PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
SO IF IT'S JUST A SEX THING,
THEN YOU CAN GET IT UNDER CONTROL, RIGHT?
IT IS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OVER.
DID YOU FUCK ALL NIGHT
BEFORE YOU TOLD HER I WAS THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
THIS MORNING?
LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE HAVING THIS BABY ON MY OWN.
AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT?
I WANT THIS BABY MORE THAN EVER.
I KNOW IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO JUDGE YOU,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOU AND JENNY,
BUT I THINK THIS IS WRONG.
DID YOU GUYS HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO MARINA?
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN-- COMPLETE AND TOTAL.
I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE.
OH, YEAH? YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?
OHIO. I TOOK A JOB THERE.
I'M LEAVING THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE, TAKE OVER THE LEASE?
I CAN'T AFFORD THE RENT ON THIS HOUSE.
KIT, I DON'T HAVE $50,000.
IVAN'S THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD POSSIB--
IVAN IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.
[KIT]: NOT YET.
IVAN, I GOT HERE A LITTLE EARLY.
I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!
YOU DON'T THINK YOU COULD'VE CHANGED YOUR PLAN
A LITTLE BIT? I DON'T HAVE A PLAN.
THAT'S THE POINT.
DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?
THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
TIM...
[WHIMPERING]: DON'T LEAVE.
WHERE'S CLAYBOURNE?
OH, CLAYBOURNE.
CLAYBOURNE.
FUCK!
OH!
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* THIS IS THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE *
IT WAS BETTE'S HOUSE.
SHE BOUGHT IT BEFORE WE MET,
BUT SHE PUT ME ON THE TITLE
AFTER I MOVED IN.
DID YOU CONTRIBUTE
TO THE MORTGAGE PAYMENTS?
I OFFERED,
BUT BETTE NEVER WANTED ME TO.
I MADE PRETTY GOOD MONEY
AS A DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE,
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS BETTE,
AND SHE INSISTED ON PAYING THE MORTGAGE.
AND YOU ALWAYS DID WHAT BETTE WANTED?
NO.
DID YOU PAY FOR ANYTHING?
I...
PAID FOR UTILITIES, AND I...
PAID FOR THE FOOD,
ALTHOUGH MOST OF THE UTILITIES ARE IN BETTE'S NAME.
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
THAT'S THE WAY SHE WANTED IT.
WHY SHOULD THE LITTLE WIFE
HAVE TO PUT HER NAME ON ANYTHING?
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT THE CASE.
[BALL BOUNCES ON FLOOR]
I JUST NEVER BOTHERED TO CHANGE IT.
LOOK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M HERE.
I'M NOT GOING AFTER BETTE'S MONEY.
IF WE WIND UP IN COURT--
WIND UP IN COURT! I--
WHOA.
I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.
SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING, SO I HOOKED HER UP.
WITH A LAWYER?
JOYCE WISCHNIA IS THE LEADING
GAY CIVIL RIGHTS ATTORNEY IN L.A.
JESUS, AL, YOU AND YOUR FUCKING "BEST OF" LISTS.
BETTE AND TINA DON'T NEED THAT.
WELL, I WASN'T REALLY THINKING ABOUT BETTE.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT TINA.
FINE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE NEEDS?
I DON'T KNOW.
A LAP DANCE, MAYBE.
NOT A FUCKING LAWYER.
CLOSED?
WHAT?
SHIT.
DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHY YOU NEED A LAWYER?
OKAY.
BECAUSE IN THE EYES OF THE WORLD,
ESPECIALLY THE WORLD AS EMBODIED BY THE COURTS,
YOU ARE SHIT.
YOU GAVE UP YOUR AUTONOMY
IN A RELATIONSHIP
THAT THE LAW DOESN'T RECOGNIZE,
AND YOUR EX CONTROLS EVERYTHING.
SHE ALWAYS SAID WHAT'S HERS IS MINE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHOSE NAME IT WAS IN.
IF I NEEDED MONEY IN MY CHECKING ACCOUNT,
I JUST TOOK IT FROM SAVINGS.
I WAS AUTHORIZED ON THE ACCOUNT.
I NEVER HAD TO ASK HER FOR ANYTHING.
DOES IT BOTHER YOU IF I SMOKE?
I REALLY WISH THAT YOU WOULDN'T.
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
OKAY.
LET'S REVIEW THE FACTS.
DID YOU GIVE UP YOUR CAREER AT HER URGING?
YES.
DID YOU MAKE A HOME FOR HER, DID YOU COOK,
DECORATE, ENTERTAIN,
FILL THE HOUSE WITH LIVELINESS
AND WARMTH?
YES.
OKAY.
DID YOU OFFER YOUR WOMB TO GIVE BIRTH TO HER CHILD?
BETTE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THIS.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
I JUST STARTED SHOWING.
I HAD A MISCARRIAGE ABOUT FIVE MONTHS AGO.
BETTE DIDN'T HANDLE IT SO WELL.
I DIDN'T WANT HER TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.
SO YOU WENT AND GOT INSEMINATED ON YOUR OWN,
AND YOU'RE PROTECTING HER
UNTIL YOU'RE SURE IT'S GOING TO STICK?
YEAH.
AND THEN SHE CHEATED ON YOU.
SHE SPREAD HER LEGS FOR ANOTHER WOMAN.
COULD YOU PLEASE NOT SAY THAT?
IT'S TRUE!
DEAL WITH IT.
DOESN'T IT MAKE YOU ANGRY?
