PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
NADIA...
FUCK YOU!
YOU MUST BE FUCKING INSANE TO THINK
YOU CAN JUST PRANCE IN HERE ACT AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED!
WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT,
THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO OFFER YOU.
JOYCE! OH, MY GOD!
COVER YOUR JUNK.
I'M RESIGNING.
WHAT?
"IT SUCKS THAT YOUR JOB IS JEOPARDIZED
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT I'M TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR."
I DO NOT WANT YOU TO RESIGN.
WHAT ARE YOU WRITING, ALICE?
A TREATMENT.
A TREATMENT FOR A FILM?
I HAD THIS KIND OF KILLER IDEA, SO I THOUGHT,
I'D SELL IT FOR MILLIONS AND BUY A HOUSE IN MALIBU.
WHY DID YOU FEEL COMPELLED
TO POST THE FOOTAGE YOU SHOT OF DARYL BREWER ON THE INTERNET.
I DON'T LIKE GAY PEOPLE, SO I LET IT BE KNOWN.
I'M LETTING IT BE KNOWN, MR. BREWER,
THAT YOU'RE A HOMO.
I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU BELONG TOGETHER.
I'M NOT EVER GOING TO HURT YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN.
I ALSO REALIZED THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
[TELEPHONES RINGING]
SHAOLIN, MAY I HELP YOU?
SHAOLIN STUDIOS, MAY I HELP YOU, PLEASE?
SHAOLIN STUDIOS,
MAY I DIRECT YOUR CALL?
YOU REALLY WANT THIS FILM GOING DOWN IN FLAMES,
DON'T YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I LOVE THIS FILM.
OH, BULLSHIT, TINA!
BULL SHIT!
LAST WEEK YOU SAID
YOU WOULD BURN DOWN THE LAB
BEFORE YOU WOULD LET THE GIRLS BE RELEASED
WITH, MAY I SAY, A BRILLIANT NEW ENDING
THAT TESTED THROUGH THE ROOF, AND NOW--
"AND NOW?" "AND NOW" WHAT?
WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
DON'T STAND THERE AND PRETEND
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, AARON.
I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO SABOTAGE THIS FILM, OKAY?
I PUT MY LIFE INTO THIS FILM.
PLEASE, STOP YELLING AT ME
AND JUST TALK TO ME, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON.
OKAY...
LOOK...
I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK THAT YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO STOLE THE NEGATIVE, TINA,
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A COMPLETE
AND TOTAL RAVING LUNATIC,
LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, JENNIFER SCHECTER.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT, BACK UP, THE NEGATIVE?
WHAT NEGATIVE?
THE NEGATIVE WAS STOLEN FROM THE FUCKING LAB, TINA!
WE HAVE NO MORE FILM!
AND YOU THINK JENNY DID THIS?
I CANNOT, IN MY WILDEST DREAMS, IMAGINE
ANYONE ELSE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET
BEING THAT DEVIOUS OR INSANE,
BUT JENNY SCHECTER?
PIECE OF CAKE,
AND SINCE SHE'S YOUR FRIEND, TINA,
I AM HOLDING YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE.
SO DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO,
BUT GET SCHECTER TO RETURN THE GODDAMN NEGATIVE!
[SIGHS]
FUCKING JENNY.
I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU.
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
[**]
[DOG GROWLS]
[BARKS]
GET DOWN.
* ...PALM TREES SHAKING OFF THEIR LEAVES *
* TELEPHONING FROM A SUNNY PLACE *
* KISSING AT A FRANTIC PACE
* WE SHALL SURF THE NAVAJO
* WITH A LIFE THAT'S BUILT IN TEMPLE STONE *
* I'M GOING TO THIS TOWN
* I WON'T LET YOU...
[LAUGHS]
SHIT...
[CHUCKLES]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
* DO WE DO, DO WE DON'T...
I'M HAPPY WE FUCKED.
[LAUGHS]
ARE YOU SURE?
MM-HMM.
MM-HMM. YUP.
* YOU COULD BE ALL I WANT
* WHEN YOU ARE WALKING, FLAUNT
* THERE'S LOVE ABOVE OUR HEADS
* IS RAINING BLUES AND REDS... *
* WHILE I TAKE YOUR PHOTO...
[**]
[MOANING WITH PLEASURE]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
OH, GOD.
WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?
[DOG BARKING]
OH, GOD, IT'S ALICE.
IT'S ALICE.
WHAT THE FUCK IS ALICE DOING HERE?
IT'S EARLY.
SHE CAME BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE HER NOTES
ON THAT FUCKING TREATMENT.
TELL HER GO HOME.
[RINGING PERSISTENTLY]
YOU HAVE TO LET HER IN.
WHERE'S MY SHIRT?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S BY YOUR SHORTS THERE.
THERE.
[RINGING DOORBELL]
HELLO?
[KNOCKS]
YOU HAVE THE NOTES NOW INTIMATELY.
SHANE...
WHAT?
COME HERE.
DO YOU THINK WE MADE A MISTAKE?
NO.
REALLY?
YOU KNOW AS MUCH AS I DO.
[LAUGHS] COME HERE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
ALICE... IS SO ANNOYING.
[SIGHS]
SHE HAS THE WORST TIMING.
OH, GOD.
SHH!
HEY, ALICE.
HEY.
AH...
I KNOW THAT LOOK.
WHOO!
[GIGGLES]
WHAT LOOK?
THE I-HAD-SEX-ALL-NIGHT-LOOK.
ANYONE I KNOW?
NO...
NO, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
YOU KNOW I LOOK LIKE THIS EVERY MORNING.
OH, MY GOD, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU WEAR YOUR SEX NIGHTS ON YOUR SLEEVE.
SO WHEN DID JENNY LET YOU BACK IN THE HOUSE?
UH, LAST NIGHT.
