>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"!
TONIGHT ‐‐ JODIE FOSTER. KELLY MARIE TRAN.
AND MUSIC FROM BLACK PUMAS. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: HI, EVERYONE. I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
ON BEHALF OF ALL OF US, WE WANT TO SEND OUR BEST WISHES FROM
L.A. TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN HAMMERED BY THE COLD
WEATHER. HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF TEXANS
ARE STILL WITHOUT POWER. AND ON A DAY WHEN THE
MOST NEWSWORTHY LANDING SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE NASA ROVER
SUCCESSFULLY TOUCHING DOWN ON MARS, INSTEAD IT WAS A SENATOR
FROM TEXAS TOUCHING DOWN ON CANCUN.
WHILE HIS FELLOW TEXANS ARE FREEZING WITH THE POWER OUT,
TED CRUZ DID WHAT ANY GREAT LEADER WOULD DO WHEN HIS STATE
NEEDS LEADERSHIP MOST. HE BOOKED A FLIGHT TO MEXICO.
AND SAID, "ADIOS!"
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS HOW BADLY THINGS ARE BEING MANAGED IN TEXAS.
THIS ROAD IS ON THE BORDER OF TEXAS AND ARKANSAS.
THE ARKANSAS SIDE IS CLEARED. THE TEXAS SIDE IS NOT CLEARED AT
ALL. THIS IS HOUSTON, WHERE TED CRUZ
LIVES. THIS IS INSIDE A HOUSE IN HOUSTON.
THERE ARE ICICLES ON CEILING FANS.
TOILETS ARE FROZEN OVER, FISH TANKS ARE FROZEN, BAD NEWS FOR
THE FISH. PEOPLE ARE SETTING UP TENTS
INSIDE THEIR HOUSES TO TRY TO STAY WARM.
OTHERS ARE BURNING THEIR FURNITURE.
ONE FAMILY WAS BURNING THEIR TODDLER'S BLOCKS. FOR WARMTH.
AND WHERE WAS MR. TEXAS? WHILE HIS CONSTITUENTS ARE
SUFFERING? THERE HE IS, ON A PLANE.
SNAKE ON A PLANE RIGHT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
HEADED, IRONICALLY, TO THE VERY PLACE HE TRIED TO BUILD A WALL
AROUND. THIS WAS POSTED ONLINE, AND AT
FIRST, IT WAS HARD TO TELL FOR SURE IF THIS WAS TED CRUZ OR
JUST A MAN WITH A TERRIBLE MEDICAL CONDITION CALLED
"LOOKING LIKE TED CRUZ."
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T WANT TO POST UNTIL I KNEW FOR SURE IT WAS HIM.
MY WIFE SPENT TWO FULL HOURS LAST NIGHT STUDYING IMAGES,
MATCHING UP PHOTOS OF HIS SHOES, HIS MASK, HIS WEDDING RING.
I WAS IN BED WITH SHERLOCK HOLMES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN MORE PHOTOS APPEARED. HERE'S TED BEFORE TAKEOFF.
ABOUT TO ENJOY A LITTLE PORN BEFORE THE DOOR CLOSES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HERE'S TED, PRE‐FLIGHT, SIPPING A CUP O'NOODLES IN UNITED'S
"OUT‐OF‐TOUCH SENATORS LOUNGE."
[ LAUGHTER ]
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GROSSER THAN
TED CRUZ, THERE IS. TED CRUZ SLURPING A CUP
O'NOODLES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
SOMEONE POSTED THE UPGRADE LIST FOR THE FLIGHT. R. CRUZ.
RAFAEL EDWARD CRUZ IS NUMBER TWO. HE IS NUMBER TWO ALL RIGHT.
SO HE LOADS HIS FAMILY ONTO A PLANE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF
TOWN. AND UNFORTUNATELY, YOU KNOW,
HE'S BEEN ON TV KISSING TRUMP'S ASS SO MUCH AND FOR HOW LONG,
EVERYONE RECOGNIZES HIM, EVEN WITH HIS MASK ON.
THEY POST ALL THESE PICTURES OF HIM, AND THERE'S SO MUCH
BACKLASH, HE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO IMMEDIATELY BOOK A FLIGHT
HOME. HERE HE IS ON THE UPGRADE LIST
FOR A FLIGHT BACK TO HOUSTON TODAY.
HE DIDN'T GET UPGRADED, THEY PUT HIM IN COACH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
REPORTERS WERE WAITING FOR HIM AT THE AIRPORT IN CANCUN.
HERE YOU SEE THE REPORTERS FOLLOWING HIM ON THIS FUN
JOURNEY. DID YOU ENJOY YOUR TRIP?
[ LAUGHTER ]
UNITED AIRLINES, IN AN ATTEMPT TO DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM
THIS CONTROVERSY, PUT ON OUT A VIDEO THAT ‐‐ WELL, JUST HAVE A
LOOK.
>> WELL, WE'RE EXCITED TO HAVE MOST OF YOU ON BOARD.
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR SAFETY BELT IS SECURED.
UNLESS YOU SHOULD BE STAYING AT HOME BECAUSE YOUR STATE IS
FACING A HISTORICAL HUMANITARIAN CRISIS.
IN THAT CASE, LIFT THE BUCKLE TO RELEASE AND GET THE [ BLEEP ]
BACK TO WORK, [ BLEEP ] HOLE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ SOUTHWEST DING ]
>> Jimmy: OH, WELL, I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT DING IN A YEAR.
THE HYPOCRISY IS ABSOLUTELY OFF THE CHARTS.
THIS IS THE GUY WHO TWO MONTHS AGO LASHED OUT AT THE MAYOR OF
AUSTIN FOR GOING TO MEXICO. HE WROTE, "AND DON'T FORGET
@MAYORADLER WHO TOOK A PRIVATE JET WITH EIGHT PEOPLE TO CABO
AND WHILE IN CABO RECORDED A VIDEO TELLING AUSTINITES TO
"STAY HOME IF YOU CAN. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO RELAX."
AND ALSO MOCKED THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA WHEN WE HAD POWER
OUTAGES HERE IN THE SUMMER. HE WROTE, CALIFORNIA IS NOW
UNABLE TO PERFORM EVEN THE BASIC FUNCTIONS OF CIVILIZATION, LIKE
HAVING RELIABLE ELECTRICITY. AND WHO EVEN TOOK SHOTS AT
FELLOW REPUBLICAN CHRIS CHRISTIE FOR GOING TO THE BEACH HE
CLOSED. BUT WHY SETTLE FOR JUST BEING
THE PLANET'S BIGGEST HYPOCRITE, WHEN YOU CAN BE A WORLD‐CLASS
LIAR TOO? THIS IS GOOD.
