PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
I CAME HERE TO APOLOGIZE.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO TO EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD...
JENNY SCHECTER, SHE'S YOUR ROOMMATE.
GET HER TO USE SHEBAR AS A LOCATION
IN HER BIG HOLLYWOOD LESBO MOVIE.
ONE MORE THING--
IT HAS TO BE CALLED SHEBAR,
NOT WHATEVER THE THING WAS CALLED
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE PLANET.
I CAN'T DO IT.
GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOUR FRIEND OUT OF BUSINESS
THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.
PUPPIES!
THOSE AREN'T PUPPIES!
I DON'T HAVE RATS.
SO, I HEARD GOT OFFERED SOME TALK SHOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING TO DO IT.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK TWICE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
IT'S LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE FOR YOU.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I DREAM OF.
LOOK, I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT JODI.
NO, I DON'T.
WE'RE GOING TO TRANSFORM MY LOVELY ASSISTANT.
SCHECTER, THE WHOLE CREW KNOWS ABOUT YOU AND NIKI.
NIKI STEVENS--
HER MOVIE HASN'T EVEN OPENED YET,
AND ALREADY SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL.
WELL, SHE'S A BIT FRAGILE.
IF ANYONE CAN TAKE A FRAGILE PERSON
AND GLUE THEM BACK TOGETHER,
THAT WOULD BE YOU.
AND WE'RE HERE ON THE SET OF LEZ GIRLS,
WHERE DIRECTOR, JENNIFER SCHECTER
IS FILMING HER GROUNDBREAKING NEW MOVIE
ABOUT A CLOSE-KNIT GROUP OF LESBIAN FRIENDS
LIVING IN LOS ANGELES.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
AND...
ACTION.
I HOPE I DIDN'T UPSET YOU TOO MUCH
THE OTHER NIGHT.
OH, NO.
IT'S JUST...
OH, FUCK. LINE?
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
"I, NO, I...
"IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,
I THOUGHT I SHOULD TELL YOU--"
OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
THANK YOU. I GOT IT!
AND... ACTION.
NO, I-I KNOW.
IT'S...
IT'S JUST THAT I THOUGHT I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT,
YOU KNOW, I'M....
WELL, I-I'M NOT A...
A BIG COFFEE DRINKER?
[LAUGHS]
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
OH, JENNY, I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS.
IT'S FUNNY! OH, MY--
FUNNY?
SCREW YOU, BEGONIA!
YOU KNOW, I AM SO SICK OF YOU
RAGGING ON ME ALL THE TIME!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT WITH HER, LIKE, HATING ME
ACROSS THE TABLE?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S CALLED ACTING.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT?
OH, IT'S CALLED ACTING WITH AN ASSHOLE!
WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK ANOTHER TIME?
WE'LL JUST GET ANOTHER SCENE, OKAY?
YOU CAN JUST, LIKE, CUT.
THIS IS THE ENERGY YOU NEED TO PUT IN THIS--
WHAT?
UM...
WHO THE FUCK IS... WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
IT'S E.P.K.
WHAT THE FUCK IS E.P.K.?
IT'S THE ELECTRONIC PRESS KIT.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
SO, THE STUDIO HIRES THEM TO FILM BEHIND--
IS THIS A SPY?
NO, BEHIND-THE-SCENES FOOTAGE
FOR THE DVD EXTRAS.
THEY'RE GOING TO PUT THIS IN THE DVD?
NO, NO, NO, I THINK WE SHOULD--
BUT THE DVD HASN'T BEEN RELEASED YET.
OKAY, YOU GET THE FUCK OFF MY SET.
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
HEY, CHECK IT OUT, HOT OIL WRESTLING.
IT IS GOING TO BE SUCH AN AWESOME NIGHT.
HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT.
JENNY AND I HAVE SPOKEN TO BEGONIA.
THE SITUATION IS CONTAINED, FOR NOW,
BUT I REALLY WANT NIKI TO STAY FOCUSED, ALL RIGHT?
I WANT ZERO DISTRACTIONS.
WHAT IS THAT?
"LESBIAN TURKISH OIL WRESTLING AT SHEBAR TONIGHT."
OH, MY GOD, THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO LET DAWN DENBO
AND HER LOVER, CINDI,
RECRUIT CUSTOMERS FROM OUR SET.
OKAY, CONFISCATE THESE, ADELE.
GOT IT.
AND DON'T LET NIKI SEE THOSE.
ZERO DISTRACTIONS. ZERO.
ABSOLUTELY.
HI. YEAH, SORRY.
YOU CAN'T PASS THESE OUT HERE. SORRY.
HEY, JENNY, THEY'RE GOING TO NEED YOU IN FIVE.
OKAY, THANKS.
GREAT.
YOU KNOW, BEGONIA IS SUCH A C-U-N-T.
THAT'S VERY GOOD.
YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL "CUNT."
[LAUGHS WRYLY]
WELL, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS.
LISTEN, I NEED YOU TO DO ME
A REALLY BIG FAVOR.
I NEED YOU TO START BEING NICE TO HER ON SET,
BECAUSE IT'S HURTING HER FEELINGS
AND IT'LL MAKE THE SCENES BETTER, OKAY?
PLEASE? PLEASE?
OKAY, FINE,
BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I'M DOING IT FOR YOU,
AND THAT IS THE ONLY REASON WHY.
OKAY. THANK YOU.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
COME HERE.
WHAT?
COME HERE.
BYE.
HEY...
WILL YOU COME AND VISIT ME LATER?
NO, I NEED TO GO TALK TO SAM.
YOU KNOW, BE SERIOUS.
I'LL MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE.
GO AWAY.
OKAY.
BYE.
WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA, COLONEL DAVIS.
WELL, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, COLONEL SMYTHE.
CAN I GIVE YOU A HAND THERE?
OH, PLEASE, JON.
