1 00:00:01,159 --> 00:00:02,180 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,089 Holly, check it out. 3 00:00:06,110 --> 00:00:09,019 Our spring break begins with a bang. 4 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:13,179 - The Staten Island Sideshow. - Sideshow? 5 00:00:13,199 --> 00:00:15,009 Gary, I thought we were gonna do 6 00:00:15,029 --> 00:00:17,000 something meaningful with our vacation. 7 00:00:17,019 --> 00:00:19,190 What happened to our napping contest? 8 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:22,149 Oh, look. "Freaks, wonders and curiosities." 9 00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:25,030 It's the human condition. 10 00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:28,010 Gary, you can see freaks on every corner of the city. 11 00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:31,160 You can't see Digestor. 12 00:00:31,179 --> 00:00:34,070 The ad, it says he can eat anything. 13 00:00:34,090 --> 00:00:36,000 We're gonna see about that. 14 00:00:37,210 --> 00:00:40,100 Kiki, a good assistant doesn't call an hour before work 15 00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:42,049 and say she can't come in. 16 00:00:42,070 --> 00:00:44,079 Uh, sweetie, I'm glad you met a guy 17 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,070 but why are you in Orlando? 18 00:00:47,170 --> 00:00:49,159 Well, you know, I happen to think 19 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:52,189 that work is the happiest place on Earth. 20 00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:54,079 Come on, Holly, let's go! 21 00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:55,130 I wanna sit in the front row 22 00:00:55,149 --> 00:00:57,140 for Oozette, the human sprinkler. 23 00:00:57,159 --> 00:00:59,210 I don't wanna go to a freak show. 24 00:00:59,229 --> 00:01:02,079 One man lifts a block of concrete with his nipples 25 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,210 and it's a freak show? 26 00:01:06,090 --> 00:01:09,019 Perfect. Now, I'm gonna have to call a temp agency. 27 00:01:09,039 --> 00:01:11,180 You'd think for 500 bucks I could get somebody 28 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,049 who doesn't want to borrow a urine sample? 29 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,200 Hey, 500 bucks? 30 00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:19,019 What if I filled in as your assistant? 31 00:01:19,039 --> 00:01:21,219 Well, that would be cute. 32 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,000 Come on, I could use the money, and I'd work hard! 33 00:01:24,019 --> 00:01:25,099 Hey, and I'd finally have a place to wear 34 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,069 that business casual skirt you gave me. 35 00:01:27,090 --> 00:01:30,049 You haven't worn that? I thought you love that skirt. 36 00:01:30,069 --> 00:01:31,109 Uh-huh. 37 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,180 Well, okay, but you'd have to be completely professional. 38 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,200 I mean, when I ask you to answer the phone 39 00:01:37,219 --> 00:01:39,200 and make me coffee, I don't wanna hear 40 00:01:39,219 --> 00:01:42,200 "You're not the boss of me" because, you know, I am. 41 00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:44,140 - Okay, it's a deal. - Okay. 42 00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:45,189 - Hurry up and go get dressed. - Okay. 43 00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:47,020 Ooh, it looks like it's gonna rain. 44 00:01:47,039 --> 00:01:48,030 Can you grab my umbrella? 45 00:01:48,049 --> 00:01:49,189 Your arms ain't broke. 46 00:01:51,109 --> 00:01:53,000 ♪ I just wanna say ♪ 47 00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:56,189 ♪ Life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪ 48 00:01:56,210 --> 00:01:58,129 ♪ Without you ♪ 49 00:01:58,150 --> 00:02:00,200 ♪ Through the good and bad ♪ 50 00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:03,129 ♪ Of all that we've been through ♪ 51 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:06,140 ♪ I love you ♪ ♪ Hold on to me ♪ 52 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,050 ♪ And I'll return it ♪ 53 00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:11,090 ♪ With nothing less than all of me ♪ 54 00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:16,170 ♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪ 55 00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:19,199 ♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪ 56 00:02:32,009 --> 00:02:33,030 [instrumental music] 57 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,069 And after about six months of phone calls 58 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,219 I finally convinced "MY Magazine" 59 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,139 to put Kira Martin on the cover. 60 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:42,210 [all applauding] 61 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,039 Wow! 62 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:49,060 [clears throat] Fantastic work, Val. 63 00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:50,099 This, uh, this cover 64 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,219 is a great way to unveil her new boobs. 65 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:57,030 Oh, and, uh, call "The Post" and deny that she has new boobs. 