Hey, Holly, could you put the gourds in the horn of plenty?
Oh, sure. Hey, Gary, would you grab that thing?
Oh, sure.
What's that?
Just give it to me.
I'm sorry. Uh, speak up.
Hm, that joke kills at my house.
I'm so glad we decided to have Thanksgiving here this year.
I do not know if I could take another year at Aunt Wanda's.
Is she really that bad?
Dinner there is like a last meal in prison.
Except you don't get to die.
If you guys hated it so much, why did you always go?
Well, because I have a very healthy sense of self worth.
So once a year it's nice to go to Aunt Wanda's
and have her crush my spirit
by criticizing my posture, career
and man-repellent hairdo.
Well, you can tell her that your hairdo snagged me.
Oh, no. She'd hate you.
Well, at least she doesn't treat you like a baby.
Where's my Holly-Wolly-Woo-Woo?
Right here, getting ready to punch you in the neck!
Thank you so much for getting us out of that.
Well, I have been scared of her long enough.
It was time to take a stand.
Hey, since we're having Thanksgiving here
we don't have to dress up, do we?
- Nope. - 'Ooh.'
Can we eat pumpkin pie first?
We can do whatever we want.
Can we do sick amounts of Internet shopping?
What does that have to do with Thanksgiving?
You said we could do whatever we wanted.
Well, I'm just glad that I'm spending Thanksgiving here
instead of at the annual Thorpe family codfish extravaganza.
Codfish?
You don't eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
Oh, no, no, no. Turkey, sacred in my family.
One actually saved my great-grandfather's life.
Well, they are known for their heroism.
True, see, according to legend
my great-grandfather was out taking a walk
on Thanksgiving morning and got lost in the blizzard.
Yeah, he wandered around for hours
until he came upon a wild turkey who led him back to safety.
Yeah, and that brave bird was the last turkey
my family ever ate.
I mean, I love turkey, I'm kind of a connoisseur
if you will. Do you have your bird lined up?
'Cause I can point you in the right direction.
[chuckles]
You can point me in the right direction?
Uh-uh. I'm the turkey expert. I am Mr. Turkey.
- Whoa, whoa, I'm Mr. Turkey. - No, no, no.
Guys, not really a nickname you want to fight over.
I tell you what, you wanna learn some about turkeys
you come with me tomorrow.
I'll introduce you to my turkey guy.
Oh, no, no, no.
Y-you didn't just say
you're gonna go to one of your guys?
Oh, no, this isn't like my oral surgery guy.
This guy knows what he's doing.
Well, it sounds kinda shady. I don't want a shady turkey.
Can't you just get one from the store?
No, no, no, no, this is
your first Thanksgiving in your own home
and I'm getting you the best turkey money can buy.
I just hope you know your way around a turkey.
If there's one thing Mr. Turkey knows, it's turkey.
Okay, next person who says turkey
gets punched in the neck.
♪ I just wanna say life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪ ♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad ♪
♪ Of all we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪ ♪ Hold on to me ♪
♪ And I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothin' less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Your guy sells turkeys out of a flower shop?
And I thought you said this wasn't gonna be shady.
- It's not shady. - There are actual shades.
And are you telling me this guy sells quality product?
Only if you think a slow-cooked MacArthur Red is quality.
A MacArthur Red?
What, the most succulent bird in North America?
- You are the true Mr. Turkey. - Hm.
Can I help you with somethin'?
Uh, yeah, I think so.
Tommy sent me.
You're here for the MacArthur Red.
Ooh-hoo-hoo..
- Is he cool? - No, but he'll be okay.
You got the $200?
Right here.
Hey, what's going on back there?
That's where I keep my high-end product.
High-end?
A MacArthur Red's the best turkey on the planet.
That was true eight months ago.
Okay, I'll see you guys later.
- Wait, can I see it? - Why not?
(Gary) 'Oh, can we get him, please?'
I promise I'll take good care
of him.
- What is it? - This is a MacArthur Gold.
- A MacArthur Gold? - You've heard of it?
Well, I've heard of it, sure, but-but I thought
it was just a myth like Bigfoot
or that old you'll-go-blind thing.
