PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
WHAT DOES SHE MEAN, SHE SAW?
WHEN WE WERE ALL WATCHING HER
WITH NIKKI STEVENS ON THE BIG MONITORS--
NIKKI STEVENS WAS A TEST?
NO, THAT-THAT...
DYLAN, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
NEVADA DOESN'T ALLOW GAY COUPLES TO ADOPT.
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.
YOU COULD HAVE THE BIRTH MOTHER
MOVE IN WITH YOU IN LOS ANGELES.
IF SHE GIVES BIRTH IN CALIFORNIA,
THE NEVADA LAW HAS NO JURISDICTION.
OH!
JESUS...
I'M CALLING YOUR MOTHER.
WHAT UP, SEXY SHANE?
WHAT'S UP, NIK?
YOU'RE HERE TO LOOK AT ART, NOT WOMEN.
SLEAZEBALL.
COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS? IT'S LIKE...
I HAVEN'T WORN IT FOR A WHILE.
I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO PINCH YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOWER HERE?
[KNOCKS] HEY. OH, SORRY. UM...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT EVERYONE IS GOING TO JAMIE'S FUNDRAISER.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU?
JUST SHOW UP AND DANCE.
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO
THE 2009 LOS ANGELES GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER'S
DANCE MARATHON.
AND REMEMBER, ALL CONTESTANTS MUST REGISTER.
PLEASE FILL OUT YOUR PAPERWORK.
AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN A REGISTRATION NUMBER.
YOU MUST WEAR THESE NUMBERS ON EACH OF YOUR COSTUMES--
I FOUND MORE SAFETY PINS!
I FOUND MORE SAFETY PINS...
HEY! HI!
FRONT AND BACK, FRONT AND BACK.
HI!
I'M SO EXCITED YOU CAME.
I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.
LISTEN, I HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR DANCING BLAHNIKS,
BECAUSE TASHA, JAMIE, AND I
ARE GOING TO WIPE THE FLOOR WITH YOU.
OUR ROUTINE KILLS.
KILLS!
OH..
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS?
NOT REALLY.
OH, I SEE.
YOU'RE TRYING TO PSYCH ME OUT,
ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T CARE.
I KNOW YOU CARE.
LISTEN, YOU TELL ME YOURS, I'LL TELL YOU MINE.
MM... NO.
THESE YOUR OUTFITS?
DON'T TOUCH THAT.
WHAT, IS THAT...
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
OH, YEAH, FIRST OF MANY.
SO MANY MORE TO COME...
OH, GOOD, 'CAUSE I WAS WORRIED.
WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?
WHY ARE YOU SO COMPETITIVE?
ME! WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, COME HERE.
COME HERE, I HAVE A SECRET.
WHAT?
I PLAN TO SWEEP THIS THING, OKAY?
WIN ALL THREE COMPETITIONS.
BEST DANCE, MOST MONEY RAISED, LAST COUPLE STANDING.
LAST COUPLE STANDING?
YOU KNOW, FOR CHARITY.
OKAY.
YOU GOOD?
DON'T TELL ANYBODY, OKAY?
NO.
HEY, ALICE...
YEAH?
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
[SIGHS]: SO CUTE...
OKAY, WHERE WAS I?
BETTE?
HEY.
OH, GOD, I'M SO SORRY I FORGOT TO CALL YOU BACK.
I JUST, I HAD A MAJOR COLLECTOR
ON THE OTHER LINE.
I GOT DISTRACTED, I'M SORRY--
IS TINA HERE?
UH, NO, SHE'S ON HER WAY.
SHE JUST HAD A MEETING.
CAN I-CAN I...
I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU PRIVATELY, PLEASE.
SURE.
THANKS.
DID YOU TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED?
WHEN?
AFTER THE OPENING,
WHEN SHE WAS OUT OF TOWN.
YEAH, I TOLD HER ALL ABOUT IT.
YOU TOLD HER ABOUT YOU AND KELLY?
HOW SHE CAME BACK TO YOUR HOUSE AND YOU HAD SEX WITH HER.
WHAT?
[LAUGHS]
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
I SAW YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW.
YOU WEREN'T EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT, BETTE.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU SAW,
BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT HOWEVER IT APPEARED,
NOTHING HAPPENED.
THEN WHAT DID I SEE, BETTE?
I DON'T KNOW, YOU TELL ME.
WHAT DID YOU SEE, JENNY?
I KNOW THIS IS HARD,
AND I KNOW THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO BE BETTER, AND--
LOOK, NOTHING HAPPENED.
KELLY CAME OVER.
SHE WAS DRUNK, SHE SPILLED HER DRINK,
I CLEANED IT UP, THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY.
LET IT GO.
TINA'S MY FRIEND.
YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
PEOPLE FIND OUT ABOUT THESE THINGS.
HEY!
HEY.
HEY...
HOW'D IT GO?
GOOD. REALLY GOOD.
I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT LATER.
OKAY, GREAT.
I THINK WE SHOULD GET YOU REGISTERED.
OH, OKAY.
WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
20 MINUTES REMAIN.
OUR FIRST DECADE IS THE '70s.
PLEASE TAG ALL COSTUMES
AND DESIGNATE AN AREA FOR YOUR POSSESSIONS...
WEEZIE PROMISED SHE WOULD HAVE THE GUEST BEDROOM READY
BY THE END OF THE WEEK,
AND I THINK, WHEN THAT'S FINISHED,
WE SHOULD JUST MOVE IN UPSTAIRS
SO WE CAN FINALLY HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF PRIVACY.
BETTE, HE OFFERED ME A JOB.
JAMES SCHAMUS?
HEAD OF PRODUCTION.
FOR FOCUS FEATURES? THAT'S FUCKING FANTASTIC!
DID YOU KNOW THAT HE WAS--
NO, NO, I HAD NO IDEA.
WE'RE IN OUR MEETING
AND HE STARTS ASKING ME QUESTIONS
ABOUT PRODUCER CREDITS, AND I DON'T KNOW,
HE JUST LOOKS AT ME ALL OF A SUDDEN,
AND HE SAYS, "HEY, ARE YOU HAPPY AT SHAOLIN?"
AND HE'S...
KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT'S GONE ON,
HE'S TOTALLY COOL ABOUT EVERYTHING,
AND... BAM.
HE JUST OFFERS ME A JOB RIGHT THERE.
SHUT UP!
[LAUGHING]
YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING ROCK STAR!
IT'S IN NEW YORK.
THE JOB'S IN NEW YORK.
THEY WANT YOU TO MOVE TO NEW YORK?
YEAH--
WHO'S MOVING TO NEW YORK?
NOT YOU GUYS.
NO, NO, I... WE WERE JUST...
I GOT OFFERED A JOB, BUT I'M...
I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT.
WHAT?
WE STILL HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
YEAH. WE DO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
LOOK, OUR LIFE IS HERE. WE LIVE HERE--
YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE. HELLO!
IT'S CRAZY...
AND, BETTE, BY THE WAY, YOUR WORK IS HERE.
YOU JUST HAD A REALLY BIG GALLERY OPENING.
AND WE JUST REBUILT OUR HOUSE.
YEAH, ABOUT THAT. YOU GUYS, CAN WE TALK?
ARE YOU REALLY SURE YOU WANT TO HAVE THIS GIRL
MOVE IN WITH YOU?
THIS GIRL IS OUR BIRTH MOTHER, OKAY?
HER NAME'S MARCI,
AND WE'RE PICKING HER UP TOMORROW
AT 7:00 IN THE MORNING.
THAT'S WHY WE CAN'T STAY
FOR THE WHOLE MARATHON.
AND YOU'RE SURE ABOUT THAT?
WHY? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN "BABY MAMA?"
OH, MY GOD, IT IS SO TRUTHFUL.
IT'S LIKE, YOU'RE ALL GOING TO START OUT HAPPY.
AND THEN, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'LL BE WAITING ON HER HAND AND FOOT.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE SCARED TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR OWN HOUSE,
AND SHE'S A TEENAGER.
SHE'S GOING TO HATE YOU GUYS OUT OF PRINCIPLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, SHE'S 22 YEARS OLD.
OKAY, SO SHE'S GOING TO WANT TO DOWN,
LIKE, 50 BEERS AFTER DINNER, AND YOU CAN'T STOP HER.
OR WORSE.
WHAT?
ONE OF YOU GUYS COULD END UP HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER.
ALICE!
OH, MY GOD...
YOU GUYS, YOU COULD GET ALL LOST
IN THOSE MUSHY MAMA FEELINGS,
AND SOCK IT TO HER ONE NIGHT.
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I'M JUST SAYING, IT'S A POSSIBILITY.
NO, IT'S NOT A POSSIBILITY, OKAY?
I AM NOT SOME FUCKING LOOSE CANON
THAT JUST FUCKS EVERYTHING THAT WALKS, OKAY?
I CAN BE TRUSTED.
I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS GOING TO BE YOU.
IS MARCI HOT?
ALICE!
OH, YOU GUYS...
FREAKIN' STOP IT.
YOU'RE BRINGING ME DOWN, MAN.
OKAY?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME
YOUR MISTRESS OF CEREMONIES FOR THE EVENING,
SUNSET BOULEVARD!
PEACE, MY SISTERS.
YEAH, PEACE.
ARE WE READY TO DANCE?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT!
I SEE THIS BOY'S A LITTLE EMPTY,
BUT WE'RE GOING TO FILL IT UP, RIGHT?
WE'LL FILL IT UP, HUH? AH, THERE YOU GO...
HEY.
HEY...
LOOK AT YOU.
IT'S MY STUDIO 54 LOOK.
[CHUCKLING]
LOOK, I'M SORRY
ABOUT EVERYTHING WITH DYLAN.
I-I FEEL LIKE WE, UM...
WE PUSHED YOU INTO IT.
NO. I MEAN...
THANK YOU FOR APOLOGIZING, BUT...
I WAS COMPLICIT.
I WANTED TO KNOW.
SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU.
THEN WHERE IS SHE?
NOW, IT'S MY GREAT PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE DIRECTOR OF CHILDREN, YOUTH AND FAMILY SERVICES
AT THE LOS ANGELES GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER,
MS. JAMIE CHEN.
[CHEERING]
WOW, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH...
SHE WILL.
YOU THINK?
COME ON.
THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL,
AND TRANSGENDER YOUNG PEOPLE
LIVING ON THE STREETS OF LOS ANGELES.
BUT WE'RE THERE FOR THEM,
TO GET THEM OFF THE STREETS,
PROVIDE THEM FOOD, SHELTER, AND COUNSELING,
AND JUST LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT ALONE.
WE ARE A FAMILY, AND WE STICK TOGETHER.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU NOW TO SOMEONE
WHO'S HAD A HUGE IMPACT IN MAKING THIS EVENT POSSIBLE.
OUR HONORARY CO-CHAIR,
AND, I'M REALLY PROUD TO SAY, MY FRIEND,
ALICE PIESZECKI.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I AM NOT GOING TO BORE YOU WITH A REALLY LONG STORY.
I WILL GIVE YOU THE OVERVIEW.
SOME OF YOU MIGHT KNOW THAT I RECEIVED A LETTER
THAT I READ TO MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ON THE AIR
WHEN I WORKED ON THE LOOK...
[CHEERING]
AND SINCE THEN I'VE LOST MY JOB...
[CROWD BOOING]
YEAH.
I MADE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND,
I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN EVER,
AND I OWE THIS ALL
TO SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL.
I SEE YOU. MARIE, COME HERE.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
SAY HI.
HI.
MARIE TAUGHT ME SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT,
AND THAT'S THAT IT'S NOT A ONE-WAY STREET.
WE CAN REALLY INFLUENCE THESE KIDS,
BUT IF YOU GIVE THEM TWO SECONDS OF YOUR TIME,
THEY CAN REALLY TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND,
AND SO I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU
FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE, MARIE.
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
OKAY, OUR GOAL TONIGHT IS TO RAISE $250,000
FOR THE JEFF GRIFFITH YOUTH CENTER.
YES, I KNOW YOU'RE ALL HERE
TO HAVE FUN AND DANCE, AND THAT'S GREAT,
BUT WE ALSO WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU
TO BE VERY GENEROUS,
SO IF YOU FEEL LIKE PLEDGING,
PLEASE COME UP ON THE STAGE,
GRAB THE MICROPHONE AND PLEDGE.
SO WHO WANTS TO SET THE TONE?
UH, WE DO!
WE DO?
YEAH, WE DO.
OOH...
BETTE AND TINA!
MY REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THEY'RE AMAZING...
HOW MUCH ARE YOU GOING TO DONATE?
WE PLEDGE $1500.
[CHEERING]
WHOA! THAT'S AMAZING?
NOW, WASN'T THAT EASY?
YOU JUST COME TO ME, PICK UP THE MICROPHONE.
VISUALIZE THE AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU CAN GIVE
AND SHOUT OUT A NUMBER!
[CHEERING]
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I'D LIKE TO BRING TO THE STAGE,
THE BEAUTIFUL, THE MYSTICAL, THE INCOMPARABLE
MISS KIT PORTER.
[CROWD ROARS]
MY, MY, MY, LOOK AT YOU...
OH, LOOK AT YOU YOURSELF.
NOW, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.
ASK AWAY, SEXY.
WOULD YOU BE MY DANCE PARTNER
FOR THIS EVENING?
I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THAT'D BE A YES, AND AN...
OH, YES!
[LAUGHING]
ARE YOU SURE?
OH, I'M SURE.
FIVE MINUTES REMAINING.
ALL NUMBERS MUST BE VISIBLE
ON THE FRONT AND BACK OF YOUR COSTUME,
OR YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED...
HEY, HELENA...
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
THE OTHER DAY.
OH, GOD, DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING SHE SAYS, HELENA.
SHE'S CERTIFIABLE, REALLY.
WHERE'S YOUR NUMBER?
OH, I...
HEY, HOW COME YOU ALL GOT THE SAME ONE?
I THOUGHT IT WAS TWO PER TEAM?
I KNOW PEOPLE WHO KNOW PEOPLE.
HELENA, YOU SHOULD DANCE WITH ME.
OH, MY GOD, YOU SHOULD. YOU HAVE TO DANCE.
COME ON, YOU SHOULD DO IT. IT'LL BE FUN.
DO IT! YES!
NO, NO, I DON'T...
I DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT AND DANCE.
HELENA, IT'S 12 LITTLE HOURS.
YOU CAN DO THAT.
I STAYED UP ALL WEEK BUILDING MY ENDURANCE.
I DID.
I MADE TASHA STAY UP WITH ME.
ALL RIGHT, THEN,
WHERE DO I GET ONE OF THE NUMBER THINGS?
IT'S YOUR CLUB, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GET A NUMBER.
COME ON, THIS WAY. THIS WAY.
