PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
I THINK THAT TASHA AND ALICE ARE HAVING A THIRD-WHEEL CRUSH
WITH JAMIE.
NO!
GIRL!
NOW, THAT'S DANGEROUS BUSINESS.
WHAT IF WE THOUGHT OF A TEST
THAT WOULD PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL
WHETHER DYLAN WAS A SLEAZY, GOLD-DIGGING OPPORTUNIST,
OR IS SHE THIS MISUNDERSTOOD,
REFORMED FILMMAKER?
SHE'S GOING IN.
IF YOU WANT TO DIRECT THIS FILM,
THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME HOME WITH ME.
THEN I GUESS I'M NOT GOING TO BE DIRECTING THIS MOVIE.
SHE PASSED!
I DO NOT HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR NIKKI.
IF JENNY WASN'T IN THE PICTURE, MAYBE THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN YOU TWO, UM,
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.
WOW, YOU TWO HAVE JUST REALLY MOVED YOUR OFFICES
RIGHT ON IN HERE, HUH?
THIS CONSTRUCTION IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.
THE NEXT TIME I GET THE BRIGHT IDEA
TO DOUBLE THE SQUARE FOOTAGE OF MY HOUSE,
PLEASE TALK ME OUT OF IT.
HOW IS THE BEAUTIFUL MOTHER-TO-BE?
I'M NOT A MOTHER, OKAY, JENNY?
CAN YOU GET THAT?
WHY IS SHE SO SENSITIVE?
JENNY...
* I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
* OOMPA, LOOMPA, DOOMPADEE DOO
* I'VE GOT A BIRTHDAY PUZZLE FOR YOU *
* OOMPA, LOOMPA, DOOMPADEE DEE
* IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME *
* WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS? *
* EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS *
* WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT? *
* WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT? *
* I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT... *
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS APPROPRIATE?
I MEAN, DON'T CHILDREN GET KILLED?
NO, THEY GOT PUNISHED, BETTE,
AND IT WAS MAX'S FAVORITE STORY.
ALICE...
WHERE ARE THE WILLY WONKA BARS THAT YOU PROMISED?
I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THEM
IF YOU HAD TOLD ME THAT IT WAS HER IDEA.
[HELIUM-HIGH VOICE]: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO ABOUT IT?
WHAT DO I WANT YOU TO DO?
[INHALING]
[HELIUM-HIGH VOICE]: I WANT YOU TO DUMP HER.
IT'S NOT THAT EASY, ALICE.
EXCUSE ME.
HI.
HI. HOW DO YOU KNOW MAX?
OH, I HAVEN'T MET HIM YET.
JENNY, I INVITED HER.
I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
MAX WON'T CARE.
SHE'S HELPING ME WITH MY ENDURANCE TEST
ON MONDAY.
OKAY.
KIT, THE ICE-CREAM CONE NEEDS TO GO EXACTLY IN THE CORNER.
I WANT TO GET BACK INTO BED.
I TELL YOU WHAT,
WE GO IN, WE HAVE A QUICK DRINK,
WE SAY, "HAPPY BABY SHOWER!"
HAPPY BABY SHOWER.
AND THEN WE LEAVE.
OKAY.
OKAY, YOU PROMISE?
HI! WELCOME.
WOW...
YES, I'VE DONE SUCH A GOOD JOB.
IT'S QUITE MAGICAL.
THEME PARTIES ARE ALL THE RAGE.
YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
THAT'S... THAT'S LOVELY.
THANK YOU.
YOU GUYS LOOK VERY HAPPY TOGETHER.
OH, THANK YOU.
I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH.
SO AM I.
ME TOO.
AW...
I'M REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HAPPY
FOR YOU BOTH.
I'M GOING TO GET YOU A DRINK.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A BIG HUG, MISSY!
COME HERE! YOU! OH...
YOU PASSED THE TEST WITH FLYING COLORS.
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
WE WERE WATCHING YOU,
AND WE SAW HOW IT HIT.
YOU REBUFFED NIKKI STEVENS,
EVEN THOUGH SHE COULD HAVE HELPED YOUR CAREER,
AND IT WAS JUST SO INCREDIBLE.
IT WAS VERY, VERY IMPRESSIVE.
W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SAW--
WHAT DOES SHE MEAN SHE SAW?
SAW WHAT?
THAT I PASSED A TEST.
WHEN WE WERE WATCHING HER
WITH NIKKI STEVENS
ON THE BIG MONITORS AT HIT.
EVERYONE WAS WATCHING ME
WHEN I HAD MY MEETING WITH NIKKI STEVENS?
YES.
N-NO.
I MEAN...
WELL, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED--
NOW, THERE IS...
THERE IS NO NEED TO LIE.
I WILL FIX THIS.
WHEN ONE BEGINS A RELATIONSHIP,
YOU MUST START WITH A CLEAN SLATE
AND BE COMPLETELY HONEST,
WHICH IS WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW, RIGHT?
JENNY, YOU JUST BETTER--
NIKKI STEVENS WAS A TEST?
NO, THAT...
DYLAN, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT, IT WASN'T REALLY--
IT WASN'T EVEN MY IDEA.
NO, DYLAN...
I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
SURPRISE!
HAPPY...
BABY SHOWER DAY...
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
OKAY, HERE'S YOUR GOLDEN TICKET,
AND HERE IS YOUR HAT,
AND HERE IS A BALLOON.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MILK AND COOKIES?
OKAY.
OH, HEY, I'M JAMIE.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, MAX.
[SIGHING HEAVILY]
HEY, I HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
SHE'S THE ONLY NON-FRIEND HERE...
SHE'S JUST SO INAPPROPRIATE...
SHE'S GONE.
SORRY.
OH, MY GOD...
HELENA, HELENA, HELENA, I'M SO SORRY, I TRULY AM.
CALL HER. TRY-TRY TO CALL HER.
TRY TO CALL HER.
OH, HEY, HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING?
WELCOME TO THE HOUSE.
I'M SORRY I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU...
OH, NO, WE HAD A GREAT TIME
WHEN WE WERE DANCING...
I CANNOT BELIEVE JENNY SAID THAT.
WHAT CAN'T YOU BELIEVE?
WE SHOULD JUST GRAB SHANE
AND MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
MAYBE SHE DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO BE
SO MALICIOUS.
OH YEAH, NO, NO, NO,
JENNY'S NOT MALICIOUS.
NO, NOT AT ALL.
JUST COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY EVIL.
OKAY, FINE, SHE'S MALICIOUS.
OH, NO!
I WAS SURE THAT I HAD IT RIGHT.
BUT I THINK THAT, LOOK, MINE IS JUST AS SHORT,
SO I ALREADY LOSE.
OURS IS SHORTER.
YEAH, OURS IS SHORTER.
YES, IT IS.
NO... OKAY, YOU'RE NEXT, SHANE.
I'M SORRY, MAX.
COME ON...
ALL RIGHT...
[GASPS] YAY!
EVERYONE, SHANE'S THE WINNER!
I WONDER WHY SHE WON.
OKAY, SO...
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER GAME.
DO ANY OF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?
CHOCOLATE IN A DIAPER.
OH, MY GOODNESS, YOU'RE RIGHT!
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE OTHER GAME WAS.
OKAY...
YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHAT KIND OF CHOCOLATE
THE SHIT IS.
[LAUGHING]
THAT'S SO DISGUSTING!
THAT'S GROSS!
WHAT IS THIS?
IS THIS ONE OF THE CHOCOLATE BARS
THAT YOU MADE?
AGAIN WITH THE SMELLING...
WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR NOSE SO CLOSE TO IT?
NO, IT'S...
IT'S A SKOR BAR!
