Come on, Gary, let's go.
- Hey, honey. - Hey, sweetie.
Hey, guys. Where you headed?
Some weird animal rights troop is having a protest meeting.
They want to retire some stupid parrot
who performs at the dumb zoo.
Oh, tell me more. Your passion is contagious.
It's a requirement for Civics class.
Oh, my little Erin Brockovich.
I wish.
Well, you know, I'm going to the protest under protest.
Yeah, see, I don't want Timmy the parrot to retire.
He's my favorite thing at the zoo.
My favorite thing is when one of the monkeys
goes off in the corner and starts, ahem..
...enjoying their food palate.
- Ready? - Yeah. Let's go.
Those monkeys are out of control.
[both chuckling]
Wow.
I'm standing right here.
Oh, no, no, no. Come here, come here.
God, it's been driving me crazy.
That woman has been coming here every day
for the past two weeks!
Oh, yeah, there's nothing worse for a restaurant
than repeat customers.
No, no, no. You don't understand.
She comes in here everyday by herself.
She sits at the same table. She doesn't bring a book.
She just eats and looks around for hours.
I think she's a spy for the restaurant across the street.
Mm! Or she's one of those crazy people
who gets hungry at lunchtime.
You know, if I was her, I would hate to think
that total strangers are sitting around
trying to figure out..
Hey, did she just talk into her lipstick?
♪ I just wanna say ♪
♪ Life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad ♪
♪ Of all that we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪ ♪ Hold on to me ♪
♪ And I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothin' less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel ♪
♪ Alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
[instrumental music]
"P.A.R.R.O.T. People Advocating Retirement Rights Of Timmy."
I'm losing interest already.
This is a horrible misrepresentation.
(Gary) 'He stopped wearing that fruit hat three years ago.'
Let's just grab some of these pamphlets and get out of here.
Don't forget this one.
My name's Kyle. I'm kind of in charge of this.
So if you have any questions, let me know.
- Wait. I-I have questions. - Yeah?
Uh, what can I do to get more involved with helping Timmy?
Because, uh, not having a boyfriend and all.
I have a lot of time on my hands
and it's something I feel I need to do
as a single woman with no boyfriend.
Well, first, you can tell me your name.
- Holly. - Shh! Go get a cookie!
Hey, I have a question, too.
Why don't you leave Timmy alone
and retire that old raggedy lion?
See, the last time I looked
he didn't have a tooth in his head.
It is just sad, plain sad
watching the king of the jungle suck up some jello.
Well, the lion hasn't been forced to perform
five shows a day for the past 20 years
like Timmy has.
I am sickened!
Just tell me where you want me and what you want me to do.
A bunch of us are going to the zoo tomorrow to protest.
I'll be there. Can I bring my boyfriend?
Just kidding. Don't have one.
[instrumental music]
Jeff, Jeff.
I've been watching the lone diner.
That's my code name for her.
I'm The Barracuda.
Check out my notes.
- "Wears no rings." - Indicating not married.
"Chews her ice."
Indicating frustration, possibly sexual.
"Strapless bra?"
- How could you tell? - Oh, no, that's for me.
I need to pick up one for my new dress.
Oh, watch this.
- Did you see that? - I sure did.
I think the kitchen's being pretty damn generous
with the lobster ravioli.
No, she's totally in love with your waiter.
Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.
She always sits at Jamie's table
and leaves him a really nice tip.
Mm-hm. Well, then that's it.
- Mystery solved. - Yes!
Now, how do I get them together?
- No! - Why?
Oh, 'cause you're a terrible matchmaker.
No, I'm not.
What about, uh, Vicki and your high school buddy, A.J.?
Oh, yeah, that worked out great.
I ran into him at a Knicks game and he spit on me.
Don't you want them to have what we have?
If I let you do this, can we have what we have
a little more often?
How about right here, right now?
- What? - Yeah, talk's cheap.
Okay, she's clearly interested in him.
But I think she's afraid of rejection.
So I just have to find out if he's interested in her.
So I'll take Jamie aside.
Ask him a few questions, drop a few hints
do a little detective work.
Oh, my God. Jamie?
Yeah? What's up?
Table 14, blue sweater, would you?
- Absolutely. - Thanks. Yeah.
Anything else, Barracuda?
[instrumental music]
Sir, flier? Retire Timmy?
Hey. I'll take a flier.
Great. That's a total of one.
This is a disaster. I'm just gonna bail.
Hey, hey, hey.
That does not sound like the Kyle I've known
for almost 13 hours.
Look, these things always start small.
I mean, the global warming movement started
when one guy said, "Hey, is it hot out here, or is it just me?"
- Wow. - What?
It's just there's something kind of attractive
about someone who's so passionate and committed.
Well, I think there's something kind of attractive
about people who think passionate and committed people
are...kind of attractive.
So, you're a real activist, huh?
Oh, yeah. I mean, I believe in lots of stuff.