FUCK, YES.
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF.
GET WHAT YOU RIGHTFULLY DESERVE,
AND DON'T LET BETTE DECIDE THAT FOR YOU.
LOOK, TINA.
I AM NOT A MARRIAGE WRECKER.
IF YOU WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER
WITH BETTE...
DO YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, EITHER WAY,
YOU HAVE TO COME AT THIS FROM A POSITION OF STRENGTH.
WHETHER OR NOT
YOU AND BETTE EVENTUALLY RECONCILE--
ESPECIALLY IF YOU DECIDE TO GET BACK TOGETHER
AND REBUILD TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP,
FIRST YOU NEED TO HAVE YOUR AUTONOMY.
CAN YOU SEE WHY?
YES, I CAN SEE WHY.
I WANT MY AUTONOMY.
OKAY.
WHO IS BETTE'S LAWYER?
THE--THE--THE--THE--
THE SOMALIAN HEAD TRIP, THE ESPRESSO OF THE DAY,
IS THAT DIFFERENT THAN A REGULAR SHOT?
NO.
IT'S NOT? NO.
OKAY, WELL, THEN,
CAN I HAVE TWO, OF WHICHEVER'S STRONGEST--
OKAY. OKAY?
AND CAN I HAVE IT FILLED IN A TALL CUP,
HALF WAY?
OKAY. ANY FLAVORING?
WHAT, IN MY COFFEE?
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT,
WITH THE FLAVORING?
HEY.
GUYS.
SORRY. CAN YOU--
EXCUSE US. SORRY. EXCUSE ME.
SHANE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE.
WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY HAVE AT THE PLANET?
A DOUBLE SHOT.
GIVE THE WOMAN A BABY MIND BLOWER
WITH AN EXTRA HIT OF ESPRESSO.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THE EXTRA HIT, SHANE.
I MEAN, EVEN THOUGH THEY CALL IT
"THE MIND BLOWER,"
IT'S STILL NOT AS STRONG AS PLANET COFFEE.
AND WE WILL EACH HAVE
A TOFFEE NUT CARAMEL SOY
FAR OUT FRAPPE.
YOU DON'T MIND, RIGHT, SINCE WE'RE HERE?
TOFFEE NUT SOY...
FAR OUT FRAPPE.
FAR OUT FRAPPE... THAT'S...
THAT'S INTENSE, TONYA.
IT'S WHAT I'M IN THE MOOD FOR.
DANA DIDN'T REALLY SAY
THAT SHE WAS IN THE MOOD FOR ONE, THOUGH.
NO, BUT SHE LIKES WHAT I LIKE.
SHE ALWAYS WANTS WHAT I WANT
MORE THAN WHAT SHE WANTS. RIGHT?
IT'S TRUE. I DO.
THAT'S SO NICE.
SO LESBIAN.
IVAN'S NOT CALLING ME BACK.
IVAN DOESN'T WANNA TALK.
JUST TELL ME WHERE SH--HE IS.
I'VE BEEN TO THE APARTMENT.
HE'S NOT THERE.
HE'S GOT A CABIN IN IDYLLWILD.
HE'S GOT A CABIN?
YEAH.
IVAN'S GOT A CABIN.
YEAH. DUDE'S SET UP.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I APPRECIATE
YOU BEING PROTECTIVE,
BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
I REALLY CARE FOR IVAN.
SURE.
I NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
WHAT HAPPENED, YOU KNOW,
WITH THE TWO OF YOU?
WHEN I SAW HER?
WHEN YOU SAW HER, YEAH.
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE BUSTED IN.
I SHOULD HAVE WAITED.
IT WAS BAD.
I KNOW IT WAS BAD FOR IVAN,
BUT IT WAS UNSETTLING FOR ME, TOO,
YOU KNOW, BUT WE CAN GET PAST THAT.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE NOT IVAN.
OH, THAT'S CRAZY.
OF COURSE WE CAN.
JUST--JUST--
LET ME HAVE HIS ADDRESS, PLEASE?
NO, YOU KNOW, IT'D BE BETTER TO WAIT.
LET HIM CHILL FOR A FEW DAYS.
I CAN'T WAIT.
THEN, WHEN IVAN GETS BACK,
JUST DON'T MENTION IT, LIKE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
DAX, I CAN'T WAIT.
I DON'T HAVE A FEW DAYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
BETTE, I SCOURED THE RENTALS.
THESE GUYS DO A LOT OF SHORT STAYS--
PEOPLE COMING IN TO DO MOVIES,
AND THAT KIND OF THING.
GIVE ME THAT.
I CAN'T FUCKING AFFORD MOVIE STAR PRICES.
UH, SORRY, NO, YOU MISUNDERSTOOD.
IT'S CREW PEOPLE, NOT MOVIE STARS.
OH, OKAY. I'M SORRY.
GO AHEAD.
OKAY. UH...
HERE IT IS.
IT'S A LITTLE ONE BEDROOM
OVER ON BARHAM.
IN THE VALLEY?
ON THE CUSP.
IT HAS A 323 AREA CODE.
WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE SURE SHE LEAVES ME?
IT'S ONE OF THE FEW PLACES THAT RENTS MONTH-TO-MONTH.
I THOUGHT IF SHE WANTS TO COME HOME AFTER A MONTH--
I WANT YOU TO KEEP LOOKING.
OKAY, I'LL KEEP LOOKING.
AND FIND SOMETHING NICER.
I WILL NOT HAVE TINA LIVING LIKE THAT.
