[instrumental music]
Mm..
Sweet.
[clears throat]
Mm, salty.
Bingo.
- Hey! - Hey!
- Oh, my God. How was Vermont? - Uh!
Tell me everything. I can tell just by looking at you.
All rosy-cheeked and glowy. Tell me everything.
Oh, gosh, it was beautiful.
We stayed in this cozy little cabin
with a gorgeous stone fireplace and a bear rug.
Went for a sleigh ride, saw a deer
and then we broke up.
- What? - Yeah.
Oh, wait, no, first we broke up
and then we saw the deer.
Oh, my God, what happened?
Well, it's kind of a long story, but..
Basically, even though we both love each other
Jeff never wants to get married.
Huh, looky there. It's a short story.
Wait a second!
You can't just tell me something like that
and then just walk away.
Well, there's really nothing left to tell.
I mean, it sucked. Moving on.
Oh, come here.
No, seriously, Jeff and I
talked through the whole thing like adults.
No screaming, no crying.
Well, Jeff screamed a little when the deer chased him.
So that's it?
No, actually, I got you a present.
- Wow, bacon. - Hm.
My prayers have been answered.
It's what Vermont's known for. That and gay marriage.
Is that the reason for the breakup?
♪ I just wanna say ♪
♪ Life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪ ♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad ♪
♪ Of all that we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Hold on to me and I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothing less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
[instrumental music]
[blows]
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
It's okay. Do you need to talk? What time is it?
- 5:30. - In the afternoon?
Wow, just two hours short of my record.
In the morning.
Oh. What happened? Couldn't sleep?
Come here.
You remember how I used to get up early
and go for those nice long runs?
- I miss doing that. - Of course, you miss Jeff.
He was a huge part of your life. You loved him.
- What? - What?
Come running with me. It'll be fun.
We'll start out slow, just a five or six K.
If K is for Krispy Kreme, I'm in.
Alright. If you don't want to, you don't have to.
No, no, it's okay. I'd love to keep you company.
Hey, can I follow you in a cab?
I'll mix up some hot water with lemon to warm us before we go.
Mm..
Come on, blankie. Wanna see the park?
[instrumental music]
Man, I can't believe they broke up.
I know!
I'm gonna miss that dude.
I mean, there is a special bond that forms
between a best friend's older sister's boyfriend
and the sister's platonic guy friend.
You know what I mean?
Special bond?
You guys watched sports
and talked about boobs.
The good times.
[elevator bell dings]
Hey, do ladies have groins?
'Cause I think I pulled mine.
So are you gonna have to jog with Val every morning?
Hey, it's her way of dealing, and I wanna be there for her.
Well, that's really nice, I like to think
I'd do the same thing in your place.
Could you? Tomorrow?
- Hey. - Hey!
Hi. Oh, Holly.
I owe you an apology. I've been poisoning you.
Oh, is that why I'm so sleepy all the time?
I wanna show you something.
- Do you know what is in here? - Sure, yeah.
That row's breakfast, that row's lunch
and that row's dinner.
It is all processed chemicals.
No!
What is..
My licorice.
My corn chips. My God!
It's garbage, and I don't want it in the house.
After our jog this morning, I felt so great.
I felt like I wanted to make a fresh start.
You know, I felt cleansed and pure.
Then I came home and I looked in the pantry
and it was disgusting.
Nature's Grocery?
I don't like the sound of that.
It's a miracle, this stuff is gonna help us live to be a 100.
Hm, how about corn dog, and I just make it to 60?
Holly, I swear, you won't miss this stuff.
Not once you taste Meatella.
- Meatella? - Yeah.
It's the new all-natural meat-style food product.
It tastes so good, you'd never know
it was harvested from a fungus that grows underground.
Call Child Services.
Hey, I hope you don't mind me saying this
but your sister seems to have lost her mind.
Yeah, she's going through a tough time right now.
And she's always been there for me
so I wanna be supportive and..
This looks like poo.
[instrumental music]
Henry, tell me again
but slower this time.
Oh, that's my favorite.
[chuckles]
Thin crust?
Three types of cheese?
Okay, Henry, we have to stop.
[knocking on door]
Holly, are you.. Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were on the phone.
Oh, no, it's okay, we're done.
Henry, we're done. Bye.
- You okay? - Yeah.
I just feel like talking.
Good! Yes, let's talk.
Okay, there's just some thing I've been thinking about.
You know, it's.. Do you have time?
Oh, my God, for you? All the time in the world.
- What's on your mind? - You.
- Me. - Yeah, you.
I mean, I know we have our nice morning jogs
but we don't really get a chance to talk, you know?
Yeah, that's 'cause I can't breathe.
Ah, I just, I wanna know what's going on with you.
You know, what's up? What's the dilly-yo with Holly?
School. What's up with school?
I have a math test.
[scoffs] You know, this isn't what I really wanna talk about.
I didn't think so.
Come here.
Henry. Let's talk about Henry.
- Henry? - Yeah.
