[instrumental music]
Hey. Knittin' yourself a life?
'Cause it looks like you don't have one.
I'll have you know knitting is very much in style.
Where did you hear that?
"In Style."
- Hey, did we get any messages? - Yeah, by the phone.
Ron? Who's Ron?
Some guy I met at the MTV Awards.
He wants to take me to Cirque du Soleil.
Oh! Fun! You're going, right?
No, he's kinda..
What? Short, stupid, French?
No. When I met him, he was eating all these chips.
Ugh!
You're not going out with him because he ate chips.
Well, he kept telling me I was pretty
and every time he would say it, chip bits kept flying out.
Oh, my God, Val, you're doing it again.
You were looking for reasons not to date.
I mean, every guy you meet you find one little thing
that's wrong with him.
That is not true.
Justin with the pinkie ring?
Oh, and what about Nick?
He had that one funny finger.
It was in his nose.
Come on, it's been almost two months
since you broke up with Jeff.
I just know so many guys who would love to
go out with you. Just let me fix you up.
No. You know I hate set-ups.
And stop worrying about me, I'm meeting a bunch of people
out for happy hour later. See? I'm out, I'm socializing.
Okay, but I'm just saying if you knit some mittens
for Funny Finger, he's good to go.
♪ I just wanna say life wouldn't be the same here without you ♪
♪ Without you ♪ ♪ Without you ♪
♪ Through the good and bad of all that we've been through ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Hold onto me and I'll return it ♪
♪ With nothing less than all of me ♪
♪ I'll never feel alone again ♪
♪ As you walk beside me ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, man, check it out. Another 25% tip for the kid.
Wow. You are on fire with the lady customers.
But, sometimes I worry they treat me like a piece of meat
and then I realize they treat me like a piece of meat.
That is the goal.
If a woman looks at me and sees meat, I am one happy dude.
Hey, uh, you know how you said
you haven't been able to spend enough time with your girlfriend
'cause you've been working so much?
Yeah, I miss that little face.
Well, check this out.
Hey.
There's that little face.
In a waitress uniform. Ha ha ha.
What's up with that?
Jeff gave me a job. Isn't that great?
I love it. That's fantastic.
Look at you, working here, at-at my job.
Got to go finish up my paperwork.
Yeah. Paperwork.
[laughs] That's fantastic.
- What's wrong with you? - What are you talking about?
Well, I make the big tips by working my sexy.
With Jill here, I've to control my sexy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a lid on my sexy?
Gary is an excellent waiter.
Yeah, I know. It's weird to see him being good at something.
- Henry. - Hey, man.
Hey, uh, this is my brother Noah.
- Hi. - That's Holly.
Wow. She is pretty.
And smart, which is what I'm most interested in.
- Nice to finally meet you. - Oh, well, you, too.
I scored this from the pharmacy at work.
Allergy medication.
It's so great having a brother who's a doctor.
I get all the good stuff for free.
It's expired, but it still works.
Sorry, man, I got to take off.
We're in the middle of a blood drive.
If you have any extra blood you're not using
stop by the clinic and we'll suck it out of you.
Bye.
I'd like to apologize for my brother saying
he'd suck something out of you.
Is he single?
Yes. I'll give you his number.
Not for me, for Val!
No. No, no, no. It cannot happen. Absolutely not.
Why, what's the problem?
I'm just asking you not to do it. Please?
Okay.
Here you go. I'll be back to check on you in a minute.
Thanks.
Hey, how much do you tip a good waiter
who's also a good friend?
Oh, I have a very specific mathematical equation for that.
I don't.
[instrumental music]
[indistinct chatter over TV]
Hey. What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be meeting your friends for happy hour.
Yeah, I got caught up watching this special on Prairie Dogs.
I think two of them are gonna get it on.
- Okay, Val, that's it. - Ah! Prairie dogs!
- Get over here. - What?
I want you to look at yourself.
Come on, it's Friday night.
You're young, you're gorgeous
you live in a city with plenty of cute men.
So instead of watching Prairie Dogs hook up
go out and do it yourself!
Is my left nostril bigger than my right?
- Hmm. Come on, sit down! - No, Val, I don't want to sit.
Huh...hey, whoa, there, Prairie dog
you can at least buy her dinner first.
Oh, you know, um, they're having a blood drive at this clinic
I hang out at, and, uh, I have to go give blood
and I think you should come with me, come on, let's go.
No, I just got comfortable.
Of course you're comfortable. You're loaded with blood.
Alright, fine, I'll go. Just give me a minute.
No, don't change. You look fine. Oh, my God!
What?
Your left nostril is so much bigger
than your right.
[instrumental music]
Okay. I just have a few more questions for you.
Are you currently under the influence of marijuana?
Also known as "weed" or, tsk, "pot."
Tsk, no.
In the last six months, have you traveled to Europe
and-or had sex for money?
How do you think she paid for her trip?
Giving blood is fun. More questions, more questions.
Okay, roll up your sleeve, come have a seat over here
and we'll get going.
Wait a second. Are you taking my blood?
