>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD -- IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"!
TONIGHT -- STEVE HARVEY. MICHAEL PEÑA.
AND MUSIC FROM AVA MAX. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. HI, I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
WE HAVE A NICE SHOW ALL LAID OUT FOR YOU TONIGHT, BUT FIRST I
HAVE AN APOLOGY TO MAKE. TO MANY OF YOU WHO WERE WATCHING
THE SHOW LAST NIGHT. LAST NIGHT, I TOLD A STORY ABOUT
A PANCAKE-RELATED DISPUTE I HAD WITH MY CHILDREN OVER BREAKFAST.
AND AT THE END OF THE STORY, I SAID SOMETHING ABOUT ALEXA
ORDERING "BISQUICK." THE REASON I'M SAYING THAT FAST
NOW IS BECAUSE WHEN I SAID IT LAST NIGHT, THE
A-L-E-X-A IN A LOT OF PEOPLE'S HOMES ORDERED BISQUICK.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, YOU CAN SAY A-L-E-X-A
ORDER BISQUICK. AND IT WILL COME.
TO YOUR HOUSE. AND I DID THAT.
SO AS THE SHOW WAS AIRING LAST NIGHT, WE STARTED SEEING
COMMENTS AND COMPLAINTS ONLINE. "YOU JUST SET OFF MILLIONS OF
PEOPLE'S ALEXAS AT ALMOST MIDNIGHT."
"HAS ANYBODY ELSE HAD TO CANCEL 'BISQUICK' FROM THEIR AMAZON
BASKET?" [ LAUGHTER ]
"ALEXA JUST ORDERED PANCAKE MIX. THANKS!"
"THANKS JIMMY, NOW I'M GETTING BISQUICK."
"YOU'RE PAYING FOR THE BISQUICK MY ALEXA JUST ORDERED."
"I YELLED 'DON'T LISTEN TO JIMMY' LMAO."
I GOT A LOT OF "DUDES" TOO, WHICH IS WHEN YOU KNOW PEOPLE
ARE ANNOYED. "DUDE, PLEASE DON'T MENTION
ALEXA IN YOUR MONOLOGUE. YOU JUST ORDERED BISQUICK ON MY
FIRE TABLET!" [ LAUGHTER ]
"DUDE, DON'T SAY ALEXA COMMANDS ON TV.
THE BISQUICK HAS BEEN SHIPPED. FIRSTLY, ANY IDIOT CAN MAKE
PANCAKES FROM SCRATCH. SECONDLY, THEY'VE SENT GLUTEN
F-ING FREE PANCAKE DUST. WTF KIMMEL?"
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE.
SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY, I'M SORRY I DID THAT.
BUT ALSO, I HAVE TO ADMIT, IT EXCITES ME, I'VE NEVER HAD POWER
LIKE THIS BEFORE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] CAN YOU FEEL IT AT ALL?
>> Guillermo: I FEEL IT, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: IT'S COURSING THROUGH
MY VEINS. I WANT TO FEED IT!
I WANT TO FEED IT PANCAKES. [ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT WHERE MOST OF YOU ARE WATCHING
BUT I HAVE AN IDEA AND I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR PHONE.
OKAY? GO GET IT.
OH, IT'S UPSTAIRS IN OKAY, I'LL WAIT.
[ LAUGHTER ] GET THE PHONE, ALL RIGHT.
UNLOCK THE PHONE. WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS TOGETHER.
AS A COMMUNITY. OKAY, SO IF YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE,
TURN ON THE CAMERA. SET IT TO VIDEO.
PUT IT IN SELFIE MODE. AND TRY TO GET YOUR AMAZON
DEVICE IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE SHOT.
I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE, BUT ALSO I WANT TO SEE YOUR ECHO OR
WHATEVER YOU HAVE. I'LL GIVE IT ANOTHER SECOND
WHILE YOU DO THAT, ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT, NOW HIT THE RED
BUTTON. AND HERE WE GO.
ALEXA! VOLUME TEN!
ALEXA! PLAY "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT" BY
THE BAJA MEN! ♪ WHO LET THE DOGS OUT HO HO
HO ♪ NOTE WHO LET THE DOGS OUT ♪
>> Jimmy: OKAY. NOW GO RUN AND TURN IT OFF
BEFORE IT WAKES EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE, OR YELL AT IT SO YOU MAKE
EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE. YOU CAN'T YELL AT ALEXA AT
VOLUME TEN, IT DOESN'T HEAR YOU. I LOVE THIS.
IT'S INTOXICATING. I'M GOING TO BUY STOCK IN
BISQUICK, AND DO THIS EVERY NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS WILL BE MY GAMESTOP!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ALEXA!
BUY "THE SERIOUS GOOSE" BY JIMMY KIMMEL.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
ALEXA, ADD TO MY CART. IT'S THE GREATEST THING EVER.
I'M GOING BACK ON THE BESTSELLER LIST, GUILLERMO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Guillermo: YEAH!
>> Jimmy: THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW POSITIVE THINGS TO COME FROM THE
CORONAVIRUS. FEBRUARY IS USUALLY THE HEIGHT
OF FLU SEASON, BUT WITH ALL THE MASKS AND DISTANCING AND THE
NOT LEAVING OUR HOUSES, THEY SAY THE FLU HAS VIRTUALLY
DISAPPEARED. THERE ARE ALMOST NO REPORTED
CASES OF THE FLU. SO IF YOU GOT DIARRHEA THIS
YEAR, YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE IS A NEW COVID VARIANT
SPREADING IN NEW YORK. ONE WITH A MUTATION THAT MAY
WEAKEN THE EFFECTIVENESS OF VACCINES.
THE VACCINES WE CAN'T GET. AND THAT'S JUST HERE.
THERE ARE NEW VARIANTS COMING FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.
IN CHINA, YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD, THEY HAVE DEVELOPED A COVID TEST
THAT IS SAID TO BE MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE WHEN IT COMES TO
IDENTIFYING WHICH STRAIN OF COVID YOU HAVE AND WHEN YOU GOT
IT AND THAT KIND OF STUFF. BUT WITH THIS TEST, INSTEAD OF
IN YOUR NOSE, THE SWAB GOES IN YOUR BOTTOM.
AND THAT HAS RESULTED IN A DIPLOMATIC CRISIS.
BETWEEN NATIONS. SOME OFFICIALS AT THE U.S. STATE
DEPARTMENT CLAIM THEY WERE FORCED TO TAKE THE ANAL TEST AS
SOME KIND OF POWER MOVE, I GUESS.
BUT THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT IS SAYING, NO, THEY WEREN'T FORCED.
CHINA CLAIMS THE TESTS WERE GIVEN IN ERROR.
