1 00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:09,876 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S “JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE” 2 00:00:09,944 --> 00:00:10,943 8 TONIGHT, CHARLES BARKLEY, 3 00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,077 MADS MIKKELSEN, AND MUSIC FROM DAVIDO. 4 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:19,352 AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! >> Jimmy: WELL, HI THERE, THAT'S 5 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,486 ME. I'M JIMMY. 6 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,755 I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. 7 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,556 THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. IF YOU'RE NOT LISTENING, THANKS 8 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,627 FOR STARING. THIS IS KIND OF INTERESTING, 9 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,095 SPEAKING OF LISTENING, THEY DID A STUDY, YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE 10 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:35,835 WHO DO STUDIES? THEY DID ANOTHER ONE AND THEY 11 00:00:35,837 --> 00:00:39,838 FOUND THAT ONLY ABOUT 2% OF CONVERSATIONS END WHEN BOTH 12 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:40,906 PEOPLE WANT THEM TO END. KIND OF LIKE SEX. 13 00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:47,380 RIGHT, GUILLERMO? >> RIGHT, JIMMY, RIGHT, YEAH. 14 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,249 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: RESEARCHERS AT HARVARD 15 00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,850 SAID THAT 66% OF THE PEOPLE THEY STUDIED WISHED THEIR 16 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,185 CONVERSATION ENDED BEFORE IT DID. 17 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:59,257 THEY ALSO FOUND THAT, DURING A BORING STORY, PEOPLE SAY,“WOW, 18 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:03,929 THAT'S CRAZY” ON AVERAGE, 28 TIMES. 19 00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:09,335 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Guillermo: WOW, THAT'S CRAZY. 20 00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:13,739 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU? 21 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,942 DID YOU BREAK INTO YOUR WEED STASH BEFORE THE SHOW? 22 00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:20,279 >> Guillermo: A LITTLE BIT. [ LAUGHTER ] 23 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,880 >> Jimmy: I THINK THE LOCKDOWN HAS SPOILED US. 24 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,749 IT'S A LOT HARDER TO GET OUT OF A CONVERSATION WHEN YOU CAN'T 25 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,284 JUST PRESS A BUTTON THAT SAYS “LEAVE” 26 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:29,154 I LOVE PRESSING LEAVE. “LEAVE AND LEAVE” 27 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,088 ON ZOOM. MY FAVORITE THINGS OF 2021. 28 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:33,225 [ LAUGHTER ] IN OTHER UNWANTED CONVERSATION 29 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:39,498 NEWS, A THIRD WOMAN HAS NOW COME FORWARD WITH ALLEGATIONS OF 30 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,966 INAPPROPRIATE CONDUCT BY NEW YORK GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO. 31 00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,568 THIS ONE HAPPENED AT A WEDDING IN 2019. 32 00:01:43,638 --> 00:01:47,773 GOVERNOR CUOMO APPROACHED A WOMAN HE'D NEVER MET, SHE SAYS 33 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:54,046 THEY CHATTED BRIEFLY, HE PUT HIS HANDS ON HER BARE LOWER BACK, 34 00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:57,449 SHE PULLED HIS HANDS AWAY WHICH SHE THOUGHT WOULD BE A HINT. 35 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,786 BUT JUST MOVED THEM TO HER CHEEKS AND ASKED IF HE COULD 36 00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,788 KISS HER. AND THE CRAZIEST PART IS THERE'S 37 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,189 A PHOTO OF IT. VERY RARELY DOES A WEDDING 38 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,657 PHOTOGRAPHER CAPTURE ANYTHING INTERESTING AT ALL, BUT THIS ONE 39 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,659 DID. [ LAUGHTER ] 40 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,994 THAT'S THE PHOTO. THERE IT IS. 41 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:11,063 HE'S EITHER ASKING TO KISS HER OR TELLING HER,“I KNOW IT WAS 42 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,199 YOU, FREDO. YOU BROKE MY HEART” 43 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,401 [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE A 44 00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:18,671 PICTURE OF THIS. THIS IS HOW MYSTERIES IN AN 45 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:26,278 OLSEN TWINS MOVIE END. [ LAUGHTER ] 46 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,813 THIS IS NOW HOW REAL LIFE GOES. AND, OF COURSE, THE FOLKS AT THE 47 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,016 “NEW YORK POS” HAD FUN WITH IT. “HANDSY AND” WAS THE HEADLINE. 48 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:32,684 THIS COMES ON THE HEELS OF TWO FORMER AIDES, ALSO YOUNG WOMEN, 49 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,554 WHO ACCUSED THE GOVERNOR OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN THE 50 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:36,755 WORKPLACE. IN THE SPAN OF ONE MONTH, 51 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,291 ANDREW CUOMO HAS SOMEHOW DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE. 52 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,294 HE MADE BILL DEBLASIO THE SECOND MOST-HATED POLITICIAN IN 53 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,831 NEW YORK. [ LAUGHTER ] 54 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:49,168 A YEAR AGO EVERYONE WAS IN LOVE WITH ANDREW CUOMO, LIKE, 55 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,569 LITERALLY IN LOVE. EVEN THE ITEMS AVAILABLE ON ETSY 56 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,972 HAVE CHANGED. THEY WENT FROM,“FUTURE 57 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:59,578 MRS. CUOMO” "ST. ANDREW CUOMO." 58 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:00,246 “I'M A CUOMOSEXUAL” “SHH, I'M WATCHING CUOMO” 59 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,315 TO -- “ARREST CUOMO” 60 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:04,316 “ANDREW THE GRANDMA SLAYER CUOMO” 61 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:08,254 “IMPEACH CUOMO” AND“WIPE YOUR FEET HERE” 62 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:11,190 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW IT'S SERIOUS WHEN THE 63 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,191 ETSY COMMUNITY GETS INVOLVED. [ LAUGHTER ] 64 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:14,860 EVEN SOME DEMOCRATS ARE CALLING FOR CUOMO TO RESIGN. 65 00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,730 LINDSEY GRAHAM, THIS IS GOOD, LINDSEY TOLD SEAN HANNITY THE 66 00:03:17,732 --> 00:03:20,066 DEMOCRATS SHOULD APPLY THE “REPUBLICAN MODE” TO 67 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:24,136 ANDREW CUOMO. WHICH I GUESS MEANS THEY SHOULD 68 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:28,874 MAKE HIM PRESIDENT? I DON'T KNOW, HOW DOES THAT 69 00:03:28,943 --> 00:03:30,008 WORK? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 70 00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,143 ANOTHER POLITICIAN WHO HAD A GREAT FALL IS MITT ROMNEY. 71 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,945 SENATOR ROMNEY SUFFERED A LITERAL FALL WHILE PLAYING WITH 72 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,749 HIS GRANDKIDS. HE GOT KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS AND 73 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:42,955 HAD TO BE HOSPITALIZED. THE DOCTORS TOLD MITT HE 74 00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:45,224 SHOULDN'T BE SKATEBOARDING, BUT THE DUDE JUST LOVES TO THRASH, I 75 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:48,493 GUESS. [ LAUGHTER ] 76 00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:51,363 THE FALL WAS PARTICULARLY CONCERNING BECAUSE OF ALL THE 77 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,499 REPUBLICANS IN THE SENATE ROMNEY IS ONE OF THE FEW WHO STILL HAS 78 00:03:53,501 --> 00:04:00,439 SOME OF HIS SPINE. BUT HE IS OKAY AND BACK TO WORK. 79 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:07,379 HEY, YOU KNOW HOW TRUMP WORLD AND HIS COHORTS WERE TRYING TO 80 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,848 SPREAD THE IDEA THAT THE RIOTERS WHO STORMED THE CAPITOL WERE 81 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,651 ACTUALLY ANTIFA IN DISGUISE? AS HIS SUPPORTERS? 82 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,455 WELL, THE DIRECTOR OF THE FBI TESTIFIED BEFORE THE SENATE 83 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,456 TODAY AND SAID THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF THAT. 84 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:21,260 NOT ONLY THAT, IT HAS BECOME MORE OBVIOUS THAT THE 85 00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:23,329 INSURRECTIONISTS WERE REACTING TO THE WORDS OF DONALD TRUMP. 86 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:27,465 BECAUSE THE MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE NO CONNECTION TO EXTREMIST 87 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:32,605 GROUPS OR EVEN TO EACH OTHER. THEY STUDIED THE ARREST RECORDS. 