1 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:07,540 >>> FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE." 2 00:00:07,542 --> 00:00:10,342 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TONIGHT, IT'S JACK SHEPARD, JOHN 3 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:18,084 WILSON AND MUSE IC FROM I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME. 4 00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,486 NOW JIMMY KIMMEL. >> Jimmy: OH, HI. 5 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:23,155 HI, EVERYONE I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. 6 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,758 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US ON OUR 7 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:30,496 FIRST NIGHT BACK IN THE STUDIO, AFTER THREE WEEKS DOING THE SHOW 8 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:35,834 ALONE IN MY HOUSE. I'M GONNA BE HONEST, 9 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,237 I WAS STARTING TO WONDER IF I EVEN HAD A SHOW. 10 00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:42,174 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW A LOT OF CRAZY PEOPLE 11 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,241 THINK THEY'RE HOSTING A SHOW. AT HOME. 12 00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:44,443 [ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 13 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,111 IT'S GREAT TO SEE ANYONE REALLY. GUILLERMO, WHICH DO YOU LIKE 14 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:52,518 BETTER, NOT WORKING AT HOME OR NOT WORKING AT WORK? 15 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:56,922 [ LAUGHTER ] >> NOT WORKING AT WORK. 16 00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:01,393 >> Jimmy: NOT WORKING AT WORK, THAT'S GOOD. 17 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:05,530 WHAT DID YOU DO OVER THE BREAK. >> JUST EXERCISE AND WATCH 18 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,667 FOOTBALL. >> Jimmy: I BELIEVE THE SECOND 19 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:13,739 PART OF THAT. BY THE WAY, GUILLERMO'S GOT A 20 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,808 BIG BIRTHDAY COMING UP THIS WEEK, 21 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,945 CINCUENTA! >> YES, 50. 22 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,147 1Y50 YOU WATCH THE GAME YESTERDAY? 23 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,817 >> YES, TOM BRADY THE GOAT. >> Jimmy: YES WE KNEW, 24 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:26,018 TOM BRADY, AGAINST ALL ODDS, IS HEADED BACK TO THE SUPER BOWL 25 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:36,695 FOR LIKE THE HUNDREDTH TIME. HOW MANY SUPER BOWLS HAVE THERE 26 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,230 BEEN. >> TEN, OH. 27 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,566 >> Jimmy: NEVER MIND. BY THE WAY 28 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,367 THE PATRIOTS WERE LIKE "THANKS FOR ALL THE RINGS, SEE YOU 29 00:01:42,437 --> 00:01:46,105 LATER"- HE SIGNS UP WITH THE 7 AND 9 BUCCANEERS. 30 00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:50,042 GOES TO TAMPA NOW THEY'RE IN THE SUPER BOWL AND THE 31 00:01:50,044 --> 00:01:51,843 THE PATRIOTS ARE 7 AND 9. SITTING AT HOME. 32 00:01:51,913 --> 00:01:53,312 ROBERT KRAFT, THE OWNER OF THE PATRIOTS, WAS SO DISTRAUGHT, HE 33 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:57,849 WENT TO A MASSAGE PARLOR FOR A "SAD ENDING" THIS TIME. 34 00:01:57,919 --> 00:02:00,986 [ LAUGHTER ] BRADY AND THE BUCCANEERS WILL 35 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:05,457 TAKE ON THE DEFENDING CHAMPION KANSAS CITY CHIEFS, IN TAMPA. 36 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,792 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME EVER, THAT AN NFL TEAM HAS HOSTED THE 37 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:11,063 SUPER BOWL IN THEIR OWN STADIUM. AND TOM BRADY, MAKES HISTORY AS 38 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,865 BOTH THE OLDEST PERSON EVER TO PLAY IN A SUPER BOWL, AND THE 39 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,067 FIRST PERSON WHO EVER MOVED TO FLORIDA, SO HE COULD KEEP 40 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:18,671 WORKING. IT IS FUNNY, HOW MUCH TALK THERE 41 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:27,413 IS OF BRADY BEING OLD. I MEAN, HE'S 43, LOOK AT HIM 42 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,348 ALL WRINKLED AND HUNCHED OVER. HE'S DISGUSTING. 43 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:33,552 BY THE WAY, BOTH OF TOM BRADY'S PARENTS WERE HOSPITALIZED WITH 44 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:34,820 COVID THIS YEAR. THEY MISSED TWO OF HIS GAMES FOR 45 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:41,427 THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES. THEY'RE OKAY NOW. 46 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,962 THANK GOODNESS. I WILL SAY, 47 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:45,831 I SPENT MOST OF THE WEEKEND TRYING TO GET VACCINATION 48 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:50,636 APPOINTMENTS FOR MY IN-LAWS AND AUNT AND UNCLE. 49 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,305 MY DAD SOMEHOW GOT THEM, BUT WHAT A JOKE THIS IS. 50 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,040 CALIFORNIA IS RANKED LAST WHEN IT COMES TO DISTRIBUTING THE 51 00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:56,042 VACCINE. AND THESE WEBSITES ARE 52 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,377 RIDICULOUS. THEY HAD NINE MONTHS TO FIGURE 53 00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,112 OUT THE WEBSITES. IT'S LIKE TRYING TO BUY CONCERT 54 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,316 TICKETS. I KEPT REFRESHING ALL DAY. 55 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,383 OVER AND OVER. I CHECKED MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE 56 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:10,055 MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I'D GET UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM 57 00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,656 AND GET ON THE THING AND WHATEVER, 58 00:03:11,726 --> 00:03:13,525 AND EVEN WHEN YOU DO GET THROUGH, YOU ENTER ALL THE 59 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:17,796 INFORMATION. NAME, BIRTHDATE, INSURANCE, 60 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,933 EMAIL, BIRTHDATE AGAIN, PHONE NUMBER, MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME, 61 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:26,338 MOTHER'S FIRST NAME, ATTACH A PHOTO OF THE FRONT AND BACK OF 62 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,807 YOUR INSURANCE CARD, AGAIN, WE NEED THE BIRTHDATE, 63 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,676 AND THEN, YOU GET TO THE FINAL PAGE THEY SAY NO SLOTS 64 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:31,409 AVAILABLE. AND YOU HAVE TO START ALL OVER 65 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:34,346 AGAIN! IT GOES NOWHERE. 66 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,882 HOW ARE OLD PEOPLE DOING THIS? WHY IS THE ROLLOUT OF THE COVID 67 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:41,954 VACCINE GOING WORSE THAN THE ROLLOUT OF THE POPEYE'S CHICKEN 68 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:46,959 SANDWICH? IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. 69 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:52,765 SO FINALLY I'M ON ALL DAY SATURDAY AND I DECIDED TO CALL, 70 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,833 WHICH I NEVER WANT TO DO IN ANY SITUATION. 71 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:59,571 AND THIS IS WHAT YOU HEAR: >> THANK YOU FOR CALL THE 72 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:05,778 COVID-19 VACCINATION ASSISTANCE LINE YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO 73 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:08,314 US, PLEASE WAIT AND SOMEONE WILL BE ON SHORTLY. 