YOU'RE RIGHT, TINA.
YOU KNOW YOUR SHIT, SO TO SPEAK.
GOOD JOB, BABE.
YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
SHE ALWAYS WINS THIS AT EVERY SHOWER.
THANK YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE IT, MISS GRUMPY PANTS?
FUCK OFF, JENNY.
HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HAVING?
NO, NOT YET.
YOU DIDN'T SEE IN THE ULTRASOUND?
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW?
I GUESS IF TOM WERE HERE, IT'D MAYBE BE EASIER.
OH, FUCK TOM.
I'D BE MORE READY FOR ALL THIS THEN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, MAX, I'M SORRY,
BUT WHAT AN ASSHOLE.
HE'S NOT AN ASSHOLE. HE JUST GOT SCARED--
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO HIM?
NO.
HE CHANGED BOTH HIS NUMBERS.
[THEY ALL ERUPT]: OH, THAT'S AN ASSHOLE...
OH, WHAT AN ASSHOLE. SERIOUSLY.
SO WRONG...
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, MAX?
DON'T BE SCARED. REALLY.
I MEAN, DON'T.
I MEAN, WHEN THE BABY'S BORN,
AND YOU HOLD THAT BABY IN YOUR ARMS,
YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO.
I PROMISE YOU.
OKAY.
[COUGHING]
IT'S REALLY COOL TO FINALLY HANG OUT WITH YOU.
ALICE TALKS ABOUT YOU A LOT.
REALLY?
THAT'S NICE TO HEAR.
SHE SEEMS KIND OF OVER ME THESE DAYS.
OH, YEAH.
WELL, SHE'S A LITTLE MAD AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND,
SO I THINK SHE PROBABLY HATES YOU, TOO.
ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?
[LAUGHING] NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.
SHE THINKS OF YOU AS A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.
SHE, LIKE...
YEAH, SHE ADMIRES YOU, AND...
THAT'S SWEET.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
I MEAN THAT. IT'S NICE TO HEAR
I HAVEN'T... THAT'S...
THANK YOU,
THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY SWEET COMPLIMENT.
DO YOU WANT MORE?
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
I HADN'T SMOKED THAT IN A LONG TIME.
DO YOU WANT MORE?
[COUGHING EMPHATICALLY]
MAYBE ONE MORE HIT.
SORRY. HI.
HEY.
I JUST... I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT IT'S YOUR TURN FOR THE GAME, SO...
AND ALSO,
I DON'T MEAN TO BE, LIKE, A NARC, BUT THE, UH...
THE-THE POT'S JUST DRIFTING IN, AND MAX IS GETTING...
UM...
[CLEARS THROAT]
OKAY, I'M GOING TO GO PLAY THE GAME.
OKAY, BYE.
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
DO WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "DO WHAT?"
I WAS TALKING TO HER.
NO, COME ON, YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH HER.
OKAY, WELL...
MAYBE I WAS.
YEAH, SO WHAT IF YOU WERE?
I DON'T CARE.
REALLY?
I FEEL LIKE YOU WERE GIVING ME A WEIRD LOOK OVER THERE, THOUGH.
BECAUSE I WAS JUST COMING TO TELL YOU
THAT IT WAS YOUR TURN.
OKAY.
GUESS WHAT?
WHAT?
I GOT YOU A PRESENT.
I'VE MADE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
WHAT IS IT?
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
WHEN AM I GOING TO FIND OUT?
LET'S PLAY THE GAME.
WHY ARE YOU... WHAT'S WRONG?
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
...AND THAT PERSON WOULD BE?
IT WOULD-- WELL--
IT'S PRESENT-CAKE TIME, MOM-DAD.
YAY...
BE CAREFUL OF THE KNIFE, PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT IT FALLING, AND...
OH, LOOK AT THE CAKE!
LOOK AT THAT CAKE...
OH, KIT, I'M SO SORRY.
HAPPY BABY, MAX.
WOW, IT'S REALLY BIG.
DO YOU WANT TO CUT THE CAKE?
YEAH, I'M NOT SO GOOD AT IT. MAYBE YOU WANT TO?
I CAN CUT IT.
WOULD YOU MIND?
HERE'S KIT'S PRESENT.
YEAH, OPEN THE PRESENT.
YEAH, IT'S RIGHT...
DO YOU HAVE IT?
IT'S RIGHT HERE. DON'T WORRY.
YOU HAVE TO HOLD IT UP, MAX,
SO WE CAN ALL SEE WHAT IT IS.
OH, IT'S LITTLE BABY T-SHIRTS.
[OOHING AND AAHING]
OH, LOOK, THERE'S A LITTLE PUNK ROCK BABY.
OH, THERE IT IS.
AND HERE IS OUR PRESENT.
THAT'S FANCY.
TAH-DAH!
WOW, A STROLLER.
BUT YOU SEE...
[TOGETHER]: IT'S MORE THAN A STROLLER!
YOU CAN LIFT THIS LITTLE PART UP,
AND IT'S A CAR SEAT...
OH, WOW!
AND THEN YOU CAN TAKE THE LITTLE HANDLE,
IT'S ALSO A CRADLE.
YOU CAN TURN IT THIS WAY
SO YOU CAN DRINK YOUR COFFEE FROM HERE...
DOES IT DO THE DISHES?
NO, JUST YOUR TAXES,
AND THEN THERE ARE TWO LITTLE THINGS HERE.
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR COFFEE AND A BOTTLE.
THERE'S ALSO INSTRUCTIONS
DOWN HERE.
IT'S REALLY LIGHT.
IT ALSO COMES WITH A DVD.
IT'S ABOUT AN HOUR LONG,
SO IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS...
BETTE HAS READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL
FROM COVER TO COVER,
SO ANY QUESTIONS, TALK TO BETTE.
THANKS.
I APPRECIATE IT.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT.
I GUESS I AM GOING TO NEED A STROLLER, HUH?
MAX, DO YOU HAVE-- DO YOU HAVE A BIRTH PLAN?
NO, NOT YET.
OH, MY GOD, OUR BIRTH PLAN, IT WENT RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.
I MEAN, I WAS GOING TO DO A HOME BIRTH
IN THE TUB WITH THE MIDWIFE,
AND WE ENDED UP IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM
HAVING A C-SECTION.
OPEN THE PRESENT.
STILL, I THINK IT'S GOOD TO HAVE A PLAN.
DON'T YOU?
NO, YOU SHOULD HAVE A PLAN--
I DON'T BLAME YOU WHEN THEY HAVE A C-SECTION,
BECAUSE EITHER, YOU KNOW, YOU GET ALL TORN,
OR YOU HAVE AN EPISIOTOMY.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S WHEN THE BABY'S HEAD IS TOO BIG
TO GO THROUGH THE VAGINA,
AND THEY HAVE TO, UM, CUT IT.
JUST CUT IT WITH SCISSORS.
OH! YOU GUYS...
IT'S JUST THE PERINEUM, AND-AND...
REALLY!
THEY NUMB IT.
OKAY, OPEN THE PRESENT.
I MEAN, IT'S BETTER
TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN EPISIOTOMY
THAN TO HAVE IT RIP, BECAUSE IF IT RIPS--
OPEN THE PRESENT.
AND THEN IT'S HARDER TO SEW UP,
BUT IF YOU CUT IT, IT'S JUST, LIKE, A CLEAN--
OPEN THE PRESENT!
CAN WE JUST LOOK AT SWEET BABY CLOTHES AND STUFF?
HEY, IT'S A PRESENT IN YOUR LAP!
LOOK AT THAT.
OPEN UP.
[CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
WHAT IS THIS?
THAT'S A... IT'S A BREAST PUMP.
CAN I JUST SHOW YOU?