88 00:04:32,607 --> 00:04:37,409 THE RESEARCH SHOWED, AMONG OTHER THINGS, THAT MEN WHO STORMED THE 89 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:42,548 CAPITOL OUTNUMBERED THE WOMEN, SIX TO ONE, WHICH IS WHY IT'S SO 90 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,283 HARD TO DATE AT THESE THINGS. [ LAUGHTER ] 91 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,752 IT WAS A REAL SAUSAGE INSURRECTION. 92 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:49,088 [ APPLAUSE ] BUT IT IS KIND OF SAD. 93 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:52,691 THESE PEOPLE, THEY'RE NOT THE BRIGHTEST. 94 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,893 THEY CAME TO WASHINGTON TO TRY TO SAVE AMERICA. 95 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,428 THAT'S WHAT THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING. 96 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,031 THEY WERE SOLD A BILL OF GOODS, AND NOW THEY'RE PAYING THE PRICE 97 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:01,233 FOR IT. LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT 98 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,569 INSTA-POTS. [ LAUGHTER ] 99 00:05:04,639 --> 00:05:06,772 INVESTIGATORS HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR PATTERNS AND CONNECTIONS, 100 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:12,511 AND I MAY HAVE STUMBLED ONTO SOMETHING THEY CAN USE. 101 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,380 AT LEAST TWO OF THOSE WHO WERE CHARGED LIST THEIR PROFESSION AS 102 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:20,586 “DATING COACH” SAMUEL FISHER AND 103 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:29,194 PATRICK ALONZO STEDMAN NO RELATION TO OPRAH I'M SURE, HELP 104 00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:30,662 COACH DATING. STEDMAN, WHO POSTED A VIDEO OF 105 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,065 HIMSELF SITTING IN NANCY PELOSI'S OFFICE, HAS SOME GOOD 106 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,801 SUGGESTIONS. LIKE "MAKE A GIRL THINK OF 107 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,535 HERSELF LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT THAT YOU CAN EASILY REPLACE WITH 108 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,938 ANOTHER” WHICH IS SWEET. 109 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,874 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THE OTHER GUY IS QUITE THE 110 00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:45,144 ASS-ANOVA TOO. HE USED THE NAME“BRAD HOLIDA”" 111 00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,012 HE ENCOURAGES MEN TO HANG POSTERS OF PINUP GIRLS ON YOUR 112 00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:51,750 WALL TO“KEEP YOUR MIND FOCUSED ON YOUR GOAL OF BECOMING 113 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:55,087 SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN” YEAH. 114 00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:58,557 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT WOMEN, THEY LOVE WHEN IT YOU 115 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,359 DECORATE YOUR APARTMENT LIKE IT'S A MIDDLE SCHOOL TREEHOUSE. 116 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,161 [ LAUGHTER ] THINGS SEEMS TO BE LOOKING UP 117 00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:03,962 VACCINE-WISE. PRESIDENT BIDEN TODAY CORRECTED 118 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,166 HIS ORIGINAL PROMISE THAT EVERY AMERICAN WHO WANTS ONE WOULD 119 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,433 HAVE ACCESS TO THE VACCINE BY JULY. 120 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:13,972 NOW HE SAYS WE'RE ON TRACK TO HAVE ENOUGH BY THE END OF MAY. 121 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:21,980 AND THAT'S GREAT NEWS BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN TO LAKE HAVASU IN A 122 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,115 YEAR. [ LAUGHTER ] 123 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,316 NOW THE BIG CHALLENGE IS SHIPPING THE VACCINES AND MAKING 124 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,052 SURE THEY DON'T GET STOLEN. THERE ARE FEARS THAT CRIMINALS 125 00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:28,721 COULD TRY TO PULL OFF SOME KIND OF HEIST. 126 00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:30,456 WHICH WOULD BE A GREAT PLOT FOR THE NEW ROBERT PATTINSON BATMAN 127 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,058 MOVIE. MR. FREEZE STEALS ALL THE 128 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:36,862 VACCINES AND NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY 129 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,598 ONE THAT CAN KEEP THEM COLD ENOUGH. 130 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:42,868 [ LAUGHTER ] STILL HIGH? 131 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:43,802 >> Guillermo: A LITTLE BIT, A LITTLE BIT, YEAH. 132 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:48,473 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I MENTIONED LAST WEEK 133 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:52,878 THERE WAS A DIPLOMATIC DISPUTE BETWEEN THE U.S. -- I FEEL 134 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,948 LIKE -- YOU KNOW SOMETIMES YOUR KID GETS A GERBIL, YOU LOOK OVER 135 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:57,816 AND IT'S JUST SITTING THERE LOOKING AT YOU? 136 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,219 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Guillermo: NO, NO, I'M 137 00:07:00,221 --> 00:07:02,621 LISTENING TO YOUR CONVERSATION. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT THE GERBIL 138 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,691 SAYS TOO. [ LAUGHTER ] 139 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,092 >> Jimmy: THIS WILL INTEREST YOU. 140 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:10,095 REMEMBER LAST WEEK I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW THE U.S. STATE 141 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,297 DEPARTMENT, THE PEOPLE IN THE STATE DEPARTMENT, THE CHINESE 142 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:16,035 WERE PUTTING THE Q-TIP UP THEIR BUTTS FOR THE COVID TESTING? 143 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,571 >> Guillermo: YEAH. >> Jimmy: OKAY. 144 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:20,172 [ LAUGHTER ] SO NOW -- YOU KNOW, CHINA DENIED 145 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,776 IT. THEY CLAIMED IT WAS A 146 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:28,180 MISUNDERSTANDING, BUT NOW JAPAN IS ASKING CHINA TO STOP USING IT 147 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,514 ON THEM TOO. [ LAUGHTER ] 148 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,717 APPARENTLY THEY'VE BEEN DOING TO IT THE JAPANESE, THEY SAY THIS 149 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,386 TEST HAS CAUSED GREAT PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN TO THOSE WHO 150 00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:36,855 WERE SUBJECTED TO IT. CHINA HAS NOW VIOLATED SO MANY 151 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:40,726 PEOPLE THEY MAY HAVE TO START RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF NEW 152 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,928 YORK. [ APPLAUSE ] 153 00:07:43,998 --> 00:07:47,933 BY THE WAY, I LEARNED THIS TODAY, I DIDN'T KNOW THIS. 154 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:52,805 THERE'S A POPULAR PRANK AMONG JAPANESE TEENAGERS. 155 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:57,942 SOMETHING CALLED“KANCHO” WHERE THEY POKE A FINGER INTO 156 00:07:58,012 --> 00:08:00,412 THE BUTT OF AN UNSUSPECTING PERSON. 157 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,948 IT'S ALSO POPULAR IN KOREA WHERE THEY BUILT A STATUE TO -- I 158 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:07,619 DON'T KNOW, CELEBRATE IT? BUT I HOPE IT DOESN'T COME HERE. 159 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,889 BUT IT'S COMING HERE, RIGHT? FIRST K-POP, NOW PROSTATE EXAMS 160 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,624 ON THE STREET. GUILLERMO, SHOULD WE BE THE 161 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,627 FIRST AMERICANS TO TRY THIS? >> Guillermo: CAN I THINK ABOUT 162 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,494 IT? [ LAUGHTER ] 163 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:17,696 >> Jimmy: YES, YOU THINK ABOUT IT. 164 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:21,366 WE COULD BE PIONEERS, YOU KNOW. THE GOVERNOR OF TEXAS ANNOUNCED 165 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:25,704 TODAY THAT HE IS LIFTING THEIR STATEWIDE MASK MANDATE. 166 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:29,441 AS OF MARCH 10th, TEXANS WILL NO LONGER BE REQUIRED TO WEAR FACE 167 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:34,179 COVERINGS IN PUBLIC. FROM THERE ON, THE ONLY PEOPLE 168 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,781 WEARING MASKS IN TEXAS WILL BE THE LONE RANGER AND THE CHAINSAW 169 00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:39,251 MASSACRE GUY. [ LAUGHTER ] 170 00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:41,453 MEANWHILE, THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION HAS FINALLY ISSUED 171 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,189 A RECOMMENDATION AS TO WHETHER OR NOT HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE SHOULD 172 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,125 BE USED TO PREVENT OR TREAT COVID-19. 173 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,727 AND THE RECOMMENDATION IS IT SHOULD NOT. 174 00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:51,530 THEY FOUND THE DRUG HAS“NO MEANINGFUL EFFEC” ON COVID. 