>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!" TONIGHT ‐‐
DAVID ALAN GRIER, TOPHER GRACE AND MUSIC FROM ALL TIME LOW.
AND NOW JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: HI, EVERYONE. WELCOME. I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.
THANKS FOR ‐‐ THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
I HOPE YOUR WEEKEND WAS GOOD. OUR WEEKEND REALLY ENDED WITH A
BANG. DID YOU FEEL THE EARTHQUAKE,
GUILLERMO?
>> NO, I DID NOT FEEL IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T FEEL IT AT ALL?
>> Guillermo: NO, I WAS ASLEEP.
>> Jimmy: WE GOT A NICE LITTLE JOLT EARLY THIS MORNING.
THIS IS INTERESTING. WHEN WE WENT TO BED, IT WAS
APRIL 4th ‐‐ 4/4. THE EARTHQUAKE HAPPENED AT
4:44:00 4:44:00 A. M. AND IT WAS MEASURED
AT 4 ON THE RICHTER SCALE. THAT HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING,
RIGHT? COULD THIS BE HOW THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE SHOW
UP? THE GOOD NEWS IS MY PRECIOUS MOMENTS FIGURINES ARE FINE.
NO DAMAGE. NOW OWE, THEY ALWAYS SAY YOU
SHOULD HAVE A PLAN FOR WHEN THE EARTHQUAKE HURTS.
TURNS OUT MY PLAN IS TO WAKE UP, GRAB MY PHONE, LOOK AT TWITTER
AND PUT IT DOWN. THAT'S MY PLAN. EARTHQUAKES REALLY ARE THE ONLY
THING TWITTER IS GOOD FOR. THERE WERE NO REPORTS OF
SIGNIFICANT DAMAGE, THOUGH THEY DID HAVE TO CLOSE THE
ETCH‐A‐SKETCH MUSEUM. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO OPEN TODAY.
EVERYTHING WAS JUST RUINED. I HAVE TO SAY, AFTER 13 MONTHS
OF WORRYING ABOUT INHALING A DEADLY VIRUS, IT WAS KIND OF
NICE TO WORRY ABOUT THE EARTH OPENING UP AND SWALLOWING US FOR
A CHAGE. I WAS BACK TO SLEEP WITHIN SIX
MINUTES OF THE EARTHQUAKE. I WAS ASLEEP UNTIL OUR
3‐YEAR‐OLD RAN INTO THE ROOM AT 6:20 SAYING, "DID THE EASTER
BUNNY HIDE MORE STUFF?" NO, HE DID NOT.
YESTERDAY, AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW FROM THE INSTAGRAM POSTS, WAS
EASTER. IT WAS MY PASTEL PINK SHIRT'S
TIME TO SHINE! EVERY YEAR IT COMES OUT AND THEN
GOES RIGHT BACK IN. WE MIXED IT UP THIS YEAR.
INSTEAD OF EASTER EGGS, WE HAD THE KIDS GO ON THE CVS WEBSITE
AND HUNT FOR THE VACCINE. THAT WAS FUN.
WE DID HAVE AN EASTER EGG HUNT.
WE HID 24 EGGS IN THE HOUSE AND
ONCE WE GOT 24 IN THE BASKET, WE WERE OKAY, THAT'S IT, KIDS.
THAT'S ALL THE EGGS. AND THE KIDS WERE LIKE, "HOW DO
YOU KNOW?" "UH, WE JUST KNOW. THIS IS THE KIND OF THING WE
KNOW." THE EASTER BUNNY HAS A MUCH
WEAKER BACK STORY, BY THE WAY, MUCH WEAKER THAN SANTA CLAUS.
WE HAD TO MAKE UP A LOT OF DETAILS ON THE SPOT ‐‐ ABOUT
WHERE HE LIVES, WHAT HIS MOTIVATION IS.
WE TOLD THEM HE LIVES IN FLORIDA AND HATES CHICKENS.
IS WHY HE GATHERS THE EGGS. YESTERDAY, MY WIFE TRIED TO
EXPLAIN THE MEANING OF EASTER TO OUR DAUGHTER WHO IS SIX.
SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON, SO MOLLY SAID, "WELL,
JESUS DIED." AND JANE GOES "OH, NO!"
IT WAS NEWS TO HER. SHE SAID DON'T WORRY, HE ROSE
FROM THE DEAD, WHICH IS A LOT FOR A CHILD TO DIGEST.
SO WE GAVE HER A HANDFUL OF JELLY BEANS AND SHE SEEMED OKAY.
SOMETIMES I REMEMBER THAT JESUS ONLY LIVED TO BE 33‐YEARS OLD.
THINK ABOUT THAT. THIS WOULD BE LIKE ZAC EFRON
RISING AGAIN! 33.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
>> Guillermo: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: A LOT OF ‐‐ A LOT OF ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
A LOT OF CHURCHES HELD SERVICES ON ZOOM AGAIN THIS YEAR.
THESE VIRTUAL SERVICES WHICH BRINGS UP AN INTERESTING
THEORETICAL AND THEOLOGICAL QUESTION.
CAN GOD HEAR YOUR PRAYERS IF YOU'RE MUTED? I SAY NO.
I DON'T THINK HE CAN. THE WHITE HOUSE EASTER EGG ROLL
WAS VIRTUAL THIS YEAR BECAUSE OF COVID, AND ALSO BECAUSE OF THE
RISK OF THE BIDENS' DOG MAJOR RIPPING SOME TODDLER'S ARM OFF.
"HE'S JUST PLAYFUL!" THE WHITE HOUSE MADE SPECIAL
EGGS FOR EASTER FEATURING THE PRESIDENT'S DOGS, CHAMP AND
MAJOR, WHO, EVEN ON THE EGG, IT LOOKS LIKE MAJOR IS MAKING A
MESS. PRESIDENT AND MRS. BIDEN OFFERED
THEIR WELL‐WISHES FOR THE HOLIDAY VIA TWITTER.
THEY WROTE "FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS, WE WISH YOU HEALTH, HOPE,
JOY AND PEACE. HAPPY EASTER, EVERYONE!"
PRESIDENT OBAMA HAD WISHES, HE WROTE, "THIS EASTER, I HOPE WE
CAN ALL TAKE SOME TIME TO REFLECT ON THE BLESSINGS WE
ENJOY AND THE HOPE WE HAVE FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE.
FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS, HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY EASTER."
AND EVEN THE EASTER DUMMY HIMSELF, DONALD TRUMP, ISSUED A
MAGA‐NANIMOUS STATEMENT, HE WROTE, "HAPPY EASTER TO ALL,
INCLUDING THE RADICAL LEFT CRAZIES WHO RIGGED OUR
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AND WANT TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY."
HE'S STILL GOT IT. HE DOESN'T HAVE TWITTER, BUT
HE'S STILL GOT IT. THAT MESSAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN
NICE OVER A PICTURE OF JESUS LIKE THIS, RIGHT? BETTER?