74 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,449 >> Jimmy: YEAH, SHORTLY, I WAS ON TWO AND HALF HOURS, 75 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,918 NO ONE EVER PICKED UP. AND THE MUSIC, THE HOLD MUSIC, 76 00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:13,853 LISTEN TO THIS. ♪ 77 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:28,534 [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ 78 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:33,605 >> Jimmy: BA, BA, BA, BA. ♪ 79 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:42,214 >> Jimmy: THIS WENT ON FOR TWO AND HALF HOURS TO THE POINT I 80 00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:45,951 INVOLVED SIRI. I WAS LIKE, SIRI WHAT SONG IS 81 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:50,756 THIS, AND TURNS OUT SIRI KNEW IT IS A SONG CALLED 82 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:54,025 "LOVE IS WICKED" BY BRICK AND LACE. 83 00:04:54,095 --> 00:04:56,628 ♪ >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW BRICK OR 84 00:04:56,697 --> 00:05:01,633 LACE BUT THEY SHOULD SUE FOR THIS FOR BEING ASSOCIATED WITH 85 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:05,037 THIS. MY ONLY COME THE IS KNOWING THAT 86 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:05,971 THE PEOPLE FROM SPECTRUM CABLE ARE FORCED TO SIT 87 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,106 THROUGH IT TOO. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT NOW?! 88 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,575 I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE GOT COVID, WHILE ON HOLD TO GET THE 89 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:14,847 VACCINE. HOW IS IT THAT WE HAVE 11% OF 90 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:19,385 THE CITY OUT OF WORK AND NO ONE TO ANSWER CALLS? 91 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:24,657 GIVE EVERYONE WHO IS OUT OF WORK A JOB DISTRIBUTING VACCINES. 92 00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:28,794 THANK YOU, YOU CAN CLAP, I KNOW IT'S OVER SIMPLE. 93 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,730 AND AS FAR AS THAT, L.A. COUNTY SHOULD HIRE EVERYONE 94 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,531 WHO MADE A BERNIE MEME THIS WEEKEND TO WORK ON THEIR 95 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,801 WEBSITE. BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY KNOW MORE 96 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,936 THAN THEY DO. ANYWAY, AFTER ROUGHLY 20 HOURS 97 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,938 OF TRYING, I FINALLY GOT THE APPOINTMENTS. 98 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:44,009 I DID A VICTORY LAP AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE I WON THE LOTTO. 99 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:48,080 OR SOMETHING. AND I DO WANT TO SAY IN 100 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,749 FAIRNESS, MY FATHER-IN-LAW GOT HIS SHOT AT 101 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,284 THE FORUM TODAY AND SAID THEY WERE VERY WELL-ORGANIZED. 102 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:55,487 ON SITE. WEBSITE BAD, ON-SITE GOOD. 103 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,423 IS WHAT I'M SAYING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 104 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,224 MEANWHILE, IT WAS ANOTHER IMPEACHY KEEN DAY IN WASHINGTON. 105 00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:03,295 THE TRIAL, IN THE SENATE, OF FORMER PRESIDENT, DONALD TRUMP, 106 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,565 YOU REMEMBER THAT GUY? IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN THE WEEK OF 107 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:10,569 FEBRUARY 8th. GEE, I HOPE THIS DOESN'T SPOIL 108 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,571 MELANIA'S VALENTINE'S DAY PLANS. [ LAUGHTER ] 109 00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:18,777 RUDY GIULIANI WILL NOT REPRESENT TRUMP AT THE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL. 110 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:19,979 HE HAS HIS OWN LEGAL PROBLEMS. YOU KNOW HOW RUDY WENT AROUND 111 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,181 TELLING EVERYONE THESE DOMINION VOTING MACHINES WERE SOMEHOW 112 00:06:22,183 --> 00:06:26,185 RIGGED IN FAVOR OF JOE BIDEN? WELL, THE FOLKS AT DOMINION ARE 113 00:06:26,187 --> 00:06:33,058 NOW SUING RUDY FOR $1.3 BILLION. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 114 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:35,728 BILLION. BILLION DOLLARS. 115 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,262 THEY ARE SUING HIS PANTS OFF. ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, BORAT'S 116 00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:42,667 DAUGHTER ALREADY HAD THEM HALFWAY THERE. 117 00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:50,809 DOMINION IS SAYING, AMONG OTHER THINGS, THAT GUILIANI CASHED IN 118 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,611 ON HIS PODCAST, USING HIS NEW REPUTATION AS A DEFENDER OF THE 119 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,946 CONSTITUTION TO SELL COINS TO DUMB PEOPLE. 120 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,816 >> I ACCOMPLISHED A LOT IN 2020 EXPOSING THE TRUTH, ESTABLISHING 121 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:03,155 THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, WORKING TIRELESSLY FOR AMERICA 122 00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:07,225 AND I CAME TO KNOW THE WORK AND VALUE OF THE PEOPLE AT AMERICAN 123 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:10,095 HEARTFORD GOLD. GIVE THEM A CALL AND TELL THEM 124 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:16,502 RUDY SENT YOU. OR TEXT RUDY TO 65 OF [ BLEEP ] 125 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,169 32. >> Jimmy: NO THANKS, MAYBE RUDY 126 00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:23,641 COULD 35I OFF THE DAMAGES MAYBE RUDY CAN PAY OFF HIS 127 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,843 DAMAGES IN DOUBLOONS. TEAM BIDEN IS SETTLING IN. 128 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,312 JOE BIDEN'S DOGS HAVE OFFICIALLY MOVED INTO THE WHITE HOUSE, AND 129 00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:31,516 THEY'VE GOT A TWITTER ACCOUNT. THIS WAS POSTED FROM THE OVAL 130 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:35,521 "PAWFICE." "TOGETHER WE WILL PAW AN 131 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:41,660 AMERICAN STORY OF HOPE AND YUMMY NOM NOMS." 132 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,462 NOW -- WHOEVER AT TWITTER BANNED TRUMP? 133 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:45,797 NEEDS TO BAN THE OVAL PAWFICE TOO. 134 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:49,401 "YUMMY NOM NOMS." WHY DO WE ASSUME DOGS TALK LIKE 135 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:57,609 IDIOTS? >> THEY'RE VERY SMART. 136 00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,144 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, WE'RE GOING TO 137 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:02,213 HAVE QUITE A FIESTA FOR YOU, GUILLERMO. 138 00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:06,484 >> OH, I CANNOT WAIT, JIMMY SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS IS 139 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,887 GOING TO BE AT IT, SHE'S STOMPING BACK ONTO THE POLITICAL 140 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:12,757 STAGE. SARAH, WHO YOU MAY REMEMBER FROM 141 00:08:12,827 --> 00:08:14,293 HER TIME LYING TO US EVERY DAY FOR TWO YEARS, ANNOUNCED TODAY 142 00:08:14,295 --> 00:08:17,229 THAT SHE IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF ARKANSAS. 143 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:23,368 >> OUR STATE NEEDS A LEADER WITH THE COURAGE TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT, 144 00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,437 NOT WHAT'S POLITICALLY CORRECT FOR CONVENIENT. 145 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:29,841 I TOOK ON THE MEDIA, THE RADICAL LEFT, AND THEIR CANCEL CULTURE 146 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:33,711 AND I WON. [ LAUGHTER ] 147 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,580 1Y50 YOU DID . 148 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,649 >> Jimmy: YOU DID? I DON'T THINK YOU DID. 149 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,118 YOU STOPPED GIVING PRESS CONFERENCES. 