175 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,266 WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS 176 00:08:54,334 --> 00:09:06,078 WRONG! ♪ DUM DUM DUM 177 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:10,816 TRUMP TALKED A LOT ABOUT HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE. 178 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,951 PEOPLE THOUGHT MAYBE HE WAS SELLING THAT, DO YOU REMEMBER 179 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,220 THAT? HE TALKED ABOUT IT SO MUCH I HAD 180 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:16,554 TO LEARN HOW TO SPELL HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE. 181 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:18,423 BY THE WAY, WHEN TRUMP GOT THE CORONAVIRUS, KNOW WHAT DRUG HE 182 00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:20,558 DIDN'T TAKE? HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE. 183 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:24,496 AND THIS IS FUNNY, THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA, AFTER HE WAS TALKING 184 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:27,966 ABOUT IT, THEY'RE TRYING NOW TO RETURN $2 MILLION WORTH OF 185 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:32,370 UNUSED DOSES OF THIS DRUG, WHICH THEY BOUGHT USING TAXPAYER 186 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,240 MONEY, TO SHOW DONALD TRUMP HOW VERY MUCH HE MEANS TO THEM. 187 00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,042 SO NOW THE STATE IS STUCK WITH A WAREHOUSE FULL OF MALARIA 188 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,911 MEDICINE. IT'S MEDICINE FOR MALARIA. 189 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:45,183 AND THE OKLAHOMA BOARD OF TOURISM IS TRYING TO MAKE IT A 190 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:49,654 SELLING POINT. >> IMAGINE A PLACE THAT IS HOME 191 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:55,527 TO OVER 200 LAKES AND HAS 55,000 MILES OF SHORELINE. 192 00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:59,197 A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN PURSUE YOUR WILDEST DREAMS. 193 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:04,803 A PLACE WHERE 1.2 MILLION UNUSED DOSES OF HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE 194 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:08,674 COLLECT DUST IN A WAREHOUSE. A PLACE WHERE INNOVATORS THRIVE. 195 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,677 AND WHERE WE HAVE A [ BLEEP ] OF UNWANTED MEDICINE. 196 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:15,547 SO WHETHER YOU'RE CRAVING EXCITEMENT AND WONDER, OR YOU'VE 197 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,551 GOT A HIGH-GRADE FEVER BROUGHT ON BY AFRICAN MOSQUITO BITES, 198 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:23,755 OKLAHOMA HAS IT ALL. CALL US TODAY FOR A FREE TRAVEL 199 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,557 GUIDE. AND CALL YOUR DOCTOR IF YOU 200 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:29,895 EXPERIENCE MODERATE TO SEVERE DIARRHEA AS A RESULT OF TAKING 201 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:33,031 ALL THE EXPIRED HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE YOUR HEART 202 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,834 DESIRES. OKLAHOMA -- WE GOT PILES AND 203 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:38,904 PILES OF PILLS. COME EAT THEM. 204 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:44,242 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I'D GO CHECK IT OUT. 205 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,578 WHILE MANY OF US ARE STILL WORRIED ABOUT COVID AND CLIMATE 206 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,782 CHANGE, TUCKER CARLSON IS WORRYING ON ANOTHER LEVEL. 207 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:54,386 TUCKER RIGHT NOW IS WORRIED ABOUT OUR TESTICLES. 208 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,322 >> LAST YEAR, HEARING ABOUT A HEALTH CRISIS, A PANDEMIC, BUT 209 00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:58,857 THERE ARE A LOT OF HEALTH CRISES. 210 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:03,194 THIS MAY BE THE BIGGEST ONE. FALLING TESTOSTERONE LEVELS 211 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,796 WHICH HAVE COMPLETELY RESHAPED OUR SOCIETY. 212 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,666 FALLING SPERM COUNTS, WHICH MAY MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTINUE 213 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:08,667 THE HUMAN RACE. [ LAUGHTER ] 214 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:11,603 WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? PROBABLY BECAUSE OF CHEMICALS IN 215 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:12,937 OUR ENVIRONMENT. ACCORDING TO ONE SCIENTIST, 216 00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:17,809 SPERM COUNTS IN THE WESTERN WORLD HAVE DROPPED 59% BETWEEN 217 00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:21,680 1973 AND 2011. AT THIS PACE, SPERM COUNTS WILL 218 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:24,883 REACH ZERO BY 2045. [ LAUGHTER ] 219 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,152 >> Jimmy: WHAT? WOW. 220 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,887 THAT IS SOME MATH YOU'RE DOING. LISTEN DUDE, IF YOU NEED SPERM, 221 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,021 I CAN GET YOU SPERM. [ LAUGHTER ] 222 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:33,425 I GOT A GUY. TUCKER CARLSON. 223 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,294 ALWAYS COMES UP WITH SOMETHING. OF ALL THE SPERM IN HIS FATHER'S 224 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,097 SAC, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WAS THE FASTEST ONE. 225 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:44,436 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS HAD TO PUT A DENT IN OLD 226 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,637 TUCK'S NUTS. [ LAUGHTER ] 227 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:49,774 TODAY, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, IS DR. SEUSS' BIRTHDAY. 228 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,109 DR. SEUSS WAS BORN 117 YEARS AGO TODAY. 229 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:54,379 AND TO HONOR THIS SPECIAL DAY, DR. SEUSS ENTERPRISES ANNOUNCED 230 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:58,182 THAT SIX OF HIS BOOKS WILL NO LONGER BE PUBLISHED BECAUSE THEY 231 00:11:58,252 --> 00:12:04,323 CONTAIN RACIST AND INSENSITIVE IMAGERY. 232 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,992 I LOVE THAT THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED DR. SEUSS ENTERPRISES. 233 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,929 HOW GREAT WOULD IT BE TO WORK THERE? 234 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,397 AND NOT ONLY ARE THEY PULLING SOME BOOKS OUT OF PRINT, THEY 235 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,600 ARE ALSO TWEAKING SOME OF THE OTHERS TO MAKE THEM MORE 236 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:16,802 INCLUSIVE. FOR INSTANCE,“THE CAT IN THE 237 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,137 PROBLEMATIC HEADDRESS” [ LAUGHTER ] 238 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:22,874 “HOW THE GRINCH APPROPRIATED NATIVE AMERICAN CULTURE” 239 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:28,413 “HOP ON POP, WITH HIS CONSENT” “HORTON HEARS A THEY” 240 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:32,350 “HORTON HEARS A MISOGYNIST JOKE AND REPORTS IT TO H.R” 241 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,953 [ LAUGHTER ] “THERE'S A WOCKET IN MY 242 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,355 ETHICALLY SUSTAINABLE SOURCED POCKET” 243 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:40,892 “NO EGGS OR HAM” THAT'S A VEGAN THING, I GUESS. 244 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:44,896 AND“YERTLE THE GENDER-FLUID TURTLE” 245 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:45,897 AND OTHER STORIES. THIS IS HOW TRUMP GETS 246 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:51,169 RE-ELECTED, BY THE WAY. CANCEL DR. SEUSS, CANCEL 247 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,638 ABE LINCOLN, MELT DOWN MR. POTATO HEAD'S PRIVATE PARTS 248 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,441 AND THROW THEM AT THE MUPPETS. THAT IS HIS PATH TO VICTORY. 249 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,511 THE NEXT TIME AROUND. YOU KNOW DR. SEUSS' BIRTHDAY IS 250 00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,312 ALSO“READ ACROSS AMERICA DAY” THEY CAME UP WITH IT TO HONOR 251 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:06,117 HIM. &-pO DO WITH DR. SEUSS. 252 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,786 BUT THEY STILL WANT US TO READ ON HIS BIRTHDAY, I THINK. 253 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,387 I'M NOT SURE. I DON'T KNOW. 254 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,724 WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT AMERICANS HAVE BEEN HOLED UP AT HOME FOR 255 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,994 ALMOST A YEAR NOW, AND I WONDER HOW MUCH OF THAT TIME THEY SPENT 256 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:20,331 READING. NOT READING TWITTER OR DMs ON 257 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,734 INSTAGRAM, READING BOOKS. SO WE WENT ON THE STREET AND 258 00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:28,206 CONDUCTED AN UNSCIENTIFIC SURVEY. 