[instrumental music]
Gary, I can't believe you talked me into seeing this movie
about cheerleaders.
Hey, look, did I complain last weekend
when you made me go with you to see "Big Fat Greek Wedding?"
You loved it! You kept saying it was adorable.
That was your word. "Adorable, I think--"
Shh!
I know, and I'm not proud of it.
And that's why I want to see this movie, okay?
Get my manhood back.
Now, could you hold my place in line while I go pee-pee?
Hey, Gary, I don't think there are any restrooms around here.
When you're a man, the world is your restroom.
- Hey. Where's he going? - 'Hey.'
Oh, he had to go use the alley across the street.
Ew! That's disgusting.
No, no, that's one of your nicer alleys.
There's a low wall, so while you're going
you can look out over the Hudson
and see Lady Liberty on the horizon.
- Oh, God bless America. - Hm.
Anyway, we gotta go. Our movie's sold out.
Oh. Oh, guys, come see the movie with us.
It's an action movie about cheerleaders.
"Good Cheer II, Extreme Routine." Ha.
Nah, I think we're just gonna go eat.
Besides, I got enough cheerleading in high school
to last me a lifetime.
Wait, wait, wait.
You were a cheerleader in high school?
Why am I just learning about this?
Well, I didn't think it was any big deal.
Hi, I'm Jeff, your boyfriend. I'm a guy.
- See you later. Have fun. - Bye, guys.
- Are you coming? - I will write you a check.
For $5000 if you jump in the air and land in a scissors split.
...ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one-hundred!
- Congratulations! - Thank you!
[chuckles]
On what? The best dressed?
[chuckles] Um, no.
We are having a promotion tonight
and the 100th person in line wins a free iBop!
Oh, my God! Are you serious? I won something?
That's really cool. I've never won anything before.
Wow, an iBop? Huh?
What's an iBop?
♪ I just wanna say ♪
♪ Life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪ ♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad ♪
♪ Of all that we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪ ♪ Hold on to me ♪
♪ And I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothing less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
Well, there you go.
Great. We've got your name and address.
Your iBop will be delivered first thing tomorrow morning.
- Okay, well, great! - What's great?
I won a free iBop for being the 100th person in line!
An iBop? Well, I-I was standing in front of you.
I-I was the 100th person in line.
No, you see, I was in the alley, uh, taking care of my business
and-and, you know, I-I was taking a while
because Lady Liberty was staring at me
and I got this shy bladder.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Oh, I can't believe I finally won something.
I just wish it were more practical
like a robotic butler.
Holly, the iBop is a musical miracle.
It has a 5-gigabyte hard drive
that can double as a FireWire drive.
- It holds-- - Oh, I am so hot right now.
- Look, you like music, right? - Well, of course.
Well, then this is like, um, this..
You'd hate the iBop.
Yeah, it's really, really complicated and technical
and the only people who like iBops
are computer geeks, outcasts and plain old losers.
Mm, yeah, you should have it then.
It's gonna be delivered first thing tomorrow morning.
Well, if you insist.
Hey, you know, it also comes
in 10 and 20-gigabyte models.
Back off, ladies! He's all mine!
[instrumental music]
Un petite gant fraise, s'il vous plait.
Merci.
Wow! Ordering in French.
- I'm impressed. - Uh, don't be.
I'm pretty sure I just ordered a small strawberry glove.
Still, I love the sound of that language.
- It's so romantic. - Hm.
- Hey, can I ask you something? - Hm.
When you guys were building that cheerleading pyramid
where were you exactly?
Where I always am, sweetie, on top.
Ah. Listen.
What do you say we get that, uh
strawberry glove to go
and top off the night at my place?
Hm, I say get the check.
I just have to stop by my apartment first.
Um, wait a sec, you wanna go by your place across town
so we can stay the night at my place two blocks from here?
Yeah. I promise I'll be quick.
Do you mean reality quick
or I'm-just-gonna- run-into-Bloomingdale's
for-a-second quick?
[instrumental music]
How much longer you're gonna be?
I just had to get the carrying case for my toothbrush.
I almost grabbed Holly's. Phew! Dodged a bullet.