It looks delicious.
That kind of turkey is not for eatin'.
It's not?
Well, it's for eating, obviously.
But you know what I mean.
How much?
Four hundred.
Yeah, I think we'll just stick with the MacArthur Red.
- Come on, man. - Well, you know..
While we're here, we ought to get
the girls some flowers.
Hey.
These flowers aren't for sale.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Val, check me out.
As a part of our new Thanksgiving tradition
I am going to spend the whole day
in a robe and slippers.
Oh.
Go take a shower, get dressed.
- We're going to Aunt Wanda's. - What?
Yeah. I changed my mind. Let's go.
But you can't change your mind. You already called to cancel.
Actually, y-yeah, I-I may not have called.
What happened to you took a stand
and you've been scared long enough?
Well, as it turns out, I'm gonna be scared
just a little bit longer.
I can't believe you haven't called.
We've had this planned for weeks.
Yeah, I-I wanted to, but I keep having
this recurring nightmare.
What is it?
We're at the Macy's Parade
and we look up and we see a giant Aunt-Wanda balloon
chasing us.
Sh-she's pointing and laughing at my hair, and then you scream
"It's not the haircut, it's the humidity!"
Then we all started break dancing.
Yuck!
- It was just a dream. - No.
It is a sign that we are supposed to go to Aunt Wanda's
and you need to work on this.
So do you.
Fine, go, because I'm staying here.
I'm not afraid of Aunt Wanda.
You didn't see her in balloon form.
Don't you know what the first Thanksgiving was all about?
The Pilgrims came all the way to America
so they wouldn't have to spend another holiday
with their annoying English relatives.
Look, if you don't call her, I will.
No. Uh.. Fine, I will do it. I'm an adult.
- What are you gonna say? - I'm gonna tell her the truth.
And if she doesn't like that, well, that's just too bad.
Okay.
Hi, Aunt Wanda. It's Valerie.
Listen, Holly and I aren't gonna be able to make it
for Thanksgiving this year.
Why?
[inaudible]
Uh, well, the truth is
and you may not like hearing this
but, uh, Holly's very sick.
I-I'll keep you posted. Happy Thanksgiving.
Don't look at me like that.
Just to be clear, this doesn't mean wuss out.
[instrumental music]
You know, the MacArthur Red has a higher IQ
than any other breed of turkey.
Yeah? What's its IQ?
Eight.
Sure is a nice turkey.
Yes, it is.
You should feel really good about that turkey.
- I do. - Good! Good!
'Cause i-i-it's great to feel good.
Why wouldn't I feel good about it?
Oh, no reason. I just don't want you to feel like you settled.
- I don't. - Good! Good!
'Cause if second-best is good enough for Mr. Turkey
it's good enough for me.
By the way, you can trust me.
I won't tell Val anything.
- About what? - Well..
You promised Val the best turkey money can buy.
And that turkey just happens to be sitting in a flower shop
under a disco ball.
Yeah, but $400 is a lot of money for a turkey.
I know, I know. But this really isn't about a turkey, is it?
This is about you and Val.
- What? - Oh, yeah!
But it's best not to put a price on the relationship
especially if it's under $400.
Here, you hold it. It disgusts me now!
[instrumental music]
Maybe we should try this tablecloth.
No! This one's perfect.
The table looks beautiful. We should take a picture.
Actually, there already is one.
See?
Now all we need is a cocker spaniel
asleep next to a roaring fireplace.
Hey, I could put my sock monkey next to the stove.
That'll work.
Hey, remember what we were doin'
at Aunt Wanda's this time last year?
Yeah, dad was in the living room pretending to like football
and we were in the kitchen, pretending to like Aunt Wanda.
Oh, yeah, and she insisted on playing
that freaky, antique music machine.
You mean, the record player?
That's the one.
[knocking on door] Ooh, I'll get it.
It's probably the guys with the turkey.
Aunt Wanda? Oh!
It's here.
[instrumental music]
- She's here? - Yeah, she's here.
- Aunt Wanda's here? - Yes. What am I gonna do?
- Hide! - I can't hide.
- She's already seen me. - Sucks for you.
