PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
WELL, AT LEAST
THE TWO OF THEM ARE GETTING ALONG.
HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?
[TINA]: WE HAVE ADELE TO THANK FOR THAT.
MAX THINKS THAT THERE'S SOMETHING
REALLY SUSPICIOUS ABOUT YOU.
I'M LETTING IT BE KNOWN,
MR. BREWER, THAT YOU'RE A HOMO.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU OUTING HIM
AND THE MILITARY OUTING ME?
TOO PERSONAL. OH, PLEASE.
HOW DO YOU SAY "FUCK"?
AND WHO SAYS THAT TO WHO?
WELL, LAST NIGHT SHE SAID IT TO ME.
HOW COULD YOU LET A STUDENT
STAND IN FRONT OF YOUR CLASS
WITH A GUN POINTED TO HIS HEAD?
YOU WANT TO TAKE ALL OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER
AND JUST THROW IT IN THE TOILET.
I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE DOWN.
ARE YOU ALREADY SEEING SOMEBODY?
I TOLD CAMILLA THAT I HAD TO TALK TO YOU
BEFORE WE DID ANYTHING.
WHERE'S DAWN?
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT I JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO MYSELF.
IT'S ON, GIRLFRIEND.
AND YOUR STUPID-ASS PLANET?
IT'S DONE.
IT'S FUCKING ON.
WE-- WE JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN A MOMENT.
IT'S JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
IT MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU
TO HAVE YOUR LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS EXAMINED.
WHAT THE FUCK CAN SHE POSSIBLY KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE?
WHAT CAN SHE KNOW?
[**]
PEE, PEE, PEE... PEE... PEE.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHOOT THE PEE STREAM, ARE YOU?
[JENNY]: I MIGHT,
SO JUST KEEP ON GOING.
[GASPS]: I'M OVULATING.
OH, MY GOD, I'M OVULATING!
HONEY!
BEV, COME HERE!
WHERE DO I ENTER FROM?
UM, WHERE YOUR MARK IS.
HOW EXCITING, YOU'RE OVULATING.
OKAY, SO THEN I LOOK AT THE STICK,
AND I KISS HER...
YEAH.
OKAY, I'M FINE WITH ALL THAT, UM,
BUT THEN IT SAYS
THAT I "F" HER AGAINST THE SINK.
I JUST... I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS.
REALLY?
OKAY, WELL, THAT'S WHY WE'RE REHEARSING,
TO WORK OUT ALL THIS STUFF.
CAN YOU HOLD MY CUP?
SURE.
OKAY, SO THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
CAN I JUST BE YOU?
OKAY, SO YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK AT HER,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE HER,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO THROW HER
UP AGAINST THE SINK-- BAM!
AND YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK--
LOOK AT HER WITH PASSION,
AND THEN YOU'RE--
DON'T WORRY, I WON'T KISS YOU--
YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE HER,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO KISS HER WITH TONGUE...
AND THEN I WANT YOU TO REACH DOWN,
AND THEN I WANT YOU TO FINGER-FUCK HER
AND GIVE HER THE BEST FUCKING ORGASM EVER.
[CLICKS TONGUE]: GO FOR IT.
OH, YOU MEAN WITH MY HAND?
YEAH.
UNLESS YOU HAVE SOME OTHER APPARATI
THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
[CLEARING THROAT]
HOW EXCITING, YOU'RE OVULATING.
I'M OVULATING.
LET'S MAKE A BABY.
[JENNY]: PASSION!
THAT'S OKAY.
OKAY.
WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU GUYS ARE SORT OF DOING, LIKE, A DANCE.
YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE MY HAND.
I'D LIKE TO.
IT MIGHT BE NICE IF YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE ACTUALLY GIVING HER PLEASURE
RATHER THAN MOVING FURNITURE.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW...
THAT LOOKS...
IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE SEWING UP A HOLE IN HER JEANS.
YEAH... I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
NEITHER DO I.
STEP AWAY!
MOVE AWAY FROM HER.
JUST STEP AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
ADELE, CAN YOU, UH, SCHEDULE TIME
FOR ME AND THE OTHER ACTRESSES
THAT HAVE SEX SCENES?
YOU GUYS REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCK WOMEN, DO YOU?
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LEARN HOW TO FUCK.
I'M GETTING A LESBIAN SEX COACH TO TEACH YOU.
OH, PLEASE.
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
SHANE, SHANE, SHANE.
WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?
I'D LOVE TO TALK TO YOU TWO.
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
MY GIRLFRIEND AND I ARE LISTENING.
GOOD. WELL, THEN DO YOU WANT TO GRAB A TABLE?
[SCOFFS]: NO.
OKAY.
UM...
I CAME HERE TO APOLOGIZE.
I DIDN'T MEAN ANY DISRESPECT,
NOT TOWARDS YOU OR TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
I APOLOGIZE.
AND I'M SORRY FOR THE WAY I TREATED YOU
WHEN YOU CAME INTO MY HOUSE.
I WAS JUST A LITTLE...
I WASN'T ME THAT NIGHT.
SO I'D LIKE TO MAKE PEACE.
AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD, I...
HUH.
WELL...
THERE'S JUST ONE THING I CAN THINK OF.
OKAY.
JENNY SCHECTER.
SHE'S YOUR ROOMMATE, RIGHT?
MY BEST FRIEND AND MY ROOMMATE. WHY?
WELL...
COME CLOSER.
I WON'T BITE.
GET HER TO USE SHEBAR
AS A LOCATION
IN HER BIG HOLLYWOOD LESBO MOVIE.
I DON'T KNOW, DAWN, THAT'S...
WELL, WHAT?
YOU'RE TOO SMALL-TIME, SHANE?
JUST A LIL' OL' HAIRDRESSER?
I NEVER SAID I WAS BIG-TIME TO BEGIN WITH, DID I?
NO.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL ASK HER.
I CAN'T PROMISE YOU, BUT I'LL ASK HER.
YOU KNOW, YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN,
WE MIGHT BE TALKING DETENTE.
[DANCE MUSIC THROBBING]
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
SEE YOU.
OH! OH...
THERE'S JUST, UH, ONE MORE THING.
[WRY CHUCKLE]
I KNEW THERE WOULD BE WITH YOU.
IT HAS TO BE CALLED SHEBAR IN THE MOVIE.
NOT THE "PLUTO CAFE,"
OR WHATEVER THE STUPID THING WAS CALLED
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE PLANET.
WHAT?
SHEBAR IS SUCH A BETTER LOCATION.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WERE GOING TO PAY $50,000 A DAY
FOR THAT WANNA-BE "PEACH PIT" OF A SHITHOLE.
YOU'RE TOO MUCH.
I CAN'T DO IT.
WHAT?
WHAT CAN'T YOU DO, SHANE?
OTHER THAN MAKE MY GIRLFRIEND COME?
LISTEN, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED. I CAN'T DO IT.
OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT WE WANT.
[LAUGHS]
KIT'S MY FRIEND, MAN.
YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH ME, YOU STAY WITH ME,
YOU DON'T FUCK OVER MY FRIEND,
AND I'M SURE NOT GOING TO FUCK 'EM OVER FOR YOU.
SO POINTLESS.
NOW I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOUR FRIEND OUT OF BUSINESS
THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.
IS THAT... IS THAT A THREAT?
ARE YOU STILL TALKING?
ARE YOU STILL HERE?
OH, THAT'S ANOTHER THREAT.
DONE. [BLOWS KISS]
IT'S SO ON! YOU'RE FUCKED.
[SHANE CHUCKLES]
SHANE, SHANE...
WHAT?
CALL ME.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
[ZIPPING LUGGAGE UP]
THERE'S ALL YOUR STUFF.
[SETS SUITCASE DOWN]
I'LL GET THE SUITCASE BACK TO YOU.
DID YOU WANT TO COME IN AND SEE IF I FORGOT ANYTHING?
I TRUST YOU.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
YOU DON'T TRUST ME.
I TRUST YOU.
WE'RE JUST NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER.
I'M REALLY SORRY
THAT I FUCKED YOUR LIFE UP.
I WAS GAY LONG BEFORE I EVER MET YOU.
ANYWAY, UM, BROWN--
HE HAD IT IN FOR ME, SO...
I'M SURE HE WOULD HAVE FOUND SOMETHING.
[CAR HORN HONKING ON STREET]
SO, I HEARD YOU GOT OFFERED
SOME BIG, WHAT, TALK SHOW OR SOMETHING?
WHAT IS IT? THE LOOK?
NAH, THEY'RE JUST INTERESTED.
I STILL HAVE TO AUDITION.
THEY'RE LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT
FOR KELLY CORRIGAN.
WOW, THAT'S GREAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO DO IT, THOUGH,
IF I WANT TO BE, YOU KNOW, THE REPLACEMENT DYKE.
OH, COME ON...
NO, YOU KNOW,
BECAUSE THEY WANT ME TO BE OUT
AND FLAMBOYANT AND AUDACIOUS,
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE GAY
FOR THE WHOLE WORLD.
THIS IS WHY WE'RE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK TWICE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
IT'S LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE FOR YOU.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I DREAM OF.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GO.
* I AM NOT IN LOVE
* BUT I'M OPEN TO PERSUASION
* EAST OR WEST...
[RAPS ON FRIDGE]
CAN I COME IN?
HEY.
KIT AND ANGIE,
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BE BACK FROM ANAHEIM
FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.
I CAME EARLY.
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
YEAH, IT'S FINE.
[FOOD SIZZLING ON STOVE]
ARE YOU HAVING A DINNER PARTY OR SOMETHING?
[LAUGHS]: NO, IT'S JUST FOR ANGIE.
I WANTED TO FEED HER BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.
I TOLD KIT NOT TO LET HER
EAT A LOT OF CRAP AT DISNEYLAND.
YEAH, RIGHT.
THAT LOOKS FANCY.
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?
AH, IT'S JUST
STIR-FRIED CHICKEN AND VEGETABLES...
NOODLES.
IT SMELLS AMAZING.
[CHUCKLES]
DID JODI TEACH YOU HOW TO COOK?
I HEAR SHE'S A GREAT COOK.
UH, ACTUALLY, NO.
I TAUGHT MYSELF.
I SOMETIMES COOK FOR ME AND ANGIE
WHEN WE'RE ALONE.
IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE
WE'RE, YOU KNOW, LIKE A FAMILY.
I ENJOY IT.
I'LL HAVE TO COOK FOR YOU SOMETIME.
BETTE...
TURN AROUND.
LOOK, I KNOW
THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT JODI...
NO, I DON'T.
* THANK YOU
* YOU TOOK ME DANCING
* ACROSS THE FLOOR
* CHEEK TO CHEEK
* BUT WITH A LOVER
* I COULD REALLY MOVE REALLY MOVE *
* I COULD REALLY DANCE REALLY DANCE *
* REALLY DANCE, REALLY DANCE REALLY DANCE *
* I COULD REALLY MOVE REALLY MOVE *
* REALLY MOVE REALLY MOVE *
* NOW IF I CAN FEEL THE SUN
* IN MY EYES
* AND THE RAIN ON MY FACE
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
SHH.
* WHY CAN I FEEL...
* LOVE
* REALLY LOVE
OH, WAIT.
DON'T.
* LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE *
* NOW I GOT ALL THE FRIENDS THAT I WANT *
* OH, OH OOH, OOH *
SPREAD YOUR LEGS.
ARE YOU TALKING DIRTY TO ME?
* WITH FRIENDS I STILL FEEL SO INSECURE *
* LITTLE DARLING, I BELIEVE YOU COULD HELP ME A LOT *
* JUST TAKE MY HAND
* AND LEAD ME WHERE YOU WILL
YOU'RE SO WET.
* NO CONVERSATION NO WAVE GOODBYE *
* JUST MAKE LOVE
I JUST WANT TO FUCK YOU.
* WITH AFFECTION
* SING ME ANOTHER LOVE SONG
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SO, JENNY, WE HAVE ONE MORE POSSIBILITY
FOR BEV AND NINA'S HOUSE.
IT'S IN KITS.
WELL, WHERE IN THE FUCK IS SHE?
WELL, I DON'T REALLY CARE THAT IT'S A SATURDAY.
CAN YOU TELL HER THAT I'M WORKING ON SATURDAY
BECAUSE OF HER?
UH-HUH.
YEAH, WELL, I WANT YOU TO GIVE HER A MESSAGE FOR ME. OKAY?
I WANT YOU TO TELL HER THAT IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
ALL RIGHT?
VANCOUVER DOESN'T PASS AS L.A.
AND I'M NOT GOING TO SHOOT HERE
IN THIS WATERLOGGED, PROVINCIAL LITTLE CITY,
AND IT WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME TO COME HERE
WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BACK IN L.A.
PREPPING FOR MY FIRST DAY OF SHOOTING ON MONDAY,
ALL RIGHT?
IF YOU WANT... JENNY, ACTUALLY,
THERE'S BEEN LOTS OF SHOWS
THAT HAVE SHOT UP HERE SUCCESSFULLY,
SO IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE LOCATION--
CAN YOU PLEASE ALSO TELL HER
THAT I DON'T APPRECIATE
HER SENDING HER STUDIO-FUCKING-NARC
TO SPY ON ME
AND TELL ME THAT BLACK IS WHITE?
OKAY?
RIGHT.
[PHONE BEEPS]
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW
THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO GAIN
BY CONVINCING YOU TO SHOOT IN VANCOUVER.
GOOD, BECAUSE I'M NOT.
AND WHEN THE STUDIO
PULLS THE PLUG ON YOUR MOVIE
BECAUSE YOU'RE OVER-BUDGET,
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER JOB TOMORROW.
