>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"!
TONIGHT ‐‐ KEVIN BACON. TRAVON FREE. AND MUSIC FROM DAYA.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: HI THERE, I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST.
THANKS FOR WATCHING. THANKS FOR JOINING US AT OUR
HOME AWAY FROM WORK FROM HOME. LET'S HEAR IT FOR DOGS,
EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SOME WEIRD STUFF GOES ON HERE BEFORE THE SHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE SOME INTERESTING HEALTH NEWS TO REPORT.
THERE IS A GREAT NEW WAY TO GET THE VACCINE, ANYBODY CAN GET IT,
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MOVE TO ALASKA.
AS OF LAST NIGHT, ALASKA BECAME THE FIRST STATE TO OFFER THE
VACCINE TO EVERY RESIDENT OVER THE AGE OF 16.
WHICH, OF ALL PLACES, THE ONE STATE WHERE EVERYONE IS ALREADY
SOCIALLY DISTANT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PEOPLE MOVE TO ALASKA JUST TO BE SIX FEET APART.
BUT THEY HAD A BIG LEG UP ON EVERYONE ELSE, FIRST BECAUSE THE
POPULATION IS LOW, AND SECONDLY, THE VACCINES DON'T GO BAD WHEN
YOUR WHOLE STATE IS A FREEZER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO, GOOD FOR THEM. ON THE OPPOSITE END OF THE
PANDEMIC SPECTRUM, TEXAS IS OPENING THEIR LUNGS UP TO ALL
THE COVID YOU CAN BREATHE. TEXAS TODAY LIFTED THEIR
STATE‐WIDE MASK MANDATE. GOVERNOR GREG ABBOTT SAID HE WAS
LIFTING THE MANDATE AGAINST THE ADVICE OF HIS OWN HEALTH EXPERTS
BECAUSE "BUSINESSES AND FAMILIES IN TEXAS HAVE THE FREEDOM TO
DETERMINE THEIR OWN DESTINY." UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE A
WOMAN WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE PREGNANT.
THEN WE WILL DECIDE FOR YOU.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
AT THE CAPITOL IN AUSTIN, THEY DECLARED "TRANSMISSION
ACCOMPLISHED."
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS. THIS DECISION, IT ALMOST MAKES
YOU SUSPECT FLORIDA WAS INVOLVED SOMEHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS THE WAY NEW VARIANTS REAR THEIR UGLY HEADS.
AND WHY IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO WEAR A MASK IN PUBLIC, I HAVE NO
IDEA. I MEAN, IF TEXANS HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DETERMINE THEIR OWN
DESTINY, BY THIS LOGIC, SHOULDN'T SMOKING BE OKAY
INDOORS TOO? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
OH, I KNOW, SMOKE SMELLS. AND COVID DOESN'T.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS WAS THE SCENE IN AUSTIN TODAY, WHERE THE BARS ARE RIGHT
BACK AT IT.
>> TODAY IS THE DAY, TEXAS BUSINESSES CAN REOPEN TO FULL
CAPACITY. PEOPLE ARE ALREADY TAKING
ADVANTAGE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS VIDEO FROM
EARLIER THIS MORNING.
>> Jimmy: THIS MORNING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY COULDN'T WAIT 'TIL NIGHT? THEY HAD TO GO THIS MORNING?
THE FOLKS AT FOX WERE UP BRIGHT AND EARLY THIS MORNING TOO TO
CAPTURE THE MOOD AT A LOCAL DINER IN McKINNEY, TEXAS.
THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS THEY DO ON FOX NEWS.
THEY SEND A GUY WITH A MICROPHONE TO BOTHER WHITE
PEOPLE WHILE THEY EAT.
>> RIGHT NOW IN TEXAS THESE BUSINESSES CAN SAVE THEMSELVES.
LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT 100% CAPACITY LOOKS LIKE.
THIS IS FREEDOM RIGHT HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: REALLY? TO ME IT LOOKS LIKE A BUNCH OF
PEOPLE WAITING FOR BISCUITS AND GRAVY, BUT OKAY.
WHY IS THIS SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE?
528,000 OF OUR FELLOW CITIZENS ARE DEAD. FROM COVID.
MILLIONS ARE OUT OF WORK. THE HOUSE TODAY PASSED THE
PRESIDENT'S $1.9 TRILLION COVID RELIEF BILL.
IT WILL PROVIDE AID TO MILLIONS, IT WILL CUT THE POFSHTY RATE FOR
CHILDREN IN HALF, IT WILL GIVE AMERICANS MORE ACCESS TO HEALTH
CARE AND BOOST THE VACCINATION RATE.
SO NATURALLY, REPUBLICANS ARE AGAINST IT.
NO REPUBLICANS VOTED FOR THE BILL IN THE HOUSE OR THE SENATE.
EVEN THOUGH MORE THAN 70% OF AMERICANS SUPPORT IT.
THE ONLY OTHER BILL 70% OF AMERICANS SUPPORT IS MURRAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S VERY RARE TO HAVE THAT, BUT REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS CAN'T
SUPPORT IT BECAUSE DEMOCRATS IN CONGRESS DO SUPPORT IT.
IF A METEOR WAS HURTLING TOWARD EARTH AND CHUCK SCHUMER SAID
"WE'VE GOT TO STOP IT," MITCH McCONNELL WOULD BE LIKE
"NO, WE DON'T."
[ LAUGHTER ]
"COULD LEAD TO SOCIALISM." NOW THAT THE COVID RELIEF
PACKAGE IS COMING, THE NEXT FIGHT WILL BE OVER VOTING RIGHTS.
HR‐1 PASSED IN THE HOUSE LAST WEEK.
THIS IS A BILL THAT WOULD EXPAND VOTING RIGHTS AND REFORM
REDISTRICTING LAWS. REPUBLICANS IN THE SENATE DON'T
LIKE THAT, BECAUSE IT LIMITS THEIR ABILITY TO PREVENT POOR
PEOPLE FROM VOTING, AND NO ONE IS MORE UPSET ABOUT IT THAN UTAH
SENATOR MIKE LEE.
>> EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS BILL IS ROTTEN TO THE CORE.
THIS IS A BILL AS IF WRITTEN IN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THE DEVIL IS NOT IN HELL WRITING BILLS.
THE DEVIL IS AT MAR‐A‐LAGO EATING FRIGHT CHICKEN.
[ APPLAUSE ]
WE ARE APPROACHING ONE YEAR OF THE LOCKDOWN NOW, WHICH WE ARE
GOING TO COMMEMORATE TOMORROW NIGHT.