66 00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,050 [laughing] 67 00:03:01,219 --> 00:03:03,189 Uh, now, as many of you know 68 00:03:03,210 --> 00:03:05,169 Susan Dickerson has left her position here 69 00:03:05,189 --> 00:03:07,110 to work for our competition. 70 00:03:07,129 --> 00:03:08,210 Uh, we wish her well 71 00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:10,069 and are glad that her emotional neediness 72 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,060 is now their problem. 73 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,219 It, uh, also means that we need a new managing director. 74 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,219 'Now, you guys know it is our policy to promote from within.' 75 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,020 Is that job something you'd need a high school diploma for? 76 00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:24,229 - So that's everything-- - Actually, Vic. 77 00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:26,159 I just have one quick question. 78 00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:29,150 Uh, terrific job, Val, on the Kira Martin cover. 79 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:31,110 When do we get to see the final picture? 80 00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:34,189 That-that is the final picture. I signed off on it on Friday. 81 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:36,060 Oh. Forget it. 82 00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:40,030 - What? - No. God, it's nothing. 83 00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:42,120 Great job, Val. 84 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,060 What, Lauren? What is it? 85 00:03:44,079 --> 00:03:46,120 Okay, well, I know I'm the new girl in town 86 00:03:46,139 --> 00:03:48,009 but in the Chicago office 87 00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:50,219 we tried not to use pictures of cross-eyed people. 88 00:03:52,069 --> 00:03:53,150 Well, she's not cross-eyed. 89 00:03:53,170 --> 00:03:56,020 Well, I know she's not, but in that shot 90 00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:58,060 doesn't she seem like she's a little.. 91 00:03:58,079 --> 00:04:01,150 ..I don't know, kinda hypnotized by her own nose? 92 00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:06,000 You know what? Forget it. It's just me. 93 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:07,039 - Just forget it. - No. 94 00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:08,229 You know, now that you mention it 95 00:04:09,009 --> 00:04:12,069 I am kind of having the urge to say, "I'm over here." 96 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:15,229 Alright, uh, Val, could you straighten that out, please? 97 00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:18,160 Uh, that's it, everybody. Have a great week. 98 00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:22,230 She's not cross-eyed. 99 00:04:23,009 --> 00:04:24,089 Does she look cross-eyed to you? 100 00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:25,120 Maybe it's just one of those things 101 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,160 that when someone says it 102 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:28,050 everyone starts thinking they see it 103 00:04:28,069 --> 00:04:31,029 like, uh, the time I convinced Gary he was shrinking. 104 00:04:35,189 --> 00:04:37,050 I can't believe the way that Lauren girl 105 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:39,180 totally humiliated you in front of your boss. 106 00:04:39,199 --> 00:04:41,000 Wait, Vic is your boss, right 107 00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:43,009 'cause earlier I asked him for trash bags. 108 00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,159 Vic is everyone's boss. 109 00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:47,159 Yeah, well, I'd watch out for that Lauren girl. 110 00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:49,159 She really has it in for you. 111 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:52,159 - She wants that promotion. - We both want that promotion. 112 00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:54,129 Managing director is second in command. 113 00:04:54,149 --> 00:04:55,170 Not that these things matter to me 114 00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:57,000 but I'd get my own bathroom 115 00:04:57,019 --> 00:04:58,170 and that would make life a lot easier. 116 00:04:58,189 --> 00:05:02,100 Well, then we gotta take Lauren down before she takes you down! 117 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,069 Stop it. Lauren doesn't have it in for me. 118 00:05:04,089 --> 00:05:06,129 - She's just doing her job. - Oh, please! 119 00:05:06,149 --> 00:05:08,129 "I'm Lauren, I'm from Chicago. Blah, blah. 120 00:05:08,149 --> 00:05:11,089 Pizza deep dish. Ha-ha ha-ha!" 121 00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:14,230 She is sucking up to Vic and trying to make you look bad. 122 00:05:15,009 --> 00:05:16,060 Hey, Val, I need you to be on that 123 00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:18,029 4 o'clock conference call with Tony Hawk. 124 00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:19,199 - No problem. - Oh, and, uh, Holly. 125 00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,040 Did you want large kitchen? 