HEY, LITTLE MONKEY,
HAVE YOU SEEN MY EARRINGS?
"MONKEY?"
WOW, YOU GUYS, LIKE, SUPER MADE UP.
HI, ALICE.
HI.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO PATRICK DEMPSEY'S HAIR
FOR SOME KIND OF COMMERCIAL
THIS MORNING?
NO.
NO?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THEN?
I MEAN, UM, I'M NOT...
[BABYTALKING]: WHAT?
WHO AM I DOING? I'M DOING, UM...
ERIC, UH... ERIC MABIUS.
OH, RIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE TO GO?
DO YOU NEED SOME HELP GETTING DRESSED?
I GUESS SO.
YEAH?
YEAH, UH...
WHAT?
I GOT TO GO.
OKAY, I'M GOING TO HELP YOU.
OKAY, HANG ON A SEC.
[SQUEALING AND GIGGLING FROM OTHER ROOM]
[WHISPERING]: SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!
EW!
OH, MY GOD...
[STAMPING FEET]
OH, MY GOD.
OKAY...
OKAY.
JENNY. OKAY.
HI.
TELL ME YOU DIDN'T.
YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE TO BE AT WORK--
OH, MY GOD.
SO WE'RE GOING TO TALK LATER.
HI!
DO YOU WANT A CAPPUCCINO?
NO, THANK YOU.
SHANE?
NO.
NO?
ARE YOU SURE?
MM-HMM.
I'M GOING TO...
I'M GOING TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OH, MY GOD.
OKAY.
DON'T PANIC.
[TEXTING RAPIDLY]
[SIGHS]
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
[SCREAMS]
...FULL OF SLEEPING VAMPIRES.
ABBY TIPTOES OVER TO THE VAMPIRE...
RAISES HER WOODEN STAKE--
WHAT THE FUCK?
WHAT A MESS...
...THE CURRICULUM CLEARLY STATES
THAT ALL GRADUATE STUDENTS
MUST COMPLETE GRAPHIC DESIGN
BEFORE THEY CAN MOVE ON TO DIGITAL DESIGN.
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHING]
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
AS I WAS SAYING...
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]
I'M SORRY.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
WHY IS MY PHONE BUZZING?
OH, WHY IS MY PHONE BUZZING?
YOU GOT A TEXT MESSAGE.
A WHAT?
A TEXT MESSAGE?
UM, DO YOU HAVE EVERYTHING?
I DO, THANKS.
I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
ALICE?
HUH?
I'M GOING TO BE THERE IN A SECOND.
YUP.
OKAY.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
[WHISPERING]: HI!
ALICE, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?
JENNY JUST...
SHE JUST TOOK SHANE OUTSIDE.
SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO TALK!
ISN'T IT A BIT LATE FOR THAT?
ALICE, WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
...YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE, UH...
I DON'T HAVE EXPECTATIONS FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP...
JENNY DOESN'T WANT TO PUT ANY EXPECTATIONS
ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
...AND I WAS THINKING THAT WE SHOULD PROBABLY
SET SOME BOUNDARIES, YOU KNOW?
CONSIDERING WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE.
JENNY WANTS BOUNDARIES.
BOUNDARIES?
JENNY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.
SHE'S NEVER HAD ANY BOUNDARIES, EVER!
...I JUST WANT IT TO BE DIFFERENT.
[SCOFFS] YEAH, RIGHT.
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU.
I KNOW YOU DO.
[WHISPERING]: THEY'RE KISSING!
EW! EW...
ALICE, YOU'RE BEING CHILDISH.
THEY'RE BOTH GROWN-UPS.
IF THEY WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH ONE ANOTHER,
THEN THAT'S TOTALLY THEIR PREROGATIVE.
SHANE JUST SAID JENNY WAS A GOOD KISSER.
EW! I CAN'T!
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
I HAVE TO GO.
SHE'S COMING.
ALICE-- ALICE, WHAT-? NO--
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
GOT A VERY JUICY TIDBIT FOR YOU TODAY.
ALICE, JUST SAY.
LET ME KNOW, IS SHE IN THE ROOM?
JUST SAY YES OR NO.
YES, YES,
I WILL SEE YOU AT 4:00.
OKAY.
WORK, WORK, WORK.
THE LOOK IS MAKING ME--
RIGHT. ALICE...
MM-HMM?
I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DON'T MENTION THAT STUFF.
YOU KNOW.
UM...
IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
NO.
MM-MM.
DO YOU WANT TO START WORK?
YEAH, I BROUGHT MY...
TRUSTY NOTES.
THIS IS JUST SO CRAZY.
REALLY, WHAT IS SHANE THINKING?
THIS IS GOING TO BE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL TRAIN-WRECK.
WHY SHOULD IT BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY?
I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST CALL JENNY
AND FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE NEGATIVE,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'M SURE IT'S JUST SOME MISUNDERSTANDING.
HE'S GOING TO CALL YOU IN A COUPLE DAYS
AND JUST APOLOGIZE.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, CALL ME.
I LOVE YOU.
WHAT IS TOM DOING HERE?
HELLO, BETTE.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
WELL, THE ADA SAYS I HAVE THE RIGHT
TO AN INTERPRETER IN THE WORKPLACE.
THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT?
BUT YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT I CAN SIGN.
MM...
ACTUALLY, YOUR SIGNING
HAS NEVER REALLY BEEN THAT GREAT,
SO IT'S PROBABLY BETTER IF YOU JUST SPEAK.
FINE.
BUT WE BOTH PROBABLY AGREE
THAT WORKING TOGETHER
HAS BECOME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE,
AND SINCE I AM THE HEAD OF THIS DEPARTMENT,
AND I HAVE TO HAVE IT RUN SMOOTHLY,
I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST FOR YOU TO RESIGN.
NO.
EXCUSE ME?