MY WIFE ACTUALLY PREDICTED THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HIS EXCUSE WOULD
BE. SHE EVEN WROTE IT DOWN. CARMEN SANDIEGO PUT OUT A
STATEMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WROTE, "THIS HAS BEEN AN INFURIATING WEEK FOR TEXANS."
"LIKE MILLIONS OF TEXANS, OUR FAMILY LOST HEAT AND POWER TOO."
WITH SCHOOL CANCELLED FOR THE WEEK, OUR GIRLS ASKED TO TAKE A
TRIP WITH FRIENDS. WANTING TO BE A GOOD DAD, I FLEW
DOWN WITH THEM LAST NIGHT AND AM FLYING BACK THIS AFTERNOON."
NOW, HE WAS CAREFUL NOT TO SAY HE WAS PLANNING TO FLY BACK THIS
AFTERNOON. BECAUSE HE WASN'T. HE JUST SAID HE DID, AND IN
FACT, NBC NEWS HAS A SOURCE THAT SAYS HE ORIGINALLY BOOKED A
FLIGHT BACK ON SATURDAY. HE BOOKED HIS RETURN TICKET AT
6:00 A. M. THIS MORNING AFTER HE GOT BUSTED.
BUT I GUESS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE HE WAS CHAPERONING HIS
WIFE AND KIDS TO MEXICO AND WAS PLANNING TO COME BACK THE NEXT
DAY ALL ALONG, WITH A CARRY‐ON BAG STUFFED LIKE A PINATA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THIS.
ONE IDIOT, A GUY NAMED DINESH DE DOUCHE‐A.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE BELIEVED IT, BUT HE EXCUSED IT.
HE WROTE, "WHAT COULD @TEDCRUZ DO IF HE WERE HERE IN TEXAS?
I'M HARD‐PRESSED TO SAY. IF HE'S IN CANCUN, THAT MEANS
HE'S NOT USING UP VALUABLE RESOURCES OF ENERGY, FOOD, AND
WATER THAT CAN NOW BE USED BY SOMEONE ELSE.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST THING HE COULD DO FOR THE STATE RIGHT
NOW."
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND MORE THAN 10,000 PEOPLE LIKED THAT STATEMENT!
WHAT A COUNTRY THIS IS. FOR THE MOST PART THOUGH, NO ONE
WAS BUYING THIS STORY ABOUT GETTING BACK TO WORK.
SO TED DECIDED TO KIND OF COME CLEAN.
>> NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT, WE LEFT YESTERDAY.
THE PLAN HAD BEEN TO STAY THROUGH THE WEEKEND WITH THE
FAMILY. THAT WAS THE PLAN. AND ‐‐ YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO
ADMIT, IT WAS ‐‐ THE LAST WEEK'S BEEN TOUGH ON A LOT OF FOLKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY ME! I HAD A COUPLES MASSAGE BOOKED
RIGHT NOW!
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE HOTEL DOESN'T GIVE REFUNDS!
CRUZ ALSO CLAIMED THAT HIS STRUGGLE TO BE THE WORLD'S
GREATEST DAD PUT HIM IN A POSITION THAT HE REALIZED WAS
NOT A GOOD ONE, JUST A FEW HOURS TOO LATE.
>> WE WERE TRYING TO BE GOOD PARENTS AND SAID, OKAY, WE'LL DO
IT. AND SO WE BOOKED THE FLIGHT. YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT ‐‐ I
STARTED HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ALMOST THE MOMENT I SAT DOWN ON
THE PLANE.
>> Jimmy: YES, YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AS SOON AS PEOPLE STARTED POSTING PICTURES OF HIM ON THE
PLANE, HE KNEW SHOULDN'T BE ON THE PLANE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HOW DID HE THINK HE WAS GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS?
YOU KNOW YOUR JUDGMENT IS TERRIBLE WHEN THIS HAIRCUT IS
ONLY THE THIRD WORST DECISION YOU MADE THIS MONTH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
SO TED SADLY REPACKED HIS FLIP‐FLOPS AND HIS VACATION
SHIRT AND GOT BACK ON THE PLANE. HE DID MAKE IT SAFELY BACK HOME.
THE POLICE ESCORTED HIM OFF THE PLANE JUST IN CASE ANTIFA WAS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR MAYBE THE YOUS WERE USING THEIR SPACE LASER TO CANCEL HIS
UBER OR SOMETHING. BUT THE SILVER LINING, IF THERE
IS ANY, IS THAT THE SENATOR'S ILL‐ADVISED TRIP DURING A
BLIZZARD AND PANDEMIC HAS BEEN A MUCH NEEDED SHOT IN THE ARM FOR
MEXICAN TOURISM AND THE CRUISE INDUSTRY.
>> WANNA GET AWAY? FROM YOUR CONSTITUENTS?
HOP ABOARD THE TED CRUISE!
WHEN THE POWER GOES OUT AT HOME, WE GO OUT TO SEA.
LEAVE YOUR TROUBLES BEHIND. OUR TOILETS AREN'T FROZEN BUT
OUR MARGARITAS ARE! WATCH THE SUN SET IN THE STATE
YOU ABANDONED. FILL THE HOLE IN YOUR SOUL AT
OUR ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET AND DANCE YOUR WORRIES AWAY.
NOW THAT'S ELECTRICITY! THERE'S NO WALL ON THE OCEAN.
CLIMB ABOARD A TED CRUISE. CRUISE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
COVID, MOTION SICKNESS, OR NAUSEA RELATED TO SEEING HIS
FACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? AT LEAST HIS VACATION WAS RUINED.
THAT'S SOMETHING, RIGHT? IF YOU WANT TO PITCH IN AND HELP
THOSE WHO NEED IT RIGHT NOW IN TEXAS, AND LOT OF THEM NEED IT,
OUR LOCAL FIT YATE IN HOUSTON, ABC 13, WAS TEAMED UP WITH THE
HOUSTON FOOD BANK. PEOPLE REALLY ARE HURTING.
YOU CAN MAKE A DONATION EASILY. JUST TEXT "ABC 13" TO 41444.
YOU CAN DO THAT FROM ANYWHERE YOU ARE IN THE COUNTRY.
FOR EVERY $1 DONATED, 3 MEALS WILL BE GIVEN TO THOSE WHO NEED
THEM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE GO AHEAD AND CHECK THAT OUT, WILL YOU?
UNFORTUNATELY, MORE WINTER WEATHER IS COMING.