I GUESS WE'RE LUCKY WE EVEN HAD EASTER THIS YEAR, BECAUSE
REMEMBER WHEN TRUMP SAID IF BIDEN WON THE ELECTION, THERE
WOULD BE NO HOLIDAYS EVER AGAIN?
>> UNDER BIDEN, THERE WILL BE NO SCHOOL, NO GRADUATIONS, NO
WEDDINGS, NO THANKSGIVING, NO EASTER, NO CHRISTMAS, NO FOURTH
OF JULY, NO NOTHING.
>> THERE WILL BE NO SCHOOL, NO GRADUATIONS, NO WEDDINGS, NO
THANKSGIVINGS, NO EASTERS, NO CHRISTMASES.
>> NO THANKSGIVING, NO EASTER, NO CHRISTMAS.
>> NO THANKSGIVING, NO CHRISTMAS, NO EASTER.
>> THERE WILL BE NO SCHOOL, NO GRADUATIONS, NO WEDDINGS, NO
THANKSGIVING, NO CHRISTMAS, NO FOURTH OF JULY, NO EASTER, NO
NOTHING.
>> NO CHRISTMAS, NO EASTER, NO FOURTH OF JULY, AND NO FUTURE.
>> Jimmy: NO FUTURE. THERE WILL BE NO FUTURE.
THAT'S THE SAME THING HE WROTE IN DON JR.'S GRADUATION CARD IN
HIGH SCHOOL. KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN LITTLE
HELD AN EASTER EGG HUNT OF HIS OWN AT MAR‐A‐LAGO YESTERDAY.
DANDY DON JR. WAS THERE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND KAREN ‐‐ I MEAN
KIMBERLY. AND TOGETHER, THEY SHARED A
SWEET ANECDOTE FROM THE TRUMP FAMILY MEMORY BOOK.
>> IN THE TRUMP FAMILY, THE EASTER EGG HUNT IS REALLY
COMPETITIVE.
>> IT'S VICIOUS.
>> I REMEMBER KNOCK‐OUT, DRAG‐OUT FIGHTS WITH IVANKA
ESPECIALLY, BACK IN THE DAY, BECAUSE I MAY HAVE, YOU KNOW,
GOTTEN ON THE SECURITY CAMERA SYSTEM AND FIGURED OUT WHERE
THEY HID THE PROVERBIAL GOLDEN EGG. SO WHEN SHE FOUND OUT WHAT I
DID, IT WAS ‐‐ IT WAS BRUTAL. BUT YOU PROBABLY EXPECT NOTHING
LESS. A LOT OF ALPHA PERSONALITIES IN
THERE.
>> Jimmy: EVEN A CUTE FAMILY ANECDOTE MAKES THEM SOUND LIKE
THE REIGN OF CALIGULA, DOESN'T IT? YOU KNOW MY BROTHER DANIEL?
YOU HAVE A BROTHER DANIEL? NOT ANYMORE.
WE KILLED HIM IN THE EGG HUNT. SO THEN, DJTJ TRIED TO PITCH IN
AND GIVE HIS DAUGHTER AN EASTER LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> CHLOE, CHLOE!
CHLOE, CHLOE!
NO, NO, NO, NO. NOT STEALING EGGS.
>> Jimmy: STOP THE STEAL! HEY, LET'S WATCH IT AGAIN,
BECAUSE IT'S FASCINATING. HERE WE GO.
HIS DAUGHTER SNATCHES AN EGG FROM ANOTHER KID'S CLUTCHES.
SO DADDY DECIDES, "I LIKE THAT‐ I'LL THROW HER ANOTHER EGG TO
REWARD HER FOR HER CUNNING AND CUNNING AND SPEED.
BUT THEN THERE NOT ONLY DOES SHE FUMBLE THE INHERITANCE, SHE
DROPS ALL HER OTHER EGGS, SOME OF WHICH GET SCOOPED UP BY OTHER
KIDS. ANOTHER ACCIDENT AT THE INTERSECTION OF PRIVILEGE AND
INEPTITUDE. I THINK THAT MIGHT BE THE
PERFECT METAPHOR FOR GROWING UP TRUMP.
MARCH MADNESS IS ALMOST DONE. AS WE TAPE OUR SHOW RIGHT NOW,
NUMBER ONE SEED GONZAGA IS PLAYING NUMBER ONE SEED BAYLOR
FOR THE NCAA MEN'S BASKETBALL TITLE.
SO, BY THE TIME YOU SEE THIS MESSAGE, I MAY ALREADY BE DEAD.
BUT GONZAGA, AS YOU KNOW, HAS BEEN THE SUBJECT OF A LOT OF
CONTROVERSY BECAUSE THEY'RE IMAGINARY.
THERE'S NO SCHOOL NAMED GONZAGA. BUT SOMEHOW, THEY MANAGED TO
BLUFF THEIR WAY INTO THE FINALS WITH THIS CRAZY LAST‐SECOND
BUZZER BEATER AGAINST UNDERDOG UCLA.
>> AGAIN WITH THE BALL IN HIS HANDS, IN THE PAINT, FLOATER.
SHORT, GOT IT DONE. TIES THEM WITH THREE.
GONZAGA HAS DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING. FOR THE WIN!
OH, YES! UNBELIEVABLE!
>> Jimmy: THE CLAPPING YOU HEAR IS FROM USC FANS.
BUT I WANT YOU ‐‐ I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO WHAT JIM NANTZ SAID
AGAIN HERE.
>> FOR THE WIN, OH, YES, UNBELIEVABLE!
>> UNBELIEVABLE, UNBELIEVABLE. ONE OF THE MOST RESPECTED NAMES
IN SPORTS JOURNALISM, A FIVE‐TIME SPORTSCASTER JIM NANTZ
CALLS GONZAGA WHAT? UNBELIEVABLE. BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BELIEVE THEY
EXIST EITHER. LOOK AT THIS. IF GONZAGA IS A REAL SCHOOL, WHY
AREN'T THERE ANY STUDENTS IN THE ARENA TO SEE THIS GAME?
LOOK AT THIS. GAME AFTER GAME, WIN AFTER WIN
IN THIS TOURNAMENT, LOOK AT THE STANDS. THERE'S NOBODY IN THEM.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THERE WAS A FINAL FOUR GAME AND NO ONE
SHOWED UP FOR IT? COULD THAT BE BECAUSE THEY HAVE
NO ALUMNI? BECAUSE NO ONE EVER WENT THERE?
THINK ABOUT THIS. BOTTOM LINE, GONZAGA ISN'T FAITH.
