1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,201 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!" 2 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,003 TONIGHT -- JENNIFER CONNELLY. 3 00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:09,207 KEVIN GARNETT AND MUSIC FROM TOBE NWIGWE. 4 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:16,215 AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL! >> Jimmy: HELLO, I'M JIMMY. 5 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,484 I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. 6 00:00:19,554 --> 00:00:20,486 EVERYBODY GOOD? EVERYBODY ALL RIGHT? 7 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:27,960 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I'M EXHAUSTED ALREADY. 8 00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:29,962 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS MORNING, MY SON, WHO IS 9 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,698 3 YEARS OLD, WOKE UP AS HE USUALLY DOES, WHEN THE MOON 10 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:35,034 COMES OUT. [ LAUGHTER ] 11 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,769 HE GETS UP EARLY. I GO IN HIS ROOM, HE SAYS, "I 12 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,772 WANTED MOMMY." GREAT. 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:40,906 [ LAUGHTER ] SO I ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS FOR 14 00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:43,842 BREAKFAST. HE SAYS, "PANCAKES." 15 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:44,977 WE GO DOWNSTAIRS, AND WE ARE OUT OF THE PANCAKE MIX WE USUALLY 16 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:49,181 HAVE. SO I FIND THIS BAG OF PROTEIN 17 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:52,117 PANCAKES IN THE BACK OF THE CABINET. 18 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,920 [ LAUGHTER ] AND IT LOOKS OKAY. 19 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:58,524 THE INGREDIENTS ARE A LITTLE WEIRD. 20 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:04,263 THEY TELL YOU TO ADD FLAXSEED. AND I KNOW HOW THAT'LL GO OVER. 21 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:09,001 I CUT OUT THE FLAXSEED. I'M MIXING IT. 22 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:12,004 AS I'M WHISKING THE BATTER, I KNOW THESE PANCAKES ARE GOING TO 23 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,271 BE REJECTED. [ LAUGHTER ] 24 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,940 I KNOW THAT WHEN I PUT THEM ON THE TABLE THERE'S GONNA BE A 25 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,208 FIGHT. BUT I'M AN OPTIMIST. 26 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:17,009 SO I KEEP MIXING. I HEAT UP THE GRIDDLE. 27 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,612 I MAKE THE PANCAKE. IT LOOKS GOOD. 28 00:01:19,614 --> 00:01:21,880 LOOKS LIKE A REGULAR PANCAKE. I POUR ON THE SYRUP. 29 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,616 I CUT IT UP, PUT IT ON THE TABLE. 30 00:01:23,618 --> 00:01:26,018 I GET MY SON IN HIS SEAT. HE TAKES ONE BITE AND GOES, 31 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:28,086 "THESE DON'T TASTE GOOD." [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:32,825 AND ALREADY I KNOW THIS IS NOT A BATTLE I'M GONNA WIN, BUT I'M IN 33 00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,695 IT. SO I SAY, "EAT IT, IT'S GOOD." 34 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:39,631 EVEN THOUGH THAT STRATEGY HAS NEVER WORKED FOR ME BEFORE. 35 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,435 HE WON'T EAT THE PANCAKE. AND THEN HIS SISTER COMES DOWN. 36 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,438 SHE'S 6, AND SHE EATS NOTHING. SHE EATS FOUR THINGS. 37 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,708 [ LAUGHTER ] AND IF YOU VARY EVEN SLIGHTLY 38 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,977 FROM THOSE FOUR EXACT THINGS -- FORGET ABOUT IT. 39 00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:54,713 SHE WON'T EAT. SO BILLY NOW, AS JANE SITS DOWN, 40 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,650 TELLS HER THE PANCAKES ARE NO GOOD. 41 00:01:57,652 --> 00:01:59,851 [ LAUGHTER ] AND NOW JANE, WHO FIVE SECONDS 42 00:01:59,921 --> 00:02:02,788 EARLIER TOLD ME SHE'S STARVING, WON'T EVEN TRY THEM. 43 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:07,793 SO I DEMAND THAT SHE AT LEAST TRY THEM. 44 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,462 I COUNT TO THREE. [ LAUGHTER ] 45 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:14,133 WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AT THE END OF 46 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,335 THREE. I REALLY WANT TO SET SOMETHING 47 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,004 UP WHERE I COUNT TO THREE AND AT THE END OF THREE LIGHTNING 48 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,673 STRIKES. [ LAUGHTER ] 49 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:26,412 SETS FIRE TO THEIR PLAY HOUSE OR SOMETHING. 50 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,480 YOU KNOW? JUST ONCE I WANT TO SEE 51 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,282 SOMETHING HAPPEN SO THEY FEAR THE COUNT OF THREE. 52 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:33,885 MAYBE ONE OF THEIR STUFFED ANIMALS DIES AT THREE. 53 00:02:33,955 --> 00:02:35,020 SO I GET TO THREE, AND SHE WILL NOT EAT. 54 00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:37,756 NEITHER OF THEM WILL EAT. SO I DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU TO DO 55 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,493 IN THE BOOKS. WE HAVE A LOT OF THESE PARENTING 56 00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:41,493 BOOKS. I START YELLING. 57 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:47,967 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 58 00:02:47,969 --> 00:02:49,901 I YELL. I YELL, "THIS IS NOT A 59 00:02:49,971 --> 00:02:55,174 RESTAURANT!" "YOU ASKED FOR PANCAKES, YOU EAT 60 00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:59,111 WHAT I MAKE YOU!" "WHEN I WAS A KID, WE DIDN'T GET 61 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:03,582 A CHOICE OF WHAT WE WANTED TO EAT, WE GOT WHATEVER THE DOG 62 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,316 LEFT IN THE BOWL!" SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THE WHOLE 63 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,985 THING. AND NOW JANE STARTS CRYING, 64 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,054 "IT'S NOT FAIR, I DON'T WANT THIS!" 65 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,654 AND BILLY JUST SITS THERE, ENJOYING THE MAYHEM THAT HE 66 00:03:09,724 --> 00:03:11,056 STARTED. [ LAUGHTER ] 67 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,258 HE'S HAPPY. AND SO I SAY, "YOU KNOW WHAT? 68 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,859 FINE, YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY BREAKFAST AT ALL." 69 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,595 AND THEY GO NUTS. "I'M HUNGRY!" 70 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:22,668 THEY'RE CRYING. I'M, "TOO BAD, YOU EAT WHAT I 71 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:26,004 MAKE YOU!" AND I MARCH UPSTAIRS. 72 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,874 BUT ONCE I GET UPSTAIRS, I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO BECAUSE MY WIFE IS 73 00:03:28,943 --> 00:03:32,144 ASLEEP IN THE BEDROOM, I CAN'T GO IN THERE. 74 00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:34,212 I'M NOT GOING TO SIT IN THEIR ROOMS. 75 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,882 SO I SIT ON THE LANDING AND I CAN HEAR THEM NOW TALKING ABOUT 76 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:40,552 HOW MEAN I AM. [ LAUGHTER ] 77 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,955 "DADDY'S MEAN." AND JANE'S LIKE, "I JUST WANT TO 78 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:47,493 BE TREATED NICELY." [ LAUGHTER ] 79 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:51,230 AND I TRY TO HOLD OUT. I JUST STAY THERE. 80 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,497 BUT THEN I HEAR HER IN THE CABINET GOING FOR THE CEREAL. 81 00:03:52,567 --> 00:04:00,573 AND I MARCH BACK DOWN AND SAY, "PUT THAT CEREAL AWAY! 82 00:04:00,575 --> 00:04:02,841 EAT THOSE PANCAKES!" AND SHE CRIES SOME MORE, AND 83 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,043 ULTIMATELY I WIND UP SPREADING NUTELLA, WHICH IS BASICALLY 84 00:04:04,045 --> 00:04:05,511 CHOCOLATE, ON THEIR PANCAKES SO THEY'LL EAT THEM. 85 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:09,714 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 86 00:04:09,784 --> 00:04:13,853 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY ATE THE PANCAKES. 87 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,187 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SO DID I WIN? 88 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,057 NOT EXACTLY. BUT FOR ONCE, I DIDN'T LOSE. 89 00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:20,993 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN MY WIFE COMES DOWN, 90 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,127 UNAWARE OF THE WAR THAT HAS JUST BEEN FOUGHT. 91 00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:27,199 I MAKE HER A PANCAKE. SHE TAKES A BITE AND SAYS, "THIS 92 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:32,871 PANCAKE TASTES WEIRD." [ LAUGHTER ] 93 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:33,805 DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL THEY GO. 94 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:37,342 "ALEXA, ORDER BISQUICK." [ LAUGHTER ] 95 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:40,412 HAVE YOU SIGN THE NEW ALEXA THING? 