IT WAS SO COLD IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL TODAY, THE WASHINGTON
MONUMENT EXPERIENCED UNPRECEDENTED SHRINKAGE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
METEOROLOGISTS ARE RECOMMENDING THAT WASHINGTON RESIDENTS,
ESPECIALLY THE ELDERLY, STAY WARM BY CLIMBING INSIDE
MITCH McCONNELL'S THROAT POUCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OF ALL THE MANY REPORTS ON TEXAS WEATHER THIS WEEK, AND THERE
HAVE BEEN MANY, I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER CONGRATULATIONS TO
STACY RICKARD OF SPECTRUM NEWS IN AUSTIN.
SHE IS THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S AWARD FOR EXPLETIVES, AND
EXCELLENCE, IN REPORTING.
>> IN ITS ENDEAVOR TO PROVIDE TRANSPARENCY ABOUT WHAT GOING ON
SAYS IF THERE'S BEEN INSUFFICIENT COMMUNICATION THEY
WILL TAKE [ BLEEP ].
>> ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, STACY.
>> Jimmy: WE'RE COMING UP ON THE ONE‐YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF LOCKDOWN
LIFE AND THE SCAMMERS ARE COMING UP WITH EXCITING NEW WAYS TO
SCREW US. ONE OF OUR PRODUCERS GOT THIS
TEXT AT 4:13 IN THE MORNING. "RENEE." HIS NAME'S DANNY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
"RENEE, YOU'VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR OUR COVID RELIEF SCHEME.
YOU'RE NOW ELIGIBLE TO EARN $1472 A DAY." GOT HIS NAME WRONG.
OFFERED HIM A LARGE AND SUSPICIOUSLY SPECIFIC AMOUNT OF
MONEY. AND LITERALLY CALLED IT A SCHEME, A COVID RELIEF SCHEME.
HE GOT A FOLLOW‐UP TEXT THAT SAID, "WE GET IT, RENEE, COVID
SUCKS. HERE'S A FREE NETFLIX SUBSCRIPTION ON US."
WELL, IF HE DIDN'T GO FOR THE $1,400, MAYBE HE'LL BUY IT ON
"BRIDGER TON." COUNTERFEIT MASKS ARE A PROBLEM.
OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS, FEDERAL AGENTS HAVE SEIZED MORE THAN
10 MILLION BOGUS 3M BRAND N95 MASKS WHICH WERE SOLD TO
MEDICAL FACILITIES AND GOVERNMENT AGENCIES IN AT LEAST
FIVE STATES. TO HELP THOSE WHO MAY HAVE
UNKNOWINGLY PURCHASED A KNOCKOFF MASK, 3M IS OFFERING TIPS ON HOW
TO SPOT A FAKE. TAKE A LOOK AT THE MASK.
NUMBER ONE TIP, IF THE MASK SAYS
"BAZINGA" ON IT, NOT REAL. THE GOOD NEWS, THE VACCINE IS
SLOWLY ON THE WAY. UNFORTUNATELY, NOT EVERYONE
WANTS IT. DR. FAUCI SAYS IN ORDER FOR THE
VACCINE TO KNOCK COVID OUT, AT LEAST 75% OF AMERICANS NEED TO
TAKE IT. BUT ROUGHLY 1 IN 3 AMERICANS SAY
THEY WON'T TAKE IT, WHICH IS A PROBLEM. BUT I HAVE THE SOLUTION.
I GOT TO THINKING, WHO CAN MAKE SOMETHING THAT MIGHT SEEM
UNTHINKABLE, OR EVEN DANGEROUS ON PAPER, AND TURN IT INTO
SOMETHING YOU'D ACTUALLY WAIT IN LINE FOR WHILE DRUNK?
AND THE ANSWER IS TACO BELL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I SAY LET THE GENIUSES BEHIND THE KIT‐KAT QUESADILLA AND FRITO
BURRITO SELL THIS. PUT IT ON THE DOLLAR MENU.
INTRODUCING THE NEW TACO BELL REGEN‐CHILADA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
GET ALL THE FAST FOOD PLACES GOING. EL POLIO LOCO.
KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKENPOX. HEPATITIS APPLE‐B'S.
DER WIENERSHINGLES. AND WASH IT ALL DOWN WITH A BIG
CAN OF MONSTER ENERGY VACCINE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
RIGHT, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: THAT'S RIGHT, JI JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: YOU WOULD DRINK THAT.
>> Guillermo: YEAH, SURE.
>> Jimmy: I MENTIONED EARLIER NASA AND THE PERSEVERANCE ROVER
COMPLETED ITS JOURNEY TO MARS TODAY.
ITS MISSION IS TO GATHER DATA AND LOOK FOR SIGNS OF ANCIENT
LIFE IN A CRATER THAT HAD A LAKE IN IT ALMOST 4 BILLION YEARS
AGO. IT REALLY IS AN INCREDIBLE ACHIEVEMENT.
THE FACT THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO DO THIS.
I CAN'T EVEN PUT THE TOY IN A KINDER EGG TOGETHER WITHOUT HELP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO ANYWAY. MINUTES AFTER PERSEVERANCE
LANDED, IT SENT ITS FIRST IMAGES BACK TO EARTH.
REALLY UNBELIEVABLE TO SEE THE SURFACE OF THE PLANET ‐‐ WHAT?
HE'S THERE TOO?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
WOW. HE'S READY TO PARTY. WHEN HE'S READY TO PARTY, HE'S
READY TO PARTY. WHAT'S THAT? SENATOR CRUZS ‐‐ I'M BEING TOLD
SENATOR CRUZ IS WITH US VIA SATELLITE.
IT MAY BE HIS FIRST LIVE INTERVIEW EVER.
THE JUNIOR SENATOR FROM TEXAS, TED CRUZ, HELLO, SENATOR CRUZ.
>> HOLA, JIMMY, COMO ESTAS?
>> Jimmy: ESTOY BIEN, I GUESS.
>> FELIZ NAVIDAD, YES.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU BACK IN MEXICO?
>> SI, SENOR.
>> Jimmy: YOU MADE A BIG SHOW OF FLYING BACK TO HOUSTON WITH YOUR
TAIL BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.
>> SI, SI, CAN YOU BLAME ME, THOUGH?
MEXICO IS LIKE PARADISE, I LOVE IT HERE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT LEAVING HUNDREDS OF
THOUSANDS OF YOUR FELLOW TEXANS WITHOUT POWER IN THE FREEZING
COLD?
>> GUILTY? THAT IS HOW YOU SAY, ESTUPIDO.
I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS, I'M TED MOTHER [ BLEEP ] CRUZ.
A CREEPY LITTLE COLD‐BLOODED BITCH OF THE SEA, WHEE!
>> Jimmy: I SEE, WELL. DO YOU FEEL THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT ‐‐ WHAT IS ‐‐ LIVE LAUGH
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE SPILLING IT.
