>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S
“JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE”!
TONIGHT ‐‐
RAY ROMANO.
ROMANY MALCO.
KEN BURNS.
AND MUSIC FROM NESSA BARRETT AND
JXDN FEATURING TRAVIS BARKER.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HI, HELLO, THERE.
I'M JIMMY.
I'M THE HOST.
THANKS FOR WATCHING OUR SHOW.
THANKS FOR REMAINING CONSCIOUS
OR SEMICONSCIOUS, WHICHEVER IT
IS.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS FOR A
CHANGE.
AS THE PRESIDENT, BIDEN
ANNOUNCED THAT, BY APRIL 19th,
EVERY ADULT IN THE COUNTRY WILL
BE ELIGIBLE TO GET THE VACCINE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU GET A SHOT AND YOU GET A
SHOT AND YOU GET A SHOT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU, PRESIDENT JOE‐PRAH!
[ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE TO SAY, THIS IS GOING TO
BE A SOLID PLAN.
GET VAXXED ON 4/19.
THEN YOU SMOKE IT UP ON 4/20.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THE TIMING IS BEAUTIFUL.
THIS VACCINE IS LIKE LOSING YOUR
VIRGINITY.
ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS DOES IT,
TELLS YOU ALL ABOUT IT.
IT'S EXCITING.
THEN ANOTHER ONE DOES.
TELLS YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE.
THEN THE MONTHS GO BY, AND ALL
OF A SUDDEN YOU REALIZE YOU'RE
THE ONLY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO
HASN'T BEEN POKED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU START IMAGINING IT ALL THE
TIME, WONDERING WHEN.
MAYBE YOU GET SO DESPERATE,
YOU'RE WILLING TO PAY FOR IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY
IS, THIS IS NOT MY FIRST RODEO.
I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
EVERY DAY, IT SEEMS LIKE WE
LEARN SOMETHING NEW THAT MAKES
SOME OF OUR BEHAVIOR OVER THE
PAST YEAR SEEM RIDICULOUS.
THE CDC NOW SAYS THE RISK OF
GETTING THE VIRUS FROM A SURFACE
THAT IS CONTAMINATED WITH COVID
IS LESS THAN 1 IN 10,000.
IN OTHER WORDS, THAT GUY AT YOUR
OFFICE WITH THE BIG JUG OF
GERMICIDE SPRAY?
HE'S FIRED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.
AND ALL THOSE CLOROX
DISINFECTANT WIPES WE HOARDED?
THE CDC SAYS THEY ARE NO BETTER
THAN REGULAR SOAP.
WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
LOOK AT LYSOL.
THE WORD “LIE” IS RIGHT THERE IN
THE NAME!
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO I GUESS THAT MEANS WE CAN GET
BACK TO LICKING SHOPPING CARTS
AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HERE IN CALIFORNIA, OUR
GOVERNOR, GAVIN NEWSOM, SAYS WE
NOW HAVE THE LOWEST POSITIVITY
RATE IN THE COUNTRY.
AFTER HAVING THE HIGHEST
POSITIVITY RATE.
AND THE PLAN IS TO HAVE THE
STATE TOTALLY RE‐OPENED BY
JUNE 15th.
THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS FOR
GOVERNOR NEWSOM.
THE BAD NEWS IS HE MAY HAVE A
HIGH‐PROFILE CHALLENGER IN THE
RECALL ELECTION.
NONE OTHER THAN CAITLYN JENNER.
THE OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST IS
SAID TO BE ACTIVELY EXPLORING A
RUN FOR GOVERNOR.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF ANYONE REPRESENTS CHANGE YOU
CAN BELIEVE IN ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S CAITLYN JENNER.
[ APPLAUSE ]
RUNNING AS A REPUBLICAN, WHAT'S
HER PLATFORM GOING TO BE?
BANNING HERSELF FROM WOMEN'S
RESTROOMS?
[ LAUGHTER ]
JENNER IS WORKING IS A ‐‐
WORKING WITH I GUESS A
CONSULTANT NAMED CARE LINE WREN
WHO IS A LONGTIME REPUBLICAN
FUNDRAISER WHO HELPED ORGANIZE
THE RALLY TRUMP HELD RIGHT
BEFORE THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK ON
THE CAPITOL.
SO, SHE'S IN GOOD HANDS.
MAYBE CAITLYN AND ARNOLD CAN
TEAM UP TOGETHER TO FORM
GOVERNOR SCHWARZEN‐JENNER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WOULD REALLY BE SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS HISTORIC.
SO WE MAY FINALLY HAVE A FEMALE
GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA.
AND IT'S CAITLYN JENNER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED.
THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND
HUMAN SERVICES CAME UP WITH A
CREATIVE WAY TO GET PEOPLE
EXCITED ABOUT COVID SAFETY.
THEY'RE HOSTING A COMPETITION
CALLED THE “MASK INNOVATION
CHALLENGE.”
THIS IS A CONTEST, ANYONE CAN
ENTER.
ENTER YOUR MASK IDEA OR DESIGN.
THE WINNERS GET TO SPLIT A CASH
PRIZE OF $400,000.
THEY'VE BASICALLY TURNED THE
GOVERNMENT INTO AN EPISODE OF
“PROJECT RUNWAY.”
[ LAUGHTER ]
$400,000 IS A LOT OF MONEY.
AND SO WE GOT TO WORK TO TRY TO
WIN IT.
AND HERE IT IS, THE WINNING MASK
IDEA.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ‐‐
ALLOW ME TO PRESENT ‐‐ THE MASK
SHIRT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
VERY BAZOOKA JOE.
YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO PUT YOUR
MASK ON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY
WEARING THE MASK AT ALL TIMES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HOW DOES IT FEEL, GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: GREAT.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU FEEL SAFE FROM
COVID?
>> Guillermo: VERY SAFE, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: YOU HEARD IT.
MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO
“JAMES C. KIMMEL.”
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
I HAVE TO SAY, I LOVE THIS
CONTEST.
THE BEST IDEAS ALWAYS COME ABOUT
A YEAR TOO LATE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU COULD ALSO WEAR IT UPSIDE
DOWN.
IT COULD BE UNDERPANTS TOO,
RIGHT?
>> Guillermo: YEAH, YEAH, I
THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN
TAKE THAT DOWN NOW.
COLORADO HAS A FUN CONTEST GOING
ON.
THE STATE OF COLORADO IS
AUCTIONING OFF MARIJUANA‐THEMED
LICENSE PLATES.
THEY'RE PERSONALIZED PLATES.
THE PROCEEDS GO TO CHARITY.