CAN YOU PLEASE OPEN UP THE DOOR?
HEY!
I DON'T--
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I DO NOT THINK
THAT YOU SHOULD BE IN THIS INDUSTRY.
OKAY?
I DON'T THINK
THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ARTISTS.
JENNY, JENNY, JENNY! WILLIAM JUST TEXTED YOU BACK.
WHAT? OKAY, LISTEN.
"WHAT IS THIS VANCOUVER FOLLY?
"OF COURSE, WE'RE SHOOTING L.A. FOR L.A.
"I JUST SECURED A BOND,
"FINANCING'S IN PLACE.
"AARON KNOWS.
"SEE YOU ON SET MONDAY MORNING.
XOXO, WILLIAM."
THAT'S RIGHT, SALLY!
OH!
I AM SO EXCITED!
I AM SO HAPPY.
[ADELE CHUCKLES]
WHEN DID I TEXT HIM?
I DON'T REMEMBER DOING THAT.
I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING CRAZY.
UM, OKAY--
WHEN DID I TEXT HIM?
LISTEN, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, BUT I JUST...
I TOOK THE LIBERTY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
BECAUSE I SAW HOW UNHAPPY YOU WERE--
UH-HUH?
...AND SO I TEXTED HIM MYSELF.
I THINK THAT WE NEED TO CELEBRATE.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.
[SNAPPING]: UH!
AND THE NEXT THING I'M GOING TO DO...
IS TAKE YOU SHOPPING.
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, OKAY?
AND I CAN SEE
THAT YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND THOSE GLASSES...
IF I MAY BE SO BOLD, I JUST...
WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO.
WE START SHOOTING ON MONDAY,
AND YOU HAVE TO APPROVE THE COSTUME BREAKDOWN.
YOU'VE GOT TO FINISH SHOT-LISTING,
THERE'S TONS-- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WANT TO TAKE YOU SHOPPING.
SALLY?
JENNY.
I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU.
UH-HUH?
I WANT YOU TO TAKE US TO A PLACE
WHERE FASHIONABLE VANCOUVERITES SHOP,
'CAUSE WE'RE GOING TO TRANSFORM MY LOVELY ASSISTANT.
[ENGINE STARTING]
JOYCE IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
SEND HER RIGHT IN, PLEASE.
[TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND EXHALES]
HELLO, PHYLLIS.
JOYCE.
I KNOW IT WAS PRESUMPTUOUS OF ME TO CALL YOU,
AND I'M NOT REALLY EXPECTING
TOO MUCH SYMPATHY...
I WAS JUST WONDERING-- UM...
MAYBE YOU COULD GIVE ME SOME ADVICE,
MAKE A RECOMMENDATION--
I THINK WE HIT BACK WITH A COUNTERSUIT.
[DROPS BRIEF ON DESK]
LEONARD NEEDS TO KNOW
THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO JUST ROLL OVER
AND GIFT HIM WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE WORKED SO HARD FOR
ALL THESE YEARS.
I MEAN, HE'S GOT BALLS... I'LL GIVE HIM THAT.
AND HIS ATTORNEY, JOEY MONAHAN?
HE'S NO SLOUCH EITHER.
SO, LUCKILY FOR YOU, I'VE GOT A TRICK OR TWO OF MY OWN.
YOU WANT TO REPRESENT ME?
PHYLLIS, YOU HIRED ME TO REPRESENT YOU,
AND THEN YOU FIRED ME SO WE COULD MAKE SWEET LOVE.
AND THEN YOU BROKE MY HEART.
SO, THE WAY I SEE IT,
YOU'RE DOWN A LAWYER, I'M DOWN A JOB.
JOYCE, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY EXPECT YOU TO REPRESENT ME.
I WAS HOPING FOR A RECOMMENDATION,
FOR SOMEBODY ELSE--
PHYLLIS,
I'M THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS.
I WIN CASES, IT'S WHAT I DO...
AND I GOT A BUM DEAL HERE,
SO I'M NOT GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM A SWEET PIECE OF BUSINESS
JUST BECAUSE WE DIDN'T WORK OUT AS LOVERS.
IN FACT...
I THINK YOU KIND OF OWE ME THIS ONE.
* DANCE WITH ME, PRETTY BOY TONIGHT *
* DANCE WITH ME AND WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT *
* THERE'S A WHOLE FLOOR BEFORE US *
* JUST FOR YOU AND ME
* SO FOLLOW MY LEAD AND WE'LL ONE, TWO, THREE *
* PULL SHAPES!
* I LIKE TO DISCO
* I LIKE TO ROCK 'N' ROLL
* WELL, I LIKE TO HIP-HOP
* WE CAN DO IT ALL JUST DON'T LET THE MUSIC STOP *
[MUTTERING TO SELF]: OH, GOOD LORD.
CAN I HELP YOU FIND SOMETHING?
UM... YEAH, I WAS-- YOU KNOW,
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING
IN THE LOWER PRICE RANGES?
WHICH RANGE DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
LIKE... 25 TO 30?
[AMUSED]: EXCUSE ME?
OH, SHE'S KIDDING.
HELLO. HELLO.
ADELE, THIS IS EMILE, OUR PERSONAL SHOPPER.
THIS IS ADELE, MY ASSISTANT.
EMILE-- SHALL I?
YES, PLEASE START A ROOM.
AND YOU, COME HERE,
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOME CHANEL.
* IS THERE A DRUM BEAT? * PULL SHAPES!
* AND IS THE BASS BEAT?
I DON'T KNOW...
DO YOU LIKE IT?
YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FANCY SHOES?
YOU COULD WEAR THE SHOES.
* IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE YOUR FEET *
* DANCE WITH ME, PRETTY BOY TONIGHT *
IT'S SO EXPENSIVE!
ADELE, REALLY,
THE THING IS, WE'RE MAKING A FILM
ABOUT FASHIONABLE LESBIANS.
YOU KNOW, SO WE HAVE TO BE FASHIONABLE, AND...
WELL, WE'RE HERE DOING RESEARCH.
WAIT, THIS IS COMING OUT OF THE WARDROBE BUDGET?
SHH.
* WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS? *
WE SHOULD GET YOU SOME JEANS NOW,
BECAUSE, UM, ADELE-- ADELE?
THE APPLIQUE ON THE BACK OF YOUR JEANS,
WAS DECLARED AN ABOMINATION
BY THE GENEVA CONVENTION.
WE'VE GOT TO BURN THEM AFTER WE BUY THESE.
* CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT SOME MORE *
* CLAP YOUR HANDS
* IF YOU WANT SOME MORE
* CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT SOME MORE *
* DANCE WITH ME, PRETTY BOY TONIGHT *
* DANCE WITH ME AND WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT *
* THERE'S A WHOLE FLOOR BEFORE US *
* JUST FOR YOU AND ME
* SO FOLLOW MY LEAD AND WE'LL ONE, TWO, THREE *
* PULL SHAPES!