I LOVE MY JOB.
WHY WOULD I RESIGN?
A FEW WEEKS AGO,
YOU VOLUNTEERED TO RESIGN FROM CU.
BUT I OFFERED TO RESIGN TO PROTECT YOUR ASS,
WHICH IS SOMETHING I WOULD DO
FOR SOMEONE THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH.
OBVIOUSLY, I'M NO LONGER IN LOVE WITH YOU.
IF YOU DON'T RESIGN,
THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIRE YOU.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
UM, ALICE?
YEAH.
WE'RE IN A MEETING HERE, SO--
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
YEAH, JUST...
OKAY, HERE'S MY--
I'LL TURN THE RINGER OFF.
THANKS.
GETTING A LOT OF PHONE CALLS...
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
WILL YOU PASS ME THAT?
THANKS.
THANK YOU.
HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO WRITE THIS?
OH, I JUST WROTE THAT IN A NIGHT.
I JUST KIND OF... STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS...
SPIT IT OUT.
ONE NIGHT.
THIS TOOK YOU ONE NIGHT.
YOU PEOPLE THINK
THAT YOU CAN JUST COME INTO HOLLYWOOD,
AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO, LIKE, WRITE EVERYTHING,
AND IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT IN ONE NIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY WORK, TO WRITE A SCREENPLAY, IS A CRAFT.
OKAY?
AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO SIT HERE
ACROSS FROM ME,
YOU HAVE TO START TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.
SO THIS IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO.
PITCH IT TO ME. GO.
I'M AN EXECUTIVE, OKAY?
LIKE A PITCH MEETING--
SELL IT.
I NEED TO WORK ON THIS.
GO FOR IT.
IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, UM...
IT'S ABOUT A TALK SHOW HOST
WHO'S REALLY FANTASTIC,
AND, UM, IS DATING A COP WHO'S DARK AND BROODY,
AND THEY GET CAUGHT UP IN THIS MURDER MYSTERY,
SO THERE WILL BE, LIKE, CAR CHASES,
AND IT'S GOT THE ACTION, EXCITEMENT.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE FOUL PLAY
MEETS MR. AND MRS. SMITH,
SO IT'S GOT THE ROMANTIC, ACTIONY...
IT'S KIND OF GOT EVERYTHING.
EXCEPT A GOOD IDEA.
JUST SAYING, I MEAN...
I DON'T THINK THAT'S GOING TO SELL.
PRETTY BORING,
BUT, YOU KNOW,
THE HEART OF THIS
IS THAT IT'S JUST NOT REALISTIC.
THESE TWO PEOPLE
WOULD NEVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.
HMM...
NO.
KINDA TRUTHFUL...
ALICE...
WELL, ALICE, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
THE FUTURE IS NOW.
RIGHT NOW,
AND THIS IS NOT THE WAY FORWARD,
BECAUSE WHEN I'M WITH YOU IN A GROUP OF PEOPLE,
I CLOSE MY EYES,
AND I'M, LIKE, "WHOA!
"EW!
"THAT GIRL...
EW, THE VOICE!"
SHE SHOULD BE DOING CARTOON VOICE-OVERS.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'VE NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF CARTOONS
AS A CAREER MOVE.
YOU HAVE A UNIQUE VOCAL RANGE THAT'S RIGHT HERE.
OKAY?
[PERSISTENT KNOCKING]
JENNY, OPEN UP!
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!
[KNOCKING INSISTENTLY]
GOD...
[RINGING DOORBELL]
JENNY!
OKAY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE INSPIRATION.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
GREAT TO SEE YOU!
I WILL GO HOME AND WORK ON THIS.
OKAY!
[KNOCKING]
[WHISPERING]: DON'T TELL ANYBODY I TOLD YOU
BECAUSE I PROMISED I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING!
OKAY.
BUT-BUT-BUT, WAIT!
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT JENNY AND SHANE?
I SAW THEM MAKE OUT, WITH TONGUE.
EW, GROSS!
I KNOW. I'M ALREADY HAVING A SHITTY DAY,
AND I HAVE THIS IMAGE BURNED IN MY HEAD.
HEY, JENNY, THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR HELP!
[QUIETLY]: NOT.
I TAKE IT THE MEETING DID GO SO WELL?
YEAH, NOT SO GOOD.
WELL, I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT,
BUT FIRST RIGHT NOW, I HAVE TO GO FUCKING KILL JENNY.
WHY? WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU?
I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT LATER, ALL RIGHT?
I JUST...
I HAVE TO CALM DOWN, OKAY?
I JUST HAVE TO GO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER.
YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
OKAY, THANK YOU. I'LL CALL YOU. BYE.
YEAH. BYE.
HI.
HEY.
I GOT A NEW CAPPUCCINO-MAKER.
DO YOU WANT ONE?
NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.
JENNY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
I CAN MAKE IT WITH SOY.
SOY, FINE, YEAH.
OKAY.
[GRINDER WHINES LOUDLY] SO WHAT'S UP?
THE NEGATIVE FOR LES GIRLS, IT WAS STOLEN FROM THE LAB.
WHAT?
THE NEGATIVE WAS STOLEN--
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
THE NEGATIVE WAS STOLEN FROM THE LAB--
WHY DO YOU KEEP ON SAYING THE WORD "NEGATIVE"?
ARE YOU NOT HEARING ME? THE NEGATIVE--
SMELL THE BEANS.
TO OUR MOVIE. WAS STOLEN FROM THE LAB.
WHO CARES IF THE NEGATIVE WAS STOLEN?
THE EDITOR HAS IT ON HER COMPUTER.
WE SHOT THE MOVIE ON FILM, OKAY?
MM-HMM.
RIGHT?
THE KIND OF FILM THAT YOU TAKE PICTURES WITH.
OKAY.