96 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:45,750 THE AMAZON ECHO SHOW 10 PROMISES TO BE THEIR CREEPIEST ALEXA YET. 97 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,486 WHAT MAKES THIS ECHO DIFFERENT IS IT FOLLOWS YOU AROUND THE 98 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,422 ROOM. THE SCREEN IS ON A LITTLE ARM 99 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,823 SO WHEREVER YOU GO, THE CAMERA GOES. 100 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:56,428 THIS IS HOW IT STARTS. FIRST THEY LISTEN TO US, THEN 101 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,629 THINK WATCH US, THEN THEY FOLLOW US. 102 00:04:57,698 --> 00:05:01,567 AND THEN THEY SMOTHER US UNDER A MOUNTAIN OF TUBE SOCKS. 103 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,236 [ LAUGHTER ] I HAVE TWO SMALL KIDS AT HOME, I 104 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:09,174 DON'T NEED ANOTHER THING FOLLOWING ME AROUND TILL TELLING 105 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:12,444 ME TO BUY STUFF. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 106 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,313 >>> THE UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE HAS NEW TECHNOLOGY. 107 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:15,380 THE USPS IS GETTING A FLEET OF HIGH-TECH DELIVERY TRUCKS. 108 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:18,316 HERE IT IS. THE NEW TRUCK. 109 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:23,589 THEY ASKED THE DESIGNERS TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING THAT LOOKS 110 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:24,589 UNREMARKABLE, YET VAGUELY UNSETTLING. 111 00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:27,659 [ LAUGHTER ] I THINK THEY SUCCEEDED. 112 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:30,262 THIS IS ANOTHER ANGLE. THEY'VE ALREADY SPENT 113 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,530 $482 MILLION ON TESTING AND DESIGN. 114 00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,399 WASN'T THE POST OFFICE BANKRUPT LIKE FOUR MONTHS AGO? 115 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:38,204 [ LAUGHTER ] NOW THEY'RE BUYING NEW CARS? 116 00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:39,338 IT'S LIKE A BAD BROTHER-IN-LAW OR SOMETHING. 117 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,740 MY POOR MAIL CARRIERS. THEY'RE DROPPING OFF PACKAGES AT 118 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:42,875 MIDNIGHT. ONE OF THEM, MY MAILMAN? 119 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:48,080 THE GUY WHO COMES TO MY HOUSE? YOU KNOW HOW MY HOUSE IS UP ON 120 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,149 THE HILL? >> Guillermo: YEAH. 121 00:05:50,151 --> 00:05:51,549 >> Jimmy: HE RIDES A DOG UP THE STREET. 122 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:52,284 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Guillermo: WOW. 123 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:55,354 >> Jimmy: TRUE. [ LAUGHTER ] 124 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,288 SPEAKING OF DOGS. IN OKLAHOMA, LAST WEEK, A PUPPY 125 00:05:56,356 --> 00:06:00,292 WAS BORN WITH AN EXTRA PAIR OF LEGS. 126 00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:05,497 SHE HAS SIX LEGS. HER NAME IS "SKIPPER." 127 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,099 VERY CUTE. SKIPPER'S A MIXED BREED. 128 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,633 HER FATHER WAS A COLLIE, AND HER MOTHER WAS A CENTIPEDE. 129 00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:11,704 [ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE SAYING IT'S A MIRACLE 130 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,905 THAT SKIPPER SURVIVED. THE VET SAID THEY HAVEN'T SEEN 131 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,508 ANYTHING LIKE THIS SINCE A FLY GOT INTO THAT MACHINE WITH 132 00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:19,311 JEFF GOLDBLUM. [ LAUGHTER ] 133 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:22,447 SKIPPER IS BIG NEWS IN OKLAHOMA. AND LEGS AREN'T THE ONLY EXTRA 134 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:27,719 PARTS SHE HAS. >> WEIGHING ONLY 11 OUNCES, BUT 135 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:35,327 SHE HAS SIX LEGS AND TWO TAILS. APPARENTLY, IN ADDITION TO TWO 136 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,528 T TAILS, SHE HAS TWO BOOTIES IF 137 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:42,667 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. DOUBLE THE DROPPINGS. 138 00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:44,402 >> Jimmy: HA HA HA! THE HOLLOW LAUGHTER OF A 139 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:47,806 WEIRDED-OUT WEATHERMAN. [ LAUGHTER ] 140 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,475 SO ANYWAY, LOOK OUT, MAILMEN. THOSE NEW TRUCKS HAD BETTER BE 141 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,275 QUICK. THE WORLD'S FASTEST DOG IS 142 00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:51,744 COMIN' FOR YOU! [ LAUGHTER ] 143 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:55,881 OBEDIENCE SCHOOL SEEMS TO BE WORKING WELL FOR MIKE PENCE, WHO 144 00:06:55,949 --> 00:07:00,218 HAS APPARENTLY PATCHED THINGS UP WITH HIS FORMER OWNER. 145 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,553 DONALD TRUMP. PENCE TOLD A GROUP OF LAWMAKERS 146 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:04,757 YESTERDAY THAT HE AND TRUMP HAVE A "CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP." 147 00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:10,095 RIGHT. JUST LIKE O.J. AND NICOLE. 148 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,431 [ LAUGHTER ] I BELIEVE MIKE PENCE HAS SPENT 149 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,165 THE LAST MONTH DOING A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED "WEIGHING HIS 150 00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:16,902 OPTIONS." AND FOUND THAT IT WOULD BE 151 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:17,969 BETTER TO BE FRIENDS WITH DONALD TRUMP. 152 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,706 YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUN? IF I WERE DONALD TRUMP, I'D 153 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:26,311 ANNOUNCE THAT I NEED A KIDNEY. AND I'D MAKE ALL OF THESE 154 00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:30,515 GUYS -- LINDSEY GRAHAM, RUDY, MIKE PENCE -- I'D MAKE THEM ALL 155 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,251 GIVE ME ONE KIDNEY TO CHOOSE WHICH ONE I LIKE BEST. 156 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,586 AND THEN I'D BRING THEM TO MAR-A-LAGO AND SAY, "JUST 157 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,521 KIDDING. I'M GONNA PUT YOUR KIDNEYS IN MY 158 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,456 TROPHY CASE. NEXT TO YOUR BALLS." 159 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,992 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] TRUMP IS VERY ANXIOUS TO GET 160 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,929 BACK ON SOCIAL MEDIA. HE IS CURRENTLY AWAITING THE 161 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:48,267 RESULTS OF HIS APPEAL TO THE FACEBOOK OVERSIGHT BOARD. 162 00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:51,069 WHICH HAS THE POWER TO OVERTURN HIS SUSPENSION FOR LIFE. 163 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,672 I GET ENDLESS DELIGHT FROM THE FACT THAT A FORMER PRESIDENT IS 164 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:57,943 BEGGING TO GET BACK ON THE WEBSITE WHERE YOUR AUNT POSTS 165 00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,144 PICTURES OF DUCKS SHE SAW AT THE PARK. 166 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:02,147 [ LAUGHTER ] IF THEY PUT HIM BACK ON, WE 167 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,751 SHOULD ALL GET OFF. WE SHOULD JUST ALL GET RIGHT 168 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,485 OFF. TURN FACEBOOK INTO A BLOCKBUSTER 169 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:10,089 VIDEO STORE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 170 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:13,091 WE ARE FAST APPROACHING A FULL YEAR OF LOCKDOWN LIFE. 171 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,293 SO MUCH HAS CHANGED OVER THE PAST TWELVE MONTHS. 172 00:08:14,295 --> 00:08:17,496 WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO TAKE A LOOK BACK AT WHAT WAS 173 00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:23,769 GOING ON ONE YEAR AGO IN THE THIS WEEK IN THE FIRST 174 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,238 INSTALLMENT OF "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY." 175 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:30,041 >> THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY, IT'S THE END OF FEBRUARY IN 176 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,178 ROARING 2020. MOVIE THEATERS ARE PACKED WITH 177 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:37,115 "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" FEVER. PRESIDENTIAL PETE BOUG HAS TAKEN 178 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:41,520 THE COUNTRY BY STORM. AMERICA REMAINS SAFE FROM THE 179 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:46,858 MYSTERIOUS VIRUS FROM WUHAN, BUT DON'T TELL DR. BUZZKILL. 180 00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:50,261 >> YOU REALLY HAVE THE MAKINGS OF A PANDEMIC. 181 00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:53,866 >> STUFF IT, EGGHEAD. PRESIDENT TRUMP CONGRATULATES 182 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:58,003 HIMSELF ON HIS HANDLING OF THE VIRUS IN A HISTORIC SUMMIT. 