HI!
HI.
LOOK.
OH... WOW.
UM, WELL, IT'S-- IT'S DAVID YURMAN...
AND MAYBE WE'RE GETTING A BIT CARRIED AWAY HERE.
THIS IS QUITE EXPENSIVE.
OH!
NO, NO, NO-- NOT FOR ME.
IT'S FOR NIKI.
YOU KNOW,
JUST A LITTLE-- A LITTLE GIFT
FOR THE START OF THE PRODUCTION.
HMM.
OKAY.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
NOW, ADELE--
YEAH?
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
THAT KNOWS ABOUT NIKI AND ME.
I KNOW, I KNOW,
AND DISCRETION IS IMPERATIVE.
THE ONLY REASON I TOLD YOU IS THAT SO YOU COULD PROTECT US.
I'LL MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY HAS THE SLIGHTEST INKLING.
WELL, YEAH, I MEAN, THE THING IS,
IF THE OTHER ACTORS KNEW,
IT WOULD JUST CAUSE SO MUCH DRAMA
AND SO MUCH JEALOUSY ON SET, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW.
I MEAN, EVERYONE ALWAYS FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE DIRECTOR.
* PULL SHAPES!
* WELL, THEN THE RHYTHM IS COMPLETE *
* WE'LL GET UP ON THE FLOOR
* IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE YOUR FEET *
* DANCE WITH ME, PRETTY BOY TONIGHT *
* DANCE WITH ME AND WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT *
WOW.
OH, MY GOSH!
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THANKS.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT.
THANK YOU.
I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT.
MM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK WE'RE GOING TO WAIT
UNTIL WE GET BACK TO L.A.
TO DO YOUR HAIR.
I THINK ONLY SHANE SHOULD BE TOUCHING YOUR HAIR.
* CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT SOME MORE *
* PULL SHAPES!
* CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT SOME MORE *
* PULL SHAPES!
* CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT SOME MORE *
* CLAP YOUR HANDS
* IF YOU WANT SOME MORE
* CLAP YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT SOME MORE *
* DANCE WITH ME, PRETTY BOY TONIGHT *
* DANCE WITH ME AND WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT *
* THERE'S A WHOLE FLOOR BEFORE US *
* JUST FOR YOU AND ME
* SO FOLLOW MY LEAD AND WE'LL ONE, TWO, THREE *
* PULL SHAPES!
* DANCE WITH ME, PRETTY BOY TONIGHT *
* PULL SHAPES!
* DANCE WITH ME AND WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT *
* PULL SHAPES!
* THERE'S A WHOLE FLOOR BEFORE US *
* JUST FOR YOU AND ME
* PULL SHAPES!
* SO FOLLOW MY LEAD AND WE'LL ONE, TWO, THREE *
* PULL SHAPES!
[SNIFFLING]
[SOBBING]
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
[SOBBING HARDER]
[**]
GOOD MORNING, SWEET PEA.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
SHOULD WE MAKE PANCAKES?
LET ME GO CHECK AND SEE WHAT WE HAVE.
OKAY, I'LL GO LOOK.
[JARS ON DOOR RATTLING]
UH-OH, WE'RE OUT OF MILK.
I KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO.
WHAT IF WE CALL MAMA B
AND SEE IF SHE WANTS TO HAVE BREAKFAST WITH US?
HMM? DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YEAH! LET'S CALL MAMA B.
DO YOU WANT TO COME SIT WITH ME?
LET'S CALL MAMA B AND SEE
IF SHE WANTS TO GO TO THE PLANET AND HAVE PANCAKES.
DO YOU WANT SOME PANCAKES?
HAVE PANCAKES.
OKAY.
I WOULD LOVE TO GO FOR BREAKFAST
WITH YOU AND ANGIE,
BUT, UM...
OH. YEAH. RIGHT, OF COURSE.
TINA, WAIT--
UH, I THINK
WE'RE GOING TO PASS ON BREAKFAST.
YEAH, IT'S A REALLY SWEET IDEA.
UM...
BUT-- YEAH, GIVE ANGIE A KISS FOR ME.
OKAY. BYE.
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST?
I'M KIND OF IN THE MOOD TO GO OUT.
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO GO OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WOULD REALLY JUST LIKE TO SIT IN MY GARDEN
AND READ THE NEWSPAPER.
BUT, IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE PLANET, AND...
DO ANOTHER PODCAST, THEN THAT WOULD BE--
[SIGHS WITH FRUSTRATION]
OH, BETTE, I WAS JUST JOKING...
AND I SAID I WAS SORRY, TOO.
ARE YOU GOING TO GO ON PUNISHING ME FOREVER?
I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST...
I'M JUST STRESSED.
DO YOU WANT TO GO AND SEE SOME ART?
WOULD THAT HELP YOU TO RELAX?
OR MAYBE WE COULD GO TO THE BEACH?
DRIVE UP THE COAST TO ZUMA.
I THINK I JUST...
I JUST NEED A LITTLE SUNDAY ALONE TIME,
THAT'S ALL,
JUST TO GET READY FOR THE WEEK.
I MEAN, APART FROM EVERYTHING ELSE,
I HAVE TO APPEAR BEFORE THE BOARD
TO TELL THEM WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
ABOUT THE JUSTIN DONOVAN
LITTLE GUN-TO-THE-HEAD ESCAPADE.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THEM?
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
[LAUGHS]
[SIGHS]
I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS MET ME.
I WAS FEELING REALLY LONELY.
OH, MY GOD, THAT'S WHY I CALLED SHANE.
WELL, LADIES, THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR, WHAT CAN I SAY?
BUT WE'RE STILL GOING TO PHYLLIS'S TONIGHT, RIGHT?
YEAH.ISN'T BETTE GOING TO BE THERE?
IS THAT--
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GETTING ALONG LATELY?
YEAH. YEAH. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
IS TASHA COMING?
IT'S OVER, TINA!
OH--
DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
COME ON, THIS IS CRAZY.
YOU TWO ARE SO IN LOVE.
IT DOESN'T ALWAYS MATTER.
I KNOW, BUT CAN'T YOU JUST TALK TO HER--
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
DID I NOT SAY I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
YEAH?
DO YOU STILL WANT TO MEET AT THE PLANET?
I'M HERE ALREADY.
WITH ALICE AND SHANE.
OH.
WELL, I REALLY...
I REALLY WANT TO SEE YOU, TINA.
I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT TONIGHT?
I DON'T-- I DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS.
I'M GOING TO YOUR BOSS'S HOUSE.
[SKITTERING]
PUPPIES!
BETTE, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK!
THOSE AREN'T FRIGGIN' PUPPIES!
BUT I DON'T HAVE RATS.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
I HAVE THE CLEANEST ESTABLISHMENT
THIS SIDE OF--
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE? COME ON!
MAN!