THAT WAS NICE OF YOU.
OH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL. I'M HAPPY TO DANCE WITH HER.
WHAT?
[LAUGHS]
IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
NOW, IN THE NEXT 12 HOURS,
YOU WILL DANCE TO MUSIC FROM THE '70s, '80s, '90s
AND BEYOND.
THE LONGER YOU STAY ON YOUR FEET,
THE MORE MONEY YOU MAKE FROM YOUR SPONSORS,
SO THE SIMPLE OBJECT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STAY ON YOUR FEET.
BECAUSE IF YOU SIT,
YOU'RE OUT.
IF YOU STAND STILL FOR TOO LONG...
YOU OUT.
NOW, EVERY THREE HOURS,
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE OURSELVES A LITTLE DANCE CONTEST,
WHERE ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL CONTESTANTS
WILL BE TAUGHT A SIMPLE DANCE.
IT COULD BE...
THE HUSTLE.
WHOO...
THE ELECTRIC SLIDE...
[CHEERING]
A SALSA...
A TANGO...
[CHEERING]
NOW, IF THERE IS NO SPRING IN YOUR STEP...
NO FUNK IN YOUR TRUNK,
YOU WILL BE...
ELIMINATED--
BY ONE OF OUR JUDGES.
[CHEERING]
NOW THE QUESTION IS,
DO YOU HAVE THE STAYING POWER?
LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
EVERYBODY DANCE!
WHOO!
[**]
THE 2009 DANCE MARATHON HAS BEGUN!
[**]
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
WHAT?
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
WHO?
[SIGHS]
LOOK, DON'T LET HER RUIN YOUR NIGHT, OKAY?
SHE'S JUST PROBABLY HERE TO DO SOME GOOD.
YOU KNOW?
I DOUBT IT.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE,
JENNY CAME UP TO ME,
AND SHE STARTED TALKING TO ME ABOUT...
REMEMBER, YOU KNOW, I HAD THE OPENING, AND--
GUYS?
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS...
I HAVE KIND OF A WEIRD FEELING
ABOUT SOMETHING.
ABOUT WHAT?
WELL, I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY.
YOU KNOW, ALICE, I WAS JUST REALLY
OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING--
IS JAMIE ACTING WEIRD?
UM, NOT THAT I CAN TELL.
NO, SHE SEEMS FINE.
YEAH.
COOL, THANKS.
SO ANYWAY, I WAS SAYING, UM,
AFTER THE OPENING--
LIKE NOT EVEN, LIKE...
LIKE, A LITTLE VIBE?
LIKE, NO VIBE OVER THERE?
NOTHING WEIRD?
OH, UH, NO...
NOT THAT I CAN TELL.
THEY'RE JUST DANCING, I THINK.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
OKAY, DANCE.
WHAT IF THEY ARE?
THAT WOULD SO SUCK.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
NEVER MIND, IT'S NOTHING.
I-I'LL TELL YOU LATER.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN.
WHOO-OO!
YOU'RE ALL LOOKING FANTASTIC.
NOW, WE'RE NEARING OUR FIRST 15-MINUTE BREAK.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN,
WE WILL BE ENTERING OUR FIRST COMPETITION ROUND.
WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN A LINE-DANCE.
SO WATCH AND LEARN FROM OUR EXPERTS,
OR YOU WILL BE...
ELIMINATED.
[CHEERING]
[BUZZER RINGS]
15 MINUTES.
REST, EAT, DRINK, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
BE BACK ON THE DANCE FLOOR IN 15 MINUTES,
OR YOU WILL BE DISQUALIFIED.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE WE... REALLY GOING TO DO THIS?
WHAT?
NOT SAY HELLO.
[SCOFFS]
AND YOU BELIEVED HER?
SHE THINKS THAT SHE SAW SOMETHING.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
REALLY?
WHAT EXACTLY DID SHE SAY?
GODDAMN IT, JENNY...
NOW, LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY,
IT'S TIME TO GET BACK TO THE DANCE FLOOR...
FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH.
WE ARE ABOUT TO START OUR LINE DANCING.
[**]
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WELCOME TO THE LINE DANCE COMPETITION,
AND DON'T FORGET,
THE JUDGES ARE HOVERING ALL AROUND YOU
SO SEE YOU DO YOUR BEST,
BECAUSE ONLY YOUR BEST WILL BE TOLERATED!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE MOVING TO NEW YORK.
WHO SAID WE'RE MOVING TO NEW YORK?
WHAT?
[**]
SEE NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS NOT YOUR EVERYDAY LINE DANCE
THESE KIDS ARE UP HERE DOING.
WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS SOMETHING SPECIAL...
ALL RIGHT, FINE, WHAT ABOUT ANGIE AND THE BABY?
IF WE GO TO NEW YORK,
THEY'RE GOING TO COME WITH US.
DID YOU TELL HER?
NUMBER 32, YOU'RE OUT!
YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND...
PLEASE, PLEASE, I KNOW!
YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE.
[**]
HEY...
SO YOU INSPIRED?
YEAH, I AM, ACTUALLY.