183 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,807 >> WE'VE DONE AN INCREDIBLE JOB, IT'S GOING TO DISAPPEAR, LIKE A 184 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,877 MIRACLE IT'S GOING TO DISAPPEAR. >> HALLELUJAH, SAYS VICE 185 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:06,945 PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, HEAD OF THE TASK FORCE. 186 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:10,749 >> WHILE THE RISK TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC REMAINS LOW, 187 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,619 WE'RE READY. >> THE RISK IS LOW AND AMERICA 188 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:14,953 IS READY. ANY OTHER PREDICTIONS? 189 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:18,290 >> MY FATHER IS GOING TO WIN BIT LATEST LANDSLIDE IN THE HISTORY 190 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:19,958 OF THIS COUNTRY, THAT'S MY PREDICTION. 191 00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,159 >> THIS HAS BEEN "THIS WEEK IN COVID HISTORY." 192 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:27,499 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE, 193 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:31,036 RIGHT? TEAM BIDEN RIGHT NOW IS 194 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,171 SWITCHING UP THE VOCABULARY THAT COMES OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. 195 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,372 THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE HAS REINSTATED THE PHRASE "CLIMATE 196 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,573 CHANGE." WHICH HAD BEEN ELIMINATED FROM 197 00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:41,580 OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT MATERIALS AND THEY'RE REMOVING THE TERM 198 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,781 "ILLEGAL ALIEN." THE TERM THEY WILL NOW USE IS 199 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,651 "NONCITIZEN." WHICH ISN'T ENTIRELY ACCURATE. 200 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,185 EVERYONE IS A CITIZEN OF SOMEPLACE. 201 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:51,056 BUT IT MAKES SENSE. "PEOPLE" AREN'T "ILLEGAL." 202 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,458 AND THAT'S JUST PART OF A LONG LIST OF WORDS AND PHRASES THEY 203 00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:55,193 HAVE PUT TO REST. IN ADDITION TO ILLEGAL ALIEN 204 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,528 THEY WILL NO LONGER USE THE TERMS -- 205 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,930 FAKE NEWS. CHINA VIRUS. 206 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,065 PERFECT CALL. LOCK HER UP. 207 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:03,535 EXTRA CRISPY. CRAZY NANCY. 208 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:08,273 MY STUPID SON ERIC. MY STUPID SON DON. 209 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,474 TELL ERIC I'M NOT HERE. TELL DON I DIED. 210 00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,743 WHERE'S HUNTER? BIGLY. 211 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:15,480 FRANKLY. HAMBERDERS. 212 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,816 PUT JARED ON IT. BRING ME MY SHARPIE. 213 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:20,085 GET ME MY HAIR CEMENT. COVFEFE. 214 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:24,356 TIM APPLE. HOW HOT IS MY DAUGHTER? 215 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,558 "ONE OF THE WETTEST WE'VE SEEN FROM THE STANDPOINT OF WATER." 216 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,827 VERY FINE PEOPLE. "HATERS AND LOSERS." 217 00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:31,630 BIG, BEAUTIFUL WALL. BING BONG BING BONG. 218 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:37,102 EVERYONE IS SAYING. AND -- 219 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:37,836 GET LOU DOBBS ON THE PHONE. [ LAUGHTER ] 220 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:42,107 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] BABY STEPS. 221 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,041 BUT PROGRESS IS BEING MADE. THIS IS AN HISTORIC 222 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,110 ADMINISTRATION FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS. 223 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,112 KAMALA HARRIS IS THE FIRST FEMALE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE 224 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,181 UNITED STATES. WHICH MEANS THAT FOR THE FIRST 225 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:52,451 TIME EVER WE HAVE A SECOND GENTLEMAN. 226 00:10:52,453 --> 00:11:00,526 DOUG EMHOFF, KAMALA'S HUSBAND, HAS KEPT A LOW PROFILE. 227 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,461 AND I WONDER, AS WE ARE ALL FOCUSED ON HOW MANY BACHELORS 228 00:11:02,463 --> 00:11:05,998 ARE LEFT, HOW MANY OF US WHO LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY WOULD BE 229 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,867 ABLE TO IDENTIFY THE VICE PRESIDENT'S SPOUSE. 230 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,869 SO WE SENT A CAMERA TO THE THIRD STREET FARMER'S MARKET WITH A 231 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,538 PHOTO OF DOUG EMHOFF, AND WE ASKED FOLKS PASSING BY, "WHO IS 232 00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:19,945 THIS?" >> WHO'S THIS GUY? 233 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:20,946 >> THAT'S MY QUESTION TO FOR YOU, DO YOU KNOW? 234 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,615 >> NO. >> DOES HE LOOK LIKE ANYONE IN 235 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,017 PARTICULAR? >> LIKE HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON A 236 00:11:25,019 --> 00:11:26,952 TV SHOW? >> LIKE WHAT? 237 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,289 >> MAYBE "SEINFELD" OR SOMETHING. 238 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:30,955 >> UH-UH. >> TV HOST? 239 00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:33,358 >> ACTOR. >> SCIENCE? 240 00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:36,027 SCIENCE TEACHER? >> A SOCCER DAD, LIKE HIS NAME 241 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,697 IS GEORGE, LOOKS BASIC. >> WHO DOES HE LOOK LIKE? 242 00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:42,901 >> BIG BIRD, A LITTLE BIT. IN A MANLY WAY. 243 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:43,969 >> EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 244 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,905 >> A VERY CLEAN COMEDIAN. >> VINCE VAUGHN IMPERSONATOR. 245 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:52,644 >> LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD COME OUT IN WWE, LIKE A REUNION 246 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,581 OF SOME SORT. >> PROBABLY SOME NETFLIX SHOW. 247 00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:59,184 >> YEAH. >> FROM THE '90s THAT'S COMING 248 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,654 BACK, AND HE'S OLD NOW. >> HIS NAME BEGINS WITH A "D." 249 00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:03,521 >> DAN. >> CLOSE, NO. 250 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,723 >> DAVID? >> NO. 251 00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,258 >> DMITRI? >> NO. 252 00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:08,794 >> DAVID? >> NO. 253 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,529 >> DANIEL? >> NO. 254 00:12:10,531 --> 00:12:12,463 >> DEREK? >> NO. 255 00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:15,801 >> DYLAN. >> NO. 256 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,203 D-O. >> DONALD. 257 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,471 >> GOD NO. >> DOESN'T RING A BELL. 258 00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:24,543 >> IF I TOLD YOU HIS NAME WAS DOUG, WOULD THAT RING A BELL? 259 00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:27,479 >> DOUG PETERS. IS THAT DOUG JONES? 260 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,949 >> THE ONLY DOUG I KNOW IS DOUGIE FRESH? 261 00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:33,618 >> THAT'S NOT DOUGIE FRESH, JUST SAYING. 262 00:12:33,687 --> 00:12:34,752 >> I KNOW. >> ANY GUESS? 263 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,355 >> THE ONE THAT WENT TO PRISON FOR ALL THOSE RAPES? 264 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:42,961 >> WHO WOULD THAT BE? >> I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HE 265 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,496 LOOK KIND OF LIKE HIM. >> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HARVEY 266 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:45,630 WEINSTEIN? >> HARVEY WEINSTEIN! 267 00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:51,369 IT'S HARVEY WEINSTEIN. >> WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HIS NAME 268 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,172 WAS DOUG EMHOFF, DOES THAT RING A BELL? 269 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:57,776 >> NO. DAVID HASSELHOFF. 270 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:01,313 >> DIFFERENT HOFF. >> ANY IDEA WHO THE WOMAN ON THE 271 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,248 LEFT IS? >> KARDASHIAN? 272 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,449 NO, DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A KARDASHIAN. 273 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:07,786 >> WHICH KARDASHIAN? >> I DON'T KNOW THE KARDASHIANS. 