WE HAVE OUR FIRST AND HOPEFULLY ONLY CORONA‐VERSARY SPECIAL
TOMORROW NIGHT. WITH JOEL McHALE, WITH PETE BULE
JUDGE, SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION, MUSIC FROM ADAM
DURITZ FROM COUNTING CROWS. WE'VE BEEN LOOKING BACK AT WHAT
WAS GOING ON WHEN THE PANDEMIC BEGAN, AND WE DUG SOMETHING UP.
ONE YEAR AGO TONIGHT, RIGHT BEFORE THE STAY AT HOME ORDERS
HIT, WE WENT OUT ON THE STREET AND ASKED PEOPLE PASSING BY OUR
STUDIO TO TELL US WHAT THEY KNEW ABOUT THIS NEW CORONAVIRUS.
AND THIS IS WHAT THEY SAID ON MARCH 10th OF LAST YEAR.
>> WE'RE OUT HERE TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS.
>> OH, OKAY, YEAH.
>> SO WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
>> I KNOW THAT IT'S BAD.
>> I KNOW IT'S NEW. UM ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN
DRINK SOUP AND IT WILL GO AWAY, IT SEEMS TO BE VERY POPULAR.
>> WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS?
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT, EXPLAIN TO IT ME.
>> EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
>> I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT A CORONAVIRUS WHAT DOES IT DO?
>> WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS?
>> WE'VE BEEN GIVING THAT SHOT TO OUR CATTLE FOR YEARS,
CORONAVIRUS VACCINE FOR CATTLE, IT'S BEEN AROUND FOREVER.
IF YOU ATE CATTLE CUBES WHEN YOU WERE A KID AND LICKED SALT,
YOU'RE SAFE.
>> HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE THE CORONAVIRUS?
>> LIKE A MILLION? I DON'T KNOW, BUT A LOT.
>> I KNOW IT MAKES YOU COUGH AND IT'S KIND OF LIKE PNEUMONIA.
>> HOW IS IT DIFFERENT FROM PNEUMONIA?
>> I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S JUST WHAT MY DAD SAID.
>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO STOCK UP ON?
>> UH ‐‐ I LIKE WINE AND TOILET PAPER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND SOAP.
>> DO YOU THINK THAT WE SHOULD BE SCARED?
>> IF YOU'RE NASTY, YOU SHOULD BE. IF YOU'RE NOT WASHING YOUR
HANDS, TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF, BEING CLEAN, NOT COVERING YOUR
MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH AND SNEEZE, IF YOU'RE LETTING THAT FLOW OUT
IN THE AIR, THEN YOU SHOULD BE SCARED.
BECAUSE I GOT A ROOMMATE, HE NEVER COUGHERS HIS COUGH.
I GOT TO CALL HIM OUT, "BOY, COVER YOUR MOETH."
I HAVE TO LIVE ON HIM.
>> CAN YOU TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS?
>> I'M NOT TOO WORRIED ABOUT IT, THE PRESIDENT SAID IT'S NGOING O
GO AWAY, IT'S NOT THAT CRITICAL A DEAL.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT. DONALD TRUMP CRAWLED OUT OF HIS
HOLE TODAY. HE PUT OUT A BOOZY OF A
STATEMENT ON HIS OFFICIAL LETTERHEAD.
"I HOPE EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHEN THEY'RE GETTING THE COVID‐19
OFTEN REFERRED TO AS THE CHINA VIRUS VACCINE, THAT IF I WASN'T
PRESIDENT YOU WOULDN'T BE GETTING THAT BEAUTIFUL SHOT FOR
FIVE YEARS AT BEST AND PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE GETTING IT AT ALL.
I HOPE EVERYONE REMEMBERS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
DO YOU REMEMBER HIM, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: YEAH, HE'S
[ BLEEP ] CRAZY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH. HERE IN L. A., KIDS COULD BE BACK
IN SCHOOL FOR REAL NEXT MONTH. RIGHT NOW THE PLAN IS FOR
SCHOOLS TO BE OPEN BY MID‐APRIL. AND THEN I GUESS SHUT DOWN AGAIN
IN MAY IS USUALLY HOW IT GOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS WILL BE WELCOME NEWS FOR PARENTS, FOR KIDS, FOR POLICE
WHO HAVE BEEN SHORT OF NERD LUNCH MONEY FOR ALMOST A YEAR
NOW. REMOTE LEARNING IS THE BEST WE
CAN DO, I GUESS. AND I BELIEVE THAT CHILDREN ARE
OUR ‐‐ WHAT, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: OUR FUTURE.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE DID SOMETHING FUN, BY GOT IN TOUCH WITH A SCHOOL IN MY
HOMETOWN OF LAS VEGAS. ELLIS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
WHERE THEY WERE GRACIOUS ENOUGH TO LET ME BE A SUBSTITUTE
TEACHER FOR A FOURTH GRADE
CLASS.
>> ALL RIGHT, I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE,
MUTE YOURSELVES. I HAVE AN EMERGENCY AND I HAVE
TO GO, BUT I HAVE A VERY GREAT SUBSTITUTE THAT'S GOING TO TAKE
OVER CLASS. AND I WILL SEE YOU ON MONDAY,
BYE!
>> BYE!
>> BYE, MS. OJEDA. HELLO, CHILDREN.
I'M MR. KOTTER, HOW ARE YOU?
>> GOOD.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW IT'S RESPECT WEEK, RIGHT?
IS THIS RESPECT WEEK? LET'S START RESPECT WEEK BY
GOING AROUND THE CLASS, SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ME, OKAY?
WE'LL START WITH CHASE. CHASE, GO AHEAD.
>> UM ‐‐ YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AFRO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, CHASE. KYLE?
>> NICE TIE.
>> Jimmy: OH, THANKS. MASON WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT ME?
>> I LIKE YOUR NAME. NAME. I ALSO LOVE THAT GENERIC
"FOOTBALL" PHOTOGRAPH YOU HAVE HANGING IN YOUR ROOM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
KENO?
>> YOU LOOK VERY HANDSOME.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. YOU LIVE IN LAS VEGAS AND YOUR
PARENTS NAMED YOU KENO?
>> IT'S KEANO.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. TELL THAT TO THE PEOPLE AT THE
CASINO. MYKEDO?
>> I LIKE THE CLOCK IN THE BACKGROUND.
>> Jimmy: OH. YEAH. THAT'S A PROP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AVA? GO AHEAD, CLOSE IT OUT WITH SOMETHING REALLY GREAT ABOUT ME.
