[instrumental music]
So, I was thinking about swinging by your office
today for lunch. You got time?
- No, sorry. I'm busy. - Mm-hmm.
I have to meet with my boss and I have to kiss her butt
because she finally asked me to pitch a new client with her.
Then we have to discuss the strategy
for kissing the client's butt
and then execute said butt-kissing plan.
So, that's what you public relations people do.
- Mm-hmm. - Kiss butt all day.
And make famous people more famous.
Hey, can you do something for Billy Bob Thornton?
I feel like I don't know what's going on in his life anymore.
- Good morning. - Hey, there she is now.
My sister, the Copy That girl.
I know it's mannish and homely
but on the bright side, they made me pay for it.
Well, at least you get to work with Gary.
I know. That guy is in heaven.
He has raised xeroxing to an art form.
He even figured out how to copy parts of his body
onto coffee mugs.
Please tell me that's his thumb!
♪ I just wanna say ♪
♪ Life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪ ♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad of all that we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Hold on to me and I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothing less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
[instrumental music]
So, I've had these same old menus for a while
and I guess I could use some new ones.
Give me your professional opinion.
Frankly, I'm surprised you stayed in business this long.
What? They're not that bad.
Come on. Helvetica Bold?
It's a poor man's font.
We'll upgrade you with a lovely Palatino.
Perhaps, a nice 18 point..
[scoffs] No, no, no.
Fourteen point.
Just make me some without stains, dude.
Hey, I didn't know you were here.
Yeah, I thought I'd stop by and throw some business your way.
So, one girl working with a bunch of guys, huh?
You must like the odds.
Yeah, if I was into "Dungeons And Dragons"
and comic book conventions, I'd be their queen.
Hey! I picked you up a double vanilla soy latte.
- That's what you like, right? - Oh, thanks, Jake.
That's sweet. You didn't have to do that.
Uh, by the way, the color copier needs toner
and I couldn't find the magenta.
Oh, I'll take care of it. The color copier's kind of tricky.
- What? - Well, Jake, huh? Nice.
Do you want his number?
Okay, play it cool. I respect that.
You just enjoy that latte. I bet it's sweet, like Jake.
Okay, people.
Which one of you jokers ate my last Go-Gurt?
Besides...my heart belongs to Sheldon.
[instrumental music]
So, up to now, the Philharmonic image has been stuffy, you know?
So, how do we make them accessible to young people?
Well, um, I was thinking, they're musicians.
There's nothing cooler than musicians.
So, I say we make them rock stars.
Put up a series of billboards with the horn section
dressed as Ozzy Osbourne or the string section
doing this thing.
- 'Huh?' - Yeah.
But, no.
Um, Susan, is it me
or have you lost a ton of weight lately?
Eleven-and-a-half pounds. It's my new macrobiotic diet.
Oh! Well, you look macro-fantastic.
Thank you.
Let's explore your billboard idea.
Yeah, this thing
starting to make sense to me.
Okay, um, great, um, I think the best way for us
to reach our target demogra.. Oh, my.
- You okay? - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I'm fine. - Okay.
- Excuse me, Susan? - Yes.
I need you to sign these contracts.
Thank you.
[sniffing]
[whispering] Oh, my God.
[no audio]
Oh, jeez!
[instrumental music]
She stinks!
Oh, come on. How bad could it be?
- What does it smell like? - Mushroom soup.
Unholy mushroom soup.
Alright, uh, you know, in the restaurant business
we're often confronted with foul orders.
Like, our backroom, it's a mixture of onions
garbage, dirty uniforms--
Jeff, I have a lot of smells on my plate right now.
- Hey. - Hey. How was work?
Fine. What stinks?
Oh, God!
It's on me!
I'm gonna go change.
So, how's Jake, huh?
The J-man? Sweet Jakey cake? Ooh.
Don't you have something better to do?
No.
Look, I saw you and Jake together, alright?
The heat was undeniable.