150 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,319 THEN YOU QUIT. THEN THEY LOST. 151 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:47,326 AND NOW YOU LIVE IN ARKANSAS. I DON'T THINK YOU WON. 152 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,995 [ APPLAUSE ] WE GOT SOME NEW INSIGHT ABOUT 153 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:54,866 LIFE INSIDE TRUMP ONLAND LIFE INSIDE TRUMPLAND FROM HIS 154 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:57,803 FORMER CORONAVIRUS COORDINATOR, DOCTOR DEBORAH BIRX. 155 00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:58,937 DR. BIRX SAT FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH "FACE THE NATION" AND 156 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,072 EXPLAINED HOW THE FLOW OF MISLEADING INFORMATION FROM THE 157 00:09:00,074 --> 00:09:06,678 TRUMP WHITE HOUSE WORKED. >> I'M CONVINCED THERE WERE 158 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:07,746 PARALLEL DATA STREAMS. >> DISINFORMATION. 159 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:11,950 >> I SAW THE PRESIDENT PRESENTING GRAPHS THAT I NEVER 160 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:14,219 MADE. SO I KNOW THAT SOMEONE OR 161 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:18,690 SOMEONE OUT THERE OR SOMEONE INSIDE WAS CREATING A PARALLEL 162 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:25,364 SET OF DATA AND GRAPHICS THAT WERE SHOWN TO THE PRESIDENT. 163 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:28,767 >> Jimmy: AND I COULDN'T TELL YOU AT THE TIME BECAUSE I WAS 164 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,703 SUPER BUSY TRYING ON SCARVES. NOW SHE TELLS US. 165 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:36,175 OH, YOU MEANT TO TELL YOU, THE GUY WHO DROVE YOU HOME FROM THE 166 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:39,711 AIRPORT WAS DRUNK, SHOULDN'T BE IN THE CAR WITH HIM. 167 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:44,383 BY THE WAY, MY WIFE, HAS A REAL FASHION DILEMMA NOW. 168 00:09:44,385 --> 00:09:45,717 I STOLE THESE FROM THE HOUSE. 169 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,921 FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS, I STOLE THESE FROM HER CLOSET. 170 00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:50,021 THIS IS WHAT SHE WEARS EVERY DAY. 171 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:56,394 I CALL IT "PROTEST WEAR." THIS ONE, I GUESS SHE CAN KEEP 172 00:09:56,463 --> 00:10:00,532 WEARING FOR ANOTHER MONTH. THIS SAYS I'M A VOTER. 173 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,135 THIS SAYS USE YOUR VOTE AND VOICE. 174 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:07,272 WE'VE GOT ELECT WOMEN. WE'VE GOT WHEN THEY GO LOW WE GO 175 00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,741 HIGH. WE GOT I MISS BARACK. 176 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:12,677 WE GOT, THIS ONE'S SUCH A NASTY WOMAN. 177 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:17,883 SCIENCE, NOT FICTION. AND I GUESS THIS ONE SHE CAN 178 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:22,554 STILL GET A COUPLE WEEKS OUT OF BECAUSE IT SAYS IMPEACH ON IT. 179 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,557 [ APPLAUSE ] BUT AFTER THAT SHE'S GOING TO BE 180 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,494 NUDE. MEANWHILE, ALL OF MY SHIRTS HAVE 181 00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:29,827 TROUT AND BBQ ON THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] 182 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,230 DOING THE SHOW FROM MY HOUSE FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS CREATED SOME 183 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:36,034 CHALLENGES. FOR INSTANCE, EVERY YEAR IN 184 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,972 JANUARY, MY CO-WORKERS AND I HERE AT THE SHOW 185 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,573 PARTICIPATE IN A COMPANY-WIDE HARASSMENT SEMINAR. 186 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:50,782 BUT UNTIL TODAY, I ONLY HAD THREE CO-WORKERS 187 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,984 WHO HAPPENED TO BE MY WIFE AND MY TWO YOUNGER KIDS. 188 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,120 BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING I RESPECT, IT'S CORPORATE POLICY. 189 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,190 ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT. SO TO CHECK THE BOX, I CALLED A 190 00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:01,326 FAMILY MEETING AND LET THE LEARNING BEGIN. 191 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:06,064 ♪ >> HELLO, EVERYONE. 192 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:10,335 GOOD AFTERNOON. AS YOU KNOW, OUR HOUSE HAS 193 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:15,473 BECOME A WORKPLACE AND SO I'M REQUIRED TO GO THROUGH SOME 194 00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:18,210 RULES WITH YOU WHEN IT COMES TO HARASSMENT. 195 00:11:18,212 --> 00:11:22,681 GO YOU -- DO YOU KNOW WHAT HARASSMENT IS? 196 00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,015 >> NO. >> DO YOU KNOW? 197 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,285 MOLLY DO YOU KNOW WHAT HARASSMENT IS? 198 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,354 >> YEAH. >> OKAY. 199 00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:34,025 JANE, I'M GOING TO START WITH YOU WHILE BILLY LICKS HIS JUICE 200 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,294 OFF THE TABLE. BILLY? 201 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:42,234 BILLY'S ENJOYING HIS TABLE JUICE. 202 00:11:42,236 --> 00:11:43,368 OKAY. NOW HE'S DRIPPING JUICE ON TO 203 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:48,040 THE TABLE AND LICKING IT OFF. IS THAT APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR IN 204 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,775 THE WORKPLACE, JANE? >> NO. 205 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,378 >> NO. MOMMY? 206 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,580 >> NO. >> BILLY. 207 00:11:55,649 --> 00:12:00,919 >> NO. >> NO, IT'S NOT, YOU'RE RIGHT. 208 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,521 OKAY. AGE-BASED HARASSMENT IS WHEN YOU 209 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,991 HARASS SOMEBODY BASED ON HOW OLD THEY ARE. 210 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,792 DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I AM? >> NO. 211 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,795 >> BILLY, DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I AM? 212 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,997 >> NO. >> WHAT WOULD YOU GUESS? 213 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:15,133 >> 32. >> EXACTLY RIGHT. 214 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:20,204 AND HOW OLD IS MOMMY? >> IS IT SOMETHING IN THE 20'S? 215 00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:23,608 >> YES IT'S SOMETHING IN THE 20'S. 216 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,812 >> MOMMY'S 21 TWICE. >> THANKS. 217 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:30,749 >> YOU'RE WELCOME. RELIGIOUS HARASSMENT IS NOT 218 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:34,819 PERMITTED IN THE WORKPLACE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT OUR RELIGION 219 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,089 IS. >> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT 220 00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,624 MEANS. >> DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? 221 00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:44,029 >> YES. >> BILLY, DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? 222 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:49,967 GOD'S THE ONE WHO CREATED THIS DISGUSTING HABIT OF YOURS. 223 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,638 DO YOU KNOW WHAT WEIGHT IS? 224 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,641 >> YES IT'S SOMETHING THAT IS HEAVY OR LIGHT. 225 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,311 >> RIGHT, AM I HEAVY OR LIGHT? >> HEAVY. 