PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
IT'S A MARRIAGE THAT I DON'T WANT TO HAVE END.
IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT.
WE'RE HERE TO TALK FINAL SEPARATION.
WHAT?
BETTE'S SMOKING
AND DRINKING HERSELF TO DEATH,
AND YOU'RE EATING YOUR PAIN.
[TINA]: I'M HAVING A BABY.
I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE.
MY GUESTHOUSE IS EMPTY,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO MOVE INTO IT
UNTIL WE GET THE DEAL WE WANT.
YOUR SKIN LOOKS REALLY GOOD.
[MAN]: PEGGY PEABODY IS STEPPING DOWN.
HER DAUGHTER HELENA IS TAKING OVER.
BAD NEWS IS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HELENA PEABODY HAS IN MIND.
FRANKLIN, IF YOU WANT ME TO GO TO NEW YORK
AND MAKE NICE, I WILL.
THEY GOT ME A JOB.
WHO'S THE CLIENT?
ARIANNA SOMEONE.
ARIANNA HUFFINGTON?
YEAH. IT'S GREAT.
MAYBE YOU CAN GET SOME FILM CLIENTS.
T...
IT'S THE REOPENING OF THE PLANET.
I NEED TO FINISH
THIS GRANT PROPOSAL
AND TURN IT IN BY TONIGHT.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE A PLACE
WHERE MUSICIANS COULD COME AND JAM.
I JUST PUT THIS AD IN CRAIGSLIST
LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE.
WE SHOULD TALK.
WHY NOT, RIGHT?
I'M CARMEN.
I'M JENNY.
I KNOW.
HEY, BETTE. HI, BETTE.
I THOUGHT I WOULD INVITE MYSELF
SINCE NO ONE BOTHERS TO ANYMORE.
NOBODY LIKES CHOOSING SIDES.
[BETTE]: BUT YOU DO IT SO WELL.
[***]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
THIS IS DR. de OBALDIA RETURNING HIS CALL.
I'M IN SESSION FOR THE NEXT 45 MINUTES.
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
WE NEED TO TALK.
ISN'T THAT WHY I'M HERE?
PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
WHAT AM I DOING, ISABEL?
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
ARE YOU ASHAMED OF WHAT HAPPENED?
IT WAS PROFOUNDLY WRONG.
I-I COULD LOSE MY LICENSE.
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO YOU,
AND I ABUSED THAT RESPONSIBILITY.
I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT.
HOW IS IT WRONG...
IT'S ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
TO ACT ON DESIRE,
WHEN WE BOTH ARE SUFFOCATING FROM IT...
WHEN IT HARMS NO ONE...
WHEN IT'S SO...
FUCKING EXCRUCIATING.
BUT I HAVE DONE YOU A GREAT DISSERVICE.
PLEASE.
I AM ASKING YOU TO SIT BACK DOWN.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* THIS IS THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE *
HEY, GUYS.
HELLO.
ALL RIGHT.
A FAIRY GODMOTHER COMES TO VISIT.
SHE TELLS YOU SHE'S GOING TO GIVE YOU A PENIS,
BUT YOU ONLY GET IT FOR 24 HOURS,
AND THEN IT DISAPPEARS.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT PENIS FOR 24 HOURS?
I WOULD PEE STANDING UP ON EVERY BUSH I COULD FIND.
THAT'S ALL YOU WOULD DO?
YOU'D JUST... JUST PEE?
YEP.
YOU REALLY WOULDN'T TRY
TO FUCK A LOT OF GIRLS?
I DON'T NEED A DICK TO DO THAT.
[ALL LAUGH]
OKAY, HOW BIG IS MY PENIS?
HMM. OKAY.
LEAN.
OKAY, I SEE A REALLY BIG COCK
DOWN THERE.
IT'S LONG. IT'S NOT TOO THICK.
IT'S NOT TOO VEINY.
GROSS.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND, HAVE A GIANT SAUSAGE.
[ALL LAUGH]
I THINK THAT I PROBABLY HAVE A REALLY SMALL PENIS.
GIRL, YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.
OH, WE'RE TRYING, KIT.
NO, NO, NO.
I KIND OF LIKE MEN WITH SMALL DICKS,
BECAUSE THEN THEY WORK REALLY HARD
TO TRY TO PLEASE YOU, YOU KNOW?
RIGHT?
JENNY...
I AM BEGINNING TO THINK YOU ARE DEFINITELY A LESBIAN.
CARMEN'S CERTAINLY HOPING SO.
CARMEN? WHAT?
WHAT?
WAIT. THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU AND CARMEN?
NO, NO, NO, THERE'S NOTHING.
CARMEN IS ALL THAT.
KIT.
OH, ALICE, BEFORE I FORGET,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GIFT CERTIFICATE.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
DID YOU USE THEM, OR--
NO, NOT YET.
I WAS WAITING FOR BETTE TO COME BACK
SO WE COULD HAVE OUR MASSAGES TOGETHER.
WHERE'S BETTE?
SHE WENT TO NEW YORK.
SHE'S BACK ON FRIDAY.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE WOULD
TREAT OURSELVES ON THE WEEKEND.
[BETTE]: SHE WHAT?
SHE CAN'T FUCKING CANCEL ON ME
WHEN I FLEW ALL THE WAY OUT HERE JUST TO--
IT'S IN THE BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT TIME TOMORROW?
OKAY, WELL, IN THE MEANTIME,
CAN YOU GET ME A PRIVATE TOUR OF THE FRICK?
OH, AND JAMES, WILL YOU MAKE SURE
THAT HELENA PEABODY TAKES THE TIME
TO READ OUR PROPOSAL
BEFORE I WALK IN THERE TOMORROW MORNING?
OKAY, I'M GOING TO GET OFF.
I'M LOSING YOU.
ALL RIGHT. BYE.