AND THE PLATES HAVE POT‐RELATED
WORDS ON THEM, LIKE “HEMP” AND
“GANJA.”
TWO OF THE OFFERINGS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS THE AUCTION THAT FINALLY
ANSWERS THE QUESTION, HOW BAKED
DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO BID
$8,000 ON A LICENSE PLATE THAT
SAYS "BONG" ON IT?
THEY REALLY WILL GO TO THE
HIGHEST BIDDER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE ARE ONLY 14 PLATES
AVAILABLE.
IT'S A LIMITED EDITION.
MOST OF THE WORDS MAKE SENSE,
LIKE “INDICA,” “SATIVA.”
BUT THEN THERE'S THIS ONE.
ONE OF THE WORDS IS "HAPPY."
REALLY?
HAPPY IS A WORD FOR DRUGS NOW?
AND IF THAT'S THE CASE, WHO'S
GOING TO TELL THIS GUY?
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE ALWAYS SUSPECTED HE WAS ON
SOMETHING.
WE HAVE A NEW NATIONAL CHAMPION
IN COLLEGE BASKETBALL FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS.
BAYLOR BESTED THE FICTITIOUS
UNIVERSITY KNOWN AS "GONZAGA" TO
WIN THEIR FIRST‐EVER MEN'S
BASKETBALL TITLE LAST NIGHT.
THEY OPENED A SPOKANE OF
WHOOP‐ASS ON THEM.
YOU KNOW, I MAKE FUN OF GONZAGA,
BUT THEY DESERVE A LOT OF CREDIT
FOR MAKING IT TO THE FINALS.
ESPECIALLY WHEN ALL THEIR
PLAYERS LOOK LIKE EXTRAS FROM
“BOOGIE NIGHTS.”
[ LAUGHTER ]
GONZAGA WAS UNDEFEATED GOING IN.
BUT WHEN THEY GOT TO THE END,
THEY LOST.
BECAUSE THEY HAD TO LOSE.
YOU UNDERSTAND THEY COULDN'T
WIN, RIGHT?
IT WOULD BLOW THEIR COVER.
WHERE IS A SCHOOL THAT DOESN'T
EXIST SUPPOSED TO PUT A TROPHY?
THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE SHELVES!
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE BIG COVER‐UP CONTINUES FOR
ANOTHER YEAR.
GONZAGANON!
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WAS A BIG DAY OF SPORTS FOR
TEXAS.
BESIDES BAYLOR, THE RANGERS HAD
A HOME OPENER AGAINST THE BLUE
JAYS.
IN FRONT OF A SOLD‐OUT CROWD.
MORE THAN 38,000 POTENTIAL
INFECTEES CRAMMED INTO ‐‐ LOOK
AT THAT.
THEY JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO PEE
IN A TROUGH AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WAS THE FIRST SPORTING EVENT
IN NORTH AMERICA WITHOUT
CROWD SIZE RESTRICTIONS.
MANY OF THE FANS WERE DEFIANTLY
MASKLESS.
I LIKE THAT ADULT MEN WILL GO TO
A BASEBALL STADIUM AND WEAR A
GLOVE THE WHOLE GAME, FOR THE
1 IN 98,000 CHANCE THEY MIGHT
CATCH A FOUL BALL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT MASK?
NO WAY, OUT OF THE QUESTION!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
ACTUALLY, A VERY CLEVER THING.
YOU KNOW HOW THEY KEPT THE VIRUS
AWAY?
THEY DID THE WAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY FANNED IT ALL THE WAY TO
ARKANSAS.
OUR FORMER PRESIDENT POPPED UP
ON NEWSMAX TODAY, WHERE HE
ENCOURAGED MAGA‐HEADS TO BOYCOTT
BASEBALL, AND WARNED AGAINST
WOKENESS.
AND ALSO, THIS IS THE MOVE, NOW
THAT THINGS ARE GOING WELL, THEY
CAN'T POSSIBLY CREDIT JOE BIDEN
FOR TURNING THE COUNTRY AROUND.
SO TRUMP AND COMPANY LIKE TO SAY
SOMEONE ELSE MUST BE RUNNING THE
COUNTRY.
>> I THINK OTHER PEOPLE ARE
MAKING MOST OF THE DECISIONS,
BUT I MAY BE WRONG ABOUT THAT, I
DON'T KNOW.
LOOK, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM
VERY WELL.
BUT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
SOMEBODY'S MAKING DECISIONS.
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
BERNIE SANDERS, IF HE EVER WON,
HE WOULD NEVER HAVE GONE
ANYWHERE NEAR THIS.
HE CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT'S GOING
ON.
THIS IS BERNIE SANDERS ON
STEROIDS.
OUR COUNTRY'S BECOMING A
SOCIALIST NATION.
THIS IS BERNIE SANDERS ON
STEROIDS.
>> Jimmy: BERNIE SANDERS ON
STEROIDS.
I WONDER WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK
LIKE?
OH, RIGHT?
NOT BAD AT ALL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HE'S FEELING THE BURN IN THE
GYM.
LAST NIGHT, I TURNED ON PBS.
I KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD
STILL DO THAT EITHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DID, I TURNED IT ON.
THE MINUTE I TURNED IT ON, THE
DOORBELL RANG AND A TOTEBAG
SHOWED UP.
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS WATCHING, I WAS WATCHING
THE NEW KEN BURNS DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT ERNEST HEMINGWAY.
HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING THIS,
GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: NO, NO.
>> Jimmy: NOT INTERESTED?
>> Guillermo: NOT INTERESTED AT
ALL.
>> Jimmy: I JUST NOTICED IT SAYS
"MASK SHIRT" ON IT.
BECAUSE WE WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN
FROM THE THING, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Guillermo: NO.
>> Jimmy: ANYWAY.
OH, JOINING US NOW FROM HIS
TOP‐SECRET HIDEOUT IN WALPOLE,
NEW HAMPSHIRE, PLEASE WELCOME
THE MAN HIMSELF, THE MULTI EMMY
AWARD WINNING FILMMAKER KEN
BURNS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: THANKS FOR JOINING US.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: I REALLY ENJOY ‐‐ I'VE
BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING
THIS DOCUMENTARY.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY IS ONE OF THOSE
GUYS THAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW
ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.
THEN TO SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS
WHERE YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT HIM
IS REALLY AMAZING AND SURPRISING
TOO.
>> HE'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
AMERICAN WRITER IN THE 20th
CENTURY BY FAR.
BUT HE'S GOT THIS OUTSIZED
MYTHOLOGY OF THE BIG GAME
HUNTER, THE DEEP SEA FISHERMAN,
THE NATURALIST, THE BRAWLER, THE
DRINKER, THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.