226 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:05,650 >> SEE NOW THAT'S -- THAT'S HARASSMENT, RIGHT, BILL? 227 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:09,988 AM I HEAVY OR LIGHT, BILLY? >> 228 00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:13,125 >> HEAVY. >> DID JANE TELL YOU TO SAY 229 00:13:13,127 --> 00:13:14,059 THAT. >> YES. 230 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,594 >> I'M GOING TO SUE YOU IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN. 231 00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,730 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO SUE SOMEBODY? 232 00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:21,065 >> NO. >> YOU'RE GOING TO FIND OUT. 233 00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:25,336 >> HOW? >> WHEN MY LAWYERS CONTACT YOU. 234 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,271 [ LAUGHTER ] . 235 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:30,409 >> NAME CALLING. MOLLY, IS IT APPROPRIATE TO CALL 236 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,210 PEOPLE NAMES? >> NO. 237 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:35,079 >> CAN YOU THINK OF ANY BAD NAMES YOU MIGHT CALL SOMEBODY. 238 00:13:35,149 --> 00:13:42,287 >> WHEN YOU TELL THE KIDS I TOOT AND THEY CALL ME TOOTY HEAD THAT 239 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,422 WOULD BE A NAME. >> I DON'T CALL MOM THAT. 240 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:49,227 >> WHAT DO YOU CALL ME? >> I THINK DADDY TOOTS MORE THAN 241 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:50,429 YOU. >> DEFINITELY. 242 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:54,166 A LOT MORE THAN ME, ACTUALLY. HE'S TOOTING RIGHT NOW. 243 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:58,970 >> ACTUALLY I DON'T TOOT. >> LET'S TALK ABOUT PHYSICAL 244 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:02,240 CONTACT. IS IT APPROPRIATE TO TOUCH YOUR 245 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:06,244 CO-WORKERS, BILLY? SEE IT IS APPROPRIATE TO DO 246 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,379 THAT? >> NO. 247 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:13,985 >> NOT WITHOUT CONSENT, NO. >> NOT ALL HARASSMENT IS 248 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:17,856 PHYSICAL. SOMETIMES YOUR MOTHER GIVES ME 249 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,125 THE EYE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 250 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:24,262 MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT. 251 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,865 ALL RIGHT. JANE, I'M JUST GOING TO NEED YOU 252 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:31,002 TO SIGN THIS RIGHT HERE SHOWING YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING WE 253 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,805 DISCUSSED AND AGREEING TO THE TERMS, OKAY. 254 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,807 VERY GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. 255 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,742 BILLY, YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND SIGN THIS. 256 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:41,679 PERFECT. MOLLY. 257 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,615 AND I THINK -- >> -- THIS WAS VERY HELPFUL. 258 00:14:44,685 --> 00:14:47,352 >> -- WE'RE DONE. >> OH, SOMEBODY'S BITING ME. 259 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,754 OKAY. OW. 260 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:52,356 BILL, THERE'S NO BITING IN THE WORKPLACE. 261 00:14:52,426 --> 00:14:54,693 >> McGRUFF SAYS TAKE A BITE OUT OF HARASSMENT. 262 00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:58,429 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I GOTTA GET THAT KID 263 00:14:58,498 --> 00:14:59,231 OFF THE TABLE JUICE. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU 264 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,032 TONIGHT. JOHN WILSON IS WITH US. 265 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:05,237 FROM THE HBO SHOW "HOW TO" WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM I DON'T 266 00:15:05,239 --> 00:15:07,038 KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 267 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,040 DAX SHEPARD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 268 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,454 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK 269 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:28,526 HERE IN OUR STUDIO, WELCOME TONIGHT, FROM THE DELIGHTFUL 270 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,661 SHOW "HOW TO WITH JOHN WILSON," JOHN WILSON. 271 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:37,602 THE MAN BEHIND THE CAMERA. HE'LL BE IN FRONT OF IS IT LATER 272 00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:38,737 TONIGHT. THEN, LATER ON, THEIR ALBUM IS 273 00:15:38,739 --> 00:15:40,205 CALLED "RAZZMATAZZ." MUSIC FROM I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT 274 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:43,074 THEY FOUND ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 275 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:47,545 THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS WITH MICHELLE PFEIFFER, 276 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,680 NAOMI WATTS, ANTHONY ANDERSON, GEORGE LOPEZ. 277 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,750 MY COUSIN SAL WILL BE HERE. HE HAS A NEW BOOK CALLED "YOU 278 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:57,155 CAN'T LOSE THEM ALL." AND WE'LL HAVE MUSIC FROM DEATH 279 00:15:57,223 --> 00:16:03,561 CAB FOR CUTIE, LESLIE ODOM JR., AND ARLO PARKS. 280 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,562 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 281 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,430 PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST DOES MANY 282 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:06,565 THINGS. HE IS AN ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND 283 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,500 CASTER OF PODS, WHO, STARTING FRIDAY, GETS BEHIND THE WHEEL ON 284 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,370 "TOP GEAR AMERICA" AVAILABLE ON THE MOTORTREND APP. 285 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:25,383 PLEASE WELCOME DAX SHEPARD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 286 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:33,725 ♪ >> Jimmy: WELL, I'M SURPRISED. 287 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:38,129 I DID NOT KNOW KANYE HAD SHIFTED TO A MUSTARD COLOR. 288 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:46,404 >> IT'S NOW AVAILABLE. WHO WAS I TO RESIST. 289 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:51,876 I GENERALLY WEAR A SUIT TO DEMONSTRATE I RESPECT AND LOVE 290 00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,211 YOU. >> Jimmy: OH, NO WHAT HAPPENED. 291 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:57,816 >> THE FACT I RISKED MY LIFE TO COME SEE YOU, I SHOWED YOU I 292 00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,886 LOVE YOU, I'M HERE. >> Jimmy: IT'S A GOOD COLOR FOR. 293 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:04,622 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN THIS COLOR. 294 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:08,026 >> Jimmy: IS IT REALLY. >> IT IS. 295 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:14,032 I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN MUSTARD BESIDE THIS, AND IT ARRIVED 296 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,032 MORNING. >> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON IN 297 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:18,903 YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW? >> I THINK THE MOST PROMINENT 298 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:24,375 FEATURE OF OUR LIFE IS I'VE BEEN IN SEARCH OF A VERY SPECIFIC 299 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:32,650 MOTORHOME FOR A DECADE AND I DEDICATE 40 MINUTES NIGHT 300 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:36,588 LOOKING FOR ONE WITH BUNK BEDS FOR THE GIRLS AND I FOUND IT, 301 00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,323 JIMMY. >> Jimmy: TEN YEARS. 302 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:39,590 >> YEAH. >> EVEN BEFORE THE GIRLS YOU 303 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:43,661 WERE LOOKING FOR THE MOTORHOME FOR THE GIRLS. 