WELL,
IF YOU'RE WILLING,
IF YOU WANT TO SIGN A SIX-MONTH LEASE, I SAW--
I WILL SIGN A SIX-MONTH LEASE.
I DON'T CARE IF I LOSE MY MONEY
AS LONG AS IT MEANS TINA'S COMING HOME.
OKAY.
HERE WE GO. THIS IS, UH--
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE INTERESTED TO KNOW
I GOT A CALL FROM TINA'S LAWYER.
WHAT KIND OF LAWYER?
HER NAME IS JOYCE WISCHNIA,
AND SHE CLAIMS TO SPECIALIZE IN CIVIL AND FAMILY MATTERS.
SHE'S FAMOUS.
I NEVER HEARD OF HER.
SHE'S A GAY CIVIL RIGHTS LAWYER.
SHE'S ONE OF THE FIRST
TO SUPPORT SAME-SEX ADOPTIONS.
TINA AND I WERE GOING TO USE HER.
SHE ALSO DOES ESTATE PLANNING
AND CHILD CUSTODY,
DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP ARRANGEMENTS...
AND SEPARATION AND DIVORCE.
THE HUNTER...
AND THE HUNTED.
YOU HAVE 20 MINUTES TO WRITE.
IT'S FICTION.
NOT AN ESSAY.
NOT A POEM.
NOT A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS BELLOW OF YEARNING
FROM YOUR SOUL.
WHERE'S AARON ENGLEBERG?
WHERE DID YOU LEARN
ABOUT VIOLIN MAKING, AARON?
IT'S BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH MY FAMILY.
MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER, MY GRANDFATHER,
AND MY FATHER
ALL ARE MASTER VIOLIN MAKERS.
VERY POIGNANT.
LOVELY STORY.
IT WAS MY FAVORITE SUBMISSION.
THANK YOU.
THE AUTHOR
OF STORM SELLER,
S-E-L-L-E-R?
HUNTER KIRBY.
NICE USE OF METAPHOR, HUNTER,
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE PUNS.
AND TELL YOUR DAD I SAID HELLO.
I WILL.
AND, UH, MY GODFATHER SAYS TO SAY HELLO.
WHO'S YOUR GODFATHER?
EDWARD.
ALBEE.
WHERE IS SARAH SHUSTER?
JENNY SCHECTER, ACTUALLY.
JENNY SCHECTER.
SARAH SHUSTER.
WELL, WELL.
MS. SCHECTER HAS WRITTEN A STORY
CALLED THUS SPOKE SARAH SHUSTER.
UH, YES, I REALIZE THAT IT'S ARROGANT--
WELL, ARROGANT IS FINE.
HUBRISTIC, OVERLY PRECIOUS BAD PUNS
ARE TO BE AVOIDED,
ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE WANTS
TO BE ACCEPTED
INTO MY CLASS.
SHALL WE BEGIN?
[WINDS TIMER]
THE HUNTER AND THE HUNTED...
[PANTING]
NO, NO!
[DERISIVE LAUGHTER]
NO, NO...
[JENNY]: THIS NEVER HAPPENED.
[TIMER DINGING]
THAT'S IT.
PUT DOWN YOUR PENS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
* WE ARE WARM
* AND WE ARE SAFE
* ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN
* BEFORE THINGS CHANGE
* WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE COVER BROTHER *
* WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE COVER *
* BROTHER *
AND CUT.
BACK TO FIRST POSITIONS, PLEASE.
OH, GOD.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
JUST A, UH...
JUST A FEW MINUTES.
I SAW THAT SEXY GUITAR PLAYER
HITTING ON YOU.
YEAH.
LISTEN, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
YOUR MOM TOLD ME WHERE YOU WERE.
OH, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND.
COME WITH ME?
YEAH.
WELL, ALSO, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.
I WAS AN ASSHOLE.
[WHEELS SCRAPING]
I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME.
WHO TOLD YOU WHERE I AM?
LOOK, WE NEED TO TALK
SO WE CAN GET THIS BEHIND US.
WELL, I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW.
IVAN, I NEED YOUR HELP,
AND I KNOW IT'S A BAD TIME, BUT I JUST NEED 15 MINUTES.
NO, THAT'S OKAY, YOU KNOW?
YOU DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH ANYBODY,
AND THAT IS COOL.
I'M GLAD IT'S COOL WITH YOU.
IT'S TOTALLY COOL.
WELL...
[CLEARS THROAT]
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE CAN'T FUCK.
[DIRECTOR]: ACTION.
YOU WANT TO FUCK ME?
* SOMETIMES IT HURTS WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT ME *
* BUT IT'S GOING TO HURT MORE... *
[MUFFLED MUSIC]
* WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE COVER
* BROTHER
* WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE COVER BROTHER *
* HERE WE GO AGAIN
* OH, MIDNIGHT KNOCKS!
* OH, EXPLOSIONS!
CARMEN?
HEY, CARMEN!
OH, FUCK.
WHAT'S YOUR 20?
IGNORE IT. OH, GOD. NO, I CAN'T--
UM--NO, STOP--
UH, YEAH, GO FOR CARMEN.
I NEED A FRESH BATTERY ASAP.
CARMEN?
NO, NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT.
OKAY, YEAH, RIGHT AWAY.
[DIRECTOR]: STAND BY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER?
OH, GOD.
I HAVE TO GO OVER TO MY GRANDMOTHER'S.
I CAN'T LET HER DOWN.
NO PROBLEM.
