PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...
ISN'T SHE AMAZING?
THIS DOESN'T MEAN...
WE'RE BACK TOGETHER, I KNOW.
FOR YOU...
AND FOR HER.
I JUST...
DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO.
WHEN IS BENJAMIN COMING IN?
TOMORROW AT 6:00.
HE'S GOING TO CHECK IN AT THE HOTEL,
THEN HEAD OVER HERE.
IT'S YOUR FAMILY...
AND YOU HAVE TO BE THERE FOR THEM.
DON'T LAUGH, OKAY?
WHO'S LAUGHING?
YOU'RE IN DIRECT VIOLATION
OF YOUR CONTRACT, OKAY?
AND I EXPECT YOU
TO RETURN EVERY PENNY
OF THE MONEY I ADVANCED YOU.
YOU DON'T...
THINK YOU AND JENNY ARE THE REAL DEAL?
NO.
JENNY WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT THE REAL DEAL WAS
IF IT BIT HER IN THE ASS.
[FOGHORN BLOWS]
GO ON, ASK HER.
NO, YOU.
I JUST WANT TO GET MY BOOK SIGNED.
MISS SPARKLE...
I THINK I'VE ONLY HAD THREE CLASSES OF ORGASMS.
HOW DO I GET TO THE SIXTH OR SEVENTH?
YOU NEED TO EXPERIMENT.
TRY A NEW LOVER. TRY SEVERAL.
BUT IN YOUR BOOK--
SHH...
[MURMURING, APPLAUSE]
THAT WAS DIVINE.
DO YOU TAKE REQUESTS?
WELL, WHAT'S YOUR DESIRE?
YOUR PLEASURE.
[SINGS IN FRENCH]
YOU READY FOR NUMBER FOUR?
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[MOANING]
[***]
[MOANS QUICKEN AND DEEPEN]
OH, MY GOD.
YEAH. YES.
YEAH. YEAH. YEAH!
OH, OH...
YEAH!
OH... OH...
YEAH, DON'T STOP. DON'T STOP.
DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!
[SCREAMS]
[GASPS, SHIVERS]
* GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES *
* CHICKS DRIVING FAST INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES *
* WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE, LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE *
* THIS IS THE WAY IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* TALKING, LAUGHING LOVING, BREATHING *
* FIGHTING, FUCKING CRYING, DRINKING *
* WRITING, WINNING LOSING, CHEATING *
* KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING
* THIS IS THE WAY...
* THIS IS THE WAY THAT WE LIVE *
* IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE
* AND LOVE *
[JENNY]: MY NAME IS MARY, AND I'M 14 YEARS OLD,
AND I'M A VIRGIN.
MY PUSSY'S NEVER BEEN TOUCHED
BY A BIG COCK BEFORE,
AND I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME.
HERE'S MY PUSSY.
I WANT YOU...
TO TAKE YOUR BIG COCK,
AND I WANT YOU TO SHOVE IT UP MY ASS.
A BOY HAS NEVER SEEN MY TITS BEFORE.
[KNOCKING]
JENNY?
COME IN.
JENNY, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S--
NO, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
JENNY, YOU HAVE THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT THIS.
PLEASE...
IS THAT MY CAMERA?
YEAH, AND I'M GOING TO USE IT NOW.
THAT'S MY TAPE
OF SHANE AND CARMEN.
I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT'S YOUR TAPE.
LOOK...
I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF ME RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE A VERY GOOD TRACK RECORD WITH--
YOU HAVE VIOLATED US.
I WANT TO MAKE A DOCUMENTARY.
YOU ARE VIOLATING US. I KNOW.
YOU HAVE CROSSED EVERY LINE OF TRUST,
AND DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME
THIS WAS FOR THE SAKE OF ART.
PLEASE...
WATCH MY DOCUMENTARY.
YOU KNOW ME.
YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.
I KNOW THAT I CROSSED THE LINE.
I KNOW THAT I WENT TOO FAR WITH THIS.
LOOK, WHEN I MOVED HERE,
THIS WAS JUST SOMETHING I DID, YOU KNOW?
BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW--
DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS?
YES, I HAVE TWO YOUNGER SISTERS.
OKAY.
I WANT YOU TO ASK THEM
A QUESTION...
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IS THAT YOU REALLY LISTEN TO THEIR ANSWER.
I WANT YOU TO ASK YOUR SISTERS
ABOUT THE VERY FIRST TIME
THAT THEY WERE INTRUDED UPON
BY SOME MAN, OR A BOY.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
THAT MY SISTERS HAVE BEEN INTRUDED UPON?
BECAUSE THERE ISN'T A SINGLE GIRL OR WOMAN
IN THIS WORLD
THAT HASN'T BEEN INTRUDED UPON,
AND SOMETIMES, IT'S RELATIVELY BENIGN,
AND SOMETIMES,
IT'S SO FUCKING PAINFUL
THAT YOU...
HAVE NO IDEA...
WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE.
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
I ALREADY BEGAN TAKING DOWN THE CAMERAS,
AND I WILL FINISH TAKING DOWN THE REST OF THEM
TODAY.
I'M GOING TO GO TELL SHANE NOW WHAT I'VE DONE.