>> THAT REALLY HITS THE SPOT.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?
>> THAT IS WHAT WE CALL A PINA CA‐NOODLE!
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THAT?
>> IT'S A CUP‐O‐NOODLES OVER ICE WITH A SHOT OF JUST‐FOR‐MEN.
OOOO, IT'S NICE AND COLD! NICE AND COLD, JUST LIKE MY NEXT
DOOR NEIGHBOR'S BEDROOM! AI‐YI‐YI! CHUPACABRA!
>> Jimmy: ON TWITTER, THE HASHTAG "VOTE HIM OUT" HAS BEEN
TRENDING. "LYIN' TED" HAS BEEN TRENDING.
DOES THAT CONCERN YOU AT ALL?
>> ME? NO, I JUST FEEL HORRIBLE FOR
WHOEVER "HIM" IS IN THAT HASHTAG.
>> Jimmy: I THINK "HIM" IS YOU. VOTE HIM OUT. "HIM" IS YOU.
>> WHAT? NO, NO. THAT EES IMPOSSEEBLE!
I AM WORKING HARD! I HATE TO CUT YOU OFF, JIMINEZ,
BUT I'M ABOUT TO BE LATE FOR A MEETING WITH AN IMPORTANT
MEXICAN OFFICIAL.
>> Jimmy: OH, WHO ARE YOU MEETING WITH?
>> ONE SENOR FROG. EVER HEARD OF HIM?
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> HE'S OFFERING TWO FOR ONE MARGARITAS, BUT I TOLD HIM THREE
OR NO GRACIAS! IT'S CALLED THE ART OF THE DEAL,
READ YOUR BIBLE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, WELL, HAVE A GOOD TIME, SENATOR CRUZ.
>> I WILL. I AM LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!
MACARENA! SHAKIRA! CHIQUITA BANANA!
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, SENATOR. BUENAS NOCHES.
[ APPLAUSE ]
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A
BLOBFISH PUPPET LAYING AROUND, YOU USE IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
KELLY MARIE TRAN IS HERE. WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM
BLACK PUMAS, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JODIE FOSTER.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW DISNEY
MOVIE "RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON," KELLY MARIE TRAN IS
WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND LATER, A GREAT BAND FROM A GREAT CITY, AUSTIN, TEXAS.
THEY HAVE THREE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS, THIS IS THE DELUXE
EDITION OF THEIR SELF‐TITLED ALBUM, MUSIC FROM BLACK PUMAS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT, KATE HUDSON AND DOMINIQUE FISHBACK WILL JOIN US,
WITH MUSIC FROM EVANESCENCE. OUR FIRST GUEST GOT HER FIRST
OSCAR AND GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATIONS WHEN SHE WAS
14 YEARS OLD. THAT'S WHEN YOU GOT ‘EM BACK
THEN. SHE WENT ON TO WIN EACH OF THOSE
AWARDS, MORE THAN ONCE, AND IS GOLDEN GLOBE‐NOMINATED AGAIN FOR
"THE MAURITANIAN." PLEASE WELCOME JODIE FOSTER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> YEAH, GOOD. HI, GUILLERMO.
>> Jimmy: IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU, HOW YOU DOING?
>> VERY GOOD. REALLY NICE.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU GET OUT MUCH?
>> NOT MUCH. THIS IS PRETTY MUCH IT.
NO, THE WHOLE YEAR, THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT.
>> Jimmy: NINE GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATIONS, A LOT OF
NOMINATIONS.
>> THAT MANY?
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE THAT MANY.
>> DID YOU CHECK, ARE YOU SURE?
>> Jimmy: THEY ADDED IT UP ‐‐ I THINK IT'S KIND OF TEN, I THINK
YOU GOT A LIFE TIME ACHIEVEMENT TYPE OF THING.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WATCHING YOUR MOVIE, YOU'RE ALWAYS SO GOOD IN
EVERYTHING, HAVE YOU EVER WONDER ONE OF YOUR MOVIES AND THOUGHT,
I WAS NOT GOOD IN THAT?
>> THAT STINKS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M SURE I HAVE, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHICH ONE?
>> Jimmy: IT HAS HAPPENED?
>> YEAH IT KIND OF HAS. ACTUALLY, WHAT ENDS UP HAPPENING
IS I DON'T EVER WATCH THEM AGAIN. SOMETIMES HALFWAY THROUGH I'M
LIKE, NO.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S IT. WHEN YOU ARE NOMINATED FOR ANY
KIND OF AWARD, GOLDEN GLOBE, WHATEVER, AND YOU GET NOMINATED
A LOT OF TIMES, DO YOU WRITE A SPEECH EACH TIME?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: YOU WING WHEN IT YOU GET UP THERE?
>> I DO. I ‐‐ YEAH, I PRETTY MUCH DO.
SOMETIMES I'LL HAVE IDEAS IN MY MIND. SOMETIMES THEY FLY OUT.
SOMETIMES I SAY ABSOLUTELY THE WRONG THING. YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: THIS YEAR IT'S GOING TO BE A VIRTUAL TYPE OF DEAL,
WHERE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'LL BE AT HOME?
>> I WILL BE AT HOME.
>> Jimmy: EVERYONE DRINKS DURING THE GOLDEN GLOBES, WILL YOU GET
HAMMERED AT HOME?
>> NO, THAT'S NOT SOMETHING I DO. BUT I WILL ‐‐ THE DOG WILL BE
NEXT TO ME.
>> Jimmy: THEY SHOULD HAVE ‐‐ EVERYONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED A DOG
AT EVERY AWARD SHOW.
>> RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: WOULDN'T THAT BE SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING?
>> IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER IF IT WAS JUST THE DOG IN YOUR SEAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AN ALL‐DOG AWARD SHOW.
>> YEAH, THEN YOU HAD TO MATCH THE ONE. IT WOULD BE SO GOOD.
>> Jimmy: PUT A LITTLE PIECE OF KIBBLE ON THE TROPHY.
>> YEAH, A LITTLE TIARA, A CIGAR.
>> Jimmy: YOU MAY REALLY BE ON TO SOMETHING HERE.
AS WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF AWARDS, AARON RODGERS, THE
QUARTERBACK OF THE GREEN BAY PACKERS ‐‐
>> YES, COME ON.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'RE A FAN OF THE GREEN BAY PACKERS.
>> I AM. A BIG PACKERS FAN.
>> Jimmy: HE WINS THE NFL MVP. DURING HIS SPEECH HE SAYS THIS.
>> I ALSO FEEL I'VE GOT A GREAT GROUP OF PEOPLE TO SUPPORT ME.
