1 00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:03,804 >> Dicky: TONIGHT, FROM A COMPLETELY ABANDONED HOLLYWOOD 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,540 BOULEVARD, IT'S THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CORONAVERSARY 3 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:11,812 SHOW"! WITH SPECIAL GUESTS ‐‐ JOEL MCHALE. 4 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:15,549 U.S. SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION PETE BUTTIGIEG. 5 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,553 A SPECIAL MUSICAL PERFORMANCE BY ADAM DURITZ. 6 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:22,289 AND HONORING ONE YEAR OF AWKWARD VIDEO COMMUNICATION, THE FIRST 7 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:29,496 EVER ZOOMY AWARD! 8 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,932 >> WOW. HAS IT REALLY BEEN A YEAR? 9 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,800 GOD, THAT'S DEPRESSING. 10 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,502 >> Dicky: SORRY! I GOT SAD FOR A SECOND! 11 00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,271 AND NOW, BECAUSE EVERY VIRUS NEEDS A HOST, HERE'S 12 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:49,316 JIMMY KIMMEL! 13 00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,786 >> Jimmy: HI, HELLO. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. 14 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:53,754 WELCOME TO OUR FIRST AND HOPEFULLY LAST 15 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,957 EVER‐CORONAVERSARY. THERE'S SOME PRESENTS FOR YOU. 16 00:00:56,957 --> 00:01:02,195 THERE'S SOME PRESENTS FOR YOU. THE TRADITIONAL GIFT FOR A 17 00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:03,697 ONE‐YEAR ANNIVERSARY IS PAPER. SO I FIGURED FOR THIS ONE, 18 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:11,238 TOILET PAPER. MAKES THE MOST SENSE, RIGHT? 19 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,040 I'VE GOT SWEAT PANTS ON. THIS IS A SPECIAL SHOW TONIGHT. 20 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,541 TONIGHT, WE LOOK BACK AT OUR YEAR OF LIVING CONTAGIOUSLY. 21 00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:19,313 ONE YEAR AGO TODAY, THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION OFFICIALLY 22 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,548 DECLARED THE CORONAVIRUS A PANDEMIC, AND WE'VE BEEN 23 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,350 SPRAYING OUR BANANAS WITH WINDEX EVER SINCE. 24 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,851 [ LAUGHTER ] 25 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:27,621 QUICK SHOW OF HANDS, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE STILL BOILING YOUR MAIL? 26 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:28,088 BEFORE IT COMES IN IN 27 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,458 [ LAUGHTER ] 28 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,594 IT'S FUNNY TO THINK BACK ON ALL THE DUMB THINGS WE DID WHEN THIS 29 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,429 STARTED. ONE OF THE GUYS WHO WORKS HERE, 30 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,897 I DON'T WANT TO MENTION ANY NAMES, BUT IT'S GARY GREENBERG. 31 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,231 [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,734 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 33 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:45,572 WHAT'S GARY'S MIDDLE NAME? LEE? SID LEE? 34 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:50,477 IS IT LEE? GARY LEE GREENBURG. 35 00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:50,811 [ LAUGHTER ] 36 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:55,048 HE WAS LIKE, SHOULD I ORDER SUSHI, IS IT OKAY TO ORDER SUSHI? 37 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:58,752 EVERYBODY'S LIKE, YEAH, GARY, IT'S OKAY. HE ORDERS SUSHI. 38 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,754 BUT BEFORE HE EATS IT, HE PUTS IT IN THE MICROWAVE. 39 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,088 AND RUINS IT. 40 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:01,722 [ LAUGHTER ] 41 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,023 A LOT OF SERIAL KILLERS HAVE THE NAME LEE. 42 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,459 [ LAUGHTER ] 43 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,961 REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE CAREFULLY DISASSEMBLING OUR INSTACART 44 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:14,334 DELIVERIES LIKE A MUNITIONS EXPERT IN "THE HURT LOCKER?" 45 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,570 WATCH OUT, THE CHIPOTLE COULD EXPLODE! 46 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,305 A YEAR AGO, IF SOMEONE SAID "N95," YOU'D THINK THEY WERE A 47 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,374 BINGO CALLER. 48 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:20,707 [ LAUGHTER ] 49 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,042 IT MEANT NOTHING. WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SEE 50 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:25,312 FRIENDS, LOVED ONES. I MISS PHYSICAL CONTACT SO MUCH, 51 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,347 I APPLIED FOR A JOB AT GOVERNOR CUOMO'S OFFICE. 52 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,882 [ LAUGHTER ] 53 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:38,692 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 54 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,126 TRUMP HAS PASSED AWAY. 55 00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:39,459 [ LAUGHTER ] 56 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,928 HARD TO BELIEVE WE'VE BEEN IN FOR A WHOLE YEAR SINCE PEOPLE 57 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:48,869 WERE DANCING IN CLUBS, EATING IN 58 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:52,039 CROWDED RESTAURANTS, PASSING BONGS AROUND THE BEACH, PARTYING 59 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,907 LIKE IT'S 1999. IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY, AND YOU 60 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:57,811 KNOW WHY? THAT WAS YESTERDAY. THOSE CLIPS WERE FROM TEXAS AND 61 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:58,211 FLORIDA YESTERDAY. 62 00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,079 [ LAUGHTER ] 63 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:02,449 OH WELL. HERE IN CALIFORNIA, THINGS ARE 64 00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:04,985 LOOSENING UP A LITTLE. L.A. COUNTY TODAY ISSUED 65 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,220 GUIDELINES FOR CERTAIN BUSINESSES SUCH AS GYMS AND 66 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:10,223 MOVIE THEATERS TO RE‐OPEN, POSSIBLY AS SOON AS THIS WEEKEND. 67 00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:14,662 I'M GONNA PRETEND I'M EXCITED THE GYMS ARE OPENING BACK UP. 68 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:14,995 [ LAUGHTER ] 69 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,097 I'M GOING TO BE LIKE, OH MAN, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK 70 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:22,602 IN THAT GYM. DISNEY LAND IS GOING TO REOPEN 71 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,171 SOON AT 15% CAPACITY. 72 00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,740 [ APPLAUSE ] 73 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,942 15% CAPACITY, CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS ONLY. 74 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:32,679 IN ORDER TO MAKE A PROFIT, THEY'RE REQUIRING EACH GUEST TO 75 00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:34,815 EAT TWELVE CHURROS APIECE. 76 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,148 [ LAUGHTER ] 77 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:38,785 I CAN DO THAT. HALLMARK PUT OUT A NEW LINE OF 78 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,587 GREEDING CARDS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, TO COMMEMORATE THE YEAR 79 00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:44,524 THAT WAS. WE SENT A GUY IN A HAZMAT SUIT 80 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:48,562 TO GO BUY A FEW AT CVS. LET'S SEE. HAPPY CORONAVERSARY! 81 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,796 WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? AND WHERE HAVE MY AIRPODS GONE? 82 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,198 DID YOU TAKE THEM? BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THEM AND I 83 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:55,769 FEEL LIKE THEY WERE ON MY NIGHTSTAND. 84 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,338 YOU KNOW THOSE ARE MINE, RIGHT? 85 00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,840 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 86 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,841 LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE I HAVE HERE. OH, YES. 87 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,042 I'M BLINDED BY MY LOVE FOR YOU OR MAYBE IT'S FROM DRINKING 88 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:02,943 BLEACH. 89 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:05,178 [ LAUGHTER ] 90 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,047 AND THIS IS A FAMILY CARD. AND ONE MORE YEAR OF THIS AND 91 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,583 I'M KILLING THE KIDS. 92 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:18,625 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 93 00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:19,960 THOSE WILL BE ON THE FLOOR IF ANYONE NEEDS THEM. 94 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,696 STIMULUS CHECKS WILL BE IN YOUR POCKETS AS EARLY AS THIS WEEKEND 95 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:23,563 FOR SOME. TEAM BIDEN IS PLANNING TO HIT 96 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,966 THE ROAD NEXT WEEK TO PROMOTE HIS COVID RELIEF PLAN. 97 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,168 IT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLING THE "HELP IS HERE TOUR." 98 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,669 PART OF THE EFFORT IS TO CONVINCE THOSE WHO ARE RELUCTANT 99 00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:34,841 TO GET THE VACCINE. TO GET IT. IN FACT, A GROUP OF FORMER 100 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:38,445 PRESIDENTS TEAMED UP TO MAKE A PSA TO ENCOURAGE VACCINATION. 