SAME OLD GILL.
HOW'S JOANNE?
GOOD.
PLAYING GOLF, ENJOYING THE EMPTY NEST.
HOW'S YOUR GOLF GAME THESE DAYS?
OH, IT'S GONE TO HELL.
TOO MUCH WORK,
BUT I STILL ENJOY A GOOD SCOTCH
IN THE OFFICER'S CLUB.
SINGLE MALT, RIGHT?
YEAH, OF COURSE.
OH, BEECH!
SIR.
CAPTAIN BEECH, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET COLONEL GILLIAN DAVIS.
MA'AM.
SHE IS AN ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE
AND A GOOD FRIEND.
NICE TO MEET YOU, CAPTAIN BEECH.
PLEASURE'S MINE, MA'AM.
COLONEL DAVIS IS WITH US ON TEMPORARY ASSIGNMENT
FROM THE NATIONAL GUARD BUREAU.
SHE'LL BE DOING BACKFILL ON OUR CASES
AS PROSECUTING ATTORNEY.
CAPTAIN BEECH IS ON OUR DEFENSE COUNCIL STAFF.
YOU'LL BE OPPOSING COUNCIL AT TIMES.
AH, SO YOU'RE THE ENEMY.
I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT, MA'AM.
WE ALL SERVE THE SAME COUNTRY.
[LAUGHS]
WELL, THERE'S NO NEED TO START SWEATING.
I HAVEN'T GONE OVER THE CASE-LOAD YET.
I HOPE TO GIVE YOU A RUN FOR YOUR MONEY, COLONEL.
I ENJOY A MAN WITH CONFIDENCE.
IT MAKES IT ALL THAT MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE WHEN I CRUSH HIM.
[CHUCKLES]
WE ARE FUCKED, WILLIAMS. PARDON MY FRENCH.
WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
GILLIAN DAVIS WAS ASSIGNED HERE
ON DETAIL FOR BACKFILL.
SHE'S PROSECUTING YOUR CASE.
WHO'S COLONEL GILLIAN DAVIS?
SHE'S A MILITARY LIFER.
HARD-ASS, BY THE BOOK,
AND THE WINNINGEST PROSECUTOR IN THE FIELD.
REMEMBER THAT HAZING INCIDENT
BLEW UP AT WEST POINT IN '03?
YEAH.
COME READ THIS.
THE PLEBES WHO SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
SOME FEMALE CADETS?
THAT'S RIGHT.
THEY WERE FOLLOWING ORDERS FROM FIRST CLASSMEN.
THE WOMEN ALL FILED CHARGES.
COLONEL GILLIAN DAVIS WAS BROUGHT IN
AS CHIEF PROSECUTING ATTORNEY.
UH-HUH.
SHE BROKE ONE OF THE DEFENDANTS DOWN,
ALL THE BOYS WERE DISMISSED FROM THE ACADEMY,
AND WEST POINT OFFICIALLY BANNED
HAZING AS A PRACTICE.
I ADMIRE WHAT SHE DID.
SHE SOUNDS HIGHLY PRINCIPLED.
READ THAT QUOTE RIGHT THERE.
"WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT HERE
"IS THAT THESE MEN WERE IN DIRECT VIOLATION
"OF THE UNIFORM CODE OF MILITARY JUSTICE.
"THEY VIOLATED THE HONOR CODE.
"MAINTAINING THESE CODES IS PARAMOUNT
"TO KEEPING THE MILITARY STRONG
AND ULTIMATELY, KEEPING OUR NATION SECURE."
THAT IS PRACTICALLY VERBATIM
THE MILITARY'S STAND ON HOMOSEXUAL CONDUCT.
I'M GOING FOR A CUP OF COFFEE.
[APPLAUSE]
SO CALL IN AND LET US KNOW WHAT YOU THINK
ABOUT OUR SPECIAL GUEST HOST, ALICE PIESZECKI,
WHO IS HERE WITH US TODAY
DIRECT FROM HER ULTRA-HIP AND CONTROVERSIAL WEBSITE,
MY CHART.
OURCHART. YEAH.
IT'S A SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE FOR LESBIANS--
AND VIEWERS, REMEMBER,
IT IS UP TO YOU TO HELP US DECIDE
WHO WILL REPLACE KELLY,
SO AT THE END OF THIS SHOW,
WE'LL GIVE YOU THE NUMBER TO CALL,
AND YOU CAN CALL IN AND CAST YOUR VOTE FOR ALICE.
I THINK THE INTERNET IS MOSTLY USED FOR COWARDS
TO VOICE OPINIONS WITHOUT PROOF, FACTS--
A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT.
OR CONSEQUENCES.
HUH...
WELL, I THINK THE INTERNET IS A GREAT SOURCE FOR NEWS.
[LAUGHS]
BY "NEWS," DO YOU MEAN PARIS HILTON SEX TAPES?
WELL...
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, ALICE,
WITH HARD NEWS,
REAL REPORTERS SHOW THEIR FACES AND SAY THEIR NAMES.
THEY DO. WELL...
WELL, TAKE WIKIPEDIA.
MASQUERADES AS A REFERENCE SITE,
BUT ANYBODY CAN ADD ANY INFORMATION
THEY WANT TO IT.
NO! YES!
NO FACT CHECKING, NO TRUTH.
BUT DOES ANYBODY REALLY BELIEVE
WHAT THEY HEAR ON FOX NEWS?
I HATE MARY LAMM.
WHY IS SHE GIVING ALICE SUCH A HARD TIME?
I CANNOT BELIEVE PHYLLIS ROPED ME INTO THIS.
LIKE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO DO
WITHOUT SPENDING THE DAY WITH MOLLY, BABYSITTING,
SHOWING HER THAT LESBIANS
CAN BE RESPECTABLE, STABLE,
ACCOMPLISHED PEOPLE,
OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE HER TO SOME GALLERIES,
AND MAYBE GO BY THE LEZ GIRLS SET LATER.