>> YOU'RE VERY FUNNY.
>> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU, AVA, I APPRECIATE THAT.
BUT WE'RE NOT HERE TO LAUGH TODAY, WE'RE HERE TO LEARN.
AND WE'RE HERE TO LEARN ABOUT MATH.
NOW SOME MATH PROBLEMS ARE JUST NUMBERS.
BUT I LIKE TO PUT A STORY ALONG WITH THE MATH PROBLEMS.
A MAN NAMED TED HAS 20 PEANUTS AND EATS HALF OF THEM.
HOW MANY PEANUTS DOES TED HAVE?
>> 10.
>> Jimmy: YOU'D THINK THAT NORMALLY 10 WOULD BE THE CORRECT
ANSWER. BUT UNFORTUNATELY, TED CHOKED ON
ONE OF THE PEANUTS. AND HE'S DEAD.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO REALLY, HE HAS NO PEANUTS AT ALL.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH PEANUTS.
>> THAT WAS DARK.
>> Jimmy: SHOULD WE DO SOME MORE MATH? YES? OKAY.
IF I ORDER A SOY LATTE AND THE BARISTA CHARGES ME $4, AND I
GIVE THE BARISTA A $1 TIP, BUT THEN THE BARISTA TELLS ME
THEY'RE OUT OF SOY AND GIVES ME BACK $4, SHOULD I GET BACK THAT
$1 TIP?
[ LAUGHTER ]
NICK?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, NICK. I SHOULD GET BACK THAT $1 TIP.
AND YET I DIDN'T. VERY ANNOYING. DO YOU GUYS FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
LEARNING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
NO? OH, OKAY. HEY, DO YOU WANT TO MEET MY PET?
>> I'M A PARROT.
>> Jimmy: WE CALL HIM MR. CRACKERS.
>> I WANT TO HAVE A CIGARETTE, CAN I HAVE A CIGARETTE?
>> NO!
>> WE'RE KIDS! WE DON'T NEED IT!
>> Jimmy: KIDS DON'T LIKE CIGARETTES, MR. CRACKERS.
>> OH.
>> Jimmy: DOES ANYONE HAVE A QUESTION FOR MR. CRACKERS?
YES, KYLIE?
>> DO YOU THINK MR. KOTTER IS A GOOD OWNER?
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> MR. KOTTER STOLE ME FROM MY REAL OWNER. I MISS MY FAMILY.
>> Jimmy: I ADOPTED HIM.
>> I MISS MY FAMILY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT TRUE, I DID NOT STEAL HIM FROM HIS REAL
OWNER. DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A QUESTION? YES, CHASE?
>> IS MR. KOTTER MEAN TO YOU?
>> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS ARE THESE?
>> MR. KOTTER FEEDS ME GAS STATION SUSHI, IT GIVES ME
DIARRHEA. WHO WANTS TO HEAR A SONG?
>> Jimmy: BE IN WANT TO HEAR A SONG?
♪ WHEN YOU'RE SITTING ON ZOOM
AND YOU GOT TO MAKE A BOOM ♪
♪ DIARRHEA DIARRHEA
♪ WHEN YOU'RE SCARED OF CORONA
AND YOUR BUTT SMELLS LIKE BOLOGNA ♪
♪ DIARRHEA DIARRHEA
>> Jimmy: I TAUGHT HIM THAT SONG.
♪ WHEN YOU'RE SITTING IN CLASS
AND STUFF COMES OUT YOUR ♪
>> Jimmy: MR. CRACKERS, I TOLD YOU WE CAN'T USE LANGUAGE LIKE
THAT.
>> SO IMMATURE.
>> Jimmy: VERY IMMATURE.
>> MY PARENTS WERE CAUGHT BY POACHERS.
>> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO TELL ME ONE THING THAT
BOTHERS YOU ABOUT ONE OF YOUR PARENTS.
KYLE, GO AHEAD, WE'LL BEGIN WITH YOU.
>> THE ANNOYING THING ABOUT MY PARENTS IS THAT THEY ALWAYS SAY
THEY LOVE ME.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW. LUCKILY MY PARENTS NEVER, EVER
SAID THAT, SO I WAS NEVER, EVER ANNOYED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NICK?
>> MY PARENTS WON'T LET ME WATCH FOOTBALL.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE THEY, COMMUNISTS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: MAYA? YES, GO AHEAD.
>> THEY NEVER LET ME HAVE CANDY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF CANDY DO YOU LOVE?
>> HARD CANDY.
>> Jimmy: HARD CANDY? LIKE AN OLD LADY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU WANT SOME LOZENGES? DO YOU KNOW THE WORD LOZENGE?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: LET ME SPELL IT FOR YOU. L‐O‐Z‐E‐N‐G‐E.
LOZENGE. OKAY?
>> I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. MR. KOTTER MAKES ME SLEEP IN THE
MICROWAVE AND DETAIL HIS CAR.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S ALL TRUE, YEAH.
>> AND SOMETIMES HE TAKES A LOZENGE AND HE SHOVES IT RIGHT
UP ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OKAY, MR. CRACKERS. KIDS, I THINK WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO END THE LESSON NOW. BEFORE WE END THE CLASS, DOES
ANYBODY WANT TO SHARE ANYTHING THAT THEY LEARNED TODAY?
YES, MYKEDA?
>> THAT THIS CLASS IS VERY WEIRD.
>> Jimmy: VERY GOOD. ALL RIGHT.
SAY GOOD‐BYE TO MR. CRACKERS, EVERYBODY.
>> BYE, MR. CRACKERS!
>> BYE!
♪ WHEN IT'S TIME FOR US TO QUIT
AND I GOT TO TAKE A ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OH, OKAY, I TOLD YOU, YOU CAN'T USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT.
♪ DIARRHEA DIARRHEA
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY, BYE, KIDS!
♪ WELCOME BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANKS, KIDS. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. TRAVON FREE IS HERE, WE'VE GOT
MUSIC FROM DAYA, AND BE RIGHT BACK WITH KEVIN BACON!
♪
>> Jimmy: HI, WE ARE BACK. TONIGHT, HIS CRITICALLY
ACCLAIMED SHORT FILM IS CALLED "TWO DISTANT STRANGERS."
TRAVON FREE IS WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEN, LATER, A GRAMMY WINNER FROM PITTSBURGH, PA.