WHY DO I KEEP SAYING IT IS? THIS IS THE OTHER PORTS DRAMA
THAT'S GOING ON. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL DECIDED
NOT TO HAVE THE ALL‐STAR GAME IN ATLANTA THIS SUMMER IN RESPONSE
TO THE NEW LAW THEY PASSED IN GEORGIA THAT TRIES TO DISCOURAGE
PEOPLE OF COLOR FROM VOTING. BASEBALL DID THE RIGHT THING AND
PULLED THE GAME. AND NOW THE RED‐HATTERS ARE MAD
AT THEM, INCLUDING TAMMY RAMIREZ WHO RELEASED THIS
STRONGLY‐WORDED STATEMENT, "BASEBALL IS ALREADY LOSING
TREMENDOUS NUMBERS OF FANS, AND NOW THEY LEAVE ATLANTA WITH
THEIR ALL‐STAR GAME BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF THE RADICAL LFT
DEMOCRATS WHO DO NOT WANT VOTER I.D., WHICH IS DESPERATELY
NEEDED, TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH OUR ELECTIONS.
BOYCOTT BASEBALL AND ALL OF THE WOKE COMPANIES THAT ARE
INTERFERING WITH FREE AND FAIR ELECTIONS.
ARE YOU LISTENING COKE, DELTA, AND ALL?"
NOW DONALD TRUMP CALLING FOR A BOYCOTT OF COCA‐COLA IS
BEAUTIFUL. HE HAD A DIET COKE BUTTON ON HIS
DESK AT THE OVAL OFFICE.
THE MAN URINATES ASPERTAME,
OKAY? AND IT'S ESPECIALLY FUNNY BECAUSE WITH ALL HIS COMPLAINING
ABOUT CANCEL CULTURE, THIS GUY HAS TRIED TO CANCEL MORE CULTURE
THAN ANYONE, EVER. IF YOU LISTENED TO TRUMP, YOU'D
HAVE TO CANCEL BASEBALL, COKE, DELTA AIRLINES, VIACOM‐CBS,
CITIGROUP, CISCO, UPS, APPLE, MACY'S, UNIVISION, HBO, OREO,
ROLLING STONE, FOX NEWS, STARBUCKS, GEICO, GOODYEAR,
AMAZON, AT&T, THE NFL, T‐MOBILE, HARLEY DAVIDSON, NIKE, COMCAST,
AND MERCK. WHICH HAPPENS TO MAKE PROPECIA,
THE DRUG DONALD TRUMP TAKES TO SLOW HIS BALDING DOWN.
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES DONALD TRUMP ACTUALLY GIVES UP
DIET COKE OR HIS BALD HEAD MEDICINE? NONE.
BUT HE WANTS YOU TO. AND IN FACT BECAUSE ‐‐ BECAUSE
IT ALWAYS GOES LIKE THIS. THIS IS SOMETHING STEPHEN MILLER
TWEETED TODAY. "JUST HAD A TERRIFIC MEETING
WITH PRESIDENT ‐‐ NOT PRESIDENT TRUMP."
STEPHEN MILLER IS NOT USING PROPECIA, BUT DONALD TRUMP IS
DRINKING A DIET COKE HIDDEN BEHIND A PHONE ON HIS DESK.
CHEER UP, REPUBLICANS, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WATCH FOOTBALL,
BASEBALL, BASKETBALL OR NASCAR ANYMORE, BUT YOU CAN STILL WATCH
DONALD TRUMP PLAY GOLF! AND DRINK DIET COKE.
FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN MATT GAETZ IS THE TALK OF TE TOWN IN
WASHINGTON. GAETZ IS REPORTED TO BE UNDER
INVESTIGATION BY THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT FOR POTENTIALLY SEX
TRAFFICKING A 17‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL. HE, OF COURSE, CLAIMS IT'S A
DEEP STATE CONSPIRACY. BUT HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S NOT
GOING WELL FOR MATT. ONE OF HIS FEW DEFENDERS,
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, AKA KLAN MOM, APPEARS TO HAVE DELETED ALL
HER PHOTOS WITH MATT GAETZ. ON TWITTER.
LET'S PUT THAT UP AGAIN. WHAT A Q COUPLE THEY ARE.
SHE ERASED HIM JUST LIKE 9/11. GAETZ WROTE AN OP‐ED FOR
THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER TODAY. HE WROTE "MY PERSONAL LIFE IS
AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN CONDUCTED ON MY OWN TIME AND MY OWN DIME."
IN OTHER WORDS, MY DAD NEVER PAID FOR MY SEX!
I PAY FOR ALL OF IT. BUT THIS IS A WEIRD DETAIL ABOUT
MATT GAETZ. NOT ONLY DID HE GROW UP IN THE
HOUSE WHERE THEY FILMED "THE TRUMAN SHOW," HIS FAMILY APPEARS
TO BE SO DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION,THEY HAVE A SIGN OUT
FRONT LETTING EVERYONE WHO PASSES BY KNOW IT'S THE HOUSE
FROM "THE TRUMAN SHOW." AND THE HOME OF MATT GAETZ.
I BET AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE SIGNS COMES DOWN VERY, VERY SOON.
ONE OF THE STORIES THAT HAS BEEN CIRCULATING OVER THE WEEKEND IS
THAT GAETZ USED TO BRAG TO COLLEAGUES ABOUT WOMEN HE SLEPT
WITH. AND HE WOULD GO AROUND, THEY SAY
AND SHOW PEOPLE VIDEOS OF NAKED LADY FRIENDS.
AND HE MADE NO SECRET OF THIS AT ALL.
>> $500.
>> WILL YOU WEAR THE TRUMP MASK?
>> I TOLD YOU, THAT'S A THOUSAND.
>> OKAY. FINE. ARE PERSONAL TEXTS FROM MY DAD
OKAY?
>> NO!
>> Jimmy: HE'S JUST PROUD OF HIMSELF. HE'S A PROUD BOY.
SPEAKING OF MONSTERS, WE HAVE A NEW NUMBER ONE MOVIE IN AMERICA.
"GODZILLA VERSUS KONG" WAS TOPS AT THE BOX OFFICE THIS WEEKEND
IT MADE $30 MILLION, WHICH IS A GOOD SIGN FOR MOVIES AND
THEATERS OVERALL. MY KIDS ARE VERY INTERESTED IN
THIS. THE OTHER DAY, I HAD TO SHOW
THEM THE TRAILER BECAUSE THEY WANT TO KNOW WHAT GODZILLA IS,
WHAT KING KONG IS. AND SO THIS MORNING, WE DECIDED
TO GET THEM ON TAPE WATCHING IT, AND HERE THEY ARE WITH SOME DVD
COMMENTARY. JANE AND BILLY WATCHING THE
TRAILER FOR "GODZILLA VERSUS KONG."
>> MOM, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING. I'M SCARED TO WATCH IT.
>> I'M SCARED.
>> THIS LOOKS CRAZY.
>> I SEE GODZILLA IS COMING, I SEE HIS TAIL!
>> OH, MY GOSH.
>> IT'S GODZILLA.
>> IS GODZILLA GOING TO EAT KONG?
>> GODZILLA IS COMING.
>> AND THEY'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT IT.
>> GODZILLA! GODZILLA.
>> AND EVERYTHING IS ‐‐
>> OH, KING KONG PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE.
>> OH, KONG THREW GODZILLA IN THE WATER.