[ LAUGHTER ] WHICH IS QUITE AN ERROR, IF IT'S
TRUE. THAT'S A REAL "OOPS" RIGHT
THERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHATEVER THE CASE, CHINA ADOPTED THIS RECTAL TEST, AND IT SEEMS
TO HAVE MADE AN IMPACT. IN FACT, THEY HAVE NOT REPORTED
A SINGLE NEW LOCAL CASE OF COVID-19 IN MORE THAN A WEEK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IF OUR GOVERNMENT WAS DOING ANAL
SWABS, I'D STAY INSIDE TOO. [ LAUGHTER ]
MAYBE THAT'S THE ANSWER. BACK HERE IN THE USA, THIS IS
HOW THEY'RE PLAYING IT SAFE IN THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS FROM A SCHOOL IN
WENATCHEE, WASHINGTON. THEY'VE GOT KIDS PLAYING
INSTRUMENTS IN TENTS. IT ACTUALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH COVID. IT'S TO PROTECT THEM FROM
GETTING WEDGIES. IT'S HARD TO BE IN BAND.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THESE TENTS ARE ALL ONE
SIZE. YOU CAN'T PUT THE TUBA PLAYER IN
THE SAME TENT AS THE PICCOLO KID.
THE PRINCIPAL TODAY WAS INTERVIEWED ON THE BBC.
HE SEES THIS AS MAKING THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION.
>> HOW ARE THE STUDENTS ENJOYING THIS NOVEL EXPERIENCE?
>> WELL, I THINK THEY ENJOY BEING BACK IN SCHOOL, THEY ENJOY
PLAYING TOGETHER AS A GRIPE. >> Jimmy: OKAY.
THAT'S NOT A GROUP. THAT'S A FIELD FULL OF
PORTA-POTTYS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN THEY PLAYED. WHICH THIS IS WHAT A
SCHOOL FIGHT SONG SOUNDS LIKE DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.
>> THIS IS THE WENATCHEE HIGH SCHOOL BAND, TAKE IT AWAY!
>> ONE, TWO -- ♪
>> Jimmy: EVENTUALLY MOST OF THE
KIDS RAN OUT OF OXYGEN AND PASSED OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHEN HIGH
SCHOOL KIDS WILL GET THE VACCINE.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HAS SLOWED THE DEVELOPMENT IS THAT
THERE IS APPARENTLY A SHORTAGE OF MONKEYS TO TEST THE VACCINE.
WHICH IS CRAZY. IN MY DAY, THEY SOLD THEM BY THE
BARREL! [ LAUGHTER ]
MAYBE THERE WOULDN'T BE A SHORTAGE OF MONKEYS IF THEY'D
LISTEN TO THE DOCTOR WHEN HE SAID "NO MORE JUMPING ON THE
BED!" [ LAUGHTER ]
A SCIENTIST NAMED MARK LEWIS DESCRIBED HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO
FIND MONKEYS TO TEST VACCINES ON.
WHICH, CAN YOU REALLY BLAME THE MONKEYS?
THEY'RE SMART. MAYBE THEY'RE TALKING TO EACH
OTHER. >> HEY, YOU KNOW THAT GUY MARK
LEWIS? >> NOT THAT WELL, WHY?
>> IF HE SHOWS UP, DON'T GET IN HIS VAN.
>> WHY? >> IT'S FULL OF NEEDLES.
>> OH. WHOA.
THANKS FOR THAT, HUH? >> NO PROB.
I'M GOING TO GO HIT HIM WITH SOME OF MY POOP.
>> NICE! [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SO NOW THE QUESTION IS HOW DO WE DRESS UP LIKE MONKEYS
TO GET THE VACCINE? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO'S A LITTLE
CONCERNED THAT MONKEYS ARE GETTING THE VACCINE BEFORE WE
DO? ISN'T THIS HOW "THE PLANET OF
THE APES" GOT STARTED? [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE WAS A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT FROM MR. POTATO HEADQUARTERS
TODAY. HASBRO IS DROPPING THE "BRO."
THE AP REPORTED , "MR. POTATO HEAD" IS NO LONGER A
MISTER. HASBRO, THE COMPANY THAT MAKES
THE POTATO-SHAPED PLASTIC TOY, IS GIVING THE SPUD A
GENDER-NEUTRAL NEW NAME, POTATO HEAD.
THE CHANGE WILL APPEAR ON BOXES THIS YEAR."
EVEN IN DEATH, THEY FOUND A WAY TO CANCEL DON RICKLES.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S VERY SAD.
AND, OF COURSE, EVERYONE GOT VERY UPSET.
FOX NEWS HAD TO CALL THEIR ANCHORS IN FROM HOME.
TO COME TO WORK FOR THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO HASBRO RELEASED THEIR OWN STATEMENT THAT SAID, "HOLD THAT
TOT. YOUR MAIN SPUD, MR. POTATO HEAD,
ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE! WHILE IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY
THAT THE POTATO HEAD BRAND NAME AND LOGO ARE DROPPING THE 'MR.'
YAM PROUD TO CONFIRM THAT MR. & MRS. POTATO HEAD AREN'T
GOING ANYWHERE AND WILL REMAIN MR. & MRS. POTATO HEAD."
SO IN OTHER WORDS, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ARE THEY -- THEY ARE MISTER, BUT -- WHY ARE WE STILL PUTTING
EYES AND LIPS ON POTATOES ANYWAY?
ISN'T THIS WHAT CHILDREN DID DURING THE DEPRESSION?
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE GETTING RID OF THE
"MR." BUT THEY AREN'T GETTING RID OF MR. POTATO HEAD.
I DON'T KNOW. AND BY THE WAY, HASBRO ISN'T THE
ONLY ONE WHO'S DUMPING "MISTER." FROM NOW ON THESE POPULAR
AMERICAN PRODUCTS WILL BE KNOWN AS --
SALTY. PEANUT.
ROGERS. T.
AND CLEAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
NO WORD YET FROM MAGOO. BUT WE'LL SEE.
[ LAUGHTER ] BOY, WHEN MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
HEARS ABOUT THIS, POTATO HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE FRONTRUNNER FOR WORST HUMAN
OF '21 IS WORKING TO DEFEAT THE "EQUALITY ACT" WHICH WOULD BAN
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST AMERICANS BASED ON THEIR SEXUAL
ORIENTATION OR GENDER IDENTITY. THIS IS MARIE NEWMAN WHO WORKS
ACROSS THE HALL FROM KLAN MOM. HER DAUGHTER HAPPENS TO BE
TRANSGENDER, SO SHE DECIDED TO PUT UP A FLAG OUTSIDE HER OFFICE
TO SUPPORT HER CHILD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND OF COURSE MARJORIE COULD NOT LET THIS GO, SHE HAD TO RESPOND
BY PUTTING UP A SIGN OUTSIDE HER OFFICE THAT SAID,
"THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENDERS, MALE AND FEMALE.
TRUST THE SCIENCE." NOW SHE TRUSTS THE SCIENCE.
AND BECAUSE THAT WASN'T ENOUGH SCUMBAGGERY FOR ONE DAY, QANON
MARGE HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY THIS ON THE FLOOR OF THE HOUSE.