YOU WANT TO COME?
YEAH, I'VE GOT NOTHING BUT TIME
SINCE THE PLANET WAS CLOSED THIS WEEK.
ARE YOU GOING?
NO. I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH AMY.
YOUR EX?
YEAH. JUST A FRIEND.
HI.
READY TO GO TO SOME GALLERIES?
YEAH, I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND MODERN ART...
THIS IS MY SISTER, KIT.
THIS IS MOLLY.
HI.
I'M SO GLAD THAT KELLY CORRIGAN LEFT THAT SHOW.
SHE WAS OBNOXIOUS.
ALICE IS A FRIEND OF OURS, AND YOUR MOTHER, TOO.
OW!
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LOG ON TO SNOPES.COM.
I MEAN, IT'S A GREAT SOURCE FOR MISINFORMATION
AND URBAN LEGENDS....
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
THAT'S WHERE I KNOW HER FROM.
MY MOTHER'S DEGRADING PODCAST.
CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT, COLONEL?
NO, THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.
BUT IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND GRABBING THAT CASE.
OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.
YOU CAN JUST PUT THAT OVER THERE.
THANK YOU.
GILLIAN DAVIS.
TASHA WILLIAMS.
I SEE YOU'VE BEEN IN COMBAT, WILLIAMS.
AFGHANISTAN OR IRAQ?
IRAQ, MA'AM.
18 MONTHS.
WE HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN OVER THERE ON THE FRONT LINES.
MUST HAVE SEEN YOUR SHARE OF BULLETS FLY.
MY COMPANY WAS ENGAGED IN THE DIRECT LINE OF FIRE
QUITE A FEW TIMES.
THE CLOSEST I'VE EVER BEEN
TO DIRECT FIRE
WAS PANAMA, '89.
LAWYERS DON'T EXACTLY GET TO SEE A LOT OF ACTION.
MM...
WILL YOU DO ANOTHER TOUR?
MY COMPANY'S DEPLOYED IN IRAQ RIGHT NOW.
I'VE BEEN HELD BACK.
WERE YOU INJURED?
NO, MA'AM.
I'M BEING REVIEWED FOR SEPARATION.
ON WHAT VIOLATION?
CHAPTER 15.
I BELIEVE YOU'LL BE PROSECUTING MY CASE.
THIS IS COMPLETELY A BREACH OF PROTOCOL, WILLIAMS.
YOU KNOW WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED
IN ANY CONVERSATION UNTIL THE HEARING.
I'M SORRY, COLONEL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU A HAND.
YOU ARE DISMISSED, CAPTAIN.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
WELL, IT LOOKS WE'VE GOT OUR TOPIC OF THE DAY--
THE INTERNET, DO WE BELIEVE IT?
STAY TUNED. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[APPLAUSE]
OKAY, ALICE,
SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY AND FILL KELLY'S SHOES.
WE'RE NOT NECESSARILY
LOOKING FOR CONTROVERSY.
WAS I TOO CONTROVERSIAL? BECAUSE I THOUGHT--
NO, NO,
WE JUST DON'T NEED ANOTHER LOOSE CANNON.
NOW, YOUR LIFESTYLE...
IT'S YOUR LIFESTYLE, AND THAT'S FINE.
ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE OUT?
JUST BECAUSE I THINK AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE,
IT'S A LITTLE HARD TO--
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE SAYING.
NO, WE DEFINITELY WANT GAY.
NO, GAY IS GOOD.
GAY BRINGS RATINGS IN DAYTIME.
YOU KNOW, WE JUST WANT THE RIGHT KIND OF GAY.
OH.
LIKE FUN GAY, NOT ANGRY GAY.
FUN GAY.
GAY GOSSIP, GAY LIFESTYLE.
YOU KNOW, FUN!
WE LOVED THAT DARYL BREWER STUNT THAT YOU PULLED.
SERIOUSLY, THAT WAS SOME OF YOUR BEST WORK.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR THINGS LIKE THAT.
LITTLE INSIDER TIDBITS ABOUT FAMOUS PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN THE CLOSET.
WE KIND OF FIGURED YOU WOULD HAVE ONE OF THOSE
ON EVERY EPISODE.
OH, SO YOU WANT ME TO OUT PEOPLE?
ON EVERY EPISODE?
THAT WOULD BE SENSATIONAL.
THAT IS, ONLY IF YOU WANT THE JOB.
AND WE'RE BACK IN FIVE,
FOUR, THREE...
[APPLAUSE]
AND WELCOME BACK TO "THE LOOK."
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE JUST JOINING US,
OUR TOPIC TODAY IS THE INTERNET.
IS IT A GREAT SOURCE OF NEWS,
OR IS IT A TRENDY SOURCE OF SPECULATION AND GOSSIP?
YEAH, BUT I THINK WHAT YOU'RE MISSING
IS THE INTERNET GAVE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THE CHANCE TO GO OUT
AND SEEK DIFFERENT SOURCES OF INFORMATION.
WELL, ISN'T THAT WHAT THEIRCHART DOES, ALICE?
IT OFFERS AN ALTERNATIVE POINT OF VIEW?
YES, IT DOES DO THAT.
THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT OURCHART DOES.
SO, FOR EXAMPLE,
THE PERSONAL DETAILS OF CELEBRITIES SEX LIVES
WOULD BE PART OF THAT ALTERNATIVE POINT OF VIEW,
I ASSUME?
WOW, YES, WELL, THE INTERNET IS...
IS KNOWN FOR REVEALING PEOPLE'S HIDDEN SEXUAL IDENTITIES, YEAH.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
TELL US. COME ON.
YEAH, THAT'S SOMETHING
I WOULD LOVE TO BRING TO THE LOOK.
[SQUEALING WITH GLEE]
GREAT.