I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MANY CRITTERS
SINCE WE SHUT DOWN PAULIE'S PIZZA.
WE'LL BE ASKING FOLKS TO CLEAR ON OUT NOW.
[SIGHING HEAVILY]: FUCK, FUCK.
SHIT. SHIT!
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
KIT?
[VOICE SHAKING]: HOW'D THIS FUCKING HAPPEN?
I HAVE A THEORY.
[**]
[GUN SHOT FIRES]
[ANOTHER ROUND FIRES]
[**]
[DANCE MUSIC THROBBING]
[WOMAN WHOOPING AND CHEERING]
[**]
HI.
WILD PARTY, HUH?
[**]
[CHUCKLES]
I THOUGHT
YOU WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT.
I WASN'T.
WHERE'S JODI? IS SHE HERE?
UM, NO, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO A WORK THING,
AND PHYLLIS IS WORK FOR US.
RIGHT.
TINA?
DO YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?
[**]
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
ARE YOU GOING TO DANCE IN YOUR BLACK BRA?
YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT,
BUT I JUST DON'T NEED ONE.
OH, GOD.
WHERE'S TINA?
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE SHE SCORED.
[WHOOPING AND CHEERING]
OH! OH...
WOW.
[ALICE]: GETTIN' GOOD, HUH?
WHOO!
[**]
WOW.
WHAT?
WHO'S THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING CONTINUE]
SHE'S CUTE.
MOTHER!
[WOMEN CHEERING]
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T STAY TOO LONG.
I HAVE TO BE ON SET AT 7:00 IN THE MORNING.
YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW.
SO THIS THING'S REALLY GOING THROUGH?
I MEAN, JENNY'S GOING TO BE DIRECTING A MOVIE?
APPARENTLY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH JODI, RIGHT?
I ADORE HER.
AND I RESPECT AND ADMIRE HER.
BUT...
BUT WHAT?
IT DOESN'T REALLY COMPARE.
[**]
* HONEY, HONEY UP IN THE TREES *
* FIELD OF FLOWERS DEEP IN HIS DREAMS *
* LEAD THEM OUT TO THE SEA BY THE EAST *
* HONEY, HONEY FOOD FOR THE BEES *
* HONEY, HONEY OUT ON THE SEA *
* IN THE DOLDRUMS THINKING OF ME *
* ME ON DRY LAND THINKING OF HE *
* HONEY, HONEY NOT NEXT TO ME *
I'VE MISSED YOU.
* EVEN IF HE WANTED TO
* DO YOU THINK HE'D COME BACK?
* WOULD HE COME BACK?
[SHUDDERING GASP]
* OH, NO
[GASPS AND CRIES OUT]
[PANTING]
I'M GOING TO GO NOW.
MM. OKAY.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
JODI WOULD BE SO DEVASTATED.
SHE CAN'T FIND OUT.
WELL, I'M CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO TELL HER.
[TROUSERS RUSTLING]
I'M SORRY, I JUST...
I JUST NEED MORE TIME.
THAT'S ALL.
I'M NOT PUSHING YOU.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT.
I KNOW. I...
I JUST THINK...
[SIGHING]
...WE BOTH NEED TO TAKE THE TIME
TO JUST FIGURE OUT WHAT WE WANT.
THAT'S ALL.
YOU KNOW, WHAT'S RIGHT FOR US.
HOW TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
I THINK WE JUST NEED TO TAKE THE TIME.
YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU...
AND I NEED TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME.
RIGHT.
[**]
[JENNY]: WOW, ADELE. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
ALL OF THIS
BECAUSE OF A FEW LITTLE WORDS
THAT I WROTE ON A PAGE.
I KNOW, AND NOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO
BRING IT TO LIFE BEFORE OUR VERY EYES.
DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU RIGHT TO YOUR ROOM?
I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO MY TRAILER, SIR.
UM, THAT'S YOUR-- YOUR ROOM.
RIGHT. YOUR TRAILER.
SIR, PLEASE STOP HERE.
I'M GOING TO GET OUT
AND WALK ALONG THE STREET OF MY DREAMS.
I'M SO EXCITED.
LET'S GO. HERE, LET ME TAKE THAT.
OKAY. THANK YOU.
READY? WISH ME LUCK.
GOOD LUCK.
HERE WE GO.
OKAY.
WOW.
SO, THE CATERING TRUCK IS BACK AT BASE CAMP,
IF YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU SOME BREAKFAST.
BUT, IF YOU WANT CRAFT SERVICES,
YOU SEE THAT HOUSE RIGHT THERE?
UH-HUH.
IT'S IN THE GARAGE.
OH, AND THAT'S THE CAMERA TRUCK,
RIGHT THERE...
RIGHT.
...AND THAT'S WHERE YOU CAN FIND SAM THE DP
IN BETWEEN SET-UPS.
WOW, OKAY. HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF?
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON A FILM SET BEFORE.
I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE
AT 4:30 THIS MORNING WHEN THEY WERE LOADING IN,
JUST TO MAKE SURE
I KNEW WHERE EVERYTHING IS FOR YOU.
HEY, ARE YOU GIRLS LOOKING FOR EXTRAS HOLDING?
IT'S RIGHT THERE.
EXCUSE ME?
THAT IS JENNIFER SCHECTER.
HI. I'M JENNIFER SCHECTER.
THE DIRECTOR?
OH... I'M SORRY!
KYLE? IT'S ALL RIGHT.
KYLE'S YOUR NAME? NO PROBLEM.
HI.YEAH. OKAY, THANK YOU.
JENNIFER SCHECTER.
HEY. GET HIS NAME.
I DID.
BLOCKING'S UP IN 20.
GREAT.
I'M GLAD YOU BOTH ARE HERE.
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.
WELL, I WANTED JODI TO HAVE A SAY IN THE MATTER,
BEFORE YOU AND I WENT TO THE BOARD--
IT'S ABOUT MY DAUGHTER, MOLLY.
I DON'T THINK YOU'VE MET HER YET, BETTE.
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GO TO THE PARTY LAST NIGHT, MISSY.
I WAS WORKING.
MY DAUGHTER ARRIVED
AT THE MOST INOPPORTUNE TIME.
I WAS HAVING FUN.
IT WAS HARMLESS.
NOW SHE THINKS I'M TURNING INTO
A PROMISCUOUS, DEBAUCHED LESBIAN.
AND WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP YOU, PHYLLIS?
I NEED YOU TO HELP ME
CONVINCE MOLLY
THAT LESBIANS CAN BE
RESPECTABLE
AND UPSTANDING AND STABLE--
ALL THE VALUES HER FATHER AND I INSTILLED IN HER.
[TOM, INTERPRETING]: UH... HOW?
JUST LET HER
SPEND SOME TIME WITH THE TWO OF YOU, TOGETHER.
I WANT HER TO SEE TWO WOMEN
THAT HAVE A STABLE,
HONEST AND LOVING RELATIONSHIP.