YOU ATTACH IT TO YOUR BREASTS,
WHILE YOU'RE LACTATING,
AND THEN YOU... THE MILK GOES IN HERE,
AND YOU CAN FEED THE BABY THE MILK.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO BREASTFEED.
NO, MAX, YOU-
YOU DO WANT TO BREASTFEED.
I MEAN, IT'S WHAT'S BEST FOR THE BABY,
ALL THE DOCTOR'S SAY SO,
AND IT'S A WONDERFUL BONDING EXPERIENCE.
I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME WITH ANGIE.
YOU KNOW, I-I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU IDENTIFY AS A MAN,
BUT I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT,
AS A PARENT,
THAT YOU CAN'T BE SELFISH FOR THE CHILD.
SHE'S-SHE'S GIVING LIFE LESSONS NOW.
IT'S MY OWN FUCKING CHOICE IF I BREASTFEED OR NOT. OKAY?
JENNY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BRINGING UP KIDS, FAMILY?
IT'S TIME FOR, YOU KNOW... SOMEONE, GIVE A SPEECH.
I'LL MAKE A SPEECH.
[APPLAUDING IN AGREEMENT] YES, ALICE, PLEASE!
SPEECH!
OKAY, MAX, HUH?
BIG DAY, HUH?
YEAH.
PHEW!
YEAH...
LISTEN, YOU, MISTER,
HAVE HAD THE UNUSUAL BENEFIT
OF KNOWING WHAT BOTH SEXES GO THROUGH,
AND HOW THEY LOVE,
AND ALL THOSE KINDS OF THINGS,
AND BECAUSE OF THAT,
YOU ARE GOING TO BE A VERY CARING
AND VERY FANTASTIC FATHER, OKAY?
SO DON'T YOU...
AND THIS WORLD, MAX,
IT CAN BE HARSH, WE KNOW.
YOU KNOW, MORE THAN ANY OF US,
ABOUT THAT, BUT THAT'S...
THAT'S GIVEN YOU KNOWLEDGE, YOU KNOW,
AND KNOWLEDGE IS GOING TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH,
AND, YOU KNOW, STRENGTH IS GOING TO...
IT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN IMPART
TO YOUR CHILD, YOU KNOW?
IT'S GOING TO HELP THE TWO OF YOU
ON THIS JOURNEY
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE TOGETHER.
SURE, IT'S...
IT'S GREAT TO HAVE TWO PARENTS.
LIKE, HELLO, THESE TWO.
EXHIBIT "A," TWO ADORING PARENTS,
BUT LISTEN TO THIS, MAX,
YOU BEING ALONE IS BETTER
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH
ALL THAT BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW,
OF, LIKE, FIGURING IT ALL OUT
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
LIKE, "LET'S CIRCUMCISE,"
OR "NO, WE CAN'T CIRCUMCISE," YOU KNOW...
"LET HIM STAY UP LATE,"
AND, "I WANT HIM TO GO TO BED."
YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE, MUCH BETTER.
IT'S JUST YOU.
YOU AND THE KID, HUH?
WHAT'S SHE DOING?
DOING WHAT SHE ALWAYS DOES.
WATCH HER, SHE'S ON A ROLL.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT, IT'S ALL YOU.
SO, MAX, LISTEN, TO YOU.
EVERYBODY, CHEERS.
IT'S AMAZING THAT YOU'RE BRINGING A LIFE
INTO THIS WORLD,
AND I CAN ONLY HOPE, REALLY,
THAT THIS CHILD, YOU KNOW,
WILL TURN OUT TO BE SOMEONE
WHO HAS VALUES,
WHO KNOWS THE REAL MEANING OF HONESTY,
THE REAL MEANING OF TRUST,
AND REAL FRIENDSHIP, YOU KNOW.
SOMEONE WHO WOULD STAND UP TO THEIR GIRLFRIEND
WHEN THEY KNOW SHE'S WRONG.
I CAN ONLY HOPE-- WE CAN ALL ONLY HOPE--
THAT THIS CHILD WILL NOT GROW UP TO BE A THIEF,
SOMEONE WHO WOULD STEAL PEOPLE'S IDEAS,
AND LIVES, AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
SO I PRAY, MAX, FOR YOUR CHILD,
THAT THEY WON'T GROW UP TO BE MALICIOUS,
AND MANIPULATIVE, AND FUCKED UP.
YEAH! HEAR, HEAR!
RIGHT?
TO MAX!
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
IT'S TO MAX--
ARE YOU OKAY?
IS SHE THROWING UP?
YOU OKAY? WHOA...
SHE'S GOING TO THROW UP ON MY...
WHOA...
UH-OH.
I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS, OKAY?
I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD ADOPT MY KID?
MAX, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
WE ARE ALREADY ADOPTING ANOTHER BABY.
YOU'RE JUST VERY EMOTIONAL.
I KNOW, BUT, I JUST...
YOU GUYS,
I THINK HE'S HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.
[ALL FRETTING AND TALKING AT ONCE]
LISTEN, I HAVE SOME EXTRA DIAZEPAM.
GIVE HER AIR. GIVE HER AIR.
XANAX!
I CAN'T BREATHE...
IN OUR ROOM.
OKAY, I CAN'T BREATHE.
NO, BREATHE MORE SLOWLY. LET'S TAKE THIS OFF.
WOULD YOU GET THE LEXIPRO?
WHERE'S MY PURSE?
GO GET THE VALIUM!
GET THIS SHIT OFF ME.
SOMEBODY SHOULD CALL 911, CALL 911.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
I CAN'T DO IT, YOU GUYS.
I'M SCARED!
I HAVE SOME LEXIPRO IN MY PURSE.
OKAY, PEOPLE!
PEOPLE, SHE'S PREGNANT!
YOU CAN'T GIVE A PREGNANT LADY DRUGS.
HE.
HE'S PREGNANT.
HE'S PREGNANT, OKAY?
HE IS PREGNANT. I'M SORRY.
HE'S PREGNANT.
SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT.
I'M SORRY.
I THINK WE SHOULD GET ON THE PHONE WITH 911.
IT'S CRAZY, I CAN'T BREATHE.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!
SO THE BIRTH MOTHER KNOWS YOU'RE LESBIANS?
YES, WE WERE VERY CLEAR WITH MARCI.
SHE'S TOTALLY COMFORTABLE.
EXCEPT FOR HER STEPFATHER
AND HER MOTHER.
AH, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK.
THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS HERE.
YOU JUST NEED TO MAKE SURE
THAT MARCI'S COMMITTED TO SEEING THIS THROUGH.
WELL, SHE ASSURED US THAT WE'RE HER FIRST CHOICE.
AND SHE REALLY DOESN'T LIKE
THE OTHER POTENTIAL ADOPTIVE PARENTS.
WELL, EXCELLENT.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE IN GOOD SHAPE.
I LOOK FORWARD TO WELCOMING THE NEW ADDITION
TO THE PORTER-KENNARD FAMILY.
SO...
YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS, RIGHT?
[CHUCKLING]
[SIGHS WITH SATISFACTION]
PHYLLIS ACCEPTED.
CONGRATULATIONS.
HOT DAMN!
WE HAVEN'T SET A DATE YET.
WE'RE WAITING ON GAVIN'S AVAILABILITY.
GAVIN NEWSON, THE MAYOR OF SAN FRANCISCO?
HE'S OFFICIATING.
GREAT.
WOW, MAYOR.
WELL, I THINK WE HAVE
ONE MORE TRIP TO NEVADA, RIGHT,
AND IT'S JUST TO TAKE MARCI
TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE,
BUT, OTHER THAN THAT, IT'S VERY ROUTINE.
SHE'S FROM NEVADA?