LINDA'S MY REAL NAME, BUT I DECIDED TO GO WITH FEEF.
I THINK IT'S MORE MEMORABLE.
DON'T YOU?
UH...FEEF.
WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU'RE NOT BEING AN EXTRA IN MOVIES?
I SIGNED UP FOR A BERRY GANNON SITCOM TECHNIQUE WORKSHOP.
I REALLY WANT TO BE A TV STAR.
I JUST DID A LITTLE HORROR MOVIE,
AND THE DIRECTOR TOTALLY NOTICED ME.
I MEAN, AT LEAST I THINK IT WAS THE DIRECTOR.
HE WAS WEARING A BASEBALL CAP...
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER JOBS?
I'M SIGNED UP
WITH THREE DIFFERENT TEMP AGENCIES
THAT CATER TO THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS.
I JUST THINK
I'M THE PERFECT CANDIDATE TO GET DISCOVERED.
I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT ANYONE WHO'S ON TV RIGHT NOW.
MOST OF THEM STARTED OUT TEMPING.
I JUST READ A WHOLE ARTICLE ABOUT IT IN STAR.
OKAY.
YEP.
WELL, I THINK WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
I-I AGREE.
THANK YOU, FEEF...
THANKS.
FOR... FOR COMING BY.
BYE.
ALL RIGHT.
SHIT.
WE'VE GOT TO CUT THESE SHORT.
I MEAN, RIGHT BEFORE IT GETS UGLY.
MM-HMM. LIKE, IN ONE SECOND.
WE NEED TO THINK OF A SIGNAL.
WHY DON'T I
PULL MY EAR LIKE THAT...
COOL, IF THE PERSON'S NOT FOR YOU,
YOU PULL YOUR EAR, AND THAT MEANS, "OUTTA THERE,"
AND I'LL DO THIS...
OKAY.
YEAH? YEAH.
CHRIST.
[SIGHS]
I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS GONE.
KIT SAYS SHE'S BACK ON FRIDAY.
WELL, I'LL BET YOU ANYTHING
GRUBER TOLD HER NOT TO TELL YOU.
THE LAST THING THEY WANT
IS FOR US TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY
TO WALK THROUGH HERE AND TAKE INVENTORY,
AND HOLY SHIT,
I CAN SEE WHY.
WELL, WE MIGHT AS WELL START IN HERE.
TINA, WHY DON'T YOU TALK ME THROUGH THIS?
I IMAGINE YOU KNOW WHAT MOST OF THIS WORTH.
[CHUCKLES]
WELL, I DON'T KNOW EXACT VALUES.
I KNOW BALLPARK.
I KNOW WHO'S BEEN HEAVILY COLLECTED,
AND WHO'S BEEN SHOWN IN MAJOR MUSEUM SHOWS.
JESUS.
YOU LIVED WITH THAT?
YEAH.
IT'S LISA YUSKAVAGE.
SHE WAS ONE OF BETTE'S FAVORITE PAINTERS.
WHAT'S A THING LIKE THAT WORTH?
A LOT, I GUESS,
BUT BETTE BOUGHT IT
BEFORE SHE GOT FAMOUS.
THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
WE STILL CLAIM IT AS COMMUNITY PROPERTY.
[VOICE]: TINA, TINA, TINA, TINA, TINA...
QUITE A BIT OF CAPITAL INVESTED HERE, DARLING.
WE HAD THE PALM TREES FLOWN IN.
IT WAS CRAZY EXPENSIVE, BUT BETTE REALLY LOVES THEM.
SO DO I.
HELLO, MY FRIEND.
WE GOT THAT IN NEPAL.
WE HAD IT SHIPPED.
IT TOOK, LIKE, SEVEN MONTHS
FOR IT TO GET HERE.
MM.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
IT'S GIVING ME PEACE.
IT'S GIVING ME PROSPERITY.
IT'S GIVING ME CHILD SUPPORT.
IT'S A CONSORTIUM OF DOCTORS.
I SET UP THE QUICKBOOKS SYSTEM FOR THEM,
AND I RUN THEIR BILLING FOR THEM.
AND IS THAT PRETTY MUCH 9:00 TO 5:00?
MORE LIKE 7:00 TO 11:00.
IT'S PRETTY INTENSE BECAUSE, WELL,
PATIENTS DON'T WANT TO PAY THEIR DOCTOR'S BILLS.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
SO, EWAN, IF IT'S NOT TOO PERSONAL,
DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND,
A BOYFRIEND?
WELL, I HAD A BOYFRIEND,
BUT WE BROKE UP NINE MONTHS AGO.
IT WAS PRETTY MUTUAL,
BUT IT WAS STILL KIND OF A ROUGH TIME.
SORRY.
I AM STARTING TO DATE AGAIN.
YAY.
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE?
WELL, MOSTLY I LISTEN TO R AND B AND FUNK--
SLY STONE, CHAKA KHAN, PRINCE...
BUT I'VE GOT NO PROBLEM WEARING HEADPHONES
IF YOU'RE NOT INTO IT.
NO, NO, PRINCE IS EXCELLENT.
ESPECIALLY WITH THE REVOLUTION.
YEAH, WITH WENDY AND LISA.
YES.
I LOVE WENDY AND LISA.
THAT'S HIS BEST SHIT, HANDS DOWN.
FUCK IT. LET'S JUST SHOW EWAN THE STUDIO.
YEAH, FUCK IT.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING
I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY WITH.
IT'S NOT REALLY A BIG DEAL.
LAY IT ON US, EWAN.
WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT SOMETIMES I'M GOING TO BE NAKED.
UH, YEAH. YEAH.
I MEAN, WHEN YOU'RE HAVING A SHOWER,
OR, LIKE, WHAT?
GETTING CHANGED.
YEAH, L.A. IN THE SUMMER IS A KILLER.