IT'S REALLY A MASK THAT BETRAYS
A LOT OF VULNERABILITY AND
SENSITIVITY, AND THAT'S WHY HIS
WRITING IS SO GOOD.
BUT WE HAD TO SPEND SIX YEARS
TRYING TO GET THROUGH THAT MASK.
>> Jimmy: I WAS SURPRISED TO
LEARN HE WAS SHY AROUND WOMEN.
>> YEAH, IN THE VERY BEGINNING.
I THINK IN SOME WAYS, THE WAY HE
SABOTAGED HIS OWN FOUR MARRIAGES
AND OTHER STUFF, I THINK HE WAS
PRETTY ANXIOUS ABOUT IT STILL.
HE WAS INTO A KIND OF GENDER
FLUIDITY.
HE WANTED HIS WIVES TO CUT THEIR
HAIR SHORT AND LOOK LIKE BOYS,
HE WOULD GROW HIS HAIR WRONG,
AND THEN ‐‐
>> Jimmy: AND THEN WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND THEN THEY WOULD FOOL
AROUND.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN ASSUME THE
POSITION!
>> ASSUME THE POG, EXACTLY.
WE LEARNED MORE THAN I EVER
IMAGINED.
AND OF COURSE THE WRITING IS
JUST SO GOOD AND ENDURING AND IT
WILL BE AROUND 1,000 YEARS FROM
NOW.
>> Jimmy: SO MANY GREAT ACTORS
PARTICIPATING AND PLAYING
VARIOUS ROLES, DOING VOICE‐OVER.
ARE YOU WORKING ON A DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT COVID YET?
SOMEBODY HAS TO GET ON THAT,
RIGHT?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, WE LIKE TO
HAVE PERSPECTIVE.
PHILIP GRAHAM, WHO RAN "THE
WASHINGTON POST," SAID,
JOURNALISM IS THE FIRST ROUGH
DRAFT OF HISTORY.
BUT YOU DON'T TURN IN A ROUGH
DRAFT.
SO WE NEED ‐‐ WE USED TO SAY 20,
25 YEARS' DISTANCE.
BUT THE WAY THINGS ARE SO FAST,
WE NEED AT LEAST FIVE OR SIX OR
SEVEN YEARS BEFORE WE CAN LOOK
BACK AND TRY TO COME TO TERMS
WITH NOT JUST COVID, BUT THE
RACIAL RECKONING, THE "ME TOO"
MOVEMENT, INSURRECTION.
THIS IS AS GREAT A CRISIS AS
WE'VE FACED AS A COUNTRY, ALONG
WITH THE CIVIL WAR, DEPRESSION,
AND WORLD WAR II.
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU DO THAT, IF
YOU WANT TO USE ANY FOOTAGE OF
THE MASK SHIRT, OR ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ‐‐ MAYBE INCLUDING THE
MASK SHIRT IT IN, WE'D BE VERY,
VERY HAPPY TO GIVE YOU THAT
GRATIS, FREE OF CHARGE, NO WILL
BE NO LICENSING FEE AT ALL.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, THAT IS SO
KIND OF YOU.
>> Jimmy: KEN, I KNOW IN
ADDITION TO HEMINGWAY, YOU HAVE
ANOTHER PROJECT THAT YOU'RE
WORKING ON RIGHT NOW.
SOMETHING THAT'S VERY PERSONAL
TO YOU.
>> IT IS.
>> Jimmy: GO AHEAD.
>> NO, IT IS PERSONAL TO ME.
IT'S GROWN OUT OF MANY THINGS.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> YOU KNOW, IT MEANS A LOT TO
ME.
AND THANK YOU FOR THINKING ABOUT
THAT.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR BRINGING
US THIS EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW OF KEN
BURNS' NEXT DOCUMENTARY, TAKE A
LOOK.
>> BENJAMIN FRANKLIN ONCE SAID,
COUNT ON IN THIS LIFETIME. CAN ‐
DEATH, TAXES, AND KEN BURNS'
BOWL CUT.
FOR 66 YEARS, THOSE WORDS RANG
TRUE.
WARS WERE WON AND LOST.
SOCIETIES ROSE AND FELL.
BUT KEN BURNS' PERKY BOB SERVED
AS A SYMBOL OF AMERICAN
RESILIENCE.
UNTIL 2020.
WHEN THE WORLD CHANGED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
PBS AND PANTENE PROV PRESENT
"HAIR I AM."
DURING THE CIVIL WAR, FINNEAS
CUTHBERT BURNS WAS SHOOTING HIS
MUSKET WHEN IT BACKFIRED,
PERFECTLY SINGEING HIS HAIRLINE
INTO ITS NOW‐ICONIC SHAPE.
FINNEAS SAW IT AS A SIGN OF GOOD
LUCK, AND FOUR GENERATIONS OF
BURNS HAVE CARRIED HIS LEGACY ON
THEIR HEADS.
UNTIL ONE BLUSTERY NEW HAMPSHIRE
AFTERNOON IN THE SPRING OF 2020.
>> I WAS WATCHING A BILLY RAY
CYRUS TIKTOK.
AND IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS HAVING
SO MUCH FUN WITH THAT WIND‐SWEPT
HAIR.
AND I THOUGHT, I'D LIKE TO HAVE
FUN WITH MY HAIR TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ON JULY 17th OF THAT YEAR,
KEN RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIS
BARBER.
"DEAREST KENNETH, MY HEART IS
MADE HEAVY BY YOUR ABSENCE THESE
PAST SIX MONTHS.
BUT I KEEP A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR
AS REMEMBRANCE IN THE HOPE THAT
ONE DAY YOU WILL RETURN TO ME SO
I CAN PLACE THE BURNS FAMILY
BOWL BACK ON YOUR HEAD AND CUT
AROUND IT WITH MY SCISSORS, JUST
AS MY FATHER AND GRANDFATHER DID
BEFORE ME.
"LOCKS" OF LOVE, LOU."
>> COMING UP, KEN BURN FACES THE
FRIZZIES.
>> AAH!
>> WHEN "HAIR I AM" RETURNS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, KEN.
I THINK THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE
ANOTHER WINNER.
KEN BURNS' "HEMINGWAY" AIRS ON
PBS.
GET THE ARP, WATCH IT ON TV
THROUGH APRIL 7th.
ALL THREE EPISODES ARE STREAMING
AT PBS.ORG.