274 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:08,854 >> YOU HAVE A VAGUE IDEA THAT THEY'RE AROUND? 275 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:12,190 >> SHE LOOKS TANSY. >> DID YOU FIGURE OUT THE HINT 276 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,592 IN THE BACKGROUND? >> IT SAYS BIDEN. 277 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:17,729 SO SOMETHING -- BIDEN. >> IT'S HUNTER BIDEN. 278 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:21,999 >> OH, OKAY. OKAY. 279 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:25,670 YES, IT'S NOT JAOE BIDEN. I KNOW WHAT JOE BIDEN LOOKS 280 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,671 LIKE. >> THAT'S HER HUSBAND? 281 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:31,009 >> WHO'S HER? >> UH -- KAMAIA -- 282 00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:36,948 >> WHAT'S HER NAME? >> KAMAIA -- SORRY, KAM -- I 283 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,816 CAN'T SAY HER NAME. >> WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN? 284 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,352 >> YOU SAID DOUG? >> UH-HUH. 285 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,087 >> ENOUGH? >> WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT 286 00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:47,092 WOMAN'S NAME IS? >> CAN YOU GIVE ME A HINT? 287 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,361 >> YEAH, KAMALA. >> KAMALA, OKAY. 288 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:57,769 >> LAST NAME, H? >> HOUGH! 289 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,704 HUGH? GIVE ME A HINT. 290 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:00,905 WHAT'S IT RHYME WITH, THE LAST NAME? 291 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:04,242 >> FERRIS. >> KAMALA HARRIS! 292 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,443 >> YES. >> YEAH? 293 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,779 >> WHO DO YOU THINK THAT IS? >> SHE'S -- SHE'S A MOVIE STAR. 294 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,115 >> RIGHT. >> YEAH. 295 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:20,125 >> CAN YOU IDENTIFY THIS MAN? >> HE'S THE -- SECOND GENTLEMAN? 296 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:24,262 LIKE -- VICE PRESIDENT'S MAN. DOUG. 297 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:30,202 DOUG GOOD ENOUGH? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 298 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,403 DOUG EM -- EMHOFF? DOUG EMHOFF. 299 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,739 >> YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON SO FAR TO IDENTIFY DOUG EMHOFF. 300 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:39,010 STAND THERE WHILE WE THROW DIGITAL CONFETTI AT YOU. 301 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:42,480 NOW HERE COMES THE UNICORN. AND THE METEORITE. 302 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,682 >> OH, WOW. >> AND ONE UFO. 303 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,952 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WELL. 304 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:48,754 WELL DONE, AMERICA. WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU 305 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:51,289 TONIGHT. NBA LEGEND KEVIN GARNETT IS WITH 306 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,892 US. WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM 307 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,494 TOBE NWIGWE. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 308 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:59,731 JENNIFER CONNELLY. ♪ 309 00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,241 >> Jimmy: HI, THERE. WELCOME TO THE SHOW. 310 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:12,043 TONIGHT, HE IS AN NBA CHAMPION AND A NEW AUTHOR, TOO. 311 00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,245 THE ONE AND ONLY KEVIN GARNETT IS WITH US. 312 00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:22,654 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S HIS BOOK, "K.G. A TO Z." 313 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:23,521 THEN LATER, THIS EP COMES OUT FRIDAY. 314 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:24,388 IT'S CALLED "BLACK HISTORY ALWAYS." 315 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:26,858 MUSIC FROM TOBE NWIGWE FROM HOUSTON. 316 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,128 TOBE WAS A FOOTBALL PLAYER, AND HE IS AN INCREDIBLE SINGER TOO. 317 00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:34,131 TOMORROW NIGHT, STEVE HARVEY AND MICHAEL PENA WILL JOIN US. 318 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,734 WITH MUSIC FROM AVA MAX. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 319 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,936 PLEASE JOIN US THEN. OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR AND 320 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:41,806 GOLDEN GLOBE-WINNING ACTRESS WITH A VISION OF A HUSBAND, AND 321 00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:46,011 A SECOND SEASON OF HER SHOW "SNOWPIERCER." 322 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:48,547 >> WHAT WILL YOU DO WITHOUT YOUR SHE'D TO MEET US? 323 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:55,753 >> WALK BACK SOME TRACK. PACK A BATTERY AND A HARD DRIVE 324 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,622 ON THE SLED. COULD MAKE IT THERE AND BACK IF 325 00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:13,104 I HAD TO. >> MOM? 326 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:17,642 I THINK I UNDERSTAND NOW. WHY YOU HAD TO LEAVE ME IN 327 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:22,914 CHICAGO. >> Jimmy: WATCH "SNOWPIERCER" 328 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:29,454 MONDAY NIGHTS ON TNT. SAY HELLO TO JENNIFER CONNELLY. 329 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:30,655 HI, JENNIFER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 330 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,657 HOW ARE YOU? >> GREAT, HOW ARE YOU? 331 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,193 SO NICE TO SEE YOU. >> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. 332 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,594 IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO. I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR HUSBAND 333 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,998 MENTIONS THESE SORTS OF THINGS BUT HE WAS WITH US LAST MONTH 334 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,335 TALKING ABOUT "WANDAVISION." >> I KNOW, FROM THIS VERY SAME 335 00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:45,603 ROOM, I THINK, YEAH. >> Jimmy: IS THAT YOUR OFFICIAL 336 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,607 TV TALK SHOW SPOT? >> IT'S A SPOT IN THE HOUSE 337 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,944 WHERE, YOU KNOW, WE DON'T HEAR THE CELLOS AND VIOLINS AND ALL 338 00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:55,613 THAT KIND OF STUFF. >> Jimmy: PAUL TOLD US THAT YOU 339 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,549 TOOK HIM TO VOTE FOR THE FIRST TIME AS AN AMERICAN. 340 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,953 >> YEAH. I -- I WAS HIS FIRST. 341 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:07,959 [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS ORIGINALLY HIS FIRST, YOU 342 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,828 KNOW, AND IN A SEASON OF FEW EXCURSIONS, I THINK IT KIND OF 343 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,163 QUALIFIES AS A HOT DATE, YOU KNOW? 344 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,299 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE SEEMED LIKE HE 345 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,502 REALLY ENJOYED DOING IT. >> IT WAS GREAT. 346 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:21,906 WELL, IT WAS A MOMENTOUS ELECTION. 347 00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:24,042 >> Jimmy: YEP. >> AND WHAT AN ELECTION TO START 348 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:27,178 WITH, AS A NEWLY AMERICAN CITIZEN. 349 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,513 >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> SO YEAH, WE WERE REALLY 350 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,915 EXCITED TO BE THERE. >> Jimmy: DID HE GET THE STICKER 351 00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:34,518 AND DID HE WEAR IT AROUND? >> GOT THE STICKER, AS SOON AS 352 00:17:34,588 --> 00:17:37,989 WE GOT HOME THE KIDS TOOK THE STICKERS. 353 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,658 WE GOT THEM BACK. WE HAD THE LITTLE WRISTBANDS. 354 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:44,462 >> Jimmy: HOW ARE THE KIDS DOING WITH THIS LOCKDOWN? 355 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,530 ARE THEY GOING NUTS IN THE HOUSE? 356 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:49,200 >> THE KIDS HAVE BEEN AMAZING, I HAVE TO SAY, THEY'RE 357 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,803 EXTRAORDINARY. AND I'M SO, YOU KNOW -- IT'S 358 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,005 BEEN AMAZING HAVING THE TIME WITH THEM. 359 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:59,277 BUT YEAH, YOU KNOW. WE'RE TRYING TO FIND CREATIVE 360 00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,279 WAYS TO SPEND TIME IN OUR HOUSE ALL TOGETHER. 