126 00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,180 Oh. Yeah, I-I'm sorry about that. 127 00:05:23,199 --> 00:05:25,209 I told her you weren't in charge of office supplies. 128 00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:27,009 No, don't worry about it. 129 00:05:27,029 --> 00:05:28,060 Hey, I haven't been able to track down 130 00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:29,129 that non-dairy creamer 131 00:05:29,149 --> 00:05:31,029 but I'll see if I can score some from the mayor 132 00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:33,170 after our meeting, okay? 133 00:05:33,189 --> 00:05:36,110 [instrumental music] 134 00:05:36,129 --> 00:05:40,060 I had no idea we were both from Chicago. 135 00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:42,009 What a coincidence! 136 00:05:43,079 --> 00:05:45,100 Oh, I miss the Windy City already. 137 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,060 Did you know it's not called the Windy City because of the wind? 138 00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:49,129 - Oh. - No. 139 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:52,000 It's because of the windy politicians. 140 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:55,060 I guess they had a tendency to talk on and on. 141 00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:57,230 It kind of makes this the windy breakroom. 142 00:05:59,170 --> 00:06:01,180 I'm sorry. What? 143 00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:04,199 Who wants coffee? Vic, can I pour you a cup? 144 00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,029 - Oh, yes, please. - Okay. 145 00:06:06,050 --> 00:06:07,100 You know what? I'll take one too. 146 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,180 Mugs are in the cupboard. 147 00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:12,180 - Hey, Vic, do you like cigars? - Oh, are you kidding me? 148 00:06:12,199 --> 00:06:15,139 You've seen my humidor, my collection of cigar bands 149 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,069 my teeth. 150 00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:19,230 You have perfect teeth. 151 00:06:23,069 --> 00:06:25,110 Anyway, um, a neighbor gave these to me 152 00:06:25,129 --> 00:06:27,149 as a housewarming gift. They're yours if you want them. 153 00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:29,009 I don't know if they're any good. 154 00:06:29,029 --> 00:06:31,009 Good? A-are you kidding? These are, these are Cubans. 155 00:06:31,029 --> 00:06:33,189 They're so good, they're illegal. 156 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:35,170 A neighbor gave you cigars? 157 00:06:35,189 --> 00:06:37,230 Where do you live, the dog track? 158 00:06:39,189 --> 00:06:40,230 [coughs] 159 00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:43,230 Gary, Holly stepped away from her desk 160 00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:47,029 and I really don't wanna hear anymore about the sideshow. 161 00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:50,009 I don't care how many orifices the man has. 162 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,220 Val, you would not believe 163 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,139 what just went down in the breakroom! 164 00:06:55,159 --> 00:06:57,100 Lauren is in there with Vic and she's sucking up to him 165 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,149 like a leech on a wet hound dog! 166 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,209 I heard President Bush say that. 167 00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:05,050 Look, she went out and bought him some fancy cigars 168 00:07:05,069 --> 00:07:07,110 and then pretended like it was no big deal. 169 00:07:07,129 --> 00:07:09,060 Oh! Oh, my God! 170 00:07:09,079 --> 00:07:11,160 She is pure evil. 171 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,230 Don't you get it? 172 00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:14,149 She is the flashy, new girl in town 173 00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:17,079 and she's trying to move in on your territory. 174 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,120 This is not high school. 175 00:07:18,139 --> 00:07:20,129 Everything is high school! 176 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,189 Vic is gonna give the promotion to the person 177 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,100 who deserves it based on the work 178 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,160 not because of some stupid cigars. 179 00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:34,000 (Vic) Yeah, sure, I'd love to hear your ideas. 180 00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:35,090 Um, I'm gonna have lunch 181 00:07:35,110 --> 00:07:37,139 at The Oak Room at The Plaza at 1:00. 182 00:07:37,159 --> 00:07:39,129 - Meet me there. - Super! 183 00:07:43,069 --> 00:07:46,029 So, Lauren, you've got some ideas, huh? 184 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,199 - About what? - Oh, you know, our clients. 185 00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:51,000 I think that Vic is excited to have someone 186 00:07:51,019 --> 00:07:53,110 who could look at things with fresh eyes. 187 00:07:53,129 --> 00:07:54,170 - Really? - Yeah. 188 00:07:54,189 --> 00:07:57,060 You know, instead of crossed-eyes. 189 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:04,129 So while Lauren's sharing her ideas 190 00:08:04,149 --> 00:08:06,069 with the boss at The Plaza 191 00:08:06,089 --> 00:08:09,079 why don't we go through the want ads at Mickey D's? 192 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,160 Wouldn't that be super? 