101 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:43,683 IT'S WEIRDLY KIND OF FUN TO SEE THEM ALL TOGETHER. 102 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:50,791 >> THIS VACCINE MEANS IT WILL 103 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:54,261 PROTECT YOU AND THOSE YOU LOVE FROM THIS DEADLY DISEASE. 104 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:58,198 >> I LOOK FORWARD TO GOING TO OPENING DAY AT TEXAS RANGER 105 00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,366 STADIUM WITH A FULL STADIUM. 106 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:02,369 >> I WANT TO GO TO WORK AND I WANT TO MOVE AROUND. 107 00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:05,972 >> AS YOU KNOW, WE JUST CAME OUT WITH A FRAGRANCE, IT'S CALLED 108 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,775 "SUCCESS BY TRUMP" AND IT'S SOLD BY MACY'S. 109 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,845 >> IN ORDER TO GET RID OF THIS PANDEMIC, IT'S IMPORTANT FOR OUR 110 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,346 FELLOW CITIZENS TO GET VACCINATED. 111 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,816 >> I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT IF YOU PUT IT ON, ANYTHING YOU WANT 112 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,183 WILL COME TRUE. 113 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:20,453 [ LAUGHTER ] 114 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:20,954 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 115 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,657 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT HE FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO UNLOAD 116 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:28,061 THAT HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE, I GUESS. 117 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:28,395 [ APPLAUSE ] 118 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:31,932 OUR PRESIDENT USED TO SELL COLOGNE. 119 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,267 PRESIDENT BIDEN IS DIRECTING STATES TO MAKE THE VACCINE 120 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:37,938 AVAILABLE TO ALL ADULTS BY MAY 1st. BIDEN ADDRESSED THE NATION 121 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,439 TONIGHT FROM THE EAST ROOM OF THE WHITE HOUSE. 122 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,941 THIS WAS HIS FIRST PRIMETIME SPEECH SINCE TAKING OFFICE. 123 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,676 AND IT COMES EXACTLY ONE YEAR AFTER OUR FORMER PRESIDENT GAVE 124 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,946 HIS OWN VIRUS‐RELATED ADDRESS, WARNING US OF THE DANGERS TO 125 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:49,816 COME. 126 00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:50,417 >> THE RISK IS VERY, VERY LOW. 127 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:52,686 [ LAUGHTER ] 128 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,055 >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT OWNING A CASINO, AND HE 129 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:55,589 BANKRUPTED THREE OF THOSE. 130 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,559 [ LAUGHTER ] 131 00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:58,892 [ APPLAUSE ] 132 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,329 I NEVER GET TIRED OF HIM SEEING THAT, HIM TELLING US ‐‐ THE 133 00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:06,600 WHOLE TIME, CAPTAIN CONTAGIOUS WAS TELLING US IT WOULD GO AWAY. 134 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,468 40 TIMES HE SAID THIS ON TV ALONE. 135 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:09,970 UNFORTUNATELY, SAYING "GO AWAY" DOESN'T WORK. IT'S A VIRUS. 136 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,504 NOT ERIC. 137 00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,206 [ LAUGHTER ] 138 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,476 ACCORDING TO THE ANNUAL "STRESS IN AMERICA" REPORT, THIS COUNTRY 139 00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:19,980 IS STRESSED, VERY STRESSED, AND WE ARE EATING OUR WAY THROUGH IT. 140 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,216 61% OF AMERICANS SAY THEY GAINED WEIGHT DURING THE PANDEMIC. 141 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,819 LARGELY THANKS TO THE EFFORTS OF THE HEROIC MEN AND WOMEN WHO 142 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,455 DELIVER FOOD TO OUR HOMES. OF COURSE, WE WOULD NEVER HAVE 143 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:32,225 MADE IT THROUGH THE PAST YEAR WITHOUT DOCTORS, NURSES, 144 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,229 RESPIRATORY THERAPISTS AND ALL THE MANY HEALTHCARE HEROES. 145 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,699 BUT WE ALSO OWE A DEBT TO THE DRIVERS FROM DOORDASH, 146 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,768 POSTMATES, GRUBHUB, ALL OF THEM. AND WHEN I SAY WE OWE THEM A 147 00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,670 DEBT, I MEAN IT LITERALY. MANY DRIVERS IN CITIES ALL 148 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,438 ACROSS THE COUNTRY COMPLAIN THAT GRATUITIES DURING THE PANDEMIC 149 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,941 ARE DOWN. PEOPLE AREN'T TIPPING AS MUCH, 150 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,443 WHICH STINKS BECAUSE THESE DRIVERS REALLY DON'T MAKE ANY 151 00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:53,914 MONEY FROM THE DELIVERY ITSELF. I MYSELF WAS A DELIVERY DRIVER 152 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:57,484 ONCE. AND SO, AS A SERVICE TO THOSE 153 00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:00,487 WHO ORDER FOOD, WE ASSEMBLED A GROUP OF REAL DELIVERY DRIVERS 154 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,957 WHO TEAMED UP TO BRING YOU THIS VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE. 155 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:08,628 ♪ 156 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,330 >> HELLO. 157 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,666 >> WE'RE DELIVERY DRIVERS FROM POSTMATES. 158 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,234 >> UBER EATS. 159 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,337 >> DOORDASH, INSTACART, AND EVERYWHERE ELSE. 160 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,940 >> WE WANT TO REMIND YOU WE'RE NOT DOING THIS FOR OUR HEALTH. 161 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:25,679 IF WE CARED ABOUT OUR HEALTH, WE'D BE LIAT HOME, LIKE YOU. 162 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:29,849 >> WATCHING "WANDAVISION" WHICH WE STILL HAVEN'T SEEN YET ‐‐ 163 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,285 >> BECAUSE WE'RE BUSY DELIVERING YOUR PIZZA ‐‐ 164 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,920 >> ALMONDS. 165 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,389 >> BURRITOS. 166 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:36,790 >> FRIED CHICKEN. 167 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,792 >> AND WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE YOU ORDERED WHEN YOU WERE HIGH. 168 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,695 >> REMEMBER WHEN YOU SEE US, THIS IS OUR JOB. 169 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:46,400 >> YOU TIP THE WAITRESS, RIGHT? SHE BRINGS THE FOOD TO YOUR 170 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:46,733 TABLE. 171 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,736 >> WE BRING THE TABLE TO YOUR HOUSE. 172 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:50,370 >> ALL THE WAY TO YOUR HOUSE. 173 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:51,504 >> FOR GOD'S SAKE, TIP US. 174 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:52,205 >> TIP US. 175 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:52,906 >> TIP US. 176 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,040 >> TIP US. 177 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,575 >> [ BLEEP ] TIP US, SERIOUSLY. 178 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,577 >> I DON'T KNOW WHY WE HAVE TO TELL THIS TO YOU. 179 00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,045 >> WE WORK FOR TIPS. 180 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:02,849 >> MY CAR SMELLS LIKE TACOS. YOUR TACOS THAT I DIDN'T EVEN 181 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:03,516 GET TO EAT. 182 00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:03,850 >> SO TIP US. 183 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:09,055 >> JUST TIP US. 184 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:13,293 >> AND PUT SOME PANTS ON WHEN YOU COME TO THE DOOR! 185 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,863 >> PAID FOR BY AMERICA'S DELIVERY DRIVERS. 186 00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:19,199 WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. 187 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:19,699 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 188 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,101 >> Jimmy: THE ONLY REAL FRIENDS WE HAVE. 189 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,602 ONE BUSINESS NOT HURT BY THE PANDEMIC HAS BEEN ZOOM 190 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:27,574 COMMUNICATIONS. ZOOM REVENUE IS UP OVER 191 00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:32,413 300% SINCE MARCH OF LAST YEAR. SEEMS LIKE IT SHOULD BE HIGHER, 192 00:08:32,413 --> 00:08:32,746 RIGHT? 193 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,646 >> Guillermo: YEAH, JIMMY. 194 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,015 >> Jimmy: YEAH THANKS FOR AGREEING. 195 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:35,348 [ LAUGHTER ] 196 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,117 >> Guillermo: I AGREE, YEAH. 197 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,718 >> Jimmy: DO YOU PAY FOR ZOOM? 198 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,153 >> Guillermo: NO, I DON'T. 199 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,721 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD BE PAYING FOR, IT COMES 200 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:45,091 FOR FREE. I PUT ALL MY MONEY IN PARTY 201 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:45,959 CITY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC. 202 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:46,826 [ LAUGHTER ] 203 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:49,596 ZOOM IS HOW MANY PEOPLE NOW GO TO WORK AND GO TO SCHOOL AND OF 204 00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:53,333 COURSE, IT HAS ALSO LED TO A NUMBER OF ZOOM‐RELATED MISHAPS. 