PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
THIS BOARD HAS BEEN CONVENED FOR THE REASON
OF HOMOSEXUAL CONDUCT.
IT SEEMS WRONG TO WATCH THE PERSON THAT I LOVE
BE INTERROGATED LIKE A CRIMINAL.
THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
ALICE PIESZECKI.
DID YOU WIN? YOU LOOK HAPPY.
WILLIAMS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISSED AROUND HERE.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO
WITH THESE SHE-BITCHES?
[LAUGHING]: HO! MAN!
YOU GOT THEM CLOSED DOWN.
WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU WANT?
RICHARD WAS A BORE. THAT'S WHY WE BROKE UP.
YOU CAN'T JUST THROW AWAY
EVERYTHING THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BUILT TOGETHER.
YOU'RE ONE TO TALK.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
TO GO GAY FOR SHANE.
CALL ME IN A LITTLE BIT AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.
I LOVE YOU.
"IS NIKI A LEZ GIRL?" HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?
I'LL FUCKING PULL HER.
THE LAST THING I NEED
IS THE TEEN BOY DEMOGRAPHIC
THINKING THAT NIKI STEVENS DOESN'T LIKE DICK!
I HAVE AN IDEA.
WE NEED HER TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED
AT HER PREMIERE WITH SOMEONE...
HIP AND HOT...
[SHUTTERS CLICKING, CROWD BUZZING]
[DJ]: IT'S A SCORCHER OUT THERE, FOLKS,
AND ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE,
WE WON'T GET RELIEF FROM THE TRIPLE-DIGIT HEAT
UNTIL SOMETIME EARLY NEXT WEEK.
YOU BOYS READY?
OKAY, LET'S GET THAT CAMERA ON SET.
DID YOU LOAD THE 500T?
CALIFORNIA STATE OFFICIALS HAVE CONFIRMED
AT LEAST 2 HEAT-RELATED DEATHS...
I BET IT'S AGAINST UNION RULES
TO MAKE US WORK IN THIS KINDA HEAT.
REMEMBER TO STAY HYDRATED.
YEAH. THANKS, MAN.
WATER?
HE HAS WHAT?
UH, IT'S AN ELMO.
A WHAT?
AN ELMO TATTOO.
WHAT GROWN MAN GETS ELMO TATTOOED ON HIS ASS?
HOW LONGER IS IT GOING TAKE TO COVER?
YOU KNOW, IN THIS HEAT,
IT'S HARD TO GET THE MAKE-UP TO ADHERE TO HIS BUTT CHEEKS.
IT'S ALL RUNNING DOWN HIS CRACK.
LOOK.
MAYBE THE CHARACTER
WOULD HAVE AN ELMO ASS TATTOO?
THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO COVER IT.
NO.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, HERE WE GO, LET'S LOCK IT UP.
AND... ROLL SOUND, PLEASE.
69, TAKE ONE. A ONLY. MARK.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. QUIET DOWN.
UM. OKAY.
AND...
ACTION.
WHAT? WHAT IS...
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
WHOA... I THINK--
I THINK WE'RE HAVING A POWER FAILURE.
WHAT? SHIT!
SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
[**]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE
[COLLECTIVELY SIGHING WITH RELIEF]
OKAY.
HEY, LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY.
SO, CAL EDISON IS DOING
THEIR ROLLING BLACKOUTS AGAIN,
SO LET'S SHOOT WHILE WE CAN.
LET'S HAVE FINALS, PLEASE.
[FAN BEGINS WHIRRING]
WANT A BLAST?
YEAH. PLEASE. THANK YOU.
[EXHALING DEEPLY]
APPARENTLY THIS IS EARTHQUAKE WEATHER.
GO AHEAD, BITCH. BRING IT ON.
[FAN WHIRRING]
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH, I'M FINE. I'LL GET OVER IT.
HERE WE GO! THANK YOU.
69, TAKE TWO.
A ONLY. MARK.
AND... ACTION.
OKAY. CUT.
CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT. OKAY, YOU GUYS.
THAT'S ACTUALLY...
THAT'S NOT THE SCENE.
THIS IS AN OBLIGATORY FUCK.
OKAY? YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCK HIM.
YOU DON'T LIKE
HAVING SEX WITH THIS GUY, OKAY?
OKAY, BUT, I MEAN,
HE'S BEEN MY BOYFRIEND
FOR, LIKE, THREE YEARS, RIGHT?
I MEAN, WHY WOULD I HATE HAVING SEX WITH HIM NOW?
THAT'S WHAT I WAS KINDA THINKING, TOO.
THANKS, FALLON. I GOT THIS.
UM, BECAUSE
YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH KARINA. OKAY?
YOU PROBABLY DON'T LIKE HAVING SEX WITH THAT GUY.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE WOMEN
DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO HATE MEN.
I MEAN, COME ON, JENNY.
IS THIS A MAN-HATING MOVIE?
[JENNY CLEARS HER THROAT]
IT'S NOT A MAN-HATING FILM,
BUT THE SCENE, AS WRITTEN, IS ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE
OF BEING FORCED TO HAVE SEX
WITH THIS GUY
WHEN, THE NIGHT BEFORE, YOU'VE JUST HAD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, MIND-BLOWING SEX
WITH A WOMAN.
NOW THIS... HAIRY GUY IS JUST POUNDING YOU, LIKE...
[GRUNTING]
WHAT DOES THAT DO? IT HURTS.
AND YOU WANT TO CRY.
OKAY? IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU? YEAH?
YEAH, OKAY. THANK YOU.
IS THAT OKAY?
OH, YEAH.
THANKS.
HERE WE GO, THEN. LET'S LOCK IT UP, PLEASE.
AND... ROLL SOUND.
SOUND SPEED.
THANKS. SHH. SETTLE. SETTLE, SETTLE, SETTLE.
69, TAKE 3. A ONLY. MARK.
ACTION.
[NIKI MOANS SOFTLY]
OKAY, CUT!
CUT! OKAY.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU LOVE FUCKING THIS GUY.
YOU DON'T LIKE FUCKING HIM, OKAY?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
HANG ON A SEC.
LOOK AT ME.
DID YOU FUCK HIM?
CAN I HAVE MY, UH...
CAN WE JUST...
LOCK IT UP?
AGAIN. THANKS.
JENNY, LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
PLEASE?
I WAS DRUNK. IT WAS AFTER THE PARTY.
IT MEANT NOTHING, OKAY? IT WAS A MISTAKE.
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU FELT PRESSURED.