- Like what? - Um, air.
Animals, nukes, the big ones.
That's awesome.
Yeah, once, in the Mojave Desert
I laid down in front of a bulldozer
to save a family of prairie dogs.
The desert? Don't prairie dogs live on the prairie?
Well, the prairie dogs were lost.
That was the real tragedy.
Listen, could you do me a favor?
'Yeah.'
- Speak to these people. - What?
Well, you're a lot more experienced than I am.
Oh, no, I don't know--
Please?
For Timmy?
Who?
The bird.
- Right. Timmy the bird. - Yeah.
[clears throat]
[bullhorn honks]
[clears throat]
Hello, everyone.
Wait. Up here.
We're here today in support of Timmy, the parrot.
He's old, and we all know how much that can suck, huh?
I'm sorry. I-I meant the good kind of suck.
Okay, this is why we need to fight for Timmy
and be aggressive, people.
(Holly) Be aggressive!
Be, be aggressive!
♪ Be aggressive ♪
♪ Be be aggressive ♪♪
When I say retire you say Timmy!
- Retire! - Retire.
No! You say Timmy!
Hey, Gary.
(all) Hey, Gary.
Okay, you really got to work
on the I say-you say stuff, okay?
Where have you been? You're supposed to be protesting.
Oh, I was protesting. $7 for peanuts?
By the way, you know you're makin' a fool of yourself?
What are you talking about?
You don't care about Timmy.
You're just doing this to impress that Kyle dude.
And if I were you, I'd be just a little ashamed of myself.
Excuse me, are you with the Retire Timmy protest?
I'm leading it.
G-A-R-Y, I am Gary, a single guy!
Say Gary! Say Gary!
[instrumental music]
[knocking at door]
- Who is it? - 'It's Kyle.'
Um, I'll be right there.
Oh, my God, so cold.
- 'Holly?' - Um, just give me a second.
Ahh!
Oh, so dizzy.
Hi.
Come on in.
Is this the bad time?
Oh, no, I was actually
just getting ready to make my own soap.
In my house, every day is Earth Day.
You were really great this morning.
Thanks.
- Are we alone? - Yeah.
I brought something to show you.
Really? A surprise? I love surprises.
[parrot chirps]
- You stole Timmy? - Isn't it great?
And I never would have done it if it wasn't for what you said.
For what I said?
Nobody ever listens to what I say
and there's a reason for that.
But what about the bulldozers
and "Be aggressive, be, be aggressive?"
Yeah, right now, I'm a little worried
you're gonna be arrested.
You know, be, be arrested.
[instrumental music]
Kyle, I cannot believe you stole Timmy.
But you were so convincing.
Everything sounds convincing
when it comes out of a bullhorn.
Look, what are you gonna do with him now?
I'm not sure, but I need you to watch him while I go
to the pet store for supplies. I'll think of something..
- On the way. - Oh, no, wait.
Don't leave me here with him.
I'm not really a bird person.
You'll be fine.
We make a great team, huh?
- Who? - You and me.
Oh, right. Us.
So, Timmy, here we are.
It's just you and me.
A bird and a girl.
I'll scooch over.
[parrot chirping]
Hello.
I'm just gonna turn on the TV.
(man on television) 'Next on According to Jim.'
[cawing]
Aah!
Okay. Or no TV, okay.
I'm gonna be in here, so..
[screams]
Hey, come on in.
Wow. Unbelievable.
- This place all yours? - Oh, yes.
Welcome to The International House of Gary.
IHOG?
Ooh, you make it sound so pretty.
Oh, my God, you weren't kidding about the view!
Yeah, go on out. Take a look.
I'm gonna see what my cook left in the fridge.
Gary, what are you doing here?
Come here, come here.
I'm on a date.
- You? - Yeah.
Does she know?
Yes, she knows.
She probably knows.
Look, you need to get lost for a couple hours.
No, I can't. Kyle stole Timmy from the zoo
and brought him here.
- He stole Timmy? - Yes.
And now I have to watch him
until Kyle gets back.
Well, c-can you watch him somewhere
where I'm not gonna get lucky?
That would be here.
Where is Timmy?
Oh. He's over there.
- H-hey, Timmy! - Gary, no!
- Was that Timmy? - Yes.
Did you see which way he went?
He flew up to the roof.
Oh, my God.
Kyle is gonna be so freaked out.
What's she doing in your apartment?
[chuckles nervously] Uh..
She's my, uh, my, my decorator.
I hate this lamp!
Gary, come on! We've gotta get that bird back!
I-I'll be right back, okay?
And we-we-we can pick up where we left off.
Rrr!
Was that a lawnmower?
Do you like lawnmowers?
Come on!
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hi.
I don't wanna disturb you
but can I talk to you for a minute?
Uh, sure.
Um, okay, I hope you don't mind
but I've been watching you..
...a lot.
Oh, I'm, I'm very flattered
but I tried that once in college.