I'm gonna hit the fire escape.
(Aunt Wanda) 'Holly?'
'Holly, are you in there?'
And I may jump.
Holly, get back in here
and get rid of all this Thanksgiving stuff.
- I'll go out there, stall her. - Wait, or we escape together.
Change our names and get a fresh start in Cincinnati.
Hm. No, no. uh, just get moving.
Aunt Wanda.
Well, wh-why are y-you here?
I came to check on Holly.
Why did you slam the door in my face?
Uh, germs. Yeah, Holly's got germs.
And they're everywhere. Ugh! Yeah.
You better get going. Ugh!
Oh! Stupid horn of plenty! Oh..
Are you going to let me in or not?
Uh, sure, yeah, uh..
But first I want to ask you a question.
Okay.
Uh, what's up?
- Oh, Valerie! - No! Uh, you know..
You haven't said anything about my new haircut.
- I think it's very flattering. - You do?
Yes. It draws attention away from your ears.
[clattering]
(Valerie) 'I'm opening the door now.'
Oh!
(Valerie) She's very, very sick.
Oh, where's my Holly-Wolly-Woo-Woo?
Righty-righty here-here.
Now, listen. Don't you worry about a thing.
I'm here, and I'm not leaving until you feel better.
- No! - No! I can't let you do that.
You have a houseful of people over for Thanksgiving.
You let me worry about that.
Now, I need a whole onion, four cloves of garlic
a cup of canola oil and two raw eggs.
Uh, I think I have some power bars in the cabinet
if you want a snack.
No. It's not for me. It's for Holly.
We need something to clean out her system.
I'm okay. I'm pretty sure my system is self-cleaning.
- Thanks. - Oh, I almost forgot.
I'm gonna need some cayenne pepper.
- Do something! - Uh, Aunt Wanda..
Uh, about your little remedy there, uh
um, Holly hasn't been able to keep anything down.
Oh, that's okay. She's not gonna take it orally.
Val!
Sorry, kiddo, sometimes you just gotta take one for the team.
[instrumental music]
I can't believe I just spent $400 on a turkey.
Not a turkey. A MacArthur Gold!
And trust me, when we're eating it
we will not regret the money we spent.
You didn't spend any money.
And I don't regret it.
You know what, I don't even care about the money.
I told her I'd get the best, and I did it.
It will all be worth it when I see Val
going back for seconds.
Well, she'll stop there, right?
I mean, it's my Thanksgiving, too.
[screeching]
Oh, man!
This is not good.
(man on PA) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing'
'a problem with a train in front of us.'
'So we'll be stuck here indefinitely.'
[all groaning]
'And on behalf of the transit authority'
'I'm required to wish you a happy Thanksgiving.'
'Gobble, gobble.'
Hey, do you think that flower guy was serious
about the MacArthur Platinum?
Nah! No turkey has an IQ of 12.
[instrumental music]
[blender whirring]
- What are we gonna do? - For starters..
We're definitely buying a new blender.
You know, we wouldn't even be in this situation
if you had just told the truth in the first place.
No, we wouldn't be in this situation
if you had paid attention to my Aunt-Wanda-as-a-balloon dream.
Well, I've done the best I can
with this cheap blender.
So if it's a little lumpy, you can blame your sister.
Did you hear that? It's lumpy!
We need a plan, and we need it now.
Okay.
- Um, uh.. - Oh, wait.
Why don't I just say I feel better?
Ooh. I like that.
Okay, Holly, ready?
You know what, Aunt Wanda? I feel better!
Yeah. Doesn't she look better?
No, not really.
Hey, could a sick person do this? Huh?
Um, what about this?
[grunts]
She can't really do this, either.
Honey, you don't have to be brave for me.
Aunt Wanda, she's fine, really.
You know, you're not looking so hot yourself.
Maybe I should whip up a bigger batch.
- No! - What?
Uh, Aunt Wanda, I lied to you.
Holly isn't sick. She never was.
We just didn't want to go to your house for Thanksgiving.
We wanted to have it here, just us.
Well..
I see.
Are you okay?
No, I'm not.
I've just been rejected
by my favorite niece and her sister.