UM...
I COULD COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE LATE.
NO.
NO, MY ROOMMATES ARE GOING TO BE THERE.
WELL, UH, WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW?
NO, TOMORROW I'M GETTING A LAP DANCE.
WELL, I COULD DO A LAP DANCE FOR YOU.
[CHUCKLES]
I'D LIKE THAT.
BUT IT'S FOR MY FRIEND.
SHE JUST, UH, SHE GOT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.
MM.
YEAH, THOSE RELATIONSHIPS...
THEY CAN REALLY FUCK YOU UP.
YEAH.
MM-HMM.
* HAVE GOT TO TAKE COVER BROTHER *
* WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE COVER *
* BROTHER...
YOU WANT A BEER?
YOU'RE NOT DRINKING?
IT'S NON-ALCOHOLIC.
I'M NOT GOING TO BLOW MY SOBRIETY, KIT.
IVAN, THIS...THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT HARD.
I MEAN, AFTER SEEING YOU AS A WOMAN...
YOUR BODY'S BEAUTIFUL.
I MEAN, UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT TO BE BEAUTI--
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME, OKAY?
I BROUGHT MY BUSINESS PLAN.
MY SISTER BETTE'S GOING TO CO-SIGN FOR THE LOAN,
BUT THE BANK WON'T LEND ME THE $75,000
UNLESS I CAN COME UP WITH $50,000 IN CASH,
AND SHE JUST DOESN'T HAVE IT.
$50,000 IS A LOT OF MONEY.
WELL, TOMORROW, I HAVE TO MEET MANFREDI FERRER,
MARINA'S DAD,
AND IF I DON'T HAVE IT TOGETHER, THEN...
IT'S OVER FOR ME.
LEAVE YOUR BUSINESS PLAN.
I'LL LOOK IT OVER.
I'VE GOT THINGS I NEED TO DO NOW.
IVAN...
IS--IS THERE...A CHANCE?
YOU SHOULDN'T COUNT ON ME.
WILD BOAR HUNTING...
WELL, THAT'S CERTAINLY A LITERAL INTERPRETATION.
GLOCK'S SUBMISSION LOOKS PROMISING.
I LIKE THE DESCRIPTION OF THE, UH, LAWN MOWER.
ALWAYS GO FOR DETAIL.
MM...
I SEE THAT JENNY SCHECTER
SET HER STORY
OF THE HUNTER AND THE HUNTED
IN A CARNIVAL.
IS IT A TRUE STORY, SCHECTER?
YES.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
IT LACKS IMAGINATION.
YOU HAVEN'T TRANSFORMED IT INTO FICTION.
THANKS FOR TRYING, PEOPLE.
YOU'LL ALL HEAR FROM ME WITHIN THE NEXT 10 DAYS.
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
BECAUSE WE WANT THEM TO TAKE PART IN THE WEDDING.
WE WANT THEM IN THE WEDDING PHOTOS.
WE WANT YOUR FATHER TO GIVE YOU AWAY.
YEAH. GIVE ME AWAY.
THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING TO DISOWN ME.
HONEY, THEY KNOW WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, DON'T THEY?
YES.
AND THEY HAVEN'T DISOWNED US YET,
HAVE THEY?
[SIGHING]
POOKIE, THE WORST THEY CAN DO...
IS REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE US.
WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH
WHAT THEY'RE DOING ALREADY, RIGHT?
MM.
I NEED YOU TO GO GET READY.
OKAY.
I NEED YOU TO WEAR YOUR HAIR IN A PONYTAIL,
AND LET ME TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING ELSE.
OKAY?
OKAY.
MM. MM.
[KNOCKING]
[THUNK]
FUCK, TINA. YOUR SHIT'S EVERYWHERE.
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
WHERE THE FUCK IS TINA?
BETTE.
SHE'S NOT HERE,
BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME IN.
SHE'S AT WORK.
SHE AND OSCAR ARE INTO SOME BIG PROJECT.
DID YOU KNOW SHE'S HIRING A LAWYER?
SHE'S NOT HIRING ONE.
SHE JUST WENT FOR A CONSULTATION.
OH! PROVIDE BANK STATEMENTS.
HAVE THE HOUSE REAPPRAISED.
SUPPLY A LIST OF MY ASSETS.
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A CONSULTATION?
SHE WAS JUST GOING TO GET SOME ADVICE.
I THOUGHT SHE NEEDED IT.
YOU KNOW, TO FEEL LIKE SHE HAD SOME OPTIONS.
YOU THOUGHT?
BETTE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING OF HER OWN ANYMORE.
SO YOU SENT HER TO FUCKING JOYCE WISCHNIA?
I JUST SUGGESTED SHE SEE A LAWYER.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK ME?
YEAH. FUCK YOU.
WEREN'T YOU MY FRIEND?
YOU KNOW, I'M STILL YOUR FRIEND.
I'M TOTALLY YOUR FRIEND, BUT YOU CAN BE A LITTLE CRUEL.
I'VE BEEN THERE. I REMEMBER.
THAT'S LOW.
YOU AND I DATED FOR SIX WEEKS.
IT WAS NEVER GOING TO GO ANYWHERE.
I DID US BOTH A FAVOR.
IT'S JUST...TINA'S HURTING.
AND I WOULD KIND OF LIKE MY PLACE BACK SOMEDAY.
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT... MY FRIEND.
YOU CAN JUDGE ME ALL YOU WANT TO.
YOU CAN MAKE ME INTO A PARIAH.