205 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,803 AND FOR THOSE TONIGHT, WE ARE PLEASED TO PRESENT THE 206 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,004 FIRST‐EVER ZOOMY AWARD! 207 00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:06,479 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 208 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:12,285 AND THE ZOOMINEES ARE ‐‐ 209 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,021 YOU'RE UPSIDE‐DOWN TOM. 210 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,556 >> WILL THE GENTLEMAN SUSPEND ‐‐ ARE YOU OKAY? 211 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:20,326 >> I AM. 212 00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,195 >> YOU'RE UPSIDE DOWN, TOM. 213 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,297 >> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT. 214 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:31,638 >> AND FYI ‐‐ 215 00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:35,108 >> YOU CAN STAND ON YOUR HEAD. 216 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,310 >> Jimmy: MEOWT OF ORDER! 217 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:41,681 >> KIDS DO IT AND THE BBC ARE ALSO NOW EMBRACING THIS. 218 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:49,055 I APOLOGIZE FOR MY CAT'S TAIL. WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING THIS BY 219 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,857 DEFAULT? 220 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,194 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 221 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:59,799 >> Jimmy: IN THE NAME OF THE FILTER! 222 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,602 [ LAUGHTER ] 223 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:21,721 [ SPEAKING LATIN ] 224 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:24,591 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 225 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:30,430 >> Jimmy: BAD TO THE BONE! 226 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:36,503 >> WHAT ‐‐ WHAT DID YOU DO? DAD, HOLY CRAP! 227 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:37,003 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 228 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,240 >> Jimmy: AND CATTORNEY AT LAW. 229 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,044 >> I BELIEVE YOU HAVE A FILTER TURNED ON IN THE VIDEO SETTINGS. 230 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:44,377 [ LAUGHTER ] 231 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,313 YOU MIGHT WANT TO ‐‐ 232 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:51,017 >> WE'RE TRYING TO ‐‐ CAN YOU HEAR ME, JUDGE? 233 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,920 >> I CAN HEAR YOU, I THINK IT'S A FILTER ‐‐ 234 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,156 >> IT IS. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REMOVE IT. 235 00:10:56,156 --> 00:11:01,227 I'VE GOT MY ASSISTANT HERE, SHE'S TRYING TO, BUT ‐‐ OH, I'M 236 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:07,200 PREPARED TO GO FORWARD WITH IT. I'M HERE LIVE, I'M NOT A CAT. 237 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:07,700 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 238 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:12,238 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. SO MANY WONDERFUL NOMINEES. 239 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:17,177 BUT ONLY ONE WILL WIN THE ZOOMY. AND THE ZOOMY GOES TO ‐‐ 240 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,978 CATTORNEY AT LAW! 241 00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,181 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 242 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,449 AND NOW TO ACCEPT HIS ZOOMY AWARD, ALL THE WAY FROM ST. 243 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:26,386 ALPINE, TEXAS, ROD PONTON! CONGRATULATIONS, ROD. 244 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:33,826 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 245 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:37,497 >> ALL THE WAY FROM TEXAS, I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY DEEPEST 246 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,431 APPRECIATION FOR THE FIRST‐EVER ZOOMY AWARD. 247 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:44,971 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 248 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:48,575 I CAN'T BELIEVE ‐‐ I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MEANINGFUL IT IS TO ME, 249 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:52,845 TO BE AWARDED FOR MY OWN SCREW‐UP ON THE CAT ZOOM 250 00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:53,546 FILTER ‐‐ 251 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,814 >> Jimmy: MR. PONTON, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE A FILTER TURNED ON IN 252 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:58,017 THE VIDEO SETTINGS. 253 00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:02,989 >> WELL, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME. BUT ANYWAY. 254 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:06,326 I THINK THIS AWARD MEANS MORE THAN THE ACADEMY AWARDS MEAN TO 255 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:10,230 SOME OF THOSE HOLLYWOOD ACTORS. I WANT TO THANK MY STAFF AND 256 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,665 EVERYBODY ELSE. THANK YOU ALL FOR LAUGHING WITH 257 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:18,071 ME. I WAS GLAD I WAS ABLE TO GIVE THE WORLD A LAUGH FOR A MOMENT 258 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:18,504 WITH MY CAT FILTER. 259 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,206 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU DID THAT INDEED, ROD. 260 00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:21,074 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 261 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,942 CONGRATULATIONS, AND CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF OUR 262 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:28,314 NOMINEES TONIGHT. THERE ARE NO LOSERS HERE. 263 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:31,117 I THINK THE CAT PASSED AWAY. ALL RIGHT. 264 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:34,320 ONE MORE PANDEMIC‐THEMED ITEM BEFORE WE FORGE AHEAD, IT'S 265 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:39,125 THURSDAY NIGHT, WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME TO BLEEP AND BLUR THE COVID 266 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:44,564 MOMENTS OF THE YEAR. IT'S "THIS CORONA YEAR IN 267 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,699 UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP." 268 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:51,337 >> APPARENTLY THE GOT CORONA. I MAY HAVE A COUPLE OF DAYS OF 269 00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:54,173 SOLO TIME, AND THERE'S ONLY SO MANY [ BLEEP ], [ BLEEP ] I CAN 270 00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,708 DO BEFORE THAT GETS BORED. 271 00:12:55,708 --> 00:13:01,481 >> THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PEOPLE [ BLEEP ]ING TWO 272 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:02,248 [ BLEEP ]S. 273 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,284 I OFTEN MYSELF DO. 274 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,552 >> THE PRESIDENT TODAY SAID IT'S SAFE TO [ BLEEP ]. 275 00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,055 >> I HAVEN'T TOUCHED MY 276 00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,124 [ BLEEP ] IN WEEKS, I MISS IT. 277 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,494 >> PEOPLE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY HIT SO HARD BY THIS 278 00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:18,698 PANDEMIC. ONE MURPHY FAMILY DECIDED TO 279 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,434 BLESS RESTAURANT WORKERS WITH BIG [ BLEEP ]S. 280 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:25,772 >> "DEFIANT TRUMP REMOVES MASK AFTER RELEASE FROM HOSPITAL, 281 00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:26,706 [ BLEEP ] OFF." 282 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,642 >> IT'S PRETTY AMAZING WHAT HAPPENED. I WASN'T FEELING GREAT. 283 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,345 AND THE NEXT DAY I WAKE UP AND I'M SAYING, LIKE, WHO CAN I 284 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:36,082 [ BLEEP ] TODAY? 285 00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:39,452 >> THIS THANKSGIVING IS GOING TO SUCK [ BLEEP ]. 286 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:46,025 >> THERE'S ACTUALLY A TERM IN DATING CALLED FOU ED FAUCI'ing . 287 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,226 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 288 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,061 >> I'M GOING TO [ BLEEP ] YOU. 289 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,496 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 290 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,764 >> Jimmy: WELL. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 291 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:53,333 TONIGHT. PETE BUTTIGIEG IS WITH US. 292 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,901 WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM ADAM DURITZ. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 293 00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:59,272 JOEL MCHALE. 294 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:13,319 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 295 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,054 ♪ 296 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,823 >> Jimmy: TONIGHT, WE ARE LOOKING BACK AT THE LAST 297 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:20,093 25 YEARS WE'VE BEEN IN LOCKDOWN. THE FORMER MAYOR OF SOUTH BEND, 298 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,328 INDIANA, CURRENT U. S. SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION, 299 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,530 PETE BUTTIGIEG IS WITH US. 300 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:29,569 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 301 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,604 HE WAS HERE HOSTING THIS SHOW ONE YEAR AGO TONIGHT WHEN IT ALL 302 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,873 SHUT DOWN. THEN, LATER, HIS BAND HAS A NEW 303 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:41,214 ALBUM COMING IN MAY AS WE CELEBRATE THE 25th ANNIVERSARY 304 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,182 OF THIS CLASSIC, "RECOVERING THE SATELLITES," MUSIC FROM 305 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,016 ADAM DURITZ OF COUNTING CROWS. 