Holly, hurry up! You're gonna be late for school!
(Holly) 'Yeah, okay!'
I thought I told you, when we're out of something
write it dow.. Oh-h-h!
What?
Y-your, uh, your shirt.
- What about it? - You need one.
It's the style. It's supposed to be this way.
Well, uh, how about you start a new trend?
Throw a big sweater on over that
and call it the I'm-not-naked look.
No, starting trends is just too much responsibility.
Like when I came up with that whole talk-to-the-hand thing
it got way out of control.
- You didn't start that. - Prove it.
Just go put some human-size clothes on, please.
Hey, I've got an idea.
Why don't I go see if I have something
in my Amish drawer?
[chuckles] Okay.
- Morning. You ready to go? - Give me a sec.
My clothes didn't pass the Val test.
Well, you know, you do have an excellent sense of style.
I mean, look at you. What-what are those, like, pants?
Yeah. They're back.
Fantastic!
Holly!
- 'Yeah?' - Gary's in a hurry.
- 'Hang on!' - Hey.
Can you be home by 7:00? I'm making meat loaf.
Oh, actually, I'm supposed to go out tonight.
So I'll probably just grab something then.
- 'Oh.' - I love meat loaf.
- Where are you going? Who with? - I don't know. Not sure.
Actually, I love any kind of loaf.
Can you be more specific?
Well, I love an onion loaf
an olive loaf, a turkey loaf--
Gary, why don't you go wait in the elevator?
- I'll be right behind ya. - Alright.
Hey, when you have more definite plans
make sure you leave me a note, okay?
- Okay. - 'And take your cell phone.'
I will!
- What? - Nothing.
You just sound like such a mom.
- I don't sound like a mom. - Whatever.
Oh, don't give me whatever. I invented whatever.
- No, you didn't. - Prove it.
I think this speaks for itself.
Whatever.
♪ I just wanna say life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪ ♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad of all that we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪ ♪ Hold on to me ♪
♪ And I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothing less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
- Here you go. - Mm.
Thank you for making me breakfast.
It's one of the small perks of managing a restaurant.
Plus, I had to get rid of those eggs.
Kidding. Hey, give me a taste.
Hm. So can you believe Holly said that?
She looked me right in the face and said, "You are such a mom."
I am so not a mom. Ooh, careful, hot.
[blows]
You should have seen her this morning.
She wanted to go to school half-naked
just because all of her friends do.
I mean, if all of her friends
wanted to jump off a bridge, I supp..
Oh, my God.
I do sound like a mom.
So what if you do? She's your little sister.
You're just looking out for her.
No, I said, "Jump off a bridge."
I used to hate hearing that when I was a kid.
Hm, I used to hate hearing
"Don't eat anything bigger than your head."
If I were Holly, I would want me to be more fun.
I'm-I'm being some, like, strict parent.
I don't know. I should be her cool older sister.
Hm. You know what cool older sisters do.
- Don't you? - What?
Let their boyfriends sleep over
at their apartments.
No.
So that's a yes?
[instrumental music]
[door opens]
Hey, you're up late.
Oh, hey, I didn't mean to wake you.
I'm just getting to bed right now.
[microwave bell dings]
What's that?
Um, that's the microwave telling me
it's time to get to bed.
Smells like popcorn.
How odd.
Hm. Nighty-night.
Hey, don't let me chase you off.
If you wanna stay up late, it's fine.
You don't mind that I'm up on a school night?
No. Why would I mind?
Have you met you?
I know I've been keeping you on a pretty short leash
but I want to change that.
- Really? Huh. - Yeah.
Don't you think I know what it's like to be 16?
Oh, I did some pretty crazy stuff in my day.
- You did? - Oh, yeah.
One time I ditched school
and drove all the way to Hartford for a Salt-N-Pepa show.
- Salt and pepper? - It's Pepa.
The point is, I want you to start having fun.
So from now on, think of me as your cool older sister.
Okay, does this mean you're gonna stop
checking my toothbrush to see if it's wet?