YOU GUYS CAN TALK-- NO.
YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
I'M GOING TO PACK MY SHIT AND--
I SAID NO.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK TO CARMEN,
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK TO SHANE.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WRECK THEIR VACATION
AND FUCK WITH THEIR LIVES
ANYMORE.
I'M GOING TO DECIDE...
WHEN YOU CAN TAKE THOSE RAPEY CAMERAS DOWN.
NOW, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM.
THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
YEAH, THANKS.
AND WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TODAY?
I'LL HAVE AN ORGANIC SALAD
AND A CAFE AMERICANO.
OKAY.
OKAY, HERE YOU ARE.
THANKS.
AND WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
I'D LIKE TO KNOW
IF THE LADY WILL JOIN ME FOR LUNCH.
BENJAMIN, I'M REALLY BUSY.
AND WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?
THEN DINNER...
FOLLOWED BY BREAKFAST IN BED.
YOU'RE LISTENING TO KCRW.
THIS IS ALICE PIESZECKI OF THE CHART.
[PLAYS THREE NOTES]
UH, TODAY, MY SPECIAL GUEST ON THE CHART
IS MY GIRLFRIEND, DANA FAIRBANKS.
NOW, DANA-- HI.
OKAY.
UH, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE
FOR TODAY'S PIECE OF INTERCONNECTEDNESS.
DANA GOT INVITED TO SPEAK
ON THE LIFESTYLE LEADERSHIP PANEL
ON AN OLIVIA CRUISE FOR WOMEN--
FOR GAY WOMEN, ACTUALLY.
OKAY.
IT'S CALLED
LESBIAN DYNAMICS: LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP,
AND IT'S GOING TO BE ME, AND PHOEBE SPARKLE, AND--
SORRY.
DANA, I'M NOT REALLY READY TO GO THERE YET.
[CLEARS THROAT]
SO SHE'S TAKING ME,
AND ALSO OUR FRIENDS JENNY, SHANE, AND CARMEN.
NOW, JUST TO DIGRESS FOR A MINUTE
INTO LESBIAN LINKAGE 101,
ORIGINALLY, SHANE AND CARMEN HOOKED UP,
BUT NOW CARMEN IS SEEING JENNY,
WHO'S TOTALLY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET.
YOU CAN'T TELL THEM THAT, ALICE.
UM, ANYWAY, BACK TO THE BIG WEB OF CONNECTIVITY.
ONE OF MY MAJOR IDOLS, PHOEBE SPARKLE,
A BRILLIANT WRITER AND ACCLAIMED SEXPERT--
AND SHE'S A VERY NICE--
WHAT SHE, UH, IS GOING TO BE DOING
IS SPEAKING ON THE PANEL WITH DANA.
[JENNY]: HI, MOM.
AS YOU CAN SEE,
I HAVE ALL OUR FAMILY PICTURES HERE,
AND I'M VIDEOTAPING THIS,
BECAUSE I HAVE A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FOR YOU
ABOUT ZAYDA.
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF ZAYDA LOST HIS MIND
WHEN HE BEGAN TO TRANSCRIBE THE TORAH BY HAND,
OR DID THAT CAUSE HIM TO LOSE HIS MIND?
DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY THEY TOOK HIM AWAY?
AND THEN I WANTED TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS
ABOUT GRANDMA,
OR GRANDMA, IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS,
I WANTED TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS
ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE IN AUSCHWITZ.
I WANTED TO KNOW
IF WHEN YOU ARRIVED IN AUSCHWITZ,
DID THEY SEPARATE YOU FROM YOUR DAUGHTER?
AND I WANTED TO KNOW
IF YOU REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE UNTERSCHARFUHRER
WHO TOOK YOUR ARM
AND BRANDED YOU WITH THAT TATTOO.
DO YOU REMEMBER HIS EYES?
DO YOU REMEMBER IF HE USED A STEEL PLATE...
[KNOCKING]
OR DID HE USE A NEEDLE?
I'M REALLY SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
I JUST...
WANTED TO SAY HELLO TO YOU,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN COME BACK AT ANOTHER TIME
IF, UM--
NO, IT'S OKAY.
ARE YOU SURE? YEAH.
I'M JUST WORKING ON A...
PROJECT ABOUT MY FAMILY.
WOW.
THIS IS MY FAMILY.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
AND I'M MAKING A TAPE FOR MY MOM.
SAY HI TO MY FRIEND CARMEN.
UM, HELLO, MRS. SCHECTER.
AND THAT IS MY MOM.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
OH...
UM...
HAVE YOU PACKED?
NO.
DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU START
OR SOMETHING?
I TOTALLY FORGOT.
I'VE JUST BEEN SO ENGROSSED IN THIS PROJECT,
AND I'M REALLY INTO IT, SO...
[SNIFFLES]
I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT COMING ON THE TRIP.
I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY WITH SHANE.
WHAT?
YEP.
WITH SHANE? WHY--
YEAH, BECAUSE I THINK
YOU GUYS WILL HAVE A BLAST TOGETHER.
JENNY, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PULL OUT OF THIS.