193 00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,170 Alright, I'll admit. 194 00:08:15,189 --> 00:08:18,230 Lauren is starting to strike me as a tad weasely. 195 00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:22,060 [sighs] But I have a plan of my own. 196 00:08:22,079 --> 00:08:25,160 Okay, that's what I wanna hear, fighting fire with fire. 197 00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:26,220 What are you gonna do? 198 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,069 I am gonna write a report. 199 00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:32,070 - What? - Vic wants fresh ideas? 200 00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,190 I've got fresh ideas. 201 00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:35,129 So I'm gonna analyze our biggest accounts 202 00:08:35,149 --> 00:08:38,179 assess the pros and cons of each and turn it in to Vic 203 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,120 in a fancy cover. 204 00:08:40,139 --> 00:08:42,220 That's not fighting fire with fire! 205 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,059 That's fighting fire with paper! 206 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,039 Fire kicks paper's ass! 207 00:08:48,059 --> 00:08:51,059 I don't wanna stoop to her level or your level. 208 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,169 I wanna earn that promotion. 209 00:08:52,190 --> 00:08:54,129 Now, get out of here. I got a lot of work to do. 210 00:08:54,149 --> 00:08:56,120 Okay, I'll cancel your meetings, hold your calls 211 00:08:56,139 --> 00:09:00,059 and get you some lunch, and hack into Lauren's computer. 212 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,029 Okay, I'll just cut the brakes on her car. 213 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,110 I don't know, man. 214 00:09:11,129 --> 00:09:14,029 I saw things today. 215 00:09:14,049 --> 00:09:15,230 Things I won't soon forget. 216 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,070 I don't wanna talk about it. 217 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:21,009 Well, it's a sideshow. What did you expect? 218 00:09:21,029 --> 00:09:23,139 Not to see a man eat a bucket of hair. 219 00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:27,169 Hey, how was the freak show? 220 00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:30,139 I saw things today. 221 00:09:30,159 --> 00:09:32,080 And heard them. 222 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:36,049 The hair, i-it made a...crunching sound. 223 00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,090 I don't wanna talk about it. 224 00:09:39,059 --> 00:09:40,220 Hey, is Val's lunch order ready? 225 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,070 Yeah, it's right here. 226 00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:43,220 What's she so stressed about? 227 00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:45,049 Oh, she locked herself in her office 228 00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:46,210 doing some kind of extra credit report. 229 00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:49,049 She needs to impress her boss because of that promotion. 230 00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:51,129 Oh, really? Is she gonna be done by tonight? 231 00:09:51,149 --> 00:09:53,029 'Cause I scored two courtside seats 232 00:09:53,049 --> 00:09:55,009 for the Knicks-Wizards game. 233 00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:57,000 It's Michael Jordan's last game in New York. 234 00:09:57,019 --> 00:09:58,200 Val's gonna be blown away. 235 00:10:00,049 --> 00:10:03,100 Why? Are sports less boring when you're closer? 236 00:10:04,129 --> 00:10:06,159 No. Soccer sucks from anywhere. 237 00:10:06,179 --> 00:10:08,070 There is not a guy in the world 238 00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:11,080 who wouldn't kill for those seats. 239 00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:14,179 You know who would love to sit courtside for the Knicks game? 240 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,009 Val's boss! 241 00:10:17,029 --> 00:10:19,080 What are me and him gonna talk about? 242 00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:22,019 Val has got serious competition for her promotion 243 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,080 but if she gives Vic those tickets 244 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,120 that would put her way out in the lead! 245 00:10:25,139 --> 00:10:28,159 Val doesn't have to bribe Vic. Val's great at her job. 246 00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:30,080 It doesn't matter if she's great. 247 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,019 That Lauren girl is a snake! 248 00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:34,059 Val is in a war! 249 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,230 Yeah, I know that promotion's really important to her. 250 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:39,029 But Michael Jordan's really important to me. 251 00:10:39,049 --> 00:10:40,169 You could see where I'm stuck with this. 252 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:43,139 Dude, you're not looking at the big picture! 