259 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:32,477 WE ASKED PEOPLE PASSING BY OUR STUDIO TO NAME A BOOK, ANY BOOK, 260 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:36,148 AND THIS IS HOW THAT WENT. >> CAN YOU NAME A BOOK? 261 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:42,487 >> UM -- I DON'T READ THAT MUCH. >> CAN YOU NAME A BOOK? 262 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:50,495 >> UH -- OH GOSH -- I GOT SO MANY OF THEM ON MY MIND. 263 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,364 >> CAN YOU NAME A BOOK? >> GEEZ, ON THE SPOT, I CAN'T. 264 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:57,702 >> CAN YOU NAME A BOOK? >> OH, NO, THAT'S A BAD ONE. 265 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,704 WHAT'S ONE OF THE ONES THEY MAKE YOU READ IN HIGH SCHOOL? 266 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:08,847 UH -- "FAHRENHEIT" SOMETHING. 470-SOMETHING? 267 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:15,053 >> CAN YOU NAME A BOOK? >> UH -- UH, "I LOVE FOOD"? 268 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,189 >> IS THAT A BOOK? >> YES? 269 00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,791 >> WHAT IS IT ABOUT? >> FOOD? 270 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,192 >> WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? 271 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:26,331 >> THE LAST BOOK I READ? I THINK IT WAS A COMIC BOOK. 272 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:31,803 I THINK IT WAS "THE INFINITY GAUNTLET SERIES." 273 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,939 >> IS A COMIC BOOK A BOOK? >> IT HAS "BOOK" IN THE NAME. 274 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,475 >> WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU READ A BOOK? 275 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,712 >> UM -- NOT IN MY COLLEGE LIFE, EVER. 276 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:44,349 >> YOU WENT THROUGH COLLEGE NOT READING A SINGLE BOOK? 277 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,017 >> NO. NO, MA'AM. 278 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,152 >> WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? 279 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:53,892 >> UM -- THE LAST BOOK I READ WAS -- "SOMETIMES GOD HAS A 280 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:58,096 KID'S FACE." >> WHEN DID YOU READ THAT? 281 00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:02,433 >> UM -- I HAVE IT IN MY, LIKE -- I HAVEN'T REALLY READ IT 282 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:08,372 THAT MUCH, BUT YOU KNOW. BUT -- I'M REALLY, LIKE, READING 283 00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:09,307 IT. SOME OF IT. 284 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:12,376 >> HOW HIGH ARE YOU NOW? >> A LITTLE HIGH. 285 00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:17,515 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: GUILLERMO, I THINK WE 286 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,184 FOUND YOU A FRIEND. >> Guillermo: YEAH! 287 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,452 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 288 00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:21,519 MADS MIKKELSEN IS WITH US. WE HAVE MUSIC FROM DAVIDO, AND 289 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,189 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE GREAT CHARLES BARKLEY, SO 290 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,291 STICK AROUND! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 291 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:40,272 ♪ >> Jimmy: TONIGHT-FROM THE MOVIE 292 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:41,606 “ANOTHER ROUND” MADS MIKKELSEN IS WITH US. 293 00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:45,276 THEN LATER, A VERY TALENTED NIGERIAN-AMERICAN FROM THIS, THE 294 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,814 “COMING 2 AMERIC” SOUNDTRACK, MUSIC FROM DAVIDO. 295 00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:52,617 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WHO DO WE HAVE TOMORROW NIGHT? 296 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,485 TOMORROW NIGHT, DAISY RIDLEY AND JUSTICE SMITH WILL JOIN US WITH 297 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,688 MUSIC FROM ASHE FEATURING FINNEAS. 298 00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:57,756 AND ON THURSDAY, SACHA BARON COHEN, 299 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:01,025 WESLEY SNIPES, AND MUSIC FROM CHARLOTTE LAWRENCE. 300 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,159 SO PLEASE, PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. 301 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:05,964 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A 302 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,298 HALL-OF-FAME BASKETBALL PLAYER, A HALL-OF-FAME BROADCASTER, AND 303 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:11,102 ONE OF THE FUNNIEST GUYS ON TV. STARTING THURSDAY NIGHT, HE AND 304 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:17,842 HIS TNT COLLEAGUES ARE SUBJECTS OF A NEW, FOUR-PART DOCUMENTARY 305 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:22,714 CALLED“THE INSIDE STORY” PLEASE WELCOME CHARLES BARKLEY. 306 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,583 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WHAT'S UP, BROTHER? 307 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:25,917 >> Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU, HOW ARE YOU? 308 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:31,456 >> ALWAYS GOOD, MAN, THANKS FOR HAVING ME ARE I LOVE DOING YOUR 309 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,124 SHOW. >> Jimmy: I LOVE HAVING YOU. 310 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:39,197 YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY FAVORITE? I HOPE YOU KNOW THAFSHLGTS IT'S 311 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,131 EITHER ME OR SHAQ AND YOU KNOW HE SUCKS. 312 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,667 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DOES ANYONE CALL YOU 313 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:43,468 CHAR-BAR? HAS THAT EVER BEEN SAID? 314 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:49,674 >> HELL ALTHOUGH! HELL NO! 315 00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:50,942 AP [ LAUGHTER ] 316 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,410 I HATE CHARLIE TOO. >> Jimmy: YOU DON'T LIKE 317 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,611 CHARLIE. >> YOU CALL ME CHARLES OR CALL 318 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:58,083 ME CHUCK, BUT I HATE CHARLIE, AND I DON'T KNOW THAT NAME YOU 319 00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,084 JUST MADE UP, CHAR-BAR. >> Jimmy: CHAR-BAR. 320 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,686 >> RIDICULOUS. [ LAUGHTER ] 321 00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:08,492 >> Jimmy: I HOPE IT DOESN'T CATCH ON, I REALLY HOPE. 322 00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:13,965 MR. BARKLEY, IF THAT'S OKAY, THIS IS A BIG WEEKEND FOR YOU. 323 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,633 USUALLY IT WOULD BE BECAUSE OF THE NBA ALL-STAR GAME. 324 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,770 BUT THIS IS A BIG WEEKEND FOR YOU BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER'S 325 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:19,637 GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEKEND, CORRECT? 326 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:23,108 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> YEAH. 327 00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:28,780 YOU KNOW, JIMMY, MY ONLY CHILD, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY 328 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:30,448 LIFE, IS GETTING MARRIED SATURDAY. 329 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:34,519 I'M SO EXCITED FOR HER AND MY FUTURE SON-IN-LAW. 330 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:38,456 AND I'M JUST EXCITED FOR HER. BECAUSE THIS IS HER SPECIAL DAY. 331 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,191 BOTH OF US WILL BE THE ONLY ONE, TOO. 332 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:44,996 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DON'T SAY THAT AT THE 333 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,465 TOAST. >> HEY, HEY, LISTEN. 334 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,602 I PROMISED HER THIS. THIS GOT TO WORK, THIS IS THE 335 00:17:50,604 --> 00:17:51,803 ONLY ONE I'M PAYING FOR. [ LAUGHTER ] 336 00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,739 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK THIN, BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU BEEN GETTING IN 337 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:59,210 SHAPE BECAUSE OF THE WEDDING? >> YEAH. 338 00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:05,216 YOU KNOW, I BEEN REALLY WORKING OUT HARD, BECAUSE APPARENTLY 339 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,084 THEY GOT TO PICK ME UP IN A CHAIR. 340 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,685 >> Jimmy: WHAT? OH, IS HER FIANCE JEWISH? 341 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:11,356 >> YES. >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. 342 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,025 >> AND LISTEN -- I NEED ALL JEWISH PEOPLE ON DECK, BROTHER. 