THANK YOU, KEN BURNS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'VE GOT A FUN SHOW WITH ROMANY
MALCO, MUSIC FROM NESSA BARRETT
AND JADEN WITH TRAVIS BARKER,
AND BE RIGHT BACK WITH RAY
ROMANO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: NICE.
WELL, THERE YOU GO.
I THOUGHT IT NEEDED SOME
CUSTOMIZATION.
SHOWS YOU HOW MANY DIFFERENT
OPPORTUNITIES THERE ARE WITH A
MASK SHIRT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
TONIGHT, FROM “A MILLION LITTLE
THINGS” HERE ON ABC.
ROMANY MALCO IS WITH US.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEN LATER, TWO TIKTOKERS AND
ONE TRAVIS.
THE SONG IS CALLED
“LA DEE DIE.”
MUSIC FROM NESSA BARRETT,
JADEN AND TRAVIS BARKER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
TOMORROW NIGHT, LUKE BRYAN AND
KATEY SAGAL WILL JOIN US.
AND ON THURSDAY, MARK WAHLBERG,
HUNTER BIDEN, AND MUSIC FROM THE
WALLFLOWERS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US FOR ALL THAT.
OUR FIRST GUEST IS A GREAT ACTOR
AND COMEDIAN WHO IS IN LOVE WITH
A SIMPLE SEX DOLL NAMED DIANE IN
THE NEW SCI‐FI COMEDRAMA “MADE
FOR LOVE.”
>> NEED YOU TO PAY A LITTLE MORE
RESPECT TO DIANE.
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
SHE'S PART OF THE FAMILY.
>> ENLIGHTEN ME ON HOW THIS
WORKS.
DO YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF HER
FOOD AND PRETEND SHE ATE IT?
OH ‐‐ IS IT RUINED IF I DO IT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: MADE FOR LOVE" IS ON
HBO MAX NOW.
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO RAY ROMANO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HELLO, RAY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> HEY, I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, BEEN
AWHILE.
>> Jimmy: ONCE AGAIN, RAY, YOU
DID IT.
YOU'RE IN ANOTHER REALLY GREAT
SHOW AND A WEIRD SHOW.
A VERY STRANGE SHOW.
>> OF COURSE I'M IN A SHOW.
I CAN'T ‐‐ ISN'T IT SAD THAT I
HAVE TO ‐‐ I NEED THE ATTENTION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IF MY
FATHER HUGGED ME ONCE, YOU WOULD
NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT YEAH, I GOT A ‐‐ I FELL INTO
A GOOD SHOW.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL.
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY DID.
AND YOU PLAY, AS WE JUST SAW
THERE, A DAD WHO'S IN LOVE WITH
A DOLL.
THAT'S JUST A SMALL PART OF THE
STORY, REALLY.
IT'S A WHOLE CRAZY THING GOING
ON.
>> YEAH.
YEAH, THERE'S A LOT GOING ON.
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY AGENT TOLD ME
IT'S A SHOW, AT THE END OF THE
FIRST EPISODE YOUR DAUGHTER
WALKS IN ON YOU, YOU'RE IN BED
WITH A DOLL.
YOU KNOW, I SAID ‐‐ FIRST OF
ALL, I SAID, "I'M IN."
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEN I SAID, "LET ME READ IT."
THEY GAVE ME SEVEN EPISODES.
THEY ACTUALLY GAVE ME SEVEN
EPISODES TO READ.
AND IT'S SO MUCH MORE.
YEAH, IT'S A SCI‐FI, IT'S A
THRILLER, IT'S ABOUT LOVE AND
DIVORCE AND A FATHER AND A
DAUGHTER, AND THERE'S COMEDY.
BUT THERE'S SOME DRAMA.
THERE'S SOME DRAMA IN THERE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, FOR SURE.
>> AND THERE'S A ‐‐ I HAVE A
SYNTHETIC PARTNER.
THAT'S WHAT WE CALL HIM,
SYNTHETIC PARTNER.
>> Jimmy: DID THEY BUILD YOUR
SYNTHETIC PARTNER SPECIFICALLY
FOR YOU?
OR WAS THIS SOMETHING THAT WAS
AT A PROP HOUSE?
>> NO, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH
RUBBER FOR THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE ODD STORY IS THAT THEY HAVE
TO MODEL THE FACE AFTER A
REAL‐LIFE MODEL.
A WOMAN.
WHEN THEY MAKE THESE IN REAL
LIFE.
BUT NOW FOR TELEVISION, YOU HAVE
TO BUY THE RIGHTS TO THAT
PERSON'S FACE.
AND THAT'S QUITE EXPENSIVE.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE THAT IN
THE BUDGET.
SO THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK,
ALYSSA NUNNY, WHO WROTE THE BOOK
"MADE FOR LOVE," SHE OFFERED TO
DO HERSELF.
IT'S HER FACE ON THAT DOLL.
AND SHE WAS THERE EVERY DAY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
IT WAS WEIRD.
YEAH.
I SAID TO HER AFTER ONE SCENE,
IS THIS WEIRD WATCHING YOU
THERE?
AND SHE SAID, NOT AS MUCH AS IT
SHOULD BE, NO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, BUT IT'S LIKE SHE ‐‐ SHE'S
THERE, AND SHE'S THERE.
>> Jimmy: WHO DO YOU THINK IT'S
WEIRDER FOR, YOU OR HER?
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WAS WEIRD.
THE VERY FIRST SCENE IS ‐‐ MY
DAUGHTER WALKS IN ON ME.
I HAVEN'T SEEN MY DAUGHTER IN
TEN YEARS.
AND I'M IN BED WITH THE DOLL.
I'LL TRY AND CLEAN THIS UP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M UNDER THE COVERS.
AND I'M ON THE LOWER HALF OF THE
BED, OKAY?
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT.
SO MY DAUGHTER WALKS IN AND JUST
SEES UNDER THE COVERS THERE'S
SOME ‐‐ OKAY.
SO WHEN WE FILMED THAT, YOU
KNOW, WHEN THEY FILM SOMETHING
THEY SAY, ROLLING!
THEN THE NEXT THING IS ACTION!
SO IN ROLLING, EVERYBODY GETS IN
POSITION.
SO THEY SAID, ROLLING!
SO I GOT UNDER COVERS.
I'M UNDER THE COVERS.
AND FOR WHATEVER REASON, IT TOOK
A LITTLE ‐‐ IT TOOK LONGER THAN
NORMAL TO SAY ACTION.
IT TOOK ALMOST A MINUTE AND A
HALF.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING
TECHNICALLY.
FOR A MINUTE AND A HALF IT WAS
JUST ME UNDER THE COVERS.
AND I WAS JUST THERE LOOKING AT
THE BOTTOM HALF OF THIS DOLL.