253 00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:46,049 Okay. Think about this. 254 00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:47,129 You give Vic the tickets 255 00:10:47,149 --> 00:10:49,090 and maybe Vic meets Michael Jordan 256 00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:50,179 and they become friends. 257 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,129 And then Vic has a dinner party 258 00:10:52,149 --> 00:10:54,159 invites his new friend, Michael Jordan 259 00:10:54,179 --> 00:10:58,070 and his new managing director, Val Tyler! 260 00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:01,139 And do you know who else is at that party, Jeff? 261 00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:03,049 Tiger Woods? 262 00:11:04,029 --> 00:11:05,230 No. You! 263 00:11:06,210 --> 00:11:08,190 I'll get the tickets. 264 00:11:13,019 --> 00:11:14,220 Holly, I thought you did a great job today. 265 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,100 Hey, I learned a lot 266 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,220 especially at that sexual harassment seminar. 267 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,139 So tomorrow when I see Vic I have to say 268 00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:22,019 "You look sharp" instead of 269 00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:24,100 "Aren't you a smokin' hunk of love?" 270 00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:28,169 I just hope he has time to read my report. 271 00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:30,190 Oh. There she is. 272 00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,100 That was unbelievable, Val. 273 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,080 Totally above and beyond the call of duty. 274 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,129 Well, I just thought it was something 275 00:11:35,149 --> 00:11:36,190 that needed to be done. 276 00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:39,100 Oh, well, I am blown away. Thank you so much. 277 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,200 I'll see you guys. 278 00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:44,110 I think the boss likes my report! 279 00:11:44,129 --> 00:11:46,190 I think he's thanking you for the Knicks tickets. 280 00:11:47,129 --> 00:11:48,179 Excuse me? 281 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,149 I gave Vic a couple of courtside seats 282 00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:51,149 to tonight's game. 283 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,169 And I said they were from you! 284 00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:55,149 You what? Why did you do that? 285 00:11:55,169 --> 00:11:58,149 Because I knew that you would never do this for yourself. 286 00:11:58,169 --> 00:12:00,029 You listen to me. 287 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:01,220 From now on, you, you answer the phones 288 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,169 you take my messages and make me coffee. 289 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,230 Because if you don't, I swear, I'm-I'm-- 290 00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:07,110 You're number one, Val! 291 00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:11,090 I'm number one. Ha. 292 00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:14,080 Shame on me and my successful ideas. 293 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,159 Uh.. Stop it. 294 00:12:15,179 --> 00:12:17,159 I'm number freakin' one! 295 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:21,070 Hey, I almost forgot. I read your report. 296 00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:23,000 I think you made some interesting points. 297 00:12:23,019 --> 00:12:26,100 Oh, is that so? Well, I'm glad you liked it. 298 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,149 Yeah, you know who really liked it was Lauren. 299 00:12:28,169 --> 00:12:30,070 - Lauren? - Mm-hmm. 300 00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:32,000 Yeah, well, she.. Well, here she is. 301 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,090 I mean, she can tell you herself. 302 00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:35,049 We, uh, we were just talking about Val's report. 303 00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:37,179 Oh, right, I picked it up off his desk. 304 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,159 I thought it was a magazine. It was so pretty. 305 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,100 She's already taken a couple of your notions 306 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,230 and really run with them. 307 00:12:46,009 --> 00:12:47,120 You're running with my notions? 308 00:12:47,139 --> 00:12:49,000 Well, yeah, I'm sure we'll talk about it some more 309 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,029 at the game tonight. 310 00:12:51,049 --> 00:12:53,039 Uh, you're taking her? 311 00:12:53,059 --> 00:12:55,059 She used to do PR for the Bulls back in Chicago 312 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,149 and she might be able to get me in to meet Jordan. 313 00:12:57,169 --> 00:12:59,210 Anyway, Val, thanks again for the tickets. 