306 00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:48,788 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 307 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:52,525 ADAM HAS A SONG I ASKED HIM TO SING BECAUSE I THINK IT CAPTURES 308 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,227 WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS YEAR PRETTY WELL. 309 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,728 NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS WITH GWEN STEFANI, 310 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,063 LIONEL RICHIE, ANTHONY MACKIE, JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN AND THE 311 00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:02,270 FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES, MICHELLE OBAMA, WILL 312 00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:02,635 JOIN US. 313 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,803 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 314 00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,338 MUSIC FROM BRITTANY HOWARD, TUNE‐YARDS, AND CHESS‐KA 315 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,875 FEATURING DE LA GHETTO AND OFFSET. 316 00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:11,277 PLEASE JOIN US FOR ALL OF THAT. LAWS LAWS 317 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:11,778 [ APPLAUSE ] 318 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,279 OUR FIRST GUEST IS A MULTI‐TALENTED MAN YOU KNOW 319 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,647 MOSTLY FROM TELEVISION, BUT NOW, HE'S THE STAR OF A MOVIE THAT 320 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:20,820 YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO WATCH ON TELEVISION. 321 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,321 "HAPPILY," IT PREMIERES IN THEATERS, DIGITALLY AND ON 322 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:23,456 DEMAND A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. HE HASN'T LEFT HIS HOME FOR A 323 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:29,595 YEAR, PLEASE WELCOME JOEL MCHALE. 324 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:30,096 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 325 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:39,839 ♪ 326 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:43,042 >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? WOW. LOOK AT THIS. 327 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:49,315 >> THANK YOU. THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO, GET 328 00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:50,049 IT, GET IT. 329 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,684 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL ‐‐ 330 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,954 >> THIS IS ‐‐ 331 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,456 >> Jimmy: BEAUTIFUL BEARD YOU'VE GROWN THERE. 332 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,723 >> IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 333 00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:59,592 >> Jimmy: THAT IS A YEAR'S WORTH OF GROWTH? 334 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,495 >> THIS IS A WEEK. 335 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:02,829 [ LAUGHTER ] 336 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,731 YOU SHOULD SEE MY PUBES. 337 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:05,064 [ LAUGHTER ] 338 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:09,836 THEY'RE LAST MY KNEES. NO, I STARTED A ZZ TOP TRIBUTE 339 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:10,970 BAND DURING THE PANDEMIC. 340 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,708 >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A MUSICIAN, 341 00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:14,073 YEAH. 342 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,942 >> I'M NOT, IT'S TERRIBLE. 343 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:16,409 [ LAUGHTER ] 344 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:20,179 SOUNDS TERRIBLE, YEAH, I CAN KEEP TWO MEALS IN THIS THING. 345 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:23,650 >> Jimmy: THEY'RE CALLED ZZ BOTTOM, THE NAME OF THE BAND? 346 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:23,983 [ LAUGHTER ] 347 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,552 >> YEAH, THAT HAS ANOTHER MEANING AS WELL. 348 00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:30,189 NO, THIS IS ‐‐ I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING DURING THE PANDEMIC. 349 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,993 >> Jimmy: INTERESTING THAT YOUR BEARD WOULD BE FULL AND YOUR 350 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,730 EYEBROWS BUSHY, YET YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE IT WAS CUT TODAY. 351 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,666 >> IT'S WEIRD, THIS HAS NOT GROWN AT ALL. 352 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:39,999 [ LAUGHTER ] 353 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,135 BUT I REALIZED ‐‐ WHEN I WAS STORMING THE CAPITOL, IT WAS 354 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,973 LIKE, EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE ME! 355 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,541 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 356 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,042 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT SHIRT? 357 00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:52,445 I'M JUST NOTICING YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF COMPANY NAMES ON IT. 358 00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:57,149 >> I WANT THAT [ BLEEP ] VACCINE, MAN. 359 00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,184 LOOK, EVERYBODY'S MAKING IT NOW. 360 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,753 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, YOU DO HAVE ALL THE ‐‐ 361 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:05,625 >> PFIZER, IF YOU'RE IN, THAT'S GREAT. MODERNA. NABISCO. 362 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:06,359 >> Jimmy: THEY MAKE A VACCINE? 363 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,994 >> I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE. JIM BEAN SUGAR DID. 364 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:10,696 [ LAUGHTER ] 365 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:15,568 THERE WAS A NUMBER OF TIMES I WOKE UP AND THOUGHT, I MUST BE 366 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:21,407 SICK AND I WAS JUST HUNG OVER. "FORTNITE," IF THEY COME OUT 367 00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:24,277 WITH THE VACCINE, ALL THE KIDS WILL HAVE IT. 368 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,478 >> Jimmy: THEY'LL HAVE IT FOR SURE. 369 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,813 >> THIS IS THE VACCINE I'M EXCITED ABOUT, WAFFLE HOUSE. 370 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,750 CAN YOU IMAGINE GIVING A VACCINE TO WAFFLE? 371 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,886 >> Jimmy: BOYSENBERRY SYRUP FLAVORED. 372 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,354 >> IT WOULD BE SO GOOD. 373 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,188 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT. 374 00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:40,593 >> YOU LOOK AMAZING AND I'VE NEVER SEEN YOUR BALLS LIKE THIS. 375 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:40,927 [ LAUGHTER ] 376 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:43,829 >> Jimmy: YOU'VE PROBABLY NEVER EVEN SEEN THEM. 377 00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:45,364 THEY'RE NOT VISIBLE, ARE THEY? 378 00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:48,167 >> IT'S WEIRD, THE TIE ‐‐ 379 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,503 >> Jimmy: HOLD ON LET ME SHAKE THEM BACK DOWN THE LEG. 380 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,172 >> THAT'S GREAT. DO YOU DO THE CHECK AFTER A PEE, 381 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:57,176 YOU PUT UP THE PANTS AND YOU'RE LIKE, ANY LEAKAGE? I'M OKAY. 382 00:17:57,176 --> 00:18:00,212 >> Jimmy: OF COURSE I DO, OF COURSE. A MAN MY AGE? 383 00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,515 IT'S LIKE YOU'VE BLOWN A GASKET. 384 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:02,848 [ LAUGHTER ] 385 00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,850 >> ME TOO, MAN. 386 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,653 >> Jimmy: I THINK I SAW YOU IN PERSON ONE YEAR AGO EXACTLY. 387 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,789 >> WE REALLY HAVE NOT SEEN EACH OTHER. 388 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,858 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WERE ON "WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE." 389 00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:13,225 >> YEAH. 390 00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:16,195 >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU COOK, I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT, WHAT ELSE? 391 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:20,600 >> WELL, FIRST OF ALL, LIKE WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT, IT WAS TODAY. 392 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,901 WAS TODAY THE DAY? 393 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,002 >> Jimmy: TODAY WAS THE DAY. 394 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:26,172 >> SO MY KID TURNED 12 THE NEXT DAY. 395 00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:28,407 AND WE HAD TO CANCEL HIS PARTY AND ALL THAT. 396 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:34,580 SO HE IS TURNING 13 TOMORROW. AND WE ARE HAVING A DISTANCED 397 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:35,314 PARTY. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISAAC. 398 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:41,187 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 399 00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:44,490 SY WANT TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT THAT JIMMY KIMMEL WILL BE AT THE 400 00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:44,824 PARTY. 