YEAH. WHY?
WELL, NEVADA'S PROBLEMATIC.
IT'S ONE OF THE FEW STATES
THAT DOESN'T ALLOW GAY COUPLES TO ADOPT.
WAIT, BUT MARCI CHOSE US.
DOESN'T MATTER. THE STATE WON'T ALLOW IT.
AH-HAH...
THIS IS CRAZY.
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.
YOU COULD ADOPT AS A SINGLE PARENT.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
AT THE HOSPITAL IN NEVADA,
ONE OF YOU PRESENTS AS A SINGLE PARENT
AND ADOPTS THE CHILD.
THEN, ONCE YOU'RE BACK IN CALIFORNIA,
YOU DO THE SECOND PARENT ADOPTION,
JUST LIKE YOU DID WITH ANGELICA.
FINE.
NO.
LET'S DO IT.
NO, THERE'S NO WAY.
WE CAN'T START THIS WHOLE THING OUT
WITH A LIE.
WE CANNOT LIE ABOUT WHO WE ARE,
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO OUR FAMILY.
WE CAN'T DO THAT TO ANGELICA,
OR TO OUR POTENTIALLY NEW SON.
WE JUST CAN'T.
OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT...
NO, JOYCE.
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT TAKE THAT POSITION.
THERE IS ONE OTHER THING THAT YOU CAN DO,
BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE YOU'D WANT TO.
WHAT IS IT?
YOU COULD HAVE THE BIRTH MOTHER
COME LIVE WITH YOU IN LOS ANGELES.
ARRANGE FOR HER TO HAVE THE BABY HERE.
IF SHE GIVES BIRTH IN CALIFORNIA,
THE NEVADA LAW HAS NO JURISDICTION.
[ALL LAUGHING AND TALKING AT ONCE]
WHY IS YOUR KEY RING SO SWEATY?
BECAUSE YOU KILLED ME.
GUYS, I'M NEVER, EVER, EVER DOING THAT AGAIN.
YOU KNOW,
THAT'S GOING TO BE REALLY SORE TOMORROW
AND THE NEXT DAY.
I'M SORE NOW.
THE QUADS.
YOUR QUADS ARE GOING TO BE KILLING YOU.
IT WAS GOOD, THOUGH. IT WAS GOOD.
OH, PLEASE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SO TIRED FOR?
YOU DID, LIKE, TWO JUMPING JACKS!
DON'T START WITH ME WHEN I DID THE WHOLE THING.
OH, REALLY?
I TOOK A COUPLE OF BREAKS.
A COUPLE? MEANING 10?
YOU DID GREAT. I WAS SURPRISED.
REALLY?
YOU DID, LIKE, 15 OF THOSE.
YOU WERE ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.
YOU COULD HAVE EASILY MADE THE SQUAD, SERIOUSLY.
OHM GOD, NO, I'M SO OUT OF SHAPE.
WHAT? ARE YOU ON CRACK?
OH, MY GOD...
REALLY? LOOK AT YOU.
YEAH, YOU'RE REALLY OUT OF SHAPE.
[SCOFFING] SHUT UP.
I'LL SHOW YOU OUT OF SHAPE.
[ALL LAUGHING]
OH...
OKAY, YOU GUYS,
I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND TAKE A SHOWER,
AND I'LL MEET YOU AT THE RESTAURANT.
OH, MY GOD, NO.
THAT WOULD TAKE FOREVER.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOWER HERE?
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES,
AND I'M ALL... I'M REALLY, UGH.
I COULD GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO WEAR.
I MEAN, WE'RE LIKE THE SAME SIZE, RIGHT, BUT...
I MEAN, YOU'RE A LITTLE SMALLER.
NO, WE'RE ABOUT THE SAME SIZE--
BUT I HAVE SOMETHING THAT'LL FIT YOU, I'M SURE.
YOU SURE?
YOU REMEMBER WHERE IT IS?
YES.
[CHUCKLES]
HEY.
UM, SORRY.
UM, I THINK THESE ARE... THESE'LL FIT.
YEAH, THESE ARE PERFECT, THANKS.
YEAH?
OKAY, SORRY.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[WHISPERING]: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT?
BUT SHE'S IN THE OTHER ROOM.
SHH!
ARE YOU SERIOUS, RIGHT NOW?
[WHISPERING]: THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
[MOANING SOFTLY]
SHH! SHH!
[GIGGLING]
WHAT IF SHE HEARS YOU?
SHUT UP!
[MUFFLED MOANS FROM OTHER ROOM]
[WHISPERING]: SHE'S COMING.
NO, DON'T STOP.
I GOTTA STOP.
NO, DON'T STOP, NOT YET.
[MUFFLED MOANS]
SHH! SHH!
DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP...
OH, MY GOD...
[GASPING]
FUCK...
SHH...
[MUFFLED WHISPERING AND GIGGLING]
[WHISPERING]: THAT WAS CRAZY.
OH, THAT WAS A REALLY NICE SHOWER!
HEY, ARE YOU DONE?
YEAH. IT'S ALL YOURS.
I'M GOING TO JUMP IN.
GREAT.
HEY.
HEY...
WAS IT GOOD?
MM, YEAH.
GREAT.
I THINK I'M GOING TO GO SHOWER WITH HER.
THAT COOL?
YEAH, GO FOR IT.
I'LL ENTERTAIN MYSELF.
WELL, MARCI SEEMED PRETTY UP FOR IT.
YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT,
WHO'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HER KIDS?
I JUST... IT'S STRANGE TO ME.
I GUESS THEY'RE GOING TO STAY
WITH HER PARENTS, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE CAR.
DOES SHE NEED A CAR?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO DRIVE HER EVERYWHERE?
THAT'S HARD.
WELL, I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO DRIVE HER.
DO YOU HAVE THE TIME TO DRIVE HER?
WHAT IF THE HOUSE ISN'T DONE?
[SAW DRONING]
WEEZIE, HOW ARE WE COMING?
GOOD NEWS, LADIES.
WE'RE ONLY THREE MONTHS BEHIND SCHEDULE.
[GIVES A LONG, GOOFY LAUGH]
AH, JUST A LITTLE CONTRACTOR HUMOR THERE.
[LAUGHS]
ACTUALLY, WE'RE AHEAD OF THE GAME, LADIES.
I GUESS MY GUYS DO MORE
THAN JUST LOOK GOOD, HUH?
[SMACKS BUTT GIVES ANOTHER GOOFY LAUGH]
ACTUALLY, I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU THE HEADS UP
THAT WE'RE EXPECTING A HOUSEGUEST
FOR ABOUT A MONTH OR SO.
SO IT IS CRITICAL THAT--
OH, SO I MIGHT HAVE TO DO SOME MASSAGING OF THE BOYS,
THAT OUGHTTA GET THEM TO PUT IN SOME EXTRA HOURS.
AH, JUST ONE OF THE PERKS OF THE JOB, I GUESS.
[LAUGHS]
CAN I... UM, WEEZIE?
ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE MASTER BATH.
THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A WRAP-AROUND DECK.
OH, YEAH, CHANGED THAT.
IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN,
BUT DON'T WORRY,
I TALKED TO THE ARCHITECT.
HE'S A HANDSOME FELLOW, HUH?
I WOULDN'T KICK HIM OUT OF BED FOR LEAVING CRUMBS.
[LAUGHING]
OKAY, I AM SO CONFUSED.
ARE YOU CONFUSED?
OH, I'M VERY CONFUSED.
[WHISPERING]: SHE'S A DYKE, RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE'S A DYKE.
THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A YIKES.
YIKES!
"HE'S A HANDSOME FELLA!"
[IMITATES HER GOOFY LAUGH]
[BOTH SMOTHERING LAUGHTER]
SHIT...