EVERYONE SLEEPS NAKED. YEAH. YEAH, TOTALLY.
AND SOMETIMES, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, HANGING AROUND THE HOUSE TOO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU KNOW, LIKE, DOING DAY-TO-DAY THINGS,
LIKE DUSTING, GARDENING, READING THE PAPER,
COOKING BREAKFAST.
BASICALLY, I'M A NUDIST.
IT'S A LIFESTYLE THING,
BUT IT'S SO NATURAL.
AFTER A WHILE, YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT, EWAN?
OH, YEAH, SURE.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
IF I TOOK MY SHOES OFF, AND MY SHIRT,
IT'S WOULDN'T BE A BIG DEAL, RIGHT?
SO, WHAT IF I TAKE IT
ONE MORE STEP FURTHER?
THAT'S NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT?
OH, MY GOD!
NO, EWAN.
I RECOMMEND WE SET UP A SCHEDULE
FOR BATHING, COOKING, CLEANING...
AND I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY, REALLY BONDING
IF, ONCE A WEEK,
WE EACH MADE A MEAL FOR THE OTHER TWO.
MY SPECIALTIES
ARE STRING BEAN TUNA FISH CASSEROLE,
AND A SLOPPY JOE LASAGNA.
HI. I'M KIT PORTER.
THERE YOU ARE.
KIT PORTER.
HAVE YOU EVER DONE T.O.E. BEFORE, KIT?
NO.
WELCOME TO THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING,
BENJAMIN BRADSHAW'S
PATENTED TECHNOLOGY
FOR ACHIEVING PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION.
BENJAMIN AND T.O.E. ARE GOING TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
I JUST WANT TO TURN A PROFIT.
WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO GET A LOT MORE
THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR, KIT.
THANK YOU.
COME IN.
HI. I KNOW TODAY WAS ROUGH FOR YOU, DARLING.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY.
SUSHI?
NO, THANKS.
MERCURY POISONING.
WELL, I DON'T BUY IT,
BUT IT'S FINE TO BE CAUTIOUS.
SO HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP?
I'M OKAY.
I'M TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
I'M JUST THROWING MYSELF
INTO MY WORK.
YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON THERE?
I AM WRITING A GRANT PROPOSAL FOR A PROJECT
CALLED THE CAMPAIGN FOR QUALITY EDUCATION.
IT'S OUR MAIN FOCUS RIGHT NOW.
WOW. TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT IT.
WE'RE BRINGING K THROUGH SIX KIDS
FROM ALL DIFFERENT SOCIOECONOMIC SITUATIONS
AND PUTTING THEM
INTO A COMMUNITY OUTREACH PROGRAM
TO TEACH LITERACY AND CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS.
WOW, WELL, THAT SOUNDS AMBITIOUS.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, TINA?
YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONAL WOMAN,
AND YOU DESERVE TO BE FULLY APPRECIATED,
AND THE WAY BETTE TREATED YOU
WAS BULLSHIT.
GOOD NIGHT.
JOYCE.
YEP?
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR, SWEET CHEEKS.
[SIGHS]
THERE IS NO NEGATIVE WITHOUT A POSITIVE.
THIS MAN SAYS THAT THE ANIMAL HE MOST RESEMBLES IS A FERRET.
WHY?
HE THINKS OF HIMSELF AS A THIEVING RODENT,
BUT, MY FERRET FRIEND, PICTURE THIS.
PICTURE YOURSELF AS A FERRET.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
VISUALIZE.
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT FERRETS.
FERRETS ARE STRONG.
THEY CAN CARRY OBJECTS MORE THAN TWICE THEIR SIZE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT FERRETS ARE ALSO UNUSUALLY INTELLIGENT?
THEY ARE PROBLEM-SOLVING ANIMALS.
LOOK AT YOU.
WHAT A MARVELOUS CREATURE YOU ARE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, FRIEND?
[MAN]: GAVIN.
WHAT ANIMAL DO YOU RESEMBLE, GAVIN?
OH, THAT'S EASY.
AN OSTRICH.
GAVIN THINKS OF HIMSELF AS COWARDLY,
WITH HIS HEAD IN THE SAND.
GAVIN, DID YOU KNOW THAT MALE OSTRICHES
ARE FAST AND POWERFUL
AND MAJESTICALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT?
LADY WITH THE FLASHING EYES.
SO SKITTISH.
I'LL BET I KNOW WHAT ANIMAL YOU IDENTIFY WITH.
AN ALLEY CAT, I GUESS.
NOT JUST A CAT, AN ALLEY CAT.
SYBARITIC, FERAL, SELF-INDULGENT, IRRESPONSIBLE.
IS THAT YOU, LADY ALLEY CAT?
[***]
THEY'RE HARD TO SHOOT.
COME ON.
I'M TRYING.
I CAN'T.
GO FOR IT AGAIN.
I CAN'T.
COME ON.
GET HER. GET HER.
I'M TRYING!
THERE.
I GOT HER!
SHANE.
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR FLOW.
I'M SO BROKE.
IF WE DON'T FIND A THIRD PERSON,
THERE IS NO WAY I'LL BE ABLE
TO COME UP WITH HALF THE RENT.
ME TOO.
GOOD.
[BOTH LAUGH]
GOOD NIGHT.
SHANE.
YEP.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT THING THAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN CARMEN AND ME?
I MEAN, IF WE WERE TO--
ARE YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WE JUST KISSED.
SHE HASN'T CALLED OR ANYTHING.
YOU COULD CALL HER.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT ME TO INVITE HER OVER?
YOU WOULD DO THAT?
ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT?
CONSIDER IT DONE.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, SHANE.
THANK YOU.
SO...
THE BLACK ALLEY CAT'S NAME
IS KIT.
WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE UP IN HERE,
I'M SURPRISED YOU COULD REMEMBER MY ANIMAL.
KIT PORTER.
[CHUCKLES]
"TO ALLEY KIT,
"WITH SHARP CLAWS AND FLASHING EYES.
"SUCCESS, VISION, CLARITY, TRANSFORMATION--
ALL IN GOOD TIME. BENJAMIN BRADSHAW."
"ALL IN GOOD TIME."
HOW LONG WILL THAT BE?
IT DEPENDS,
BUT IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN ONE THREE-HOUR SEMINAR.
WHAT SORT OF BUSINESS DO YOU HAVE, KIT?
OH, IT'S CALLED THE PLANET.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A CAFE,
BUT I WANT TO TURN IT
INTO A PERFORMANCE CLUB,
YOU KNOW, AT NIGHT.
OH, LET'S START WITH THE CAFE.
WHAT DO YOU SERVE THERE?
COFFEE, DESSERTS, SALADS--
OKAY, HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
WHAT'S THE MOST POPULAR DESSERT YOU HAVE ON YOUR MENU?
DEFINITELY THE PEAR POLENTA TART.
I MEAN, WE'RE FAMOUS FOR IT.
STARTING TOMORROW MORNING,
I WANT YOU TO ADD $5.00
TO THE PRICE OF THE PEAR POLENTA TART.
$5.00?
IF PEOPLE ASK YOU WHY, JUST SAY, "IT'S WORTH IT."
IF THEY GET ANGRY,
YOU JUST SAY, "IT'S WORTH IT."
NO MATTER WHAT ANYBODY SAYS,
YOUR ANSWER IS, "IT'S WORTH IT."
MY CUSTOMERS ARE GOING TO SCREAM.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO SELL ONE SINGLE TART.
I'LL GUARANTEE YOU RIGHT NOW,
THE EXTRA $5.00 A TART
WILL COVER THE COST OF THE ADVANCED SEMINAR
I'M LEADING WEEKEND AFTER NEXT.
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR YOUR ADVANCED SEMINAR.
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
DON'T SIGN UP FOR IT
UNTIL YOU'VE MADE THE $250 EXTRA ON THE PEAR POLENTA TART.
[CHUCKLES]
I'LL SAVE A SPACE FOR YOU.
OKAY. THANKS.
WHY AREN'T WE SHOOTING?
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
WELL, ALYSSA HATES HER HAIR,
AND SHE INSULTED JAMIE,
AND JAMIE STORMED OFF THE SET,
AND NOW ALYSSA IS HAVING A TOTAL BREAKDOWN.
SHE WON'T LET ANYONE COME NEAR HER.
WHERE IS GORDO?
HE'S BACK AT THE PRODUCTION OFFICE.
HE AND ALYSSA HAD A FIGHT YESTERDAY,
AND SHE BANNED HIM FROM THE SET.
THE FUCKING ACTRESS BANNED THE FUCKING PRODUCER
FROM HIS OWN MOVIE SET?
YEAH.
FIND JAMIE.
TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASS BACK HERE
AND FIX HER HAIR.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE ANOTHER HALF A DAY.
NOW, VERONICA,
IF YOU HEARD WHAT SHE SAID TO HIM--
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK
WHAT THAT LITTLE CUNT SAID TO HIM.
YOU TELL HER THAT IF SHE'S NOT BACK
ON THAT SET IN 10 MINUTES
WITH HER HAIR PERFECT,
I WILL FIRE HER SORRY ASS
AND REPLACE IT
WITH KATE WINSLET'S SPOTLESS MIND.
JAMIE JUST QUIT.
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S FUCKING GREAT.
THIS BITCH IS COSTING ME $50,000 A MINUTE.
I'LL RIP HER FUCKING HAIR OUT.
JUST FIND ME SOMEBODY WHO CAN DEAL WITH HER.
[SHANE]: HI...
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
REALLY FUCKING SHITTY.
OKAY.
WHO IS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, I THINK IT'S ONE OF THE HAIRDRESSERS
THAT CAME IN TO HELP WITH THE DAY PLAYERS.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,
AND YOU HARDLY NEED ANYTHING AT ALL.
WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?
IT'S JUST ONE CRAZY BITCH.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
WHO ARE YOU CALLING A CRAZY BITCH?
WHEN WE GET BACK TO SHOOTING
AND THAT LITTLE BITCH COMES BACK TO WORK,
HAVE THAT PERSON COME AND SEE ME.
THE HAIRDRESSER?
I'LL BE IN MY TRAILER.
JOHN, GO TO TWO.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.
LET'S GO.
[SIGHS]
MORNING. PEABODY FOUNDATION.
HOW CAN I HELP?
IT'S BETTE PORTER FOR HELENA PEABODY.
[DOOR BUZZES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
BETTE PORTER.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SEEING ME.
REMIND ME AGAIN.
YOU'RE WITH?
THE CALIFORNIA ART CENTER.
OUR MUSEUM HAS A LONG-STANDING RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE PEABODY FOUNDATION.
WE ALWAYS FUNDED THE ARTS VERY GENEROUSLY.
I'M GLAD YOU BENEFITED.
WE DID, IMMENSELY,
BUT I HOPE YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING IN THE PAST TENSE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR MOTHER WAS A GREAT SUPPORTER OF OURS.
SHE HELPED TO FUND THREE TO FIVE PROJECTS A YEAR.
MY MOTHER'S RETIRED.
I'M AWARE OF THAT.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE, OBVIOUSLY.
OBVIOUSLY.
WELL, I'M SURE YOU'VE RECEIVED OUR PROPOSAL.
I KNOW IT ARRIVED.
TO BE HONEST,
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN AROUND TO THE ARTS PROJECTS.
YOU HAVEN'T READ IT.
I'VE BEEN FOCUSING ON THE SOCIAL JUSTICE PROGRAMS.