>> I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT TO MY DEMOCRAT COLLEAGUES THAT THERE
IS NO REPUBLICAN MEMBER OF CONGRESS THAT CONDONES THE
ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6th.
I WAS ALSO A VICTIM IN THIS CHAMBER WHEN IT HAPPENED.
AND WE ARE VERY OFFENDED AT YOUR CONSTANT ATTACKS ON US FOR
CLAIMING WE HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.
SO THAT NEEDS TO STOP. >> Jimmy: OH MY GOD.
WE'VE GOT A KAREN IN CONGRESS NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] SHE'S SO AWFUL.
JUST TERRIBLE. AND BY THE WAY, WHAT SHE SAID IS
INTERESTING BECAUSE YESTERDAY WE LEARNED THAT ONE OF HER CLOSEST
ALLIES AND FRIENDS, A GUY NAMED ANTHONY AGUERO, WAS IN THE
CAPITOL DURING THE ATTACK ON JANUARY 6th.
THIS IS A GUY WHO, WHEN SHE WAS BANNED FROM FACEBOOK, SHE
APPEARED ON HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.
THEY'RE VERY GOOD FRIENDS. SHE'S "OFFENDED" BECAUSE SHE HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT HAPPENED.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND NOT ONLY THAT, ONE OF HER
OTHER CLOSE FRIENDS IS THE GUY WHO ACTUALLY PLANNED AND INCITED
THE RIOT. AT THE CAPITOL.
THIS GUY. THERE THEY ARE.
STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
THEY'RE SAYING THE COST TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE THESE RIOTERS
DID AT THE CAPITOL IS GOING TO BE AT LEAST $30 MILLION.
WHICH WAS THE BUDGET FOR THE MOVIE, "THE NOTEBOOK."
THE WAY I SEE IT, THOSE RIOTERS ROBBED US OF A SEQUEL TO "THE
NOTEBOOK." [ LAUGHTER ]
DONALD TRUMP'S TAX RETURNS HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN HANDED OVER TO
THE MANHATTAN DISTRICT ATTORNEY. I WONDER HOW MANY PAGES OF THE
CHEESECAKE FACTORY MENU HE SNUCK IN THERE?
[ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE BIG THINGS TRUMP HAS
TO WORRY ABOUT IS THE WAY HE HANDLED THE HUSH MONEY PAYMENT
TO STORMY DANIELS. WHETHER OR NOT HE USED CAMPAIGN
MONEY TO PAY FOR THAT. THIS WHOLE THING STARTED WITH
STORMY DANIELS. DONALD TRUMP IS THE ONLY GUY WHO
CAN CHEAT ON HIS WIFE AND HIS TAXES IN THE SAME BED.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE "NEW YORK TIMES" HAS ALREADY
DONE AN EXPOSE, LOOKED AT A LOT OF THE INFORMATION, AND THEY
REPORTED THAT TRUMP PAID NO TAXES AT ALL FOR 10 OUT OF THE
15 YEARS THAT HE REPORTED BECAUSE HE LOST HUGE AMOUNTS OF
MONEY DURING THOSE YEARS. WHICH, WHAT'S THE WORD FOR
SOMEONE WHO LOSES ALL THE TIME? >> Guillermo: LOSER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
THE ONE I WAS LOOKING FOR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LOSER. THE CRAZY THING IS THAT THE PART
ABOUT PAYING NO TAXES ON MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?
THAT ISN'T WHAT HE MIGHT GET BUSTED FOR, THAT WAS PROBABLY
LEGAL. HE COULD CLAIM HUGE LOSSES, PAY
NO TAXES, AND STILL LIVE LIKE A BILLIONAIRE.
IT'S WHAT THEY CALL, "ORANGE PRIVILEGE."
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S SPECK TO HIM.
HOPEFULLY HE'LL BE IN AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT VERY SOON TOO.
[ APPLAUSE ] OKAY, ARE YOU READY FOR SOME
BLEEPS? IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT AND THAT
MEANS IT'S TIME TO BLEEP AND BLUR THE BIG TV MOMENTS OF THE
WEEK. IT'S "THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY
CENSORSHIP." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THE KOALA IN AUSTRALIA HAS RECEIVED THE WORLD'S FIRST
PROSTHETIC [ BLEEP ]. >> TRIUMPH BECAME A WHOLE NEW
KOALA ONCE THE [ BLEEP ] WAS ATTACHED IN JANUARY.
>> WE USED TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER.
WE USED TO [ BLEEP ] MORE. IN MONACO.
YOU'RE NOT CALLING ME ANYMORE THE LAST FEW YEARS.
>> WHY IS IT THAT I SHOULD END UP GOING TO PRISON FOR ANOTHER
MAN'S DIRTY [ BLEEP ]? >> WE KNOW WHAT MATT'S BEEN
DOING. [ BLEEP ]ING.
>> [ BLEEP ]ING YOUR DAUGHTER. >> DAN, I'VE BEEN BEGGING FOR
YOU TO COME ON MY [ BLEEP ] ALL WEEK.
>> HAVE YOU WATCHED [ BLEEP ] BRITNEY?
>> NO. >> DEREK.
>> I HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING IN A WHILE, BUT I DO HAVE A LONG
[ BLEEP ]. >> ARE YOU GOOD AT THE ART OF
THE BLOW [ BLEEP ]? >> NO, I'M REALLY NOT.
>> LET ME ASK YOU, SHOW ME YOUR [ BLEEP ].
>> THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, EVERYONE.
I'M LESTER HOLT. PLEASE [ BLEEP ] YOURSELF AND
EACH OTHER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A FUNNY SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MICHAEL PEÑA IS WITH US. MUIC FROM AVA MAX.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STEVE HARVEY.
SO STICK AROUND! >> Jimmy: HI.
TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW MOVIE "TOM AND JERRY," MICHAEL PENA IS WITH
US. THEN LATER, HER SONG IS CALLED,
"MY HEAD AND MY HEART," MUSIC FROM AVA MAX.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] NEXT WEEK, WE HAVE QUITE A WEEK
NEXT WEEK. NEW SHOWS FROM SACHA BARON
COHEN, CHARLES BARKLEY, DAISYSY RIDLEY, WESLEY SNIPES.
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM MADISON BEER, DAVID-O, CHARLOTTE LAWRENCE,
ASHE FEATURING FINNEAS, AND EDDIE MURPHY AND ARSENIO HALL,
TOGETHER AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST HAS HUNDREDS OF
JOBS. IF ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO
HIM, UNEMPLOYMENT IN THIS COUNTRY WOULD DOUBLE.
HE IS HOST OF MOST EVERYTHING, INCLUDING A TALK
SHOW, "STEVE ON WATCH" ON FACEBOOK WATCH.
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO STEVE HARVEY.