DO YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON
BETWEEN TASHA AND JAMIE?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE YOU GOING TO VOLUNTEER?
YEAH, I WILL.
I WILL.
[**]
ALL RIGHT.
I'M HOLDING YOU TO IT.
GO AHEAD.
I'LL DO IT.
THEY SEEM TOO CLOSE?
MAYBE.
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
HONESTLY?
YES.
[**]
HEY.
HI.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DANCING OUT HERE ALONE?
WELL, NO, I'M WAITING FOR JENNY.
OH.
YEAH, SHE'S MY PARTNER.
OH, SHE DIDN'T SEEM LIKE YOUR PARTNER LAST WEEK.
WELL, SHE IS.
SO, ANYWAY, ARE YOU FEELING BETTER?
MM-HMM.
THAT'S GOOD. LOOK, I'M GLAD.
I'M SORRY I DIDN'T STICK AROUND.
NO, NO, NO, DON'T APOLOGIZE.
THERE'S JUST SOME PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T GOOD AT TAKING CARE OF OTHERS.
OH, HO, HO, HARSH.
BUT EARNED.
SO, UM, DO YOU THINK I GOT A SECOND CHANCE?
HA HA...
OH, REALLY?
DON'T...
[BUZZER RINGS]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
WHOO!
[CHEERING]
WELCOME TO THE 2009 DANCE MARATHON'S
COMPETITION ROUND.
[CHEERING]
THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S COMPETITION
WILL RECEIVE $10,000
DONATED TO THE JEFF GRIFFITH CENTER
ON THEIR BEHALF.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
LET'S GET OUR FIRST DANCERS OUT HERE.
HILLARY SIMMS AND VICTORIA PRICE...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[IN MOCK STREET ACCENT]: WHAT'S UP?
[LAUGHING]
SO YOU'RE COMPETING, HUH?
YEAH, JENNY WANTS TO.
BITCH, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS.
[SCOFFS]
SO, WHAT, YOU GOT A ROUTINE?
WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SO, YOU REALLY GIVE A FUCK, DON'T YOU?
COME ON, ALICE,
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE IT'S MY THING?
WHAT IS YOUR THING?
GOD...
WHAT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY THESE DAYS?
PLEASE DON'T, NOT TODAY.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
WHY?
BECAUSE, AL, THIS IS WHAT IT IS.
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S WHAT YOU LET IT BE.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
THAT WAS RESPECTABLE.
THAT WAS NICE. THAT WAS RESPECTABLE.
OKAY, SO NEXT,
LET'S HAVE JENNIFER SCHECTER AND SHANE MCCUTCHEON.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[**]
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
WHOO!
ALL RIGHT...
VERY NICE, VERY NICE...
VERY NICE...
HEY, GUYS.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
[CHUCKLES]
I DIDN'T KNOW DANCE FEVER
WAS BACK ON THE AIR.
OH, I'M SORRY,
I DIDN'T REALIZE KRISS KROSS WAS LOOKING FOR A NEW MEMBER.
[SCOFFS]
MM-HMM.
HEY, AL?
HMM?
NICE CAMEL-TOE.
[QUIETLY]: FUCK!
THEY'RE NOT FUCKING AROUND.
THEY'RE SERIOUS. THEY HAVE COSTUMES!
I SEE.
WASN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN?
FUN?
YEAH.
NO!
OKAY, DO YOU THINK YOU NEED TO GO OVER IT AGAIN?
I THINK I'M GOOD.
DO YOU THINK, OR ARE YOU SURE?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, THEY'VE GOT WIGS AND SPANDEX.
THIS IS NO FUCKING JOKE.
WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE CAPABLE OF.
I'LL DO MY BEST.
HYDRATE?
[CROWD CHEERING]
...NOW, HERE'S OUR NEXT GROUP TO PUSH IT REAL GOOD...
I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
OKAY, LET'S BUST THIS, ALICE.
HELL YEAH, HELL YEAH.
ALICE...
ALICE, WHAT'S WRONG?
NO... I CAN'T, UM...
I DON'T HAVE IT, I DON'T...
WHAT?
I NEVER HAD RHYTHM, OKAY?
I DON'T... THIS IS A JOKE.
WHAT ARE YOU...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU WERE THE LEAD IN WEST SIDE STORY.
YEAH, YOU SAID WE WERE NUMBER ONE,
WE CAN'T BE NUMBER TWO--
UH-UH, YOU GUYS, EVERYONE WENT TRADITIONAL.
WE LOOK LIKE FREAKS.
NO, WE DON'T. WE LOOK GOOD-
OKAY, WE LOOK A LITTLE CRAZY,
BUT, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
LISTEN, ALL RIGHT, WE CAN DO THIS.
YOU KNOW THE ROUTINE.
YOU CHOREOGRAPHED EVERYTHING, OKAY?
ANOTHER PROBLEM.
WHY DID YOU LET ME DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHOREOGRAPH SHIT--
PUT YOUR WIG ON, PUT YOUR WIG ON, OKAY?
YOU'RE GONNA DO THIS.