THE NEGATIVE
IS THE ORIGINAL IMAGE, ALL RIGHT?
WITHOUT THAT, YOU CAN'T MAKE PRINTS.
WITHOUT PRINTS,
YOU CAN'T SCREEN IT IN A MOVIE THEATRE, ALL RIGHT?
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT THE EDITOR HAS ON HER COMPUTER, ALL RIGHT,
BECAUSE IT CANNOT BE PROJECTED ONTO A SCREEN.
NO ONE'S GOING TO SEE OUR MOVIE.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT NOBODY'S GOING TO SEE THE MOVIE?
OH, MY GOD, TINA.
THIS FILM IS MY WHOLE LIFE.
I KNOW IT'S YOUR LIFE.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
I JUST, I CAME OVER TO TALK TO YOU FACE TO FACE.
LOOK, I TALKED TO THE LAB...
OKAY.
THEY'RE GOING TO PUT A TRACE ON IT.
THEY'RE GOING TO FIND IT,
BUT I JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD TALK TO ME
JUST ONE ON ONE.
ABOUT WHAT?
IS IT HERE?
IF I STOLE IT?
YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I STOLE THE MOVIE?
JENNY, IT'S POSSIBLE.
LOOK, IF IT'S HERE, JUST GRAB IT.
WE'LL TAKE IT BACK TO THE LAB, OKAY?
AND I CAN PROMISE
NOTHING BAD'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.
BUT SHIT HAS HAPPENED TO ME!
MY FILM HAS ALREADY BEEN STOLEN.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK ADELE?
ADELE DOESN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO STEAL THE NEGATIVE!
OH, ADELE HAS NO REASON TO STEAL, WHY?
HER WHOLE CAREER WOULD BE ON THE LINE.
HER FUCKING CAREER IS ON THE LINE?
THAT TWERP HAS A THREE-PICTURE DEAL!
I HAVE NOTHING!
NOTHING, TINA, OKAY?
I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN AGENT, BECAUSE MY AGENTS FIRED ME
BECAUSE THEY DON'T THINK I'M PROFESSIONAL!
AND THEN--
AND THEN IF THIS FILM DOESN'T COME OUT,
THEN I'M TOTALLY FUCKED, OKAY?
SO I NEED THIS FILM TO COME OUT
SO I HAVE THIS...
THIS KIND OF CHANCE OF GETTING A JOB AGAIN!
SO YOU NEED TO FIND THAT MOVIE!
[SIGHS]
I DID NOT STEAL THE NEGATIVE.
OKAY.
OKAY...
I'M SORRY.
[SIGHS]
THEY'RE HOLDING ME RESPONSIBLE.
AARON IS PERSONALLY HOLDING ME RESPONSIBLE, AND...
JENNY, I'M SORRY, OKAY?
I BELIEVE YOU.
OH, MY GOD, THIS IS SO BAD...
I PROMISE YOU.
[ALICE]: SO ARE YOU GUYS, LIKE, A COUPLE?
[SHANE SCOFFS]: NO...
NO. NO, ALICE, WE'RE NOT A COUPLE.
THINGS GOT EMOTIONAL.
IT HAPPENED ONE TIME.
IT'S... IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
SHANE, IT'S JENNY!
I MEAN, I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
YOU KNOW WHO WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.
I'M TRULY AWARE OF WHO IT IS,
THANK YOU, BUT...
LISTEN, WE GET EACH OTHER.
WE DO, AND I HAVE TO BELIEVE SHE'S NOT GOING TO GET WEIRD.
SHE EVEN SAID TODAY,
YOU KNOW, WE LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF--
"...UNDER THE SAME ROOF,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES."
I KNOW.
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
I'M JUST...
YOU'RE EXPECTING JENNY TO SET BOUNDARIES.
IT'S LIKE... "WHAT?"
I HAVE TO.
I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHOICE.
EVEN THE MOST LEVEL-HEADED, CALM PERSON
WOULD BE FREAKING OUT
IF THEY SLEPT WITH THEIR ROOMMATE.
LISTEN TO ME...
AND THEY'RE JUST NORMAL.
IT HAPPENED ONE TIME,
AND JUST BECAUSE IT HAPPENED DOESN'T MEAN, LIKE,
WE'RE GOING TO ADD WATER
AND BECOME AN INSTANT RELATIONSHIP ALL OF A SUDDEN.
WHAT?
NOTHING, JUST...
SHE WANTS ME TO GET BEER ON THE WAY HOME.
AND...
LISTEN, BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
IF IT WAS TO HAPPEN AGAIN...
WHAT? WHAT IS THAT FACE?
I WOULDN'T...
I WOULDN'T MIND.
[GROANS IN DISGUST]
IT WAS GOOD.
HOW GOOD WAS IT?
BETTER THAN I EXPECTED, GOOD.
YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP WITH HER AGAIN TONIGHT.
NO, WE'RE NOT, I SWEAR.
NO.
I MEAN, I CAN'T SWEAR, BUT...
I'M NOT PLANNING ON IT.
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,
I REALLY AM HAPPY THAT SHE'S BACK IN MY LIFE.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, I GOT TO GET GOING.
I GOT TO FIND A LIQUOR STORE.
PHYLLIS, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT JODI.
SHE IS IMPLACABLE.
I HAVE NEVER MET ANYBODY SO--
BETTE, COME SIT DOWN.
I FEEL IT BEHOOVES US
TO DISCUSS THIS PROBLEM
WITH ALL THE PARTIES INVOLVED.
JODI HAS GIVEN ME HER SIDE OF THE STORY,
SO IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU THINK I SHOULD KNOW,
NOW IS THE TIME.
[CLEARS THROAT]
WELL...
JODI AGREED TO RESIGN SEVERAL WEEKS AGO,
AND, UH...
AND I SIMPLY ASKED HER TO SUBMIT THAT RESIGNATION.