Hey, you only have to brush the ones you wanna keep.
But it's your mouth, and I'm gonna stay out of it.
- What are we watching? - Oh.
- I was watching infomercials. - '...with Hairgami..'
Hairgami.
Ooh! One tool, three-hundred ponytails.
Hey, you want to try something good?
[indistinct chatter on TV]
(man on TV) '...with just one Hairgami tool..'
[snorts]
[chuckles]
Amateur.
[instrumental music]
[chuckles] Hey, Val, wake up. You're gonna be late for work.
What?
Huh?
You got a little..
Oh. Oh. Heh-heh.
Oh, ooh. Why do I feel hung-over?
[chuckles] You're coming down off the sugar.
Need a fix?
- What? - Nothing.
Is my outfit a problem?
No. No. Why would it be a problem?
It was a problem yesterday.
Yesterday I wasn't this cool.
Okay, well, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then..
No, no, I am totally comfortable.
Fuzzy slippers are jealous of my comfort. Ha-ha.
Okay. If you're sure..
Hey, uh, I have an idea. What do you have first period?
- Uh, Algebra II. - Ooh, Algebra.
X plus Y, two trains leave the station..
Nobody uses that stuff in real life.
What if you blew it off? I'll take you to breakfast.
- Skip class? Are you serious? - Yeah. Whatever you want.
Okay, sweet. Let's do it.
Wait a second.
At this breakfast we're not gonna talk about
becoming a woman, again, are we?
[instrumental music]
And then, get this, after she took me to breakfast
all the bacon I could eat, she dropped me off at school.
So I told her I needed a note, and she signed a piece of paper
and said, "Make up anything you want."
- Oh, this is Val? - Val.
- Your Val? - Val!
I'm not believing this. Wait, so what did you write on the paper?
Uh, I said I had Clark Syndrome.
What's, what's that?
I invented it.
And it flares up on Fridays when the weather's nice.
[chuckles] Man, my parents would never let me miss a minute of school.
I mean, just once I would love to not get
the perfect attendance award.
And the ridicule that comes with it.
Gary, perfect attendance is something you should celebrate
and, ha-ha, be proud of.
Yeah, that's what it says on the sash.
Hey, Gary, you hungry?
- A little bit. - Eat this!
[explosion on video game] Aw, man!
I got beat by a girl with Clark Syndrome.
Hey, you know this new Val thing won't last.
It's way too good to be true.
I don't know. She seems way into it.
On the way home, she said damn.
- What? - Twice.
Man, you are living a dream, I mean, i-if I was you
I'd buy a motorcycle, travel the world
and drink five Cokes a day.
Gary, that's a lot of caffeine.
Yeah. It was a fool's dream.
[instrumental music]
No, uh, I got to be honest with you.
I thought I was gonna have a harder time with this.
You know, letting go, giving Holly more freedom.
But it just feels right.
Yeah, kind of like how I felt
when I took the lamb off the menu.
People looked at me weird, but I knew.
Communicating with a teenager is not that complicated.
Oh, I'd love to share my insights with others.
Maybe I'll write a book. Hm.
Hey, look. Holly left you a note.
Doesn't surprise me at all. Freedom promotes responsibility.
"Going to party on Long Island. Be back tomorrow."
"Back tomorrow?" That's it?
No, no, no. There's more.
"PS, we're out of juice."
Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?
Do not say, "Get more juice."
Then I got nothing.
What was she thinking?
Who is she with? Where is she going?
- Who am I calling? - Uh, her cell phone?
Yes, good, I will call her cell phone
and I will suggest in a firm, but cool way
that she get her little mini-skirted butt back here.
[cell phone ringing]
I'd leave this chapter out of your book.
[instrumental music]
- Let's be calm about this. - Oh, how can I be calm?
My 16-year-old sister is at a random party
somewhere on Long Island. I have no way of reaching her.
She's dressed like a Barbie doll
in clothes that would fit a Barbie doll!
Okay, okay, okay. L-let's start with the facts.