HI, STEVE. >> JIMMY, HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
>> Jimmy: HOW YOU DOING? >> IT'S BEEN A MINUTE, MAN.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU AT HOME RIGHT NOW?
>> WELL, YEAH, EVERYBODY'S AT HOME EXCEPT YOU, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M AT HOME, MAN.
I HAVE A MAN CAVE. YOU KNOW.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW. THE PANDEMIC, I GOT TO DO MY
RADIO SHOW FROM HOME NOW. >> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT.
I'M GUESSING YOUR MAN CAVE IS A MANSION IS PROBABLY WHAT IT IS,
RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, HEY NOW. NOW, IT'S JUST -- IT'S THE
SMALLEST BUILDING I OWN, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, I LOVE THAT YOU
DRESS UP EVEN WHEN YOU'RE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I APPRECIATE IT. I MEAN, THAT'S A THING --
>> COME ON, MAN. I'M COMING TO SEE JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHY WOULD I COME ON LATE NIGHT AND NOT DECK IT OUT?
>> Jimmy: DO YOU DRESS CURBLY AROUND THE HOUSE?
LIKE ARE YOU WEARING SWEAT PANTS OR IS THAT NOT SOMETHING YOU DO?
>> YEAH, MAN, DURING THE PEM, THIS IS THE MOST -- I'VE
ACTUALLY BOUGHT STUFF THAT I'VE NEVER, EVER HAD.
LIKE I HAVE PUMA AND NIKE AND UNDER ARMOUR.
I ACTUALLY WEAR SWEATS. I GOT SNEAKERS NOW.
>> Jimmy: OH! YOU NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I HAD THEM.
I HAD REALLY -- WASN'T THAT SERIOUS ABOUT STAYING IN SHAPE,
YOU KNOW. I JUST FIGURED, JUST MAKE A LOT
OF MONEY AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE MAYBE THIS OPENS UP A NEW STEVE HARVEY
ATHLETICWEAR, LOUNGEWEAR, THE KIND OF STUFF WE WOULDN'T
TYPICALLY SEE FROM YOU. >> I TELL YOU, I AM GETTING INTO
SOME AGE MANAGEMENT STUFF. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU GET
OLDER, MAN, YOU START LOOKING AT STUFF A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENTLY,
YOU KNOW. PAY ATTENTION.
I GOT MY VACCINE SHOT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU DID, GOOD, GOOD. >> YEAH.
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I HAD TO DO, JIMMY.
I DID IT AT A PHARMACY. NOW I HAVEN'T BEEN TO A PHARMACY
IN YEARS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I HAVE SAT IN A FOLD-AWAY CHAIR, IN THE AISLE, WITH LIKE
DEPENDS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND HAD THE PORTABLE TOILET, YOU KNOW, FOR PEOPLE THAT NEED TO
SCOOT AROUND AND USE THE BATHROOM.
AND I SAT THERE. IT WAS THE MOST REGULAR,
HUMBLING MOMENT I HAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET A VACCINE, LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE
LIKE A VACCINE FOR FAMOUS PEOPLE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> YOU JUST GOT TO GET YOUR ASS IN LINE WITH EVERYBODY ELSE.
>> Jimmy: I'M GLAD YOU GOT IT. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR -- WILL YOU
GO RIGHT OUT ON THE ROAD AND ALL THAT STUFF ONCE YOU'RE FULLY
VACCINATED? >> UH-UH.
>> Jimmy: NO? >> NOT AT ALL.
>> Jimmy: STAY IN? >> YEAH, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
BECAUSE YOU, EVERYBODY ELSE, IS VACCINATED.
TRUMP MADE SURE OF THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU WORK A LOT. DO YOU HAVE HOBBIES?
DO YOU HAVE FRIVOLOUS THINGS YOU DO?
HAVE YOU PICKED UP ANYTHING DURING THIS LOCKDOWN?
ARE YOU WHITTLING? >> YOU KNOW MAN, I'M REAL
SIMPLE, MAN. pI GOT A LITTLE PUTTING AREA IN
MY BACKYARD WHERE I CAN PUTT AND CHIP.
CIGARS, THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I GOT TIME FOR, I
CAN'T DO NOTHING ELSE. >> Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE WORKING
FROM HOME? >> WELL -- YOU KNOW.
NO. >> Jimmy: NO?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW.
BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW -- I USED TO COULD GET OUT OF GIGS,
ALL I'D HAVE TO SAY, I'M TIED UP, OR YOU'D HAVE TO FLY ME IN,
I USUALLY COULD RUN PEOPLE OFF WITH THE PRICE.
NOW ZOOM IS FREE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> SO YOU CAN'T SHAKE THEM.
YOU SAY, I'M NOT AVAILABLE THEN. THEY GO, WHEN ARE YOU AVAILABLE?
AND I SAID, EARLY MORNING AT 6:00.
THEN HERE THEY COME, THEY'RE TAPING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT. >> YOU'VE GOT TO ZOOM FROM YOUR
HOUSE, AND ONE OF MY SONS IS LIVING WITH US BECAUSE HE'S
STUPID. [ LAUGHTER ]
HE BOUGHT A HOUSE I TOLD HIM NOT TO BUY.
NOW IT'S GOT TO GET FIXED UP RIGHT.
SO HE'S BEEN PREPARING THE HOUSE, SUPPOSED TO BE READY FOR
THANKSGIVING. HE'S STILL HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID HE SAY --
>> HE'S GOT FOUR KIDS -- >> Jimmy: -- WHICH THANKSGIVING?
>> HE GOT FOUR KIDS. >> Jimmy: I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT THAT. >> YOU KNOW, I LOVE MY
GRANDKIDS. BUT NOT THAT MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW?
THEY DON'T -- THEY COME TO MY OFFICE TOO MUCH.
>> Jimmy: OH, THEY COME IN WHILE YOU'RE WORKING.
>> SO WHEN I'M ON THE ZOOM, HERE COME THE GRANDKIDS.
LIKE ONE OF MY GRANDKIDS CAME THE OTHER DAY AND SAID, POP POP,
POP POP. AND I WAS TRYING TO GO, SHH.
I WAS IN A BIG MEETING WITH WELL-TO-DO PEOPLE.
SHH! MY GRANDSON LOOKED IN THE
CAMERA, SAID "PAPA, WHO ARE ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE?"
[ LAUGHTER ] AND, YOU KNOW, HE'S FROM A --
YOU KNOW, MY SON'S WIFE'S PARENTS ARE WHITE, SO HE KNOWS
THEM WHEN HE SEES THEM. [ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T HAVE TO ANNOUNCE IT AT THE ZOOM TALK, LIKE, WE GOT
NOTHING TO DO ITH WHITE PEOPLE AROUND HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WANTED TO ASK YOU
ABOUT, HOW MANY JOBS DO YOU HAVE NOW?