THE JUSTIN DONOVAN GUN TO THE HEAD INCIDENT
HAS COMPLETELY EVAPORATED.
SO THERE'S NO LONG ANY REASON FOR JODI TO RESIGN.
THE JUSTIN DONOVAN CONTROVERSY
IS ONLY INDICATIVE OF A LARGER PROBLEM.
JODI ISN'T INTERESTED IN ANY AUTHORITY
OTHER THAN HER OWN,
AND AS MY SUBORDINATE,
SHE HAS REPEATEDLY DEMONSTRATED
THAT SHE IS DETERMINED TO MAKE IT
AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO DO MY JOB.
SO YOU THREATENED TO FIRE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND
BECAUSE HAVING HER AROUND MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?
NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
IT'S A QUESTION OF AUTHORITY, PHYLLIS.
I'M REALLY SHOCKED, BETTE.
I WOULD NEVER HAVE IMAGINED
THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE
WOULD ALLOW THIS...
THIS DYKE DRAMA TO INTERFERE WITH YOU DOING YOUR JOB.
THIS IS NOT DYKE DRAMA, PHYLLIS.
WHEN YOU ENTERED INTO A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
WITH A SUBORDINATE--
AS YOU REFERRED TO HER--
YOU RELINQUISHED YOUR RIGHT TO FIRE HER,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S CALLED SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
ARE YOU THREATENING TO SUE ME FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT?
THAT THOUGHT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.
I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN LAWSUITS.
THIS IS NOT COMING FROM JODI, BETTE.
IT'S COMING FROM ME.
THE LAST THING THIS UNIVERSITY NEEDS
IS A SEXUAL HARASSMENT LAWSUIT BETWEEN TWO LESBIANS.
SHE JUST SAID SHE'S NOT GOING TO SUE ME.
I DON'T CARE WHAT JODI SAYS.
I CANNOT ALLOW YOU TO EXPOSE THIS UNIVERSITY
TO THIS KIND OF THREAT.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?
SHANE...
[GROANS]
SHANE, GUESS WHAT?
I FINISHED MY WHOLE TREATMENT.
I'M SO EXCITED.
YOU DID?
I DID,
AND GUESS WHAT ELSE?
WHAT?
I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.
YOU WERE?
I WAS.
EVERYTHING THAT WE DID LAST NIGHT.
AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
I WAS THINKING THAT I LIKED IT.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COME HERE.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH.
TAKE THIS OFF.
ARE YOU GLAD WE MADE UP?
[**]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
AND WE ARE BACK ON THE LOOK,
AND YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING PATIENTLY
TO HEAR WHAT SECRETS
ALICE PIESZECKI HAS TO SHARE WITH US TODAY.
THANK YOU FOR THAT GREAT INTRO, SAUNDRA,
BUT SECRETS MAKES IT SOUND A LITTLE DIRTY.
WELL, DIRTY, ALICE,
IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
WELL, THAT MAY BE MY POINT, MARY.
I KNOW A LOT OF YOU THINK OF ME
AS THE KEEPER OF THESE DIRTY LITTLE GAY SECRETS,
BUT I RECEIVED A LETTER LAST WEEK
AND IT MADE ME THINK A LOT ABOUT THINGS I'VE DONE,
SO I THOUGHT, TODAY, I WOULD SHARE SOMETHING
A LITTLE INTIMATE WITH YOU.
OH, GOODIE!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
[CLEARS THROAT]
"DEAR MS. PIESZECKI..."
THEY SPELLED IT RIGHT, THERE, WHICH I APPRECIATE.
[LAUGHTER]
"I'M WRITING TO YOU
"BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP PEOPLE
"UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.
"FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS,
"MY BROTHER, WADE HAS BEEN ON LIFE SUPPORT.
"I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL EVERY DAY
"PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE,
"BUT THIS MORNING,
"I WATCHED THEM LOWER MY BIG BROTHER'S COFFIN
INTO THE GROUND."
I DON'T UNDERSTAND? WHO IS THIS?
"MY BROTHER'S DEAD
"BECAUSE HE WROTE A LOVE LETTER TO A GUY NAMED MARCUS,
AND MARCUS SHOT HIM IN THE FACE."
[CROWD GASPS]
"I'M WRITING TO ASK YOU TO PLEASE TELL YOUR VIEWERS
"THAT IT IS NOT OKAY TO HURT GAY PEOPLE.
"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO THEM,
SO WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE US ALONE?"
I...
I KNOW I'VE BEEN, UM...
I KNOW I'VE JUSTIFIED OUTING IN THE PAST,
SAYING IT'S A POLITICAL ACT.
I CERTAINLY DO BELIEVE
THAT THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER IF...
PEOPLE FELT FREE AND SAFE ENOUGH TO BE WHO THEY REALLY ARE,
UM, BUT WHAT I FORGOT WAS
SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE TO STAY IN THE CLOSET
FOR OTHER REASONS.
ONE OF THOSE REASONS IS HOMOPHOBIA IS ALIVE AND WELL,
AND, OFTENTIMES IN THIS COUNTRY,
IT CAN BE DEADLY.
SO...
JUST WANTED TO SHARE THAT.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, ALICE,
FOR BRINGING THAT TO OUR ATTENTION.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
NOW WE'RE GOING TO GO TO A COMMERCIAL,
AND WE WHEN WE COME BACK
WE ARE GOING TO DISCUSS HOW TO DRESS FOR SPRING.
AH!
DON'T GO AWAY.
[**]
[APPLAUSE]
SHAOLIN, MAY I HELP YOU?
[HUM OF CONVERSATION]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
AARON WANTS TO SEE YOU RIGHT AWAY.
AGAIN?
OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
"DEAR DELUXE MOTION PICTURE LAB,
PLEASE RELEASE THE LEZ GIRLS NEGATIVE
"TO THE EASTSIDE MESSENGER SERVICE,
"WHO WILL ARRIVE AT 8:00 P.M. TONIGHT.