401 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:45,157 [ LAUGHTER ] 402 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:46,359 HE WILL BE DOING ENTERTAINMENT. 403 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,693 >> Jimmy: I'M COMING TO THE PARTY, YEAH. 404 00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:48,194 >> THIS IS GREAT. 405 00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:50,663 >> Jimmy: I'D LOVE TO COME TO ISAAC'S PARTY. 406 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,965 IS IT GOING FOB ONE OF THOSE WHERE PEOPLE DRIVE BY? 407 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:57,169 THOSE ARE THE WORST PARTIES. IT'S LIKE, HEY, LOOK, THERE'S MY 408 00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:57,803 FRIENDS ‐‐ OH, THERE THEY GO. 409 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:02,308 >> YEAH, WE GOT A USED BOUNCY HOUSE THAT'S BEEN AT 12 410 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,678 DIFFERENT PLACES. DON'T EVEN WASH IT, WE'LL PUT IT 411 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:09,448 UP, I'M SURE IT'S FINE. THERE'S A BALLROOM, IT'S GREAT. 412 00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:14,354 NO, JIMMY, YOU KNOW ME. I'M AN OBSESSIVE‐COMPULSIVE 413 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:14,687 WORKAHOLIC. 414 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,355 >> Jimmy: YOU ARE KIND OF, AREN'T YOU? 415 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,592 WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING ON? IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE DONE JOBS 416 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:20,926 THAT DIDN'T EVEN EXIST TO GET THIS FAR. 417 00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:26,065 >> THAT IS TRUE. EVEN WHEN I ‐‐ I SAID YES TO 418 00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:30,469 EVERYTHING OFFERED. I WAS ON EVERY ZOOM GAME SHOW. 419 00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:34,840 AND BELIEVE ME ‐‐ IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ZOOM AND EVERYONE 420 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,610 COMPLAINS ABOUT ZOOM, BUT COULD YOU IMAGINE BEING THE PRESIDENT 421 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:40,312 OF ZOOM? IT'S LIKE, WE ARE PROVIDING AN 422 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:41,981 ESSENTIAL SERVICE AND EVERYONE 423 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,616 [ BLEEP ]ING HATES US! 424 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:43,949 [ LAUGHTER ] 425 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:46,252 >> Jimmy: AND WE'RE NOT CHARGING THEM ANYTHING FOR IT! 426 00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:51,724 >> YEAH, IT'S FREE AND THEY'RE ALL FURIOUS ABOUT US! 427 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,527 ANOTHER MIRACLE OF TECHNOLOGY, GREAT. 428 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,861 >> Jimmy: SHOULD HAVE PUT THEM ON YOUR SHIRT. 429 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,231 >> I FEEL LIKE EVERY A‐LIST CELEBRITY BASICALLY WENT ON 430 00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:00,666 VACATION FOR THE FIRST PART OF COVID. 431 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,234 THEY'RE LIKE, OH, I HAD TO BE IN CANCUN. 432 00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,970 [ LAUGHTER ] 433 00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:09,241 AND HIDE THERE. SO I JUST WAS LIKE, US 434 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,077 D‐LISTERS, I SAID YES TO EVERYTHING. 435 00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:11,777 >> Jimmy: YOU DID, YEAH. 436 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,513 >> EVEN WHEN YOU WENT ON VACATION, I HOSTED YOUR SHOW. 437 00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:15,014 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 438 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:15,981 >> Jimmy: YES, THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT. 439 00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,116 >> THANK YOU. LOOK AT THAT RESPONSE! 440 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:20,419 >> Jimmy: SEE THAT? 441 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,088 >> MY GOSH, YEAH. 442 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,223 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU ALWAYS HAD THIS WORK ETHIC? 443 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,126 >> YEAH, NO, I'M AN ‐‐ 444 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,395 >> Jimmy: EVEN AS A KID, A YOUNG BOY? 445 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:33,733 >> I WAS GOING TO SAY, I HOSTED THIS SHOW ON MY ANNIVERSARY. 446 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,103 >> Jimmy: RIGHT, YEAH. YES. 447 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:42,208 >> AND WHEN I ‐‐ I WAS WORRIED BY TOLD MY WIFE, LIKE, IS IT 448 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,375 OKAY? SHE WAS LIKE, I EXPECTED YOU TO 449 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,746 WORK ON OUR ANNIVERSARY, SO IT WOULD BE WEIRD IF YOU WERE 450 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,080 AVAILABLE TO EXPRESS YOUR LOVE TO ME. 451 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,784 [ LAUGHTER ] 452 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:54,086 BUT NO, AS ‐‐ BOY, YOUR STAFF IS A GREAT AUDIENCE. 453 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:58,691 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 454 00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:03,329 EXCEPT FOR YOU! NO. 455 00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:03,662 [ LAUGHTER ] 456 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:09,201 I HAD, LIKE, 12 JOBS AS A KID. I DID ‐‐ I HAD A PAPER ROUTE. 457 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:13,372 I HAD A WEEDING SERVICE. I USED TO FOLD SWEATSHIRTS AT 458 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:17,977 A ‐‐ LIKE A BIG WAREHOUSE. I CUT DOWN TREES. THAT WAS ODD. 459 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:24,483 I TRIMMED THEM. AND I WAS CONSTANTLY DOING STUFF. 460 00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:28,587 AND I WORKED AT AN ESPRESSO CART FOR YEARS. 461 00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:29,255 >> Jimmy: IN SEATTLE? 462 00:21:29,255 --> 00:21:33,092 >> IN SEATTLE. I WAS IN A MOBILE ESPRESSO CART. 463 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:34,827 >> Jimmy: WHAT YEAR WAS THIS? 464 00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,195 >> THIS STARTED IN 1989. 465 00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:37,997 >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHEN I LIVED AND WORKED IN SEATTLE. 466 00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:41,000 >> THIS IS WHEN YOU WERE AFRAID OF MT. RAINIER, RIGHT? 467 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,970 >> Jimmy: I STILL AM, RIGHT, IT'S AN ACTIVE VOLCANO. 468 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:44,303 [ LAUGHTER ] 469 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,405 EVERYONE SHOULD BE AFRAID. 470 00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:49,309 >> DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S ENOUGH WARNING WITH AN ACTIVE 471 00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:49,642 VOLCANO? 472 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,444 >> Jimmy: NOT FOR ME THERE ISN'T, NO. 473 00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:51,777 [ LAUGHTER ] 474 00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:55,347 >> HE'S REALLY AFRAID OF MT. RAINIER, I'M NOT KIDDING. 475 00:21:55,347 --> 00:21:57,516 >> Jimmy: I HAVEN'T LIVED IN SEATTLE FOR 30 YEARS, I FEEL 476 00:21:57,516 --> 00:22:00,386 LIKE I GOT OUT OF THERE JUST IN TIME. 477 00:22:00,386 --> 00:22:03,823 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 478 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:07,560 >> SO WHEN YOU SEE AMAZON SETTING UP, LIKE SPREADING OUT 479 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,361 IN SEATTLE, YOU'RE LIKE, OKAY, KEEP GOING, GUYS. 480 00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:11,230 [ LAUGHTER ] 481 00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:12,531 YOU ARE [ BLEEP ]ED. 482 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,167 >> Jimmy: AMAZON WAS A JUNGLE BACK THEN. 483 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,604 >> YOU'RE FINE WITH EARTHQUAKES, SUDDEN EARTHQUAKES IN L. A.? 484 00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:21,106 >> Jimmy: DON'T LIKE THOSE EITHER, NOT A FAN, YEAH. 485 00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:25,578 >> WOULDN'T YOU SAY THERE'S MORE OF THOSE THAN ERUPTIONS? 486 00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:28,147 >> Jimmy: IT'S JUST SO HARD TO DO A TELEVISION SHOW IN ALABAMA, 487 00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:31,317 YOU KNOW? 488 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:34,720 >> TRUE, I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT. 489 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,056 A WHOLE OTHER SET OF PROBLEMS THERE. 490 00:22:37,056 --> 00:22:39,091 >> Jimmy: LOOKING AT YOU, I FEEL LIKE I'M DOING A TELEVISION SHOW 491 00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:39,692 IN ALABAMA. 492 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:43,395 >> NOW YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ALABAMA? THANKS A LOT. 493 00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:44,530 [ APPLAUSE ] 494 00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:47,366 >> Jimmy: JOE McHALE IS HERE, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 495 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:52,372 >>> WE ARE PREPARED TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR MISHAP. 496 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:52,705 >> MISHAP? 497 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,774 >> YES. 498 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:59,545 >> I THINK WE'RE GOING TO NEED SOME KIND OF AN EXPLANATION HERE. 499 00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:04,483 >> YOU SEE, EVERY FEW YEARS WE ENCOUNTER SOMEONE WITH A ‐‐ 500 00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:08,320 DEFECT. 501 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:13,459 BUT TWO PEOPLE WITH A ‐‐ MALFUNCTION, THAT, THAT IS WHAT 502 00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:16,729 WE CALL A RARITY. 