361 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:05,550 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S A CREATIVE THING THAT YOU DO IN THE HOUSE 362 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,485 TO PASS THE TIME? >> UM, WELL PAUL I THINK WAS 363 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:11,689 TALKING TO YOU ABOUT, HE'S BEEN GARDENING IN THE BASEMENT WITH 364 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,159 AGNES, THEY HAVE THIS AEROGARDEN, THEY'VE BEEN DOING 365 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,427 THAT. I TOO HAVE HAD A BASEMENT 366 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,764 PROJECT, WHICH IS THE KIDS AND I TURNED THE BASEMENT INTO A 367 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:21,966 ROLLER DISCO. >> Jimmy: OH, NICE. 368 00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:25,837 WITH A BALL, A MIRRORED BALL AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT? 369 00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:33,978 >> WE HAVE LIGHTS, WE HAVE OSCILLATING LIGHTS, AND SO MANY 370 00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:37,982 LIGHTS, MULTI-COLORED, HANGING STRING LIGHTS WITH STARS. 371 00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:40,985 >> Jimmy: ARE THE LIGHTS SCREWING UP PAUL'S GARDENING 372 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:43,921 PROJECT DOWN THERE? [ LAUGHTER ] 373 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,858 >> I -- IT'S STILL GOING. IT'S STILL WORKING. 374 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,861 >> Jimmy: IT'S THE WORLD'S FIRST COMBINATION NURSERY/ROLLER DISCO 375 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,930 YOU'VE GOT. [ LAUGHTER ] 376 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:57,335 I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HAVING A BASEMENT CLEAN ENOUGH TO ROLLER 377 00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:58,669 SKATE IN, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. >> I KNOW. 378 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,339 I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF LIKE TRYING TO SKATE THROUGH A PINBALL 379 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:06,411 MACHINE BECAUSE THERE ARE DEFINITELY SOME OBSTACLES. 380 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,545 >> Jimmy: YOU SENT SINUS PHOTOGRAPHS. 381 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:10,949 BEFORE I ASK YOU ABOUT THEM, TELL US WHAT YOU DID. 382 00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:13,685 AND THIS IS -- THIS WAS A LITTLE FAMILY ADVENTURE THAT YOU WENT 383 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,020 ON. >> OH, YEAH. 384 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:19,958 THIS WAS ANOTHER OF MY CREATIVE THINGS TO DO AT HOME PROJECT. 385 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:25,897 BUT THIS WAS AT OUR -- IN THE COUNTRY, WE HAVE A PLACE IN 386 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,298 VERMONT WE'VE HAD FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS. 387 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:32,236 SO WE, ON OUR LAST TRIP, ON THE KIDS' LAST SCHOOL BREAK, WE WERE 388 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,238 UP THERE. WE MADE A SNOW CAVE. 389 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:39,911 WE DUG A BIG SNOW CAVE. THAT WE ACTUALLY WOUND UP 390 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,046 SLEEPING IN. HERE'S THE PHOTO. 391 00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:45,450 YOU HAVE A SENSE OF THE SIZE. WE ACTUALLY HAD A COUPLE OF 392 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,652 CHAMBERS. AND THEN A TUNNEL. 393 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,388 HERE'S OUR DOG, WALLACE, COMING THROUGH THE TUNNEL. 394 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,256 >> Jimmy: THE DOG -- IS THAT FLAT? 395 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:55,660 OR ARE WE LOOKING DOWN INTO THE EARTH? 396 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,329 >> YOU'RE LOOKING STRAIGHT THROUGH. 397 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:01,066 >> Jimmy: OKAY. >> SO THIS IS ACTUALLY PAUL'S 398 00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:02,867 LEGS AND BOOTS. IN THE BACK OF WALLACE THERE'S 399 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:06,738 ANOTHER ROOM BEHIND THAT. SO THIS IS THE CORRIDOR BETWEEN 400 00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:09,207 THE ROOMS. >> Jimmy: YOU HAD A MULTI-ROOM 401 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:13,144 SNOW CAVE THAT YOU CONSTRUCTED? >> AND THIS IS ME, ME AND AGNES, 402 00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:18,883 GETTING READY FOR BED. WE BROUGHT AN AIR MATTRESS IN 403 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,551 THERE, SOME LITTLE L.E.D. PANELS IN THERE. 404 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,021 >> Jimmy: YOU HAD A SLEEPOVER IN A CAVE? 405 00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:25,489 >> HAD A SLEEPOVER, WE SLEPT IN THE SNOW CAVE. 406 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,493 >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. THAT SEEMS VERY DANGEROUS. 407 00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:31,562 [ LAUGHTER ] >> IT WAS OKAY. 408 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,230 WE MADE IT. IT WAS GREAT. 409 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:34,699 SO MUCH FUN. >> Jimmy: AND YOU WERE DOWN 410 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,835 THERE SO LONG THAT YOU BECAME PREGNANT, IT SEEMS, AS WELL. 411 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:41,506 [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, THIS WAS THE LAST TIME 412 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:47,112 THAT I SLEPT IN THE SNOW CAVE. SO IT'S A BIT OF A FAMILY 413 00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:50,915 TRADITION, WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SOME TIME WHENEVER WE GET A 414 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,251 BIG DUMPING OF SNOW. >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE YOU'RE 415 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,722 SMUGGLING DRUGS OVER THE BORDER TO NOGALES OR SOMETHING THERE. 416 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,191 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU ARE LITERALLY A SNOWPIERCER. 417 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,926 THIS IS NOT JUST YOUR TELEVISION SHOW. 418 00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:05,863 [ APPLAUSE ] >> I WAS FEELING KIND OF SMUG. 419 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,867 I WAS FEELING LIKE, THIS IS PRETTY SPORTY OF US. 420 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,469 >> Jimmy: YEAH. >> UNTIL WE CAME BACK TO THE 421 00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,804 CITY ASK TOM CRUISE BURST MY BUBBLE. 422 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:18,276 BECAUSE I WENT AND SAW -- I SAW "TOP GUN," A SCREENING OF "TOP 423 00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:20,411 GUN." >> Jimmy: THE NEW ONE, WOW. 424 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:22,746 >> VERY EXCITING. >> Jimmy: HOW DID TOM BURST YOUR 425 00:21:22,816 --> 00:21:26,017 BUBBLE? >> WELL, THERE WAS A PROMO FOR 426 00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:30,021 THE NEW "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE." AND A STUNT THAT HE DOES. 427 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:34,559 SO TOM CRUISE DOES ANOTHER DEATH-DEFYING STUNT IN THIS 428 00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:36,094 MOVIE. YOU WATCH THAT AND SUDDENLY 429 00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:38,362 YOU'RE LIKE, YEAH, MAYBE I'M NOT SO COOL. 430 00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:40,632 >> Jimmy: MAYBE THE SNOW CAVE ISN'T -- WELL, YOU'RE SOMEWHERE 431 00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,100 BETWEEN TOM CRUISE AND TED CRUZ, THINK OF IT THAT WAY. 432 00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:48,372 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] SO YOUR SHOW, WHAT WAS HAPPENING 433 00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:53,511 IN THAT CLIP THAT WE SAW? BECAUSE -- WAS THE CAMERAMAN 434 00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:54,512 DRUNK? BECAUSE THE CHILD WAS A LITTLE 435 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:58,716 BIT OUT OF FOCUS THERE. WAS THERE A REASON FOR THAT? 436 00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:02,787 >> WELL, YOU KNOW -- I THINK THAT OVER THE COURSE OF THE 437 00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:07,992 SEASON -- REALLY THE LAST SEASON, MELANIE SORT OF COMING 438 00:22:08,061 --> 00:22:13,464 BACK TO HER SORT OF MORE AUTHENTIC SELF. 439 00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:16,067 AND SHE'S REALLY CONFRONTING HER PAST. 440 00:22:16,069 --> 00:22:18,002 AND SHE'S ALL ALONE IN THIS RESEARCH STATION. 441 00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:23,208 AND SHE SHE'S VISITED BY SOME FOLKS. 442 00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:27,478 AND SO -- IT MAY BE HER IMAGINATION. 443 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:30,348 >> Jimmy: FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING ON THE 444 00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:33,217 SHOW, IT'S BASICALLY AN APOCALYPTIC PREMISE. 445 00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:34,485 EVERYONE IS NOW LIVING ON A TRAIN. 446 00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:41,626 ALL HUMAN BEINGS STILL ALIVE ARE LIVING ON A VERY LONG TRAIN. 447 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,561 YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY CRAZY. 