I MEAN, THEY'RE PRESSURING ME,
AND THEY'RE MAKING-- THEY'RE SAYING
THAT I'M THIS HETEROSEXUAL SEX SYMBOL NOW,
AND, I SWEAR TO GOD, JENNY,
I WISH IT WAS YOU, AND I'M SO SORRY.
AND I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN TO YOU.
THANKS.
CAN I JUST HAVE A MINUTE WITH
THE OTHER ACTOR? THANKS.
HEY, FALLON, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU FOR ONE SEC?
YEAH. YEAH, BOSS, WHAT IS IT?
HEY. UH...
I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT FUCKING YOUR CO-STAR.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW IRRESPONSIBLE AND DESTRUCTIVE THAT IS?
I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS--
IT'S UNPROFESSIONAL.
OKAY?
YOU'VE TAMPERED WITH THE CHEMISTRY
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
IT IS A VILE AND DESPICABLE ACT.
ALL RIGHT?
[SCOFFS, STUNNED]
YOU'RE FIRED.
WHAT?
GET OUT OF HERE.
[CHUCKLES]
IT'S PITCH-FUCKIN'- BLACK. I CAN'T--
GET THE FUCK OFF MY SET.
FUCK THIS SHIT.
SO, I CALLED JOEY MONOGHAN
AND I SAID, "GO AHEAD. TAKE US TO COURT.
"BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT OUR FINAL BEST OFFER ON THE TABLE,
"AND NO JUDGE IN CALIFORNIA IS GOING TO LET YOU WALK AWAY
"WITH ANYTHING LIKE WHAT WE'RE STIPULATING.
"THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE ONE LOOK AT YOUR CLIENT
"AND THEY'RE GOING TO SAY,
"PULL YOUR SOCKS UP, MAN, AND GO BACK TO WORK.
STOP WHINING LIKE A GIRL."
"WHINING LIKE A GIRL."
LEONARD ALWAYS WHINES LIKE A GIRL.
WHAT DID JOEY SAY?
HE CAVED.
YES!
OH, I MADE HIM SWEAT LIKE A PIG.
EVEN MORE THAN I'M SWEATING RIGHT NOW
IN THIS BLASTED HEAT.
WE SHOULD HAVE DOCUMENTS TO SIGN
TOMORROW.
I WANT MOLLY TO MEET YOU.
SHE'S HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT LAW SCHOOL.
SHE WANTS TO TAKE A SEMESTER OFF.
I THOUGHT MOLLY WAS IN LEONARD'S CAMP.
SHE'S JUST ANGRY.
YOU WOULD BE SUCH AN INSPIRATION FOR HER.
JOYCE.
IF YOU AND I WERE STILL...
I MEAN, IF I HADN'T BEEN SO FOOLISH--
NO. YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE.
I ACCEPTED IT. DIDN'T I?
YEAH.
YOU GAVE ME MY SPACE
TO RUN AROUND LIKE A CRAZY ADOLESCENT.
OKAY, PHYLLIS, I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME.
IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE,
GIVEN THAT WE'VE JUST HAD THIS LITTLE TRIUMPH TOGETHER--
AND GIVEN HOW SMOLDERING HOT
THE TWO OF US WERE IN THE SACK--
IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE THAT YOU MIGHT BE FEELING
A TINY BIT AMOROUS TOWARDS ME RIGHT NOW.
I'M JUST TRYING TO STAND BY
MY CONVICTIONS HERE, MY DEAR.
BUT YOU ARE MAKING IT AWFULLY DIFFICULT
IN THAT SWEET LITTLE...
SLIP OF A FROCK.
SWEETIE?
JOYCE?
YOU'RE SITTING ON MY SHIRT.
WHAT?
SITTING ON MY SHIRT.
[PRODUCES SHIRT]
LET IT GO.
[KIT]: THIS IS IT.
MAN. OHH!
WHEW.
I HAD TO FIGHT SOME OLD SNOOTY WOMAN
AT THE BODEGA FOR THE LAST OF IT, MAN,
BUT I GOT IT. YES!
THIS HOT-ASS EARTHQUAKE WEATHER, MAN, JUST MAKES PEOPLE MEAN!
JUST MEAN!
HEY, KIT, ARE YOU GOING TO THAT, UM,
SIT-DOWNY THING?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T-- I DON'T TRUST THEM.
I DO NOT TRUST THOSE SHEBAR BITCHES...
COMIN' UP IN HERE WITH SOME OLD MOBSTER CRAP.
I MEAN, LET ME READ THIS TO YOU.
"WE REQUEST YOUR PRESENCE
"AT A SIT-DOWN TO MEDIATE GRIEVANCES
"AND LESBO TURF AT THE SHEBAR.
LUNCH WILL BE SERVED."
ARE THESE BITCHES CRAZY?
I KNOW. OH. THANKS.
AND EVERYONE GOT ONE OF THOSE.
ME TOO. I MET 'EM ONCE.
AND I WAS STONED.
WHY DO THEY WANT YOU TO GO?
NO IDEA.
THEY MUST BE WORKING SOME ANGLE.
MM-HMM.
WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME WITH ME
AND PROTECT ME.
JUST IN CASE.
WELL, YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE SIT-DOWN, KIT, FOR SURE.
[GROANING] YOU KNOW,
HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.
YOU KNOW, NEGOTIATIONS WORK SOMETIMES, KIT.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
BUT THE FIRST SIGN OF BULLSHIT, I WALK.
JENNY.
LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
STOP! STOP, ALL RIGHT?
YOU CAN'T FIRE GREG!
YOU CAN'T FIRE HIM.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING?
JENNY, JENNY, IT'S WILLIAM
ON THE PHONE FOR YOU.
JENNY, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS.
HE'S CALLING FROM DUBAI.
MONSIEUR?
OH, GOD. GIVE ME A BREAK.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE.
FINE?
SHE JUST FIRED
THE ONLY MALE LEAD ACTOR IN HER FUCKING MOVIE.
IT'S NOT FINE, ADELE.
I KNOW.
RIGHT NOW, HE'S TELLING HER
TO MARCH RIGHT BACK IN, APOLOGIZE TO GREG,
AND REHIRE HIM.
WHAT?
WILL SHE LISTEN TO HIM?
MM-HMM, YEAH.
I THINK JENNY WILL LISTEN TO WILLIAM.
[SIGHING]: OH, FUCK.
[JENNY]: EXCUSE ME.
I'M WONDERING IF ANY OF YOU
HAVE SEEN DUMB-SHIT ACTOR BOY AROUND?
NO? NO ONE'S SEEN HIM?
ADELE? YEAH?
HEY. UM...
COULD YOU, UH, FIND MR. FALLON FOR ME?