BY THE WAY, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS BOY WHO TRIED TO SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD.
NO, NO, NO.O, NO, NO, NO!
HE DID NOT SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD!
IT WASN'T A REAL GUN. HE DID NOT SHOOT HIMSELF.
YOU PROPOSE...?
WELL, I PROPOSE THAT WE HAVE A PRESS CONFERENCE.
I'LL MAKE A STATEMENT,
AND JODI CAN DO SOME FORM OF A MEA CULPA.
I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO WORK.
THE BOARD IS OUT FOR BLOOD.
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
MOLLY'S HERE TO SEE YOU.
PLEASE SEND HER IN.
[DOOR OPENING]
OH. SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE...
COME ON IN, MOLLY!
WE'RE ALMOST FINISHED.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
THIS IS BETTE PORTER,
THE DEAN OF OUR SCHOOL OF THE ARTS.
HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
AND HER PARTNER, JODI LERNER,
SHE TEACHES IN THE SCULPTURE DEPARTMENT.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THIS IS TOM, HE'S JODI'S INTERPRETER.
HI.
[WHISPERING]: THEY'RE LESBIANS.
I'M RESIGNING.
WHAT?
[TOM]: JUSTIN DONOVAN'S PIECE
WAS ONE OF THE BEST STUDENT WORKS
I'VE EVER SEEN,
AND I TOTALLY STAND BEHIND IT.
BUT I KNOW THAT, IF BETTE HAD KNOWN ABOUT IT IN ADVANCE,
SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE LET ME GO AHEAD WITH IT.
THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE.
I DO NOT WANT YOU TO RESIGN.
WELL, NEITHER DO I.
I LOVE TEACHING HERE.
I LOVE MY CLASS.
BUT IT SUCKS
THAT YOUR JOB IS JEOPARDIZED
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING
THAT I'M TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR.
SO, I CAN'T LIVE WITH THAT.
I'M RESIGNING.
BUT, REMEMBER, I HAVE MY WORK,
AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, I HAVE YOU,
SO I'LL BE FINE.
HOW FAR BEHIND ARE WE?
[SARCASTICALLY]: OH, ONLY AN HOUR AND A HALF.
HAS NIKI STEPPED DOWN?
OH, GREAT. HERE SHE COMES.
HI!
I'M SO EXCITED!
THIS IS THE FIRST SHOT OF THE FILM.
OKAY, SO WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO
IS WE'RE GOING TO WALK UP HERE,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE SNIFFING THE ROSEMARY...
WHERE'S THE, UH, PROP PERSON WITH THE, UH--
THE... SPRIG?
OKAY, SO YOU'RE GOING TO BE SNIFFING THIS.
YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'D BE HOLDING THAT.
I MEAN, IT'S STUPID.
BECAUSE, UM, TINA GAVE IT TO YOU OUT BACK,
BY THE POOL,
AND WE JUST REHEARSED IT.
YEAH, BUT WHO WALKS AROUND WITH A PLANT FOR NO REASON?
I MEAN, WHY WOULD I STILL BE CARRYING IT AROUND?
JENNY, WE'VE GOT TO GO, WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
OKAY.
FUCK THE ROSEMARY. THAT'S COOL.
[ASSISTANT DIRECTOR]: OKAY, HERE WE GO!
AND... ROLL SOUND, PLEASE.
OKAY.
[SILENCE FALLS]
"ACTION." OH, RIGHT!
ACTION!
YEAH, WELL...
I DON'T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT
BEING A STUDENT ANYMORE, YOU KNOW.
I'M DONE WITH THAT PART OF MY LIFE.
["NINA"]: YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND
WHEN YOU GET OLDER.
I'M ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL
TO START A NEW CAREER.
OH, YOU SHOULD DO IT.
MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.
RIGHT NOW, I'M TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.
OH, MY GOD!
THAT'S SO GREAT.
HEY. CUT!
SORRY.
HEY, WHERE'S THAT CONTIN--
THAT'S-- THAT'S NOT THE LINE, OKAY?
THE SCRIPTED LINE IS,
"JIM SAID THAT YOU AND BEV
WERE A COUPLE."
SO YOU'RE CONFUSED HOW SHE COULD HAVE A BABY
BECAUSE SHE'S A LESBIAN.
WELL, THAT'S RETARDED.
EVERYBODY KNOWS LEZZIES ARE HAVING BABIES ALL OVER, JENNY.
RIGHT, BUT THE CHARACTER...
IN MY SCRIPT...
HAS JUST ARRIVED TO L.A.
SHE'S FROM THE MIDWEST.
SHE'S NAIVE.
SHE'S NEVER MET A LESBIAN BEFORE.
SHE'S NEVER MET A LESBIAN BEFORE?
WHAT ABOUT ELLEN AND PORTIA?
I MEAN, DOES SHE NOT HAVE A TV?
HEY, HOW ABOUT
YOU SAY THE SCRIPTED LINE?
AW...
OH, COME ON. COME ON...
NO, NO, NO. DON'T GET UPSET.
SHE'S AN ARTIST.
WHAT?
YOU WANT TO GO TAKE CARE OF IT?
HEY!
NIKI!
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
HEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
HEY.
WE HOOKED UP THE OTHER NIGHT, JENNY.
I KNOW!
AND NOW YOU'RE JUST TREATING ME LIKE I'M SOME RANDOM ACTRESS,
LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME.
NO! I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS REALLY...
I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS REALLY AMAZING.
DID YOU GET THE NECKLACE THAT I GAVE YOU?
I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME LAME-ASS NECKLACE.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME IN TO SEE ME THIS MORNING.
IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL.
NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I DIDN'T COME IN TO SEE YOU THIS MORNING
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ALL THESE FUCKING DIMWIT ACTORS
GOSSIPING ABOUT YOU.
OR GOSSIPING ABOUT ME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO
WHEN YOU WALKED ON THE SET TODAY?
I REALLY WANTED TO KISS YOU.
REALLY?
YEAH.
WOW.
YOU'RE STILL MAD.
[PLAYFULLY]: OH!
I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE ANGRY!
WHAT?
COME HERE.
WHAT?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU.
OH, MY GOD, I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU.
[NIKI LAUGHING]
[BOTH MOANING]
ARE YOU WET?
OH, MY GOD.
HEY. HEY!
YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK THIS OUT.
[JENNY AND NIKI MOANING]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
[NIKI]: OH, MY GOD.
[JENNY MOANS]: OH, FUCK!
[TINA MOUTHING WORDS]
[MOUTHING WORDS] [JENNY]: DON'T COME YET!
FUCK!
MR. KORNBLUTH! [SNAPPING]: WHAT?
MR. HALSEY JUST ARRIVED AT BASE CAMP.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.
WILLIAM'S HERE!
I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO HEAR
WHAT'S HAPPENING ON THE SET OF HIS LITTLE LESBIAN MOVIE.