>> HIS TAIL, HIS TAIL.
>> NOW HE BLASTS HIS BLUE LIGHTNING.
>> BLUE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR.
>> BILLY, SPIDER‐MAN IS NOT IN THIS MOVIE, SILLY.
>> WHAT THE HECK?
>> HE IS FIGHTING.
>> I CAN'T REACH HIM FROM GREATNESS BECAUSE I'M BUILT FROM
IT.
>> IT'S STUPID.
>> KONG BOWS TO NO ONE.
>>.
♪ HERE WE GO
>> OH NO!
>> I DON'T LOVE GODZILLA BECAUSE HE'S BAD.
>> "GODZILLA VERSUS KONG" IN THE
THEATERS.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE ON A ROLL. WHY NOT.
WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT WITH TOPHER GRACE, MUSIC
FROM ALL TIME LOW, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH OUR OLD PAL,
DAVID ALAN GRIER. SO STICK AROUND.
[ APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: THAT IS OUR BASS PLAYER, THE GREAT JIMMY EARL,
WHO WE'VE NOT SEEN IN A YEAR. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JIMMY.
I HOPE SOMEBODY BUYS YOU FURNITURE THIS YEAR.
TONIGHT, FROM THE NEW SERIES "HOME ECONOMICS" ON ABC,
TOPHER GRACE IS HERE. AND THEN LATER, THIS IS THEIR
ALBUM. IT'S CALLED, "WAKE UP SUNSHINE" ‐‐ MUSIC FROM
ALL TIME LOW. THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS
ALL THIS WEEK WITH MARK WAHLBERG, LUKE BRYAN,
KATEY SAGAL, ROMANY MALCO, RAY ROMANO, AND HUNTER BIDEN,
WITH MUSIC FROM THE WALLFLOWERS, NESSA BARRETT, AND JAYDEN
FEATURING TRAVIS BARKER. SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS A MULTI‐TALENTED, MULTI‐NOMINATED,
MULTI‐NAMED ACTOR, AND ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE
PLANET. HE PLAYS DAD TO JAMIE FOXX IN
THEIR NEW NETFLIX SHOW, "DAD STOP EMBARRASSING ME!."
IT PREMIERS APRIL 14th. PLEASE WELCOME DAVID ALAN GRIER!
[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]
WOW!
>> I THOUGHT ‐‐ I THOUGHT THIS WAS A ZOOM.
>> Jimmy: NO, IT'S NOT. WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR HOUSE
FOR ZOOM? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE?
>> WELL, I KNOW. BUT MAYBE WE WEREN'T GOING TO
ACTUALLY ‐‐
>> Jimmy: NO, YEAH, HERE WE ARE. AND WOW, THAT'S QUITE AN
ENSEMBLE. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
IS THIS SOMETHING YOU NORMALLY WEAR?
>> YEAH, AT HOME, AT HOME. IT'S FOR COMFORT.
>> Jimmy: LET ME FIND THE SIX WORST THINGS IN MY CLOSET.
>> IT'S LIKE THE PRESIDENT'S HERE. PUT HIM ON. THEY CAN'T SEE.
THEY CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
>> Jimmy: WELL, I CAN SEE ONE OF YOUR NUTS. SO THAT'S NICE.
>> WHOA.
♪ HELLO, JIMMY
NOW AMERICA CAN TOO.
>> Jimmy: HAVE THEY BEEN VACCINATED?
>> JUST ONE.
>> Jimmy: JUST ONE. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED THEY SAY.
>> THE OTHER ONE IS JEALOUS. BUT I DIGRESS.
YOU KNOW, JIMBO, NOW AMERICA KNOWS I'M A RAW DAWG!
>> Jimmy: I THINK WE KNEW THAT ABOUT YOU ALREADY.
>> I LIKE TO FREE FLY.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU DOING? EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
>> IT'S PROBABLY FIRST OR SECOND TIME I REALLY BEEN OUT.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? REALLY?
>> WELL, I'M GOOD WHERE I'M AT. I DON'T REALLY ‐‐
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS THAT WE HAVE
TO COME GET YOU OUT OF QUARANTINE.
>> MAYBE.
>> Jimmy: WHEN IT'S OVER?
>> MAYBE. LIKE THAT DUDE WHO IS STILL
FIGHTING THE WAR.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> IT'S OVER. THE WAR IS OVER! COVID IS OVER.
I COME OUT, BUT I SPEND A LOT OF TIME KIND OF DOING THE MRS.
KRAVITZ AT THE WINDOW.
>> Jimmy: JUST LOOKING AT PEOPLE?
>> WHY ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE? WHAT IS GOING ON?
>> Jimmy: JURY SYOU'RE STAYING . YOU'RE BEING GOOD.
>> MY DAUGHTER IS 13. SHE IS BEING REALLY GOOD.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S HARD.
>> I DON'T WANT TO PUT MY NEUROSIS ON HER.
SO I TELL HER DON'T BRING THAT DISEASE IN HERE!
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD WAY OF DOING IT.
>> GOOD PARENTING, GOOD PARENTING.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU LEARN THAT FROM YOUR OWN THERAPIST?
>> YES. I'M HEAVY. I GOT A WHOLE TEAM HERE, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO? WHAT KIND OF TEAM YOU HAVE?
>> WELL, I GOT MY PSYCHIATRIST, MY PSYCHOLOGIST, MY AGENT, MY
MANAGER, MY LAWYER AND MY PUBLICIST.
>> Jimmy: OH, VERY GOOD. THAT'S QUITE A GROUP YOU GOT
TOGETHER.
>> YEAH, THEY'RE RIGHT BACK THERE.
>> Jimmy: IT KIND OF DEFEATS THE PURPOSE ‐‐ THEY ARE VACCINATED?
>> WE'RE IN A BUBBLE. WE'RE IN A VERY TIGHT BUBBLE.
>> Jimmy: WHICH VACCINE DID YOU GET?
>> WELL, I DID ALL OF THEM.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT ALL OF THEM?
>> YOU NEVER KNOW. YOU NEVER KNOW.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET ALL OF THEM.
>> WELL, IT'S TOO LATE NOW. I TELL YOU WHAT.
COVID'S GOING TO GO TO THE NEXT HOUSE, YOU KNOW WHEN IT COMES TO
THIS ONE.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU CELEBRATE EASTER? WHAT WENT ON FOR EASTER.
>> SORRY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WAS THAT?
>> WELL, IT'S THE OLD TUMMY.
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT WAS YOUR STOMACH? OH MY GOD!
>> I'M ‐‐ I'M KIND OF ON A RESTRICTED DIET HERE.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THAT?
>> THIS IS MY LUNCH AND SNACK.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S YOUR LUNCH AND SNACK?
>> JENNY CRAIG. I'M ON 700 CALORIES.
>> Jimmy: A DAY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: REALLY? HOW MANY IS THAT?
>> THIS IS A LOT. THIS IS 17.