YEAH. SURE.
THANKS.
HEY!
I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME.
I CAN ALSO SEE THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME,
SO, I JUST WANT TO SAY, YES, IT'S TRUE,
I DID LOSE MY TEMPER,
AND NOW I'M ON MY WAY TO APOLOGIZE TO MR. FALLON,
AND I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE,
AND THE DUMB-SHIT ACTOR BOY IS NO LONGER FIRED.
OKAY?
EVERYBODY, GO BACK TO WORK. NOW. GO.
JESUS, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THESE FUCKING CLOTHES OFF.
[SIGHS]
[GROANS]
[DROPS CASE]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
OH!
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
I HAD TO DO IT! IT WAS SO HOT.
HELLO?
HEY. DO YOU HAVE POWER AT C.U.?
I'M AT HOME, ACTUALLY.
IT WAS UNBEARABLY HOT AT SCHOOL.
I MEAN, IT'S, LIKE, 10 DEGREES HOTTER DOWNTOWN.
I THINK I HAVE TO SHUT DOWN PRODUCTION.
THESE ROLLING BLACKOUTS ARE COSTING US A FORTUNE.
WELL, WE'VE CANCELLED CLASSES.
ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO THIS, UH,
THIS SHEBAR GATHERING THING?
OH... I THINK I HAVE TO GO.
KIT REALLY WANTS ME TO BE THERE.
MAYBE I WON'T GO, THEN.
WHAT, YOU THINK WE CAN'T BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER?
I THINK IT WOULD BE HARD.
YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S HARD FOR ME, TOO.
CAN YOU HOLD ON A SEC?
I'M JUST GOING TO PUT YOU ON SPEAKER.
SURE.
SO, ARE WE STILL ON FOR DAN TONIGHT?
YEAH. 6:00.
HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE A LOT COOLER BY THEN.
ALTHOUGH IT WASN'T LAST NIGHT.
HOW'S ANGIE HOLDING UP?
OH, MY GOD--
THEY NEED YOU
ON STAGE TWO.
OKAY, I KNOW THAT ALREADY.
THANKS.
I'LL BE THERE.
[SIGHING]: SHE WAS SO CUTE, BETTE.
I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HER
WHY WE COULDN'T TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONER
DURING THESE ROLLING BLACKOUTS,
SO SHE WENT TO PLAY GROUP
AND SHE MADE THIS LITTLE FAN, AND SHE BROUGHT IT HOME,
AND THEN WE TOOK TURNS FANNING OURSELF.
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS COULD COME OVER HERE AND USE THE POOL.
BETTE...
[MOUTHING WORDS]
WELL, LISTEN, I GOT TO GET OFF.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT. BYE.
WHO WAS IT?
TINA.
WE'RE HAVING...
SOME PARENTING DISAGREEMENTS.
WE'RE GOING TO GO SEE THE THERAPIST TOGETHER TONIGHT.
GOOD FOR YOU.
[SHIRT SPLATS]
[WATER SPLASHING]
HEY.
I JUST, UH, I WANTED TO COME TELL YOU
THAT WE'RE GOING TO SHUT DOWN FOR THE DAY.
IT'S COSTING US WAY TOO MUCH MONEY.
I FIGURED.
DO YOU WANT TO MAYBE
GO OUT TO DINNER ONE NIGHT THIS WEEK?
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK SO.
OH. OKAY.
TINA, I THINK YOU'RE GREAT.
YOU KNOW THAT.
I THINK YOU'RE GREAT, TOO, SAM.
BUT THAT DINNER PARTY
WAS AWKWARD AND UNCOMFORTABLE, AND...
I THINK I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE A STEP BACK
UNTIL YOU AND BETTE RESOLVE YOUR STUFF.
[SIGHING]
IS IT THAT OBVIOUS?
NEON. SHIT.
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY ELSE NOTICED.
I'M SORRY, SAM.
IT'S COOL.
WE ARE TRYING TO RESOLVE IT.
WE'RE ACTUALLY--
WE'RE SEEING A THERAPIST TOGETHER
TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW...
I HOPE IT HELPS.
IT'S CRAZY.
NEITHER ONE OF US
EVER THOUGHT THAT...
ANYTHING LIKE THIS WOULD EVER, YOU KNOW...
I MEAN, IT WAS REALLY OVER.
IT WAS SO OVER.
APPARENTLY NOT.
I DO FEEL FOR JODI, THOUGH.
SHE'S A TERRIFIC GIRL.
YEAH.
SHE'S NICE.
OKAY.
NIKI?
NIKI, COME ON!
SHE LEFT AS SOON AS WE CALLED WRAP.
WHAT?
SHE'S GONE.
OH!
[CHUCKLING]
YOU'RE WET.
IT SHOULD FEEL GOOD!
I WAS ALMOST DRY.
I'LL MAKE YOU WET AGAIN.
DON'T. PLEASE.
IT'S REALLY TOO FUCKING HOT.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
REALLY, IT'S JUST SO HOT. PLEASE.
BULLSHIT.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M IN LOVE WITH TINA.
WHAT? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
I'M UNHAPPY.
UNHAPPY HOW?
[EXHALING HEAVILY]
I'M UNHAPPY WITH...
[EXHALING HEAVILY]
I'M UNHAPPY WITH WORK
AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU WITH IT.
I WANT YOU BACK...
YOUR MIND,
AND YOUR HEART,
AND YOUR BODY.
I MISS YOU.
HEY.
HI.
YOU KNOW, JENNY,
YOU CAN GO HOME AND GET SOME REST.
OKAY, WILL YOU PLEASE
PUT THIS IN AN ENVELOPE,
AND GIVE IT TO NIKI?
OF COURSE.
I WROTE A LOVE LETTER.
WILL YOU READ IT AND TELL ME IF IT SUCKS?
[CHUCKLES]
HEY.
COME HERE.
CAN YOU TELL HER TO MEET ME HERE, TONIGHT?
I'LL TELL HER.
OKAY. THANKS.
HI.
OH. HI.
UGH.
HOW ARE YOU?
UGH.
OHH.
WIPE THOSE TEARS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO COME WITH ME
TO THAT BIG, DUMB MAFIA SIT-DOWN AT SHEBAR?
NO. WHY NOT?
I'M GOING TO SIT RIGHT THERE
AND I'M GOING TO WAIT FOR NIKI.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WHY?
'CAUSE.
THAT'S WEAK.
BUT I AM WEAK.
NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE NOT WEAK.
YOU'RE THE BOSS OF THIS PLACE!