I ACTUALLY COUNTED THEM UP. BESIDES THE BOOKS AND CLOTHING
AND ALL THAT STUFF, RIGHT NOW YOU'RE CURRENTLY WORKING ON, ADD
ANY IF I MISSED THEM, THE FACEBOOK SHOW "STEVE ON WATCH,"
YOUR DAILY RADIO SHOW, "FAMILY FEUD" IN SYNDICATION, "CELEBRITY
FAMILY FEUD" ON ABC, AND "FAMILY FEUD AFRICA," WHICH IS "FAMILY
FEUD" IN AFRICA. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
>> WELL, I CUT A DEAL WITH FREEMANTLE, GREAT PARTNERS, TOLD
THEM I WANTED TO TAKE "FAMILY FEUD" TO AFRICA.
EVERYBODY ADVISED AGAINST IT BUT I TOLD THEM IT WOULD WORK AND
"FAMILY FEUD" BELIEVED ME SO I BOUGHT THE INTERNATIONAL RIGHTS,
TOOK THE SHOW AND PRODUCED IT MYSELF IN AFRICA.
AND MAN OH MAN, I WAS RIGHT, BECAUSE I BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO
GHANA, I BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO SOUTH AFRICA.
AND "FAMILY FEUD" IS THE NUMBER ONE SHOW IN BOTH COUNTRIES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WOW.
HAD THEY EVER HAD ANY VERSION OF "FAMILY FEUD" THERE?
>> NO. >> Jimmy: IS THIS A BRAND-NEW
GAME TO THEM? >> YEAH, BRAND-NEW GAME.
AND NO ONE GOES TO AFRICA TO DO TV.
YOU KNOW. >> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> FOR ME, I KNEW BETTER. >> Jimmy: WELL, WE HAVE A CLIP.
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT THIS. LET'S PLAY THE CLIP FROM "FAMILY
FEUD AFRICA." >> NAME THE WORST THING THAT
COULD HAPPEN AT A WEDDING. >> THERE IS NO PASTA.
THE PASTA IS NOT THERE. >> GOOD ONE, GOOD ONE!
>> I JUST TOLD Y'ALL. LOOK, AT A WEDDING YOU DON'T
HAVE FOOD EVERYWHERE. THERE'S NO FOOD AT THE WEDDING.
>> PASTA! >> HOW DO I PUT THIS?
>> PREACHER! >> OH, THE PREACHER?
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> SO JIMMY. THE THING IN AFRICA IS, I HAVE
THE ACCENT. >> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> WHEN THIS GUY SAID THERE'S NO PASTA, I GOT PISSED.
I DONE TOLD Y'ALL, AIN'T NO FOOD AT THE WEDDING.
FOOD IS AT THE RECEPTION. YOU DON'T GOT NO PASTA AT THE
WEDDING, ETHE WEDDING CAN STILL GO ON.
IT'S A LOT OF MOMENTS LIKE THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I LIKE THE IDEA. IT'S A VERY AMERICAN MOVE TO BE
LAUGHING AT THE WAY THEY'RE PRONOUNCING THINGS IN THEIR
COUNTRY, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH. AND I'M THE FISH OUT OF WATER,
MAN. >> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> THEY HAVE FOOD OVER THERE I'VE NEVER HEARD OF.
AND THE NAMES, OH MY GOD. YOU KNOW I'M HORRIBLE WITH
NAMES, RIGHT? YOU CAN IMAGINE.
MOST OF THESE NAMES DON'T EVEN FIT ON THE NAME CARD.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WILL YOU EXPAND
"FAMILY FEUD" AND DO IT IN OTHER COUNTRIES?
"FAMILY FEUD NORTH KOREA," FOR INSTANCE, WOULD BE A LOT OF FUN.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> DENNIS RODMAN CAN GO OVER
THERE. >> Jimmy: SEND DENNIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
HE'LL BE THE EMISSARY ON THAT ONE.
"STEVE ON WATCH" ON FACEBOOK WATCH.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪
>> Jimmy: STILL TO COME, MICHAEL PENA AND MUSIC FROM AVA MAX.
WE ARE BACK WITH STEVE HARVEY. STEVE, I JUST WANT -- YOU AND I
HAD A CONVERSATION AT ONE TIME. AND I SAID, WOW, YOU'RE WORKING
SO HARD, WHY ARE YOU WORKING SO HARD?
AND YOU SAID SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT OF, I JUST WANT TO WORK
FOR FIVE YEARS, DO A LOT OF THINGS, HOPEFULLY MAKE A LOT OF
MONEY, AND THEN THAT'S IT, THEN I'M DONE.
THAT WAS ABOUT 11 OR 12 YEARS AGO.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENED? >> YEAH.
WELL -- I GOT SEVEN DAMN KIDS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND NOW I HAVE SEVEN GRANDKIDS. I ACTUALLY NOW, JIMMY, SEE NO
END TO THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THERE IS NO END. >> NO, I DON'T SEE IT.
>> Reporter: IT'S EXPONENTIAL. >> I KEEP MAKING KIDS AND THEY
KEEP NEEDING HOUSES. THEN THEY GOT DO COME TO
SOMEBODY FOR THE MONEY, AND HERE I AM.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT MOVING
INTO A TINY LITTLE HOUSE SO NOBODY CAN LIVE WITH YOU?
>> YOU KNOW -- I USED TO LIVE IN A CAR, JIMMY.
I LIVED IN A CAR FOR THREE YEARS AT ONE POINT IN MY LIFE, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH. TO LIVE IN A TINY HOME.VER BEEN-
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T GET PEOPLE WHO GO OUT
AND GET IN TINY HOMES. I HAD THEM ON MY SHOW, THE
MAKERS OF TINY HOMES. BOY WERE THEY PISSED AT ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] NEW YEAR'S NO WAY I WANT TO
WATCH TV AND BE ABLE TO COOK AND FLUSH A TOILET WITH MY FOOT ALL
AT THE SAME TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO. >> I NEED A BIG HOUSE.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T BLAME YOU. I'M SURE A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK YOU
ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER, LAURIE, DATING "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S
SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. WHICH IN A WAY MAKES YOU -- I
DON'T KNOW, IT MAKES YOU SEXIEST IN-LAW ALIVE, POSSIBLY?
>> FIRST OF ALL, LET'S BE CLEAR ABOUT SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: YES? >> HE IS A NICE GUY.
>> Jimmy: YES. >> HE IS NOT THE SEXIEST MAN
ALIVE TO ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, R, TO YOU. >> AT ALL.
>> Jimmy: WHO IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE TO YOU?
>> ME. ALL THESE PEOPLE I'M PAYING FOR?
IF THAT AIN'T SEXY, WHAT IS? [ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE NEVER BEEN ATTRACTIVE. I KNEW THAT.
THAT'S WHY I HAD TO COME UP WITH THESE DAMN JOKES.
BUT THIS KID IS A -- I LIKE HIM, MAN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. YEAH, HE'S A GOOD KID.