I'D LIKE TO THANK MY TEAM. OFF THE FIELD, RYAN, TOMMY,
LEONARD, REBECCA, ADAM, OLIVER,
EMIL, DEBBIE, JODIE FOSTER, CHESS, POPPER ‐‐
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS HAPPENING?
>> YOU SEE HE SAID "MY TEAM." EVEN THOUGH HE SAID "OFF THE
FIELD." THAT MAKES ME A GREEN BAY PACKER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PEOPLE KEEP SAYING, NO, THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU'RE PART OF THE
TEAM BUT IT DOES.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW AARON RODGERS?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAD NO IDEA HE WAS GOING TO SAY THIS?
>> HE KNOWS I'M HIS BIGGEST FAN.
>> Jimmy: IF YOU WIN THE GOLDEN GLOBE, WILL YOU NAME HIM IN YOUR
SPEECH?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ABSOLUTELY. I MAY HAVE TO NAME THE WHOLE
TEAM. DAVANTE ADAMS HAS TO BE IN THERE
SOMEWHERE.
>> Jimmy: HE MENTIONS HIS FIANCEE, SHAILENE WOODLEY, WHO
IS YOUR COSTAR.
>> YES, SHE IS.
>> Jimmy: IN THIS MOVIE, AND THAT'S JUST A TOTAL COINCIDENCE?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A COINCIDENCE. BUT YES, SHE IS.
SHE'S FANTASTIC. SO WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON
"MAURITANIAN" TOGETHER IN A TENT, AIR CONDITIONING SPITTING
AT US, TALKING ABOUT OUR LIVES AND RECIPES AND PEOPLE WE HATE,
THINGS LIKE THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THE GREEN BAY PACKERS.
>> AND THE GREEN BAY PACKERS SOMEHOW CAME UP.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE ONE OF ‐‐ I THINK PEOPLE MOSTLY KNOW MASTER
CLASS, PROMINENT PEOPLE WILL TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO ‐‐ LIKE
STEVE MARTIN DOES A THING ON COMEDY.
AND YOU HAVE A SEGMENT ON A ‐‐ A BUNCH OF SEGMENTS ON DIRECTING.
AND THERE ARE OTHER DIRECTORS INVOLVED AS WELL.
WHOSE IDEA WAS IT FOR YOU TO DO THIS?
>> IT WAS THEIR IDEA. THEY CAME TO ME.
AND I THOUGHT, THIS IS RIDICULOUS, WHAT COULD I EVER
DO ‐‐ ESPECIALLY AS A DIRECTOR. I WATCHED THE ONE WITH MARTIN 64
REESE AND RON HOWARD. I THOUGHT, WHY WOULD THEY EVER
WANT ME? I DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE
INTERESTING FOR PEOPLE TO SEE HOW TO MAKE MOVIES ON THEIR OWN.
AND AS AN ACTOR AND A DIRECTOR, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THE
HATS, PLAY ALL THE HATS. SO I THOUGHT, THAT'S KIND OF THE
FOCUS OF MINE. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU HAVE NO
MONEY AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE A MOVIE ON YOUR OWN?
>> Jimmy: WHICH IS HOW MOST PEOPLE MAKE MOVIES.
EVERYBODY'S MAKING A MOVIE WITH THEIR PHONE.
THAT IS SOMETHING ‐‐ DID YOU HAVE, WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG, DID
YOU HAVE THE CAMERA EQUIPMENT?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: THAT KIND OF STUFF? YOU DIDN'T?
>> NO, BUT I GREW UP ON MOVIE SETS, THAT WAS MY FILM SCHOOL.
>> Jimmy: YOU TEACH PEOPLE ‐‐ ONE OF THE THINGS YOU TALK ABOUT
IS TO GO TO A MOVIE, WATCH THE MOVIE, THEN GO HOME AND THINK
ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT DIFFERENTLY.
>> RIGHT. INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: INSTEAD OF JUST CRITICIZING THE MOVIE AFTERWARDS.
>> RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: WHICH GIVES EVERYONE AROUND YOU THE IDEA THAT YOU
WOULD HAVE SOMEHOW DONE IT BETTER.
THE AND THE MOVIE YOU USE AS AN EXAMPLE IS "THE MARTIAN."
>> YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT THE WAY TO HAVE MADE
"THE MARTIAN" BETTER WOULD BE TO ELIMINATE MATT DAMON FROM THE
MOVIE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OR TO LEAVE HIM STRANDED ON THE PLANET MARS.
>> ACTUALLY, I THINK WHAT I SAID WAS, WE SHOULD ONLY HAVE HIS
EXPERIENCE ‐‐ LET'S JUST SAY YOU DECIDED YOU WANTED A MOVIE ABOUT
BEING SOLITARY, ABOUT COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING ALONE.
THEN YOU WOULD ONLY HAVE MATT DAMON ‐‐
>> Jimmy: NO, I DISAGREE WITH THAT, YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU SEE, THIS IS A GOOD FILM SCHOOL CONVERSATION.
>> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO DO MY OWN MASTER CLASS CONTRADICTING YOUR
MASTER CLASS. I'VE NEVER DIRECTED A FILM, NOR
HAVE I BEEN IN ONE ‐‐
>> BUT IT SHOULD NOT STAR MATT DAMON?
>> Jimmy: THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> I'M SAYING HE HELPED KILL 3,000 CIVILIANS AND WE'RE DOING
EVERYTHING WE CAN TO GET HIM OUT.
>> WE'RE DOING OUR JOB.
>> I DID BAKE SALES FOR HIS LEGAL FUND, THAT'S NOT A PART OF
MY JOB. MY DAD TOLD ME I'M NOT WELCOME
HOME FOR THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR. THAT'S NOT A PART OF MY JOB.
>> GET OUT.
>> WHAT?
>> YOU WANT TURKEY AND PUMPKIN PIE WITH MOM AND DAD AND UNCLE
JOE? GO ON, GET OUT. GO HOME. YOU CAN'T WIN A CASE IF YOU
DON'T BELIEVE YOUR OWN
[ BLEEP ].
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS JODIE FOSTER AND SHAILENE WOODLEY IN "THE
MAURITANIAN," WHICH IS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE, AND I HAVE TO SAY,
IT'S UPSETTING. AND IT MAKES YOU MAD.
AND SOMETIMES YOU GET THIS IDEA THAT, WELL, WHEN THE GOOD GUYS
ARE IN CHARGE, THINGS ARE GOOD AND IT'S NOT THAT AT ALL, IS IT?