I WAS A TERRIBLE MARIA, BY THE WAY.
YOU'RE GONNA DO THIS, OKAY?
JUST THINK OF ONE THING.
THINK-THINK...
OKAY, LOOK, EVERYBODY OUT THERE,
THEY'RE HERE FOR YOU, OKAY?
JAMIE AND I ARE GOING TO DO
THIS CRAZY ASS DANCE FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S TRUE, OKAY...
I'M IN A TURQUOISE ONESIE FOR YOU, OKAY?
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
SO PULL IT TOGETHER.
YEAH! DUH...
YES.
YES, WE CAN DO IT...
WE'RE GONNA WIN THIS FUCKIN' THING.
YES! YEAH!
YEAH!
Y-YEAH!
OOH, I LOVE YOU. LET'S DO IT!
SO LET'S GET JAMIE CHEN, TASHA WILLIAMS,
AND ALICE PIESZECKI TO THE STAGE.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
["PUSH IT" BY SALT N PEPA PLAYS]
* SALT N PEPA'S HERE AND WE'RE IN EFFECT *
* WANT YOU TO PUSH IT, BABE
* COOLIN' BY DAY THEN AT NIGHT WORKIN' UP A SWEAT... *
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
* ...HOW TO BECOME NUMBER ONE IN A HOT PARTY SHOW *
* NOW PUSH IT
* PUSH IT GOOD
* AH, PUSH IT PUSH IT REAL GOOD *
* AH, PUSH IT PUSH IT GOOD *
* AH, PUSH IT P-PUSH IT REAL GOOD *
[CROWD ROARING]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?
LET'S SEE 'EM! LET'S SEE THE SCORES...
5.5?
[CROWD GASPS]
5.5...
5.5.
WHAT'S UP WITH THE 5.5?
YEAH!
THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY A COMPETITION,
ALL RIGHT, AND IT'S CLOSE, IT'S CLOSE...
[BANGING ON DOOR]
WE ONLY GET FIVE MINUTES TO PEE!
NEXT UP, WE HAVE BETTE PORTER AND TINA KENNARD.
COME ON OUT HERE, YOU TWO.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
* BACK TO LIFE BACK TO REALITY *
* BACK TO THE HERE AND NOW, YEAH *
* SHOW ME HOW DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME *
* TELL ME MAYBE
* THAT I COULD BE THERE FOR YOU *
* HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU NEED ME
* HOW, HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU NEED ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU NEED ME...
I'M S... I'M SO SORRY.
* HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME HOWEVER DO YOU NEED ME *
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[**]
* BACK TO LIFE BACK TO THE PRESENT TIME *
* BACK FROM A FANTASY, YEAH
* TELL ME NOW TAKE THE INITIATIVE *
* I'LL LEAVE IT IN YOUR HANDS
* UNTIL YOU'RE READY, YEAH
* HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU NEED ME
* HOW, HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU NEED ME
* HOWEVER DO YOU WANT ME...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CROWD ROARING]
OH, MY GOD, WE MAY HAVE A WINNER.
WHOO! LET'S GIVE IT UP.
THESE GUYS WERE AMAZING!
GUESS YOU ALL BETTER STEP YOUR GAME UP NOW.
LET'S GET IT ON!
[LAUGHING]
THAT WAS GREAT. THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.
FUCKING FANTASTIC.
THANK YOU.
GOOD.
STILL FRIENDS, CAMEL-TOE?
YUP.
IT'S CLOSE, SO LET'S GET OUR FINAL CONTESTANTS
OUT HERE ON STAGE...
OH, MY GOD.
YOU GUYS WERE SO GREAT.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN, YOU'RE GONNA WIN...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[**]
WOW.
GOD, SHE'S AMAZING.
HOW DOES SHE DO THAT?
* DANCE WITH ME ACROSS THE OCEAN FLOOR *
[CHEERING]
* SAIL AWAY TO HEAVEN'S OPEN DOOR... *
[CROWD ROARS]
SHE'S TOTALLY GOING TO WIN.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S TOTALLY GOING TO WIN.
MAYBE.
* TAKE A NUMBER WAIT WHILE I TWIST YOUR FATE *
* ON THE MATING GAME
* THE MATING GAME...
ANY REGRETS?
NOT A ONE.
[**]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
JODI GOT THREE 10s!
NO, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GET THREE 10s.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
DID YOU KNOW SHE COULD DANCE LIKE THAT?
NO! GOD, NO. I HAD NO IDEA.
SHE MUST HAVE PRACTICED THAT ROUTINE
FOR, LIKE, MONTHS.
YEAH, YOU HAD US PRACTICING FOR MONTHS.
YOUR SENSE OF FAIR PLAY IS ANNOYING.
I'M JUST SAYING, DON'T BE A SORE LOSER.
I HAVEN'T LOST YET.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
TWO MORE.
[TASHA AND JAMIE LAUGH]
OH, MY GOD...
NO, I THINK YOU WERE THE BEST EVER,
FOR SURE...
HEY, YOU OKAY?
YEAH.