343 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:19,497 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 344 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:24,435 BECAUSE HEY, I CAN ONLY GET SO SKINNY BY SATURDAY, MAN. 345 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,104 [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN ONLY GET SO SKINNY. 346 00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:31,309 BUT I ATE. IT'S LIKE I'M IN A -- ALL HANDS 347 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,443 ON DECK. [ LAUGHTER ] 348 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,178 >> Jimmy: THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GETTING INTO. 349 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:37,715 THAT'S SOMETHING ELSE. YOU'RE GOING TO BE PART OF THAT 350 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,917 TRADITION. DO YOU HAVE -- YOU KNOW, I 351 00:18:38,919 --> 00:18:39,984 WAS -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS. 352 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:44,389 I WAS A WEDDING DEEJAY IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA, WHICH I 353 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,656 BELIEVE IS WHERE THIS IS ALL GOING ON. 354 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:49,794 SO IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING, I CAN PROBABLY 355 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:51,196 HELP YOU. DO YOU? 356 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:54,065 >> WELL, I WISH I'D HAVE KNOWN THAT. 357 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,935 YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE GAVE ME A CHEAPER DEAL ON THE DEEJAY, 358 00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:57,935 RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ] 359 00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,337 >> Jimmy: I WOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR NOTHING. 360 00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,072 YOU KNOW -- >> IT'S NOT TOO LATE! 361 00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:03,408 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT'S NOT TOO LATE? 362 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,411 I'LL BE OUT THERE. DO YOU HAVE LIKE A 363 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:10,749 FATHER-DAUGHTER DANCE PLANNED? DID YOU THINK AHEAD AS FAR AS 364 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,817 WHAT SONG YOU WILL MAY FOR THAT? >> YEAH, I DID. 365 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,687 YOU KNOW, I WANT TO GIVE A SHOUT-OUT TO PEOPLE WHO WATCH ME 366 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:23,895 AND ERNIE'S PODCAST CALLED "A TEAM STEAM ROOM." 367 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,297 GREAT SONGS. STEVIE WONDER, LUTHER VANDROSS. 368 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:32,170 BUT I CAME UP -- I'M GOING TO DO ZACH BROWN, "THE MAN WHO LOVES 369 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,438 YOU THE MOST." >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD ONE. 370 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:38,042 >> I DO, I LOVE THE WORDS OF IT. BUT WE SETTLED ON ZACH BROWN, 371 00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:39,377 "THE MAN WHO LOVES YOU THE MOST." 372 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:43,848 I CAN'T WAIT TO DANCE WITH HER ON HER WEDDING NIGHT. 373 00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:48,186 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU A GOOD DANCER? >> NO. 374 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,321 [ LAUGHTER ] I'M AN AWFUL DANCER. 375 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:54,192 YOU KNOW, JIMMY, I BEEN BUSY. I AIN'T HAVE TIME TO LEARN HOW 376 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:58,663 TO DANCE. I BEEN BUSY BEING CHARLES 377 00:19:58,731 --> 00:19:59,530 BARKLEY FOR THE LAST 40 YEARS. [ LAUGHTER ] 378 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:02,600 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: IS YOUR FUTURE 379 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:06,670 SON-IN-LAW -- OH, DID HE ASK YOU FOR YOUR -- FOR HER HAND IN 380 00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:08,072 MARRIAGE? DID HE ASK FOR YOUR BLESSING? 381 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:08,940 >> HE DID. YOU KNOW, AND I HADN'T HEARD 382 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:18,282 ABOUT THAT BEFORE. AND I GOT REALLY EMOTIONAL. 383 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:24,422 LIKE I SAY -- I'D HEARD BETTER BEFORE, BUT IT WAS 384 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,891 NERVE-RACKING. YOU'RE LIKE -- UM, YES? 385 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,493 AND THE FAMILY, HOW IS THE FAMILY? 386 00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:31,829 ARE THEY PEOPLE YOU FEEL YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH? 387 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:35,299 >> I LOVE HIS FAMILY. THEY ARE AMAZING PEOPLE. 388 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,836 THEY'VE BEEN LIVING IN LONG ISLAND FOR A LONG TIME. 389 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,706 AND IT'S GOING TO BE A WELCOME ADDITION TO MY FAMILY. 390 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,975 >> Jimmy: WHO IS PAYING FOR THE WEDDING? 391 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,911 >> THAT WOULD BE ME. [ LAUGHTER ] 392 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,981 >> Jimmy: THAT'S YOU. THAT TRADITION IS REAL TOUGH, 393 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:55,453 ISN'T IT? >> WELL, YOU KNOW -- I GAVE HER 394 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,722 A CHOICE. SHE COULD BE STUPID AND USE ALL 395 00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:01,993 THE MONEY ON THE WEDDING, OR SHE COULD GET A REALLY NICE WEDDING 396 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:06,063 GIFT. AND SHE CHOSE -- CHEAPER WEDDING 397 00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,866 AND A REALLY NICE GIFT. SO SHE DID A REALLY GOOD JOB. 398 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,067 >> Jimmy: THAT'S SMART. [ APPLAUSE ] 399 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:14,471 SPEAKING OF GIFTS -- SO YOU GOT -- ARE YOUR GUYS, THEY CAN'T 400 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:18,276 COME TO THE WEDDING, RIGHT? BECAUSE THEY'RE YOUR CO-WORKERS, 401 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,679 THEY'RE WORKING THIS WEEKEND. >> YEAH, THEY GOT THE ALL-STAR 402 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:22,680 GAME. SHOUT-OUT TO MY BOYS AT TNT 403 00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:28,419 SUNDAY NIGHT. WE GOT THE AUSTRLL-STAR GAME, T 404 00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:30,955 SLAM DUNK, THE THREE-POINT SHOOTING CONTEST. 405 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:35,025 BUT OTHER THAN ERNIE, I'M NOT GOING TO MISS ANYBODY. 406 00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:37,495 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WILL SHAQ AND ERNIE 407 00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:43,901 AND KENNY BE EXPECTED TO SEND GIFTS TO YOUR DAUGHTER FOR HER 408 00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:45,636 WEDDING? >> ERNIE, YES. 409 00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:47,304 THE OTHER TWO HAVEN'T MENTIONED IT, JIMMY. 410 00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:49,907 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GOING TO MENTION TO 411 00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:54,846 THEM, BUT ERNIE'S ALL CLASS. HE'S ALREADY DID HIS THING. 412 00:21:54,848 --> 00:21:57,649 BUT KENNY AND SHAQ HAVE NOT MENTIONED IT AT ALL. 413 00:21:57,651 --> 00:21:58,849 >> Jimmy: THEY HAVEN'T? >> NO. 414 00:21:58,918 --> 00:22:07,725 >> Jimmy: THEY SAY YOU HAVE LIKE A YEAR AFTER THE WEDDING TO SEND 415 00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,794 THE GIFT. WILL YOU GIVE THEM THAT MUCH 416 00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:11,061 TIME, OR EXPECTED TO HAPPEN ON THE WEDDING DAY? 417 00:22:11,131 --> 00:22:15,599 >> KENNY AND SHAQ AIN'T SENT A GIFT BY NOW, I'M EXPECTING 418 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,869 NOTHING. [ LAUGHTER ] 419 00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:20,004 >> Jimmy: OH. WHO WOULD GIVE MORE, KENNY OR 420 00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:22,140 SHAQ? >> SHAQ IF THEY DECIDED TO GIVE 421 00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:25,409 A GIFT. KENNY IS A CHEAP -- KENNY HAS 422 00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:28,079 MASTERED THE SCIENCE OF GOING TO THE BATHROOM WHEN THE CHECK IS 423 00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:29,547 COMING. [ LAUGHTER ] 424 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:33,551 GOT IT DOWN TO AN EXACT SCIENCE. >> Jimmy: I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE 425 00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:37,555 THIS DOCUMENTARY ABOUT YOU GUYS. I LOVE YOUR INTERACTION. 426 00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:40,157 YOU GOT IT -- IT'S FOUR DOCUMENTARIES, ONE IS ABOUT YOU, 427 00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:44,162 ONE'S ABOUT KENNY, ONE'S ABOUT ERNIE, ONE'S ABOUT SHAQ. 428 00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:46,631 YOURS IS THE LONGEST, ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT? 429 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:48,565 >> I DID NOT KNOW THAT. WELL, WAIT. 430 00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:51,302 IT'S A FOUR PART, IT'S NOT INDIVIDUALLY ABOUT EACH ONE OF 431 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:54,906 US, I DON'T THINK. >> Jimmy: I THINK EACH PART OF 432 00:22:54,908 --> 00:23:00,378 IT FOCUSES ON ONE OF YOU. >> WELL, LET ME TELL YOU 433 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,246 SOMETHING. IF ONE -- ERNIE'S BEEN THERE 30 434 00:23:02,248 --> 00:23:06,517 YEARS, KEN HAS BEEN THERE 25, I'VE BEEN THERE 20. 