THAT'S MEAN. THAT'S MEAN.
SHE'S DOING A GOOD JOB.
SHE'S AWESOME.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT IS IT?
THIS IS THE SURPRISE...
OH, REALLY?
THAT I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
YEAH.
TAH-DAH!
THIS IS YOUR OWN PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO.
CATCH.
YOUR KEYS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHARE THEM WITH ANYBODY.
LOOK AT THIS HERE, LOOK.
LOOK, NATURAL LIGHT.
YOU GET ALL NATURAL LIGHT.
THIS HERE IS YOUR SEAMLESS
FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO DO
YOUR BEAUTIFUL PORTRAITURE,
AND LOOK AT THIS,
WHITE WALLS.
LOOK, WHITE SPACE, WHITE SPACE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S FOR?
THAT'S FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO HAVE
YOUR OWN PHOTOGRAPHY SHOWS.
SO YOU NEVER HAVE TO ASK ANYBODY FOR A FAVOR
EVER AGAIN.
THESE ARE YOUR TRIPODS RIGHT HERE.
THESE ARE YOUR STROBES RIGHT HERE.
THIS IS YOUR BOUNCE
FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO DO THE FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY.
OKAY, AND...
THIS IS THE DARKROOM.
JEN...
WHAT-WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IS IT...
I DON'T KNOW, IS THIS GOING TO BE OKAY?
I DON'T DESERVE THIS.
I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS.
YEAH, YOU DO.
NO, I DON'T.
YES, YOU DO.
I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TAKING THAT MANY PICTURES, JEN.
WELL, YOU SHOULD,
BECAUSE YOU'RE TALENTED.
I JUST THINK THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN SPACE
SO YOU CAN WORK.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HEY, T, YOUR CAR IS HERE!
I'M COMING!
I JUST...
DOESN'T IT FEEL CRAZY TO HAVE MARCI COME HERE?
I MEAN, IT'S EXCITING, BUT IT'S--
YOU KNOW WHAT,
WE'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING.
I'M GOING TO STAY ON WEEZIE.
I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE
THAT THE ROOM IS READY, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL CALL YOU FROM THE GALLERY TOMORROW.
OKAY, IT'S JUST--
IT'S JUST WHAT?
IT'S A CRAZY TIME, YOU KNOW.
YOU HAVE TO GO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MISSING THE OPENING.
THERE WILL BE MANY, MANY MORE.
I KNOW.
IT'S JUST NEVER GOING TO BE A FIRST.
YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU JUST GO TO NEW YORK,
AND YOU GET THIS NEW MOVIE OFF THE GROUND, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S YOUR JOB.
OKAY.
KISS ANGIE FOR ME.
EVERY NIGHT.
OKAY.
I LOVE YOU.
I.M. ME, OKAY? DON'T FORGET.
OKAY.
YOU OKAY?
JESUS...
WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?
YOU'RE PUTTING PRESSURE ON ME, WOMAN.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DOWN.
OH, THANKS.
IS YOUR SISTER GOING TO NEW YORK?
MY SISTER, KIT?
I THOUGHT HER NAME WAS TINA.
TINA'S NOT MY SISTER.
TINA'S MY PARTNER.
SHE'S ANGELICA'S OTHER MOTHER.
WELL, YEAH, I GET THAT YOU'RE PARTNERS.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE SISTERS.
NOPE.
IS SHE A WENTWORTH?
WHAT?
NO, SHE'S A KENNARD.
THEN WHY IS SHE GOING TO NEW YORK?
ISN'T SHE GOING TO BE AT YOUR OPENING TOMORROW?
SO I WON'T SEE HER THEN?
ARE YOU GOING TO THE OPENING?
YEAH.
I'M PUMPED.
I HEAR THAT ART OPENINGS ARE A GREAT PLACE
TO MEET THE FELLAS,
AND I AM LOOKING.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
I'M JUST CONFUSED...
[**]
HEY, WHATCHA DOING?
OH, YOU KNOW.
MM-HMM. YES, YES, I SEE.
WOULD YOU GET HER SOME WATER?
I DON'T WANT A WATER.
I'M FINE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT FINE. YOU ARE A MESS.
YOU HAVE HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK HERE.
WE NEED TO GET HER HOME.
COME ON. COME ON...
KIT, LISTEN, I'M FINE.
WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST LET ME--
YOU ARE NOT FINE.
JUST LET ME STAY HERE.
NO.
GET YOUR... YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING MOTHER!
I KNOW I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MOTHER!
[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, OKAY?
SO WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
GOT IT FROM HER.
IT'S A PRESENT.
YOU LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT.
THIS THING WITH DYLAN, IT'S A DISASTER!
OH, SHE'LL GET OVER HER, GIRLFRIEND.
SHE'S GOT A GOOD THING HERE WITH YOU.
NO, NO, HELENA MESSED UP, OKAY,
AND I REALLY THINK
SHE NEEDS TO TRY TO FIX IT UP WITH DYLAN.
THEY BELONG TOGETHER!
HELENA AND DYLAN?
BUT DON'T YOU LOVE HELENA?
YEAH, I LOVE HER.
YEAH.
THEN WHY ARE YOU PUSHING HER INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S ARMS?
YOU TWO,
YOU HAVE MORE THAN JUST A ROMANCE.
YOU'RE PARTNERS...
[LAUGHS IN DISBELIEF]
AND I THINK YOU'RE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER.
YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT I WAS A LESBIAN?
YEAH, UH-HUH, BABY,
WELL, YOU SEE,
MY BODY,
IT DOESN'T RESPOND TO ITS OWN KIND, YOU KNOW,
BUT, LIKE, THIS IS...
PHEW! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
RIGHT HERE.
YEAH...
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
LISTEN, LADY, YOU ARE OUT OF HERE--
I GOT TO GO CHECK ON SOMETHING
BEFORE IT GETS OUT OF CONTROL, OKAY?
I'LL MEET YOU HERE AT 8:00.
LOOK, DAGMAR, I WILL BE HERE AT 6:00 A.M.,
IF YOU INSIST,
BUT YOU KNOW CHRIS IS GOING TO SCOOP YOU.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SWING BY ON YOUR WAY?
I PROMISE, YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.
OKAY, GREAT.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU THEN.
BYE.
DAGMAR VAN ASSUM IS COMING,
AND SO IS CHRIS KNIGHT, FROM THE L.A. TIMES!
WENTWORTH-PORTER TAKE L.A., BABY.
CAN YOU COME DOWN? I'LL DO IT.
THANKS.
ANY CELEBS COMING?
JAMES, CAN YOU CHECK
IF WE HEARD BACK FROM NIKKI STEVENS?
I PUT IN ANOTHER CALL TO THE PUBLICIST.
I INVITED HER. SHE MIGHT COME.
I ALSO INVITED A WHOLE SLEW OF AGENTS FROM CAA.
OH, MY GOD, MY EX JUST TEXTED.
HE WANTS A DOUGAL GRAHAM.
HOW'S THAT?
LEFT.
ANY ONE IN PARTICULAR?
HE WANTS A FEMALE NUDE, OF COURSE.
WELL, I WOULDN'T BEGRUDGE HIM
LIKING A FEMALE NUDE.
NO, I WOULDN'T EITHER.
JUST AS LONG AS HE'S PAYING FULL PRICE.
OH, HE'S OVERPAYING, MY LOVE.
YES...
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
[GIGGLING]
OH!
HEY, T.
HOW'S IT GOING IN NEW YORK?
IT'S ACTUALLY GOING INCREDIBLY WELL.
NO ONE HERE SEEMS TO CARE
ABOUT THE MYSTERY OF THE STOLEN LEZ GIRLS NEGATIVE.