[APPLAUSE]
I WOULD... LOVE TO DO THAT.
ATTA GIRL. ALL RIGHT.
OH, COME ON, GIVE US SOMETHING. DISH, DISH!
DISH, DISH, DISH, DISH!
[AUDIENCE CHANTING]: DISH, DISH, DISH!
OKAY.
NOW... IS A GOOD TIME.
OH, OKAY.
WHAT DO I HAVE FOR YOU?
OKAY, OKAY.
DO TELL.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
OKAY, WHICH HOLLYWOOD,
LITTLE MAXIM-ENDORSED GORGEOUS LITTLE STARLET
IS A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO HER ROLE
AS A SAPPHIC SISTER
IN HOLLYWOOD'S NEW GIRL-ON-GIRL SMOOCH FEST?
HUH?
[SQUEALS]
THAT'S ALL I'M GOING TO SAY.
IT'S TIME TO STOP NOW, SO MAYBE NEXT TIME, ALICE?
I'M GOING TO TEASE YOU.
YOU ARE BAD! GREAT!
I AM GOING TO TEASE YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THAT WAS FUN.
SEE?
FUN GAY.
[**]
HI!
GOSH, HI.
HI! HOW ARE YOU?
CAN YOU JUST TELL THEM
THAT WE NEED TO TALK FOR A SECOND?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
UM, EVERYONE, CAN YOU GUYS JUST SCOOCH OUT
FOR ONE SEC, BECAUSE--
BOOTY CALL...
NO, WE'RE REHEARSING, IT'S TRUE.
AWESOME.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
SHE WAS CHECKING YOU OUT.
NO, SHE WAS NOT CHECKING ME OUT--
YES, SHE WAS.
SHE WAS NOT-- HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
I CAME IN HERE, 'CAUSE...
TINA WANTED ME TO COME AND TALK TO YOU.
OH, REALLY? SHE DID?
SHE WANTED US TO DO THIS?
WELL, SHE ACTUALLY SAID
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE SO OBVIOUS ON-SET.
WE SHOULD TRY TO BE
A LITTLE MORE SUBTLE ABOUT THINGS, BUT...
IS THIS SUBTLE?
UH, YEAH.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
I THINK THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.
GUYS, I CAN HANDLE THIS SITUATION.
THERE IS NO REASON TO FREAK OUT.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
I'M MANAGING AN ACTRESS
WHO IS ABOUT TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF,
AND SHE JUST GOT OUTED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!
AND WHO IS THIS ALICE PIESZECKI?
DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS PERSON,
AND WHO IS HANDLING SECURITY?
WE'VE COMPLETELY TIGHTENED SECURITY, OKAY?
THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE ALREADY.
LOOK, I'VE TALKED TO OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT
AND I'VE TALKED TO OUR PUBLICIST.
WE ARE GOING TO ISSUE A PRESS RELEASE
STATING THAT GRETCHEN PICKLES
IS THE ONLY GAY CAST MEMBER.
GRETCHEN PICKLES.
THE PRESS IS NOT GOING TO GET
ANYWHERE NEAR NIKI, OKAY?
GOOD, BECAUSE IF THIS GETS OUT,
I WILL PERSONALLY BLAME YOU--
TINA, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
EXCUSE ME, YOU GUYS, WE'RE SHOOTING RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS OUR DP. I HAVE TO GO.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THE CATERING TRUCK'S OVER THERE,
HELP YOURSELF TO LUNCH. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
[ARGUING LOUDLY]
DON'T START, DON'T FUCKING START!
YIKES.
GOD, FUCKING MANAGERS.
WHAT'S UP?
I NEED A TECHNO-CRANE WITH A THREE-AXIS HEAD.
YOU CAN'T HAVE A CRANE.
BUT I NEED ONE.
FOR HOW LONG?
THREE DAYS.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME
IF I GIVE YOU A CRANE?
MY UNDYING LOVE AND DEVOTION.
[CHATTING QUIETLY]
[LAUGHING]
BETTE...
HEY. LOOK AT THAT.
HI.
I THINK TINA'S GOT A THING GOING ON THE SET.
[LAUGHS]
IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
NO, NO, NO, NO. EX, EX, EX.
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER'S OTHER MOTHER.
WHY DON'T YOU COME MEET THEM?
SHE'S SEEN THE MOVIE.
HI, UH, KIT PORTER, BETTE PORTER,
AND, I'M SORRY...
MOLLY KROLL. HI.
THIS IS SAM MAKAVEJEV.
THIS IS OUR DP.
SHE SHOT "MISS OTIS REGRETS."
OH, WOW, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
LIKEWISE.
UH...
I'LL, UH, CATCH YOU LATER.
OKAY, THANKS.
THANKS, SAM.
* BOW CHICKA BOW BOW
WHAT?
SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
UM, DO YOU GUYS MIND?
I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO TINA
ABOUT ANGIE, THE WHOLE...
PRESCHOOL?
THE PRESCHOOL THING HAS BEEN WEIGHING ON ME.
NO, GO AHEAD, COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND.
I'LL SHOW YOU THE SET.
IT'S JUST LIKE MY OWN PLACE.
HEY, MOLLY...
HMM?
I WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU.
DON'T WORRY, I'M FINE.
OKAY.
CHECK IT OUT.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR BEDROOM?
NO, IT'S BEV AND NINA'S BEDROOM.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE CHILDREN'S DEPARTMENT
AT GOD-KNOWS-WHERE.
[LAUGHS]
WELL, IT'S JENNY'S DESIGN CHOICES.
THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT IT.
I HAD TO LET HER HAVE HER WAY.
LOOK AT THE PHONE.
AT LEAST IT'S NOT A WATERBED.
NO, I HAD TO FIGHT HER ON THAT ONE.
SO...
WHICH SIDE OF THE BED IS NINA'S?