314 00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:03,029 Yes, Val, thank you. Thank you so much. 315 00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:10,100 Um, if you yell at me for the next two hours 316 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,000 do I get paid overtime? 317 00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:21,110 [instrumental music] 318 00:13:24,029 --> 00:13:26,000 Thank you, thank you for giving Lauren 319 00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:28,169 the perfect opportunity to sit next to Vic for three hours 320 00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:30,100 and stab me in the back. 321 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,159 She's good. She's very, very good. 322 00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,029 She's so obvious. 323 00:13:34,049 --> 00:13:35,169 How does he not see what she's doing? 324 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,230 Well, he sees free cigars and basketball tickets. 325 00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:39,080 What do you expect him to do? 326 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,210 This is my career, Holly. I could lose my job. 327 00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:43,190 How will we ever make ends meet? 328 00:13:45,019 --> 00:13:46,169 Can you ease up on the shaking? 329 00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:49,039 I had, like, 30 cups of coffee today. 330 00:13:49,059 --> 00:13:51,139 I just really wanted that promotion. 331 00:13:51,159 --> 00:13:52,159 Now, she's gonna get it. 332 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,129 I'm gonna be number freakin' two! 333 00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:56,169 Look, you can beat her. 334 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:58,019 The only difference between you and Lauren 335 00:13:58,039 --> 00:14:00,110 is that she has got fire in her belly! 336 00:14:00,129 --> 00:14:03,009 Your belly's not even rubbing two sticks together. 337 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,210 You're right. I'm too damn nice. 338 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:09,000 I can't fight dirty. 339 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,220 But I can. 340 00:14:13,029 --> 00:14:14,230 You ready to listen to me? 341 00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:17,190 I'm ready. Bring it on. How do we get Lauren? 342 00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,059 Okay, well, it might not surprise you 343 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,090 that I have some ideas. 344 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,179 Here we go. 345 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,059 Ooh, I like this one. It has a diagram. 346 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,090 Oh, that one's kind of tricky. We need a sample of her DNA. 347 00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:32,059 Hey, how about this one? The bazooka. 348 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,029 - Tell me about the bazooka. - Excellent choice. 349 00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:36,110 I used that once in the ninth grade 350 00:14:36,129 --> 00:14:38,129 on Lisa Gertz. 351 00:14:38,149 --> 00:14:41,159 They say on quiet days you can still hear her crying. 352 00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:47,070 So how does it work? 353 00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:49,009 We do some digging into Lauren's past 354 00:14:49,029 --> 00:14:51,070 and find her dirty, little secret. 355 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,110 You think she has a secret? 356 00:14:53,129 --> 00:14:55,210 Everyone has a secret. 357 00:14:55,230 --> 00:14:58,149 But, Val, you have to know that this won't be pretty. 358 00:14:58,169 --> 00:15:01,019 Once you get in, you cannot get out. 359 00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:02,100 Why can't you get out? 360 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,149 Well, you can, but it's just more fun like this. 361 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,179 Come on, let's do it! 362 00:15:10,169 --> 00:15:12,230 - Where's Holly? - Uh, she's still at the office. 363 00:15:13,009 --> 00:15:14,090 She and Ernie, the computer guy 364 00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:16,120 are trying to dig up Lauren's dirty, little secret. 365 00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:19,149 - She has a secret? - Everyone has a secret. 366 00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:23,120 So...you're playing dirty? 367 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,080 - Damn right. - Ooh. 368 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,169 Tell me more, dirty Val. 369 00:15:26,190 --> 00:15:28,200 [chuckles] Well, the plan is to-- 370 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,220 Oh, no, no, no, um, say it slower 371 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,080 and use your early morning scratchy voice. 372 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:36,200 - I got it. - The bazooka? 373 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:38,169 - You got the bazooka? - Oh, yes, and it's big. 374 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:40,000 It's bigger than I even imagined. 