YOU KNOW--
NO EXCUSES. NO. YOU'RE COMING.
THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE.
WHEN BURR CONNOR FIRED ME, HE JUST...
THE BEST THING THAT CAME OUT OF THAT EXPERIENCE
WAS HE WAS, LIKE,
"YOU'VE GOT TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR LIFE,
AND YOU HAVE TO BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT YOUR WORK,"
AND THAT'S ALL I WANT TO DO,
IS JUST TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH, AND--
ALL RIGHT, OKAY, FINE, FINE, FINE.
WELL, HERE'S A TRUTH.
I WOULD LIKE TO GO WITH MY GIRLFRIEND,
SO, YOU KNOW--
WHO'S THAT?
IT'S YOU.
PLEASE JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.
YES, DO YOU THINK
WE COULD PULL THESE STRAPS UP
A LITTLE?
BECAUSE THIS...
IS WHAT I WANT TO SEE.
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
GOOD.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
CAN YOU EXCUSE US FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?
OF COURSE.
THANKS.
THIS IS A $5,000 DRESS.
THEY'RE GIVING ME AN AWARD
FOR COMMUNITY SERVICE.
I DON'T WANT TO SHOW UP IN SOME SORT OF...
EXTRAVAGANT, OVER-THE-TOP GOWN.
THAT MONEY CAN BE USED IN SO MANY OTHER WAYS.
TINA, PLEASE, DON'T TELL ME
WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT SPEND MY OWN MONEY ON.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY
I PERSONALLY GIVE AWAY EVERY YEAR?
HOW MANY CHARITIES
THE PEABODY FOUNDATION SPONSORS?
I MEAN...
IT WOULD GIVE ME THE UTMOST PLEASURE
TO BUY YOU THIS DRESS,
SO, PLEASE...
BE GRACIOUS ENOUGH TO LET ME.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
DID I MENTION I INVITED BETTE?
WHAT?
HEY, SHANE, COME HERE.
HEY.
OKAY, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE,
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO.
WHAT?
NOT GOING.
YOU'RE GOING ON THAT CRUISE.
I'M NOT GOING.
YES, YOU ARE.
NO, I'M NOT.
I DON'T WANT TO.
YOU KNOW WHY?
I'M ACTUALLY WORKING ON SOMETHING
THAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME,
AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO FUCK AROUND ANYMORE,
AND I WANT TO BE SERIOUS
ABOUT MY WORK.
FUCK IT.
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING, I'M NOT GOING.
WHAT?
WAIT A MINUTE!
NO, COME BACK HERE.
IF YOU DON'T GO AND IF YOU DON'T GO,
THEN I'M NOT GOING TO GO,
AND I WANTED TO GO,
AND I GUESS DANA AND ALICE
ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BE PISSED,
BECAUSE NO ONE'S GOING TO GO.
OH, MY GOD!
I'M NOT GOING TO GO!
I'M GOING TO GO. I'M GOING TO GO.
WE'RE GOING TO--
WE'RE GOING TO BE A FUCKING THREESOME, MAN.
ALL RIGHT,
BUT WE'RE BOTH STILL TAKING GINGER,
NO MATTER WHAT, ALL RIGHT?
OH, AND JUST IN CASE,
I'VE GOT THESE TWO THINGS FOR SEASICKNESS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET SEASICK.
THERE'S NO REASON FOR BOTH OF US
TO TAKE THINGS LIKE TOOTHPASTE, OR...
RAZORS,
OR Q-TIPS, OR HAND SANITIZER.
AL?
HMM?
WHAT'S WRONG?
NOTHING.
YES, THERE IS.
OKAY,
LET'S JUST WORK THIS OUT
BEFORE WE GET ON THE GIANT BOAT THAT SINKS WITH YOU MAD AT ME.
ALICE...
LOOK, I AM A WRECK ABOUT THIS CRUISE,
AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL, DANA, IF I CAME DOWN
AND I JUST INTERRUPTED ONE OF YOUR MATCHES, OR...
CORRECTED ONE OF YOUR SHOTS?
OKAY.
IS THIS ABOUT ME TALKING ON YOUR SHOW?
YOU WEREN'T TALKING.
YOU WERE INTERRUPTING ME,
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN RESPECT THE FACT
THAT IT WAS MY GIG,
AND I FEEL LIKE I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
I'M SUCH AN ASS.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
SORRY, I JUST HATE THESE CRUISES.
I JUST GET REALLY SEASICK AND SCARED, YOU KNOW?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THAT SCARED.
I'M GOING TO BE THERE
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, BABY.
MM.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--
NO ONE EVER GOT SICK ON THE LOVE BOAT.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
COREY PARKER, WHO PLAYED THE SHIP'S DOCTOR,
HE WAS HORRIBLY SEASICK.
NO, NO, NO.
THE SHIP'S DOCTOR WAS BERNIE KOPELL.
DR. ADAM BRICKER.
RIGHT, AND THEN COREY PARKER
PLAYED DR. JOHN MORGAN, HIS REPLACEMENT.
IT WAS THE SEQUEL,
LOVE BOAT: THE NEXT WAVE.