AND AGAIN, I JUST THOUGHT ‐‐ ONE
HUG, JUST ONE HUG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND I'M NOT IN THIS POSITION.
BUT SO BE IT.
>> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF YOUR NEED
FOR ATTENTION, HAVE YOU BEEN
DOING STANDUP?
HAVE YOU BEEN GOING ON STAGE?
>> I ACTUALLY WENT ON THE FIRST
TIME AT THE COMEDY CELLAR LAST
NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 14
MONTHS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: FIRST TIME IN 14
MONTHS.
HOW DID THAT FEEL?
>> IT FELT GOOD.
I WAS ACTUALLY NERVOUS.
I'VE BEEN DOING STANDUP FOR SO
LONG.
AND IT WAS NERVE‐RACKING.
AGAIN, ONLY AT 30%.
MY PULSE RATE ‐‐ I HAVE THE
NEW ‐‐ THE APPLE WATCH.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
>> BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET TO MY
AGE, YOU WANT TO JUST KNOW
YOU'RE STILL BEATING, YOUR
HEART'S STILL BEATING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MY PULSE RATE WENT UP.
IT WENT UP, BUT IT WAS FUN.
IT WAS FUN.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU NOTICE AN
ACTUAL SPIKE IN YOUR PULSE ON
THE APPLE WATCH AFTER YOU DID
STANDUP?
>> I DID.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS ‐‐ I'VE
NEVER TAKEN MY PULSE AFTER A
SET.
BUT NOW WITH THE ‐‐ YOU KNOW, I
TOOK MY PULSE, MY BLOOD OXYGEN
LEVEL, I CAN TAKE AN EKG RIGHT
NOW.
MY PULSE IS PROBABLY UP RIGHT
NOW BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A
TALK SHOW IN A WHILE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IT WOULD
BE?
>> Jimmy: LET'S SEE.
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
MAYBE 85?
>> IT'S 104.
>> Jimmy: OH, NO!
>> YEAH.
BUT YOU NEED TO GET ONE.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
YOU DON'T NEED TO GET ONE YET.
>> Jimmy: I HAVE ONE.
YOU KNOW.
>> DO YOU?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> IT'S SAD.
I WAS A CASIO GUY FOR THE WHOLE
TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS.
A CASIO GUY MY WHOLE LIFE, A $12
WATCH GUY.
NOW I HAVE TO GET THIS AND FIND
OUT EVERY ‐‐ IT TELLS ME TO
STAND UP, IT'S A PAIN IN THE
ASS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S ANNOYING.
WHAT HAS BEEN FOR YOU THE BEST
THING AND THE WORST THING ABOUT
LOCKDOWN, ABOUT BEING CONFINED
TO YOUR HOME?
>> WELL, ONE OF THE GOOD THINGS
WAS I FOUND OUT DURING LOCKDOWN,
NOT SHOWERING FOR FOUR DAYS IS
NOT THAT DIFFERENT THAN FIVE
DAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE GROSS, THE GROSS FACTOR
LEVELS OUT.
IT FLATTENS OUT AFTER FOUR.
>> Jimmy: SO THAT WAS THE BEST
THING, HUH?
>> THAT WAS THE BEST THING.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE WORST THING WAS ZOOMING.
I HAD TO LEARN ABOUT THE INS AND
OUTS OF ZOOMING.
I DID A ZOOM WITH A BUNCH OF
FRIENDS.
AND IT WASN'T TILL AFTER THAT I
REALIZED ‐‐ I'LL TRY TO CLEAN
THIS UP TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN YOU PASS WIND ON ZOOM.
>> Jimmy: YEAH?
>> YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT, I DON'T
CARE, THEY DON'T KNOW.
AND THEN MY FRIEND TOLD ME
AFTER, DUDE, YOUR BOX LIGHTS UP.
WHEN THERE'S A NOISE, YOU LIGHT
UP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, SO I LOST ABOUT NINE
FRIENDS IN LOCKDOWN.
>> Jimmy: THEN THEY WEREN'T
REALLY YOUR FRIENDS ANYWAY.
>> NO, YEAH, COME ON.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE ARE
GOING TO TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, RAY ROMANO
HAS A TALENT THAT ‐‐ I'VE KNOWN
RAY FOR QUITE SOME TIME, I DID
NOT KNOW YOU HAD THIS TALENT.
WE'RE GOING TO PUT THIS GIFT TO
THE TEST WHEN WE COME BACK.
RAY ROMANO IS WITH US.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU
BY BODY ARMOR SPORTS DRINK.
THE HARD‐WORKING HYDRATION
NEEDED TO GO FOR GOLD.
>> Jimmy: ROMANY MALCO IS ON THE
WAY.
RAY ROMANO IS WITH US.
I MENTIONED BEFORE THE BREAK,
RAY HAS A GIFT.
THAT GIFT IS WHAT, RAY?
>> I CAN TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT
A PERSON IF THEIR NAME IS "RAY."
I KNOW A "RAY" WHEN I SEE ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: JUST BY LOOKING, JUST
BY CASTING EYES ON THAT PERSON,
MAYBE ASKING A QUESTION OR TWO,
YOU KNOW IF IT IS A FELLOW RAY
OR NOT.
>> YES.
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE THREE
PEDESTRIANS LINED UP ON
HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.
ONE OF THESE PEOPLE IS NAMED
RAY.
RAY, YOUR JOB IS TO FIND THE RAY
IN A GAME WE CALL "RAY‐DAR."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GROUP.
>> OKAY, THE SIMPLE FIRST GO‐TO
QUESTION, I NEED TO KNOW THEIR
LAST NAME.
I GOT TO SEE HOW IT FLOWS.
IF IT FLOWS ‐‐ GO AHEAD.
>> Jimmy: CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE,
LAST NAME.
>> MY LAST NAME IS MIRZABEGIAN.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
NUMBER TWO?
>> BUSHERO.
>> I THINK HE CAN GO HOME.
NO, NO, SECOND ONE ACTION SORRY.
I DIDN'T HEAR THE SECOND ONE.
>> BUSHERO.
>> STICK AROUND.
>> Jimmy: AND?
>> HIDEAMMAN.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO EVEN ATTEMPT
TO REBOAT THOSE LAST NAMES TO
YOU, RAY.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO ELIMINATE
NUMBER ONE YET.
OKAY.
LET'S GO THIS WAY.
HAS ANYONE EVER GIVEN YOU A
NICKNAME THAT STARTED WITH
"SUGAR"?
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: THREE NOES.
>> OKAY.