375 00:15:40,019 --> 00:15:41,149 Okay, don't-don't tell me all at once. 376 00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:43,000 Just give me a tiny, little hint. 377 00:15:43,019 --> 00:15:45,000 Okay. Jail. 378 00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,039 Right. Sounds like jail. Male. Oh! 379 00:15:47,059 --> 00:15:49,210 She used to be a man! Ha! I knew it! 380 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,200 No, she was in jail, prison! 381 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,190 - No. - Yes. 382 00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:59,080 [gasps] Oh, my God, this is good! 383 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,210 - Lauren did time. - What was she in for? 384 00:16:01,230 --> 00:16:05,049 - Robbery. - She knocked over a laundromat. 385 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,129 This...this is great. 386 00:16:08,149 --> 00:16:09,169 [sighs] 387 00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,049 Okay, so-so what do we do? 388 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,129 You flash that rap sheet 389 00:16:12,149 --> 00:16:14,059 then watch how fast Lauren hops on the next train 390 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,059 to Chi-town. 391 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,220 When did you start talking like this? 392 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,080 It's possible that I watch too much TV. 393 00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:23,090 Okay, so here's how it goes down. 394 00:16:23,110 --> 00:16:24,159 You get Lauren in your office 395 00:16:24,179 --> 00:16:27,049 you sit her down and you give her the stare! 396 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,120 Then you give her a little squint 397 00:16:28,139 --> 00:16:31,000 so she knows that this is not a social call. 398 00:16:31,019 --> 00:16:32,210 Ooh, I like the squint. 399 00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:34,009 And then once you get her attention 400 00:16:34,029 --> 00:16:35,129 you slam that file on the table 401 00:16:35,149 --> 00:16:37,110 and you tell her that she is history. 402 00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:38,210 You tell her that she messed around 403 00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:41,100 with the wrong public relations lady. 404 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,100 No. Publicist. 405 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,070 Yeah, that sounds tougher. 406 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,080 - You makin' fun of me? - Yeah, yeah, that's it. 407 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,200 That's the early morning scratchy voice. 408 00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:59,090 - Are you okay? - Never better. 409 00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:00,169 Lookin' sharp, Vic! 410 00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:03,179 Oh, hey, I miss being a smokin' hunk of love. 411 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,140 Stupid seminars. 412 00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:11,130 - You got the bazooka? - Locked and loaded. 413 00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:12,220 Fire in the belly? 414 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,079 [hissing] 415 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,059 Make me proud, damn it. 416 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,029 I'll do my best. 417 00:17:26,009 --> 00:17:27,019 (Val) 'Good morning, Lauren.' 418 00:17:27,039 --> 00:17:29,009 Thank you for meeting me so early. 419 00:17:29,029 --> 00:17:31,190 Yeah, I've got a 10:15 with Vic, so could you kinda.. 420 00:17:33,049 --> 00:17:35,099 This is gonna take as long as it's gonna take. 421 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,210 See, 'cause now you're on my clock. 422 00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:46,200 It's a zit, okay? I am premenstrual. 423 00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:50,190 This is not a social call. 424 00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:53,039 - What is that? - Open it. 425 00:17:54,059 --> 00:17:55,109 Just curious. 426 00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:56,180 Does the girl in that picture 427 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,140 look like she's cross-eyed? 428 00:18:03,089 --> 00:18:04,160 Okay, look, Val, can I-- 429 00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,210 Ah, ah, ah. I'm talking now. 430 00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,069 Did you really think I was just gonna let you 431 00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:09,140 walk all over me? 432 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,230 Early indicators pointed to yes. 433 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,009 Alright, what do you want? 434 00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:18,200 I want you on the first train to Chi-town. 435 00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:22,109 Excuse me? 436 00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:24,210 It's over. I want you gone. 437 00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,170 You are history. 438 00:18:28,099 --> 00:18:29,190 Okay. 439 00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:32,089 Game over. You win. 440 00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:34,140 Yes, I win. 441 00:18:38,019 --> 00:18:39,119 Wait! 442 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,000 - Don't. - What? 443 00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:44,190 [sighs] This is ridiculous, this whole thing. 