LOOK AT THIS, BETTE.
THAT'S A GROUP IN BOSTON,
WANTS TO CONVERT AN OLD RESIDENTIAL HOTEL
INTO A SHELTER FOR HOMELESS WOMEN AND CHILDREN.
THESE WOMEN ARE WORKING TWO, THREE JOBS,
BREAKING THEIR BACKS TRYING TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN
WHO THEY HARDLY EVER GET TO SEE
BECAUSE THEY'RE WORKING SO HARD TO FEED AND CLOTHE THEM.
IT'S FUCKING HEARTBREAKING.
HELENA, I HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO CONTINUE
TO SUPPORT THE ARTS
AS GENEROUSLY AS YOUR MOTHER DID.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HELENA,
THE ARTS ARE THE VITALITY OF LOS ANGELES.
WE ARE SETTING THE CULTURAL AGENDA
FOR THE REST OF THE COUNTRY.
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HAS COMPLETELY ABDICATED.
WE DEPEND ON PRIVATE SUPPORT,
AND THE PEABODY FOUNDATION
IS LIKE A BEACON.
HELENA, CIVILIZATIONS WITHER AND DIE WITHOUT THE ARTS.
VERY DRAMATIC.
I'M NOT RULING OUT THE ARTS, BETTE.
I'M JUST SAYING
THE FOUNDATION IS LOOKING AT DIFFERENT PRIORITIES.
WELL, ONCE YOU READ OUR PROPOSAL,
YOU'LL SEE ONE OF THE PROJECTS,
"OUR CLOTHES, OUR CITY,"
IS BY SEVEN YOUNG WOMEN,
ASYLUM SEEKERS FROM RWANDA, KENYA, AND KOSOVO.
WHAT THEY'RE DOING IS EXPLORING--
[DOOR OPENS]
[BOTH]: MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY...
OH, MY GOD, I MISSED YOU.
WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE?
IN FACT, TELL ME,
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO ALL THIS TIME?
HEY... WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
COME HERE.
COME HERE, YOU.
YOU KNOW, IT SOUNDS LIKE A WORTHY PROJECT,
BUT JUST IMAGINE HOW MANY CHILDREN
I COULD FEED WITH THAT $35,000.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD CHILDREN.
THIS IS WILSON, AND THIS IS JUN YING,
AND I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS.
HAVE I?
MY PARTNER AND I ARE TRYING TO START A FAMILY.
YOU'RE OUTGROWING EVERYTHING.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE YOU
ON A SHOPPING TRIP.
[WILSON]: LET'S GO SHOPPING.
WE'LL GO SHOPPING?
I RECOMMEND IT.
CHILDREN COMPLETE YOUR LIFE.
NOW, TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR HORSEBACK-RIDING LESSON.
WAS IT FUN?
[WILSON]: THE PONY'S NAME IS MOON WALKER,
AND I TROTTED HIM!
[HELENA]: YOU TROTTED IT?
I HAD A HORSE, TOO.
YOU DID?
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
BETTE, I KNOW YOU'RE ANXIOUS TO HEAR FROM US.
REST ASSURED, I WILL READ YOUR PROPOSAL
AND GIVE IT A FAST AND FAIR HEARING.
NOW, WHO WANTS TO STOP
AT THE ENCHANTED FOREST ON THE WAY HOME, HEY?
BECAUSE I SAW THE BIGGEST STUFFED GIRAFFE
IN THE WINDOW,
AND I THINK IT TOLD ME
THAT IT WANTED TO COME AND LIVE WITH US.
IF WE WRAP BY 9:00, IT'LL BE A FUCKING MIRACLE.
I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
SO YOUR LUNCH IS SET FOR 12:30 AT A.O.C.
OUR DAILIES ARE AT 3:00 TODAY,
OR I CAN JUST DOWNLOAD THEM FOR YOU
FROM THE VPO,
AND SHANE McCUTCHEON IS HERE.
WHO?
THE HAIRDRESSER.
WHO SENT THE BASKET?
THE CARD'S ATTACHED.
YEAH, I DON'T LIKE TO READ IF I DON'T HAVE TO.
IT'S FROM WARNER'S PUBLICITY.
GET IT OUT OF HERE.
THOSE FUCKING ASS-LICKS.
I HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING PEANUT BRITTLE
TO FEED ALL THE MONKEYS IN CHINA.
[SIGHS]
DO YOU MAKE A HABIT OF REFERRING TO YOUR EMPLOYER
AS A CRAZY BITCH?
UH, SHIT, UM.
NO.
I GUESS I FUCKED UP.
I GUESS YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS.
NO, I DIDN'T.
HMM.
HOW COULD THAT BE, REALLY?
ARE YOU ILLITERATE?
ARE YOU FROM MARS?
HAVE YOU NOT READ A NEWSPAPER IN THE LAST SEVEN YEARS?
I'M DONE FOR THE DAY, SO I'M GOING TO GO.
WHAT ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE?
ARE YOU THE POSTER CHILD
FOR THE UNDERNOURISHED AND GENDER-CONFUSED?
YEAH, IF YOU SAY SO.
HEY!
WHAT?
LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE.
THE STUDIO HEAD IS MUCH MORE VITAL
TO YOUR CONTINUED EMPLOYMENT
THAN THE MORONIC ACTRESS WHO'S STARRING IN MY MOVIE.
LOOK, I WAS TRYING TO CALM HER DOWN.
I'M SORRY IF IT OFFENDED YOU.
OH, I WASN'T OFFENDED.
THAT WAS FUCKING IMPRESSIVE,
AND, FRANKLY, UNPRECEDENTED.
HOW'S THAT?
ALYSSA NERO
IS NOTORIOUS
FOR HOLDING UP PRODUCTION FOR HOURS ON END.