YOU'LL WIN THE NEXT TWO.
YEAH. [LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
[JAMIE]: OH, MY GOD,
THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING...
[QUIET CONVERSATIONS]
NO, I'M NOT EVEN LYING. SHE LOOKED SO HOT...
I KNOW, DID YOU SEE--
NIKKI, 12:00.
NO, THE OTHER 12:00.
BEHIND YOU.
HI.
CAN I SPEAK TO YOU?
HERE, UH, GET UP.
GO AHEAD.
I'M NOT HERE TO REPRIMAND YOU.
I KNOW.
SO, YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS A FUND-RAISER.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY.
I MEAN, WHY WOULD EVERYONE BE HERE TILL THIS HOUR?
RIGHT, EXACTLY,
SO I WAS DOWN THERE, AND I WAS THINKING
THAT THE PUBLIC IS VERY HARSH WITH YOU,
AND THAT YOU HAVE A REPUTATION FOR BEING SHALLOW
AND VAIN.
NO, I DON'T.
YOU DO,
AND I WAS THINKING
THAT IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL
AND GREAT FOR YOUR IMAGE
AND GREAT FOR THE CAUSE
IF YOU WERE TO AUCTION OFF
A DATE WITH YOURSELF.
A DATE WITH ME?
YEAH.
YES, YOU WOULD RAISE A TON OF MONEY FOR THE SHELTER.
YOU WOULD STAND UP ON THE STAGE, YOU WOULD START A BIDDING WAR,
PEOPLE WOULD THINK YOU WERE SUPER COOL.
IT'S SO MUCH BETTER
THAN JUST DONATING MONEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
WHAT DID SHE WANT?
ARE YOU OKAY?
MM-HMM.
[LAUGHING]
WHAT?
[LAUGHS]
THIS JUST...
THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS ABOUT...
I DON'T KNOW, 14, AND I WOULD...
I'D SNEAK OUT OF BOARDING SCHOOL
SO I COULD SNOG WITH BRIDGET CHRISTENSEN
ON THE GREEN.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BRIDGET?
OH, SHE HOOKED UP WITH JONATHAN BARKLEY,
THIS MATHS GENIUS,
AND KIND OF BROKE MY HEART, ACTUALLY.
DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE
MUCH HAS CHANGED, DOES IT?
I'M STILL JUST GAMBLING WITH MY HEART.
[THEY BOTH SIGH]
LOOK...
DYLAN, I'M SORRY, OKAY? I'M SORRY--
NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
LISTEN...
NO MORE APOLOGIES.
I THINK...
I THINK WE NEED TO JUST START NEW.
OKAY?
CAN WE DO THAT?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
[CHUCKLES]
[**]
I'LL MEET YOU GUYS UPSTAIRS.
EXCUSE ME?
HI.
UM, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A DONATION.
OOH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE LOVELY NIKKI STEVENS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
LOVE YOU, NIKKI!
THANK YOU.
SO I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE
THAT TONIGHT,
I WOULD LIKE TO AUCTION OFF A DATE WITH MYSELF
TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER.
[CHEERING]
OKAY, LET'S START THIS OUT WITH A MEASLY $500.
$500 RIGHT HERE, DO WE HAVE 600?
$600, DO I HEAR SEVEN?
700 RIGHT THERE.
IS THERE 1,000? LET'S GO FOR THE--
$1,000, OH, NOW, SEE, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT--
LET'S MAKE THIS REALLY INTERESTING,
AND JUST GO FOR $2,000.
I MAKE REALLY GOOD PANCAKES.
NOW, THAT'S SOMETHING WORTH WAKING UP FOR.
NO, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GET 2,000.
THIS GUY OVER HERE IS.
2,000?
$25,000.
UH, C-COULD YOU REPEAT THAT AGAIN, PLEASE?
$25,000.
[SILENCE]
$25,000.
WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY UP ON THE STAGE?
UH, UNLESS SOMEONE'S WILLING TO OUTBID HER.
[ALICE]: MOTHERFUCKER.
I DO BELIEVE WE HAVE
THE LARGEST SINGLE DONATION OF THIS EVENT.
[STAMMERING]
THAT'S THE SECOND...
THE SECOND THING I LOST.
LET'S GIVE IT UP, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN--
CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING?
SHANE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO FUCK HER IN A BATHROOM ANYMORE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SNEAK AROUND.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT,
SO I BOUGHT HER FOR YOU.
SO YOU CAN HAVE HER WHENEVER YOU WANT.
THANK YOU.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
WELL, UH...
HOLY SHIT.
[CHUCKLING]: DJ, TURN UP THAT MUSIC, PLEASE.
EVERYBODY DANCE!
LISTEN, I DON'T CARE.
YOU CAN FUCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT.
FUCK NIKKI,
FUCK WHOEVER.
I KNOW THAT YOU NEED IT.
IT DOESN'T SCARE ME,
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU.
OKAY?
GOOD MORNING, ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL DIE-HARDS.