And while I felt understood, I..
Oh, no! No!
This is not that.
Um, it's just, from what I've observed
I get the feeling that you find someone
in this restaurant very attractive.
Is it that obvious?
No. I'm unusually perceptive.
Some say gifted.
Anyway, um, I happen to know that if you were to make
your feelings clear to him
they would be well received.
Are you sure?
Couldn't be surer.
More sure. Absolutely.
You're right.
I'm gonna go for it.
God, I'm good.
Uh, it was a pleasure serving you?
[instrumental music]
- There he is! Let's get him! - No, wait, don't run at him!
The last time you ran at him, he flew away.
We have to lure him in.
I got some peanuts left over from the zoo.
Oh, that's a great idea. Here.
Birdy want a peanut?
They're not fresh-roasted
but they're hot from Gary's pocket.
[birds fluttering]
[Holly screaming]
That was cool. Do it again.
Gary!
Oh, great. Now where's Timmy?
Oh! There he is!
How are we gonna reach him?
Bend down and I'll climb on your shoulders.
- Gary! - What? I'm on a date.
I don't wanna get my clothes all rumpled..
...yet.
Squat.
- Ready? - Uh, yeah.
Uh..
[Holly screams]
Bird's trying to bite me.
Oh, way left!
Well, you got to admit, he flies pretty good
for a bird pushing 50.
- Give me a hand. - Alright.
- Got it? - Yeah, I think so.
- Be careful. - Okay.
- Holly, be careful. - Okay.
Alright, you got it?
Careful.
Come on, you got it.
[screaming]
- You need some help? - Yes!
Okay, well, go up and try not to slide back down.
[grunting]
Ow.
[cawing]
- Ohh! - Gary, help!
H-Holly, hang on!
Oh!
You got him, you got him! Grab him!
With what? My belly button?
No. No, no, no.
If you take off again, you're dead. You get it?
[chirps]
He got it. You get it?
Oh, my God, birds understand me.
I don't why I've been given this power
but I promise to use it for good.
He's doing a trick from his act.
You must have given him a command or something.
Wait, wait. Maybe I can get him down.
How?
(Gary) Uh, okay. It goes..
ladies and gentlemen, the hardest working bird
in show business, Timmy!
I did it, I did it, I did it!
I got the bird. I got the bird.
(Holly) Gary? Gary!
Gary!
Birds of New York, this is your leader speaking!
Come rescue me!
[chirping]
Anybody else comin'?
[instrumental music]
How could this have happened?
I took such good notes.
Ah, I'm gonna go talk to her.
Oh, no, no, no. You've done enough talking.
I'll go talk to her.
- Uh, excuse me, uh.. - Sheila.
Jeff. Nice to meet you.
Even though we just sort of made out.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Okay.
Uh, listen, I think there was a little miscommunication here.
See, I have a girlfriend--
Look, you don't have to explain anything.
I never would have done that if some crazy woman
hadn't talked me into it.
Yeah, we do get some grade-A nut jobs in here.
Uh, listen, you've been a really good customer.
So I hope you don't feel weird about coming back here.
You're very nice and cute and of course you're taken.
Your girlfriend is lucky to have you.
She has no idea how lucky.
Been together long?
Yeah, you know.
So you guys are really serious?
Well, uh, kind of.
Do you love her?
Do I love her?
I'm sorry. Is that too personal?
- No, it's okay. - So, do you?
- Well.. - Well?
[clattering]
I..
That's her. The-the crazy woman.
Yeah. They call her The Barracuda.
You know Timmy's gotta go back to the zoo, right?
Oh, yeah.
How are you gonna break it to Kyle?
Oh, Kyle won't be a problem.
I got him wrapped around my little finger.
Your little finger looks a lot like Karen.
- Gary! - I don't believe this.
I do not believe this. I mean, in my house?
O-on my couch?
I'm sorry.
It's okay, baby. We can work it out.
Kyle, I think you better leave.
Okay. I understand.
You too, Karen.
Call me.
Aren't you gonna give me the bird?
I'd love to give you the bird, but I'm holding Timmy.
[instrumental music]
[elevator bell dings]
I know I shouldn't have been eavesdropping
but you sure were taking your sweet time answering
that last question.
Well, maybe I didn't wanna answer it.
'Cause you don't know?
No, because if I was gonna say it.
I would want to say it to you, not to some stranger.
What if I were to ask that question?
I'd answer it.
You sure you wanna know?
Yeah. Tell me. No, don't tell me.
Okay, tell me.
No, I-I..
I wanna hear it when the time is right.
There should be candlelight and champagne.
No, I don't wanna hear it because you'd think I wanna
hear it. I want to hear it because you wanna say it.
Wait. Do you want to know or not?
I want you to know that I..
I have a hunch.
- Thank you. Hey. - Hey.
How was your day?
Fine.
Anything interesting?
Not really.
Watched a girl make out with a guy I like.
Hah. Me too.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]