Yeah, so?
So what?
How serious are you two?
- I don't know. - Hm.
Do you and I need to have the, uh, talk about..
How uncomfortable you're making me?
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, hey!
Yeah. No, no, no, okay.
Look, I'm sorry. I love...this.
This is actually kind of an emergency.
Okay. Mm-hmm. I'll, uh, come back when you're..
Okay, you and me..
Alright, tell me all about your long-distance phone plan.
Don't leave anything out.
[instrumental music]
Val is killing me.
I mean, I love her and I wanna be there for her
but I'm sore and I'm hungry.
And she almost made me talk to her about sex.
See, what you gotta do is you gotta break down that wall.
Get her to face the pain, cry it out.
And once those floodgates open, baby
you'll be back to sleeping late
and eating garbage like a normal person.
Okay, so how do I get her to cry?
Well, for me, lately it's been two things.
Seeing "Antwone Fisher"
and getting my business caught in my zipper.
[instrumental music]
- Val? - 'In here.'
Hey, you up for a movie?
I rented "Terms Of Endearment"
"Steel Magnolias," "Titanic.."
What are you doing?
Oh, my gosh, I had so much energy
I wanted to clean and organize my closet.
But you know what, my closet's already cleaned and organized.
So I thought I'd come in here and do yours.
Yeah. Your shoes were all in a pile, but not anymore.
Look, got a sneaker section, a boot section
and I took out a bunch of your clothes to give away.
Now, uh, that bag's jeans, that's sweaters
and those are outfits I don't really approve of.
Holly? Where'd you go?
You haven't even seen what I've done with your underwear!
- What are you doing? - Looking for something to eat.
- Oh, I can make you something. - No, I'm okay. Thanks.
Are you alright?
This pudding is covered in mold.
Oh, goody. It's ready.
Hey, why don't I start dinner
and you can sort through those old sweaters
and decide which ones you wanna keep?
No, I don't have to sort because I know
which ones I want to keep.
All of them.
Hm, someone sounds a little stressed.
Maybe it's because I came home and you were in my room
cleaning out my closet.
Are you mad at yourself for letting it get so messy?
It's my closet.
Okay, come here. Sit down.
[sighs] Holly, I know you.
You haven't been yourself lately.
You're tired all the time, you have no appetite
and now this huge overreaction about a clean closet.
- Is there a problem with Henry? - No.
Because if there is, you should really talk about it.
It's not good to hold these things in.
- It's not Henry. - If it's dad, do you miss him?
- I mean, you can call him-- - It's not dad, it's not Henry!
It's not me! It's you!
You are the one who needs to talk about things!
And talk about what? Ahem.
Oh, my God!
Jeff, your boyfriend.
You were with him for a year, you broke up
and then not a word.
Well, there is really nothing to talk about.
I told you everything when I came home.
The cabin, snow, sleigh, breakup, angry deer.
Do you hear yourself?
Even the deer got angry.
For God's sakes, show some emotion, woman.
Look, I know you might not understand this
but this is the way grownups deal with things.
And the truth is, it has nothing to do with you.
[laughs] Nothing to do with me?
The reason I am so tired
is because you wake me up at five o'clock in the morning.
And the reason I have no appetite is because
we have a pantry full of twigs and gravel!
Oh, just look at this.
I spent $30 on depressing videos to get you to cry.
Why do you want me to cry so bad?
So you can deal with your feelings
get on with your life and just get out of mine!
Oh, I didn't know I was such a burden.
- Just let it out! - Well, fine, okay, great!
You want me to, you want me to cry? You want me to get mad?
How about this? Boo-freakin'-hoo!
[door slams]
Is that so hard?
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
Yeah?
Hey.
Hey. What are you doing here?
I just came by to give you these.
They're 100% organic, sugar-free, dairy-free
flour-free cookies.
They look good, but don't worry, they aren't.
Thank you, but you didn't have to do that.
Well, I'm sorry I lost it last night.
It's alright.
I think it's the sugar withdrawal.
It's getting better, but some days are pretty dark.
I, I shouldn't have pushed all that stuff on you.
Go back to eating what you want.
Sleep in. Learn about sex on the streets.
Thanks, I have.
I just want you to know that I am totally here for you.
- If you ever need to-- - I know. I know. And I'm glad.
Now, please, stop worrying about me, okay?
Every minute of every day
I'm a little bit more like my old self again.
Whoo-hoo! Who's ready for 50-cent Jell-O shooters?
Whoo-hoo! You and me tonight!
- Single Val. - Ah, single Lauren.
Actually, it's cheating-on-her- long-distance-boyfriend Lauren.
But who cares? Ha!
Whoo-hoo!
What the hell was that?
Oh. That was Lauren. You remember Lauren.
Oh, yeah, and I also remember that you can't stand her.
Oh, well, I totally misjudged her.
She and I have a lot more in common than I thought.
Like what?
Jell-O shooters. Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo! - Ah, whoo-hoo!