WELL, YEAH, BUT THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
I MEAN, IF IT DOESN'T HAVE GOPHER AND ISAAC WASHINGTON
AND, YOU KNOW, CAPTAIN MERRILL STUBING,
THAT'S NOT THE LOVE BOAT.
AND DON'T FORGET JULIE.
HELLO.
REALLY?
[CLEARS THROAT]
HEY.
YOU SCARED ME.
HOW'S THE PACKING COMING ALONG?
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?
YOU'RE LIABLE TO HEAR SHIT ABOUT ME
WHILE YOU'RE GONE,
AND SINCE I WON'T BE THERE TO DEFEND MYSELF,
I JUST...
I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK I'M A TOTAL ASSHOLE.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
I'M SORRY.
I PROMISE YOU
YOU'LL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY, THOUGH.
YOU'RE BEING REALLY INTENSE AND CRYPTIC RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, WELL,
THAT'S MY STYLE, REALLY INTENSE AND CRYPTIC.
THAT'S HOW I GET ALL THE LADIES.
YEAH.
SHANE...
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT...
THAT I'M YOUR FRIEND.
I'M YOUR FRIEND TOO.
DO YOU THINK
THAT CAPTAIN STUBING GOT MORE WOMEN,
OR THE DOCTOR?
NO, THE DOCTOR DID NOT GET MORE WOMEN--
HE GETS SO MANY.
NO, NO, NO.
CAPTAIN STUBING AND JULIE
WERE NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR, OKAY?
DID YOU EVER WATCH THE SHOW?
CAPTAIN STUBING WAS MARRIED.
RIGHT, BUT SUPPOSEDLY SOMEBODY WAS A BIG HOMO.
WHAT?
WHO CARES?
AND WHY DO WE SAY IT LIKE BEING A HOMO
IS, LIKE, SOME DIRTY SECRET?
THANK YOU. EXACTLY.
THANK YOU.
YOU GUYS, THIS IS FANTASTIC
WE'RE ALL CARRYING ON.
THIS IS GREAT.
WHAT? NO, NO.
NO, I'M CHECKING.
I'M CHECKING.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE BEING LIKE THIS.
YOUR BAG WILL TOTALLY FIT
IN THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT.
NO, IT'S TOO HEAVY.
NO, IT'S NOT.
DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT?
BECAUSE I'LL SWITCH WITH YOU.
NO, I DON'T. JUST...
LOOK, I JUST DON'T WANT TO PUT IT
THROUGH SECURITY, OKAY?
WHY?
I JUST DON'T.
OKAY, FINE.
YOU'RE GOING TO HOLD EVERYONE ELSE UP,
BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS CHECKING ANYTHING.
AL! AL!
GODDAMMIT.
ALICE...
DADDY!
WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M VERY WELL, AND YOU?
I'M GOOD.
I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE.
I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THE OFFICE,
WHERE WE'RE GOING TO SEE AN AMAZING PAINTING
THAT I HAVE ON LOAN FROM THE GETTY,
AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO HAVE LUNCH
WITH AN INCREDIBLE ARTIST.
YOU REMEMBER ALLYN BARNES?
IS HE THE PAINTER?
NO, IT'S NOT HER PAINTING.
THE PAINTING IS 14th CENTURY,
BY DOSSO DOSSI.
NO, ALLYN BARNES WAS MY TEACHER AT YALE.
SHE'S PROBABLY ONE OF OUR MOST IMPORTANT
LIVING ARTISTS.
NEVER HEARD OF HER.
SHE'S THE REASON I WANTED TO GO INTO THE ARTS.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S INFLUENCE.
SHE WAS A GREAT ARTIST.
YOU REMEMBER HER WATERCOLORS, DON'T YOU?
OF COURSE I DO, DADDY.
I HAVE ALL OF THEM.
[***]
PLEASE GO THROUGH. PLEASE GO THROUGH.
STEP HERE, PLEASE, MA'AM.
COME ON.
[BEEPING]
HOLD IT THERE.
OKAY, GO OVER TO THE SIDE, PLEASE,
IF YOU WOULD.
THANK YOU.
DANA, NOBODY CARES ABOUT MEDICATION.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.
PUT YOUR ARMS UP. THANK YOU.
COME BACK!
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
FAYE...
COME HERE.
THANKS.
I THINK WE'VE GOT SOMETHING HERE.
WHAT IS IT, SOME KIND OF A WEAPON?
LADIES?
STEP OVER HERE, PLEASE.
WHAT THE HELL?
YOU JUST...
IT, UM... OKAY?
GREAT.
YEAH. NIPPLE CLAMPS.
[WHISPERING]: WHEN DID YOU GET THOSE?
BABY...
YOU CAN'T TAKE THESE ON THE PLANE, LADIES.
YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.
OKAY, MA'AM, YOU CAN GO AHEAD
AND PACK THIS BACK UP.
GREAT.
HAVE FUN.
YEAH, GOOD, THANKS.
MELVIN,
YOU SEEM TO BE MISSING THE POINT OF THE PAINTING.
IT'S ABOUT THE FLEETINGNESS OF FORTUNE.
I JUST SEE IT DIFFERENTLY.