CAN YOU PUT THAT ON MY TABLE, PLEASE?
NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, GOSSIP.
THEY WANT TO TALK ABOUT MOVIES.
IT'S AMAZING.
DON'T YOU LOVE NEW YORK?
I DO.
I'M STARTING TO SEE WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.
HOW'S THE SHOW?
THE GALLERY'S LOOKING GREAT.
I WISH YOU WERE HERE.
YEAH, ME TOO.
MY LUNCH TODAY IS WITH JANE ROSENTHAL.
SHE'S DI NIRO'S PARTNER AT TRIBECA.
NOW, THAT SOUNDS EXCITING.
YEAH, THE MEETING I HAD YESTERDAY,
IT ACTUALLY WENT BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.
BETTE, UM,
WE HAVE A SLIGHT EMERGENCY.
OH, SORRY, T. I GOT TO RUN.
MINOR ART CRISIS.
OH, YEAH.
OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
ACTUALLY, I SEE MY LUNCH WALKING IN THE DOOR.
I'M GOING TO BE COMPLETELY SLAMMED
FOR THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON,
SO I WON'T CALL YOU UNTIL LATE TONIGHT
FROM THE HOTEL.
OKAY?
I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES REALLY, REALLY WELL,
AND I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO. BYE.
BYE.
SO, WHAT'S THE CRISIS?
OKAY, WE'RE GETTING
ALL THESE LAST-MINUTE RSVPS, AND I'M JUST CONCERNED
BECAUSE I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
ENOUGH OYSTERS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
NO.
NO, WE'RE EXPECTING--
NO, I MEAN YOU'RE KIDDING,
YOU GOT ME OFF THE PHONE WITH TINA
TO TALK TO ME ABOUT OYSTERS?
I'M SORRY. I-I DON'T KNOW,
THE CALL SEEMED LIKE IT WASN'T SO IMPORTANT.
IT JUST LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS CHECKING UP ON YOU.
NO, WE DON'T DO THAT TO ONE ANOTHER.
WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER.
WELL...
THEN WHAT'S UP WITH TONIGHT?
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK THAT'S VERY SUPPORTIVE.
SHE WOULD BE HERE IF SHE COULD.
SHE HAS BUSINESS IN NEW YORK.
MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING HERE FOR YOU?
[SIGHING] KELLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S TAKEN US A LONG TIME TO GET TO THIS POINT,
BUT TINA'S WORK
IS JUST AS IMPORTANT TO HER
AS MINE IS TO ME,
AND THAT'S A GOOD THING.
OKAY.
OKAY?
IT'S GOOD FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP.
IT'S GOOD FOR OUR BANK ACCOUNT.
I'M SURPRISED.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW, SHE STRUCK ME AS YOUR WIFE.
[LAUGHS] NO, NOT A WIFE.
OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
[KNOCKING]
COMING!
[PERSISTENT KNOCKING]
COMING, COMING...
HI!
OH, WOW!
YOU LOOK AMAZING.
REALLY? I WAS GOING TO CHANGE.
I WASN'T REALLY SO SURE ABOUT IT.
NO, IT'S GREAT.
WHO'S THIS?
THAT'S BUBBA.
HEY, BUBBA!
HE'S TOTALLY LEADING US IN.
HE'S LIKE, "THIS WAY."
WOW, THIS IS AMAZING.
OH, THANKS.
REALLY COOL.
IT'S REALLY NICE.
HEY, MISTER...
HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED HERE?
UM, SINCE, LIKE, 1999.
WAIT, WAIT, DID YOU LIVE HERE WITH MONA?
UH, FOR-- FOR A SECOND.
SHE MOVED IN, THEN SHE MOVED OUT.
I ACTUALLY GOT IT WHILE I WAS AT USC.
IT'S REALLY COOL.
THESE YOUR BROTHERS?
YUP, AND THAT'S MY DAD.
WOW, IS THAT YOU AND YOUR MOM?
YEAH. SEPARATE AND NOT EQUAL.
SHE'S REALLY PRETTY.
THANKS.
HEY, COULD YOU-- COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS?
IT'S LIKE...
SURE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
OH, ZIP IT?
YEAH, I HAVEN'T WORN IT FOR A WHILE.
YEAH, LIKE JUST...
OKAY.
I DON'T WANT TO PINCH YOU.
THERE.
THANK YOU.
OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
I DON'T LOOK TOO HOOCHIE-ISH?
NO!
TASHA?
NO, YOU LOOK NICE.
REALLY? OKAY.
YEAH.
OKAY.
SO, I THINK OF THESE
AS EXPLORATORY PAINTINGS, REALLY,
THAT CULMINATE IN THE LINE IN THREE-DIMENSIONAL SPACE.
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, WHEN I THINK OF MY LIFE,
IT'S REALLY ALL ABOUT THE SEARCH
FOR THE FUNDAMENTAL SUBSTANCE OF THE LINE,
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU THINK OF THIS...
OH, LOOK AT THIS.
OOH, MY SISTER'S BACK!
WOW, SHE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO THROW A PARTY.
THE GRAHAM'S COMPLETELY SOLD OUT, I THINK.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I THINK SO. YOUR EX IS LUCKY HE CALLED.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT CALEB--
HEY! HEY, GUYS!
HI!
HI, GUYS.
HOW ARE YOU?
OH, I'M JUST GREAT.
OH, MY GOD...
THIS LOOKS FABULOUS.
YOU LIKE? ISN'T THIS AMAZING?
[LAUGHING] WENTWORTH-PORTER...
SPECTACULAR. I'M HELENA PEABODY.
I KNOW. KELLY WENTWORTH.
GOOD TO MEET YOU.
YOU TOO. YOU TOO.
GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT?
CAN WE GET...
CAN WE GET A COUPLE PICTURES?
YOU LOOK FABULOUS.
OH, THAT'S A LITTLE CLOSE, NO?
COME ON. BACK IT UP A LITTLE.
OKAY, AND ONE FULL LENGTH,
JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE TO GET THE GREAT SHOES.
OH, YES, ABSOLUTELY.
WORK IT.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
THAT'S GREAT. THANK YOU.
YOU GUYS, ENJOY. YOU KNOW WHAT,
YOU CAN START OFF IN THAT ROOM.
THAT'S THE DOUGAL GRAHAM.
I THINK ONE OF OUR FAVES...
...IS THE CALEB COOPER.
OKAY.
GREAT, WELL,
I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK FIRST.
SEE YOU.
TAKE IT EASY.
I WILL. ENJOY.
WOW, THOSE ARE TWO LOVELY ART DEALERS.
[SIGHS IN DISAPPROVAL]
SLEAZEBALL.
YOU'RE HERE TO LOOK AT ART,
NOT WOMEN.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
HEY!
WHAT?
YOU'RE GIVING ME SHIT BECAUSE YOU THINK
I'M FLIRTING WITH THAT GIRL, JAMIE,
AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE SAME?
DON'T FLICK ME.
[LAUGHING]
ISN'T THIS COOL?
YEAH, THIS ONE, IN PARTICULAR, IS REALLY SOMETHING.
YEAH, BETTE HAS REALLY OUTDONE HERSELF
WITH THIS ART.
YOU MUST BE PROUD OF HER.
I AM PROUD OF HER, YOU KNOW THAT.
AND LOOK AT MISS BETTE OVER THERE.
...AND IT'S A GORGEOUS GALLERY.
THEY DO MAKE A VERY BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.
THEY'RE NOT A COUPLE.
WELL, I KNOW THEY'RE NOT A COUPLE,
BUT THEY LOOK LIKE A COUPLE.
LIKE, THEY'RE JUST BOTH TALL.