HER SONG IS CALLED "BAD GIRL." MUSIC FROM DAYA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT, OUR SPECIAL ONE‐YEAR CORONAVIRUS ANNIVERSARY
SHOW WITH JOEL McHALE, PETE BUTTIGIEG, AND MUSIC FROM ADAM
DUR RITES SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OUR FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE BEST ACTORS IN THE BUSINESS WITH
MOVIES, TELEVISION APPEARANCES, AND A WIFE NAMED KYRA SEDGWICK
TO PROVE IT. THE SECOND SEASON OF HIS SHOW
"CITY ON A HILL" PREMIERES MARCH 28th ON SHOWTIME, PLEASE
WELCOME KEVIN BACON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING?
>> GOOD, IT'S GOOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HERE IN
STUDIO.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, I HAVEN' SEEN YOU IN
A WHILE.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU BEEN VACC VACCINATED?
>> I'M KIND OF IN THE SWEET SPOT OF AGE WHERE THAT'S KIND OF AN
INSULTING QUESTION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PEOPLE ASK THAT, I SAY TO MYSELF, I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO
MY ROB LOWE SKIN ROUTINE, I DON'T KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DO THESE CAMERASES TOUCH UP MY APPEARANCE?
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, YOU'LL PROBABLY LOOK BETTER IN PERSON
THAN ON TV.
>> I LOVE THAT THING, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU.
I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE SEEING YOU IN PERSON.
>> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, BY THE WAY, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> LISTEN. BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
SOMETIMES THERE'S LIKE AN EARLY‐MORNING ZOOM, YOU GOT A
LITTLE BIT OF THE DON JULIO FLU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN I DISCOVERED THAT TOUCH UP MY APPEARANCE THING, I WAS LIKE,
THIS IS BANGING. I WOULD DIAL THAT [ BLEEP ]
RIGHT UP TO 11. AM I CRAZY? TELL ME IF I'M WRONG, IT SEEMED
LIKE ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE PANDEMIC, ZOOM DECIDED THAT THEY
WANTED TO ‐‐ YOU HAD A MANUAL OPTION, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> SO YOU COULD JUST SLIDE IT AND THEN SAY, NO, THAT'S NOW
LOOKING TOO MUCH LIKE THE GIRLS IN "FROZEN."
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WANT TO GO BACK A LITTLE BIT AND FIND WHAT SOMEBODY'S GOING
TO BUY WITHIN THE REALM OF REALITY.
>> Jimmy: I CAN BARELY GET MY MICROPHONE ON, I DON'T KNOW HOW
ANY OF THAT STUFF WORKS.
>> I'VE CLEARLY SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON ZOOM, I'M SO HAPPY
TO BE HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: I KNOW, HERE WE ARE IN HUMAN FORM.
YOU KNOW, YOU SAY ‐‐ I THINK MAYBE YOU'RE BEING
SELF‐CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE ASKING HAVE YOU BEEN
VACCINATED BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE. BUT I THINK IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE
WITHIN SIX DEGREES OF EVERYBODY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU WERE TO GET ANY KIND OF A DISEASE, LIKE HALF OF HOLLYWOOD
WOULD BE GONE. IT WOULD BE WIPED OUT.
>> JIMMY, I SAID TO KYRA, I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY THE
VACCINATION ISN'T ACCORDING TO YOUR IMDB STAR METER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR, THAT'S THE PLACE WHERE
YOU CAN GO EVERY DAY AND SEE HOW FAMOUS YOU ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE
HOVERING AROUND, LIKE, 1,400, 1,500?
IT'S LIKE, YOU THINK THAT'S OKAY, BUT THEN YOU GO [ BLEEP ],
1,500 PEOPLE THAT ARE MORE FAMOUS THAN ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT CAN REALLY BE HEARTBREAKING. THN IT CAN DROP THE NEXT DAY.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. DROP PRECIPITOUS WHY I FOR SURE.
>> NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT. BUT THAT WOULD BE HOLLYWOOD,
RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: I LOVE THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SPEAKING OF KYRA, SHE WAS ON THE SHOW A COUPLE MONTHS AGO.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: SHE DETAILED AN INCIDENT THAT OCCURRED IN YOUR
HOME.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: YOU VOLUNTEERED TO GIVE HER A BIKINI WAX.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: THEN IT WENT BADLY. SHE SAID SHE ALMOST WENT TO THE
HOSPITAL.
>> YES, YES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU GO WRONG?
SHE WASN'T PARTICULARLY SPECIFIC ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LISTEN. I'M A GUY THAT ‐‐ I'M ONE OF
THOSE PEOPLE THAT IS SORT OF COCKY ENOUGH TO THINK I CAN
PROBABLY LEARN TO DO ANYTHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU'RE AN
ACTOR, YOU HAVE TO GET A SKILL, RIGHT?
YOU GOT TO PRETEND YOU'RE AN ASTRONAUT OR, YOU KNOW, A
FIREMAN, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER IT HAPPENS TO BE. RIDE A HORSE?
SURE. YOU KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT, HOW
HARD COULD THIS BE? SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> YOU KNOW, I CAN PUT STUFF TOGETHER FROM IKEA.
THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A ‐‐ IT'S NOT YOU NEED TO LEAVE IT TO
THE TRAINED PROFESSIONALS.
>> Jimmy: THE PROFESSIONALS, YEAH.
>> OTHERWISE IT CAN BE REALLY, REALLY FRIGHTENINGLY DANGEROUS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, AND SHE WASN'T THRILLED WITH YOU DOING IT
AFTER ‐‐ I THOUGH SHE WAS A LITTLE BIT MAD AT YOU.
>> SHE WAS A LITTLE BIT MAD AT ME. BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S OKAY.
I GAVE IT THE OLD COLLEGE TRY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU DID.
>> I DID.
>> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF COLLEGE. THIS IS SO CRAZY.
YOUR FIRST MOVIE WAS A CLASSIC, "ANIMAL HOUSE."
>> I KNOW, MAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: BRING THAT UP PICTURE OF KEVIN.
YOU'RE A TEENAGER, 19 YEARS OLD.
>> YEAH, 19 YEARS OLD, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER FROM THAT DAY, GETTING THAT JOB,
AND SHOOTING THAT?
>> INCREDIBLE. WHAT A ‐‐ WHAT AN AMAZING THING.
I DIDN'T HAVE AN AGENT. I WAS IN ACTING SCHOOL.
JOHN LANDIS, WHO DIRECTED THE MOVIE, CAME BY THE SCHOOL.
NOT HIM, THE CASTING DIRECTOR. THEY SENT ME OVER.
HE HAD ME MAKE SOME FACES AND I GOT THIS GIG.