YOU DON'T THINK
THAT THE MAN IN THE PAINTING
IS ENJOYING HIS LIFE?
I DON'T. OF COURSE I DON'T.
HE LOOKS MISERABLE.
SPIRITUALLY VOID.
THE ONLY TRUE ABUNDANCE
IS HARMONY WITH GOD.
AH, SO FAITH ASSURES PROSPERITY,
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING, YES.
THERE IT IS.
THE DANGLING CARROT
OF THE ASHCROFT AND THE BUSHIES.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON
WITH THE ASHCROFTS OR THE BUSHIES.
IT'S MERCENARY CHRISTIANITY,
KEEPING US MORTALS IN THRALL
THROUGH A COMBINATION OF FEAR AND PAYOLA.
IT MAKES ME WANT TO GO BACK INTO A CAVE
AND NEVER COME OUT AGAIN.
THAT WOULD BE YOUR PREROGATIVE, MADAME.
DADDY?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
OH, I...
HERE, COME ON.
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH.
RIGHT HERE.
ACTUALLY, I...
I LIKED THE PAINTING VERY MUCH.
OH, GOOD. I'M GLAD.
SHE JUST WANTED TO MAKE ME FEEL IGNORANT.
YOUR MOTHER AND I...
WE HAD SOME HEAVY ARGUMENTS--
SMARTEST WOMAN I EVER MET--
BUT SHE WAS NEVER CONDESCENDING.
DADDY...
IF YOU LOVED HER SO MUCH,
THEN WHY DID YOU LET HER LEAVE?
WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO SALVAGE THE MARRIAGE?
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
GIVE ME A CHANCE.
YOU WOULD'VE HAD TO HAVE EXPERIENCED
THAT BOND OF MARRIAGE
TO APPRECIATE
HOW MUCH I HURT YOUR MOTHER.
I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT, DADDY.
I MADE A RESERVATION FOR US
AT 8:00
AT A RESTAURANT CALLED ANGELINA OSTERIA.
THEY HAVE REALLY GREAT--
I'D PREFER TO EAT
AT THE HOTEL RESTAURANT TONIGHT.
THAT IS, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
OKAY. WHATEVER YOU WANT.
AND HOW ABOUT SEEING
IF KATIE COULD JOIN US?
YOU WANT KIT TO COME TO DINNER WITH US?
YEAH.
I'D LIKE TO SEE HER.
WELL, HER BOYFRIEND'S IN TOWN.
HE'S ONLY HERE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, SO...
WELL, SHE SHOULD BRING HIM TOO.
I'LL CALL HER.
YOU KNOW, DADDY, I'M STRUCK BY THE FACT
THAT YOU JUST INVITED KIT'S BOYFRIEND
TO COME TO DINNER WITH US,
AND SHE'S ONLY BEEN SEEING HIM A SHORT WHILE,
BUT YOU HAVE NOT YET SAID A WORD ABOUT TINA.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU'RE WELCOME
TO BRING HER TOO, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WISH.
WE'VE SPLIT UP.
OH. WELL, THEN...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY.
NOTHING.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? WE'RE ACTUALLY ON A CRUISE.
IT'S GOING TO BE FUN.
I'VE GOT MY LITTLE--
IT'S PHOEBE SPARKLE.
WAIT, I WANT TO WATCH
AND SEE IF SHE MAKES THAT GIRL COME.
CAN SHE DO THAT?
I'M KIDDING, DANA.
OH, MY GOD.
LADIES, WELCOME TO OWLs.
IT STANDS FOR "OLDER, WISER LESBIANS."
WE TALK ABOUT HOW SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY
ARE COMBINED,
AND OUR DEFINITION OF "ORGASM"
IS THAT IT IS THE KISS OF GOD
THAT BRINGS ECSTASY TO CONSCIOUSNESS...
DANA! DANA FAIRBANKS!
[CLAMORING]
OH, OVER HERE, OVER HERE,
LET ME HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
ALL RIGHT.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M ALICE. NICE TO MEET YOU.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
YEAH, SURE.
[WHISPERS]
YEAH, SURE.
YEAH? WE'LL TALK?
YEAH, SURE.
OKAY.
EXCELLENT.
OH. GOD.
I THOUGHT
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A SUITE.
WELL, I HAVE AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE ALL SLEEP TOGETHER,
AND CARMEN,
YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE?
I'M GOING TO GO EXPLORE.
EVEN FOR JENNY, SHE'S ACTING WEIRD.
[GASPS]
OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS SWEET.
OH...
"WELCOME ABOARD,
"DANA FAIRBANKS AND FRIENDS.
"WE HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH US.
"FROM OLIVIA CRUISE.
"P.S., THANK YOU, ALICE,
FOR TALKING UP OUR CRUISE ON YOUR SHOW."
THAT WAS NICE.
YEAH, I MADE IT UP.
YES, THE WOMAN IN THE BACK.
MISS SPARKLE,
DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE
TO BE A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
AND STILL CARRY ON A, UH...
POLYAMOROUS LIFESTYLE?
IT'S CERTAINLY POSSIBLE.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IS TO KNOW THAT JEALOUSY WILL REAR ITS HEAD.