435 00:23:06,585 --> 00:23:10,455 THIS IS MY 20th YEAR. SHAQ BEEN THERE ABOUT 10, I 436 00:23:10,523 --> 00:23:12,390 THINK. IT'S THE BEST DECISION I MADE IN 437 00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:15,126 MY LIFE, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: REALLY? 438 00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:16,727 >> I MEAN, I MEAN, WORKING WITH THOSE GUYS. 439 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:22,667 IT'S SO MUCH FUN, GOING TO WORK. I MEAN, NUMBER ONE, GETTING TO 440 00:23:22,669 --> 00:23:24,935 WATCH THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE WORLD ALL THE 441 00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:28,339 TIME IS PRETTY SPECIAL. BUT TO GO TO WORK AND HAVE FUN 442 00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:34,946 WITH THOSE GUYS. AND YOU KNOW, WHEN I TOOK THE 443 00:23:34,948 --> 00:23:36,080 JOB, ERNIE ASKED ME HOW LONG I WAS GOING TO BE THERE. 444 00:23:36,149 --> 00:23:37,815 I SAID, THREE YEARS THEN MOVE ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS. 445 00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:40,685 NOTHING BIGGER AND BETTER CAME ALONG. 446 00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,019 THAT'S WHY I'M STUCK. [ LAUGHTER ] 447 00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:43,488 >> Jimmy: CHARLES BARKLEY IS WITH US. 448 00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:47,358 "THE INSIDE STORY" PREMIERES THURSDAY NIGHT ON TNT. 449 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:51,428 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHARLES. 450 00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:52,697 >> PORTIONS OF“JIMMY KIMMEL LIV” ARE BROUGHT TO YOU BY 451 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:55,432 CROWN ROYAL IN PARTNERSHIP WITH “COMING 2 AMERICA” HONORING 452 00:23:55,502 --> 00:23:57,301 BLACK HERITAGE MONTH AND BLACK ROYALTY ALL YEAR ROUND. 453 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:09,847 >>> THE FAVORITE FOLKS ON THE CALL-IN SHOWS HAVE BEEN VOCAL OF 454 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:15,920 CRITICISM OF YOU FOR DOING THIS. >> YOU THINK I GIVE A FLYING 455 00:24:15,922 --> 00:24:18,189 [ BLEEP ] WHAT PEOPLE ON THE RADIO CALL-IN SHOWS SAY? 456 00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:22,526 I REALLY DON'T GIVE A [ BLEEP ] WHAT THE PEOPLE ON THE CALL-IN 457 00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:23,995 SHOWS -- >> I'M JUST ASKING A QUESTION. 458 00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:29,133 >> I'M JUST GIVING AN ANSWER. >> YOU CAN'T SAY FLYING 459 00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:33,871 [ BLEEP ]. >> I REALLY DON'T GIVE A F-F 460 00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:35,005 WHAT THEY THINK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 461 00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:37,074 >> Jimmy: CHARLES BARKLEY IN PHILADELPHIA MANY YEARS AGO. 462 00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:39,276 DO YOU REMEMBER THE SUBJECT, DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU WHY SO 463 00:24:39,345 --> 00:24:41,079 ANNOYED? >> I DON'T. 464 00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:43,348 IT WAS SO LONG AGO, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER. 465 00:24:43,416 --> 00:24:45,215 >> Jimmy: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT WAS. 466 00:24:45,285 --> 00:24:47,552 >> WHAT WAS IT? >> Jimmy: YOU WANTED TO WEAR 467 00:24:47,554 --> 00:24:49,887 NUMBER 32 TO HONOR YOUR FRIEND MAGIC JOHNSON. 468 00:24:49,956 --> 00:24:54,425 AND SOME WERE SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR 32 BECAUSE IT HAD 469 00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:57,027 BEEN RETIRED, AND YOU WERE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. 470 00:24:57,096 --> 00:24:58,629 >> WELL, YOU KNOW -- IT PISSED ME OFF. 471 00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:03,568 YOU KNOW, I JUST HAD -- ME AND ERNIE JUST HAD MAGIC ON THE 472 00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:05,169 PODCAST. WHEN HE ANNOUNCED HE WAS HIV 473 00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:09,173 POSITIVE, YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT HIV BACK THEN. 474 00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:12,109 AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY GOT MAD AT ME. 475 00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:14,045 I ASKED TO CALL BILLY CUNNINGHAM. 476 00:25:14,113 --> 00:25:18,982 I ASKED BILLY BEFORE I WENT PUBLIC WITH IT, AND BILLY SAID, 477 00:25:19,052 --> 00:25:21,118 THAT WOULD BE AN AWESOME TRIBUTE TO MAGIC. 478 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:22,253 AND I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE -- JIMMY. 479 00:25:22,321 --> 00:25:27,458 I CANNOT -- I CANNOT BELIEVE PEOPLE GOT MAD ABOUT THAT. 480 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,927 >> Jimmy: IT'S CRAZY, YEAH. >> IT WAS AWESOME. 481 00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:34,799 >> Jimmy: BILLY CUNNINGHAM HAD 32, AND HE SAID, YEAH, GO AHEAD, 482 00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:36,534 OF COURSE YOU SHOULD DO THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW. 483 00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,402 WE'VE LEARNED A LOT. I REMEMBER A LOT OF PLAYERS 484 00:25:38,404 --> 00:25:39,670 DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH MAGIC AT THAT TIME. 485 00:25:39,739 --> 00:25:43,741 >> YEAH. AND THANK GOODNESS I WASN'T ONE 486 00:25:43,743 --> 00:25:44,809 OF THOSE GUYS. >> Jimmy: YEAH. 487 00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:47,011 >> BECAUSE -- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 488 00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:51,883 MAGIC JOHNSON AND LARRY BIRD ARE THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN 489 00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:54,618 NBA HISTORY. IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE GUYS, THE 490 00:25:54,687 --> 00:25:58,155 NBA WOULDN'T BE WHAT IT IS TODAY. 491 00:25:58,224 --> 00:25:59,556 OBVIOUSLY MICHAEL JORDAN TOOK IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL. 492 00:25:59,626 --> 00:26:03,027 BUT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER, BEFORE MAGIC JOHNSON AND LARRY 493 00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:06,964 BIRD GOT TO THE NBA, THE LEAGUE WAS TOO BLACK, TOO MANY DRUGS, 494 00:26:06,966 --> 00:26:10,568 IT WASN'T MAKING ANY MONEY. SO WHEN THESE GUYS ALL TALK 495 00:26:10,636 --> 00:26:14,438 ABOUT WHO MADE THE LEAGUE, IT WAS LARRY BIRD AND MAGIC 496 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,639 JOHNSON. AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING 497 00:26:15,708 --> 00:26:20,645 SPECIAL FOR MAGIC, BECAUSE WHAT HIM AND LARRY DID, WE CAN'T EVEN 498 00:26:20,713 --> 00:26:22,779 PUT INTO WORDS TO SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH. 499 00:26:22,849 --> 00:26:27,385 >> Jimmy: WILL YOU BE PART OF MAGIC'S DOCUMENTARY? 500 00:26:27,387 --> 00:26:29,187 >> I AM. I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT. 501 00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:33,724 BUT YOU KNOW -- I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW -- MAGIC, 502 00:26:33,793 --> 00:26:36,594 THAT'S MY FIRST RECOLLECTION OF MARCH MADNESS. 503 00:26:36,662 --> 00:26:41,932 BUT I TELL PEOPLE THIS. HEY, I LOVE LeBRON, KOBE, TIM 504 00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:45,602 DUNCAN, PATRICK, ALL THOSE GUYS. THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT FIGURES 505 00:26:45,672 --> 00:26:51,609 ARE MAGIC JOHNSON, LARRY BIRD. I TOLD HIM IT WOULD BE AN HONOR 506 00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:52,943 AND PRIVILEGE TO BE PART OF THE DOCUMENTARY. 507 00:26:53,012 --> 00:26:54,412 >> Jimmy: ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I THINK IS -- I LOVE WATCHING 508 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:55,746 YOUR SHOW. YOU KNOW THAT. 509 00:26:55,815 --> 00:27:00,217 AND NOT JUST FOR THE BASKETBALL. I LOVE THE SHOTS YOU GUYS TAKE 510 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:04,689 AT EACH OTHER AND THE THINGS THAT YOU SAY ARE NOT THINGS THAT 511 00:27:04,757 --> 00:27:09,092 YOU REALLY HEAR ON TELEVISION. AND I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO 512 00:27:09,162 --> 00:27:10,895 PLAY A GAME. THESE ARE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE 513 00:27:10,897 --> 00:27:13,096 SAID, WORDS THAT HAVE COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. 514 00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:14,632 I'M GOING TO READ THESE QUOTES TO YOU. 515 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:17,968 YOU TELL ME IF YOU CAN REMEMBER WHO YOU SAID THEM ABOUT, OKAY? 516 00:27:18,037 --> 00:27:18,970 [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. 517 00:27:19,038 --> 00:27:20,304 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. IT'S CALLED "WHO'D I SAY THAT 518 00:27:20,373 --> 00:27:25,710 ABOUT WITH CHARLES BARKLEY." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 519 00:27:25,712 --> 00:27:29,180 ALL RIGHT, THE FIRST ONE IS THE BLANK WERE THE ONLY ORGANIZATION 520 00:27:29,182 --> 00:27:31,315 IN THE NBA WHO COULD FIND BLACK GUYS WHO COULDN'T PLAY. 521 00:27:31,383 --> 00:27:38,522 [ LAUGHTER ] >> THE NEW YORK KNICKS. 