>> Jimmy: SO THAT IS YOUR LUNCH FOR THE DAY?
>> AND MY SNACK. I SPLIT IT UP.
I DON'T WANT TO EAT IT ALL AT ONCE.
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY ON JENNY CRAIG?
>> I AM.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE.
>> I LOST OVER 25 POUNDS SO FAR.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID? WOW!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>>AND APPARENTLY I NEED TO LOSE 25 MORE, OKAY.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU LOST ‐‐ WOW, YOU LOST THAT MANY POUNDS.
>> I DID. I'VE BEEN ON THE DIET FOR LIKE A
MONTH. AND ‐‐
>> Jimmy: WELL YOU LOOK GREAT.
>> ACTUALLY, THIS TIME. I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN ON JENNY
CRAIG FOR OVER 30 YEARS.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE?
>> YEAH, I STARTED ‐‐
>> Jimmy: FOR REAL?
>> THAT'S NOT A DIET, RIGHT? THAT'S JUST A LIFESTYLE AT THAT
POINT. THE FIRST TIME I WENT ON IT IS
WHEN WE WERE DOING "IN LIVING COLOR." NOW I KNOW HOW TO PREPARE
BECAUSE BACK THEN I WOULD GET A LITTLE CRANKY.
YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU'RE NOT EATING, YOU GET CRANKY.
>> WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY.
>> JUST, CAN I FINISH WHAT I'M
SAYING? ANY WAY.
I GET A LITTLE CRANKY, YOU KNOW. AND THE GUYS ON "IN LIVING
COLOR", THEY WOULD PLAY TRICKS ON ME BECAUSE THEY KNEW I WAS ON
A DIET. THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY, BUT
THIS IS REALLY ABUSE BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE POLICE OFFICER
TOLD ME. SO I WAS HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY.
I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY. AND WHEN I GOT UP TO LEAVE, I
HAD THIS LITTLE BAG THAT I HAD ALL MY STUFF IN.
SO TOMMY DAVIDSON, ALL THOSE GUYS, THEY PUT HOT DOGS IN IT
AND MEAT AND STEAKS. AND WHEN I GOT UP, ALL THIS MEAT
AND STUFF FELL OUT. SEE, THAT'S CRUEL THAT IS CRUEL.
I AGREE. THEY'RE WITH ME.
>> Jimmy: WOW, I AM SHOCKED ABOUT THIS JENNY CRAIG THING.
DO YOU GO TO THE MEETINGS AND STUFF?
>> WELL, I DO MORE THAN THAT, BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, YOU KNOW
WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT I DISCOVERED, THAT
JENNY IS NEVER WRONG.
>> Jimmy: JENNY IS NEVER WRONG?
>> NO. SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. WE CHECK IN VIRTUALLY, AND I
JUST LISTEN TO HER. WHEN I GET TO A POINT LIKE TODAY
I WAS SHOULD I DO JIMMY KIMMEL AND JENNY SAID YEAH, SO I'M HERE.
>> Jimmy: OH. WOW. I APPRECIATE JENNY GIVING YOU
THE GREEN LIGHT.
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY WELL, JENNY CRAIG, MAYBE SHE DIED.
THEY DON'T KNOW THAT.
>> Jimmy: IS JENNY ALIVE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> MAYBE, MAYBE NOT. I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE IT'S ONE OF THOSE "STAR WARS" THINGS WHERE
EVEN IF SHE DOES DIE, SHE JUST BECOMES STRONGER.
>> IS THAT A JOKE?
>> Jimmy: NO, IT'S NOT A JOKE. WE GOT TO GET YOU SOME FOOD.
YOU BROUGHT OUT A PROSCIUTTO.
>> OH MY GOD NO.
>> Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GUY?
>> THAT'S GONE, BRO, THAT'S GONE. HE WAS DONATED.
MY DAUGHTER, MY 13‐YEAR‐OLD DAUGHTER IS WITH ME, AND SHE
TEASES ME. EVERY TIME I COOK MY FOOD, SHE
GOES WELL, WHAT'S JENNY GOING TO SAY? I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: SHE IS SUMMONING JENNY TOO?
>> YES. SHE EATS HER NORMAL FOOD.
I JUST LET HER HAVE HER VOICE, YOU KNOW, EVEN IF DAD IS GOING
THROUGH SOMETHING. I DON'T, YOU KNOW, I DON'T DO
LIKE I USED TO DO.
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU'RE ON A DIET, YOU HAVE COME TO THE WORST
POSSIBLE PLACE. YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE SITTING
ACROSS FROM THE DEVIL HIMSELF.
>> NOT ANYMORE, MAN, BECAUSE COVID IS WORKING FOR ME.
>> Jimmy: IS IT?
>> YEAH, MAN. YOU DON'T HAVE FOOD OUT LIKE YOU
USED TO. THERE USED TO BE PEOPLE BACK
THERE, YOU HAD A BAND HERE, MAN.
>> Jimmy: GUILLERMO, GO GET DAVID A BURRITO!
>> DON'T DO THAT. I'M WEAK. IT USED TO BE FUN TO COME HERE,
MAN, AND NOW IT'S NOT.
>> Jimmy: WE DON'T HAVE ANY FUN ANYMORE. DAVID ALAN GRIER.
WE'LL HAVE MORE FROM HIM WHEN HE COME BACK. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪
>>> WHAT UP? I SEE YOU. YOU LOOKING SHARP.
>> I DON'T DO FUNERALS ANYMORE.
>> EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE CASKET, I SEE A FRIEND.
>> SO WHY THE SUIT? OH, WAIT, WHAT TIME IS YOUR
ARRAIGNMENT?
>> AUGUST 11th, 2017. I DIDN'T GO THEN, AND I'M NOT
GOING NOW.
>> FIGHT THE POWER!
>> Jimmy: THAT'S DAVID ALAN GRIER WITH JAMIE FOXX AND
FRIENDS ON THE NEW SHOW "DAD, STOP EMBARRASSING ME!"
>> GO AHEAD AND SAY IT. I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS.
I WAS HUGE THERE. LOOK AT ME NOW. YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT.
>> Jimmy: JAMIE WAS HERE LAST WEEK, AND WE WERE TALKING
ABOUT ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS, BUT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT
THE FACT THAT YOU WERE PLAYING HIS DAD, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE HOW
MANY YEARS OLDER THAN JAMIE?
>> 11 YEARS.
>> Jimmy: 11 YEARS OLDER THAN HE IS.
>> WHY IS THAT FUNNY? NO, SERIOUSLY.
ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THAT AN 11‐YEAR‐OLD HAS NEVER FATHERED A
CHILD? BECAUSE THEY HAVE.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE FLAVOR FLAV, BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU ‐‐
>> IT'S MEDICALLY POSSIBLE. WE'LL DEAL WITH THAT IN SEASON
TWO.
>> Jimmy: HE ALSO TOLD ME YOU WANT TO PLAY YOUR OWN DAD ON THE
SHOW.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: POP‐POP.