SINCERELY..."
DO YOU WANT TO READ THAT SIGNATURE FOR ME?
OH, MY GOD.
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT I DID THIS?
IS THAT, OR IS THAT NOT YOUR SIGNATURE, TINA?
YES, BUT I DIDN'T WRITE THIS LETTER.
WELL, THEN YOU BETTER FIND OUT WHO DID.
[DOOR SLAMS]
FUCK!
...AS PAINFUL FOR ME AS THIS IS.
DO YOU WANT ME TO RESIGN?
YES.
LOOK, I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ADMINISTRATOR AT CU
WHO'S EVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER FACULTY MEMBER.
NO, BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY LESBIAN ADMINISTRATOR
WHO'S HAD A NASTY, PUBLIC BREAKUP
WITH A FACULTY MEMBER.
SO THIS IS BECAUSE I'M A LESBIAN.
OR IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE A LESBIAN, PHYLLIS?
BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER, YES, IT'S TRUE.
THIS SITUATION WOULD REFLECT BADLY ON ME, BUT--
PHYLLIS, SHE SAID SHE HAD NO INTENTION--
LET ME FINISH.
UNFORTUNATELY, BETTE,
THIS IS NOT YOUR FIRST OFFENSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
NADIA'S COMPLAINT CITED GORDON PERCY,
BUT SHE ALSO REFERRED TO HER ENCOUNTER WITH YOU.
NADIA FILED A COMPLAINT AGAINST ME?
YES.
SO WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D BE ANGRY AND YOU'D WANT TO FIGHT IT
AND IT WAS MORE CONVENIENT
TO MAKE IT GO AWAY.
SO, YOU SEE,
I'VE ALREADY GIVEN YOU A SECOND CHANCE.
PHYLLIS, TINA AND I
ARE ABOUT TO ADOPT A BABY.
WE'VE JUST STARTED CONSTRUCTION
ON THE SECOND STORY--
DON'T GROVEL, BETTE, IT'S BENEATH YOU.
YOU KNOW WITH YOUR TALENT
YOU'LL FIND A NEW POSITION IN NO TIME.
CAN I GET YOU LADIES A REFILL?
I'LL HAVE ONE.
BETTE?
I'LL HAVE A RYE MANHATTAN, PLEASE.
[STUDENTS WHOOP AND HOLLER]
[SIGHS]
YOU WERE A BEAUTIFUL ROLE MODEL FOR ME
WHEN I WAS COMING OUT.
JODI, TOO,
BUT YOU IN A VERY SPECIAL WAY,
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL.
THAT'S NICE.
AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.
IF SVELTE YOUNG CO-EDS WITH LONG BLONDE HAIR
WERE THROWING THEMSELVES AT ME,
GOD KNOWS WHAT I'D DO.
SHE WAS A GRAD STUDENT.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'VE HAD MY OWN STRUGGLE
WITH ATTRACTION TO SUBORDINATES.
I HAVE ONE CRUSH
THAT'S BEEN INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT...
NOT TO ACT ON.
WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS?
I'D RATHER NOT.
OH, COME ON, GUESS.
IT'S SOMEONE YOU KNOW.
PHYLLIS, I REALLY, I HAVE NO IDEA.
I THOUGHT YOU AND JOYCE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED.
JOYCE, YES,
BUT AS JIMMY CARTER ONCE SAID,
"I'VE STRAYED IN MY MIND'S EYE
MANY TIMES,"
ESPECIALLY WITH THIS PARTICULAR PERSON,
AND NOW THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER MY EMPLOYEE,
I FEEL FREE TO MAKE MY CONFESSION.
BETTE,
I'VE ALWAYS FOUND YOU
WILDLY,
EXQUISITELY ATTRACTIVE.
[LAUGHS]
YES...
PHYLLIS, NO--
YES.
NO, DON'T.
YES, YES, YES. FROM THE MOMENT I SAW YOU.
TALL, STRONG, BRILLIANT...
DON'T.
ERUDITE, INCREDIBLY...
IT WAS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME NOT TO ACT ON IT.
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE.
JOYCE--
JOYCE IS WONDERFUL.
OH, YEAH, SHE'S A TCB, SHE'S GOOD IN BED,
MAKES A GOOD LIVING,
TIGHT WITH MAYOR NEWSOM,
BUT IF YOU GAVE ME
THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF ENCOURAGEMENT,
I WOULD LOSE HER IN A SECOND.
YOU JUST FIRED ME.
I KNOW,
BUT IT MAY BE THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO BOTH OF US.
BETTE, YOU ARE
AND WILL ALWAYS BE
THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS.
YOU'LL HAVE MY LETTER OF RESIGNATION IN THE MORNING.
BETTE...
OOH, GIRL,
LOOK WHAT YOU GOT!
[SIGHS]
NEXT TIME DYLAN MORELAND SENDS ME FLOWERS, KIT,
PLEASE, JUST DON'T ACCEPT THEM.
OKAY, I'LL THROW THEM OUT.
NO, THAT WOULD BE A WASTE.
LOOK, LET'S...
PUT THEM IN THE BATHROOM, OR...
OKAY.
OR MAYBE WE...
WE RECYCLE THEM.
"YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY."
I GUESS HATE CRIMES ARE NOT "FUN GAY,"
THEY'RE "DEPRESSING GAY,"
AND NOW I HAVE THIS FUCKING 7:00 MEETING
WHERE I'M GOING TO GET FIRED,
AND I'M JUST GOING TO GO IN, AND I'M GOING TO SAY,
"PEOPLE, I AM SORRY, OKAY, FOR WHAT I DID,"
AND I'M GOING TO BEG FOR THIS JOB BACK.