YOU WERE ABLE TO CALM HER DOWN IN FIVE MINUTES.
IT REALLY WASN'T THAT HARD.
YOU WENT ON INSTINCT, RIGHT?
YEAH, I GUESS I DID.
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF DOING IT FOR A LIVING?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I DO HAIR.
YOU KNOW HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE.
IT'S A VERY RARE AND SPECIAL SKILL.
I AM ALWAYS INTERESTED IN PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL SKILLS.
THANKS, BUT LIKE I SAID--
YOU'D BE MY NEW ASSISTANT.
YOU'D COME WITH ME ON MEETINGS,
MAYBE TWICE, THREE TIMES A WEEK,
IF I THOUGHT YOUR SPECIAL SKILL
COULD COME IN HANDY.
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TELL YOU.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
WOULD PIERCE THEIR LEFT NIPPLE TO GET THIS JOB?
HI. IT'S BETTE PORTER FOR HELENA PEABODY.
WE MET THIS MORNING, AND I--
WELL, I WOULD PREFER TO SPEAK TO HER DIRECTLY.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU LET ME KNOW WHEN SHE IS AVAILABLE?
FINE. I WILL CALL HER THEN.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WITH THE COMPANY
FOR ABOUT FOUR YEARS.
THEY TREAT ME WELL,
SO I DON'T SEE MYSELF GOING ANYWHERE.
GOOD. G--
WOULD YOU BE HAPPY IN THE STUDIO BACK THERE?
BECAUSE SHANE, MY ROOMMATE,
SAID THAT SHE WOULD BE WILLING TO SLEEP IN THE MAIN HOUSE.
OH, NO, I DON'T EVEN MIND THE EXTRA BIT OF LITTLE PRIVACY.
[DOOR OPENS]
SORRY.
HEY.
HI.
SHANE, THIS IS SALLY...
HEY, SALLY.
HI.
AND SALLY SAID THAT SHE WOULD BE WILLING
TO SLEEP IN THE STUDIO.
EXCELLENT.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
SO...YOU'RE INTO THE STUDIO.
DOES THAT MEAN YOU DISCUSSED
THE KITCHEN
AND THE BATHROOM SITUATION?
YES, I HAVE.
AND WHAT ABOUT RENT?
UH, NO.
I-I NEED TO ASK A QUESTION.
MM-HMM. YEAH.
YOU TWO AREN'T, UM...
OH.
OH, NO.
NO. NO.
NO, WE'RE FRIENDS.
WE'RE ROOMMATES.
[SMOOCHES]
JUST FRIENDS?
YEAH.
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
MY CHURCH...
WE HAVE A GROUP CALLED EXODUS MINISTRY.
EXODUS MINISTRY.
WE CAN HELP GET YOU OUT
OF THE HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE.
JESUS LOVES US ALL.
HE HATES THE SIN,
BUT HE LOVES THE SINNER.
THANKS FOR COMING BY, SALLY.
BYE, SALLY.
IT'S THAT WAY.
I'LL SHOW IT TO YOU.
[KNOCKING]
WAIT, I'M GOING TO TALK TO HER.
OKAY.
AFTERNOON, LADIES.
I'M MARK.
I CALLED EARLIER.
WHO DID I TALK TO ON THE PHONE?
THAT WOULD BE...ME.
JENNY.
THAT'S YOUR NAME, RIGHT?
MARK.
HI, MARK. NICE TO MEET YOU.
WOW. AMAZING EYES.
THANK YOU.
I'M MARK.
YEAH, YOU SAID THAT.
I'M SHANE.
DO YOU MIND, PLEASE?
I'M SORRY.
I KNOW, THIS THING IS INTRUSIVE,
BUT IT'S SORT OF MY LIFE'S WORK.
I'M CHRONICLING.
BEAR WITH ME, GUYS.
CHECK THIS.
TWO DARK-HAIRED BEAUTIES WITH BLUE EYES.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?
SO IS THAT, LIKE, HOW YOU GUYS DECIDED TO BE ROOMMATES?
NO, I'M SORRY, MARK,
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION.
HOW DO YOU MEAN?
SPIRITUALLY, PHILOSOPHICALLY?
NO, AS IN A PLACE TO LIVE.
OH, PHEW.
I CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
WOULD YOU MIND
JUST HOLDING THE CAMERA WHILE I...
MARK...
OH, SORRY.
MARK WAYLAND HERE TALKING TO JENNY AND SHANE,
ANSWERING THE QUESTION,
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR
IN A PLACE TO LIVE?"
AND HOPING THAT MY COMPLETELY OBNOXIOUS
IN-YOUR-FACE VIDEO CAMERA ENTRANCE
DOESN'T TOTALLY PREJUDICE THEM
AGAINST CONSIDERING ME AS THEIR ROOMMATE.
MM.
DIRECT-TO-VIDEOS, HUH?
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU DO ON THESE VIDEOS?
I WRITE THEM, I SHOOT THEM, AND I CUT THEM.
WHEN I FIRST TOOK THE GIG,
I THOUGHT IT'D ONLY BE PART-TIME
UNTIL I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER,
GO BACK TO FILM SCHOOL,
BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY WORK OUT.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE TITLES
OF THE VIDEOS THAT YOU'VE MADE, MARK?
BARE-KNUCKLE BACKYARD WRESTLING,
BLOODY BAR BRAWLS,
ASS-KICKIN' SISTAHS,
AND MY FIRST WAS CALLED
WORLD'S CRAZIEST BACHELOR PARTIES.
THAT WAS A PRETTY BIG SELLER,
BUT NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS BIG
AS WILD-ASS CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRLS.
DID YOU CATCH THAT ONE?
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S TWISTED, MARK.
UM, YOU KNOW, JENNY AND I, WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
MM-HMM.
OKAY.