>> POP‐POP. 105 YEARS OLD.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE IT.
>> AND HE STILL DRIVES. I PITCHED IT TO JAMIE WHILE WE
WERE DOING OUR PRESS JUNKET.
>> Jimmy: HE LIKED IT. HE TOLD ME HE LIKED IT.
WHEN DID YOU MEET JAMIE? HOW LONG AGO, WAS IT BEFORE "IN
LIVING COLOR"?
>> IT WAS WHILE HE WAS ON "IN LIVING COLOR."
YOU KNOW, BACK THEN WE WOULD DO FOUR ROOMS A NIGHT, FIVE.
IT'S WHEN YOU GO AND DO SPOTS, TRY OUT YOUR STAND‐UP AND STUFF.
THE FIRST TIME I SAW JAMIE WAS AT A CLUB CALLED THE TOWN HOUSE
OUT NEAR THE AIRPORT, WHICH YOU KNOW THAT'S A GOOD COMEDY.
IT'S NEAR THE AIRPORT. SO HE WAS THERE, AND THAT WAS
THE FIRST TIME I NOTICED HIM, AS A COMEDIAN, I DIDN'T THINK HE
WOULD EVER WORK WITH ME, BUT, YOU KNOW.
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME.
AND JAMIE TOLD ME THAT HE HEARD THAT I WAS RICHARD PRYOR'S SON,
BUT THAT I HAD CHANGED MY NAME BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE IT ON
MY OWN.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU ‐‐ YOU NEVER HEARD THAT STORY BEFORE?
>> NO. I ONLY HEARD IT FROM HIM.
>> Jimmy: FROM HIM?
>> I WAS WOW, NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> Jimmy: IF YOU WERE RICHARD PRYOR'S SON, WOULD YOU HAVE KEPT
RICHARD'S LAST NAME?
>> OH, YEAH, 100%. I TRIED TO CHANGE MY NAME TO
DAVID KIMMEL.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID? I WASN'T AWARE OF THAT.
>> WELL, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU KNOW MY PARENTS ARE VERY FOND OF YOU.
>>OH MY GOD. SO DUDE, LIKE I'VE BEEN GOING
TO ‐‐ I'VE BEEN DOING THE ROAD FOR OVER 25 YEARS.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> IT MUST HAVE STARTED 15 YEARS AGO MAYBE.
ANY TIME I GO TO ARIZONA, TEMPE, YOUR MOM AND DAD ‐‐
>> Jimmy: TEMPE. TEMPE.
>> YOUR MOM AND DAD COME. LAST TIME I WAS IN PHOENIX, YOUR
MOM AND DAD CAME, AND AT THIS POINT THEY'VE COME SO MANY TIMES
THAT THEY FEIGN EXCITEMENT, LIKE I'M A REAL SON.
THEY GO OH, LOOK AT YOU! OKAY, WE LOVE SEEING YOU.
I'M LIKE OH.
>> Jimmy: THEY DO LOVE SEEING YOU. YEAH.
>> YOUR MOM BROUGHT ME A CHICKEN DISH.
IT'S HER FAMOUS CHICKEN DISH. I DON'T REMEMBER IT.
BUT YOUR SISTER WAS THERE. AND I GUESS YOUR MOM HAD A ‐‐
HER GIRLS CLUB, WOMEN. AND IT WAS SOME LEFTOVER.
>> Jimmy: SHE BROUGHT YOU LEFTOVERS?
>> SHE BROUGHT ME LEFTOVERS.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT KIND OF CHICKEN?
BECAUSE MY MOTHER MADE A MILLION THINGS FOR EASTER YESTERDAY.
BUT HER FAMOUS CHICKEN IS FRIED CHICKEN. WAS IT FRIED CHICKEN?
>> YOUR MOM KNOWS BETTER THAN
THAT.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> SHE WOULDN'T GO THERE. YOUR MOM HAVE VERY WOKE.
THAT'S CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. SHE WASN'T. IT WAS GOOD.
THE CHICKEN WAS GOOD. BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOUR MOM
BROUGHT IT, SHE SAT AND WATCHED.
>> Jimmy: WATCHED YOU EAT IT? OH, YEAH, OH, I KNOW.
>> THIS IS GOOD.
>> Jimmy: SHE IS NO JENNY CRAIG, THAT'S FOR SURE.
>> NO! NO, SHE IS NOT. BUT I LOVE YOUR ‐‐ I LOVE YOUR
PARENTS. THEY'RE VERY SWEET. COME ON, THEY'RE VERY SWEET.
>> Jimmy: SWEET. MAYBE SHE'LL BRING YOU SOME
FRESH FOOD NEXT TIME.
>> NO, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THAT. I'LL MENTION IT TO HER.
>> NO!
>> Jimmy: I'LL TELL HER YOU'RE ON A VERY STRICT DIET.
>> NOW YOU HAVE YOUR CLUB IN VEGAS. THAT'S A VERY LONG DRIVE.
>> Jimmy: IT, BUT NOW THEY LIVE HERE NOW.
>> THEY LIVE HERE?
>> Jimmy: THEY MOVED HERE TO L.A. REALLY?
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE NOT IN TOO MUCH.
>> THIS COVID KNOCKED EVERYTHING OUT. IT CHANGED EVERYTHING.
>> Jimmy: IT IS WONDERFUL ALWAYS TO SEE YOU.
>> IT IS.
>> Jimmy: I HOPE THAT THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU YOU'RE ALL JENNY
CRAIGED UP. MAYBE WOULD GET RID OF THAT MESS
OF A BEARD.
>> I'M GOING SHAVE MY BEARD. I'M GOING LOSE 60 OR 72 MORE
POUNDS.
>> Jimmy: TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH.
>> AND I WANT TO GET BACK TO MY BIRTH WEIGHT.
>> Jimmy: DAVID ALAN GRIER, EVERYBODY.
"DAD STOP EMBARRASSING ME!" PREMIERES APRIL 15th.
>> THANK YOU, GUYS.
>> Jimmy: WE'LL BE BACK WITH TOPHER GRACE.
>> DO I LEAVE NOW OR DO I STAY?
>> Jimmy: STAY.
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. ALL TIME LOW IS ON THE WAY.
OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR AND TV TIME‐TRAVELER YOU KNOW FROM
THE PAST ON "THAT '70s SHOW" AND THE FUTURE IN "INTERSTELLAR."
AND NOW, HE INHABITS THE WORST DECADE OF ALL, THE 2020s, IN THE
NEW SHOW "HOME ECONOMICS."
>> COME ON. ASK HIM.
>> NO. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.
>> THIS IS EXACTLY THE TIME.
>> HEY, WHAT'S UP?
>> WELL, IT ‐‐ WE'RE ACTUALLY HAVING A SEXUAL PROBLEM.
>> EW.
>> WHAT?
>> I AGREE. WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT
IT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
>> WE NEED TO BORROW MONEY BUT TOM IS AFRAID TO ASK.