503 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:17,229 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 504 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:22,668 >> Jimmy: THAT IS JOE McHALE. 505 00:23:22,668 --> 00:23:27,139 >> AND OF COURSE THE AMAZING CARRIE BOUCHER. 506 00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:29,575 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS MOVIE. 507 00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:32,044 I ENJOYED IT. I THINK I CAN SAY THAT YOU PLAY 508 00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:35,681 A COUPLE, YOU AND CARRIE, WHO REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER AFTER 14 509 00:23:35,681 --> 00:23:36,448 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. 510 00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:36,849 >> YEP. 511 00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:41,387 >> Jimmy: AND IT REALLY BOTHERS ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS. 512 00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,055 >> YES. WE HAVE SEX LIKE THREE TIMES A 513 00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:43,589 DAY. 514 00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:43,923 [ LAUGHTER ] 515 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,090 >> Jimmy: LOT OF SEX. 516 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:48,427 >> WE'VE BEEN MARRIED 14 YEARS, AND YEAH, THEY HATE OUR GUTS. 517 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:52,932 >> Jimmy: THEN IT GETS REALLY, REALLY STRANGE. 518 00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,833 >> YES. IT IS LIKE A "TWILIGHT ZONE" 519 00:23:54,833 --> 00:23:56,602 EPISODE WITH, AGAIN, A LOT OF SEX. 520 00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:56,936 [ LAUGHTER ] 521 00:23:56,936 --> 00:24:01,106 >> Jimmy: A LOT OF SEX. AND A LOT OF ACTORS, THEY'RE 522 00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:02,041 UNCOMFORTABLE WITH SEX SCENES, WHATEVER. 523 00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:04,744 YOU TOLD ME IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET AN ERECTION IS ON 524 00:24:04,744 --> 00:24:05,077 SET? 525 00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:05,411 [ LAUGHTER ] 526 00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:08,314 >> YEAH. YEAH, IT'S ‐‐ 527 00:24:08,314 --> 00:24:08,647 [ APPLAUSE ] 528 00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:13,719 I MIGHT AS WELL BE SQUATTING IN A RIVER ALL THE TIME. 529 00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:17,890 UNTIL I GET ON SET. BECAUSE THAT IS THE SEXIEST 530 00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:18,324 PLACE. 531 00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:22,661 >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY YOU HAVE THIS MOVIE "HAPPILY," WHICH WAS 532 00:24:22,661 --> 00:24:24,563 SUPPOSED TO COME OUT A YEAR AGO? 533 00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:28,500 >> SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE TRIBECA FILM FESTIVAL, AND THAT DIDN'T 534 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,102 HAPPEN. NOW IT'S FINALLY COMING ‐‐ I 535 00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:34,607 SAID I WAS NOT GOING TO SHAVE UNTIL IT CAME OUT. 536 00:24:34,607 --> 00:24:34,940 [ LAUGHTER ] 537 00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,342 SO HERE WE GO. YEAH, NOW IT'S FINAL HI COMING 538 00:24:36,342 --> 00:24:39,979 OUT SO WE'RE VERY EXCITED. AGAIN, THE CAST IS SO GREAT. 539 00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,981 >> Jimmy: A LOT OF FUNNY PEOPLE IN IT. 540 00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:45,417 >> YEAH, THE GROUP IS VERY, VERY GOOD. 541 00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:46,686 I CAN'T REMEMBER ANY OF THEM. 542 00:24:46,686 --> 00:24:47,019 [ LAUGHTER ] 543 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:50,825 >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF FUNNY, YOU BROUGHT US SOMETHING SPECIAL 544 00:24:50,825 --> 00:24:51,190 TONIGHT. 545 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:51,523 >> YES. 546 00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:53,359 >> Jimmy: YOU DID A STANDUP COMEDY SPECIAL. 547 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,427 >> I DID A STANDUP COMEDY SPECIAL. 548 00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:56,095 >> Jimmy: FOR NETFLIX? 549 00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:59,231 >> YES. I SHOT IT IN OCTOBER. 550 00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:00,866 >> Jimmy: YOU SHOT THIS IN OCTOBER? 551 00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:03,769 THAT WAS KIND OF HEIGHT OF THE PANDEMIC? 552 00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:07,272 >> AGAIN, I DON'T STOP WORKING, SO I WAS LIKE ‐‐ THEY OFFERED IT 553 00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:09,875 AND I'M LIKE, YOU BET, I'M DOING IT. 554 00:25:09,875 --> 00:25:11,010 >> Jimmy: INTERESTING, ALL RIGHT. 555 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:18,717 WE HAVE THE WORLD PREMIERE OF THE TRAILER FOR JOE McHALE'S 556 00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:19,284 PRODUCTION, TAKE A LOOK. 557 00:25:19,284 --> 00:25:22,221 >> LET'S HEAR IT! YEAH! 558 00:25:22,221 --> 00:25:22,821 ♪ 559 00:25:22,821 --> 00:25:26,592 >> THIS BARELY WORKS 60% OF THE TIME. WHOO! 560 00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:29,995 AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T USE RAILINGS. 561 00:25:29,995 --> 00:25:32,965 HOW ABOUT THAT TRAFFIC OUT THERE? I GOT HERE QUICKER THAN IT TOOK 562 00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:40,039 ME TO PICK OUT MY FASHIONABLY TORN JEANS. WHO'S WITH ME? 563 00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:43,242 MAN I WANT THAT VACCINE. I WANT THAT VACCINE. 564 00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:48,380 FOR HERPES! 565 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:54,119 HELLO! HEY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MAN? 566 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:55,487 >> IT'S MIKE. 567 00:25:55,487 --> 00:25:59,458 >> MIKE? MIKE? HEY! WHAT DO YOU DO, MIKE? 568 00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:01,427 >> I'M THE CAMERAMAN. 569 00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:11,437 >> HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE LEFT? 570 00:26:11,437 --> 00:26:28,821 [ LAUGHTER ] 571 00:26:28,821 --> 00:26:33,892 SO WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? YOU GUYS WASHIN YOUR HANDS? 572 00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:41,100 YOU GUYS WASHING YOUR HANDS? ARE YOU GUYS WASHING YOUR HANDS? 573 00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:42,601 EAT IT, CHAPPELLE! 574 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:46,839 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 575 00:26:46,839 --> 00:26:49,908 >> PART ONE, THAT'S PART ONE. THAT'S THE FIRST HOUR. 576 00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:50,876 THE FIRST HOUR. 577 00:26:50,876 --> 00:26:54,480 >> Jimmy: JOE McHALE, EVERYONE. "HAPPILY" PREMIERES IN THEATERS, 578 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,282 DIGITAL, AND ON DEMAND A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. 579 00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:58,016 >> GO SEE IT! 580 00:26:58,016 --> 00:27:04,056 >> Jimmy: WE'LL BE BACK WITH PETE BUTTIGIEG! 581 00:27:04,056 --> 00:27:08,160 >> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM ADAM DURITZ IS ON THE WAY. 582 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,495 OUR NEXT GUEST WAS THE LAST PERSON TO STAND ON THIS STAGE 583 00:27:09,495 --> 00:27:14,166 AND TELL JOKES BEFORE IT ALL WENT SOUTH. 584 00:27:14,166 --> 00:27:15,634 NOW HE'S IN CHARGE OF THE U. S. DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION, 585 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,468 THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN MUCH. 586 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:17,002 [ LAUGHTER ] 587 00:27:17,002 --> 00:27:18,270 JOINING US FROM WASHINGTON D. C., PLEASE WELCOME SECRETARY 588 00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:19,771 PETE BUTTIGIEG. 589 00:27:19,771 --> 00:27:23,375 [ CHEERS AND APPLUSE ] 590 00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:26,078 HELLO, SECRETARY BUTTIGIEG, HOW ARE YOU? 591 00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:28,480 >> I'M GOOD, IT'S GOOD SEEING YOU. 592 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,415 >> Jimmy: BOY. WE DIDN'T KNOW, OBVIOUSLY YOU 593 00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:33,886 DIDN'T KNOW, NONE OF US KNEW, THAT WHEN YOU CAME HERE AND YOU 594 00:27:33,886 --> 00:27:36,855 WERE NICE ENOUGH TO FILL IN FOR ME THAT YOU WOULD BE DOING A 595 00:27:36,855 --> 00:27:41,260 SHOW IN FRONT OF NO AUDIENCE. YOU FOUND OUT THAT DAY, RIGHT? 596 00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:46,064 >> YEAH, REMEMBER HOW MUCH CHANGED BETWEEN BREAKFAST AND 597 00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:47,833 WHEN WE ACTUALLY WENT ON. 598 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:48,167 [ LAUGHTER ] 599 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:48,634 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 600 00:27:48,634 --> 00:27:51,637 >> MIDDLE OF THE DAY WE FOUND OUT THINGS ARE CHANGING, MAYBE 601 00:27:51,637 --> 00:27:53,739 WE SHOULDN'T HAVE AN AUDIENCE. THAT THINNED IT OUT. 602 00:27:53,739 --> 00:27:56,675 TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF WE COULD GO FORWARD. 603 00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:59,244 WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME ANYBODY 604 00:27:59,244 --> 00:28:00,979 WOULD BE IN THAT STUDIO FOR A LONG TIME. 605 00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:02,381 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I FEEL IN A WAY LIKE YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE. 606 00:28:02,381 --> 00:28:04,583 [ LAUGHTER ] 607 00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:06,084 >> THANKS A LOT. 608 00:28:06,084 --> 00:28:11,123 >> Jimmy: NOT LONG AFTER THAT, I BELIEVE WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH 609 00:28:11,123 --> 00:28:17,095 HERE, YOU GREW A BEARD, WHICH I THINK LOOKS VERY GOOD. 610 00:28:17,095 --> 00:28:21,500 I ASKED YOU TO HOST THE SHOW, NOT TO CO‐OPT MY LIFE. 611 00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:21,833 [ LAUGHTER ] 612 00:28:21,833 --> 00:28:24,670 YOU WENT A LITTLE, LITTLE TOO FAR, I THINK. 