LOOK, I'M GUESSING BOTH OF YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE AN ARTIST.
IS THAT THE STUDIO?
YEAH.
BECAUSE THAT IS AMAZING.
I COULD BRING IN MY EQUIPMENT
AND POST ALL MY SHOWS RIGHT OUT OF THERE.
LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
I WANT TO MAKE DOCUMENTARIES.
IT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED TO DO.
THERE'S NOT A LOT OF CALL FOR THAT, IS THERE?
NO, BUT I MEAN,
GOD, A TRULY GREAT DOCUMENTARY FILM--
THERE'S NOTH-- IT'S--
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS MOVIE CALLED GREY GARDENS?
OH, MY GOD. THAT'S, UM-- WHAT IS IT?
IT'S ABOUT THOSE... THE TWO INSANE WOMEN.
THEY'RE, LIKE,
THE MOTHER AND THE DAUGHTER, RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
THAT'S PROBABLY THE MOST CRAZY,
AMAZING FILM--
BEST DOCUMENTARY--
YES, YOU SHOULD SEE IT.
YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE.
THAT IS MY INSPIRATION.
IMAGINE WHAT THAT WOULD BE LIKE TO MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
THAT TRULY MOVED PEOPLE.
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO MOVE PEOPLE?
YES, I REALLY WANT TO MOVE PEOPLE.
THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.
PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME BY WHAT I DO TO GET BY.
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S WEIRD,
BUT MY DIRECT-TO-VIDEO GIG PAYS.
I CAN GIVE YOU FIRST, LAST, SECURITY,
AND SIX MONTHS' RENT UPFRONT, IN CASH.
[SIGHS]
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
IS MY FACE ON SIDEWAYS?
NO, YOUR FACE LOOKS PERFECT.
YOU KNOW, MY COMPANY RENTED THIS PLACE OUT
LAST YEAR FOR OUR CLIENTS.
IT'S AMAZING
TO JUST TAKE OVER THE WHOLE PLACE.
[SCREAMING OVERHEAD]
WHAT DO YOU DO, CHRIS?
I'M A BUSINESS MANAGER.
WE DEAL WITH MOSTLY
ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY CLIENTS.
COME ON.
LET'S GO ON THE FERRIS WHEEL AGAIN.
THIS TIME, WE'LL REALLY SPIN IT.
I WAS ACTUALLY
GOING TO USE THE RESTROOM,
BUT I'LL MEET YOU GUYS BY THE FERRIS WHEEL.
PHOOEY. OKAY, CHRIS?
SURE, I'M GAME.
YOU KNOW,
I'M GOING TO STAY HERE, ACTUALLY.
I'M GOING TO TAKE A BREAK, TOO.
PARTY POOPER.
I'M GOING TO KEEP ALICE COMPANY.
OKAY.
HAVE FUN.
ALICE!
ALICE, WAIT. ALICE.
ALICE, WAIT UP.
WHAT?
DO YOU HAVE TO FLIRT WITH HIM LIKE THAT?
YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S THE ONE
WHO HOOKED ME UP WITH HIM.
"OH, YOU'D REALLY LOVE MY FRIEND CHRIS."
I MEAN, YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME
HE WAS A GUY.
WOULD IT HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE?
SO I GUESS GIRLS DON'T BRING OUT
THE "HEY, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?
"HOW DO I LOOK?
DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?"
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
WHAT YOU WANT?
I HAVE GREAT RESPECT FOR HER CONVICTION.
I JUST THINK THAT IT WOULD BE A TRAGIC MISTAKE
AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME--
HELENA IS VERY CAPABLE.
I DOUBT SHE'LL BE MAKING ANY TRAGIC MISTAKES.
I AM NOT QUESTIONING HER ABILITY, PEGGY...
BUT IT'S YOUR LEGACY TO THE ARTS.
IT'S THE COLLECTION YOU'VE LABORED OVER.
[LAUGHS]
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT LEGACIES?
NIKOLAS, NIKOLAS, DARLING,
WHAT IS MY LEGACY GOING TO BE?
[INTERPRETS]
[ANSWERS]
A SANDY WHITE BEACH
AND A COTTAGE IN THE GRENADINES,
SEVERAL PITCHERS OF CHILLED MOJITOS,
AND 24 GLORIOUS ORGASMS IN 24 GLORIOUS HOURS.
I GOT THE GIST OF IT.
[GIGGLES]
HE DOESN'T SPEAK A WORD OF ENGLISH.
SO I GATHERED.
I'M LUCKY I FOUND VESNA.
SHE'S A BRILLIANT TRANSLATOR,
AND NOT TOO SHY TO COME WITH US
INTO THE BEDROOM, ARE YOU?
HE SAYS THE MOST DIVINE THINGS TO ME
IN THE BEDROOM.
HOW NICE FOR YOU.
AND LUCKY ME,
I GET TO EXPERIENCE THEM TWICE.
ONCE VISCERALLY, AND ONCE LINGUISTICALLY.
VESNA'S EVEN COMING WITH US TO THE GRENADINES.
AREN'T YOU, MY LITTLE SQUIRREL?
PEGGY, BEFORE YOU GO TO THE GRENADINES,
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO SPEAK TO HELENA ON OUR BEHALF?
I JUST TRULY BELIEVE THAT THE C.A.C. WILL SUFFER
WITHOUT OUR ANNUAL PEABODY FOUNDATION GRANT.
HAS HELENA TURNED YOU DOWN?
HAS SHE ACTUALLY MADE A DECISION YET?
NO, NOT YET, BUT I'M JUST CONCERNED--
HAVE FAITH, THEN.
LOOK AT ME.
IF THIS DOESN'T GIVE YOU FAITH...
[SIGHS]
HELENA PEABODY, PLEASE.
IT'S BETTE PORTER CALLING BACK.