YEAH, I THINK YOU'RE FORTUNATE TO HAVE HIM DATING YOUR
DAUGHTER. HE DID GET A LOT OF ATTENTION ON
VALENTINE'S DAY. I'M SURE YOU'RE AWARE THAT HE
RENTED OUT LIKE THE WHOLE AQUARIUM OR SOMETHING.
FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. >> YEAH, WELL.
GOOD LUCK, HOMIE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW, VALENTINE'S
COME EVERY YEAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW HOW
THIS WORKS OR NOT. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE
GOING TO TOP THAT. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH.
>> BUT GOOD LUCK, PARTNER. [ LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, IT WAS REALLY NICE, WHAT HE DID, YOU KNOW.
I'M HAPPY FOR HIM, WHO'S A GREAT GUY.
MET HIS FATHER AND EVERYTHING. BUT THAT WAS A LOT.
THAT WAS A LOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING FROM HERE.
SO HOPEFULLY, YOU KNOW, MAYBE HE'LL MAKE "CREED 4, "CREED 5,"
"CREED 6." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA FOR SOMEONE DATING ONE
OF YOUR DAUGHTERS TO FIRST READ ONE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP BOOKS?
>> THINK IT'S BETTER IF MY DAUGHTERS WOULD READ THE DAMN
BOOKS. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WOULD BE THE SMARTER MOVE, YOU KNOW.
LOOK, MAN. WHEN YOUR KIDS GROW UP, LOOK,
MAN. THEY CAN MAKE DECISIONS ON THEIR
OWN. I JUST -- I'M JUST HAPPY THAT I
CAN AT LEAST APPROVE OF ONE. YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T APPROVE OF THE PREVIOUS SUITORS?
>> NOTHING EVER. [ LAUGHTER ]
EVER. PURE HATRED.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I GET IT.
I UNDERSTAND. YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED A REALLY
LONG TIME, I KNOW THAT. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING
SPECTACULAR FOR YOUR WIFE, ANYTHING LIKE REALLY OVER THE
TOP? >> HEY, MAN.
I MEAN, REALLY, I LAID MY GIRL OUT, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE SHE
CHANGED MY LIFE, MAN. MARJORIE IS LIKE SPECIAL SOUL,
SO LAST YEAR AROUND HER BIRTHDAY WE WERE IN THE UAE.
WE WERE IN DUBAI. SO I RENTED OUT THIS PLACE
CALLED "THE FRAY." IT'S A BUILDING.
THE ENTIRE BUILDING. >> Jimmy: OH.
>> I RENTED OUT THIS BUILDING CALLED THE FRAME.
IT'S BUILT LIKE A PICTURE FRAME. AND ON THE TOP, IT'S LIKE A
MUSEUM. AND BELOW -- YOU CATCH THESE
ELEVATORS ALL THE WAY UP TO THE TOP.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD, WE'RE SEEING A PICTURE OF IT NOW.
>> OH, OKAY. YEAH, THAT'S IT.
>> THAT'S REAL? >> YEAH.
THE TOP BAR IS THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN GO.
AND I RENTED ALL OF THAT OUT. AND THE FLOOR IS OPAQUE.
WHEN YOU STEP ON EACH PANEL OF THE FLOOR, IT BECOMES CLEAR, AND
YOU END UP LOOKING STRAIGHT DOWN.
I PEED ON THE FIRST PANEL. [ LAUGHTER ]
NOBODY TOLD ME THAT WHEN YOU STEPPED ON THE SQUARE, IT TURNED
CLEAR. I THOUGHT MY ASS WAS GONE.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
I STEPPED ON THAT SQUARE. WHAT I DID WAS, THEY HAD A BUNCH
OF SCREENS I HAD THEM PUT UP IN THE PLACE.
AND I PUT A LOT OF PICTURES ON IT.
ME AND MARJORIE OVER THE YEARS OF OUR VACATIONS AND EVERYTHING.
BIG 12-FOOT-HIGH PICTURES. I HAD THE WHOLE PLACE RENTED
OUT. I HAD A CHEF BROUGHT IN, I HAD A
TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT SPACE, AND WE HAD OUR FAVORIE
SONG "ADORE" BY PRINCE PLAYING. AND ALL THE PICTURES KEPT
POPPING UP, AND SHE CRIED AND CRIED.
WOULDN'T STOP CRYING. I SAT HER DOWN AND HAD DINNER AT
THE TOP OF THE FRAME. >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> MICHAEL B. JORDAN, GOOD LUCK, HOMIE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: STEVE, HOW IS YOUR
SHOW "STEVE ON WATCH"? HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT FROM YOUR
PREVIOUS TALK SHOW? >> YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MAN, I'M
REALLY GLAD I WENT THAT DIRECTION, YOU KNOW.
LOOK, WHEN THEY CANCELED THE SHOW, YOU KNOW, I GUESS THEY
THOUGHT I'D RIDE OFF SOMEWHERE. BUT GOD, DON'T EVER DO ME LIKE
THAT. SO I SHOWED UP.
BIGGER AND BETTER. I DO A SHOW EVERY DAY.
IT'S CLIPS. AND IT'S ALL JUST THE FAVORITE
THINGS I EVER WANTED TO DO, WHICH IS HUMAN INTEREST STORIES,
AND THE "ASK STEVE" SEGMENT. AND I JUST DO IT.
THIS YEAR, THIS PAST YEAR, I HAD TO DO IT IN MY OTHER HOUSE.
WE HAVE TWO HOMES IN ATLANTA. SO I USED THE OTHER HOUSE AS A
STUDIO AND CONVERTED IT INTO A STUDIO.
AND SO WE DID THE SHOW THERE, MAN.
IT WAS REALLY, REALLY -- TURNED OUT TO BE -- I'M ONLY NUMBER TWO
BEHIND CLIPS IN ALL OF FACEBOOK. >> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
>> IT'S A REALLY HUGELY SUCCESSFUL SHOW.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I HEAR THIS FACEBOOK IS REALLY SOMETHING
SPECIAL. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING ON IT MYSELF.
>> OH, YOU GOT TO DO IT. YOU FIND OUT HOW MUCH -- HOW
LONG YOU WORKED. WELL, LET'S NOT SAY THAT ABOUT
ABC, THEY'RE REALLY GOOD TO YOU. >> Jimmy: STEVE ARE I ALWAYS
LOVE HAVING YOU ON, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
"STEVE ON WATCH" COMES BACK WITH NEW EPISODES ON FACEBOOK WATCH
LATER THIS YEAR. STEVE HARVEY, EVERYBODY!
BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL PENA.
n't n feeling quite like myself.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪
>> Jimmy: HI, MUSIC FROM AVA MAX IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY TALENTED AND FUNNY GUY.
YOU KNOW HIM FROM THE "ANT-MAN" MOVIES AND "NARCOS: MEXICO" AND
HIS LATEST IS A REBOOT OF THE ORIGINAL CAT VERSUS MOUSE "TOM
AND JERRY" IT OPENS IN THEATERS AND ON HBO MAX TOMORROW.