[chuckles] You know, I should have bought different colors
but they only had blue
'so I put our initials on the bottom.'
The VT sort of looked like an HT.
You know what I could do?
I could wrap some colored tape around the bottom.
What are you doing?
This is me with a long, gray beard
waiting for you to finish your toothbrush story.
- Very funny. - Can we leave now?
Yes. Ready to go.
- What? - Uh..
Sweetie, what is your, uh, toilet-paper situation?
I got stuff.
Jeff, we can't just shake it like you.
I'm just gonna go grab a roll and my blow dryer.
- Oh, my God! - Honey, look, I'm sorry.
But if I don't take all of this stuff over with me now
I'm just gonna have to get up early
leave your place, come back here and get ready
when I could spend the whole morning with you.
- I'm just thinking ahead. - Oh, of course you were.
You always plan ahead. I just wish..
What?
I just wish you were more spontaneous.
There, I said it. It's out there.
What?
- I'm processing. - No! Stop processing!
Stop planning. It's driving me crazy!
You know what your problem is?
My problem? Well, no.
Why don't you tell me what my problem is?
You can never just go with the flow, huh?
Yeah, sometimes the flow is fun!
Okay. Fine. You..
You-you want me to be more spontaneous? Huh.
How's this?
Goodnight.
Well, I won that one.
[instrumental music]
[humming]
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm listening to my iBop.
Hm, where did you get that?
I won it last night in the movie line.
- Guess it was my lucky night. - Hm, I had a horrible night.
Did you know this thing can hold up to a thousand songs?
Jeff and I got into a fight.
I just downloaded "Skater Boy" by Avril Lavigne
"If I Ruled The World" by Nas--
Did you happen to get "I'm So Insensitive
I'm Not Listening To My Sister"
by Holly Tyler?
Sorry. Okay. So you and Jeff got into a fight?
- Mm-hmm. - What'd you do?
I didn't do anything!
He says I'm not spontaneous.
Wow.
So did you promptly make a list
of all the ways that hurt your feelings?
Hey, I am just as spontaneous as the next person.
No, you're not. You are a scheduler and an organizer.
You plan ahead to set aside time to plan ahead.
Just look at the pantry. You alphabetize soups.
Oh, and that's a bad thing?
Last week when you were craving Manhattan clam chowder
how fast did you find it?
I'm not saying it's bad.
If the world didn't have people like you
then the fun people wouldn't know they were fun!
- Hey. - Look.
I just think that sometimes you miss out on fun stuff
because you're so busy planning.
And if your boyfriend wants you to be a little more spontaneous
try it. What could it hurt?
You're right. You're right, you're right.
I'm, I'm gonna go sit down and come up
with a really good spontaneous plan.
I'm gonna need graph paper.
[clears throat]
[knocking on door]
Oh. Yeah, one sec!
Damn!
[knocking on door]
Um, one sec, Gary!
I'm comin'!
- Hey, Gary. - Hey, did it get here yet?
No, no. I was hoping you were the guy.
Well, that's weird.
They said first thing in the morning, right?
Yeah, you know, I'm starting to think
it may have been one of those elaborate scams.
- What do you mean? - Well..
I've been reading about it on the Internet.
Apparently..
Uh, the, the Quakers are behind it.
They, uh, offer you a free iBop and then it steals your soul.
Mm..
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Yeah, I think I ate something weird last night.
Hey, listen, the second it gets here, could you call me at work?
- Oh, yeah, absolutely. - Alright, thanks.
- Will do. Bye-bye now. Okay. - Bye.
Wait, from 1:00 to 1:45 I'm..
- What did you eat? - Uh..
[chuckles] I think it must have been the soup.
[music on iBop]
Was it cream of iBop?
Alright, yes, it came.
- I love it, and it's mine! - But you said I could have it.
That was before I fell in love with it.
And I love it, Gary.
I love it like a little tiny child!
I can't believe you. I thought you were my friend.
My friend wouldn't try to steal this from me!
Don't worry, baby.
[sighs] The bad man is gone.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Jamie, has Jeff left the restaurant yet?
No, no, I'm at his place.