I FLEW TO OREGON AND MY LIFE WAS CHANGING.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE I WAS ON A SET WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE.
IT WAS INTERESTING BECAUSE LANDIS SET UP THIS SITUATION
WHERE HE DIDN'T WANT ‐‐ I WAS, YOU KNOW, IN THE [ BLEEP ] ALONG
WITH NIEDERMAYER AND ALL THE ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THE BAD GUYS.
>> BUT THE GOOD GUYS, HE WANTED THEM ALL TO BE SEPARATE FROM US,
HAVE THIS REALLY COHESIVE UNIT THAT WAS LIKE AN IDEA THAT HE
HAD. AND IT SORT OF TOOK HOLD IN OUR
PRIVATE LIFE. ALL STAYING AT THE SAME MOTEL.
BUT THESE GUYS WOULD HAVE PARTIES WITH MUSIC AND THEY WERE
ALL SUPER COOL, PARTIES WERE GREAT, THERE WERE GIRLS AROUND.
AND I WAS NEVER INVITED. I WAS NEVER PART OF THAT THING.
>> Jimmy: NONE OF THE GUYS?
>> DON'T FEEL TOO BAD FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THANK YOU.
BUT I REMEMBER I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF A WAY ‐‐ A WAY TO GET
IN WITH THE COOL KIDS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> AND I WAS FRIENDLY WITH THIS WAITRESS AT THIS MOTEL THAT WE
WERE STAYING AT. AND THEY WERE HAVING THIS RAGING
PARTY DOWNSTAIRS, WHICH I WASN'T INVITED TO.
SHE CALLED ME UP IN MY ROOM AND SHE SAID, LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I HAVE IT ON REALLY GOOD AUTHORITY THAT THE FBI IS
IN TOWN, AND THEY ARE KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON THE ACTORS AND ON
THE PRODUCTION, AND THERE'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE A MAJOR
BUST ANY TIME ‐‐ SOMETIME SOON. SO I THOUGHT THAT I COULD MAYBE
GET IN GOOD WITH THIS GROUP BY LIKE GIVING THEM A WARNING.
>> Jimmy: WARNING THEM, YEAH.
>> THAT I WOULD ENDEAR MYSELF TO THEM.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> PLUS I THINK I WAS PRETTY HIGH. AND I WAS PARANOID.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAY. SO I PICK UP THE PHONE, I CAN
HEAR THE PARTY DOWN THE HALL, RIGHT?
I COULD HEAR IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE RAGING ON.
AND I SAID, HEY, LISTEN, MAN. I THINK IT WAS BRUCE McGILL ON
THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE. LISTEN, MAN, I WANT YOU GUYS TO
KNOW THAT I HAVE IT ON REALLY GOOD AUTHORITY THAT THE FBI IS
ACTUALLY IN TOWN AND THEY'RE KEEPING AN EYE ON WHAT'S GOING
ON. IT'S LIKE, [ BLEEP ] YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN. I SPENT THE NIGHT ALONE IN MY
ROOM.
>> Jimmy: DID THE FBI EVER SHOW UP?
>> OF COURSE NOT, THE FBI?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE WERE MAKING "ANIMAL HOUSE," COME ON.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHEN, ALL RIGHT, THEN I'M CALLING THE FBI.
[ LAUGHTER ]
KEVIN BACON IS WITH US. THE SHOW IS "SITTING ON A HILL."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> YOU KNOW, THERE WAS NO GUN RESIDUE ON HIS HANDS.
HOW DOES SOMEONE JUST SHOOT THEMSELVES IN THE HEAD WITH NO
GUN RESIDUE?
>> HEY. EVER ATTEND ANY OF THOSE BU
ALUMNI REUNION THINGS? YOU KNOW, CATCH UP WITH OLD
FRIENDS YOU LOSE TOUCH WITH? PEOPLE GET NOSTALGIC ABOUT THEIR
COLLEGE DAYS. THEY TEND TO TALK AND TALK AND
TALK, EVEN ABOUT THE BAD STUFF. I KNOW I DO. ALL THE HEARTBREAK.
PEOPLE GOT A LOT TO SAY ABOUT YOUR GOOD AND NOT SO GOOD OLD
DAYS. DIFFERENT FROM WHAT YOU'VE SAID.
WHICH MAKES FOR A NICE FAIRYTALE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS "CITY ON A HILL." IT'S GREAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING WE
PROBABLY ARE ALL EXPERIENCING NOW. I'M LOOKING AT THAT CLIP AND
GOING LIKE, OH, THE ACTING IS REALLY GOOD, AND THEY'RE SO
CLOSE TO EACH OTHER'S FACES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LET ME EXPLAIN. THE TRUTH IS THAT WE'D GET
TESTED ALL THE TIME. AS KYRA SAID, THE TESTERS MUST
LOVE YOU, BECAUSE YOUR NOSTRILS ARE SUCH A GIGANTIC TARGET.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, THOSE TESTERS. THEY JUST GO, RROW!
BUT WE GET TESTED SO MUCH. THEN ON A DAY LIKE ‐‐ WE WERE
PROBABLY TESTED THREE, FOUR TIMES A WEEK.
THEN A DAY LIKE THIS, WE'D GET A RAPID TEST BECAUSE WE'RE IN EACH
OTHER'S FACES. SO THE LEVEL OF CARE THAT'S
TAKEN FOR THESE THINGS. IF ME AND ALDOUS ARE SHOUTING,
WE HAVE RAPID TESTS, OR A KISSING SCENE OR WHATEVER, IT'S
REALLY FASCINATING.
>> Jimmy: IT'S STRANGE, SEEING PEOPLE IN GROUPS.
>> IT'S STRANGE. BUT THIS IS 1992.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MOVIES YOU'VE BEEN IN?
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: 64 MOVIES.
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: WHICH IS A LOT OF THEM.
>> THREE OF THEM ARE GOOD, ACTUALLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SO WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO NOW, WITH YOUR PERMISSION,
WE'RE GOING TO TEST YOU TO SEE IF YOU CAN REMEMBER THE MOVIES
YOU YOURSELF WERE IN, IN A GAME CALLED "TITLE RECALL."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
IT'S A GREAT TITLE, IT'S A GREAT GAME, AND WE HAVE A GREAT HOST.
HIS NAME IS GUILLERMO. GUILLERMO WILL BE READING THE
QUESTIONS.
>> EXCELLENT.
>> Jimmy: FOR REASONS THAT ARE UNKNOWN TO ME. GO AHEAD.
>> Guillermo: READY?