I FUCKING DESERVE IT.
BUT DON'T YOU DARE INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE LIKE THAT, OKAY?
DON'T CROSS THAT LINE AGAIN.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO CROSS A LINE.
I--I'M SORRY!
TO SPONSORSHIP.
TO MY LITTLE GIRL'S BRILLIANT CAREER.
MM-HMM.
MM. OH...
IS THIS A SKINNY RUSSIAN?
WELL, I KNEW
THAT WAS YOUR DRINK, SHARON.
OH.
MOM?
IT'S ACTUALLY TONYA THAT'S THE BRILLIANT ONE.
SHE'S THE ONE
WHO LOCKED IN THE GM DEAL.
THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING.
SHARON, IRWIN, DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT AN IMPACT DANA CAN HAVE?
BECAUSE, SHE'S, WELL,
BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE
THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL NEXT DOOR.
I THINK DANA'S PRETTY NEAR PERFECT.
DANA AND YOUR WIFE--
TWO PERFECT EXAMPLES
OF STRENGTH BALANCED BY FEMININITY.
UM...SHARON, IRWIN,
DANA AND I HAVE SOMETHING
WE'D LIKE TO ASK YOU.
NO, I'M SORRY,
YOU CANNOT HAVE THE TIFFANY LAMPS
UNTIL DADDY AND I ARE READY TO DOWNSIZE.
[FAIRBANKS LAUGHING]
WELL, YOU KNOW WE'VE SET A DATE...
WE'D REALLY LIKE YOUR BLESSING.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT DIFFERENCE THAT MAKES.
IT WOULD MEAN A LOT.
MOM?
YOU KNOW, I--
I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU TWO.
BOTH OF YOU, SUCH PRETTY GIRLS.
NEITHER OF YOU WOULD HAVE ANY TROUBLE FINDING A MAN.
OH, GOD.
WE DON'T WANT TO FIND A MAN, MOM.
GOD!
DANA-- NO, IT'S JUST FRUSTRATING, YOU KNOW?
I TRY TO TELL YOU GUYS, AND YOU JUST DON'T LISTEN.
IT'S OKAY.
SHARON, I WAS ENGAGED ONCE BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW IF DANA TOLD YOU.
NO. NO, SHE DIDN'T.
WELL...
HIS NAME WAS BAYARD.
HE WAS SMART AND SUCCESSFUL.
HE WAS A REAL ESTATE LAWYER.
HE WAS TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH ME.
NOW, I TRIED REALLY HARD
TO MAKE THAT ONE WORK,
BUT EVERY NIGHT,
I WOULD WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
CRYING.
AND ONE NIGHT, BAYARD WOKE UP
AND HE FOUND ME LIKE THAT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?
DAMNED IF I DO.
HE GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE,
AND HE SAID,
"TONYA... WILL YOU NOT MARRY ME?"
"BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART,
AND I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO MAKE YOU UNHAPPY."
"BE TRUE TO YOURSELF, TONYA."
"FOLLOW YOUR HEART."
OH.
AM I REALLY SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT
IF I ORDER AN AWESOME?
NOT IF IT SPILLS IN YOUR PRIUS.
HI. I'M GOING TO TRY
THAT TOFFEE NUT CARAMEL SOY FRAPPU--
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
TONYA ORDERED IT YESTERDAY.
IT WAS LETHAL.
WELL, TOO BAD SHE DIDN'T KEEL OVER AND DIE.
AL...
OH, I'M SORRY.
WAS THAT TOO BRUTALLY FRANK AND HONEST FOR YOU?
I DON'T KNOW, YOU GUYS.
I DON'T TRUST HER
AND I HOPE DANA GETS A PRENUP.
SHE SHOULD GO SEE JOYCE WISCHNIA.
WHAT?
DON'T GET ME INVOLVED IN THAT.
BETTE TOTALLY REAMS ME
FOR SUGGESTING TINA SEE A LAWYER.
WELL, I CAN'T BLAME HER.
SORRY, TINA.
I'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE MY WHOLE LIFE.
IT'S ABOUT TIME I STARTED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
THAT'S WHY I NEED A LAWYER.
YEAH, BUT... POOR BETTE.
WELL, SHE'S NOT EXACTLY THE INNOCENT PARTY.
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT, YOU KNOW, GETTING A LAWYER
MEANS THAT THINGS WILL GET UGLY.
COULDN'T YOU JUST TRY
TO WORK IT OUT TOGETHER?
BETTE AND I NEED TO BE ON EQUAL FOOTING
BEFORE THERE'S ANY CHANCE THAT WE COULD WORK ANYTHING OUT.
I NEED MY AUTONOMY.
I DON'T THINK
THAT I WROTE VERY WELL YESTERDAY,
AND I THINK THAT MADAME BIRCH
DIDN'T REALLY LIKE ME.
OH, WELL, SHE WAS PROBABLY JEALOUS
BECAUSE YOU'RE SO GIFTED
AND HOT.
OF COURSE.
COME ON, COME MEET MY FRIENDS.
TODAY'S THE DAY.
YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE LING LING.
OKAY.
OKAY, NOW,
LING LING-- YEAH.
IS...THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER!
RIGHT?
ACTUALLY, NOT QUITE.
LING LING'S SEVEN MONTHS OLD.
HER MOM CLAUDIA IS THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER,
AND HER OTHER MOTHER MARGARET
IS THE GERIATRIC NURSE. RIGHT.
RIGHT?