444 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,150 I don't wanna make you quit your job. 445 00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:48,019 (Holly) 'Oh, God!' 446 00:18:49,069 --> 00:18:50,230 First of all, you're kind of good at it. 447 00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:52,200 I mean, half of this job is manipulating people 448 00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:56,059 and sucking up to them, and you definitely have that down. 449 00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:58,089 Uh, excuse me, Val? It's an urgent phone call. 450 00:18:58,109 --> 00:19:02,079 Uh, Mr. Fire-in-the-Belly, about the plan. 451 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,200 You, I want you to come in here and hear this, too. 452 00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:06,079 A-actually, I can hear pretty good-- 453 00:19:06,099 --> 00:19:07,200 (Val) 'Now!' 454 00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:13,119 Lauren, I think you've been acting really unprofessionally. 455 00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:16,049 Quite frankly, you've been a weasel. 456 00:19:16,069 --> 00:19:19,130 I-I-I don't agree with your win-at-all-costs attitude. 457 00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:21,009 And if I start doing that, then I'm you 458 00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,049 and I don't wanna be you. 459 00:19:23,069 --> 00:19:25,079 Here, you keep this. 460 00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:26,220 Nobody has to know about it. 461 00:19:28,029 --> 00:19:30,049 Wait, I am totally confused. 462 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:33,079 You could bury me with this and you're just gonna let it go? 463 00:19:33,099 --> 00:19:35,039 Hm, don't look at me, I was hoping to see 464 00:19:35,059 --> 00:19:37,089 some big old mascara tears by now. 465 00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:40,230 If I get this promotion 466 00:19:41,009 --> 00:19:42,140 I wanna get it because I earned it 467 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,009 because I am the most qualified 468 00:19:44,029 --> 00:19:47,089 not because you knocked over some fluff-n-fold. 469 00:19:47,109 --> 00:19:49,019 Y-you probably won't believe me 470 00:19:49,039 --> 00:19:51,150 but I did not rob that laundromat. 471 00:19:51,170 --> 00:19:52,220 My boyfriend told me to stop 472 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,099 because he had to get some change 473 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:55,190 and the next thing I know, he jumped into my car 474 00:19:55,210 --> 00:19:57,029 with a big pillowcase full of cash 475 00:19:57,049 --> 00:19:59,029 and started yelling, "Drive! Drive!" 476 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,220 - I believe you. - Thank you. 477 00:20:05,089 --> 00:20:07,069 Uh, Lauren. 478 00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:09,019 The next time you try to humiliate me 479 00:20:09,039 --> 00:20:13,029 in the morning meeting, I will knock you cross-eyed. 480 00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:14,150 Got it. 481 00:20:17,059 --> 00:20:19,130 Can I still cut the brakes on her car? 482 00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:26,089 Hey, does the new managing director 483 00:20:26,109 --> 00:20:28,089 of Harper & Diggs like her fettuccine? 484 00:20:28,109 --> 00:20:30,190 Sweetie, please stop calling me that. 485 00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:34,130 Wow, the new managing director of Harper & Diggs has a 'tude. 486 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,160 [laughing] 487 00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:39,049 Hm, this pasta's delicious. Wh-what kind is it? 488 00:20:39,069 --> 00:20:41,039 Mm, angel hair. 489 00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:45,119 - Hair? - Sorry. 490 00:20:47,099 --> 00:20:50,160 Hey, I'm cured. Seconds on the hair. 491 00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:54,210 So does the assistant to the new managing director 492 00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:56,009 also get a raise? 493 00:20:56,029 --> 00:20:59,019 No, and Kiki's back from Orlando. 494 00:20:59,039 --> 00:21:01,079 But thank you for a great couple of days. 495 00:21:01,099 --> 00:21:02,200 You were a great assistant. 496 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:04,170 Nobody's ever watched my back like you. 497 00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:06,049 You don't need me to watch your back. 498 00:21:06,069 --> 00:21:09,160 You are a master. You used the bazooka for good. 499 00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,210 I have been fighting it out in the schoolyard for 11 years 500 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:14,160 and I have never seen that move. 501 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:16,000 Well, if you want, maybe I can get you 502 00:21:16,019 --> 00:21:17,160 something part-time in the mailroom. 503 00:21:17,180 --> 00:21:19,200 Maybe not, this way Vic and I can date 504 00:21:19,220 --> 00:21:21,220 without breaking company policy. 505 00:21:26,210 --> 00:21:28,180 [theme music]