>> I'M READY, MAN.
>> Guillermo: IN THIS MOVIE, THE LADY YOU ARE WITH IS HAVING A
BABY.
>> Jimmy: IN THIS MOVIE, THE LADY YOU ARE WITH IS HAVING A
BABY.
>> I KNOW THAT ONE. I'M GOING TO TAKE A FLYER AND
SAY "SHE'S HAVING A BABY."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS CORRECT. YOU NAILED THAT ONE.
RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
>> Guillermo: ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
IN THIS MOVIE, THERE'S A BIG BOK
WHO MAKE YOU CHEAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ONE MORE TIME?
>> Guillermo: IN THIS MOVIE THERE'S A BIG BOK WHO MAKE YOU
CHAFE.
>> Jimmy: I THINK WHAT MY COLLEAGUE IS SAYING, THERE'S A
BIG BUG THAT MADE YOU SHAKE.
>> Guillermo: THAT'S RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> A BIG BUG THAT MAKES ME SHAKE ‐‐ OH, "TREMORS."
>> Jimmy: THAT IS RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
2 FOR 2.
>> 2 FOR 2.
>> Guillermo: IN THIS MOVIE, YOU ARE SO SEXY, YOU CATCH ON FIRE.
>> OH, I KNOW WHAT THAT IS. THAT'S BECAUSE I ‐‐ I HAVE TO
REMEMBER THIS ONE, I DID THE MOVIE WITH KYRA SEDGWICK, IT'S
CALLED "PIRATES."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: "PIRATES," THAT'S CORRECT.
>> THAT IS A DEEP DIVE RIGHT THERE.
>> Guillermo: IN THIS MOVIE, YOU SAY [ BLEEP ] YOU, MATT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S ‐‐ THAT'S LIKE 75% OF THEM, I THINK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ BLEEP ] YOU, MAN.
[ BLEEP ] YOU, MANN.
>> Jimmy: MATT.
>> OH, MATT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, MATT.
>> OH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IS IT "WILD THINGS"?
[ BUZZER ]
>> Jimmy: IT IS ‐‐
>> Guillermo: "HOLLOW MONEY."
>> Jimmy: THE MATT WAS PROBABLY MATT DAMON, RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Guillermo: YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ONE MORE, GUILLERMO.
>> Guillermo: IN THIS MOVIE, YOU HAVE A LOOSE FOOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> DUMB DEDUMB DEDUMB DEDUMB.
>> Jimmy: IN THIS MOVIE YOU HAVE A LOOSE FOOT.
>> "FOOTLOOSE."
>> Jimmy: FOOTLOOSE IS RIGHT.
>> THANK YOU, GUILLERMO.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID A GREAT JOB. WE HAVE A PRIZE FOR YOU, VHS OF
THE MOVIE "TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL," THE SIXTH PART OF THE
SERIES, YOU WERE NOT IN THIS ONE.
>> I WAS NOT IN THAT ONE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: KEVIN BACON. SEASON 2 OF "CITY ON A HILL"
PREMIERES MARCH 28th ON SHOWTIME. BE RIGHT BACK WITH TRAY MONEY
FREE. THANKS, KEVIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM DAYA IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS A STANDUP COMIC AND EMMY‐WINNING COMEDY
WRITER WITH A NEW SHORT FILM THAT IS ON THE SHORT LIST FOR AN
ACADEMY AWARD. IT'S CALLED "TWO DISTANT
STRANGERS." PLEASE WELCOME TRAVON FREE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH.
>> YEAH, OF COURSE, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING?
>> I'M GOOD, MAN, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL. I KNOW YOU'RE A SNEAKER
AFICIONADO. ARE THOSE SPECIAL? REAL GOOD ONES?
>> THESE ARE VERY HARD TO GET. THESE ARE CALLED THE TROPHY
ROOM, JORDAN ONE.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> IF YOU HAVE AN EXTRA 5 TO 10 BRAND, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GRAB
THEM ONLINE.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS REALLY HOW MUCH THEY COST?
>> THAT'S HOW MUCH THEY RESELL FOR, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T PAY THAT FOR THEM?
>> I DEFINITELY DID NOT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SHOULD YOU BE WEARING THOSE? I DON'T THINK YOU.
>> I LITERALLY WORE THEM FROM FRONT DOOR TO CAR, CAR DOOR TO
YOUR DOOR. WHEN I GO BACK HOME, THEY GO IN
A LOCKED BOX.
>> Jimmy: YOU BROUGHT A PICTURE OF YOUR COLLECTION HERE.
PUT THAT UP ON THE SCREEN. THAT'S YOUR HOUSE?
>> YEAH, THAT'S MY ‐‐ ONE OF MY OLD SNEAKER ROOMS.
HERE I STARTED PUTTING THEM IN THOSE CLEAR BOXES ON THE WALL
WHERE I COULD ACTUALLY SEE WHAT I WANTED FOR THAT DAY'S
ADVENTURES.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN INTO INTERIOR DESIGN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, MAN, WHEN YOU HAVE ROUGHLY 300 PAIRS OF SHOES, IF
YOU DON'T SEE THEM, IT MAKES IT REALLY DIFFICULT, YOU KNOW ‐‐
>> Jimmy: TO PICK. ALSO, YOU LIKE THEM, SO YOU WANT
TO SEE THEM.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ARE THEY ALL NIKES?
>> PRETTY MUCH YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ANY NON‐NIKES IN THE MIX?
>> I HAVE A COUPLE PAIRS OF VANS FOR THE SUMMER.
IF SOMEBODY INVITES YOU TO THEIR FOURTH OF JULY PARTY OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: I SEE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THINGS LIKE THAT. YOU MIGHT WANT TO WEAR SOME
SHORTS AND SOME VANS OR SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: WHICH IS THE BEST PAIR THAT YOU HAVE, THE MOST RARE OR
EXPENSIVE OR ‐‐
>> RIGHT. IT'S PROBABLY MY FRAGMENTS.
THE JORDAN ONE FRAGMENTS.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I PROBABLY SPENT A YEAR TRYING TO FIND THOSE IN MY SIZE.
I'M A SIZE 16, WHICH IS NOT COMMON.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW, YEAH.
>> UNLESS YOU'RE AN NBA PLAYER, THEN IT'S PRETTY COMMON.