[instrumental music]
[both laughing]
Where's the can?
Uh.. Damn, I used to know.
Oh, be cool, be cool.
Good evening, Holly.
It's two o'clock in the morning.
Uh, oh, of course.
Good morrow, Holly.
[laughing]
Yeah, would you guys like to tell me what's so funny?
I said morrow, like a British.
Why didn't you call me?
- I did. - Yeah, this doesn't count.
- 'Whoo-hoo!' - 'Whoo-hoo!'
- 'Shooters!' - 'Shooters!'
[both laughing]
Ooh, I just remembered where the can was.
What did you do to my sister?
Nothing.
She kissed me, okay?
- Oh, my God! - I'm kidding.
Look, we're just having fun. It's girls' night out.
My sister does not do girls' night out.
Look, I'm really worried about her.
She's been acting weird with me
and now she's partying with a girl she can't stand.
Not you. Oh, she loves you.
What are you so worried about?
She just broke up with her boyfriend of a year.
Yeah, I know. She said she's over it.
She's so not over it.
She's just doing anything she can
to avoid dealing with it.
Alright, listen.
Now, as impossible as this may be to imagine
I've been broken up with a time or two.
Yeah. Why would anyone break up with you?
Oh, sometimes it's court-mandated, but..
Listen, if you are really worried about your sister
I know how to help her.
If it'll help Val, then I guess I'd try anything.
Whoo! Oh, I peed 75 seconds.
[laughing]
Okay, I've got an empty bladder. What's next?
Okay, I was thinking of something really cool.
It's something you do when you're marking
a whole new chapter in your life.
Oh, that is me. That is what I am doing.
Tell me.
Tattoos.
- We give them? - No, we get them.
- Wait a second. - Listen.
When I look at my tattoo, it is a constant reminder
of the strength it took to start my life over again.
Every time I look in the mirror, I say
"Thank you, bloody skull with a knife through the eye."
- Huh? - Yeah. You need to go home.
No, I wanna get one.
Come on, I know this place in the Village
just off Waverly that's open all night.
And the guy is a genius. He can draw anything.
Oh, goody. I am so getting me a tat.
Stop!
I'm sorry, but I absolutely forbid you to go.
I forbid it!
Oh, well, if you forbid it..
[blows a raspberry]
[laughing]
- We're getting tats. - Whoo-hoo!
[instrumental music]
Wow. There are so many to choose from.
You know, I'm thinking about this fire-breathing skeleton.
Ooh, excuse me. Potential mural just walked in.
Oh, Tinker Bell. That's interesting.
Got it.
Maybe it would save time if you showed me
the ones you don't have.
Okay. Got it, got it, need it.
Got it, got it, need it.
Hey.
What are you doing here? What is he doing here?
- I called him. - Why?
I needed someone to talk some sense into you.
- I'm fine. - Yeah, of course, you are.
You always hang out at tattoo parlors at 2:00 in the morning.
Could you please take my sister home?
This is who you broke up with?
Hey, I don't wanna get married either.
You wanna waste a year with me?
Hey, Lauren, big guy, no ring.
(Lauren) Ooh.
Come on, let's get out of here.
I'm not going anywhere until I get a tattoo.
Val, you don't want a tattoo.
Don't tell me what I want, okay
because you obviously have no idea what I want.
Yeah, but you certainly know what you want.
Oh, wait. You know what you don't want.
Oh, no, they've gone behind
the paper-thin curtain of silence.
Look, obviously you're upset, and it's totally understandable.
Stop telling me how I feel, okay?
Hey, I'm sorry, I feel that you're breaking up with me
'cause I was honest with you.
Oh, you mean that thing
about you never wanting to get married?
Yeah, and honestly, I think
you're being kind of a hypocrite.
- Excuse me? - You say you love me.
But it means nothing unless you got
that stupid ring on your finger.
You act like it's this bizarre idea that two people meet
and fall in love, get married and have a family.
I think it's bizarre to break up with someone that you love.
Yeah, well, I think it's selfish of you to ask me
to spend the next however many years of my life
waiting around to see if maybe someday
you're gonna change your mind and wanna marry me.
Okay, fine, I'm selfish. I'm an immature, selfish jerk.
This whole last year meant nothing to me.
Well, I'm beginning to think maybe it didn't.
- How could you even say that? - 'Cause..
All-all this crap about you and your problems with marriage.
That's how I feel. I can't change that.
I don't wanna argue about this anymore, okay?
What am I supposed to say?
Nothing, okay?
[sighs] The truth is, Jeff
if you really loved me, you would want to marry me.
What do I do? Tell me what to do and I'll do it.
I think maybe you should just go.
I think maybe we should just both move on.
[sobbing]
Val?
I think maybe the shark wearing the sunglasses.
He looks fun.
Oh, come here, sweetie.
- Come on, let's go home. - Yeah.
You wanna clean under my bed?
I already did.
I can mess it up again.
You're the best.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[instrumental music]