522 00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:40,925 [ BUZZER ] >> Jimmy: IT WAS YOUR OLD TEAM, 523 00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:42,793 THE 76ers, YOU SAID ABOUT THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] 524 00:27:42,861 --> 00:27:45,596 >> OH. >> Jimmy: WE'LL TRY ANOTHER. 525 00:27:45,598 --> 00:27:49,133 HE'S THE WORST MEMBER OF THE BOY BAND WHO DOESN'T REALIZE HE'S 526 00:27:49,201 --> 00:27:53,004 STANDING NEXT TO TIMBERLAKE. WHEN THE GIRLS ARE THROWING 527 00:27:53,072 --> 00:27:57,741 PANTIES AT HIS HEAD, HE'S GOING TO GET HIT BY SOME DRIVE-BY 528 00:27:57,810 --> 00:27:59,944 PANTIES BUT THEY'RE MEANT FOR TIMBERLAKE. 529 00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:02,680 [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S MY GOOD FRIEND, 530 00:28:02,748 --> 00:28:05,415 DRAYMOND GREEN. >> Jimmy: DRAYMOND GREEN IS 531 00:28:05,485 --> 00:28:06,484 CORRECT. [ APPLAUSE ] 532 00:28:06,552 --> 00:28:13,156 I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIS FAT ASS GET EATEN BY A SHARK. 533 00:28:13,226 --> 00:28:15,959 >> RICK MAHORN. [ BUZZER ] 534 00:28:16,029 --> 00:28:18,162 >> Jimmy: SHAQUILLE O'NEAL IS THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION. 535 00:28:18,164 --> 00:28:23,234 BLANK MUST HAVE PICTURES OF HIS BOSS' WIFE HAVING SEX WITH A 536 00:28:23,236 --> 00:28:28,706 MONKEY. >> JERRY KRAUS. 537 00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:32,776 >> Jimmy: THAT'S JERRY KRAUS, THAT'S RIGHT, FORMER GENERAL 538 00:28:32,845 --> 00:28:34,645 MANAGER OF THE BULLS. BLANK CAN'T EVEN JUMP HIGH 539 00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:36,847 ENOUGH TO TOUCH THE RIM UNLESS THEY PUT A BIG MAC ON IT. 540 00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:50,528 [ LAUGHTER ] >> MIKE JAMISKY. 541 00:28:50,596 --> 00:28:52,530 >> YOUR FORMER TEAMMATE OLIVER MILLER. 542 00:28:52,598 --> 00:28:57,401 HE STEPS ON THE SCALE AND IT SAYS, ONE AT A TIME PLEASE. 543 00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:59,269 [ LAUGHTER ] >> ■THAT'S GOT TO BE OLIVER 544 00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:00,204 MILLER. >> Jimmy: THAT'S SHAQUILLE 545 00:29:00,206 --> 00:29:05,476 O'NEAL. IF GOD IS SO GREAT, HOW COME HE 546 00:29:05,544 --> 00:29:07,277 DIDN'T GIVE YOU A BETTER JUMP SHOT? 547 00:29:07,346 --> 00:29:15,886 WHO DID YOU SAY THAT TO? [ LAUGHTER ] 548 00:29:15,955 --> 00:29:20,824 >> UM -- KENNY SMITH. >> Jimmy: A.C. GREEN. 549 00:29:20,893 --> 00:29:24,962 ONE MORE. AND YOU BETTER QUIT YELLING AT 550 00:29:25,031 --> 00:29:31,235 ME, KAREN. >> OH, THAT'S SHAQUILLE. 551 00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:33,637 >> Jimmy: SCHHAQUILLE O'NEAL. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE. 552 00:29:33,706 --> 00:29:36,040 >> Jimmy: I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT TIME AT YOUR DAUGHTER'S 553 00:29:36,108 --> 00:29:38,308 WEDDING. THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US. 554 00:29:38,377 --> 00:29:42,379 GIVE HER OUR BEST. "THE INSIDE STORY" PREMIERS ON 555 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:44,315 TNT. CHARLES BARKLEY, GOOD TO SEE 556 00:29:44,383 --> 00:29:45,382 YOU. BE BACK WITH MADS MIKKELSEN! 557 00:29:54,927 --> 00:29:56,059 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ 558 00:29:56,129 --> 00:30:00,064 >> Jimmy: DAVIDO IS ON THE WAY. OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY 559 00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:04,268 TALENTED ACTOR WHO'S BEEN EVERYTHING FROM BOND VILLAIN TO 560 00:30:04,336 --> 00:30:08,405 CANNIBAL TO DESTROYER OF THE DEATH STAR. 561 00:30:08,407 --> 00:30:15,279 HIS NEXT PROJECT IS "THE INSIDE STORY," AVAILABLE THURSDAY 562 00:30:15,347 --> 00:30:16,480 DIGITALLY. HOW ARE YOU? 563 00:30:16,549 --> 00:30:19,416 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> I'M IN LONDON DOING A FILM. 564 00:30:19,485 --> 00:30:21,819 >> Jimmy: THAT IS WHERE YOU LIVE? 565 00:30:21,887 --> 00:30:25,956 >> NO, COPENHAGEN. >> Jimmy: I WAS LOOKING THROUGH 566 00:30:26,025 --> 00:30:28,758 YOUR CREDITS. YOU PLAY ADVIL LAN IN JAMES 567 00:30:28,828 --> 00:30:31,561 BOND, PLAY ADVIL LAN IN -- PLAYED HANNIBAL LECTER, YOU 568 00:30:31,631 --> 00:30:39,837 PLAYED A VILLAIN IN DR. STRANGE, YOU WERE IN THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE, 569 00:30:39,905 --> 00:30:41,705 VILLAIN. [ LAUGHTER ] 570 00:30:41,774 --> 00:30:43,240 TO WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE THIS VILLAINY? 571 00:30:43,242 --> 00:30:47,578 ARE YOU AN EVIL PERSON? >> YEAH, IT'S EITHER THAT -- I 572 00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:50,180 CAN COME UP WITH A LOT OF EXCUSES BUT I BLAME IT ON THE 573 00:30:50,249 --> 00:30:56,320 FUNNY ACCENT, TO BE HONEST. [ LAUGHTER ] 574 00:30:56,322 --> 00:30:57,187 >> THE ACCENT. YOU'RE FROM DENMARK. 575 00:30:57,256 --> 00:30:58,255 >> I'M DANISH. IT USED TO BE THE RUSSIANS. 576 00:30:58,324 --> 00:31:00,390 THEN IT WAS THE GERMANS. THEN IT WAS THE BRITS FOR A 577 00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:02,860 WHILE. THEN IT'S JUST, FOR SOME ODD 578 00:31:02,862 --> 00:31:05,729 REASON, IT'S BECOME THE DANES. I'LL TAKE IT. 579 00:31:05,798 --> 00:31:07,731 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHO HAVE NEVER DONE 580 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:12,402 ANYTHING TO US, IT'S WEIRD. >> A TINY BIT, THE VIKINGS DID 581 00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:16,740 GO TO AMERICA, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE YOU GUYS, THOUGH. 582 00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:18,208 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, I DON'T 583 00:31:18,277 --> 00:31:19,143 EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] 584 00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:22,212 >> NOW YOU DO. >> Jimmy: SEE, WE'RE FINALLY 585 00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:25,015 LEARNING SOMETHING. >> YEAH. 586 00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:28,419 >> Jimmy: YOU WERE IN RIHANNA'S VIDEO. 587 00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:33,090 YOU WERE THE BAD GUY. [ LAUGHTER ] 588 00:31:33,159 --> 00:31:35,425 "BE "BCHL 589 00:31:35,494 --> 00:31:38,495 "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY." >> I WAS THE BI DID. CH. 590 00:31:38,564 --> 00:31:43,567 >> Jimmy: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN, HOW DID YOU COME TOOK RIHANNA'S 591 00:31:43,569 --> 00:31:44,701 BITCH? >> NO IDEA. 592 00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:48,439 I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM MY AGENT, DO YOU WANT TO DO THAT 593 00:31:48,507 --> 00:31:51,175 RIHANNA THINGY? YEAH, WHO IS THIS RIHANNA? 594 00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:53,643 I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT POP CULTURE. 595 00:31:53,713 --> 00:31:56,980 I ASKED MY KIDS. THEY WERE JUST OVER THE MOON, SO 596 00:31:57,049 --> 00:32:00,651 I GOT BROWNIE POINTS THERE. I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST TIME MY 597 00:32:00,719 --> 00:32:03,253 SON WANTED TO GO WITH ME ON A MOVIE SET. 598 00:32:03,322 --> 00:32:04,655 >> Jimmy: REALLY? >> I DIDN'T LET HIM. 599 00:32:04,723 --> 00:32:05,856 >> Jimmy: WHY DIDN'T YOU LET HIM? 600 00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:09,860 NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT THAT VIDEO, I KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T LET 601 00:32:09,862 --> 00:32:11,261 YOUR SON COME. [ LAUGHTER ] 602 00:32:11,330 --> 00:32:13,530 >> THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS. I THINK HE HAD A CRUSH ON HER, 603 00:32:13,599 --> 00:32:16,066 AND THAT WOULD BE A LITTLE TOO TRICKY. 604 00:32:16,135 --> 00:32:18,068 >> Jimmy: I SEE. YOU WERE WORRIED HE MIGHT RUN 605 00:32:18,137 --> 00:32:19,803 AWAY WITH RIHANNA. [ LAUGHTER ] 606 00:32:19,872 --> 00:32:22,272 >> YEAH. I HAD A SMALL FEAR OF THAT, 607 00:32:22,341 --> 00:32:23,807 YEAH. OR VICE VERSA, YOU NEVER KNOW. 608 00:32:23,876 --> 00:32:26,143 >> Jimmy: POP CULTURE IS NOT YOUR THING, YOU'RE NOT UP ON 609 00:32:26,211 --> 00:32:31,615 WHAT'S HAPPENING? >> NOT A LOT. 610 00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:34,551 I KNOW A LOT ABOUT SPORTS. I DO RECOGNIZE PEOPLE WHO ARE 611 00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:37,154 DOING SPORTS. I RECOGNIZE THEIR FACES, 612 00:32:37,223 --> 00:32:41,024 SOMETIMES ALSO THEIR NAMES. BUT NO, ACTORS AND SINGERS, NOT 613 00:32:41,093 --> 00:32:42,092 SO MUCH. >> Jimmy: ANOTHER ROUND. 614 00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:46,896 I LOVE THE IDEA, IT'S BASED ON -- WELL, YOU EXPLAIN IT 615 00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:49,299 BETTER THAN I. IT'S BASED ON -- WOULD YOU CALL 616 00:32:49,368 --> 00:32:56,306 IT A THEORY? OR IS IT AN IDEA, A JOKE? 617 00:32:56,375 --> 00:33:02,646 >> IT'S A THEORY, IT'S AN IDEA. HE DID WRITE A PAPER ABOUT IT, 618 00:33:02,715 --> 00:33:04,514 LIKE TOO LITTLE ALCOHOL IN OUR BLOOD. 619 00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:08,452 IF WE ONLY HAD, SAY, TWO GLASSES OF WINE IN OUR BLOODSTREAM, 620 00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:09,987 EVERYTHING WOULD BE EASIER. WE WOULD BE IN A ZONE. 621 00:33:10,055 --> 00:33:13,990 WE WOULD HIT THAT BULL'S-EYE EVERY TIME AND CONVERSATIONS 622 00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:16,460 WOULD LIFT. SO THE THEORY IS GOOD. 623 00:33:16,528 --> 00:33:17,661 I LIKE IT. >> Jimmy: SPECIFICALLY, IT'S A 624 00:33:17,729 --> 00:33:20,731 NORWEGIAN PSYCHIATRIST, HE SUGGESTED THAT HUMANS ARE BORN 625 00:33:20,799 --> 00:33:26,403 WITH A .05% BLOOD-ALCOHOL DEFICIENCY AND SHOULD DRINK 626 00:33:26,472 --> 00:33:28,805 STEADILY THROUGHOUT THE DAY. >> YEAH. 627 00:33:28,874 --> 00:33:29,540 >> Jimmy: TO ELEVATE IT TO A NORMAL LEVEL. 