YOU HAVE TO AGREE
WITH YOUR PRIMARY LOVED ONE
TO BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS,
AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE RULES.
WOMAN IN YELLOW.
DANA FAIRBANKS...
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
SURE. NO. I'M SORRY.
UH, THANK YOU, ACTUALLY, VERY MUCH,
BUT I'M IN ONE OF THOSE, UM...
COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS,
AND WE'RE NOT POLY...
AMORPHIC, OR WHATEVER IT IS.
WELL, THAT ALSO WORKS,
BUT I'M GUESSING
THAT DANA AND HER PARTNER
KNOW HOW TO SPICE THINGS UP.
[WHOOPING]
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE TIME FOR ONE MORE QUESTION.
RIGHT THERE.
MISS SPARKLE, WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE
ON THREE-WAYS?
YAY!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, I THINK THEY'RE GREAT.
I'M A BIG, BIG FAN OF GROUP SEX.
THE ONLY THING
IS THAT ALL PARTIES HAVE TO BE SIGNED ON
FOR THE SAME AGENDA.
SO THAT'S THE END OF OUR PANEL FOR TODAY.
I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE.
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.
YOU SHOULD REALLY SEE DISNEY HALL, DADDY.
OKAY, BUT NOT TOO EARLY.
SINCE WHEN
DID YOU BECOME A SLEEPYHEAD?
I DO HAVE TO GET BACK BY 5:00 TO GET DRESSED.
TINA'S BEING HONORED.
DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHY TINA'S BEING HONORED?
YES, CERTAINLY, IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME.
KATIE...
DADDY...
DADDY, I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO MEET
MY FRIEND BENJAMIN BRADSHAW.
MR. BRADSHAW.
NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU.
HEY, BABY SIS.
KIT.
NOW...
HOW DID YOU CONCEIVE IT,
THIS, UH...
THEORY OF EVERYTHING.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH QUANTUM PHYSICS?
MM.
OH, THEN IT IS A UNIFIED FIELD THEORY.
THE UNIFIED WHAT THEORY?
SIMPLY, EINSTEIN'S ATTEMPT TO...
EXPLAIN THE MIND OF GOD.
WELL, THAT'S A MARVELOUS WAY
OF LOOKING AT IT.
IT INCLUDES EVERYTHING,
FROM CREATION
TO SUPERNOVAS, TO ATOMS...
EVEN DNA.
OUR HEARTS, OUR MINDS.
IT'S REALLY BEEN WORKING FOR ME.
DID YOU TELL YOUR FATHER
ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS?
BUSINESS?
WHAT BUSINESS?
WELL, DADDY, IT'S A CAFE.
I BOUGHT IT FROM A FRIEND OF BETTE'S.
IT'S NOT JUST A CAFE.
KIT HAS TURNED IT INTO THIS SWANKY NIGHTCLUB.
EXCUSE ME.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[DANCE MUSIC THROBBING]
SHE HAS A STAGE UP THERE,
AND THEN IF YOU TAKE THE TABLES AWAY...
HEY, YOU TWO.
OH, HI.
GOOD MORNING.
AND WHERE IS BENJAMIN THIS MORNING?
UM, WELL, HE'S AT THE HOTEL.
HE DECIDED
THAT WE MIGHT LIKE
A LITTLE FAMILY TIME TOGETHER.
DADDY, HAVE A SEAT.
AND HOW ABOUT YOU, BABY SIS?
I DIDN'T SLEEP VERY WELL.
I NEED AN ESPRESSO.
HE'S STAYING AT A HOTEL?
HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE?
UM...
NO, DAD, HE LIVES IN PORTLAND, OREGON.
PORTLAND, OREGON?
WHAT'S IN PORTLAND, OREGON?
UM...
WELL...
HE, UM...
IT'S PROBABLY WHAT HE NEEDS.
I MEAN, REALLY, WHEN HE'S WORKING,
THERE ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE
CLAMORING AFTER HIM,
AND HE PROBABLY JUST NEEDS TO GET AWAY.
MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
HAVE YOU BEEN TO PORTLAND?
UH, NO, NOT YET.
I REALLY NEED THAT ESPRESSO.
DO YOU MIND?
YEAH, YEAH. ESPRESSO.
YOU CAN'T TELL HIM BENJAMIN'S MARRIED.
HE'S SO HAPPY NOW.
I HATE LYING TO HIM.
KIT, YOU KNOW,
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN 14 YEARS
YOU'VE SPENT TIME WITH DADDY.
DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD?
YEAH, IT FEELS REAL GOOD.
THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST ENJOY IT FOR A WHILE,
AND LET HIM ENJOY IT?
HERE YOU GO, DADDY.
UH, IT'S SO...
SO SMALL, I CAN...
HARDLY PICK IT UP.
KATIE, WHY DON'T WE HAVE DINNER HERE TONIGHT?
YEAH.
I, UH...
WOULD LIKE TO TRY OUT YOUR CHEF,
AND YOUR SISTER HERE HAS A PRIOR ENGAGEMENT
WITH MS. KENNARD.
DADDY, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD CALL HER TINA?
THAT'S HER NAME. TINA.
FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, HER NAME IS TINA.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN HER?