- Why don't you just go for it? - There is nothing to go for.
For starters, his last name is Wood.
- So? - So? "Holly Wood?"
- Why even go down that road? - Oh.
Well, then you got a problem on your hands
'cause he's obviously into you and you're sending him signs
that you're into him too.
Like, what?
Did you or did you not touch his arm?
I touched it, I didn't lick it.
Oh, man, it's Amy Teplin all over again.
Uh, junior year, I had a huge crush on her.
And I was positive she liked me too.
So, I go over to Amy's house to make my move.
What do I find?
Amy Teplin in her pool
skinny-dipping with Scott McCoy.
Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
That Amy Teplin was a slut?
No! I was crushed.
I-I stood there hiding behind a bush for 45 minutes
watching the love of my life swimming naked with another guy.
Forty-five minutes?
My mom dropped me off.
I had to wait for her to pick me up.
Look, what I'm trying to tell you is
that if you don't like Jake, you got to tell him.
Set him free, Holly.
Set him free.
There is nothing to set free.
Trust me, you're wrong.
Okay.
So, did you ever talk to Amy Teplin again?
Well, I saw her at our class reunion.
Ugh! Ten years of chain-smoking really did a number on her.
She could hardly draw a full breath
and her teeth looked like an ear of Indian corn.
- Ew! - I know.
So, I only made out with her for a little while.
[instrumental music]
Wow! These menus are incredible.
You really did a great job.
Did you notice the craftsmanship?
Gold leaf embossing, linen paper.
Rub the leather, man. Go ahead.
You know you want to.
Feels good.
- How much is it gonna cost me? - Eighty-eight dollars.
I can handle that. How many do I get?
That one.
Gary, I need a 100 menus. I can't afford that!
Look, just run off a bunch of my old ones and that'll be fine.
Whoa. Run off a bunch of the old ones?
Jeff, do you know what you get
when you take the "art" out of "artist?"
"Ist."
And I don't mind telling you I'm a little ist off right now.
[cracking knuckles]
Phew! I need a break.
Then I'm just in time.
Oh! A latte.
From a friend.
Thanks a latte.
[coughing] Amy Teplin.
Um, Jake, can I see you for a second in the break room?
Sure.
Oh. Hey, Sheldon, can we have a second?
But I just made my tea.
Okay. But I don't like moving with hot liquids.
[sighs]
This is kind of awkward. Uh..
I kind of get the feeling that you like me.
And don't get me wrong, I like you too.
It's just, uh, if you, like, like me like me
then I have to tell you that I don't like you like you like me.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
You think I have a thing for you?
- Don't you? - Ha ha. No.
Please. Why would you think that?
You bought me lattes, you let me touch your arm.
Yesterday, with the color copier, you were all over that.
Look, I don't "like you."
I was just trying to be nice, but I'll stop.
Oh, look, I feel so stupid.
Uh, just do me a favor and forget I even said anything.
Sure. Don't worry about it.
Excuse me, but I'll have you both know
that I just about scalded a nipple.
[instrumental music]
So, who's gonna be in this meeting?
Well, probably just the executive director
of the Philharmonic and his assistant.
So, you know the drill, we sit down, we talk..
Butt-kiss, butt-kiss.
[laughing] Right, right.
Um, Susan, I got you a present.
[gasps] Oh!
Val, soaps and scented lotions?
- Well, you did not have to. - Oh, I had to.
I-it's a thank you for the opportunity
to work with you on this account.
What do you say? Right now, lotion party.
This is so thoughtful of you.
I actually have very sensitive skin.
If I used this stuff, I would break out in hives.
You would not want to be around me.
Oh. I don't know. I can tolerate quite a bit.
- Excuse me, Susan? - 'Yes?'
Paul Cody called from the Philharmonic.
His schedule changed, so the only way
you and Val can meet with him is in his limo
'on his way to the airport.'
Oh, no. Uh, should we reschedule?