BUT I WOULD GO ON EBAY PRETTY MUCH DAILY JUST TO CHECK TO SEE
IF SOMEBODY WAS SELLING A PAIR. BECAUSE YOU COULD ONLY GET THEM
RESALE IF YOU MISSED THE RETAIL SALE. AND, YOU KNOW, ONE DAY THEY
SHOWED UP. AND I REALLY COULDN'T BELIEVE
THAT THEY WERE REALLY THERE. AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE
SOMEBODY MADE A FAKE ‐‐ THERE'S. AND I JUST ‐‐ I PULLED THE
TRIGGER, I BOUGHT THEM.
>> Jimmy: HOW MUCH?
>> OH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IN THIS CHI MAT, I DON'T KNOW IF I'M ALLOWED TO SAY.
>> Jimmy: OH, REALLY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, IT WAS ‐‐ IT WAS A FOUR‐FIGURE NUMBER.
>> Jimmy: OH, REALLY?
>> FOR A PAIR OF SHOES, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S MY PASSION.
YOU KNOW, IT'S THE ONE THING I WILL LET MYSELF REALLY GO CRAZY
ON.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE WALL.
>> Jimmy: YOU PLAYED COLLEGE BASKETBALL. LONG BEACH STATE IN.
>> YEAH, YEAH, '49ERS.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: YOU WENT TO THE NBA TOURNAMENT.
>> SENIOR YEAR, 2007.
>> Jimmy: 2007, NCAA TOURNAMENT. WHAT TEAM DID YOU PLAY?
>> WE PLAYED TENNESSEE.
>> Jimmy: TENNESSEE, AND WHAT SEED WERE THEY?
>> IT WAS A 5‐12 GAME. EVERYBODY THINKS THERE'S A BIG ‐‐
>> Jimmy: 5‐12, THAT'S THE ONE WHERE YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART AND
PICK THE 12?
>> WE WERE A GOOD PICK, MAN. WE WERE LEADING THE NATION IN
SCORING THAT YEAR.
AS A MID‐MAJOR BIG BEST TEAM. THE SCORE DOESN'T LOOK GREAT
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE FINAL SCORE, BUT GAME ITSELF WASN'T
THAT BAD. IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT
THEY CAME OUT SHOOTING LIKE THEY HAD FIVE STEPH CURRYS ON THEIR
TEAM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HAD, LIKE, A BETTER CHANCE.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU THINK YOU MIGHT WIN THAT GAME?
OR NEVER MIND THE GAME. I'M SURE YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU'D WIN THAT GAME. DOES A 12 SEED THINK, WE COULD
WIN THIS ALL?
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, YOUR COACH TRIES TO CONVINCE YOU OF
THAT. IN YOUR HEAD YOU'RE LIKE, DUKE
HAS SIX FUTURE NBA PLAYERS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T THINK WE REALLY STAND THAT GREAT OF A CHANCE.
BUT YOU KNOW, IF YOU BELIEVE. IF YOU JUST BELIEVE.
>> Jimmy: IF YOU BELIEVE. WELL, LISTEN, YOU PROBABLY
DIDN'T IMAGINE WHEN YOU WERE PLAYING ON THAT TEAM THAT ONE
DAY YOU WOULD HAVE A MOVIE THAT WAS BEING CONSIDERED FOR AN
ACADEMY AWARD.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE TOO TALL TO BE NOMINATED FOR A SHORT
FILM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I MIGHT ‐‐ I WOULD LOVE FOR SOMEONE TO CHECK.
I MIGHT BE THE TALLEST SHORT FILM POTENTIAL NOMINEE.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO BE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU HAVE TO BE, YEAH. "TWO DISTANT STRANGERS."
I REALLYHT IT WAS GREAT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: I SAW IT, A FRIEND OF MINE, VAN LATHAM, SENT TO IT ME.
I TOOK A LOOK AT IT, I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY GREAT.
I LEARNED TODAY ‐‐ I GOT A LINK TO IT.
I LEARNED TODAY THAT YOU'RE HERE PROMOTING A MOVIE NO ONE IS ABLE
TO SEE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH. RIGHT. SO THE MOVIE IS NOT OFFICIALLY
OUT. WE ARE STILL ‐‐
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, EXACTLY? THCARS TO PASS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> DISTRIBUTION. ANYBODY. ANYBODY WANTS TO, Y KNOW, PICK
UP A SHORT FILM THAT IS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: I'LL PUT IT ON RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU GOT 28 MINUTES, I'LL SIT RIGHT HERE THE WHOLE TIME.
>> Jimmy: WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.
>> WE CAN DO THE WHOLE THING. YEAH, WE'RE LOOKING FOR
DISTRIBUTION, TRYING TO TALK TO PEOPLE.
'VE BEEN BEGGING TO FIND A WAY TO GET THE MOVIE OUT.
MAYBE WE COULD PUT IT UP ON YOUTUBE FOR A DAY.
>> Jimmy: JUST SO PEOPLE CAN SEE IT. PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS, LIKE
500, 200, 300 PEOPLE, VIRTUAL SCREENINGS.
YOU KNOW, THE PRESS AND THE QUOTES AND THINGS HAVE BEEN SO
GREAT, BEYOND WHAT WE COULD HAVE IMAGINED.>> IT'S VERY ORIGINAL.
[ APPLAUSE ]
VERY POWERFUL.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE CLAPPING, THEY HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO SEE IT, ITEVERG OUT!
>> I SENT THE THE LINK.
>> Jimmy: THEY GOT THE LINK.
>> EVERYBODY GOT THE LINK. IT'S UNDER YOUR SEATS!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THE OSCAR VOTERS ‐‐ I HOPE THE OSCAR VOTERS GOT THE
LINK.
>> NO, DEFINITELY, WE MADE SURE THEY GOT THE LINK FIRST.
THEY GOT THE LINK BEFORE ANYBODY GOT THE LINK.
>> Jimmy: BUT NO ONE ELSE HAS THE LINK.
NO ONE ELSE CAN GET THE LINK EXCEPT THROUGH ME.
>> Jimmy: HAS YOUR FAMILY SEEN THE MOVIE?
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: ARE THEY EXCITED? ARE PEOPLE JOCKEYING SAYING, IF
YOU'RE NOMINATED I'M GOING WITH YOU?
>> COVID SAVED ME FROM THAT FIASCO OF EVERYBODY BEING
LIKE ‐‐ SO I'M GETTING THE OTHER TICKET, OR YOU'RE GETTING ME
TICKETS TO THE OSCARS, RIGHT? I'M LIKE, I HAVE TO GET OFF THE
SHORT LIST.
>> Jimmy: GET ON THEHORTER LIST, YEAH.
>> RIGHT, EXACTLY, THE SHORTEST LIST.