I CAN'T HAVE THIS HAPPEN.
GOD...
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT ABOUT...
THIS WOULD BE GOOD, RIGHT?
NO.
WHY?
DON'T LIKE IT.
IT'S TOO SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW.
BUT, WAIT, BUT YOU'RE NOT SORRY.
I WILL BE SORRY IF I LOSE THIS JOB.
I DO NOT LIKE BEING BROKE.
BUT, ALICE,
YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET REWARDED FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING.
I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE GET PUNISHED.
I GOT PUNISHED.
ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO MAKE THIS
ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW?
ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO DO THAT,
MAKE IT ABOUT THE FUCKING ARMY RIGHT NOW?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I AM NOT HERE.
[MUTTERING ANGRILY]: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLOTHES...
HELLO?
ALICE, IT'S SOME WOMAN
FROM THE L.A. GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER.
TELL HER I DONATED LAST YEAR.
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS...
CAN YOU HELP ME?
HOLD ON.
HI, SHE'S NOT HERE. CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?
[TELEPHONES RING, OFFICE HUMS WITH ACTIVITY]
LGBTF VOLUNTEER CENTER, MAY I HELP YOU?
ALICE PIESZECKI!
OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS.
THAT'S A WARM WELCOME.
UM, THIS IS TASHA.
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY TO SEE ALICE.
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
YEAH, WE'RE HERE TO HELP.
OKAY, GREAT. UM, IT'S THIS WAY.
SHE'S THIS WAY.
OKAY, MARIE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME.
SHE WAS ALREADY OUT THERE WHEN YOU READ HER LETTER TODAY,
AND SHE THINKS I'M JUST MAKING IT UP
TO GET HER TO COME IN.
I THINK IF SHE JUST SEES YOU,
AND SHE KNOWS YOU'RE HERE--
UH... JAMIE?
JAMIE, HI.
YEAH, THIS IS WEIRD AND CRAZY.
I CAN'T TALK A TEENAGER OFF OF A LEDGE.
I... WHAT IF SHE JUMPS WHILE I'M TALKING TO HER?
WHAT IF SHE JUMPS WHEN YOU'RE NOT?
YEAH, BUT ALICE ISN'T QUALIFIED FOR THIS.
SHE'S NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST.
I'M NOT.
THIS IS... I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GIRL.
SHE KNOWS YOU.
YOU'RE HER HERO.
SHE'S SO EXCITED EVERY TIME SHE SEES YOU ON THE LOOK
BECAUSE SHE SAYS IT GIVES HER HOPE
THAT SOMEONE COULD BE OUT LIKE YOU
AND STILL BE SUCCESSFUL.
COME ON, WOULD YOU...
PLEASE, WILL YOU JUST TALK TO HER?
THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK.
ALICE CAN'T HANDLE A SITUATION LIKE THIS.
THIS IS A CRISIS.
YOU SHOULD CALL THE POLICE.
MARIE'S TERRIFIED OF THE POLICE.
THEY BROUGHT HER BACK TO HER PARENTS ONCE ALREADY,
AND THAT LAST TIME THEY DID,
THEY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HER.
BUT IT'S NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY.
YES, I KNOW, BUT COME ON,
MARIE LOVES HER...
HI, MARIE?
WHY DON'T YOU COME UP HERE, WE CAN TALK.
YEAH, RIGHT,
LIKE I'M GOING TO FALL FOR THAT!
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
IF YOU WANT TO TALK, YOU CAN COME DOWN HERE.
ALICE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE KID'S NOT COMING UP.
YEAH, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T GO DOWN THERE.
WHAT, BECAUSE I'M NOT QUALIFIED?
I'M NOT GOOD IN A CRISIS?
HI.
WELL, I CAME TO THE LEDGE.
WELL...
SO, IS THIS, LIKE,
PART OF YOUR SHOW OR SOMETHING?
DID YOU BRING A CAMERA CREW?
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
DO YOU WANT TO BE ON TV?
FUCK YOU.
NO, I DON'T HAVE A CAMERA CREW WITH ME.
I MEAN, I'M GOING TO BE FIRED.
WHY?
WELL...
THEY DIDN'T REALLY LIKE THAT I READ YOUR...
THAT I READ YOUR LETTER ON THE AIR.
THE PRODUCERS OF MY SHOW, THEY GOT REALLY PISSED.
I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT.
YOU KNOW...
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I MEAN, MILLIONS...
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
HEARD THE TRUTH TODAY.
THEY HEARD WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY.
THEY DID.
I MEAN, YOU CHANGED THE WORLD A LITTLE BIT
WHEN YOU WROTE ME THAT LETTER.
YOU REALLY DID,
AND...
IF YOU STICK AROUND,
YOU COULD HELP CHANGE IT A LOT MORE.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
TRYING TO CHANGE THE WORLD?
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I AM
IN MY OWN LITTLE WAY.
[**]
I BET ALL THE BOYS USED TO LOVE YOU.
[LAUGHS] OH...
YES, THEY DID...
GIRLFRIEND.
[LAUGHING]
YEAH, I HAD MY SHARE,
BACK IN THE DAY,
BUT MEN...
THEY JUST MESS ME UP.
BUT WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?
OH, WOMEN?
OH, PUH-LEASE!
THEY CAN MESS EACH OTHER UP, TOO.
I CAN'T BEGIN TELL YOU HOW MUCH DRAMA I SEEN!
OH, BUT YOU'RE HAPPY NOW?
HAPPY WITH HELENA?
YEAH.
YEAH, I'M HAPPY WITH MY PARTNER, YEAH.
WELL...
THIS PLACE IS THE BOMB,
AND YOU AND YOUR GIRL GONNA TEAR IT UP TONIGHT,
AND SUNSET
IS GOING TO ROCK THE CASBAH.
OOH, YES, YOU ARE.