No, no, this is perfect, when you're pitching a client
it's good to be in a confined space so nobody can get out.
Mm, right. Trapped. Perfect.
And your nutritionist is on line one.
Oh, better take that, I wanna see if it's okay
if I can double up on the algae.
Hey, like those earrings. Cute.
- I feel for you. - Thank you.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, guys. - Oh, hey, Holly.
I wrote down your schedule for next week.
- Oh, thanks, Sheldon. - And by the way..
This doesn't mean I'm in love with you.
[laughing]
What?
[all laughing]
Oh, my God, you told them?
Ah, yeah. Pretty funny, huh?
No, that's not funny at all!
Hey, Holly, your sister called earlier
but I'm only telling you this as a friend.
[all laughing]
Jake, break room, now!
Uh-oh. Look out, guys.
She's gonna rip my heart out again!
I'll call 911.
Don't. I have brittle bones.
[instrumental music]
What is your problem?
So, I thought you had a crush on me and I was wrong.
Did you really have to go and tell everyone?
Yeah, I kind of did.
Oh, my God, those guys must think I am so conceited.
- How could you do that? - Look, Holly, here's the thing.
If those guys knew I liked you, and then got shot down by you
it would blow my reputation.
- As? - As a stone-cold playa.
Oh, wait a second. You just said you liked me.
Yeah, I'll admit, you're not bad.
Look, I'm doing us both a favor.
Now, we won't have to worry about any of those
awkward moments here at work.
Well, at least I won't. Nah.
You are so not a playa.
I'm just as God made me.
[instrumental music]
So, what's up?
You liked this menu I designed, didn't you?
The nice paper, and the leather.
[sniffs]
Smells like a man..
...but feels like a woman.
Look, I told you, I loved it.
I thought it was great, but I can't afford it.
Ah, but what if you could?
Uh, look, check this out.
Okay, um, question
why is the chicken ravioli now $56.95?
You make a little more on the food
and you can afford my elegant hand-crafted menus.
Everybody's happy.
Look, I really appreciate what you've done
but I've actually already ordered my menus
from someone else.
Hey, I've got the last box here, Jeff.
I'll put them in the back with the others.
What up, G?
Oh, you should be ashamed of yourself.
I guess I should, but I'm kinda not.
Well, you know, I consider this a slap in the face, man.
I will never spend another dime in your establishment again.
You never do. I never charge you for anything.
True. Can I get a calamari to go?
- In the kitchen. - Alright.
- Hey, how's it going? - Not so great.
Because of you, I am going to be the biggest joke
in Copy That history!
And that is saying a lot, considering Sheldon
once made out with a broom for money.
It was a mop!
I did what you said. I told Jake I knew he had a thing for me.
But he denied it. Then, he told everyone what I said.
And now they all think I am conceited.
Are you saying he denied the heat?
No, no, he liked me.
He just didn't like being rejected by me.
Oh, so he did like you, but you rejected him first
and he turned it around to make you the object of ridicule.
- My God! - I know!
That kid's a genius!
[instrumental music]
I want to thank you two for meeting me like this.
I know it's inconvenient but this is
the only opportunity that I had.
No problem at all.
Oh, we are just so excited to be taking
the Philharmonic in a new direction.
'Just hope that, uh..'
[coughing] Good Lord.
Is that smell coming from the heater?
- I don't smell anything. - Phew. Is it..
Oh!
- I'm clear. - Yeah.
You-you know what, guys?
- It's me. - It's you?
It's my, uh, mushroom soup.
Since our schedule changed, I didn't think we'd have time
to eat, so I brought soup for everybody.
Mm, mushroom.
[chuckling] I'll pass.
Well, uh, okay. I hope you don't mind if I go ahead.
No, be my guest, but be careful.
- Smells kind of rancid. - Oh.
So, anyway, here's our concept.
The Philharmonic is musicians
'and there's..'
...nothing cooler than musicians.