Okay? Here's what we know.
Holly forgot her cell phone and you're out of juice.
How can these clues help us?
- We've got to go get her. - How? She went to Long Island.
Not short, easy-to-find-people island.
Maybe the address to the party is on her e-mail.
Oh, you're gonna read her e-mail?
Isn't that kind of an invasion of privacy?
Oh, you didn't see her outfit.
I don't think she's very concerned with her privacy.
Oh, shoot. I need her password.
You know what I do? I use your birthday.
April 21st is your password?
- Uh-huh. - Oh.
Yeah, I cannot believe she would do this.
How are we gonna figure out where she is?
Would it be cheating if we read the flyer to the party?
Give me that!
[gasps] This is all the way out in Farm Country.
Wow. That's a long drive.
By the time we get back, it'll be really late.
I better crash here.
So that's a yes?
[instrumental music]
Whoo-hoo! Road trip, baby!
- How great is this? - Whoo!
Time to take one for the scrapbook.
- What scrapbook? - Time to start a scrapbook!
Okay!
[chuckling]
Man, I wish we had better tunes.
The only station we get is some bagpipe festival.
- Uh, who cares? Crank it! - Okay.
[bagpipe music on radio]
[music stops]
So what'd you tell your brother you're using his car for?
Oh, to deliver food to old people.
And that's what you told your parents?
Oh, no, no, no. They'd never believe that.
They think I'm at a jump-rope marathon
for the Heart Association.
They donated $30.
Gary, look out! There's something in the road!
Relax. It's just an old blanket.
[thudding]
Oh! Great. A flat.
[sighs]
Now what?
At least we got the radio.
(man on radio) 'And now, a selection of your favorite party tunes..'
'...from the 17th century.'
[classical music on radio]
[instrumental music]
We've been traveling for about 30 minutes
at an average speed of 60 miles an hour
so if we continue at this rate, and I convert it to metric..
Oh, damn. You do need this stuff in real life.
Don't worry about it. We'll find her.
[sighs] This is all my fault.
If I wasn't trying to be so cool
this never would've happened.
Oh, don't blame yourself.
She's just a kid. This is what kids do.
It's just like that time you ran off to Hartford
to see Salt-N-Pepa.
I never really did that.
It's just a story I tell people so they'll think I'm hip.
- Really? - Yeah. Why?
You do realize that in a fake story
you can say anything?
[instrumental music]
Oh, man! I don't believe this!
Uh, what, no jack?
No, my brother's gonna give everybody
gloves for Christmas again.
Can you give me a hand with these lug nuts? They're stuck.
Move over. Let a man take care of it.
[grunting]
Gary, move over. Come on.
[both grunting]
I'm okay. I'm okay. I scared myself a little bit.
- But I'm okay. - Thank God.
Do you have any oil or something
we can use to loosen them up with?
Well, let me check.
[car honks] Ah!
Ah, this ought to work.
When did Jiffy Pop start making pants?
[instrumental music]
What do you think is going on at the party right now?
Oh, they're probably listening to music, maybe dancing.
Oh, God. I hope they're not freak dancing.
What's freak dancing?
You know, that thing your mom's poodle does to your leg?
- Yeah. - It's like that.
But with music.
Uh, look, you have nothing to worry about, okay?
I've been to a million parties like this
when I was Holly's age.
- And? - And they're always the same.
You know, the girls are hanging out on one side of the room
the guys are hanging out on the other side.
- It's pretty boring. - Ah..
Till some guy named Chad shows up
with beer he got with a fake ID.
Then everyone starts drinkin'. The two sides merge.
Chad hits on Holly and tells her
he's thinking of becoming a pro tennis player.
She thinks he's cute 'cause he has the kind of hair
that looks perfect even when he does nothing to it.
He offers her a beer. Holly smiles at him.
[grunts] I'm gonna kill this Chad guy when I get my hands on him!
[instrumental music]
- What are you doing? - I'm gonna jack up the car.
That's not where it goes.
Didn't you watch the video in driver's ed?