WELL, YOU SAID SHE WOULD BE FREE.
[SIGHS]
YES, I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE.
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL HER
THAT I WANTED TO INVITE HER FOR DRINKS THIS EVENING.
WE DIDN'T REALLY GET TO FINISH OUR--
ALL RIGHT, THANKS.
FUCK.
[MARK]: NO, IT'S A GUEST HOUSE RIGHT IN THE BACK,
BUT THERE'S NO BATHROOOM OR KITCHEN OR ANYTHING,
SO WE SHARE ALL THAT.
THIS IS IT.
HOME SWEET HOME.
WELL?
THIS IS IT?
DUDE, SHUT UP.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
HELP ME GET SOME SHIT OUT OF THE CAR.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
[***]
I'LL HAVE AN ABSOLUT MARTINI.
DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?
HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD. HOW--
HI.
HI, EVERYONE.
HI.
HOW'S IT GOING?
HI... HOW WAS THE--
HOW WAS THE BLIND DATE?
FUCKING TONYA SET ME UP
WITH A GUY.
OH, SHIT.
WAS HE CUTE?
YEAH.
HE WAS TOTALLY CUTE.
I-I DON'T KNOW.
I ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKED HIM, BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
UM...BEER, ANYONE?
NO. NO, THANK YOU.
YOU HAVE THE COMPLETE
BRIGITTE BARDOT COLLECTION?
UM...
THIS IS EXCELLENT.
THAT'S JENNY'S.
I LOVE BRIGITTE BARDOT.
ME TOO.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
THANKS.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL ORCHIDS.
OH, GOD, NO.
NO, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, MY EX WAS AN ORCHID COLLECTOR,
AND I KNOW A FINE ORCHID WHEN I SEE ONE.
SO THANK YOU.
I JUST--
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE
EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME.
THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE HARDEST TIMES--
YEAH.
I JUST--
YOU'VE BEEN SO GENEROUS.
I JUST THINK THE WORLD--
ALL RIGHT.
GIVE US A HUG.
COME ON.
MM.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE AMAZING, REALLY.
I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
COME ON.
JUST RELAX.
NO.
LOOK, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL BE CAREFUL.
I'VE MADE LOVE TO A PREGNANT WOMAN BEFORE.
NO!
JESUS, NO.
LIZ VAN ASSUM AND GABBY DEVEAUX
ARE, LIKE, TOTALLY DRESSED IN SM LEATHER,
AND GABBY HAS A HUGE CHAIN FROM HER CROTCH
THAT GOES THROUGH HER LEGS
AND IS PADLOCKED TO LIZ'S CROTCH.
GOD, GABBY DEVEAUX'S A FREAK.
[SNICKERS]
I THINK GABBY FREAKED ALICE PRETTY BAD.
YEAH, I DON'T TOUCH THAT SHIT ANYMORE.
I'M THROUGH WITH MINDFUCKS.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I THINK THAT... THAT I'M GOING TO BE GOING NOW.
SO I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
MAN... YOU SO FUCKING SCORED.
COME HERE AND HELP ME WIRE THESE AMPS, MAN.
SURE.
GOMEY, STOP STARING.
MAYBE THEY CAN HELP US WITH THE AMPS.
BETTE SAID THAT WE COULD SWIM HERE
WHENEVER WE WANTED, SO...
LET'S FUCKING DO IT.
[LAUGHS]
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMS]
THIS IS A NICE HOTEL.
IT'LL DO.
HEY, JENNY.
HEY, MARK.
THIS IS MY BUDDY GOMEY.
HEY.
HI.
JENNY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
OOF.
THAT POOL LOOKS SO FINE, JENNY.
WOULD IT BE COOL IF WE JOINED YOU?
UM...YOU SHOULD PROBABLY ASK THEM.
HEY, MARK, COME JOIN US.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
YEAH.
SMOKE?
YEAH.
THAT WASN'T THE QUESTION.
WHAT?
THOSE GIRLS...
THEY'RE ALL GAY, RIGHT?
YEAH.
THEY PRETTY MUCH ARE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
WHAT ABOUT ME?
ARE YOU GAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
IF I SAW YOU AT A BAR,
I WOULD ASSUME YOU WERE STRAIGHT.
MM-HMM.
BUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING.
NO, IT DOESN'T.
YOU NEVER KNOW THESE DAYS, DO YOU?
NO, YOU DON'T.
EXCEPT YOU KNEW THEY WERE, RIGHT?
THAT'S TRUE.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'D SAY IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH THEIR ATTITUDE.
IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE MASCULINE OR ANYTHING,
BECAUSE, ACTUALLY, SOME OF THEM
ARE PRETTY FEMININE, YOU KNOW?
IT'S...
THEY HAVE THESE HAIRCUTS,
THESE VERY COOL HAIRCUTS--
OKAY, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
IT'S OBVIOUSLY MORE THAN A HAIRCUT,
BUT IT'S, NO, IT'S TRUE.
IT'S THIS--
IT'S SOMETHING THAT THEY EXUDE THAT'S...
I'M GOING TO TRY TO PUT MY FINGER ON IT.
GOOD.
TELL ME WHEN YOU DO, MARK.
I WILL.
I WILL TELL YOU WHEN I DO.
DON'T LOOK.
SORRY.
IT'S NAUGHTY.
GOOD NIGHT.
NIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL AWAKE?
HUH?
WILL YOU CUT MY HAIR?
WHAT KIND A HAIRCUT DO YOU WANT?
SHORT.
OKAY.
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT RIGHT NOW?
YEAH. YEAH, I DO.
IF YOU'RE NOT TOO TIRED.
I'M NOT TOO TIRED.
OKAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
YEAH.
I JUST FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CHANGE.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.
OKAY. OKAY.
LET'S DO IT.
YEAH.
[***]
[MEOWS]
[PURRS]