...AND YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE, SO CHEERS.
CHEERS, THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN EAT THOSE THINGS.
YOU DON'T LIKE THEM?
I DON'T LIKE THEM BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME
OF A GUY COMING IN YOUR MOUTH.
I'M JUST SAYING.
WHAT?
DON'T THROW IT--
WHY-WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO DO THAT TO ME?
I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT, LIKE,
THAT'S WHY I DON'T EAT THEM.
YOU ASKED ME WHY I DON'T LIKE THEM,
SO I SAID.
SO, IF THAT'S THE CASE YOU CAN YOU CAN KISS ME,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TASTES LIKE.
[LAUGHING] WHAT? NO, DON'T!
THIS IS MY FIRST SHOWING WITH THIS GALLERY,
BUT, YOU KNOW, I TELL YOU BETTE AND KELLY HAVE SHOWN
THAT THEY'RE REALLY INSPIRED BY THE WORK...
WOW...
LOOKS LIKE A GIANT CAT THREW UP, HUH?
[SIGHS]
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T GET IT.
WELL, IT'S ART.
[CROWD HUMS IN EXCITEMENT]
WHO IS IT?
NIKKI! NIKKI!
NIKKI, LOOK OVER HERE!
NIKKI, OVER HERE!
[CLAMORING]
THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, GUYS.
THANK YOU.
OVER HERE, NIKKI!
BEAUTIFUL!
OVER HERE.
THANKS, GUYS.
BYE, GUYS. THANK YOU.
OKAY, LADIES, LET'S GET OUR BOOZE ON.
NO, NO, WE DIDN'T GET TO TALK YET, NO.
OH, WOW.
OH GOD, NIKKI.
HI!
IT'S BETTE, RIGHT?
SO GLAD YOU REMEMBERED ME.
YEAH, OF COURSE. HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
THIS IS MY BUSINESS PARTNER, KELLY.
HI, KELLY. PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
WELCOME.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT,
DO YOU MIND IF WE GET A QUICK PICTURE?
OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.
GREAT. THANK YOU.
YOUR DRESS IS GORGEOUS...
WE JUST WANT TO GET A COUPLE, OKAY?
GREAT.
JUST A COUPLE FULL-LENGTHS, TOO.
PERFECT.
THANK YOU.
GREAT, THANKS.
YEAH, I'M GOING TO TAKE A LOOK AROUND.
THIS IS GREAT.
I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY KNOW MUCH ABOUT ART,
BUT THIS LOOKS AWESOME.
WELL, IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,
YOU KNOW, FEEL FREE TO ASK.
YEAH, OKAY, GREAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW,
BUT CHRIS KNIGHT IS HERE FROM THE L.A. TIMES.
I DON'T KNOW IF...
OH. OH, GREAT, WELL...
NO, JUST HEAD ON IN. WE WON'T...
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BUG YOU.
YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE SAFE. IT'S ALL GOOD.
I'M SORRY. THEY WON'T BOTHER YOU.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
WHAT UP, SEXY SHANE?
WHAT'S UP, NIK?
SO, I THINK I'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS PLACE.
ALL TWO SECONDS? YOU'RE DONE?
ALL TWO SECONDS.
YEAH, YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?
YOU, UH...
WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
YOU HAVE A CAR?
I DO HAVE A CAR.
LET'S GO.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SNEAK BY THESE TWO AT THE DOOR.
YEAH. YOU FIRST.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, I KIND OF NEED A BLOCK.
YOU GO FIRST.
OKAY.
COME ON.
ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
OH NO, I JUST FORGOT SOMETHING IN MY CAR.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SHANE'S GOING TO COME WITH ME
AND HELP ME LOOK FOR IT, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH. YOU GOT IT.
OKAY, COOL.
OH, I WISH THOSE COULD BE ONE AT A TIME.
IN THAT CASE, KIT,
I'M GOING TO GO HOME.
ARE YOU GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'LL JUST, UM...
I'LL TAKE A SLEEPING PILL.
GOOD NIGHT.
YOU KNOW, LOVE SUCKS.
IT REALLY DOES.
THEN AGAIN, IT CAN BE GRAND.
HAVE WE MET?
BRIEFLY.
I NOTICED YOU EARLIER.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,
THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN I'VE EVER SEEN,
AND I'D LOVE NOTHING MORE
THAN TO TAKE HER HOME WITH ME TONIGHT
AND WAKE UP IN THE MORNING
WITH HER ARMS AND LEGS WRAPPED AROUND ME.
DO YOU KNOW HER?
YEAH, WE WORK TOGETHER.
UNFORTUNATELY,
SHE ONLY THINKS OF ME AS A GIRLFRIEND.
THEY'RE LIKE THE ULTIMATE POWER COUPLE,
THOSE TWO.
WHO, BETTE AND KELLY?
I MEAN, I KNOW THEY'RE NOT A COUPLE.
THEY JUST SEEM LIKE ONE, DON'T THEY?
LOOK AT THE WAY
THAT THEY TOUCH EACH OTHER,
THE WAY THAT THEY FINISH
EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES.
HEY...
HAVE ANY OF YOU GUYS SEEN SHANE?
DID SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING?
ALICE, I'M SERIOUS. HAVE YOU SEEN SHANE?
WE HAVEN'T SEEN HER.
I FEEL SORRY FOR HER.
DON'T.
SHE JUST WEARS THAT SHE'S BEEN REALLY DAMAGED.
THAT'S THE ONE THING THAT SCARES ME
ABOUT HAVING KIDS.
I THOUGHT YOU-- I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THEM.
OH, I DO, WITHOUT QUESTION,
BUT AT SOME POINT,
THERE'S ALL THIS HISTORY YOU HAVE TO OVERCOME.
I MEAN, JUST, PARENTS CAN--
[SCOFFS]
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED YOUR PARENTS.
NO, I DO, BUT...
I DON'T KNOW, LIKE,
IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME WHEN I...
WHEN I SEE MYSELF ACTING JUST LIKE THEM.
BEHAVING LIKE THEM.
YEAH, EXACTLY.
LIKE, MY DAD,
HE WAS SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MY MOM PUT UP WITH IT.
DID YOUR DAD PULL
ANY OF THAT MACHO MILITARY SHIT
WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP?
OH, YEAH, BIG TIME.
YEAH, SO DID MINE,
BUT JUST COP STYLE.
HE DIDN'T EVER...
NO.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROS?
YEAH.
HE WOULD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.
I REMEMBER ONE TIME,
HE BEAT MY OLDEST BROTHER SO BADLY
THAT MY MOM HAD TO KEEP HIM OUT OF SCHOOL
FOR, LIKE, THREE DAYS,
AND THEN SHE COVERED FOR MY DAD.
IT WAS CRAZY.
GOD, MY MOM USED TO COVER FOR MY DAD, TOO.
I MEAN, HE NEVER TOUCHED ME OR MY MOM, BUT...
ACTUALLY, HE NEVER EVEN NOTICED US.
YEAH...
I GOT MORE DECORATIONS
THAN ANY OF MY BROTHERS,
AND THIS WAS THE POINT, LIKE, WHERE I SAID,
"YEAH, HE'S GOING TO NOTICE ME NOW,"
BUT HE STILL DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHY I QUIT THE ACADEMY.
RIGHT WHEN I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF IT,
I REALIZED
THAT I WAS DOING IT JUST TO GET HIS ATTENTION.
THE ONLY TIME
MY DAD EVER PAID ATTENTION TO ME
WAS WHEN I GOT MY DISCHARGE,
AND THEN HE SAID THAT...
THAT I DISGRACED MY COUNTRY.
OH, GOD...