[door opens]
Never mind. He just came in.
- Hey. What.. - Hey.
Just thought I'd stop by
on my way to the big game.
What are you doing?
Ready? Okay!
♪ Jeff my love I've got something to share ♪
♪ Hey hey beneath this skirt I've got no under.. ♪♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Who's this? - Uh, Val, this is Linda.
- 'Oh.' - My mom.
Oh, my.
[instrumental music]
Hey, it could have been worse!
- Really? How? - I don't know.
You could have been naked under the skirt.
No..
I am such a ho!
Jeff, your mom hates me.
No, she doesn't. Stop worrying.
No, you don't understand.
That was her first impression of me.
I mean, I can be smart and charming and funny
but she will never forget the sight of me like that.
It does stay with you.
- Why is your mom even here? - This is what she does.
She gets in a fight with my dad and she comes to the city
to spend a bunch of his money
and then she goes home and everything's fine.
I should have never listened to you guys.
I should have just stuck to my schedule
and dusted my plants.
Do you do that without any underwear?
- Oh, my God! - Oh, listen, sweetie.
I'm sorry that you got embarrassed
but I got to tell you
I love that you did something
surprising and impulsive.
And you know, my mom's leaving on Saturday. Huh?
Would that cheerleader like to meet a shirtless fireman, hm?
Mwah.
Look at that. See how happy you made him?
Was it really that hard to be spontaneous?
- Can I tell you a secret? - Mm-hmm.
It almost killed me.
Hey, Gary.
- Here's your sandwich, buddy. - Oh.
So when I called and ordered this chicken Parmesan sandwich
and you said I could have it, you meant what you said.
- What? - Oh, I mean..
You didn't fall in love with the sandwich
and hide it down your pants.
No, I like the sandwich, but only as a friend.
You are a man of honor. Jeff, how much do I owe you?
Gary, do we really have to play this game?
Thank you.
Oh, dear God!
- Hey, mom. - Hi, honey.
Mwah! Whoa, Tiffany's.
Dad must have really screwed up big this time.
Darling, you know I don't like to air
our dirty laundry in public
but I do like to give away watches.
Any one of you strangers here want a Rolex?
Here, let me take these bags.
I'm gonna go throw 'em in the office.
- Val! - Hey, Linda!
- Hey. - Wow, you..
Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened earlier.
- I, I was mortified. - Oh, no. Oh, don't be sorry.
No, well, that was the cutest thing I've ever seen.
No, I'm just so happy that Jeff
is finally dating someone who's fun.
- You know, a little wild. - Little wild?
You should see what this girl will do on camera for beads.
Yeah.
- Holly. - Oh, no, I love it.
- And who are you? - Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry. This is my sister, Holly.
Did you.. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Two of you?
Oh, I bet you guys know how to get into trouble.
[laughing]
Yeah. Ooh, the stories we could tell.
Wait, you're not a cop, are ya?
And I bet you're on your way
to do something insane tonight.
Oh, well, who do you think you're talking to?
Can I come?
Are-are you-you kidding?
Okay. Sure, yeah.
We would love to have you come with us to that, that..
[inaudible]
Uh, well, you have been talking
about the Dancing Greek!
Gorgeous waiters, smashing plates, dancing.
What do you say we go get our asses thrown out of there?
Huh?
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter]
(all) Opa!
[indistinct singing]
[laughing]
[cheering]
(all) Opa!
[all applauding]
That was so.. This is so much fun.
[plate shattering]
My cheese!
Aah! Ah! My baby!
You're not even wearing your helmet!
He is fine. Look, I need help. Here she comes.
[sighs] Oh..
You know..
...I have been coming to New York for years
and I have never enjoyed myself like this.
Oh, this is actually pretty tame for Val.
But after Labor Day it's hard to find a good cockfight, so..
Linda, here's my philosophy.
Uh, I'm, I'm all about the carpe diem.
Y-you know, seize the day
the, uh, uh, live in the moment
that we've only got one shot, baby.
This is it, so keep on truckin'.
[chuckles]
That is a precious gift. Thank you.
Would you like $1000?
Hey, guys. How are my three favorite ladies doing?