So, we call our campaign, "We will rock you."
Oh!
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- It's alright. - Accidents happen.
You know what? You've got it all over your shoe.
- No, it's okay.. - Let me get that.
Ugh!
[no audio]
[inhales deeply]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Ernie said you wanted to talk to me.
Ah. Yeah.
Sit down, Jake.
- What's up? - What's up?
I'll tell you what's up.
I am, half the night..
[exhales] ...struggling..
...with this..
...tension.
Like a charley horse?
Like a charley horse of the heart.
What are you talking about?
Do you remember what you said to me, Jake?
We were sitting right here
and you looked at me, and you said
"I'll admit it. You're not bad."
Well, those are very powerful words, Jake.
- So? - So..
Those words made me realize that..
...you're not so bad yourself.
And..
...when you put two..
...not-so-bad people together, you get...really bad.
I'm sorry. What?
I have feelings for you, Jake.
- Whoa. - No, no, don't be scared.
[chuckling] Wait. Uh...not here.
It wouldn't be right.
Here.
I always imagined it would be here.
[chuckles]
Wow.
I think I actually saw a flash of light.
Really? I got nothing. Oh, well.
So, so that's it? It's over?
Mm-hmm, don't feel bad.
I heard Sheldon's broom is available.
It was a mop!
And it's available when I say so!
[instrumental music]
[knock on door]
I just heard from Paul. We got it.
The Philharmonic is our newest client.
Really? Oh, that's great!
- Yeah, ha ha! - Oh, no.
Val, congratulations.
And, listen, I, I feel like we're close enough now
that I can, uh, tell you something personal.
Oh, uh, okay.
Sometimes, when we're in close quarters
your perfume is a little overwhelming.
Gives me a headache.
Oh.
Uh, thank you for telling me.
Uh, Susan, um, since we're..
...being open with each other now, um..
I hope you don't mind if I tell you that you..
Yes?
Inspire me.
Oh.
Okay.
[instrumental music]
- How much longer on my picture? - Well, it's printing now.
- Just a couple of minutes. - Picture number ten, right?
Yes, picture ten.
Thank you so much, Gary. Love you.
Hey, look, w-we're just friends, right?
Excuse me.
Alright, I know you all think I am conceited.
(all) Yes.
And you've all had a lot of fun at my expense.
Sheldon, I've seen you snickering behind your teacup.
Ernie, your whispers have stung me.
But the fun is over, fellas.
Because I am about to show you something
that will make it very clear
why I would think old Jakey cakes here liked me.
So, uh, if you guys are ready..
feast your eyes on this!
[laughing]
It takes your breath away, doesn't it?
[laughing]
Oh, my God.
Alright, we get it. You think you're hot.
Can I get a copy of that?
I said picture number ten!
Well, this is picture number ten.
And, now, personally, I would have gone with number 11
the one where you're kissing Jake, 'cause this one right here
makes you look conceited.
[instrumental music]
So, you and Susan are gonna be working with each other
for a long time. How are you gonna survive it?
Well, she's only a few pounds away from her target weight
so, eventually she'll start eating real food
and the funk will go away.
But when is the funk gonna go away from you?
Listen, this stank is contagious
and I will hug you.
How are things at work? Those guys still making fun of you?
No, it all blew over. They're on to the next thing.
- Thanks to Gary. - What did he do?
I don't know he won't tell me, but he said no one would be
talking about me anymore.
- Oh, he is so sweet. - I know.
- He's got such a big heart. - Mm-hmm.
Alright, fellas, let's see the money.
What? No money, no funny.
Okay, tonight, a very special presentation
of "Sheldon eats and-or kisses stuff."
I give you the wet-dry vac.
(all) Ooh!
Obviously, tonight will be kissing.
Are you gonna turn it on?
I'm gonna do my best.
[vacuum whirring]
(all) 'Go! Go! Go! Go!'
[instrumental music]
[theme music]