- Is there a problem? - Oh, no, no.
I-I would just, uh, you know, feel more comfortable
if the procedure were done by a doctor.
[chuckles] Preferably a cute one mid to late-20s.
- Excuse me, Dr. Gibson-- - Yes, Dr. Gibson is perfect.
[laughs] Hey, thanks for coming in. Couldn't drag Henry with you?
No, but I dragged my sister along instead.
Val, this is Henry's brother, Noah.
And, Noah, this is my sister, Val.
- Hi. - Hi.
Not that I don't appreciate you being here, but I can't believe
you didn't have anything better to do
on a Friday night than donate blood.
Well, you know, I like to do my part.
Recycle, give blood, things for the, uh, kids.
So, what are you doing here on Friday night?
Oh, you know, saving lives, stealing Band-aids.
Have a seat.
You are lucky. He's cute.
- You love him. - Yeah, a little.
This is my lucky needle. I've been using it all day.
Did you hear that? Lucky needle.
[laughs] He's a funny doctor. You know, you're a funny doctor.
Ow! Damn, dude.
Sorry.
You might feel a little pinch.
- Did that hurt? - No, I didn't feel a thing.
Great, now let's try it with the needle.
Ow! Damn, dude! Seriously!
Okay, sit tight. I'll be back in a minute to check on you. Here.
- What's this? - Squeezy ball.
Just keep squeezin' it.
Ah, it looks like we have a little wait.
Can I buy you a juice and a cookie?
Sure.
A little lightheaded.
So, what's good here?
Uh, orange juice, we have lemonade
and what I hope to God is tomato juice.
Yeah.
Are you staring at my nostril?
No. No, no, no. I..
Let me ask you something. Would..
Would it be weird if I asked out my younger brother's
girlfriend's older sister?
No, I-I think your younger brother's girlfriend's
older sister would love to go out with her younger sister's
boyfriend's older sister.
Oh, wow, I think I just asked myself out.
Whoo!
[instrumental music]
- Hey, Holly. - Oh, hey.
- Hey. - What's the matter?
Um, I just talked to my brother.
Oh. I'm so sorry--
I specifically asked you not to fix them up.
I know, I know, but he was so perfect for Val.
That's not the point, I asked you not to do something
and you did it anyway.
I guess I was kind of hoping you'd respect what I wanted.
I'm so sorry, it's just that Val was really starting
to frustrate me.
- Will you forgive me? - Yes.
And I'm sorry for going ballistic on you like that.
Oh, my God. They were so cute together!
You should've seen the look on their faces.
When Val saw him, she was, like, "Oh"..
And he was, like, "Ooh".. And I was like, "What a genius."
But you still understand that nothing can happen.
Actually, something is kind of happening tonight.
What do you mean?
Well, I just talked to Val and they're going out to dinner.
No, they can't. You have to stop them.
Why can't they go out? Will you please tell me what is going on?
Oh, God, I didn't want to have to do this but..
...come on I gotta show you something.
Okay, why can't you just tell me?
Because this is something you gotta see.
- Where are we going? -m My brother's bedroom.
[dramatic music]
- Oh. - Yeah.
Oh..
Yeah.
[instrumental music]
Oh, my God!
Why didn't you tell me about this?
He's my brother, you think I'm gonna go around
bragging about it?
I mean, if you had listened to me, this never would've come up.
Okay, what does this mean?
Why are they here?
Oh, my God, Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know why they're here, I don't want to know why
and I hope I die without knowing.
So, what, you've never even asked him?
Once. And he said, "When you're ready, I'll tell you."
And then he winked at me, which sent a chill down my spine.
Okay.
So he likes stuffed animals.
Does he, uh, also like, you know, girls?
Look, all I can tell you is that he goes out with
a lot of women, and they really seem to love him.
As what, a best friend to go to musicals with?
Holly!
'Holly!'
Oh, my God, they're going out tonight.
- I have to go tell Val. - You can't.
I have to! She's my sister.
Well, he's my brother, and he wouldn't want me
spreading his weird secret around.
So, look, I am asking you not to tell her
and this time, I hope you'll respect what I want.
By respect, you mean do what you want?
Do not make me go ballistic again.
Okay. I'll think of something to tell her.
Wait. Is there anything weird like that in your bedroom?
Oh, no.
Just my free weights and my swimsuit calendar
and my weapons?
- Manly. - Yeah.
Some of them are from the future.
[instrumental music]
Why is it so slow tonight?
And what's with the guys over there waiting for the tables?
They're all waiting to sit in Jill's section.
- Hey, Jill! - How's it going?
Be right with you.
Oh, man, this is..
Jeff. Hey, man, I've been thinking about it.
What if you scheduled me and Jill to work different shifts?
No way. I need you both here during the dinner rush.
Come on, man, every time I turn around
some guy is hitting on her. It's driving me crazy.
What do you want me to do, fire her?
Jeff, I am shocked that would even cross your mind.
Well, if you must, you must.
Forget it. You're my two best servers, so you work it out.
Well, if you think I'm hot, you should try the buffalo wings.