448 00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:44,696 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU GOT PICKED 449 00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:48,232 UP FOR A THIRD SEASON ALREADY. DO YOU THINK THEY WILL MOVE TO 450 00:22:48,301 --> 00:22:49,166 IT A CRUISE SHIP OR SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE? 451 00:22:49,235 --> 00:22:53,971 [ LAUGHTER ] >> I DON'T KNOW, WOULD THAT BE 452 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,573 BETTER OR WORSE? >> Jimmy: I'M JUST LOOKING OUT 453 00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:58,977 FOR YOU, I DON'T KNOW. YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, 454 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,245 YEAH. THE 30th TIME YOU DO THE MAMBA 455 00:23:01,314 --> 00:23:06,117 WITH A BUDGE OF STRANGERS, I GUESS THAT WOULD GET TIRING. 456 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,852 WELL, IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU. I'M GLAD YOU GUYS ARE COMING UP 457 00:23:08,922 --> 00:23:11,256 WITH INTERESTING THINGS. I FEEL LIKE I'M BORING NOW. 458 00:23:11,324 --> 00:23:13,257 I'M GOING TO GO DIG SOMETHING WITH THE CHILDREN. 459 00:23:13,326 --> 00:23:22,400 [ LAUGHTER ] >> GREAT. 460 00:23:22,468 --> 00:23:29,207 >> Jimmy: JENNIFER CONNELLY. "SNOWPIERCER" MONDAY NIGHTS AT 461 00:23:29,209 --> 00:23:30,475 9:00 P.M. ON TNT. BE BACK WITH KEVIN GARNETT. 462 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:31,743 >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT 463 00:23:31,745 --> 00:23:33,478 TO YOU BY NEW KLONDIKE CONES. WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A 464 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:34,479 KLONDIKE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 465 00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:46,758 ♪ >>> STILL TO COME, MUSIC FROM 466 00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:48,025 TONY NWIGWE. OUR NEXT GUEST WENT DIRECTLY 467 00:23:48,094 --> 00:23:50,761 FROM HIGH SCHOOL TO THE NBA, TO A HALL-OF-FAME CAREER IN 468 00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:53,298 BASKETBALL. HE IS A 15-TIME ALL-STAR, AN NBA 469 00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:57,701 CHAMPION, AND MVP. HIS NEW MEMOIR IS "KG, A TO Z." 470 00:23:57,771 --> 00:24:00,971 PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN GARNETT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 471 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,241 HI, KEVIN. >> HOW YOU DOING, JIMMY? 472 00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,978 >> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. I LOVE YOUR BOOK. 473 00:24:06,980 --> 00:24:08,645 >> THANK YOU, MAN, I APPRECIATE IT. 474 00:24:08,715 --> 00:24:09,847 >> Jimmy: THERE'S GREAT STORIES IN THE BOOK. 475 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:12,984 I LOVE THE WAY YOU SET IT UP. YOU KNOW HOW YOU GO INTO THE 476 00:24:12,986 --> 00:24:16,521 INDEX OF THE BOOK JUST TO SEE THE STUFF THAT YOU WANT TO SEE? 477 00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:18,456 YOUR WHOLE BOOK IS THAT, BASICALLY. 478 00:24:18,524 --> 00:24:20,725 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, YOU JUST TURN ANY 479 00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:21,992 LETTER AND YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE. 480 00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:23,928 >> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: GO AHEAD. 481 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:26,797 >> NO, NO, I WAS SAYING I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR 482 00:24:26,866 --> 00:24:30,134 PEOPLE TO FOLLOW, THAT'S ALL. >> Jimmy: YOU MADE IT SIMPLE FOR 483 00:24:30,203 --> 00:24:31,336 DOPES LIKE ME. [ LAUGHTER ] 484 00:24:31,404 --> 00:24:36,006 I HAVE TO SAY, I WENT TO "J" AND "K" AND I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING 485 00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:40,144 ABOUT ME HERE. [ LAUGHTER ] 486 00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:43,147 >> I'VE GOT TO FIX IT. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE 487 00:24:43,215 --> 00:24:44,215 HALL OF FAME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 488 00:24:44,217 --> 00:24:48,285 YOU'RE IN IT BUT YOU'VE NOT BEEN INDUCTED YET. 489 00:24:48,354 --> 00:24:50,154 OBVIOUSLY THINGS HAVE BEEN PUSHED A BIT. 490 00:24:50,223 --> 00:24:53,691 BUT YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT? I MEAN, THAT'S GOT TO BE THE 491 00:24:53,693 --> 00:24:54,759 BEST. >> IT'S THE BEST, JIMMY. 492 00:24:54,827 --> 00:25:00,164 I DON'T NEED TO BE INDUCTED. I FELT LIKE, TO BE ABLE TO 493 00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:04,368 CELEBRATE WITH EVERYBODY AND HAVE A BIG CEREMONY IN THESE 494 00:25:04,370 --> 00:25:07,771 TIMES IS A BIT EXTRA. THE FACT THAT I MADE IT, I FEEL 495 00:25:07,841 --> 00:25:11,976 LIKE I'VE ALREADY -- I'VE ALREADY SHINED MYSELF LIKE THAT. 496 00:25:11,978 --> 00:25:14,445 >> Jimmy: IF THERE WAS A TRASH TALKING HALL OF FAME, YOU WOULD 497 00:25:14,514 --> 00:25:15,112 PROBABLY BE IN THAT TOO, CORRECT? 498 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:18,649 [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU THINK SO? 499 00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:21,119 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY KNOW. 500 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:24,255 I MEAN, I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA THAT YOU WOULD BE. 501 00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:28,526 BUT IT'S KIND OF LIKE A SECRET, IN A WAY, BECAUSE WE CAN'T 502 00:25:28,594 --> 00:25:30,327 REALLY HEAR ALL OF WHAT'S GOING ON. 503 00:25:30,396 --> 00:25:33,264 BUT YOU DO HEAR STORIES. AND YOU DO HAVE SOME GREAT 504 00:25:33,332 --> 00:25:35,933 STORIES. AND I KNOW YOU'VE DONE SOME -- 505 00:25:36,002 --> 00:25:40,871 THERE ARE A LOT OF FUNNY INTERVIEWS WITH CRAIG SAGER AND 506 00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:43,407 THAT KIND OF STUFF. TRASH TALK, YOU HAVE RULES, 507 00:25:43,476 --> 00:25:46,210 THREE RULES FOR PROPER TRASH TALK, CORRECT? 508 00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:48,012 >> I DO, MAN. I DO. 509 00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:51,348 I THINK, WELL, FIRST OFF -- THANK YOU, BECAUSE TO BE ABLE TO 510 00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:55,086 TRASH TALK, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO TRASH TALK, WHICH 511 00:25:55,088 --> 00:25:57,888 MEANS YOU'VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO BACK IT UP. 512 00:25:57,957 --> 00:26:04,028 YOU CAN'T START TRASH TALK AND STOP. 513 00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:05,429 >> Jimmy: WHY? >> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW -- WE HAVE 514 00:26:05,498 --> 00:26:09,967 A SAYING IN THE LEAGUE THAT YOU LET SOME SLEEPING DOGS LIE. 515 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:12,570 YOU KNOW, I AM A PRODUCT OF THAT. 516 00:26:12,572 --> 00:26:15,440 AND I USE MICHAEL JORDAN AS AN EXAMPLE. 517 00:26:15,508 --> 00:26:18,309 ONE NIGHT, I'M YOUNG, I'M 19 YEARS OLD, I'M IN THE LEAGUE, 518 00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:21,779 I'M FRESH. I GRADUATE OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL IN 519 00:26:21,781 --> 00:26:23,314 CHICAGO, COME BACK, PLAY THE BULLS. 520 00:26:23,382 --> 00:26:25,383 OUR FRIEND WAS IN A TERRIBLE CAR CRASH. 521 00:26:25,385 --> 00:26:28,785 I HAD NO SLEEP. I WAS JUST RUNNING ON FUMES. 522 00:26:28,855 --> 00:26:30,721 AND I WAS PLAYING GREAT, PROBABLY THE BEST I'VE EVER 523 00:26:30,723 --> 00:26:32,123 PLAYED IN MY LIFE AT THIS POINT, RIGHT? 524 00:26:32,191 --> 00:26:36,594 AND IT'S AGAINST THE BULLS. J.R. RYDER IS HAVING AN 525 00:26:36,596 --> 00:26:40,931 UNBELIEVABLE GAME, TOO, AND I'M FEELING 19, LIKE YEAH, KEEP 526 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,135 GOING! WE'RE KILLING HIM, WHOO! 527 00:26:44,203 --> 00:26:47,070 AND THE SHORT FORM OF IT, I WOKE UP A SLEEPING DOG, YOU KNOW? 528 00:26:47,140 --> 00:26:51,075 AND IT WASN'T PLEASANT. >> Jimmy: THAT DOG BEING MICHAEL 529 00:26:51,143 --> 00:26:53,343 JORDAN? >> THAT BIG DOG BEING MICHAEL 530 00:26:53,413 --> 00:26:54,811 JORDAN. ARE 531 00:26:54,881 --> 00:26:57,614 [ LAUGHTER ] AND HE BIG, HE BITES, HE PLAYS 532 00:26:57,684 --> 00:27:00,484 HARD. I KIND OF GOT A WARNING SHOT, 533 00:27:00,486 --> 00:27:02,486 BUT I DIDN'T REALLY TAKE WARNING TO THE WARNING SHOT. 534 00:27:02,488 --> 00:27:06,691 [ LAUGHTER ] IT JUST TURNED BAD, JIMMY. 535 00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:09,760 IT TURNED REALLY BAD. IT TURNED BAD QUICK, JIMMY. 536 00:27:09,829 --> 00:27:11,229 >> Jimmy: J.R. TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT? 537 00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:16,300 >> J.R. TOLD ME TO CALM DOWN, YEAH, YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD GAME, 538 00:27:16,369 --> 00:27:19,570 BUT HE CAN HEAR YOU. SO? 539 00:27:19,572 --> 00:27:25,242 KEEP DOING IT. IT WAS KIND OF LIKE RUSE, A 540 00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:28,045 RESPECT/RUDE THING THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EVALUATE. 541 00:27:28,114 --> 00:27:30,581 BUT LIKE ALL YOUNG PEOPLE, I WAS YOUNG, I WAS GOING WITH THE 542 00:27:30,650 --> 00:27:34,785 SPIRIT AND THE PASSION. AND IT GOT ME BITTEN IN THE ASS. 543 00:27:34,787 --> 00:27:37,254 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IS THIS SOMETHING 544 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:38,522 MICHAEL REMEMBERS? OR IS THIS SOMETHING THAT IS 545 00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:42,126 BURNED ONLY INTO YOUR BRAIN? >> I LIKE TO THINK THAT IT'S 546 00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:43,927 BURNT -- IT'S DEFINITELY BURNT INTO MY BRAIN. 