I DON'T KNOW.
UM...
MAYBE THIS SIDE?
YEAH, THAT FEELS RIGHT.
SO, MAYBE THIS SIDE WOULD BE BEV'S SIDE?
YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE ANY HARD ROCK CANDY?
NO...
BUT I HAVE SOME POT.
[CHUCKLING]
ANYONE GOT A 20 ON TINA?
JESUS!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
HEY, TINA, BEGONIA'S ASKING FOR YOU ON-SET.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
GOT TO GO.
GOT TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.
[SIGHS]
THE SIZE OF YOU DOESN'T SCARE ME.
I'M SMALL AND I CAN OUTRUN YOU.
HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT I'M THE EARTH MOTHER
OF THE PRODUCER'S CHILD?
I HAVE BEEN HERE A BILLION TIMES.
I'M CLEARED.
PLEASE, JUST CALL TINA KENNARD.
I WAS TOLD TO CALL MR. KORNBLUTH--
I DON'T KNOW WHO MR. BLUETOOTH IS.
IF-- THERE SHE IS.
TINA, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL THE INCREDIBLE HULK
TO LET ME IN?
THANKS, I GOT IT FROM HERE.
YEAH, THANKS FOR NOTHING.
SECURITY'S A LITTLE BIT TOO TIGHT HERE--
UM, ALICE...
ACTUALLY, YOU ARE BANNED FROM THE SET.
WHAT?
I'M SORRY. WHAT DID I DO?
YOU WENT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION
AND YOU OUTED THE LEAD OF OUR MOVIE--
OKAY, HOLD THE PHONE, TINA, I DID NOT OUT HER.
I DID NOT SAY HER NAME!
I DID NOT SAY HER NAME.
ALICE...
OKAY, I JUST HAD TO, LIKE...
THEY WEREN'T GOING TO GIVE ME THE JOB.
I HAD TO ZHIZZ IT UP A LITTLE--
HER MANAGERS ARE THREATENING TO PULL HER FROM THE PICTURE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
SHH!
THEY'RE BEING DRAMATIC.
SHE'S A LEZZIE. IT'S A LEZZIE FILM.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IT'S BECAUSE THIS IS A LESBIAN MOVIE.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
WE WANT THIS MOVIE
TO REACH A LARGE MAINSTREAM AUDIENCE, ALL RIGHT,
AND IF EVERYONE THINKS THE LEAD OF OUR MOVIE IS GAY,
THEN THAT MAKES IT A SMALL, LITTLE NICHE FILM.
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH EVERYBODY THESE DAYS?
AM I, LIKE, SOME SORT OF IDIOT THAT I'M OUT?
I MEAN, IS THE JOKE ON ME?
'CAUSE I DON'T GET IT.
SHH.
I...
IT'S OKAY. FORGET IT.
THIS IS CRAZY.
ALICE...
LOOK, YOU CAN'T BLOG ABOUT THIS, OKAY?
[GASPS]
THIS COULD REALLY HURT THE MOVIE.
YOU'RE GOING TO INSULT ME NOW?
I AM YOUR FRIEND, TINA.
YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU.
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
LET'S HAVE A DRINK LATER.
OH, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS FINE--
IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE TO FUCKING LONG BEACH
TO MEET WITH THE LAWYER TRYING TO RUIN TASHA'S CAREER.
YOU KNOW, THE HYPOCRISY, IT'S JUST, LIKE...
OH, IT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH FOR ME THESE DAYS.
ALICE...
OH, I HAVE AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU AND COLONEL DAVIS MEET,
AND YOU GUYS CAN TALK ABOUT HOW TO KEEP GAYS
OUT OF THE MOVIES AND OUT OF THE MILITARY.
OOH, FUN FOR YOU.
COLONEL WHO?
JESUS CHRIST!
YOU LOOKED LIKE
YOU WERE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME
AT YOUR MOM'S PARTY.
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD.
I...
I NOTICED THAT YOU WERE TOO BUSY
CHECKING OUT THOSE 50-YEAR-OLDS
IN THEIR BLACK BRAS
DIVING INTO YOUR MOTHER'S SWIMMING POOL.
YEAH, DON'T REMIND ME
OF MY MOTHER'S TOTAL DEGRADATION, PLEASE.
HEY, GUYS,
TINA GOT US SOME CHAIRS ON-SET,
WHICH I GUESS IS SOME HONOURABLE
AND PRIVILEGED THING,
SO WE CAN WATCH THE NEXT SCENE.
OKAY.
TAKE IT EASY, MOLLY.
BYE, SHANE.
HEY, BETTE.
HEY, JUST, DON'T SMILE, OKAY?
SORRY.
YEAH.
YOU COULD HAVE USED A BETTER LINE ON MOLLY.
YEAH.
I'M TRYIN'.
[**]
LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT.
NO, I CAN'T.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO WORK.
WELL, YOU'RE THE BIG BAD BOSS.
CALL IT OFF.
NO.
WHY?
BECAUSE I'M OLD.
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES.
YOU'RE SUCH A DRAG.
I'M A BIT TICKLISH RIGHT THERE.
DON'T.
[LAUGHING]
YOU WANT ANY KIDS EVER?
UM...
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU SHOULD.
WHY?
WELL, BECAUSE
I WANT LOTS OF KIDS,
AND I WANT TO HAVE YOUR KIDS.
NO, YOU DON'T.
YES, I DO.
WE COULD HAVE A WHOLE BIG FAMILY,
AND WE COULD GO SOMEWHERE LIKE IRELAND,
GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING.
OH, WOW, NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT TO ME BEFORE.
REALLY?
YEAH, RIGHT. YOU'RE FULL OF IT.
NO.
OR WE COULD GO TO JAPAN.
YOU WOULD LOVE JAPAN. IT'S SO COOL.