THIS IS THE TELLTALE OF ALL
TELLTALES.
I NEED TO SEE THEM DANCE.
IF THEY CAN ALL DO THEIR BEST
DANCE MOVE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY.
>> YES.
THEIR BEST DANCE MOVE.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
RAYS, COMMENCE DANCING.
>> JUST ONE DANCE MOVE IS ALL I
NEED.
YEAH, WOW.
WOW.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE ALL
SURPRISINGLY GOOD.
♪
>> I HATE TO TELL YOU.
>> Jimmy: ONE OF THEM LOOKS LIKE
HE TAUGHT AT THE ARTHUR MURRAY
SCHOOL FOR A WHILE.
>> I HATE TO TELL YOU, THEY
COULD ALL BE RAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M GOING TO GO WITH TWO.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE GOING TO GO
WITH NUMBER TWO.
NUMBER TWO, WHAT IS YOUR FIRST
NAME?
>> MY FIRST NAME IS RICHARD.
>> Jimmy: RICHARD.
NO.
>> THAT'S MY BROTHER, THAT'S MY
BROTHER'S NAME.
>> Jimmy: VERY CLOSE.
YOUR SECOND‐GUESS?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO GO
AGAINST WHAT I THOUGHT AND GO
WITH ONE.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE GOING WITH
NUMBER ONE.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
>> MY NAME IS RAY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: HIS NAME IS RAY.
ALL RIGHT, RAYS.
WE'VE GOT RAY, RICHARD, WHAT'S
THE THIRD GUY'S NAME?
>> MICHAEL.
>> Jimmy: RAY, RICHARD, MICHAEL.
WE'VE GOT RAY GUNS FOR ALL OF
YOU AS A PRIZE FOR BEING PART OF
THIS, THERE YOU GO.
OH, LOOK AT THAT HANDSOME KID
DISTRIBUTING THE GUNS.
HE'LL BE SAFE FROM ANY KIND OF
HARM.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU WANT TO GUESS THAT KID'S
NAME?
>> ROMANO?
>> IS IT BRIAN?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, THAT WAS YOUR SON
MATT.
>> OH!
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
LET'S GET SOME NEW CONTESTANTS
IN THERE.
GIVE RAY ONE MORE CHANCE.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE.
WE'VE GOT A NEW GROUP OF PEOPLE.
AGAIN, WE JUST PULLED THESE
PEOPLE ‐‐ IT'S HARD TO FIND
SOMEBODY NAMED RAY OFF THE
STREET.
WHAT YOU DO IS YELL "RAY?"
SOMEBODY TURNS AROUND AND YOU
SAY, THERE'S THE GUY.
ALL RIGHT.
AGAIN, RAY.
>> HOW ABOUT THIS ONE AT A TIME,
COULD YOU EACH SAY "HELLO, MY
NAME IS RAY"?
I WANT TO SEE HOW CONVINCING
THAT SOUNDS.
>> Jimmy: NUMBER ONE, YOU GO
FIRST.
>> HELLO, MY NAME IS RAY.
>> Jimmy: NUMBER TWO?
>> HELLO, MY NAME IS RAY.
>> Jimmy: I WASN'T CONVINCED BY
ANY OF THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M GOING TO NEED ANOTHER
QUESTION.
I'M GOING TO SEE ‐‐ OKAY.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD GET ME.
A RAY WOULDN'T KNOW THIS.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE WOMEN PEE
FROM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NUMBER ONE?
>> OH ‐‐ YES.
FROM THE BOTTOM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, YOU COULD BE A RAY.
YOU STICK AROUND.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NUMBER TWO?
>> I'VE SEEN IT MANY TIMES BUT I
DON'T THINK I CAN SAY IT ON TV.
>> Jimmy: HOW MANY TIMES?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU'VE SEEN IT MANY TIMES?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND NUMBER THREE?
>> THE URETHRA.
>> YEAH, HE'S OUT, HE'S OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M GOING TO GO WITH ONE AGAIN.
I HAVE TO GO WITH ONE.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE SAYING NUMBER
ONE?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: NUMBER ONE, WHAT IS
YOUR NAME?
>> RONNIE.
>> Jimmy: RONNIE!
YOU HAVE A BROTHER NAMED RONNIE?
NO?
>> RUSTY.
>> Jimmy: NUMBER TWO, WHAT IS
YOUR NAME?
>> DANNY.
>> WOW.
>> Jimmy: THAT LEAVES MR.
URETHRA.
>> THAT'S THE SMARTEST RAY IN
CALIFORNIA RIGHT THERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GOOD FOR YOU, SIR.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU A RAY?
>> YES, I AM A RAY, YES.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GUESS YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT THIS,
RAY, TURNS OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, I COULDN'T EVEN TELL MY
SON'S NAME.
>> Jimmy: RAY ROMANO.
HIS SHOW IS CALLED "MADE FOR
LOVE."
IT'S ON HBO MAX RIGHT NOW.
THANK YOU, RAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ROMANY
MALCO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: MUSIC FROM NESSA
BARRETT IS ON THE WAY.
20 YEARS AGO, WHEN I FIRST
SPOTTED OUR NEXT GUEST PLAYING
THE TITLE ROLE IN “TOO LEGIT:
THE MC HAMMER STORY,” I REMEMBER
THINKING, “THIS GUY IS LEGIT.
MAYBE EVEN TOO LEGIT.”
[ LAUGHTER ]
HIS SHOW, “A MILLION LITTLE
THINGS”, MOVES BACK TO
WEDNESDAYS STARTING TOMORROW
HERE ON ABC.
PLEASE SAY HELLO TO
ROMANY MALCO.
HEY, ROMANY, HOW ARE YOU?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHAT'S UP, HOW YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> YOU TOO, MY MAN, HOW YOU
DOING?
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
I KNOW YOU HAVE A LITTLE BABY IN
THE HOUSE, YES?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHOO, HEARTS ARE FULL, MAN.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
EVERY TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE,
I'M LATE TO SOMETHING, I'M LIKE,
I GOT PULLED OVER BY A BABY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HOW LONG AGO WAS HE
BORN?
>> HE WAS BORN GOING ON 2 1/2
MONTHS AGO.
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PANDEMIC.
DID THEY LET YOU IN THE DELIVERY
ROOM?
>> THEY DID, THEY DID.
A LOT OF PREPARATION.
BUT THEY EVENTUALLY CLEARED ME
TO BE IN THERE.
AND BOY.
IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WAS IT?
DID IT GIVE YOU A NEW
APPRECIATION FOR HUMANKIND?
AND WOMEN?
>> FAM, FAM.