WE ARE ALMOST AT THE FINISH LINE,
AND WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE TONIGHT IS SO BEAUTIFUL,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THESE KIDS ARE GOING TO BE SO GRATEFUL,
AND YOU'LL BE SO PROUD
OF THE WORK THAT YOU'VE MANAGED TO DO HERE TONIGHT.
IT'LL GO A LONG WAY, TRUST ME,
BECAUSE WHEN KIDS FEEL SAFE, AND THEY'RE ABLE TO EXPLORE,
THE WORLD'S THEIR OYSTER.
YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES.
WE'RE BACK IN THREE MINUTES,
SO BE ON THE DANCE FLOOR, OR BE DISQUALIFIED.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY...
I CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU...
THINK OF ME.
BUT I DO, AND...
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
YEAH.
JAMIE?
OH...
I WAS CRAZY TO THINK THAT A 15-MINUTE NAP WOULD HELP.
I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
WHAT'S UP?
DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR TASHA?
OH, GOD...
ALICE...
I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING.
I KNOW.
DO WE TELL MARCI ABOUT NEW YORK?
YOU'RE REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS?
IT JUST FEELS REALLY RIGHT TO ME.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW
WHEN ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS MIGHT COME ALONG.
WHAT ABOUT THE GALLERY?
I COULD WORK FROM NEW YORK.
I MEAN, I'D PROBABLY HAVE TO BE THERE
HALF THE TIME ANYWAY.
AND OUR FRIENDS?
[SIGHS]
I LOVE OUR FRIENDS.
I LOVE THEM A LOT, BUT, YOU KNOW...
AT A CERTAIN POINT, I HAVE TO TRUST
THAT THEY'RE LIKE OUR FAMILY,
AND JUST BECAUSE WE LEAVE L.A.,
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE'RE LEAVING THEM.
I REALLY WANTED TO GO.
IT'LL BE A FRESH START.
IT'S A NEW CITY.
IT'S GOING TO BE SO EXCITING.
OH, MY GOD.
WE HAVE TO APPLY FOR SCHOOLS.
[SIGHS]
LIKE, RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW.
WHO THE HELL'S THE GUY WITH THE MICROPHONE.
OH, MY GOD, JUST HANG ON A SECOND.
WAIT, WAIT, YOU...
YOU JUST CAN'T COME UP ON THE STAGE...
YOU WERE AT MY SISTER'S GALLERY.
I WAS.
NOW, MOST OF YOU KNOW ME
AS SUNSET BOULEVARD...
[CROWD GASPS IN SHOCK]
BUT MY REAL NAME
IS SONNY BENSON,
AND I'M A STRAIGHT MAN
WHO LOVES HIS GAY AND LESBIAN FAMILY.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
AND I HOPE
THAT YOU CAN STILL ACCEPT ME.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
I-I TRIED TO TELL--
YOU LIED TO ME.
I NEVER LIED TO YOU--
Y-YOU ARE A CON MAN.
I NEVER LIED TO YOU, GIRLFRIEND, YOU ASSUMED--
YOU ARE A CON MAN.
I-I TRUSTED YOU.
I TRUSTED...
I TOLD YOU THINGS THAT I WOULD NEVER TELL A MAN.
WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS?
THE DRESS DIDN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I WAS A MAN.
YOU TRUSTED ME BECAUSE...
YOU FELT I CAN BE TRUSTED.
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE?
I KNOW I HAVE YOU AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AND I KNOW I KNOW MORE OF YOUR STORIES
THAN YOU KNOW MINE, BUT...
I'D LOVE A CHANCE TO FIX THAT.
[STAMMERING]
KIT PORTER...
YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
I'VE EVER SEEN...
AND I'D LOVE NOTHING BETTER
THAN TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER
AND GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
OKAY, IT'S, UH...
I-I DON'T KNOW...
* EVEN WHEN YOU SEE ME FALL
* MY HEART WON'T LET ME DOWN
* BECAUSE I KNOW THERE'S BETTER THINGS TO COME *
* OH YEAH
* AND WHEN LIFE GETS TOUGH
* AND I FEEL LIKE I'VE HAD ENOUGH *
* I HOLD ON TO A DISTANT STAR
* I'M THINKING ABOUT
* ALL THE THINGS
* I'D LIKE TO DO
* IN MY LIFE
* I'M A DREAMER
* A DISTANT DREAMER...
MAYBE SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE BUS.
* DREAMING FOR
* FOR TODAY
* I'M A DREAMER
* A DISTANT DREAMER
* DREAMING FOR
* FOR TODAY
* I'M A DREAMER
* A DISTANT DREAMER
* DREAMING FOR
* FOR TODAY
* YEAH, I'M A DREAMER
* OOH...
[**]
* I'M A DREAMER
* A DISTANT DREAMER
* DREAMING FOR...
I WANT YOU TO KNOW, I...
I NEVER LOVED YOU MORE.
AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH JAMIE?
I DON'T...
I DON'T KNOW IF--
IT'S OKAY.
I'M NOT READY TO LET YOU GO.
* I'M A DREAMER...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE HAVE OUR LAST COUPLE STANDING.