FIRST, I'M GOING TO FIX MY FACE
'CAUSE MISS KIT PORTER'S IN THE HOUSE,
AND I GOT SOME SERIOUS COMPETITION.
YOU GO ON, NOW.
OH, THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS OUT THERE.
LET ME GO GET THEM,
AND I'LL MEET YOU BACK IN THERE, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
SEE YOU SOON.
[DANCE MUSIC THUMPING]
[LAUGHTER]
SO A TOAST TO ME?
YES, TO ALICE!
OKAY.
AND LET'S NOT GET TOO DRAMATIC.
NO, I WANT TO SAY
THAT SHE REALLY SURPRISED ME TODAY,
AND I'M VERY PROUD OF HER...
AW...
AND I'M VERY HAPPY AND PROUD TO BE HER GIRLFRIEND.
[THEY ALL ERUPT]: AW!
TASHA...
TO ALICE!
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[MUSIC THUMPS, CARS HONK]
OOH....
OOH, SHIT.
OH...
OH... AH...
OKAY, FINISH,
SO SHE FIRED YOU AND THEN SHE KISSED YOU?
WELL, TECHNICALLY, I RESIGNED,
AND SHE DIDN'T MAKE OUT WITH ME.
THERE IS NO WAY THAT I WAS GOING TO...
[THEY GAG AND LAUGH]
IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST TERRIFYING MOMENTS...
WHAT?
I JUST SAW JENNY AND SHANE IN THE CAR.
SHANE'S HAND IS ALL UP JENNY'S SKIRT,
AND JENNY'S TONGUE
IS ALL GOING DOWN SHANE'S THROAT--
KIT! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHECK YOUR TEXT MESSAGES?
IS THAT WHAT MY PHONE WAS DOING ALL THAT BUZZING ABOUT?
[ALL LAUGHING]
SHUSH, SHH!
OH...
[AWKWARD CLEARING OF THROATS]
HI, SHANE.
HI!
HI.
[BETTE LAUGHS LOUDLY]
[SUPPRESSED GIGGLES ALL ROUND]
WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?
BETTE?
NOTHING, JUST...
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS...
AND THEN I HAD SOMETHING IN MY THROAT, AND--
[THEY BURST OUT LAUGHING]
YOU KNOW WHAT,
HERE'S TO KIT AND HELENA.
THIS PLACE IS FABULOUS.
AW, THANK YOU!
THANK YOU.
[ROUND OF CONGRATULATIONS]
IT'S LIKE NIGHT AND DAY.
CHEERS, KIT.
THANK YOU.
HI, JENNY.
HELLO.
YOU SHOWED UP ALL BY YOURSELF.
HI, JENNY.
THIS LOOKS VERY NICE.
HI, BETTE.
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]
[SNIGGERING]
I THINK THIS PLACE LOOKS REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
YOU GUYS DID A GREAT JOB.
THANK YOU.
DID YOU, UH...
[BETTE LAUGHING]
...DO IT YOURSELF?
YEAH, WE-WE DID.
WE WANTED IT TO LOOK LIKE, YOU KNOW,
CASABLANCA, STUDIO 54.
RIGHT.
YEAH...
[GIGGLING UNCONTROLLABLY]
AND YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT WE DID WITH THE VIP ROOM.
WHERE IS THAT?
OH, IT'S UP THERE.
CAN I GO?
GO SEE IT, GO SEE IT.
I WILL.
AND-AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
I DEFINITELY WILL.
BYE, JENNY.
WAIT, KIT?
YEAH?
HOW BIG IS THIS PLACE,
YOU SAID, WHAT, THERE'S TWO LEVELS?
OH, YES, YES.
WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE?
WELL, THE V.I.P ROOM IS LIKE ANOTHER LEVEL.
I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THAT COMING IN.
CAN I CHECK IT OUT?
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
YEAH? OKAY.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
YEAH?
MM-HMM.
BYE, SHANE!
"OH, THERE'S A SECOND FLOOR?"
[LAUGHING]
SHE MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE UP THERE, WHO KNOWS?
OH, PRAY TELL. OOH...
[LAUGHING AND JOKING]
NOW, WHERE IS THE FABULOUS KIT PORTER?
GET ON OUT HERE, GIRL.
I NEED SOMEBODY TO SHAKE IT WITH.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
* PULL UP OUT THE FRONT YOU SEE THE CLUB GLOW *
* YOU SEE A MAN AT THE DOOR THEN YOU SAY HELLO *
* AND THE BEATING IN MY HEART MUSIC STARTS TO GROW... *
WHOO!
* IT'S TIME TO STAND UP STAND UP, STAND UP *
[CHEERING]
* OOH, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP ME WAITING *
* AND NOW I'M FALLING FOR YOU
* OOH, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP ME WAITING *
* AND NOW I'M FALLING FOR YOU
* OOH, ON THE FLOOR WE KEEP ON MOVING... *
HOW ARE YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M FINE.
I JUST...
I DON'T KNOW, WITH ALL THEM,
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE.
WOW, 3:00.
MY 3:00.
THAT WAY.
UPSTAIRS! 3:00.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, COME ON, ALICE.
THEY'RE JUST TALKING TO EACH OTHER.
ARE YOU OKAY LYING TO OUR FRIENDS?
I DON'T CARE.
I REALLY DON'T.
IT'S...
IT'S BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
COME HERE.
* OOH, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP ME WAITING *
* AND NOW I'M FALLING FOR YOU... *
[LAUGHING]
* OOH, ON THE FLOOR WE KEEP ON MOVING *
* I CAN'T LET YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT *
[**]
* I CAN'T LET YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT... *
* NO, DON'T KEEP ME WAITING...
[STILL LAUGHING]
* NO, DON'T KEEP ME WAITING
* NO, DON'T KEEP ME WAITING...
[**]