>> NO. IT HAPPENS ‐‐ WELL, IT'S ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED AFTER 9/11. A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE PICKED UP
IN THIS EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION. THEY BASICALLY WERE ABDUCTED
FROM THEIR HOMES, MUSLIM MEN, AND TAKEN ALL OVER THE WORLD.
IN THIS CASE, MOHAMMAD WAS BROUGHT TO GUANTANAMO BAY WHERE
HE WAS FOR 14 YEARS AND NEVER CHARGED WITH ANYTHING.
I PLAY THE LAWYER THAT HELPS HIM GET HIS BOOK WRITTEN AND HELPED
HIM GET OUT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE RULE RATHER THAN THE EXCEPTION AT GUANTANAMO
BAY.
>> YEAH, THE WHOLE POINT AT GUANTANAMO IS WE CAN OPERATE
THIS GARRISON STATE OUTSIDE THE UNITED STATES SO WE CAN DO
THINGS THAT ARE AGAINST THE LAW AND GET AWAY WITH IT.
THERE ARE STILL ABOUT 40 PEOPLE IN GUANTANAMO BEING GUARDED BY
THOUSANDS OF MILITARY PERSONNEL, MANY NEVER CHARGED WITH
ANYTHING, THEY'VE BEEN THERE FOR YEARS.
>> Jimmy: THE LAWYER YOU PLAYED, I ASSUME SHE'S SEEN THE FILM?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WAS SHE HAPPY WITH HER PORTRAYAL?
>> YES, I THINK SHE WAS HAPPY, BUT I DID WARN HER I WAS GOING
TO BE MEANER THAN SHE WAS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS A LOVELY PERSON, BUT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NO FUN?
>> YEAH. SHE'S TOUGH. SHE'S TOUGH BUT SHE'S NOT AS
TOUGH AS THE PERSON I PLAY.
>> Jimmy: THE KID WHO PLAYED MOHAMMAD, THE MAN, HE WAS
TERRIFIC. HE'S REALLY GREAT.
>> TARIR RAHIM, FRENCH ACTOR, HE'S WONDERFUL.
>> Jimmy: AT THE END OF THE FILM ‐‐ I'M WORRIED I'M GOING TO
RUN SOMETHING, BUT NO, I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO RUIN AN
ANYTHING. WE SEE VIDEO OF THE REAL MAN.
>> THE REAL MOHAMMAD, YES.
>> Jimmy: HE'S VERY CHARMING.
>> YOU WOULD LOVE HIM.
>> Jimmy: HE'S SINGING ALONG TO BOB DYLAN?
>> YES, HE'S SEEN "THE BIG LEBOWSKI" 80 TIMES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE'S A HUGE FAN OF AMERICAN CULTURE.
FUNNY, SUPER AFFECTIONATE, JOYFUL.
HE HAS SO MUCH TO TEACH US ABOUT HUMANITY.
>> Jimmy: I'M SO MISERABLE AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN LONELY IN
PRISON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: SO DID HE KNOW YOUR MOVIES?
>> THE ONLY MOVIE HE'D SEEN OF MINE WAS "MAVERICK."
HE'D SEEN IT A FEW TIMES SO HE KEPT PLAYING LINES BACK TO ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> I THINK HE WAS CONFUSED ABOUT WHY THEY WOULD HIRE THE GIRL
FROM "MAVERICK" TO PLAY NANCY HAALANDER. "SHE'S VERY CUTE."
>> Jimmy: I THINK "SILENCE OF THE LAMBS" WOULD HAVE BEEN EVEN
MORE CONFUSING.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WHEN I SEE YOU IN THOSE SCENES WITH THE CELL, THAT
IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF.
>> YEAH, YOU DO THINK OF THAT BECAUSE OF THE PRISON THING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. DID YOU THINK OF THAT?
THAT MOVIE IS 30 YEARS AGO VALENTINE'S DAY.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I NEVER IMAGINED. WHAT A VALENTINE'S DAY MOVIE.
>> A GREAT DATE MOVIE, ACTUALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. THE MOVIE IS GREAT, "MAU
"MAURITANIAN." IT'S NOT "THE MANDALORIAN,"
THERE'S NO BABY YODA, DO NOT BE CONFUSED. JODIE FOSTER.
THANK YOU. BE BACK WITH KELLY MARIE TRAN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC PRESENT BLACK PUMAS IS ON THE WAY.
YOU KNOW OUR NEXT GUEST FROM THE LAST TWO "STAR WARS" MOVIES, NOW
SHE SWAPS DROIDS FOR DRAGONS IN "RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON."
IT'S IN THEATRES AND ON DISNEY PLUS PREMIER ACCESS STARTING
MARCH 5th. PLEASE WELCOME KELLY MARIE TRAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME, THANK YOU FOR COMING.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL DRESS YOU HAVE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, I FEEL LIKE AN ICE SKATER.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M DOING REALLY WELL, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: DOING WELL. THE LAST DUE TIMES YOU WERE HERE
WAS WITH THE WHOLE CAST OF "STAR WARS."
NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE YOURSELF, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT HAPPENED IN 2013. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
>> OH MY GOD, 2013? WHAT YEAR IS IT NOW? 2021?
>> Jimmy: 2021.
>> OH, MATH, BAD.
>> Jimmy: GUILLERMO, GRAB THE ABACUS!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WAS PROBABLY 26.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. SO YOU'RE 26 YEARS OLD.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ONE OF YOUR FIRST ACTING JOBS WAS HERE ON THIS
SHOW.
>> YEAH, I WAS PROBABLY 24. THERE YOU GO, YEAH.
I WAS ON YOUR SHOW.
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE ON THE SHOW. THE IDEA OF THE ‐‐ YOU EVEN
REMEMBER WHAT WE WERE DOING. JIM O'HARE, "PARKS AND REC,"
FUNNY GUY, WAS PLAYING JUSTIN BIEBER MANY YEARS IN THE FUTURE.
YEP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AND YOU WERE A KID SINGING IN IT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> HE LOST HIS GROOVE.
♪ AND MY HEART GOES BANG BANG
BANG ♪
>> YEAH, BANG, BANG, BANG! I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
BANG! BANG!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SINGING INTO A FLASHLIGHT.
>> YEP. THAT WAS MY BIG BREAK, ACTUALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WAS IT?
>> IT WAS.
>> Jimmy: MAY HAVE BROKEN A HIP. HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU GET
PUSHED OFF THAT STAGE?
>> I THINK AT LEAST FOUR OR FIVE. YEAH. YEAH.
IT WAS SO FUN, THOUGH. AND ALSO, I REMEMBER BEING SO
NERVOUS TO GET HERE, TO GET HERE ON TIME.
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE FIRED FOR SOME REASON.
I WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO GET FIRED, I JUST KNOW I'M GOING TO
GET FIRED. BUT I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME BEING
PUSHED OFF THAT STAGE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SURE. DID YOU ACT IN HIGH SCHOOL?
DID YOU DO THEATER AND THAT SORT OF THING?
>> I DID.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID.
>> I WAS IN, LIKE, 5 MILLION CLUBS YEAH.
>> Jimmy: 5 MILLION CLUBS? WHAT CLUBS WERE YOU IN?
>> I WAS A ‐‐ I WAS VICE PRESIDENT OF MY CHOIR IN HIGH
SCHOOL. I WAS CO‐PRESIDENT OF THE VIETNAMESE STUDENT ASSOCIATION.
I WAS SPIRIT AND PUBLICITY CHAIR OF PEER COUNCIL ‐‐ SEE HOW
ANNOYING I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU DOING THAT TO BUILD A COLLEGE RESUME OR JUST
INTO BEING PART OF THOSE GROUPS?
>> WAS ABSOLUTELY DOING IT FOR A COLLEGE RESUME.
I REALLY FEEL LIKE I WAS REESE WITHERSPOON IN "ELECTION."
>> Jimmy: YOU HAD ALL THESE THING ON THIS THE RESUME.
I WONDER IF AT ANY POINT THESE COLLEGE ADMISSIONS PEOPLE LOOK
AT THIS STUFF AND GO, WHOA, THIS IS TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW?
>> YOU KNOW, IF THEY DO, IT WAS PROBABLY WITH MY APPLICATION.
>> Jimmy: IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: SO YOU WERE CO‐PRESIDENT.
WERE YOU PRESIDENT OF ANY OF THE GROUPS?
>> NO, JIMMY, I WASN'T, OKAY, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU GRAVITATE TOWARDS A SUPPORT ROLE.
>> GRAVITATED TOWARDS HAVING A TITLE BUT NOT HAVING TO DO
EVERYTHING.
>> Jimmy: I GOTCHA.
>> GOT IT? YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU BROUGHT SOMETHING ALONG.
>> I DID.
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE HAVING CONVERSATION WITH OUR PRODUCER
ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE LIKE AS A KID AND WHAT YOU WERE UP TO.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND TELL US WHAT YOU HAVE FOR US HERE.
>> OKAY, I HAVE A REAL TREAT FOR YOU.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, GREAT.
>> I'M REALLY EXCITED. ACTUALLY, I'M VERY EMBARRASSED
TO SHARE THIS. SO, LIKE I SAID, I WAS IN A
BUNCH OF CLUBS IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND MY EMAIL, WHICH I STILL HAVE
ACCESS TO, WAS LIL UNDERSCORE
DISNEY UNDERSCORE DORKO AT ‐‐
I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU THE AT ‐‐ DOT COM.
>> Jimmy: DOES THAT MEAN YOU TRIED LIL DISNEY DORKO AND IT
WAS TAKEN?
>> I'M PRETTY SURE. WHO HAS EMAILS WITH UNDERSCORES,
AM I RIGHT? BUT SOMEONE HAD ALREADY TAKEN
THOSE OTHER ONES SO I HAD TO HAVE THE UNDERSCORE.
I STILL HAVE ACCESS TO THIS EMAIL ADDRESS, AS YOU DO.
AND I LOOKED UP THE OTHER DAY ‐‐ I WAS LIKE, OH.
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT, WHAT WAS I LIKE WHEN I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL? I FOUND ALL THESE EMAILS THAT I
SENT OUT TO THE MANY CLUBS I WAS IN.
I'M GOING TO READ ONE FOR YOU.
>> Jimmy: PLEASE DO, GO AHEAD.
>> BIG TREAT. HELLO, MEMBERS OF THE SPIRIT
PUBLICITY COMMITTEE FOR CLASS COUNCIL.
JUST A FEW ANNOUNCEMENTS AND ASSIGNMENTS.
FIRST OF ALL, AS YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW, WE HAVE A CAR WASH
COMING UP, AS WELL AS A PEP RALLY.
SEEING AS WE'RE ALL MEMBERS OF THE SPIRIT PUBLICITY COMMITTEE,
I FIGURE WE SHOULD BE DOING THE SAME AMOUNT OF WORK IN ORDER TO
MAKE OUR ACTIVITIES A SUCCESS. PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN TAKING THE
INITIATIVE TO OFFER YOUR HELP, I HAVE DECIDED TO ASSIGN YOU
THINGS TO DO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, AND DON'T WORRY, I EVEN HAVE DESCRIPTIONS AND DIRECTIONS OF
EXACTLY, BOLDED AND UNDERLINED WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IN CASE
YOU'RE CONFUSED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. AND THIS CAME FROM LIL DISNEY
DORKO?
>> THIS CAME FROM LIL DISNEY DORKO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DID PEOPLE LISTEN? DID THEY OBEY YOUR COMMANDS?
>> STRANGE HE, THEY DID.
>> Jimmy: THEY DID. PROBABLY NERVOUS, OH, THIS
PERSON'S CRAZY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, PROBABLY HORRIFIED BECAUSE I WAS A LITTLE BIT
PSYCHO, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU A DISNEY NUT OR SOMETHING?
>> HUGE. I LOVED LIKE ALL THE ANIMATED
FILMS.
>> Jimmy: THIS MUST BE A DREAM COME TRUE FOR YOU, TO BE IN THIS
DISNEY LEAD IN A DISNEY FILM.
>> YEAH. YEAH, IT'S A BIG DEAL. IS.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU A DISNEY PRINCESS NOW?
>> I'M TECHNICALLY A DISNEY PRINCESS, YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU DRESS LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS.
>> YES, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: BEFORE YOU WERE A DISNEY PRINCESS, WHO WAS YOUR
FAVORITE DISNEY PRINCESS?
>> MULAN, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: NOW I ASSUME RAYA IS YOUR FAVORITE?
>> WELL ‐‐ YEAH, PROBABLY.
>> Jimmy: PROBABLY, YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S VERY EXCITING.
>> YEAH. I'M STOKED. I CAN'T BELIEVE I GET TO BE PART
OF THIS ‐‐ IT FEELS LIKE A WORLD THAT I FEEL IS STILL IMPOSSIBLE,
BUT I'M DOING IT. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
>> Jimmy: NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I UNDERSTAND IT.
>> OKAY, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S ALL WEIRD, RIGHT?
I MEAN, ABOUT ONE DAY YOU'RE SENDING PASSIVE‐AGGRESSIVE
EMAILS TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS.
AND THEN SUDDENLY YOU'RE ON TELEVISION AND GETTING SHOVED
OFF A STAGE. THEN YOU'RE IN "STAR WARS."