Oh, come on!
[instrumental music]
Oh, my God, thank God you're still here.
Yeah, I'm running late.
My legs were so hairy, I thought I was wearing pants.
Yeah, uh..
Oh! Do you know what that's for?
For setting me up with the cutest guy ever.
Oh, yeah, you can't go out with him.
Oh. Who's a silly girl?
No, Val, I'm serious.
Look, I can't give you the specifics, but there's, uh
you know, there's a little thing about him that you won't like.
What thing?
I can't tell you that, but, uh, take my word for it
it's a little unsettling.
Unsettling? What is wrong with you?
You are the one who begged me to go out there and meet guys.
I met one. I like him.
I'm not going to blow him off without a good reason.
I know, I want to tell you, but Henry made me promise
not to and I agreed, but you're my sister
and I just don't know what to do! God!
Okay. What if we do this? You don't have to tell me.
I'll just ask you a bunch of questions.
- Okay, good. - Uh, is he married?
- No. - Am I in danger?
- No. - Is he a mime?
No.
Well, then, whatever it is, it shouldn't bother me.
[chuckles nervously] You would think so.
So, you have kept your promise to Henry
and I get to go on my date. Everybody wins.
Wait.
What if I told you that he clubs baby prairie dogs?
Impossible. The burrow provides a natural protection
against all predators.
[instrumental music]
- Got a second? - I'll be right back.
What is the matter with you?
Look, I have been watching you with the customers.
What are you talking about?
Well, they're here for dinner, and you keep treating them
like a piece of meat. You know, men don't like that.
So you're saying it's okay for you to flirt
but it's not okay for me.
Exactly. I'm glad we had this talk.
Forget it. I don't tell you how to do your job.
You don't tell me how to do mine.
Well, fine! I'm about to open up the world's biggest can of sexy!
I'll take one of those on the rocks.
[instrumental music]
[sighs] We have reservations at 8:00. We'd better get going.
- Oh. Okay. - Uh..
Before we go, I, I wanna talk to you about something.
- Uh-oh. - No, no, it's nothing.
It's just something about me I think you should know.
Is it unsettling?
Well, that depends, I've been in relationships before
where this thing has caused a problem
and I just want to be up-front about it.
Alright. Ha ha. Go.
Oh, God, what are you gonna show me?
Oh, no, it's just this, my beeper.
- I'm on call tonight. - And?
And if we're out having a good time and I get beeped
I'm gonna have to bail in the middle of our date.
- That's it? - You'd be surprised.
A lot of women find that really annoying.
Those women drive me nuts.
They meet a perfectly nice guy, and then they find
that one little thing. Not me.
- Okay, let's go eat. - Okay.
Oh, um, before we go, which way is the ladies' room?
Oh, uh, down the hall, past my bedroom.
Okay.
Oh, crap!
Teddy Ruxpin?
Val?
- Is this your bedroom? - Yes. You took a wrong turn.
So wrong.
What is with all your little friends?
Um, I can explain.
It's okay. You don't owe me an explanation.
I can figure it out. You're gay, and that's fine.
I'm not gay.
Well, your bedroom is.
Val?
You have to understand, those stuffed animals were gifts.
I started collecting them in college.
I was in a relationship with this girl, and the first time
we were intimate, she gave me a stuffed animal
so I'd never forget.
So they're all from her?
No, just the one, but then I kind of
carried on the tradition.
Meaning.. Oh, God.
All of those are from a different.. Oh, God!
If it makes you feel any better I haven't got a new one
in over two months.
I liked it better when you were gay.
[instrumental music]
Ha! $242.
Nice, but $9 behind the kid.
$251 and some dude's phone number.
You know, uh, that was our first fight.
I know.
You're pretty sexy when you're jealous.
Well, according to Andre, I've got nice biceps, too.
Gary, you worked here first, so if you want me to quit, I will.
No, no, no, no. Hey, but I'll tell you what.
Why don't we go to your place, spread our money out on your
sofa, and roll around on it till we make change.
Should we call Andre? He gave me his number, too.
No.
[instrumental music]
(Holly) Hey, Val.
I heard you met my buds last night!
Hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha!
Hoo-aah-aah!
It was really me.
Look, if nothing else, it's a good dating story.
Come on, I just wanted you to meet someone and be happy.
You are the one that keeps telling me I'm not happy.
Have I ever said I'm not happy?
No.
'Cause I'm actually very happy right now.
Noah was a fantastic guy.
He was a little more popular than I like.
But, if that had worked out, then great. But it didn't.
But I'm fine.
- Really? - Yes.
Do you realize I have been in a relationship
with someone since I was 17?
I'm enjoying being alone. I like knitting.
I like sitting around, watching TV.
And most of the time, I like this.
- Me, too. - Okay.
So stop worrying about me, okay?
When it's time for me to meet somebody, I will.
Okay.
Hey, when you were in Noah's bedroom, did you notice
that he had the complete Care Bear collection
in his trophy case?
- Yeah. - What do you think that means?
Spring break.
[instrumental music]]
[theme music]