You know me. Once the lights go out, so do I.
Move it.
Well, that just seems wrong.
Seems wrong they gave you a license, but here we are.
Uh, Holly, w-where's the spare?
Um, you just put it down right there..
Oh, no! There it goes down the embankment!
Well, maybe the fence will stop it.
[thuds]
And through the fence
and over the ditch and into the woods.
But I can't believe it rolled like that.
It's kind of its job.
I'll get it.
What?
I can't do it. I'm afraid.
- Of what? - Hoboes.
Hoboes? Do they even exist?
Girl, yeah. They're making a big comeback.
Gary, why would a hobo do anything to you?
Because they got nothing to lose.
Fine. I'll go get it, then.
Well, don't be tempted by their free-spirited lifestyle.
[instrumental music]
We have to be getting close.
That Chad guy better start runnin'.
Hey, why is my birthday written on your hand?
I think the real question is
why is mine not written on yours?
You know, you got a lot of guts.
Not everybody would walk down into a nest of hoboes.
I didn't see any down there.
[whispering] But they saw you.
What's that shiny thing up ahead?
Slow down. It's moving.
I-I think I'd better keep driving.
I saw something like this on the Sci-Fi channel once
and it did not end well for the humans.
Just pull over.
[engine revving]
- Val? - Hey! Are you alright?
Yeah, yeah. We got a flat tire. I am so glad to see you.
I'd imagine you are, considering you're stranded out here
dressed like a baked potato.
- Are you mad? - Damn right, I'm mad.
Uh, Gary, maybe you and I should because they and the..
[imitates cat growling]
Do you realize I had no idea where you were?
- Didn't you see the note? - Yeah, I saw the note.
And it had absolutely no useful information on it.
Why didn't you take your cell phone?
It wouldn't fit in my skirt.
You don't fit in your skirt.
What, what part of you thought it would be okay
for you to just leave like that?
What about our new arrangement?
Oh, come on, Holly, did you seriously think
you could just stay out all night
and I'd be okay with that?
Kinda, at the time.
- Yeah. - I don't believe that.
I think you knew you were taking advantage of me.
I thought you wanted me to have fun.
Are you having fun?
[sighs] Can we just go home?
[sighs]
At the risk of being too motherly..
We're good to go.
Come on. Let's just get out of here.
Hey! Hey! It's locked!
- Why is it locked? - The hoboes!
Hey, I got the keys! I got the keys!
It's got my keys! It's got my keys!
Ah! It won't stop!
- 'Aah!' - I can't hold it!
- Ah! - Ah!
Oh, my brother's gonna kill me!
- 'Hold it!' - Oh! Holly!
- Holly! - Holly!
[clamoring]
Let go!
[clamoring]
Let go!
[grunting]
I'm wearing the wrong shoes for this!
Holly.. Holly, let go! Let go!
[mumbles]
Oh, my God. It's heading down the embankment.
- Maybe that fence will stop it. - Don't count on it.
[car crashes]
And through the fence, over the ditch
and into the woods.
Oh, that tree will stop it.
[car crashes]
They got a car now.
There's gonna be hoboes dancin' tonight.
[instrumental music]
Hey. Why are you reading my math book?
Oh, just brushing up on metric conversions.
Never know.
I'm sorry I scared you last night.
- It'll never happen again. - Yeah.
It was kind of my fault, too.
I know it's hard to believe, but maybe I was a little too cool.
So maybe it's no one's fault.
No. It was mostly you.
Look, sit down.
You, you have to understand something.
You are my responsibility.
I can't just give you total freedom.
Yeah. Maybe I do need a little supervision.
I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a bit of a loose cannon.
I do whatever pops into my head. I'm like a monkey.
I'm glad you showed up last night.
You're welcome.
- Holly? - Yeah?
You can take off the decoy clothes now.
Decoy clothes?
Cute.
How'd you know about decoy clothes?
Please, you're looking at the girl
who snuck out to see Salt-N-Pepa.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[instrumental music]