[instrumental music]
Oh, my God, it's him. It's that guy Evan. Look.
No, no, no, no, don't look.
He's so cute.
Don't you think he's cute?
No, he's okay.
But I can't be completely sure
until I check out his butt.
Why does he keep doing this to me?
- Doing what? - Coming in here.
Buying copies.
Making me love him.
So go and talk to him. Tell him you think he's cute.
- Really? - Yeah, be honest.
Be real. Be you.
And maybe take it down a button.
Nice.
Cool. Cool.
I hate that guy.
[laughs] Yeah, that guy sucks.
So, listen, I just came over here to tell you
that I think you're..
...cell phone is the same as mine.
Whoa. Small world.
Small cell phone.
Hey, yeah. Go science.
[laughs]
Um, so, uh..
I really like your ringtone.
I was thinking maybe you could program mine.
You like the Notre Dame football fight song?
Like it? I'd like to make out with it.
What?
I just mean that football is, like
my favorite sport of all time
and, um, Notre Dame is my favorite college.
Go Hunchbacks!
- There you go. - Thanks.
- Alright. Later. - Okay.
I love you.
So, did you steal his heart?
[chuckles] Better. I stole his phone.
♪ I just wanna say life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad of all we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Hold on to me and I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothin' less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
[theme music]
So, all alone in the apartment.
Yep.
What do you wanna do?
Sweetie, I don't know what time
Holly gets home from work.
I got her schedule right here.
She gets off at 5:30.
That's only half an hour.
Or it's a whole
half an hour.
I'll even let you decide
what to do with the extra 22 minutes.
I really think we should wait until Holly goes out tonight.
Alright.
What are we gonna do to get our minds off it?
I know. Scrabble. You love Scrabble.
No, you love Scrabble.
I love Snapple.
See, it's that subtle difference.
Besides, you just want to play 'cause you always win.
I don't always win.
If you tried a different strategy you might do better.
I mean, "Poop" may make you laugh
but it's not a lot of points.
"Poop." Ha-ha.
Oh. I only play that way to make the game more fun.
And admit it, you only wanna play
'cause you always win.
That is not true.
I just really like to spell...for points.
And if I take your ass to school, that's just gravy.
[instrumental music]
Alright, Evan should be home by now.
Ooh, it's ringing.
Man, I can't believe you stole his phone.
It'll be a cute story to tell our grandchildren.
God, are you dead inside?
- Hi, is this Evan? - Yeah, who's this?
Um, this is Holly, the hunchback girl.
(Evan) Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, I think when I programmed your phone
I might have picked up yours and you picked up mine.
Oh, ha-ha-ha. Is that how it happened?
How cute is that story?
Yeah, so we need to meet to exchange phones.
He wants to meet to exchange phones, what should I do?
- Meet him. - Shut up. I know what to do.
Um, so, uh, where do you wanna meet?
Well, I'm kind of busy right now
but I'm just off campus if you wanna roll by tonight.
He totally asked me out!
Yeah, I'm having a big party, so just follow the noise.
He asked me to a college party!
- A college party? - Shut up!
Uh...where and when?
- A-and what should I wear? - You are not wearing anything.
Ooh, it's one of those kind of parties?
You are not going with me, okay?
Okay. Yeah, yeah, I know where that is.
Okay, I'll see you tonight. Bye.
Holly, I'm sorry, but there is no way you're going
to some strange college guy's party without me.
I do not need you to babysit me.
I am mature enough to handle this.
- Are not. - Am too.
Give me that paper. Give me the address.
[instrumental music]
Yes! Look at that.
I got "Warts."
I've never seen somebody get so lucky in one game.
Don't be like that, sweetie.
I was happy for you when you got "Rabies."
Um, okay, bye, guys.
- Wow, where are you going? - She's going to a party.
Oh, stupid vowels.
They're like a disease.
- What kind of party? - Uh, a school party.
People from school. Bye.
Bye. Have fun. Be careful.
- Can't do both. - Split the difference.
"Argh?"
Yeah.
It's pirate talk. It means "Hello."
Like "Argh, matey. Grr."
Please?
Sorry.
Looks like someone's getting desperate
now that she's behind by 62 points.
- Ha-ha. - Sixty-two?
You know, now that Holly's gone
we could do something else.
No, no, no, no, no. We're playing.
You just wanna have sex 'cause I got "Warts."
[instrumental music]
Can I see some ID?
[laughs] I'm kidding. I know who you are.
What are you doing here?
Rethinking my study habits.
I have got to go to college.
Gary, get out of here!
I don't show up at Chuck E. Cheese
and ruin your dates.
Look, I was just worried about what you were
getting yourself into, I wanted to check it out.
Thanks, Gary. Now leave before I hurt you.
No, no, no. I'm gonna stay.
But don't worry, you won't even notice me.
Whoa, look out now!
That is one college-sized sandwich.
Oh, look, there's Evan.
Why, hello there.
I couldn't help but notice
we're both six feet and delicious.