YOU COULD FIRE EVERYBODY HERE,
IF YOU WANTED TO.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
WOULD YOU GO OUT AND FUCK SOMEONE?
PROBABLY.
I'D GO OUT AND HAVE MEANINGLESS SEX
WITH SOMEONE I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT.
[SIGHING]
COME ON, COME WITH ME TO SHEBAR.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYBODY BUT NIKI.
WELL, LOOK,
I HAVE A STRAIGHT-GIRL CRUSH THAT...
[BOTH LAUGHING]
...THAT WILL NOT GO AWAY.
SO, UM...
[WOMAN]: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
I NEED TO SEE YOUR INVITATIONS.
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
GET OFF OF ME.
SPREAD 'EM, SWEETHEART.
YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST ASKED ME OUT FOR DINNER.
AH! STOP.
MCCUTCHEON. SCHECHTER.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
GOD, THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY.
I KNOW, IT'S TOTAL FOUR FAMILIES, ISN'T IT?
IT'S CUBAN!
MM-HMM. HELLO, LADIES.
SO GLAD YOU ALL COULD MAKE IT.
SO, DOUBLE-D, WHAT'S THE, UH--
IS THIS... IS THIS HER?
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS TO-DO, HUH?
WELL, I THOUGHT
WE SHOULD ALL GET TOGETHER, CLEAR THE AIR, YOU KNOW,
GET RID OF SOME OF THE HOSTILITIES.
IT REALLY PAINS ME TO SEE
WHAT COULD'VE BEEN A BOUNTIFUL FRIENDSHIP
REDUCED TO BAD FEELINGS AND ACRIMONY.
BOUNTIFUL FRIENDSHIP?
YOU CAME INTO TOWN
AND YOU PISSED ALL OVER EVERY ONE OF US.
NO, ON THE CONTRARY, IT WAS YOU WHO ABUSED US.
WHAT? YEAH.
CINDI AND I CAME TO YOUR FAIR CITY
WANTING TO SETTLE DOWN
AND OPEN UP A NICE LITTLE LESBIAN HANGOUT.
AND THEN WE CORDIALLY
INVITE SHANE HERE
TO SHARE A LITTLE SEX AMONGST FRIENDS,
AND THEN WHAT DOES SHE DO?
SHE BREAKS THAT TRUST BY SEDUCING MY GIRLFRIEND.
OH, HO, HO!
DENBO, YOU NEED TO START SINGING A NEW SONG,
BECAUSE, FIRST OF ALL, I DID NOT SEDUCE HER,
AND, SECONDLY,
YOU TOLD ME IT WAS OKAY.
NO, SHE DIDN'T. OH, YES, SHE DID.
DAWN...
SHUT IT. YOU KNOW,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
WHAT IF YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOR TWO SECONDS
AND YOU ACTUALLY LET YOUR GIRLFRIEND TALK?
BECAUSE SHE'S GOT NOTHING TO SAY.
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT WAS SOMETHING.
AS I WAS SAYING,
I UNDERSTANDABLY REACTED,
BECAUSE IN MIAMI, THAT SHIT DOESN'T FLY,
AND THEN INSULTS WERE TRADED,
AND ONE OF YOU,
I'M NOT MENTIONING ANY NAMES,
CALLED THE POLICE ON OUR ESTABLISHMENT.
YOU INFESTED THE PLANET WITH RATS.
JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HEALTH PROBLEM
WITH YOUR ESTABLISHMENT
DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT
TO TRY AND CLOSE SOMEONE ELSE'S BUSINESS DOWN.
UM, YOU ACTUALLY TRIED
TO SHUT DOWN MY FILM.
YOU DID NOT HAVE PERMITS FOR THAT NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU WERE BOTHERING
MY FRIENDS WITH CHILDREN--
THIS IS BULLSHIT, KIT.
WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING
TO THESE JOKERS?
I'M SORRY, I DON'T THINK I KNOW YOU.
TASHA.
[ALICE]: IT'S ACTUALLY CAPTAIN TASHA WILLIAMS.
MM-HMM, AND SHE'S HERE TO KICK SOME ASS
AND TAKE NAMES IF NECESSARY.
THAT IS SO AWESOME.
REALLY, CINDI?
WHAT? WHAT? IT'S IMPRESSIVE.
[KIT]: YOU KNOW, TASHA'S GOT A POINT HERE.
I REALLY SHOULDN'T SIT HERE
AND LISTEN TO ALL THIS BULLSHIT.
I SHOULD JUST KICK YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' ASS.
UH-OH. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY NEXT, MISS PORTER.
I'M TRYING TO BE CIVIL HERE,
IN THE INTEREST OF BOTH OUR BUSINESSES,
BUT IF YOU WANT THIS TO ESCALATE,
WE CAN DO THAT, TOO.
WELL, WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO?
ALL RIGHT, COME ON! COME ON.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PEACE SUMMIT.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET A PEACE SUMMIT,
BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER BELIEVE A SINGLE THING
THAT COMES OUT OF THIS ASSHOLE'S MOUTH.
WHAT DID YOU FUCKING JUST CALL ME?
ENOUGH. ENOUGH!
ENOUGH!
WHAT DO YOU WANT, DENBO?
HMM, WHAT DO I WANT, WHAT DO I WANT...
TURF.
TURF?
WE DIVIDE UP THE TOWN.
YOU CAN HAVE WEDNESDAYS AND SATURDAYS,
AND WE'LL TAKE FRIDAYS AND SUNDAYS.
KIT WANTS MONDAYS TOO.
KIT WANTS MONDAYS. KIT WANTS MONDAYS.
FINE.
BUT WE GET SUPERBOWL WEEKEND.
FINE. HEY!
NO POACHING CUSTOMERS.
THAT GOES BOTH WAYS.
NOW THERE'S JUST A LITTLE QUESTION OF RESTITUTION.
RESTITUTION?
RESTITUTION.
FOR EMOTIONAL HARDSHIP.
[GUFFAWS]
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
NO, MY HONOR WAS MALIGNED, AND THAT OF MY LOVER, CINDI'S.
[LAUGHING]
AND HOW DO YOU PROPOSE THAT WE RESTORE THIS LOST HONOR?
WE WANT PARTS IN YOUR MOVIE.
MY MOV...
NO WAY.
I DON'T WANT
A FUCKING PART IN YOUR MOVIE, JUST CINDI.
WHY WOULD I GIVE YOUR LOVER, CINDI,
A PART IN MY FILM?
'CAUSE SHE'S GODDAMNED GORGEOUS! LOOK AT HER.
WHY WOULDN'T YOU GIVE HER A PART IN YOUR MOVIE?