304 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,198 >> HOW DARE YOU, KNOWING MY MATH DOESN'T WORK. 305 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:50,402 SEVEN YEARS AND 11 MONTHS AGO I STARTED LOOKING. 306 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:58,542 I ALWAYS WANTED A MOTOCROSS Y50R -- MOTORHOME AND FOUND ONE 307 00:17:58,612 --> 00:18:03,548 DURING THE WORSE TIME EVER TO BUY A MOTORHOME DURING THE 308 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,950 PANDEMIC, EVERY KNUCKLE HEAD WANTS ONE. 309 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:10,488 >> Jimmy: ME INCLUDED. >> I NOTICED I SAW YOU LISTENING 310 00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:13,424 TO ARM CHAIR EXPERT. I WAS LIKE HOW DID YOU RENT 311 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,494 THAT, YOU'RE LIKE OH, NO, I'M AN OWNER OF THIS THING. 312 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,896 [ LAUGHTER ] I GUESS YOU WEREN'T LOOKING FOR 313 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,699 TEN YEARS EITHER. >> Jimmy: NO, NO BUT I HAD BEEN 314 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,301 THINKING ABOUT IT FOR AT LEAST TEN YEARS MAYBE LONGER. 315 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:27,972 >> YEAH YEAH, IT'S A LIFESTYLE I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PART OF. 316 00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:31,443 >> Jimmy: IT'S SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT AND ONCE YOU GET IT 317 00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,510 REALIZE MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT IT AS MUCH. 318 00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:36,781 >> WELL THAT'S NOT MY EXPERIENCE BUT THAT IS MY WIFE'S 319 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,049 EXPERIENCE. >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY. 320 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:42,253 >> SO I FIND THIS BUS. IT'S A PROPER BUS AND I FIND IT 321 00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,389 IN DALLAS, TEXAS AND I DRIVE IT HOME. 322 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,459 I'M SHOWING MY WIFE PHOTOS OF IT. 323 00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:51,863 I DON'T THINK SHE REALIZED HOW BIG IT WAS GOING TO BE AND ALSO 324 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:56,067 SHE'S BEEN -- WE'VE BEEN -- BUT REALLY SHE'S BEEN BUILDING 325 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,936 HERRERA DREAM HOUSE FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS. 326 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,539 >> Jimmy: UH-HUH. >> YOU'VE BEEN TO MY HOUSE, VERY 327 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,741 MODEST, I DON'T CARE, I WOULD HAVE DIED THERE. 328 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:08,746 BUT SHE RIGHTLY SO HAS A FANTASY OF A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE. 329 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:12,016 AND IT'S DONE AND FIRST THING I DID WAS PULL THAT MOTORHOME 330 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:16,421 RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT AND NOW IT LIVES IN FRONT OF HER DREAM 331 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,557 HOME. >> I THINK WE HAVE A PICTURE OF 332 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:24,229 IT. I WANTED TO ASK ABOUT IT. 333 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,097 [ CHEERS ] SO THERE'S A HOUSE SOMEWHERE 334 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,100 BEHIND THAT. >> WELL, NO, THIS IS THE VIEW 335 00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:31,369 FROM THE HOME. YOU'RE LIKE LOOKING OUT THE 336 00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:35,106 DINING ROOM WINDOWS, YOU'RE WELCOME VERY MUCH, THIS IS WHAT 337 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,108 YOU GET TO SEE. [ LAUGHTER ] 338 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:41,112 SO SHE SAID, YOU KNOW, WHEN I ENVISION THIS BEAUTIFUL HOME I 339 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,115 DID NOT THINK THIS WOULD BE PARKED IN FRONT OF IT. 340 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:50,321 I SAID, I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU'RE EMBARRASSED ABOUT, IF OUR 341 00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:56,660 NEIGHBORS SEE THIS THEY'RE GOING TO THINK I AEROSMITH IS SPENDING 342 00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:58,797 THE NIGHT. CLEARLY A LOT OF DIFFERENT 343 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,467 LIGHTS ARE AN OPTION. KING SIDE BED AND BACK. 344 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,403 TWO BEAUTIFUL BUNKS. QUEEN UP FRONT. 345 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:11,009 FULL SIZE FRIDGE AND WASHER DRIER, TWO -- TWO SHOWERS. 346 00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:12,343 >> Jimmy: THAT'S UNNECESSARY ISN'T IT. 347 00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:15,146 >> NO IT'S NOT. >> Jimmy: WHY ARE TWO SHOWERS 348 00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:16,414 NECESSARY. >> I HAVE KIDS. 349 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:20,552 WHAT IF WE ALL GET A HANKERING TO GET CLEAN AT THE SAME TIME. 350 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:29,627 THEY WILL SOON BE AT A AGE THEY WON'T WANT TO THE BATHE WITH 351 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:34,699 YOU. >> Jimmy: THE GUY WHO SOLD IT TO 352 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:39,771 ME TOLD ME TRY NOT TO KEEP ANY WATER IN IT, IT HURTS THE GAS 353 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:43,374 MILEAGE, THE WATER COST MORE THAN THE GAS. 354 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,110 HAVE YOU BEEN ON A TRIP WITH THE FAMILY YET? 355 00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:49,780 >> NO, I DROVE THIS SON OF A GUN 2,000 MILES FROM DALLAS, TEXAS, 356 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,116 I JUST -- I GLIDED HOME SOMEWHAT I DID. 357 00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:57,655 I'M ABOUT A FOOT AND HALF ABOVE THE TRUCKERS AND GOT TO USE THE 358 00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:01,659 TRUCK STOP GAS STATION, CLEARLY, AND HAVE TO PREDICT HOW MUCH 359 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:05,463 FUEL IT'S GOING TO NEED. YOU CAN'T PUT IN YOUR CREDIT 360 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:10,601 CARD IT WILL MAX OUT AT $100. YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN 361 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,537 REPEATEDLY. MINE WON'T DO THAT SO I GO 362 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,674 INSIDE AND TELL THEM HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF GALLONS I NEED. 363 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:22,947 I'M DOING THE MATH IT PROBABLY NEEDS 175 GALLONS, I'M LIKE PUT 364 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,882 $720 ON THE CARD, LET'S SEE WHERE WE GET. 365 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:28,953 AND YOU JUST HOPE THAT WILL BE THE ONLY TIME YOU FILL IT UP 366 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:33,024 THIS YEAR. HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS. 367 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:35,226 >> HOW MANY MILES TO THE GALLON DOES IT GET. 368 00:21:35,228 --> 00:21:40,832 >> LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT. MY WIFE DRIVES AN ELECTRIC CAR. 369 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:42,700 I WANT TO BE CLEAR ABOUT THAT. HOW DARE YOU. 370 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:46,637 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'RE PREPARED FOR THE APOCALYPSE. 371 00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:51,242 NO BECAUSE I FIGURED MINE OUT IT IS LIKE 3.7 MILES TO THE GALLON. 372 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:57,248 >> IT'S A DECENT DIESEL SO I WAS HITTING 7.5 MILES TO THE GALLON 373 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:02,987 WHICH MADE ME FEEL FANTASTIC. I WAS LIKE, THIS IS ETHICALLY 374 00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:09,126 CHALLENGING UNLESS I HAVE 13 OR 14 PEOPLE AND THEN IT'S 40 MILES 375 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:13,130 TO THE GALLON AND SO I HAVE TO HAVE IT PACKED. 