- Hey, Evan. - Hey.
- Aren't you my copy girl? - Yeah, Holly.
- Got your phone. - Alright. Thank you.
- Sure. - Hey.
You know what I forgot when we were at the copy place?
- What? - To hit on you.
You're smokin'.
Evan, did you switch phones with me on purpose?
Yeah.
So, uh, you live on campus?
Oh, no, actually, I don't.
I share an apartment with my sister.
Oh, from your sorority?
Yeah, yeah, from my sorority.
I bet you're a Delta.
They have all the hot girls.
Guilty.
Dude, dude, there's two guys
with sledgehammers in your bedroom, bro.
Oh, it's Kurt and Joe! It is so on!
Look, I'll be right back.
You hang out, get a drink just, just chill.
Cool. Yeah. I'll just chill.
You told him you were in a sorority?
He's never going to like me if he knows I'm in high school
and I don't need you here looking out for me.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Evan's going to be back soon
and I have not yet begun to chill.
Okay. I'm watching you.
Hot wing?
[sobbing] No.
Well, are you okay?
My boyfriend just broke up with me.
Well, you know, I-I-I'm a pretty good listener
if you wanna talk about it.
Look, dry those pretty eyes
and tell Gary all about it.
[sobbing]
Oh, that's right, that's right.
Let it out, let it out.
No, there's hot sauce on the napkin!
[instrumental music]
B-I-E-S.
"Boobies."
On a triple word score.
Whoo-hoo! It's funny and I win.
Not so fast. I challenge.
You challenge "Boobies?"
Why don't we see what the Scrabble dictionary
has to say, hmm?
Ha! It's not in here.
Well, B-O-O-B-Y is.
"A person regarded as stupid."
[gasps] "See plural, boobies."
Oh, my God, I won.
[chuckles] I beat you at Scrabble!
[laughs] It's a Cinderella story.
Fine, Cinderella, you win.
Congratulations.
You know what this means, right?
Boobies?
Rematch.
Then boobies?
[upbeat music]
Hey, hey, hey, if you're gonna smoke
you got to go outside.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm not smoking.
Yes, you are.
- You wanna dance? - Yeah, sure, I'd love to.
I don't know, Stephanie. Teri makes a good point.
I mean, you've got to stop dating
emotionally unavailable men.
You are phenomenal.
It's like you can see right through me.
[chuckles] Yes.
And, Becka, you are filled with so much love.
Why is none of it for yourself?
[sighs]
Uh, and, Angela, I know your self-esteem
is kind of low right now, but I did ask for pickles.
Ugh, there he is, out on the dance floor.
- I can't even look at him. - What, he's here?
The man that turned you into a bitter, loveless shell
of a beautiful woman?
Oh, point him out to me.
There, Evan.
'Dancing with his next victim.'
And I guarantee you, as soon as he gets what he wants
he'll dump her too.
[instrumental music]
- Ow! - What happened?
I think someone just hit me with a pickle.
[instrumental music]
Wow. Ah! I haven't felt like this in a long time.
You're very special, Holly.
- Wow, that's really-- - Holly. Holly, Holly.
Really sweet.
Can you just excuse me for just one second?
- I'll get us some drinks. - Okay.
- What? - Okay.
I've just heard something about Evan.
Uh, he's bad. He's a dog.
He's a bad dog gone bad.
If you keep talking trash about my future husband
then you will not be welcome at our summer home
in Paris, France.
Holly, I'm serious, alright?
I'm doing this for your own good and if you don't listen to me
I'll tell him that you're still in high school.
Then I'll tell the girls that you've been hitting on
that you're still in high school.
No, no, you can't do that.
Becka's just starting to trust men again.
- Do not ruin this for me. - Well, I don't have to.
That big hunk of spinach dip in your teeth will do it for you.
Dude.
- Dude. - Great party.
- Yeah, it's on, isn't it? - Yeah, he-he.
So, uh, that girl you were dancing with.
Oh, yeah, Holly. Yeah, I've been, uh, crunching the numbers.
- I'm about to close the deal. - Yeah, ha-ha.
There's just one problem, dude.
She's my lady.
Du-u-de.
Dude.
Dude, I'm sorry.
I mean, she's all over me.
Oh, I'm not saying we're not going through a rough time.
See, she's trying to make me jealous
and it's working, which is bad.
'Cause when I get jealous..
...I get crazy jealous.
Watching you.
[instrumental music]
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Whoa! 18 points. Tie score.
I hope you enjoyed your last two wins
'cause the reign of Jeff is over, heh.
This is fun.
Cry-babies do not get boobies.
Your turn.
Whoa!
Whoa? What, whoa?
Nothing.
[cell phone ringing]
Hello?
Uh, yeah, alright, tell them, tell them I'll be right there.
I got to shoot down to the restaurant.
I'll be back in a few minutes.
Oh, you better hurry up 'cause you are mine, Scrabble boy.
Ooh, I like that, huh.