WELL, I THINK SHE HAS A FACE LIKE AN EXTRA.
SO YOU CAN BE AN EXTRA IN MY MOVIE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
SHE HAS TO HAVE A LINE.
SOMETHING PLUGGING SHEBAR.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO FUCKING WAY.
THAT'S REALLY TOO BAD.
I WOULDN'T WANT ANOTHER PRODUCTION MISHAP
TO BEFALL YOUR LITTLE SHOOT.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE A BROTHER, JOEY,
WHO'S NEAR AND DEAR TO ME, HE'S A TEAMSTER--
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
[CHUCKLING]
NOW, WHY WOULD I DO THAT WHEN I CAN FUCK YOU?
YOU ARE SO TACKY.
[WHISPERING]: I THINK SHE'S PSYCHOTIC.
WHAT DO I DO?
[WHISPERING]: GIVE HER A SMALL PART.
OKAY.
UH... AHEM.
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
AND... YOU, CINDI,
CAN PLAY THE ROLE OF, HMM...
PARTYGOER #4.
THANK YOU.
WELL, I THINK OUR BUSINESS IS DONE HERE.
WE'RE NOT FINISHED.
YOU'D BETTER BE SOON.
WE WANT A SHOUT OUT
TO SHEBAR ON THE LOOK.
UH, FUCK NO, DENBO.
A MENTION ON THE LOOK
IS WORTH MILLIONS IN ADVERTISING.
MILLIONS?
THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT, YEAH.
THERE IS NO WAY I'M PROMOTING SHEBAR
AND I'M NOT PROMOTING THE PLANET.
YOU'RE NOT?
WELL, I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE.
CINDI?
[WHISPERING]: BETTE? PODCAST?
ALICE WILL GIVE A MENTION TO SHEBAR,
AND THE PLANET,
BUT NOT ON THE LOOK.
SHE'LL MENTION BOTH OF THEM ON HER PODCAST.
OKAY, PODCAST IT IS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, KIT?
DEAL?
HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOU'LL KEEP YOUR WORD?
MY WORD'S ALL I GOT.
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TRUST ME.
DID YOU DECORATE THIS IN THE '80S?
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
THANKS.
I'LL SEE YOU SOMETIME.
BYE, SHANE.
SHE'LL BE... WAITING FOR HER CALL TIME.
ARE YOU SURE YOU STILL WANT TO DO THIS, ALICE?
BECAUSE IT'S SO HOT IN HERE
WITHOUT THE AIR CONDITIONING.
YEAH, IF YOU ARE, I'M READY.
OHH. I'M SO HAPPY TO BE OUT OF THERE.
I DIDN'T THINK WE WERE GOING TO
GET OUT ALIVE. DID YOU?
NO, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO, IS THAT THING READY FOR ME?
YES. YOU JUST HAVE TO PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
RED BUTTON...
YEAH, THE LITTLE RED BUTTON.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY. I NEED A SIGNAL.
HUH? A SIGNAL.
SIGNAL? HOW'S THAT FOR A SIGNAL?
GOOD? SO...
HI THERE! I'M ALICE, AND THIS IS ALICE IN LESBOLAND,
AND TODAY, I HAVE MY COLLEAGUE MAX SWEENEY WITH ME.
HI, EVERYBODY.
AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW,
MAX IS SORT OF OUR BEHIND-THE-SCENES
TECHIE GUY ON OURCHART,
AND HE RECENTLY DID A BLOG
ABOUT BEING A TRANS GUY,
AND IT KIND OF PISSED SOME OF YOU OFF,
AND I SAID SOME THINGS THAT WEREN'T SO COOL,
APPARENTLY,
AND I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE PUBLICLY TO MAX.
SO, I'M SORRY, MAX.
ACTUALLY, UM,
YOU SAID THAT I WASN'T PART OF YOUR COMMUNITY.
WHICH IS... IT'S MORE THAN JUST KIND OF UNCOOL.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
YEAH!
I WOULD-- YES.
AND I'M VERY SORRY.
UM, AFTER I SAID THAT,
I HEARD FROM ONE OF OUR GUESTBIAN BLOGGERS,
KATE KENDELL, WHO'S ALSO THE DIRECTOR
OF THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR LESBIAN RIGHTS,
AND SHE TOLD ME
THAT I SUCKED AND WAS FULL OF SHIT
FOR THE SAME REASON, SO...
I AM SORRY.
THANKS, KATE!
I GUESS I JUST KIND OF FIGURED
THAT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND
THE IMPORTANCE OF INCLUSION.
OF COURSE I DO.
I JUST THINK THEY'RE REALLY DIFFERENT.
I THINK BEING BISEXUAL
IS JUST MORE NATURAL,
AND I THINK THAT TRANS, SORT OF,
IT'S A LITTLE HARD FOR PEOPLE TO SWALLOW.
I THINK THEY'RE VERY DIFFERENT.
WELL, THE MAIN ARGUMENT AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY
IS THAT IT'S NOT NATURAL,
AND THAT IT'S NOT WHAT REAL MEN AND WOMEN DO, RIGHT?
AND, I MEAN, IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
SEXISM AND HOMOPHOBIA...
AND REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS,
AND ALL THE OTHER STUFF I HEARD YOU TALKING ABOUT
LAST WEEK ON THE LOOK,
THEN, I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT TO ACCEPT US.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP
MARGINALIZING YOUR TRANSGENDERED
SISTERS AND BROTHERS.
I HEAR YA.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
SO, AGAIN, I AM SORRY.
YEAH, I MEAN, I THINK IT'S SOMETHING...
THERE YOU GO.
UM, WAIT...
I THOUGHT JODI LIKED
CHAI LATTE?
OH. IT'S FOR TINA.
WE'RE GOING TO A THERAPY SESSION TOGETHER.
UH-HUH.
JUST TO TALK ABOUT ANGIE.
NOW I KNOW YOU'RE BULLSHITTING ME,
BECAUSE AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH BABY GIRL.
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT PARENTING.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOTHING.
[REPROACHFULLY]: BETTE.
FUCK.
COME BACK HERE.
DON'T YOU DARE!
DON'T I DARE DO WHAT?
DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT TO JODI.
I'M NOT TRYING TO DO ANYTHING TO ANYONE.
[SIGHING HEAVILY]
WELL, YOU JUST BETTER BE CAREFUL.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING TO SEE A THERAPIST.
PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
TO WHO?
I DON'T KNOW.
WORKING AT OURCHART'S
BEEN TOTALLY AWESOME, ACTUALLY.