PLEASE WELCOME MICHAEL PEÑA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HI, MICHAEL. >> WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?
>> Jimmy: HOW YOU DOING? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN. >> Jimmy: WHERE ARE YOU?
>> I'M JUST -- I'M JUST SOUTH OF TAMPA.
>> Jimmy: OH, YOU'RE IN FLORIDA, OH, ALL RIGHT.
>> YEAH, I'M IN FLORIDA. IF NOT, I WOULD TRY TO BE IN THE
STUDIO. >> Jimmy: YEAH WELL, YOU KNOW
W WHAT?
NEXT TIME WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE STUDIO.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A GOLFER?
IS THAT WHY YOU'RE THERE? >> THAT'S KIND OF ALL I DO.
ESPECIALLY DURING THE PANDEMIC. LIKE THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT
YOU COULD DO. OUTDOORS.
IT'S REAL EASY TO SOCIAL DISTANCE.
SO I'VE BEEN GOLFING OUT HERE. THAT'S WHERE YOU GO, THAT'S WHAT
YOU DO IN FLORIDA. >> Jimmy: WHO DO YOU GO WITH?
PLAY WITH STRANGERS, HAVE A GROUP?
WHAT IS IT? >> NO, I FORCE MY KID TO GO.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU DO?
>> HE'S 12, I'M LIKE, YOU'RE GOING TO GO AND YOU'RE GOING TO
LIKE IT! >> Jimmy: DOES HE LIKE IT?
>> YOU KNOW, WHAT HE'S -- WE HAVE TO GO TO A DIFFERENT PART
OF THE DRIVING RANGE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE'LL MESS UP ALL THE
SAND TRAPS. HE'S THAT KID THAT -- HE'S 12
YEARS OLD. SMART KID.
BUT YOU KNOW THERE'S PYRAMIDS OF GOLF BALLS THAT THEY SET OUT FOR
GOLFERS? >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> IT'S NOT STUFFY BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RESPECT PEOPLE.
HE SAYS," "DIE, BALL." HITS THAT PYRAMID.
FORGET ABOUT IT. >> Jimmy: I HAVE ONE OF THOSE AT
HOME, TOO, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO FORCE THE KID FOR SOME FAMILY TIME.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WOULD HE RATHER BE DOING?
>> HE'D RATHER BE PLAYING "MINECRAFT."
>> Jimmy: OKAY, RIGHT, YEAH. >> OH, HE LOVES THE "MINECRAFT,"
BUDDY. >> Jimmy: DOES HE PLAY WITH
STRANGERS OR FRIENDS? HOW DOES THAT WORK?
>> WHAT THEY DO, IT'S REALLY ODD, MAN.
THEY HAVE LIKE THESE, YOU KNOW -- FOR SOME REASON, BECAUSE
PROBABLY THEY WATCH YOUTUBE AND SEE ALL THESE GAMERS WITH, YOU
KNOW, THE MICROPHONES AND HEADSETS.
>> YEAH. >> THEY'RE LIT ACTUAERALLY TWO
APART. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN I WAS A KID I'D HAVE WALKIE-TALKIES, WE'D AT LEAST GO
IN THE OTHER ROOM, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE JUST LIKE, YEAH, I GOT
IT. THIS IS AWESOME.
JUST GO, GO, GO. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S -- I GOT A HOUSEHOLD FULL OF LITTLE NERDS.
YOU KNOW, TRYING TO BEAT EACH OTHER AT "MINECRAFT."
>> Jimmy: USUALLY YOU'RE IN L.A. WHEN DID YOU MOVE TO L.A.?
YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO ORIGINALLY. WHAT YEAR DID YOU COME OUT HERE?
>> I -- MAN, IT WAS LIKE -- 25 YEARS AGO, LIKE 1996 OR '95 OR
SOMETHING. >> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I WENT AND -- BY THE WAY, CALIFORNIA'S COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT THAN CHICAGO. I HAD SOME -- LIKE ROOMMATES --
LIKE YOU KNOW, YOU GET STACKED UP AND YOU'RE LIKE, I'LL TAKE
ANY ROOMMATE. WE WERE LOSING OUR APARTMENT.
IT WAS MONTH TO MONTH AT OAKWOOD APARTMENTS.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD, YOU LIVED AT THE OAKWOOD APARTMENTS?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> DUDE.
>> Jimmy: EVERYONE IN L.A. LAUGHS WHEN THEY HEAR THAT.
IT'S LIKE, IN ORDER TO BECOME FAMOUS, YOU HAVE TO LIVE AT THE
OAKWOOD APARTMENTS AT SOME POINT, RIGHT?
>> YOU HAVE TO. BUT IT'S AWESOME BECAUSE IT'S
RIGHT BY WARNER BROTHERS. I USED TO WALK TO AUDITIONS.
I COULD ONLY GO TO AUDITIONS AT WARNER BROTHERS, I DIDN'T HAVE A
BUS PASS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AT OAKWOOD APARTMENTS, I HAD THESE ROOMMATES, THE ONLY PEOPLE
THERE -- IT'S CALIFORNIA. THEY'RE LIKE, HEY, DUDE, DO YOU
WANT TO COME BE ROOMMATES WITH US?
SURE. SO I'M LIKE, I BECAME ROOMMATES
WITH THESE BLUEGRASS PEOPLE THAT LIKE LOVE, YOU KNOW, BOB DYLAN
AND LIVE LIKE THEY WERE IN THE '60S.
>> Jimmy: YOU SEPTEMBER A PHOTOGRAPH.
I WONDER IF THESE ARE THE GUYS YOU'RE TALKING -- THAT'S YOU?
>> OH, YEAH. YOU SEE THE TENT IN THE
BACKGROUND? >> Jimmy: YES.
>> THAT WASN'T MY IDEA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WERE YOU CAMPING OR HOMELESS?
WHAT WAS GOING ON HERE? >> WELL, LOOK.
I CLEARLY DON'T LOOK LIKE I SHOULD BE THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I'M LIKE -- YOU CAN SEE IT IN MY
FACE, LIKE WHAT AM I DOING HERE? [ LAUGHTER ]
I GOT A CUP-O-NOODLE IN MY HANDS, AS IF I NEED ANOTHER
REMINDER I'M BROKE. I GOT SOME PRINGLES.
AND THAT'S WHAT WE ATE. THE WORST THING ABOUT THAT
EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY FROM CHICAGO,
EVERYBODY HAS A HOME. IS THEY HAD LIKE THESE UNISEX
BATHROOMS THAT WERE -- IT'S LITERALLY JUST LIKE HOLES IN THE
FLOOR. >> Jimmy: RIGHT, YEAH.
A CAMPSITE, YEAH. >> YEAH.
THE CAMPSITE. I'M NOT USED TO THAT, MAN.
SO I WAITED UNTIL MIDNIGHT. I HELD ALL THE FLUIDS IN.
