHOW, EITHER THROUGH PERSONAL GRIEF, THE LOSS OF A
CHILD, A PARENT. SO ‐‐ THEN IT'S THE SUBSET OF
PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE ENDING, WHETHER OR NOT
NORA WENT THROUGH. AND I'LL NEVER TELL.
>> Jimmy: YOU'LL NEVER TELL. DO YOU KNOW, THOUGH?
>> I'LL NEVER TELL. OF COURSE I KNOW, I HAD TO MAKE
A DECISION. IT WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED THE
PERFORMANCE, I DON'T THINK. I KNOW JUSTIN'S BEEN VERY OPEN
ABOUT IT, HIS OPINION. BUT YOU KNOW, GOOD ART, I THINK
WHEN IT'S AMBIGUOUS, IT REVEALS MORE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO'S
WATCHING IT. WHATEVER THE ACTRESS THINKS,
DOESN'T REALLY MATTER. IT'S REALLY ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE
THAT THE WATCHER IS HAVING. I WON'T TELL.
I WON'T TELL YOU EITHER.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.
I'VE MADE MY OWN DECISIONS ON THAT.
>> GOOD.
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR BEING ON. I HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT TIME IN
THE FLESH.
>> I HOPE SO.
>> Jimmy: "THE NEST" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON DIGITAL AND
VIDEO ON DEMAND. CARRIE COON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH BEACH BUNNY.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO BRYAN CRANSTON AND CARRIE COON.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,
THE EP IS CALLED "BLAME GAME." WITH THE SONG "GOOD GIRLS DON'T
GET USED," FROM THE EMPTY BOTTLE IN CHICAGO, BEACH BUNNY!
♪ SAY YOU MISS ME
SAY YOU WANNA KISS ME I LIKED IT BETTER
WHEN YOU IMPROVISED ♪
♪ THE STORY WE HAD
IF YOU ADORE ME WHY DO YOU IGNORE ME
I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN ♪
♪ YOU SENT ME SORRY
WHEN I WAS SAD STOP SAYING IT'S MY BAD
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE ♪
♪ YOUR DEADBEAT DAD
I KNOW YOU KNOW YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT
BUT YOU CAN'T RESPOND ♪
♪ WHEN YOU REACT
I'M TIRED OF DUMB BOY TALK OF GETTING CLOSE
YOU SAY YOU WON'T YOU DO ♪
♪ BUT ACT AS THOUGH
YOU DON'T YOU'RE NOT A GHOST I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ♪
♪ I STARTED LETTING GO
YOU LET ME KNOW THAT YOU WERE JUST CONFUSED ♪
♪ AND I STILL THINK
THAT YOU'RE CUTE BUT I NEED YOU TO REMEMBER THAT ♪
♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH ♪
♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET
SAY YOU WANT ME ACTUALLY YOU WANT ME
DID YOU WANNA RIBBON ♪
♪ CAUSE I'M GONNA NEED
TO HEAR MORE THAN THAT GOTTA SHOW ME
IF YOU WANNA KNOW ME ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU WOULD KNOW
BY NOW I'M THE GREATEST THING
THAT YOU COULD HAVE ♪
♪ STOP SAYING IT'S MY BAD
FORGETTING EVERYTHING WE HAD I KNOW YOU KNOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT
BUT YOU CAN'T RESPOND WHEN YOU REACT
I'M TIRED OF DUMB BOY TALK ♪
♪ OF GETTING CLOSE
YOU SAY YOU WON'T YOU DO BUT ACT AS THOUGH YOU DON'T ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT A GHOST
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU I STARTED LETTING GO
YOU LET ME KNOW ♪
♪ THAT YOU WERE
JUST CONFUSED AND I STILL THINK THAT YOU'RE CUTE ♪
♪ BUT I NEED YOU
TO REMEMBER THAT GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH ♪
♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET USED
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH GOOD GIRLS DON'T GET
WHO'S THE GIRL ♪
♪ IN YOUR STORY
HARD TO BELIEVE THAT YOU REALLY CARE AT ALL IF
WHEN YOU'RE BORED ♪
♪ OR YOU'RE HORNY
I WANNA HANG OUT BUT YOU'RE BUSY HUNTING DOWN A BOOTY CALL ♪
♪ HATE IT HOW YOU IGNORE ME
LIKE FOR A WEEKEND BUT THEN PRETEND
NOTHING HAPPENED ♪
♪ IS THAT SO
CAUSE I ASKED TO COME OVER BUT SUPPOSEDLY A GIRL THAT'S ♪
♪ JUST YOUR FRIEND
WAS IN YOUR HOME I'M TIRED OF DUMB BOY TALK
OF GETTING CLOSE ♪
♪ YOU SAY YOU WON'T YOU DO
BUT ACT AS THOUGH YOU DON'T YOU'RE NOT A GHOST ♪
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO YOU SAY YOU WON'T ♪
♪ BUT THEN YOU DO
YOU SAY YOU WON'T BUT THEN YOU DO ♪