YOU'RE A WAY BETTER BOSS THAN MY LAST BOSS--
OH, GOOD. EVEN IF YOU WERE
BEING KIND OF TRANS-PHOBIC,
OR WHATEVER.
YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, HE TRIES TO SET ME UP WITH HIS DAUGHTER, RIGHT?
AND I'M NOT OUT AT WORK, SO THEY DON'T KNOW
THAT I'M NOT A "BIO" GUY.
HI.
THIS IS RICHARD. THIS IS SHANE.
RICHARD? YEAH.
I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.
YOU, RICHARD. GOOD STUFF.
PART OF THE BIG OIL BUSINESS, AREN'T YOU?
I TOLD HER ABOUT YOUR INTERNSHIP
WITH PLESKER-PETERSEN.
WHICH HE QUIT,
BECAUSE HE DECIDED IT WAS IMMORAL,
AND AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT WE WERE
BREAKING UP BECAUSE HE WAS AN ENVIRONMENTAL CRIMINAL.
HI. HI! I'M SORRY.
[ALICE]: PODCAST!
OH, RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
OH! I'M SORRY. THIS IS--
THIS IS MOLLY,
PHYLLIS' DAUGHTER. HI.
OH! I'M FAMILIAR WITH PHYLLIS.
YEAH.
HEY, I'M MAX. HI.
HOW'S IT GOING?
WELL, LISTEN, RICHARD, WELCOME.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
YOU KNOW THAT JENNY GAVE AWAY A PART
IN YOUR MOVIE, BY THE WAY?
TO THAT GIRL, CINDI? THE LOVER. CINDI.
I CAN'T BELIEVE JENNY GAVE A PART IN THE MOVIE TO CINDI.
YEAH. THAT'S CRAZY.
WAIT. CAN YOU HOLD THAT FOR ONE SECOND?
YEAH. THAT'S ALL YOUR PRODUCTION NEEDS.
SO, UH, HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU STAND TO LOSE
WHEN YOU HAVE TO SHUT DOWN PRODUCTION
FOR THE DAY?
WELL, IT DEPENDS IF THE CREW'S ALREADY ON,
YOU KNOW, THAT COULD SUCK,
AND, THEN, IF THE CREW'S NOT ON,
THEN IT DEPENDS ON
HOW MANY LOCATIONS WE'VE SECURED--
[ELEVATOR STOPS]
YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
JESUS. WHAT WERE WE THINKING?
GODDAMN.
THEY SAID THE ROLLING BLACKOUTS WERE OVER.
THIS MIGHT BE JUST A SPONTANEOUS--
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
FUCK! I CAN'T GET A SIGNAL.
OH, GOD. OKAY.
TINA, I DON'T LIKE THIS.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
IT'S GOING TO GET REALLY FUCKING HOT IN HERE
IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS.
I CANNOT TAKE THE HEAT.
I'M GOING TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK,
I KNOW I AM. BETTE, JUST BREATHE.
OKAY? BREATHE? DEEP BREATH.
I DON'T WANT TO BREATHE TOO DEEP.
I'LL TAKE UP ALL THE OXYGEN.
NO, NO, YOU WON'T. IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.
JESUS, IT IS FUCKING HOT IN THIS CITY OF YOURS.
HEY!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I GOT A SHOW.
I'VE BEEN PAINTING LIKE A MANIAC.
REALLY? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE AN ARTIST.
YEAH.
I'M NOT A BIG, RICH ARTIST LIKE JODI,
WHICH IS WHY I INTERPRET FOR HER.
TO PAY THE BILLS, RIGHT?
EXACTLY.
SO, WHERE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
IF YOU MEAN GRACE,
SHE'S IN SAN FRANCISCO.
YEAH?
YEAH.
IT'S REALLY NICE TO SEE YOU.
GOOD, BECAUSE I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU.
YEAH?
WHICH...
IS WHY I HAVEN'T COME AROUND,
BECAUSE IT WAS KIND OF FREAKING ME OUT.
YEAH. I GET IT.
IT'S COOL.
MAX.
WOULD YOU SIT WITH ME FOR A MINUTE?
[ZIPPING UP GEAR BAG]
I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GO OUT SOMETIME?
WHAT, YOU MEAN, LIKE, ON A DATE?
YEAH, LIKE A DATE.
YEAH. SURE.
MAYBE TONIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.
[DISTANT SIRENS]
CON ED IS REPORTING A MAJOR POWER OUTAGE...
[**]
HEY.
[CHUCKLING]: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M FEELING WHAT 6:00 P.M. FEELS LIKE.
[KIDS PLAYING OUTSIDE]
[TRUCK DRIVES BY]
[DISTANT SIRENS]
[MOTORCYCLE PULLS AWAY]
I'M NEVER HOME BY 6:00 P.M.
I'M USUALLY STUCK ON THE 405.
[TRAFFIC PASSES]
[DISTANT VOICES]
I HAVE NOTHING
THAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU THINK DAN EVEN KNOWS WE'RE IN HERE?
I'M SURE HE'S DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN.
[SIGHING]
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WOULD SAY TO US
RIGHT NOW
IF WE WERE IN SESSION WITH HIM?
[LAUGHS]
HE WOULD PROBABLY ASK WHAT WE EACH OF US WANTS.
AND WE WOULD SAY
WE DON'T KNOW.
[CHUCKLING]
AND HE WOULD ASK...
"WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, TINA?"
HMM?
FUCKING IT ALL UP.
[LAUGHS]
[COUGHING]
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU AFRAID OF, TINA?
I'M AFRAID OF, UM...
...WHAT EVERYONE WILL THINK OF US,
HOW THEY'LL JUDGE US,
HOW HURT JODI WILL BE.
SHE ALREADY KNOWS THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.
DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT US?
GOD, NO.
I'VE BEEN SUCH A FUCKING COWARD.
I HAVEN'T...
[SIGHING]
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE WE REALLY...
I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS NEVER JUST...
EASY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NEVER EASY?
WELL, WE DON'T SHARE
THE SAME VALUES, JODI AND I.
DO YOU THINK WE SHARE THE SAME VALUES?
OF COURSE I DO!
I MEAN, I THINK THAT'S WHY WE WERE ABLE TO PARENT TOGETHER
WHEN THINGS WERE THE MOST ACRIMONIOUS BETWEEN US.
I MEAN, IT'S SO FUCKING RARE, TINA.
WE BOTH CARE ABOUT THE QUALITY OF LIFE.
YOU KNOW, AND I LIKE THE CHOICES YOU MAKE,
AND THE THINGS THAT YOU
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH.