WE COULD GET THE FUCK OUT OF L.A.,
THIS TERRIBLE PLACE.
I KNOW.
DON'T CRY.
DOES ANYONE HAVE A 20 ON JENNY?
SHE'S IN AN ACTOR MEETING WITH NIKI.
OH, MY GOD.
YEAH, RIGHT.
OH, IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE FUCKING
AND THEN YOUR MOM CALLS.
GO... AWAY.
ADELE?
DO YOU THINK
THAT WE HAVE TO STOP FUCKING OVER LUNCH?
NO.
DO YOU THINK THEY MIGHT NOTICE?
MM-MM.
I DON'T CARE IF THEY NOTICE.
WHY?
BECAUSE...
WHAT?
I LOVE YOU.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A HICKEY.
[GIGGLING]
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A HICKEY RIGHT NOW.
NO, DON'T.
YES, I AM.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
CURTIS BEECH.
HELLO, CAPTAIN BEECH.
DAVIS.
LISTEN, I HAVE A HUGE CASE-LOAD IN FRONT OF ME HERE,
AND I'M TRYING TO BE AS EFFICIENT AS POSSIBLE.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE WILLIAMS CASE.
WELL, I'M NOT SURE WHAT THERE IS TO TALK ABOUT.
I INTEND TO PROVE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST MY CLIENT ARE FALSE.
LOOK, THAT'S JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
YOU'VE SEEN HER REPORTS.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP AGAINST?
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO TAKE MY ADVICE AND SETTLE.
GET HER OUT BEFORE IT GETS UGLY.
HONORABLE DISCHARGE, ALL FULL BENEFITS.
SHE'S NOT GOING TO ACCEPT THAT.
JUST TAKE IT TO HER.
IT'S YOUR DUTY AS A LAWYER,
AND IF YOU'RE A GOOD ONE, YOU'LL ADVISE HER TO ACCEPT.
WOULD YOU HOLD THE LINE, PLEASE?
IT'S COLONEL DAVIS, AND SHE--
CAN YOU TELL HER TO FUCK OFF, PLEASE?
COLONEL, MY CLIENT RESPECTFULLY DECLINES YOUR OFFER.
LOOK AT THIS PLACE, MAN.
CHECK IT OUT.
I SHOULD OPEN UP A BUSINESS IN HERE
SINCE THEM SHEBAR BITCHES SHUT DOWN THE PLANET, MAN.
WHEN CAN YOU RE-OPEN ANYWAY?
UH, IN A WEEK.
I STILL HAVE ONE MORE INSPECTION,
THEN I GOT TO DROP EIGHT GS
FOR ALL THAT SHIT, MAN.
I'M GOING TO GET THOSE HO-BAGS BACK,
I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU MARK MY WORDS.
THEM SHE-BITCHES.
HEY, NIKI...
NIKI?
THEY'RE READY FOR YOU ON SET RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHING]
NIKI... OH, SHOOT!
LESBIAN TURKISH OIL WRESTLING?
TONIGHT? OH, MY GOD, WE'RE GOING.
JENNY! JENNY, WAIT!
LOOKIT! LOOKIT THIS!
WE MET THAT GIRL THE OTHER NIGHT.
YEAH, THAT'S NIKI STEVENS.
OH, MY GOD. ADELE!
SHE'S CUTE.
TINA, I AM SO SORRY.
GODDAMMIT! I KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I THOUGHT I GOT RID OF THEM ALL,
BUT SOMEBODY MUST HAVE...
[GROANS]
OKAY. SORRY.
SORRY, SORRY. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
THANKS FOR TRYING.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S... IT'S NIKI.
SHE'S 20. SHE'S LIKE A PUPPY.
SHE KEEPS RUNNING OFF THE SET,
AND IT'S DRIVING ALL THE OTHER ACTORS CRAZY,
AND IT'S MAKING ME INSANE.
IS JENNY-- OOH!
IS JENNY STILL...
OH, YEAH.
THEY FUCK EVERY DAY IN HER TRAILER AT LUNCH.
THE WHOLE CREW KNOWS,
AND ADELE STANDS OUTSIDE TO GUARD.
IT'S INSANE.
CAN YOU, UM, CAN YOU HOLD ON A SECOND?
ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO...
I HAVE TO GO.
OKAY, CALL ME, OR...
I'LL CALL YOU.
OKAY.
THEY REALLY RESPECT TINA.
OF COURSE THEY DO.
[SIGHS]
I HAVE TO GET BACK, SO IF YOU WANT A RIDE--
I'M FINE. I'M GOING TO HANG OUT HERE.
OH, ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'LL GET JODI
TO COME DOWN TO THE SET THEN.
I DON'T NEED A BABY-SITTER.
YEAH, I--
YOU'LL WHAT?
WILL TAKE HER HOME.
MM-HMM.
YOU HAVE FUN.
SO SAM'S GOING TO BE READY IN 15,
SO LET'S HAVE NIKI IN 10 FOR WIRING.
OH, I HAVE TO GO SEE NIKI.
I CAN TELL HER.
GREAT. THANKS, ADELE.
ADELE, THIS IS SO LAME.
EVERYONE'S AT SHEBAR, ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE,
AND WE'RE STUCK HERE.
I KNOW.
IT MUST BE REALLY HARD ON YOU.
ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE OUT HAVING FUN--
I KNOW, IT TOTALLY SUCKS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK IT'S SO LAME THAT THEY WORK YOU THIS HARD.
I MEAN, A LOT OF MOVIE STARS, THEY JUST...
I MEAN, THEY REFUSE TO WORK
PAST 8:00 AT NIGHT.
REALLY? MM-HMM.
I MEAN, IT DEPENDS HOW MUCH POWER THEY HAVE
AND HOW MUCH THE PRODUCTION
RESPECTS THEIR TIME, KIND OF, BUT...
SERIOUSLY?