I SAW THAT, I SAW THAT BABY COME
OUT OF THERE ‐‐
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WITNESSED THE NINE MONTHS OF
PREGNANCY.
THE BABY ‐‐ I CALLED MY MOM.
I WAS LIKE, MOM?
I ‐‐ THANK YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NO.
LIKE ‐‐ AND I REALLY TALK ABOUT,
YOU KNOW MOM, SERIOUSLY,
WITNESSING THE BIRTH, NOW BEING
THE PARENT, NOT BEING THE SON
BUT ACTUALLY HAVING THE CHILD,
YOU KNOW, LOOKING INTO THE
CHILD'S EYES, SEEING HOW THE
CHILD IS DEPENDANT ON US TO MAKE
SURE THAT IT'S SAFE.
I JUST LIKE, MOM, I ‐‐ I LOOK AT
THAT NOW AND REALIZE, I JUST ‐‐
I NEVER REALLY KNEW HOW MUCH YOU
GOT FROM ME, YOU ARE WELCOME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS VERY KIND OF
YOU TO DO THAT.
I THINK WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF
ROMANY AND CHILD.
[ APPLAUSE ]
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S A CUTE KID.
THE DAD'S CUTE TOO.
ARE YOU GOOD?
ARE YOU HELPING?
ARE YOU SKILLED?
>> I'M ‐‐ I'M ‐‐ I GO UP FRONT.
LIKE ‐‐ I'M DIFFERENT.
I INSIST ON CHANGING MY BABY'S
DIAPER.
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE IN THERE.
I WANT TO SEE IT ALL.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE ‐‐ LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I USED TO BE A BIG‐TIME HEALTH
NUT.
AND I BELIEVE POOP TELLS YOU
EVERYTHING YOU NEED T KNOW.
I KIND EV LIKE ‐‐ YEAH I'M
BASICALLY PALM READING MY BABY'S
POOP PARTNERSHIP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT KIND OF LETS ME KNOW IF HE'S
DIGESTING HIS FOOD RIGHT, IF
HE'S INGESTING EVERYTHING.
WHAT I'M SEEING, YOU KNOW, NOT
THAT I'M A FORTUNE TELLER OR
ANYTHING, BUT I'M GETTING THE
SENSE HE'S GOING TO BE A
PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE'S GOING TO MINOR IN ECONOMICS
AND MAJOR IN ART.
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'VE BEEN IN
CANADA TOO LONG IS I THINK
WHAT'S GOING ON.
>> YOU MIGHT HAVE A POINT.
>> Jimmy: YOU NAMED YOUR SON
BRAVE.
BRAVE IS HIS NAME?
>> YEP.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS A BOLD, MAYBE
EVEN BRAVE, THING TO DO.
MEAN, I WOULD THINK THAT WHEN
YOUR NAME IS BRAVE, YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO BEHAVE IN A CERTAIN
WAY FOR THE WHOLE REST OF YOUR
LIFE.
>> YOU KNOW ‐‐ THE WAY THAT WE
CAME UP WITH THE NAME, WE WERE
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE
CONVERSATION THAT WE WANTED TO
HAVE WITH OUR ‐‐ WITH OUR CHILD
OVER AND OVER.
HAVE IT TAKE ON NEW MEANING.
HONESTLY, WE KIND OF FELT LIKE
OFTEN PEOPLE THINK OF BRAVE AS,
YOU KNOW, THE DUDE HANGING OFF
THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING IN "DIE
HARD," RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT
BEING VULNERABLE, BEING HONEST,
TAKING OWNERSIP OF YOUR
MISTAKES, THAT ALSO INVOLVES
BRAVERY.
AND HOPEFULLY AS OUR CHILD
EVOLVES, WE'LL BE ABLE TO HAVE
THESE CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM.
AND THAT WAS HONESTLY THE REASON
THAT WE CHOSE THE NAME.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
BUT HOW'S HE GOING TO EXPLAIN
THAT TO THE KIDS ON THE LITTLE
LEAGUE TEAM?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'LL BE LIKE, BOY, YOU BETTER
JUMP.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DID YOU GET YOUR WIFE
A GIFT?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO NOW ‐‐ WHAT
DO THEY CALL IT?
YOU KNOW THAT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO ‐‐ A PUSH GIFT, A PUSH
PRESENT, SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
DID YOU DO THAT?
>> A PUSH DIFFERENT.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS
SUCH A THING AS A UR GIFT, THAT
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE A WOMAN
A GIFT FOR PUSHING THE BABY OUT.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> AND I WAS LIKE, WELL ‐‐ HOW
AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT ALL
THIS STUFF?
AND LITERALLY I HAD NO CLUE.
I WAS NOT AWARE.
SHE MADE ME AWARE OF IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD.
>> THE MINUTE ‐‐ THE MINUTE THE
BABY CAME OUT.
AND I'M LIKE, WAIT A MINUTE, I
PUSHED THE BABY IN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
YEAH, NO, THAT WAS THE GIFT.
>> YEAH, THERE'S NO GIFT FOR
THAT.
I ACTUALLY CONSULTED WITH HER
FRIENDS, INDIVIDUALLY AND
COLLECTIVELY, AND THERE REALLY
IS NO GIFT FOR PUSHING THE BABY
IN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, THERE'S NO GIFT.
NO GIFT AT ALL.
WHAT DID YOU GET?
DID YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING
GOOD?
>> WELL, WHAT DID I GET MY LADY?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YES.
>> WELL ‐‐ TO BE HONEST WITH
YOU, SHE'S GOTTEN SO MANY
THINGS, I FORGOT WHICH ONE WAS
THE PUSH GIFT.
SPEAKING OF WHAT DID YOU GET,
LIKE LISTEN.
FORGET ABOUT THE GIFTS THAT I
PURCHASED.
WE NOW HAVE ‐‐ OH, I KNOW WHAT I
GOT HER.
I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE NAME
BRAND.
I GOT HER AN SUV.
THAT'S WHAT I GOT HER.
>> Jimmy: AN SUV.
I DON'T KNOW ‐‐ THE CONNECTION
SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID "STD."
[ LAUGHTER ]
SUV IS WHAT YOU WERE SAYING.
I WAS LIKE, WHAT?
WOW.
>> I GOT HER A TOYOTA
HIGHLANDER.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID?
>> A HIGHLANDER, I GOT IT.
WHATEVER.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD GIFT.
SO NOW YOU GUYS ARE ‐‐ I WANTED
TO ASK YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.
I KNOW YOUR NAME, SOMETIMES
PEOPLE SAY "ROAM‐A‐NY" INSTEAD
OF ROM H‐MA‐NY."