547 00:27:43,997 --> 00:27:49,533 WHENEVER I SEE JORDAN HE ALWAYS DOES THE SAME THING, HE PALMS MY 548 00:27:49,602 --> 00:27:52,336 HEAD, "YOU REMEMBER I GAVE YOU 40 IN THREE QUARTERS?" 549 00:27:52,405 --> 00:27:57,875 I'M LIKE, MAN, GO AHEAD. THEN THE SIDEKICK OF PEOPLE WITH 550 00:27:57,877 --> 00:28:03,213 HIM, HE GOES," PULL THAT UP." AND THE GUY PULLS IT UP. 551 00:28:03,282 --> 00:28:04,682 WHAT? THIS IS REALLY -- WHO WALKS 552 00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,150 AROUND WITH CONTENT? CUED UP? 553 00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:09,486 YEAH, IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE IN WHICH I QUIT TALKING TRASH TO 554 00:28:09,555 --> 00:28:10,821 MICHAEL. [ LAUGHTER ] 555 00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:13,891 >> Jimmy: MICHAEL HAS A GUY WHO WALKS AROUND WITH HIGHLIGHTS 556 00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:15,225 PACKAGES? [ LAUGHTER ] 557 00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:17,228 >> ALREADY TEED UP, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. 558 00:28:17,230 --> 00:28:22,633 IT WAS A TRUE JORDAN MOMENT. SHOUT-OUT TO MICHAEL JORDAN, 559 00:28:22,702 --> 00:28:25,369 MAN. >> Jimmy: YOU WRITE ABOUT YOUR 560 00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:26,770 GOOD FRIEND, KOBE BRYANT, IN THIS BOOK. 561 00:28:26,839 --> 00:28:30,975 [ APPLAUSE ] YOU GUYS WERE VERY CLOSE. 562 00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:33,577 ONE THING YOU HAD IN COMMON IS YOU LOVED TO GET BOOED ON THE 563 00:28:33,646 --> 00:28:37,581 ROAD. >> YEAH, THAT WAS KIND OF THE 564 00:28:37,650 --> 00:28:40,384 THING, YEAH. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT AS MUCH AS 565 00:28:40,453 --> 00:28:41,786 PEOPLE LOVE YOU, BOOING IS EXTRA LOVE. 566 00:28:41,788 --> 00:28:45,656 IT'S LIKE A REVERSE LOVE, TO ME. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 567 00:28:45,658 --> 00:28:47,058 [ LAUGHTER ] >> BOOED? 568 00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:50,928 I WAS LIKE, WOW, I MUST HAVE DID SOMETHING THAT REALLY PISSED 569 00:28:50,997 --> 00:28:52,796 THESE PEOPLE OFF. [ APPLAUSE ] 570 00:28:52,865 --> 00:28:55,265 BOOING USED TO GIVE ME EXTRA ENERGY. 571 00:28:55,334 --> 00:28:59,403 I WAS NEVER LACK OF ENERGY, BUT SAN ANTONIO IS REAL MEMORABLE. 572 00:28:59,405 --> 00:29:01,539 WHEN YOU COME IN -- THEY HAD A PLAYER, WE PLAYED THE SAME 573 00:29:01,541 --> 00:29:04,875 POSITION, TIM DUNCAN. THEY USED TO BOO THE CRAP OUT OF 574 00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:07,411 ME, THROW TACOS. AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. 575 00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:10,414 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 576 00:29:10,483 --> 00:29:14,485 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A VERY KOBE STORY ABOUT AN EXPERIENCE YOU 577 00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:18,222 HAD WITH KOBE AND GARY PAYTON. >> I DO, I DO. 578 00:29:18,224 --> 00:29:22,493 GARY PAYTON IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST PLAYERS TO EVER PICK UP 579 00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:24,495 A BASKETBALL. >> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY 580 00:29:24,497 --> 00:29:25,362 DEFENSIVELY. YEAH. 581 00:29:25,431 --> 00:29:26,764 >> ABSOLUTELY. HE WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE 582 00:29:26,832 --> 00:29:32,102 BETTER DEFENSIVE PLAYERS WHO HAD OFFENSE. 583 00:29:32,171 --> 00:29:33,904 AND KOBE PULLED HIM TO THE SIDE, THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE 584 00:29:33,973 --> 00:29:36,640 AROUND, AND HE JUST ASKED HIM SOMETHING VERY SIMPLE. 585 00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:40,111 AND HE WAS LIKE, COME HERE, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING, 586 00:29:40,113 --> 00:29:41,245 COME HERE! HE PULLED US INTO THIS SESSION 587 00:29:41,313 --> 00:29:45,916 AND IT GOT REALLY SERIOUS. WE GOT FOR REAL FOR ABOUT 30 588 00:29:45,985 --> 00:29:46,650 MINUTES. AND HE WAS LIKE, DON'T SHOW 589 00:29:46,652 --> 00:29:48,853 NOBODY MY MOVE! I'M SERIOUS! 590 00:29:48,921 --> 00:29:52,456 I SEE YOU TEACHING SOMEBODY MY MOVE, I'M GOING TO HAVE PROBLEMS 591 00:29:52,525 --> 00:29:54,525 WITH YOU. IT WAS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, ALL 592 00:29:54,527 --> 00:29:56,527 RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. WON'T TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THE 593 00:29:56,595 --> 00:29:57,862 MOVE. WOW. 594 00:29:57,864 --> 00:30:01,465 BUT KOBE AND I FELT PRIVILEGED, LIKE WOW, HE REALLY TOOK HIS 595 00:30:01,533 --> 00:30:03,134 TIME, TOOK US THROUGH IT. WE KIND OF WENT OVER IT. 596 00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:06,603 AS A YOUNG PLAYER, THAT'S EVERYTHING, FOR VETS TO TAKE 597 00:30:06,672 --> 00:30:09,940 TIME FOR YOU, SET ASIDE TIME, SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 598 00:30:10,009 --> 00:30:15,613 I REMEMBER COMING OFF OF THE NBA BREAK, GOING BACK INTO OUR 599 00:30:15,615 --> 00:30:17,014 REGULAR SEASON, SECOND HALF OF THE SEASON. 600 00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:23,553 I SEEN KOBE USE IT. I SAW YOU USE GARY PAYTON'S -- 601 00:30:23,623 --> 00:30:26,290 SHH, SHH! NO, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE 602 00:30:26,292 --> 00:30:27,958 TALKING ABOUT THAT. BUT IT WAS A GREAT TIME. 603 00:30:28,027 --> 00:30:33,431 KOBE WAS ONE OF MY DEAR FRIENDS. GARY PAYTON, DEAR FRIEND. 604 00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:35,766 I CONSIDER THEM FAMILY. >> Jimmy: THERE'S GREAT STORIES 605 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:37,435 ABOUT ALL OF THAT IN THIS BOOK. WE'LL BE BACK MORE WITH KEVIN 606 00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:42,039 GARNETT WHEN WE COME BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 607 00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:57,721 >> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM TIM TEBOW NWIGWE IS ON THE WAY. 608 00:30:57,790 --> 00:31:00,391 KEVIN GARNETT IS WITH US. YOU COME FROM A SPIRITED FAMILY, 609 00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:02,059 IS THAT A GOOD WAY OF DESCRIBING THEM? 610 00:31:02,127 --> 00:31:04,061 >> TO SAY THE LEAST, YES. >> Jimmy: TELL THE STORY ABOUT 611 00:31:04,129 --> 00:31:06,730 YOUR GRANDMA AND WHEN THE COLLEGE RECRUITING CAME TO YOUR 612 00:31:06,732 --> 00:31:07,798 HOUSE WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 613 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:12,069 >> WELL, I WAS VERY, VERY HEAVILY RECRUITED IN HIGH 614 00:31:12,071 --> 00:31:13,270 SCHOOL. AND AT THIS TIME, BECAUSE 615 00:31:13,338 --> 00:31:17,408 EVERYONE WAS COMING TO MY HOME, THEY HAD MY ADDRESS, I KIND OF 616 00:31:17,410 --> 00:31:20,677 MOVED MY GRANDMOTHER FOR A WHILE. 617 00:31:20,746 --> 00:31:24,281 IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS ONE 618 00:31:24,350 --> 00:31:26,550 RECRUITER FOUND MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE. 619 00:31:26,619 --> 00:31:29,487 IT WAS WEIRD BECAUSE HE HAD HIS LIGHTS LOW, IT WAS REALLY 620 00:31:29,555 --> 00:31:31,222 CREEPY. IT'S NOT THE BEST NEIGHBORHOOD. 621 00:31:31,290 --> 00:31:33,290 BUT YOU KNOW. HE POPPED OUT, HEY, KEVIN, CAN I 622 00:31:33,358 --> 00:31:37,161 SHOW YOU SOMETHING? I'M LIKE, WHAT THE HELL? 623 00:31:37,163 --> 00:31:40,564 IT WAS A SURREAL MOMENT. KIND OF GOT TO THE FRONT PORCH, 624 00:31:40,633 --> 00:31:42,766 HE CAME TO THE PORCH, HE HAD A BAG. 625 00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:44,635 HE WAS RIGHT ON THE FRONT PORCH SO FAST. 626 00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:45,836 I COULDN'T REALLY REACT. I SAW WHO IT WAS. 627 00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:49,773 I SAID, OH, YEAH, COME ON IN, LET YOU MEET MY GRANDMOTHER. 628 00:31:49,842 --> 00:31:54,044 HE PUT THE BAG DOWN, HE'S KIND OF LIKE, YEAH, WE WANT YOU, AND 629 00:31:54,113 --> 00:31:55,779 HE OPENED IT UP AS HE WAS TALKING. 630 00:31:55,848 --> 00:31:59,450 I JUST SAW MONEY. MY GRANDMA WAS STANDING THERE. 631 00:31:59,452 --> 00:32:01,185 I SAID, GRANDMA, THIS IS SUCH AND SUCH. 632 00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:05,189 SHE'S LIKE, OKAY, YEAH. SHE SAW THE BAG OF MONEY AND 633 00:32:05,191 --> 00:32:08,058 KIND OF LEFT THE ROOM. I DIDN'T KNOW, IT WAS GOING SO 634 00:32:08,127 --> 00:32:09,460 FAST. LIKE WOW, WHAT IS THIS? 635 00:32:09,462 --> 00:32:12,263 HE'S LIKE, YO, YOU WANT TO COME TO THE UNIVERSITY, WE CAN DO 636 00:32:12,265 --> 00:32:13,930 THIS RIGHT NOW, HERE'S THE WHATEVER. 637 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:19,002 I HEARD WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING. 638 00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:23,207 IF YOU'VE EVER HEARD A SHOTGUN BEING PUT TOGETHER, YOU KNOW THE 639 00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:24,341 CLICK. [ LAUGHTER ] 640 00:32:24,410 --> 00:32:26,677 I'M LIKE, HOLD ON, THAT SOUNDS LIKE -- REALLY? 641 00:32:26,679 --> 00:32:30,213 AND I SAW THE NOSE OF THE GUN AND I GO, YO, YOU'VE GOT TO GET 642 00:32:30,283 --> 00:32:34,018 OUT OF HERE! I PICKED THE MONEY UP, A BIG 643 00:32:34,020 --> 00:32:36,153 BAG, AND I THREW IT IN HIS CHEST AND WALKED HIM BACKWARDS, THREW 644 00:32:36,221 --> 00:32:39,890 HIM OUT, KIND OF OUT THE DOOR. AND I JUST SLAMMED IT. 645 00:32:39,892 --> 00:32:44,361 IT HAD LIKE A SCREEN, YOU KNOW -- IN THE SOUTH YOU HAVE A 646 00:32:44,430 --> 00:32:47,498 SCREEN AND BARS. I SHUT THE BARS AND SLAMMED THE 647 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:49,033 DOOR. SHE'S LIKE, YOU GOT 30 SECONDS 648 00:32:49,101 --> 00:32:50,834 TO GET YOUR COMPANY OUT OF HERE, SON. 649 00:32:50,836 --> 00:32:53,237 I WAS LIKE, OKAY, GRANDMA, GOT IT! 650 00:32:53,239 --> 00:32:55,839 YOU GOT 29 SECONDS TO GET YOUR COMPANY OUT. 651 00:32:55,908 --> 00:33:00,511 OKAY, GET OUT OF HERE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I SAVED THAT 652 00:33:00,579 --> 00:33:01,312 GUY'S LIFE. >> Jimmy: YOU DID, YOU SAVED HIS 653 00:33:01,380 --> 00:33:05,516 LIFE. [ LAUGHTER ] 654 00:33:05,518 --> 00:33:06,583 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: SHE TOLD ME NEVER TO 655 00:33:06,585 --> 00:33:09,586 SELL MYSELF FOR ANYTHING. SHE SAID, DON'T YOU EVER. 656 00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:14,725 YOU SELL YOURSELF ONCE, YOU CAN BE SOLD TWICE. 