HERE YOU GO, MR. HALSEY.
AN EGG WHITE WITH WHITE ASPARAGUS OMELET,
JUST FOR YOU.
OH, THIS IS SO GREAT.
LOOK AT THIS!
THAT IS THE PRETTIEST OMELET THAT I'VE EVER SEEN.
MR. HALSEY.
HI. HEY!
I'M ADELE CHANNING, JENNIFER SCHECTER'S ASSISTANT.
WOULD YOU LIKE AN OMELET, ADELE?
THEY'RE MAKING THEM WITH THE YOLK, OR WITHOUT.
OH, NO, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, BUT, NO, THANK YOU.
I JUST... UH, JENNIFER WANTED ME TO FIND YOU,
TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH NIKI THIS MORNING.
REALLY?
WELL, LET'S GO SEE WHAT'S WRONG.
UM...
THE THING IS, MR. HALSEY...
I THINK-- I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT...
JENNIFER AND NIKI
ARE KIND OF INVOLVED WITH ONE ANOTHER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED?
UM... YES. YES.
SO, THE, UM...
DIRECTOR OF THE PICTURE
IS SLEEPING WITH THE STAR?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
UM. YES.
AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS A BAD THING.
NO?
NO.
HOW IS IT NOT A BAD THING?
UM, YOU KNOW, IN THE CASE OF...
IN THE CASE OF NIKI...
UH.
SHE'S JUST SO YOUNG AND SO FRESH AND SO GREEN--
[SCOFFING]: OH, REALLY?
WELL, SHE IS!
[CHUCKLING MIRTHFULLY]
AND, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,
SHE WAS JUST REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS ROLE.
OH...
AND, THE THING IS,
JENNIFER KNEW HOW MUCH YOU WANTED--
HOW MUCH YOU NEEDED NIKI FOR THIS ROLE--
AND WHEN SHE SENSED THAT NIKI WAS ABOUT TO DROP OUT--
WELL, SHE MADE HER HER LOVER.
EVERYTHING CHANGED AFTER THAT.
WELL, THAT'S INTERESTING.
THAT'S A VERY INTERESTING APPROACH, ADELE.
YES, I THINK THAT IT SAVED THE MOVIE.
WELL, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REALLY THINK ABOUT THAT.
[AARON]: READ YOUR CONTRACT, SCHECTER!
I CAN REPLACE YOU
WITH OR WITHOUT CAUSE!
CALM DOWN, AARON.
IS THAT YOUR POSITION?
NO, IT'S NOT MY POSITION, JENNY.
I JUST... I THINK IT COULD BE DIFFICULT
FOR PRODUCTION,
BUT, NO, IT'S NOBODY'S--
WILLIAM. WILLIAM--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE HEARD,
BUT I HAVE NEVER-- IN ALL MY DAYS
OF BEING IN SHOW BUSINESS--
WOW! THERE SHE IS!
I'VE MISSED YA!
GIVE YOUR DADDY A HUG.
HE'S BEING SO MEAN TO ME!
MEAN?
DON'T YOU BE MEAN TO MY BABY!
[CHUCKLING]
OKAY.
THAT'S THE WATCH! I'M WEARING IT.
THAT'S THE WATCH I GOT FOR YOU!
YEAH.
OH, YOU ARE REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
THAT LITTLE NIKI STEVENS.
HER MOVIE HASN'T EVEN OPENED YET,
AND ALREADY SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL--
WELL, SHE'S A BIT FRAGILE.
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO CAN
TAKE A FRAGILE PERSON
AND GLUE THEM BACK TOGETHER,
I THINK THAT WOULD BE YOU.
NOW, DIDN'T WE MAKE AN EXCELLENT DECISION?
YEAH.
OKAY.
I KNOW YOU DON'T...
OKAY, ALICE. ARE YOU READY?
YEAH, JUST--
MY EYES ARE TEARING FROM THE MASCARA.
ALLERGIC TO IT SOMETIMES.
TAKE A BREATH. OKAY?
OKAY. GREAT.
OKAY.
WE COOL?
OH, TOTALLY. ALL RIGHT.
GREAT.
ROLLING.
HI! I'M ALICE IN LESBOLAND,
AND WE'RE HERE ON LOCATION.
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL DAY.
WE'RE HERE ON THE SET OF JENNY SCHECTER'S NEW FILM,
LEZ GIRLS.
IT'S ABOUT THE LIVES AND THE LOVES
OF LESBIANS IN LOS ANGELES,
AND WE'RE GOING TO MEET
THE STAR OF THE MOVIE, NIKI STEVENS.
AND, UM... THAT'S IT, LOTS OF GIRLIE ACTION.
OKAY. GOOD?
GOOD. OKAY.
I'M ALL RIGHT.
[SNIFFLES]: YEAH.
YOU SURE?
WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH SOME OF THE NEIGHBORS.
WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM?
THERE'S A GROUP OF NEIGHBORHOOD FOLKS
OVER THERE THREATENING TO SHUT DOWN THE FILM.
THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
PORTRAYED AS
"A HOTBED OF LESBIAN SEX AND SALACIOUSNESS."
WE HAVE PERMITS.
I'LL GO HANDLE IT.
WELL, THEY SAY NO ONE TALKED TO THEM...
LET'S TAKE THE LIMO.
[WOMAN]: AND FROM WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT IT,
NONE OF US WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED
WITH THIS FILM, OKAY?
IT'S UNREALISTIC, IT EXPLOITS...
FRANKLY, WE'RE ANGRY AT HOW LESBIANS
ARE PORTRAYED AS CONNIVING, PROMISCUOUS SEX FIENDS.
LADIES, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE ANY OF YOU GOT YOUR INFORMATION FROM,
BUT I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS--
JENNY, THAT'S DAWN DENBO,
SHE WAS AT OUR PARTY LAST WEEK.
DOES SHE EVEN LIVE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?
I DON'T KNOW, I DOUBT IT.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIVE HERE!
SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIVE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
SHE DOESN'T.
THIS IS A PERSONAL THING.
THAT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO LIVE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
HAVE YOU EVEN
READ THE SCRIPT?
YES, I'VE READ THE SCRIPT.
I'VE READ SOME SCENES, AND IT SUCKED!
I AUDITIONED FOR DONNA.
I GAVE HER MY SIDES.
SO, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK THEY WANT?
WOULD 5,000 APIECE DO IT?
NO!
WHO IS THIS, YOUR DADDY WARBUCKS?
WHAT'S UP WITH THIS?
NO, NO, NO, WE DON'T--
NO, WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MONEY, OKAY?
NO, IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.
NO, WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN THAT.
NO-- WE'LL TAKE IT.
YEAH.
YEAH, LADIES,
IF YOU'LL FOLLOW,
I'LL CUT YOU SOME CHECKS.
YEAH, OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
FINE. WHAT'S THAT?
$25,000 OUT OF YOUR POCKET? FINE.