>> I THINK THAT HONESTLY, NO ONE
REALLY HAS EVER BROWNSED MY NAME
CORRECTLY ANYWAY.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH?
>> IN FACT, PEOPLE TOLD ME ROME
LONG BEFORE THE SHOW CAME ALONG.
I GUESS ROMNEYNY WAS TOO COMPLEX
FOR THE NORTH AMERICAN TONGUE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> I GET CALLED ROME.
DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU ARE.
IF I'M IN AMERICA OR NORTH
AMERICA, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE
COMFORTABLE SAYING ROME.
THEY CAN'T SAY ROMANY.
IF I'M IN SOMEPLACE LIKE, SAY
LIKE PUERTO RICO, PEOPLE CALL ME
ROMANY WITH NO PROBLEM
WHATSOEVER.
TRINIDAD, I'M LIKE SOMEHOW
"YANKEE BOY."
[ LAUGHTER ]
OR ‐‐ YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IN UTAH, YOU'RE THE
SENATOR.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
KEVIN HART USED TO CALL ME MITCH
ROMANY.
>> Jimmy: JUST WHAT YOU NEED.
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY.
"A MILLION LITTLE THINGS" IS
WEDNESDAY NIGHT ON ABS.
ROMANY MALCO.
BE RIGHT BACK WITH NESSA
BARRETT, JXDN AND TRAVIS PARKER
TOO.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
MUSIC FROM NESSA BARRETT, JXDN
AND TRAVIS BARKER IS STILL TO
COME.
FOR MANY PEOPLE, THE PAST YEAR
WAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET BACK
IN TOUCH WITH PERSONAL FITNESS.
FOR GUILLERMO, IT WAS A CHANCE
TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS COUCH.
BUT THANKS TO HIS NEW PERSONAL
TRAINER, THAT'S ALL ABOUT TO
CHANGE.
>> Guillermo: IT'S TIME TO CALL
MY WORKOUT COACH.
>> YO, GUILLERMO.
>> Jimmy: HI, FIVE‐TIME WINNER
MOOKIE BETTS.
WHAT'S GOING ON, BRO?
>> Guillermo: I'M WORKING OUT
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I'M DOING IT
RIGHT.
CAN YOU HELP ME?
>> LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
>> Guillermo: THANK YOU, MOOKIE
BETTS!
IS THIS RIGHT?
>> NOT REALLY.
IT'S CALLED A PUSH "UP."
>> Guillermo: MOOKIE, IS THIS
RIGHT?
>> MAYBE TRY LOSING THE LADDER.
>> Guillermo: MOOKIE, IS THAT
RIGHT?
>> BRO, YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE HYDRATED, SOMETHING
BETTER FOR YOU WITH NATURAL
FLAVORS AND SWEETENS.
>> Guillermo: IS THIS RIGHT,
MOOKIE?
>> MOST DEFINITELY.
GUESS I SPOKE TOO SOON.
>> Dicky: HEAD TO
DRINKBODYARMOR.COM TO LEARN
MORE.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK
RAY ROMANO, ROMANY MALCO AND
MOOKIE BETTS AND KEN BURNS.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
WE RAN OUT OF TIME FOR HIM.
TOMORROW NIGHT, WE'LL HAVE
LUKE BRYAN AND KATEY SAGAL
JOINING US.
“NIGHTLINE” IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,
THE SONG IS CALLED “LA DI DIE”‐
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM JXDN AND
TRAVIS BARKER, NESSA BARRETT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ DOES IT RAIN IN CALIFORNIA
ONLY DREAM I'VE EVER KNOWN ♪
♪ WILL THEY LOVE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE FAMOUS
WILL YOU NEVER BE ALONE ♪
♪ HOPE SOMEDAY
I'LL FIND NIRVANA ♪
♪ I'LL BE LOOKING
DOWN BELOW ♪
♪ I'LL BE DEAD AT 27
ONLY 9 MORE YEARS GO ♪
♪ I GOT A BULLY
IN MY HEAD ♪
♪ FAKE LOVE
FAKE FRIENDS ♪
♪ I WAS BROKEN
WHEN YOU LEFT ♪
♪ NOW YOU HEAR ME
EVERYWHERE YOU GO ♪
♪ LA DA DI
OH LA DI DA
GONNA BE A SUPERSTAR ♪
♪ BE THE GIRL
YOU USED TO KNOW
PLAYIN ON THE RADIO ♪
♪ LA DA DI
OH LA DI DIE ♪
♪ LOVING ME
IS SUICIDE ♪
♪ I'M A DREAMER
I'M ON FIRE ♪
♪ LA DA DI
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ AHH OHH
♪ SAID I'M GOING TO
BE A ROCKSTAR YA ♪
♪ TOLD HER I
DON'T WANNA WAR YA ♪
♪ I DON'T SEE ME
GOING FAR YA ♪
♪ THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN I FALL APART ♪
♪ ALL OF ME WANTS
ALL OF YOU ♪
♪ BUT I'M FAR AWAY
AND I CAN'T CHOOSE ♪
♪ I GOT LOT OF LESSONS
THAT I NEED TO LEARN
GOT A LOT OF LESSONS ♪
♪ MY DEPRESSION
AND MISCONCEPTIONS ♪
♪ AND ALL THE MISTAKES
THAT LEAD TO LESSONS ♪
♪ MY DEPRESSION
IT MAKES ME QUESTION ♪
♪ MY DEPRESSION
IT MAKES ME QUESTION ♪
♪ LA DA DI
OH LA DI DA
GONNA BE A SUPERSTAR ♪
♪ BE THE GIRL
YOU USED TO KNOW
PLAYIN ON THE RADIO ♪
♪ LA DA DI
OH LA DI DIE
LOVING ME IS SUICIDE ♪
♪ I'M A DREAMER
I'M ON FIRE ♪
♪ LA DA DI
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ♪
♪
♪ DOES IT RAIN
IN CALIFORNIA ♪
♪ WHERE THE ANGELS
CRY FOR ME ♪
♪ WANT THE DRUGS
THAT TASTE LIKE CANDY ♪
♪ AND BLOOD DIAMONDS
IN MY TEETH ♪
♪ LA DA DI
OH LA DI DA
GONNA BE A SUPERSTAR ♪
♪ BE THE GIRL
YOU USED TO KNOW
PLAYIN ON THE RADIO ♪
♪ LA DA DI
OH LA DI DIE
LOVING ME IS SUICIDE ♪
♪ I'M A DREAMER
I'M ON FIRE ♪
♪ LA DA DI
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ♪
♪