657 00:33:14,727 --> 00:33:15,793 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD 658 00:33:15,795 --> 00:33:16,727 HAVE TAKEN THAT BAG AND HEADED TO BINGO. 659 00:33:16,795 --> 00:33:19,129 [ LAUGHTER ] THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO 660 00:33:19,197 --> 00:33:23,066 HESITATION. >> IT WAS A -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 661 00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:28,938 I WAS THINKING SOMEWHAT ALONG THE LINES OF THAT, BUT NAH. 662 00:33:29,008 --> 00:33:32,409 FORGET ABOUT BINGO, JIMMY. [ LAUGHTER ] 663 00:33:32,478 --> 00:33:34,144 >> Jimmy: SO ONE OF THE MANY INTERESTING THINGS WE LEARNED 664 00:33:34,213 --> 00:33:39,550 ABOUT YOU IN THIS BOOK, MAYBE THE MOST SURPRISING THING THAT I 665 00:33:39,552 --> 00:33:44,088 LEARNED ABOUT YOU IN THIS BOOK, IS THAT YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF 666 00:33:44,090 --> 00:33:47,691 KENNY G.'S MUSIC. >> HUGE FAN, HUGE FAN. 667 00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:51,695 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU MET KENNY G.? >> I'VE NEVER MET KENNY G. BUT I 668 00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:55,765 LIKE THE FACT THAT HE'S A K.G., SO THAT MEANS SOMETHING. 669 00:33:55,835 --> 00:34:02,839 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: INTERESTING YOU SAY 670 00:34:02,908 --> 00:34:05,508 THAT. BECAUSE KEVIEG., I'D LIKE TO 671 00:34:05,578 --> 00:34:08,578 INTRODUCE YOU TO KENNY G. >> OH [ BLEEP ]! 672 00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:10,581 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> BROTHER, BROTHER! 673 00:34:10,649 --> 00:34:16,319 >> HOW YOU DOING? >> HOW ARE YOU? 674 00:34:16,389 --> 00:34:17,855 >> BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER EXCEPT YOU GOT THE HAIR. 675 00:34:17,857 --> 00:34:20,257 >> I KNOW, I'VE GOT THE HAIR, YOU GOT THE HEIGHT. 676 00:34:20,259 --> 00:34:24,328 [ LAUGHTER ] >> MAN, YOU'RE AGELESS, MAN. 677 00:34:24,396 --> 00:34:26,396 YOU STILL LOOK LIKE KENNY G., I CAN'T -- OH MY GOD! 678 00:34:26,465 --> 00:34:30,133 [ LAUGHTER ] >> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 679 00:34:30,202 --> 00:34:31,468 WONDERFUL THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT ME IN YOUR BOOK, I REALLY 680 00:34:31,536 --> 00:34:35,673 APPRECIATE THAT. >> KENNY, MAN. 681 00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:39,209 YOUR MUSIC GOT ME THROUGH SO MANY TOUGH TIMES IN MY LIFE. 682 00:34:39,277 --> 00:34:45,482 IT INSPIRED MY, IT HELPED ME. I'M A HUGE DMX FAN. 683 00:34:45,484 --> 00:34:49,152 YOU KNOW WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE -- I DIDN'T HAVE ANY BALANCE IN MY 684 00:34:49,221 --> 00:34:55,025 LIFE, AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT KENNY G. GAVE ME GREAT BALANCE, 685 00:34:55,094 --> 00:34:55,893 MAN, SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SERIOUSLY. 686 00:34:55,895 --> 00:34:59,896 YP. >> Jimmy: YOU GAVE ONE OF THE 687 00:34:59,965 --> 00:35:03,833 GREATEST BALANCE, KENNY. >> IF I CAN HELP YOU, MAN, THAT 688 00:35:03,903 --> 00:35:05,902 MEANS A LOT TO ME. IN FACT, IF YOU DON'T MIND -- 689 00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:09,106 >> OH, ARE YOU SERIOUS, DOG? MAN, LOOK AT THIS, WHAT IS GOING 690 00:35:09,174 --> 00:35:14,778 ON? >> THIS IS FOR YOU, K.G.! 691 00:35:14,847 --> 00:35:19,717 >> APPRECIATE IT, KENNY! ♪ 692 00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:26,457 ♪ ♪ 693 00:35:26,459 --> 00:35:29,727 >> Jimmy: WELL, IF THIS ISN'T THE WEIRDEST THING THAT'S EVER 694 00:35:29,795 --> 00:35:30,861 HAPPENED ON THIS SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ] 695 00:35:30,929 --> 00:35:31,595 >> IT IS. IT'S GOT TO BE, DOG. 696 00:35:31,663 --> 00:35:35,865 ♪ >> Jimmy: KENNY G., THANK YOU SO 697 00:35:35,935 --> 00:35:38,201 MUCH FOR SERENADING KEVIN GARNETT. 698 00:35:38,270 --> 00:35:39,335 KEVIN GARNETT, THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US. 699 00:35:39,405 --> 00:35:44,007 THIS IS HIS BOOK, "K.G. A TO Z." IT IS AVAILABLE NOW. 700 00:35:44,076 --> 00:35:51,081 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC FROM TIM TEBOW BIG WAY. 701 00:35:51,150 --> 00:36:00,057 THANKS, KENNY, KEVIN GARNETT! >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE 702 00:36:06,031 --> 00:36:07,964 CONCERT SERIES" IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 703 00:36:08,033 --> 00:36:13,770 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: THIS EP IS CALLED 704 00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:16,240 "BLACK HISTORY ALWAYS" COMES OUT FRIDAY. 705 00:36:16,242 --> 00:36:19,176 WITH HIS TAKE ON THE SONG "WAKE UP EVERYBODY," FROM HOUSTON, 706 00:36:19,178 --> 00:36:36,927 TEXAS TOBE NWIGWE! ♪ WAKE UP EVERYBODY NO MORE 707 00:36:36,995 --> 00:36:39,262 SLEEPING IN BED ♪ ♪ NO MORE THINKING TIME FOR 708 00:36:39,331 --> 00:36:42,265 THINKING AHEAD ♪ ♪ THE WORLD HAS CHANGED SO VERY 709 00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:48,939 MUCH FROM WHAT IT USED TO BE ♪ ♪ THERE IS SO MUCH HATRED WAR 710 00:36:48,941 --> 00:36:58,549 AND POVERTY ♪ ♪ WAKE UP ALL THE TEACHERS TIME 711 00:36:58,551 --> 00:37:03,821 TO TEACH A NEW WAY ♪ ♪ MAYBE THEN THEY'LL LISTEN TO 712 00:37:03,889 --> 00:37:07,423 WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ♪ ♪ CAUSE THEY'RE THE ONES WHO'S 713 00:37:07,493 --> 00:37:09,760 COMING UP AND THE WORLD IS IN THEIR HANDS ♪ 714 00:37:09,762 --> 00:37:12,896 ♪ SO WHEN YOU TEACH THE CHILDREN TEACH THEM THE VERY BEST YOU 715 00:37:12,965 --> 00:37:21,971 CAN ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY SING 716 00:37:22,041 --> 00:37:29,580 ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER IF YOU JUST LET IT BE ♪ 717 00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:34,318 ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER WE GOT TO CHANGE IT YEAH YOU AND 718 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:39,656 ME ♪ ♪ JUST YOU AND ME YOU AND ME 719 00:37:39,658 --> 00:37:46,396 JUST YOU AND ME YOU AND ME ♪ ♪ JUST YOU AND ME YEAH YEAH 720 00:37:46,465 --> 00:37:50,133 >> WAKE UP ALL YOU DOCTORS MAKE THE OLD PEOPLE WELL ♪ 721 00:37:50,202 --> 00:37:56,073 ♪ THEY'RE THE ONES WHO SUFFER AND CATCH ALL THE HELL ♪ 722 00:37:56,075 --> 00:38:00,410 ♪ BUT THEY DON'T HAVE SO VERY LONG BEFORE THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪ 723 00:38:00,479 --> 00:38:09,019 ♪ SO WON'T YOU MAKE THEM HAPPY BEFORE THEY PASS AWAY ♪ 724 00:38:09,087 --> 00:38:14,558 ♪ WAKE UP ALL YOUR BUILDERS TIME TO BUILD A NEW LAND ♪ 725 00:38:14,626 --> 00:38:20,497 ♪ I KNOW WE CAN DO IT IF WE ALL LEND A HAND ♪ 726 00:38:20,565 --> 00:38:24,635 ♪ THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO DO IS PUT IT IN OUR MIND ♪ 727 00:38:24,637 --> 00:38:32,709 ♪ SURELY THINGS WILL WORK OUT THEY DO IT EVERY TIME ♪ 728 00:38:32,778 --> 00:38:37,581 ♪ EVERYBODY SING ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER 729 00:38:37,583 --> 00:38:46,656 IF WE JUST LET IT BE ♪ ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER 730 00:38:46,725 --> 00:38:50,394 WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH ♪ ♪ WE GOT TO CHANGE IT YEAH JUST 731 00:38:50,396 --> 00:38:56,199 YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME ♪ 732 00:38:56,268 --> 00:39:02,939 ♪ YOU AND ME JUST YOU AND ME OH ♪ 733 00:39:03,008 --> 00:39:08,545 ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER OH THE HOOD WON'T GET NO BETTER 734 00:39:08,547 --> 00:39:14,618 YEAH ♪ ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER 735 00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:21,892 WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH JUST YOU AND ME ♪ 736 00:39:21,894 --> 00:39:27,297 ♪ EVERYBODY SING ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER 737 00:39:27,366 --> 00:39:34,971 THE HURT WON'T GET NO BETTER ♪ ♪ THE WORLD WON'T GET NO BETTER 738 00:39:34,973 --> 00:39:39,575 WE GOTTA CHANGE IT YEAH WE GOT TO CHANGE IT YEAH JUST YOU AND 739 00:39:39,645 --> 00:39:41,244 ME ♪ ♪ YOU AND ME YEAH YEAH YOU AND 740 00:39:41,312 --> 00:39:47,317 ME YEAH YEAH ♪ ♪ YOU AND ME YEAH YEAH YOU AND 741 00:39:47,386 --> 00:39:51,588 ME ♪ ♪ WE GOTTA WE GOTTA CHANGE WE 742 00:39:51,657 --> 00:39:54,724 GOTTA CHANGE ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY SING 743 00:39:54,793 --> 00:40:01,064 ♪ WE GOTTA CHANGE COME ON WE GOTTA CHANGE WE GOTTA CHANGE 744 00:40:01,133 --> 00:40:03,734 YEAH WE GOTTA CHANGE ALL AROUND THE WORLD ♪ 745 00:40:03,802 --> 00:40:11,207 ♪ WE GOTTA CHANGE COME ON COME ON WE GOTTA CHANGE OH YEAH ♪ 746 00:40:11,276 --> 00:40:12,675 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CONCERT SERIES" IS PRESENTED BY 747 00:40:12,745 --> 00:40:15,212 MERCEDES-BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 748 00:40:18,350 --> 00:40:19,416 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK JENNIFER CONNELLY, 749 00:40:19,484 --> 00:40:22,686 KEVIN GARNETT, KENNY G, AND TOBE NWIGWE, APOLOGIES TO 750 00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:24,754 MATT DAMON. AND IF YOU LIKED WHAT YOU SAW 751 00:40:24,823 --> 00:40:28,825 TONIGHT, TELL A FRIEND. I MEAN, NOW. 752 00:40:28,894 --> 00:40:34,297 YEAH. CALL SOMEBODY, OKAY? 753 00:40:34,366 --> 00:40:43,840 THANKS, GOOD NIGHT. ♪ 754 00:40:43,842 --> 00:40:59,055 ♪ ♪