WHICH MEANS YOU GET TO THE NEXT ROUND. BUT NO, THERE ARE DEFY
PEOPLE I MY FAMIL ARE EXCITED ABOUT IT AND WANT ME TO
GET NOMINATED OR EVEN WIN, YOU KNOW, GOD WILLING. T'S ‐‐ YOKNOW.
>> Jimmy: I HOPE YOU GET IT UP SOON, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
IT'S CALLED "TWO DISTANT STRANGERS." YOU CANNOT SEE IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WAIT, I'LL SEND YOU A LINK!
>> Jimmy: CURRENTLY STREAMING ON NOTHING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
UNLESS TRAVON HAS YOUR EMAIL. TRAVON FREE, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THANKS, TRAV OFF THE N, GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE.
NEXT, MUSIC FROM DAYA!
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
DAYA IS ON THE WAY. ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS JUST AROUND
THE CORNER, AND EVEN THOUGH WE CAN'T CELEBRATE LIKE WE USUALLY
DO, I'M EXCITED BECAUSE MY POD‐SON GUILLERMO HAS PREP A
SPECIAL IRISH CELEBRATION FOR JUST THE TWO OF US.
[ RS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Guillermo: JIMMY, IT'S READY. HAPPY DIA PATRICIO, Y.
>> Jimmy: SI. WHAT'S TON YOUR HEAD?
>> MY HORN, JIMMY. I AM A LEPRICORN.
>> Jimmy: IT'S LEPRECHAUN. LEPRECHAUNS DON'T HAVE HORNS ON
THEIR HEAD. OR ANYWHERE ON THEIR BODY.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE. OH!
>> Guillermo: CORNED BEEF!
>> Jimmy: WOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU REALLY CORNED IT, DIDN'T YOU?
>> Guillermo: YES, AND TO DRINK? A GREEN BEER. >> Jimmy: OH, THA.
VERY NICE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
MAY I ASK, BEFORE I DRINK THIS, HOW YOU MADE THE BEER GREEN?
>> Guillermo: MY SECRET RECIPE. GUACAMOLE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY. YOU KNOW, I WAS AFRAID YOU MIGHT
TRY TO DO THIS BY YOURSELF. SO I TOOK MATTERS INTO MY OWN
HANDS, DON'T WORRY. WE HAVE INSTACART.
WE CAN GET WHATEVER WE NEED FROM OUR FAVORITE GROCERY STORES AND
MORE IN AS FAST AS TWO HOURS.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
>> Guillermo: WOW, THAT WAS A FAST TWO HOURS.
>> Jimmy: YES, IT WAS, WASN'T IT?
>> Guillermo: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. JIMMY, YOU SAVED
DIA DE SAN PATRICIO.
>> Jimmy: YES, IDID. WE'VE GOT CABBAGE, WE'VE GOT
ED BEEF, AND WE' ‐‐ OH, DELICIOUS GUINNESS BEER,
THERE YOU GO.
>> Guillermo: WAIT, ONE MORE, MINE, DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY, GUILLERMO.
>> Guillermo: THANK YOU, MMY. THIS IS WHY ALL THE WOMEN ARE
CRAZY FOR YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I GUESS WHEN YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT.
>> Dicky: GET SAME‐DAY DELIVERY ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY FOOD AND
DRINKS THROUGH INSTACART. DOWNLOAD THE APP, AND TAKE
$25 OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER WITH CODE SHAMROCK25.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Dicky: T "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"ONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jmy: WE DID IT, WE MADE A COCK‐A‐DOODLE‐DO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WANT TO THANK KEVIN BACON, TRAVON FREE.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" NEXT, BUT FIRST,
FROM DOWNTOWN L. A., WITH THE SONG "BAD GIRL," DAYA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
♪ ALIVE IN THE DARK
AND WE RIDE FOREVER FEELING SO HIGH GOING
DOWN TOGETHER ♪
♪ DOWN
FREE SHOTS AT THE BAR FROM THE GUY IN LEATHER
CHEERS TO THE NIGHT THAT ♪
♪ WE WON'T REMEMBER NOW
NOTHING YOU COULD DO OR SAY IS RIGHT
I ALREADY KNOW JUST ♪
♪ WHAT I LIKE
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
WE GOT WHAT THEY WANT WANT WHAT THEY WANT WANT
THEY CAN LOOK BUT THEY ♪
♪ JUST CAN'T TOUCH IT
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
THEY'RE ALWAYS UP TO NO GOOD DON'T LET THEM ♪
♪ WISH THEY COULD
DO IT LIKE THIS ALL AROUND THE CLOCK GOT BOYS LININ
♪ ALL AROUND THE BLOCK
LIGHTING UP FLARES IN THE PARKING LOT
IF WE'RE GONNA LIVE GIVE ♪
♪ IT ALL WE GOT
NOTHING YOU COULD DO OR SAY IS RIGHT I ALREADY KNOW ♪
♪ JUST WHAT I LIKE
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GL NEED A BAD GIRL 'CAUSE THES ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
WE GOT WHAT THEY WANT WANT WHAT THEY WANT WANT
THEY CAN LOOK BUT THEY ♪
♪ JUST CAN'T IT
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
THEY'RE ALWAYS UP TO NO GOOD DON'T LET THEM ♪
♪ WISH THEY COULD
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪ UST DON'T CUT IT
WE GOT WHAT THEY WANT WANT WHAT THEY WANT WANT
THEY CAN LOOK BUT THEY ♪
♪ JUST CAN'T TOUCH IT
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
THEY'RE ALWAYS UP TO NO GOOD DON'T LET THEM♪
♪ WISH THEY COULD
NOTHING YOU COULD DO OR SAY IS RIGHT I ALREADY KNOW ♪
♪ JUST WHAT I LIKE
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
WE GOT WHAT THEY WANT WANT WHAT THEY WANT WANT
THEY CAN LOOK BUT THEY ♪
♪ JUST CAN'T TOUCH IT
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
THEY'RE ALWAYS UP TO NO GOOD DON'T LET THEM ♪
♪ WISH THEY COULD
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL NEED A BAD GIRL
'CAUSE THE BAD BOYS ♪
♪ JUST DON'T CUT IT
WE GOT WHAT THEY WANT WANT WHAT THEY WANT WANT
THEY CAN LOOK BUT THEY ♪
♪ JUST CAN'T TOUCH IT
BAD GIRL, NEED A BAD GIRL JUST DON'T CUT IT
THEY'RE ALWAYS UP TO NO GOOD ♪