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
AND THEY HAVE, UM, AN ADOPTED CHINESE BABY.
YEAH.
OKAY. WHO ELSE?
IS IT ALL GOING TO BE COUPLES TODAY?
MM...YEAH.
UM, YEAH, MOST OF MY FRIENDS
ARE MARRIED.
THEY SORT OF, UM, TOOK CARE OF ME
AFTER, YOU KNOW,
CLAYBOURNE AND I BROKE UP.
THEY WERE REALLY HAPPY WHEN I MET YOU.
DOES SHE KNOW
THAT WE'RE HAVING COFFEE?
UH, SHE'S IN NEWPORT BEACH
WITH HER FAMILY.
MM.
NO, SHE DOESN'T KNOW,
BUT I'M NOT HIDING IT.
WELL, IF SHE'S AT THE BEACH,
WE COULD'VE JUST MET AT YOUR PLACE,
LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
BUT WE HAVE RULES
AND WE'RE TRYING TO FOLLOW THEM.
DOES THAT MEAN
THAT YOU'RE FINDING IT DIFFICULT?
NO.
NO, NOT AT ALL.
YOU?
PIECE OF CAKE.
COME ON, LING LING.
COME ON. SAY YOUR WORD.
COME ON, LING LING.
COME ON, SAY YOUR WORD.
OH, SHE JUST SAID HER FIRST WORD.
SAY YOUR WORD.
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, JENNY?
OH, GOSH, I--I--I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW, YOU KNOW?
I JUST KIND OF FEEL LIKE
I SHOULDN'T BE THINKING ABOUT IT NOW, YOU KNOW?
YOU'VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.
ROBIN SHOULD PROBABLY BE THE FIRST TO GET PREGNANT.
NORA,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO GET ON WITH IT.
ROBIN'S GOING TO MAKE A GREAT MOTHER, JENNY.
SHE'S A BORN NURTURER.
YES, SHE'S A-- SHE'S A VERY KIND LADY.
IT'S A LITTLE SOON FOR THEM TO BE
TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN, NORA.
OH, COME ON. WE'RE LESBIANS.
WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING.
AND, ANYWAY, ONE OF THE PROBLEMS
WITH CLAYBOURNE
WAS THAT THEY DIDN'T TALK ENOUGH.
ROBIN DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
CLAYBOURNE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN MONOGAMY
UNTIL THE DAY OF THE WEDDING.
DID YOU KNOW CLAYBOURNE
CHEATED ON ROBIN AT THEIR OWN WEDDING?
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.
SHE WAS STUNNING.
WE'D LIKE TO SEE HER IN THAT TUX AGAIN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE DAY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
DO YOU WANT TO BE ALONE, OR SHOULD I COME IN?
UM...I THINK THAT WE NEED TO TALK.
OH.
OKAY.
TALK TO ME.
I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH.
MM, THAT'S A VERY BAD WAY TO BEGIN A CONVERSATION.
OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST NOT READY TO BE MARRIED AGAIN.
JEN, I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME.
ROBIN, IT'S SO OBVIOUS TO ME THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
AND I KIND OF FEEL LIKE...
I DON'T KNOW, THAT YOU SET ME UP OR SOMETHING.
OH, NO, NO, NO.
NO, THEY LEAPT TO THAT CONCLUSION
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT FOR ME, YOU KNOW?
YOU CAN'T PUNISH ME
JUST BECAUSE MY FRIENDS WANT ME TO FIND, YOU KNOW--
UH--OKAY, UM, I'M NOT TRYING TO PUNISH YOU.
LOOK, ROBIN, I'M JUST REALIZING THAT, UM...
I NEED TO...I JUST NEED TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW.
JEN, YOU CAN HAVE TIME ALONE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE WITH ME EVERY SECOND.
OKAY, UM...
UH...
I NEED TO TRY AND BE SELF-SUFFICIENT.
WELL, I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN
ON MY OWN BEFORE,
AND...
I THINK THAT I NEED TO JUST...TO FEEL SCARED.
WELL... THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF.
I'M--I'M NOT A SCARY PERSON.
I'M A LOVING-- OH, ROBIN, COME ON.
I MEAN, I'M TERRIFIED OF BEING ON MY OWN.
I'VE JUST GOT TO
MAKE MYSELF DO IT, ROBIN,
AND I CAN'T--
I CAN'T DISTRACT MYSELF
BY CREATING ALL THIS FUCKING LABYRINTH-LIKE DRAMA
THAT I'M SO GOOD AT CREATING,
AND I PROMISE YOU
THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET SUCKED INTO MY FUCKING BULLSHIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T. OKAY?
DON'T.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT I WANT AND DON'T WANT.
I KNOW WHAT I FUCKING WANT.
OKAY, WELL, I'M GOING TO SPEAK FOR MYSELF.
PLEASE.
THIS IS, UH, THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS.
I--
I CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN.
I DON'T KNOW, ROBIN.
THAT'S WHY I'M SAYING
WE SHOULD STOP NOW,
BEFORE WE ACTUALLY GO THROUGH ANYTHING.
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
DID I BLOW IT
BY TAKING YOU TO MEET MY FRIENDS TODAY?
NO.
I THINK THAT YOUR FRIENDS
SEEM LIKE REALLY GOOD PEOPLE.
AND THEY SEEM, UH...
VERY MATURE AND VERY, UM...
SETTLED IN THEIR LIFE.
SO, UH...
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
NO, I DON'T.