376 00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:17,935 >> YOU HAD IT HOW LONG NOW. >> SINCE DECEMBER 7th. 377 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:22,206 >> Jimmy: NO TRIPS YET. >> JUST A LOT OF HANGING OUT IN 378 00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:25,076 MY DRIVEWAY. IT'S CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET 379 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,478 FROM MY HOME. WHICH MEANS I HAVE EVERY CHANNEL 380 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:30,348 INSIDE THE BUS. REALLY NICE COUCH. 381 00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:34,018 AND I KIND OF HIDE IN THERE. BECAUSE YOU CAN LOCK THAT DOOR. 382 00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:38,556 >> Jimmy: YOU BOUGHT A SHED THAT GETS 7 MILES TO THE GALLON IS 383 00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:40,758 WHAT HAPPENED. >> YES. 384 00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:48,366 IN FACT, MY DEALER, DAVID GARZA, DOWN IN DALLAS, TEXAS, HE PUT IT 385 00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:50,835 BEST. HE SAID, DAX, THEY BREAK. 386 00:22:50,903 --> 00:22:54,772 BASICALLY WHAT YOU HAVE IS A HOME IN A TORNADO. 387 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,107 AND I WAS LIKE, THAT'S PRETTY ACCURATE. 388 00:22:57,177 --> 00:23:04,248 BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS DRIVING AT 80, SO YOUR HOME IS IN AN 80 389 00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:07,318 MILES AN HOUR TORNADO FOR HOUR SO HAVE APPROPRIATE 390 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,520 EXPECTATIONS. >> Jimmy: THIS IS HOW HE CLOSED 391 00:23:09,589 --> 00:23:13,391 THE DEAL? >> AND IT WORKED FOR ME. 392 00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:20,531 >> Jimmy: DAK SHEPARD IS WITH US," TOP GEAR AMERICA" HIS SHOW 393 00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:20,732 PREMIERS THIS FRIDAY. BE RIGHT BACK. 394 00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:34,545 >>> I GOT TO TELL YOU, THIS CAR MAKES ME PROUD TO BE AMERICA, 395 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:41,352 MAKES ME WANT TO EAT SOME APPLE PIE AND EAT HOT DOGS AND DO WHAT 396 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:42,820 WE'RE KNOWN THE WORLD OVER FOR, TURNING LEFT. 397 00:23:42,888 --> 00:23:47,558 >> YEAH, BABY, THE HEART RATE REALLY GETS UP FOR THIS. 398 00:23:47,627 --> 00:23:57,435 MY GOODNESS. >> Jimmy: THAT IS DAX SHEPARD 399 00:23:57,503 --> 00:24:00,571 DRIVING A CAR IRRESPONSIBLY. TALK TO AMERICA. 400 00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:06,310 THIS IS YOUR DREAM JOB, I MEAN, I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR QUITE SOME 401 00:24:06,312 --> 00:24:12,450 TIME AND IF SOMEONE SAID WHAT IS DAX'S DREAM SHOW THAT'S WHAT I 402 00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:14,118 WOULD SAY. >> IT FEELS SUSPICIOUS. 403 00:24:14,187 --> 00:24:17,922 THAT THING YOU JUST SAW, THEY DIDN'T ASK IF I COULD DO THAT, 404 00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:20,858 THEY DIDN'T GO, CAN YOU DRIFT THIS THING, THEY JUST SAID 405 00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:25,196 ACTION AND I DID THAT, AND I CAME BACK AND WAS LIKE, THEY GOT 406 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:28,599 LUCKY I COULD DO THAT. >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD 407 00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:31,736 DO IT? >> I HAD A HUNCH. 408 00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:36,006 YEAH, I FELT GOOD ABOUT IT. BUT WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE SHOW 409 00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:38,809 IS SAFETY IS THIRD, IF IT'S EVEN THIRD. 410 00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:41,278 I'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED IF I COULD DO SOMETHING. 411 00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:46,083 THEY JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS AND I DO STUFF LIKE THAT AND MY 412 00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:49,620 EMPLOYERS ARE THRILLED. AND THEN I GET A CHECK ON 413 00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:51,088 FRIDAY. CONSISTENTLY EVERY FRIDAY. 414 00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:56,227 >> Jimmy: I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE. 415 00:24:56,229 --> 00:24:57,362 YOU DESTROYED A VEHICLE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. 416 00:24:57,430 --> 00:25:01,031 >> AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY. >> Jimmy: IT CAME FROM OUT OF 417 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:02,166 NOW NOWHERE. 418 00:25:02,235 --> 00:25:05,636 LIKE WE'RE GOING TO DESTROY IT. HERE'S HOW WE'LL DO IT. 419 00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:09,239 YOU GUYS ARE LIKE, BOOM AND YOU'RE JUST GONE. 420 00:25:09,309 --> 00:25:13,377 >> WE'RE LIKE CHIMPS WHO WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT FOR A WHIEM BUT 421 00:25:13,446 --> 00:25:15,646 THEN WE START HITTING IT WITH CLUBS. 422 00:25:15,715 --> 00:25:17,915 THEN WE HAD POLICE OFFICERS TO SHUT DOWN ROADS. 423 00:25:17,984 --> 00:25:20,984 SO UNIQUE FEELING TO DRIFT THROUGH THE INNOVATIVE 424 00:25:21,054 --> 00:25:27,325 INTERSECTIONAL AND OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE YOU SEE A STATE 425 00:25:27,327 --> 00:25:31,929 TROOPING GIVING THUMB'S UP. FROM THEN ON I DIDN'T THINK MY 426 00:25:31,998 --> 00:25:33,798 LIFE WOULD MAKE PERFECT SENSE BUT IT REALLY DID. 427 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:42,206 MY LOVE FOR RACING AND CARS AND THEN DIDN'T SEEM THEY'D 428 00:25:42,275 --> 00:25:45,209 INTERSECT. >> AND TO BE CORDONED ON BY THE 429 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:49,347 POLICE. IT'S LIKE YOUR PRESIDENT EVEL 430 00:25:49,349 --> 00:25:51,615 KNEIVEL. >> IT DIDN'T FEEL REAL. 431 00:25:51,684 --> 00:25:55,753 I NEVER FELT IT WAS A SIMULATION UNTIL THIS JOB BUT NOW IT'S 432 00:25:55,821 --> 00:25:58,556 SUSPICIOUSLY GOOD. >> YOU KNOW, FOR THE 70'S FOR 433 00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:00,691 THOSE WHO WEREN'T AROUND BACK THEN. 434 00:26:00,759 --> 00:26:03,694 VANS, USED TO HAVE MANY VANS, THE KOOM VANS. 435 00:26:03,763 --> 00:26:06,630 >> YEAH YEAH YEAH. >> Jimmy: USED TO HAVE MURALS. 436 00:26:06,699 --> 00:26:12,769 >> AN THE ONES I LOVED, REMEMBER THE CHUCK NORRIS MOVIE "BREAKER 437 00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:16,240 BREAKER" FANTASTIC FILM. THE PREMISE IS HE'S IN A 438 00:26:16,309 --> 00:26:20,511 FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE VAN AND HE HAS TO BEAT PEOPLE UP ALONG THE WAY 439 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:26,650 AND AS A KID I WAS LIKE IF I COULD JUST LEARN KARATE AND GET 440 00:26:26,719 --> 00:26:31,322 NICE FOUR WHEEL DRIVE VAN WITH MURAL ON THE SIDE, THINGS WOULD 441 00:26:31,390 --> 00:26:32,990 BE WONDERFUL SO WE HAD AN EPISODE. 442 00:26:33,058 --> 00:26:37,127 IT'S HARD TO TELL WHAT THAT IS, IT'S PROBABLY NOT HARD. 443 00:26:37,196 --> 00:26:40,598 >> Jimmy: NO. >> LET ME TELL YOU REAL QUICK ON 444 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:46,871 THE SHOW WE GET A BUDGET TO MODIFY OUR VEHICLES AND RIGHTLY 445 00:26:46,873 --> 00:26:52,143 SO THEY SPEND MONEY ON SUSPENSION AND TURBOS AND I 446 00:26:52,211 --> 00:26:55,145 SPENT BUDGET ON THE MURAL ON THE SIDE OF THE VAN BECAUSE I 447 00:26:55,214 --> 00:26:59,617 THOUGHT IF I LOSE I STILL WON. NOW, MY WIFE WAS SO THRILLED 448 00:26:59,685 --> 00:27:01,418 WITH THIS. >> Jimmy: I GET. 449 00:27:01,487 --> 00:27:03,421 >> AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. >> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH. 450 00:27:03,423 --> 00:27:09,893 >> WELL, SHE SAID THIS IS VERY MYSOGINIST, WHERE'S MY SWORD. 