I MEAN, THERE'S ATTENTION TO BEAUTY,
AND I THINK THAT'S IMPORTANT...
AND I'M COMFORTABLE WITH, YOU KNOW,
THE PEOPLE IN YOUR WORLD,
AND I THINK YOU'RE COMFORTABLE
WITH THE PEOPLE IN MINE.
WE LIKE THE SAME PEOPLE.
AND WE DISLIKE THE SAME PEOPLE.
[CHUCKLING]: YES.
WE'D BOTH RATHER STAY IN ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.
AHEM.
YES, DAN?
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF?
I'M AFRAID THAT I'M DESTRUCTIVE...
THAT IF I HAVE SOMETHING GOOD,
I FEEL COMPELLED TO DESTROY IT.
LOOK, I'M NOT SO PURE AND INNOCENT, OKAY?
I WAS AWFUL WHEN I WAS WITH HENRY.
I WAS FLAILING.
LOOK HOW I TREATED YOU.
I USED ANGELICA AGAINST YOU.
I WAS--
TINA, I LOVE YOU.
DESPICABLE.
I LOVE YOU.
I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
I'M JUST AFRAID THAT...
THAT EVERYTHING YOU'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW
IS BECAUSE WE'RE NOT REALLY TOGETHER?
IT'S AN AFFAIR.
NO.
BUT IT IS.
FOR ME,
WHEN I REALLY SEARCH MYSELF...
IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE AN AFFAIR.
FOR ME...
IT FEELS LIKE I'M COMING HOME.
JEN, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW.
I DON'T WANT TO.
I JUST WANT TO STICK AROUND
FOR A BIT MORE.
IT'S TOO HOT, IT'S WAY TOO HOT.
I KNOW, BUT I JUST WANT TO WAIT.
[BOTH SIGHING]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
PERFECT.
[GROANING]
HELLO?
HEY, I'M HERE AT THE HOUSE, ALL BY MYSELF,
AND THE LIGHTS KEEP GOING ON AND OFF,
AND IT'S REALLY FUCKING SCARY.
GIVE ME A FUCKIN' BREAK.
YOU'RE NOT SCARED.
SHUT UP. JUST COME OVER.
WHERE'S RICHARD?
I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY ON A PLANE BACK TO VERMONT.
AFTER HIS LAME-ASS EFFORT TO GET ME BACK,
I SENT HIM HOME.
OH, YEAH? HOW'S THAT?
HE KNOWS I'M A SUCKER FOR A ROMANTIC GESTURE,
SO HE THOUGHT HE'D FLY ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY,
AND THEN WHEN HE GOT HERE,
AND HE WAS AS LOCK-JAWED AND TIGHT-ASSED AS EVER.
[GASPING]
THE LIGHTS WENT OUT!
FUCKING SHIT! AGAIN?
CAN YOU PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE COME OVER?
PLEASE?
[KNOCKING]
HELLO?
COME IN.
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LETTER
THAT ANYONE HAS EVER WRITTEN ME.
IT COMPLETELY REMINDED ME OF WHY I WANTED TO BE IN THIS MOVIE
AND HOW I AM SO INTO YOU
AND I JUST, I LOVE YOU--
[GASPING]
OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD!
I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T--
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
UM, IT... IT'S OKAY.
YOU NEED TO GO
TO THE PRODUCTION OFFICE.
I THOUGHT THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE GOING TO MEET HER.
SHE'S GOING TO BE SO FUCKING MAD.
LOOK, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW, OKAY?
WHAT?
YEAH, I MEAN,
I'M NOT GOING TO TELL HER UNLESS YOU ARE.
YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE HER IN THE DARK,
AND, IT'S WEIRD,
BECAUSE YOU KIND OF EVEN LOOK LIKE HER RIGHT NOW.
SHE REALLY LOVES YOU, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW. I LOVE HER TOO.
OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER, ADELE.
HI.
THANKS FOR COMING.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
I'M SORRY ABOUT EARLIER--
THANKS. I WAS REALLY SCARED.
OH, NO. I GET IT.
IT WAS CRAZY DRIVING OVER HERE.
NO. NOT SCARED OF THE DARK.
SCARED BECAUSE I WANT TO FUCK YOU.
WINE?
I GOT A RED-- FRENCH BURGUNDY.
UM, UNLESS
YOU PREFER WHITE? NO, NO, I LIKE RED.
OKAY, GOOD.
GOOD. GOOD. RED. [POURING WINE]
I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
I MEAN, I KISSED A GIRL THAT ONE TIME IN GIRL SCOUTS,
BUT IT WAS JUST THAT ONE-TIME THING,
AND IT WAS TRUTH OR DARE,
AND IT NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN.
MOLLY, WE DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING,
YOU KNOW, WE CAN
JUST HANG OUT IN THE DARK, IT'S OKAY.
BUT I THINK YOU'RE REALLY SEXY.
MM.
YEAH.
THAT'S GOOD.
UM... I THINK YOU'RE--
I THINK YOU ARE, TOO.
RICHARD THINKS I'M ODDLY PROPORTIONED.
WELL, RICHARD'S A TOOL.
I KNOW. WE WENT TO NANTUCKET LAST SUMMER,
AND I CAUGHT HIM JACKING OFF TO INTERNET PORN
WHEN HE THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING.
HOW GROSS IS THAT, RIGHT?
YEAH, HE SAYS HE LOVES ME,
BUT HE'S TOTALLY FULL OF SHIT.
MORE?
WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT RICHARD STILL?
YOU'RE RIGHT.
FUCK RICHARD!
LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.
CAN YOU GRAB THE CANDLE?
YEAH.
FUCK THAT GUY!
I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY RICHARD.
I TOLD HIM THAT TODAY.
'CAUSE WHAT'S MARRIAGE ANYWAYS?
IT'S AN ILL-CONCEIVED, ANTIQUATED INSTITUTION
CREATED BY PEOPLE
WHO DID NOT EXPECT TO LIVE PAST 30.
DID YOU KNOW THAT? NO...
I TOOK A GENDER STUDIES CLASS,
AND DID YOU KNOW THAT, IN MEDIEVAL EUROPE,
THE WEDDING RING WAS A SYMBOL OF OWNERSHIP?
SERIOUSLY, IT WAS A DOWNPAYMENT
ON THE "BRIDE SALE."
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?
WOW. NO.
I KNOW, RIGHT? IT'S FUCKED UP!
I'M SORRY, I'M TALKING TOO MUCH.
I'LL STOP TALKING.
I TEND TO DO THAT WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
* LATE AT NIGHT
THANKS FOR DINNER.
SURE.