AND YOU GUYS'LL PAY A LOT MORE
BEFORE IT'S OVER.
I GOT TWO OF THOSE FOR YOU.
FUCK YOU, DENBO!
AND YOUR DUMB LOVER.
YOU'RE A RAT FUCK!
BYE, CINDI!
DON'T TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND, SHANE!
[SHANE]: ADELE, I LIKE YOUR MAKEOVER.
[ADELE]: THANKS.
AND I'M LIKING THOSE NEW JEANS AS WELL.
WHAT, THESE OLD THINGS?
COME ON, YOU KNOW YOU BOUGHT THEM YESTERDAY.
[LAUGHS]: I BOUGHT THEM YESTERDAY.
WELL, WHENEVER YOU BOUGHT 'EM,
THEY LOOK CUTE.
THEY DO, THEY LOOK GOOD ON YOU.
THANK YOU.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
UM... OKAY, I'M THINKING
JUST REALLY LONG AND REALLY STRAIGHT...
BANGS, COMING FORWARD, LIKE THIS.
MM-HMM?
AND THEN MAYBE A COUPLE PIECES
ON THE SIDE, HERE?
AND A COUPLE PIECES ON THE SIDE, HERE,
ALL COMING FORWARD, SO, KIND OF...
STRAIGHT ACROSS AND FORWARD HERE.
LIKE JENNY'S HAIRCUT?
REALLY? OH?
I WASN'T THINKING THAT IT WAS LIKE JENNY.
YEAH, IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE JENNY'S...
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
WELL...
IF YOU THINK--
THEN WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT,
THAT'S OKAY.
OH, I'M NOT SAYING-- I KNOW,
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU KNEW.
SO YOU DON'T MIND HAVING YOUR HAIRLINE
BE PUSHED FORWARD A BIT? LIKE, THIS DOWN?
NO, THAT'S GOOD.
YEAH, THAT LOOKS--
...OR EVEN FURTHER?
UH-HUH.
YES. YES.
YES, YES, YES.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT?
MM-HMM. UM...
OKAY.
SHORTER? RIGHT ABOUT THERE?
RIGHT ABOVE THE EYES?
YES, RIGHT ABOVE THE EYES.
I THINK THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
SHE WAS SO NOBLE.
SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE FALL FOR ME.
OH. WELL, WHERE'S SHE AT?
SHE'S WORKING,
BUT I THINK SHE'S GOING TO COME OVER TONIGHT.
BETTE, IT SUCKS THAT SHE HAS TO RESIGN.
I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW FUCKED UP IT IS.
IT'S SO FUCKED UP.
I MEAN, JODI IS REALLY THE MOST ANTI-GUN PERSON
I'VE EVER MET.
REALLY, FOR HER, THE ENTIRE PIECE
WAS ABOUT GUN VIOLENCE.
WELL, I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING A GUN.
NO, YOU'RE NOT GETTING A GUN.
EVER SINCE THE ROBBERY--
I WANT TO PROTECT MYSELF, I WANT TO FEEL SAFE.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FEEL SAFE WITH A GUN.
GUNS DO NOT MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE!
YOU'RE NOT GETTING A GUN.
LADIES, YOU CAN'T GO THIS WAY.
THEY'RE MAKING A MOVIE.
I LIVE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
AND WE ARE FRIENDS WITH THE PRODUCER.
AND THE DIRECTOR. BOTH!
IT'S OKAY. THEY'RE WITH ME.
TOLD YA.
WELL, ARE YOU HERE TO VISIT THE SET?
IF THAT'S OKAY.
IT'S GREAT! COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND.
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE THE MARTINI.
OH, MARTINI?
WELL, NOT FOR ME.
NO, NO, THAT'S THE LAST SHOT OF THE DAY, KIT.
OH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.
I COULDN'T RESIST.
SO YOU GUYS GO TO GET OUT OF THE CAR,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO PICK IT UP FROM,
"I'M SO GLAD THAT WE'RE HOME," OKAY?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
HEY, EVERYBODY.
BETTE!
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
HOW ARE YOU, GUYS?
HI.
[ASSISTANT DIRECTOR]: BE VERY QUIET, PLEASE.
COME SIT OVER HERE.
OKAY, SO YOU GUYS GET OUT OF THE CAR AND...
JENNY IS, UM...
FUCKING THE STAR.
OH--
OR SHOULD I SAY, SHE'S FUCKING HERSELF?
OH, HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
YOU GOT YOUR HAIR CUT?
OH, YEAH, SHANE DID IT.
IT WAS HER IDEA.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
SEEMS LIKE IT'S A PRETTY POPULAR CUT AROUND HERE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MEAN, IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE JENNY'S HAIR.
I DON'T THINK SO.
IT LOOKS GOOD. LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.
YOU KNOW THOSE FUCKING SHEBAR GIRLS?
THEY CAME AND THEY TRIED TO SHUT THE PRODUCTION DOWN.
GET THE FUCK OUT.
I'M NOT KIDDING. YEAH.
YOU KNOW-- YOU KNOW...
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE 'EM DOWN.
THAT'S IT. IT'S ON. ARE YOU GUYS WITH ME?
YEAH.I'M ALWAYS WITH YOU.
SERIOUSLY. I AM.
I WISH TASHA WAS HERE. SHE'D KNOW WHAT TO DO.
THEN GIVE HER A CALL.
I'M JUST SAYING.
COME ON.
THIS IS A REALLY BIG DEAL.
IT'S PRETTY AMAZING, ISN'T IT?
AND JENNY'S AT THE HELM.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
YUP.
[CHUCKLING]
REALLY INTERESTING HAIR CHOICE ON ADELE THERE.
I'M TELLING YOU, IT WAS NOT MY CHOICE,
BUT SHE JUST INSISTED UPON IT.
[MAX]: WHAT?
MM-HMM.
SHE TOLD ME THAT--
THAT SHE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT,
AND THAT YOU ENCOURAGED HER TO DO IT.
SHE SAID-- YOU DID?
NO! SHE SAID THAT?
YEAH, SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT,
YOU INSISTED.
WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?
IT'S FREAKY, YOU GUYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.
IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT
BECAUSE YOU'RE PRODUCING IT.
[**]
SANDRA, CAN WE SHOOT?
YEAH!
LET'S GO!
* JULIET
* I CAN FEEL YOUR GLOW
* OF PASSIONS
* READY TO EXPLODE
* SECRETS YOU'VE KEPT
* SHOULD ALL BE TOLD
* LIKE BLOSSOMS
* READY TO UNFOLD
* JULIET
* YOU'RE NOT AFRAID ANYMORE *
* JULIET, JULIET
* I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE...
* SWEET LOVE'S COMING ON
* OH, GIRL, CAN YOU HEAR IT?
* OH, OH, OH
* STEPPIN' INTO SUNSHINE
* JULIET OF THE SPIRITS
* PLEASURE IS CALLING YOU *
[**]
YEAH!