451 00:27:09,963 --> 00:27:15,632 I SEE YOU SLAYING A DRAGON BUT I DIDN'T SEEM TO BE INVOLVED OTHER 452 00:27:15,702 --> 00:27:25,843 THAN TO HOLD YOUR QUADRICEP. HOW LONG IS YOUR FLAS ID SH LONG 453 00:27:25,845 --> 00:27:30,781 THEY WENT A LITTLE LIGHT ON THAT AND I SAID TO HER, HUN, WE HAVE 454 00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:32,717 TO RESPECT THE TIME PERIOD. >> Jimmy: TRUE. 455 00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:39,056 >> IT WOULD BE DISHONEST TO HAVE A 70'S VAN WITH ME COWERING AND 456 00:27:39,058 --> 00:27:44,261 YOU WIELDING THE SWORD WHICH TODAY WE MIGHT DO. 457 00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:49,132 >> Jimmy: SOME MIGHT ARGUE SHE DID THE DIRTY WORK. 458 00:27:49,202 --> 00:27:54,271 YOU DID THE DIRTY WORK FOR HER BY SLAYING THAT DRAGON. 459 00:27:54,273 --> 00:27:59,409 >> YEAH. SMART MURAL NON-CONFERENCE NONE 460 00:27:59,479 --> 00:28:03,614 OF THEM NEGATIVE. >> Jimmy: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS 461 00:28:03,616 --> 00:28:06,884 ON "TOP GEAR AMERICA". >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. 462 00:28:06,953 --> 00:28:09,687 >> Jimmy: DAX SHEPARD EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE BACK WITH JOHN WILSON. 463 00:28:12,224 --> 00:28:12,823 . [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 464 00:28:12,891 --> 00:28:17,160 ♪ >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. 465 00:28:17,230 --> 00:28:18,829 MUSIC FROM I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME IS ON THE WAY. 466 00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:22,566 IF YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE INTEREST IN SCAFFOLDING, RISOTTO, PLASTIC 467 00:28:22,568 --> 00:28:25,235 SEATCOVERS, OR EVEN FORESKINS, OUR NEXT GUEST HAS THE SHOW FOR 468 00:28:25,304 --> 00:28:28,439 YOU. IT'S CALLED "HOW TO WITH 469 00:28:28,507 --> 00:28:32,109 JOHN WILSON." . 470 00:28:32,178 --> 00:28:36,580 >> IF YOU'RE NOT A BIG TALKER YOU CAN USE A POPULAR TECHNIQUE 471 00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:39,116 CALLED BAITING TO GET PEOPLE TO TALK TO YOU. 472 00:28:39,118 --> 00:28:43,186 BAITING INVOLVES WEARING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT WILL INVITE 473 00:28:43,256 --> 00:28:46,190 CONVERSATION. THIS COULD BE A FASHION CHOICE. 474 00:28:46,192 --> 00:28:50,728 OR A METHOD OF TRANSPORTATION. THE WAY YOU MOVE. 475 00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:55,465 THE WAY YOU EAT. A NEW HAIRCUT IS GOOD BAIT. 476 00:28:55,535 --> 00:29:02,406 OR YOU COULD JUST DRESS LIKE A HOSE. 477 00:29:02,475 --> 00:29:06,410 "HOW TO WITH JOHN WILSON" IS ON HBO MAX. 478 00:29:06,479 --> 00:29:08,945 SAY HELLO TO JOHN WILSON. HI, JOHN. 479 00:29:09,015 --> 00:29:13,484 >> HEY, JIMMY, HOW'S IT GOING 1Y50 WHILE I'M ADMIRING YOUR 480 00:29:13,552 --> 00:29:14,818 MICROPHONE, VERY 70'S. >> THANK YOU. 481 00:29:14,887 --> 00:29:17,888 THIS, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOUR PEOPLE WERE GOING TO SEND ME A 482 00:29:17,957 --> 00:29:21,158 NEW ONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK WITH. 483 00:29:21,226 --> 00:29:25,896 >> AND I'M ALSO ADMIRING THAT NEON INCOME TAX SIGN. 484 00:29:25,965 --> 00:29:30,634 I RECOGNIZE IT FROM ONE THE EPISODES OF YOUR SHOW. 485 00:29:30,636 --> 00:29:37,507 >> WELCOME TO THE SET OF JOHN WILSON 486 00:29:37,577 --> 00:29:40,043 I'M ACTUALLY A STUDIO OVER FROM YOU, I THINK. 487 00:29:40,113 --> 00:29:43,314 THIS SIGN I HAD TO RELOCATE IS IT FROM MY BEDROOM BECAUSE IT 488 00:29:43,316 --> 00:29:48,718 TURNED OUT TO BE NOT AS ROMANTIC AS THE SALESMAN SAID IT WAS. 489 00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:51,389 >> Jimmy: HA HA. THIS SHOW, FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE 490 00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:55,126 YOUR SHOW. YOU FIND IT ENORMOUSLY 491 00:29:55,194 --> 00:29:58,395 WATCHABLE. I DON'T THINK IT'S LIKE ANYTHING 492 00:29:58,397 --> 00:30:00,997 I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE. IT'S FUNNY. 493 00:30:01,067 --> 00:30:04,868 IT'S A DOCUMENTARY. IT'S EDUCATIONAL. 494 00:30:04,937 --> 00:30:08,939 ALSO FEELS JUST LIKE WALKING AROUND NEW YORK WITH YOU. 495 00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:12,276 HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE IT. >> YEAH, IT WAS KIND OF HARD TO 496 00:30:12,344 --> 00:30:18,682 COME UP WITH A PITCH, NATHAN AND I WERE, YOU KNOW, WE CALLED IT, 497 00:30:18,684 --> 00:30:23,954 KIND OF PLANET EARTH BUT FOR NEW YORK CITY AND I CAN'T TELL IF 498 00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:28,893 THAT'S KIND OF -- IF THAT'S COMPLIMENTING MYSELF OR 499 00:30:28,961 --> 00:30:37,902 INSULTING DAVID ATTIN BURROW, I FUT THAT WAS THE EASIEST WAY TO 500 00:30:37,904 --> 00:30:40,237 DESCRIBE IT. I WANTED THE SHOW TO BE A GRAB 501 00:30:40,306 --> 00:30:45,976 BAG OF ALL OF MY FAVORITE THINGS SAND MICK -- AND MAKE IT 502 00:30:46,045 --> 00:30:48,712 HARD TO DEFINE. IT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO 503 00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:51,848 WATCH MORE IF IT IS MYSTERIOUS AND DIFFICULT TO PITCH. 504 00:30:51,918 --> 00:30:55,786 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. AND NATHAN FIELDER IS THE NATHAN 505 00:30:55,854 --> 00:31:01,258 OF WHOM YOU SPEAK, THE BRILLIANT COMEDIAN NATHAN FIELDER. 506 00:31:01,326 --> 00:31:05,396 YES, IT MADE PERFECT SENSE WHEN I HEARD HE WAS INVOLVED IN THE 507 00:31:05,398 --> 00:31:08,532 SHOW BECAUSE IT DOES SEEM LIKE SOMETHING THAT'S DEFINITELY IN 508 00:31:08,601 --> 00:31:10,601 HIS WHEELHOUSE. THE IDEA, YOU START WITH A TOPIC 509 00:31:10,669 --> 00:31:17,141 AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GO BACK TO BUT YOU START WITH THE TOPIC 510 00:31:17,143 --> 00:31:20,611 AND IT OFTEN VEERS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DIRECTION. 511 00:31:20,613 --> 00:31:26,016 FOR INSTANCE ONE OF THE SHOWS ABOUT PLASTIC SEAT COVERINGS, 512 00:31:26,085 --> 00:31:31,155 WHICH BEING FROM AN ITALIAN FAMILY I'VE BEEN STUCK TO MANY, 513 00:31:31,157 --> 00:31:33,423 MANY TIMES. AND THEN IT JUST GOES, YOU MEET 514 00:31:33,492 --> 00:31:40,231 PEOPLE AND IT GOES OFF INTO A VISIT AT HOME WITH A MAN WHO IS 515 00:31:40,233 --> 00:31:48,572 DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO REVERSING CI 516 00:31:48,641 --> 00:31:52,710 CIRCUMCISIONS, CORRECT? >> CORRECT JIMMY AND HE'S A VERY 517 00:31:52,778 --> 00:31:58,382 GOOD MUSICIAN TOO. >> Jimmy: HE ACTUALLY 518 00:31:58,384 --> 00:32:03,521 WROTE A WHOLE ALBUM ABOUT SONGS AGAINST CIRCUMCISIONS. 519 00:32:03,589 --> 00:32:07,992 >> RIGHT SAND HE USES SAY NICE INSTRUMENT A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT 520 00:32:07,994 --> 00:32:11,729 TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS, I HAVE NO ANSWER. 521 00:32:11,731 --> 00:32:14,531 HE IS VERY PUNY TOO, WHICH I LIKE. 522 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,736 ONE OF HIS SONGS, WOULDN'T SKIN BE NICE IS A REALLY GOOD ONE. 523 00:32:18,804 --> 00:32:23,673 BUT HE ALSO, YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T GET TO RECORD THIS FOR THE SHOW 524 00:32:23,743 --> 00:32:32,483 BUT ONE THING HE DOES EVERY WEEKEND IS HE GOES TO A LOCAL 525 00:32:32,551 --> 00:32:38,422 KARAOKE BAR AND CHANGES ALL OF THE SONGS TO BE 526 00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:40,691 CIRCUMCISIONS-THEMED. HE'S VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND 527 00:32:40,759 --> 00:32:43,227 GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPREAD AWARENESS. 528 00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:46,163 >> Jimmy: I COULD TELL HE WAS SERIOUS WHEN HE WAS LAYING ON 529 00:32:46,165 --> 00:32:52,903 HIS BED WITH A ROPE AROUND HIS PENIS THAT WAS ATTACHED TO A 530 00:32:52,972 --> 00:32:56,240 PULLEY SYSTEM AND YOU WERE THERE WITH HIM. 531 00:32:56,308 --> 00:33:00,044 >> YEAH, DO YOU HAVE THE CLIP. >> Jimmy: I WISH I DID BUT I 532 00:33:00,046 --> 00:33:03,914 NOTICE THAT HOWARD STERN'S BOOK WAS ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE. 533 00:33:03,916 --> 00:33:05,315 >> OH, YEAH. YEAH. 534 00:33:05,384 --> 00:33:14,858 HE WAS A FAN OF HOWARD STERN. AND, YEAH, OUR TASTES ALIGNED IN 535 00:33:14,860 --> 00:33:22,866 STRANGE WAYS. BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT PARASITE WON 536 00:33:22,868 --> 00:33:25,936 BEST PICTURE SO I GUESS A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKEED IT TOO. 537 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:31,675 >> HAVE YOU TRIED THIS DEVICE HE SELLS TO RESTORE FORESKIN? 