VERY WELL. TINA.
WILL BENJAMIN
BE ABLE TO JOIN US?
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU TWO
TO PLAN YOUR EVENING.
BETTE...
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU HAVE NO REGARD
FOR WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH, DADDY,
NONE,
AND UNTIL YOU CAN ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT MY RELATIONSHIP OF EIGHT YEARS
WAS EVERY BIT AS MEANINGFUL
AS YOUR MARRIAGE TO MY MOTHER,
UNTIL YOU CAN SEE THAT MY HEART IS BROKEN
BECAUSE I FAILED THE WOMAN I LOVE,
PERHAPS IN THE SAME WAY THAT YOU FAILED MY MOTHER,
THEN I REALLY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY,
EXCEPT, YOU KNOW...
I AM NOT GIVING UP.
I'M NOT GOING TO END UP SAD AND ALONE AND FULL OF REGRET.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
I WANT ONE OF THOSE.
DANA FAIRBANKS? OH, MY GOD.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
OH, THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT,
AND THANK YOU FOR LIVING YOUR LIFE.
OH, MY GOD,
I SAW YOU ALMOST BEAT CAPRIATI IN 2002.
I DRIVE A SUBARU BECAUSE OF YOU...
PHOEBE? HI. SPARKLE? HI.
HI. HI. I'M ALICE PIESZECKI.
I DO A RADIO SHOW IN L.A.,
THE CHART.
I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT.
IS IT TRUE, FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES,
THAT YOU SLEEP WITH A DIFFERENT WOMAN
EVERY NIGHT?
WELL, I LIKE TO HAVE AS MUCH SEX AS POSSIBLE,
WHENEVER, WHEREVER,
BUT IF I COME ACROSS SOMEONE REALLY AMAZING...
I DON'T KNOW.
TOO BAD THE CELLIST HAD TO LEAVE THE BOAT.
AND WHO'S GOING TO BE NEXT?
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M OPEN TO A NEW DISCOVERY.
HI.
HAVE YOU SEEN JENNY?
NO. I'M TALKING TO PHOEBE SPARKLE.
HI.
HELLO. HELLO, PHOEBE SPARKLE.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER?
UM, CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
UH...
OKAY.
GREAT.
THANKS, SHANE.
SHE OFFERED.
MM-HMM.
[CHEERING]
[SCREAMS]
WHOO!
[***]
WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE A CAPTAIN'S UNIFORM TO ME.
ALICE...
IT'S HOT.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, AL, I'M READY.
OKAY.
JULIE...
YOU LOOK...
BEAUTIFUL.
OH, CAPTAIN STUBING, THANK YOU.
CAPTAIN STUBING...
OH, GOD, IS THAT A PERISCOPE IN YOUR POCKET,
OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
OH, CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN.
[KNOCKING]
GUYS, IT'S TIME FOR DINNER.
WHAT?
YOU'RE SITTING AT THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE.
NOW?
HI. YOU'RE LATE.
ALL THE OTHER PANELISTS ARE ALREADY THERE.
BUT I HAVE TO CHANGE.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
NO, I CAN'T-- COME ON.
JULIE!
CAPTAIN STUBING!
[PHOEBE]: MOST OF THE WOMEN ON THIS CRUISE?
THEY DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF FREEDOM.
THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE
WHERE THEY'RE COMPLETELY FREE TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES.
MM-HMM.
HI.
HELLO. GOOD EVENING.
HI. NICE TO SEE YOU.
SEE, THESE GIRLS ARE COMPLETELY IN THEIR POWER,
FREE TO GO
WHEREVER THEIR LIBIDO TAKES THEM.
[CAPTAIN]: FOR ME, IT'S JUST BUSINESS,
AND AS LONG AS THE GUESTS ARE HAPPY,
I'M HAPPY.
YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?
NOTHING.
NOTHING? NO.
OKAY.
WELL, IT JUST...
IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WANT A THREE-WAY WITH SHANE.
YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE VERY ATTRACTED TO HER,
AND I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD, I DON'T KNOW...
IT WOULD BE INTERESTING.
IT JUST CAME INTO MY HEAD.
ARE YOU JEALOUS?
NO, I'M NOT--
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?
JUST TELL ME IF THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.
NO, I'M NOT JEALOUS. I JUST THOUGHT...
WE HAVE TO EXPLORE OUR OPTIONS.
THERE.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
SALAD'S GREAT.
OH, HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HI.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU.
I MEANS A LOT TO ME THAT YOU'RE HERE.
I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT.
I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT US.
YOU HAVE?
MM-HMM. ABOUT THE OTHER DAY.
IT WAS NICE.
NICE?
YEAH, IT WAS REALLY, REALLY NICE,
AND IF YOU WANT,
I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF WE STARTED TO SPEND SOME MORE TIME TOGETHER.
WHAT ABOUT HELENA?
WE'RE NOT EXCLUSIVE.
SO ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANT TO DATE ME?
YEAH.
TINA, YOU HAVE TO MEET SENATOR FEINSTEIN.
SHE'S NOT STAYING FOR DINNER.
HELLO, BETTE.
HELLO, HELENA.
THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME.
OH...
YOU'RE AT TABLE 27, RIGHT?
[***]
* SUNNY CAME HOME WITH A LIST OF NAMES *
* SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN TRANSCENDENCE *
* "IT'S TIME FOR A FEW SMALL REPAIRS," SHE SAID *
* SUNNY CAME HOME WITH A VENGEANCE *
* SHE SAYS DAYS GO BY
* I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M WALKING ON A WIRE *
* I CLOSE MY EYES AND FLY OUT OF MY MIND *
* INTO THE FIRE
* AND SUNNY CAME HOME
* SUNNY CAME HOME
* SUNNY CAME HOME *
GREAT.
SO LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
CAPTAIN STUBING,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS BIG HARD-ON
YOU'VE BEEN SPORTING ALL NIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW, JULIE.
LET'S GO.
WE CAN'T. IT'S RUDE.
I'M GOING NUTS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER
I CAN STAND IT.
HELENA, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
HOW ARE YOU?
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST REMARKING TO JIM...
OH, GOD, CAPTAIN STUBING,
I WANT YOUR BIG DICK INSIDE ME SO BAD.
I JUST HOPE MY WIFE MARION ROSS
DOESN'T FIND OUT ABOUT US.
NO, MARION ROSS WAS THE ACTRESS.
THE CHARACTER'S NAME WAS EMILY.
OH, GOD.
OH, MY...
OH, FUCK.
OH, GOD.
OH, GOD. OH, YEAH.
OH, MY GOD.
OH, GOD.
OH, NO.
WHAT?
OH, NO.
OW! GOD!
I...
[VOMITING]
OKAY, I'M COMING, BABY, I'M COMING.
YOU TRYING TO TOP ME?
WHAT, YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO TOP ME?
UH, SHIT.
LOOK, I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK OF YOU.
YEAH.
THINGS ARE A LITTLE, UM...
THEY'RE A LITTLE...
DIFFERENT IN MY ROOM...
MM-HMM.
AND I SEE THAT YOU HAVE A COUCH.
YES.
WELL, WOULD YOU MIND?
YOU WANT TO CRASH ON MY COUCH?
AS IN, SLEEP, JUST SLEEP?
NO...
SLEEP, ENTIRELY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC TO ME.
I AM COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED.
OKAY, GOOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
NO, THANK YOU.
HEY, UM...
JUST DO ME ONE FAVOR.
DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
NO. I SWEAR.
I WON'T SAY ANYTHING.
EXCELLENT.
THANK YOU. OH, THANK YOU.
SLEEP WELL. YOU TOO.
DAD, IS...
YOU'RE NOT EATING YOUR DINNER.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT?
OH, IT'S DELICIOUS.
I'M JUST TAKING MY TIME.
[COUGHS]
EXCUSE ME.
DADDY!
OH...
AND SHE SECURED THE LARGEST EVER GRANT
IN CALIFORNIA HISTORY
TO ESTABLISH DAYCARE CENTERS
FOR AT-RISK KIDS...
NO, NO.
COME TO THE HOSPITAL. CEDARS.
OKAY.
MS. TINA KENNARD...
[APPLAUSE]
WOULD ALL FIVE OF OUR HONOREES
PLEASE JOIN ME UP HERE ON THE DAIS?
THESE FIVE INDIVIDUALS
ARE EXTRAORDINARY IN THEIR ABILITY
TO WALK IN MANY WORLDS,
AND TO HOLD THE BIG VISION THAT UNITES DIVERSE COMMUNITIES.
THEY INSPIRE ALL OF US
TO RISE ABOVE DIVISIONS
AND DIFFERENCES.
IT IS MY HONOR
TO PRESENT THIS YEAR'S COMMUNITY ACTIVIST AWARDS.
HEY.
UM, I'M JUST GOING TO GET MY KEYS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE THOSE?
THEY'RE CAMERAS.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE TAPES?
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO SHOW YOU,
AND, UM...
AND THEN, AFTER THAT, I DON'T KNOW, UM...
YOU'LL PROBABLY WANT ME OUT OF HERE.
IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME--
WHAT'S GOING ON, MARK?
I JUST FINISHED TAKING DOWN
THE LAST OF THE CAMERAS.
I PRETTY MUCH HAD THEM ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
UM...
JENNY SAW...
A TAPE I'D MADE OF THE TWO OF YOU.
SHIT.
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU,
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN
YOUR VACATION.
JENNY, WAIT A MINUTE, LISTEN TO ME.
IF YOU HEARD THIS TAPE
OR THIS CONVERSATION,
THEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I SAID,
AND I SAID THAT IT IS FUN AND EASY TO BE WITH YOU,
THAT I WANT TO MAKE IT WORK WITH YOU.
IT'S OKAY...
THAT WE'RE NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER,
AND I KNOW
THAT THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU'RE WITH ME
IS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE NEAR SHANE.
THAT IS BULLSHIT, JENNY.
SHANE IS MY BEST FRIEND,
AND I DON'T WANT TO FUCK IT UP.
OKAY?
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY:
LINE 21 MEDIA SERVICES LTD. VANCOUVER, B.C. 2005