YOU DIDN'T DISGRACE ANYONE.
YOU ARE AMAZING.
YOU'RE AMAZING.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ANY OF THAT, EVER?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
I MEAN, THAT'S HOW IT'S ALWAYS BEEN.
IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING.
WELL, YOU GOT ME.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU LOTS OF ATTENTION.
JAMIE, HUH, I GOT TO THANK YOU.
TASHA'S JUST NEVER OPENED UP LIKE THAT BEFORE.
I GUESS BECAUSE YOU'RE A COUNSELOR, MAYBE.
HEY, WHATEVER I CAN DO TO HELP.
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
I'M JUST FOCUSING IT.
[**]
THAT'S GOOD.
IS EVERYONE AS OLD SCHOOL AS YOU?
[LAUGHING]
PREHISTORIC DEVICES.
YEAH, I REALLY LIKE TO, YOU KNOW,
HONOR TRADITION.
AND THAT'S THE IMAGE RIGHT THERE?
YEAH, THAT WILL BE THE IMAGE.
LET'S JUST LIGHTEN UP THE SHADOWS A LITTLE BIT.
WE'LL SEE.
THERE WE GO...
WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
NOT REALLY.
IT'S JUST TRIAL AND ERROR A LOT OF TIME.
THIS IS SO COOL.
DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE?
I ACTUALLY HAVE NOT.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I FORGOT YOU WERE BORN IN 2001.
OH, GOOD ONE. HA, HA, HA...
IT'S ALL RIGHT, GRANDPA.
[LAUGHING]
WHO IS THAT?
IS THAT MOLLY?
YUP.
SHE LOOKS GOOD IN THAT PICTURE.
YEAH, SHE DOES.
WHEN DID YOU TAKE IT?
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER.
THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL, SHANE.
YOU THINK?
YOU'RE, UH, QUITE THE PHOTOG THERE, SHANE.
MAYBE SOMETIME...
YOU COULD SHOOT ME?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
* BEYOND THE NIGHT ABOVE THE SEA *
* SHE WILL ARISE
* SHE WILL BE FREE
* TWO EYES, LIKE STARS REFLECTING THEE *
* THE WORLD WILL LOOK IN DISBELIEF *
* SO BEAUTIFUL...
WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT IS IT, SHANE?
[RETCHING]
OH, GOD...
HERE YOU GO.
[SHUDDERING]
Y-YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE CONTAGIOUS, RIGHT?
SHUT UP, NIKKI.
OKAY.
OKAY, I'M JUST, UH, GOING.
[SPITTING AND HEAVING]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OH, SHE WAS AN ANGEL.
I'M GLAD IT WAS SUCH A BIG SUCCESS.
YEAH.
UM, IT WAS 60?
OH.
OH, DID I-- OH, NO, SORRY.
OH, THAT'S OKAY. THAT'S OKAY.
COOL. I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
YEAH, GOOD NIGHT. DRIVE SAFELY.
I WILL.
BETTE, HI! HOW ARE YOU?
HEY...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I WAS HOME, AND I JUST...
I JUST, I'M OVERLY EXCITED.
I MEAN, THIS NIGHT WAS JUST...
BEYOND, YOU KNOW?
CAN I-CAN I COME IN?
YEAH.
I JUST, I WANTED TO...
TO CONTINUE CELEBRATING WITH YOU, SO...
GOD, THIS IS...
WOW, AMAZING.
[SHANE]: HEY, LEAVE A MESSAGE, I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
HEY, SHANE. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'VE BEEN TO THE HIT, I'VE BEEN TO THE FALCON,
I'VE BEEN TO TRUCK STOP.
I'M DRIVING FROM ONE END OF SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD
TO THE OTHER.
I'M GETTING READY TO GO TO THE FUCKING POLICE STATION.
CAN YOU--
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
SHANE...
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
SHANE?
SHANE...
[RETCHING]
HEY...
I DON'T KNOW, I...
HEY...
I THINK I ATE SOMETHING.
AW...
IT'S OKAY.
YEAH, CAREFUL.
OH, FUCK.
COME ON, IT'S TIME TO GO HOME.
HERE, PUT YOUR ARM AROUND ME, OKAY?
[GROANS]
ARE YOU GOING TO BE SICK?
GIVE ME A SECOND.
OKAY.
OH, HONEY...
MY POOR ANGEL.
IT'S OKAY.
FUCK...
IT'S OKAY...
SHANE?
OH, GOD...
ARE YOU GOING TO BE SICK AGAIN?
I'M COMING.
SHANE?
HEY! WHOA!
[GIGGLING]
WAIT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT US NOW, OKAY?
* WENTWORTH-PORTER...
[LAUGHING]
THE NIGHT WAS SO AMAZING!
EVERYONE'S CALLING ME FROM NEW YORK.
* WENTWORTH TO PORTER...
[LAUGHING]
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
WELL, THE SHOW PRACTICALLY SOLD OUT.
CAN I HAVE SOME OF THAT, PLEASE?
* TAKE IT DON'T FAKE IT *
* SHAKE IT DON'T FAKE IT *
* WENTWORTH-PORTER
GIVE ME SOME.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ED, ED, CAN WE TALK ABOUT ED?
EDDIE.
ED, EXCUSE ME, RUSCHA WAS THERE, OKAY?
HE'S MY DEAR FRIEND.
HE COMES TO ALL OF MY OPENINGS.
COME ON, WAIT.
CAN I JUST SAY
THAT I WOULD KILL TO SHOW HIM.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
GIVE IT A COUPLE YEARS,
AND MAYBE WE'LL POACH HIM FROM GAGOSIAN.
WHY WOULD WE WAIT?
JUST TRUST ME.
CHEERS.
GOOD NIGHT.
IT'S GOING TO BE BETTER TOMORROW.
OKAY?
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
I'M GOING TO BE RIGHT NEXT DOOR
IF YOU NEED ME.
[LAUGHING]
GOOD ONE.
OH, PARTNER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[GIGGLING]
UM, I'M JUST CASHING IN ON...
A LITTLE RAIN CHECK.
[LAUGHS] YOU THINK SO?
YOU'RE DRUNK.
NO, I'M NOT.
I'M-I'M-I'M TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL.
YOU'RE REALLY DRUNK,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT COUPON?
IT EXPIRED, LIKE, 15 YEARS AGO.
OH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
YEAH, IT DID.
READ IT CLOSELY.
FOR REAL.
I AM IN LOVE WITH TINA,
AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OR DESIRE--
STOP IT.
WHOA!
SHIT...
NICE MOVE, WENTWORTH.
GOD, MY LOUIS...
I'M CALLING YOUR MOTHER.
OH, MY GOD.
PLEASE TELL ME THESE ARE NOT DESTROYED.
YOU SLEEP WELL.
MM-HMM.
HEY...
YEAH?
THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF ME.
OF COURSE.
I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU, SHANE.
GOOD NIGHT.
SOMEBODY'S GOING TO COME AND DRIVE YOU HOME.
I'M SORRY.
ARE YOU OKAY? OH, MY GOD...
YES.
WE'RE JUST GOING TO FORGET ABOUT THIS, OKAY?
I'M SORRY.
* DID YOU TELL HER
* DID YA, DID YA
* DID YOU TELL HER
* DID YA, DID YA DID YOU TELL HER *
* CHEATER
* CAUGHT UP IN A LIE
* YOU'RE A CHEATER
* CHEATER SOWIN' A LIE
* CHEATER
* CAUGHT UP IN A LIE
* YOU'RE A CHEATER
* CHEATER, SO AM I
[**]
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
* DID YA, DID YA DID YOU TELL HER? *
* DON'T YOU THINK YOU'D BETTER? *
OH, BETTE...
[**]