- Oh! - What's going on?
Well, I think your mom's having a good time.
And we're up a grand.
Oh, darling, I just can't..
I cannot tell you how much fun I'm having.
Oh, well, good, mom. I'm glad.
And as a matter of fact, your girlfriend
has given me the, the courage
to do something that I've been wanting to do
for a very long time.
Well, that's great! What?
I'm not going back to your father.
(waiters) Opa!
Opa?
[instrumental music]
[sighs] Never should have taken you to that Greek restaurant.
It was too dangerous for you.
But you're broken now, so you're nothing more to me
than a worthless piece of plastic and I hate you!
[knocking on door]
[sighs]
- Hey, Gary. - Hello, Holly.
I received your message and I'm here just as I said I'd be
because, Holly, when I promise you something--
Cut it out.
- Come on in. - What do you want?
Well, I've been thinking about it
and I've come to the conclusion
that our friendship means more to me than some iBop.
And so?
Here.
You-you're giving it to me?
I searched my soul
and it's the decent, moral thing to do.
Thank you. I knew, given time, you'd come around.
Gary got a iBop.
[sighs]
Hm..
- Hm. - What?
Well, it's not working.
What?
It was just workin' a minute ago!
Well, I am going to write a strongly-worded letter
to the Home Office!
Oh, the hold button was flipped. It works.
- What? - Yeah.
Right here on the side, see? I can see how you'd miss it.
I guess so. It's so frickin' tiny!
Ha-ha!
[scatting]
Gary?
- Gary! - Hm?
I wanna say I'm sorry about how this all happened.
I was pretty selfish, and we shouldn't fight
over some stupid, modern musical marvel.
[laughs]
I'm glad you have it now.
You know, I don't really feel right about it, either.
I mean, I kind of misled you about how cool it is.
And you were the 100th person in line.
Yeah, baby, hand it over!
[laughs] Yeah, see? Now, that's good.
I-I miss the whole kidding around thing.
[laughs]
Hey, how about this? We, uh, we can share it.
You know, we can trade off weeks.
It'll be like a joint-custody thing.
I just want what's best for iBop.
Right. And I think the iBop needs a strong, male role model.
See you in a week.
Okay! Be safe now.
[door shuts]
It's so quiet now.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, you're finally up. - Oh..
You were great last night. You were fun, spontaneous.
Hm. How's this for spontaneous?
When I got home, I didn't plan on throwing up
but then all of a sudden, bam, I did.
Hey, guys.
Hey, listen.
I'm really sorry about what happened with your parents.
I know what you're going through.
I, too, have recently suffered a loss.
[sighs]
Hi.
Get your mom off to the airport okay?
- Yeah. - Is she alright?
Oh, she's fine. I'm the one who's a little confused.
I mean, my parents have been married for 30 years
then she goes out with you, and suddenly
no more mommy and daddy.
Jeff, I'm so sorry about what happened
but you can't honestly think
that last night had anything to do
with your parents breaking up.
Oh, no, I know, I know.
Um, she explained to me on the way to the airport
what's been going on with her and my dad.
She said that because of him
she hasn't been able to be herself
in over 20 years.
I mean, why would she do that?
Well, maybe, maybe she did it for him.
Maybe she thought making your dad happy
was more important than making herself happy.
Now, that happens in couples sometimes
when one person
tries to change the other person.
[sighs] We're gonna have a relationship talk, aren't we?
No. You're going through enough right now.
The last thing you need to hear from me
is what I believe is a huge problem
in our relationship.
Okay, go.
[clears throat]
I know you want me to be a more spontaneous person
but that is not who I am, alright?
I like planning. Planning is fun.
And-and it's just not me, and I want you to be happy
but I can't change who I am for you.
I'm really sorry about your mom and dad.
Yeah.
I think I know a way I can make you feel better.
How?
You ever fool around with
a hung-over cheerleader?
Yeah. Melinda Hage. Mm.
Uh, but she didn't wanna cuddle afterwards
so, obviously, I found the whole thing sickening.
[laughs] Let's go.
[clears throat]
[theme music]
[instrumental music]