628 00:33:29,542 --> 00:33:32,876 [ LAUGHTER ] >> YES, EXACTLY. 629 00:33:32,944 --> 00:33:35,078 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU TESTED THIS THEORY? 630 00:33:35,147 --> 00:33:37,414 >> I MEAN, NOT THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE LIFE. 631 00:33:37,482 --> 00:33:45,956 BUT I MEAN, FOR THE FILM, WE WANTED TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. 632 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:49,893 THIS GUY STARTS OUT AT .05. THEN THEY TURN UP THE 633 00:33:49,962 --> 00:33:53,763 VOLUME, .08, THEN .1, SO FORTH. WE TRIED SOME OF THE LEVELS. 634 00:33:53,833 --> 00:34:03,173 AND THAT WAS PRETTY FUN. THE NEXT DAY WHEN YOU WATCH THE 635 00:34:03,241 --> 00:34:06,243 VIDEO, YOU CAN GO, AH, NOW I SEE THE DIFFERENCE. 636 00:34:06,311 --> 00:34:08,178 [ LAUGHTER ] YOUR HANDS START DOING STRANGE 637 00:34:08,247 --> 00:34:11,715 THINGS. THE LISP THAT YOU DIDN'T THINK 638 00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:16,720 YOU HAVE IS COMING UP AGAIN. >> Jimmy: PLAYING DRUNK AS AN 639 00:34:16,789 --> 00:34:19,056 ACTOR, IS IT BETTER TO BE DRUNK OR IS THAT A NO-NO? 640 00:34:19,124 --> 00:34:22,459 >> IT'S KIND OF A NO-NO. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE DIALOGUE 641 00:34:22,528 --> 00:34:23,994 WITH THE DIRECTOR, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 642 00:34:23,996 --> 00:34:28,998 NO, WE DID THE BOOT CAMP. THEN WE WATCHED THE VIDEOS. 643 00:34:29,068 --> 00:34:30,534 THEN WE WATCHED A LOT OF YOUTUBE. 644 00:34:30,536 --> 00:34:34,471 FOR SOME STRANGE REASON IT'S ALWAYS THE RUSSIANS TO GET 645 00:34:34,540 --> 00:34:35,673 HAMMERED. [ LAUGHTER ] 646 00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:37,140 WE WATCHED THAT FOR THE EXTREME DRUNK EPISODES. 647 00:34:37,209 --> 00:34:40,944 THEY FALL ON THEIR FACES ALL THE TIME AND THEY LOVE TO SHOOT 648 00:34:40,946 --> 00:34:42,679 THEMSELVES. >> Jimmy: DRINKING IS A BIT PART 649 00:34:42,681 --> 00:34:45,616 OF DANISH CULTURE, RIGHT? >> YEAH. 650 00:34:45,618 --> 00:34:50,887 I THINK IT'S IN THE DNA SOMEHOW WITH ALL THE NORDIC COUNTRIES. 651 00:34:50,956 --> 00:34:53,891 IT'S WHY IT'S COLD, I GUESS. >> Jimmy: WHEN DO YOU START 652 00:34:53,893 --> 00:34:56,026 DRINKING? AT WHAT AGE? 653 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,761 >> LIKE ME? >> Jimmy: LIKE IN GENERAL IN THE 654 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:01,765 COUNTRY, OR YOU, YEAH. >> I THINK THE FIRST OFFICIAL 655 00:35:01,767 --> 00:35:07,638 BEER I HAD IN A CUP, I WAS 13. BUT VERY IMPORTANT THING, YOU 656 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,240 COULD GET AWAY WITH THAT IF YOU HAD YOUR OLDER BROTHER WITH YOU 657 00:35:10,309 --> 00:35:13,243 AND THE OLDER BROTHER PROMISED TO DRAG YOU BACK HOME. 658 00:35:13,311 --> 00:35:18,248 [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT SURE WE CAN GET AWAY 659 00:35:18,317 --> 00:35:19,450 WITH THAT ANYMORE. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER. 660 00:35:19,518 --> 00:35:22,519 >> Jimmy: WELL, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NOMINATION. 661 00:35:22,588 --> 00:35:24,721 THE MOVIE IS CALLED "ANOTHER ROUND." 662 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:28,058 IT IS ON DIGITAL AND ON DEMAND NOW. 663 00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:29,927 MADS MIKKELSEN. THANKS FOR STAYING UP SO LATE, 664 00:35:29,929 --> 00:35:32,663 MADS, APPRECIATE IT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC 665 00:35:32,731 --> 00:35:34,731 FROM DAVIDO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 666 00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:35,933 ♪ >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL 667 00:35:35,935 --> 00:35:38,869 LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 668 00:35:38,937 --> 00:35:39,136 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Dicky: THE“JIMMY KIMMEL 669 00:35:45,811 --> 00:35:47,344 LIV” CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY MERCEDES-BENZ. 670 00:35:47,413 --> 00:35:51,548 THE BEST OR NOTHING. >> Jimmy: GREETINGS FROM 671 00:35:51,550 --> 00:35:53,750 HOLLYWOOD. IT'S TIME FOR SOME MUSIC. 672 00:35:53,819 --> 00:35:57,354 WITH SONGS FROM THE“COMING 2 AMERIC” SOUNDTRACK AND HIS 673 00:35:57,423 --> 00:36:00,757 OWN ALBUM,“A BETTER TIME” DAVIDO. 674 00:36:00,826 --> 00:36:06,563 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ 675 00:36:06,632 --> 00:36:10,300 ♪ ♪ SPEROACH BEAT 676 00:36:10,369 --> 00:36:11,969 BE THE BANG BANG BIGGIE BIGGIE 677 00:36:11,971 --> 00:36:18,175 HEAVY HEAVY ♪ ♪ BABY DO YOU WANT ME 678 00:36:18,243 --> 00:36:19,309 BIGGIE BIGGIE HEAVY HEAVY 679 00:36:19,311 --> 00:36:20,777 BABY DO YOU WANT ME ♪ ♪ YOU'RE THE ONE 680 00:36:20,846 --> 00:36:22,713 I WANT OH BEFORE MY 681 00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,247 LIVER START TO FAIL ♪ ♪ YOU'RE THE ONE 682 00:36:24,316 --> 00:36:28,252 I NEED OH YEAH BEFORE CASSAVA 683 00:36:28,254 --> 00:36:34,658 START TO HAIL ♪ ♪ AND IF I EVER LEAVE 684 00:36:34,726 --> 00:36:35,391 MAKE WATER CARRY ME GO YEAH FAR AWAY 685 00:36:35,461 --> 00:36:39,329 FAR AWAY ♪ ♪ SO I AM LOOKING 686 00:36:39,397 --> 00:36:42,733 FOR A SISTER CHIOMA MY LOVER 687 00:36:42,801 --> 00:36:47,403 SHE GET THE DOLLAR ♪ ♪ SHE WEAR DESIGNER 688 00:36:47,473 --> 00:36:50,474 SO I AM LOOKING FOR A SISTER 689 00:36:50,542 --> 00:36:55,345 CHIOMA MY LOVER OH ♪ ♪ SHE GET THE DOLLAR 690 00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,479 SHE WEAR DESIGNER YEAH ♪ 691 00:36:56,549 --> 00:37:03,620 ♪ SHE SAY GIVE ME ASSURANCE I GIVE MY BABY ASSURANCE 692 00:37:03,622 --> 00:37:09,226 I GIVE MY BABY ♪ ♪ LIFETIME INSURANCE 693 00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:11,028 ASSURANCE ASSURANCE I GIVE MY BABY 694 00:37:11,096 --> 00:37:12,162 ASSURANCE ♪ ♪ I GIVE MY BABY 695 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:22,773 LIFETIME INSURANCE ♪ >> AND WITH NO FURTHER ADO, I 696 00:37:22,841 --> 00:37:25,375 TAKE YOU STRAIGHT INTO JOWO OFF THE BETTER TIME ALBUM BY 697 00:37:25,443 --> 00:37:31,915 AFRICA'S BADDEST. WE CALL HIM OBIO, YOU CALL HIM 698 00:37:31,917 --> 00:37:33,383 DAVIDO. SIT BACK, RELAX AND ENJOY. 699 00:37:33,451 --> 00:37:37,521 LET'S GET IT. ♪ JO JOWO 700 00:37:37,523 --> 00:37:40,590 MY BABY JO JOWO MY BABY JO JOWO 701 00:37:40,659 --> 00:37:45,929 JOWO ♪ ♪ ONE TIME THREE 702 00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:50,133 FOR THE TWO PERSON BORN YOU ♪ 703 00:37:50,202 --> 00:37:56,540 [ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ] ♪ TELL 'EM TELL 'EM 704 00:37:56,608 --> 00:38:00,143 [ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ] ♪ CALM DOWN CALM DOWN 705 00:38:00,212 --> 00:38:04,614 FOR ONLY YOU COME ON COME ON ♪ 706 00:38:04,683 --> 00:38:09,419 ♪ MANY MANY MAN THEY TRY TO WHINE YOU 707 00:38:09,487 --> 00:38:12,889 I NO REALLY MIND THEY JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ 708 00:38:12,891 --> 00:38:14,891 ♪ MANY MANY GIRL THEY TRY TO WHINE ME BABY NO GO WHINE 709 00:38:14,893 --> 00:38:18,962 THEM JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ ♪ MANY MANY MAN 710 00:38:19,031 --> 00:38:21,431 THEY TRY TO WHINE YOU BUT I NO REALLY MIND 711 00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:27,104 THEY JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ ♪ SO ME SAY JOWO 712 00:38:27,172 --> 00:38:28,972 LOOK INTO MY SEE O BABY WILL YOU BE MY 713 00:38:29,041 --> 00:38:42,185 WIFE OH BABY BABY ♪ ♪ LOOK INTO MY EYE SEE 714 00:38:42,254 --> 00:38:43,587 OH BABY WILL YOU BE MY WIFE 715 00:38:43,589 --> 00:38:47,391 OH BABY BABY ♪ ♪ JO JOWO 716 00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,192 MY BABY JO JOWO MY BABY JO JOWO 717 00:38:49,260 --> 00:39:03,941 JOWO ♪ [ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ] 718 00:39:04,009 --> 00:39:09,212 [ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ] ♪ MANY MANY MAN 719 00:39:09,214 --> 00:39:11,348 THEY TRY TO WHINE YOU BUT I NO REALLY MIND 720 00:39:11,350 --> 00:39:12,215 THEY JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ ♪ MANY MANY GIRL 721 00:39:12,284 --> 00:39:14,751 THEY TRY TO WHINE ME BABY NO GO WHINE THEM 722 00:39:14,820 --> 00:39:17,821 JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ ♪ MANY MANY MAN 723 00:39:17,889 --> 00:39:19,689 THEY TRY TO WHINE YOU BUT I NO REALLY MIND 724 00:39:19,758 --> 00:39:23,159 THEY JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ ♪ MANY MANY GIRL 725 00:39:23,228 --> 00:39:25,695 THEY TRY TO WHINE ME BABY NO GO WHINE THEM 726 00:39:25,764 --> 00:39:28,298 JUST THEY WHINEY ♪ ♪ SO ME SAY JOWO 727 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:32,636 LOOK INTO MY SEE O BABY WILL YOU BE MY 728 00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:35,172 WIFE OH BABY BABY ♪ ♪ JO JOWO 729 00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:36,773 MY BABY JO JOWO MY BABY JO JOWO 730 00:39:36,842 --> 00:39:43,447 JOWO ♪ ♪ YOU CAN BE MY WIFE OH BABY 731 00:39:43,515 --> 00:39:47,451 ♪ JO JOWO MY BABY JO JOWO 732 00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:54,524 MY BABY JO JOWO JOWO ♪ 733 00:39:54,593 --> 00:39:57,194 ♪ JO JOWO MY BABY JO JOWO 734 00:39:57,262 --> 00:40:00,130 MY BABY JO JOWO JOWO ♪ 735 00:40:06,938 --> 00:40:08,405 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK CHARLES BARKLEY, MADS MIKKELSEN, 736 00:40:08,473 --> 00:40:13,744 AND DAVIDO. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 737 00:40:13,812 --> 00:40:16,279 GUIL GUILLERMO, ANYONE YOU WANT TO 738 00:40:16,348 --> 00:40:17,480 THANK? >> Guillermo: MAGIC JOHNSON. 739 00:40:17,549 --> 00:40:20,149 >> Jimmy: MAGIC JOHNSON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 740 00:40:20,219 --> 00:40:59,989 GOOD NIGHT, THANKS FOR WATCHING!