'CAUSE, I MEAN, I SIT AROUND HERE FOR HOURS
WHILE THEY'RE, LIKE, LIGHTING OR WHATEVER,
I MEAN, I'M JUST SITTING HERE
ON MY ASS.
I KNOW, IT SUCKS.
HEY, HOW MUCH TIME BEFORE YOU THINK THEY NEED ME AGAIN?
'CAUSE SHEBAR'S RIGHT DOWN THE STREET.
I COULD SERIOUSLY JUST RUN OVER, SAY HI TO MY FRIENDS,
AND THEN I'D COME RIGHT BACK.
UM...
WELL, I THINK I HEARD THEM SAY
THAT THEY DON'T NEED YOU FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF.
REALLY?
OH, YES!
OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH, ADELE.
I LOVE YOU.
[GIGGLES]
HEY.
HI.
HOW WAS THE REST OF YOUR DAY?
WHY DO PEOPLE INVITE YOU TO VISIT FILM SETS?
THIS IS LIKE WATCHING PAINT DRY.
WELL, SOME PEOPLE THINK IT'S FASCINATING,
BUT IN REALITY, IT'S BORING, SO...
SO, WHAT DO PEOPLE DO FOR FUN IN THIS TOWN?
BESIDES STICKING YOU WITH LESBIAN ART AFICIONADOS
AND PRETENDING IT'S EXCITING?
IF YOU WANT,
YOU COULD STICK AROUND A LITTLE BIT LONGER,
AND THEN I COULD TAKE YOU OUT.
SURE. WHAT?
MY MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE LIKE THE "FONZ" FOR LESBIANS.
BULLSHIT. THE FONZ? COME ON.
[LAUGHS] SHUT UP.
"HAPPY DAYS?"
I KNOW THE FONZ. I KNOW THE "HAPPY DAYS," BUT...
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU, YOU'RE SASSY.
NO ONE'S CALLED ME THAT BEFORE.
I'M NOT SASSY, I'M BORED,
BUT NOT BORED ENOUGH TO SLEEP WITH YOU.
[CLEARS THROAT]
HOT STUFF.
JUST KEEP READING.
SANDRA...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT IS THIS TAKING SO LONG?
WE'RE REALLY ONLY WAITING FOR NIKI TO STEP IN.
YEAH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. NIKI'S NOT HERE YET.
ANYBODY GOT A 20 ON NIKI?
JENNY...
OH, MY GOD, UM, NIKI'S DISAPPEARED FROM SET.
WE CAN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE.
I THINK I KNOW WHERE SHE WENT.
SHE WENT LESBIAN TURKISH OIL WRESTLING?
THAT LITTLE BITCH.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S GET READY TO WRESTLE!
HEY, ALL YOU HOT AND SEXY LESBIANS OUT THERE!
[CROWD SCREAMING]
SOME OF YOU KNOW ME AS DAWN DENBO,
BUT TONIGHT, I'M ONLY KNOWN AS "MIAMI VICE."
[CHEERING]
I WANT TO WELCOME YOU TO THE FIRST EVER
SHEBAR TURKISH OIL WRESTLING TOURNAMENT OF THE STARS!
[CHEERING]
OVER HERE, WE HAVE MY LOVER, CINDI.
WHOO!
BUT TONIGHT, YOU'LL CALL HER, "THE VIPER"!
WHOO!
HELLO, LADIES.
HOW ABOUT A KISS, HONEY?
[CHEERING]
IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE BRAVE ENOUGH, DARING ENOUGH,
TO TAKE MY CINDI ON?
OH!
[CROWD CHEERING]
COME ON UP, COME ON UP!
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, GORGEOUS?
TONIGHT, YOU ALL CAN CALL ME
"JESSE JAILBAIT!"
WELL, JESSIE JAILBAIT, SAY HELLO TO THE VIPER.
OH!
GO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE TWINK?
IT'S THE STAR
FROM SHANE'S FRIEND'S LESBO MOVIE, RIGHT?
YEAH, SURE IS.
SHE'S SO DEAD.
UH-HUH.
[CROWD CHEERING]
YEAH, HEY, MICKEY, IT'S DAWN DENBO.
YEAH, I GOT A HOT TIP FOR YOU.
[BELL RINGS]
[CROWD CHEERING AND SQUEALING]
JENNY, I NEED YOU TO GO IN THERE,
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE SHE'S GOING TO LISTEN TO.
TINA, COME ON, DON'T GO IN THERE.
YOU'RE A TRAITOR IF YOU DO.
NIKI STEVENS IS IN THERE,
ROLLING AROUND IN A VAT OF HOT OIL, OKAY?
SHE'S COSTING MY PRODUCTION COMPANY
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
EVERY SINGLE MINUTE SHE'S IN THERE.
PLUS, SHE'S UNDER-FUCKING-AGE.
THE FUCKING PAPARAZZI?
I AM SO SCREWED.
[CROWD SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
* I WANT TO PLAY GUITAR
* AND BE A MOVIE STAR
* BE IN THE BIG MOVIES
* AND TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES
* WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO BE?
* WHO DO I WANT TO BE?
* WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO BE?
* GET... LOADED
I AM SO FUCKED.
EXCUSE ME.
YEAH, LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT.
I'LL HOLD.
YEAH, I WANT TO REPORT A NIGHT CLUB
SERVING ALCOHOL TO MINORS.
* PARTY, PARTY, PARTY
* PARTY, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY
* PARTY, PARTY, PARTY GET LOADED *
* PARTY, PARTY, PARTY
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
IT'S...
THAT IS FUCKED UP.
THE WINNER IS "JESSIE JAILBAIT!"
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S NOT FUCKED UP, THAT'S AMAZING.
WHO'S NEXT FOR J.J.?
NIKI!
[CHEERING]
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY YOU'RE COSTING ME?
HI! HI!
DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO SET?
BECAUSE WE'RE... WE'RE JUST SHOOTING RIGHT NOW,
SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO FINISH UP THE SCENE--
NO, NO. NO, COME ON, GET IN HERE.
IT'S SO MUCH FUN.
YEAH, COME ON.
NO. THANKS, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO COME IN HERE AND FIGHT ME.
[CROWD CHEERING]
I THINK I HEARD A CHALLENGE.
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DID.
GO IN AND GET HER.
WHAT? GET HER!
I DON'T WANT TO-- GET HER OUT!
COME ON, COME ON, FIGHT ME.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET HER IN.
YOU ASKED FOR IT.
COME ON, BEAUTIFUL. STEP IN THE RING.
[CROWD CHEERING]
YEAH!
TAKE IT OFF!
[CROWD CHEERING]
KEEP GOING!
OH, YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
UNBELIEVABLE!
COME ON!
FUCKING HEADLOCK HER!
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU LIKED THIS.
THIS IS AWESOME!
YOU DON'T THINK
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT DEGRADING? COME ON.
YOU DON'T SEE MY MOTHER IN THERE, DO YOU?
KEEP IT GOING.
GET HER DOWN.
OKAY...
COME ON!
MOLLY, DO YOU WANT A DRINK?
YES.
WHAT?
UM, TEQUILA.
OKAY.
HIT HER!
YES!
THANK YOU FOR COMING ALL THE WAY OUT HERE, ALICE,
ALTHOUGH, I MUST SAY,
I WAS EXPECTING YOU A BIT EARLIER.
WELL, I CAME AS SOON AS I COULD.
I DO HAVE A LIFE.
OH, YES,
A LIFE THAT YOU LIVE PRETTY LOUDLY.
MM-HMM.
THAT'S ME, OUT AND PROUD.
SO, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
WELL, I AM THE RECORDER
IN THE CAPTAIN TASHA WILLIAMS HEARING,
AND I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS TO ASK YOU.
WELL, TASHA AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS--
ACQUAINTANCES, REALLY-- I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER WELL--
WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TASHA.
WE HAVE WITNESSES WHO WILL TESTIFY
THAT THEY'VE SEEN YOU TOGETHER.
JUST BECAUSE THEY'VE SEEN US TOGETHER--
WE ARE CALLING YOU TO TESTIFY AT THE HEARING.
THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M TESTIFYING AT THAT HEARING.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME--
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN SUBPOENAED,
AND IF YOU DON'T TESTIFY TRUTHFULLY,
I'LL TURN YOU IN TO THE U.S. MARSHALS,
AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A REAL BIG PROBLEM
ON YOUR HANDS.
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
IT'S A SHAME, ISN'T IT?
UH-HUH.
IT'S A SHAME TASHA HAD TO MEET SOMEONE
WHO FLIES HER DIRTY LAUNDRY LIKE A FREEDOM FLAG
FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO GAWK AT.
YOU KNOW, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL,
TASHA NEVER HAD A PROBLEM
LIVING WITHIN THE MILITARY'S CODES
UNTIL SHE MET YOU.
HI. THEY TOLD ME I HAD TO COME HERE.
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK... I WOULD NEVER--
NO, I KNOW.
WELL, IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
[**]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CROWD SCREAMS]
WHOO, LET'S HEAR IT FOR JESSE JAILBAIT
AND STILETTO SLUT!
OW! I THINK IT'S GETTING A LITTLE HOT IN HERE,
DON'T YOU?
OH, LET'S SEE, WHO'S NEXT?
WOW, THERE ARE SOME HOT, HOT WOMEN HERE TONIGHT.
OH, HERE'S ONE.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
MOLLY.
MOLLY!
COME ON, MOLLY, JUST SAY HI TO THE CROWD.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR MOLLY, YOU GUYS.
JUST LET THE CROWD SAY HI.
DON'T BE SHY, COME ON.
HEY, SHANE!
[**]
OKAY!
THIS IS THE LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT!
EVERYBODY OUT OF THE CLUB!
NIKI! NIKI! NIKI!
[CROWD JEERING]
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE A FAN.
THANK YOU FOR NOT ARRESTING HER.
WE REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
IF YOU COULD KEEP IT OUT OF THE PRESS,
THAT WOULD BE...
REALLY GREAT,
AND AGAIN, OFFICER, THANK YOU SO MUCH...
PHEW, GIRL, NOT MY PARTY, BUT GOOD JOB.
BOOYAH!
DID YOU HAVE FUN? I DID.
YEAH? YUP.
I FEEL LIKE SHIT.
I'M GOING TO GO AND... CLEAN UP.
DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER
AND BORROW SOMETHING TO WEAR?
I'M TOTALLY STRAIGHT,
BUT YOU CAN KEEP DREAMING.
[LAUGHS]
COME HERE FOR A SECOND.
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
OKAY?
MAYBE WE COULD WORK SOMETHING OUT,
JUST YOU AND ME?
YOU JUST ADDED $10,000 TO YOUR FINE.
CINDI!
WHAT? I WAS JUST ASKING!
OH, YEAH, PORTER, YOU'RE FUCKED, ALL RIGHT?
FUCK YOU, AND YOUR RAT-INFESTED SHITHOLE, OKAY?
YEAH, GIRL.
I'LL JUST NAME THE RATS AFTER YOU.
OH, REALLY?
YOU LIKE THOSE RATS, HUH?
OH, YEAH, GIRL, I LOVE 'EM.
IT'S FUCKING ON!
YEAH, IT IS ON, AIN'T IT? UH-HUH.
YOU ABOUT TO GO TO JAIL WITH THE RATS.
ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS...
BUH-BYE!
NIKI...
HEY, I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
COME HERE.
THANKS FOR TAKING ME OUT TONIGHT.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
[CLEARS THROAT]
CUT.
PRINT.