* THE AIR WAS COOL
* WE SNUCK INTO THE SWIMMING POOL *
CAN I KISS YOU?
YEAH.
* YOU DOVE HEADFIRST
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
* I WADED IN
"MOST IMPROVED."
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
HAD TO START SOMEWHERE.
[SETS TROPHY DOWN]
NICE ROOM.
[SETS GLASS DOWN]
[COUGHS]
[STARTS LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
OKAY.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY]
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS, YOU KNOW.
WE DON'T HAVE TO.
I KNOW...
WE DON'T HAVE TO.
WEIRD...
WHAT? BOOBS.
NO. I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
I'M AN IDIOT. ARE YOU SURE?
JENNY?
HI.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU CAME.
THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING LETTER
THAT ANYONE HAS EVER WRITTEN TO ME,
AND IT MADE ME REALIZE
WHY I WANTED TO DO THIS FILM--
[NIKI PROTESTING SOFTLY]
WAIT.
WHAT? WHAT?
JENNY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I'M SO SORRY.
AND I'M SO SORRY.
OH! I LOVE YOU.
MM!
OH...
WHAT?
YOU REALLY ARE LIKE A GUY.
A REALLY SEXY GUY.
YOU'RE SO MUCH SOFTER.
GUESS WHAT?
WHAT?
I'M NOT A GUY.
[LAUGHING]
SURPRISED?
YOU'RE WET.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
I DON'T KNOW. NOT THAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE READY FOR THIS.
I'M READY FOR THIS.
AM I DOING IT RIGHT?
[EXHALING HEAVILY]
UH... YEAH. YEAH.
YOU'RE DOING IT PERFECT.
[ICE CLINKING]
[CHUCKLING]
WHAT'S THAT LOOK?
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[LAUGHING]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OH...
I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.
HA! REALLY?
IT'S HOT IN HERE, ISN'T IT?
AH... GETTIN' HOTTER.
[LAUGHING]
HERE'S SOMETHING THAT CAN COOL YOU OFF.
YEAH?
* I WENT UNDER
* AND YOU FOLLOWED LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT TOMORROW *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
[CHUCKLING]
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
[LAUGHING]
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
FEELS GOOD.
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
I HELD MY BREATH *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW YOU HELD MY HANDS *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
THE STARS WERE BRIGHT *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW THE WATER CLEAR *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW I FELT YOUR HEAT *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW AS YOU SWAM HERE *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
[MOANING]
[GASPING]
* LATE AT NIGHT
* THE AIR WAS COOL
* WE SNUCK INTO THE SWIMMING POOL *
* I WENT UNDER
* AND YOU FOLLOWED
* LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT TOMORROW *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
[FEMALE NEWSCASTER]: THE HEATWAVE CONTINUES
TO WREAK HAVOC IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA,
WHERE THREE MAJOR WILDFIRES ARE BLAZING OUT OF CONTROL.
FIREFIGHTERS PREDICT THAT THE FLAMES WILL SOON...
[LAUGHING]
...BUT WEATHER CONDITIONS
ARE MAKING IT NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BATTLE THE FIRES,
AND HUNDREDS OF L.A. RESIDENTS
HAVE BEEN ASKED TO EVACUATE THEIR HOMES.
AT LEAST ONE FIRE GREW 10,000 ACRES
IN JUST SIX HOURS.
READY TO BECOME ONE OF CALIFORNIA'S
DEADLIEST FIRES...
[MOANING]
[MOANING INTENSIFIES]
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
THE STARS WERE BRIGHT *
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
[GASPING]
* EVERYTHING IS PERFECT NOW
WOW, THAT WAS AMAZING!
BUT OF COURSE IT WAS AMAZING,
'CAUSE YOU'RE A GIRL, AND YOU...
KNOW HOW TO DO THAT.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I DON'T REALLY THINK I'M READY FOR THIS YET.
I DON'T THINK I KNOW HOW.
I'M SORRY.
OKAY...
I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU ONE MORE TIME.
[MOANING]
[MOLLY GASPING]
OH, FUCK!
[MOANING]
[CLUNKING AND GRINDING, FLOOR INDICATOR DINGS]
OH, GOD.
WE'LL JUST-- WE'LL JUST TAKE IT SLOWLY.
WELL, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER?
ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER
IT'S BECAUSE OF US?
NO.
BUT IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO TELL HER BEFORE THE RIDE.
THE PINK RIDE.
[DINGING]
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
[DINGING]
[DOORS OPENING]
HI, DAN.
YOU POOR, POOR THINGS. THERE WAS NOTHING WE COULD DO.
ARE YOU OKAY?
WE'RE FINE.
ANYBODY TRAUMATIZED?
I THINK WE ACTUALLY CLARIFIED SOME THINGS FOR OURSELVES.
[PHYLLIS]: YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
YOU'RE NOT EVEN A LESBIAN!
NEITHER WERE YOU, A YEAR AGO!
WHEN I LEFT YOU THIS AFTERNOON,
YOU WERE WITH RICHARD.
THIS IS BENEATH YOU.
WHAT, BECAUSE SHANE'S NEVER READ PROUST,
SHE'S BENEATH ME?
SHE'S NEVER EVEN HEARD OF PROUST.
WHO CARES IF SHE'S HEARD OF PROUST?
I AM SO SICK
OF YOU JUDGING EVERYBODY THAT I KNOW.
SO SHANE'S NOT GOING TO WIN
A MACARTHUR GENIUS GRANT ANYTIME SOON.
IT'S REALLY NICE FOR ONCE TO BE WITH SOMEONE
WHO'S A LITTLE BIT UNEDUCATED.
SHE PROBABLY WENT TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
WHO CARES IF SHE WENT TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE?
WHO CARES IF SHE EVEN GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL?
I DON'T LIKE SHANE FOR HER POLITICAL VIEWS.
I LIKE SHANE
BECAUSE SHE'S EASY AND SIMPLE.
AND MAYBE SHE'S NOT
THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD,
BUT AT LEAST SHE'S NOT FUCKING RICHARD.
SEE HOW LONG THIS LASTS.
[PHYLLIS' FOOTSTEPS RECEDE AS MOLLY SIGHS]
[MALE NEWSCASTER]: RELIEF IS IN SIGHT FROM THE HEATWAVE.
LOOKS LIKE THE WEATHER WILL BREAK TONIGHT
AND TEMPERATURES WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL TOMORROW.
THE MID-80S. ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE.
AND ON THE NATIONAL NEWS FRONT,
THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION IS UNDER INVESTIGATION...
[SOULFUL, JAZZY SAXOPHONE PLAYS]
[**]