>> YOU DO?
>> NO. I KNOW EVERYONE THINKS THAT MY
CAREER IS THRIVING. BUT ‐‐
>> OH!
>> Jimmy: "HOME ECONOMICS" PREMIERES WEDNESDAY ON ABC.
PLEASE WELCOME TOPHER GRACE!
[ APPLAUSE ]
HOW YOU?
HOW'S IT GOING?
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO. HAVE YOU BEEN ON JENNY CRAIG?
>> FOR YEARS NOW, YES. KEPT IT OFF.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE ABC FAMILY.
>> OH, THANK YOU. I ‐‐ THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: YES. WE'RE ALL WARMLY WELCOMING YOU.
>> I WAS AN INTERN IN ABC CASTING IN NEW YORK FOR A SUMMER.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH, BEFORE MY SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> AND I HADN'T ACTED BEFORE AND ALMOST CONVINCED ME TO NEVER GET
INTO ACTING.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? SO YOU WERE ONE OF THE CASTING
DEPARTMENT, THE DEPARTMENT THAT CHOOSES ACTORS TO BE IN THEIR
PROJECTS?
>> YES. AND MARCY PHILIPS, WHO WAS NICE
ENOUGH TO EMPLOYEE ME, SHE ALSO WORKED ON THIS PILOT.
>> Jimmy: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WOW. THAT WORKED OUT WELL FOR HER
THEN TOO.
>> YES. YEAH, I REALLY GOT BACK AT HER.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW. THAT'S PRETTY CRAZY.
>> ACTUALLY, I WENT TO THE UP‐FRONTS FOR ABC AS A PAGE THE
YEAR BEFORE I WENT TO THE UP‐FRONTS ‐‐ I HAD A WEIRD THING
WHERE SOMEONE SAW ME IN A HIGH SCHOOL PLAY AND I HAD NEVER
AUDITIONED AGAIN AND IT WAS FOR "THAT '70S SHOW."
AND THE UP‐FRONTS AGAIN.
>> Jimmy: THE UP‐FRONTS IS THE EVENT WHERE THEY INTRODUCE ALL
THE NEW SHOWS TO THE ADVERTISER.
>> WHICH YOU HOST.
>> Jimmy: I'M A PART OF ALMOST EVERY YEAR.
AND SO YOU WERE THERE WORKING AS AN INTERN?
>> YEAH. AND MY ONLY MEMORY IS I MET
MICHAEL J. FOX, WHICH IS AMAZING IN "SPIN CITY" AND GREG FROM
DHARMA AND GREG YELLED AT ME BECAUSE HIS COFFEE WASN'T HOT
ENOUGH.
>> Jimmy: HE DID? WHAT?
>> AND THEN THE NEXT YEAR I WAS AT THE UP‐FRONT, THE FOX
UP‐FRONTS FOR "THAT '70S SHOW" AND SOME KID WAS LIKE IS THAT
COFFEE HOT ENOUGH, SIR? I WAS LIKE YES!
LIKE YOU ARE ENOUGH.
>> Jimmy: CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
I JUST HEAD THIS WEIRD MEMORY. LAURA PREPON, WHO WAS YOUR
CASTMATE WAS ON THAT SHOW WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT.
AND SHE WAS AT THE UP‐FRONT TOO. AND I HAPPENED TO BE STANDING
NEAR THE DESK AT THE HOTEL, AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE SAID
"DO YOU WORK FOR FOX?" AND AT THE TIME I WAS ON FOX
SPORTS. AND I YES, I DO. "THEY DO NOT HAVE MY ROOM RIGHT.
WILL YOU HANDLE THIS FOR ME?" AND I SAID I'LL GET RIGHT ON
THAT. YOU JUST GO SIT OVER THERE. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU TAKE CARE OF IT?
>> NO, I LEFT. I NEVER TOOK CARE OF ANYTHING.
OF COURSE NOT. WHAT CAN I TAKE CARE OF.
>> IF ALL OF YOU NEW LAURA, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: THIS SHOW IS VERY FUNNY.
THE IDEA OF THE SHOW IS THREE SIBLINGS VERY DIFFERENT
FINANCIAL SITUATIONS.
>> YES. ONE IS KIND OF STRUGGLING TO GET
BY. I'M KIND OF PLAYING THE BROTHER
WHO IS MIDDLE CLASS. AND THEN THERE IS A BROTHER, OUR
YOUNGER BROTHER WHO IS NOT ONLY IN THE 1%, HE JUST BOUGHT HIS
HOUSE FROM MATT DAMON. YOUR ARCHNEMESIS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. HE BOUGHT THE HOUSE FROM MATT
DAMON.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND THIS IS LIKE A BIG DEAL IN THE FAMILY.
>> THIS IS LIKE A RUNNING GAG ON OUR SHOW, BUT ALSO I THOUGHT HOW
GREAT THAT I'M COMING TO DO THE SHOW.
>> Jimmy: DOES MATT DAMON KNOW THAT YOU BOUGHT HIS HOUSE ON THE
SHOW?
>> WELL, YEAH, WE HAD TO CLEAR A CLIP FROM "WE BOUGHT A ZOO" FOR
THIS SHOW.
>> Jimmy: OH, NO, THAT'S NOT GOOD OMEN FOR THE SHOW.
>> I KNOW. I KNOW YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WHO DOESN'T? REALLY.
>> BUT HE ACTUALLY WAS WONDERFUL ABOUT IT.
AND I THINK HIS PEOPLE, BIG STAR LIKE THAT HE'S GOT SO MANY
PEOPLE AROUND HIM KIND OF SAID OH, YOU CAN'T GET IN TOUCH WITH
HIM. HE IS OFF SHOOTING A FILM IN IRELAND OR SOMETHING.
AND THEN THAT AFTERNOON HE CALLED AND SAID WE COULD USE IT.
IT WAS REALLY NICE OF HIM.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE HE HAS NOTHING TO DO, RIGHT? BECAUSE NOBODY ‐‐
>> I HAVE A GREAT MATT DAMON HOUSE STORY WITH YOU IN IT,
WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, WE ALL ASSUME THESE LATE NIGHT ‐‐ THESE
ARE ALL THE WRITER, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: SOME OF THEM ARE, YES. TWO OF THEM.
>> LATE NIGHT HOSTS HAVE THESE GREAT WRITERS AND MOLLY IS DOING
ALL OF IT, RIGHT. I WAS ALWAYS WONDERING HOW SHARP
REALLY ARE YOU IN PERSON. AND WE HAPPENED ‐‐ I KNOW HE'S
YOUR ENEMY, BUT YOU HAPPENED TO BE AT A BABY SHOWER THAT WE WENT
TO.
>> Jimmy: I WAS TOLD IT WAS A GOING AWAY PARTY.
>> WE BOTH ‐‐ WE HAD A MUTUAL FRIEND WHO WAS HAVING THEIR BABY
SHOWER AT MATT'S HOUSE.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> AND I WAS SITTING NEXT TO YOU.