UNTIL MIDNIGHT. AFTER THE FIRST NIGHT I
REALIZED, THOUGH GUYS DON'T STOP.
YOU JUST HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO BARE IT OWL.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO GO IN THE BOWL.
>> YOU'VE GOT TO LET THE DAM GO. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY WE HAVE
HOLES, REALLY, IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT WAYS.
>> YEAH, BUT AS SOON AS I DID THAT THEY'RE LIKE, DUDE, THAT'S
SO COOL, MAN. I WAS LIKE, DUDE, DON'T TALK TO
ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE IN THIS NEW "TOM AND JERRY" MOVIE.
I'VE BEEN SEEING THE SIGNS, MY KIDS HAVE BEEN SEEING THE
BILLBOARDS. SO WE STARTED WATCHING THE OLD
"TOM AND JERRY" CARTOONS. >> OH, THAT'S COOL!
>> Jimmy: TO GET THEM READY FOR IT.
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S SO DIFFERENT THAN THE CARTOONS WE
HAVE NOW. >> I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: IT'S SO INSANELY VIOLENT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> DUDE.
AND IT'S A LITTLE RICKY EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
ESPECIALLY THE BLACK AND WHITE ONES.
THERE'S A LOT OF INNUENDOS AND STUFF.
>> Jimmy: AND IT'S ALSO KIND OF NICE TO SEE, LIKE CARTOON
ANIMALS TRYING TO MURDER EACH OTHER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL --
EVERYBODY -- THEY ARE SO SWEET NOW.
THEY'RE SO -- EVERYTHING IS SO GENTLE NOW.
>> YEAH. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A
STANCE THAT YOU SHOULD TAKE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT IS. >> YOU'RE LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT,
DUDE? CARTOONS ARE WAY TOO SAFE NOW!
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE IN THE CROWD WITH A POSTER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, JERRY'S GOT
A HATCHET, HE'S TRYING TO CHOP TOM'S HEAD OFF, IT'S GREAT
STUFF. >> I KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT WE
GREW UP ON. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY WE TURNED
OUT WEIRD. THAT'S RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> EXACTLY.
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. >> Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU SHOOT
THIS MOVIE? >> SO WE SHOT IT IN ENGLAND.
AND I BROUGHT THE FAMILY WITH ME.
AND IT WAS AWESOME. >> Jimmy: OH, WOW, YEAH.
>> YEAH. ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT
ENGLAND IS, YOU'RE SO CLOSE TO EVERYTHING.
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE IN CALIFORNIA, IT'S ALMOST LIKE
GOING TO -- IT'S JUST AS FAST TO GO TO LAS VEGAS.
WE WENT TO PARIS. AND I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO
PARIS. WE ACTUALLY WENT TO PARIS.
IT'S ONLY LIKE AN HOUR AWAY. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> IN THE TRAIN. AND, WELL, I REMEMBER -- I
REMEMBER MY SON. HE LOVES CROISSANTS.
AND HE ASKED THIS GUY IN PARIS, HI, CAN I BUY A CROISSANT?
AND I'M WITH HIM. THE GUY'S LIKE, EH, EH?
LIKE HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. HE KEPT SAYING IT.
FINALLY HE THOUGHT, CAN I HAVE A "KWA-SAUNT"?
COME ON, MAN. THE EQUIVALENCY OF AN AMERICAN
GOING TO MEXICO, CAN I GET A TACO?
THEY'RE LIKE, NO COMPRENDO. >> Jimmy: WELL.
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S A FRIENDLIER VIBE IN
MEXICO, LET'S JUST SAY THAT. >> YEAH, LET'S JUST SAY THAT.
>> Jimmy: IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GIVE MY BEST TO YOUR FAMILY. AND WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING
YOU AGAIN SOON RIGHT HERE IN THE FLESH.
MICHAEL PENA, EVERYBODY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
"TOM AND JERRY" OPENS IN THEATERS AND ON HBO MAX
TOMORROW. WE'LL BE BACK WITH AVA MAX!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, IT IS MUSIC TIME.
HERE WITH THE SONG "MY HEAD AND MY HEART," AVA MAX!
♪ ♪ BABY NOW AND THEN
I THINK ABOUT ME NOW AND WHO I COULD HAVE BEEN
AND THEN I PICTURE ALL ♪ ♪ THE PERFECT THAT WE LIVED
'TIL I CUT THE STRINGS ON YOUR TINY VIOLIN
OH WOAH ♪ ♪ MY MIND'S GOT A M-M-MIND
OF ITS OWN RIGHT NOW AND IT MAKES ME HATE ME ♪
♪ I'LL EXPLODE LIKE A DYNAMITE
IF I CAN'T DECIDE BABY ♪ ♪ MY HEAD AND MY HEART
ARE TORTURING ME, YEAH LOST MY MIND IN YOUR ARMS
I GO TO EXTREMES YEAH ♪ ♪ WHEN ANGELS TELL ME RUN
AND MONSTERS CALL IT LOVE OH, MY HEAD AND MY HEART ARE
CAUGHT IN-BETWEEN, YEAH ♪ ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ ♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ ♪ TELL ME YES OR NO
ASKING THE HEAVENS SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO ♪
♪ YOU HELD MY HAND WHEN I HAD NOTHING LEFT TO HOLD
AND NOW I'M ON A ROLL OH, OH WOAH ♪
♪ MY MIND'S GOT A M-M-MIND OF ITS OWN RIGHT NOW
AND IT MAKES ME HATE ME ♪ I'LL EXPLODE
LIKE A DYNAMITE IF I CAN'T DECIDE BABY ♪
♪ MY HEAD AND MY HEART ARE TORTURING ME, YEAH
LOST MY MIND IN YOUR ARMS I GO TO EXTREMES, YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN ANGELS TELL ME RUN AND MONSTERS CALL IT LOVE
OH, MY HEAD AND MY HEART ARE CAUGHT IN BETWEEN YEAH ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ I'M STANDIN' AT THE CROSSROADS I CROSS MY HEART
WITH X AND Os ♪ ♪ WHICH WAY LEADS
TO FOREVER? WOAH-OH-OH-OH-OH
GOD ONLY KNOWS ♪ ♪ YEAH OH
♪ MY HEAD AND MY HEART ARE TORTURING ME, YEAH
LOST MY MIND IN YOUR ARMS I GO TO EXTREMES, YEAH ♪
♪ WHEN ANGELS TELL ME RUN AND MONSTERS CALL IT LOVE
OH, MY HEAD AND MY HEART ARE CAUGHT IN-BETWEEN, YEAH ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA YEAH YEAH
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA ♪ >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK STEVE
HARVEY, MICHAEL PENA, AVA MAX. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON, WE RAN
OUT OF TIME. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
THANKS FOR WATCHING ALL THE WAY TO THE END.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO, MOST DO, SO I THANK YOU AND WISH YOU A VERY
GOOD NIGHT.