538 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:37,081 >> WELL, I WANTED TO TRY IT BUT WHEN I WAS THERE IN PERSON HE -- 539 00:33:37,149 --> 00:33:41,952 I GUESS, FOR MEASURING IT YOU NEED TO TAKE TWO DIFFERENT 540 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:47,490 MEASUREMENTS, ONE WHEN YOUR PENIS IS PLACID AND ONE WHEN 541 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:52,029 IT'S ERECT AND I COULDN'T GET IT UP AROUND THE CREW, SO I 542 00:33:52,097 --> 00:33:53,897 COULDN'T [ LAUGHTER ] 543 00:33:53,966 --> 00:33:57,368 I COULDN'T GET THE SECOND MEASUREMENT SO I DON'T HAVE MY 544 00:33:57,436 --> 00:34:01,839 OWN YET BUT WHEN I DO I WILL BE HAPPY TO COME ON AND DEMONSTRATE 545 00:34:01,841 --> 00:34:03,707 IT FOR YOU. >> Jimmy: HA HA HA. 546 00:34:03,775 --> 00:34:06,710 YES, PLEASE, WE MUST HAVE YOU BACK IN TO DO THAT. 547 00:34:06,779 --> 00:34:10,313 THERE'S A CLIP, ONE OF THE AMAZING THINGS ABOUT THE SHOW IS 548 00:34:10,383 --> 00:34:14,785 THAT THERE ARE JUST SO MANY LITTLE CLIPS OF DAILY LIFE IN 549 00:34:14,853 --> 00:34:18,988 NEW YORK AND YOU WEAVE THEM TOGETHER SO BEAUTIFULLY. 550 00:34:19,058 --> 00:34:21,257 THIS CLIP FOR EXAMPLE IS SEEN ON THE SHOW. 551 00:34:21,327 --> 00:34:26,063 S THERE'S A WOMAN WITH A DWAYNE JOHNSON REID BAG AND SHE IS 552 00:34:26,131 --> 00:34:30,667 PUTTING A PIGEON INTO THE BAG. THIS IS NOT -- THIS IS JUST 553 00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:33,470 SOMETHING YOU HAPPEN TO PAWN? >> YEAH. 554 00:34:33,472 --> 00:34:38,809 THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENED IN HERALD'S SQUARE. 555 00:34:38,877 --> 00:34:41,411 I DON'T REALLY KNOW FOR SURE WHAT SHE WAS DOING. 556 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,815 I THINK THE PIGEON MAY HAVE BEEN INJURED AND SHE WAS GOING TO 557 00:34:44,817 --> 00:34:48,819 BRING IT TO A VETERINARIAN. BUT THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF THE 558 00:34:48,887 --> 00:34:53,691 SHOW IS THAT YOU CAN JUST TAKE, YOU KNOW, JUST THE MOST 559 00:34:53,759 --> 00:34:57,427 PERPLEXING, INTERESTING PART OF A CLIP AND JUST DROP IT INTO THE 560 00:34:57,496 --> 00:35:05,369 MIDDLE OF A LARGER COLLAGE AND IT TAKES A WHOLE NEW MEANING AND 561 00:35:05,371 --> 00:35:08,171 YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE IT BEGINS OR ENDS, I REALLY LIKE THAT 562 00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:10,040 ABOUT THE SHOW. >> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT TOO. 563 00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:13,977 IN FACT, I HAD SOME QUESTIONS, I REALLY -- I WAS ACTUALLY VERY 564 00:35:14,046 --> 00:35:17,448 CURIOUS ABOUT ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW YOU MAKE THE SHOW. 565 00:35:17,516 --> 00:35:21,518 I DECIDED NOT TO ASK THEM BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY 566 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,720 THING IT COULD DO IS RUIN IT A LITTLE BIT. 567 00:35:23,789 --> 00:35:28,058 >> I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO THROW ME A COUPLE SOFTBALLS 568 00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:31,995 I'D -- YOU KNOW -- >> Jimmy: OKAY, THE GUY YOU MEET 569 00:35:32,064 --> 00:35:35,132 IN THE SUPERMARKET. >> OH, SURE. 570 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:39,002 >> Jimmy: WHO THEN YOU LEARN, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO GET INTO IT 571 00:35:39,004 --> 00:35:43,473 BUT PEOPLE MUST WATCH THE EPISODE HE SPEAKS ABOUT THE 572 00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:46,143 MANDELA EFFECT WHICH WILL TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN, AND YOU 573 00:35:46,211 --> 00:35:50,747 WIND UP GOING TO IDAHO TO A CONVENTION HE SEEMS TO BE 574 00:35:50,816 --> 00:35:53,083 RUNNING. WAS HE JUST IN THE SUPER MARKET? 575 00:35:53,152 --> 00:35:55,219 >> YEAH, I MEAN, HE WAS IN THE STOP AND SHOP. 576 00:35:55,287 --> 00:36:01,024 I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE MANDELA EFFECT CONFERENCE. 577 00:36:01,092 --> 00:36:02,826 I MEAN, THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I LIVE FOR. 578 00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:04,361 THIS IS WHY I MAKE THIS KIND OF WORK. 579 00:36:04,429 --> 00:36:08,098 >> Jimmy: WELL, IT -- I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOW JUST HAPPENED AT 580 00:36:08,100 --> 00:36:10,968 THE RIGHT TIME. I MEAN, IT SEEMS LIKE WE NEEDED 581 00:36:11,036 --> 00:36:16,039 SHOW RIGHT AT THIS TIME. IT'S CALLED "HOW TO WITH JOHN 582 00:36:16,108 --> 00:36:23,046 WILSON" ON HBO MAX. JOHN WILSON, CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT 583 00:36:23,114 --> 00:36:24,314 SEASON. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME. 584 00:36:24,383 --> 00:36:27,851 >> Jimmy: WE'LL BE BACK WITH I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND 585 00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:31,321 ME. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 586 00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:33,323 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 587 00:36:33,325 --> 00:36:35,559 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 588 00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:40,730 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 589 00:36:40,799 --> 00:36:44,734 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. 590 00:36:44,803 --> 00:36:47,070 I HOPE YOU LIKE MUSIC, HERE THEY ARE, 591 00:36:47,072 --> 00:36:49,138 NEW MUSIC FOR YOU, THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED "RAZZMATAZZ" WITH THE 592 00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:49,406 SONG "LEAVE ME ALONE," I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME! 593 00:36:49,475 --> 00:36:50,274 ♪ ♪ 594 00:36:50,276 --> 00:37:05,956 ♪ ♪ BIG SHOT 595 00:37:06,024 --> 00:37:07,224 SO WHAT DO YOU WANT 596 00:37:07,292 --> 00:37:10,961 TO PRETEND ♪ ♪ YOU TOOK THE MONEY 597 00:37:10,963 --> 00:37:20,170 BUT THE MONEY COULDN'T BUY A FRIEND 598 00:37:20,172 --> 00:37:21,838 NOW I WANT YOU TO ♪ ♪ LEAVE ME ALONE 599 00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:29,979 THEY SAY THE DEVIL THAT YOU KNOW IS BETTER THEN 600 00:37:30,049 --> 00:37:31,715 THE DEVIL THAT YOU DON'T ♪ ♪ YOU'RE A BIG SHOT HERE 601 00:37:31,783 --> 00:37:35,118 BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS NOW I WANT YOU TO 602 00:37:35,120 --> 00:38:04,948 LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ BLIND SPOT 603 00:38:08,220 --> 00:38:11,087 TAKE YOUR BIG SHOT LUCKY ME 604 00:38:11,156 --> 00:38:11,955 GO FLY A KITE ♪ ♪ UNTIL YOU' RE TANGLED 605 00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:23,634 IN THE HANGING TREE NOW I WANT YOU TO 606 00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:29,172 LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ THEY SAY THE DEVIL THAT 607 00:38:29,174 --> 00:38:34,311 YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE DEVIL THAT YOU DON'T 608 00:38:34,379 --> 00:38:47,790 YOU'RE A BIG SHOT HERE ♪ ♪ BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS 609 00:38:47,860 --> 00:39:00,270 NOW I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE 610 00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:03,073 FOUR IN THE MORNING ♪ ♪ BUT WE'RE HAVING 611 00:39:03,141 --> 00:39:04,608 SUCH A LOVELY TIME MAD AS A HATTER 612 00:39:04,676 --> 00:39:07,144 WITH A DAGGER ♪ ♪ AND A DOLLAR SIGN 613 00:39:07,212 --> 00:39:10,747 ARISTOCRAT TIP YOUR HAT 614 00:39:10,816 --> 00:39:14,885 AND BREAK YOUR ♪ ♪ MOTHER'S HEART 615 00:39:14,953 --> 00:39:19,222 AND WHEN THE SUN COMES UP 616 00:39:19,290 --> 00:39:29,832 YOU'LL FIND A ♪ ♪ BRAND-NEW GOD 617 00:39:29,902 --> 00:39:33,436 NOW I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE 618 00:39:33,505 --> 00:39:42,378 THEY SAY THE DEVIL THAT ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN 619 00:39:42,448 --> 00:39:47,183 THE DEVIL THAT YOU DON'T YOU'RE A BIG SHOT HERE ♪ 620 00:39:47,252 --> 00:40:01,131 ♪ BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS NOW I WANT YOU TO 621 00:40:01,133 --> 00:40:05,334 LEAVE ME ALONE ♪ ♪ 622 00:40:05,404 --> 00:40:21,351 ♪ ♪ 623 00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:35,432 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK DAX SHEPARD, JOHN WILSON, AND I 624 00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:38,101 DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME. 625 00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:39,302 APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 626 00:40:39,304 --> 00:40:42,773 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. I WISH YOU CHAMPAGNE WISHES AND 627 00:40:42,775 --> 00:40:49,813 VACCINE DREAMS. GOOD NIGHT.