THEN YOU'RE A DISNEY PRINCESS. AND EVERYBODY ELSE GOES, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. BUT YOU'RE LIKE, NO, NONE OF
THIS MAKES SENSE THAT THIS HAPPENED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, FEELS LIKE A WEIRD FEVER DREAM, THE WHOLE THING,
RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I WOULD IMAGINE THAT IT DOES.
WHERE DO YOU RECORD AN ANIMATED FILM DURING COVID TIMES?
>> I RECORDED IN A MAKESHIFT FORT AT MY BOYFRIEND'S
APARTMENT, WHICH WAS JUST MADE OF SOUND BLANKETS TAPED TO THE
WALL WITH DUCT TAPE.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> GLAMOROUS, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WOW. WERE DOGS BARKING AND STUFF LIKE
THAT?
>> YEAH, I REMEMBER THERE WERE DAYS WHERE I WAS LIKE, THERE'S
CONSTRUCTION HAPPENING, MY INTERNET IS CUTTING OUT, WHAT IS
HAPPENING? ALWAYS SOUNDS GOING ON.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE THINK BEING A DISNEY PRINCESS IS ALL BIRDS
FLYING AROUND AND TAILORING YOUR CLOTHES FOR YOU BUT IT'S HARDER
THAN THAT.
>> IT IS.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS. THE MOVIE IS CALLED "RAYA AND
THE LAST DRAGON." I'LL WATCH IT WITH MY KIDS.
IT'S ON DISNEY PLUS AND PREMIER ACCESS MARCH 5th AND THEATERS
THEN TOO. KELLY MARIE TRAN! WE'LL BE BACK WITH BLACK PUMAS.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ, THE BEST OR NOTHING.
MUSIC FROM BLACK PUMAS IS ON THE WAY.
YOU KNOW, SHAKESPEARE WROTE, "SOME ARE BORN GREAT, SOME
ACHIEVE GREATNESS, AND SOME HAVE GREATNESS THRUST UPON THEM."
AND RECENTLY OUR LITTLE OVER‐ACHIEVER GUILLERMO HAD
SOMETHING GREAT THRUST UPON HIM.
>> Guillermo: TO BE OR NOT TO BE, THAT IS THE QUESTION.
>> STOP, STOP! GUILLERMO, YOUR PERFORMANCE IS
LAMENTABLE.
>> Guillermo: OH, THANK YOU.
>> THE LINE IS, "TO BE OR NOT TO BE."
>> Guillermo: THAT'S WHAT I SAID, TO BE OR NOT TO BE.
>> YOU KEEP SAYING TUBI. LIKE THE FANTASTIC FREE
STREAMING SERVICE.
>> Guillermo: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SPEAK ENGLISH.
>> I AM, I'M FROM ENGLAND. NEVER MIND.
TUBI HAS AN ENORMOUS STREAMING LIBRARY WITH 30,000 GREAT MOVIES
AND TV SHOWS TO KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ENDLESSLY
ENTERTAINED AND IT'S 100% FREE. THERE'S NO SUBSCRIPTION, NO
HIDDEN FEES. DOWNLOAD THE APP AND START
WATCHING FOR FREE.
>> Guillermo: THEY HAVE OMELETTES?
>> YES, ANYTHING YOU LIKE. BLOCKBUSTER HITS, ROM‐COMS,
MOVIES IN ESPANOL.
>> Guillermo: SO WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING THIS FOR?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Dicky: DOWNLOAD THE TUBI APP NOW AND START STREAMING FOR FREE.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ, THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO JODIE FOSTER, KELLY MARIE TRAN.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT BUT FIRST,
WE DEDICATE THIS TO OUR FRIENDS IN TEXAS, WHERE WE HOPE IT WARMS
UP SOON. THIS IS THE DELUXE EDITION OF
THEIR SELF‐TITLED ALBUM, WITH THE SONG "KNOW YOU BETTER."
FROM AUSTIN, BLACK PUMAS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ I WANT TO KNOW YOU
♪ LET'S FLOAT ON
OUT ON THIS MOTHERSHIP, BABY LET'S TAKE CONTROL OF IT
GET IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE
FOR MY HONEY BABY MAKE YOU WANNA SING, GET UP
LOCK HANDS AND ♪
♪ SWAY WITH ME THROUGH THE FIRE
FILLING AROUND THE BLAZE GET IT TOGETHER
I CAN'T GET COMFORTABLE ♪
♪ WITH ME LISTENING
TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT ♪
♪ BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW YOU
BETTER AND I GOTTA TAKE THIS TIME ♪
♪ STOP AND SEE THE WEATHER
I GOTTA LOVE YOU RIGHT I WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER
OH YEAH BABE ♪
♪
♪ JUST FEELING LIKE YOU'RE
FEELING ME I'M FEELING YOU TOO ♪
♪ SO LET'S MOVE FORWARD FORWARD
LET US BE UNIFIED ♪
♪ BABY OUT OF THIS GALAXY MOVING
FREE IN THE WAY WE MOVE ♪
♪ AS WE REALIZE HOW WE MOVE GET
IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ LIGHT UP MY FIRE BANK
THAT'S MY SOUL HOLD HANDS CAUSE
EVERYTHING'S EVERYTHING'S KNOWN ♪
♪ GET IT TOGETHER FREE AND WE'RE
GOING TO FLY TOGETHER ♪
♪ AS WE REALIZE HOW TO REALLY
GROOVE ♪
♪ CAUSE I WANT TO KNOW YOU
BETTER I'D LOVE TO TAKE THIS TIME ♪
♪ TO STOP AND SEE THE WEATHER
♪ I LOVE TO WATCH YOU SHINE
♪ I WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER OH
YEAH BABY ♪
JUST A LITTLE BIT BETTER WHEN YOU FEEL IT THE MUSIC STARTS
CHANGING.
♪ THE PUMAS REARRANGE YOU WE
WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER ♪
♪ SO ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE TELL ME
WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ I REALLY WANT TO GET CLOSE,
CLOSER TO YOU PUMAS LET'S TURN OUT YEAH ♪
♪ I WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER BABY
BETTER AND BETTER ♪
♪ WALKING ON THAT SUNSHINE
TALKING TO IT ALL THE TIME ♪
♪ WHEN I'M WITH YOU WHEN I'M
WITH YOU I WANT TO KNOW YOU ♪
♪ I REALLY WANT TO KNOW YOU I
SAID I REALLY GOT TO SHOW YOU
YEAH YEAH YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH
♪ I WANNA KNOW YOU BETTER GOT TO
KNOW YOU BETTER NO MATTER THE WEATHER ♪
♪ KNOW YOU BETTER BETTER ♪