Don't cry. Look, you misunderstood.
I-i-it's not that we don't love you.
It's, it's just that we--
We miss dad.
That's right! We do.
We just both thought that with him in Japan and all
it would be, uh, just t-too hard on us
to see his empty seat at the table.
We just thought, with our worlds
being all turned upside down and everything
it would be better if we spent
a quiet day here to...ponder.
And reflect.
- On.. - Dad.
Right.
I am so proud of you.
Of me?
It's amazing that such a young girl
could be so emotionally mature and honest.
You could take a lesson from this one.
Hey, that whole missing-dad thing was mine.
I mean, I-I felt that way first.
Alright, I'll let you girls have your day.
And if you need anything, you know my number.
You know, that felt pretty good standing up to Aunt Wanda.
Yeah, I noticed you got real brave
when it was your turn to take one for the team.
[instrumental music]
Well, then let me ask you this.
If we were trapped down here forever
and we had to form our own government--
Stop! I don't know, okay?
I don't know how many jelly beans it takes
to fill up this car, I don't know how to read a flow chart
and I definitely don't know what your stage name should be.
I'm thinkin' of goin' with Chili Styles.
(man on PA) 'Ladies and gentlemen, maintenance workers'
'have just arrived on the scene'
'and it's gonna be at least another hour.'
[indistinct chatter]
- Man, I'm starving! - Me, too!
I haven't eaten anything all day.
That MacArthur Gold is smelling good.
Excuse me, I know that some of you
are probably starting to get a little hungry
with it being Thanksgiving and all.
So in the spirit of the holiday
I'm willing to share my candy bar
with anyone who wants some.
And I have a bottle of water
if-if anybody's thirsty.
I have a half a bag of raisins and some chewable vitamins.
And in the spirit of Thanksgiving
I am willing to share..
...the story of a blizzard
an old man and a very brave turkey.
[instrumental music]
Ladies and gentlemen, for your dining pleasure
I present to you the MacArthur Gold!
I hope it's as good as it looks.
It was a big hit on the D-train.
Now, we didn't eat any of it, 'cause we wanted
to share the experience with you guys.
Good thing, 'cause there's no way
Holly and I could eat all that.
Alright, shout out. Dark meat or bone?
Wait, wait, wait. I-I wanna say something first.
Okay, the day so far has kind of sucked
but, uh, it's finally just us, the way we planned.
So the perfect Thanksgiving starts right now.
[knocking on door]
Or in just one minute.
I'll get it.
Hey, was there any change from that hundred
I gave you for the turkey?
Oh, no!
Aunt Wanda!
What are you doing here, again?
We finished dinner, and we were thinking about you
and it just didn't seem right that you should be alone today.
Now, I couldn't get your dad here
so I got the next best thing.
A robot?
No, your family!
Come on in, everybody!
[indistinct chatter]
Hi, Valerie!
[indistinct chatter]
I'm Aunt Wanda. Are you Val's boyfriend?
Uh, no. I'm, uh, Styles.
Chili Styles.
[instrumental music]
- Hey! - Hey.
You better get back in there.
Uncle Bob's gonna do that thing
where he flips his eyelids inside out.
Nah. I think I'll just hang out here.
What's the matter?
Well, look!
Our perfect Thanksgiving lasted all of ten seconds.
It's okay, we'll make it up next year.
I know, but it's our first one together, just the two of us
and I wanted it to be special for you.
Trust me, I will never forget this Thanksgiving.
[chuckles]
Hey, look what Gary rescued.
And you get the first taste.
Uh, nah, I'm not in the mood for any turkey right now.
No, it's not just any turkey. It's a MacArthur Gold!
I don't know, that's what they keep saying.
Okay, fine.
- Ha-ha-ha.. - It does smell really good.
Oh, my God!
That's the best thing I've ever tasted in my life.
This may have actually saved Thanksgiving.
- I gotta try some first. - Oh, me first.
And in the dumpster.
How good was it?
Amazing.
Yeah, but no turkey is good enough
to search through a dumpster for.
- No way. - Yeah, of course not.
Chili Styles?
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[instrumental music]