613 00:28:24,670 --> 00:28:27,506 >> WHAT CAN I SAY, IT WENT TO MY HEAD. 614 00:28:27,506 --> 00:28:30,642 >> Jimmy: HAD YOU KNOWN THAT YOU WERE NOT GOING TO HAVE AN 615 00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:34,947 AUDIENCE THAT NIGHT, WERE IT NOT FOR SIR PATRICK STEWART WHO'S 616 00:28:34,947 --> 00:28:37,416 LIKE ONE OF IF NOT YOUR FAVORITE, WOULD YOU HAVE LEFT? 617 00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:41,053 WOULD YOU HAVE GONE RIGHT BACK HOME? 618 00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:44,790 >> ANYTHING TO BE ABLE TO MEET PATRICK STEWART IN PERSON, SO 619 00:28:44,790 --> 00:28:48,360 I'M GLAD WE WERE ABLE TO DO IT. YEAH, IT WAS A LOT OF FUN. 620 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,596 BUT COULD NOT HAVE GUESSED WHAT WAS COMING NEXT. 621 00:28:50,596 --> 00:28:51,964 >> Jimmy: MAY I ASK ‐‐ 622 00:28:51,964 --> 00:28:53,632 >> COULDN'T HAVE ASKED HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE. 623 00:28:53,632 --> 00:28:56,134 >> Jimmy: I WANTED TO ASK ABOUT YOUR CABINET POSITION. 624 00:28:56,134 --> 00:29:00,205 I WONDER HOW THAT WORKED. DO YOU GET A PHONE CALL FROM NOW 625 00:29:00,205 --> 00:29:02,140 PRESIDENT BIDEN? DO YOU ‐‐ HOW DOES THAT WORK, 626 00:29:02,140 --> 00:29:04,343 HOW DO YOU GET THE NEWS? 627 00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:09,314 >> YEAH, YEAH, YOU GET A PHONE CALL FROM SOMEBODY ASKING YOU IF 628 00:29:09,314 --> 00:29:11,817 YOU HAVE TIME TO SPEAK TO THE PRESIDENT‐ELECT. 629 00:29:11,817 --> 00:29:12,317 >> Jimmy: OH. 630 00:29:12,317 --> 00:29:14,019 >> YOU DO. 631 00:29:14,019 --> 00:29:14,553 [ LAUGHTER ] 632 00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:17,389 EXCITING TO GET THE CALL. OBVIOUSLY WORKED HARD TO SUPPORT 633 00:29:17,389 --> 00:29:21,159 THE CAMPAIGN AND FELT LIKE THERE MIGHT BE AN OPPORTUNITY TO 634 00:29:21,159 --> 00:29:23,629 SERVE. IT'S THE PRESIDENT‐ELECT'S DECISION, AND YOU DON'T KNOW 635 00:29:23,629 --> 00:29:26,698 UNTIL YOU GET THE CALL. SO IT FELT GREAT TO KNOW I WAS 636 00:29:26,698 --> 00:29:29,268 GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE TO OF IS, TO WORK ON SOMETHING AS 637 00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:32,871 IMPORTANT AND AS COOL AS TRANSPORTATION, SOMETHING I'VE 638 00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:38,143 REALLY IMPORTANT PART OF WHAT THIS ADMINISTRATION'S GOING TO 639 00:29:38,143 --> 00:29:41,446 BE ABLE TO DO IF YOU THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH IS ON THE LINE FOR OUR 640 00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,281 INFRASTRUCTURE RIGHT NOW. 641 00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:44,950 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I DO WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT. 642 00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:48,020 I'M FIRST CURIOUS TO KNOW, DID YOU KNOW THAT THAT WAS THE 643 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:51,723 POSITION YOU WOULD BE OFFERED? OR COULD IT HAVE BEEN HOUSING 644 00:29:51,723 --> 00:29:55,961 AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT, OR SOME OTHER POSITION IN THE CABINET? 645 00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:59,898 >> YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE, YOU KNOW, A JOB APPLICATION 646 00:29:59,898 --> 00:30:02,234 PROCESS WHERE YOU'RE GOING IN FOR A SPECIFIC SLOT. 647 00:30:02,234 --> 00:30:04,536 IT'S THE JUDGMENT OF THE PRESIDENT‐ELECT. 648 00:30:04,536 --> 00:30:07,606 AND I REMEMBER A NEWS ARTICLE ABOUT SOME RUMOR THAT I WAS 649 00:30:07,606 --> 00:30:13,412 GOING TO BE SENT TO CHINA. WHICH CAME AS A BIG SURPRISE TO 650 00:30:13,412 --> 00:30:14,613 CLA CHASTAIN AND TO ME. 651 00:30:14,613 --> 00:30:14,946 [ LAUGHTER ] 652 00:30:14,946 --> 00:30:17,049 THINGS WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST. 653 00:30:17,049 --> 00:30:19,184 >> Jimmy: AS HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION, DO 654 00:30:19,184 --> 00:30:22,121 YOU OVERSEE THE MONORAIL AT DISNEYLAND? 655 00:30:22,121 --> 00:30:22,454 [ LAUGHTER ] 656 00:30:22,454 --> 00:30:30,228 DO YOU OVERSEE ‐‐ ARE UFOs UNDER YOUR PURVIEW, TECHNICALLY? 657 00:30:30,228 --> 00:30:31,029 >> YOU KNOW, I GUESS THEY COULD BE. 658 00:30:31,029 --> 00:30:33,865 WE HAVE COMMERCIAL SPACE TRAVEL SO IT COULD. IT'S AMAZING. 659 00:30:33,865 --> 00:30:37,269 STUFF PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT. PLANES, TRAINS, AUTOMOBILES. 660 00:30:37,269 --> 00:30:39,504 WE DO A LOT WITH AIRPORTS, ROADS AND HIGHWAYS. 661 00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:42,341 THEN THINGS YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT. 662 00:30:42,341 --> 00:30:45,377 PIPELINES, HAZARDOUS MATERIALS. WE'RE IN CHARGE OF TIME ZONES. 663 00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:48,447 I TRY NOT TO LET THAT POWER GO TO MY HEAD. 664 00:30:48,447 --> 00:30:49,014 [ LAUGHTER ] 665 00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,383 DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME COMING UP THIS WEEKEND, SO VERY IMPORTANT 666 00:30:51,383 --> 00:30:54,252 TO US AT DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION. 667 00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:55,754 EVERYBODY REMEMBER TO SPRING FORWARD. 668 00:30:55,754 --> 00:30:58,123 >> Jimmy: HOLD ON, YOU'RE IN CHARGE OF TIME ZONES? 669 00:30:58,123 --> 00:30:58,457 [ LAUGHTER ] 670 00:30:58,457 --> 00:30:58,924 >> YEAH. 671 00:30:58,924 --> 00:31:01,293 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE THE GUY I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK TO! 672 00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:06,965 WE'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THIS DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME. 673 00:31:06,965 --> 00:31:10,001 MY SON, HE WOKE UP AT 6:00 THIS MORNING. 674 00:31:10,001 --> 00:31:13,305 WE CAN'T, WE NEED CONSISTENCY, WE MUST HAVE, WE MUST DO AWAY 675 00:31:13,305 --> 00:31:17,843 WITH THIS CURSE! CAN YOU DO THAT? 676 00:31:17,843 --> 00:31:19,345 >> I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 677 00:31:19,345 --> 00:31:19,678 [ LAUGHTER ] 678 00:31:19,678 --> 00:31:21,780 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, I'D APPRECIATE THAT, OKAY. 679 00:31:21,780 --> 00:31:25,050 INFRASTRUCTURE. I FEEL LIKE INFRASTRUCTURE IS 680 00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:28,420 LIKE GLUTEN. WE ALL KNOW THAT IT'S IMPORTANT, 681 00:31:28,420 --> 00:31:30,455 BUT WE DON'T REALLY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. 682 00:31:30,455 --> 00:31:33,024 WHAT IS INFRASTRUCTURE? 683 00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:37,262 >> SO I TELL YOU, INFRASTRUCTURE IS WHAT MAKES IT POSSIBLE FOR US 684 00:31:37,262 --> 00:31:40,899 TO MOVE PEOPLE AND GOODS AROUND THIS COUNTRY AND FOR US TO GO 685 00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:43,535 ABOUT OUR LIVES. THE DEEPER IT IS, THE MORE 686 00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:46,304 IMPORTANT IT IS TO US. THE WHOLE IDEA IS THAT YOU DON'T 687 00:31:46,304 --> 00:31:47,272 HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT IT MUCH. 688 00:31:47,272 --> 00:31:50,509 YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GO ABOUT YOUR LIFE TO GET TO WORK OR 689 00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:53,912 SCHOOL OR YOUR LOVED ONES OR WHATEVER IS IMPORTANT TO YOU 690 00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:55,447 UNLESS THERE WAS A GOOD WAY TO GET THERE. 691 00:31:55,447 --> 00:31:58,316 THAT'S WHY ROADS ARE SO IMPORTANT, THAT'S WHY TRANSIT IS 692 00:31:58,316 --> 00:32:01,753 SO IMPORTANT. THE TRUTH IS, NOT EVERYBODY HAS 693 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:03,588 INFRASTRUCTURE THAT THEY CAN COUNT ON WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK 694 00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:05,390 ABOUT IT. AND THAT'S WHERE WE COME IN. 695 00:32:05,390 --> 00:32:06,992 WE'VE GOT TO MAKE THAT BETTER. 696 00:32:06,992 --> 00:32:09,094 >> Jimmy: YET YOU RIDE TO WORK ON A BICYCLE. 697 00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:10,762 ISN'T THAT SPITTING IN THE FACE OF TRANSPORTATION ITSELF? 698 00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:13,432 [ LAUGHTER ] 699 00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:15,767 >> NO, BECAUSE THAT'S PART OF INFRASTRUCTURE TOO, RIGHT? 700 00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:19,137 PART OF WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO IS ENCOURAGE CITIES AND STATES 701 00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:22,507 TO BUILD MORE BIKE LANES, WHICH IS A KIND OF INFRASTRUCTURE. 702 00:32:22,507 --> 00:32:24,576 BIKE‐SHARING, WHICH IS A KIND OF INFRASTRUCTURE. 703 00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:25,210 [ APPLAUSE ] 704 00:32:25,210 --> 00:32:31,683 I ENCOURAGE HER PEOPLE TO BIKE TO WORK, SO I FIGURE OUT HOW TO 705 00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:33,652 PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH. 706 00:32:33,652 --> 00:32:38,924 >> Jimmy: NOW THAT THE PRESIDENT HAS SIGNED THE BILL, WILL YOU 707 00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:42,261 HAVE TO LOAD THE STIMULUS CHECKS ONTO A TRAIN AND GET THEM TO 708 00:32:42,261 --> 00:32:42,594 PEOPLE? 709 00:32:42,594 --> 00:32:46,031 >> THAT'S RIGHT, BAGS OF CASH, WE PUT THEM ON AIRPLANES. 710 00:32:46,031 --> 00:32:46,364 [ LAUGHTER ] 711 00:32:46,364 --> 00:32:48,934 NO, OBVIOUSLY IT'S A WHOLE GOVERNMENT EFFORT TO MAKE SURE 712 00:32:48,934 --> 00:32:51,436 THESE RESOURCES GET OUT TO WHERE THEY NEED TO BE. 713 00:32:51,436 --> 00:32:54,539 IT'S ABOUT GETTING CHECKS OUT TO FAMILIES, IT'S ABOUT GETTING 714 00:32:54,539 --> 00:32:57,642 SHOTS INTO ARMS TOO. A BIG PART OF IT IS WITH US 715 00:32:57,642 --> 00:32:59,978 BECAUSE WE'RE WORKING TO MAKE SURE THERE'S SUPPORT FOR TRANSIT 716 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,780 AGENCIES. YOU THINK ABOUT THE HIT THAT 717 00:33:01,780 --> 00:33:06,218 TRANSIT AGENCIES TOOK. AMTRAK, THEIR RIDERSHIP FELL SO 718 00:33:06,218 --> 00:33:09,187 REVENUE FELL AND THEY WERE HAVING TO CUT ROUTES. 719 00:33:09,187 --> 00:33:11,623 THEY'RE ALREADY IN THE PROCESS OF ADDING ROUTES BACK THANKS TO 720 00:33:11,623 --> 00:33:14,159 THE AMERICAN RESCUE PLAN. THAT'S ONE EXAMPLE OF WHAT THE 721 00:33:14,159 --> 00:33:17,128 PRESIDENT'S ACTION TODAY WILL DO. WE'RE THANKFUL TO CONGRESS FOR 722 00:33:17,128 --> 00:33:20,434 PASSING IT, AND I'M SO GLAD THE PRESIDENT WAS ABLE TO GET IT 723 00:33:20,434 --> 00:33:20,799 DONE. 724 00:33:20,799 --> 00:33:23,401 >> Jimmy: SECRETARY, WHERE DO YOU STAND ON SELF‐DRIVING CARS? 725 00:33:23,401 --> 00:33:26,571 HAVE YOU BEEN IN ONE? DO YOU SEE THAT AS SOMETHING 726 00:33:26,571 --> 00:33:29,576 THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? IF SO, WHEN WILL IT BE VERY 727 00:33:29,576 --> 00:33:29,941 COMMON? 