I THINK YOU ONLY TOLD ME THIS JOKE AND I THOUGHT IT WAS THE
FUNNIEST THING I EVER HEARD. MATT GAVE A SPEECH WHERE HE SAID
WE'RE SO GLAD YOU WERE BORN TO THIS BABY.
AND WE WERE SITTING THERE LISTENING TO HIM.
IT'S REALLY A WONDERFUL DAY YOU WERE BORN.
AND YOU LEANED OVER TO ME AND SAID "GOD, HE'S GOT TO WORK BORN
INTO EVERYTHING."
>> Jimmy: THAT IS TRUE. HE IS VERY NEEDY.
HE IS VERY DESPERATE. AND I THINK HE IS WORKING AS AN
EXTRA ON "MARVEL" MOVIES NOW. IT'S VERY SAT.
HOW LONG SINCE "70s SHOW" WENT OFF THE AIR?
>> OH, I THINK IT WAS 15 YEARS.
>> Jimmy: 15 YEARS? HOLY COW.
ARE YOU LOOKING TO GET BECOME ON TV?
>> YOU KNOW, I'M ALWAYS OPEN TO STUFF THAT'S REALLY WELL WRITTEN
LIKE THIS SHOW, BUT NO, IT WASN'T SOMETHING I WAS LOOKING
TO DO. AND THEN I HAD DONE
""BLACKKLANSMAN" AND I WENT FROM PLAYING SOMEONE LIKE DAVID DUKE
TO PLAYING EVIL TECH WIZARD. AND SUDDENLY I WAS GETTING ONLY
SCRIPPS LIKE NEO‐NAZIS.
>> Jimmy: THE GRAND WIZARD TO THE TECH WIZARD.
>> I WAS THINKING MAYBE I WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR IN THAT 70s SHOW.
IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION. I LOVED DOING "THAT '70S SHOW."
I WANTED TO TRY LOTS OF THINGS. MAYBE I WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR IN
ONE DIRECTION. I WAS OPEN TO DOING THIS.
IT'S AS MUCH FUN AS IT LOOKS LIKE.
>> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT FUNNY HOW YOU PLAY A COUPLE OF THINGS
CONVINCINGLY, AND YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE GREAT WHITE SUPREMACIST?
TOPHER GRACE.
>> MY MOM IS THRILLED ABOUT IT.
>> Jimmy: WHAT PARENT WOULDN'T BE? WELL, I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS
SHOW. IT LOOKS VERY FUNNY. AND WE NEED ‐‐ YOU KNOW, WE NEED
SHOWS LIKE THIS HERE AT ABC. AND I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE
VERY HAPPY HERE, BECAUSE I THINK IT'S LIKE SIX YEARS IN YOU GET
LIKE A 10% DISCOUNT TO DISNEYLAND.
THERE ARE REALLY A LOT OF PERKS THAT GO ALONG WITH BEING A CAST
MEMBER AS YOU WOULD BE KNOWN. TOPHER GRACE "HOME ECONOMICS"
PREMIERES WEDNESDAY NIGHT 8:00 P.M. HERE ON ABC.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH ALL TIME LOW.
♪
>> Dicky: THE JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. IT'S TIME NOW FOR MUSIC.
THEIR ALBUM IS CALLED, "WAKE UP SUNSHINE."
WITH THE SONG "MONSTERS," ALL TIME LOW!
♪
♪ WHY DO ALL THE MONSTERS
COME OUT AT NIGHT WHY DO WE SLEEP WHERE
WE WANT TO HIDE♪
♪ WHY DO I RUN BACK TO YOU LIKE
I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE♪
♪ ANOTHER DAY
ANOTHER HEADACHE
IN THIS HANGOVER HOTEL GETTIN' USED TO THE RHYTHM ♪
♪ YEAH, I KNOW THIS
BEAT TOO WELL TUNNEL VISIONS GOT ME FEELING
LIKE YOU'RE THE ♪
♪ ONLY ONE I SEE
BUT I KNOW WHAT'S MISSING WHEN I'M SWIMMIN'
IN MY LONELY LUXURY ♪
♪ I'M WONDERING
WHY DO ALL THE MONSTERS COME OUT AT NIGHT
WHY DO WE SLEEP ♪
♪ WHERE WE WANT TO HIDE
WHY DO I RUN BACK TO YOU LIKE I DON'T MIND
IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ WHY AM I A SUCKER
FOR ALL YOUR LIES STRUNG OUT LIKE LAUNDRY
ON EVERY LINE ♪
♪ WHY DO I COME BACK TO YOU
LIKE I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ I'M ADDICTED TO THE WAY YOU
HURT, THE WAY YOU CONTRADICT ME, I THINK OF ALL THE THINGS, WHO I
MIGHT HURT ALONG THE WAY, LISTENING TO EVERY WORD, I DON'T
CARE ♪ TELL ME PRETTY LIES, LOOK ME IN
THE FACE, TELL ME THAT YOU LIKE ME EVEN IF IT'S FAKE ♪
BECAUSE YOU CAN LEAD ME ON AND LEAVE THESE QUESTIONS IN THE
SHEETS, MAKE MY BED ♪
♪ AND I'M STILL WONDERING WHY DO
ALL THE VOICES COME OUT AT NIGHT ♪ WHY DO I RUN BACK TO YOU♪
♪ LIKE I DON'T MIND
IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ WHY AM I A SUCKER FOR ALL OF
YOUR LIES,
♪ WHY DO I COME BACK TO YOU LIKE
I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ THINKING ABOUT YOUR YOU'RE IN
MY HEAD, EVEN WITHOUT YOU I STILL FEEL DEAD ♪
♪ WHY DO I RUN BACK TO YOU LIKE
I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ EVEN WITHOUT YOU YOU'RE IN MY
HEAD,
♪ WHY DO I COME BACK TO YOU
LIKE I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ I'M WONDERING WHY DO ALL THE
MONSTERS COME OUT AT NIGHT ♪
♪ WHY DO WE SLEEP WHERE WE WANT
TO HIDE ♪
♪ WHY DO I RUN BACK TO YOU LIKE
I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪ WHY AM I A SUCKER FOR ALL YOUR
LIES, STRUNG OUT LIKE LAUNDRY ON EVERY LINE ♪
♪ WHY DO I COME BACK TO YOU LIKE
I DON'T MIND IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
♪
♪ LIKE I DON'T MIND
IF YOU RUIN MY LIFE ♪
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ. THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK DAVID ALAN GRIER, TOPHER GRACE
AND ALL TIME LOW. APOLOGIES TO THE NOW HOMELESS
MATT DAMON. TOMORROW NIGHT, RAY ROMANO AND
ROMANY MALCO WILL JOIN US, WITH MUSIC FROM NESSA BARRETT AND
JAYDEN FEATURING TRAVIS BARKER. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
WATCH IT WHILE YOU FINISH THOSE PEEPS. THANKS FOR WATCHING.
GOOD NIGHT.