Save some of that for later.
[sighs]
[clears throat]
[sighs]
Aah! Oh.
Sorry. Forgot my wallet.
Yeah, I was like, "Aah! Jeff forgot his wallet," heh.
Oh, there it is. Got it.
Good.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
"Enzymes?" Uh-huh, poop!
[instrumental music]
Hey, there you are.
I knew I should have been looking for you
in the "Smokin'" section.
Because remember, earlier, we did that thing?
Look, uh..
I know I don't really seem like it
but I'm kind of a high-stress individual
and your boyfriend is gonna give me a panic attack.
What boyfriend?
That dude that's been whaling
on the sandwich all night.
No, no, no! No, that guy is not my boyfriend.
Okay, I know you guys are having problems
and I don't want to get in the middle of it, okay?
Evan, no, wait.
You told him you were my boyfriend?
Why would you do that?
Well, because you won't listen to me.
- And you're in over your head. - No, I am not!
Now, Evan won't even talk to me.
Hey, you know that he's still in high school, right?
Yeah, he told me.
Pre-emptive move. Tell me I'm not a college material.
[keys jingling]
Aah! Okay!
I'm back. He-he-he.
You ready to play?
Whatever. Let's get this over with.
M-E spells "Me." That's four points.
What are you doing?
What? I spelled "Me." It's in the dictionary.
It means Jeff.
Don't do that.
- What? - You're letting me win.
You have enzymes. That's worth like a 150 points.
How did you know I had enzymes?
You cheated.
Yeah, and I didn't want to. I fought it.
I fought it with every fiber of my being, but it beat me.
Why would you cheat at Scrabble?
[sobs] Because I'm sick.
- Help me! - Oh, baby.
- Oh. - Oh, I'm so ashamed!
Oh. No, don't be ashamed.
- This is great. - What's great?
Uh, you have flaws. You're not perfect.
You thought I was perfect?
Yeah! It was scary.
But I love this.
It's like we're at the point in our relationship
where we can just be ourselves.
You're my little over competitive Scrabble cheater.
Oh.
That does sound kind of nice.
Yeah, sure it does.
You know, a very wise man once said
"It's important to find out what happens
when people stop being polite and start getting real."
That's the intro on "The Real World."
Mm-hmm, all the more reason to trust it.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
[Evan laughing]
(Evan) 'Hey, there's no smoking in the bathroom, Angela.'
Oh, my God! Evan, what the hell are you doing?
I'm chillin'...with Angela.
Uh, 15 minutes ago you were chillin' with me.
I expect from now on you will be getting your copies elsewhere.
Uh.
Somebody open up! The door is stuck!
Help!
Uh.
[trousers zapping]
- Hey, dude. - Hey, sandwich guy.
Have you seen Holly, uh, cute girl dancing with Evan earlier?
I don't know.
I just saw Evan go into the bathroom with some girl.
To the bathroom?
He calls it his deal closing room.
[laughing]
I don't know why.
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Holly! Holly, are you in there?
Yes! The door's stuck! Help!
Okay, listen. Back away from the door!
Okay.
Okay, back away again
and see if they got some Advil.
(Evan) 'Wow, I haven't felt like this in a long time.'
He has so. He felt that way at 9:45!
Ooh!
Hey, thanks, man. Here you go.
- Are you okay? - Yes. Thank you so much.
Uh, where's Evan?
He's in the shower with Angela.
Yeah, you were so right about him.
- Let's just get out of here. - Alright, come on.
Oh, wait, I can't go. I have a huge rip in my pants.
Walk tall, Holly.
Walk tall and proud.
And fast.
[instrumental music]
Hey, we could play something else.
How about a little poker?
Um, I don't know if I'm up for any more games tonight.
But I'm pretty sure you'll like this one a lot.
There's two things you need to know.
Socks count as one item..
...and I'm really bad at poker.
[chuckles]
Okay, okay, I promise.
Last time. Just say it again.
You were right about Evan.
You're a good friend, and I'm glad you were there.
Now, you see, hearing that just warms my heart
which warms my legs.
Next time, trust me. I can take care of myself, okay?
Okay, oh, wait, as long as you take
your dates to Chuck E. Cheese
where there's proper supervision.
Deal.
- Sure you're okay? - I'm fine.
- See you tomorrow. - Bye, Gary.
- Alright. - Goodnight.
Hey, how was the party?
And by that, I mean, those aren't your pants.
A-are we still playing cards?
- Yeah, they're in my bedroom. - Sweet!
- You want the truth? - That would be great.
Well, it was kind of a disaster because it was a college party
and the guy I liked turned out to be a jerk
and then I ended up in the bathroom with him
and another girl, and I ripped my pants
and then Gary saved the day. Goodnight.
Stop.
What?
- College party? - Didn't drink.
- Guy in the bathroom? - Nothing happened.
- Whose pants? - Gary's.
- We'll talk in the morning. - Stop!
- What? - Cards in the bedroom?
Go to sleep.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]