YOU JUST WANT TO SLEEP WITH PEOPLE,
MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
SO YOU CAN FUCK WITH THEIR HEADS.
WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.
RIGHT.
THAT'S WHY I THINK
WE SHOULD END THIS RIGHT NOW,
BEFORE...
I DISAPPOINT YOU ANY MORE THAN I OBVIOUSLY HAVE.
[CELLPHONE RINGING]
HELLO?
THIS IS SHE.
WELL, I DON'T THINK WOMEN,
ESPECIALLY LESBIANS,
SHOULD EXPLOIT OTHER WOMEN.
WELL, THE STRIPPERS I KNOW DO IT
BECAUSE THEY LOVE IT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER HAD A LAP DANCE?
IS THERE ANYONE ELSE HERE WHO'S NEVER HAD A LAP DANCE?
OH, MY INNOCENT LITTLE SWEETIE.
WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?
THAT WOULD BE OKAY WITH YOU?
WELL, IF DANA WANTED ONE.
BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE'S BOOTY
ON HER BOOTY RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU, POOKIE?
WHOA. AHEM.
WHAT?
JUST... DANA, SHE'S GETTING MARRIED.
HEY. I'M JUST PICKING UP.
I'LL BE TWO MINUTES.
OKAY, THANKS.
I DON'T THINK
I WANT THE FIRST WOMAN TO EVER TOUCH ME
OTHER THAN BETTE
TO BE A STRIPPER.
DID I HEAR
WHAT I THINK I JUST HEARD?
BETTE'S THE ONLY WOMAN YOU'VE EVER BEEN WITH?
[TINA]: YOU HEARD IT RIGHT, MISSUS.
OH!
WE ARE GETTING YOU A LAP DANCE TONIGHT.
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
[LAUGHTER TRAILS OFF]
HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
HEY, BETTE.
BETTE!
I'M SORRY.
THANKS.
WAIT, WAIT.
THIS SUCKS.
YEAH, THIS SUCKS.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO GO.
I'VE GOT TO GO MEET KIT, SO...
I'M JUST, UH...
I'M JUST SORRY.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
THANKS.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[***]
WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?
I THINK IT'S HIDEOUS.
WELL, THEY'RE ALL DIFFERENT.
YOU KNOW, SOME HAVE REAL BOOBIES.
JUST KEEP LOOKING. YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE YOU LIKE.
COME ON, HONEY.
IT'S GOOD FUN.
COME ON.
WELL, MAYBE WE CAN GET MR. FERRER
TO GIVE YOU MORE TIME.
I CAN GO TO THE BANK WITH YOU
AND WE CAN TRY AGAIN.
TRY WHAT?
WE CAN TRY TO GET THEM
TO LEND YOU THE FULL AMOUNT.
I CAN PUT UP SOME ARTWORK
AS COLLATERAL.
NO, I CAN'T HAVE YOU DO THAT.
IT'S TOO MUCH.
YOU'RE ALREADY
PUTTING YOURSELF ON THE LINE.
YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T BE DOING THIS
IF I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY SHIRT, OKAY?
THANK YOU.
THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.
BUT I DON'T THINK
MARINA'S DADDY IS GOING TO GIVE US A BREAK.
HE SOUNDS LIKE HE WANTS
TO GET THIS OVER WITH FAST.
HEY, THERE, GOOD-LOOKING.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING TO DRINK?
THANKS.
WELL, CAN I OFFER YOU ANYTHING ELSE?
I'VE GOT A LOT TO OFFER.
UM, I'M WITH MY FRIENDS, BUT MAYBE LATER.
MAYBE LATER.
YOU'RE A PLAYER, RIGHT?
[CHUCKLING]
RIGHT.
YEAH.
OH. SORRY, I--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
YOU HAVE TO GET OUT-- THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES.
NO, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, AL.
ARE YOU THREE?
CAN'T YOU HOLD IT FOR A MINUTE?
NO.
FINE. FINE. GO IN.
SORRY.
GO ON.
YOU GUYS--
HURRY UP.
TINA'S FOUND SOMEONE SHE LIKES, I THINK.
WOW. THAT'S EXCITING.
COME IN.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE QUICK.
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES]
JESUS, IS THAT HIM?
COUNT DRACULA RIDES A HOG?
EXCELLENT.
MAYBE HE'S MORE DOWN TO EARTH THAN I THOUGHT.
LADIES.
IVAN...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I HAVE A CASHIER'S CHECK FOR $50,000.
I'M COMING IN AS YOUR PARTNER.
OH, IVAN.
IT'S A BUSINESS ARRANGEMENT, KIT.
STRAIGHT UP.
I'M IN BECAUSE I LIKE THE PLAN.
I'M YOUR SILENT PARTNER.
I HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOUR DAY-TO-DAY.
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU.
I WON'T BE HANGING AROUND.
I SEE A STATEMENT ONCE A MONTH.
BUT IVAN, I'D--
THAT'S HOW IT'S GOT TO BE.
IF YOU WANT IT.
GOOD LUCK.
[DOOR CLOSES]
SO YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON?
SUPPOSEDLY TINA FOUND A GIRL SHE LIKES.
NO, I MEAN WITH YOU AND DANA.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
ARE YOU GUYS
GETTING IT ON YET, OR WHAT?
NO!
OKAY. OKAY.
WE KISSED.
HOW'D YOU FIGURE--
DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW?
I DOUBT IT.
YOU'RE A FREAK. YOU KNOW THAT, SHANE?