728 00:33:29,941 --> 00:33:32,944 >> WE DON'T KNOW YET. THE REAL ANSWER IS, AS SOON AS 729 00:33:32,944 --> 00:33:35,680 THE TECHNOLOGY IS READY AND AS SOON AS WE KNOW THAT IT'S SAFE. 730 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:41,887 THERE'S A TON OF POSSIBILITY. D ‐ BUT FOR THE LAST 100 YEARS AS A 731 00:33:41,887 --> 00:33:46,191 COUNTRY, WE'VE BEEN MAKING SURE CARS ARE SAFE BASED ON THE BASIC 732 00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:48,727 ASSUMPTION THAT SOMEBODY'S GOING TO BE DRIVING IT. 733 00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:51,396 SO WE'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT IT WORKS, THAT IT CAN WORK IN 734 00:33:51,396 --> 00:33:53,899 DIFFERENT CONDITIONS. BUT THERE IS A TON OF 735 00:33:53,899 --> 00:33:55,500 POSSIBILITY. IT COULD REALLY CHANGE THE WAY 736 00:33:55,500 --> 00:34:00,372 WE RELATE TO CARS, BECAUSE IF THE CAR CAN COME PICK YOU UP, IT 737 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:02,741 MAY BECOME MORE OF A SERVICE INSTEAD OF A THING THAT MOST OF 738 00:34:02,741 --> 00:34:04,876 US OWN. AND THAT IN TURN MEANS YOU DON'T 739 00:34:04,876 --> 00:34:07,579 NEED AS MANY PARKING LOTS. FAMILY FINANCES WOULD BE 740 00:34:07,579 --> 00:34:11,917 DIFFERENT IF YOU ONLY PAY FOR USING A CAR INSTEAD OF OWNING 741 00:34:11,917 --> 00:34:15,487 ONE. THAT'S PROBABLY STILL A FEW YEARS OUT, BUT IT IS SOMETHING 742 00:34:15,487 --> 00:34:17,255 WE'RE ACTIVELY THINKING ABOUT AND PREPARING FOR NOW. 743 00:34:17,255 --> 00:34:20,125 >> Jimmy: FOX NEWS TOMORROW IS GOING TO TAKE THIS CLIP AND SAY, 744 00:34:20,125 --> 00:34:21,893 PETE BUTTIGIEG WANTS TO TAKE YOUR CAR OUT OF YOUR GARAGE! 745 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:25,130 [ LAUGHTER ] 746 00:34:25,130 --> 00:34:29,301 >> NOBODY'S TAKING YOUR CAR, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF EXCITING STUFF 747 00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:31,770 ON THE HORIZON. ALSO ELECTRIC VEHICLES. 748 00:34:31,770 --> 00:34:33,705 AUTOMAKERS COMING UP WITH ALL‐ELECTRIC VEHICLES THAT 749 00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:35,907 PERFORM SO WELL. GREAT FOR THE CLIMATE. 750 00:34:35,907 --> 00:34:37,909 REALLY EXCITING TO SEE THAT GROW, TOO. 751 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:40,045 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU HAD ANY DISCUSSIONS ABOUT JET PACKS? 752 00:34:40,045 --> 00:34:42,881 BECAUSE WHEN I WAS A KID ‐‐ 753 00:34:42,881 --> 00:34:43,214 [ LAUGHTER ] 754 00:34:43,214 --> 00:34:45,917 ‐‐ WE WERE PROMISED, I FEEL, JET PACKS. 755 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:49,688 I FELT THAT BY THIS TIME ‐‐ SOMEBODY TOLD ME THE YEAR 2021. 756 00:34:49,688 --> 00:34:52,791 I BELIEVE THAT WILL BE OUR PRIMARY FORM OF TRANSPORTATION. 757 00:34:52,791 --> 00:34:54,025 AND I WOULD LIKE ONE OF THOSE. WHERE ARE WE ON THAT? 758 00:34:54,025 --> 00:34:55,927 [ LAUGHTER ] 759 00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:58,630 >> YOU KNOW WHAT, I WILL LOOK INTO IT RIGHT AWAY. 760 00:34:58,630 --> 00:35:00,832 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. YOU HAVEN'T? OH, NO. 761 00:35:00,832 --> 00:35:01,866 THE FACT THAT YOU HAVEN'T WORRIES ME. 762 00:35:01,866 --> 00:35:03,835 [ LAUGHTER ] 763 00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:07,873 >> I'VE BEEN FOCUSED ON THE TIME ZONE THING. BUT WE'LL GET THERE. 764 00:35:07,873 --> 00:35:08,206 [ LAUGHTER ] 765 00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:11,743 >> Jimmy: YES, LET'S GET RID OF DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME, THEN GET 766 00:35:11,743 --> 00:35:14,512 THE JET PACKS IN. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR FILLING IN 767 00:35:14,512 --> 00:35:18,883 FOR ME LAST YEAR. THE GANG AT WETZEL'S PRETZELS 768 00:35:18,883 --> 00:35:20,085 ACROSS THE STREET MISSES YOU. 769 00:35:20,085 --> 00:35:20,418 [ LAUGHTER ] 770 00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:21,620 IN FACT, THEY MISS EVERYBODY. 771 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:23,722 >> SO BUMMED I DIDN'T GET THE JOB. 772 00:35:23,722 --> 00:35:25,256 >> Jimmy: SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG, EVERYONE. 773 00:35:25,256 --> 00:35:25,757 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 774 00:35:25,757 --> 00:35:29,194 THANK YOU, SECRETARY. WE'LL BE BACK WITH ADAM DURITZ! 775 00:35:29,194 --> 00:35:30,695 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 776 00:35:30,695 --> 00:35:34,499 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING. 777 00:35:40,405 --> 00:35:41,573 >> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS 778 00:35:41,573 --> 00:35:42,140 PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. 779 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:49,914 THE BEST OR NOTHING. 780 00:35:49,914 --> 00:35:51,816 >> Jimmy: AS WE TALLY A YEAR IN LOCKDOWN, WHO BETTER TO HELP US 781 00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:54,719 COUNT THOSE DAYS THAN COUNTING CROWS? 782 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,455 THIS IS THE 25th ANNIVERSARY OF THEIR MONSTER ALBUM "RECOVERING 783 00:35:57,455 --> 00:35:59,190 THE SATELLITES," WITH THE VERY APPROPRIATE SONG "A LONG 784 00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:01,626 DECEMBER," ADAM DURITZ! 785 00:36:01,626 --> 00:36:04,262 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 786 00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:07,565 >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, MAN. 787 00:36:07,565 --> 00:36:13,273 AND HAPPY CORONA‐VERSARY, EVERYBODY. 788 00:36:13,273 --> 00:36:13,638 ♪ 789 00:36:13,638 --> 00:36:16,508 ♪ 790 00:36:16,508 --> 00:36:19,244 ♪ A LONG DECEMBER 791 00:36:19,244 --> 00:36:25,016 AND THERE'S REASON TO BELIEVE MAYBE THIS YEAR WILL BE 792 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,552 BETTER THAN THE LAST ♪ 793 00:36:27,552 --> 00:36:29,788 ♪ I CAN'T REMEMBER 794 00:36:29,788 --> 00:36:34,292 THE LAST THING THAT YOU SAID AS YOU WERE LEAVIN' 795 00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:41,332 NOW THE DAYS GO BY SO FAST ♪ 796 00:36:41,332 --> 00:36:44,302 ♪ AND IT'S ONE MORE DAY 797 00:36:44,302 --> 00:36:47,539 UP IN THE CANYONS AND IT'S ONE MORE 798 00:36:47,539 --> 00:36:53,044 NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD ♪ 799 00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,546 ♪ IF YOU THINK THAT I 800 00:36:54,546 --> 00:37:02,153 COULD BE FORGIVEN 801 00:37:02,153 --> 00:37:03,888 I WISH YOU WOULD ♪ 802 00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:13,898 ♪ NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 803 00:37:13,898 --> 00:37:14,699 ♪ THE SMELL OF HOSPITALS IN 804 00:37:14,699 --> 00:37:15,800 WINTER ♪ 805 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,502 ♪ AND THE FEELING 806 00:37:17,502 --> 00:37:25,243 THAT IT'S ALL A LOT OF OYSTERS BUT NO PEARLS ♪ 807 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,512 ♪ ALL AT ONCE YOU LOOK 808 00:37:27,512 --> 00:37:33,284 ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM TO SEE THE WAY THAT 809 00:37:33,284 --> 00:37:36,454 LIGHT ATTACHES TO A GIRL ♪ 810 00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:39,157 ♪ A GIRL A GIRL A GIRL A GIRL 811 00:37:39,157 --> 00:37:39,924 ♪ AND IT'S ONE MORE DAY 812 00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:44,362 UP IN THE CANYONS AND IT'S ONE MORE 813 00:37:44,362 --> 00:37:49,667 NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD ♪ 814 00:37:49,667 --> 00:37:51,169 ♪ IF YOU THINK YOU 815 00:37:51,169 --> 00:37:58,943 MIGHT COME TO CALIFORNIA I THINK YOU SHOULD ♪ 816 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:11,790 ♪ NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 817 00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:18,296 ♪ I DROVE UP TO HILLSIDE MANOR 818 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:23,735 SOMETIME AFTER 2 A. M. ♪ 819 00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:25,370 ♪ AND WE TALKED A LITTLE WHILE 820 00:38:25,370 --> 00:38:29,874 ABOUT THE YEAR ♪ 821 00:38:29,874 --> 00:38:31,609 ♪ I GUESS THE WINTER 822 00:38:31,609 --> 00:38:35,113 MAKES YOU LAUGH A LITTLE SLOWER ♪ 823 00:38:35,113 --> 00:38:36,881 ♪ MAKES YOU TALK 824 00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:41,719 A LITTLE LOWER ABOUT THE THINGS YOU COULD NOT SHOW HER ♪ 825 00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:42,987 ♪ AND IT'S BEEN 826 00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:46,124 A LONG DECEMBER ♪ 827 00:38:46,124 --> 00:38:48,359 ♪ AND THERE IS 828 00:38:48,359 --> 00:38:50,361 REASON TO BELIEVE MAYBE THIS YEAR WILL BE 829 00:38:50,361 --> 00:38:55,834 BETTER THAN THE LAST ♪ 830 00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,535 ♪ I CAN'T REMEMBER 831 00:38:57,535 --> 00:38:59,037 ALL THE TIMES ♪ 832 00:38:59,037 --> 00:39:02,040 ♪ I TRIED TO TELL MY MYSELF 833 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:03,541 TO HOLD ON TO THESE MOMENTS 834 00:39:03,541 --> 00:39:12,550 AS THEY PASS ♪ 835 00:39:12,550 --> 00:39:14,085 ♪ AND IT'S ONE MORE DAY 836 00:39:14,085 --> 00:39:21,059 UP IN THE CANYON AND IT'S ONE MORE 837 00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:29,033 NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD ♪ 838 00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:33,171 ♪ IT'S BEEN SO LONG 839 00:39:33,171 --> 00:39:40,678 SINCE I HAVE SEEN THE OCEAN IT'S 840 00:39:40,678 --> 00:39:44,415 BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SEEN THE OCEAN OH OH ♪ 841 00:39:44,415 --> 00:39:45,950 ♪ IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE 842 00:39:45,950 --> 00:39:52,957 SEEN THE OCEAN YEAH ♪ 843 00:39:52,957 --> 00:39:54,859 ♪ AND I GUESS I SHOULD 844 00:39:54,859 --> 00:39:56,861 ♪ NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 845 00:39:56,861 --> 00:40:03,801 NA NA ♪ 846 00:40:03,801 --> 00:40:07,772 ♪ NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA 847 00:40:07,772 --> 00:40:24,055 NA NA NA NA NA ♪ 848 00:40:30,828 --> 00:40:32,297 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK JOEL MCHALE, SECRETARY 849 00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:35,833 PETE BUTTIGIEG AND ADAM DURITZ. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 850 00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:37,502 WE DID RUN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 851 00:40:37,502 --> 00:40:39,037 WEAR YOUR MASK, WASH YOUR HANDS, GET YOUR SHOTS AND ONE DAY, WE 852 00:40:39,037 --> 00:40:42,537 CAN BE TOGETHER AGAIN. THANKS FOR WATCHING, GOODNIGHT.