CHECK IT OUT.
EXCUSE ME, LADIES.
HI.
YOU GO, GIRL!
GIVE HER SOME ENCOURAGEMENT, T.
DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING ABOUT HER?
YEAH, SHE LOOKS
A LITTLE BIT LIKE BETTE.
[***]
I AM MANFREDI DELLA FRANCESCO FERRER.
SI?
SI.
BUONASERA, COUNT--MANFREDI.
SI, BUT I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME,
SO JUST SHOW ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW.
THE MONEY IS IN PLACE?
I WANT A GLASS OF WINE.
[BETTE]: RED OR WHITE?
RED, FRENCH OR ITALIAN,
NOT ONE OF THOSE CALIFORNIA ABOMINATIONS.
WELL, I HEARD
THAT CALIFORNIA WINES ARE PRETTY GOOD THESE DAYS.
I HATE LOS ANGELES.
I DON'T KNOW WHY MARINA CAME HERE.
THIS IS A LOAN FOR $75,000, WITH A CONTINGENCY, SI?
UH, SI.
YES, I HAVE HERE $50,000 IN A CASHIER'S CHECK.
I THINK MARINA FELT SHE HAD A HOME HERE.
SHE HAD A LOT OF GOOD FRIENDS.
BULLSHIT.
WHO ARE YOU?
WHICH ONE IS KIT PORTER?
I AM.
AND YOU ARE?
BETTE PORTER.
AH, SI.
YOU'RE THE ONE.
THE ONE WHAT?
SUCH JUDGES, YOU AMERICANS.
YOU SIT IN JUDGMENT ON THE WHOLE WORLD.
WHO GAVE YOU THIS POWER TO JUDGE?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, YOUR HIGHNESS,
OR WHATEVER YOU WOULD LIKE FOR US TO CALL YOU--
ARE YOU REALLY SUCH AN EXEMPLARY PERSON?
ARE YOU PERFECT?
ARE YOU BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE?
NO. NO, I'M NOT.
YOU'RE SO CONVENTIONAL, YOU AMERICANS,
THINKING ONE STYLE OF LIFE
IS BETTER THAN ANOTHER.
WE HAVE SO MANY WAYS.
LOOK, I KNOW THAT I JUDGED MARINA TOO HARSHLY,
BUT, REALLY, THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT--
THE HEART IS STRONGER
THAN THE HEAD.
REMEMBER.
EVERYONE IS CAPABLE TO COMMIT A PASSIONATE CRIME...
AND EVERYONE DESERVES
THE COMPASSION TO START AGAIN.
AMEN TO THAT.
SO HOW IS YOUR DAUGHTER?
IS SHE OKAY?
MY DAUGHTER?
MARINA.
MARINA IS NOT MY DAUGHTER.
WE ARE MARRIED 12 YEARS.
MARINA IS MY WIFE.
AND SHE IS IN A HOSPITAL
IN MILANO,
AND NO THANKS TO YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
EVERYTHING LOOKS HERE TO BE IN ORDER.
MY PEOPLE WILL CALL YOU... TO CONCLUDE THE BUSINESS.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[***]
[BETTE'S LAUGHTER ECHOES]
HEY.
SO WHAT DID YOU ALL DO?
NOTHING MUCH.
WE JUST HUNG OUT.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU CALLED ME.
I WAS FEELING PRETTY LONELY.
DO YOU WANT ONE?
NO, THANKS.
TINA HIRED A LAWYER, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, I HEARD.
HOW DID I LET THIS GET SO FUCKED UP, SHANE?
SHIT'S NOT ALWAYS IN OUR CONTROL.
I USED TO THINK THAT IT WAS.
I LEARNED EARLY ON
THAT IF YOU WANT TO AVOID
THAT BIG MESS
THAT SUCKS AND FUCKS WITH YOUR LIFE,
YOU JUST KEEP IT SIMPLE.
YOU MEAN, LIKE, SEX WITH NO EMOTIONAL ENTANGLEMENTS?
[CHUCKLING]
RIGHT.
THAT'S JUST ME.
I DON'T THINK THAT APPLIES TO YOU.
YOU'RE A VERY WELL-ROUNDED INDIVIDUAL.
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK I JUST MIGHT LIKE TO STUDY AT YOUR FEET, SHANE.
[VEHICLE APPROACHES]
[DOOR OPENS]
HEY.
HEY, WHO'S THAT?
OH, HEY.
HEY, COME ON OVER
AND HAVE A BEER WITH US.
OKAY.
HELLO.
[BETTE]: WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT SEX
WITH NO EMOTIONAL ENTANGLEMENTS.
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WITH THE DAY THAT I'VE HAD,
THAT SOUNDS LIKE THAT'S FOR ME.
CHEERS.
CATCHING UP ON CURRENT EVENTS?
MM. YES.
THESE ARE ALL THE LOCAL NEWSPAPERS
WITH PEOPLE ADVERTISING FOR ROOMMATES.
I JUST PUT THIS AD IN CRAIG'S LIST
LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE.
I HOPE THAT I DON'T
GET A BUNCH OF CRAZIES.
SO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE?
YEAH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SCREEN PEOPLE
OR WHAT I SHOULD ASK IN RENT.
WOULD THEY GET THEIR OWN ROOM?
YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S, LIKE, A TWO-BEDROOM HOUSE.
WE SHOULD TALK.
YEAH?
YEAH.
OKAY.
WHY NOT, RIGHT?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
[CHUCKLING]
WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?
[***]